Welcome to
Celebrating Life In Recovery,
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I'm Cheri your host.
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Have you ever wondered if
God actually has a plan for
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your life? The Bible
says He orders our steps.
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He knows the beginning
from the end and all that stuff.
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I'm beginning to actually
buy that, come and join us.
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See what I mean!
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Welcome back! We are
going to talk today about how
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incredible God is,
and my favorite text
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is Jeremiah 29:11, and onward.
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In Jeremiah talks about
God saying to us that He has
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a plan for our
life, a future and a hope.
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It really matters to Him
where we are and that we get
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that, but it goes on to say
that you will find Me when you
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seek for Me with all your heart.
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I thought that meant
like desperate holding onto
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something in this search,
and somehow I have to get it
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or understand it and now
I'm beginning to realize all
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my heart means that I
fall in love with Him.
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That I really realize who
God is and my heart opens up
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to Him, and the heart
of God opens up to me.
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It is not this desperate
search and it's not that I know
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exactly what the Bible
says, even though that is cool.
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It is the word of God,
but it's not that I had to
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memorize these things,
or figure out all this,
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it is were I all of a
sudden see the face of God.
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I can't help but saying
to Him, I know that You are
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for me and not against me,
that I can rest in Your love,
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and rest in Your heart and
in that, as my heart breaks
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open, as all that fear
that I have walked around with
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all my whole life, start
to surrender that the God
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and I realized that His
whole goal in my life is for
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me to get it and to heal.
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And that is what
His goal is for you.
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I'm going to introduce you
to some friends of mine that
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I met at Wildwood.
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Lee and Amy I just
want to say thank you for
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being here on the program.
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Thank you! - when I say
that about seeking after God's
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heart, what do you hear Amy?
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Amen, that just thrills
me that's exactly what I'm
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understanding now. It's
been 17 years since I've
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found Christ, and I
found Him again, last year,
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after the birth
of our first child.
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Through many traumatic
experiences after the birth.
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- go on with that because
I think in a lot of times
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people think that seeking
after Him means behaviorally
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I get it right, and I change
my behavior and I strive to
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be good enough, and
God said who told you that?
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Jesus has done it all,
that's what He showed me.
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He showed me that He is
broken over us, and that is real
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to me, He showed me that
His pain has been caused by my
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sin and that's what turned
me around and caused me to
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fall in love with Him again.
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- how did that
happen to your son?
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Well it's a long story.
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- well we love
long stories here.
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Well he was born last
Christmas of 2008 and he is just
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15 months old and it
was a long labor 54 hours.
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- 54 hours? Oh man!
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I was wanting to do a home
birth, all my life I wanted
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to do a home birth
if I ever had a child.
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The Lord granted me
that, He gave me a promise
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actually, Cheri, in Isaiah 46:6.
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It says I have born, I
will carry, and I will deliver
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you, just before the
birth He showed me He was going
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to deliver the baby.
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It was okay not to go
to the hospital but to
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have a home birth
and try to do it without
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medication by His grace.
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So we went ahead and my midwife
agreed we could go ahead.
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Anyway 54 hours later he
was born and I basically went
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into shock, it was
quite a traumatic - 54 hours,
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I can't imagine, I had
three hours, you can hit me.
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Through it all I know
Jesus knew what He was doing.
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He knows what I needed to
go through to really experience
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Him again, and during that
54 hours I went through a very
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dark valley where I felt
like someone was lying to me.
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Why is it taking so long?
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They're telling me I'm
doing great, but I can't be,
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why isn't he here yet,
why isn't the baby here?
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So that took me to a
near-death feeling, I felt like
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I'm going to die or
the baby is going to die.
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This fear came over
me, this tremendous fear.
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You were just talking about
in your introduction, the Lord
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took your fear
away when seeking Him.
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He took me places with
love, and I have lost that love
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in my soul for Jesus Christ
and I didn't even know that
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at the time of the birth.
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So the Lord had to take me
through three months of some
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anxiety and depression,
some terrible psychological
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symptoms after the
birth, for three months.
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I finally collapsed on my
bedroom floor one day, after
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coming home from
church on Sabbath.
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My husband said
Honey let me pray with you.
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I said Honey this is
between me and Jesus.
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- this is not for
anybody else, this is a private,
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intimate thing that Jesus
and I need to work through.
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I didn't plan to
tell you any of this.
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To me I'm so glad that you
are, because it is interesting
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that God's goal is
to go after our heart.
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Sometimes we get so
carried away with our behavioral
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things, Ministry and do
the right thing, and we don't
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even realize our heart is
just totally closed up again
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and God says I'm not
going to lose you, I love you.
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Right, and I didn't
realize that it happened to me,
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Cheri I have been in
the church for 17 years and
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I thought everything was
doing okay, I was doing better
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I used to have food disorder
and the Lord delivered me from
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that so I felt
like I must be okay now.
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But the Lord is always seeking
the depths of our heart, that
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citadel of the throne
of the heart, so after
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the 3 months I cried out, I
said, Lord I have to have You.
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I wrestled, I laid on the
floor and said I'm not getting
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up until I have you Jesus.
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You know what
happened? I didn't hear a voice,
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but I knew what
He was telling me.
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He said Amy I love you,
but you have lost your love for
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Me, and it broke me.
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God sits there and says,
I love you and you know that
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everything else
means nothing to Him.
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- right, but I saw what I had
done, I saw that the closing my
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heart, had broken His heart.
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Right then He
converted my soul again.
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And now when I speak
of Him I become like this.
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- Amen, I just have to
say, - I fell in love with Him.
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I know what you mean, exactly
in the fact that we always
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think that our journey
with God, it cracks me up,
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our journey with God
is a behavioral journey.
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Somehow soon as I get it
that I have to be right and
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to do right and think
right and all that is good.
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God wants us free from
all our junk, but He says,
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I want your heart,
I want you to love Me.
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- that is what He is seeking.
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So now, we're going
to get to you later!
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because Amy, I want to
know because you talked about
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prior to the eating
disorder and all that stuff,
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I want you to lead us
from where you came from.
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It is really interesting
that I know a little bit about
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you, and I know that you
came from an upper-middle-class
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family, talk about
that and jump into how
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God lead you through the years.
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Okay well, I was raised
in the UK, and my father is a
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medical Doctor and we
always had everything we needed
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financially and materially.
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I have three siblings and
we went to a Catholic school,
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a Catholic education and
there was always division in my
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home, my father is
Catholic but my mother was not.
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So there was always
questions about religion.
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Always felt my
mother was probably right,
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she opposed to a lot
of the teachings that my
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father wanted us to believe.
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And I went to a university
for literature and philosophy.
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I was really seeking the
Lord but didn't know I was
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seeking, at the same time
I was becoming more and more
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empty and filling my life
with parties, with alcohol,
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with cigarettes, with
boyfriends at all the things you
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do when you're desperately
looking for Jesus, right?
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Trying to feel that hole
that nothing can fill but Him.
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At the same time I developed
a food disorder from the
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time I was about 14 years old.
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I was a compulsive eater.
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For a lot of people, we
even get letters about people
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with food disorders
and eating disorders,
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so will you talk
about what that did for you?
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Was there even a time at
that age that you knew this
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was not okay, that
I'm overdoing this?
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Oh yeah, I realize
there were something missing,
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something wrong with me
and I would talk to my parents
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about it, but they just
felt maybe you do better later.
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You'll have bad habits
and that kind of thing.
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I was seeking answers but
there was no spiritual help
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for me, I went to see a
psychologist, it didn't work.
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I even went to hypnotherapy,
and I thought oh this
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is the answer, this is
great and this going to work.
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It didn't, it
didn't last of course.
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While I was in that condition
I would often go to weight
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watchers and try different
Slim fast 1000 calories,
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and all those things.
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My weight was
always fluctuating.
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- what did the food do for
you? Because it does something.
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Like a drug or anything?
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Well physiologically it boosts
your serotonin levels makes
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you feel
temporarily better, like a drug.
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- it's like drug, I don't
feel empty because you are
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literally are full, and my
serotonin are built up so I
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feel somehow
peaceful, that anxiety is less.
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Right, you are sedated, exactly.
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I wish people would
understand that about eating
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disorders, that we don't
do anything unless it works
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in some way, and so it
worked for you for a long time.
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Your weight was going up
and down, your self-esteem
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even at that early age.
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I realized it was a temporary
fix, because I still felt
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bad underneath, because I
felt guilty as well because
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gluttony is a sin, and
we call it eating disorder,
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but it is a sin and by God's
grace He wants to remove it
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from us and give
us peace and freedom.
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I like when you say
gluttony, people with eating
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disorders are like
what, what did you call it?
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Because eating
was ruining my health.
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So know that somebody
that even to see our addictions
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as sin is really tough, because
we really don't see that.
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We are in denial about all that.
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So you're saying your
weight went way up? - right!
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I went up to 220 pounds,
I'm 5 foot eight but that is
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still too much for
someone of my height.
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So yeah, by the time I was
22 I was that large and I went
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traveling around the
world trying to find answers.
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- any answer. - anything,
I thought it would be better
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over there and I realized
when I got over there that I'm
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still there, still me,
I have to live with me.
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So I thought this
is a real problem and
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I can't escape me.
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What is the real issue here?
00:10:59.26\00:11:00.65
Even though I had been
raised with so-called education,
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I never understood about
the spiritual realities that
00:11:03.35\00:11:05.71
were so, so missing.
00:11:05.74\00:11:07.37
You know in England it is
about 95% professed atheist,
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is that right? -
very secular. - very high!
00:11:11.10\00:11:13.70
So anyway should
I continue? - yeah!
00:11:13.73\00:11:16.78
So in Australia and here I
am with my sister traveling
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around backpacking,
looking into Shirley McLain's
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teachings about
the New Age movement.
00:11:23.68\00:11:26.40
- dancing with wolves.
- dancing in the light.
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All these books so
she became my guru.
00:11:30.10\00:11:32.84
- what is really
interesting even about that,
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I love the fact that you
brought that up because it is
00:11:35.83\00:11:37.61
very seductive, and if you
are feeling like I don't know
00:11:37.64\00:11:40.86
who I am, or where I fit
in and all of a sudden you fit
00:11:40.89\00:11:44.24
in not only here with
the spirits of generations.
00:11:44.27\00:11:47.91
There is a lot of past
life things and it is so much
00:11:47.94\00:11:54.86
greater than you, if you
are not feeling you is enough,
00:11:54.89\00:11:57.29
all that is seductive. - right!
00:11:57.32\00:11:59.87
You sort of find an
identity in it, right.
00:11:59.90\00:12:02.15
I was looking at all her
materials thinking this is the
00:12:02.18\00:12:05.67
way to find peace, like
I would witnessed everybody
00:12:05.70\00:12:08.31
about this piece I
found through her books.
00:12:08.34\00:12:10.85
I would go to different
meetings about palm reading and
00:12:10.88\00:12:13.35
shock waves, meditating
through shock waves, levitation,
00:12:13.38\00:12:17.32
and I thank the Lord that
He protected me from these deep
00:12:17.35\00:12:20.18
experiences and really getting
involved with spiritualism
00:12:20.21\00:12:22.76
which is what it is really.
00:12:22.79\00:12:24.40
So while I was
studying those things,
00:12:24.43\00:12:27.33
to bring you to the point
where my Jesus really picked
00:12:27.36\00:12:30.99
me up, and He delivered me.
00:12:31.02\00:12:32.75
I went to some meetings
that were advertised as being
00:12:32.78\00:12:35.62
New Age meetings, it said come
and hear about the new world
00:12:35.65\00:12:38.99
movement, the New World order.
00:12:39.02\00:12:40.87
What happens after death?
00:12:40.90\00:12:42.49
I thought oh great,
this is could be so amazing.
00:12:42.52\00:12:45.24
We were laid-back people
and I was wearing my tie-dyed
00:12:45.27\00:12:47.52
outfits and hippie style,
this is Australia so it is very
00:12:47.55\00:12:51.80
hot and everybody
is just hanging out.
00:12:51.83\00:12:54.13
I actually lost a job
which made me open to go into
00:12:54.16\00:12:59.08
anything else, into some
new adventures and things.
00:12:59.11\00:13:02.78
I went to these meetings,
and do you know what really
00:13:02.81\00:13:05.79
hooked me? They had
free vegetarian food!
00:13:05.82\00:13:08.80
I thought wow this is great.
00:13:08.83\00:13:10.74
- a lot of
hippies are health nuts.
00:13:10.77\00:13:12.54
Right, I was to accept
I still drank and smoked.
00:13:12.57\00:13:17.00
- did you smoke weed or
any of that stuff? - I did!
00:13:17.03\00:13:18.95
- because I was going to
say they are health nuts,
00:13:18.98\00:13:22.54
and they are smoking weed
and drinking all that stuff and
00:13:22.57\00:13:25.54
saying you know what, I
really want to eat healthy.
00:13:25.57\00:13:28.27
Right, right, that was me
deep down but I'd have the
00:13:28.30\00:13:31.71
apple pie and couldn't quit
the ice coffee and so forth.
00:13:31.74\00:13:36.25
So I went to these meetings
and the food was fantastic,
00:13:36.28\00:13:38.99
but before the
meal you know what?
00:13:39.02\00:13:41.25
There was an evangelistic
series - no way how funny.
00:13:41.28\00:13:44.28
Right in the bush in
Australia, a little Bush town
00:13:44.31\00:13:47.22
with the Aboriginals
people, native Austrian people,
00:13:47.25\00:13:49.86
right around the area.
00:13:49.89\00:13:51.11
A minister from the south
of Australia had been impressed
00:13:51.14\00:13:55.19
to hold an evangelistic
series right there for one week
00:13:55.22\00:13:57.71
during his vacation time.
00:13:57.74\00:13:59.82
I was just passing through
with my sister, we used to
00:13:59.85\00:14:02.57
hitch rides on the big trucks
that went through Australia.
00:14:02.60\00:14:05.27
We had just hitched to that
town and saw the advertisement.
00:14:05.30\00:14:08.12
So we go along, and that night
the Minister lifted up Jesus.
00:14:08.15\00:14:14.50
- just saying this is who
God is, this is who Jesus is.
00:14:14.53\00:14:17.10
Right, and here I
was totally broken.
00:14:17.13\00:14:20.13
All these things I had been
searching for all this emotional
00:14:20.16\00:14:24.03
void in my life,
this is what I needed.
00:14:24.07\00:14:26.67
- Don't you wish, even
on this program I wish that
00:14:26.71\00:14:30.36
somehow people could get
to that point, because that
00:14:30.39\00:14:34.01
really is the answer.
00:14:34.04\00:14:36.27
Every 12 step group says
that you have to understand and
00:14:36.31\00:14:39.67
recognize there is a God,
but we resist that so much.
00:14:39.71\00:14:43.04
We want to
recognize everything else.
00:14:43.07\00:14:44.63
God says, everything else
is going to leave you as empty,
00:14:44.66\00:14:48.61
if not more empty
than you were before.
00:14:48.64\00:14:51.59
- right the void is even
greater, and I think Jesus knew
00:14:51.63\00:14:54.20
that I'm so hardheaded
that He had to take me to the
00:14:54.23\00:14:57.07
bottom to make me realize
this is what you really need
00:14:57.10\00:14:59.91
and are really seeking.
00:14:59.94\00:15:01.52
- it's amazing, so in
those meetings did your sister
00:15:01.55\00:15:04.86
know that you changed,
that something radically just
00:15:04.90\00:15:08.17
happened? - yes she did.
00:15:08.20\00:15:10.26
That first night of the
meeting I realized I need Jesus
00:15:10.30\00:15:14.32
and I realized He loved me and
that love started to heal me.
00:15:14.36\00:15:18.48
Talk about healing, I started
to weep, and weep, and weep.
00:15:18.51\00:15:22.60
I quietly committed myself
to Jesus that first night.
00:15:22.63\00:15:26.50
I was too shy and quiet
to make a public commitment.
00:15:26.54\00:15:30.37
I was the only one
there, myself and my sister,
00:15:30.41\00:15:33.48
who were not already Christians.
00:15:33.51\00:15:35.40
So we knew it was
just for us, my sister also
00:15:35.44\00:15:38.67
committed herself to Jesus.
00:15:38.70\00:15:40.26
So what did look like from
that point on, I want to even
00:15:41.50\00:15:45.16
know when you walked out
the door, because when I first
00:15:45.20\00:15:48.42
became saved I looked
around and everybody was acting
00:15:48.45\00:15:51.64
like it was just a normal thing.
00:15:51.68\00:15:53.47
I am like wanting to Yahoo,
can we stand on the table?
00:15:53.51\00:15:57.24
I wanted to grab somebody.
00:15:57.28\00:15:59.06
And at point I even said to
God, I can't wait until I get
00:15:59.10\00:16:02.32
to heaven, I want to have
lunch with Mary Magdalena and
00:16:02.36\00:16:05.75
the demoniac, and say
we're here, how cool is that?
00:16:05.79\00:16:09.11
You do want to celebrate,
so as you guys were walking out
00:16:09.14\00:16:13.37
what did you say to
each other, do you remember?
00:16:13.40\00:16:15.99
I do, you know,
this was 17 years ago.
00:16:16.03\00:16:18.53
My sister said, you know
this is true, she said to me.
00:16:18.57\00:16:21.23
Amy, because she studied
history at the University and
00:16:21.27\00:16:23.90
she knew, he was
talking about Daniel chapter 2,
00:16:23.93\00:16:26.41
and she knew all these kingdoms
had risen and fallen just
00:16:26.44\00:16:29.26
as he described from the
00:16:29.29\00:16:30.39
All the time she was telling
me this is true intellectually.
00:16:30.43\00:16:33.68
I'm thinking this is
true in my heart I know Jesus.
00:16:33.72\00:16:36.66
It was like the light came on,
suddenly, everything, I could
00:16:36.69\00:16:41.91
see good and evil, I
could see light and darkness.
00:16:41.94\00:16:44.90
Before everything was
vague and gray, no absolutes,
00:16:44.93\00:16:47.86
no moral clarity. -
you are God! - right!
00:16:47.89\00:16:51.05
That's what I thought,
but I couldn't believe that
00:16:51.09\00:16:54.33
was nonsense I knew deep down.
00:16:54.37\00:16:56.43
As we walked away and
walked past a bar and that night
00:16:56.46\00:16:59.47
we had actually arranged
to meet with some young men
00:16:59.50\00:17:02.78
in a bar, right next to
where the evangelist series was
00:17:02.81\00:17:06.05
being held. - I think
God is funny in that way.
00:17:06.08\00:17:08.28
Isn't that amazing? We
walked past the bar and both
00:17:08.31\00:17:10.73
looked at each other and
said, no that's last time.
00:17:10.77\00:17:13.15
We haven't had a drink
since then, praise God.
00:17:13.18\00:17:15.51
He did, He really delivered
me and I am so thankful.
00:17:15.54\00:17:19.68
Amen, what is amazing
is that with that delivery,
00:17:19.72\00:17:23.79
and what people think a
lot of times is that with that
00:17:23.82\00:17:27.20
delivery, with that under
standing that you will never
00:17:27.24\00:17:30.58
have another thing,
but that is not the case.
00:17:30.62\00:17:32.86
With your pregnancy and
going through that, we tend to
00:17:32.90\00:17:35.93
walk away from God
or close back up, and
00:17:35.96\00:17:39.13
God is so faithful in saying
I can't let you close back up
00:17:39.16\00:17:42.68
because you asked Me to
save you from that place.
00:17:42.72\00:17:47.45
So I will save you from that
place over and over and over
00:17:47.49\00:17:50.51
again if I have
to, that is amazing.
00:17:50.54\00:17:53.14
So I would like to jump in
and find out, you guys didn't
00:17:53.18\00:17:59.17
know each other
during this time hey. - no!
00:17:59.20\00:18:01.71
So your background
is so similar to that?
00:18:01.75\00:18:04.19
Actually we were born at
the same place in England,
00:18:04.22\00:18:07.45
in the same county,
about the same time.
00:18:07.49\00:18:10.67
- not knowing each other? - no!
00:18:10.70\00:18:12.44
I grew up in England
for 10 years then I went to
00:18:12.48\00:18:16.25
Australia and about
the same time Amy was being
00:18:16.28\00:18:20.02
converted, I was
also being converted.
00:18:20.05\00:18:22.69
At another evangelistic
series in the same part of
00:18:22.72\00:18:27.64
Australia, near West Australia.
00:18:27.68\00:18:31.19
Was there a point where
you guys talk about that
00:18:31.22\00:18:33.28
and just laughed?
Oh yes. - oh yeah.
00:18:33.31\00:18:36.32
It was amazing because
she was baptized in my church.
00:18:36.35\00:18:40.19
A little country church
in West Australia just a few
00:18:40.23\00:18:44.03
months after I left
to go to Queensland.
00:18:44.06\00:18:46.47
- that is so crazy, so I'm
going to finish up with yours
00:18:46.50\00:18:50.34
and then we will break and
come back and found out Lee
00:18:50.37\00:18:54.17
how you guys met
and that kind of thing.
00:18:54.21\00:18:56.67
From the time you got
it, I may not know all the
00:18:56.70\00:19:00.71
particulars, but I know
I felt the heart of God.
00:19:00.74\00:19:04.68
I'm standing up and walking
out with your sister, what
00:19:04.71\00:19:08.25
did your life do, and
what did your parents even say?
00:19:08.29\00:19:11.31
Because it sounds like
your parents were okay with what
00:19:11.35\00:19:14.33
you where doing before then?
00:19:14.37\00:19:15.94
Um Hum, yet they were okay,
but I think when we changed
00:19:15.97\00:19:19.56
they really didn't see
the depths of sin that I had
00:19:19.60\00:19:22.93
gotten into, so they didn't
see the contrast as greatly
00:19:22.96\00:19:26.26
because I was on the
other side of the world.
00:19:26.29\00:19:28.14
They were in England and I
was in Australia and they did
00:19:28.17\00:19:29.81
not know what I was up to.
00:19:29.85\00:19:30.93
When mom and dad calls,
how are you doing? Oh I'm fine.
00:19:30.97\00:19:34.20
I found Jesus, well they
were a little bit shocked,
00:19:34.24\00:19:37.25
but when we came home things
were hard for quite a long
00:19:37.28\00:19:40.26
time because we was
living in a different world
00:19:40.29\00:19:41.96
altogether and we were still
living with her family when
00:19:41.99\00:19:44.92
we came back, but obviously
our hearts and minds for
00:19:44.96\00:19:47.52
somewhere else altogether
and was very hard for them.
00:19:47.56\00:19:50.05
What did your change look like?
Because you were exploring and
00:19:50.08\00:19:55.85
looking for truth at all
that stuff and now I got a sense
00:19:55.88\00:19:59.95
of who God is, what did
you were change look like?
00:19:59.98\00:20:02.50
You mean how did
I change physically?
00:20:02.53\00:20:04.42
Well how did you, because
you stop drinking that was one.
00:20:04.46\00:20:08.20
Did you then open up the
word and start to try to figure
00:20:08.23\00:20:11.94
out who God was,
who you were outside.
00:20:11.97\00:20:14.13
Oh absolutely, every day
learning to pray, this was
00:20:14.17\00:20:17.31
a totally new thing for me.
00:20:17.35\00:20:19.31
Praying in public I was
so nervous the first time
00:20:19.34\00:20:21.68
that I burst out
laughing, it was embarrassing,
00:20:21.72\00:20:24.02
it was terrible.
00:20:24.06\00:20:25.32
I gradually got used to
it and the people with me
00:20:25.36\00:20:27.74
were so kind,
mentoring me, teaching me.
00:20:27.77\00:20:29.70
We are in this segment,
this season, we are talking
00:20:29.73\00:20:35.29
about developing
that prayer life.
00:20:35.32\00:20:37.57
There is a book that
we are giving out called,
00:20:37.60\00:20:38.87
'Pressing Into His Presence'.
00:20:38.90\00:20:40.64
For a lot of people that
is like okay should I just
00:20:40.68\00:20:44.73
start now, it is an odd thing
to know that an omnipresent
00:20:44.76\00:20:50.22
God, a God that is with you,
you can't see Him, you can't
00:20:50.25\00:20:55.67
feel Him, you get a
sense of Him sometimes, but now
00:20:55.71\00:20:57.99
you're going to
speak directly to Him.
00:20:58.03\00:20:59.62
So talk about how you learned,
we tend to jump over that
00:20:59.65\00:21:03.91
not realizing for
most people we have no idea
00:21:03.95\00:21:07.33
what you just
said. - right, right!
00:21:07.36\00:21:09.46
I was raised
Catholic prayers, our father,
00:21:09.49\00:21:12.12
the Hail Mary, and before
we prayed for our meal we would
00:21:12.15\00:21:14.89
just say, thank you for
our food, in Jesus name, Amen.
00:21:14.92\00:21:17.59
It was always the same prayer
so the idea of a personal prayer
00:21:17.62\00:21:20.73
was totally foreign to me
and I started with something
00:21:20.76\00:21:23.94
very, very simple, but something
the Lord taught me right
00:21:23.97\00:21:27.12
early on, was to pray out loud.
00:21:27.15\00:21:29.20
So I always prayed out
loud, and I always have done
00:21:29.23\00:21:31.43
it and it has helped
me tremendously to be able
00:21:31.46\00:21:33.62
to focus my mind.
00:21:33.65\00:21:34.87
Because when He
first found me I could
00:21:34.91\00:21:37.06
hardly concentrate for
more than a couple of minutes.
00:21:37.10\00:21:39.41
I think my brain was shot
from everything I had been
00:21:39.44\00:21:42.01
doing, and had a go
through Daniel 2 about 4 times
00:21:42.04\00:21:44.75
before I grasped the
concept of the succession of the
00:21:44.79\00:21:47.47
kingdoms and the Lord
really rebuilt my brain.
00:21:47.50\00:21:50.49
With eating disorders,
with drugs, with all that stuff,
00:21:50.52\00:21:54.32
I do think we jump into
health, we jump into recovery,
00:21:54.35\00:21:58.28
and we think, I get it, and
our brain is saying no, well.
00:21:58.32\00:22:02.21
So the restoration of
the brain, He did that even
00:22:05.22\00:22:07.32
through your learning to
pray? - right! - it's amazing.
00:22:07.36\00:22:11.18
So when you started to pray,
like I had an addict friend
00:22:11.21\00:22:15.00
of mine in AA group, he
was like okay, all right
00:22:15.04\00:22:20.07
I'll pray and he
folded his hands.
00:22:20.10\00:22:24.15
He put his head down
and said, God bestow on me.
00:22:24.18\00:22:27.00
I thought bestow, he
doesn't even know what that
00:22:27.03\00:22:30.11
means, and so it is like
for some of us when we jump
00:22:30.14\00:22:32.85
into prayers we will just
say what may be we heard as
00:22:32.89\00:22:35.57
a child or in some church.
00:22:35.60\00:22:37.05
Maybe we saw it on an
evangelistic series or whatever.
00:22:37.08\00:22:40.58
We are not, we don't know
how to say it, am I allowed
00:22:40.62\00:22:44.08
to just say, God
how cool are you?
00:22:44.12\00:22:47.07
Do you know what I mean?
So when you first started to
00:22:47.11\00:22:50.50
speak to God, did you get
a sense that I could speak
00:22:50.54\00:22:53.90
to Him as a friend?
In this intimate way?
00:22:53.94\00:22:58.70
I can speak out loud and I can.
00:22:58.74\00:23:01.32
I think it took me time because
of my Catholic background
00:23:01.36\00:23:04.98
God is over there and I'm here.
00:23:05.01\00:23:07.59
But to bring Him near, I
knew He was right inside my
00:23:07.63\00:23:10.75
heart because He had broken
me and yet I still had this
00:23:10.78\00:23:13.87
concept that
probably He is far way.
00:23:13.90\00:23:15.80
So it took me a while
to develop intimate prayers
00:23:15.84\00:23:18.18
with Him, I think.
00:23:18.22\00:23:19.78
Isn't that amazing
- yes - it's amazing.
00:23:19.81\00:23:22.80
So you ended up coming
into a relationship with God,
00:23:22.83\00:23:26.74
did you change your
direction as far as in school?
00:23:26.77\00:23:30.64
Vocation or any of
that stuff at that point?
00:23:30.68\00:23:33.72
Well to be honest I didn't
really have any direction.
00:23:33.76\00:23:36.17
I like that, no
I didn't have any.
00:23:36.20\00:23:38.63
I didn't, and I never, never
was ambitious for anything,
00:23:38.67\00:23:41.35
I always played the violin
in school and would have loved
00:23:41.38\00:23:43.93
to probably a professional
musician but it never worked
00:23:43.97\00:23:46.48
out, it's highly
competitive as you know.
00:23:46.52\00:23:49.16
But I have heard you
play, you are fabulous.
00:23:49.20\00:23:51.81
Gifted. - For Jesus.
00:23:51.84\00:23:54.99
That was the only ambition
I had was to play, I never
00:23:55.03\00:23:58.21
really wanted to do much
else, I had to I find the answer
00:23:58.24\00:24:01.28
to my searching, I had to
sort out my problems first.
00:24:01.31\00:24:04.31
The drive was in me for that.
00:24:04.35\00:24:06.20
So we are going to go ahead
and take a break and we are
00:24:06.24\00:24:08.38
going to come back and
find out who Lee is, how you
00:24:08.42\00:24:10.53
met, and the Ministry
that God just walked you into.
00:24:10.56\00:24:13.83
I think it is amazing
that our recovery is never just
00:24:13.86\00:24:17.08
about walking away from
something, our recovery is never
00:24:17.12\00:24:20.59
about getting it and
stopping this frantic search for
00:24:20.63\00:24:23.54
something to fill us up,
our recovery is God wants
00:24:23.58\00:24:26.46
to stand is up and
say, now let Me show you
00:24:26.49\00:24:28.73
what you are passionate about.
00:24:28.77\00:24:30.83
The Bible talks
about I will give you
00:24:30.87\00:24:32.09
the desires of your heart.
00:24:32.12\00:24:33.70
What does that mean? I don't
even know if I have desires.
00:24:33.74\00:24:36.23
Just like what Amy was saying,
I don't even know if I had
00:24:36.26\00:24:39.02
direction and that is what
I think is amazing about God
00:24:39.05\00:24:42.03
and fully stepping into
recovery is because He says,
00:24:42.06\00:24:45.33
man I know exactly what is
going to put a smile on your
00:24:45.37\00:24:48.61
face and wake that passion up.
00:24:48.64\00:24:50.31
So stay with us,
we will be right back!
00:24:50.34\00:24:52.06