Welcome to
Celebrating Life In Recovery!
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Do you ever wonder in your
own life, in your own recovery
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if God has a plan for you?
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I do not even wonder anymore.
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Come into the café and
see what I mean by that,
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it is so cool.
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It is so cool that you
joined us today in the café.
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I have got some friends here
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from the Holbrook Indian school.
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It was one of the
funnest places that I have been.
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We did a week of prayer.
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These kids changed my life,
definitely the staff and what
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God was doing in
their life was amazing.
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Then I got to meet a
couple of people and hear their
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individual stories and I wanted
to share that with you today.
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I want to go right into that.
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And Heppy I want to say thank
you for being on the program.
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Thank you, thank
you for inviting me.
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Your story just won my heart,
first your wife won my heart,
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then I got to meet you and
hear the rest of the story.
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It was amazing, so I
would like to start right off.
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Usually I have a teaching
segment first, but I would like
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to start right off and
just ask you to walk us through
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where you came
from, who you are,
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and what stepped
you into recovery?
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Basically I came from a
family of educators and I grew
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up on the Pine
Ridge Indian Reservation.
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Early on I got lost in
cigarettes and alcohol.
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That took me down a road
of about 23 years of drinking,
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and longer than
that for cigarettes.
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When you say early on, what
are you talking about early on?
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I started at about 13.
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Okay because for some of us,
like I remember smoking my first
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cigarette at 11, I started
drinking shortly after that.
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For some of us it is,
when you say early it is early.
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This is my life.
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It was early back then, but
now it is not quite as early.
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I think what it really became
was that towards the end of my
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23 years of being a drunk,
I was drinking to six packs of
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beer a day and blacking out.
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In the meantime having a
wife and six kids and working.
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I was a teacher at the
time, still am a teacher.
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Finally I came to a
community where they were trying
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to look at their individual
members in a community
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and sober them up.
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I happened to be the
business manager at the school
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at the time.
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A good friend of mine who
is the chairman of the board
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focused on me and simply
told me Duane you either go
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down the road or you get help.
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Did you know at that time
that everybody around you knew
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you are an alcoholic?
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No I didn't, I just thought
that it was entertaining for
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me to go out and have
fun and get little beer.
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Totally blackout?
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Every time I drank I blacked
out, every time, even starting
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with the first time when
I started at 13 years old.
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So he told you that
day you either get help?
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Get help or go down the road.
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I think it was a big relief.
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I knew there was something
going on but because nobody
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really questioned me.
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I was a teacher, a business
manager and was always someone
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that people looked up to.
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Oh he doesn't have that problem?
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Maybe it was always because
I was always moving around a
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lot. Which we call in the
alcoholic's term, geographic
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change. I always managed to
be one step ahead of everybody.
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In my addiction I moved
every three months so I know
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exactly what you
are saying about that,
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but there is going
to be some people that a
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geographical move in
their addiction they do not know
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what you are talking
about so can you explain that?
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Sure I'll give it a crack.
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Geographic change for an
alcoholic is when they move to
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a certain community and
they're doing a pretty good job.
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They work hard and they
establish their accredibility in
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everything in the community.
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Maybe the first paycheck
they are okay and they keep on
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working real hard.
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The second one or the
third one they decide that they
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have been there long enough,
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maybe I will go
out and party tonight.
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So I go out, and the
party starts at, we get paid on
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Thursday afternoon, party
starts Friday afternoon and it
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will go until Sunday
night or early Monday morning.
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By that time
you are really sick,
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hanging over in other words.
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So you call your boss and tell
him you are really sick today,
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I can't come in
and they believe you.
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So they let you off, so
they let you off for better than
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maybe three or
four weeks in a row.
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Then they would
finally start saying,
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there is
something wrong with you.
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On Monday's!
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on Monday, why are you
always missing payday Mondays?
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You know it is not every Monday.
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Once you get over that
point, then you start missing
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every Monday and they
really start catching on to you
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and say if you don't get
help you have to leave us.
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But I would
actually beat them to it,
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I would leave
before they fired me.
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You were talking to so
many people with the disease of
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alcoholism that, that is a
lifestyle of a ton of addicts.
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Yes it is, it is a
disease that we do not know
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that we are sick.
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You can start seeing it in
somebody's eyes, you can see in
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their eyes that the respect
they had from you yesterday
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is starting to get
less and less and less.
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So when you said, I was
ahead of them, I was one step
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ahead of them and
would move before.
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Pulling everybody, all the kids.
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Yes! Your wife? Yes!
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fooling not only my
children and my wife,
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I was fooling the children
I was working with because I
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was an elementary teacher.
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My children in the classroom
used to take care of me.
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In what way?
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Making the classroom quiet
so he wouldn't get disturbed
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because there was a lot
of noise in the classroom.
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They were making sure that...
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like if you were hung over
and had a headache they would be
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quieter that day?
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That's right, yes.
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So they started to
enable your addiction
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as well as your family?
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Yes and that really was one
of the things I was looking at
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when I started to realize I
needed to do something about my
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own addiction and I became
terrified to the fact that I did
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not know how to do that.
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I didn't want to be
honest enough to ask for help.
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So can we stop
there Heppy for a minute?
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When you say terrified, all
the sudden I understand that I
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have this issue, all the sudden
I want to take that next step
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but I do not know,
what is the next step?
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I don't know how to
survive without this.
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I have been drinking for so
long I don't know what my life
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would be, I don't know
even what the first step is.
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How do I do this?
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Yeah, and so when the school
board chairman, I wasn't really
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the one that was being picked
on because he wanted to clean
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up his community of all the
alcoholics in the community.
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Let me just say that
when I see somebody do that,
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their heart is in a good place.
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I'm not wanting to kick
everybody out, is there any way
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that we can help each other?
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Is there any way that I
can step in and say somebody
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has to have the courage
to stand up and walk away
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from this
addiction, that is huge!
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And I became the third member
in the community to sober up.
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What was the addiction
rate in that community?
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We had about 85% unemployment.
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The addiction
rate was probably 90%.
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So with that community we
started a process in which we
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started sobering up the men
and women so that they could
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give clear direction to their
children and their community.
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And to become
useful members of society.
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I think when I realized that
was what you were saying the
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first time I heard your
story I just said I love you.
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I love you because it
took lot of courage to say okay
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I am willing to start to
stand up and I'm terrified.
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So what did look
like as you stood up?
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It looks like a
lonely hill to climb.
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The first day I got
back from treatment.
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So you went into a facility?
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I went into a
outpatient treatment and at
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that time it was two weeks.
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That was in May, by
the end of May I came back.
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Right below the house
there was a ball field.
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A softball game was going on
so I went around the corner to
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watch the ballgame and one
of my friends came up the hill
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carrying a Budweiser bottle.
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He said Hap here have a drink.
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I said thank you it
took it open it up and
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poured it out in front of him.
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That's huge!
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When you said that
when you took it I thought,
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Oh don't open it.
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I took it and opened it up and
poured it out in front of him,
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from that point on no
one offered me a drink.
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I had some brother-in-laws
who came over and visited and
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used my kids as an excuse
to visit and they would bring
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cases of beer and I let
them come in the first time.
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The second time they
came I said no you can't come.
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You can come and see your
nephews and nieces when you are
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sober and so they quit coming.
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So let's stop for a minute
because I want to ask you,
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you went into
treatment what was,
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did you go through withdrawals?
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What was it like for you?
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Because for some people
it can get really crazy from
00:11:12.81\00:11:15.59
alcohol withdrawals, you
are delusional and shaky and
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tremors, and all
those kind of things.
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I didn't go through any
of those for some reason.
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Good for you!
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When I first started drinking
I only drink 2 or 3 cans
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of beer and I would blackout.
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So there was something
going on with me that I couldn't
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handle alcohol and that
happened all the way through
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my drinking process.
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Other than being really
hung over and nervous lot,
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but that was about it.
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So physically the treatment
center wasn't about physical
00:11:52.73\00:11:56.58
withdrawal, it was definitely
getting used to living your
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life without alcohol and drugs.
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How about your kids? because
now they have seen you their
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whole life as a drinker.
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We can go back to when I
was drinking with my children.
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When I would get paid
I would go cash my check.
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My oldest son was about
13 or 14 and I would give him
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my paycheck because we needed
to know that they had groceries
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and things that they needed.
00:12:28.83\00:12:30.60
So on Saturday mornings we
would go to town and would buy
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groceries and take them to
the movies, which usually in the
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movies dad would pass out.
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But the kids had all
the money and that was okay.
00:12:43.80\00:12:47.44
Then they would
drive me home again.
00:12:47.47\00:12:50.92
So when dad came back from
treatment I told my oldest son
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it is time for now for me
to be the father of the family.
00:12:54.91\00:12:58.80
You need to be a child
again, and that was scary.
00:12:58.83\00:13:02.87
He doesn't know
how! He doesn't know how.
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I told my oldest daughter,
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because by that time I was
divorced and had all the kids,
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you are not the mother anymore.
00:13:11.43\00:13:14.13
That was really scary to both
of my older two children that
00:13:14.17\00:13:20.45
became mom and
dad in the family.
00:13:20.49\00:13:22.14
I couldn't handle it,
I did not know how to be.
00:13:22.18\00:13:25.99
That is where a lots of
alcoholic families are that the
00:13:26.03\00:13:28.81
kids take the role of parenting.
00:13:28.84\00:13:30.91
The oldest kids become a
mom and dad in the family,
00:13:30.94\00:13:34.30
because mom and dad
don't know how to parent them,
00:13:34.33\00:13:37.66
they don't know how
to take care of them.
00:13:37.69\00:13:39.20
That is why moms and dads
lose themselves in alcohol or
00:13:39.24\00:13:46.25
drugs because it is
scary thing being a parent,
00:13:46.29\00:13:50.00
especially when you are young.
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My first child was born I
was 19 so I grew up with him.
00:13:51.43\00:13:59.40
He is now 45 and he is a
00:13:59.44\00:14:01.72
grand parent himself.
00:14:01.76\00:14:04.01
Did any of your kids get
involved in alcohol and drugs?
00:14:06.83\00:14:09.48
Every one of them.
00:14:09.51\00:14:10.56
Because that is
what they knew? Yeah!
00:14:10.59\00:14:12.58
That is what they saw and
that is what they always enjoyed
00:14:12.62\00:14:16.86
because when I had sobered
up about two or three years
00:14:16.90\00:14:21.11
after that my second
daughter said to dad,
00:14:21.15\00:14:24.19
I've really liked you
when you were drinking.
00:14:24.23\00:14:27.24
I said why?
00:14:27.28\00:14:28.69
You used to drive us in the
ditch and go all over the place
00:14:28.73\00:14:32.37
and I thought that was cool.
00:14:32.40\00:14:33.92
That was fun! Exciting!
00:14:33.95\00:14:35.85
When I was drinking I would
do that and I didn't know how to
00:14:35.89\00:14:40.49
answer her so I left it.
00:14:40.52\00:14:41.95
Let me just ask you now as
you are stepping into recovery
00:14:45.02\00:14:48.95
for a lot of us we then start
looking at the fact that the
00:14:48.99\00:14:53.32
fallout from my drinking and
drugging is that every one of
00:14:53.36\00:14:57.38
my children are using and I am
having to watch the heartbreak
00:14:57.41\00:15:01.39
of their broken relationships,
00:15:01.43\00:15:03.24
of their bringing children
into those relationships,
00:15:03.27\00:15:06.26
so what did that feel like as
a man to say this is my legacy,
00:15:06.30\00:15:13.07
this is my heritage?
00:15:13.11\00:15:14.46
Looking at that as the person
that was responsible for giving
00:15:16.08\00:15:22.66
that kind of role model to
my children, deep inside of me I
00:15:22.69\00:15:29.24
can't amend that, but I
can ask them for forgiveness.
00:15:29.27\00:15:33.63
That I have done and
they have forgiven me.
00:15:33.66\00:15:37.93
Not only for being a drunk,
00:15:39.74\00:15:42.05
but also for
divorcing their mother.
00:15:42.09\00:15:44.32
Up rooting them from schools
and moving them all over.
00:15:44.35\00:15:48.53
All the time!
00:15:48.56\00:15:49.75
It wasn't until 2003 that
they have all now quit drinking.
00:15:49.79\00:15:59.25
Which is really something
that I can't even express.
00:15:59.29\00:16:04.81
It is like it
happened overnight.
00:16:04.84\00:16:06.99
I was at your house and I
looked at the family portraits,
00:16:07.03\00:16:12.58
and the pictures on the wall.
00:16:12.61\00:16:13.74
You are showing me everybody
and their recovery and it was
00:16:13.77\00:16:19.16
like I could see the incredible,
almost a gratefulness to
00:16:19.20\00:16:24.55
God that you have
blessed my family and kept
00:16:24.59\00:16:28.52
Your hand on my family.
00:16:28.56\00:16:29.57
Yes He has!
00:16:29.60\00:16:31.24
You know what I want to ask
you too is that you step into
00:16:31.28\00:16:33.69
recovery, you go into
treatment, you change everything
00:16:33.72\00:16:36.10
and your family
comes out of that.
00:16:36.13\00:16:37.89
We are very much a Christian
show, where did God come in?
00:16:37.93\00:16:42.61
I know that you are not
raised a Christian but now are.
00:16:42.65\00:16:47.30
So where do God
come in to your life?
00:16:47.33\00:16:50.02
God came into my life
probably back in 2000.
00:16:50.06\00:16:57.84
He started tugging on
my shirt sleeve and saying,
00:17:00.92\00:17:05.37
Hey, what about Me?
00:17:05.40\00:17:06.65
Hey I want you to do this?
00:17:06.69\00:17:09.51
This is after recovery?
00:17:09.55\00:17:12.30
This is after recovery I
recovered from alcohol in 1980,
00:17:12.34\00:17:18.78
this is 20 years later.
00:17:18.82\00:17:20.66
I know that you are married
to an incredible woman, Janet.
00:17:20.70\00:17:25.61
Was Janet a part
of your life by then?
00:17:25.64\00:17:29.82
Janet and I got
married back in 1980.
00:17:29.86\00:17:33.96
So I am going to
bring her on the program.
00:17:34.00\00:17:36.47
We are going to go
ahead and take a break.
00:17:36.50\00:17:38.90
I like to come back and
bring Heppy's wife because
00:17:38.93\00:17:43.37
there was one lot of things
happening in his life prior
00:17:43.41\00:17:46.76
to meeting God and he got
into recovery, but I think it
00:17:46.79\00:17:50.10
is really tough to
know the whole story unless
00:17:50.14\00:17:53.00
you ask somebody's wife.
00:17:53.03\00:17:54.22
No, you will hear the whole
story and get the full picture
00:17:54.25\00:17:57.06
of what their walk look like.
00:17:57.09\00:17:58.62
So we are going to take a
break and we are going to come
00:17:58.65\00:18:01.08
back and you will meet his
wife and you will be blessed.
00:18:01.12\00:18:03.51
I'm telling you.
00:18:03.55\00:18:04.52
We will be right back!
00:18:04.53\00:18:05.60