Okay this is going to be
00:00:13.84\00:00:15.07
so much fun.
00:00:15.10\00:00:16.07
I'm going to introduce you
00:00:16.08\00:00:17.62
quickly to four people.
00:00:17.66\00:00:19.19
So Lorenzo you are
going to be first, right?
00:00:19.23\00:00:22.10
So come on up and join me.
00:00:22.13\00:00:23.16
You heard what we
were talking about?
00:00:23.20\00:00:26.79
So we are talking
about our early walk,
00:00:26.82\00:00:30.34
so tell me a little
bit, you said a little bit
00:00:30.38\00:00:33.00
about your family and
what happened when you
00:00:33.04\00:00:35.63
actually got into school?
00:00:35.66\00:00:36.80
What did you
struggle with the most?
00:00:36.84\00:00:38.60
Well I think I really struggled
mostly with anger because
00:00:38.64\00:00:44.06
I had a lot of issues
between me and my family.
00:00:44.10\00:00:48.47
Your family, was your
family anything like mine?
00:00:48.51\00:00:52.85
Because my family
was all just partying.
00:00:52.88\00:00:55.31
No! In what way
was your family like?
00:00:55.35\00:00:58.67
Well my
grandmother usually is pretty,
00:00:58.71\00:01:01.96
well she gets upset over the
littlest thing like mis-matching
00:01:02.00\00:01:08.58
shoes she will chew
your head off for that.
00:01:08.61\00:01:11.78
Were you raised by your grandma?
00:01:11.82\00:01:13.20
Yes because my
mother and my father were
00:01:13.23\00:01:17.22
not able to take care of me.
00:01:17.26\00:01:19.34
Where are they? Where were they?
00:01:19.37\00:01:21.39
Well they were living together
in Albuquerque then they
00:01:21.42\00:01:26.66
separated, divorced and now
I'm living with my grandmother.
00:01:26.69\00:01:31.89
So you got to school and
by the time you get to school
00:01:31.93\00:01:34.94
you are just full of anger?
00:01:34.98\00:01:36.51
Waiting for
anyone to say anything?
00:01:36.54\00:01:38.91
Yes, yes and it was pretty
easy too because people over
00:01:38.95\00:01:44.54
there in my school
weren't the friendliest people.
00:01:44.58\00:01:48.34
So was easy? Yeah!
00:01:48.37\00:01:50.85
What is really interesting
and what I found out with my
00:01:50.89\00:01:52.62
own anger, it is
because my anger put people off.
00:01:52.65\00:01:56.34
That my anger was part of
why they weren't so friendly.
00:01:56.38\00:02:00.22
They just didn't
like me spitting on them,
00:02:00.25\00:02:02.83
do you know what I mean?
00:02:02.86\00:02:03.96
So sometimes it
was our own anger.
00:02:03.99\00:02:06.05
Did you ever find that?
00:02:06.08\00:02:07.15
Yeah! So you are now
at a different place?
00:02:07.18\00:02:11.79
You're with people trying
to help you with anger issues.
00:02:11.83\00:02:14.21
Did you ever get into
drinking? Any of that stuff?
00:02:14.25\00:02:19.30
Yeah I took a couple
drinks every now and then.
00:02:19.34\00:02:24.36
But not much,
yours is just anger?
00:02:24.39\00:02:26.10
Mostly anger!
00:02:26.13\00:02:27.58
So thanks for sharing that.
00:02:27.61\00:02:29.69
I'm going to bring up now Amber
and so I am going one after
00:02:29.72\00:02:33.47
another so now anger with yours,
you are dealing with that.
00:02:33.50\00:02:36.97
So your journey is with that
and you are allowing someone
00:02:37.01\00:02:40.45
to step into your
life and help you Heh?
00:02:40.48\00:02:42.37
So go ahead and have a
seat and Amber come on up.
00:02:42.40\00:02:45.27
So Amber when I talk about my
family, talk about your family
00:02:50.48\00:02:55.38
and maybe some of the stuff you
are willing to share with us.
00:02:55.42\00:02:59.89
If some of the stuff to close
right now, don't even share
00:02:59.93\00:03:04.36
that just the stuff you can.
00:03:04.40\00:03:06.24
Well both my parents split
up and I've been staying with my
00:03:06.27\00:03:11.87
grandma ever since as a baby.
00:03:11.91\00:03:14.24
Where are your parents at?
00:03:14.28\00:03:16.54
Well I don't really know, my
mom is in Phoenix and I think
00:03:16.57\00:03:24.14
my dad is in New
Mexico somewhere.
00:03:24.18\00:03:27.31
Does this affect you, and
this is a dumb question, you can
00:03:27.34\00:03:31.03
hit me later, but does
it affect you do not know
00:03:31.06\00:03:34.77
where they are, to not know
what they are thinking about
00:03:34.80\00:03:39.00
you or any of that stuff?
00:03:39.03\00:03:40.25
Well it used to but now
I don't really care at all.
00:03:40.29\00:03:43.81
Because why?
00:03:43.85\00:03:45.14
I don't know, all of a
sudden I just stopped caring.
00:03:45.18\00:03:49.17
It's like I
can't keep going there?
00:03:49.20\00:03:52.61
Yeah I don't know where it
started I think, I don't really
00:03:52.64\00:03:59.97
know because
they're hardly there for me.
00:04:00.01\00:04:02.04
You heard that my family
was all drugs and alcohol.
00:04:02.07\00:04:08.42
I chose drugs and alcohol
which was crazy, you would think
00:04:08.46\00:04:13.61
I would run from that.
00:04:13.64\00:04:14.66
How do you survive
the hurts in your life?
00:04:14.70\00:04:20.10
Well I used to cut
now I am actually clean.
00:04:20.13\00:04:25.47
So for people don't know
what cutting is, most teenagers
00:04:25.50\00:04:29.91
know exactly what
you just said, right?
00:04:29.95\00:04:31.66
Because that is a very
popular way to deal with your
00:04:31.70\00:04:36.22
sadness and not
feeling connected,
00:04:36.26\00:04:38.64
but explain to
somebody what cutting is.
00:04:38.68\00:04:41.20
Maybe you don't have to
share your own experience.
00:04:41.24\00:04:43.52
But what is cutting,
what do you mean by that?
00:04:43.55\00:04:48.82
It's like self injury,
and that is pretty much it.
00:04:48.85\00:04:54.08
Ever since I was 12 and I
didn't care what my parents
00:04:54.11\00:04:59.47
think I actually
blamed everything on myself.
00:04:59.51\00:05:03.52
That if you are good
enough they wouldn't have left?
00:05:03.56\00:05:07.22
Yeah and then from there
I tried to commit suicide.
00:05:07.25\00:05:10.88
Now you are starting
to deal with that so that
00:05:10.91\00:05:18.47
you are not so hurt? Yeah!
00:05:18.50\00:05:20.62
Let me for people who do not
know, for a lot of folks that
00:05:20.66\00:05:25.60
are dealing with such tremendous
sad nesses and not sure
00:05:25.64\00:05:30.55
why somebody has left or
rejected or abandonment or
00:05:30.59\00:05:33.99
Depression is that cutting
and burning gives you a sense of
00:05:34.03\00:05:38.47
at least connection,
I don't hurt so much.
00:05:38.50\00:05:42.05
If I am going to feel so empty
or so hurt if I cut at least
00:05:42.09\00:05:45.06
I put the pain all in one place.
00:05:45.09\00:05:47.93
And then you get a
little bit of a break,
00:05:49.10\00:05:51.18
am I explaining it
right? You mean like releasing?
00:05:52.57\00:05:57.44
Yeah! So that you
release whatever is building up?
00:05:57.48\00:06:01.82
Yeah! I can survive if I
can just get this out of me.
00:06:01.85\00:06:06.46
It is incredible to me
that I know, and tell me if I am
00:06:06.50\00:06:10.38
right on this, right now
you are working with some folks
00:06:10.41\00:06:14.84
at your school to learn to
get it out in different ways?
00:06:14.88\00:06:19.28
Yeah! That is exciting to me.
00:06:19.31\00:06:22.68
Can you feel the
depression lifting some what?
00:06:22.71\00:06:25.25
Yeah! Now I am starting to
be actually a little happier
00:06:25.29\00:06:31.04
and sometimes I miss
doing that kind of stuff but now
00:06:31.08\00:06:35.54
I'm trying to learn to
just pray about it every time
00:06:35.58\00:06:40.01
I feel the urge do it.
00:06:40.04\00:06:41.96
So what we need to talk
about is that sometimes you miss
00:06:41.99\00:06:44.41
doing those things, for a
lot of people don't know it's
00:06:44.44\00:06:47.63
like an addiction because
it works so well to release
00:06:47.67\00:06:51.59
that sometimes if you, for
example, see a sharp object
00:06:51.63\00:06:55.52
what is the first
thing that you think about?
00:06:55.56\00:06:58.06
Actually to cut.
Yeah if you see a needle?
00:06:58.10\00:07:01.41
To poke at my vein
or something like that.
00:07:01.44\00:07:04.72
So for a lot of people that
have gone into cutting it is
00:07:08.06\00:07:11.66
like it is hard to even
start seeing the objects in my
00:07:11.70\00:07:14.74
environment because I
want to use them to release the
00:07:14.78\00:07:17.78
pain or hurt or
emptiness that I feel.
00:07:17.82\00:07:20.79
So your recovery is saying,
00:07:20.82\00:07:23.28
I'm learning a
different way to do it.
00:07:23.31\00:07:26.25
You know what is
going to be exciting Amber?
00:07:26.28\00:07:29.15
There is going to be a point
your life where you will see
00:07:29.18\00:07:31.80
a sharp object and you will not
think of cutting first thing.
00:07:31.83\00:07:35.88
Unless it is like cutting
for cooking a meal or whatever.
00:07:35.92\00:07:39.94
But you will not
think of hurting yourself.
00:07:39.97\00:07:41.44
That is where I think it is
exciting about recovery and I
00:07:41.48\00:07:44.83
know like you told me on the
break but that is not where you
00:07:44.86\00:07:47.67
are at right now but that
is where you are hoping to be.
00:07:47.70\00:07:50.47
Yeah! I'm hoping that too.
00:07:50.51\00:07:54.20
At the end of the program I
would like to have prayer for
00:07:54.23\00:07:59.16
everyone, can I have
prayer for you about that
00:07:59.19\00:08:01.04
at the end of the program? Sure!
00:08:01.08\00:08:03.03
Okay thank you the next
person I would like to talk with
00:08:03.06\00:08:05.98
is Manuel, I would like for
you to come up and we are going
00:08:06.01\00:08:10.09
to talk about the things
that you have shared with me are
00:08:10.13\00:08:13.58
amazing to me, things you
have struggled with, the things
00:08:13.61\00:08:17.25
from your family, and you
are more like me than a lot of
00:08:17.29\00:08:20.89
the others as
far as family stuff.
00:08:20.93\00:08:22.96
So talk a little bit
about where you came from and
00:08:22.99\00:08:25.64
what happened in school.
00:08:25.67\00:08:27.22
What happened in school?
Yeah and the family stuff.
00:08:27.26\00:08:30.87
Well I used to see
my mom and dad fight and
00:08:30.91\00:08:37.10
I got tired of it so I
used to stay with my grandma.
00:08:37.13\00:08:41.42
Did your mom and dad,
were they alcohol involved?
00:08:43.63\00:08:47.19
They had all that stuff?
Yeah! They drank and stuff.
00:08:47.22\00:08:50.75
I stayed with my
grandma for a while.
00:08:50.78\00:08:52.57
I went to a public school
and I used to get into a lot
00:08:52.61\00:08:57.86
of trouble, I used to
fight and a lot of crazy things.
00:08:57.89\00:09:03.11
Use to drink, smoke.
00:09:03.14\00:09:04.79
Did you feel like when you
first start going there that
00:09:04.83\00:09:07.73
for me anyway is I
had to release the anger.
00:09:07.76\00:09:11.88
When I found out that alcohol
and drugs worked as far as
00:09:11.92\00:09:15.60
to help me fit in, it
seemed like everything worked by
00:09:15.64\00:09:19.65
doing it that way? Did you
feel like this works for me?
00:09:19.69\00:09:23.67
Yeah! It releases were
Amber talked about cutting.
00:09:23.71\00:09:28.11
You are saying no
releases me to cut you?
00:09:28.14\00:09:30.41
Do you know what I mean?
00:09:30.44\00:09:32.19
I'm not going to cut
myself so your anger actually
00:09:32.23\00:09:34.76
came out the other way?
00:09:34.80\00:09:35.99
I used to drink away my
sorrows by drinking, smoking,
00:09:36.03\00:09:41.43
it just wasn't working.
00:09:41.46\00:09:44.14
Did you ever draw the attention
of school authorities or
00:09:44.18\00:09:49.21
Law enforcement? No!
00:09:49.25\00:09:50.67
Never went to jail,
never went to Juvenile hall?
00:09:50.70\00:09:53.15
Oh yeah I have been
there a couple of times.
00:09:53.19\00:09:55.56
So talk about that little
bit, because you are young still
00:09:55.60\00:09:58.50
so when you say a couple
of times how old were you
00:09:58.53\00:10:02.50
the first time
when you went to jail?
00:10:02.54\00:10:06.53
I was about 15 when
I first went to jail.
00:10:06.56\00:10:10.49
What happened? I got
into a fight with some people.
00:10:10.52\00:10:17.32
I was intoxicated so I
got done in for, I don't know.
00:10:17.36\00:10:24.13
You are in for how
long? About five days.
00:10:24.16\00:10:27.54
Plus during that
time I was on probation
00:10:27.58\00:10:30.92
because I was drinking.
00:10:30.96\00:10:32.00
So when you got out
did you go back to school?
00:10:32.03\00:10:36.45
Yeah! Did you fighting stop?
00:10:36.48\00:10:40.13
Did you learn your
lesson? Did you stop drinking?
00:10:40.16\00:10:42.06
No, I continued more
often and would fight
00:10:42.09\00:10:45.05
every week, every day.
00:10:45.09\00:10:47.17
Was there any body, and I
guess I want to just say that
00:10:47.21\00:10:50.44
in my own life there was
nobody I could look at that was
00:10:50.47\00:10:54.12
actually trying to do recovery,
was trying to live their
00:10:54.16\00:10:56.99
life different, was there
anybody in your life that was
00:10:57.02\00:10:59.82
trying to show
you the way to live?
00:10:59.85\00:11:02.06
Well there was my grandma,
but she passed back in October.
00:11:02.10\00:11:06.97
So she died of
cancer right? Yeah!
00:11:07.01\00:11:09.40
I am sorry about that
because I know that she was the
00:11:09.43\00:11:12.86
normal person in your life.
00:11:12.90\00:11:15.97
She was trying to help
you to not drink, don't fight,
00:11:16.00\00:11:22.45
don't smoke, anybody else?
00:11:22.49\00:11:26.58
Cousins, friends, mom, dad.
00:11:26.62\00:11:30.64
Probably a couple of my
aunties but they lived far away
00:11:30.68\00:11:34.26
from me so we don't
see each other often.
00:11:34.30\00:11:36.58
So all of this is going
on, you are even though you are
00:11:36.61\00:11:44.63
young, and are getting
pulled into an addiction.
00:11:44.67\00:11:47.94
You want to drink every
day, your using every day.
00:11:47.98\00:11:51.21
How did you stop?
00:11:51.25\00:11:54.03
Because I know you
are not drinking today.
00:11:54.07\00:11:57.74
Well I was looking
through this magazine and
00:11:57.78\00:12:01.72
I saw some ad about
Holbrook Indian school and
00:12:01.75\00:12:06.80
I was talking to my
grandma and she said yeah one
00:12:06.84\00:12:11.85
of my cousins was
going to school there.
00:12:11.88\00:12:13.73
She told me to give them a
call, so I guess she called.
00:12:13.76\00:12:18.46
You called them?
No! She called them.
00:12:18.50\00:12:21.15
So I guess
that's how I got it all.
00:12:21.18\00:12:23.76
So now you go to a school
that not only has all kinds of
00:12:23.79\00:12:28.96
rules, you are going to
live there, and the rules that
00:12:28.99\00:12:32.51
they have you are definitely
not going to be drinking?
00:12:32.55\00:12:36.03
Or smoking, so
what did you think?
00:12:36.06\00:12:40.12
Where you not crazy at first?
00:12:40.16\00:12:41.79
I didn't think
anything, I didn't even know
00:12:41.82\00:12:46.09
it was a Christian school.
00:12:46.12\00:12:47.12
I did know what Seventh-day
Adventist means so when
00:12:47.16\00:12:50.28
I went there I
kind of freaked out.
00:12:50.32\00:12:53.53
Let me just ask you, because
this is real interesting.
00:12:57.95\00:13:00.67
I love the fact that
there are people in our lives,
00:13:00.71\00:13:03.72
as we travel through our
lives, that will help us.
00:13:03.75\00:13:06.73
Did you pay for
the school you went?
00:13:06.76\00:13:10.29
No! For me when I
first came into recovery,
00:13:10.33\00:13:14.77
I didn't have a dime, my
teeth needed to be fixed.
00:13:14.80\00:13:18.43
People stepped up and said
let me cover that right now
00:13:18.46\00:13:22.06
while you are standing up.
00:13:22.09\00:13:23.51
I just want to say
how cool is even that.
00:13:23.54\00:13:25.97
Because if somebody is
not going to be doing that,
00:13:26.01\00:13:28.76
you are not going to
be getting well right now.
00:13:28.80\00:13:31.52
When you get well I
am going to ask you to
00:13:31.55\00:13:34.34
cover someone else. Alright?
00:13:34.37\00:13:36.62
Thank you for coming up and
thank you for sharing with us.
00:13:36.66\00:13:39.81
I would like to now
introduce you to Crystal.
00:13:39.85\00:13:42.20
Crystal come on up.
00:13:42.23\00:13:43.77
The first time we met
we talked for a long time.
00:13:43.81\00:13:47.72
You have said this a
couple times, even on this trip
00:13:47.75\00:13:51.01
you said that you feel like
you are three people in one.
00:13:51.05\00:13:54.28
So tell us a little
bit about your background,
00:13:54.31\00:13:56.50
where you came from,
and why you feel that way?
00:13:56.53\00:14:00.66
I came from a
background that, I felt like,
00:14:00.69\00:14:04.74
was a dysfunctional family,
like my family wasn't one.
00:14:04.78\00:14:08.01
So your mom and
dad are in the picture,
00:14:08.04\00:14:12.11
are not in the picture?
00:14:12.14\00:14:13.44
My dads in the
picture, but my mom, not my mom.
00:14:13.47\00:14:16.52
She moved away, right? Do
you know even where she is at?
00:14:16.56\00:14:20.36
No! Your dad does he raise you?
00:14:20.39\00:14:24.16
No! He is like,
sometimes I go and visit him,
00:14:24.20\00:14:28.13
he didn't raise me.
00:14:28.17\00:14:30.02
So you are with
your grandma? Yeah!
00:14:30.05\00:14:31.67
I know that you have been
at this Holbrook school since
00:14:31.71\00:14:37.15
you were in the first grade.
00:14:37.18\00:14:38.40
I was surprised when we first
met that you had been there
00:14:38.43\00:14:42.09
for almost your
entire school, right?
00:14:42.13\00:14:44.96
It's a safe place for you? Yeah!
00:14:45.00\00:14:47.55
So one of the persons that
you feel like this person at
00:14:47.59\00:14:52.46
school has goals,
has people that love you,
00:14:52.50\00:14:57.39
you're in the choir,
you are a beautiful singer,
00:14:57.42\00:15:00.14
so one person is that?
00:15:00.17\00:15:02.31
The other person is who?
Crazy, like I'm up for anything.
00:15:02.35\00:15:10.12
But you have not
always been that way,
00:15:10.16\00:15:12.89
so talk about some
of your home visits and
00:15:12.93\00:15:15.60
how you got involved in
to where you were partying?
00:15:15.63\00:15:19.43
Well when I was small I
used to live at my grandparents.
00:15:19.47\00:15:25.25
We used to live in Port
Defiance, we moved back because
00:15:25.28\00:15:31.03
my grandpa had
land on the reservation,
00:15:31.07\00:15:32.96
so he wanted to start that.
00:15:32.99\00:15:34.46
So we moved back and
that's where my cousins were.
00:15:34.50\00:15:37.37
When I was back and forth I
had no one to hang around with.
00:15:37.41\00:15:42.68
No one your own age?
00:15:42.72\00:15:43.76
Yeah I just lived at my
grandma, so we moved back and
00:15:43.79\00:15:47.32
I met my cousins and I was
happy because I had someone
00:15:47.35\00:15:51.02
my age that I could hang
out with and stuff like that.
00:15:51.06\00:15:54.70
We were hanging out
and pretty soon they said,
00:15:54.73\00:15:58.47
we actually have older
cousins, so they drank,
00:15:58.51\00:16:02.22
did drugs and stuff like that.
00:16:02.25\00:16:03.98
I have to say it
must've felt incredible,
00:16:04.02\00:16:08.44
now I have people around me,
00:16:08.47\00:16:10.64
I can go hang out and
play and all those things.
00:16:10.67\00:16:14.35
It must've felt really
cool to be asked by the older
00:16:14.38\00:16:18.02
cousins for you to hang out.
00:16:18.06\00:16:19.26
But now it's like
they are all using,
00:16:19.30\00:16:22.73
and they didn't
trick you into using,
00:16:22.77\00:16:26.13
you all of a sudden
wanted to try it, right?
00:16:26.17\00:16:28.94
The reason I say trick you
into using it is because for
00:16:28.98\00:16:32.67
some of us I think their
perception is somebody is hiding
00:16:32.71\00:16:36.37
behind a bush
saying come on drink this.
00:16:36.41\00:16:39.30
But that is not how it happens.
00:16:39.33\00:16:41.47
We just look at everybody
having a great time and
00:16:41.51\00:16:43.71
we want to try it.
00:16:43.74\00:16:45.00
When I was a little girl at
the party's at my grandmothers,
00:16:45.03\00:16:48.12
I would sneak drinks
because I wanted to try it too.
00:16:48.15\00:16:51.92
So you immediately started
to like that part of yourself?
00:16:51.96\00:16:58.46
Yeah! That wild part!
00:16:58.49\00:17:00.46
Did it get you in trouble?
00:17:00.49\00:17:03.23
Not with my cousins around
they always took the blame
00:17:03.27\00:17:07.79
and try to cover up for me.
00:17:07.82\00:17:09.80
So grandma never found
out? Yeah that's right.
00:17:09.84\00:17:12.37
School doesn't find out?
00:17:12.40\00:17:13.58
And your cousins are
covering for you? Yeah!
00:17:13.61\00:17:16.29
That is how you can be
that person too? Um hum!
00:17:16.33\00:17:18.94
So that's the person at
grandma's, the person at school,
00:17:18.98\00:17:24.54
the person at parties. Yeah!
00:17:24.57\00:17:26.67
And now you are trying
to decide which one you are
00:17:26.71\00:17:29.61
going to let go off and which
when you are going to keep?
00:17:29.65\00:17:34.77
That has got to be a
little scary? Yeah it is!
00:17:34.81\00:17:37.79
What have you
thought about so far,
00:17:37.83\00:17:40.22
what have you come up with?
00:17:40.26\00:17:41.47
Well the school, now that I am
more open to one of my Auntie,
00:17:41.50\00:17:50.20
she makes me think a lot.
00:17:50.23\00:17:52.99
Like how she came down
the road and it was hard
00:17:53.03\00:17:55.41
when she got out of high school.
00:17:55.44\00:17:56.70
I see all my family members,
none of them went college,
00:17:56.74\00:18:02.45
well only two but
they didn't get that far.
00:18:02.49\00:18:06.39
Now they're getting
pushy and I'm getting mad
00:18:06.42\00:18:10.29
because they're pushing.
00:18:10.32\00:18:11.53
They are like hanging
their hopes on you, you know
00:18:11.56\00:18:14.56
you can succeed in a
family where we haven't.
00:18:14.59\00:18:18.05
So that's a lot of pressure
too? Yeah, it makes me mad.
00:18:18.09\00:18:21.87
But you know what I want
to say because we've talked.
00:18:21.91\00:18:25.58
I know that there is a part
of view that is your hope and
00:18:25.61\00:18:29.25
dream to do college
and to have because what is
00:18:29.29\00:18:33.00
your goal as far as
what do you see yourself as?
00:18:33.04\00:18:36.72
Because I know you
have goals, dreams?
00:18:36.76\00:18:38.62
I would like to go
into music but I don't know.
00:18:38.66\00:18:44.92
It's a little scary? Yeah!
00:18:44.96\00:18:46.14
So not all the people
around you has even done the
00:18:46.18\00:18:49.26
whole college thing? Yeah!
00:18:49.30\00:18:50.63
I remember you saying
something to me that was really
00:18:50.67\00:18:54.54
interesting because my heart
as an addict I so understand
00:18:54.57\00:18:58.68
this when you said I do home
leave, remember when you said
00:18:58.71\00:19:01.68
that there is a part of me
that doesn't want to come back?
00:19:01.72\00:19:04.65
So talk about that a little bit.
00:19:04.69\00:19:06.68
I don't want to go on and
I don't want to come back.
00:19:06.71\00:19:10.10
When I'm at school I'm
scared to go home because
00:19:10.14\00:19:13.15
I don't want to get
caught up in that stuff again.
00:19:13.19\00:19:16.16
When I do go home I think
it will stop but it doesn't,
00:19:18.67\00:19:22.99
so I start doing that stuff
again and when it is time for me
00:19:23.02\00:19:27.30
to come back I
don't want to come back.
00:19:27.34\00:19:29.39
Because now you're at it again?
00:19:29.43\00:19:30.52
So you really right now at
this point in your life are
00:19:30.55\00:19:35.55
at a crossroads, you
have to pick a road? Yeah!
00:19:35.58\00:19:39.26
That is a scary place
because you can also pick
00:19:39.30\00:19:42.94
just partying, just being wild.
00:19:42.98\00:19:45.68
I just don't want you
to you and leave here,
00:19:47.29\00:19:50.70
I wanted to say
you are not leaving,
00:19:50.73\00:19:52.56
but you know it is
really awful and good that
00:19:52.60\00:19:56.67
you are the only
one that can actually
00:19:56.71\00:19:57.94
pick that road. Yeah!
00:19:57.98\00:20:01.20
What does your heart say,
if you could just say this is
00:20:01.24\00:20:05.36
what I really want, this
is what I want to choose?
00:20:05.40\00:20:09.32
Which one do you
lean to more right now?
00:20:09.35\00:20:13.20
Going to my School.
00:20:13.23\00:20:16.94
And the dreams you
have as far as music?
00:20:16.98\00:20:21.19
Yes! And that one
brings you joy in life.
00:20:21.23\00:20:25.41
What grade are
you in? Sophomore!
00:20:25.45\00:20:28.23
So you have got a
couple more years,
00:20:28.26\00:20:30.97
they go up to the
12th grade right? Yeah!
00:20:31.01\00:20:33.30
So a couple
more years at school.
00:20:33.34\00:20:35.02
So if anybody wants to
keep you on their prayer list,
00:20:35.05\00:20:38.72
should they?
Yeah! Yes, absolutely.
00:20:38.75\00:20:42.78
It's like to me is like when
you are on that addiction side,
00:20:42.81\00:20:47.22
because I know from any of
us that are having that struggle
00:20:47.26\00:20:51.64
with that lifestyle,
00:20:51.67\00:20:52.99
and being partying and
being with our friends,
00:20:53.02\00:20:54.93
when we are on that
side we don't even want
00:20:54.96\00:20:56.83
anyone to pray for us.
00:20:56.86\00:20:58.01
It's like no, no, no, I don't
even want you to think about
00:20:58.05\00:21:01.78
me or pray for me, but when
I'm on the side that has those
00:21:01.81\00:21:05.37
hopes and dreams we are
begging people from our heart,
00:21:05.40\00:21:08.69
don't forget me, don't
forget to cover me in prayer.
00:21:08.73\00:21:15.08
In your life who are
the role models, like we did
00:21:15.11\00:21:20.39
a week of prayer together
and I just remember just
00:21:20.43\00:21:24.89
looking at you and
saying grab hold of somebody
00:21:24.93\00:21:29.35
that can be a
role model for you.
00:21:29.39\00:21:31.08
So who are those
people in your life and
00:21:31.11\00:21:33.90
how do they
support you? Emotionally?
00:21:33.94\00:21:36.66
Probably I would have to
say my auntie is basically
00:21:36.69\00:21:44.95
the one I know
the most in my family.
00:21:44.98\00:21:47.17
And she has gone there,
she's gone there and walked into
00:21:47.20\00:21:50.41
recovery, or had
she not gone there?
00:21:50.44\00:21:53.25
No, well she did go there after
she got out of high school.
00:21:53.28\00:21:58.52
Now she is alright.
00:21:58.56\00:22:00.90
So she is the support for you?
00:22:00.93\00:22:03.58
How about at the school,
is there anybody at the school
00:22:03.62\00:22:06.25
that you see this
person encourages me to stand?
00:22:06.28\00:22:10.70
My friend.
00:22:10.73\00:22:12.97
I hung out with a lot of
your friends when I was there
00:22:15.94\00:22:18.36
and you know what surprised me?
00:22:18.40\00:22:21.84
Remember we were
all at the back of the
00:22:21.87\00:22:24.00
auditorium hanging out?
00:22:24.04\00:22:25.52
There were times of
praying and crying together.
00:22:25.56\00:22:28.38
It blessed me watching how
much you guys love each other.
00:22:31.21\00:22:34.31
Do you know what I mean?
Your friends and how you,
00:22:34.35\00:22:37.23
because a lot times nobody
around you has been consistent
00:22:37.27\00:22:41.92
as far as being there for
you, and your friends have
00:22:41.96\00:22:44.58
you can see that
when we were hanging out.
00:22:44.62\00:22:47.36
So you are
saying your friends are.
00:22:47.40\00:22:50.65
My prayer for you is going
to be that I am hoping you will
00:22:51.79\00:22:54.73
find that strength within you,
even if you're friends stand or
00:22:54.77\00:22:57.68
fall, that you can stand
still and helped them back up.
00:22:57.72\00:23:00.95
Thank you for coming
up, and thank you for
00:23:00.98\00:23:04.31
sharing that with us.
00:23:04.35\00:23:05.48
I would like to now show you,
or introduce you to a couple
00:23:05.51\00:23:13.05
of the people
that run the school.
00:23:13.08\00:23:15.63
The principle of school and
her husband who has a lot of
00:23:15.67\00:23:18.91
recovery, both of them have
a lot of recovery behind them,
00:23:18.95\00:23:22.23
but we are going to talk about
some of what you just heard
00:23:22.27\00:23:25.51
with the kids.
00:23:25.55\00:23:26.64
So I'm just going to ask
you to come up, come on up.
00:23:27.48\00:23:29.63
With each of these
kids I know that for one,
00:23:29.66\00:23:34.91
quickly just
recap your testimony.
00:23:34.95\00:23:38.45
Where you have come from
and God standing you up and
00:23:38.48\00:23:40.98
how you are loving on them?
00:23:41.02\00:23:42.95
Then I want to talk
about what you think about
00:23:42.98\00:23:45.35
what the kids just shared today?
00:23:45.39\00:23:46.44
I was an addict and an
Adventist and an addict
00:23:48.03\00:23:52.88
at the same time.
00:23:52.91\00:23:54.37
A look at the camera and
say any Adventist addict stop!
00:23:54.40\00:23:57.67
I'm just
kidding, I'm just kidding.
00:23:57.71\00:24:00.03
But there is lot of
times that we say that,
00:24:00.07\00:24:02.77
there are people that
will e-mail me and say,
00:24:02.81\00:24:05.64
you know sure Cheri
I am a closet addict.
00:24:05.68\00:24:08.45
I do prescription drugs
or I drink and nobody knows,
00:24:08.48\00:24:11.31
so what you are
saying is that I was that.
00:24:11.34\00:24:14.25
I wasn't in a closet
I was out in the open,
00:24:14.28\00:24:17.12
but I would go to the
Church every once in a while
00:24:17.15\00:24:20.02
and that was about it.
00:24:20.05\00:24:21.25
God helped me
when I met my husband.
00:24:21.28\00:24:25.31
He had been drinking and
had quit before I met him,
00:24:25.34\00:24:30.60
and I thought well if he
can do that I can do that too.
00:24:30.63\00:24:35.85
He helped me into the rehab.
00:24:35.88\00:24:37.78
I like the way you
say that because you know
00:24:37.82\00:24:39.45
what Hep told me?
00:24:39.48\00:24:40.55
He said I can't marry
you if you drink. Yep!
00:24:40.58\00:24:43.22
So you said it really
nice, and I'm thinking
00:24:43.26\00:24:45.87
well that's not what I heard.
00:24:45.90\00:24:47.35
And the only reason I
remember that it's because
00:24:47.38\00:24:50.41
my husband said, my
husband is a trumpet player and
00:24:50.44\00:24:53.43
he said Cheri I can't
marry you if you smoke,
00:24:53.47\00:24:55.41
because I make a
living with my lungs.
00:24:55.44\00:24:57.17
So it is really interesting
when the people around us
00:24:57.20\00:25:00.80
encourage us to do
better and that is what we are
00:25:00.83\00:25:04.39
talking about
even with the kids.
00:25:04.42\00:25:05.64
Every once in awhile we are
fortunate to have somebody walk
00:25:05.67\00:25:08.03
into our lives, that really
call us to a better place.
00:25:08.06\00:25:11.35
He did that for you. Yes he did!
00:25:11.39\00:25:13.88
I'm so grateful it's just
wonderful to be able to quit.
00:25:13.91\00:25:20.90
And to get started on recovery.
00:25:20.94\00:25:23.48
So you actually
went to treatment? I did!
00:25:23.52\00:25:25.83
I went to
treatment and came back.
00:25:25.87\00:25:30.61
I had quit drinking even
before I went to treatment,
00:25:30.64\00:25:34.60
so I came back and just went
on with letting go and let God.
00:25:34.64\00:25:40.14
What is really interesting
to me is that I have heard your
00:25:40.17\00:25:45.64
story just
because we hung out some.
00:25:45.67\00:25:47.62
But I heard the fact that God
then stood you up and started
00:25:47.66\00:25:51.59
to bring you to a place where
you are actually going to speak
00:25:51.63\00:25:55.52
recovery, or
life into these kids.
00:25:55.56\00:25:58.49
So when they have all come up
individually and talk to about
00:25:58.52\00:26:01.81
their journey, and you
know them better than I do.
00:26:01.85\00:26:04.52
You have more kids than
just them at the school.
00:26:04.56\00:26:07.16
Tell me what you felt from your
heart just listening to them?
00:26:07.19\00:26:10.63
I am sad because they
had to go through that,
00:26:10.67\00:26:15.79
at such a young age.
00:26:15.82\00:26:18.46
I feel so bad that
they had to go through that,
00:26:18.49\00:26:22.14
but I am so grateful to
God that they came to the
00:26:22.17\00:26:25.75
school and that God is
starting to open up their hearts
00:26:25.79\00:26:29.77
and open up their minds
to see that it is better than
00:26:29.81\00:26:33.76
what they were thinking about
00:26:33.79\00:26:35.68
doing or were into.
00:26:35.72\00:26:37.80
It is wonderful when they come
and talk, they talked to me,
00:26:37.84\00:26:42.39
they will come my office
some time and talk about what is
00:26:42.42\00:26:46.94
going on in their lives
and I sit there and listen
00:26:46.98\00:26:51.37
because my heart cries for them.
00:26:51.41\00:26:53.76
I feel like there's so much
for them that they could have
00:26:53.79\00:26:59.56
in this recovering in getting
into recovery and I encourage
00:26:59.60\00:27:05.33
them to do what they need to do.
00:27:05.37\00:27:08.03
In order to learn how to
live without using anything
00:27:08.06\00:27:12.72
is going to hurt them.
00:27:12.76\00:27:13.77
Whether it's
cutting, whether it's drugs,
00:27:13.80\00:27:15.27
whether it's drinking,
whether it's their rage,
00:27:15.30\00:27:17.62
or their anger.
00:27:17.66\00:27:18.74
It is amazing to me because
you came from a place to where
00:27:18.78\00:27:24.77
you understand how
addictions can take you down.
00:27:24.80\00:27:28.64
But sometimes, you guys
are so young and fully don't
00:27:28.68\00:27:32.03
understand that yet, you
understand at some level.
00:27:32.06\00:27:35.37
Like Duane being in
jail, that helps you.
00:27:35.41\00:27:38.22
Or Manuel, sorry I
always said to Duane but Manuel.
00:27:38.26\00:27:43.15
So we have a number of people
that you speak into their life,
00:27:43.19\00:27:48.80
you have 75
students? Yes 75 students.
00:27:48.84\00:27:51.70
All with their own stories?
Right every one of them.
00:27:51.74\00:27:55.18
We have grades one through
12 and each one of them have
00:27:55.21\00:27:58.62
their own stories,
the young ones do too.
00:27:58.65\00:28:02.11
The older ones come
and talk to us more.
00:28:02.15\00:28:05.54
I'm going to have Hep come
up because Hep teaches some of
00:28:05.58\00:28:10.20
the younger grades
and I want to talk about,
00:28:10.23\00:28:12.16
thanks for coming up,
thanks for sharing it.
00:28:12.19\00:28:14.08
Hep will you come up?
00:28:14.12\00:28:16.38
Sometimes I think
that we think of recovery,
00:28:16.41\00:28:19.74
when I think about recovery
I do think about recovery when
00:28:19.77\00:28:24.82
somebody is of age,
even if age 12,13,15,
00:28:24.85\00:28:30.31
but I can remember God giving
me a vision, Hep, at one point
00:28:30.34\00:28:34.91
when I was three.
00:28:34.95\00:28:37.21
I walked into the room
and my family are addicts,
00:28:37.25\00:28:40.31
they are all lost
in their own stuff,
00:28:40.34\00:28:41.98
and I was looking
around for someone to see me,
00:28:42.01\00:28:45.07
let me sit next to them,
00:28:45.10\00:28:46.97
acknowledge that I
came into the room,
00:28:47.01\00:28:49.61
but nobody was able to
because of their addictions.
00:28:49.64\00:28:51.38
Sometimes little tiny kids
start this addictive process.
00:28:51.42\00:28:56.89
Can you speak about that?
00:28:56.92\00:28:58.57
You teach elementary school.
00:28:58.60\00:29:00.18
I teach elementary I'm
the fifth and sixth grade
00:29:00.21\00:29:02.53
teacher at Holbrook.
00:29:02.57\00:29:03.87
The students range from age 8
00:29:03.91\00:29:07.05
to about 12 or 13.
00:29:07.09\00:29:08.85
The other day we
were talking about
00:29:08.88\00:29:12.18
drinking in the classroom.
00:29:12.22\00:29:14.14
So some of my kids got pretty
bold and we were volunteering
00:29:14.18\00:29:18.74
what age we started to drink.
00:29:18.77\00:29:21.33
I think I got the kids
down to about age 10, my kids
00:29:21.37\00:29:24.96
in the classroom that
are actually participating
00:29:24.99\00:29:28.55
and drinking at this point.
00:29:28.58\00:29:30.20
Then we went to cigarettes
which is another addiction.
00:29:30.24\00:29:34.51
And some my kids had even
started smoking or try to smoke.
00:29:34.55\00:29:39.62
Then we would turn that back
into focus and say what would
00:29:39.65\00:29:44.69
God want us to do?
00:29:44.72\00:29:45.99
They all agreed that it
is not right to do that.
00:29:46.02\00:29:48.19
That God wants us to be healthy.
00:29:48.23\00:29:50.07
Yeah God wants us to be healthy.
00:29:50.10\00:29:52.55
So then we said
why did we try it?
00:29:52.58\00:29:54.99
Well we were experimenting,
00:29:55.03\00:29:57.22
we wanted to see
what it tastes like.
00:29:57.26\00:29:58.84
So I would just then
take it a little bit further
00:29:58.87\00:30:03.03
and tell them a
little of my story.
00:30:03.06\00:30:05.53
They said gee Mr. Ross
did you really do that? Sure!
00:30:05.56\00:30:09.61
What kind of
things did you tell them?
00:30:09.64\00:30:12.17
I want you to know that you
are really telling these kids?
00:30:12.21\00:30:17.06
I told them about my own
drinking and some of the things
00:30:17.09\00:30:21.91
that I have gone through.
00:30:21.95\00:30:23.36
That it caused
me, with my drinking,
00:30:23.40\00:30:27.69
to lose my first family.
00:30:27.73\00:30:30.25
I had six children
and divorced my first wife
00:30:30.29\00:30:34.01
because of my drinking.
00:30:34.04\00:30:35.33
Because I was drinking
all my kids are drinkers,
00:30:35.37\00:30:40.28
they all drink alcohol and
some of them use marijuana.
00:30:40.32\00:30:44.13
You have watched
their lives be injured
00:30:44.17\00:30:46.74
because of their
choice on drinking?
00:30:46.78\00:30:49.28
Yes, and then also I
shared with my class that
00:30:49.32\00:30:54.33
because of God all
my kids are now sober.
00:30:54.36\00:30:58.77
Because God does do miracles.
00:30:58.80\00:31:01.82
Let me because what really
is interesting about you and
00:31:01.86\00:31:06.27
Janet are doing, each of
the people here and Amber and
00:31:06.31\00:31:11.42
Lorenzo, Crystal and Manuel
are into what you are doing.
00:31:11.46\00:31:16.39
Recovery is so, a lot of the
folks that stand up specially
00:31:16.42\00:31:21.31
with you folks, they
don't have a God history,
00:31:21.35\00:31:23.38
they don't have any religion
and so if I am saying an
00:31:23.41\00:31:25.92
important thing of let
go and let God, you have
00:31:25.96\00:31:30.97
to speak on that eventually.
00:31:31.00\00:31:32.23
You do, and my true
story is when I sobered up.
00:31:32.27\00:31:39.12
Back in 1979 the counselors
at the program said find
00:31:39.15\00:31:44.55
your higher power, it could
be a desk, it could be a tree,
00:31:44.58\00:31:47.89
it could be that rock,
00:31:47.93\00:31:49.96
find something
that you can believe in.
00:31:50.00\00:31:52.24
Something that is more
powerful than you are so
00:31:52.27\00:31:54.45
that you can believe in it.
00:31:54.48\00:31:55.77
Let me just say because
some people get offended,
00:31:55.81\00:31:59.59
at that if they are Christian,
00:31:59.62\00:32:00.59
they do not understand
why you would say that?
00:32:00.60\00:32:02.72
The only reason people
say that is for most of us in
00:32:02.76\00:32:06.83
those places, I wasn't raised
around anything Christian,
00:32:06.87\00:32:10.04
so if you were to say God
I would've blown you off and
00:32:10.08\00:32:14.26
never tried it, but if you
say find anything is almost
00:32:14.30\00:32:18.45
like a first step of
getting outside myself and
00:32:18.48\00:32:21.21
eventually I'm
going to find God.
00:32:21.24\00:32:22.46
God is faithful and He
is real and He is there.
00:32:22.50\00:32:26.58
So when somebody says it
could be anything they are not
00:32:26.61\00:32:29.33
really saying it could be
anything, that a rock get you
00:32:29.36\00:32:32.25
into recovery, it's just
saying that some how for this
00:32:32.29\00:32:35.14
addict has to get
out of their own head.
00:32:35.18\00:32:36.96
Whatever you believe in
you need to be strong in that,
00:32:37.00\00:32:42.59
but when you first come in
contact with God it is really
00:32:42.62\00:32:48.55
scary, it is so scary that
you wonder what in the heck are
00:32:48.59\00:32:53.28
you standing here with God
standing right next to you.
00:32:53.32\00:32:57.98
Saying hey you, get over here.
00:32:58.01\00:33:00.16
Because most the people
believing in the Bible fell
00:33:00.20\00:33:03.07
flat on their
face, they fainted.
00:33:03.11\00:33:05.35
A lot of people said I realized
I was in the presence of God
00:33:05.39\00:33:08.23
and I fainted because it is.
00:33:08.27\00:33:10.97
My first experience with God,
I was out south of town on a
00:33:11.00\00:33:15.44
hill by myself and
I heard this weirdest
00:33:15.47\00:33:19.28
scream come out from the south.
00:33:19.31\00:33:21.30
When I finally realized
what it was, it was a eagle hawk
00:33:21.34\00:33:26.78
that was coming down.
00:33:26.82\00:33:28.79
So what He was saying
was wake-up, straighten up
00:33:28.83\00:33:34.29
because I'm coming.
00:33:34.33\00:33:35.68
The hair on my neck stood
up and I had no place to go,
00:33:35.71\00:33:40.97
so I just stood there.
00:33:41.01\00:33:42.29
For some people they don't
believe that God uses animals
00:33:42.33\00:33:46.13
or trees or whatever,
but when He does its amazing.
00:33:46.17\00:33:50.56
I've had hawks, bluebirds,
sunsets and God can speak
00:33:50.59\00:33:53.93
through all of that
because He really loves you and
00:33:53.97\00:33:57.27
wants to talk to
you. That's right!
00:33:57.31\00:33:59.17
So for the first 27 years
of my recovery I followed God
00:33:59.21\00:34:05.63
through the Native American way,
through the pipe and the sweats
00:34:05.67\00:34:09.89
and through
those kind of things.
00:34:09.92\00:34:12.02
It hasn't been since the last
nine years or so that I have
00:34:12.06\00:34:16.43
really became
really close to God as what
00:34:16.47\00:34:20.90
is described in the Bible.
00:34:20.94\00:34:22.62
Creator God in the
Bible. That's right!
00:34:22.66\00:34:24.56
Finding the similarities between
the path that the northern
00:34:24.59\00:34:29.88
tribes are using and
the Bible is very similar.
00:34:29.92\00:34:32.92
Again a lot of
people would think that,
00:34:32.95\00:34:35.93
and this is a little
bit away from the kids,
00:34:35.96\00:34:37.90
but a lot of people would
think what you followed before
00:34:37.93\00:34:40.79
was not of God and what
you follow now is of God.
00:34:40.82\00:34:43.81
But you are saying that
God was always wooing me,
00:34:43.84\00:34:46.80
there was always that wooing,
00:34:46.83\00:34:48.14
but I just actually
see His face more clearly.
00:34:48.17\00:34:50.80
It is all intertwined with God.
00:34:50.83\00:34:55.60
In reality the
closer you get to God,
00:34:55.64\00:35:00.44
the better you
get to know yourself.
00:35:00.48\00:35:04.20
The better you
get to know yourself,
00:35:04.24\00:35:07.79
then you know God
is smiling at you.
00:35:07.83\00:35:11.31
In the message in Matthew,
I can't remember why the
00:35:11.34\00:35:17.68
paraphrase says it like this,
00:35:17.71\00:35:18.87
but it says when
you fully find God,
00:35:18.90\00:35:20.43
you fully find yourself.
00:35:20.47\00:35:21.69
I am the child of God creating
in His image and He says
00:35:21.73\00:35:24.70
I want to show
you who you are in Me.
00:35:24.73\00:35:28.30
For each of the testimonies
that we've heard today,
00:35:28.34\00:35:32.00
is that I can
see God wooing them,
00:35:32.04\00:35:34.44
I can see God standing
them up and I want show you.
00:35:34.48\00:35:37.54
Even what you are saying in
your life is that God said the
00:35:37.58\00:35:40.84
same thing to you, let
Me show you who you are.
00:35:40.87\00:35:42.87
Let me show you who I am.
00:35:42.90\00:35:44.48
So when you do teach these
kids through your testimony,
00:35:47.58\00:35:53.13
through your journey, with
even the stories that you have
00:35:53.17\00:35:58.68
heard today, if you
could tell them something
00:35:58.72\00:36:01.56
what would you tell them?
00:36:01.60\00:36:02.83
It is really hard for them
to understand at that age but
00:36:04.41\00:36:08.85
I think I would tell them
that we need to have patience.
00:36:08.88\00:36:13.28
With ourselves? With ourselves.
00:36:13.32\00:36:15.86
God says I will come
and help, I will help you.
00:36:15.89\00:36:22.18
It's on God's time
is not on our time.
00:36:22.21\00:36:25.34
So it may be 20 years from now,
or it may be in five seconds.
00:36:25.38\00:36:30.89
We need to take care of our
selves and keep dreaming that
00:36:30.92\00:36:36.40
is going to happen.
00:36:36.43\00:36:38.01
I believe for the last 35
years that God has had a message
00:36:38.05\00:36:44.52
for me and I am still waiting.
00:36:44.55\00:36:46.31
What is interesting too is
that you are just coming into
00:36:46.35\00:36:50.58
a place where you can stand
up and even talk about this.
00:36:50.62\00:36:54.82
God has intervened
and I see Him clearly,
00:36:54.85\00:36:59.44
more clearer today than
did I did five years ago,
00:36:59.47\00:37:02.16
definitely clearer than
10 years ago and I see in the
00:37:02.20\00:37:04.20
future it is going
to be clearer than that.
00:37:04.24\00:37:06.12
He is standing
me up for something?
00:37:06.15\00:37:08.08
That's true!
00:37:08.12\00:37:10.10
Thank you very much for
coming up and saying that.
00:37:10.13\00:37:13.85
For each of you guys as you
were listening to Hep and Janet
00:37:13.88\00:37:19.28
when each of you guys
spoke I can see God wooing you.
00:37:19.32\00:37:22.74
I can see God standing
you up in the same way.
00:37:22.77\00:37:25.15
Lorenzo would you
please come up one more time?
00:37:28.32\00:37:30.24
I want to just ask you a couple
things because I know that
00:37:30.28\00:37:34.46
we have talked about the
school stuff and that you were
00:37:34.49\00:37:38.64
dealing with
anger and your family.
00:37:38.68\00:37:40.82
I know that you
wanted to say something else
00:37:40.85\00:37:43.09
so if you could share
with us a little bit about more
00:37:43.13\00:37:47.34
about that, but what did
you think about what Hep said?
00:37:47.38\00:37:51.18
I thought it was really
interesting how an addiction or
00:37:51.21\00:37:55.43
a problem that you have could
mess up your life and affect
00:37:55.47\00:37:59.65
people around you.
00:37:59.69\00:38:01.24
So what do you mean by that?
00:38:01.27\00:38:03.14
Mr. Ross's in his case how he
divorced his first wife and how
00:38:03.18\00:38:10.83
his whole family fell apart.
00:38:10.87\00:38:12.56
And all that kind of thing.
00:38:12.59\00:38:14.25
It is interesting that
one thing leads to another,
00:38:15.90\00:38:17.84
it's almost like dominoes when
you set up a set of dominoes
00:38:17.87\00:38:21.40
and you push one over and
all the rest get pushed over.
00:38:21.44\00:38:25.52
You wanted to talk about a
little bit more about some of
00:38:25.55\00:38:29.60
the things that made you angry.
00:38:29.64\00:38:31.38
That is what you are
dealing with so what are some of
00:38:31.42\00:38:34.38
the things that
actually make you angry?
00:38:34.42\00:38:35.91
The things that made me
angry were actually almost being
00:38:35.94\00:38:42.11
left out of having more.
00:38:42.14\00:38:43.74
My older brother being
the one mostly my whole family
00:38:43.78\00:38:48.63
loved and so it was like
I was just there for mostly
00:38:48.66\00:38:52.70
cleaning up and making
sure the house was in order.
00:38:52.74\00:38:56.70
So you feel like you were
rejected by people around you?
00:38:56.74\00:39:00.45
Yeah! So your anger was that
somebody needs to pay attention
00:39:00.48\00:39:04.15
to me? Somebody needs to
look at me as I'm special?
00:39:04.19\00:39:09.22
Yeah, like you know I am here
too, it is more like playing
00:39:09.25\00:39:14.68
favorites with my older brother.
00:39:14.71\00:39:19.12
So now what is really
interesting, and you may not be
00:39:19.16\00:39:23.89
there yet, but I'm just going
to ask you if you are there?
00:39:23.93\00:39:27.50
What kinds of, I'm a middle
child so I felt that way all
00:39:27.53\00:39:31.07
through my life, are
you the middle child?
00:39:31.10\00:39:33.31
Second oldest.
And I'm second oldest.
00:39:33.34\00:39:37.57
So I always had to
live out older sister.
00:39:37.60\00:39:41.76
Is there anything you are
doing in order to let people off
00:39:41.80\00:39:47.99
the hook with that and
just know that you are okay?
00:39:48.03\00:39:50.86
Well, let's see, I think that.
00:39:50.90\00:39:56.43
Because I want to
say to people poof,
00:39:56.46\00:40:01.14
I wanted to treat everybody
fair and that's not fair.
00:40:01.17\00:40:04.82
Somebody said to me one
time, life is not always fair.
00:40:04.85\00:40:08.46
I'm like, who
wants to hear that?
00:40:08.50\00:40:10.87
So there was a point
where I had to say whom am I?
00:40:10.91\00:40:15.62
How am I going
to deal with that,
00:40:15.66\00:40:18.74
even if nobody around
me does the right thing?
00:40:18.77\00:40:20.80
How am I my going to
deal with that anger?
00:40:20.84\00:40:22.83
Does that make sense?
00:40:22.87\00:40:25.10
Yeah! When I say that
what do you think about it?
00:40:25.13\00:40:28.36
Well I think that I should
not try to live up to their
00:40:28.39\00:40:34.59
expectation, what I am
doing isn't helping them out
00:40:34.62\00:40:40.79
or making them happy.
00:40:40.82\00:40:41.89
I should just forget about
the whole thing and do what
00:40:41.93\00:40:47.24
I think is better and work
into something else better.
00:40:47.27\00:40:52.55
I still want to figure
out how to live my life?
00:40:55.50\00:40:58.62
Without drugs, without alcohol,
definitely without anger.
00:40:58.66\00:41:01.42
Because when somebody
hasn't dealt with anger,
00:41:01.46\00:41:05.03
isn't it as
destructive as anything else?
00:41:05.06\00:41:07.42
Yeah! Does it get in your way?
00:41:07.45\00:41:09.36
Yeah it gets pretty
much in your way because like
00:41:09.40\00:41:12.39
you have no control
over what you are doing,
00:41:12.43\00:41:14.95
or know how many
people you are hurting.
00:41:14.98\00:41:17.44
People start backing away
from you because they don't know
00:41:17.47\00:41:21.21
when you are going to
go off on them are not?
00:41:21.24\00:41:22.65
Yeah! My prayer for you, and
I'm going to call everybody up,
00:41:22.68\00:41:28.29
my prayer for you is going
to be to be able to allow that
00:41:28.32\00:41:33.89
anger to be given to God
and for God to show you how
00:41:33.93\00:41:36.91
incredible, because you're
not a second child for God,
00:41:36.95\00:41:39.90
you are everything to Him.
00:41:39.94\00:41:42.45
He is just saying let Me
love you and let Me show you
00:41:42.49\00:41:46.86
how to be that.
00:41:46.89\00:41:48.32
Even if people
around you don't see that,
00:41:50.02\00:41:52.41
you can actually heal anyway.
00:41:52.44\00:41:55.84
And love them, it's cool.
00:41:55.87\00:41:59.19
I'm going to call
everybody else up.
00:41:59.23\00:42:00.53
Crystal can you come up?
00:42:00.56\00:42:02.40
Manuel can you come up?
00:42:02.44\00:42:04.24
And Amber come up?
00:42:04.28\00:42:07.94
Do you guys want to join
me and we are just going to
00:42:07.98\00:42:10.17
have prayer for everybody.
00:42:10.20\00:42:11.55
And right now I am
going to have prayer.
00:42:11.59\00:42:14.44
I want to ask does
anybody else want to have prayer
00:42:14.48\00:42:17.67
out of the group? Anybody?
00:42:17.71\00:42:22.17
Janet did you want
to pray with them too?
00:42:22.21\00:42:24.05
And how about you
Hep, can you pray?
00:42:24.09\00:42:26.37
So we are going to
pray I will open it,
00:42:28.15\00:42:31.93
then Janet you take over,
00:42:31.97\00:42:33.17
then Hep I'll take it from you.
00:42:33.20\00:42:34.59
Dear Father in Jesus name we
are all coming from different
00:42:34.62\00:42:38.76
places and everybody
watching we are coming from
00:42:38.80\00:42:41.58
such different places.
00:42:41.62\00:42:42.75
Some anger, some depression,
some cutting, some drugs,
00:42:42.78\00:42:46.39
some just don't
feel good enough.
00:42:46.43\00:42:48.79
I know that people in my
life have loved me in the way
00:42:48.82\00:42:52.35
they've loved other
people and I am angry,
00:42:52.39\00:42:54.21
and it is not fair.
00:42:54.25\00:42:55.55
All of us has those things
and I think the devil himself
00:42:55.59\00:42:58.66
just tries to make them
bigger and bigger and bigger
00:42:58.69\00:43:01.69
to where I finally just destroy
myself either from my anger
00:43:01.73\00:43:07.16
from my drugs or my drinking,
from my own stuff into my family
00:43:07.19\00:43:12.59
I destroy those families
and I just say right now I pray
00:43:12.62\00:43:16.07
for these kids
and anybody watching,
00:43:16.11\00:43:18.10
let us be done with that.
00:43:18.13\00:43:19.39
Let us let that go
and I just ask You,
00:43:19.43\00:43:23.21
I was going to say I beg You,
00:43:23.24\00:43:24.78
but I don't have to.
00:43:24.82\00:43:25.85
You are Father and You love us.
00:43:25.88\00:43:27.57
I pray for the adoption
that we have in Your family,
00:43:27.61\00:43:30.85
that You want to
bring us into Your family to
00:43:30.89\00:43:33.72
pour into us and to bless us.
00:43:33.76\00:43:36.56
I just pray Father
bless these kids now.
00:43:36.59\00:43:38.84
Bless them with
Your Holy Spirit,
00:43:38.87\00:43:40.44
bless them with recovery,
00:43:40.48\00:43:41.76
bless them with safe
places and safe people.
00:43:41.79\00:43:44.46
Bring folks into their lives
and I pray Father through the
00:43:44.50\00:43:48.87
Holy Spirit for strength to
stay in recovery in Jesus name
00:43:48.91\00:43:53.25
I know that You adore us,
00:43:53.29\00:43:55.26
You're crazy about us.
00:43:55.29\00:43:57.19
I know that You want their
recovery more than anything,
00:43:57.23\00:44:01.32
so I am praying
today for their recovery.
00:44:01.35\00:44:03.42
Thank you so much.
00:44:03.45\00:44:05.20
Our heavenly Father, we
just thank You so much for the
00:44:05.23\00:44:08.78
children that
are at the school and
00:44:08.82\00:44:11.37
the children that are here.
00:44:11.41\00:44:13.22
You love them so much and
we see the hurt that they have
00:44:13.25\00:44:17.22
gone through and
still are going through.
00:44:17.26\00:44:20.01
We pray Lord that You will
just bless them with Your love
00:44:20.05\00:44:23.60
and surround them with
Your holy angels and help them
00:44:23.63\00:44:27.15
as they think about
the things they are doing,
00:44:27.19\00:44:30.02
and the things that
have brought them down.
00:44:30.05\00:44:32.81
Help them that they may
lift up their eyes to You,
00:44:32.85\00:44:36.39
and their hands
and their hearts.
00:44:36.43\00:44:39.85
I just pray that Lord
You will take care of them,
00:44:39.88\00:44:43.03
because we love them
so much and we know that
00:44:43.06\00:44:46.18
You love them even more.
00:44:46.21\00:44:47.58
We thank You in
Your holy name Amen.
00:44:47.62\00:44:50.25
Dear Lord we thank You for
bringing us here at this time.
00:44:50.29\00:44:54.00
Thank You for allowing
all these stories to be told.
00:44:54.03\00:44:59.03
Each and every one of us
have a different aspect in
00:44:59.06\00:45:04.02
their heart and their lives.
00:45:04.06\00:45:05.79
Please watch over
each and every one of
00:45:05.82\00:45:09.68
those that have come.
00:45:09.72\00:45:12.06
Look after those that
are listening to this story
00:45:12.09\00:45:17.02
and hear their
prayers and be with them.
00:45:17.05\00:45:20.96
Help them to know that
they are unique in Your eyes.
00:45:21.00\00:45:26.11
That each one has
a new future in You,
00:45:26.15\00:45:30.68
and all we have to do is
to walk it and to be patient.
00:45:30.72\00:45:35.51
This I ask in Jesus name Amen
00:45:35.54\00:45:40.23
thank you so much,
go and have a seat.
00:45:40.26\00:45:43.65
We are going to go
ahead and take a break.
00:45:43.69\00:45:47.05
But I want you to come back
00:45:47.08\00:45:50.15
because we just
want to tie this up.
00:45:50.19\00:45:52.31
Stay with us, we
will be right back!
00:45:52.35\00:45:54.44