Welcome to
Celebrating Life In Recovery,
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I'm Cheri your host.
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Today we're going to talk
about, divorce, restoration,
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and recovery, heavy
topics but God is good.
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Come and join us.
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Welcome, so we are going
to be talking about divorce,
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which is a tough topic
anyway for 50% of Americans
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that have been divorced.
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So we're going to talk
about it a little bit different
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slant in that a lot people
get a divorce, they haven't
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worked on their issues and
end up getting remarried right
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away, or in a
relationship right away and
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they get divorced again.
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So we are
hopefully going to cover it.
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What do you do as far as
healing time before you fall
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in love again?
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I'm going to introduce you
to a couple that you will be
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blessed by, both of their
healing before they made the
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decision to get
back into a relationship.
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As we get ready to do this
program we are going to do it
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a little different than
we typically do it and that
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I always have a little teaching
time, I love doing that,
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I just love doing that,
but today I want to make sure
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that we hear everybody's
testimony to the fullest.
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So we are going to start
right away with getting to know
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the guests and so I want to
say, Vicki thank you so much
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for coming on the program.
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I know that some of the
stuff you're going to share with
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us is things that
typically you would like to keep
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with close friends, maybe
a Pastor, kids, but you are
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willing to share with us.
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First tell us why and then
let's get into what happened.
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Tom and I are both concerned
that there are probably
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a lot of other people out
there who may be going through
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some of the same things
that we went through after our
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divorces, some of the same
issues, lack of self-esteem,
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a God shaped hole in
the middle of our hearts.
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We are hoping that we can
help other people through the
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same struggles
that we went through.
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So saying that, what
did you guys go through?
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What did you go through?
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You know the reason I
separated you is because Tom
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is a little bit of a talker.
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I'm going to love
having him here, hello Tom.
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I am going to love having
them here but I want to have
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you be able to speak
without any interruptions,
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besides me, go ahead.
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I guess my testimony
really begins with an ending.
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I was married the first
time for 24 years and had two
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daughters and our
relationship came to an end.
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Our marriage came to an end
and I moved into an apartment.
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We were living at that time
on the west coast of Florida.
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And you thought you were
going to be married for life!
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Most of us when we get married
we think it is always going
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to be and so 24
years is a long time.
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- it is a lot of time invested.
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We really didn't come
to that decision lightly.
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I was actually already seeing
a counselor and we had been
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in counseling
together too previously.
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- I know that we have
talked previously and you don't
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want to get into all that,
and that is fine because that
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is not the point
of the program anyway.
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So we're going to go right
into that you ended up leaving.
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A decision was made and
I moved into an apartment.
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I was in my apartment for
nine days and hurricane Charley
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came in on the
west coast of Florida.
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No way! So it's like my
life is falling apart and now
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storms are coming and my
apartment is falling apart.
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I wasn't feeling too good
about it and I wasn't sleeping
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too well that night and I
actually went work that morning
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because the hurricane wasn't
supposed to hit were we were.
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I was thinking we were going
to get a little bit of flooding,
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and about an hour before
it hit they announced over the
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radio that the hurricane
had taken a little jog,
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was actually going to hit
right where we were, head on.
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To make long story short,
my apartment was destroyed.
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The place I was working
the roof was taken off and
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building was so badly damaged
that the facility ended up
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closing for nine months
before they were able to reopen.
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In one swoop - did you just cry?
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Yeah, I was a basket case
because it was like, I felt like
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I didn't have anything.
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I felt like well my marriage
was over, I didn't have a
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job, and I didn't
have a place to live.
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It was all just gone.
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The building was condemned,
there were stairs that went up
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to the second floor and they
were really shaky afterwards.
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The roof was gone and we
weren't supposed to go back in
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there, but you want to go
back and get out what you can.
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I ran into some of my
neighbors doing the same thing.
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They were saying, you
better get what are you can
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carry out today because
they are not going to let
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us in here tomorrow.
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- so what did you do?
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I threw everything in my
car and went home to mom.
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Here was in my 40s and didn't
think I would ever be living
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with my mother again.
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- you know for a lot of
people that have been through
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that, that has to be the
worst feeling to just sit there,
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not that moms are good or
bad, it is not even about that,
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but I just didn't
think I would be back here.
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After that many years you
have been independent and you
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don't think you will
ever be back home again.
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Mom was gracious and she
took me and I moved in with mom.
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Initially I thought I
would probably just be back in
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Southern Illinois for
maybe a couple months.
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I would then probably move
back to Florida, but I wasn't
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up here very long before I
started to feel like this was
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where God wanted me to be and
that maybe there was a reason
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why, not that God sent
the hurricane to move Vicki,
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or any of the bad
things that happened.
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It just that He was able to
take that set of circumstances
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and use it to actually
move me to where I needed to be.
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You know what I love
about you saying that?
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Looking between the lines,
it's almost like what you are
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saying is that you started
to see hope, you can see that
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maybe God was working with this.
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It must be that
your heart was opening up
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a little to some healing.
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I think my mother
really helped with that.
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My mother is a Christian
woman and also the local Pastor,
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I'm trying to remember
now, one of them recommended a
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Christian counseling service.
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I thought it would check it out.
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- some people, I get notes
all the time, I don't like the
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fact that you
talk about counseling.
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But if we had more friends
that we could just sit down
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and spill everything out
to them, they would have the
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time to walk us through all
this hurt, I would say don't
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go to a counselor,
go to your friends.
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But a lot of times we
don't have that and especially
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when you moved back
home, you do not have a lot of
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supporters around you,
so the fact that there was
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a Christian
counselor that could listened,
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I just think
that was a God thing.
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I was praying about it,
actually because it were several
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counselors there at the
Christian Council center.
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I was actually paired up
with just exactly the one
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I needed, she had actually
been through a divorce herself.
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It was Christian woman who
was forgiven for anything she
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had done and was
remarried, happily remarried.
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She could identify with
a lot of the things that
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I was going through.
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- so immediately she
probably started to work on your
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self worth, because more
than likely after a divorce,
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we just feel like nothing.
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- That is right, I don't
think it really matters who is
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at fault either, I think
that even friends I've met since
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then, whether you are the
victim or you are not the victim
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or maybe a little of both,
everyone seems to suffer a loss
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of self worth, you just feel
like you're not good enough.
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You wonder if anyone
could ever love you again.
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So how do they help you
look at that and let that go?
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Because you have
to surrender that God.
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Yes you do.
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I love this because all of
heaven says I am crazy about
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you, don't let the
devil lie to you about that.
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But I have seen so many
people going through a divorce.
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You could tell spiritually
speaking that they are crushed.
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Everything in me wants to
say, please don't believe those
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lies because you are amazing.
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That's true, -
you are still okay.
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The Bible actually tells us
that if we, even for the part
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that we were at fault for,
if we confess our sins that He
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is faithful and just
to forgive us our sins.
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We have to cling to that
whatever mistakes we made during
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our marriage, because even
in marriages where I've had
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friends where they feel
like they were the victim, they
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admit that there was
problems on their side too.
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- I have to agree with you.
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We have to know
that we were forgiven.
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- I have never met any
divorce or separation that was
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clean on both
sides, on either side.
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You can start looking at
one thing happens and hurts
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start getting involved and
everybody is acting out and it
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could be for years acting
out before a decision is made.
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Everybody has done horrible
things to each other, even
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if it is subtle and then
when the big things happen that
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you can point at.
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- when you really start
getting your life back on track
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with God, He will point
those things out to you, but not
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so He can hold it over your
head, but so you can confess
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those things so you can be
forgiven and start to heal.
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What is important about that?
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I don't think a lot of people
see the importance of that.
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Until you recognize
that Jesus is all you need,
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how can you move
into a new relationship.
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I think you have to come to
that point where you recognize
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that hole that you feel in
your heart after you go through
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a divorce or maybe a death.
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You have this huge hole and
that is the way I described it
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when I spoke to my
sister and with my counselor.
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I have got this big hole
and I don't know what's going to
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fill it, what you recognize
that hole can't be filled by
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another human being, it
has to be filled by Jesus.
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He is the only one that
can fill that hole, and you are
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not just ready for
a new relationship.
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You will go into it
for the wrong reasons.
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We are going to go ahead
and take a break and I would
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like to come back and
bring in Tom just so we can talk
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about the healing that
you guys have done separately,
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and the healing that
you guys have done together.
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How incredibly faithful God is.
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It is absolutely
amazing, so stay with us,
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we will be right back.
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