Welcome back, we're
talking Palischer and Palischer
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pronounce your last
name. - Ratliff - with no T?
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Without no t. No T. and no C.
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You are talking about the
different things that happen to
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you as you're growing
up, stepping out, and your
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rebellion, having the two
boys and now looking at raising
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them and trying to give them
everything you didn't get as
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far as
emotionally from your folks.
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Not that they didn't love
you, just the stuff that was
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going on in their lives,
especially with your dad's
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alcoholism and now
you have got these kids.
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Can you continue because
I know that life was good
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and then you had some tragic
things happen and let's get
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into some of that stuff.
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Okay well, I had my two boys
and I didn't stay with their
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father so we were living okay.
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I had a job and was working
and making okay money so we
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didn't want for
too much at first.
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Also their father was on
SSI so I got money from that for
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the boys also. We had a
car and a place to stay and
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they dressed pretty nice.
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So they were happy and I
was happy and the things they
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wanted we mostly got them.
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One day when I was watching
my youngest son playing,
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the Spirit came to me, I
know it wasn't an audible voice,
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but it sounded
so clear in my mind.
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It said, you're
going to bury this one.
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I was like what? It scared
me so much and I ran out the
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house to my
girlfriends house and told her
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the Spirit just told me
I'm going to bury my baby.
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I called my sister and
said the Spirit told me I was
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going to bury my baby
and I don't know what to do.
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I don't know what
to think about it.
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In your heart you
knew that that was God?
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I knew it was God, I had
never heard the voice of God
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like that before but I
knew it had to be the Spirit of
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God what else could it be?
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What did people say to you?
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Well how do you know? I
just know, I know because I'm
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really crying, I'm
scared because this is my baby.
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I love him so much, so from
that point forward I started
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nurturing him more and
being close to him and watching
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him and being careful
not to let him go places that
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I didn't know or I would go
with him and such like that.
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My Sister said your
so careful about him.
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I told her I don't know
what he's going to die, I don't
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know what's going to happen,
or how it's going to happen
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but the Spirit said he is
going to die and I'll bury him.
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But as time went on and
nothing happened to him, except
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he was a very rebellious
kid, very much like his mother.
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- that generational -
that generational thing.
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He wanted to be his own self.
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I had taken him to Sabbath
school, when I would go to
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church I would take him.
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His other brother David
was just the opposite, a preppy
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guy that loved to wear
suits, smart aleck would do
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good in school.
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Boyd was different he
didn't like a suit, He didn't
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want to go to school, he didn't
like church and he didn't learn
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to read because he wouldn't
stay interested in school.
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So in Sabbath school they
were trying to make him read
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one time in Sabbath school,
they go around and all the
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kids read and they
didn't know that he could read.
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So rather than say anything
he just burst into tears and
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ran out and so they came
and got me from my Sabbath
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school and I went and
found him and he was just crying
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and he doesn't
want to go back in.
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So I did not make him
go back, he never went back
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to Sabbath school after that.
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- did he tell you the
reason? Because a lot of times
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they just bury
that in their heart.
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Yeah he tell me that's what
they tried to make him read,
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he didn't want them
to know he couldn't read.
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So there is no other
alternative to him but to leave.
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Then he thought a stigma
was on him so he didn't like
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coming to church because
he thought people were always
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looking at him because he
was the guy that couldn't read
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so we had issues there.
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Of course issues in
school and then he got
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used to the street life.
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He liked the acceptance
he got in the street with
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his buddies and stuff.
- because they don't care
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about any of that stuff.
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- no they don't
care about nothing.
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Most of them couldn't read
either so he was right in his
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own arena and
feeling good about it.
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No matter how much I
tried to steer him in another
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direction, his heart was
set on his way of doing things.
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I thought you are
just like your mother.
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But I started taking him to
funerals when they were like
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13, young people dying
and man don't you know that
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one day this is going to
be you if you don't stop.
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You've got to change your ways.
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He said mom I can handle
it, I can handle it, I'm cool,
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I can handle it.
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Because of that thing
that happened with you and God
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early on is that you'd
try to just prevent anything.
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- yeah! You must've been
aware that this is what you
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were looking at, this is
all the street has to offer you.
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Even though I have to be
honest, I forgot that even when
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telling him the end of
result of this is that you might
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get killed too,
still not thinking.
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Because it has already
gone away in my own head and
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I'm living my own life
as a single parent, dating,
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working and
drinking and smoking and just
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doing my own thing.
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Trying to take care of
him on the side and wishing
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he would do better, his
brother played football and
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I turned out to be
the football mom going to
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the games and stuff.
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He's jealous and here
goes the sibling thing because
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I'm spending time with
his brother and not him and
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he doesn't want to go to
the games because he is mad.
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But anyway, after a
while my mother got sick and
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I started having to take
care of her. My dad got sick
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first. He had cancer and
he had been separated from
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my mother, they got divorced
when we were kids still.
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But I kept up with him
because I was his baby.
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He decided he was going to
stop drinking and one of his
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friends who knew me, because
I've been the baby all the
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time, he totally
your dad needs you.
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He's up on the streets
and not having a good time
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and you need to
go find your dad.
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So I went out to find him, he
was on the streets fussing and
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cussing, I said dad what is the
matter with you? He said there's
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bugs on me, there's bugs
on me. No dad there's no bugs
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on you. Yes there is
just cuss me out can't you see
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these bugs? So I
said dad I'm going to take
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you to the Doctor.
The Doctor can help you.
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So I took him to the Doctor
and asked the Doctor is there
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anything wrong with my dad
that I can't take them home
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with me because I have two
boys and I want to know if he's
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got something they might
get and I couldn't take him.
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But if he is just going
through some things I want to
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take him home with me.
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So he said he is fine
you can take him home.
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So I did, I went and got
him and moved them home with me
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and I kept him until he died.
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He had cancer of the
throat because he was a smoker.
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- That's how my dad died
his alcoholism with cancer of
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the throat, my stepdad.
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It's not a pretty thing
to watch, he couldn't talk,
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his voice went raspy and
he died in my car as a matter
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of fact on the way home
from the hospital because he had
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been in Martinez and I
went to go get him and he wanted
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to come home and they
wouldn't let him come home.
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He said every time that
you are not here they say you
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are coming but when you
get here they will let me go.
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So I told them look I'm
taking him home and they let me
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take you home but before
we got home he just stopped
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breathing, he
just stopped breathing.
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So that was a
really big time in my life,
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that was like in 85 maybe 86.
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Then when my mother got sick
later, she had always been kind
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of sick all of our lives,
she was never a healthy woman.
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And when she started
needing help at home, I started
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spending a lot of time
with her and I had my own place
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and my boys were big
teenagers now and so I can spend
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more time with her. I
stayed with her till she died.
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Then I had a friend, I
got married in the process
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of all this stuff.
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My kid's father died before
my mother and we went to LA
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and it was really terrible
because I was so nervous, even
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though we weren't together
we still communicated and
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I was so nervous on
the way to the funeral.
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One of my best
friends drove me down there,
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she's a sweetheart
and I love her to death.
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Just before we got to the
last stop I smoked a joint.
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- just to relax? -
just relax my nerves.
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Then we got back from
the funeral it was a week or
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maybe later I got called
to the school because my son
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had been caught
smoking weed in the bathroom.
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He told the teacher
I only did it because
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I saw my mom do
it, it was like ahh.
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And we don't think that
whole generational thing.
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Yeah and it is real.
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Kids only hear what they
see, they don't hear what
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you say, they hear what
they see and they're going to do
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what they see and
it is so important.
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But anyway, so in 2007 my
mother had a mini stroke and
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so she was in the
hospital for a few days and then
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we put her in a
convalescent home.
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In September my friend,
who had been my friend for 20
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years, he died. Then in
October my godmother died,
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and November 3 my mother
died so I had a really rough
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year with death right in there.
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But it was during that time
that I reached back for God.
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Because my husband also
died in 85, nope he didn't die
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in 85, it was about 94.
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I drank my way through
everybody that died up to that
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point of my friend, I
had drank my way through
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the pain of it.
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I knew that when this guy died
it was heavier than that for
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me because he had been my
support system, my friend,
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everything and not to have
him was not a cool thing for me.
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There wasn't enough
alcohol? To bury that one?
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No I didn't
think there would be.
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No, because when they brought
it to me, you know when you have
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a vise your friends
just bring it to you,
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you don't have to buy nothing.
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I just poured it out and
say God I can't do it this time.
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You have to rescue me,
and I told Him forgive me.
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I know that I have hurt
You and have done so many
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things to hurt You if You
will just get me through this,
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I'm yours. God forgave me,
I felt His forgiveness just
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come over me and I
started a new life.
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- no shame, no
condemnation? - no, nothing.
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Just grateful you're coming
back. - just thankfulness.
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I could feel the rejoicing
in heaven and I was so glad
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at that point that I did
know that my son was going to be
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dying shortly after that
even though it was several years
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later he gave me time to
develop a relationship with God.
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He is so merciful, because
the love that He had back then
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to tell me what was going
to happen and then to love me
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all through the times I was
hurting Him, He was loving me
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anyway. - so tell me in
that time where you were
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standing up spiritually,
what does that look like because
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you're having to give up
the drinking, you're having to
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give up the relationships
that you grabbed hold of
00:11:00.45\00:11:03.26
to get you through stuff? -
Yeah I told God if You will be
00:11:03.30\00:11:08.78
my alcohol, my drug of choice
and my man I can serve You.
00:11:08.81\00:11:13.15
Those are the things that
got me so bound up and strung
00:11:13.18\00:11:16.65
out that I just need You
to be those things for me.
00:11:16.68\00:11:20.11
If You will just be those things
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I'm going to be all
right. And God said it was no
00:11:21.57\00:11:25.00
problem, I can be all that
and some more, so He has just
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taken those desires from
me and it's a beautiful thing
00:11:29.49\00:11:33.88
and I'm just so
thankful, I'm so thankful.
00:11:33.92\00:11:36.47
So you're starting to stand
up spiritually stronger and
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stronger and your son is
acting out more and more.
00:11:39.43\00:11:43.25
He is more and more. -
crazy running the streets.
00:11:43.29\00:11:46.87
He is just doing his own
thing, he got married and
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I think he only got married,
well I shouldn't say that.
00:11:50.46\00:11:54.90
He needed a place to stay
and he knows I'm not going to
00:11:54.93\00:11:58.44
let his girlfriend come
and stay with me so he married
00:11:58.47\00:12:01.94
her so they could have
a place to stay I think.
00:12:01.97\00:12:04.36
I loved every minute of
having them and I let his older
00:12:04.40\00:12:07.44
brother stay with me when
he first got married so it's
00:12:07.48\00:12:10.05
a tit-for-tat you did
for him you had to do for me.
00:12:10.08\00:12:14.00
He had got shot in 2000,
I got a call at 2000 that
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he was shot, it was New Year's.
00:12:17.96\00:12:19.33
I was in Stockton visiting
and was still in Oakland
00:12:19.37\00:12:22.08
then the thought came to me
oh God not now, not like this.
00:12:22.11\00:12:26.47
So I got back there and
it was a wake-up call for him
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and it should've been.
00:12:29.80\00:12:30.94
But actually was a
wake-up call for me.
00:12:30.98\00:12:32.81
So during just kind of a
party, how did he get shot?
00:12:32.84\00:12:37.45
Up on the street, they call
it up on the street, there is
00:12:37.48\00:12:42.12
a strip in Oakland were
a lot of the guys hang out,
00:12:42.16\00:12:44.29
they sell drugs, they party,
there is women up there and
00:12:44.32\00:12:47.71
stuff and he loved that
strip, he was the man up there.
00:12:47.75\00:12:52.24
They loved him and he got
shot, they shot him in the
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back and as a result of
that shot they had to cut off
00:12:56.29\00:12:59.80
part of his intestines and
stitched them up and stuff.
00:12:59.83\00:13:04.04
He was good, he survived
that but he realized that we
00:13:04.08\00:13:07.07
were going to take
care of it that somebody was
00:13:07.10\00:13:08.79
trying to kill him.
00:13:08.82\00:13:09.79
I told him the devil is
trying to kill you Boyd, he is.
00:13:09.82\00:13:12.98
You don't have to
die, you can change
00:13:13.02\00:13:16.45
you don't have to be like this.
00:13:16.49\00:13:17.80
He cried about it
but he didn't change,
00:13:17.83\00:13:20.13
he did not change.
00:13:20.17\00:13:21.86
So in 2005 when I got a call
that he had been shot in the
00:13:21.89\00:13:27.69
head, well that really sent
me a loop, it was a nightmare.
00:13:27.72\00:13:33.48
I called by Pastor and
told them that I got the call
00:13:33.51\00:13:35.95
and was headed to emergency
and have the church to pray.
00:13:35.98\00:13:38.38
I couldn't imagine,
even when you said that
00:13:38.41\00:13:40.91
it is hard to even breathe.
00:13:40.94\00:13:42.64
Yeah, yeah because a
shot is one thing but when
00:13:42.67\00:13:45.95
they tell me it was in
his head he was like this has
00:13:45.98\00:13:48.84
got to be it,
this has got to be it.
00:13:48.87\00:13:51.60
So I started praying
and my sisters are so good,
00:13:51.64\00:13:54.18
there was two of them and
they got, we had just went
00:13:54.21\00:13:56.65
to bed will be got the
call, they got up and took me
00:13:56.69\00:13:59.10
to the hospital and
it was eternity waiting
00:13:59.13\00:14:02.19
in that ER to see him.
00:14:02.23\00:14:03.88
Not knowing what he was
going to look like, or whatever.
00:14:03.91\00:14:07.08
But God is so good because
when we did get to see him
00:14:07.12\00:14:10.35
he was laying there just
as peaceful, asleep, look like
00:14:10.39\00:14:13.23
he was just asleep, but he
wasn't breathing on his own.
00:14:13.26\00:14:16.07
- machines breathing for him?
00:14:16.10\00:14:18.39
Yes he was on life
supports and the doctors said
00:14:18.42\00:14:22.48
you can't talk to
him because his brain
00:14:22.51\00:14:24.33
will swell with activity.
00:14:24.36\00:14:26.71
I was like know I
have to talk to my son and
00:14:26.74\00:14:28.84
I have some things
I've got to tell him.
00:14:28.88\00:14:30.91
So I was able to tell him
that Jesus loved him and no
00:14:30.95\00:14:33.48
matter what he had done
God would forgive him and that
00:14:33.52\00:14:36.61
I loved him. - it was
like I know you can hear me.
00:14:36.64\00:14:39.66
- You can hear and God can
hear you, you can't speak but
00:14:39.70\00:14:42.69
He can read your heart,
just tell Him to forgive you
00:14:42.72\00:14:45.64
and ask Him to forgive
you for your sins and He will
00:14:45.67\00:14:48.56
save you right here
right where you are.
00:14:48.59\00:14:50.36
I love you and I'm not
going no where I am right here.
00:14:50.40\00:14:54.31
So after I got through talking
I went out and was back and
00:14:54.34\00:14:58.21
forth bringing people in
an out they came to see him.
00:14:58.25\00:15:00.70
I did know he had so
many girlfriends, oh my.
00:15:00.74\00:15:03.27
There were so many
girls that came to see him.
00:15:03.31\00:15:06.28
God was right there with
me the whole time and the
00:15:06.31\00:15:09.17
hardest thing was letting
go when I finally realized
00:15:09.21\00:15:12.03
after four days this
is not getting better.
00:15:12.07\00:15:14.94
The doctors said we need
to take the life supports off.
00:15:14.98\00:15:19.26
I was Doctor please, but
in that tragedy some good came
00:15:19.30\00:15:23.22
because my pastors wife
said, have you ever thought
00:15:23.25\00:15:27.13
of donating his organs?
00:15:27.17\00:15:28.82
I said I hadn't thought
of it, but he is perfectly
00:15:28.85\00:15:31.63
healthy I don't see why not.
00:15:31.67\00:15:33.14
So I got his wife and
asked her about it and she said
00:15:33.18\00:15:36.32
yes it was fine with her,
so we met the donor people and
00:15:36.36\00:15:39.77
we set that all up so someone
got his kidneys, his heart.
00:15:39.81\00:15:43.08
They couldn't take as lungs
because the life support stuff
00:15:43.11\00:15:45.71
have blown them up too
much for being on life support.
00:15:45.75\00:15:48.04
There were three organs
I can't remember the other.
00:15:48.08\00:15:51.17
I try to get his kidneys
for a friend that was needed
00:15:51.21\00:15:54.27
a kidney but they didn't match.
00:15:54.31\00:15:55.63
It was just a hard journey
but through it all the Lord was
00:15:55.66\00:16:00.95
there and when the chaplain
came in to tell me that your
00:16:00.98\00:16:06.23
son is going to a
better place and this and this.
00:16:06.27\00:16:08.41
That just gets me, that line
and I guess my Adventism just
00:16:08.45\00:16:12.88
rose up in me right in
that moment and I told them that
00:16:12.91\00:16:17.31
is not what my Bible tells me.
00:16:17.35\00:16:18.87
So I give her little
Bible study right there.
00:16:18.90\00:16:22.40
I said he's going to
rest until Jesus comes.
00:16:22.43\00:16:25.89
- and he needs the rest. - yeah.
00:16:25.92\00:16:28.25
- this boy has been
running for a long time.
00:16:28.28\00:16:30.24
You know it even listening
to you, just talking about
00:16:30.28\00:16:35.70
having to say goodbye,
and having to let him go.
00:16:35.74\00:16:40.38
Did you sense the arms
of God just holding you up?
00:16:40.42\00:16:45.65
Absolutely, oh absolutely,
I mean I was a dishrag.
00:16:45.69\00:16:50.89
His wife fell out
but God held me up,
00:16:50.93\00:16:55.02
she actually fell to the floor.
00:16:55.05\00:16:56.34
God's power, the power
that He has, and I'm a big girl
00:16:56.37\00:17:03.05
but I could feel
sitting in His lap, I could feel
00:17:03.08\00:17:07.56
like I was in
His lap all the time.
00:17:07.59\00:17:09.03
When did it come to your
mind what He told you years
00:17:09.07\00:17:11.38
before, when did that
come back to your mind?
00:17:11.41\00:17:13.54
When they said the
shot was in the head.
00:17:13.57\00:17:15.71
Then they came back for sure
when the doctors said it was
00:17:15.74\00:17:18.94
time to let go, it
was time to cut it off.
00:17:18.97\00:17:21.19
You remembered at that
moment when you watched
00:17:21.22\00:17:23.40
him as a baby.
00:17:23.44\00:17:24.68
My girlfriend came to my
house I told hear how to do
00:17:24.72\00:17:29.11
a funeral for my son, I
know she was just good to me,
00:17:29.14\00:17:32.79
all my friends and this is
the glory of having a church
00:17:32.83\00:17:36.59
family, of being a part of
somebody who loves you even
00:17:36.62\00:17:39.64
though all the years of
my rebellion my church family
00:17:39.68\00:17:42.88
was praying for me, my
mother, my parents, my sisters,
00:17:42.92\00:17:45.77
people at the church
school that I finally got to go
00:17:45.81\00:17:48.63
to and wash dishes and all that.
00:17:48.66\00:17:50.76
Prayers were for me to
come to the Lord and to give my
00:17:50.80\00:17:53.73
heart to the Lord,
all my old professors.
00:17:53.77\00:17:55.81
When my son died everybody,
I had like three church
00:17:55.84\00:18:00.39
support come to be with
me, I got money from everywhere
00:18:00.42\00:18:04.81
and I was able to go to Wildwood
and just take a breather.
00:18:04.85\00:18:08.81
I wanted some grief counseling
and God is so good, they
00:18:08.84\00:18:12.44
don't offer that at Wildwood
and I didn't know that but
00:18:12.47\00:18:16.03
the minister who stayed
next door to me and grief
00:18:16.06\00:18:18.45
counseling so we were able
to get the counseling every day.
00:18:18.48\00:18:22.01
He, I and his wife and I
would walk every day and he just
00:18:22.04\00:18:25.53
let me talk, and talk and
that's what you need to do
00:18:25.57\00:18:28.41
when you lose
somebody is to talk about it.
00:18:28.44\00:18:30.26
Because you have to
remember that every single time
00:18:30.30\00:18:33.40
they laughed, every time
you held them - pictures go
00:18:33.43\00:18:36.50
take pictures if you
got kids take pictures.
00:18:36.54\00:18:39.57
I'm so thankful for
the pictures I have,
00:18:39.60\00:18:42.61
That I have
precious memories of my son.
00:18:42.64\00:18:45.57
The one thing I want to
tell you guys about him and
00:18:45.61\00:18:49.72
God is so good how
He worked things out.
00:18:49.76\00:18:52.76
Before he died he called
Monday mooches griseous and so
00:18:52.79\00:18:56.50
he called me on my job I
said mama needs some mooches
00:18:56.54\00:18:59.33
griseous because I put my
clothes in the cleaners and
00:18:59.37\00:19:02.13
they said they're
going to sell them if
00:19:02.17\00:19:03.31
I don't get them out.
00:19:03.34\00:19:04.31
I said how much do you
need, $50, $50 you know and
00:19:04.32\00:19:07.66
I was really mad at him
but I told him to come by the
00:19:07.69\00:19:11.00
house I would give it to him.
00:19:11.04\00:19:12.32
He did and his friend brought
him by the house when I got
00:19:12.35\00:19:14.49
home from work and I gave
him the money and hugged him
00:19:14.53\00:19:16.63
and told him I
loved him and everything.
00:19:16.66\00:19:18.27
He thanked me and he left
and they were parked underneath
00:19:18.30\00:19:21.21
the driveway and I could
see them out of my window.
00:19:21.24\00:19:23.88
So I went to the window
and hit the window when he was
00:19:23.91\00:19:26.24
getting into the car and I
said I love you and he said
00:19:26.28\00:19:28.81
I love you too, that was
the last time ever saw him,
00:19:28.85\00:19:31.35
or spoke to him.
00:19:31.38\00:19:33.02
The clothes I paid for the
cleaners was the clothes I was
00:19:33.06\00:19:36.93
able to bury him in so God
works all of that out for me.
00:19:36.97\00:19:41.41
His friends paid for the
program, everything, I didn't
00:19:41.44\00:19:45.35
have to pay for nothing and
the victims of violent crimes
00:19:45.39\00:19:49.27
helped me with the
burial part of it all.
00:19:49.31\00:19:51.42
God's hand, when the Spirit
said you have got to do the
00:19:51.46\00:19:55.73
eulogy I thought oh
no. I felt like Moses.
00:19:55.76\00:19:58.82
- I can't do
this, I can even speak.
00:19:58.85\00:20:01.28
If you want me to do a God
You will have to help me do it.
00:20:01.32\00:20:04.27
I start write down things
because I would walk every
00:20:04.31\00:20:06.48
morning and my sister was
like you are going to walk
00:20:06.51\00:20:08.36
yourself to death but
that is how I handled the pain.
00:20:08.40\00:20:10.78
I asked my preacher, I said
Lord if you really want me to
00:20:10.81\00:20:13.16
do this when I tell
my preacher this is what
00:20:13.19\00:20:14.99
to do and he's
going to say okay.
00:20:15.03\00:20:16.46
So I called him and I told
him he said I never heard of
00:20:16.49\00:20:20.80
it before, but
yeah you can do it.
00:20:20.83\00:20:23.17
So then I knew
that I was on for it.
00:20:23.20\00:20:25.47
God sustained me through
it all, I was able to talk to
00:20:25.50\00:20:28.32
these young men who were
ready to go out and kill the
00:20:28.35\00:20:32.03
person that killed my
son and calmed their anger.
00:20:32.07\00:20:35.67
Because the word of God
tells us if we harbor anger in
00:20:35.71\00:20:38.95
our hearts He will
not hear our prayers.
00:20:38.98\00:20:41.07
We are praying to get through
a time that was very difficult
00:20:41.10\00:20:44.02
so we can't have it, vengeance
is the Lord's not ours.
00:20:44.05\00:20:47.76
I was in the Bible and finding
the Scriptures all through
00:20:47.79\00:20:51.46
the week trying to
get ready for that.
00:20:51.50\00:20:53.40
- speaking to these boys?
- speaking to the young men
00:20:53.43\00:20:56.17
and to his children, it is
very hard to tell his children
00:20:56.21\00:20:59.45
that he had died, but since
then I've been able to take
00:20:59.49\00:21:02.70
them to counseling to
get them some help with what
00:21:02.73\00:21:05.11
they have to deal with.
00:21:05.15\00:21:06.24
How old were they at that
time? Let's see, 8, 9 and 11.
00:21:06.27\00:21:12.66
The baby was not one yet,
she hadn't turned one yet.
00:21:12.69\00:21:18.73
But God is good, He
carried me through it all and
00:21:18.77\00:21:24.74
He carries me today and I
am thankful for how He prepares
00:21:24.77\00:21:28.37
you for, thank you so
much, He prepares you for what
00:21:28.41\00:21:32.09
He has in store for you.
He knew this day was coming.
00:21:32.13\00:21:35.77
He knew I would need
Him to see me through.
00:21:35.81\00:21:38.23
He is faithful through
all the jealousy, the envy,
00:21:38.26\00:21:42.10
the pride, all that
just got ssssssssssuuuuuuuuu.
00:21:42.13\00:21:45.90
I'm Lord I'm yours now,
however way You want it to go.
00:21:45.93\00:21:49.25
Coming here and being
able to speak from the heart of
00:21:49.29\00:21:52.57
what God can do, how
He can transform you.
00:21:52.61\00:21:54.92
How His love is everlasting
it transcends all pain,
00:21:54.96\00:21:59.78
all bitterness, what ever
it fills up every hole that
00:21:59.81\00:22:04.61
your heart has. Anything,
God is just always available
00:22:04.64\00:22:08.16
and you don't have to
wait on Him, all you have to do
00:22:08.19\00:22:11.78
it is recognize that He
is there, that He is always
00:22:11.81\00:22:15.33
there for you because He is
faithful and I just love Him.
00:22:15.37\00:22:18.58
I appreciate this
opportunity to talk about
00:22:18.61\00:22:21.67
the goodness of God.
00:22:21.71\00:22:23.17
- and how cool your son
was, do you know what I mean.
00:22:23.21\00:22:26.42
Being able to
remember him in that.
00:22:26.45\00:22:28.79
There was a time that you
were speaking, and I know you
00:22:28.82\00:22:32.89
know this but I would
like to say this out loud.
00:22:32.93\00:22:34.96
In our rebellion, and in
our acting out God never wants
00:22:35.00\00:22:40.73
any of that for
any of our families.
00:22:40.76\00:22:42.99
He never wanted your son to
experience one day of the life
00:22:43.02\00:22:46.99
that he chose, and yet God
says I know it's going to go
00:22:47.02\00:22:50.95
this direction and
I will hold you up.
00:22:50.98\00:22:52.75
But in the perfect will of
God is not for any of us to
00:22:52.79\00:22:55.91
experience that. - right
in a lot of my friends were
00:22:55.94\00:22:59.02
like where is God in all this?
00:22:59.06\00:23:01.11
Why does He allow
all this to happen?
00:23:01.15\00:23:02.85
It's like, God doesn't
make bad things happen to us.
00:23:02.88\00:23:08.13
We make choices that cause
bad things to happen to us.
00:23:08.17\00:23:12.86
As much as I love my son,
and as much as I wish all this
00:23:12.89\00:23:17.55
hadn't happened, I am
so thankful that I had the
00:23:17.58\00:23:21.81
opportunity not only to
have him and to love him and to
00:23:21.84\00:23:25.98
share a little bit of the
love of God I knew even though
00:23:26.02\00:23:29.79
it was all twisted back
in the day when I was raising
00:23:29.82\00:23:33.06
him, and still I was able
to share that with him to the
00:23:33.09\00:23:35.88
point where I got the phone
call a month before he died.
00:23:35.92\00:23:39.33
He said mom out what you
to know I'm going to be all
00:23:39.36\00:23:42.22
right, the best thing you
ever did for me was to tell
00:23:42.26\00:23:45.08
me about Jesus and I
want you to know I'm going
00:23:45.12\00:23:47.48
to be all right.
00:23:47.52\00:23:48.99
That was out of the blue
phone call and I don't know
00:23:49.02\00:23:52.77
where it came from
but it made me so happy.
00:23:52.80\00:23:54.84
Then after this it was like
thank you Jesus, it was like
00:23:54.87\00:23:58.87
thank you, God takes
care of every little thing.
00:23:58.90\00:24:01.59
I got my last look at
him, I got an assurance that
00:24:01.62\00:24:04.27
he knew God in some
way, however he knew how.
00:24:04.30\00:24:07.30
And I had everything
taken care of and God was right
00:24:07.34\00:24:11.02
there holding me the whole time.
00:24:11.06\00:24:12.71
You know how long
ago has this been now?
00:24:12.74\00:24:15.30
It will be six years in April.
00:24:15.33\00:24:17.17
So six years and I'm sure
some days it feels like it was
00:24:17.20\00:24:21.02
a moment ago? - oh yeah
and now this is a crucial time
00:24:21.06\00:24:25.44
for me from March
leading into the anniversary and
00:24:25.48\00:24:29.34
Mother's Day happens,
then his birthday happens and
00:24:29.37\00:24:33.20
it is back to back to back.
00:24:33.23\00:24:34.43
Usually I have a very
difficult time, I'm a obsessive
00:24:34.47\00:24:40.12
eater and I want to eat up
everything so I have to ask
00:24:40.15\00:24:44.38
God please help me because
He has shown me a better way to
00:24:44.42\00:24:48.58
live now, I had eaten my way to
insanity to deal with the death.
00:24:48.61\00:24:54.28
So I have lost 100
pounds just in the last year.
00:24:54.32\00:24:57.36
So I want to, we don't
have a lot of time but I want to
00:24:57.39\00:25:00.55
go into some of the some
things that God has really
00:25:00.58\00:25:04.41
through all of this in
holding you, He's teaching you
00:25:04.45\00:25:08.25
another way to even
deal with your pain? Because
00:25:08.28\00:25:11.10
I know you just went on
a fast that was ridiculous,
00:25:11.14\00:25:13.93
and God led to
spiritual growth and a fast.
00:25:13.96\00:25:18.32
So talk about the eating
and how you use to handle it
00:25:18.35\00:25:22.96
and how God is opening up a
different way at this point.
00:25:23.00\00:25:29.19
Well, when I went to Weimer
because after I got laid off
00:25:29.23\00:25:35.39
of work - and Weimer for
people who don't know is a
00:25:35.43\00:25:37.98
health education
Center - a health Institute,
00:25:38.01\00:25:39.46
a lifestyle
Institute in California.
00:25:39.49\00:25:41.71
In my bulletin at church
they had an advertisement about
00:25:41.74\00:25:46.01
reversing diabetes and obesity.
00:25:46.05\00:25:48.07
I have been diagnosed with
type 2 diabetes because I had
00:25:48.10\00:25:51.58
worked myself to death in
my lifestyle had made me sick.
00:25:51.61\00:25:54.70
When I went there they told
me that we could reverse that
00:25:54.73\00:25:57.78
if we would just
change your way of eating and
00:25:57.82\00:26:00.89
did some exercise and
trusted in God, we could make
00:26:00.93\00:26:05.09
change in our health.
00:26:05.13\00:26:06.77
So I started doing it
and they taught you how
00:26:06.81\00:26:09.17
to cook and everything.
00:26:09.20\00:26:10.92
I came home and told my
sisters we can't have any more
00:26:10.95\00:26:13.92
olive oil, we can have any
of these things we used to have
00:26:13.96\00:26:16.89
and she was like what?
If you say so I am with you.
00:26:16.93\00:26:20.99
I just praise God for her,
for my sisters because they
00:26:21.02\00:26:23.54
have been such a support to
me in every change in my life.
00:26:23.58\00:26:26.06
- I met them,
they are amazing and
00:26:26.10\00:26:27.71
I'm just wanting to say hi.
00:26:27.75\00:26:29.25
So I did I started making
my own foods all whole foods.
00:26:29.28\00:26:32.74
I was listening to one of
the guys today on the set.
00:26:32.78\00:26:36.50
- and it does increase
your connection with God,
00:26:36.53\00:26:40.22
your prayer life.
00:26:40.25\00:26:41.55
Because you have to pray
to do it, I mean it's not
00:26:41.58\00:26:44.36
a natural thing to
throw down all the good stuff
00:26:44.39\00:26:47.14
that is killing you.
00:26:47.17\00:26:48.76
You've been eating it I
mean mom gave you candy to
00:26:48.80\00:26:51.64
pacify you when you were a
baby so you want this junk.
00:26:51.68\00:26:54.76
But with the help of God I
was able to turn that around
00:26:54.80\00:26:57.82
and to start eating whole foods
and my diabetes is in check,
00:26:57.85\00:27:01.13
my sugar is great, I've just
got a call since I was here,
00:27:01.16\00:27:05.27
and my A1C is 5.8 which is
excellent and my cholesterol is
00:27:05.31\00:27:09.23
down and my weight is down and
my blood pressure is good and
00:27:09.26\00:27:13.15
I don't have to take medication
and that is the thing.
00:27:13.19\00:27:15.33
I did not want
medication and that is what made
00:27:15.36\00:27:17.54
me make the radical change.
00:27:17.57\00:27:18.90
Diabetes scares me, I want
my legs, I don't want my feet
00:27:18.93\00:27:22.25
cut off or legs cut off, I
don't want dialysis or none of
00:27:22.28\00:27:25.48
that so I said Lord if You
help me, and God has shown me
00:27:25.51\00:27:28.56
and I have been able to go
in minister to other people
00:27:28.60\00:27:31.61
and help them to
make lifestyles changes.
00:27:31.65\00:27:33.50
Not only with grief, not
only with rebellion, not only
00:27:33.54\00:27:36.99
with dominant stuff, but
with you diet, health, with your
00:27:37.03\00:27:40.44
prayer life, you
just did a 30 day fast
00:27:40.48\00:27:42.57
- yes and that was beautiful.
00:27:42.61\00:27:44.16
What is really interesting
is I got through your friend
00:27:44.19\00:27:49.07
Joanie got to watch you guys
praying and connect with God
00:27:49.10\00:27:53.94
and really get into a
great place during that fast.
00:27:53.97\00:27:56.91
You almost made me
want to miss a meal.
00:27:56.95\00:27:59.67
Almost, almost persuaded.
00:27:59.71\00:28:03.83
But when I listen to you
Palischer and how God has
00:28:03.86\00:28:08.84
really, even through your
rebellion, prepared you for the
00:28:08.87\00:28:12.33
tragedy that you are going to
have to deal with in your life.
00:28:12.36\00:28:15.90
When the Bible says I plan
evil for no one, God did not
00:28:15.94\00:28:19.28
plan those tragedies, He
just foresaw them for you and
00:28:19.32\00:28:22.63
said I know I am going
to hold you through this.
00:28:22.66\00:28:26.95
Now I watch you not only
dealing with all of your core
00:28:26.98\00:28:31.20
issues but walking through your
grandchildren and helping them.
00:28:31.24\00:28:33.66
The other night sitting
outside and talking to your
00:28:33.70\00:28:37.27
daughter in law in the car,
let's work through this stuff.
00:28:37.30\00:28:40.92
Continuously
saying it stops here.
00:28:40.96\00:28:44.11
And I think the biggest
thing that I want to leave with
00:28:44.15\00:28:48.15
people is the Bible says,
I can't remember the text,
00:28:48.19\00:28:51.82
I tell you these things
before they happen so when
00:28:51.85\00:28:54.90
they happen you will believe,
and I had read that text
00:28:54.94\00:28:57.95
a lot of times.
00:28:57.98\00:28:58.95
I really didn't know what
it meant, but I realized after
00:28:58.96\00:29:02.35
my son died, He tells you
things before they happen so
00:29:02.38\00:29:06.04
you will believe it Him
because He knows everything and
00:29:06.08\00:29:09.70
He has everything in
His control and that has
00:29:09.73\00:29:12.08
strengthened my
spiritual walk 10,000.
00:29:12.11\00:29:15.78
I believe so much in God, I
know that He is real because
00:29:15.81\00:29:18.86
He has walked and talked
with me and He told me before
00:29:18.90\00:29:21.91
hand so that I would believe.
00:29:21.94\00:29:23.54
I'm stubborn and He knows me,
that's stubborn little person
00:29:23.58\00:29:27.97
so if I tell her up front
and stay with her at all through
00:29:28.00\00:29:32.36
it when it happens she's
going to believe I am real.
00:29:32.40\00:29:34.72
And I do believe He
is real because He is.
00:29:34.76\00:29:37.08
And He told you so gently.
-Yes - I know this is going to
00:29:37.12\00:29:41.79
break your heart, this is
going to be something you feel
00:29:41.82\00:29:46.46
like you will never
ever make it through.
00:29:46.49\00:29:48.34
But we'll get through, not
only will we get through, you
00:29:48.38\00:29:54.43
and I just got to speak at
pray conference and every hour
00:29:54.47\00:29:59.48
there was another speaker
and the hour that you spoke
00:29:59.52\00:30:04.75
I just felt like the Holy
Spirit just spoke right through
00:30:04.78\00:30:09.98
you and you ministered
to us in such an incredible
00:30:10.02\00:30:13.42
compassionate way, because
of the compassion God has had in
00:30:13.46\00:30:17.18
your life. I just feel like
you just passed that on to us.
00:30:17.21\00:30:21.34
Well that is our job, that's
our job as Christians to share
00:30:21.37\00:30:25.46
with people what
God has done for us.
00:30:25.49\00:30:27.19
There is nothing else to
share but kept His goodness,
00:30:27.22\00:30:29.58
we have no goodness in ourselves
00:30:29.62\00:30:30.99
He loves us, He loves
us unconditionally and
00:30:31.02\00:30:34.03
that is a beautiful thing.
00:30:34.06\00:30:35.27
I want to say thank you for
being on the program, but more
00:30:35.30\00:30:38.59
than that I want to say
thank you for being in my heart.
00:30:38.62\00:30:41.87
You know what I
mean, because I think that
00:30:41.90\00:30:44.35
we are now a part
of each other's lives.
00:30:44.39\00:30:46.77
My heart still breaks for
what happened to your son,
00:30:46.80\00:30:51.62
the choices that he made
that took him on that journey.
00:30:51.65\00:30:56.22
I feel joy the same as
you knowing that he knew God
00:30:56.25\00:31:00.75
and that on that resurrection
day he's going to be going
00:31:00.78\00:31:05.27
mom I can't
believe it, I'm here.
00:31:05.30\00:31:08.01
I'm here because you
fought for us to come back.
00:31:08.05\00:31:12.21
I'm here because of that.
00:31:12.25\00:31:14.52
Stay with us we will be
right back and I would like to
00:31:14.55\00:31:18.88
close out with some things
that Palischer brought out
00:31:18.91\00:31:22.80
in her story and maybe some
things you and I are going to
00:31:22.83\00:31:26.37
look at as far as to get
into our healing because the
00:31:26.41\00:31:30.29
biggest thing is that God
delights in turning that tide
00:31:30.33\00:31:34.18
so that no one has
to bury a loved one.
00:31:34.22\00:31:37.30
No one has to be
buried themselves.
00:31:37.34\00:31:40.00
So we will be
right back. Stay with us!
00:31:40.04\00:31:42.67