Welcome to Celebrating Life
in Recovery, I'm Cheri your host
00:00:11.03\00:00:13.55
What if you don't
even want to get well?
00:00:13.58\00:00:16.23
What if I think it is
lame? What if I don't even think
00:00:16.26\00:00:18.53
about recovery and it is
not something I even desire?
00:00:18.57\00:00:20.80
If that is you, then
this is your program.
00:00:20.84\00:00:23.71
If that is someone in your
family this is your program.
00:00:23.74\00:00:25.87
Come join us!
00:00:25.91\00:00:26.88
Welcome back!
00:00:54.06\00:00:55.48
You know I love this season,
our topic, because our topic
00:00:55.52\00:01:01.06
is when is the moment you
are more solid in your recovery.
00:01:01.09\00:01:06.60
Is that a good way to put it?
00:01:06.64\00:01:07.99
Where I know that I
have actually got it.
00:01:08.03\00:01:12.02
Some people say that
has got to be the moment
00:01:12.06\00:01:14.64
when you realize
you are powerless.
00:01:14.67\00:01:16.17
The moment to stop fighting
all that, when your whole family
00:01:16.20\00:01:19.18
has said over the
years that your a mess.
00:01:19.21\00:01:21.24
You think I am so not a mess.
00:01:21.27\00:01:23.78
Then that day you
think, well maybe.
00:01:23.82\00:01:25.39
You know I am sitting in jail.
00:01:25.42\00:01:26.39
I've been arrested for the
fourth time, I'm strung out,
00:01:26.40\00:01:29.59
my liver is failing,
it is at that moment?
00:01:29.62\00:01:31.67
I don't think it is, because I
think it is an important moment.
00:01:31.71\00:01:34.52
When I finally say I am a mess.
00:01:34.56\00:01:36.87
I can figure out how to do this.
00:01:36.90\00:01:39.14
Is it the moment when you
say, I think there is a God?
00:01:39.17\00:01:43.65
I think He can restore me
to sanity, because for me that
00:01:43.69\00:01:48.13
was huge, I
couldn't even think anymore.
00:01:48.17\00:01:52.39
I was so depressed
and disgusted with myself.
00:01:52.42\00:01:54.01
I had seen so much junk, I had
been 10 years on the streets,
00:01:54.05\00:01:57.64
and all that junk, is
it the moment that I say
00:01:57.68\00:02:00.07
there is a God?
00:02:00.11\00:02:01.08
He said He is going
to restore me to sanity?
00:02:01.12\00:02:03.43
I'm like Amen! I love that!
00:02:03.47\00:02:05.37
Is at that
moment? I don't think so.
00:02:05.40\00:02:07.20
I don't think that's it.
00:02:07.23\00:02:08.30
Then somebody says is it
the moment I start looking at my
00:02:08.34\00:02:11.88
self and see all this
stuff? Not just the addictions.
00:02:11.91\00:02:15.39
But I see the lying, I see
the insecurities, I see the fact
00:02:15.42\00:02:18.69
that I never learned to trust.
00:02:18.72\00:02:19.94
I see the fact that I was raised
by parents that never loved each
00:02:19.98\00:02:23.75
other, so I had never even seen
what it feels like or looks like
00:02:23.78\00:02:27.51
to have people love
each other around me.
00:02:27.55\00:02:29.00
Is at that moment?
00:02:29.04\00:02:30.59
I don't think so, even though
that is important because on
00:02:30.63\00:02:33.94
that moment I understand my need
for a Savior, because I don't
00:02:33.98\00:02:36.45
have anything in and of myself.
00:02:36.49\00:02:39.34
Just to look at my own
stuff if it is not that moment.
00:02:39.37\00:02:43.45
This season we are talking about
the moment I'm talking about
00:02:43.48\00:02:47.66
I think is the biggest thing,
is when all of a sudden I think
00:02:47.70\00:02:51.85
man, alright, God
can You do it for me?
00:02:51.88\00:02:55.78
That's the moment that separates
somebody that is starting to
00:02:55.82\00:03:00.93
recovery to somebody
that is starting to get it.
00:03:00.97\00:03:03.25
It is when I say there is
nothing in me, there is nothing
00:03:03.28\00:03:06.70
in me that can come
up with even a direction.
00:03:06.74\00:03:09.13
I don't even know
what to start with.
00:03:09.16\00:03:11.42
Do I start with
my heroine addiction?
00:03:11.45\00:03:13.64
Do I start with my not trusting?
Do I start with my lying?
00:03:13.68\00:03:17.05
What do I start with?
00:03:17.09\00:03:18.19
God, you know what was
funny, why don't you start by
00:03:18.22\00:03:22.15
doing the laundry?
00:03:22.18\00:03:23.37
Like what? So I didn't
even know where to start.
00:03:23.41\00:03:26.56
I didn't think it was important.
00:03:26.60\00:03:28.19
Do the laundry, can't we
hire somebody for the laundry?
00:03:28.23\00:03:30.75
I've got serious
stuff to work on.
00:03:30.78\00:03:32.87
He is like no, do
your everyday stuff.
00:03:32.91\00:03:34.92
So when we finally get to
a point where we say to God
00:03:34.96\00:03:37.68
I don't even know where to start
I'm going to give it all to You.
00:03:37.71\00:03:40.90
God says, we are not even
going to look at your old stuff,
00:03:40.93\00:03:44.67
we are going to
look at who God is.
00:03:44.71\00:03:47.02
I am like, well
isn't this stuff important?
00:03:47.05\00:03:52.26
He is like this stuff
has always been pretty ugly.
00:03:52.30\00:03:55.59
Let me show you something
better and that is when recovery
00:03:55.63\00:04:00.30
truly starts happening.
00:04:00.34\00:04:01.78
It is an exciting time.
00:04:01.81\00:04:03.18
I am going to show you
some of that today through a
00:04:03.21\00:04:06.75
testimony that will bless you.
00:04:06.79\00:04:08.60
It blessed me, so I want
to introduce you to our guest
00:04:08.64\00:04:11.56
Damien, and I want to say
for one thank you for being on
00:04:11.60\00:04:15.48
the program and I love
what God is doing in your life.
00:04:15.51\00:04:19.33
I mean it is so amazing how
God just works behind the scenes
00:04:19.36\00:04:24.30
when we don't realize it.
I am really thankful that you
00:04:24.34\00:04:27.29
have us here and I just
pray that whatever I can share
00:04:27.33\00:04:30.22
will just inspire and encourage
and uplift those who have really
00:04:30.25\00:04:35.57
gone through my
life, a life such as mine.
00:04:35.60\00:04:39.19
You brought some
friends with you?
00:04:39.23\00:04:40.73
Oh yeah! So I just want to say
00:04:40.77\00:04:42.20
throughout the time you
guys came from New Jersey.
00:04:42.24\00:04:45.16
You drove and apparently got
lost, drove for hours and hours
00:04:45.19\00:04:48.72
and hours and throughout
the program we are going
00:04:48.75\00:04:50.98
to meet them.
00:04:51.01\00:04:51.99
But first of all I want
to actually start out with.
00:04:52.02\00:04:56.41
You looks fabulous, like
you have always been together.
00:04:56.45\00:05:00.77
But that is not the truth, so
talk about where you came from
00:05:00.80\00:05:04.15
and how did you meet God?
00:05:04.19\00:05:08.01
Then what did you
think about what I just said?
00:05:08.05\00:05:11.34
Well I think I will go
from the beginning then.
00:05:11.37\00:05:14.60
I believe that will explain
more thoroughly how I feel about
00:05:14.63\00:05:20.02
what you said earlier.
00:05:20.05\00:05:21.02
I grew up in the South Bronx.
00:05:21.03\00:05:23.20
I would have never guessed that.
00:05:23.24\00:05:25.37
In New York City.
00:05:25.41\00:05:28.12
Your accent is just so New York.
00:05:28.16\00:05:29.13
I can't get rid
of it, I have tried.
00:05:29.14\00:05:32.53
It wasn't the best
place to grow up around.
00:05:32.56\00:05:36.47
It a was a very cracked infested
building, a lot of cocaine
00:05:36.50\00:05:40.93
involved, a lot of drug dealers.
00:05:40.97\00:05:42.11
Nevertheless, my family
were not very religious.
00:05:42.15\00:05:46.69
They tried the best that they
could to give me the life that
00:05:46.72\00:05:49.93
they had, but my father
had come from a background of
00:05:49.97\00:05:53.95
of very intense bigotry
and racism from the south.
00:05:53.98\00:05:55.49
That rubbed off on me and I
could not help but obtain a lot
00:05:55.52\00:06:02.82
of sentiments towards
different creeds of people.
00:06:02.85\00:06:06.51
Such as Caucasians, and others
who he had felt, done him wrong.
00:06:06.54\00:06:10.99
What is really interesting
to me when you say that, because
00:06:11.03\00:06:15.45
I can just picture the
environment because you got
00:06:15.48\00:06:17.78
in an environment that
is really rough anyway.
00:06:17.82\00:06:20.05
Then at home you have this
underlying racism because of
00:06:20.09\00:06:24.75
what happened to him.
00:06:24.79\00:06:25.96
So it just turned his heart.
00:06:25.99\00:06:28.45
It turned it, he was not, he was
there financially, but he wasn't
00:06:28.48\00:06:33.51
the air for the father figure
I needed and that is when the
00:06:33.55\00:06:38.54
environment was able
to take me and mold me.
00:06:38.58\00:06:42.27
I allowed it to do that.
00:06:42.31\00:06:43.69
From elementary school up I just
was involved in so many fights.
00:06:43.72\00:06:47.76
I had such an anger problem,
a strong wrath with people.
00:06:47.80\00:06:52.26
I got into fights
every single day a my life.
00:06:52.30\00:06:54.34
Let me just say for people that
don't know, because that there
00:06:54.38\00:06:58.09
is some people that have no
idea what it feels like to grow
00:06:58.13\00:07:01.81
up there, do you
know what I mean?
00:07:01.85\00:07:03.98
You really can't
color that for them.
00:07:04.02\00:07:06.08
I just have to say that there
was one time I decided I was
00:07:06.11\00:07:10.26
going to go into a Ministry
in a place that was a lot of
00:07:10.30\00:07:14.81
dealers, every home was run
down I mean every place I turned
00:07:14.85\00:07:19.02
was run down, so I just walked
around a little bit, and these
00:07:19.05\00:07:23.49
little kids, I am sure like you,
tiny little kids from 7, 8, 9,
00:07:23.52\00:07:27.92
years old, were tough.
00:07:27.96\00:07:29.63
They look at
you like, what's up?
00:07:29.67\00:07:32.78
Do you know what I mean?
There was not kids playing.
00:07:32.81\00:07:34.97
There was not any of that, they
were already playing each other
00:07:35.01\00:07:38.07
really early. Yeah exactly!
00:07:38.11\00:07:39.34
Yeah, you will find that a
lot in the ghettos of the cities
00:07:39.37\00:07:44.04
because you are living every
single day as though you have to
00:07:44.07\00:07:48.71
defend yourself, you can
be robbed, you can be shot,
00:07:48.74\00:07:51.28
you can be
raped, a woman or a man.
00:07:51.32\00:07:53.74
So you have that mentality.
00:07:53.77\00:07:55.33
No matter what
age? No matter what age.
00:07:55.37\00:07:57.37
No matter what age you
have that mentality that today
00:07:57.40\00:07:59.73
could be your last day.
00:07:59.77\00:08:00.99
My brother was living in a gang
infested place in Long Beach
00:08:01.03\00:08:05.80
California and his
daughter was held up by gunpoint
00:08:05.84\00:08:08.25
at 8 years old for
her Girl Scout money.
00:08:08.29\00:08:10.85
Wow!
00:08:10.89\00:08:12.44
So, but I think a lot of times
when somebody says I am from
00:08:12.47\00:08:16.25
this rough background, I
just want to grab them and say
00:08:16.29\00:08:19.65
you have to say what it is
like because people don't know.
00:08:19.69\00:08:23.02
So their empathy for
these kids aren't there.
00:08:23.06\00:08:27.30
Right now I just think
that somebody has to love on the
00:08:27.33\00:08:30.71
kids because there is no chance
for them because everything
00:08:30.74\00:08:33.68
they know is telling them you
better harden up. That's right!
00:08:33.72\00:08:36.62
That goes into another
step of my life where because of
00:08:36.66\00:08:41.07
the environment my sisters
husband felt the need that I
00:08:41.11\00:08:45.45
should be fit to endure this
type of environment so he would,
00:08:45.49\00:08:50.60
in his mind for my greater good,
locked me in a room, and he
00:08:50.64\00:08:56.11
being 20 years old, and I am 12,
would just start beating me up.
00:08:56.14\00:09:01.58
He was fighting me and
I could not defend myself
00:09:01.61\00:09:04.42
but just take it.
00:09:04.45\00:09:05.52
This when I weeks after
weeks, after weeks, after weeks.
00:09:05.56\00:09:08.92
In his mind he is toughening
me up, but what he is really
00:09:08.96\00:09:12.28
doing is... So
that you will survive?
00:09:12.32\00:09:13.93
So that I will survive, but what
he was really doing was killing
00:09:13.96\00:09:17.91
any good emotion that I
would have or that I had
00:09:17.95\00:09:22.88
prior to that moment.
00:09:22.92\00:09:24.29
I just had a very hard heart.
00:09:24.33\00:09:26.06
I was almost insensitive
to pain because of it.
00:09:26.10\00:09:31.46
I mean, he was not holding back.
00:09:31.49\00:09:33.11
He was just laying it on me.
00:09:33.15\00:09:34.69
Laying it on me and this
really turned me out as far
00:09:34.73\00:09:39.29
as my mindset.
00:09:39.33\00:09:40.30
I really hated and a
lot of people and I didn't
00:09:40.31\00:09:43.92
understand why.
00:09:43.95\00:09:45.10
And could take pain, so it
is like somebody says I'm going
00:09:45.13\00:09:50.50
to beat you up, so what?
00:09:50.53\00:09:51.89
Right! So you
walked out with that.
00:09:51.93\00:09:55.13
Bravado, it's like so what?
Oh yeah, it was almost like
00:09:55.16\00:09:58.60
the incredible hulk, be angrier
he got, the stronger he got.
00:09:58.63\00:10:02.04
So the more, I use to
look for fights because it was
00:10:02.07\00:10:07.60
in addiction for me to feel that
adrenaline rush, the challenge.
00:10:07.64\00:10:10.81
If somebody bigger than me,
taller than me, it didn't matter
00:10:10.85\00:10:13.99
It didn't matter at all.
00:10:14.02\00:10:15.23
Because you have
been through that already.
00:10:15.26\00:10:16.34
Because I have been through that
I have been particularly trained
00:10:16.37\00:10:19.31
for that, unconditionally,
conditioned to be fit for this
00:10:19.35\00:10:24.52
type a fight, you know?
00:10:24.56\00:10:25.85
In the process of time I
had became a gang infestation,
00:10:25.89\00:10:29.93
like you mentioned, in a lot
of the cities, I was encountered
00:10:29.96\00:10:33.15
by some of these gangs.
00:10:33.19\00:10:34.19
I was robbed at a very young
age, I was only 12 years old.
00:10:34.23\00:10:37.60
By knifepoint, and that had
been a turning point in my life
00:10:37.63\00:10:40.97
because I felt that I was
defenseless, I couldn't do
00:10:41.00\00:10:45.06
anything my life was
in another person's hand.
00:10:45.09\00:10:47.82
I could do anything about it.
00:10:47.86\00:10:49.13
So I have made a vow
that night that I would never
00:10:49.16\00:10:52.05
be a victim again.
00:10:52.08\00:10:53.10
But at the same time again,
I make sure that what happened
00:10:53.14\00:10:58.60
was that I would make
other people the victim.
00:10:58.64\00:11:00.82
Right, everybody
else was going to pay.
00:11:00.85\00:11:02.24
They was going to pay for that.
00:11:02.27\00:11:03.49
I became 10 times worse than the
gang member the did that to me.
00:11:03.52\00:11:08.19
I began to rob people.
00:11:08.23\00:11:10.15
Just mug people, just rob
people and steal from them.
00:11:10.19\00:11:14.84
Just leave them there.
00:11:14.87\00:11:16.43
You know, laughing, I had no
need, I was financially well off
00:11:16.46\00:11:19.62
my household we were not poor.
00:11:19.65\00:11:21.39
We were on welfare, but I
did it because I wanted to.
00:11:21.43\00:11:27.38
Because I wanted to. Right!
00:11:27.41\00:11:28.93
Things got so bad
that I eventually...
00:11:28.97\00:11:32.31
You know part of the wanting
to is that I want to prove to
00:11:32.35\00:11:35.68
somebody that I am not afraid,
I'm not someone you can just
00:11:35.71\00:11:39.01
push around.
00:11:39.05\00:11:40.02
There is that, really in that
environment, that's the gig.
00:11:40.03\00:11:43.94
I have to prove to you
that you cannot do this to me.
00:11:43.98\00:11:46.68
You can't.
00:11:46.71\00:11:47.73
Because if I don't prove
that I'm going to be stepped on
00:11:47.76\00:11:50.91
every single hour, every hour,
every minute, every time I walk
00:11:50.94\00:11:54.32
out the door. That's right!
00:11:54.36\00:11:55.34
So it is really interesting to
me is sometimes I just want to
00:11:55.38\00:12:00.35
just grab and holler and just
say in some places these kids
00:12:00.39\00:12:05.33
are doing the only thing
that makes sense to them.
00:12:05.37\00:12:08.29
Unless somebody
changes it, this is their life.
00:12:08.32\00:12:11.21
That's it, that is all we have.
00:12:11.24\00:12:13.32
Because of that I did not make
it past, through high school
00:12:13.35\00:12:17.59
very well, I got let back
twice, in the ninth grade.
00:12:17.63\00:12:20.77
I got involved with a lot of
the gangs and my mom felt that
00:12:20.80\00:12:25.29
it was necessary to
move out of that environment.
00:12:25.33\00:12:29.27
Just to save
you? Just to save me.
00:12:29.31\00:12:31.45
I'm not going to
lose my son here? Right!
00:12:31.48\00:12:34.18
She had to do it, she sacrificed
a lot because she worked in the
00:12:34.22\00:12:38.42
Bronx so she felt we
should move to New Jersey.
00:12:38.45\00:12:40.89
She felt that
would be safer for me.
00:12:40.92\00:12:43.64
What in turn happened was
I became a bigger threat over
00:12:43.68\00:12:47.17
there and I continued
to do even more things.
00:12:47.20\00:12:50.05
I started robbing people at
the high school in New Jersey.
00:12:50.09\00:12:53.62
I also began to sell drugs over
there as well on the streets.
00:12:53.66\00:12:57.01
I got intermingled with the kids
over there who were very similar
00:12:57.04\00:13:00.36
to where I grew up at.
00:13:00.40\00:13:02.26
So it seem like when she
did it but to no avail. Right!
00:13:02.30\00:13:05.41
The seeds were
already in my heart.
00:13:05.44\00:13:07.79
So you are going to attract
the people you need to attract?
00:13:07.83\00:13:10.52
I'm going to attract, I'm not
only going to attract, I'm going
00:13:10.55\00:13:13.21
to influence because
this was now my life now.
00:13:13.24\00:13:16.57
This was who I am, because
I was trained to be like this.
00:13:16.61\00:13:20.62
I felt I had no choice.
00:13:20.65\00:13:24.44
I didn't have any
opportunity to make that choice,
00:13:24.48\00:13:28.59
because it was
forced on me. Right!
00:13:28.63\00:13:30.32
Without that father figure
that we talked about earlier,
00:13:30.36\00:13:33.86
there was no one to really
guide me into what was right.
00:13:33.90\00:13:37.33
I did not grow up in a religious
background, so I had no church
00:13:37.37\00:13:40.75
to go to, so this is
my life and I loved it.
00:13:40.78\00:13:43.73
It is amazing to me when I read
some of the statistics on how
00:13:43.77\00:13:46.92
many people are
growing up without fathers.
00:13:46.95\00:13:49.81
I mean it's
huge. Oh yeah! Oh yeah!
00:13:49.84\00:13:51.23
How bout with your friends?
00:13:51.26\00:13:53.07
Most of them have
fathers? Oh no! No fathers!
00:13:53.10\00:13:55.94
Absolutely, not one of them.
00:13:55.97\00:13:57.47
No fathers.
00:13:57.51\00:13:58.48
When you say that I knows
somebody will probably listen
00:13:58.49\00:14:02.31
and say that cannot be
true, but that is true.
00:14:02.35\00:14:04.37
No fathers.
00:14:04.40\00:14:05.37
In some of the areas I
went to I meet no fathers.
00:14:05.38\00:14:07.96
If there is a father he usually
a deadbeat and not involved
00:14:07.99\00:14:11.67
with his kids.
00:14:11.71\00:14:12.68
He lives with another
woman in and out of jail.
00:14:12.69\00:14:16.32
There's nothing tangible there,
there's nothing that you can see
00:14:16.36\00:14:22.09
some love there,
there's no guidance.
00:14:22.13\00:14:23.15
There's no guidance, what became
our guidance was the music.
00:14:23.19\00:14:26.95
Hip-hop, rap music, they became
the people we looked up to.
00:14:26.98\00:14:30.71
They are the ones
who's examples we follow.
00:14:30.74\00:14:35.07
That's how we
became the way we were.
00:14:35.11\00:14:38.95
We became influenced by them.
00:14:38.98\00:14:40.46
By these men, they had no
fathers either, yet they were
00:14:40.50\00:14:43.45
saying some thing
that made sense to us.
00:14:43.48\00:14:45.75
We wanted to follow that because
they seem like they made it.
00:14:45.79\00:14:50.61
They went through
what we went through.
00:14:50.64\00:14:52.12
I have seen that over and over
with the music in what surprised
00:14:52.15\00:14:57.20
me a lot about that is that
when you have that much anger
00:14:57.24\00:15:01.18
and folks are singing about
their anger, then you really
00:15:01.21\00:15:05.12
can relate to that.
00:15:05.16\00:15:06.39
It is like you are singing about
anger and getting not victimized
00:15:06.43\00:15:10.26
in all at stuff, and
I could crank that up.
00:15:10.29\00:15:12.40
Just be right there with them.
00:15:12.43\00:15:14.46
That's right! That's
right! Especially with the music
00:15:14.49\00:15:17.49
it appeals right to the emotions
so it is dealing, it is almost
00:15:17.52\00:15:21.83
like drug addict in the sense
that what you are going through
00:15:21.86\00:15:26.16
you want to experience or hear
that somebody else went through
00:15:26.20\00:15:30.72
it and at the same time it is
not really saying not to do it,
00:15:30.76\00:15:35.24
it is glorifying it.
00:15:35.28\00:15:36.94
It is say there is nothing
wrong with the way you are.
00:15:36.98\00:15:40.77
You are okay, just keep
doing what you're doing and soon
00:15:40.81\00:15:44.57
enough you'll
make it like I did.
00:15:44.60\00:15:46.14
Through crime, through injustice
through illegal affairs you
00:15:46.17\00:15:50.85
are going to advance in life.
00:15:50.89\00:15:53.08
So it is never really
telling you to get past that.
00:15:53.12\00:15:55.83
It's not telling you to forsake
those things and say look
00:15:55.86\00:15:58.59
we were messed up when we were
younger and we had no fathers.
00:15:58.62\00:16:01.31
This life wasn't good,
they are not saying that at all.
00:16:01.34\00:16:05.09
They are say
this is your way out.
00:16:05.13\00:16:06.83
This is the way out.
00:16:06.87\00:16:07.84
This is how you
are going to make it.
00:16:07.88\00:16:09.32
So with that the encouragement
you have is that the music,
00:16:09.36\00:16:14.14
the encouragement that you
have is that you are not being
00:16:14.18\00:16:17.78
victimized anymore because I
have made it and I am selling
00:16:17.81\00:16:21.08
the drugs now and if you get
in my face I will take you out.
00:16:21.12\00:16:24.84
So you are going in that
direction, and I can feel that
00:16:24.88\00:16:28.57
even when you're
talking I could feel that.
00:16:28.61\00:16:30.25
So I'm thinking how does
God, how does God get through
00:16:30.29\00:16:33.84
to someone that has all
those things against you?
00:16:33.87\00:16:37.35
How do you even see? Because
God must of been foolish to you.
00:16:37.38\00:16:40.76
Christians must be weak to you?
00:16:40.79\00:16:43.50
In my life it was always talked
about but never exemplified
00:16:43.54\00:16:49.30
in anybody that I could see.
00:16:49.34\00:16:51.14
So it was more than foolishness
it was pathetic, it was pitiful.
00:16:51.17\00:16:55.24
It was weak because in the
streets you have to be strong.
00:16:55.27\00:16:58.01
You have to be tough, you
can't lay down for anybody.
00:16:58.05\00:17:00.75
You're not
turning the other cheek?
00:17:00.79\00:17:02.15
You are not turning the other
cheek, in fact as the song said
00:17:02.18\00:17:04.38
If you turn the other cheek
I'm going to break your chin.
00:17:04.41\00:17:07.56
If you do turn the other cheek
with these things in our minds
00:17:07.59\00:17:10.71
how does God reach
somebody like that?
00:17:10.74\00:17:15.11
Well in my case, my experience
I was very involved in history
00:17:15.15\00:17:19.94
governmental
affairs. Isn't that funny?
00:17:19.97\00:17:23.52
Because when you think about
it everything you just said you
00:17:23.55\00:17:26.46
like history, what
are you talking about?
00:17:26.50\00:17:28.87
You know here's the interesting
thing, this is the interesting
00:17:28.91\00:17:31.30
thing about people who
do grow up in the streets,
00:17:31.34\00:17:33.13
they recognized one
thing that was very important.
00:17:33.16\00:17:34.92
That was education.
00:17:34.95\00:17:37.43
Education because
you had to be smart.
00:17:37.47\00:17:39.80
Selling drugs you have to
have mathematics, you will get
00:17:39.84\00:17:42.67
cheated out your money, you
do not know supply and demand.
00:17:42.70\00:17:45.50
You do not know how to save
up, do not know how to deal this
00:17:45.54\00:17:47.84
and deal that so you have
to have some kind of education.
00:17:47.88\00:17:52.52
We always believed in that,
apparently the music emphasized
00:17:52.55\00:17:57.16
education along with the crime.
00:17:57.19\00:17:58.17
Isn't that funny, I
never thought of that.
00:17:58.20\00:18:00.77
But you do have to know about
money and about transactions.
00:18:00.80\00:18:05.44
Oh yeah, it is very necessary,
so in the sense I always...
00:18:05.48\00:18:08.78
Did I tell you I love you?
I think you are so amazing.
00:18:08.81\00:18:12.35
And every time you hear
your testimony, I just think you
00:18:12.38\00:18:15.88
are amazing because I
know where you been through.
00:18:15.92\00:18:19.21
I know that child, and
that child was hard-core.
00:18:19.24\00:18:23.44
Now you are looking
at history and how things
00:18:23.47\00:18:27.63
happened over time.
00:18:27.67\00:18:29.22
Yes I believe that if you do not
follow history you will repeat
00:18:29.26\00:18:32.72
it and especially with the long
history, I'm African American.
00:18:32.76\00:18:36.86
So we have a very negative
history especially starting from
00:18:36.89\00:18:40.96
the United States of
400 years of slavery.
00:18:41.00\00:18:42.74
So what my father said to me
in my mind said, I cannot fail
00:18:42.77\00:18:47.93
to repeat that, I have
to get past and advance
00:18:47.97\00:18:50.25
in education as
well as my finances.
00:18:50.28\00:18:53.05
So I used to study a
lot and was good at it.
00:18:53.08\00:18:56.60
A book was given to
me by my brother-in-law.
00:18:56.64\00:19:00.11
The same one who beat me
up, it would make me stronger,
00:19:00.14\00:19:04.49
and it was right up my field,
it was talking a lot about how
00:19:04.53\00:19:09.84
our government was being, a lot
of the world wars were staged.
00:19:09.88\00:19:15.15
They were planned
for a particular purpose.
00:19:15.19\00:19:17.00
I am not going into the details
but it made a lot of sense.
00:19:17.04\00:19:20.68
They named names, they had
references, I looked them up
00:19:20.72\00:19:24.30
I wasn't just
somebody who believed them,
00:19:24.33\00:19:26.68
I a skeptic about everything.
00:19:26.72\00:19:28.08
It was just saying there
is things behind the scenes
00:19:28.12\00:19:30.55
that are happening that
you may need to know about.
00:19:30.58\00:19:32.95
That we should know
about and I am reading
00:19:32.98\00:19:34.69
it and saying whoa, this makes
too much sense not to be true.
00:19:34.72\00:19:37.97
And it had nothing to do
about religion, then the very
00:19:38.01\00:19:42.46
last chapter it showed
Revelation and broke down how
00:19:42.49\00:19:46.91
everything in
Revelation talked about a book,
00:19:46.94\00:19:49.98
a 6000 year old book, was
talking about things that was
00:19:50.02\00:19:54.90
going on in our time right now.
00:19:54.94\00:19:57.30
My eyes, I could not believe it.
00:19:57.34\00:19:59.64
Were your eyes open when some
body said, my eyes are open?
00:19:59.67\00:20:02.55
They were opened!
00:20:02.58\00:20:03.67
Wow! in a spiritual sense even?
00:20:03.71\00:20:06.30
In a spiritual sense and shocked
sense, a fearful sense because
00:20:06.34\00:20:09.61
you recognize that will wow if
these things are really taking
00:20:09.64\00:20:13.49
place and I am living like this,
if these things are true and
00:20:13.53\00:20:17.34
the Bible say they are
true, that means other parts the
00:20:17.38\00:20:19.88
Bible have to be true also.
00:20:19.92\00:20:21.38
That Jesus is
real and He is coming.
00:20:21.42\00:20:22.82
He's coming, but He is
coming for one class of people.
00:20:22.86\00:20:26.51
And I wasn't one of
them, so there's a problem now.
00:20:26.54\00:20:30.16
He's not buying crack!
00:20:30.19\00:20:31.54
No He is not! and He is not
trying to see that anger either.
00:20:31.85\00:20:36.54
So I have a problem, I
realized I had a problem.
00:20:36.58\00:20:39.85
So I continued to Study and
share with my friends the things
00:20:39.89\00:20:44.58
from this book, but
I wasn't converted yet.
00:20:44.61\00:20:46.25
I wasn't
converted, I was convicted.
00:20:46.28\00:20:48.06
And trying to say look
at this, pay attention.
00:20:48.09\00:20:53.57
They thought I was crazy, crazy.
They were saying what are you
00:20:53.61\00:20:57.36
smoking? I said oh.
00:20:57.40\00:20:59.88
You finally had lost
your mind, I had lost it.
00:20:59.92\00:21:03.00
I lost it and they could not
believe it, but I was intent on
00:21:03.03\00:21:06.02
proving it, because I believed
history was right there.
00:21:06.06\00:21:09.43
As time progressed I
knew I wanted to get better.
00:21:09.46\00:21:15.08
But I also started seeing other
things in this Bible that I had
00:21:15.11\00:21:18.69
never seen before. Like?
00:21:18.73\00:21:20.54
Love! What does that
mean? You know coming from where
00:21:20.58\00:21:25.85
you came from,
what does that mean?
00:21:25.88\00:21:27.43
What does love mean?
00:21:27.46\00:21:28.57
I can't describe it, I
mean it with the exact opposite
00:21:28.61\00:21:32.95
of what I had
believed all my life.
00:21:32.98\00:21:36.18
I have lived all my life it
was the complete anti-street
00:21:36.22\00:21:43.75
life that I had
been accustomed to,
00:21:43.78\00:21:45.95
that somebody would lay down,
someone from a high position,
00:21:45.99\00:21:51.32
speaking down to earth from a
high position will come down to
00:21:51.36\00:21:55.63
my level, and die for someone
who completely doesn't care
00:21:55.66\00:21:59.90
about them, and do that?
00:21:59.94\00:22:02.28
And it didn't make sense to
me, I tossed it, I said what
00:22:04.34\00:22:06.39
is this garbage, I
can't believe this.
00:22:06.42\00:22:09.02
I see Jesus is
pathetic, why would He do this?
00:22:09.06\00:22:12.68
I look at Him as weak and
impotent, and what is this?
00:22:12.71\00:22:16.26
But then it really clicked
in my mind when I walked away,
00:22:16.29\00:22:19.81
I said is this love?
00:22:19.84\00:22:23.02
I never understood it,
is this really what love is?
00:22:23.05\00:22:26.86
I've never really seen it.
00:22:26.90\00:22:27.87
I had never seen this.
00:22:27.91\00:22:28.88
I had never seen this, I
had been so selfish all my life.
00:22:28.89\00:22:31.86
Only thinking about myself,
I didn't think about anybody.
00:22:31.90\00:22:34.89
I would kill
somebody and not think twice.
00:22:34.92\00:22:37.89
I was at that point,
I would just do that.
00:22:37.92\00:22:40.82
And I said wow, this man
would let Himself be killed
00:22:40.85\00:22:47.10
so that I can have a chance?
00:22:47.14\00:22:48.80
I don't even know Him
and He would do this for me?
00:22:48.83\00:22:53.76
It makes you
wonder if this is God?
00:22:53.79\00:23:00.37
It's huge, it's huge.
00:23:00.40\00:23:02.50
I want people to meet your wife
and your friends and that stuff.
00:23:07.29\00:23:09.84
So we are going to go
ahead and take a break.
00:23:09.88\00:23:11.56
I think how incredible for
God to just say, you know what
00:23:11.60\00:23:15.65
I know that you do not
understand, and I know you think
00:23:15.69\00:23:19.68
this is foolishness, but I want
to tell you that it will change
00:23:19.71\00:23:23.73
everything for you to
understand what love is about.
00:23:23.77\00:23:26.55
What does it feel
like to feel safe?
00:23:26.59\00:23:29.06
To feel protected and
you have a Father that says
00:23:29.10\00:23:31.96
I want to teach you all things.
00:23:31.99\00:23:33.77
Man, I can't wait to
hear the rest of the story.
00:23:33.81\00:23:37.63
Stay with us, come right back!
00:23:37.67\00:23:39.02