Man, again I have to say
00:00:15.45\00:00:17.72
this is an incredible time
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in the Café today.
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We are talking about some
things that if you get it,
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if you are looking at
recovery, if you are looking,
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I think the miracle about
who God is and what He offers
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us is a changed life.
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He offers us to come out
of all the things that have so
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lock us up even generationally
and says I will actually will
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walk you into who you are.
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He knows who we are.
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We may never in our
lifetime get a glimpse of that,
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especially if we stay lost
in our addictions, but God says,
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I know, so trust Me on this one.
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In Galatians I keep referring
to that because Paul talked
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to them a lot, but if you
look at Galatians 1:6 it says,
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"I marvel that you
turn away from him so easy."
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I marvel at that, that
you started out with this and
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it was so cool and
you turn away so easy.
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When you go to Galatians
3:1 starts out, "oh foolish
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Galatians who bewitched you",
If you want me to quote exactly.
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"should not obey the truth
before whose eyes Jesus Christ
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was clearly portrayed
amongst you as crucified."
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For people who have a hard
time understanding that is,
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who lied to you?
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Who said that you could
actually step away from your
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relationship with
God in your recovery
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and take it on yourself?
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It goes on to verse
three, and I love this.
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"Are you so foolish to think,"
and now this is my paraphrase.
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Are you so foolish to think
that you within yourself have
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the ability to do
your own recovery?
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I mean you have been
trying, you have been trying.
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You have been fighting this.
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You have been
white knuckling it.
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You have been trying
to clean up your behavior.
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You haven't been able to
and there has to be a point
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where you let go and let God.
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And at that I want to
introduce you to our guest,
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Rhonda, you know
exactly what I am saying.
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I do! Did you
fight this for a while?
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I did, I
surrendered my addiction,
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but I didn't surrender myself.
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So during this interview we
are going to go right to there.
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First of all who are you
because to me that excites me,
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because God doesn't
start with us with no stuff.
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I have stuff Cheri, my
name is Rhonda and I am a
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recovering alcoholic and I was
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alcoholic from the first time I
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drank when I was
a young teenager.
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Drink for five or six years
and had a car wreck, hit a semi.
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Yes, doing 65 miles an hour,
after the doctor was releasing
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me to return to work and
he said at was able to go back
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underground, I was a coal miner.
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I said oh I can do the work,
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but I can't do is
drive past the bars.
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So I was 20 years old and
already knew I had a problem.
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Not being abled
to say no to alcohol.
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You were saying from the
time you took your first drink
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you knew you were an alcoholic.
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So what do you mean by that?
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I felt like this is who I am,
suddenly I had a personality.
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I belonged with other people.
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I could talk socially, I was
the prettiest girl in the room.
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I belonged, I had found my tribe
found the people that I belonged
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to because I never did before.
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I never felt like it.
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I was raised in a Christian
home, but I miss the whole
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Jesus loves me part of it.
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I just didn't get it
and so I kept trying to find
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something external.
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The first time I got drunk
it was like this is it, this is
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what I have been looking for.
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You know all over the world
they are watching, who ever is
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watching this program, there
are many people including myself
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that knows what that feels like.
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The moment you use a
drug or alcohol and everything
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seems to work,
this is my solution.
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We even had someone on the
program one time that said that
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he realized this was the
answer to all my problems.
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Now that is what you are
saying, from the first time.
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I love your statement that
I can't even drive by a bar,
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so they suggest at
that point, treatment?
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Well they did treatment,
it was out patient treatment.
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They sent me for
counseling and the counsler
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put me on Antabuse.
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Explain what Antabuse is?
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Antabuse is a drug that you
take on a daily basis and if
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you put alcohol on top of it
and it makes you deathly ill.
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Deathly ill! I'm
saying you're getting sick,
00:05:03.31\00:05:06.64
you are deathly ill.
00:05:06.67\00:05:07.98
A lot of my friends have
tried, and a lot of my family
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members have tried Antabuse
just because it really is
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so violent as far as you
are getting sick that you will
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stay away from alcohol.
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It was another thing of me
wanting something externally
00:05:19.93\00:05:23.61
to control me because I
felt so out of control myself.
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It worked and I did
really good in counseling and I
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learned a lot about myself
and they told me I was cured.
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They took me off of Antabuse
and told me I could drink
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and control my drinking.
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Based upon my body weight I
could have 1-12 ounce beer an
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hour and I remember
thinking, what's the point?
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I never drank to be social,
I drink for the feeling it
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gave me and one beer an
hour was not going to give me
00:05:53.27\00:05:56.39
that feeling that I craved.
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So it did not work and I
spent the next nine years drunk.
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In and out of bad relationships,
00:06:02.62\00:06:04.68
in an out of car
wrecks, black out drinking,
00:06:04.72\00:06:10.37
just devastation in
my family and my life.
00:06:10.40\00:06:15.98
When someone says to me,
that I am only hurting myself.
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And we don't take into
account, when we are using,
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the bad relationships that we
can fly through having affairs
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with people that are
married or are sleeping around.
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Have a relationships with
people that we wouldn't even
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invite into our
lives had we not been drunk
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when you met them.
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Exactly! Definitely
car wrecks and all that.
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That is what I did.
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Did you realize any of that?
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I did not, I was never
taken in for driving under the
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influence, the state made
me pay for a mile marker on 57.
00:06:54.18\00:06:58.42
Now when I drive past
that I'm very conscious that I
00:07:01.47\00:07:04.48
own that, but what I
see more is how close it is
00:07:04.52\00:07:07.50
to the concrete divide.
00:07:07.54\00:07:08.94
But I heard that God
looks after fools and drunks.
00:07:08.97\00:07:12.08
Just a few more feet and I
would have hit the concrete
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divider instead
of a mile marker.
00:07:15.22\00:07:16.81
So I can look back and see
God's hand in my life whether
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I knew it at the time or
not, He did keep me safe.
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Yeah, I was in and out of
bed, and you are exactly right,
00:07:22.82\00:07:26.29
when I drank I would do things
that I would never do sober.
00:07:26.33\00:07:29.77
So then I would try and
stay sober for a while and deal
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with the guilt
and shame of that.
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It had got to the point that
the last relationship I was in
00:07:35.21\00:07:39.82
failed and he chose to stay
with his wife rather than me.
00:07:39.85\00:07:44.42
So I was scared to
death that I was going
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to drink myself to death.
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I was 28 years old and
I had a 14-year-old child.
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I didn't know what I was going
to with the rest of my life,
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so I decided I would get
pregnant again and that way
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I would stay sober.
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Because that worked a
little bit the first time?
00:07:59.29\00:08:01.95
Because a little bit the
first time, I always said having
00:08:01.99\00:08:04.71
a child at such an early age
probably kept me from going too
00:08:04.75\00:08:07.44
far off the deep end and
I knew that I had somebody
00:08:07.47\00:08:10.70
else to be responsible,
that I was responsible to.
00:08:10.73\00:08:13.99
I needed something
outside of me to control me.
00:08:14.03\00:08:17.25
So I decided have another child.
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Everything in me, and I know
you know why I feel this way,
00:08:20.39\00:08:23.99
everything in me wants to groan
because I know that children
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are not enough to take
us away from our addictions.
00:08:27.61\00:08:30.69
We have to turn it over
to God, but at that point
00:08:30.72\00:08:33.76
you didn't know that yet.
00:08:33.79\00:08:35.35
I did not, I did not.
00:08:35.39\00:08:36.88
That was actually my first
time I talked to God in years
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was during that pregnancy,
I think kept painting the sky
00:08:41.46\00:08:45.93
pink and blue
because I was pregnant.
00:08:45.96\00:08:48.07
I thought it was all about me.
00:08:48.11\00:08:49.70
After she was born I was
sober and another nine months
00:08:51.26\00:08:53.49
and my friend came
home and said you know
00:08:53.53\00:08:55.73
I would like to see you.
00:08:55.76\00:08:56.73
I said, you know
I am not drinking.
00:08:56.74\00:08:57.71
He said that it's okay
just come and have a Coke.
00:08:57.72\00:08:59.75
I ended up on a
3- day drunk again.
00:08:59.79\00:09:02.15
Blackout drinking, using
drugs doing things I would not
00:09:02.19\00:09:05.57
have done and I blew it
off and said I needed that
00:09:05.60\00:09:10.04
to blow the cobwebs out.
00:09:10.07\00:09:11.61
I deserved that!
00:09:11.65\00:09:12.84
Yeah I did I have been
sober for a year and a half.
00:09:12.87\00:09:15.27
I have to butt in just because
I have to say that for a lot
00:09:15.30\00:09:19.05
of us, we have never learned
to meet our needs in any other
00:09:19.08\00:09:22.29
way then drugs or alcohol
and it does feel like somehow
00:09:22.32\00:09:25.49
I got a little mini vacation.
00:09:25.53\00:09:27.43
I can be myself again
at least for three days.
00:09:27.47\00:09:29.69
Because I have not
learned to do it any other way.
00:09:29.73\00:09:31.88
That is the saddest thing
for me, is that you felt like
00:09:31.91\00:09:36.00
I needed that bad.
00:09:36.04\00:09:37.90
Now I am back to the grind
of trying to do this straight.
00:09:37.94\00:09:42.17
Without drugs,
without alcohol. Right!
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Except that I was drunk
less than a week later and back
00:09:44.61\00:09:48.70
into a bad relationship
and did know where I was at and
00:09:48.73\00:09:52.79
woke up, who is this?
00:09:52.83\00:09:54.39
Just fell right back
in, not where I left off,
00:09:54.43\00:09:59.16
it was actually worse
than it was when I quit before.
00:09:59.20\00:10:01.77
How many addicts has
said that before you?
00:10:01.81\00:10:05.24
They do that a lot.
00:10:05.27\00:10:07.15
I can relate
every time I hear it.
00:10:07.18\00:10:09.06
You know what the Bible says,
which is really interesting
00:10:09.10\00:10:11.38
because I have to go
back to the word of God.
00:10:11.42\00:10:12.93
I am amazed at how in
this book, God covers all that.
00:10:12.97\00:10:16.65
Because He says, it is almost
like I come in through the
00:10:16.69\00:10:20.34
Holy Spirit, I will
clean everything up.
00:10:20.37\00:10:23.26
I will get rid of stuff
and junk and generational junk.
00:10:23.29\00:10:29.22
Even demons, I will
get rid of all that.
00:10:31.27\00:10:33.45
It will be so clean, He
says, then let Me fill you up.
00:10:33.49\00:10:36.60
But we don't take that
step and that is what we are
00:10:36.63\00:10:39.71
talking about today.
00:10:39.74\00:10:40.79
So let Me fill you up, but
then let's say these demons
00:10:40.83\00:10:43.68
come back and say I don't
know where I live anymore so
00:10:43.71\00:10:46.53
I am going to go back
and see how Ronda is doing.
00:10:46.57\00:10:48.86
The place is clean, empty
and they bring in seven more
00:10:48.89\00:10:52.28
friends and they
all jump back in.
00:10:52.32\00:10:53.87
So it is not only the
addiction for us, but I am more
00:10:53.91\00:10:57.94
twisted in my
thinking and I am more hopeless
00:10:57.98\00:11:00.13
in my view of life. Right!
00:11:00.16\00:11:02.75
Everything is worse,
and you are saying that you
00:11:02.79\00:11:05.03
notice that in your own life?
00:11:05.06\00:11:06.46
That's exactly because before
I would maintain it for months
00:11:06.49\00:11:10.72
at a time, years at a time.
00:11:10.75\00:11:12.49
And this from the time I
started drinking until I hit
00:11:12.53\00:11:16.40
my bottom was
less than six months.
00:11:16.44\00:11:18.63
I was just was to the
point where wanted to die.
00:11:20.24\00:11:21.82
I didn't think I needed to be
breathing good peoples oxygen,
00:11:21.86\00:11:25.99
and my kids would be
better off with anybody.
00:11:26.02\00:11:28.76
I was a horrible person
and I just needed to die.
00:11:28.80\00:11:31.49
So I set about making
arrangements to do that.
00:11:31.53\00:11:34.16
A friend of mine saw that I
was giving away cherished items.
00:11:34.19\00:11:38.35
A friend of mine
said what are you doing?
00:11:38.38\00:11:40.36
I just told her I am not
living anymore, I do not want
00:11:40.40\00:11:43.05
to see another year come
in or another decade come in.
00:11:43.09\00:11:45.70
This was it! I'm done.
00:11:45.74\00:11:48.16
I have so many people that
have been at the same spot.
00:11:48.20\00:11:52.23
They start giving things
away and for anybody when you
00:11:52.27\00:11:56.24
see people give away stuff
that they love, give away things
00:11:56.27\00:11:59.86
that mean a lot to them, start
saying you've meant everything
00:11:59.89\00:12:03.44
to me in my life and I
just want to let you know that.
00:12:03.48\00:12:05.79
You have got to pay attention.
00:12:05.83\00:12:08.65
Luckily your friend caught
that and what did you do next?
00:12:08.69\00:12:12.29
I went and got help.
00:12:12.33\00:12:14.13
I went to a residential
inpatient treatment 28 day rehab
00:12:14.17\00:12:18.68
I went down there
because I was nuts and
00:12:18.71\00:12:21.95
wanted to kill myself.
00:12:21.98\00:12:23.34
When I got there they
said, no honey you're not crazy,
00:12:23.38\00:12:27.17
you are an alcoholic.
00:12:27.20\00:12:28.54
I said no I am not, I was
treated for alcoholism nine
00:12:28.58\00:12:31.10
years ago and they
told me I was cured,
00:12:31.14\00:12:32.88
so I can't be an alcoholic.
00:12:32.91\00:12:35.55
They said trust us and I did.
00:12:35.59\00:12:38.16
I had come to the end of
myself and so learning the steps
00:12:38.19\00:12:42.67
that you take there in
recovery to admit you are
00:12:42.70\00:12:45.37
powerless over alcohol.
00:12:45.41\00:12:46.69
All I had to do was to
tell them a little of my story
00:12:46.73\00:12:49.37
and that was pretty powerless.
00:12:49.41\00:12:51.24
I came to believe a
greater power could restore me.
00:12:51.27\00:12:55.32
Restore you to sanity.
00:12:55.36\00:12:57.60
Sanity yes and I was
there because I was crazy.
00:12:57.63\00:13:00.10
Right but even when there's
hope that I can restore my mind.
00:13:00.13\00:13:05.08
My ability to even do this life.
00:13:05.11\00:13:07.67
So to me that is a huge
hope that you can hold onto.
00:13:07.71\00:13:13.26
I knew that, I was
raised in a Christian home and I
00:13:13.30\00:13:18.81
knew there was a God.
00:13:18.85\00:13:19.82
The third step was to turn
my will and my life over to
00:13:19.83\00:13:23.67
the care of Him and I balked.
00:13:23.70\00:13:25.30
I said, I don't think so.
00:13:25.34\00:13:26.86
I did not let my parents
run my life, and I didn't
00:13:26.90\00:13:29.27
let no man run my life,
and I sure am not going to let
00:13:29.30\00:13:31.64
God run my life.
00:13:31.68\00:13:33.00
And the spiritual mentor
down there, she just reached
00:13:33.04\00:13:35.38
over and patted me on the
knee and said, that's right
00:13:35.41\00:13:37.80
honey you have done such
a good job all by yourself.
00:13:37.83\00:13:40.97
I went, Awh, that was
it, that was a light bulb.
00:13:41.00\00:13:44.11
That was an epiphany for me.
00:13:44.14\00:13:45.45
I could see right there
it was like all my very best.
00:13:45.49\00:13:48.53
I tried so hard Cheri, I
wanted to be a good person.
00:13:48.56\00:13:51.31
I wanted to be a good wife,
I wanted to be good mother.
00:13:51.34\00:13:54.05
I wanted to be a good
daughter, a good sister,
00:13:54.09\00:13:56.79
a good employee, I
just wanted to be so good.
00:13:56.82\00:13:59.48
I had no power to do that.
00:13:59.52\00:14:01.59
There was nothing in you?
00:14:01.62\00:14:03.62
There was nothing in me and
I went to bed that night with
00:14:03.66\00:14:06.89
the challenge to God because
I hadn't been in there may be
00:14:06.92\00:14:09.77
a week and I had already
picked up on a relationship with
00:14:09.81\00:14:12.63
a young man in there.
00:14:12.66\00:14:13.63
Already making plans about
getting out of this 28 day rehab
00:14:13.67\00:14:17.00
starting this thing up knowing
that I did not want to start
00:14:17.03\00:14:20.33
a new life out with old habits.
00:14:20.37\00:14:21.66
But I didn't know how to break
it and so I went to bed that
00:14:21.69\00:14:25.92
night and said okay God.
00:14:25.96\00:14:26.97
If You are there and if You
are real, I need You to take
00:14:27.00\00:14:30.06
care of this because I
don't know how to say no.
00:14:30.09\00:14:32.25
The next morning just as my
foot stepped out side the door,
00:14:32.29\00:14:36.43
that same women came by and
grabbed my elbow and she said,
00:14:36.46\00:14:40.57
you know we noticed there's
a problem between you and
00:14:40.61\00:14:42.64
this young man, so we are going
to send him on the other side
00:14:42.68\00:14:45.05
of the hospital and
you will be over here and
00:14:45.09\00:14:46.67
you will have no more contact.
00:14:46.70\00:14:48.27
I just went, oh my
prayer was answered right then.
00:14:48.30\00:14:52.53
You know again Rhonda,
what hurts me is that we tend to
00:14:52.57\00:14:58.92
especial with
somebody early in recovery.
00:14:58.96\00:15:01.29
We judge all those behaviors
as if they are good or bad
00:15:01.32\00:15:04.03
person not realizing
that they don't even know how
00:15:04.06\00:15:09.04
to do this, don't know how
to do it without relationship
00:15:09.08\00:15:11.27
addictions,
don't know how to do it
00:15:11.30\00:15:13.08
without lying and manipulating.
00:15:13.12\00:15:14.52
So I love the fact that you
found this woman that knew that
00:15:14.55\00:15:18.52
you need help, even in your
own decision-making right now
00:15:18.55\00:15:22.49
because you are not doing it.
00:15:22.52\00:15:23.95
I can come in love and
just say, right now we are going
00:15:23.99\00:15:26.76
to do it for you until
you can do it on your own.
00:15:26.80\00:15:29.67
That was a gift
that was given to me.
00:15:29.71\00:15:32.25
I love her and I
don't even know her.
00:15:32.29\00:15:34.76
I have thought for years about
going back and looking her up.
00:15:34.80\00:15:37.95
I have not done that
but she was a huge central
00:15:37.98\00:15:41.30
person in my story.
00:15:41.34\00:15:43.57
So you got to that place where
I am surrendering it to God?
00:15:43.61\00:15:47.81
I know I can't do
it, what happened next?
00:15:47.84\00:15:51.20
I made it through and I was
a real go-getter and I wanted
00:15:51.24\00:15:56.71
to graduate early.
00:15:56.74\00:15:58.03
I was going to be cured here.
00:15:58.06\00:16:00.40
So I came out of treatment
and when I came home I didn't
00:16:00.44\00:16:05.38
find in the recovery meetings
what had found down there.
00:16:05.42\00:16:10.29
It was different, I did my 90
meetings in 90 days and started
00:16:10.33\00:16:16.78
reading my Bible and started
going back to church which
00:16:16.82\00:16:18.85
was something I couldn't do.
00:16:18.88\00:16:19.88
I felt clean, I felt cleansed
and whole again, so I went
00:16:19.92\00:16:24.50
back to church and had
this testimony that God met me
00:16:24.54\00:16:28.72
in a rehab and now I am
good enough to come to church.
00:16:28.76\00:16:32.98
So you weren't like the
Galatian where all of a sudden
00:16:33.02\00:16:37.21
you took over?
Who bewitched you?
00:16:37.24\00:16:39.76
I did exactly that.
00:16:39.79\00:16:41.46
When I started I
know I understand that.
00:16:41.50\00:16:44.70
I traded that relationship
in for a set of rules
00:16:44.73\00:16:49.02
and a religion.
00:16:49.05\00:16:50.18
Nothing wrong with
religion but what we do with it
00:16:50.21\00:16:53.88
sometimes is as
destructive as our alcoholism.
00:16:53.91\00:16:57.54
We are going to do it ourselves.
00:16:57.58\00:16:59.17
Paul cautioned, with the church
in Galatia, we are going to
00:16:59.21\00:17:04.10
do it ourselves, I know
what to do, thanks very much.
00:17:04.13\00:17:06.28
You cleaned me up now tell me
anything because I'm doing it.
00:17:06.31\00:17:09.66
So I quit doing any
kind of recovery effort.
00:17:09.69\00:17:13.18
I went to church, God said
to go and tell what I had done
00:17:13.21\00:17:17.75
in your life, and I said, no
one is going to listen to me.
00:17:17.78\00:17:21.14
I am a single woman with
two illegitimate kids and just
00:17:21.18\00:17:24.51
came out of rehab,
nobody is going to listen.
00:17:24.54\00:17:27.52
I know if I get
married I will be respectable.
00:17:27.55\00:17:30.50
Oh no, don't even tell me that.
00:17:30.53\00:17:32.59
I did that and you know in
recovery they tell you don't
00:17:32.63\00:17:34.99
start a relationship for a year.
00:17:35.02\00:17:36.79
Some poor guy just walked
by and you were thinking that.
00:17:36.83\00:17:38.37
No Honey I found the
biggest drunk I could find and
00:17:38.41\00:17:40.67
said I'm going to take
everything you have given me God
00:17:40.70\00:17:42.93
and pour it into his life.
00:17:42.97\00:17:44.57
I'll fix him! I'll fix him
and explain alcoholism to him.
00:17:44.60\00:17:48.01
Of course his side of the
story was, you know that I have
00:17:48.04\00:17:51.41
been praying that God
would send a good woman and if
00:17:51.44\00:17:54.28
He did, I would quit drinking.
00:17:54.32\00:17:55.85
I said okay, so I had never
been the answer to anyone's
00:17:55.89\00:17:58.82
prayer before and I
thought that sounded important.
00:17:58.85\00:18:02.81
It was horrible, we just
about destroyed each other.
00:18:02.84\00:18:06.77
So you both were
using each other?
00:18:06.80\00:18:08.03
Yep, because I had more
knowledge than he did in that
00:18:08.07\00:18:11.63
area so I was better then
him and I was going to fix him.
00:18:11.67\00:18:15.20
Of course he didn't
want to be controlled.
00:18:15.24\00:18:17.06
It was very, very painful.
00:18:17.10\00:18:19.64
I filed for divorce
twice and I'm a Christian.
00:18:19.68\00:18:22.69
Christians don't get
divorced so I was miserable.
00:18:22.73\00:18:25.70
I attempted
suicide and this is sober.
00:18:25.74\00:18:27.79
Not doing alcohol or drugs
and I was absolutely miserable.
00:18:27.83\00:18:33.08
I have to say Rhonda,
you are going to know this.
00:18:33.12\00:18:36.17
Some people listening
need to hear it, is that
00:18:36.20\00:18:39.18
when we have all our
crazy behavior and have nothing
00:18:39.22\00:18:44.13
to drown it, it is hard.
00:18:44.17\00:18:46.97
If I am not going to allow
God to actually walk me into
00:18:47.00\00:18:50.11
different behavior, I am going
to have to do it all sober.
00:18:50.15\00:18:53.22
It is like oh man!
00:18:53.25\00:18:54.66
So you are not only do in
your own crazy behavior sober,
00:18:54.69\00:18:58.04
but you brought in someone
else that had crazier behavior
00:18:58.08\00:19:01.33
and both of you trying to
do it in the same household.
00:19:01.36\00:19:04.57
Ouch! Painful very painful.
00:19:06.17\00:19:08.12
It lasted until he decided
he wanted to drink again which
00:19:08.16\00:19:12.52
was eight years later.
00:19:12.55\00:19:13.78
During that eight years the
only thing I had to hang on to
00:19:13.81\00:19:18.26
was that I was sober.
00:19:18.30\00:19:19.44
It was the only thing that
I could still feel good about
00:19:19.48\00:19:22.61
was that I was not drinking
and the idea of coming home
00:19:22.64\00:19:26.31
and having beer in the icebox
was I knew I couldn't do it.
00:19:26.35\00:19:29.98
I knew was life and
death situation and I left.
00:19:30.01\00:19:32.65
I was able to stay gone.
00:19:32.69\00:19:34.17
I probably saved both
of our lives by doing that,
00:19:34.21\00:19:39.72
along with my children.
00:19:39.76\00:19:41.06
Then I started from there
and then I did know who to be,
00:19:41.10\00:19:44.39
because I had gotten married
right out of recovery and
00:19:44.43\00:19:47.69
didn't know who I was.
00:19:47.73\00:19:48.95
The really sad thing is I
lapsed back into some of the
00:19:48.99\00:19:52.14
self-defeating behaviors because
I didn't know any better.
00:19:52.18\00:19:56.21
So I wasn't drinking, we
had a Christmas party at work
00:19:56.25\00:20:00.24
and I was 10 years sober.
00:20:00.28\00:20:01.51
I went to the party and
every one was drinking and
00:20:01.54\00:20:04.20
I drank 27 diet
Cokes, I counted them.
00:20:04.24\00:20:07.36
I was a basket case
because I so wanted to drink.
00:20:07.40\00:20:10.60
I did not have anything
else to replace it with.
00:20:10.64\00:20:13.81
Again I have to say, because
this whole season I have been
00:20:17.45\00:20:22.88
so impressed in this part of the
program on Celebrating Life in
00:20:22.91\00:20:26.14
Recovery, is to be able to
say, God really does know that
00:20:26.18\00:20:31.21
we need to allow Him to come
in and be willing to give Him
00:20:31.24\00:20:35.55
all of our junk, which is
nothing, so that He can replace
00:20:35.59\00:20:39.87
it with some good stuff
so we can learn to live.
00:20:39.90\00:20:43.00
If we do not do this,
and my heart breaks when
00:20:43.04\00:20:46.22
I see somebody like you
said, I'm 10 years sober
00:20:46.25\00:20:49.40
and I wanted to kill myself.
00:20:49.44\00:20:51.17
It is the most, you know,
the most hurtful place to be.
00:20:51.21\00:20:55.37
I have done
everything right, what is wrong?
00:20:55.41\00:20:57.48
God is gracious though and I
have cried out to Him in some
00:21:01.12\00:21:03.68
of these other addictions that
were resurfacing in my life.
00:21:03.72\00:21:06.24
I said, I need You
to be real in my life.
00:21:06.28\00:21:08.44
I give You this broken
part of me, can You explain why
00:21:08.47\00:21:12.73
it is there, can
You fix it for me?
00:21:12.77\00:21:14.97
He started putting
people into my life.
00:21:15.00\00:21:17.13
He started putting
Bible studies into my life.
00:21:17.17\00:21:20.26
He restored that part of
me and I wanted more of it.
00:21:20.30\00:21:26.54
So I went back to this joy.
00:21:26.57\00:21:31.22
I went back to understanding
that He was speaking to me
00:21:31.25\00:21:33.84
in the middle of it,
I went back to grace.
00:21:33.87\00:21:36.22
I went back to, oh my
gosh, He's doing it again when I
00:21:36.25\00:21:39.71
give Him the bad stuff.
00:21:39.74\00:21:41.19
Because I thought if I
just gave Him my alcoholism then
00:21:41.22\00:21:45.12
I will handle the rest.
00:21:45.15\00:21:46.50
So I would make a list of all
these defects of mine and say,
00:21:46.53\00:21:49.72
OK God, and now I am going
to try, this is how I'm going to
00:21:49.76\00:21:52.91
do this, and this is
how I'm going to do that.
00:21:52.95\00:21:54.68
Please help me do this stuff.
00:21:54.71\00:21:57.27
I missed that part
of giving it to Him.
00:21:57.31\00:22:02.36
I just wanted to give Him
my good stuff, and these are my
00:22:02.39\00:22:05.79
strengths and what I am
good at and You can use this.
00:22:05.83\00:22:09.16
I know a little bit and of
course a little bit of knowledge
00:22:09.19\00:22:13.00
is dangerous and so I was
in other peoples face about
00:22:13.04\00:22:18.43
what they knew.
00:22:18.47\00:22:19.44
I know this and I know that,
well I didn't know anything.
00:22:19.45\00:22:22.04
But I so wanted it
because I saw how real it was.
00:22:22.07\00:22:26.39
I saw when He told me to go
pray for somebody to be healed,
00:22:26.43\00:22:31.65
I just said, I can't do that.
00:22:31.68\00:22:34.61
Did You do not see what I
was doing last night and I
00:22:36.86\00:22:39.72
enjoyed it and I can't do
that and you can't use me God.
00:22:39.76\00:22:42.66
You cannot use me because
I have this sin in my life.
00:22:42.69\00:22:45.56
It just kept on and
kept on until I surrendered.
00:22:47.15\00:22:50.46
He was saying walk with
this person, help this person.
00:22:50.49\00:22:53.21
So He keeps trying to teach
you to reach out side yourself.
00:22:53.24\00:22:56.99
That is when I understood
and He just said will you say
00:22:57.02\00:23:00.35
I can't use you because you
are blonde haired blue-eyed,
00:23:00.38\00:23:03.67
what would you look
like bald and blind?
00:23:03.71\00:23:05.70
Anything that gets in the way
of Me using you I can remove.
00:23:05.73\00:23:08.52
I said, okay
then You can have it.
00:23:08.55\00:23:10.66
I didn't know how far
He was going to take it.
00:23:10.70\00:23:13.09
I threw myself into my
Bible and I threw myself into
00:23:13.12\00:23:18.85
having a personal
relationship with Jesus.
00:23:18.88\00:23:20.92
When I realize that He stayed
on the cross until I got it.
00:23:20.96\00:23:26.03
Until I understood He was
up there, not just for me to
00:23:26.06\00:23:30.16
confess my sins and from
this moment forward go on,
00:23:30.20\00:23:34.22
but He would stay there until
I knew that everything I ever
00:23:34.26\00:23:37.47
did was covered by that?
00:23:37.51\00:23:39.11
So when He did that, then I was
able to walk in some freedom.
00:23:39.15\00:23:42.79
Enought freedom that somebody
reached out to me and said,
00:23:42.83\00:23:46.44
I am having a problem
with alcohol can you help me?
00:23:46.47\00:23:50.10
I said, yeah I will
take you to a meeting.
00:23:50.13\00:23:52.31
I love what you said, during
the break, is that He stayed
00:23:52.34\00:23:55.87
up there on the cross
until you got it and then was
00:23:55.90\00:23:59.84
allowed, you then
saw He was resurrected.
00:23:59.88\00:24:03.26
He was now a resurrected
Lord in your life and
00:24:03.29\00:24:05.94
He can resurrect you.
00:24:05.97\00:24:07.36
Right! I think that's awesome!
00:24:07.39\00:24:09.16
Jesus will walk alongside
of us for a thousand years,
00:24:10.47\00:24:14.43
if it takes us a thousand years.
00:24:14.46\00:24:15.95
I am hoping that, I wish
that we got it in the instant.
00:24:15.98\00:24:19.14
That is what a lot of
people don't get about recovery,
00:24:19.17\00:24:22.26
is if I got it in an instant
I could give all that behavior
00:24:22.29\00:24:25.27
to Him and surrender that and
healing would come in my life,
00:24:25.31\00:24:28.25
it is just that
most of us don't.
00:24:28.29\00:24:29.93
We hold on to things,
we try to do it ourself,
00:24:29.97\00:24:31.75
we give it to
Him and take it back
00:24:31.78\00:24:33.39
and that is why most
recovery programs are so
00:24:33.43\00:24:36.78
good is because we don't get it.
00:24:36.82\00:24:39.01
Not that God isn't trying,
because God says I want to
00:24:39.04\00:24:41.95
heal you in a second, I want
to heal you right now and you
00:24:41.99\00:24:45.00
will never have to deal
with any of that stuff again.
00:24:45.04\00:24:48.37
I'm going to open it up
to the café because we have a
00:24:48.40\00:24:51.69
number of people in recovery.
00:24:51.73\00:24:53.10
And Heppy you have been
in recovery for a long time.
00:24:53.14\00:24:55.83
I would like to just
gave your take on what
00:24:55.87\00:25:00.21
we have been talking about.
00:25:00.25\00:25:01.34
Listening to the conversation
that was going on it reminds
00:25:02.68\00:25:06.44
me of that eerie feeling
that I had when I went through
00:25:06.47\00:25:10.20
treatment, and the
difficulty I had to deal with,
00:25:10.23\00:25:15.40
with letting go and letting God.
00:25:15.44\00:25:17.56
It is a huge step.
00:25:17.59\00:25:18.88
And it is a hard step,
because a lot of those things we
00:25:18.91\00:25:22.22
want to keep within ourselves.
00:25:22.25\00:25:24.04
Even though we graduate
from treatment, we won't realize
00:25:25.27\00:25:29.15
how to do that for maybe five
or six or seven years later,
00:25:29.19\00:25:32.67
if you are working the program
you will be able to do that.
00:25:32.71\00:25:36.16
But if you don't
work the program,
00:25:36.19\00:25:37.93
you're back in
the trenches again.
00:25:37.96\00:25:40.97
So my question
for Rhonda is that,
00:25:41.01\00:25:45.16
how were you able
to let go and then,
00:25:45.20\00:25:49.29
how did you realize that you
weren't the master of yourself?
00:25:49.32\00:25:52.73
That God was in control of you?
00:25:52.76\00:25:55.19
It took a long time, I didn't
work the program really well.
00:25:55.22\00:26:01.58
It has only been in the
past year that I have been
00:26:01.61\00:26:03.77
back in the program that I was
00:26:03.80\00:26:05.02
able to do that.
00:26:05.06\00:26:06.15
It's centered on
doing that 6 & 7th step.
00:26:06.18\00:26:09.70
It centered on not
wanting to bring God my
00:26:09.73\00:26:12.72
strengths about how
long I had been sober,
00:26:12.76\00:26:15.68
but to bring Him my
brokenness of all the things
00:26:15.71\00:26:18.52
I could not fix.
00:26:18.55\00:26:19.80
So going back through the steps
and realizing that, that was
00:26:19.84\00:26:23.42
what I was supposed to do,
it was not about all the things
00:26:23.46\00:26:27.01
that I was supposed to fix,
00:26:27.04\00:26:28.03
but actually ask Him
to remove them from me.
00:26:28.07\00:26:31.63
I love what you said, Rhonda,
because one of the things
00:26:31.66\00:26:34.04
you are saying is that I
want to bring Him everything
00:26:34.08\00:26:36.39
that I have done well because
He's going to want that more
00:26:36.42\00:26:40.97
then He will want the fact that
I am socially underdeveloped.
00:26:41.01\00:26:45.33
Ot that I'm scared
all the time or whatever.
00:26:45.37\00:26:47.68
So now you are saying
is that you finally said,
00:26:47.71\00:26:49.95
I am going to give You
everything, that is hard for us!
00:26:49.98\00:26:54.49
Everything, was it hard for you?
00:26:54.53\00:26:56.57
Yes it was, it was very hard.
00:26:56.61\00:26:58.58
Even today, almost 30 years
later, it is still difficult to
00:26:58.61\00:27:04.69
do that on a daily basis.
00:27:04.72\00:27:07.46
I'm going to give
it to You today again.
00:27:07.50\00:27:09.38
Because when I started, I said
I will make it this afternoon,
00:27:09.42\00:27:13.66
but tonight I will not worry
about it, I'm not there yet.
00:27:13.70\00:27:17.91
So I was taking it
one step at a time.
00:27:17.95\00:27:22.38
I lost track of time, I
still worked the program,
00:27:22.42\00:27:27.42
but time heals in the long run.
00:27:27.45\00:27:33.84
When somebody says one day
at a time, one minute at a time,
00:27:33.88\00:27:36.78
it really is turning it
over every single moment,
00:27:36.81\00:27:41.60
at every single point.
00:27:41.64\00:27:42.65
We have another question
and I know Amber that you wanted
00:27:42.69\00:27:45.33
to ask something of Rhonda.
00:27:45.37\00:27:47.78
So how do you feel now
when you have God in your life?
00:27:47.81\00:27:51.11
Like in the past,
compared to the past?
00:27:52.68\00:27:55.80
This has been the
best year of my life.
00:27:55.83\00:27:58.88
I finally understand what
it is that once I allowed God
00:27:58.92\00:28:02.93
every part of my life, and
gave Him access to all of me,
00:28:02.97\00:28:06.95
then it became
much more real and
00:28:06.98\00:28:09.34
it just gets better and better.
00:28:09.37\00:28:11.66
I would like even say
something Amber to that.
00:28:11.69\00:28:14.92
It was amazing to me that I
started to actually hear God.
00:28:14.95\00:28:19.91
I would be
outside and see a sunset,
00:28:19.94\00:28:22.57
and I would hear not a
voice so much, but God saying,
00:28:22.61\00:28:26.07
I want to show you
how beautiful this is.
00:28:26.10\00:28:28.57
I would look up and there
would be this incredible sunset,
00:28:28.60\00:28:31.72
and I would think was that You?
00:28:31.75\00:28:33.77
Were You just talking to me?
00:28:33.80\00:28:35.75
It would surprise me that God
actually became more intimate
00:28:35.78\00:28:39.24
and more
relational, it was amazing.
00:28:39.28\00:28:41.69
I want to come up and say
Rhonda that in, let's go back to
00:28:41.72\00:28:48.06
this particular step
because you still right here.
00:28:48.09\00:28:51.89
I have just finished up
my seventh and eighth step.
00:28:51.93\00:28:55.69
What got you to look
at, hey I didn't do these?
00:28:58.87\00:29:00.99
I never did this work?
00:29:01.02\00:29:03.23
That is exactly what
happened and I said God set the
00:29:03.26\00:29:06.37
circumstances in motion
because I had found my big book.
00:29:06.41\00:29:09.48
I hadn't seen it
in 17 or 18 years.
00:29:09.52\00:29:12.12
I had a friend that was
dealing with somebody who was an
00:29:12.15\00:29:15.80
alcoholic and I
tried to give it to her,
00:29:15.84\00:29:17.37
go fix your self and go fix him.
00:29:17.40\00:29:19.80
A friend of mine said I
had a problem so I went back to
00:29:19.84\00:29:24.11
meetings with her
and I took everything.
00:29:24.15\00:29:26.34
She said well how
do you work the steps?
00:29:26.37\00:29:28.49
I said I don't really
know was so long ago, I forgot.
00:29:28.53\00:29:31.14
I just know that I have
been sober all these years.
00:29:31.18\00:29:33.72
So when trying to help her
then I found someone who would
00:29:33.76\00:29:37.93
go through the steps with me.
00:29:37.96\00:29:38.93
It was like okay, I
did this, and I did this,
00:29:38.94\00:29:41.90
and I did this, so I
redid that fourth and fifth step
00:29:41.93\00:29:45.04
which was to make a list
of all my defects and admitted
00:29:45.08\00:29:48.16
them to God and
another human being.
00:29:48.19\00:29:50.07
I did all that and there wasn't
nearly as much to do after
00:29:50.11\00:29:55.16
15 years previous
when I first started it,
00:29:55.19\00:29:58.36
but then it got to that
six step and seventh step.
00:29:58.39\00:30:00.81
It was like, I
don't want to let go.
00:30:00.84\00:30:04.13
I don't know how to let
go, God I thought I gave You
00:30:04.16\00:30:07.67
all this anyway, what do you
mean I have to go through this?
00:30:07.71\00:30:10.12
But I didn't have that
happy, joyous, free attitude.
00:30:10.16\00:30:14.26
I was still trying to follow
every rule and every letter
00:30:14.30\00:30:17.64
instead of saying okay God
this is the point where I let
00:30:17.68\00:30:21.22
You do this part for me
because I'm an achiever and
00:30:21.26\00:30:24.77
I wanted to do it right.
00:30:24.80\00:30:26.14
The idea that I had to let
go of that, so I had read in
00:30:26.18\00:30:30.16
the book a long time ago
a way to give things to God.
00:30:30.19\00:30:34.02
So I went down to a local
state park and I took a helium
00:30:34.05\00:30:38.03
balloon and I wrote all of
this stuff that I couldn't fix.
00:30:38.06\00:30:42.00
I had spent years
and years trying to fix.
00:30:42.04\00:30:44.61
Even though I know that
God wants this intellectually,
00:30:46.54\00:30:50.00
emotionally I couldn't do it
so I took a really heavy rock
00:30:50.04\00:30:53.47
and held it in one hand and held
00:30:53.50\00:30:55.17
the helium
balloon in the other hand.
00:30:55.21\00:30:56.77
When I could not hold my hand
in the air any longer, then to
00:30:56.80\00:30:59.98
turn loose of that weight I had
to turn loose of the balloon.
00:31:00.01\00:31:03.16
When I did, I got to watch
that balloon go up in the air.
00:31:03.20\00:31:06.48
I was fairly certain it was
going to hit the pine needles
00:31:06.51\00:31:09.37
and come back down, or it
would get so far and a bird
00:31:09.41\00:31:12.20
would hit it, I did not think
that God wanted those things
00:31:12.23\00:31:14.97
I was trying to give Him.
00:31:15.01\00:31:16.22
I thought I would be the
one person that He would say,
00:31:16.26\00:31:18.77
no, you need to work
on this a little harder,
00:31:18.81\00:31:23.26
I can't take that.
00:31:23.30\00:31:24.40
You know Cheri, I got to
see that balloon go completely
00:31:24.44\00:31:27.22
out of sight.
00:31:27.25\00:31:28.58
I want to cry when you say
that because that is where God
00:31:28.62\00:31:33.07
says let Me have it all.ú
00:31:33.10\00:31:34.80
It is too much weight for you.
00:31:34.83\00:31:36.94
Then the freedom, I get to
walk in that because now when I
00:31:36.98\00:31:41.84
get help somebody
else in the program now,
00:31:41.88\00:31:43.95
I know exactly when speaking
to them, that I am not speaking
00:31:43.99\00:31:47.45
down to them, I'm speaking
as someone who has been broken
00:31:47.48\00:31:50.96
to somebody whot had all of
these things I could not fix.
00:31:51.00\00:31:54.44
But I could say God,
please take these from me.
00:31:54.48\00:31:57.32
Show me the person
You would have me be.
00:31:57.35\00:31:59.33
Show me the woman
You want me to be.
00:31:59.36\00:32:01.28
That is what He
is doing in my life.
00:32:01.31\00:32:03.33
Isn't that the
most incredible thing?
00:32:03.36\00:32:05.34
Isn't that cool?
00:32:05.37\00:32:06.34
I love the fact that He
gave you such a strong visual.
00:32:06.35\00:32:09.48
You really are
releasing that all to Me.
00:32:09.52\00:32:13.86
I am not going to have you
be an expert in dealing with
00:32:13.90\00:32:19.08
with your anger, I am not going
to have you go back and get your
00:32:19.11\00:32:21.27
Ph.D. in addiction, counseling
so that you can get over that.
00:32:21.31\00:32:24.65
Some people do just because
that is their journey in life.
00:32:24.68\00:32:29.37
God says to heal and get
past this one thing, you have to
00:32:29.41\00:32:34.06
know that I am God
and give Me everything.
00:32:34.10\00:32:37.44
You can't go and
get that balloon back.
00:32:37.47\00:32:40.74
I can't and so one of the
things I did was I wrote it down
00:32:40.78\00:32:43.91
on a card too and I sealed it.
00:32:43.95\00:32:45.56
The outside of the card
says, given to God on this date.
00:32:45.59\00:32:49.26
So whenever I am struggling
with, oh I should be this,
00:32:49.29\00:32:52.92
but why should be
that, I say wait, wait, wait.
00:32:52.96\00:32:55.13
That was on the
balloon, I gave that to God.
00:32:55.17\00:32:57.31
I don't have to
struggle with that.
00:32:57.34\00:32:58.62
That is He is problem now
and I can walk in ways that He
00:32:58.66\00:33:02.69
has already shown me and
know that He will show me
00:33:02.73\00:33:04.51
the next step,
and the next step.
00:33:04.55\00:33:06.89
That's all I needed to
know, is show me the next step.
00:33:06.92\00:33:10.16
I do not have to
see the whole path.
00:33:10.20\00:33:11.49
And at that point, let me
just ask you, because you talk
00:33:11.52\00:33:15.92
about the program and
that you are now better to help
00:33:15.95\00:33:19.02
someone in the program,
but you're better helping
00:33:19.05\00:33:22.09
somebody at the bank.
00:33:22.12\00:33:23.18
You are better at
helping somebody in your church,
00:33:23.22\00:33:25.36
better at helping
somebody in your family.
00:33:25.39\00:33:27.30
You know, this is not about
any one place, when God gets us
00:33:27.33\00:33:30.94
to the point where I am going
to surrender to Him and allow
00:33:30.98\00:33:34.86
Him to take all this, pour
into me what I need in order to
00:33:34.89\00:33:38.74
be who You want me to be.
00:33:38.77\00:33:40.03
It is not about any
program at that point.
00:33:40.07\00:33:42.28
You are free, and the Bible
says you are free in Christ
00:33:42.31\00:33:45.71
and you are free
indeed at that point.
00:33:45.75\00:33:47.68
I love the fact that you
are saying that now I am doing
00:33:47.71\00:33:52.80
this whole thing
in a different way.
00:33:52.84\00:33:55.15
I am trusting God this time.
00:33:55.18\00:33:57.37
So tell me what happens to,
and I know the answer to this,
00:33:57.40\00:34:04.28
but some people won't.
00:34:04.32\00:34:05.49
Joy, gratitude, those kinds
of things that happen at this
00:34:05.53\00:34:08.24
point in a way that is so real.
00:34:08.27\00:34:10.77
Have you experienced that and
give us some examples of that?
00:34:10.81\00:34:14.57
I have and it is funny that
you mentioned that at the bank.
00:34:14.60\00:34:19.17
You know I was in a gas station
and things were not going
00:34:19.21\00:34:23.74
the way I wanted them
to go and I already told
00:34:23.77\00:34:27.59
this person who I was.
00:34:27.63\00:34:28.95
So when I turned around and
walked out, it was like I don't
00:34:28.99\00:34:31.93
want them to get a
bad opinion so I went
00:34:31.97\00:34:33.12
and got the money out of
my car and came back in and
00:34:33.15\00:34:34.93
apologize to them automatically
because I am so aware now
00:34:34.97\00:34:39.13
that what I have is only
good if I live it out and let
00:34:39.16\00:34:43.29
Him shine through me.
00:34:43.32\00:34:44.79
So say that again.
00:34:44.82\00:34:46.22
What I have is only good
if I let Him shine through me.
00:34:46.26\00:34:49.57
If I live it out!
00:34:49.61\00:34:50.58
If I live it out
and live it out loud.
00:34:50.59\00:34:52.21
So it is not just about
having the right words to say?
00:34:52.24\00:34:54.96
You are not knowing
now just where to recite?
00:34:55.00\00:34:58.34
You're saying that every
day I am going to live this out.
00:34:58.38\00:35:01.48
If I offend you I'm going
to come back and clear it up.
00:35:01.51\00:35:05.50
We think that is a 12 step
concept, but God says if you
00:35:05.53\00:35:08.59
bring something to the
altar and you realize that you
00:35:08.63\00:35:11.37
offended someone, leave
it there, go take care of it,
00:35:11.40\00:35:14.11
and then come back.
00:35:14.15\00:35:15.18
God says I'm going to teach
you every part of being nice.
00:35:15.21\00:35:21.74
Of being kind, of being a
part of the body of Christ,
00:35:21.77\00:35:26.46
or each others so you
start taking care of each other.
00:35:26.49\00:35:31.14
Every part of it.
00:35:31.18\00:35:32.92
How cool is that?
00:35:32.95\00:35:34.62
It's for freedom and we've been
set free and that's what I get
00:35:34.66\00:35:37.39
to walk in, I don't have to
carry the guilt and the shame.
00:35:37.42\00:35:40.12
I don't have to carry my
character defects because
00:35:40.15\00:35:42.67
I have given them to God.
00:35:42.71\00:35:43.78
So I can just relax and be
who He created me to be without
00:35:43.81\00:35:48.19
being bogged down
with all that other stuff.
00:35:48.23\00:35:51.47
If you have stole,
go back and repay it.
00:35:51.51\00:35:54.68
God just tells us, and
do you know what He told me?
00:35:54.71\00:35:57.83
On another program it cracked
me up, and tell me if this
00:35:57.86\00:36:00.85
isn't part of your recovery?
00:36:00.89\00:36:02.41
I'm horrible at cleaning
house and He told me to go wash
00:36:02.45\00:36:06.45
your dishes, I'm like
stop, why doesn't anybody else
00:36:06.48\00:36:10.45
have to do the dishes?
00:36:10.49\00:36:11.82
But it is simple things, saying
I'm going to tell you some
00:36:11.85\00:36:14.60
simple things, go back
into the gas station and
00:36:14.64\00:36:17.39
tell them you are sorry.
00:36:17.42\00:36:18.72
It is simple things, but it
means everything in recovery.
00:36:19.93\00:36:22.46
I had confessed that same
thing, I had to confess that
00:36:23.81\00:36:26.45
same thing because I'm living
in chaos, three days later
00:36:26.48\00:36:29.09
I'm on a Christian site
that leads me to another
00:36:29.13\00:36:31.85
and chaos is the acronym for
can't have anyone over syndrome.
00:36:31.88\00:36:35.21
And that's exactly what I was.
00:36:35.25\00:36:37.05
FlyLady.com! FlyLady.com.
00:36:37.09\00:36:38.61
It was so cool God,
I had just confessed.
00:36:39.76\00:36:42.28
I had to confess that I
cannot do this and then He puts
00:36:42.32\00:36:47.08
the answer right
there in front of me.
00:36:47.12\00:36:48.44
So go shine your sink,
it's like I can do this.
00:36:48.47\00:36:50.45
That is exactly right.
00:36:50.49\00:36:51.72
When I admit that I cannot
do something, then that it is
00:36:51.75\00:36:55.69
when He is able to step
in and do it and show me
00:36:55.73\00:36:58.53
the way to do it.
00:36:58.56\00:37:00.25
That is so cool, I
just have to say I love you.
00:37:00.29\00:37:03.29
Thank you for
being on the program.
00:37:03.32\00:37:04.50
Thank you for sharing this
part of your recovery with us.
00:37:04.53\00:37:08.81
I just want to pray, can
we before we break I want to
00:37:08.85\00:37:13.09
pray for you?
00:37:13.13\00:37:14.10
Just that this step will
be something you stay with,
00:37:14.12\00:37:17.38
is that alright?
00:37:17.42\00:37:18.67
Dear Father in Jesus name
I just pray for Rhonda and I
00:37:18.71\00:37:21.26
pray for anybody listening
that is having difficulty with
00:37:21.30\00:37:23.82
this particular step.
00:37:23.85\00:37:25.25
I pray that you wow us with
Your love and that You show us
00:37:25.29\00:37:28.84
how incredible You are, how
much You love us, how much You
00:37:28.87\00:37:32.39
want to live in us and
direct us with every step.
00:37:32.42\00:37:35.93
How You have never
been ashamed of us.
00:37:35.97\00:37:38.20
That you have never been
disgusted with our behavior,
00:37:38.24\00:37:40.75
it may have caused You
some sadness because it hurt us
00:37:40.78\00:37:44.36
so much, but Your only delight
is in helping us to get to
00:37:44.39\00:37:47.93
a place where we
can turn it over to You.
00:37:47.97\00:37:49.85
So I am praying help us
to get to that place and stay
00:37:49.89\00:37:52.54
in that place and fill us
with joy and laughter and love.
00:37:52.58\00:37:55.20
Connect us with each
other and I just want to say
00:37:55.24\00:37:58.01
thanks, man thank
you, thank you, thank you.
00:37:58.05\00:38:01.61
I pray each of us listening
to this program and each of us
00:38:01.64\00:38:04.62
here at the Café give us
the visual image of the balloon
00:38:04.65\00:38:08.37
and let us give all things
to you that we can watch them
00:38:08.40\00:38:11.62
rise up to heaven and never
walk with them again on our own.
00:38:11.65\00:38:14.84
In Jesus name, Amen!
00:38:14.87\00:38:16.72
We will be right back.
00:38:16.75\00:38:18.53
I had just been
blessed by this program and
00:38:18.57\00:38:20.98
hope you have too!
00:38:21.01\00:38:21.98
Stay with us!
00:38:21.99\00:38:23.29