Welcome back! Last week we
had Jeremy and Heidi Summerlin
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on the program and they
talked about their testimony and
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where they came from.
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Jeremy talked about coming
from some pretty intense meth
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addiction, but even before
that had some childhood stuff.
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Heidi the same, so I want
you to recap what you shared
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last week so that it makes
sense when we talk about the
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healing you guys have done.
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So Jeremy can you start,
just where you come from and how
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you got to a place
where God said stop!
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Okay, I came from an abandoned
childhood where my father
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left when I was seven and
I was molested at around age
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8 or 9 and a lot of
pain for a little kid.
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My heart was really
hurt by a female at age
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of 15, in the church.
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This was a pastors wife
that wanted to marry you?
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Yes, correct. - got into a
sexual relationship and was
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going to leave the Pastor.
The reason I want to say that
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is because the first time I
heard you say that I was like
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no way because that is huge.
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This was after your mom
talked to back into the church?
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Right! Yep. - you
jumped into meth after that?
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Yep, and
immediately into meth and that
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for 13 or 14 years.
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Wow, your teeth
look good! - thank you!
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Laughing, I had a little
work but not much at all.
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Oh, because usually with
that much meth, people don't
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keep their teeth. - right.
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- so you physically escaped
a lot of the physical trauma
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of your addiction, which
must've been God's hand on you.
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Exactly. - you guys met
in his addiction, but talk
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a little bit about where
you came from before you met.
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My mom and dad
divorced when I was 10, 11-ish.
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I was a surrogate
parent to my three siblings,
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younger siblings and
was very promiscuous.
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I was looking for that
love, acceptance because my dad
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was gone and I didn't see him.
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I dabbled a little
bit into meth, yeah!
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- you had three kids by
the time you met Jeremy?
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No, by the time you
met Jeremy how many kids?
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By the time I met Jeremy I
had just one, and then I had
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two more before we got together.
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- you talked about on the
last program about 3 abortions,
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during that time.
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Early on! - yeah, early
on, the reason I want to bring
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that up is that at this
point there is no healing from
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any direction, just
further junk, on further junk,
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and on further junk.
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You guys got
together and it spun out
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of control for awhile?
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Um hmmm! - so who
wants to share that stuff?
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Go ahead! - well I would go
to the store and leave for 2
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days, sometimes 3 or whatever.
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I was just going
out and getting high.
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- sleeping with other people?
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Not so much, no, but it was
using because it was my lover.
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It wasn't really a sexual
addiction, but I would be gone
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and then I would just
come home out of the blue.
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She would be a wreck just
wondering where I had been.
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- I had driven around, called
hospitals, called cop shops,
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driven around
places I knew he would go.
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I was just thinking, there
were a couple times I found him
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and the look on his
face was eke, she caught me.
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Yeah it was
craziness. - it's so crazy!
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What is interesting to me
was that in that craziness your
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thinking, just don't look
for me, I'm all right I'll be
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home when I'm
home. - actually yeah!
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You are saying to him, I
need someone to love me and this
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doesn't feel
like love. - Um Hmmm.
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So the damage got more and more
intense? - right! - Um hmmm.
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During that craziness at
what point do you look at each
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other and say, I
think we should marry?
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You know what I mean, I'm
thinking in my mind I can't even
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put that together, it hurts me.
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But at that one point, in
that craziness, you guys decided
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to marry. - we were
feeding off of each other's,
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I was heavy into my addiction,
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and she was
feeding off my addiction.
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She needs take care someone.
- right, so we were both.
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- we were both
married and divorced twice.
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Where I worked in the law
field I was able to divorce if
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that is what
was going to happen.
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It was easy for me, so I
was really pushing the whole
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marriage thing, but
we did get married until
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3 years into our relationship.
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He was out most of the
night and came home with a ring.
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I'm a wreck because he was
gone for hours, but he came
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home with a ring,
so it was all better.
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So how crazy is that?
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Normal people will look and
say, really, so he was out all
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night, crazy, using meth, but
he knew that you wanted to be
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married, so here let's do it.
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Did you go out that
day and do it? - no - no.
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We went to the courthouse,
so it wasn't like this big
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flamboyant wonderful wedding,
but his mom was there and
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his grandma was there and
we just went to the courthouse.
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You and the kids? - Um hmmm!
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Did his drug abuse
stop? - not right away.
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So we have covered this already,
but drug abuse continued,
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your craziness continued
and all that stuff spiraled out
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of control, you eventually
got to a place where God
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was the answer, and
even when you said that,
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I'm thinking, oh good.
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You know what I
mean, it's about time.
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You got to a place for God
is the answer and moved into
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that relationship, but
the craziness didn't stop?
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- No, exactly! - it got better?
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Yeah, at times it got better.
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When we first started going
to our church, it is kind of
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funny because we got this
flyer in the mail that they were
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talking about, what was
that they were talking about?
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Bad spirits or something,
or the other side or whatever.
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I thought they
were promoting it,
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so I threw the flyer away.
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The next day we got another
one, Jeremy read it and said,
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no, they are against it.
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So we said let's go and
it ended up being a church,
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it wasn't in a church building
but when we went there that
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is where I started
finding the healing.
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It was a very accepting
church, a very nontraditional,
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sitting around roundtables
and was very relaxing.
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In fact I think the
first time Jeremy went there,
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he was high. - I
was, we were actually...
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I'm a church member and
Jeremy went there a lot high.
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He would walk in and I
would say Jeremy, get back into
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the pastors
office, are you high?
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One time I remember saying
to you, tell me if you remember
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this conversation?
He's like I'm not high.
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He's like this and he's
been up all night, so he is just
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tired, his eyes are
huge, and I'm not high.
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I said do you have an
accountability person here?
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He says, I do. I said
who, and I think he named some
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like a Boy Scout out there.
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I'm like, is he ever
going to know that your high?
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He is still playing
me and all of a sudden,
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he said, Okay, I'm high.
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But the church you are
talking about really does say,
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come on in and sit
down, let's work on stuff.
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One thing you said to
me, which was amazing,
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during those times was
that this is safe here.
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It is really safe here,
so the acting out was still
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happening, in and out of
the building it was still
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happening, finding a
church body that said, somehow
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let's work this out.
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Our Pastor is amazing. -
absolutely! He is very real.
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He is very now, yeah! -
so you guys work together?
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Did you work with the Pastor
on your relationship ever?
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Yes, one time we did, it
wasn't very many sessions,
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maybe 2 or 3. - Jeremy was
just there because I wanted
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him to go and it wasn't, -
I think I, - I like the way
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you say it so nicely, I
threaten him, you better go.
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The reason I say that is
because some woman is out there
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saying I know
she threatened him.
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It is true, when you are so
desperate in those situations
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and what is amazing in those
situations, God is very much
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involved and you know
that you are going in the right
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direction, but the
desperation is still there.
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I know we have
all this junk still.
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So you're with the Pastor?
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Well I felt like I was,
everything was pointed at me
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and my addiction,
and she was perfect.
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- I was! - he was
looking at me with here's your
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problem, and you
know what your problem is,
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and you know what you
have to do and I'm like,
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how do I do that? I
don't know how to do that.
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So it scared me away,
I'm like I do not want to
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go back to that.
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I love what you said because,
the story I opened with,
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I thought it was all about
my Pastor when it actually was
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if you talked about 50-50,
I don't even know if it was
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50-50 because I have
all these rejection issues.
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So you know it is everybody's
issue, so you can't deal with
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your addiction if you
don't do with your codependency.
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So you met with Pastor a
few times, you started getting
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involved in the church.
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When did you get an idea
that you could actually heal?
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Ummm, it was probably
when somebody in our church was
00:10:03.05\00:10:11.18
giving a class, I think it
was, Return to Marital Intimacy.
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Where you had to really
dive into everything you
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had done, I mean talking
about everything from your past.
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Moral issues, the abortion
issue, the sexual relationships
00:10:27.60\00:10:34.78
that I had in the
past, all that stuff.
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We actually had to
come head-to-head with that.
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That is when I knew stuff
was really starting to fester.
00:10:39.26\00:10:42.67
Right, so because
I've been to that class,
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I want to say that
somebody will say again,
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why do I have to
look at all that?
00:10:51.81\00:10:53.75
If we could just say, God
forgive me and I will give You
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all this, I will
accept Your forgiveness.
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If we could give Him all
that, that would be fine,
00:11:01.40\00:11:04.04
but most of us walk around
and we don't give Him anything.
00:11:04.07\00:11:06.80
We give Him superficial
stuff that the church can point
00:11:06.83\00:11:11.54
out, like I will give you
the meth, but I won't give you
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the fact that I was molested
as a kid at 7 or 8 years old.
00:11:13.83\00:11:16.65
That part of you that was
so damaged at that time I am
00:11:16.68\00:11:21.38
still walking around
trying to handle that.
00:11:21.41\00:11:23.17
So in this class, it
says what are you still trying
00:11:23.20\00:11:26.27
to handle on your own?
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When you start seeing it,
it is overwhelming. - it is!
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God definitely
gives it to you in chunks,
00:11:32.76\00:11:36.03
because there is no way
that we could handle everything
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that we have done all at
once, Jeremy and I are still
00:11:38.85\00:11:41.30
going through my codependency.
00:11:41.33\00:11:44.14
In fact it is full born
right now, because I feel that
00:11:44.17\00:11:48.93
he is not completely healed,
but he has gotten a good chunk
00:11:48.96\00:11:52.57
of healing and I can see
him working in other people.
00:11:52.60\00:11:55.05
I am doing the same thing
but still there is another part
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that is still
processing through the hurt.
00:11:58.45\00:12:01.50
He's looking good, and
he's getting better, and he's
00:12:01.53\00:12:03.21
working out, and he's not
using, and he's coming home and
00:12:03.24\00:12:06.90
then that codependency
doesn't know what to do.
00:12:06.93\00:12:09.47
I don't have anybody take
care of, and that is a panicked
00:12:09.50\00:12:13.19
feeling. - so when he
does do something little,
00:12:13.22\00:12:15.65
it is huge to me, because I
don't have the huge anymore.
00:12:15.68\00:12:18.74
He's like yeah, why you
freaking out about that?
00:12:18.77\00:12:23.08
And you say the same
thing to yourself, I don't know?
00:12:23.11\00:12:25.67
So let's go back to
one of the major issues.
00:12:25.70\00:12:29.45
You had talked of the
previous program, and you have
00:12:29.48\00:12:32.01
mentioned a couple times
on this program the abortion.
00:12:32.04\00:12:33.83
A lot of people who are
watching, have had abortions and
00:12:33.86\00:12:37.75
dealt with that,
so what did God do?
00:12:37.78\00:12:40.55
How did God take
you back to that place?
00:12:40.58\00:12:43.95
The abortion didn't set
in the front part of my mind,
00:12:43.98\00:12:48.85
it was always something that
was yeah a, okay, it happened,
00:12:48.88\00:12:51.98
but I was in public about it.
00:12:52.01\00:12:53.30
I wouldn't go around
saying this is what I had done.
00:12:53.33\00:12:55.34
There was a class going
on, in the town I was in,
00:12:55.37\00:13:00.99
and I decided to go.
00:13:01.02\00:13:02.95
I didn't know exactly what
they were going to talk about,
00:13:02.98\00:13:04.53
but I wanted to go.
00:13:04.56\00:13:05.76
They touched on the abortion,
and the guy said, if you have
00:13:05.79\00:13:11.71
ever had one, you will
see those kids in heaven.
00:13:11.74\00:13:14.68
I just lost it, I just cried.
00:13:14.71\00:13:17.03
So what I had done, yes it
was bad, but I'm forgiven for
00:13:17.06\00:13:23.13
that and I am going
to see those kids again.
00:13:23.16\00:13:24.84
With the Holy Spirit in that
moment, I don't think people
00:13:24.87\00:13:29.24
realize that moment is when
you see the grace and mercy of
00:13:29.27\00:13:32.74
God and it's not this big
thing, it's not drawn out thing,
00:13:32.77\00:13:36.73
but it actually
goes right to that wound.
00:13:36.76\00:13:38.80
God says, give Me
that, I died for that.
00:13:38.83\00:13:42.59
I think sometimes we think
that Christ died, and do not
00:13:42.62\00:13:45.09
realize that He died for
some pretty serious things.
00:13:45.12\00:13:47.38
That is a serious thing
that He said, I died for that,
00:13:47.41\00:13:50.14
I want to carry
that, you are done with it.
00:13:50.17\00:13:52.41
- yeah! - and you're
done with it? - yeah I felt it
00:13:52.44\00:13:55.82
lift, even though we processed
more later on, that was
00:13:55.85\00:13:59.57
a big chunk of it
because I really felt it.
00:13:59.60\00:14:01.72
I didn't mourn for the loss,
even though the second abortion
00:14:01.75\00:14:05.73
I had was hard, I didn't really
feel it, I didn't mourn it.
00:14:05.76\00:14:10.39
But when that guy confirmed
that I would see those kids
00:14:10.42\00:14:13.83
when I get there, it was
like everything, all 3 of them
00:14:13.86\00:14:18.27
combined, - you just
wept! - totally, yeah!
00:14:18.30\00:14:22.20
When I say, wept, you
wept, and wept. - oh yeah!
00:14:22.23\00:14:24.52
I cried, and
cried, and cried, yeah!
00:14:24.55\00:14:26.88
So what is really interesting
is that in our healing,
00:14:26.91\00:14:31.80
for some of us, we think I
can say, God I know that You
00:14:31.83\00:14:36.55
forgive me, I'm turning my
life over to You, I'm being
00:14:36.58\00:14:39.01
baptized and all those things
are incredible, but that deep
00:14:39.04\00:14:41.51
wound is still there and
we don't know how deep it is.
00:14:41.54\00:14:43.81
We don't even know that
the shame involved in that,
00:14:43.84\00:14:47.75
and until the Holy Spirit
says, surrender that shame,
00:14:47.78\00:14:51.92
surrender that to Me.
00:14:51.95\00:14:53.02
Jeremy, were you there during
any of the times she worked
00:14:53.05\00:14:58.05
with this particular issue?
00:14:58.08\00:14:59.65
Um, yes, yes I was.
00:14:59.68\00:15:02.81
So talk about that and
what you saw in her heart?
00:15:02.84\00:15:05.79
It was actually the first
time I had heard about it.
00:15:05.82\00:15:08.25
I didn't know, and when
she came out and put it on the
00:15:08.28\00:15:14.12
table, my heart
went out for her.
00:15:14.15\00:15:19.37
Because even as her husband,
she is not even telling you?
00:15:19.40\00:15:23.00
- right, and I was like
whoa, that has to be a lot to
00:15:23.03\00:15:29.14
carry on your shoulders
and my heart went out for her.
00:15:29.17\00:15:36.55
Just seeing how she was
hurting and I just wanted to,
00:15:36.58\00:15:42.66
I wanted to get a hold
of her and comfort her.
00:15:42.69\00:15:45.12
- did you tell her
that? - I believe so.
00:15:45.15\00:15:48.20
Do you remember what he said?
00:15:48.23\00:15:50.77
Guys don't remember that stuff.
00:15:50.80\00:15:52.13
I don't know, we
had so much stuff,
00:15:52.16\00:15:54.81
I do not
remember the exact words.
00:15:54.84\00:15:56.99
What I love about that is the
fact that the people we love,
00:15:57.02\00:16:01.67
there are sometimes that in
our recovery and our healing,
00:16:01.70\00:16:05.27
it is even being able
to, with the people we love,
00:16:05.30\00:16:07.28
to show them
those deeper wounds.
00:16:07.31\00:16:11.10
This is what I have been
carrying on my own, by myself,
00:16:11.13\00:16:14.33
for this many years.
00:16:14.36\00:16:15.88
When you see in the eyes
of somebody you love the fact
00:16:15.91\00:16:19.29
that they saw it, that
they got it, and they are not
00:16:19.32\00:16:23.65
disgusted with me, and they
are not turning away from me.
00:16:23.68\00:16:26.00
They literally, I can see
in your eyes that you wanted to
00:16:26.03\00:16:28.57
move into her life, at
that point, and be able to heal
00:16:28.60\00:16:31.79
her and help her.
00:16:31.82\00:16:33.03
To be with God and let her
know that she is forgiven and
00:16:33.06\00:16:35.59
all that stuff, is then again
that God says, another piece
00:16:35.62\00:16:39.19
of that is removed
from you and given to Me.
00:16:39.22\00:16:41.88
So what we do in our healing,
when we get that kind of
00:16:41.91\00:16:45.10
assurance from people around
us, it's we surrender that
00:16:45.13\00:16:50.43
to Christ, we surrender that.
00:16:50.46\00:16:52.04
Everything the devil meant,
I know you guys know this,
00:16:52.07\00:16:55.25
everything that the
devil meant to destroy her with
00:16:55.28\00:16:57.74
with those decisions, is done.
00:16:57.77\00:17:00.90
God says I will redeem
that, I will restore that.
00:17:00.93\00:17:03.82
This is
absolutely the biggest thing.
00:17:03.85\00:17:06.27
I know that you had the
whole molest issue, was she able
00:17:06.30\00:17:12.10
to go through
some of that with you?
00:17:12.13\00:17:13.66
Yeah, we went
through everything together.
00:17:13.69\00:17:15.41
- talk about that.
00:17:15.44\00:17:16.65
The molest wasn't really
the hardest one, that one was
00:17:16.68\00:17:21.04
pretty easy because I think
in my own heart I forgave that
00:17:21.07\00:17:24.29
person a long time ago.
00:17:24.32\00:17:26.11
The hardest one was with the
pastors wife and when we came
00:17:26.14\00:17:32.93
upon that one I broke down
and I cried like a 15-year-old.
00:17:32.96\00:17:38.01
I don't think I ever
seen him cry like he did.
00:17:38.04\00:17:39.95
What did he cry, what
was the main pain in that?
00:17:39.98\00:17:43.93
Do you remember? He
was crying like he was 15.
00:17:43.96\00:17:48.02
I mean literally. -
my heart was broken.
00:17:48.05\00:17:51.91
- because you loved her.
For you it was real. - yeah!
00:17:51.94\00:17:56.12
It was totally real. -
all I could do was hold him.
00:17:56.15\00:17:59.95
Just tell him I was there
and let him feel it and cry
00:17:59.98\00:18:05.11
it out and then ask God
to come in and heal that.
00:18:05.14\00:18:09.05
When you ask God in, because
that is a huge thing to say,
00:18:09.08\00:18:12.40
God, tell me what I
need to do with this pain?
00:18:12.43\00:18:16.82
Do you know what God said?
What was that feeling like?
00:18:16.85\00:18:21.37
With God looking at
that particular pain?
00:18:21.41\00:18:24.37
I remember a picture I
got from my heart before.
00:18:24.40\00:18:30.28
Before God came in and healed
that, it was like this mold,
00:18:30.32\00:18:36.17
this nasty
looking mold, just nasty.
00:18:36.21\00:18:41.22
Afterward, it was this
bright fluffy white heart,
00:18:41.26\00:18:46.62
He had taken that stuff,
that junk off of there and
00:18:46.65\00:18:51.98
just threw it away,
it just disappeared.
00:18:52.01\00:18:54.32
So literally you felt
like the Holy Spirit gave you
00:18:54.36\00:18:57.11
an image, this is what
your heart looked like,
00:18:57.14\00:18:59.70
and now it is clean? - Yeah.
00:18:59.74\00:19:02.54
It's huge. - and Jesus
spoke clean to my heart.
00:19:02.57\00:19:08.58
Go ahead. - it was just a
process we were going through,
00:19:08.61\00:19:15.03
working through, a
person from church.
00:19:15.06\00:19:17.88
It wasn't like we just
decided we were going to talk
00:19:17.91\00:19:20.78
about this, it was actually
having sheets of paper that
00:19:20.81\00:19:23.54
we could write things on
that happen to us, and we would
00:19:23.58\00:19:26.27
go through pray about it.
00:19:26.31\00:19:28.97
You're breaking that were
you allowed Satan into your
00:19:29.01\00:19:34.69
heart, and into your life,
so by taking that and feeling
00:19:34.73\00:19:38.98
that pain, you are taking back
that ownership of that pain.
00:19:39.01\00:19:43.22
You're breaking that stronghold
by giving it to Jesus.
00:19:43.26\00:19:48.43
Therefore Satan has
no more bounds on that.
00:19:48.47\00:19:52.87
I love that because you are
talking about Pastor Joe, right?
00:19:52.90\00:19:56.12
Pastor Joe one time explained
to me, which I thought was
00:19:56.16\00:19:59.05
interesting because he's from
an attorney or lawyers point
00:19:59.09\00:20:01.95
of view, is that we
opened these doors to the devil.
00:20:01.98\00:20:06.28
The doors are open through
hurt and anger and pain and
00:20:06.32\00:20:10.58
bitterness at all that stuff.
00:20:10.62\00:20:12.35
We open these doors and
we actually have given him,
00:20:12.38\00:20:16.58
or covenant with him
to give him that ground.
00:20:16.61\00:20:19.26
Then we pray, Satan can
stand next to God and say,
00:20:19.29\00:20:24.20
I'm sorry he
gave me that ground.
00:20:24.23\00:20:26.50
He opened that
door, he's not even asking
00:20:26.54\00:20:29.40
You in that area of his life.
00:20:29.44\00:20:31.13
And what Pastor Joe sent me
one time, I'm not sure if what
00:20:31.16\00:20:33.93
he said to you was that if
God came into that area then,
00:20:33.97\00:20:36.70
it would be criminal
interference on God's part.
00:20:36.74\00:20:39.76
It is like God has
no right in an area that
00:20:39.79\00:20:42.11
we have surrender
to the devil himself.
00:20:42.15\00:20:44.40
Joe would just look at you
and say, please shut that door.
00:20:44.44\00:20:48.38
Repent of that and take
responsibility and give it back
00:20:48.42\00:20:52.29
to God, because He is the one
the covenant His blood for us.
00:20:52.33\00:20:55.25
When you visually start
to see that, it's like oh.
00:20:55.29\00:20:59.66
I want to shut those
doors, I want to take that and
00:20:59.70\00:21:04.03
say, God, I need
You in those areas.
00:21:04.07\00:21:06.87
Those areas are too
deep for me to carry.
00:21:06.90\00:21:09.31
Not only that but you can
break a lot of the generational
00:21:09.35\00:21:13.86
pain that is passed
down through the families,
00:21:13.90\00:21:18.51
which happens a lot.
00:21:18.54\00:21:20.90
Did you sense that,
when you worked on anything,
00:21:20.94\00:21:23.56
is that you had stuff
that you see in your family?
00:21:23.59\00:21:26.17
Talk about some of that.
00:21:26.21\00:21:28.30
Well I knew there was,
I had known that there was
00:21:28.34\00:21:32.15
some pain in my
family that had gone back
00:21:32.19\00:21:36.95
a few generations.
00:21:36.99\00:21:38.50
I know now that that is broken
and it won't be passed on.
00:21:38.53\00:21:42.88
Any specifics? -
There were sexual abuse,
00:21:42.92\00:21:46.52
which kept coming down the line.
00:21:46.55\00:21:50.05
The reason I say that is
because Brad, I always look at
00:21:54.86\00:21:58.28
Brad as being the
perfect one out of the two.
00:21:58.31\00:22:01.77
He's a Boy Scout and I'm
the homeless drug addict.
00:22:01.80\00:22:05.66
We went to Brad's
fathers house after he died,
00:22:05.69\00:22:09.48
I was cleaning things out
and we found a ton of porn
00:22:09.52\00:22:13.83
and videos and all that
stuff and realized that through
00:22:13.87\00:22:18.15
the years, he was
raised as a little boy in that
00:22:18.19\00:22:20.93
environment, a very
sexualized environment.
00:22:20.96\00:22:22.95
All of a sudden he saw that from
his dad, and he loves his dad,
00:22:22.98\00:22:26.44
it is not anything
about his love for his dad,
00:22:26.47\00:22:29.58
but when he saw that,
he realized that his sexual
00:22:29.62\00:22:32.69
issues stemmed from his dad,
00:22:32.73\00:22:35.10
whose stemmed from his dad.
00:22:35.14\00:22:37.44
The same thing is that you
realize, I'm going in and ask
00:22:37.47\00:22:40.70
God, can You can break
that from in our family?
00:22:40.73\00:22:43.30
In our family that's always
followed us, sometimes it's
00:22:43.34\00:22:46.64
anger, sometimes it's sexual,
sometimes it is depression,
00:22:46.67\00:22:49.93
but being able to
say is, God it's done.
00:22:49.97\00:22:53.07
Somebody has to
blink and I'm blinking.
00:22:53.11\00:22:56.14
I don't want this to
follow our family anymore.
00:22:56.17\00:22:59.81
It is absolutely is huge and
I think it's interesting when
00:22:59.84\00:23:03.59
talking to you guys is, do
you feel when it's happening,
00:23:03.62\00:23:07.33
you almost see
it, that it is done.
00:23:07.36\00:23:10.18
My kids don't
have to deal with this.
00:23:10.21\00:23:12.96
- right! I can feel that,
but there is still the pain,
00:23:12.99\00:23:17.55
the emotional damage that
has done to the people it has
00:23:17.59\00:23:22.11
happened to in the family.
00:23:22.15\00:23:23.65
That makes my heart
yearn for their freedom of that
00:23:23.68\00:23:29.95
emotional damage.
00:23:29.99\00:23:32.48
Were you able to go back to
some family members and pray
00:23:32.52\00:23:35.28
with them, talk to them
about what you are learning?
00:23:35.32\00:23:38.01
I've been able to talk about
it, but bringing them to a place
00:23:38.05\00:23:43.56
where they are willing to
surrender, I don't know if they
00:23:43.59\00:23:49.07
are quite there yet.
00:23:49.11\00:23:51.03
So tell me the work you have
done, another thing you guys
00:23:51.06\00:23:55.27
had to work through, you
are talking about a thing he
00:23:55.31\00:23:59.48
does with moral inventory.
00:23:59.52\00:24:01.54
That is a tough one, the
decisions you have made in your
00:24:01.57\00:24:06.24
life, do they matter now?
00:24:06.28\00:24:08.15
Are you asking me that? Yeah!
00:24:10.35\00:24:12.13
I mean when we got to that,
he was like you need to put
00:24:12.17\00:24:16.43
down everybody that you
ever slept with on there.
00:24:16.47\00:24:19.38
I'm like, you're
kidding me right?
00:24:19.42\00:24:21.45
Because there are some guys
I don't even know their names.
00:24:21.49\00:24:24.81
To actually go through
that, at first I was really
00:24:24.85\00:24:29.57
intimidated and scared,
even though we knew him,
00:24:29.60\00:24:33.76
I knew I was with Jeremy,
it was still scary to come
00:24:33.79\00:24:37.91
face-to-face with
that, but I did it.
00:24:37.94\00:24:40.54
Afterward Jesus prompted
me, standing in this beautiful
00:24:40.58\00:24:46.63
white dress,
and said I was pure.
00:24:46.67\00:24:49.33
To hear that, to feel
that was like, I was trashy.
00:24:49.37\00:24:55.30
So to actually feel that
and hear that from Him was huge.
00:24:55.33\00:25:00.25
I see that in a huge
way, as you confess right now,
00:25:00.29\00:25:05.63
is that God says until
we surrender that stuff,
00:25:05.66\00:25:09.76
I think we just bury
it further and further,
00:25:09.80\00:25:13.83
and further, and further
thinking it is going away.
00:25:13.86\00:25:16.85
God says, I'm asking you
to confess your sins and I am
00:25:16.89\00:25:19.84
faithful and
just to forgive you.
00:25:19.88\00:25:22.86
Instead of confessing, we
don't want to look at it again.
00:25:22.89\00:25:26.98
I don't want to see it again.
00:25:27.01\00:25:28.54
I don't want to do any
of that, and we bury it.
00:25:28.58\00:25:30.94
It's interesting for Brad
and I when he turned around,
00:25:30.98\00:25:35.62
at one point and said, I'm
sorry for the women I've been
00:25:35.66\00:25:40.26
with in my life.
00:25:40.30\00:25:42.34
Would you forgive me, he
asked for my forgiveness before
00:25:42.37\00:25:45.44
he asked God to forgive him.
00:25:45.47\00:25:47.10
I didn't realize I needed, I
did realize I longed for him to
00:25:47.14\00:25:51.56
say that, to say I'm sorry.
00:25:51.59\00:25:53.64
I just cried.
00:25:53.67\00:25:56.09
- there was a healing moment,
with Jeremy and I, when we were
00:25:56.13\00:25:59.33
in there that Pastor Joe
asked how I felt about Jeremy
00:25:59.36\00:26:05.96
going out and not
calling me or whatever.
00:26:05.99\00:26:08.24
How he does it is he leads
us into prayer so he would say
00:26:08.27\00:26:13.85
it, and Jeremy would
have to repeat it to me.
00:26:13.88\00:26:16.78
Jeremy repeated to me,
and asked me how I felt,
00:26:16.81\00:26:19.67
just how did that make you feel?
00:26:19.71\00:26:22.73
I lost it, nobody had ever
asked me how it made me feel,
00:26:22.76\00:26:26.71
how anything made me feel.
00:26:26.75\00:26:28.07
My dad leaving, me having
to take care of my siblings,
00:26:28.10\00:26:31.42
they did ask me my opinion.
00:26:31.46\00:26:33.50
So that was huge,
that was totally huge.
00:26:33.53\00:26:36.68
So I can tell it
is still huge. - yeah.
00:26:36.71\00:26:39.37
What was your
hearts saying about that?
00:26:39.41\00:26:42.00
Was like somebody
finally cared? Finally saw it?
00:26:42.03\00:26:47.16
Yeah, it was like
he was caring for me,
00:26:47.19\00:26:49.47
he's truly caring for me, yeah.
00:26:49.51\00:26:52.94
What's amazing, and I
know you guys have felt that,
00:26:52.97\00:26:56.96
that moment where you realize
that God actually wants to
00:26:57.00\00:27:01.15
heal my heart, God
actually wants me to feel what
00:27:01.18\00:27:04.98
it feels like to surrender
that to Him and feel the
00:27:05.01\00:27:08.77
freedom of being loved.
00:27:08.80\00:27:10.37
Is that a little scary at first?
00:27:10.40\00:27:13.06
Or does it feel like
you just want to grab on?
00:27:13.09\00:27:16.96
It's like, I actually
have somebody who loves me
00:27:16.99\00:27:20.79
unconditionally and even
though Jeremy has been working
00:27:20.82\00:27:24.74
on my heart and still cares
for my heart, there are things
00:27:24.78\00:27:28.66
that he does that it hurts.
00:27:28.69\00:27:30.02
He doesn't do it intentionally,
but God is unconditional.
00:27:30.05\00:27:34.45
He never hurts, He's
always, He gives me those clean
00:27:34.48\00:27:40.26
pictures, that your pure,
I love you and it's so gentle
00:27:40.30\00:27:46.05
and nothing like I had
ever, ever experienced.
00:27:46.08\00:27:48.99
I never had God ever in my life.
00:27:49.03\00:27:51.36
So to have something like
Him in my life is awesome.
00:27:51.40\00:27:56.95
- And He's in
those darker places too.
00:27:56.99\00:27:59.04
I think it would make sense
if somebody said, He came in
00:27:59.07\00:28:04.20
and showed me that He
loved me, as I was doing Sabbath
00:28:04.24\00:28:09.34
school class, if
you know what I mean.
00:28:09.37\00:28:11.90
But He doesn't, He shows it
as I'm trying deal with these
00:28:11.93\00:28:15.73
abortions, or the sense
of not being loved at all,
00:28:15.76\00:28:18.26
or sleeping with someone
and all that kind of stuff.
00:28:18.29\00:28:21.48
Like God is in your darker
places, I know you and I want
00:28:21.52\00:28:24.67
to heal those places.
00:28:24.71\00:28:26.22
I want you to stand and
walk away to those places.
00:28:26.25\00:28:29.72
I want you to surrender
that junk to Me, and when you
00:28:29.76\00:28:34.41
do that, our recovery, our
ability to stand up in Christ
00:28:34.44\00:28:38.97
and feel that joy of who
He is, and who we are in Him,
00:28:39.01\00:28:43.50
that starts to wake up in us.
00:28:43.54\00:28:45.54
Did you feel that
before you did this work?
00:28:45.58\00:28:49.46
Did you feel that
to this extent? - No!
00:28:49.49\00:28:53.30
What was the difference?
- My heart was in it.
00:28:53.34\00:28:56.50
Explain that more, because
I want someone to know the
00:28:58.19\00:29:02.02
difference of why anyone
go through the point of trying
00:29:02.05\00:29:05.84
to find out the
stuff to surrender to God?
00:29:05.87\00:29:08.11
Trying to get rid of this stuff.
00:29:08.15\00:29:09.76
Well, from the heart, when I
would try to do it, or talk to
00:29:09.79\00:29:17.00
her she would be in pain, I
would want to talk at the head
00:29:17.04\00:29:24.21
level to her about that.
00:29:24.25\00:29:25.97
Trying to get out and
rationalize it, that's what
00:29:26.01\00:29:30.18
would happen before. -
all that, that's not logical,
00:29:30.21\00:29:34.35
that doesn't make sense.
00:29:34.38\00:29:36.12
- why are you getting mad
it's just a piece of cheese.
00:29:36.16\00:29:39.09
Seriously, it wasn't about
the piece of cheese, it was
00:29:39.12\00:29:42.30
about what happened 15
years ago that he is stepping on
00:29:42.33\00:29:45.47
that and not realizing it.
00:29:45.51\00:29:47.79
- right, and once I learned
how to, I'm still working
00:29:47.82\00:29:52.88
on it, I haven't arrived.
00:29:52.92\00:29:54.85
It takes me a little time
to actually step back and say,
00:29:56.19\00:29:59.84
okay she's in pain and let's
find out why and then try to
00:29:59.87\00:30:03.18
drop into her heart and see
were the feeling is coming from.
00:30:03.21\00:30:06.70
What's interesting is when you
said you haven't arrived yet,
00:30:06.73\00:30:10.45
I have known you guys for a
while now, and watching this
00:30:10.49\00:30:14.62
process with you is amazing
because I feel like God finally
00:30:14.66\00:30:18.76
got you to the point
where He is saying now,
00:30:18.79\00:30:21.10
let's get rid of this garbage.
00:30:21.13\00:30:23.28
It's almost like we all
walk around with these suitcases
00:30:23.32\00:30:28.14
hanging all around us and
we are trying to figure out
00:30:28.17\00:30:32.96
why does it feel
so heavy all the time?
00:30:33.00\00:30:35.95
Why do I feel so
burdened all the time?
00:30:35.99\00:30:38.88
God says because you are
carrying all that, so the fact
00:30:38.91\00:30:41.69
that you guys are even starting
to care for each other's
00:30:41.73\00:30:45.11
hearts, is absolutely a God
thing and the Holy Spirit is
00:30:45.15\00:30:48.49
working in such
incredible ways with you.
00:30:48.53\00:30:51.35
The reason I like covering
this is because I pray for
00:30:51.38\00:30:57.52
anybody that wants
to do this recovery.
00:30:57.55\00:30:59.92
Anybody that wants to literally
walk away from all that
00:30:59.95\00:31:02.92
junk, is that you have to
surrender the junk, confess the
00:31:02.95\00:31:05.83
junk, give it to God, do
it with people that love you,
00:31:05.86\00:31:08.70
grab some support
people around you and be free.
00:31:08.74\00:31:14.10
- that is one of the biggest
thing is have people around
00:31:14.13\00:31:16.40
you that care about you.
00:31:16.44\00:31:18.22
My sisters and brother
don't have God in their life.
00:31:18.26\00:31:24.80
They say they believe in God,
but they don't have a church
00:31:24.84\00:31:28.45
family and so it is hard,
not having my immediate family
00:31:28.48\00:31:32.06
beside me when I was
going through all this,
00:31:32.10\00:31:34.99
but I had a church family.
00:31:35.03\00:31:36.87
I had this spiritual family
that truly cared about what
00:31:36.91\00:31:40.50
was going on in my heart.
00:31:40.54\00:31:41.83
- when we talk about our
addictions, we start to isolate
00:31:41.87\00:31:47.14
become, we break away from
folks, in recovery we cannot
00:31:47.17\00:31:51.49
fully recover until we start
to develop community again.
00:31:51.53\00:31:55.46
It is real scary because
in a community you need to be
00:31:55.50\00:31:59.40
trustworthy, well I do
not know how to do that,
00:31:59.44\00:32:01.37
You know what I mean?
00:32:01.41\00:32:02.78
When somebody says, I
can't find anybody trustworthy,
00:32:02.81\00:32:05.75
I'm not trustworthy so it
is like I know that and until
00:32:05.78\00:32:08.87
I get into my healing, I
can't fully do that for you.
00:32:08.91\00:32:11.77
But if we both decide
to heal together, we can be
00:32:11.81\00:32:14.44
accountable to each
other in those very things.
00:32:14.47\00:32:17.03
I love what you said Heidi,
it is like developing those.
00:32:17.07\00:32:21.00
Was that hard for you at
first, because coming into
00:32:21.03\00:32:25.15
a church is new, and
then coming into a church and
00:32:25.18\00:32:27.40
being real enough to connect.
00:32:27.43\00:32:29.56
When we started going toward
church, within three or four
00:32:29.60\00:32:33.48
months I got plugged into
children's ministry even though
00:32:33.52\00:32:37.37
I had never ever done it before.
00:32:37.40\00:32:38.93
It was totally foreign to
me and I was learning more than
00:32:38.97\00:32:41.94
the kids were and that is
why I learned some of the Bible
00:32:41.98\00:32:44.92
stories and things like that.
00:32:44.96\00:32:46.70
I then started 12-step with
somebody there in the church.
00:32:46.73\00:32:50.68
Jeremy and I did the 12-step
group and just slowly started
00:32:50.72\00:32:54.60
pickup groups and then marriage
seminars and little things
00:32:54.63\00:32:59.06
like that that slowly, little
bit here a little bit there.
00:32:59.09\00:33:03.66
I mean just three weeks
ago God took away my identity.
00:33:03.70\00:33:08.23
And my identity
was focused on him.
00:33:08.27\00:33:12.07
- I was fixing an
addict, I was going to rescue.
00:33:12.11\00:33:15.84
God asked me to give it to
Him and I cried, big-time cried.
00:33:15.87\00:33:19.59
I'm like, You are taking away
everything I have ever known.
00:33:19.63\00:33:23.31
- since you were little
girl you are always tried to
00:33:23.35\00:33:26.76
fix people and make
it right and do all that.
00:33:26.79\00:33:29.31
I'm battling, who am
I, what is my identity?
00:33:29.35\00:33:31.80
Who am I? Finally He took
away that false identity of
00:33:31.84\00:33:36.66
having to take
care of everybody else.
00:33:36.70\00:33:39.76
So now He is going to show
you who you are? - Um Hmmm!
00:33:39.79\00:33:42.43
I want to tell you that
I think you are fabulous,
00:33:44.33\00:33:47.16
and I know you do
not know that fully yet.
00:33:47.20\00:33:49.22
That is what I think it is
incredible about God is that
00:33:49.25\00:33:52.29
we do not even know who we
are, yet we hold on to this
00:33:52.33\00:33:55.33
false identity from
all this pain and God says,
00:33:55.36\00:33:59.19
it is hard for Me to
rip them out of your hand.
00:33:59.23\00:34:02.99
This is not about you,
this has never been true and yet
00:34:03.02\00:34:06.98
I want to bless
you with everything.
00:34:07.01\00:34:09.17
I want to give you the
desires of your heart, but your
00:34:09.20\00:34:12.54
heart is so locked up and
stuffed with, you know when
00:34:12.58\00:34:15.85
somebody says, that it's a
miracle when He parted the sea?
00:34:15.88\00:34:17.83
I think it's a
miracle He opens a heart up.
00:34:17.87\00:34:19.71
And recovery is about that,
God wants to open our hearts
00:34:21.96\00:34:25.70
and heal us completely.
00:34:25.74\00:34:27.28
I'm even starting to
invite people over to the ranch,
00:34:27.31\00:34:30.74
to my place and walk them
through this process just to
00:34:30.78\00:34:34.17
say let's free you up.
00:34:34.21\00:34:35.83
It really is simple
because it is a simple command,
00:34:35.87\00:34:39.08
confess to one another,
pray for each other so that
00:34:39.12\00:34:42.32
you can healed, it really
is confessing all that junk
00:34:42.35\00:34:45.26
and not hiding it, don't
let it sit in there anymore
00:34:45.30\00:34:48.17
because it festers.
00:34:48.20\00:34:49.52
Like you are saying, you
have mold on your heart in that
00:34:49.56\00:34:51.96
first image, and God said
you weren't supposed to have
00:34:51.99\00:34:54.36
that, and let Me heal you.
00:34:54.39\00:34:56.60
I'm going to open up for
questions, because I know there
00:34:56.63\00:34:59.59
are questions in the
café, but I don't want to stop,
00:34:59.62\00:35:02.54
I love you
guys, I love you guys.
00:35:02.57\00:35:04.92
So we are going to
open up for questions,
00:35:04.95\00:35:06.76
does anybody have a question?
00:35:06.80\00:35:08.49
My name is Karen-Lyn and I
can just so relate to your story
00:35:08.52\00:35:11.80
because I was raised a
people pleaser too, to the point
00:35:11.83\00:35:15.07
that I don't even know who I am.
00:35:15.11\00:35:16.11
I came from a very,
very strict family so law was
00:35:16.15\00:35:18.86
something I had to
learn to live with.
00:35:18.90\00:35:21.86
Now I was brought into the
church this way and I looked at
00:35:21.89\00:35:25.34
God as a law, trying to keep
the law and now I am finding
00:35:25.37\00:35:28.72
out that God really cares about
me and what is in my heart.
00:35:28.76\00:35:31.71
I'm not supposed to be
keeping the law, I'm supposed be
00:35:31.75\00:35:34.67
following Him, and I
don't know how to do that.
00:35:34.70\00:35:36.79
How did you learn to surrender
that, because I find myself
00:35:36.82\00:35:40.34
still wanting to work for
His pleasure, or to please Him
00:35:40.37\00:35:43.86
and I don't know how to
sit back and let Him do it.
00:35:43.89\00:35:48.04
I can say, fortunately
for me, I wasn't brought up in
00:35:48.08\00:35:52.19
the church, so I
didn't know the laws.
00:35:52.23\00:35:55.49
I actually
started with the heart.
00:35:55.53\00:35:58.72
It never was a
legalistic issue with you? No!
00:35:58.76\00:36:01.27
I did go to church and
people would say, why aren't you
00:36:01.31\00:36:03.62
wearing a dress?
00:36:03.66\00:36:04.78
Or you can't smoke, because
I was a smoker back then and
00:36:04.82\00:36:06.85
I went through Bible studies.
00:36:06.89\00:36:08.65
- asking where is the ashtray?
00:36:08.69\00:36:10.39
Yeah, and I finished the
years worth of Bible studies and
00:36:10.42\00:36:13.20
said I ready for baptism,
and they are like well you have
00:36:13.24\00:36:16.22
to kick the smoking habit
first before we can baptize you.
00:36:16.25\00:36:19.02
I'm thinking wait a minute,
you just taught me all this
00:36:19.06\00:36:22.75
about how God's love is
so, this is it and now you are
00:36:22.78\00:36:26.44
telling me all these rules.
00:36:26.48\00:36:28.08
To me, the little I know,
and again I came from a similar
00:36:30.72\00:36:34.60
background, not a
church background.
00:36:34.64\00:36:36.22
What I have seen is that
it is really difficult for
00:36:36.26\00:36:41.69
someone in the church to
look at that balance between
00:36:41.72\00:36:47.12
grace and the law,
because the law is not bad.
00:36:47.16\00:36:51.81
Paul said the law
is not a bad thing,
00:36:51.85\00:36:54.48
there is nothing wrong
with the law that I couldn't
00:36:54.52\00:36:57.91
keep it, but there
is a balance there.
00:36:57.94\00:36:59.66
I think what happened is
that we don't really see the
00:36:59.69\00:37:02.66
love of God, or the heart
of God towards us, it is hard
00:37:02.69\00:37:05.30
for us to do anything because
that is the response we have
00:37:05.34\00:37:08.31
towards the law, and with
somebody that is raised in the
00:37:08.35\00:37:12.77
church what I can encourage
them is to start asking every
00:37:12.80\00:37:17.19
day for the Holy Spirit
and asked the Holy Spirit
00:37:17.22\00:37:19.08
to help me to
fall in love with God,
00:37:19.12\00:37:21.64
help me to see the heart of God.
00:37:21.67\00:37:22.90
I think in that we
really start to really,
00:37:22.93\00:37:25.95
I'm surprised, I thought I
was finally going to get well
00:37:25.98\00:37:29.77
and healed and filled up
and fit in when God comes back
00:37:29.81\00:37:33.57
and I am in heaven.
00:37:33.60\00:37:35.03
And I think at one point,
when I was working with Brad
00:37:35.06\00:37:38.06
on an issue, and I looked
at him and he so loved me,
00:37:38.10\00:37:41.07
and I so felt that.
00:37:41.10\00:37:42.62
At that moment I felt so
full, and I heard God say,
00:37:42.66\00:37:47.86
I want you well now, I
want you laughing out loud now.
00:37:47.90\00:37:53.07
I just wanted to weep
because I had no idea that
00:37:53.10\00:37:55.99
Your healing was for us now.
00:37:56.03\00:37:58.14
So I think that if you are
raised in a real legalistic
00:37:58.18\00:38:01.79
environment, if you were damaged
in that way, it is really
00:38:01.83\00:38:04.90
harder, but you have to
fight to see the heart of God.
00:38:04.94\00:38:07.64
Ask the Holy Spirit to
show it too, because I don't
00:38:07.67\00:38:10.34
think we have it in
ourselves to get that image.
00:38:10.37\00:38:12.84
It has to be an image
given to us by the Holy Spirit.
00:38:12.87\00:38:15.79
- absolutely, and the
works part comes with the
00:38:15.82\00:38:18.37
relationship,
it naturally comes.
00:38:18.40\00:38:20.88
It becomes a promise, the
Commandments become promises.
00:38:20.92\00:38:25.23
The closer the relationship you
have with Jesus, the more you
00:38:25.27\00:38:31.00
won't do those things.
00:38:31.04\00:38:33.01
- the more you desire to
please God and He fills you up
00:38:33.04\00:38:35.70
with a Spirit that
steers you in that direction.
00:38:35.74\00:38:38.45
Just an example with that,
and tell me if you guys are
00:38:38.49\00:38:40.71
getting that, because Brad
and I are sure getting this.
00:38:40.74\00:38:44.95
As I start to see Brad trying
to win my heart literally,
00:38:44.99\00:38:48.27
like you are saying, sometimes
it is hard for me to get
00:38:48.30\00:38:51.55
from my head to my heart.
00:38:51.59\00:38:52.64
But when Brad does that, I
want to do everything for him.
00:38:52.67\00:38:56.82
I want to go in and cook,
and I'm not that good at it.
00:38:56.85\00:39:00.95
I want to go in and do
anything because I love you and
00:39:00.99\00:39:05.05
I want you to know
that and I want to be
00:39:05.09\00:39:07.29
such an incredible wife.
00:39:07.32\00:39:08.81
At one point I thought this
is the first time in my life
00:39:08.84\00:39:11.86
that Proverbs 31 were it
actually made sense to me.
00:39:11.89\00:39:14.88
I want to do that for
him, and I think it's the same
00:39:14.91\00:39:17.56
thing with God and our
love for Him, and the response
00:39:17.60\00:39:21.14
to what God requires of us
is that as I see His heart to
00:39:21.18\00:39:24.89
me, I want to say that the
Commandments say, don't lie,
00:39:24.92\00:39:28.60
don't steal, don't
do all this stuff and
00:39:28.63\00:39:30.73
I want to do that for Him.
00:39:30.76\00:39:32.48
I want to change
because I love Him so much.
00:39:32.52\00:39:37.43
His heart is so amazing towards
me, so it is a responding
00:39:37.46\00:39:41.03
in a whole different way.
00:39:41.06\00:39:42.57
The law hasn't changed at
all, but I have changed in
00:39:42.61\00:39:46.04
every way, it is an
incredible, incredible thing.
00:39:46.07\00:39:49.46
Is there any more questions?
00:39:49.50\00:39:51.63
Tammy I know you had a question.
00:39:51.66\00:39:53.72
This is the first time I
have really maybe tried to
00:39:53.76\00:39:59.28
understand what codependency
is so I would like to just
00:39:59.31\00:40:02.92
know where the line is
drawn between helping someone,
00:40:02.95\00:40:06.53
and helping them
in their codependency?
00:40:06.56\00:40:09.24
What is helping
or what is hindering?
00:40:09.28\00:40:11.92
It is a great question. - it is!
00:40:11.96\00:40:15.93
Codependency is
doing it for myself.
00:40:15.96\00:40:19.87
It is like it feeds my
addiction - I need to be needed.
00:40:19.90\00:40:25.22
I need to be needed and
also it is not in a healthy way.
00:40:25.26\00:40:29.41
I mean I was covering things
up for Jeremy, I was telling
00:40:29.44\00:40:33.56
people he was this
wonderful guy and dah, dah, dah.
00:40:33.59\00:40:35.15
He was out dealing dope, so
I was always covering up for
00:40:35.19\00:40:41.13
him - making excuses
for him - making excuses.
00:40:41.17\00:40:44.02
Even to the point were someone
deep in codependency issues
00:40:44.06\00:40:48.69
will almost sabotage any
kind of healing that happens.
00:40:48.72\00:40:53.11
I don't know if you can
recognize yet what sabotaging
00:40:53.14\00:40:57.49
is, talk a
little bit about that?
00:40:57.53\00:41:00.05
You can't let him get
well because if he gets well
00:41:00.09\00:41:02.80
then you have nothing to do.
00:41:02.84\00:41:04.10
Well it was like when he
would stay out all night and
00:41:04.14\00:41:05.72
then come home, all I
would do is badger him.
00:41:05.76\00:41:07.39
Why did you do
this? Why did you do that?
00:41:07.43\00:41:08.99
Instead of God telling me I
need to be humble and to say,
00:41:09.03\00:41:12.50
okay, I'm glad you're safe
and home, is there anything
00:41:12.53\00:41:15.96
I can get for you
and go about my day.
00:41:16.00\00:41:18.09
While he was out it would
just eat at me the whole time.
00:41:18.13\00:41:21.86
That consumed me, totally
consumed me, above my kids,
00:41:21.89\00:41:25.59
and above everything.
00:41:25.62\00:41:26.94
Where he was and what
he was doing consumed me.
00:41:26.98\00:41:29.27
Helping him would be
making him coffee, or making him
00:41:29.31\00:41:34.71
breakfast in bed and
it not be a condition,
00:41:34.75\00:41:37.71
something that he had earned.
00:41:37.75\00:41:40.21
For women who would
say, are you kidding me?
00:41:40.25\00:41:44.15
Making him breakfast in
bed, he's been up all night.
00:41:44.18\00:41:46.82
So even setting boundaries,
like helping him would be
00:41:46.85\00:41:50.78
setting boundaries for him
instead of just staying angry
00:41:50.81\00:41:54.70
and trying to
make him make it right.
00:41:54.73\00:41:56.80
With a codependent it is that
you are consumed with making
00:41:56.83\00:42:02.17
it right, and he has to
make it right, right now,
00:42:02.20\00:42:05.04
and nothing is right so you
stay in this craziness and it
00:42:05.07\00:42:07.89
keeps happening until the
addict will usually go out and
00:42:07.93\00:42:10.63
use again and a codependent
becomes very angry again,
00:42:10.66\00:42:13.33
and the kids are
not even being fed.
00:42:13.36\00:42:15.28
When you look at the situation,
the situation is crazy
00:42:15.31\00:42:18.96
even though it looks like
the person that is helping,
00:42:18.99\00:42:22.60
Heidi, is doing the right thing.
00:42:22.64\00:42:24.82
She is just trying to get
Jeremy, which is the meth addict
00:42:24.86\00:42:28.88
to stop acting out, in
reality is that both of them are
00:42:28.92\00:42:32.25
dysfunctional, both of
them are feeding off each other.
00:42:32.28\00:42:35.57
Neither one can get
well until both of them made
00:42:35.61\00:42:38.88
a commitment to get well.
00:42:38.91\00:42:40.52
A codependent is the hardest
one to point out because it
00:42:40.55\00:42:44.13
looks like, when people
are saying Heidi, look what you
00:42:44.16\00:42:47.00
have to deal with, look
what you are putting up with.
00:42:47.04\00:42:49.81
You really want to hold the
codependent, because you think
00:42:49.85\00:42:53.17
they are doing all the right
things when in reality there
00:42:53.21\00:42:56.50
is no right thing being
done in this home until God
00:42:56.54\00:42:59.84
finally got your attention.
00:42:59.88\00:43:02.23
- Right. -Um Hummm.
00:43:02.26\00:43:03.39
Man am I glad He
got your attention.
00:43:03.43\00:43:05.18
We are going to go
ahead and take a break.
00:43:05.22\00:43:06.69
We are going to come back
and I would like to invite Heidi
00:43:06.72\00:43:09.35
and Jeremy back just to
close out the program with me.
00:43:09.38\00:43:12.93
I'm so proud of God, sometimes
we act like fools, but God
00:43:12.96\00:43:16.07
just says, you know what I
am bigger than that and if you
00:43:16.11\00:43:19.30
trust Me, I will free your
heart up and we'll show you what
00:43:19.34\00:43:22.50
it feels like to be
loved and to be safe.
00:43:22.54\00:43:24.70
We will be right
back, stay with us!
00:43:24.73\00:43:26.18