Welcome to
Celebrating Life In Recovery,
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I'm Cheri your host.
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God can pull your from the
darkest of the darkest places.
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Come join us in the café
today, it's going to be amazing.
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Welcome back, I
am particularly going
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to enjoy this program.
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A lot of times I have
people on that I just met.
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I worked in an area and
ran into them and heard their
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testimony and what God is doing
in their life and recovery.
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I am just blessed, when
you hear someone story and you
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can see the joy in
their eyes, it is amazing.
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But this particular couple
goes to my church and I have
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known them for a long time.
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I've known them in their
recovery and outside of their
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recovery, and in their recovery
and outside their recovery.
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And then again, in their
recovery and outside of the
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recovery and so I want to
say thank you so much Heidi and
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Jeremy for joining me.
- thanks for having us.
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The first time I asked
you to do this program was two
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years ago. - Yep just
about three years ago.
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In that three years, there
has been some stuff going on
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even then, so God
has just recently.
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- we are still
working through some stuff,
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it is never ending really.
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- because in He is
grace, He wants us healed.
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- absolutely -
it is truly amazing.
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So you go to my church and
I have known you for a while.
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I've loved you from
the day I first met you.
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When I first met you Jeremy,
the first thing I thought,
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God is going to stand
you up in such a huge way.
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I think you were high. -
probably, I probably was.
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I remember you telling me
that I looked like a preacher.
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I was like, okay.
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You still do, so you have
been through an incredible
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journey and we usually start
this program with a teaching
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segment, but I want to get
into both of your testimonies.
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So I decided to
just jump into that.
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So Jeremy can we start with
you, where did you come from?
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What was your journey like?
I know you've had struggles
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even from a
childhood in your home.
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Yeah, as a child I came
from a fourth-generation church.
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Early on I was molested
at the age 7, let me back up.
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My father left when I
was 7, my father left when
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I was 7 and after that
things started going downhill.
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I always remember my
childhood as not too bad.
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I was a happy kid, but now
I look at it and I had a lot
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of junk, a lot of pain that
happened to me as a early kid.
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When you said that the
molest happened at 7, was that
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after your father left?
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- yes, so I was actually
a little older than that.
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I was mistaken, I
think I was around 8 or 9.
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- but that changes a
lot of things for a kid.
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- Yeah! - all of a sudden that
happy go lucky kid is now aware
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of stuff you should
have never been anywhere of.
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Right, and it was
something that was pushed aside,
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not really
brought out into the open.
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So I was told to be quiet
about it, from there it was
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just, I was in a private
school until seventh-grade.
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At seventh-grade I went to
a public school and that is
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where I started going down hill.
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- the private school,
was it a small school?
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Yes, probably there was
around 27 kids at the most.
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At one time, the public
school is where I started going
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downhill, I started hanging
out with the wrong people.
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I was drawn to them. -
you said that to me before.
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What do you mean drawn
to them? Was it exciting?
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They just didn't
seem like they were?
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They didn't have a
care, I think that was it.
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They were just free spirits,
and they watched out for
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each other and that
led to the gang life.
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I really attached myself
to that because I don't think
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I was getting loved from home.
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I was abandoned by
my father, so it just.
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- so when you said they
didn't have a care, it sounds
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as a little kid that you
were carrying a lot of things.
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With the separation, what
age were you as far as the
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other kids in your family?
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I was the middle
child. - oh I hate that.
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Because the middle child really
does get left alone a lot.
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- Higher expectations
are put on middle child.
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too because I was
actually the first born son.
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So now you find this group
doesn't care about anything.
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They are having a lot of
fun and you jump in with them.
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That is when I started drinking
alcohol and smoking pot.
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- you said
seventh-grade? - yeah!
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Now that I'm getting older
I look at seventh-grade and
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think, you guys are
still babies at that time.
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You are pretty tiny, you guys
have kids that are that age.
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And a little bit
older, so they are babies.
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So you are out
there doing all that?
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Is your mom trying
to intervene in all?
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Yeah, she tried, but
I was becoming a rebel.
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I was rebelling against
everything that she was trying
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to do for me, so
I would run away.
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I was on the streets when
I was 16, sleeping in these
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tunnels with a friend of mine.
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Couch hopping and
doing whatever I could.
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I was doing a lot of car
hopping which is basically
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breaking into cars and
finding whatever I could just to
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get me by. - and it is
such an acceptable way to live
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amongst that group, it is
normal and that is what cracks
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me up about that is that
people were like wasn't that
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scary or
whatever, and it is not.
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I was a kid and there and
it was a normal thing amongst
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the group you are with.
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It was actually fun, it
was exciting, and adventure.
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I really wasn't thinking
about the future at that time.
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It was all about the now.
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Yeah, from there I was in
and out of my mom's place.
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She tried to get me
to come back home and
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I wasn't having it.
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At age 16 or 17, somewhere
in that area, I went to live
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with my father for about a year.
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My mom just couldn't handle me.
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- was he involved in your
life at all at that point?
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Well he was off and on, we
would hear from him, phone call
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once in a while, but not really.
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- So now you
are living with him?
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Yeah, he lived in
Virginia, Virginia Beach.
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He offered for me to come
live with him, I was like yeah,
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something different,
sure I'll try it out.
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So I went over there
and I was with him for
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about not even a year.
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I just couldn't do
it, couldn't do it.
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- couldn't step back
into somebody's authority?
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- right! That was just it.
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- that is really tough because
once you decided that you
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are your own boss, then
nobody has permission to say,
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I want you home at this time,
I want you doing your chores,
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I want you back in school.
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You are just like, hello.
- get me out of this place!
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So I got shipped back,
when I came back I actually got
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right back into trouble.
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I stoled three cars, got
busted first time record,
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first time I
actually got busted anyway.
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My mom forced me
back into the church.
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They had a youth department
going on there, I had to
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attend, and there was a
youth leader there that was the
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pastors wife and we
became pretty close.
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Then even closer, and she
was just a bouncy happy person.
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Before I knew it
we were together.
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- you were actually
intimately together?
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We were
intimately together. - wow!
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Then there is a part of
me that says, the fact that
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your mom got you to come back
in, the fact that you hooked
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up with this youth group,
the fact that you were coming to
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enjoy the people around you,
and then that twist happens.
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That has to be, that
has to destroy you. - yeah!
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Because it is like what
is God, I just want to shake
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somebody right now, and I
want to shake them not so much
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I don't think that
God forgives everybody.
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But my heart goes out
for the damage that you got.
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Did you fall in love
with her? - yes! Immediately!
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Because I was that damaged
kid who was looking for any kind
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of love, and when I found
that it was immediately my
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heart clung to it.
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I don't remember how long
we were together, she was going
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to divorce the Pastor.
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Which I feel for the guy
today, there was just, it sent
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him over the edge,
he was threatening me.
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- because she told him
about the relationship? - yeah!
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The Pastor found out she
was divorcing him and they had
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two kids together.
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All of a sudden one day she
comes to me and she had moved
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out from her husbands and
was living in another place.
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She came to me one day, she
said I can't see you anymore.
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I'm like, okay! I had
bought her a ring we were going
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to get married, we were engaged.
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It really broke my heart.
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Did she say, I
finally came to my senses?
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This is not right?
- something like that.
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I found out that she was
also sleeping with another guy
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and her second job
where she was working.
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- she was just damaged. - yeah!
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So what, with you, the
fact that you reattached and
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then got that pulled away
from you, what happened then?
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You just went nuts! - I
went nuts, I went searching for
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anything that would take
that pain away because it hurts
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so bad, and I found meth.
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- oh man! I did meth for
the first time and I loved it.
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It took that pain away. -
and gave you the power back?
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Oh it gave me power beyond,
I felt like I was in control.
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I didn't have to feel anything
anymore, so I started using it.
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We've talked about
addiction on this program a lot.
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One of the things about
people that choose meth,
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is that you have been damaged
in a way that you have been
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stripped, you feel
powerless, and all that stuff.
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Meth is such a deceptive
drug in that it shoots all your
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neurochemistry up, and you
feel like I can get whatever
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I want, whenever I want,
and this drug then has you.
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I mean for a lot of
people, they do not realize how
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seductive it is, how all
of a sudden for that kid that
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has been wandering
around trying to fit in and be
00:12:20.31\00:12:23.95
whatever, you get it
all when you are high.
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Yeah, so I actually started
dealing so not only was I on
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my own, but I wanted to
be able to get high as well.
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So I started dealing and I
was making pretty good money.
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I wasn't your normal
dealer, I would roll around on
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roller blades delivering
it to the customers instead
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of them coming to me.
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I could just picture
that, I've never seen a dealer
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on rollerblades, you know.
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So it was fun, people liked
you, they knew you, you were
00:13:05.60\00:13:10.04
the guy, and
everything was working now.
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Did you ever decide or
realize that this drug was going
00:13:14.84\00:13:20.69
to take me out? Did
that ever cross your mind?
00:13:20.72\00:13:23.42
Yeah! I was, but people
that taught me, they like took
00:13:23.46\00:13:31.09
me out and showed me the ropes.
00:13:31.13\00:13:33.78
Like this is how you do
it, this is what to watch for,
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stay one step ahead of the cops.
00:13:36.45\00:13:39.40
I just didn't, I just focused
on what was going on around
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me, I knew inside my
heart that this wasn't right.
00:13:48.58\00:13:52.89
There was something going
on, but I didn't want to deal
00:13:52.92\00:13:57.88
with that, I didn't
want to feel the pain.
00:13:57.92\00:13:59.81
- just push that away? Oh yeah!
00:13:59.84\00:14:01.15
It is interesting too,
when you say that, there were
00:14:01.18\00:14:04.67
people that
stepped in and saying let
00:14:04.70\00:14:06.53
me show you the ropes.
00:14:06.56\00:14:07.73
This is actually
what you look for and do.
00:14:07.77\00:14:10.93
This is another area
you find acceptance in,
00:14:12.66\00:14:15.69
for somebody that
doesn't have acceptance,
00:14:15.73\00:14:18.51
we forget that it
is not just the drug,
00:14:18.54\00:14:21.26
it is not just the
high, it's the entire picture.
00:14:21.29\00:14:24.14
All the sudden you
belong and you are the guy,
00:14:24.17\00:14:26.85
and everybody wants
you, and all that stuff.
00:14:26.88\00:14:29.49
It is a huge, it almost fills
that huge hole, but not quite.
00:14:29.52\00:14:38.23
You know what I mean. - yeah!
00:14:38.27\00:14:40.73
Because that emptiness is
still there, so for the next
00:14:40.77\00:14:44.48
few years you are just?
00:14:44.52\00:14:46.00
- Quite a few years,
quite a few years, I mean there
00:14:46.04\00:14:49.27
were so many different roads
and adventures that happened
00:14:51.74\00:14:56.70
after that, we could
take up 80 shows, I'm sure.
00:14:56.74\00:15:00.83
Because you get twisted?
Yeah! - in different ways!
00:15:00.86\00:15:04.60
I might even just write a
book about it, but that would
00:15:04.64\00:15:08.34
be the best way to do it.
00:15:08.38\00:15:09.80
So you ended out
there dealing. - right!
00:15:09.84\00:15:13.28
You are losing yourself
in a ton of different ways,
00:15:13.32\00:15:16.21
sexually,
physically and emotionally?
00:15:16.24\00:15:19.09
Not so much sexually, I
mostly stayed to myself.
00:15:19.12\00:15:23.12
I didn't have time for
women, I was too busy dealing.
00:15:23.16\00:15:26.59
You're lucky in that sense,
because of a lot of people
00:15:28.76\00:15:31.65
I talk to jump into that
addiction, you just get twisted.
00:15:31.69\00:15:34.55
I think that was my
lover, was the meth.
00:15:34.58\00:15:40.11
So what else did I need?
I didn't need anything else.
00:15:40.14\00:15:45.83
So this lasted for a long
time, like you said, many years.
00:15:45.86\00:15:52.72
At one point you
started to look up,
00:15:52.75\00:15:56.04
something
happened, did you get busted?
00:15:56.08\00:15:59.30
What starts you to, where
this is not working anymore?
00:15:59.33\00:16:03.64
Well my sister came to me
one night, and I had been doing
00:16:03.68\00:16:07.95
this for probably for
four or five years or so.
00:16:07.98\00:16:11.44
In that for five years
were there other people saying
00:16:11.47\00:16:13.41
to you, Jeremy? No!
You are just out there!
00:16:13.45\00:16:17.83
I was just out there, well
of course by mom and friends
00:16:17.86\00:16:22.97
but I'd really didn't
care what they had to say.
00:16:23.00\00:16:27.57
One night my sister came
to me with a friend and said,
00:16:27.61\00:16:32.67
you need to get out of
town as soon as possible.
00:16:32.70\00:16:38.03
You are on this list of people
that are going to go down,
00:16:38.06\00:16:43.24
you are at the top of the
list of people that are watching
00:16:43.27\00:16:49.10
and plan on, - who was this?
DA! - An Enforcement agent.
00:16:49.13\00:16:54.92
So they gave me some
money and I left town.
00:16:54.96\00:17:00.21
Running basically, I
ran 118 miles to Twin Falls.
00:17:00.24\00:17:09.32
I got a job with my grandfather
and I was doing better
00:17:09.36\00:17:18.61
for about six months.
- were you still using?
00:17:18.65\00:17:21.83
No, I was actually,
I quit for six months.
00:17:21.86\00:17:24.97
For an addict that is
like forever, when you say six
00:17:25.01\00:17:28.97
months that is huge. -
well I was still drinking.
00:17:29.00\00:17:32.93
But still, your drug of
choice is meth and the fact
00:17:35.71\00:17:37.92
that you didn't go there.
00:17:37.96\00:17:39.27
I was feeling the
pain of abandonment.
00:17:39.30\00:17:42.03
So I lost my
first love. - Right!
00:17:44.21\00:17:46.04
So I started work and
I found, I sought out,
00:17:47.25\00:17:54.70
I had to find it and
get it back to my life,
00:17:54.73\00:17:59.73
because I wasn't
stable until I had that.
00:17:59.76\00:18:05.45
So I did. - Jeremy
can we talk about that?
00:18:05.49\00:18:09.13
A lot of people
don't understand that.
00:18:09.16\00:18:11.89
I didn't feel
normal without that.
00:18:11.93\00:18:14.58
It's like all those things,
that are very deep things,
00:18:14.62\00:18:19.28
is what I'm missing.
00:18:19.31\00:18:21.98
Well when I didn't have the
drug, you have those feelings
00:18:23.88\00:18:28.59
start coming back up and I
don't want to deal with them.
00:18:28.63\00:18:33.30
I didn't know how
to deal with them.
00:18:33.34\00:18:35.42
So it was normal, I
felt normal after I had it.
00:18:35.45\00:18:40.70
- all those feelings
suddenly go away again.
00:18:40.74\00:18:45.92
- disappear. - I feel
like I fit in again. - right!
00:18:45.95\00:18:49.70
I'm in control, I
have the power again.
00:18:49.73\00:18:52.11
When I got high it wasn't
like a lot to take off with
00:18:52.15\00:19:00.23
all this energy,
it mellowed me out.
00:19:00.27\00:19:04.44
I would just could
sink in, just Ahhhh!
00:19:04.47\00:19:08.60
Just normal, you know.
00:19:08.64\00:19:10.32
I was working, keeping a
job and I was the star employee
00:19:15.33\00:19:20.49
I guess you could say that.
00:19:20.52\00:19:22.28
I was working for my
grandfather while using.
00:19:22.32\00:19:25.41
At that point it became
a meal to me, the meth did.
00:19:25.44\00:19:32.68
I would wake up and do a
shot, have one mid day, and then
00:19:32.71\00:19:40.13
have one before it went to bed.
00:19:40.16\00:19:41.97
No one at that point knew
that you were using again?
00:19:42.00\00:19:44.85
Because at first you
can hide it. - right!
00:19:44.88\00:19:48.91
But then eventually. -
eventually it catches up.
00:19:48.95\00:19:52.21
Especially when
you're not eating as much.
00:19:52.25\00:19:56.54
What kind of behaviors
do people see when you start
00:19:56.57\00:20:01.74
showing your meth use?
00:20:01.78\00:20:03.39
A lot of lying. - all of a
sudden you're playing people?
00:20:03.43\00:20:12.96
Yes, totally.
00:20:12.99\00:20:15.19
If you don't answer
quickly I'll ask your wife.
00:20:19.12\00:20:21.34
(Everyone's laughing)
00:20:21.37\00:20:24.19
I know what Heidi all get
some answers, let me just show
00:20:24.22\00:20:26.74
you the list. - right!
00:20:26.78\00:20:28.93
Lying is one, not being
able to stay focused, not being
00:20:31.39\00:20:35.80
as reliable. -
reliable was a good one for me.
00:20:35.83\00:20:40.50
I wasn't very
reliable, except for my job.
00:20:40.53\00:20:44.72
There were some times
where I wouldn't get up
00:20:44.76\00:20:48.91
and go to work.
00:20:48.95\00:20:50.12
Were you using and selling
while you are working with
00:20:50.15\00:20:53.97
your grandfather? - Yes,
not as much, but I would get my
00:20:54.00\00:20:58.03
paycheck and I would buy a
large quantity and that way
00:20:58.06\00:21:01.62
I could make my money back
and on top of that I would be
00:21:01.66\00:21:05.18
able to use at the same time.
00:21:05.21\00:21:07.06
Did he finally let you go?
No, I think I quit, I think
00:21:07.10\00:21:16.41
I quit and that time was
a little blurry in my mind.
00:21:16.45\00:21:25.58
After that I think I started
transporting, to just make
00:21:25.61\00:21:34.71
money back and forth
from the old town where
00:21:34.75\00:21:36.95
I was told to leave.
00:21:36.99\00:21:39.17
So things really started
coming down on me, at one point
00:21:39.21\00:21:48.36
I had all my
stuff taken, everything.
00:21:48.39\00:21:51.40
All my clothes, everything,
I only have the clothes on my
00:21:51.44\00:21:55.40
back. - someone's stole
them from you? - Ah humm.
00:21:55.43\00:21:59.45
They said I owed them,
which I think I did, I think.
00:21:59.48\00:22:03.47
- I think I might
have been guilty. - yes!
00:22:03.50\00:22:06.00
I like with druggies, we
don't know, we don't think that
00:22:06.04\00:22:09.06
I bet they were right.
00:22:09.09\00:22:10.62
So now everything is
falling apart at this point.
00:22:12.12\00:22:14.73
I want to go ahead and
take a break and then come back
00:22:14.77\00:22:20.90
and find out when
you and Heidi met.
00:22:20.93\00:22:23.03
Because I can't even imagine,
looking at you during that
00:22:23.07\00:22:27.11
time, and saying I
think I will marry this guy.
00:22:27.15\00:22:29.67
So we are going to take a
break and then we are going to
00:22:31.51\00:22:33.69
come back because it
is real interesting to me,
00:22:33.73\00:22:36.01
usually when an addict is
out of control and then someone
00:22:36.04\00:22:39.46
comes in to their life is
that they have their own issues.
00:22:39.50\00:22:42.88
We are going to find out
how both of these folks came
00:22:42.92\00:22:45.62
into the relationship
with the issues and what
00:22:45.65\00:22:47.90
God did to heal them.
00:22:47.94\00:22:49.61
I'm proud of God, I
can't see how He does it,
00:22:49.65\00:22:52.18
I don't know why He hangs
in with us while were doing all
00:22:52.21\00:22:55.27
this crazy stuff, but He
does and that is amazing to me.
00:22:55.30\00:22:58.32
We will be right
back, stay with us.
00:22:58.35\00:22:59.76