Welcome to Celebrating
Life In Recovery, I'm Cheri your
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host and today we're going
to talk about some of the core
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issues of trust,
how to gain that again,
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how to reconnect with people.
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I have a couple friends
with me they're going to share
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their testimonies and it
is amazing you have to join us
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today, come on into the café.
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Hello, you know this
last year or so we have been
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traveling a ton and well I
guess we've been traveling a
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ton since we started this
whole journey with recovery.
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We've been to Russia and
Australia and New Zealand.
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I want to say hi to all
our friends out there, I know
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that you are watching, I
know you are working in your
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own recovery and this season
is just so exciting for me.
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Talking about the underlying
issues, like for a while
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I talked about my issues
being heroin and all that
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stuff not realizing
what my core issues were.
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I never learned how to
trust anyone, to love anyone.
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I never let people in and
never really went into anybody
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else's life because I just
didn't know how to do that.
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I was so damaged in those
areas and today it is going to
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be exciting to cover those.
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But before we start I
would like to, there are people
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saying Cheri I couldn't
even imagine you doing a program
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like this because you are
so flaky, and they are right.
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It is unbelievable, I am.
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I want to show you how they
keep me in line here so I want
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to bring up our floor
director, Ben will you come up?
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Just to get a
visual of who you are.
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So if I get out of line
too much they just arrest me.
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I just get in trouble
and then I know you are an
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incredible floor
director for one.
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I just have to say you
have blessed us, but on the side
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you're a police officer. - yes.
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So what is really funny
about that to me is that this is
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the first time I've
seen you in uniform and we
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worked together
for years. - yes, yes!
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So I'm just going to be
saying yes, yes to you on
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everything now, thanks.
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Today's program we are
going to be talking about those
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core issues,
those underlying issues.
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What is really funny when
I show you the floor director
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is that he really keeps
things moving in a certain way.
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But you know what? Are
underlying issues keep things
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moving in a certain way and
if they are negative that is
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the direction we
are going to move in.
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If they are positive, if
they are true, if they are
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healing, oh man we get our life.
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So I want to introduce
you first of all to Brian.
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Brian, the first time I
heard of you it was during a
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group somebody was
running called bulletproof.
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I love that, I mean I love
that even with that kind of
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visual with Ben up here,
emotionally bullet proof that's
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really what we
want to look at today.
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But first of all,
excuse me, tell us who you are?
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Where you come from,
let's talk about who you are and
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where you come from before
we get into your ministry.
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Well I'm Brian
Shaul, I'm from Alaska.
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We live about three quarters
of a mile from Sarah Palin
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so - no really -
really - that's funny!
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During the presidential
stuff we always knew she was in
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town all the important
cars would come and park there.
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All the secret police and stuff,
they would block off the lake
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so that no planes
could land on her lake where
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they fly out and stuff.
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That's funny, and I can see
you going out and cutting down
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a tree. - yeah, yeah.
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I grew up in Alaska,
ya grew up and we had
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a cabin out in the bush of
Alaska and we would ride snow
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machines out to because
there's no roads out to it.
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So that is kind of where
it came from and I had a great
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childhood growing up.
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I'm jealous? Yeah,
well those who didn't get
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a great childhood
should be jealous.
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It is a platform we can
build off for the rest of our
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life, yeah it is a
very important thing.
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So I can just see you in a
safe environment and parents
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that love you. -
yeah it was great.
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As a teenager, I was about
18 and I had a head injury.
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- what happened? I got
hit with a softball just plain
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softball no big deal, but I
went into the hospital and I
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was unconscious for two
days and I woke up a different
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person and I woke up with
anger management problems.
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A different person and back
20 years ago or longer than that
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it was not as common for
people to get treatment for it.
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I think for a lot of people,
I think me included, until
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I start working in the nursing
field is you don't realize
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what happens with head
injuries and your impulse
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control and who you
are, there is such a change.
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They did a major study of
a guy one time that got hit
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through the eye with one of
these spikes, he was working on
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the railroad and he
came out of that injury.
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They said this guy was a
church guy, a nice family Guy,
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and he came out cussing
and swearing, partying and left
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his wife and went drinking and
the personality change was huge.
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What you are talking
about is that I was different,
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not just kind of different?
I was a different kid.
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What I noticed is that
couldn't, one memory I have
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during that time was that I
was trying to dial our phone
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to call my mom, she was working.
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I needed something and I
couldn't find it and I tried
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to dial the phone
for a half an hour.
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I remember just crying,
crying, and crying because I
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couldn't even dial a
phone and thinking to myself I
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have got to hide the
fact I'm not smart anymore.
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- wow so instead of a talking
freely with people you just
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that shame came
over you and all that?
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Shame came in and I tried to
be as normal as most possible.
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Which worked for about
six months or so until the
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frustration and anger
just started coming out.
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Plus head injuries are very
influence able and so if you
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hear something is an average
person you sort it out and say
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no that is not right.
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But when you have a head
injury you become very gullible.
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Right! Almost naive,
you don't filter information
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the same. - everything
is in the moment to you.
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Exactly, exactly so as I
became angry, but good friends
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that I had who were really
positive people tended not to
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want to hang out with me
and didn't want to be around me
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anymore so I tended to gravitate
to the angry kids that had
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the hard childhoods,
that had a reason to be angry.
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And so I started drifting
in that direction and by the
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time a year or so had gone
by I was really in a bad place.
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And you fit in? I
fit in with them yeah.
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And they accepted me, the
good kids that had it going on
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they were ashamed of me,
including the girl I wanted to
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marry, she wasn't
comfortable with me anymore.
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I wouldn't have been
either, she knew me really well
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before the head
injury and she could tell
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something had really changed.
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What's really sad is that you
are right, there is a certain
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time that people would not
have guessed that there was
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a correlation with this injury.
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I had been hiding it for
six months, nobody understood
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the change and because I
was able, in a sense they did,
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in fact I didn't really under
stand truly what had happened
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until I met my wife, and my
wife said have you had a head
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injury? I said no,
not that I can remember.
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- oh, so you didn't
even put it together?
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I didn't even put it together
until years and years later
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when I met my wife and she
had worked in neural surgery
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trauma in the
hospital and she asked my mom.
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Has he ever had a head
injury, she said which time?
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So is really interesting to
me is that I am thinking a lot
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of couples are sitting there
watching this program and the
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wife turns around and says
have you had a head injury?
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Is that the whole
thing? - yeah probably!
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I'm sorry. So we are laughing
about this, but it changed
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everything, and not only
for one or two weeks it turned
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the course of your life
in a different direction.
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And the kids I was hanging
with were listening to a lot
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of heavy metal music and I
got into the satanistic music
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that promotes Satan and
within a year or so I truly
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believe Satan
was bigger than God.
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It was, it was, I really
became a very different person.
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When you say that, because a
lot of people aren't going to
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realize what you are saying,
it is that you are saying
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to even the devil himself
is that I want you in my life.
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Oh yeah, I felt like
having the devil, having the
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influences - having control.
- yeah and I had a demon
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I called Yohon and
he told me what to do.
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That was safe for me because
I couldn't make decisions on my
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own after the head injury
so for me it was a very safe
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thing to have this
friend that would help me make
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decisions and when I realized
where I was going I ended
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up cutting two fingers off
with a table saw because of
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my head injury and
not paying attention.
00:10:00.54\00:10:02.11
I was in the hospital and
they were going to amputate,
00:10:02.15\00:10:06.35
in fact they put me under
and said they were going to
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amputate these two fingers.
00:10:10.58\00:10:11.87
I said well God, my life isn't
worth anything to me anymore,
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I'll give it to You.
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Now that I've come to it
because at that point I couldn't
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do school, I couldn't do any
thing, the only thing I did was
00:10:19.44\00:10:23.00
carpentry and with a head
injury there is no chance of me
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ever doing anything with school.
00:10:26.60\00:10:28.07
Without my hands I couldn't
do carpentry and so that was the
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end of my life as
productive, me being productive.
00:10:34.73\00:10:39.20
Let me just ask you because
a lot of folks that go in the
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direction that you went into,
because we are talking about
00:10:42.58\00:10:45.85
addictions and where
it drives us, or leads us.
00:10:45.88\00:10:49.24
Is I fit in with this crowd,
but now I fit in with this
00:10:49.27\00:10:53.22
really hard core alternative
music, now I fit into even this
00:10:53.26\00:10:57.34
kind of satanistic group
and now for some reason I want
00:10:57.37\00:11:02.39
to pull back. And the
devil doesn't let us pull back.
00:11:02.42\00:11:06.85
True, I had my parents my
older brother, my older brother
00:11:06.88\00:11:11.61
in the book I wrote Matthew
is that he dies and leaves
00:11:11.64\00:11:16.33
a diary for the main
character in the book.
00:11:16.36\00:11:18.45
My dad and my older brother,
my older brother's name is
00:11:18.49\00:11:21.98
Matthew and I named the
character that because my older
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brother was so
instrumental in me coming back.
00:11:25.52\00:11:28.14
And my dad was a carpenter
and so Matthew is kind of a
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combination of my dad and
my older brother in the book.
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The characters dad in
the book is a psychologist.
00:11:33.85\00:11:40.99
The reason I did that is because
psychology didn't help me.
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I wanted to make the
villain a psychologist.
00:11:44.64\00:11:47.18
I went through psychologists
- with a head injury you
00:11:48.93\00:11:53.57
are asking someone to
think and I can't think.
00:11:53.61\00:11:56.75
And he basically told me when
I finally got to the, they said
00:11:56.78\00:12:00.63
well your conscious brain
doesn't work like it used to and
00:12:00.66\00:12:04.19
so your going to be begging
groceries, you are going to be
00:12:04.22\00:12:06.82
doing something like that
for the rest of your life and
00:12:06.85\00:12:09.41
you are going to have
anger management problems.
00:12:09.45\00:12:11.19
That is what they told me.
00:12:11.23\00:12:12.46
- and that is
just the way it is.
00:12:12.50\00:12:13.83
And that is where they left
me and to be extremely smart
00:12:13.87\00:12:18.14
and then all of a sudden
one day as a sophomore in high
00:12:18.17\00:12:22.40
school, my mom was
driving me to the University of
00:12:22.44\00:12:26.62
Washington Library to do
research on aerodynamics because
00:12:26.65\00:12:29.03
I wanted to be an engineer
that developed airplanes.
00:12:29.07\00:12:33.43
Specialty airplanes, that
is what I wanted to do from
00:12:33.47\00:12:38.45
as long as I can remember
so for me that was taken away.
00:12:38.49\00:12:42.65
I went from being extremely
smart I had about a six minute
00:12:42.68\00:12:46.78
conscious thought process, I
tested close to the genius range
00:12:46.82\00:12:50.89
in a lot of different
areas and then one day boom.
00:12:50.92\00:12:53.88
I was ignorant, I
couldn't even think.
00:12:53.92\00:12:59.58
So I understood what it
was like to be very smart and I
00:12:59.62\00:13:03.00
understood what it's like
- to not be able to dial the
00:13:03.03\00:13:06.38
phone? - exactly not
to be able to dial phone.
00:13:06.41\00:13:08.83
The neat thing about that
is that you tend to be around
00:13:08.87\00:13:13.00
these people that
were not a good influence,
00:13:13.03\00:13:15.06
but my parents and my
older brother stayed with me the
00:13:15.10\00:13:18.85
whole time. And to you
parents out there I can't tell
00:13:18.88\00:13:22.07
you how much, how important
it is to stick with your kids
00:13:22.10\00:13:25.20
even when they are going
through something you do not
00:13:25.24\00:13:28.09
understand. - because we
always assume that it's a
00:13:28.13\00:13:30.95
behavioral thing when
sometimes like in your case
00:13:30.99\00:13:33.55
it was a physical
thing, I have been injured.
00:13:33.58\00:13:36.80
But we make assumptions
and allow - it is funny,
00:13:36.84\00:13:39.99
a parent came in, a person in
the church, a respected person
00:13:40.02\00:13:45.23
came in and they
didn't know I was listening.
00:13:45.26\00:13:47.65
They just tore my parents
up one side and down the other.
00:13:47.69\00:13:51.54
Basically said you guys
are bad parents and I came out
00:13:51.57\00:13:55.80
and I remember, I don't
remember well because of my head
00:13:55.83\00:14:00.02
injury, but I like how dare you.
00:14:00.05\00:14:03.22
God was the perfect parent
and He lost a third of the
00:14:03.25\00:14:06.69
Angels, hello! Now these
people are coming to my parents
00:14:06.72\00:14:10.12
after they had done a
very good job of raising me and
00:14:10.16\00:14:13.44
something had happened and
I had gone bad, by that time
00:14:13.47\00:14:17.02
I had gone bad as far
society and stuff is concerned.
00:14:17.05\00:14:20.57
They were telling my
parents it was their fault?
00:14:20.60\00:14:24.54
It made me very angry, but
I was angry about everything
00:14:24.57\00:14:27.75
else too. - so that was
easy, I could play that real
00:14:27.78\00:14:32.36
easy, so you are saying
you always had a lifeline with
00:14:32.39\00:14:36.94
your parents and your brother.
00:14:36.97\00:14:38.78
My mom was amazing and my
older brother was amazing.
00:14:38.81\00:14:43.34
So now that turnaround
what did that look like and how
00:14:43.37\00:14:47.87
did that start to
happen in your life?
00:14:47.90\00:14:49.83
Well it look like me going
to the Pastor and telling him
00:14:49.86\00:14:51.82
I had problems with demons.
00:14:51.86\00:14:52.94
I had demons I
was struggling with.
00:14:52.98\00:14:55.16
Because when you tried
to come out what happened?
00:14:55.20\00:14:56.64
Because demonic stuff, and
I wish I could say that really
00:14:56.68\00:15:00.64
loud where people that are
playing in that arena, when you
00:15:00.68\00:15:04.61
get done playing
it is not as easy.
00:15:04.64\00:15:07.23
- you just don't back out
of it. - you don't back out
00:15:07.26\00:15:09.74
of it and when someone says
in a gang activity I'm going
00:15:09.77\00:15:12.30
to get jumped in a gang and do
all this stuff and when I'm done
00:15:12.33\00:15:14.82
I'm going to come out.
00:15:14.85\00:15:16.10
The gang does not let you out.
00:15:16.13\00:15:17.83
And when you talk about a
spiritual gang it is even more
00:15:17.87\00:15:21.13
so because that spirit
stuff can follow you around no
00:15:21.17\00:15:23.97
matter where you are at,
even in your most quiet times.
00:15:24.00\00:15:27.27
So how did you start to back
out and what did that look like?
00:15:27.31\00:15:31.64
Well basically, I want to
tell it accurately and it is
00:15:31.67\00:15:35.03
hard for me to remember
details, especially about that
00:15:35.07\00:15:38.39
part of my life.
00:15:38.43\00:15:39.73
- you don't have to be
accurate you're talking to me.
00:15:39.77\00:15:41.39
I'll just kind of weave
through that, I'm sorry.
00:15:43.17\00:15:46.38
Well basically I took a
baseball bat and punched all the
00:15:46.41\00:15:49.24
windows out of my house
and wrote a whole bunch of
00:15:49.27\00:15:51.63
satanic stuff on the
walls and got arrested.
00:15:51.67\00:15:54.06
They came in - it's almost
like a helter-skelter thing
00:15:54.10\00:16:00.81
I just lost it. - yeah well
I look back and I understand
00:16:00.85\00:16:05.72
the anger I had, and I
understand where the anger was
00:16:05.75\00:16:09.70
coming, it was from frustration
from not being able to
00:16:09.73\00:16:13.23
express myself and my
dad was an authority figure.
00:16:13.27\00:16:16.64
The funny thing when we
have a lot of anger and stuff
00:16:16.67\00:16:20.33
we react towards the authority
figures and so I was angry
00:16:20.37\00:16:24.00
at my dad and was
showing my dad how angry I was.
00:16:24.03\00:16:28.18
I look back - all the rebellion
really gets, you usually
00:16:28.22\00:16:31.22
hit a family member or
something or somebody that you
00:16:31.25\00:16:35.18
love, spouse. - yeah and
so at that point in time they
00:16:35.21\00:16:39.07
were going to put me in jail
for 3 year because they thought
00:16:39.11\00:16:42.53
I was going to kill my dad
because of some of the stuff
00:16:42.57\00:16:45.29
and they weren't
going to let me out.
00:16:45.33\00:16:47.17
But the Pastor came in and
said hey this is a good kid,
00:16:47.21\00:16:50.25
this guy has never done
anything wrong and he sat down
00:16:50.28\00:16:53.04
with me and worked through
the demon issues with me at
00:16:53.07\00:16:55.99
that point in time and
it was a struggle for years.
00:16:56.02\00:16:58.86
It's really tough, I mean
it's really tough when we feel
00:16:58.90\00:17:02.49
we are such an enlightened
society that when somebody
00:17:02.52\00:17:06.39
mentions demons we just
want to say ahh I want to stay
00:17:06.42\00:17:11.02
away from that, but even
within my church, the Adventist
00:17:11.06\00:17:15.70
church that Ellen White
talked about rebuking demons and
00:17:15.74\00:17:19.84
that thing and it's not like
there are demons behind every
00:17:19.88\00:17:24.09
bush, but there is a reality
and there is a devil and demonic
00:17:24.13\00:17:28.31
activity and
there is all that stuff.
00:17:28.34\00:17:30.44
When you come against it
there is nothing else to do but
00:17:30.47\00:17:34.12
to say in Jesus name.
00:17:34.15\00:17:36.94
Oh yeah, and I notice
that after I started working to
00:17:36.97\00:17:41.13
come out of that world,
I noticed that my anger was
00:17:41.17\00:17:45.29
the gateway for
Satan to come into my life.
00:17:45.33\00:17:47.84
I realized, - you had
totally opened the door, gave
00:17:47.87\00:17:50.84
him some room. - oh yeah,
after I gave my life to the
00:17:50.88\00:17:55.25
Lord, which I was very
immature and when I did I didn't
00:17:55.28\00:17:59.74
understand what I was
doing, but I was hopeless and
00:17:59.77\00:18:04.20
I had given up and
I was ready to die.
00:18:04.23\00:18:06.56
I mean if I could have
committed suicide at that point.
00:18:06.59\00:18:09.67
If I could have commit
suicide at that point in time
00:18:09.71\00:18:15.98
I probably really would have.
00:18:16.01\00:18:17.49
Why I didn't, God had a
plan for my life and He kept
00:18:17.53\00:18:21.54
me from doing that but
later on as I worked with people
00:18:21.57\00:18:25.30
who were in that place I
could definitely understand
00:18:25.33\00:18:29.03
why they were there.
00:18:29.06\00:18:30.14
You wouldn't shame them,
of course you feel like this
00:18:30.17\00:18:34.06
but you will get through it.
00:18:34.10\00:18:35.22
Yeah, yeah - exactly.
00:18:35.26\00:18:36.50
At one point of time when
I was doing a lot of ministry
00:18:36.53\00:18:40.19
I had 17 calls where it was
like my daughter is going to
00:18:40.22\00:18:43.84
commit suicide
and here's the phone.
00:18:43.88\00:18:44.99
I'm like oh thanks, but
the Lord works through it and
00:18:45.03\00:18:49.41
the Holy Spirit is
amazing and we were able to work
00:18:49.44\00:18:53.79
each one of those situations.
00:18:53.82\00:18:54.93
So now you are at a point
in your own life where you are
00:18:54.96\00:18:58.14
bringing that, you are
bringing yourself back to God.
00:18:58.18\00:19:01.03
We do know nobody was there
for me, nobody understood my
00:19:01.07\00:19:04.89
problem and it took me
six years to really study the
00:19:04.93\00:19:08.72
Bible and really
look at psychology.
00:19:08.75\00:19:11.70
I studied psychology too
because I wanted to understand
00:19:11.73\00:19:15.54
and I found about 20% of
physiology fit with what the
00:19:15.57\00:19:19.12
Bible was teaching and
the rest I had to set aside.
00:19:19.15\00:19:22.63
It took me about six years
to go through that process for
00:19:22.66\00:19:27.29
myself and the way I got
into sharing this with other
00:19:27.33\00:19:31.04
people was I had a close
friend who had gotten raped.
00:19:31.07\00:19:35.78
She had all the same
exact problems that I had for
00:19:35.81\00:19:40.48
my physical head
injury, but I knew it was
00:19:40.52\00:19:42.71
from her emotional trama.
00:19:42.74\00:19:44.07
So I started teaching her
these tools that I have learned
00:19:44.11\00:19:47.39
over the last six years
and she recovered very quickly
00:19:47.43\00:19:51.44
from that and she gave me
credit for helping her recover
00:19:51.47\00:19:55.45
from that, and I was like wow.
00:19:55.48\00:19:56.86
Now what tools, because
during those six years what did
00:19:56.90\00:19:59.68
that look like? Because I
am still at the point where
00:19:59.71\00:20:02.46
you are just coming out
if you know what I mean.
00:20:02.49\00:20:05.10
So basically when I came
and gave my life back to the
00:20:05.13\00:20:10.27
Lord I was a wreck and I didn't
have tools to deal with life.
00:20:10.30\00:20:16.55
I couldn't interact with
people, I was angry all the
00:20:16.59\00:20:18.78
time and I wasn't
comfortable with people.
00:20:18.82\00:20:22.05
Some of us, especially were
talking on this whole season
00:20:22.08\00:20:26.12
on personal
inventory and four step.
00:20:26.15\00:20:28.50
Some of us we need specific
tools, what exactly do I think
00:20:28.53\00:20:33.78
about it and so you are
saying I'm in that place.
00:20:33.82\00:20:36.49
With a head injury I needed
a very simple step-by-step
00:20:36.52\00:20:40.29
process and I'm sure one
existed out there but I couldn't
00:20:40.33\00:20:43.77
find it so for me, especially
after I helped that girl
00:20:43.80\00:20:47.77
come through the process I
realize that this step-by-step
00:20:47.80\00:20:51.73
process needed to be developed.
00:20:51.76\00:20:53.56
I dedicated my life at
that point to refining a process
00:20:53.60\00:20:56.57
to helping people deal with
emotional trauma or physical
00:20:56.61\00:21:00.67
trauma or a lot of people
deal with post-traumatic stress.
00:21:00.71\00:21:04.73
So let's talk about what
tools you developed and how
00:21:04.77\00:21:08.81
that look in your own
walk. In your own journey.
00:21:08.84\00:21:12.64
First of all when we have
been heard we don't trust.
00:21:12.67\00:21:16.40
So basically I had to
learn to trust all over again.
00:21:16.44\00:21:19.87
So that was the first
tool that I had to develop for
00:21:19.91\00:21:23.42
myself. - and we talked
about that even at the beginning
00:21:23.46\00:21:26.93
of the programs I
didn't trust anyone.
00:21:26.97\00:21:28.47
So whether it is a head
injury or an addiction or a
00:21:28.51\00:21:31.85
dysfunction or abuse,
that is one of the big items.
00:21:31.88\00:21:35.19
Who do you trust?
00:21:35.22\00:21:37.09
The second concept that
I found for myself that was
00:21:37.13\00:21:40.33
critical was the 3, 12, and 70.
00:21:40.36\00:21:42.98
As I was studying Christ's
life and studying psychology
00:21:43.01\00:21:47.09
and studying all of
these books it took me forever
00:21:47.12\00:21:49.60
because I read at about a
third grade reading level.
00:21:49.63\00:21:53.37
Those that know me know it
is painfully agonizing for me
00:21:53.40\00:21:57.10
to read, but I
didn't have any options.
00:21:57.14\00:21:59.99
I needed to study this out.
00:22:00.02\00:22:01.42
So when Christ was here on
earth He had three intimate
00:22:01.45\00:22:04.97
close friends, He had 12
disciples that were close
00:22:05.00\00:22:08.45
friends but not nearly as
intimate as Peter, James, and
00:22:08.48\00:22:11.17
John and then He had the
70 that went out ahead of Him
00:22:11.21\00:22:14.41
to the cities and talked
about him to prepare people.
00:22:14.45\00:22:17.60
What I found in my life
is that I needed those three
00:22:17.63\00:22:20.74
intimate friends
that I could trust.
00:22:20.78\00:22:23.26
If I trusted the wrong
people, if I brought the wrong
00:22:23.30\00:22:25.87
people - you know wait I
have to tell you because it is
00:22:25.91\00:22:28.57
really funny and I love
the way God lead you in this
00:22:28.61\00:22:31.56
because people, I'll just
mention myself for myself in
00:22:31.60\00:22:35.14
recovery when I knew that
God said I want you to develop
00:22:35.18\00:22:38.69
those intimate
relationships, my palms sweat.
00:22:38.72\00:22:41.24
Because we don't know how
to do that, so trust is a big
00:22:41.27\00:22:44.41
issue but when you say
now I specifically want you to
00:22:44.45\00:22:47.52
get those three people, develop
those kinds of friendships
00:22:47.55\00:22:51.49
you're saying keep it simple.
00:22:51.52\00:22:54.39
For me it was three friends,
and the reason for three,
00:22:54.42\00:22:58.83
I've struggled, I said
one, it's hard to have one.
00:22:58.86\00:23:03.00
And I said why did Christ
give us an example of three?
00:23:03.04\00:23:06.25
But you know what? One
person can't meet all of your
00:23:06.29\00:23:09.43
needs, Christ can, and for
six years I depended on Christ.
00:23:09.46\00:23:13.73
I developed a very intimate
relationship with Christ
00:23:13.76\00:23:16.87
and He can meet your needs.
00:23:16.91\00:23:18.46
To tell an addict oh go built
a relationship with Christ,
00:23:18.50\00:23:23.05
hello they need that bridge
and we need to be that bridge
00:23:23.08\00:23:27.02
for them, but for me I had
to develop those three intimate
00:23:27.06\00:23:30.96
friends because one
person couldn't deal with all my
00:23:31.00\00:23:34.06
trauma, one person could
not deal with all of my stress.
00:23:34.10\00:23:37.12
When one person got
overwhelmed with who I was
00:23:37.16\00:23:41.31
- call the next one. -
call next one and I laugh about
00:23:41.34\00:23:45.01
that now but we need three
friends because one time one
00:23:45.04\00:23:48.68
day your friend may
be having a down day too.
00:23:48.71\00:23:52.55
So we really need
that 3, 12 and 70.
00:23:52.59\00:23:55.93
Then the next step that
I found, I found a text.
00:23:55.97\00:23:59.14
Let me just go for the
12, join a group somewhere,
00:23:59.18\00:24:02.32
get into a Bible
study or whatever.
00:24:02.35\00:24:03.91
The 70 is just your
interest, the Church body,
00:24:03.94\00:24:07.02
or whatever, so you
really can picture that.
00:24:07.05\00:24:10.06
I even did a crochet group
for the 12 if you know what
00:24:10.10\00:24:13.86
I mean so it is being able
to know that if I'm going to
00:24:13.89\00:24:17.58
specifically work on something
I need to keep it simple
00:24:17.61\00:24:21.26
but make sure you do it.
It will change your life.
00:24:21.29\00:24:24.02
My three very sacred, to
illustrate the reason for the 12
00:24:24.06\00:24:29.06
I think part of it is that
I had a great team in Alaska.
00:24:29.10\00:24:34.06
Pastor Tim is a good
friend of mine and in the book
00:24:34.10\00:24:36.99
you will see
Pastor Tim is the hero.
00:24:37.02\00:24:39.33
That is on purpose too,
to honor him and the part
00:24:39.36\00:24:42.75
he played in my life.
00:24:42.78\00:24:43.97
Jeanette is really, another
person, really but in their
00:24:44.00\00:24:49.14
life they had something
happen and Janet really was
00:24:49.18\00:24:53.91
a counselor friend of mine
and we talked shop a lot and
00:24:53.95\00:24:58.06
she retired, well she didn't
want to talk shop anymore.
00:24:58.09\00:25:01.72
She wanted to talk about
grandkids and so that's great,
00:25:01.76\00:25:05.16
that's wonderful but all of
a sudden she didn't fit into
00:25:05.19\00:25:08.68
my three anymore and then
Pastor Tim's wife got cancer
00:25:08.72\00:25:11.64
and he had to take the full
load of ministry for both of
00:25:11.67\00:25:14.56
them because she
was a Pastor as well.
00:25:14.60\00:25:16.30
And then I lost another
friend at that same time.
00:25:16.33\00:25:19.80
I lost my three within a month.
00:25:19.83\00:25:22.14
But however in recovery
one of the things you learn in
00:25:22.17\00:25:25.93
recovery is that those
three are magical but the three
00:25:25.96\00:25:29.68
you develop and you
can develop additional.
00:25:29.71\00:25:32.68
I had a healthy 12, I was
able to reach out to some of
00:25:32.71\00:25:36.60
those 12 and was able to
develop another three very
00:25:36.63\00:25:40.45
quickly, if I didn't have
that 12 I might have been years
00:25:40.49\00:25:45.13
before I could have
had three trusting friends.
00:25:45.16\00:25:47.89
That is an illustration of
where the process of the 3, 12
00:25:47.92\00:25:53.40
and 70, some times things
happen. - things happen and
00:25:53.43\00:25:57.43
it is nobody's fault, it
is not a rejection thing.
00:25:57.46\00:26:01.41
It is going to hit all
those buttons but know that as
00:26:01.45\00:26:05.33
people move and things happen in
their life just develop it again
00:26:05.36\00:26:10.64
and do the next thing.
And I love what you said.
00:26:10.67\00:26:14.05
As I said step-by-step,
you have to have as an addict
00:26:14.09\00:26:17.58
or somebody with a dramatic
brain injury, or as somebody
00:26:17.61\00:26:20.95
who has gone through post
traumatic stress you have to
00:26:20.99\00:26:24.30
keep it simple and
3, 12 and 70 is helpful.
00:26:24.33\00:26:26.96
- what is the next
one? - the next one is,
00:26:27.00\00:26:29.67
the truth will set
you free. - oh yeah!
00:26:29.70\00:26:32.30
And what I found here -
well you know for a lot of us
00:26:32.34\00:26:34.31
we don't even
know what the truth is.
00:26:34.34\00:26:35.71
We just lie and manipulate.
00:26:35.75\00:26:38.53
Why did we teach trust
first? Why do we teach 3, 12, 70
00:26:38.57\00:26:43.68
next? And now we teach
about understanding the truth.
00:26:43.71\00:26:47.89
Because when you have a
healthy three that you can trust
00:26:47.93\00:26:52.03
I'll guarantee you will have
three ways of finding the truth.
00:26:52.07\00:26:55.23
Because they will
tell you the truth.
00:26:55.27\00:26:57.77
And the Bible is
our source of truth.
00:26:57.81\00:27:00.24
When we start talking
about our pain, I have had even
00:27:00.28\00:27:04.72
recently, I have had
people said Brian that is not
00:27:04.75\00:27:09.16
how it was, I'm like oh, ouch.
00:27:09.19\00:27:12.87
Then they took me through
and showed me the truth about
00:27:12.90\00:27:16.64
this pain that I had
and that I had caused it.
00:27:16.67\00:27:19.92
That person I was blaming
for the pain maybe wasn't
00:27:19.95\00:27:24.43
responsible and so as I
took responsibility for that
00:27:24.47\00:27:28.44
pain then I was able to
find healing in that little
00:27:28.48\00:27:32.42
aspect of my life
that I hadn't found it.
00:27:32.45\00:27:34.25
In recovery what is a gift
for people to do is give you
00:27:34.29\00:27:38.55
correct perspective of
what actually happened.
00:27:38.59\00:27:41.53
And for some of us - we
need to be free, it needs to be
00:27:41.57\00:27:44.67
close intimate friends
that can give you the right
00:27:44.70\00:27:46.77
perspective. - exactly
because if we have a Pastor
00:27:46.81\00:27:48.81
who we have seen speak in
front of a church and come up
00:27:48.85\00:27:51.84
and tell us honestly the
truth that everybody can see,
00:27:51.87\00:27:54.83
we may not be ready to hear it.
00:27:54.86\00:27:58.68
Our friends, those close
intimate friends they can take
00:27:58.71\00:28:02.52
us to that truth slowly,
step by step and help us come
00:28:02.56\00:28:06.34
into that truth in
a more reasonable way.
00:28:06.37\00:28:09.58
Awesome, we're going to
take a break because I know you
00:28:09.62\00:28:12.81
brought in a partner, David
Allen with you in ministry so
00:28:12.85\00:28:15.73
I am going to bring him up
and tell us who he is and then
00:28:15.76\00:28:19.03
I would like both of us or
all of us to come up here and
00:28:19.06\00:28:22.30
bring it to a close.
00:28:22.33\00:28:23.70
So we will see you again
because I love what you had to
00:28:23.73\00:28:27.57
say about trust, there is
developing those relationships,
00:28:27.60\00:28:31.12
there is really getting
honest with yourself and that
00:28:31.15\00:28:35.02
truth and if we start
doing that stuff as our recovery
00:28:35.05\00:28:38.89
becomes not easy,
but definitely easier.
00:28:38.92\00:28:42.14
We will be right
back, stay with us.
00:28:42.18\00:28:45.36