Today we are talking
about rebellion, come
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and join us
Celebrating Life In Recovery.
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Welcome, so you know
today I'm love this topic
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because I think out of every
thing this was one of my huge
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blind spots, I knew
I had rejection issues.
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I knew I had things that
I dealt with like sadness,
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molest, abuse stuff but if
you asked me if I was defiant
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or rebellious I
would have said not at all.
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I'm telling you
I have it horribly.
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We are covering the
fourth step, and we are covering
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looking at our blind
spots, looking at things
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we really have to deal
with when we are in recovery,
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what are those things?
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I'm going to read some things
about rebellion and see if
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you see yourself in this,
because if you see yourself
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in this get some help
because everybody around
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you will want you
to get help with this.
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So defiant rebellious,
1. What does it look like?
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When defiance controls your
heart, you react every single
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time when somebody
tries to control you,
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and I don't care where it is.
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If somebody says Hon can
you take out the garbage?
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You'll say well you
take out the garbage.
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It is that kind of thing,
it is the simplest request
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will be responded to in
a way that somehow you feel
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that somebody may be is
just trying to get at you.
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So the defiant heart is always
going to respond that way.
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Simple requests are viewed
as someone trying to control
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them, and I wish I could
use all kinds of examples and
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I wish I could say if you
are watching this and you have
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the defiant heart or
rebellious heart raise your hand
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because we would have
hands up all over the place.
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One of the things, any simple
thing if somebody comes up to
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you and just says can you
move your car because you're too
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close to mine in the
parking space or whatever that
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becomes a big deal.
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So somebody with a rebellious
heart is most things become
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a big deal, simple requests
are really hard to hear.
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They are always
finding a way to avoid doing
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what they are told.
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Come on, does
anybody feel like that?
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Somebody tells you to do some
thing and is like you tried to
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get around it, or you
think I'll get to that and low
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and behold you do
everything but that.
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I'm really amazed
at how much of that
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I had without even realizing it.
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They defy anybody in
authority including parents, law
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enforcement, employers,
coaches, anybody that comes up
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with the kind of sense I
need you to do this, or I'm
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telling you to do this
type of thing always brings up
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that little
rebel that says what?
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I have that rebel and
there are sometimes I think how
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funny are you is that I
have that rebel and I can now
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sense when she jumps
up to try to take over.
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They are defensive, angry
and if you are around someone
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it may not be you and maybe
somebody you know that when
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you talk with them or deal
with them that you get that
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sense of defiance when
they come up and had that anger
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that is underlying
in different areas.
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A lot of times they are
unsympathetic, and I have some
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body that I'm
thinking about in my mind.
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You could come in with
your leg cut off and they will
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look at you and
say it's not that bad.
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What are you talking about?
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So they just have that first
reaction is that they don't
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have a lot of sympathy
for people because they have
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really locked down
with this rebellion.
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They are somewhat domineering
and somebody said what
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causes that? There are
causes to some of our damage and
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I will go into a little bit
of what causes this defiance
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locked part of you.
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One is Christian parents that
are very strict, very strict
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and they tend to have a
lot of rules in their house.
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They are a rule
based will cause someone to
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lock down in defiance.
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Another one like in my
household, in my household
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we had no Christians, but
we had people in our household,
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especially my mom that
really didn't like, was really
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angry at God, I
mean really angry at God.
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Some damage had happened
to her early on and she didn't
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want to have anything
religious in the house.
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If somebody was religious
on television there was always
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slams about that and so I
learned very early on to be
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to back away from authority or
have questions with authority.
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They were both into drugs, my
mom, my dad and my stepdad were
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alcoholics and smoking
weed so everything was they were
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going around the law
and that type of stuff.
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Kids in those kinds of
environments really grow up to
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be somewhat defiant and I
rebellious just because that
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is the home situation.
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So controlling is
really a big deal.
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What is really interesting
and what I wanted to cover on
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this program before we
get into the interview is what
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are the consequences
of this kind of life?
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The consequences is they turn
the defiance and rebellion from
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one person to the next,
like I may start out, I'm
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defiant against my
parents while growing up.
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I start ditching school I
start sneaking out at night or
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start drinking or using
drugs or whatever, but pretty
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soon I'm defiant against my
boyfriend and next I'm defiant
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against my husband and
next I'm defiant against my job.
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So it is like that, it
follows that thread and
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it follows us around.
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No matter what our addictions
are, no matter what our
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stuff is that
underlying stuff stays there.
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If I get into recovery
and I don't deal with that,
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I get into recovery and
deal with whatever the addiction
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is, say I'm a
heroine addict in recovery.
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So I got into my recovery
and I dealt with a heroine but
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as soon as I stopped, as
soon as I got cleaned up that
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defiance just jumped right up.
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I joke about watching the
offering plate go by in the
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church I was going to.
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I'm in church for 5
years and every time the
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offering plate came by I
wanted to steal everything.
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I thought I needed the
money, I should have that.
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So even in my rebellious
and my defiance and all that
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stuff would pop up.
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My husband would tell me
something like something I
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didn't know, I would be
going like you think I'm stupid?
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I know that I can do that
and it would always come up.
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Our defiance or our stuff,
even outside of our addictions
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still comes up and if
I'm going to do recovery I'm
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going to stop the
addiction, stop the drugs and
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stop sexually acting out.
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I'm going to stop gambling
and all that stuff but if
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I have this underlying thing
man, my life is going to be
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miserable still and the
people I love are going to be
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miserable still so God
wants to actually step in and go
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to the underlying thing.
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And when He does I am telling
you, you get your life back.
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And the people around to
get to really see your heart
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and who you are, there is
something that happens when
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I finally say to God
okay, I surrender even this.
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I'm sorry, I don't know
how to get rid of this anger or
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this rebellion or this defiance
I'm done, please help me.
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And you know all of
heaven says I will, I so will.
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There is another thing in
marriages, in marriages it
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tears relationships up, it's
really difficult for somebody
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that's really lost in rebellion,
lost in this defiance to ever
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fully love the
people around them.
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If you're there, I'm
sorry to say this out loud but
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we can love at may be, if
I'm exaggerating, maybe 30%.
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So 70% of us stays wrapped
up in all this stuff and 30%
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of us can reach out to the
people around us and it was
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never meant to be that, the
people around you need 100%.
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Now that I can love
100%, I really realize the gift
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and I don't want to sound
vain, but the gift that I have
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to offer the people I love is
really a gift for me to be in a
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relationship with them and them
to be in relationship with me.
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But if I am locked in all
the stuff everybody loses.
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So this defiance and rebellious
heart is really some healing
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that is happening
that is unbelievable.
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If you are locked in that,
one of the things that the four
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step does, is as you start to
process, however you decide to
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process the fourth step and we
have talked about it on various
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programs different
ways you can process it.
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However you decide to
process it, being able to bring
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that God, to bring that
to the Holy Spirit and say
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you know what
I'm stuck, I'm stuck.
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I know that I'm angry all
the time, I know I'm a defiant,
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I know I have this rebellious
streak in me and I am stuck.
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And do you know who is not
stuck is God, He knows exactly
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who you are and He knows
exactly when that rebellion came
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into your life, He knows
exactly the moment that it all
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started and He knows
exactly how to bring you out.
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What is amazing to me is
that He is so gentle with us.
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You know the people
that we love just slap us
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around, stop being so
angry, stop being so defensive.
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But God just says I won't
slap you at all, but I will
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bring you to a place
where you can let this go.
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When you let this go I will
teach you to live in the world
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without being so defiant,
without being so rebellious.
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It is amazing.
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We are going to meet Marcia
when we come back and talk
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about this with her and
how it looked in her life.
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When the devil gets into
your life in that defiant
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rebellious thing it
can take years to come out.
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You are going to be
surprised at how she did it.
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Stay with us we
will be right back.
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