Welcome to Celebrating
Life In Recovery, I'm Cheri your
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host and today we're going
to talk about rejection and
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everything that comes
with that when we spin out of
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control and how God just
grabs us and brings us to
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recovery, it's amazing.
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Come join us in the café.
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This season is one of my
absolute favorites because we're
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talking about
core recovery stuff.
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In this particular program
we are going to talk about not
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only what the addiction looks
like, because the addiction
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looks like an addiction,
drugs, alcohol, acting out, with
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relationships and
doing all that stuff.
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When you get into recovery
the genius of what God offers
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us is that He says let Me
show you now what was at the
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bottom of all that, and
what led you to reach out
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for those addictions.
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For me I'm a molested kid,
I have all that stuff and the
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first time I did a drug
and didn't feel pain I thought
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Wahoo, I love this stuff.
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It was for the first
time something that worked,
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the same with relationships.
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When I got into relationships
I felt that first couple
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weeks you feel loved and
everything is passionate and
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they don't even remember
your name half the time.
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At least where I was
running it wasn't about that for
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anybody, but that first
part of it where you are
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everything thing to
someone and that was what I was
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addicted to and it all
came from those core issues of
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being rejected and not
being loved, and being abused
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and all that stuff.
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When you get into looking at
a true healing, it's not only
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about walking out a what
has got you by the throat, or
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what really has tripped you
up for worse it's looking at
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and asking the Holy
Spirit show me everything.
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Show me everything,
I want to see it all.
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When I see it teach
me how to surrender it.
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Teach me how to surrender
the negative thoughts, there
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wasn't a day that I didn't
have thoughts of suicide or
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worthlessness or if
somebody really knew me,
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they wouldn't even want me here.
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Or I would say something
and it would be funny and
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I would say that was dumb.
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I would say that to
myself and it was this running
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dialogue of this negative stuff.
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It was fine when I was
high because when I decided to
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smoke a joint or do
some drugs or take a drink or
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whatever and all
that will go away.
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Or someone would fall in
love with me and all that was
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gone, but as soon as I
got quiet or by myself again
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those thoughts just start
going, and they are relentless,
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I mean relentless, and
some of you know exactly what
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I'm talking about, it's
like the whole room could be
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looking together and I'm
thinking I wish I was like them.
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I wish I could walk in the
room and do it as easy as she
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does it or I wish I had the
friendships in the family that
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he has. For that negative
thinking always follows us.
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If you are a rejected kid
and have those issues you will
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have a number of things
that will not let you go until
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you finally say, God
what are they? What are they?
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A lot of times we have to
really look at them, we have to
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find a way to
surrender them to God.
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What the coolest thing is
as they leave and as you get
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some peace and silence is
that God puts in their place
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just good stuff, good stuff.
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All of a sudden one day I
remember the first time I felt
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like I was really was loved
by God, not something that's
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going to last two weeks,
not something that's going to
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leave but I was
loved and lovable.
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I was, shut up, how fun is that?
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Just stop, I
couldn't even stand it.
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As I got that I
realized that I could stand up
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straighter, I could be in
a friendship, I could bring
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something to the
table in relationships.
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All of a sudden all this
junk was, He said let me clear
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the table for you and
let Me show you who I really
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created you to be, and I'm
telling you it is all good.
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We are going to talk
about that especially today.
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I want to welcome Ashley,
you are from McBride Canada?
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Yes, a small town. -
We met a couple years ago.
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Yes we did. - and as
I'm talking about what these
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programs are about, can you
relate to any of that stuff?
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It is funny that you say
that because even though like
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I watched this first show
probably four years ago, and
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it wasn't a topic that had
necessarily to do with anything
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with what I have
been going through.
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There was something I
could pull out of it that did
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pertain to my life and I
knew the first time I watched
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that show that I
had to meet you someday.
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I actually said that out loud.
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In my house it is just me
and my dog and I was like,
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God I have to meet
that woman someday.
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Someday, well what I love
about that is because there's
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a lot people won't get
that. I have felt that in my own
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life about someone is
that I think your heart cry was
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you wanted to be in
recovery, I want to have that
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journey where I can
get rid of this stuff.
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We did met a couple
years ago so before we get into
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why I brought you here
because I brought you here for a
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specific reason to
share your journey with us.
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I love the fact of how
God pulls people together.
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We cannot do
recovery by ourselves.
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I want to tell a story
before we get into that.
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If you were blind, just
imagine you are blind and you
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live by yourself, you were
talking about you and your dog
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there watching
movie, or the program.
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But let's say you are
blind and you live by yourself.
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I can kind of straight up
the house, and you know what
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I mean? I know that this
is a table and where it fits
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and stuff like that.
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I have gotten used to things
in the house so I can kind
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of straight up
but I am blind. Right?
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I really need to call someone
that is sighted to help me
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out, especially with
stuff that gets in the corners.
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The things that are not
as easy to see and cleanup,
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well I can't see, you
know what I mean I can't see.
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So my sighted friend
can help me with that.
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In our recovery, we are
blind when we first walked in.
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You saw the Celebrating
Life In Recovery program and
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there were a lot of things
you were totally blind to.
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I was credible to be
a part of Ashley's life
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before we even met was we
were like the sighted friend
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that came in and said
let me show you some stuff.
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Then we met, man there was alot
of stuff, Ashley get over here.
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There was a lot more stuff
than I really thought there
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was actually, I want to
tell how we met for sure
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because it is huge in
the recovery process that
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I have been going through.
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I had gone to Esther Martins
were you stayed at the first
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time and I said I
was watching the show and
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I have to meet her.
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She said all we are
working on it don't worry.
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I think it was probably two
months later that I saw in the
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bulletin that you are coming
to McBride and I'm like oh no.
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I wanted to meet her someday
but I think it would happen.
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Just because I said a lot
like to meet a famous person
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someday and before
and. - did she say famous?
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I love that. - so it was
just like you never think it is
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actually going to happen.
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It did and it was so crazy
because the day that you showed
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up in McBride and I came
with my friend to your show,
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or the program you had
that evening in the town.
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I went there and I knew I
needed to talk to you but I was
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too scared, I was like no
I'm not dealing with my junk,
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I'm just not going to.
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I prayed inside and said
okay God, if you use Your will
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I need to talk to her she
is going to have to come to me
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because I am too chicken to go.
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And sure enough at the
end of the program a bunch of
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people had left and my friend
and I were standing at the
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back and you just out of
the blue turnaround and said
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now what is your story?
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I'm like aught oh, here we go.
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But it was amazing to me,
what I love about God is that
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He does that for us.
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We are in a place of recovery,
and that is for any of us,
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when we are in a place of
recovery and we open ourselves
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up to the Holy Spirit, the
Holy Spirit says whatever you
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need I will set
it in front of you.
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Whether it is a crazy
heroine addict in recovery or
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whether it is
somebody, it doesn't matter.
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God said I will set that
person in front of you because
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I love you and it was so
clear when we started talking.
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I said, let's go back to where
I was staying and we stayed
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up all night long - it was
one in the morning talking.
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It was crazy and you know
it's funny because I started
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talking to you about some of
things because those were the
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things I thought
were the real issue.
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It was like I was completely
blinded by it thinking that
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nothing else
happened it was just this.
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So I opened up to you to that
night ended up down the road
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being a little more than that.
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What was amazing to me
was that as you started your
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journey where you opened
up I watched God just capture
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your heart and it reminded
me of Jeremiah 29:11 where
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it talks about, and I
know that is your favorite,
00:09:59.30\00:10:02.32
your favorite text.
00:10:02.36\00:10:03.94
But it talks about I know
the plans that I have for you,
00:10:03.98\00:10:07.43
plans to prosper you and
not to harm you, to give you
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hope and a future, but it
goes on to say in like 13 is
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that when you search for Me
with all your heart you will
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find Me and a lot of
people when they read that it is
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almost like they
think what to search mean?
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Does that mean when God
thinks I'm honest enough in my
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search? When God thinks I worked
hard enough? I'm diligently
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searching, when it
says with all my heart.
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I think it means when
you fall in love with Me,
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when you're
heart opens up to Me.
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It's a heart search, it's
no longer a head search and
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that night I watched you go
from your head to your heart.
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I just thought
no way, I watched.
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What was amazing to me
Ashley, because I think you are
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amazing, I love you and I love
your talent and I love who you
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are as a person, but what I
saw was this hardness in-your-
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face turn soft. - and
I felt it, I really did.
00:11:01.63\00:11:05.57
It was the next evening after
the church service and stuff
00:11:05.60\00:11:09.36
that we were doing the anointing
ceremony that after that
00:11:09.40\00:11:14.01
that I really felt okay,
alright I'm a little scared but
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let's go on this journey.
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You are really doing
the whole God thing before?
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Well I was
playing the part I guess.
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I was sitting in church
and raised Adventist most of my
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life and been to church
most of my life, I spent six
00:11:30.61\00:11:34.13
years out of church partying
and doing things and stuff
00:11:34.17\00:11:38.22
like that that you know
not wanting God and submerging
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myself and things that
God couldn't be a part of.
00:11:42.30\00:11:45.84
But He was still always
there. That is the crazy part.
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It's just
amazing that He's there.
00:11:49.00\00:11:54.26
So what that night did
for you I watched and listened
00:11:54.30\00:11:57.80
because we have been in
contact since that night, but
00:11:57.84\00:12:01.08
I have watched and listened
as God became a part of your
00:12:01.12\00:12:05.40
life everyday, it was
like this journey is a journey
00:12:05.44\00:12:09.69
with God and I with Holy Spirit.
00:12:09.72\00:12:11.70
Yeah exactly and even
though I had been growing up in
00:12:11.74\00:12:15.17
church, I had never
actually really felt God there.
00:12:15.20\00:12:18.79
It never really felt real
to me, it was going through
00:12:18.82\00:12:22.65
the motions and sometimes
I think it seems like it is
00:12:22.69\00:12:25.96
easier if you have never
been in church to come then to
00:12:26.00\00:12:29.24
be raised in it and not
feel like you are actually
00:12:29.27\00:12:33.21
a part of it and you
feel like a hypocrite.
00:12:33.25\00:12:35.19
To know all the words -
yet know all the words but not
00:12:35.22\00:12:39.33
really feel it and
really believe it in yourself.
00:12:39.36\00:12:41.08
You know you hear God say I
love you and not believe it.
00:12:41.12\00:12:44.49
It's just like I will go
to church because that's what
00:12:44.52\00:12:47.95
we do. - there's things
that I know about you that
00:12:47.98\00:12:51.61
I want to bring in, or
bring that to the table too.
00:12:51.65\00:12:55.21
You are hearing God saying
I will never leave or forsake
00:12:55.25\00:12:58.84
you or any of that
stuff, as your dad is leaving.
00:12:58.87\00:13:01.10
So you have had rejection
from the time you were tiny.
00:13:01.13\00:13:04.34
So even talk about that,
you are in church and hearing
00:13:04.37\00:13:07.01
all the right words but
your life is not reflecting
00:13:07.05\00:13:09.66
anything right. - no it is not.
00:13:09.69\00:13:11.37
Because every girl wants
their dad to be a part of their
00:13:11.41\00:13:15.62
life and it's hard
because I have always dreamed of
00:13:15.66\00:13:20.31
getting married
someday and having him walk
00:13:20.35\00:13:22.70
me down the aisle.
00:13:22.73\00:13:24.07
And when you hear
people say God is your Father,
00:13:24.11\00:13:28.49
I didn't want to hear it,
it was no because my dads like
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no I don't want to hear
it, I don't want to hear
00:13:32.21\00:13:35.50
the word father thank
you because I had to start
00:13:35.54\00:13:38.76
relating to God more as a
friend then a father at first.
00:13:38.79\00:13:42.65
It was just too painful
because even though you have all
00:13:42.69\00:13:46.25
the promises, people are
you having His promises just
00:13:46.28\00:13:49.69
believe them and you can't
if you have had nothing but
00:13:49.72\00:13:53.10
broken promises your whole life.
00:13:53.13\00:13:56.06
Even hearing God's promises
is like well He's going to
00:13:56.09\00:14:00.45
let me down
because everybody else has.
00:14:00.49\00:14:02.82
When is that shoe going
to drop? - Yeah, Exactly.
00:14:02.86\00:14:06.81
Growing up without a
father was really hard because I
00:14:06.84\00:14:11.59
never really felt good
enough, never really felt like
00:14:11.62\00:14:16.33
I really mattered that much.
00:14:16.37\00:14:18.25
I remember you saying one
time, When am I going to be
00:14:18.28\00:14:21.25
enough and I remember you
saying that and the sadness
00:14:21.28\00:14:24.21
of this incredible
woman, saying when am I?
00:14:24.24\00:14:29.97
When is it going
to happen for me?
00:14:30.00\00:14:31.19
Until recently, a few
months ago were my dad again,
00:14:31.23\00:14:35.70
things have been going so
well for the last year and
00:14:35.73\00:14:39.51
a half and he would call
me when he came to town and
00:14:39.55\00:14:43.25
we would hang out and he
would let me money to do things.
00:14:43.29\00:14:46.14
To help out with stuff and
things were, were so amazing
00:14:46.18\00:14:49.00
and I had actually let
those walls down and let him
00:14:49.04\00:14:51.83
completely in to the
point where it was scary.
00:14:51.86\00:14:57.15
I wanted it to be so real
and then that all came crashing
00:14:57.19\00:15:00.62
down I noticed a few months
ago because he wrote me another
00:15:00.66\00:15:04.06
letter saying that he
didn't feel I appreciated him.
00:15:04.10\00:15:08.20
- I'm cutting
you out of my life!
00:15:08.23\00:15:09.91
- yeah exactly and I'm
just going to cut everybody out
00:15:09.94\00:15:13.22
of my life and
yourself included.
00:15:13.26\00:15:15.53
You know I couldn't breathe,
I was at my grandmas house
00:15:15.57\00:15:21.51
I had to go home, I just
had to go home and I was laying
00:15:21.54\00:15:26.24
there at home and feeling
tempted to cut and stuff like
00:15:26.28\00:15:31.23
that and something told
me Ashley - you went by that
00:15:31.26\00:15:35.26
really fast and nobody
knows what cutting means.
00:15:35.30\00:15:39.26
So tell them
your history of that.
00:15:39.30\00:15:41.61
With cutting I started cutting
when I was in high school,
00:15:41.64\00:15:45.24
not very often. -
what does cutting mean?
00:15:45.27\00:15:48.76
I would take a knife
and start cutting on me and
00:15:48.79\00:15:54.22
I've got scars
are my arms and stuff.
00:15:54.26\00:15:56.92
Because I wanted the emotional
pain to go away, I wanted
00:15:56.95\00:16:00.72
to feel something
physical, something real,
00:16:00.76\00:16:03.66
am I really still
alive so to see myself bleed
00:16:03.70\00:16:06.57
it meant I was alive.
00:16:06.60\00:16:08.16
Then that peace that came
out of that, I know it sounds
00:16:08.19\00:16:12.63
weird. - it sounds weird
but a lot of people want to
00:16:12.67\00:16:17.07
understand what does
that mean for someone?
00:16:17.11\00:16:21.48
I love your description, I
don't feel real, and I don't
00:16:21.51\00:16:25.65
feel real enough and I
don't feel, I don't feel.
00:16:25.68\00:16:28.65
When I cut, when I see
that blood at least I know that
00:16:28.69\00:16:34.89
I am real, I am
alive. - exactly, exactly.
00:16:34.92\00:16:39.01
So when going back with
what happened with my dad
00:16:39.04\00:16:43.29
recently here I had that
temptation again to cut and
00:16:43.33\00:16:47.60
then goodness like six
years before the last time and
00:16:47.63\00:16:52.11
I was laying there and
say God where do I start being
00:16:52.15\00:16:55.80
good enough. He just
whispered Ashley you have always
00:16:55.84\00:16:59.46
been good enough for Me, always!
00:16:59.49\00:17:02.38
- what did that
do to your heart?
00:17:02.42\00:17:05.24
I just had this peace and
all of a sudden, it was like I
00:17:05.27\00:17:10.83
actually gotten to the
point finally where I felt okay.
00:17:10.86\00:17:16.38
He is real, He is
really who He says He is.
00:17:16.42\00:17:20.79
It was like God is not
going to let me down, even if
00:17:20.83\00:17:23.40
everybody else
does He won't, He won't
00:17:23.43\00:17:25.82
He's always going to be there.
00:17:25.86\00:17:27.01
I went to our Vespers program
after that and the support
00:17:27.04\00:17:31.80
I had was just amazing, I
had always before I'm going to
00:17:31.83\00:17:36.55
do this on my own so I
would pretend I was okay.
00:17:36.58\00:17:39.37
People would ask me how
are you doing and I would say,
00:17:39.41\00:17:42.34
oh I am good and inside I
like do you really want to know?
00:17:42.38\00:17:45.28
You really don't right?
00:17:45.32\00:17:47.42
Even though I really
want is to tell people I just
00:17:47.45\00:17:49.76
wouldn't, - you didn't share
anything - know I wouldn't.
00:17:49.80\00:17:53.02
I wouldn't tell anybody
anything and I felt like I was
00:17:53.06\00:17:56.25
suffocating in doing that.
00:17:56.28\00:17:58.46
Even if I told God wasn't
enough, it just wasn't enough.
00:17:58.50\00:18:02.52
So I went back to the church
and I told a couple friends
00:18:02.55\00:18:05.91
of mine what was going on
and I talked with them and
00:18:05.95\00:18:09.74
prayed with them and I went
home feeling so much better.
00:18:09.78\00:18:13.93
She went over that way too
fast because I know not only
00:18:13.97\00:18:18.06
did you decide to open up
to friends and let them into
00:18:18.09\00:18:22.34
your space, they then
opened up to you and this entire
00:18:22.38\00:18:26.23
group stood up and started
ministering to each other.
00:18:26.27\00:18:29.76
The group that you have been
worshiping with for ever but
00:18:29.79\00:18:33.24
nobody ever talked to
anybody. - no nobody did.
00:18:33.28\00:18:35.72
You know that is the
amazing thing about recovery and
00:18:35.76\00:18:38.87
going through this ride
that I have been on is that like
00:18:38.90\00:18:41.98
all this time I see these
people in my church and I would
00:18:42.02\00:18:45.06
be like oh they have it
together and I can only wish
00:18:45.10\00:18:48.95
to be like them someday.
00:18:48.99\00:18:50.71
The more I opened up the
more they opened up, and the
00:18:50.75\00:18:54.73
more we met in the
middle we realized woe we're all
00:18:54.77\00:18:59.07
hurting people here and
it was just like you start to
00:18:59.11\00:19:03.17
see people in a different
light. - and it becomes real.
00:19:03.20\00:19:06.51
- it does. It becomes very
real and you help each other
00:19:06.55\00:19:10.45
through your problems and
you are there to support each
00:19:10.48\00:19:13.96
other. - what I loved it
that think I got it either the
00:19:13.99\00:19:17.72
next time I went out McBride
and you told me that you are
00:19:17.75\00:19:21.26
not going to believe this
Cheri but I'm leading a little
00:19:21.30\00:19:24.92
ministry group and I
thought oh shut up, that is the
00:19:24.96\00:19:28.55
coolest thing I'd heard.
00:19:28.59\00:19:30.06
Because I knew, when we
spent that evening together
00:19:30.10\00:19:33.80
I look at you and thought
if she ever got sold out for
00:19:33.84\00:19:37.51
God she is going to
bless someone, and you were.
00:19:37.55\00:19:40.00
The church had actually asked
me if I would be the social
00:19:40.04\00:19:43.95
committee ministry
leader? I was like whoa are
00:19:43.99\00:19:47.73
you kidding me, my
social idea, when they told me
00:19:47.76\00:19:51.39
I would be planning
parties, I'm thinking oh boy the
00:19:51.42\00:19:54.46
parties I want to plan
your not want to going to have.
00:19:54.50\00:19:57.89
- I'm still recovering -
I don't want to go there.
00:19:57.92\00:20:01.95
But I really felt God say
no, it's okay, I'm going to
00:20:01.98\00:20:05.34
go with you on it. -
I'm going to go with you and
00:20:05.38\00:20:08.67
I'm actually going to
teach you to do it in a way that
00:20:08.70\00:20:11.18
is healthy - oh exactly. -
Teach you to laugh out loud
00:20:11.22\00:20:13.66
in a way that is
healthy. - Exactly.
00:20:13.69\00:20:15.20
No Coke, no cutting no
anything. - no nothing.
00:20:15.24\00:20:18.19
You know the thing is like being
the social committee leader has
00:20:18.22\00:20:24.36
been huge, I mean I've always
been a follower most of my
00:20:24.40\00:20:28.16
life, all through playing
hockey it was like people knew
00:20:28.20\00:20:31.79
I was to go to person when
we needed a goal go to Ashley,
00:20:31.83\00:20:35.39
send her out or whatever.
00:20:35.42\00:20:36.79
I always felt like even
though people felt that in me
00:20:36.83\00:20:40.91
I couldn't believe that
in myself, I have never felt
00:20:40.94\00:20:44.99
like a leader, ever.
00:20:45.03\00:20:46.35
So when they asked me to
take on that role I was like are
00:20:46.39\00:20:49.76
you kidding me? Okay and I
actually prayed about it for
00:20:49.80\00:20:53.33
a couple of days before I
said yes, but I felt God saying
00:20:53.37\00:20:57.12
it was okay so last year
was the first year that I did it
00:20:57.15\00:21:00.87
and I am again this year.
00:21:00.91\00:21:02.53
The route I want to go
with it is alot of times social
00:21:02.57\00:21:07.68
committees tend to be for
a church, bring the church
00:21:07.71\00:21:12.75
together and stuff which is
important, it is really good,
00:21:12.78\00:21:15.15
but I want to be more than that.
00:21:15.19\00:21:17.51
I wanted to be a tool for
all the people who have left the
00:21:17.55\00:21:21.15
church to come and see that
yet we still have fun together
00:21:21.18\00:21:24.71
and it is not just sitting there
- you can actually be real here.
00:21:24.74\00:21:28.44
- we can be real
together and hang out together
00:21:28.48\00:21:30.95
and just be friends and really
use it as a ministry tool.
00:21:30.99\00:21:35.51
One thing that I know and
for a lot of us in our recovery
00:21:35.54\00:21:40.02
is that we have never
been able to just be friends
00:21:40.06\00:21:42.82
because of our damage so
our heart longs for that.
00:21:42.85\00:21:45.54
And it should happen in the
building, if it happens in the
00:21:45.58\00:21:49.34
building there is something
incredibly healing about that.
00:21:49.37\00:21:53.13
So we are going to take a
break and come back but not now.
00:21:53.16\00:21:56.37
I want to first talk about
that there is a couple things
00:21:56.40\00:21:59.56
that God during that time
asked you to give up and they
00:21:59.59\00:22:02.58
were huge things for you
because it is where you got all
00:22:02.61\00:22:05.56
of your affirmation
and all of your good stuff.
00:22:05.60\00:22:11.20
After you had come to McBride
the first time, it started
00:22:11.23\00:22:18.49
a little bit before,
probably two months before.
00:22:18.53\00:22:22.17
Acts For Christ that year was
Edmonton and I went out and took
00:22:22.21\00:22:26.28
part in Ty Gibson weekend
thing about relationships.
00:22:26.32\00:22:31.51
Some of things I was hearing was
like whoa, are you kidding me?
00:22:31.55\00:22:36.20
I was actually in a relationship
no sorry I had just gotten
00:22:36.23\00:22:40.26
out of a relationship that
I was in like a month before
00:22:40.29\00:22:43.84
that and I had questioned
did I do the right thing?
00:22:43.88\00:22:47.36
Did I just push him away
because of my trust issues with
00:22:47.40\00:22:51.64
men? Was it really like
should have I let him go?
00:22:51.67\00:22:56.69
I got that affirmation that
weekend from hearing Ty Gibson
00:22:56.72\00:23:00.53
and all the things that a
relationship should have and
00:23:00.57\00:23:04.34
seeing that none of
those were really there.
00:23:04.38\00:23:07.57
It was like okay I
did the right thing
00:23:07.61\00:23:10.33
and that started it.
00:23:10.37\00:23:12.52
I think it was two weeks
before you came to McBride
00:23:12.56\00:23:15.71
I went on a hockey tournament
- because you have played
00:23:15.75\00:23:18.87
hockey your whole
life? - I played hockey since
00:23:18.91\00:23:21.71
I was 13 years old and
I'm not just talking playing
00:23:21.75\00:23:24.49
hockey, I slept it, I watched
it, I traded hockey cards,
00:23:24.52\00:23:28.63
I did hockey, hockey
everything so we played outside.
00:23:28.67\00:23:32.41
I lived at the rink pretty
much, it was like my second
00:23:32.44\00:23:36.14
home really and
I was good at it.
00:23:36.18\00:23:40.03
It was one thing
that I knew I was good at.
00:23:40.07\00:23:42.66
That was the one and only
thing I thought that I had
00:23:42.69\00:23:45.29
all this time.
00:23:45.32\00:23:47.19
And when I went to that
hockey tournament I realized
00:23:47.22\00:23:51.85
that I had to let it
go and it was so crazy.
00:23:51.88\00:23:57.63
- I don't think I fit anywhere
else and I fit right here.
00:23:57.66\00:24:02.88
Exactly an even though music
had started had always been a
00:24:02.92\00:24:06.98
thing for me, I still didn't
believe I was really that good.
00:24:07.02\00:24:11.05
Hockey was the one
thing I knew I could do.
00:24:11.08\00:24:14.63
It was like okay you're
going to take this away? Oh no.
00:24:14.67\00:24:19.63
Everyone reminds me of
this is going to sound so
00:24:19.67\00:24:22.00
ridiculous, but it reminds
me of when Moses said I don't
00:24:22.03\00:24:25.27
have anything and He
said what is in your hand?
00:24:25.30\00:24:27.19
So I have decided that weekend,
I had let the team know,
00:24:27.23\00:24:33.75
that week end I had to stop.
00:24:33.78\00:24:36.61
God used a tendon injury to help
me reaffirm my re-injured tendon
00:24:36.65\00:24:44.33
playing baseball and I
pulled the Achilles' tendon and
00:24:44.37\00:24:47.75
ended up getting tendinitis
out of it so it was just
00:24:47.79\00:24:51.14
painful to walk even
sometimes in the morning.
00:24:51.17\00:24:54.50
So I made the choice to
not play hockey for that year
00:24:54.53\00:24:58.41
and that is when everything
just started to come out.
00:24:58.44\00:25:01.97
Like you wouldn't believe
it was just, I hadn't realized
00:25:02.00\00:25:05.49
how much stuff that I had.
00:25:05.52\00:25:07.47
So we are going to take a
break and what I want you to
00:25:07.51\00:25:10.29
hear from that or think
about in your own life is that
00:25:10.32\00:25:13.81
sometimes what ever we
used to mask everything really
00:25:13.85\00:25:17.30
works or else
we wouldn't use it.
00:25:17.34\00:25:18.98
Hockey worked for Ashley,
for me it was drugs that work
00:25:19.02\00:25:22.84
for me and somebody else
it might be sexual stuff that
00:25:22.88\00:25:25.96
works for them or whatever
or porn addiction or whatever.
00:25:26.00\00:25:29.34
But whatever works for us
when all of a sudden I surrender
00:25:29.38\00:25:33.09
that I'm telling you what
is under the surface is scary.
00:25:33.13\00:25:36.81
We will be right
back, stay with us!
00:25:36.84\00:25:39.18