Welcome to Celebrating
Life In Recovery, I'm Cheri.
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You know what recovery
is a whole family affair.
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What one person
changes, everyone changes.
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Come join us and hear
this incredible story.
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Welcome, we are talking
about families in recovery.
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I wish we were talking
about mine, I love my family
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but we are still in the
midst of all that stuff.
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But today I'm going to introduce
you to a family that has
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really fought to bring people
back to a place where they
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know who they are, and they
are back in the family and not
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acting out, not strung
out, and all that stuff.
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I was just going to say that
the first, Gwen, time we met,
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I walked in to your office
and I saw such love and joy
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that you just came up
and gave me this huge hug.
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I didn't realize it was because
you really relate to what
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we talk about on this program.
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It was just amazing to
even see you, I was just amazed.
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Oh Cheri Peters! - and
I really saw that in you.
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Welcome to the
program Vonzell and Gwen.
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- It is a pleasure.
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Tell us a little bit about
where you're from and we are
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going to just start talking
about your journey into this
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whole recovery mess, because
it is not something that was
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in your family for
generations, like my family.
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- that is correct, and
again I would like to say thank
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you for the opportunity
to be here and share.
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God has been good with our
family, He's been a blessing.
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Gwen an I are both from
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania,
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that is where we
were born and grew up.
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We met each other in
church. - how old were you guys?
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Oh, I was in high school
at the time, just about ready
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to go to college and after
about a year of knowing each
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other... - wait a minute
I want to know about this
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because guys skip over
all the romantic stuff.
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So he is in high
school and you were?
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I was in high school too,
he was a year ahead of me.
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He was my cousin's best
friend and so he would always
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come over to the
house, kind of a goofy guy.
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I thought he was kind of
a goofy guy but a nice guy.
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He was my cousin's best
friend and was very easy to talk
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to and we were just
all hanging out, friends,
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that's what we were.
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It's amazing how God brought
this thing around that we
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would end up
being husband-and-wife.
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- so you didn't, even
when you first met, you didn't
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just immediately
gravitate to each other?
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- uh-oh know. -
so you went off to?
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I went off to school in
North Carolina and Gwen went to
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school in Pennsylvania,
a school in Pennsylvania.
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What is interesting is how
she even came into the life
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of her cousin, because
I grew up as an Adventist.
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My family was Adventist
whereas Gwen's family was not.
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There was some roughness
in her family background.
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- did you have
addicts in your family?
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Yes I had a father who was
an alcoholic, he's deceased.
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- so you know what it
feels like to be raised in that
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environment? - yes, yes I do.
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- it can be pretty
crazy. - yeah it was very crazy.
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- so that is what brought
us to know each other because
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she left that environment
and went to her cousins,
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or her aunts house where
her cousin was who I knew.
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As a result that is where
we begin to know each other.
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It was some years later that
we got together and began to,
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actually I finished college,
we both finished college.
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Then that is when we came
back together and I was actually
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looking for a mate, I
was looking for someone.
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The Lord had mentioned Gwen
and so that is how it began.
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- you know it even cracks
me up here, from a Christian
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perspective, when you
look for a life partner it is
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actually something
you think about and plan.
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For somebody like druggy we
just stumble into them at the
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grocery store, you know I mean?
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We don't even check out
their backgrounds, we don't care
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about any of that, but a
normal person literally cares
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about all that stuff.
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So in your mind you're
thinking I'm looking for a mate,
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a life partner, I would
like them to be this and I am so
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far removed from
that, it just cracks me up.
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That is what happened, I
was actually looking and I think
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by that time Gwen was
sort of looking, I think.
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- I was saying Lord
when it is Your time for me,
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then I surrender to that.
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- didn't think was can
be the goofy guy though?
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- no, I did that was
going to be the goofy guy.
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She has mentioned
that before so I know that.
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I married a Boy
Scout so I understand that.
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When did you know it was him?
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When did you know it was her?
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I was tired, I was ready
for marriage and the Lord just
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said Gwen, and at the time
I was living in Philadelphia,
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I'd moved back to
Philadelphia after college.
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I was working in Philadelphia,
she was teaching in
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Virginia, Norfolk Virginia
and the Lord said go visit
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with her and start writing.
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So that is what happened
and we went from one point to
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another. - and he
wrote me a letter.
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Well he came to visit,
he showed up on my doorstep.
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I didn't, I had no idea
that he was going to be there.
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He said he wrote me a
letter but somehow or another
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I didn't get it and he
showed up on my doorstep.
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I said, what are you doing here?
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He said well you know I
thought I had said to you,
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would you mind if I
came to see you one time?
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I said okay, I did
say that, so there he was.
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Then he visited
with me and he left.
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Then one day he wrote me a
letter and when I was reading
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that letter, I could feel
the Holy Spirit just changing
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my heart about him, I mean
because it wasn't anything to
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do with anything in
the romantic type way.
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He was just Vonzell,
my cousin's best friend.
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Right, he's a
friend, the goofy guy.
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So anyhow the Lord just
filled my heart changing toward
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him, and I thought
this is a really nice guy.
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So anyhow it went on from there.
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So what again is amazing
to me, is that I think God
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really wants to choose the
people we spend the rest of
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our lives with and it sounds
with you guys that when you
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are ready God was saying,
I really do want you to open
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your eyes and see each other.
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So you guys fell in love,
were married, started having
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children, hopes for
children about five years later.
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But even before we started
having children, we were reading
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about were God wanted us to be.
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We wanted to get out the
city, we were both living in
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Philadelphia and we started
reading Adventist home and
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some of the other books.
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Child guidance, and we
felt the Lord wanted us to move
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into a rural setting.
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So we started planning that,
planning that we were going
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to move to a rural setting.
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We eventually went to North
Carolina, my parents had some
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property there
so we moved there.
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We developed the
area and remove there.
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The idea was that we were
going to start our family there.
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We ran into a little financial
difficulty at that time.
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That is really what led
things in a different direction.
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When we built a house there,
in North Carolina, we didn't
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take out a mortgage, we
just, as we got money would put
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into the house
and build and build.
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It took long time, we were
using every available source
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of income we had, credit
cards, I mean we were maxing
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everything out, and by the
time we got to the point where
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we could at least move into
the house, it was not finished
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or anything, we were broke.
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We were just in bad shape,
I'm skipping a few things,
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some particulars, but at
some point we decided that we
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would in order to provide for
health insurance and some funds.
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Gwen at that time
wanted to go to change careers.
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She wanted nursing, she
was already in education.
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I wanted to change
careers, because I was in social
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work and I wanted
to go into aviation.
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So we decided, look let's
do this thing all over again.
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We had one son at the
time, and so we decide
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to go to Andrews University.
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We went there and that
was what our second son
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was born, Aaron was born.
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There was a bit of a glitch
in the marriage from the start
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that really made
things rough for us.
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- in what way? - in the
sense even though we have been
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reading all the Spirit of
Prophecy and Bible about what
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a home should be, Gwen's
idea, she was looking a career.
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It went from what God's ideal of
a marriage, of a family should
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be, in other words
the male be the patriarch.
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She wanted to take
over with that role.
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But what was really tough and my
heart goes out to you, is when
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you are in dysfunction, like
I'm very dysfunctional home,
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the men in my family were
drunk and high so women tended
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to take those roles.
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So it's really tough
coming from dysfunctional,
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like you're alcoholic father.
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Trusting and giving that
over to the men in your life,
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it is huge, it's huge.
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To be able to say that deep
rooted distrust of people really
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taking care of you is
there, so I can see that.
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- you hit yet, exactly.
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- what is really interesting
is that I just want to
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hug you and say that
takes so long to give up because
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most the people in your
life have not been faithful,
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have not taken care of
your heart, have not even taken
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care of your home.
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So to turn it over to
anybody. - you don't know how,
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when you are faced with
someone who is that way,
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wanting to do the best for
you, you do not know how to
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treat them a lot of times.
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You just don't know how
to treat them, which was my
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situation, and I did
know how to react to this.
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Some one that was faithful,
stick to it, nice and all
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those things. -
what does all than mean?
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One of the things that
put things at a wedge for our
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children was because Gwen
wanted to have a career and
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the type of security she
saw, she would say I'll deal
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with the kids at a later age.
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She could deal with them
when they were very young.
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She said when they become
teenagers, well by that time
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the tree has already grown
and you can't bend it at that
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time, so that became a
real push and pull for us.
00:12:57.10\00:13:03.58
- So what I would like to say,
as far as families in recovery,
00:13:03.62\00:13:08.39
is that it never is just
about the one person acting out,
00:13:08.42\00:13:13.12
it usually is about historically
what happened in the parents,
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and their
parents, and their parents.
00:13:18.23\00:13:20.24
All of a sudden, even
though you have two parents that
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are thinking the same
goal, in their head they think
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the same goal, they are
really on different pages,
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being motivated by
fears and insecurities,
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that are generations old.
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I look at some addicts
sometimes, and you start to meet
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the family and think this
person couldn't have been any
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different with all the
stuff that was going on.
00:13:41.70\00:13:44.79
Not putting any blame anywhere,
because there really is no
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blame anywhere, I think
that is why God said don't judge
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just heal. - right, right!
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So we work through those
things time, and time, and time,
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and time and time again.
00:13:59.90\00:14:01.64
But when we went to the
military, I went to the military
00:14:01.68\00:14:09.04
because like I said I wanted
to change careers, well the
00:14:09.08\00:14:14.14
time for going into the
military because we just needed
00:14:14.18\00:14:18.58
some funds, we needed income
to be able to take care the
00:14:18.62\00:14:22.49
family and I said Gwen I'll
go into the military and you
00:14:22.52\00:14:27.61
can work on your education,
provide funds for the family
00:14:27.64\00:14:32.69
and so that's what we did.
00:14:32.73\00:14:35.13
I went into the military
and that opened up a whole
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different realm for
the kids and for us.
00:14:42.65\00:14:45.63
We did move a lot and
it was some insecurity
00:14:45.67\00:14:48.62
there for the family.
00:14:48.66\00:14:51.44
We have two sons,
one Adam our older son.
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I think for him it was
more of a novelty, he loved the
00:14:54.84\00:15:01.09
military, that structure,
he liked that, in fact it was
00:15:01.13\00:15:07.34
his goal to go into
the military as a result.
00:15:07.38\00:15:10.08
Now mind you we are both
in the military but we are in
00:15:10.11\00:15:14.20
different branches, she's
an officer and I'm enlisted.
00:15:14.23\00:15:18.28
The structure there was
that by her being an officer,
00:15:21.30\00:15:25.59
she had a set of rules for
her was different than it was
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for me as an enlisted.
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They expect officers to
be able to command and take
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charge and for the enlisted
it was a little bit more
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leeway, lenient and so I
took care the kids primarily.
00:15:43.75\00:15:48.25
That is where a lot of the
nurturing of the kids came.
00:15:48.29\00:15:52.76
So we have set up kind
of a foundation, this is the
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foundation of the
family started with.
00:15:56.74\00:15:59.10
I want to go
ahead and take a break.
00:15:59.14\00:16:01.43
I want to bring your son
in and get his take on what
00:16:01.46\00:16:06.11
was going on and then at
the close of the program we will
00:16:06.15\00:16:10.70
bring everybody back on.
00:16:10.74\00:16:12.22
I hear what you're saying
that you have all this stuff
00:16:12.25\00:16:16.78
going on, two sons in
there, and now things tended,
00:16:16.82\00:16:21.32
at this point, to fall apart.
00:16:21.35\00:16:23.17
So we are going to talk
with Aaron about what that felt
00:16:23.21\00:16:26.29
like from his point of view.
00:16:26.32\00:16:27.76
It is really interesting
to me that everybody has point
00:16:27.80\00:16:32.41
of view and one child will
respond different than another,
00:16:32.45\00:16:37.03
totally so we
will be right back.
00:16:37.06\00:16:39.43
Stay with us, I'm going
to introduce you to Aaron and
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I have to tell
you about this guy.
00:16:41.29\00:16:43.33
When I first met him, I
heard his story and just loved
00:16:43.37\00:16:47.36
him, I loved him, I just love
what he's doing in his life.
00:16:47.40\00:16:50.87
I loved his recovery, in
fact when he told me some of the
00:16:50.91\00:16:54.35
stuff I said can
I meet your parents?
00:16:54.38\00:16:56.61
I met his parents after I
met him just because his story
00:16:56.64\00:16:59.66
was so amazing, so
we will be right back.
00:16:59.69\00:17:01.91
Stay with us and I'll
introduce you to Aaron and
00:17:01.95\00:17:05.82
it will be fun.
00:17:05.85\00:17:07.24