You know Cheri I say this
every season, seven seasons now.
00:00:14.79\00:00:18.66
It is true, it must sound
like a broken record this may
00:00:18.70\00:00:22.53
be the strongest, the
best yet. - I think so too.
00:00:22.57\00:00:25.54
And the most user friendly
because it is going to force
00:00:25.58\00:00:28.68
individuals and
encourage them to take a look at
00:00:28.71\00:00:31.24
themselves, not to look at
just the recovery and celebrate
00:00:31.28\00:00:33.97
the recovery of those that
they see on the screen, but to
00:00:34.00\00:00:37.19
also participate in that
recovery by looking at their own
00:00:37.23\00:00:40.17
lives and maybe even finding
some stuff they didn't know
00:00:40.21\00:00:43.12
was there in dealing with that.
00:00:43.16\00:00:45.00
Exactly, so we are
talking, talking pride, anger,
00:00:45.03\00:00:48.53
rebellion, negative
thinking, we're talking
00:00:48.56\00:00:53.33
about all that stuff.
00:00:53.37\00:00:54.67
I guess to, you got stuff,
all God's children got stuff.
00:00:54.71\00:00:56.50
When I travel now
people quote you saying that,
00:00:56.54\00:01:01.55
like C.A. says we all got stuff.
00:01:01.59\00:01:04.79
So this will help you and
certainly encourage you to look
00:01:04.83\00:01:09.51
at your stuff and maybe
secret stuff, any maybe stuff
00:01:09.55\00:01:14.20
you didn't know you had.
00:01:14.23\00:01:15.58
As you reflect on someone
else's stuff you could say
00:01:15.61\00:01:18.72
I have a little
bit of that and I need
00:01:18.75\00:01:20.64
to deal with that also.
00:01:20.67\00:01:21.99
With sex addictions, because
they are so prevalent let's
00:01:22.02\00:01:24.84
just talk about those, it
is obvious when somebody says
00:01:24.87\00:01:28.51
you know I am online porn
and I am seeing prostitutes,
00:01:28.55\00:01:32.15
I'm sleeping
around and having affairs,
00:01:32.19\00:01:34.03
what ever the sex addiction is.
00:01:34.06\00:01:35.39
For women having affairs or
am lost in romance novels or
00:01:35.43\00:01:38.93
whatever day time soaps
or whatever or however your
00:01:38.97\00:01:42.43
addiction shows itself.
00:01:42.47\00:01:44.26
There are studies saying
that somebody with a sexual
00:01:44.30\00:01:47.64
addiction can connect
with their spouse at about 3%.
00:01:47.68\00:01:51.35
So then you know we are
disconnected from the people
00:01:51.38\00:01:55.02
around us and within
if I get squeezed I am in
00:01:55.06\00:02:01.58
my addiction
within a period of time.
00:02:01.61\00:02:04.26
Now if I get squeezed
with disrespect, I'm angry,
00:02:04.30\00:02:07.64
the bills are due and I
can't find the money for them
00:02:07.67\00:02:11.98
and I am squeezed, within a
few hours I'm in my addiction
00:02:12.02\00:02:15.45
whether it's only in my
head or if I am actually online.
00:02:15.48\00:02:19.69
So because of the addiction,
the squeeze is what then
00:02:19.73\00:02:23.90
pushes me into it.
00:02:23.94\00:02:25.68
But if I take those things
out of it, those stressors out
00:02:25.72\00:02:29.49
of it, the disrespect or
rejection or low self-esteem or
00:02:29.52\00:02:32.77
whatever, if I start working
on those and that is what the
00:02:32.80\00:02:35.98
inventory works on that I will
not go into the addiction again.
00:02:36.02\00:02:39.45
So really is say a
preventative thing.
00:02:39.49\00:02:41.83
I have to look at this and
as I look at this, as I look
00:02:41.87\00:02:47.46
at what my underlying stuff
is, then I start to reconnect
00:02:47.50\00:02:53.06
with the people I love.
00:02:53.10\00:02:54.22
I want to be
with my spouse 100%.
00:02:54.26\00:02:57.27
I want to be in the
relationships with friends that
00:02:57.31\00:03:00.10
I love 100%, not at 3%, I
don't want to walk through
00:03:00.13\00:03:02.89
my life totally disconnected.
00:03:02.92\00:03:04.31
Somebody will say you know
I can feel alone in the middle
00:03:04.35\00:03:08.13
of a crowd because
we are so disconnected,
00:03:08.17\00:03:12.05
and our disconnect is our junk.
00:03:12.08\00:03:13.90
Your addiction is almost
like the default setting on
00:03:13.93\00:03:18.09
your life, and the default
setting sends you back into your
00:03:18.12\00:03:22.60
it's kind of twisted,
kinky, self-indulgent.
00:03:22.64\00:03:26.63
Your default setting is
separation, just falling into
00:03:26.67\00:03:31.46
your addiction and
sort of circling around your
00:03:31.49\00:03:34.38
addiction to the
exclusion of everything else.
00:03:34.41\00:03:37.23
Exactly, exactly at what
is really fun in recovery is
00:03:37.27\00:03:41.47
that I feel free.
00:03:41.50\00:03:43.46
Do you know what I mean I
feel free and I love my life.
00:03:43.50\00:03:46.71
I love my friendships
and those things but I didn't
00:03:46.75\00:03:50.06
realize how many of
these things were still hidden.
00:03:50.10\00:03:53.42
We are going to meet some
more folks that were on the
00:03:53.45\00:03:56.41
program, there is a girl
named Ashley out of Canada.
00:03:56.44\00:04:00.47
She has all kinds of
stuff, but the overriding theme
00:04:00.51\00:04:03.82
in her life is that she
has never felt good enough and
00:04:03.85\00:04:06.75
because of that whenever
she doesn't feel good enough
00:04:06.78\00:04:09.64
she grabs an addiction.
00:04:09.68\00:04:10.90
She grabs something
that medicates that feeling.
00:04:10.94\00:04:13.60
The moral inventory is let's
deal with that why? The feeling!
00:04:13.63\00:04:19.05
Let's go on now Jennifer
Jill she has a eating disorder
00:04:19.08\00:04:24.03
in her thing was to
starve herself to death.
00:04:24.07\00:04:26.63
That is one thing I can do
well and I'm going to do it.
00:04:26.66\00:04:29.71
A lot of people that I
work with have eating disorders.
00:04:29.74\00:04:32.75
So we had Jennifer on.
00:04:32.78\00:04:34.13
Chris, she is now up a counselor
but she was strung out on
00:04:34.16\00:04:39.22
meth and was facing
federal charges for trafficking
00:04:39.25\00:04:43.12
and all that stuff.
00:04:43.15\00:04:44.62
You know when you are
strung out on something that is
00:04:44.66\00:04:47.86
that obvious, it just says
you need to stop doing meth
00:04:47.90\00:04:51.07
and my life would be
together, she was crazier
00:04:51.10\00:04:53.39
than anything, so she
had to deal with that.
00:04:53.43\00:04:55.57
So enjoy these clips
because it's so amazing.
00:04:55.60\00:04:57.71
These folks are amazing.
00:04:57.74\00:04:59.05
I did it as a way to protect
myself, as a way as to not
00:04:59.08\00:05:04.64
be hurt again and I had
struggled for so many years to
00:05:04.67\00:05:10.19
lose weight, I'd
always lose maybe 18 pounds
00:05:10.23\00:05:13.38
and no more than that.
00:05:13.41\00:05:14.82
I couldn't figure it out
and I was so frustrated with it
00:05:14.85\00:05:19.01
and was so tired of being
the fat friend, or the one
00:05:19.05\00:05:23.14
with the pretty face, or the
one with the beautiful voice,
00:05:23.17\00:05:28.86
or the one that is good
hockey, or the one that is
00:05:28.89\00:05:30.90
whatever it
happened to be, the fun one.
00:05:30.94\00:05:34.07
I wanted to be
beautiful like really beautiful.
00:05:34.11\00:05:37.60
Grass matted in my hair,
mud all over, my face red with
00:05:37.64\00:05:41.41
crying, and I still
remember the dress I had on and
00:05:41.44\00:05:45.18
every detail of the event.
00:05:45.21\00:05:47.87
So I went through that and
that was a severe put on the
00:05:47.90\00:05:52.46
margin socially because of
that I felt like an outcast
00:05:52.49\00:05:56.35
socially. So I don't have
this real strong bond at home.
00:05:56.38\00:05:59.84
I don't have a relationship
with my parents were I can go
00:05:59.88\00:06:02.81
home and see this awful
thing happened to me, help me.
00:06:02.85\00:06:06.26
I had that with my kids so
now I can make comparison and
00:06:06.29\00:06:09.67
say I wish I had that.
00:06:09.71\00:06:11.51
Because what you did was
never talk about it to anyone.
00:06:11.54\00:06:14.94
There was a reason why, if
you to your parents and they
00:06:14.98\00:06:18.31
do something about it then you
get more attacked by the kids.
00:06:18.35\00:06:20.95
So there was a reason for
that, but on the other hand if
00:06:20.98\00:06:23.90
the bond had been close enough
I would have told them and
00:06:23.93\00:06:27.11
we would've worked together
toward a solution. Exactly!
00:06:27.14\00:06:30.64
But I just did not tell my
parents because I didn't want
00:06:30.68\00:06:33.61
them to say that my friends
were bad, I really wanted
00:06:33.65\00:06:36.55
those kids like me
and to accept me. Exactly!
00:06:36.59\00:06:39.32
There I walked in the door
and there was a sign hanging,
00:06:39.35\00:06:43.73
he had hung the banner that
was half hung under his feet
00:06:43.77\00:06:48.11
saying come home Chris.
00:06:48.14\00:06:50.07
He was passed out in a
chair and had a bottle of
00:06:50.11\00:06:52.06
Jack Daniels in his hand.
00:06:52.09\00:06:53.66
He was like the burning
bush for Moses was no more
00:06:53.69\00:06:57.13
prophetic than that was in
was like God trying to tell
00:06:57.16\00:07:00.66
me run, get out, get out
and instead I was too proud
00:07:00.70\00:07:04.21
to have to go back and
tell my mom that she was right.
00:07:04.25\00:07:07.73
So what you said you
just cleaned him up. - yeah.
00:07:07.77\00:07:12.53
Moved in and I was 16 at
the time and I remember the
00:07:12.57\00:07:16.73
second night there he
went out and bought a bottle of
00:07:16.77\00:07:20.90
wine for me and my stepmom
because he was drinking again.
00:07:20.94\00:07:24.23
I remember sitting there
and being really uncomfortable
00:07:24.27\00:07:27.24
thinking this isn't
right but were doing it because
00:07:27.27\00:07:30.21
I don't know why,
because we loved him.
00:07:30.24\00:07:33.21
It was these crazy mixed
messages while I lived in that
00:07:33.25\00:07:38.38
household and he would once
again, just all this sexualized
00:07:38.42\00:07:43.88
talk towards me and so
I was dating a lot and had
00:07:43.92\00:07:49.35
no regard for my body.
00:07:49.38\00:07:51.22
I started, I
became very promiscuous.
00:07:51.25\00:07:55.19
We are talking about addictions,
we are not talking about
00:07:57.20\00:08:00.12
a person that is just
addicted sugar or likes Oreos.
00:08:00.16\00:08:03.04
This is tough stuff when
you have a meth habit and eating
00:08:03.07\00:08:05.96
disorders which are just a part
of your body, whether you're
00:08:05.99\00:08:08.84
regurgitating or starving
yourself or you can't stop
00:08:08.88\00:08:12.35
eating or which are
the pendulum swings.
00:08:12.39\00:08:14.98
The idea that you just never
feel good enough for anybody
00:08:15.02\00:08:18.31
and not even for yourself
you just can't make the grade.
00:08:18.35\00:08:21.96
You know Ashley said to me
when we first met, she lives in
00:08:21.99\00:08:25.56
little tiny town in
Canada and when we first started
00:08:25.60\00:08:28.26
working together
she said I feel lost.
00:08:28.29\00:08:31.50
I said how long, when was
the first time you felt lost?
00:08:31.54\00:08:35.49
Can you imagine yourself as
a kid? How old were you when
00:08:35.52\00:08:38.65
you started feeling that
way? She said I don't know.
00:08:38.68\00:08:41.91
I said maybe you need to
ask Jesus to help you find that
00:08:41.94\00:08:45.13
little kid, that
lost little girl.
00:08:45.17\00:08:47.46
She started praying
God I feel lost and I don't
00:08:47.49\00:08:51.22
know when I got
lost, I don't know when
00:08:51.25\00:08:53.02
it all started falling apart.
00:08:53.05\00:08:54.65
So she all of a sudden
comes to a moment where she was
00:08:54.68\00:08:59.48
molested by someone, you
know someone in her family
00:08:59.51\00:09:04.23
and she said from that moment
on she starting her eating
00:09:04.27\00:09:07.02
disorder and started
gaining weight and started
00:09:07.06\00:09:09.26
withdrawing from folks.
00:09:09.30\00:09:10.67
She started to dress in
baggy clothes and played hockey
00:09:10.71\00:09:15.45
so she could be more powerful
and so we want to go down
00:09:15.48\00:09:20.04
to the point where she
felt so violated and betrayed.
00:09:20.08\00:09:23.95
All this stuff comes
from that, but if we are just
00:09:23.98\00:09:27.61
dealing with the stuff
then we will never get to those
00:09:27.64\00:09:31.08
real core issues and healing
is about those core issues.
00:09:31.11\00:09:34.52
The same with eating
disorders with Jennifer.
00:09:34.55\00:09:36.73
She's talking about being
bullied at school and then
00:09:36.76\00:09:41.38
she was violated, raped
really by some girls on a
00:09:41.42\00:09:45.97
playground at school. So
from that point on she has to
00:09:46.01\00:09:51.45
get control and control with
eating is an easy thing to do
00:09:51.48\00:09:55.78
because you can't force
someone to eat, you can't do
00:09:55.82\00:10:00.08
all that kind of stuff.
00:10:00.12\00:10:01.68
You know we just had the
most incredible guests on.
00:10:01.71\00:10:05.67
And the next roll in I want
to show you is that there is
00:10:05.70\00:10:10.15
a family that came on.
00:10:10.19\00:10:11.32
I had met this family,
first I met Verna and Verna
00:10:11.36\00:10:15.52
is coming out of a gay lifestyle
and all that and everybody
00:10:15.56\00:10:19.45
always talks
about her sexuality.
00:10:19.49\00:10:21.75
It wasn't her sexuality that
interests me, she has molest and
00:10:21.79\00:10:25.12
this dysfunction in her family
and she has this anger that
00:10:25.15\00:10:29.51
came from that and
she ended up in a same-sex
00:10:29.55\00:10:32.90
relationship, but that was
a part of the whole picture it
00:10:32.93\00:10:36.75
wasn't the
problem or the anything.
00:10:36.78\00:10:40.08
But what I fell in love
with is that I then met her mom
00:10:40.11\00:10:44.04
who was praying the whole
time, loving this girl the
00:10:44.07\00:10:47.89
whole time, and because
of the early molest Verna was
00:10:47.93\00:10:51.64
angry at her mom and we'll
get right in her face and be
00:10:51.68\00:10:55.36
really abusive and even
during that time is women
00:10:55.39\00:10:58.25
prayed and that's who I
wanted to interview and we will
00:10:58.28\00:11:00.50
meet that whole family and Lisa
and her younger sister who had
00:11:00.53\00:11:02.71
jumped in the
lifestyle too, crazy.
00:11:02.74\00:11:05.50
But this mom prayed
through all of that.
00:11:05.54\00:11:07.21
Some kids from teen challenge
I'm telling you I travel
00:11:07.24\00:11:14.87
and I speak in a lot of
different places, but when I get
00:11:14.90\00:11:16.72
to speak with these kids
that are sometimes 13 or 14 or
00:11:16.76\00:11:20.64
15 years old coming through
these horrendous backgrounds.
00:11:20.67\00:11:24.73
One of the kids walks in
and finds her dead and totally
00:11:24.76\00:11:28.79
flips out and
get's so self abusive.
00:11:28.82\00:11:34.22
You know kids cut, their
doing drugs and sleeping around
00:11:34.25\00:11:37.77
and people are judging the
behavior of this girl walked
00:11:37.81\00:11:41.43
in and found her father
dead with his drug overdose,
00:11:41.47\00:11:45.03
with asthma but with his
drugs and all that stuff and
00:11:45.07\00:11:48.60
I just fell in love these kids.
00:11:48.63\00:11:51.55
And Linda they are just amazing
group from the Teen Challenge
00:11:51.59\00:11:57.56
Organization so I want to
introduce them to you but make
00:11:57.60\00:12:01.94
sure that you watch this
next season because they will
00:12:01.97\00:12:06.27
win your heart,
they definitely won mine.
00:12:06.31\00:12:08.30
If this is really what
needs to happen, then You do it.
00:12:10.44\00:12:15.81
show be more
evidence, show me what's next.
00:12:15.85\00:12:19.81
Maybe a couple weeks after
I quit smoking He did show me
00:12:19.85\00:12:24.02
the next step and that was
identifying with Mary Magdalene
00:12:24.05\00:12:28.19
through a You Tube video
of a Heritage Singer song
00:12:28.22\00:12:33.20
We Are The Reason.
00:12:33.24\00:12:34.74
As I saw the clip a movie
from the passion of the Christ
00:12:34.78\00:12:38.88
and Mary Magdalena on the
ground looking up to Jesus
00:12:38.92\00:12:42.95
I just fell to my knees and
a conviction laid on my heart.
00:12:42.98\00:12:49.16
The conviction was if Sunday
my child, if Sunday is the
00:12:49.19\00:12:55.33
counterfeit to my
Sabbath what would then be a
00:12:55.37\00:12:59.35
counterfeit to my creation?
00:12:59.38\00:13:01.82
It's an active of one, but
it's also home and what we pray
00:13:01.86\00:13:06.16
for our house is it that even
if the new student walks in and
00:13:06.20\00:13:10.40
their life is filled with
chaos that they could feel
00:13:10.44\00:13:13.70
a piece of God.
00:13:13.73\00:13:14.99
Just to surround them and
hey we have girls who have
00:13:15.02\00:13:18.64
moments, whether it be on
their first day maybe to make
00:13:18.68\00:13:21.48
it through a couple of weeks
and hop on a window at we're
00:13:21.52\00:13:24.79
having to go find them, hey
it happens, that does happen
00:13:24.83\00:13:28.55
but at the same time I think
it is only the Lord because
00:13:28.59\00:13:32.28
even when my heart breaks
He just mends it back together.
00:13:32.31\00:13:35.72
Sometimes when you hear the
stories of these young ladies
00:13:35.75\00:13:39.13
my heart is
just broken for them.
00:13:39.16\00:13:40.75
Because their lives were
in shambles, but to know when
00:13:40.79\00:13:45.26
somebody walks in and you
have heard their story, and
00:13:45.29\00:13:48.19
many of our girls to come
to us because their parents
00:13:48.22\00:13:51.09
place them with
us in our program.
00:13:51.12\00:13:52.91
But to read your story
on paper and to know the
00:13:52.94\00:13:56.90
brokenness and the
chaos and watch them walk in,
00:13:56.93\00:14:00.82
the greatest part about my
job is knowing that that is
00:14:00.85\00:14:03.90
not the girl I'm going
to see leave Teen Challenge.
00:14:03.94\00:14:07.05
The first thing I saw was
a sign I Believe In Miracles.
00:14:07.08\00:14:10.16
I didn't think that was
going to happen to me and
00:14:10.19\00:14:12.97
I didn't believe miracles
can happen in me because
00:14:13.00\00:14:15.74
I felt so hopeless.
00:14:15.78\00:14:17.38
Hopeless like my mom because
she punishes me, she tried
00:14:17.41\00:14:21.94
so hard and I don't think
this is going to work because
00:14:21.98\00:14:26.47
my mother has
tried so many things.
00:14:26.51\00:14:28.93
You don't think
you'd be able to change?
00:14:28.97\00:14:30.20
No because I
think this is who I am.
00:14:30.23\00:14:31.39
They didn't know at the
beginning I was doing it until
00:14:31.43\00:14:32.86
one time I was in my
room and I was angry.
00:14:32.90\00:14:36.30
Most of the time they would
just leave me alone and say
00:14:36.34\00:14:39.12
she is angry and not
even going to the room.
00:14:39.16\00:14:41.78
And they stepped into my
room and I was actually cutting
00:14:41.82\00:14:45.55
myself and they stepped in
and took my arm and started
00:14:45.58\00:14:49.28
sticking pressure on it.
00:14:49.31\00:14:51.54
I just love them, I love them.
00:14:51.57\00:14:54.22
You know what I do get to
speak at Teen Challenge I get to
00:14:54.26\00:14:57.74
work with these girls and I
looked right at their face and
00:14:57.77\00:15:01.21
they are me, they are exactly
where it was at it I didn't
00:15:01.24\00:15:04.64
have a program to go to.
00:15:04.68\00:15:06.25
Most of these girls
come kicking and screaming.
00:15:06.29\00:15:08.75
They don't want to be there,
I don't want treatment, what
00:15:08.78\00:15:11.69
do you mean you're going to
be dropping me off somewhere?
00:15:11.73\00:15:14.60
you want my cell
phone are you kidding me?
00:15:14.64\00:15:16.86
I can't get on face book.
00:15:16.90\00:15:18.06
They would be so angry and
within months they be starting
00:15:18.09\00:15:20.73
to come around in this
particular group when I worked
00:15:20.76\00:15:23.33
with them, I just say can you
imagine even doing what I do.
00:15:23.36\00:15:26.98
I actually go out and try
to help someone and I saw their
00:15:27.01\00:15:30.57
eyes well up with tears. I
couldn't imagine that and Cheri
00:15:30.61\00:15:34.22
do that, a couple of the girls
are going to start traveling
00:15:34.25\00:15:37.83
with us on some of our trips
to True Step Ministries because
00:15:37.86\00:15:41.09
they really have gotten it
and they do want the recovery
00:15:41.12\00:15:44.41
but if they don't do this
step, if they don't get to the
00:15:44.45\00:15:47.70
core issues they
will never stand up.
00:15:47.74\00:15:50.17
This is the key, a part of
this process also and you said
00:15:50.21\00:15:54.08
just now, get
into the core issues.
00:15:54.11\00:15:56.02
Sometimes we look at the
symptoms, well you're acting
00:15:56.05\00:15:57.83
out, well you're taking drugs,
well you're living homosexual
00:15:57.87\00:15:59.98
lifestyle, and we stopped there.
00:16:00.01\00:16:02.18
Okay just stop
it, stop it there.
00:16:02.22\00:16:04.32
You can't stop this there
is something driving this and
00:16:04.36\00:16:07.20
there is fuel under here
driving this so even if I tried
00:16:07.24\00:16:09.73
to stop it is only to be
temporary because we haven't
00:16:09.76\00:16:12.22
dealt with the core stuff yet.
00:16:12.25\00:16:13.72
That is why we talk
about honesty and digging deep,
00:16:13.75\00:16:17.18
there is something driving
what your doing, your behavior
00:16:17.21\00:16:20.40
is being pushed and motivated
by something so let's get to
00:16:20.43\00:16:23.59
that then we can
make some real changes.
00:16:23.62\00:16:25.13
I know that I have mentioned
this before but I would like
00:16:25.17\00:16:27.37
to mention it again.
00:16:27.40\00:16:28.59
Brad was not a Christian
for years and years and years in
00:16:28.62\00:16:31.91
our marriage, in fact he is
going to be in the next roll
00:16:31.95\00:16:35.21
in on his anger
and all that stuff.
00:16:35.24\00:16:37.73
He is not a Christian
and I would come home from an
00:16:37.77\00:16:41.10
event doing out reach
that was incredible and God
00:16:41.13\00:16:44.40
did this miracle stuff and
Brad is not even a Christian
00:16:44.43\00:16:47.42
and he would go do we have
to talk about this all day?
00:16:47.46\00:16:50.56
As far as Celebrating Life
In Recovery he thought I was
00:16:50.59\00:16:53.66
trying to use
that to convert him so
00:16:53.70\00:16:55.27
he hardly ever watched it.
00:16:55.30\00:16:56.57
It was just crazy to come
home and have all that stuff.
00:16:56.61\00:17:00.68
But he would always ask
me the same thing when I come
00:17:00.72\00:17:04.72
home, he would say well you
did this gig for a couple weeks
00:17:04.76\00:17:09.13
and how much money did you make?
00:17:09.16\00:17:10.81
I'm thinking I can't talk
about God and all the miracles
00:17:10.85\00:17:14.10
but I can to you
how much money came in?
00:17:14.13\00:17:16.77
I wanted to strangle him,
and I remember at one point
00:17:16.81\00:17:20.19
just feeling so much rage
that I couldn't figure out what
00:17:20.22\00:17:23.57
is it but I didn't
want to talk with him.
00:17:23.60\00:17:25.96
I wanted to say can I just
come and stay at a hotel for
00:17:25.99\00:17:28.58
a couple of days and debriefed
before come home to you?
00:17:28.62\00:17:31.17
I was angry and every
single time he said it
00:17:31.21\00:17:34.50
the anger got worse.
00:17:34.53\00:17:36.35
And then we were standing
in front of counselor and Brad
00:17:36.38\00:17:40.94
came into accepting
Christ and changing his life and
00:17:40.98\00:17:44.83
spiritually growing in the
counselor said Cheri why does
00:17:44.87\00:17:48.69
that make you so angry? It
still did it, makes me angry.
00:17:48.72\00:17:49.87
I thought you know what,
when I lived on the streets for
00:17:49.90\00:17:53.58
10 years what do you think
the guys asked me when I got
00:17:53.62\00:17:57.09
off my shift? How
much money did you make?
00:17:57.13\00:18:00.24
Because that's what my job
was to bring in money weather
00:18:00.27\00:18:03.03
was selling drugs
or doing whatever.
00:18:03.06\00:18:05.51
I thought not doing something
for God and I still have
00:18:05.54\00:18:08.51
some fool asking me
how much money I made.
00:18:08.55\00:18:11.39
You know what I
mean, Brad I'm sorry about
00:18:11.43\00:18:14.24
the whole fool thing.
00:18:14.27\00:18:15.69
So to me unless I do
this fearless inventory,
00:18:15.73\00:18:18.91
unless I realize the
button he is pushing,
00:18:18.94\00:18:22.09
he never meant
to push that button.
00:18:22.13\00:18:24.24
He never looked at me
that way in his mind never
00:18:24.28\00:18:27.37
thought of that.
00:18:27.40\00:18:28.37
When he realized that's
what I heard is that I heard
00:18:28.38\00:18:31.39
somebody using me for
money just like they used me
00:18:31.42\00:18:34.59
when I was on the
streets for money.
00:18:34.63\00:18:35.98
He cried, he said
Cheri I love you and that
00:18:36.02\00:18:39.58
was never my intention.
00:18:39.62\00:18:41.07
So to do the inventory,
God says you don't even know
00:18:41.11\00:18:46.12
when you get into the
shadows what is there.
00:18:46.16\00:18:49.80
I have to say another thing
about doing it with somebody,
00:18:49.84\00:18:53.20
it is really
important to do with somebody.
00:18:53.24\00:18:55.41
If I was blind, totally
blind and lived in a place
00:18:55.45\00:18:59.83
I could kind of straighten
up, I could kind of clean up my
00:18:59.87\00:19:04.00
house but not really I
need to really get a sighted
00:19:04.04\00:19:06.56
friend that is willing
to come in and see what
00:19:06.60\00:19:09.07
I missed in the corners.
00:19:09.10\00:19:10.79
Because I could be cleaning
up and sweeping up and there
00:19:10.82\00:19:13.20
could be a great big
sheet of paper on the floor that
00:19:13.24\00:19:15.58
I do not see because I am blind.
00:19:15.62\00:19:17.11
So that person will see
that, so you invite a sighted
00:19:17.14\00:19:20.30
friend in that says you have
missed a few areas and let me
00:19:20.33\00:19:23.32
help you and this is the
same with doing your inventory.
00:19:23.36\00:19:26.77
Try to find somebody that
you trust, a sighted friend
00:19:26.80\00:19:30.18
so they can start
showing you your blind spots.
00:19:30.22\00:19:33.97
And when you see them don't
get defensive, you have them.
00:19:34.00\00:19:38.45
They are there. Mine are
not pretty, I manipulate,
00:19:38.48\00:19:42.62
I lie, I'm incredibly self
focused because of the abuse
00:19:42.66\00:19:46.31
and it is all about me
and my pain and my stuff.
00:19:46.34\00:19:50.22
Until I get rid of that, I
can't look at your pain and
00:19:50.26\00:19:53.38
I can't care about you so
having somebody that shows
00:19:53.42\00:19:56.50
you all that is just amazing.
00:19:56.54\00:19:58.86
We have one more roll in
and its roll I love too is that
00:19:58.89\00:20:03.39
emotionally, a lot of us
are emotionally challenged.
00:20:03.42\00:20:07.35
I met this guy that wrote
a book called Bullet Proof.
00:20:07.39\00:20:10.48
And Bullet Proof is learning
to trust and learning to
00:20:10.52\00:20:13.58
establish those relationships.
00:20:13.61\00:20:15.20
I really got that, I want
to be bulletproof when somebody
00:20:15.24\00:20:18.46
triggers me so this
is David and Brian and
00:20:18.50\00:20:22.78
they are amazing.
00:20:22.81\00:20:23.78
David won my heart, he was
raised by an autistic mother
00:20:23.79\00:20:28.12
who could not even give him
clues on how to feel on how to
00:20:28.16\00:20:32.24
respond emotionally, he
didn't know any of that stuff.
00:20:32.27\00:20:36.31
When he comes out he
has to start from scratch.
00:20:36.35\00:20:39.60
My husband of course who I
adore, and he is dealing with
00:20:39.63\00:20:43.10
his denial about anger
issues in his pride issues, that
00:20:43.14\00:20:47.01
is really one of the hardest
things to deal with is pride
00:20:47.04\00:20:50.88
because I don't have any issues.
00:20:50.91\00:20:53.35
And they're too
proud to you look at them.
00:20:53.38\00:20:55.82
You may have the issue you know.
00:20:55.85\00:20:58.73
The other one is a guy
named Wayne coming out of
00:20:58.76\00:21:02.37
homosexuality and
you know what he said?
00:21:02.40\00:21:05.92
I love this he said I may
not ever be heterosexual but
00:21:05.95\00:21:10.21
I'm going to be loved and
will be saved and I'm going
00:21:10.25\00:21:13.34
to be in the kingdom and
I'm not going to be acting out
00:21:13.37\00:21:16.43
in the same way.
00:21:16.46\00:21:17.72
So I may not be marrying
anybody but I am now wed to
00:21:17.75\00:21:21.29
Christ and I am okay.
00:21:21.32\00:21:22.78
So enjoy this.
00:21:22.82\00:21:24.42
A parent came in, a person
in the church, a respected
00:21:27.13\00:21:30.61
person came in and they
didn't know I was listening.
00:21:30.64\00:21:34.29
They just tore my parents
up one side and down the other
00:21:34.33\00:21:37.95
and basically said
you guys are bad parents.
00:21:37.98\00:21:41.23
I came out and I don't
remember well because in my head
00:21:41.26\00:21:46.44
injury but I was like how
dare you? God was the perfect
00:21:46.47\00:21:51.62
parent and He lost a
third of the Angels. Hello!
00:21:51.65\00:21:55.37
Now these people are coming
to my parents after they had
00:21:55.41\00:21:58.33
done a very good job of
raising me and something had
00:21:58.36\00:22:01.43
happened and I had gone
bad, by that time I had gone bad
00:22:01.47\00:22:04.51
as far society is concerned.
00:22:04.54\00:22:07.49
With relationships when I
had back then was a tit-for-tat
00:22:07.53\00:22:11.19
thing. I would do something
for you and I would expect
00:22:11.23\00:22:14.05
you to do something for me
and is going to be whatever
00:22:14.08\00:22:16.87
I wanted to be and you
are going to do it now.
00:22:16.91\00:22:19.31
If you don't then
you are a lousy person.
00:22:19.35\00:22:21.29
By the power of God, that's
exactly what was getting to
00:22:21.32\00:22:25.68
a place where I had decided
I don't want this anymore.
00:22:25.72\00:22:30.04
I was able to see it
- I am powerless here.
00:22:30.08\00:22:32.15
I heard some people talked
earlier about being a broken
00:22:32.19\00:22:36.19
man and I had really reach
the kind of breaking point with
00:22:36.22\00:22:39.44
this where you have got to
get fixed in some capacity or
00:22:39.48\00:22:43.80
another and go through a
coaching and healing prayer
00:22:43.84\00:22:48.10
process, it was to be able
to take it to Jesus and let Him
00:22:48.13\00:22:52.14
deal with it and
tell Him He can have it.
00:22:52.18\00:22:55.19
There is an interesting thing
about taking ownership for your
00:22:55.23\00:22:58.42
own emotions, you have to own
them.- The pain that you caused.
00:22:58.46\00:23:02.27
And the pain I caused to myself
and others and it is getting
00:23:02.30\00:23:05.53
into this legal concept that
I have to have full ownership
00:23:05.57\00:23:08.66
in order to give it away.
If I leave something out there
00:23:08.69\00:23:11.75
well yeah this, but
that was so and so's fault.
00:23:11.78\00:23:14.99
There is still a hook
in there that Satan has.
00:23:15.03\00:23:18.17
When I had that mutual sexual
experience with other guys,
00:23:18.20\00:23:22.73
I began to think
that I was normal.
00:23:22.76\00:23:25.38
I thought finally I was being
accepted, it was an affirmation
00:23:25.41\00:23:31.74
all guys must do this and go
through this and then this went
00:23:31.77\00:23:38.06
for a year, year
and a half maybe two.
00:23:38.10\00:23:40.69
Then these guys began to
say well they weren't really
00:23:40.73\00:23:44.85
interested in this anymore,
they were interested in girls.
00:23:44.89\00:23:49.97
I thought okay I am a little
late, I kept waiting for that
00:23:50.01\00:23:55.06
to click and to kick in.
00:23:55.10\00:23:57.64
It didn't go away, I
still wanted the love and the
00:23:57.67\00:24:03.22
affirmation and the masculinity
and the comfort that there
00:24:03.25\00:24:07.47
seemed to be when I
was around another guy
00:24:07.50\00:24:10.26
as apposed to a woman.
00:24:10.30\00:24:12.37
I got to tell you, every
time I listen to Brad present
00:24:12.41\00:24:15.91
because his goal in life
is to win my heart everyday.
00:24:15.94\00:24:20.36
It's such a tough life.
When he does his moral inventory
00:24:20.40\00:24:24.79
he does it with how
good of a father am I?
00:24:24.82\00:24:27.22
What kind of husband am I?
What does my home feel like?
00:24:27.26\00:24:31.47
Do people laugh out loud and
enjoy coming into this house?
00:24:31.50\00:24:36.60
The fact that I get to be a part
of his journey, Delights me.
00:24:36.63\00:24:42.43
The idea of celebrating life in
recovery, Brad is such a humble
00:24:42.47\00:24:47.61
guy, you got a Teflon, a smooth
kind of guy. You don't see him
00:24:47.64\00:24:52.75
as an arrogant, looking
down your nose type dude.
00:24:52.78\00:24:54.34
But obviously God has healed
that stuff, he has looked into
00:24:54.37\00:24:58.78
his own life and chosen to
jet us in that kind of stuff.
00:24:58.82\00:25:01.63
His dad was an ambassador
for United states and his mom
00:25:01.67\00:25:04.89
is a violinist and they were
always better than the folks
00:25:04.92\00:25:08.11
around them were and he
got that generationally.
00:25:08.14\00:25:10.64
So it is not that all of
a sudden Brad walked into
00:25:10.67\00:25:13.10
adulthood and said I think I
will be an arrogant you know.
00:25:13.13\00:25:17.05
He got that, it was
just breed into him.
00:25:17.09\00:25:20.61
So even when we talk about
the folks that were on this last
00:25:20.65\00:25:25.95
segment is that the things
we walk into and get right away.
00:25:25.99\00:25:31.80
Wayne coming out of same sex
attractions, when his mom was
00:25:31.84\00:25:37.46
pregnant she wanted a girl
and literally as an infant broke
00:25:37.50\00:25:42.37
his arm in two places during
one of her abuses and the father
00:25:42.41\00:25:46.37
would come home and find this
kid abused because she did not
00:25:46.40\00:25:50.61
want a boy, so his whole life
growing up, he said if I could
00:25:50.64\00:25:54.82
be a little girl
everything would be okay.
00:25:54.85\00:25:56.47
So when I do programs like this
they misunderstand my intent.
00:25:56.51\00:26:02.56
My intent is not to judge
any bodies sexual orientation.
00:26:02.60\00:26:06.98
My intent is to take the
individual in front of me
00:26:07.01\00:26:10.19
What is your journey? I'm
not making social statements
00:26:10.23\00:26:13.34
not trying to change laws and
legislation, each of us are so
00:26:13.38\00:26:17.78
individual and God
looks at that in each of us.
00:26:17.82\00:26:20.22
Our journeys are so different
so with the last few we saw
00:26:20.26\00:26:26.98
they just had different things.
David was raised by a mom with
00:26:27.01\00:26:32.00
autism you know what I
mean? How does that look?
00:26:32.04\00:26:35.08
Some folks with autism have it
so badly you have to have a flip
00:26:35.12\00:26:39.92
book, and the flip book has
different faces with emotions
00:26:39.95\00:26:43.62
on it and you flip and say
oh this is what happy looks like
00:26:43.65\00:26:47.28
so when CA looks like
this that means he is happy.
00:26:47.31\00:26:48.61
This is what anger looks like,
so you really have to have those
00:26:48.64\00:26:52.33
kinds of clues, so he was raised
by somebody who could give no
00:26:52.36\00:26:56.01
clues, and then we talk
about Brian who had a sever head
00:26:56.05\00:26:59.76
injury and was one way at
one moment gets this head injury
00:26:59.79\00:27:03.20
and all of a sudden he is out
of control and doing drugs and
00:27:03.23\00:27:06.60
having sex and he
doesn't know how to process
00:27:06.63\00:27:09.31
and can't retain stuff.
00:27:09.34\00:27:10.82
Now he has to come in and
each one of us when we come to a
00:27:11.50\00:27:15.88
place in that inventory, come
to a place of looking at that
00:27:15.91\00:27:20.00
stuff through these tragedies
of our lives and they are never
00:27:20.03\00:27:24.08
easy, absolutely never easy.
00:27:24.12\00:27:25.75
So we are going to take
a break and come back in.
00:27:25.78\00:27:27.76
But each of the people on
this season were so different.
00:27:27.79\00:27:33.33
So different but
everything was so intent.
00:27:33.36\00:27:38.18
I'm so proud of
them and you know what?
00:27:38.21\00:27:39.80
Outside of all the addictions
they gave up they decided
00:27:39.84\00:27:43.85
to take this fearless and
searching inventory and they
00:27:43.89\00:27:47.15
are getting freedom,
that's cool we'll be right back!
00:27:47.19\00:27:50.42