Welcome to
Celebrating Life In Recovery
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I'm Cheri your host.
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This is what season,
- season number seven.
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Season seven and this season
we are looking at and doing
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a searching and
fearless moral inventory.
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Everybody hates that step
for doing it so come join us.
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Seven seasons ago Cheri
we began in Odyssey and now
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we are at a searching and
fearless and moral inventory.
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It even sounds scary. -
it doesn't sounds very, very
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daunting, but it is not really.
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But it is a
necessary step isn't it?
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This is one of those steps
that everybody stays away from
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because it is really tough
to say, like my husband when
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he took his and you
think that he was a Boy Scout,
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he was from a normal household,
he didn't have the same
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background I had and he
said that's probably not going
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to be too bad.
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So he started his fearless
and searching moral inventory
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saying I did do a few
things wrong and I'm sorry.
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He heard the Holy
Spirit say no, no, no, no.
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What exactly, get a
piece of paper and a pen out.
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What exactly did you do wrong?
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What is really interesting
is that he wanted to group
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things together, when I
was young I was sexual early,
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slept around and I did whatever.
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God was really asking
him to be free as to who did
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you sleep with and what
kind of damage was done to
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you and to them and he again
tried to group it together.
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He was always actually
name some names and when
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he turned around at one
point told me Cheri I'm sorry
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for all the things I did a
girl popped up into his head
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and he said that situation
that night had plagued him
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over the years because of
how it was done, how she felt
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afterwards, he said he
didn't know her name and so
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we say God the
girl with red dress.
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I don't even know
her name but any damage
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that I caused her.
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So when you look at a
moral inventory, when you are
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looking at the things you
have done in your life and
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putting them down, what have
you done sexually, what have you
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done as far as
character stuff, are you a liar?
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I even hate that
one because I am.
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This is interesting Cheri
because knowing your husband
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he came into the relationship.
I am the whole guy.
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I'm going to resurrect
you, she's kind of a mess.
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When you turn the spotlight
on yourself you realize that
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you are just as damaged
and you may be able to cover it
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better, not the obvious
stuff that you went through.
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Everyone has baggage.
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There is no one who goes
through life baggage free.
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One of things that really
trashed him is his pride in
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his arrogance and not so
much directed at me, even at
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times it was but he just
really believed he was better
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than the next person and
when he starts looking at that
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and realized how he damaged
people with that over the
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years he cried like a baby.
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It's so hurt him but if we
are going to get into recovery
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and we are going to stay
into recovery and get our lives
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back we really have to
look at what's underneath.
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The anger issues and all that.
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I'm going to give a
demonstration, and this
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demonstration is very
interesting I saw the other
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day and I
thought it was brilliant.
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Let's say when you get yourself
in hot water what happens
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to you? What comes out?
- your colors your flavors.
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Well you're flavors come out.
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If you have anger
stuff. If you are insecure and
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you think negative about
yourself. If you are arrogant.
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If you are what ever
it starts to come out.
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It's just like when you
put tea in this hot water,
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pretty soon the
water changes colors.
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This is a pomegranate
raspberry tea, so you put it in
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and at first the water is
just clear but pretty soon
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it comes out.
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Then you start squeezing
this teabag a little bit
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so it is not that the water
is doing anything different
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but what is in this teabag
is going to cause this water
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to change colors, to
change flavors, and the smell
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is going to come out.
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In our recovery it's the
same, I can dress it up and
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I can say there really isn't
anything that I'm really dealing
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with anymore, but you push
me, you get me against the wall.
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You start pushing my buttons
and I may be right at your
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throat because that
is what is in me still.
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So if you squeeze
me I'm right there.
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What the four steps says, lets
look at what's going to come
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out when you get squeezed,
or when you get into hot water.
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Let's surrender that stuff.
In a - yeah that is what's
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so cool about the Bible,
that is what you just stated in
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a very urbane sort of
way that is Pauline theology.
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Back a person in a corner
giving no quarter right or left,
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squeeze them he will
show you what he is made of.
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Good or bad is
going to come out.
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That's the New
Testament Pauline theology.
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I could think of because I
worked in the nursing field
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for a while and there was
an incident where I was at work
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and something happened
and we were doing a change of
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shift and we were talking
about different patients that
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were on the unit.
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The woman that I worked
with all of sudden just lost it.
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Screaming, you think you're
better than me at all that
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kind of stuff and I don't
know she was screaming at me
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or somebody else
but she had lost it.
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She just got squeezed
and all that came out.
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It wasn't that anybody
said anything to her, but her
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insecurities, herself doubts
the fact that you are never
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going to take anything
from me again all came out.
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If she doesn't, if we
don't deal with that we will
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always be
manipulated by this stuff.
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Why during that time do I
need to bring someone else in?
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You know because in
most programs, and we are not
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talking about any
program because there are
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tons of them out there.
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There is an Oxford group
that does their moral inventory
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in a certain way, there's
12 step group that doesn't
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a certain way, our
group does it a certain way.
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So everyone looks at
this part of recovery
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in a different way.
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The Bible is really
clear about doing this part of
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recovery, renew your
mind, and you examine yourself
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and it says God search
me and know my ways, so the
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steps necessary
regardless of how you do it.
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But what is really cool
about taking the step is that
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I can't do it fully, and
I will do another example
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because I just
learned about it by example.
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CA are you a good
driver? - I like to think so.
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So if you are going
cross-country to this as someone
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and you are getting ready
for a trip what do you do as
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far as to make sure that
trip is going to be successful?
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first of all you had to
know where your going and
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how you are going to get there.
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how about your car,
oil any of that stuff.
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tires and brakes you know.
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Leave when you are
tired or rested? -Rested!
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So you really are going
to check a lot of things.
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Get behind the wheel and
you are driving down the freeway
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and what are you checking?
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My speed first of all. -
how about any crazy drivers?
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Yeah I'm looking around me sure.
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So you are checking
for people around you.
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But there are certain
things that you cannot check and
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those are blind
spots in the side windows.
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I can look in those mirrors
but there are blind spots
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that if I'm not really
aware I have to know that they
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are there and I really
want to work around them that
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I can pull over into another
lane and push somebody right
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into a ditch not realizing
they were in my blind spot.
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So the fourth step of this
moral inventory we are looking
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at things that have been in
our blind spots and so a lot
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of times we are asking
people to come alongside of us,
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not that I have to
confess to you and not that
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there's something magical
and that but I want to work on
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stuff I know about myself
and as they share that with
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you, you may say to me you
know Cheri there are some areas
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I noticed that come up
and those are my blind spots.
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So you pull France along how
an evil people along that you
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trust and a lot of people
that is why they joined groups
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to get an accountability partner
and all the other things.
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Blind spots are we
going to take us down
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that makes this season
really exciting and the one
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really can't wait to
be a part of one because
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self-deception is the
easiest, self inventory
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that's the absolute hardest.
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When you say I lost it because
he or she pushes my buttons,
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you are also saying
you sowed that button
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you have buttons to be pushed.
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And when you are in hot
water you know what I mean.
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Look at the
color of this one now,
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do you know what I mean?
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It is that it
comes out, it comes out.
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So this is going to
be an exciting season.
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What's really interesting
is you go back to the Bible
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and the Bible says the
first time I read the heart is
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deceitful above all things.
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You know I've been rejected
kid and I'm stupider than
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the husband and he has
this arrogance and his family
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says you're better than
everyone else in my family
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says you're worth nothing so
did we push each other's buttons
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Absolutely if
you know what I mean.
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Well I'm at him saying
you think you're better
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than me at all that stuff,
even if I never said it out
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loud and nailed him every
time he forgot to take the
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trash out. Because that is
where the passive aggressive
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stuff comes from its not
realizing the button he pushed
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in me with his arrogance,
and he didn't even know that
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that was one of
his hidden stuff.
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So what you start to the
personal inventory, and make
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it fearless, really
ask people around you.
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Have you ever been with somebody
who said I just don't think
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I have a lot of
things wrong with me.
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Yeah and if they don't
say it their attitude and it
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shows that, I'm pretty good.
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Yeah ask your kids.
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Ask the people that know
you the most, love you the most.
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What this says is that I
wanted to be fearless I want to
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look at everything because
I've done getting tripped up.
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I'm done being manipulated,
I'm just done without so if
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I am truly down with that
get a piece of paper out and
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start writing down some things.
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When you write that down
then hook up with somebody
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whether it is a group or
it is an individual that you
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trust, a church group or
whatever and start looking
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at how do I now gain
insight and break denial and
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surrender this to God?
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I know that you were
hoping that during the course of
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the season your viewers
are doing that kind of thing.
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They may not have some of
this really obvious sort of
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in-your-face kind of
stuff that we are going to be
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talking about, but they
get out a piece of paper,
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and if they are honest
with ourselves we are talking
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about searching and
honestly, you have to have both.
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If you're going to be
surface and blow it off and
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you are not doing
yourself any good.
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Do you want to dig
deep, scrape beneath the
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surface and then you want
to be honest with the stuff
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you see down there.
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They just stop for a minute
because he will tell you in
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when people have some
really bad rejection issues
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a because of neglect or
whatever in their life they
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don't even know
what they are good at.
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So do a fearless
inventory and a lot of times you
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also find out what you're
good at so it's not just the
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bad stuff it's do I have
any talents, do I have any
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gifts and with somebody
that is damaged we can't even
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say them out loud
because for one what
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we think is that right?
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Can I say that out loud? Can
I recognize the fact that maybe
00:12:07.46\00:12:11.48
I am a good communicator?
00:12:11.52\00:12:12.80
Maybe I do have a big
heart and let the people around
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me but we can say
that because we think it
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is conceited to say that.
00:12:18.41\00:12:19.72
So during this inventory there's
both sides of it, the things
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I've trash and the
things I have done well.
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Oh, something
just popped in my mind.
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There is a text in Corinthians
that talks about those
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who compare themselves by
themselves, judge themselves,
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are not wise.
00:12:31.29\00:12:32.41
So I know you are not
saying don't compare yourself,
00:12:32.45\00:12:35.11
judge yourself by yourself,
Judge yourself by Christ.
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Look at you and not CA as
opposed to Cheri, CA as opposed
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to Jesus, CA, not
someone else because if I look
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at you I'm always going to
find some reason to feel good
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and I'll fake it,
but if I look at myself
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particularly in the
light of Christ love I will see
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myself as I really am.
00:12:52.12\00:12:53.64
And I will be free,
because what God says is that
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I want to set you free.
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There is the goals of
this whole thing that you can
00:12:57.71\00:13:01.36
finally stand up and
take the grave clothes off.
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What has kept you in bondage
take it off and live your
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life and God says I want
that for you so badly and
00:13:09.14\00:13:13.20
you don't even know
how many things have
00:13:13.24\00:13:15.25
really trashed yourself with.
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I'm going to show you
some of the guests we've had on
00:13:17.07\00:13:20.10
and they have been amazing.
00:13:20.14\00:13:22.10
So were going to do a
roll in and his first role is
00:13:22.14\00:13:26.94
a family that when I first
met them, Lynn was dying and
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she was very sick and
had a horrible addiction and
00:13:31.77\00:13:35.76
they were trying to get
her into recovery to get
00:13:35.80\00:13:39.75
free of those addictions.
00:13:39.79\00:13:41.33
She had a young daughter I
think 12, all 11, 12 years old
00:13:41.37\00:13:47.28
that was amazing Haley
and her sister was there
00:13:47.32\00:13:49.00
and so we meet.
00:13:49.03\00:13:51.86
We start working together
and found a place that would
00:13:51.90\00:13:54.24
accept her but during the
entire time we were working
00:13:54.27\00:13:56.89
on this they are showing
her some different things about
00:13:56.92\00:13:59.50
celebrating life and
recovering which brought
00:13:59.53\00:14:01.49
her back to Christ.
00:14:01.52\00:14:02.76
The night that she came
back to Christ everybody was
00:14:02.79\00:14:07.63
celebrating, it was incredible.
00:14:07.67\00:14:09.79
She died 20 hours later.
So to me we were a part of her
00:14:09.82\00:14:14.43
journey and unfortunately
by the time she gets there
00:14:14.46\00:14:18.56
she dies and so another
reason I wanted to bring them on
00:14:18.60\00:14:22.27
is that we can die in our
addictions and we can die saved
00:14:22.31\00:14:25.81
and we can die loved, but
that is not God's intention
00:14:25.85\00:14:29.32
for us is to die.
00:14:29.35\00:14:30.55
Haley is on this program
is just as child I have fallen
00:14:30.59\00:14:34.21
in love with her, I
want to adopt this kid
00:14:34.24\00:14:37.00
she is so amazing.
00:14:37.04\00:14:38.25
Also Marcia in a whole
different situation with her.
00:14:38.29\00:14:43.17
Rebellious all through her life,
I'm so not going to marry at
00:14:43.21\00:14:50.41
Pastor and be a pastors
wife and God did exactly that
00:14:50.44\00:14:53.35
and she rebelled the
whole time, her coming out of
00:14:53.38\00:14:56.26
rebellion the whole
time and she look good.
00:14:56.29\00:14:59.26
Everything that she had to
do but nothing that she wanted
00:14:59.30\00:15:02.44
to do, so her coming
out of rebellion was huge.
00:15:02.48\00:15:05.24
And Felicia, a good friend
of mine that son was shot in
00:15:05.27\00:15:10.09
the head and killed, in gangs
and all that kind of stuff.
00:15:10.13\00:15:14.48
It was her life up until
that point at which he gave to
00:15:14.51\00:15:18.83
her children and
the results of that.
00:15:18.87\00:15:20.48
Then her surviving that, go
ahead and watch this roll in
00:15:20.51\00:15:25.03
and think about these are
people that are doing the four
00:15:25.06\00:15:29.15
step, somewhat tragic
situations they are coming out.
00:15:29.18\00:15:33.23
God is still saying
stand up I love you and
00:15:33.27\00:15:36.51
I will give you a life.
00:15:36.55\00:15:37.93
What's the hardest
thing for you with your mom?
00:15:40.53\00:15:42.65
Going through life without
her, without her there it's
00:15:42.69\00:15:49.75
like I don't have family anymore
00:15:49.78\00:15:53.54
because dad is not
here anymore. - right.
00:15:53.57\00:15:57.43
Did you stepfather
leave about the same time?
00:15:57.46\00:16:01.25
He was cheating on my mom
when she was in the hospital
00:16:01.28\00:16:04.43
with this other girl,
it wasn't all his fault.
00:16:04.47\00:16:08.10
I took pretty much
controlled my sister and
00:16:08.14\00:16:11.70
after my dad had moved
out and was gone everything
00:16:11.73\00:16:17.36
just started falling apart.
00:16:17.40\00:16:18.74
And I said to the Pastor
you know my husband doesn't
00:16:18.77\00:16:22.99
appear to have a lot of
time left would you come?
00:16:23.03\00:16:27.65
The Pastor said well you
know I'm in a school board
00:16:27.68\00:16:31.45
meeting but I will wrap
it up and get their just
00:16:31.48\00:16:35.22
as soon as I can.
00:16:35.25\00:16:36.22
As I was sitting waiting
for him I was watching the
00:16:36.23\00:16:39.94
elevator and when the
elevator door opened his wife
00:16:39.98\00:16:43.72
came out of the elevator.
00:16:43.75\00:16:46.63
I said what are you doing here?
00:16:46.66\00:16:48.94
She said my husband
called me and stated that he was
00:16:48.97\00:16:53.47
needed but he has been
delayed and so I came and she
00:16:53.50\00:16:57.22
touched my hand and said
Marcia it's going to be all
00:16:57.25\00:17:00.70
right. Then she hugged my
mother-in-law who was waiting
00:17:00.73\00:17:04.65
in the hallway, and then she
moved very cautiously into my
00:17:04.69\00:17:08.77
husband's room and she
stood and prayed with him until
00:17:08.81\00:17:12.85
her husband arrived, the Pastor.
00:17:12.89\00:17:15.18
It was that day that I realized
the effectiveness of the
00:17:15.22\00:17:20.27
Pastor wife, efficacy and
what could have been for me
00:17:20.31\00:17:25.38
the satisfaction that I
could have brought to families,
00:17:25.41\00:17:30.45
to other families all
those years and I didn't and
00:17:30.49\00:17:34.32
that truly touched my heart.
00:17:34.35\00:17:36.04
He had got shot in 2000,
I got a call in 2000 that
00:17:36.07\00:17:39.64
he was shot and
it was New Year's.
00:17:39.68\00:17:41.56
And I was Stockton
visiting and then the thought
00:17:41.59\00:17:45.42
come to me oh no not like this.
00:17:45.45\00:17:48.09
I got back there and it
was a wake-up call for him,
00:17:48.13\00:17:51.83
it should have
been but actually it was
00:17:51.86\00:17:53.64
a wake-up call for me.
00:17:53.67\00:17:54.95
During a party,
how did he get shot?
00:17:54.98\00:17:59.30
I was up on the street,
there is a strip in Oakland
00:17:59.34\00:18:03.14
where a lot of the guys
hang out and sell drugs,
00:18:03.17\00:18:06.94
they party,
there's women up there and
00:18:06.97\00:18:09.40
he loved that strip.
00:18:09.43\00:18:11.33
He was like the man
up there, they loved him.
00:18:11.36\00:18:13.41
He got shot, they shot him
in the back and as a result
00:18:13.45\00:18:18.08
of that shot they had to
cut off part of his intestines
00:18:18.12\00:18:22.44
and they stitched him up
and he was good, he survived
00:18:22.47\00:18:26.79
that. Then he realized
that somebody was trying to kill
00:18:26.83\00:18:31.11
him, the devil was
trying to kill you boy but
00:18:31.15\00:18:36.13
you do not have to die you
can change it doesn't have to
00:18:36.16\00:18:38.92
be like this.
00:18:38.96\00:18:40.34
Welcome back, I
absolutely love these folks.
00:18:40.38\00:18:45.92
And when Felicia was talking
that God showed her when her
00:18:45.96\00:18:50.19
son was really young, I don't
know three maybe four years
00:18:50.23\00:18:53.67
old and was playing, she
felt like the Holy Spirit said
00:18:53.70\00:18:57.11
you're going to bury this one.
00:18:57.14\00:18:58.58
She said my whole life
I've protected him and then when
00:18:58.62\00:19:02.27
all of a sudden they are
telling me they are going to
00:19:02.30\00:19:05.18
take life support off of
him because he just got shot in
00:19:05.21\00:19:08.05
the head I remembered that time.
00:19:08.09\00:19:10.50
All these years she felt
like God left her know that this
00:19:10.53\00:19:14.17
was what was going
to happen with this kid.
00:19:14.20\00:19:16.21
So the fact that she
share that with us, and not only
00:19:16.25\00:19:19.88
share that with us but
were talking about doing a moral
00:19:19.92\00:19:23.52
inventory is that she
had been in her addictions,
00:19:23.56\00:19:26.63
she had been running, the
kids had seen all I kind of
00:19:26.67\00:19:29.34
stuff as they were growing
up and now she was watching
00:19:29.38\00:19:32.11
the next-generation pull
in all of that stuff and now
00:19:32.14\00:19:34.84
with all that tragedy
behind her God is saying
00:19:34.88\00:19:38.52
don't be afraid.
00:19:38.56\00:19:39.88
Look at what you
still have and start
00:19:39.92\00:19:42.24
unloading that stuff.
00:19:42.28\00:19:44.17
We are not unloading,
not looking at these moral
00:19:44.20\00:19:46.92
inventories in a vacuum,
we are looking at them through
00:19:46.96\00:19:50.53
the tragedies of our lives
and yet God is saying if you
00:19:50.56\00:19:54.10
trust Me I will hold you up.
00:19:54.13\00:19:55.97
This is not going to kill you.
00:19:56.01\00:19:57.78
I know it is going to hurt,
some of us are so afraid to
00:19:57.81\00:20:01.48
feel because we have been
running from that our whole
00:20:01.51\00:20:04.98
lives, we are so afraid
of that so don't be afraid to
00:20:05.01\00:20:08.24
feel. Your pain is not
going to kill you, your memories
00:20:08.27\00:20:11.59
are not going to kill you,
but what is on the other side
00:20:11.63\00:20:14.91
of that is your life.
00:20:14.95\00:20:16.85
I think our people should
Cheri would like be tourists in
00:20:16.89\00:20:19.90
their own life, so when it
gets really tough I'm packing
00:20:19.93\00:20:22.91
my bags and going
home, I'm not staying for
00:20:22.95\00:20:25.10
this kind of thing.
00:20:25.14\00:20:26.22
But whether you see death
coming a long way off as she did
00:20:26.26\00:20:29.20
or whether that sneaks in
all of a sudden it doesn't make
00:20:29.24\00:20:32.45
it easier to cope with
even when I use the term you are
00:20:32.49\00:20:36.12
whole and sane there are
addictive stuff in your life and
00:20:36.16\00:20:39.05
you are ill equipped and
it's when you need the Lord.
00:20:39.09\00:20:41.95
To share that with
us is very powerful.
00:20:41.98\00:20:44.62
It was very power full and
you know we look at this family
00:20:44.65\00:20:47.76
that the little
girl, and she's so tiny.
00:20:47.80\00:20:51.26
Haley is like in the seventh
grade and just as tiny thing.
00:20:51.30\00:20:55.55
When she looked at, one
point during the interview she
00:20:55.59\00:20:58.76
looked at me and I said
what is it that you would like
00:20:58.80\00:21:01.94
your life. She said I
would like my mom back.
00:21:01.98\00:21:05.60
I would like my mom to see
my graduation and would like
00:21:05.63\00:21:08.22
all that, but because her
mom's addiction she is never
00:21:08.26\00:21:10.81
going to see that.
00:21:10.84\00:21:12.06
So now her mom is dead and
with Haley she is now going
00:21:12.10\00:21:16.87
into high school and
having to look at her fearless
00:21:16.91\00:21:21.97
inventory, her sadness,
her rejection, her genetic
00:21:22.01\00:21:27.04
history of addiction.
00:21:27.07\00:21:28.34
To me I love the fact
that we are walking along side
00:21:28.37\00:21:31.86
of her, because I would
love to do that now in the
00:21:31.89\00:21:35.35
eighth grade
instead of when she is 80.
00:21:35.38\00:21:36.95
Because we have
to do it sometime.
00:21:36.98\00:21:38.91
It's funny how addiction
presupposes addiction and
00:21:38.95\00:21:42.94
the next-generation presupposes
addiction and you get
00:21:42.97\00:21:47.15
individuals who are angry
and upset and have no place
00:21:47.19\00:21:51.33
to focus it so you
turn it on yourself.
00:21:51.37\00:21:54.44
You're destroyed because of it.
00:21:54.47\00:21:55.70
Your mother is gone, you
can't focus it there so it
00:21:55.73\00:21:58.80
becomes self-destructive.
00:21:58.84\00:22:00.75
Exactly you become your
own perpetrator. - precisely.
00:22:00.79\00:22:03.93
It's huge, and what is
really interesting is sometimes
00:22:03.97\00:22:07.08
we wonder why I am so
angry at someone else.
00:22:07.12\00:22:09.57
I'm angry because
their life looks normal.
00:22:09.61\00:22:12.27
Who are you to have
this? How fair is this?
00:22:12.30\00:22:14.41
We can you have fun
while I'm suffering?
00:22:14.44\00:22:16.48
Somebody came up to me
and were doing this counseling
00:22:16.51\00:22:19.54
and there was this really
neat kid 17, she said you know
00:22:19.58\00:22:22.58
our family is perfect
except for my brother has ADD
00:22:22.61\00:22:25.35
and I'm thinking that's it?
00:22:25.38\00:22:27.27
I don't want to be discounting
but is that it, are you
00:22:27.31\00:22:30.10
kidding me? I wanted
to kick her in the shins.
00:22:30.14\00:22:33.44
My first reaction was a
part of me just says that
00:22:33.48\00:22:36.75
life is not fair.
00:22:36.78\00:22:38.13
During this fearless searching
moral inventory looking
00:22:38.16\00:22:41.86
at that part of you, we
are looking at everything.
00:22:41.90\00:22:46.00
We are looking at the
sexual stuff, the drug stuff,
00:22:46.04\00:22:49.89
the sadness's, we are
looking at everything with this.
00:22:49.92\00:22:54.13
To me what is amazing that
is when you start doing that
00:22:54.16\00:22:58.33
you can learn to feel
and it doesn't kill you.
00:22:58.37\00:23:02.06
I started what was really,
really interesting to me,
00:23:02.09\00:23:07.49
I'm looking at my anger of
my mom and different things
00:23:07.53\00:23:11.86
and I start to deal with
that and start to look at my
00:23:11.90\00:23:16.19
mom's life and
her point of view.
00:23:16.23\00:23:18.85
My mom was a kid when she
was having kids and she was
00:23:18.89\00:23:22.48
married to an abuser and so
she disappeared into herself.
00:23:22.51\00:23:25.53
He disappeared into her
anger and she had to take it out
00:23:25.56\00:23:29.32
on a child, but when I
started to do my own inventory
00:23:29.36\00:23:33.25
and forgiving her and asking
God to release me from the
00:23:33.28\00:23:37.13
bitterness that I've
carried all of these years.
00:23:37.17\00:23:39.31
To free from that and anything
that Satan has tied onto
00:23:39.34\00:23:42.86
that I'm asking you for
strongholds be broken down and
00:23:42.89\00:23:46.36
through anything that is
an ripple effect from that
00:23:46.40\00:23:49.45
I want to see it all so
I can surrender it to You.
00:23:49.49\00:23:52.68
And now I am free to look
at my mom and for the first
00:23:52.72\00:23:55.88
time in my life I
looked at her and really
00:23:55.91\00:23:58.04
felt some compassion.
00:23:58.07\00:23:59.92
I'm sorry for what you went
through and so I was sitting
00:23:59.95\00:24:02.54
at her house the other
day, you are going to die with
00:24:02.57\00:24:04.91
this, I'm sitting at her
house during Christmas and
00:24:04.94\00:24:07.21
she invited me to Christmas
for the first time in a long
00:24:07.25\00:24:11.54
time and I was shocked.
00:24:11.58\00:24:12.66
She is never done that so
I am sitting at her house and
00:24:12.70\00:24:15.49
she said something, she
was putting me down about
00:24:15.53\00:24:18.72
my religion and
she does that a lot.
00:24:18.76\00:24:20.64
I said mom do you
have faith in anything?
00:24:20.68\00:24:23.40
She looked at me
really rebellious and defiant
00:24:23.43\00:24:27.16
and said no.
00:24:27.20\00:24:28.45
I felt such a deep sadness
and then she felt that for
00:24:28.48\00:24:31.54
a moment and there was
kind of silence and she said
00:24:31.57\00:24:34.93
let's see if you are on
TV right now. I said what?
00:24:34.97\00:24:39.04
And she took the remote
and she turned on 3ABN and
00:24:39.07\00:24:43.11
I'm like shut up,
but there is no way
00:24:43.14\00:24:46.07
my mom is watching 3ABN.
00:24:46.10\00:24:49.21
Everything in me wanted
to celebrate, I wanted to say
00:24:49.25\00:24:52.48
God how do you do that?
How do You reach into our lives
00:24:52.52\00:24:55.72
but He does that
when someone blinks.
00:24:55.75\00:24:57.92
You talk about generational
stuff that happens, somebody
00:24:57.95\00:25:01.95
blinks and decide through their
courage to take the courage
00:25:01.98\00:25:05.95
to do a fearless
inventory, I'm going to fight
00:25:05.98\00:25:11.06
for my family I'm going to
fight for the generations that
00:25:11.09\00:25:13.77
follow me I'm going to
fight for those of us that are
00:25:13.81\00:25:16.49
still alive but somebody
still has to do it and it is
00:25:16.53\00:25:19.17
not easy but it is so worth it.
00:25:19.21\00:25:21.83
I was stunned, my mom
turns it on and she knew at that
00:25:21.87\00:25:26.16
moment to turn it
on because we were on.
00:25:26.20\00:25:28.35
She knew all that and I
was totally set up in such a
00:25:28.39\00:25:32.17
good way, so if you
can pray for my mom.
00:25:32.20\00:25:36.89
Pray for the fact that we
are all doing this together.
00:25:36.92\00:25:41.75
Some of us are at different
stages but at this stage we
00:25:41.79\00:25:46.32
are talking about this season
is the fearless inventory.
00:25:46.35\00:25:50.85
Look at your stuff, not
the obvious things you have
00:25:50.88\00:25:53.98
dealt with not just step
one is where you said I am
00:25:54.01\00:25:56.96
powerless against it, but
the things that are hidden,
00:25:57.00\00:26:00.42
The blind spots that you
have get rid of those and then
00:26:00.45\00:26:03.27
you are free to love the
people around to and you are
00:26:03.30\00:26:05.94
free to live your life. It's
amazing we're taking a break
00:26:05.98\00:26:08.58
and we will be right
back so stay with us.
00:26:08.62\00:26:10.17