Welcome to
celebrate life in recovery.
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I'm Cheri your host.
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Today a want to introduce
you to a friend of mine who
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changed the way I look
at forgiveness and healing.
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Come join us and I
pray that it changes you to.
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This is my favorite part
of the show, well actually I
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always say that
in the second half.
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But we are going to do the
second half the first half.
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Does that may sense to anybody?
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We are going to start
out with the interview
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right from the beginning.
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I have a friend of
mine here Cheryl McGuinness.
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Cheryl I just want to
say, I have been wanting you
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on the show since we started.
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Really - yeah.
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Because you blessed me
you've changed my life.
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I'm excited to be
here, I really am.
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I have in my recovery, I
work with a lot of people at
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risk, a lot of people
dealing with some heavy issues.
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Coming out of drug
addition, sex addiction and
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dysfunctional homes,
and all that kind of stuff.
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And I'm so focused on
that usually that I don't think
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that there are people
dealing with issues that
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aren't from necessarily
for most backgrounds.
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But they get hit just as hard
but in a whole different way.
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So I would just like to
who are you, not who are
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you from when you got
hit, but who are you, who were
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you before all that happened?
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Well, thank you for recognizing
that Cheri, because so
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many people,
think that I am just
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somebody since
September eleventh, and I'm not
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I'm a full person.
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I started long ago,
being a full person.
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So thanks for the
opportunity to share.
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I've a regular family, I
have three sisters we fight
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like cats and dogs.
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And I grew up in this
Italian, Catholic home and it is
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just normal stuff.
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I met my husband when
I was sixteen years old.
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And we were high school
sweethearts and fell in love.
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Went to the junior prom.
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He asked me to the senior prom
actually just two days before.
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What was he like?
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In high school, I
mean, what was he like?
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Quiet-I bet
that he was adorable?
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He was adorable, he
was quiet, he was shy.
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He was athletic, had regular
friends, you know there was-
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Were you guys Christian then?
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I came to know the Lord
when I was thirteen years old.
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And he was born
and raised a Catholic.
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We dated and fell in
love and got married.
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He entered the
Navy and pursued that,
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and was doing very well.
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He was a top gun fighter
pilot, kind of that dreamy
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like woo Hoo, wow!
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I can see that women were
going like, oh how fun was that!
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And you guys had some kids.
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Yeah, I had two children-a
boy and a girl perfect.
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Jennifer and Tommy great,
you know, I had one of each.
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They didn't gang up on a
us and I went through all the
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normal stuff.
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I had a career of my
own, I was a manager in human
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resources for a large company.
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Lived away from my family
were I was born and raised.
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Moved away with
him, started my career,
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and he pursued his career.
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Raised a couple of children
and had all the struggles
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that a family raising
a young family brings.
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Would you do, how do you
afford to live on one income.
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Well, you don't, you're
used to a duel income and all
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the challenges that come
from having a dual income.
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Raising children, my
children were in daycare.
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I'm almost embarrassed to
say that they were in daycare
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longer than I
really would like to admit.
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But they were there for
hours, what were we to do?
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You know we needed
two incomes to live.
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Which is really no different
than it is today, but that
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brings a whole
set of challenges.
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So what you are saying,
we love each other we had a
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normal life, just a normal life.
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Normal struggles,
on normal life living.
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One day he is at work,
you are doing a Bible study.
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Yeah, I was doing a
Bible study, doing my devotions
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like I did every day.
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One day my phone
rang, and Tom was at work
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like he usually is.
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He had left the military,
went into the airlines,
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worked for American Airlines.
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I took the kids to school,
was out on my back deck doing my
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homework for my Bible
study that I was in at the time.
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And I thought
well, the phones ringing,
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I ran in to answer it.
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It was a friend
asking to speak with, Tom.
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I said he isn't
home, he is on a trip.
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He kept me on the phone,
and that was kind of strange
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because you know usually it's
he isn't home he's on a trip,
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I'll tell him you called.
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But he kept me on
the phone and we kind of
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went back and forth.
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And he said to you know
what's going on in the world?
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And I thought-what
is he talking about.
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To think I'm just sitting
here eating bon bons, watching
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TV all day long?
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And I said no.
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And he said well, a
plane has been hijacked.
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I thought what, where this
is America planes don't get
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hijacked here in America.
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That kind of happens in
other parts of the world
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but not here.
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After he told me that
I found my television.
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You went and turned on the TV?
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Yeah, and I'm trying to
find all the buttons to turn the
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TV on with this thing
to see what is going on.
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All of a sudden I saw
these images on television.
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I'm thinking, this
can't be Tom wouldn't
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be involved with this.
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I can't imagine that.
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And before you know it,
things got so crazy in my house.
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People out of the blue,
my neighbors, friends, people
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from church, just
started appearing at my house.
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I'm thinking, what
are you doing here,
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what are you doing?
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And you want to
scream and say this has
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nothing to do with us.
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I had no idea what people
were doing and I thought how
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bizarre that everybody
showing up at my house.
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Because my husband certainly
isn't involved with this.
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But then my phone
started ringing off the hook.
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My children were
calling me from school to find
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out if dad was okay.
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I started calling his
pager, his cell phone.
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All the emergency crew tracking
numbers that he had left
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with me in case
something ever happened.
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And I start calling
all these things right!
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Right, No responses.
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No responses, what's
going on, I can usually get him
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And there was no
response American airlines
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had me on hold.
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Then all of a sudden I saw
the black car pull up to the
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end of my driveway.
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And I thought this
can't be happening.
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And I kind of put my
hands up to say no - - stop.
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Don't go, if I don't
look at this black car,
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maybe it's not really happening.
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But three men got out of
the car, and one of them was
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the chief pilot
from American airlines.
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And he came up to my
door and knocked, he came in.
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I'm saying just
go away, go away.
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But he didn't so he came in.
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I would just, I could just
feel that sense of wanting to
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scream, everybody stopped
this is not my life, this is
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not happening to us.
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In my mind, and I think
audibly I was screaming.
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And just this isn't it.
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But he didn't go away,
he came in, he sat down.
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I remember looking at him
do you have something to say.
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Even he was
speechless as to how to say what
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he had to deliver.
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How to I tell her?
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I was almost rude.
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When I was saying do you
have something to say to me?
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It's like who are you
sitting in my living room to, do
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you have something to say to me.
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He was like, you know,
because there was these people
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all around me.
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And I'm thinking what can
he possibly have to say to me.
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I don't even know
this man, He was pilot from
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American Airlines.
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He came in, and he
said flight eleven,
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your husband was
on flight eleven.
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It was flown into the
World Trade Center, it was
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hijacked, crashed and
there were no survivors.
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And I just started
screaming hysterically.
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There was another man, he
was the pastor of my church.
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Just holding me, hold me
and I was just beating on
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him, no, no, no.
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God please don't call him
home, don't call him home.
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Just screaming
that out hysterically.
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You know, what is really
interesting to me is that I
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can't imagine coming
up with the next thought.
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Do you know what I mean?
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It's like everything is
ripped from me, what is the next
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thought, what is the next
breath, what do I do next?.
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All I can think about it
was after I caught my breath.
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At that moment was my children.
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Oh my gosh, my children,
they are seeing this, they're
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going to hear this.
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So I quickly realized that
I had to go tell my children
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the same news
that I had just heard.
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And I thought how am
I going to say, this,
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what am I going to say.
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So some dear friends drove
me to their school right away.
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My children-how old
were they at this time?
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They were fourteen
and sixteen years old.
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Tommy was fourteen, and
he came into the principals
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office first and then Jennifer.
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They knew by the look on
my face that I had horrible
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news to share.
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And I held them how
we cried in just shock.
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You know, we just
melted and held each other.
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And all I can say is
Jesus will take care of us.
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I didn't know how, I
didn't know what we needed,
00:10:45.28\00:10:49.02
but all I can think
of that moment is God
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would take care of us.
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Because of your
faith was there just a
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sense of knowing that?
00:10:56.23\00:10:57.61
Or were you just
saying that to comfort them,
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do you know?
00:10:59.47\00:11:00.63
No, that was the only
thing in this whole world
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that you knew- yeah that I knew.
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Because when everything
was ripped away the way
00:11:05.89\00:11:08.90
that it was, and I
was a strong woman,
00:11:08.93\00:11:11.16
fairly strong and
confident, secure.
00:11:11.19\00:11:14.73
I could take care situations
I could take care of life.
00:11:14.76\00:11:20.21
But at that moment there
was nothing that I could in
00:11:20.24\00:11:26.84
this world-would you
pull from the strength I have,
00:11:26.87\00:11:29.70
because I was
unprepared for this.
00:11:29.73\00:11:31.96
Yes, there was no strength,
there was nothing in this
00:11:31.99\00:11:34.66
world that could possibly
help except God was going to
00:11:34.69\00:11:39.63
have take care of us.
00:11:39.66\00:11:41.03
That is all that I
could say to my children.
00:11:41.06\00:11:42.66
When you guys, because
I'm sure they left with you,
00:11:42.69\00:11:47.25
yes, we left, we left.
00:11:47.28\00:11:49.63
And you know every single
time you turn around, I mean,
00:11:49.66\00:11:54.69
I can't even imagine you being
able to turn the TV on, and
00:11:54.72\00:11:57.53
turn around without
somebody there trying to help.
00:11:57.56\00:12:01.64
I would still just want
to scream, and now I can even
00:12:01.67\00:12:07.26
take this in, I
don't want to take this in.
00:12:07.29\00:12:09.53
What happened, what
was the next few days,
00:12:09.56\00:12:13.12
few weeks, few months.
00:12:13.15\00:12:14.69
In many ways it was a blur,
our house filled with people.
00:12:14.72\00:12:20.60
There was things that were
flooding, there were flowers,
00:12:20.63\00:12:24.39
my house, it was
packed with flowers.
00:12:24.42\00:12:27.93
They just kept coming
with flowers and fruit baskets.
00:12:27.96\00:12:30.45
People kept coming by
that I didn't even know.
00:12:30.48\00:12:33.45
Television and cameras crews
were at the end of my driveway.
00:12:33.48\00:12:37.00
They put up blockades on
my street to keep the police
00:12:37.03\00:12:40.85
and the camera crews out.
00:12:40.88\00:12:42.37
It was such a scene that
I was trying to protect my
00:12:42.40\00:12:49.34
children not even
knowing what was going on.
00:12:49.38\00:12:52.15
You know, I forgot all about
that because Tom, being the
00:12:52.18\00:12:57.02
pilot, I bet there
were crews everywhere.
00:12:57.05\00:12:58.78
Somebody wanting to know,
what you think, what you're
00:12:58.81\00:13:03.03
going through in no
one in that first thing.
00:13:03.06\00:13:05.17
Tom was a very quiet man,
didn't like any attention at
00:13:05.20\00:13:10.58
all, in fact, he would say
if you're using my name for
00:13:10.61\00:13:16.21
God's glory okay do it,
but beyond that I would be
00:13:16.24\00:13:18.87
really mad at you now,
if you are talking about me.
00:13:18.90\00:13:20.88
For any other reason
then bring glory to God.
00:13:20.91\00:13:24.20
He was a very quiet man.
00:13:24.23\00:13:25.78
So when you said that it
was hard, I mean, even doing
00:13:25.81\00:13:31.08
normal things,
getting up feeding your kids.
00:13:31.11\00:13:33.54
How did you start
to stand up again?
00:13:33.57\00:13:38.95
How did that normal
stuff start to happen?
00:13:38.98\00:13:42.34
You know, it didn't turn
normal for a couple years
00:13:42.37\00:13:45.93
after, and it was a
very slow arduous process of
00:13:45.96\00:13:50.31
healing that happened after.
00:13:50.34\00:13:52.07
It started, with I think,
accepting help from people.
00:13:52.10\00:13:57.86
Being able to say please help.
00:13:57.89\00:14:03.65
Because you know, the
natural process of us protecting
00:14:03.68\00:14:07.41
ourselves, if I don't
accept it, if I don't hear you,
00:14:07.44\00:14:10.48
if I don't let you
speak then maybe it
00:14:10.51\00:14:11.81
doesn't have to happen.
00:14:11.84\00:14:13.05
Maybe I can make it somehow
not happen it will just go
00:14:13.08\00:14:15.62
away, go away a
want to be normal again.
00:14:15.65\00:14:18.36
I want my life normal again.
00:14:18.39\00:14:19.79
That's what we wanted,
but realizing that what wasn't
00:14:19.82\00:14:24.75
going to happen,
and hitting rock bottom.
00:14:24.78\00:14:27.68
I don't believe I
hit rock bottom when I
00:14:27.71\00:14:30.09
first heard the news.
00:14:30.12\00:14:31.37
I believe I hit rock
bottom a few weeks after.
00:14:31.40\00:14:35.20
I would imagine that you
just went into shock when
00:14:35.23\00:14:37.45
you heard the news, the
shock I cannot feel my skin,
00:14:37.48\00:14:40.97
don't feel that it's
white right now, don't ask me
00:14:41.00\00:14:42.48
to think, because I
don't even if I can remember
00:14:42.51\00:14:45.20
how to think right now.
00:14:45.24\00:14:46.62
That is exactly right.
00:14:46.66\00:14:48.10
It wasn't until I
hit rock bottom that
00:14:48.13\00:14:52.38
healing really could help.
00:14:52.41\00:14:53.92
And you know you think
with all the images on TV,
00:14:53.95\00:14:57.05
and all the talk of September
eleventh, and everything
00:14:57.08\00:15:00.67
that happened after, in
the wake after, I didn't hit
00:15:00.70\00:15:04.59
rock bottom for
weeks if not months.
00:15:04.62\00:15:07.83
What was rock bottom,
and what you mean by that?
00:15:07.86\00:15:10.52
You know, I think it
was different for me and my
00:15:10.55\00:15:13.52
children, when we
each hit rock-bottom.
00:15:13.56\00:15:17.38
And I think for me
realizing and dealing with the
00:15:17.41\00:15:23.55
pain of losing a
loved one, and what
00:15:23.58\00:15:25.82
they may have gone through.
00:15:25.85\00:15:27.55
When those final
moments, thinking through that
00:15:27.58\00:15:30.63
for me was rock-bottom.
00:15:30.66\00:15:32.70
It had nothing else
to do except to know the
00:15:32.73\00:15:36.87
final moments of Tom's life.
00:15:36.90\00:15:39.32
What happened was he
had a lot of pain, thinking
00:15:39.35\00:15:43.85
through what might
have happened in the cockpit
00:15:43.88\00:15:45.86
was my rock-bottom for me.
00:15:45.89\00:15:47.61
I believe that
it was different for
00:15:47.64\00:15:49.25
my son and my daughter.
00:15:49.28\00:15:50.51
How was it for them?
00:15:50.54\00:15:52.32
It was hard, it was very hard.
00:15:52.35\00:15:54.87
For different reasons, my
son needed his dad to be his
00:15:54.90\00:16:01.63
role model and love him the
way that a man does and teach
00:16:01.66\00:16:05.97
him all those manly things.
00:16:06.00\00:16:08.13
All of a sudden, Tommy
found himself with people saying
00:16:08.16\00:16:12.52
to him oh you're the
new man of the house.
00:16:12.55\00:16:14.56
You are the man of the
house and he is fourteen years
00:16:14.59\00:16:16.48
old and he was thinking my
dad just started to teach me
00:16:16.51\00:16:19.38
about how to do
things and then he is gone.
00:16:19.41\00:16:24.01
Then Tommy felt
the weight of how to
00:16:24.04\00:16:26.97
take care of me.
00:16:27.00\00:16:27.97
And I was going through the
struggle of I don't want you
00:16:27.98\00:16:30.73
take care of me Tommy, I
want to you to live your life.
00:16:30.76\00:16:32.75
A watch to be a
child- Be a child.
00:16:32.78\00:16:35.17
Don't feel like you need
to take care of everything.
00:16:35.20\00:16:37.63
You know, on top of that,
because I am trying to figure
00:16:37.66\00:16:42.23
out how you are
pulling all of this together.
00:16:42.26\00:16:44.67
How you are trying to not
let them grow up too fast and
00:16:44.70\00:16:47.48
have all this stuff
happening around you.
00:16:47.51\00:16:49.96
Because people
didn't let you guys go.
00:16:49.99\00:16:51.97
I mean, you were
not let go for a second.
00:16:52.00\00:16:55.18
No we weren't, really
for me, although it was a
00:16:55.21\00:16:59.81
public tragedy, the
public actually embraced us
00:16:59.84\00:17:04.34
as a family and loved us.
00:17:04.37\00:17:06.41
And really, we
opened up our heart.
00:17:06.44\00:17:09.99
In many ways to be
almost sucked up to the love
00:17:10.02\00:17:14.36
of the nation and the
compassion of the nation
00:17:14.39\00:17:16.54
that poured into us.
00:17:16.57\00:17:18.71
So you literally
felt that coming back.
00:17:18.74\00:17:22.58
I really did, once
I can slowly stand up.
00:17:22.61\00:17:27.58
And it was an up-and-down
thing, it wasn't an okay
00:17:27.61\00:17:30.33
I'm standing up. I'm Good.
00:17:30.36\00:17:31.77
It was a long process,
very long process for healing.
00:17:31.80\00:17:36.14
To me how it is you get
the normal every day things,
00:17:36.17\00:17:42.99
getting up making breakfast,
and just doing that routine
00:17:43.02\00:17:46.24
thing, them
going back to school.
00:17:46.27\00:17:47.95
I mean all that, I can't
imagine any of that happening.
00:17:47.98\00:17:52.01
How do you say okay, now
we're going to get up and eat.
00:17:52.04\00:17:57.75
I had to develop a routine,
and it's what worked for me.
00:17:57.78\00:18:04.51
Because I really didn't have
anybody helping me to say do
00:18:04.54\00:18:11.12
this to that do this.
00:18:11.15\00:18:12.35
But I had to develop a routine
that worked, so that when
00:18:12.38\00:18:16.17
I open my eyes in the morning.
00:18:16.20\00:18:17.50
I would get up in the very
first thing I would say was,
00:18:17.53\00:18:20.29
Thank you God for a new day.
00:18:20.32\00:18:21.99
Thank you God for helping me
through last night, because I
00:18:22.02\00:18:25.83
would have
cried myself to sleep.
00:18:25.86\00:18:27.43
And when I woke up, and
the night was over, it was
00:18:27.46\00:18:30.36
like thank you God it's
another new day, and even if
00:18:30.39\00:18:33.25
there were clouds in
the sky I would think.
00:18:33.28\00:18:34.98
Thank you God for a new day.
00:18:35.01\00:18:37.18
And then I would make
my bed so I wouldn't crawl
00:18:37.21\00:18:41.45
back into my bed.
00:18:41.48\00:18:42.76
And I would stay out of my bed.
00:18:42.79\00:18:45.34
Literally force yourself on
not going back to bed today.
00:18:45.37\00:18:49.05
Right, I would get up and
would wake up my children.
00:18:49.08\00:18:52.80
You know, the first
time we worked together.
00:18:52.83\00:18:54.50
I remember you saying that
to even to do your devotions.
00:18:54.53\00:18:57.60
I couldn't concentrate.
00:18:57.63\00:18:58.96
You know if you gave
something to read to give me
00:18:58.99\00:19:01.97
comfort, I couldn't read it.
00:19:02.00\00:19:04.14
All I could do in the
beginning was look at picture
00:19:04.17\00:19:06.50
books, the beautiful
pictures and think wow this is
00:19:06.53\00:19:10.00
God's creation
how beautiful it is.
00:19:10.03\00:19:12.34
I love nature to
this day, I love nature.
00:19:12.37\00:19:15.25
It lifts me to be outdoors
and seeing God's creation.
00:19:15.28\00:19:18.31
I would take long walks
at the beach because it was
00:19:18.34\00:19:22.13
soothing and healing for
me to be God's, in nature.
00:19:22.16\00:19:25.67
To me, that was God's
creation and I am just that way
00:19:25.70\00:19:28.50
You know!
00:19:28.53\00:19:29.50
So if you were going to
encourage someone right now,
00:19:29.51\00:19:33.14
that is struggling with
that kind of thing, a death
00:19:33.17\00:19:35.71
of a loved one,
especially your partner.
00:19:35.74\00:19:37.79
What would say, is get
up every day, make your bed,
00:19:37.82\00:19:41.46
get outside.
00:19:41.49\00:19:43.61
You know from me
getting outside, taking one step
00:19:43.64\00:19:46.60
and praising God through it.
00:19:46.63\00:19:47.82
I literally would
say thank you God.
00:19:47.85\00:19:51.76
Did you ever get to
the point to say God is
00:19:51.79\00:19:53.06
what is up with that.
00:19:53.09\00:19:54.44
Because there was a
point, and I don't know if it,
00:19:54.47\00:19:56.73
I love God and He has blessed
me through the horrendous
00:19:56.76\00:20:01.20
healing, but
there was never a time
00:20:01.23\00:20:04.35
when you said what's up?
00:20:04.38\00:20:05.65
I did, no I did, I
went through anger.
00:20:05.68\00:20:08.26
After I did after a point,
step-by-step breath by breath
00:20:08.29\00:20:12.35
saying, God I can't breathe.
00:20:12.38\00:20:14.40
Because I would have
these awful anxiety and panic
00:20:14.43\00:20:16.69
attacks, and I could
just not breath after.
00:20:16.72\00:20:19.75
And I would be saying
God fill me with breath,
00:20:19.78\00:20:24.02
because I can't
breathe, you know.
00:20:24.05\00:20:25.62
And I as I healed a little bit.
00:20:25.65\00:20:28.09
I found some
strength to go to the
00:20:28.12\00:20:30.68
World Trade Center's site.
00:20:30.71\00:20:32.04
But that wasn't
until eight months after
00:20:32.07\00:20:34.41
the tragedy happened.
00:20:34.44\00:20:36.77
I had to be there,
you know, what before that
00:20:36.80\00:20:40.98
I had no desire,
did want to see it.
00:20:41.01\00:20:43.46
I don't want to
see all that rubble.
00:20:43.49\00:20:45.05
No, I didn't, but
eight months after I felt
00:20:45.08\00:20:48.87
this desire to go.
00:20:48.90\00:20:50.38
I went there the way
that it all happened was.
00:20:50.41\00:20:55.79
It was kind of strange
because my daughter saw that
00:20:55.82\00:21:00.73
I had all this anxiety
inside of me and she said mom,
00:21:00.76\00:21:03.66
what are you nervous about?
00:21:03.69\00:21:04.83
Why are you bothered so much?
00:21:04.86\00:21:07.33
I said because Jennifer I
do not know if I'm going to
00:21:07.36\00:21:10.33
relive in my mind all
the things that I thought
00:21:10.36\00:21:13.77
I put behind me.
00:21:13.80\00:21:15.47
You know, the plane, what
was happening to the people on
00:21:15.50\00:21:18.72
the ground, I didn't
want to relive that again.
00:21:18.75\00:21:21.16
I didn't want to have a
mental breakdown, and I thought,
00:21:21.19\00:21:24.06
I may be was going to.
00:21:24.09\00:21:25.63
I didn't want to fall apart.
00:21:25.66\00:21:26.63
I didn't want to, I
mean, sometimes when you fall
00:21:26.64\00:21:28.36
part you don't know
if you're going to come
00:21:28.39\00:21:29.93
back together again.
00:21:29.96\00:21:31.34
When you're reduced to
dust particles, as I call it,
00:21:31.37\00:21:36.59
like will I really get
stuck together, will my
00:21:36.62\00:21:40.34
heart be like
put together again?
00:21:40.37\00:21:41.34
So Jennifer said mom, dad
told me once that our body and
00:21:41.35\00:21:49.18
soul fit together
like a hand in a glove.
00:21:49.21\00:21:51.50
And she said mom, dad
said, when we die that our body
00:21:51.53\00:21:56.40
goes to the ground and
then we're with Christ.
00:21:56.43\00:21:58.37
The other next conscious
thought is I'm with God.
00:21:58.40\00:22:01.39
Exactly, so, she said mom
when you go there know that
00:22:01.42\00:22:03.30
daddy is not there in
whatever you see there.
00:22:03.33\00:22:06.52
So I took that and I
thought okay, I can go.
00:22:06.55\00:22:10.04
When I was standing
there, it was like this pit that
00:22:10.07\00:22:14.84
to me represented
the evil of mankind.
00:22:14.87\00:22:16.81
It was the debris of the
airplane, the dust of the,
00:22:16.84\00:22:20.71
of the building.
00:22:20.74\00:22:21.91
It was awful, and to me, it
represented all the ugliness
00:22:21.94\00:22:25.76
and the sins of mankind.
00:22:25.79\00:22:27.98
But off on the hill, you
may recall there was this metal
00:22:28.01\00:22:31.05
structure that was
erected by the rescue workers.
00:22:31.08\00:22:33.69
And it was in
the shape of a cross.
00:22:33.72\00:22:36.07
And as I'm looking in
this pit I also saw to the side
00:22:36.10\00:22:40.31
this cross, and I
thought to myself, that God here
00:22:40.34\00:22:47.41
I am at the foot of the cross.
00:22:47.44\00:22:49.69
Here I am Lord,
what you want me to do?
00:22:49.72\00:22:53.10
I felt this rage and
this anger inside of me.
00:22:53.13\00:22:57.00
It's like God, they
murdered my husband,
00:22:57.03\00:22:59.92
my children
don't have a dad now.
00:22:59.95\00:23:04.98
And I'm standing
here in all this debris.
00:23:05.01\00:23:07.59
And I'm standing here
into the ugliness and the evil,
00:23:07.62\00:23:09.72
to me, of all mankind.
00:23:09.75\00:23:12.10
What do you want me to do God?
00:23:12.17\00:23:13.28
And I so clearly
heard Him say to me,
00:23:13.31\00:23:16.76
I want you to forgive them.
00:23:16.79\00:23:18.03
And I thought God
my life is a mess,
00:23:18.06\00:23:22.19
how can I forgive them?
00:23:22.22\00:23:23.77
He said, it's not
easy to forgive them.
00:23:23.80\00:23:26.01
But don't forget
Cheryl, my daughter.
00:23:26.04\00:23:29.68
I for gave you.
00:23:29.71\00:23:31.24
I went through pain and
suffering for your sins.
00:23:31.27\00:23:36.14
I thought God, You know,
You're right, You did, You died
00:23:36.17\00:23:41.74
for me and You took all
my sins and You for gave me.
00:23:41.77\00:23:44.59
And if you are my Lord,
I bow down and surrender my
00:23:44.62\00:23:48.66
life to You than how can
I not forgive the terrorist?
00:23:48.69\00:23:53.81
For murdering and
causing me and my children,
00:23:53.84\00:23:56.85
all this evil, and our nation.
00:23:56.88\00:23:58.92
But I wasn't to the nation
part, yet it was personal.
00:23:58.95\00:24:02.10
It was like I need to
get out of this place.
00:24:02.13\00:24:04.77
So I say God, I truly do
surrender my life to you again,
00:24:04.80\00:24:12.36
and with every breath that
I have, that You give to me,
00:24:12.39\00:24:16.55
I will serve You
every day of my life.
00:24:16.58\00:24:19.51
If You will help me
forgive the people, the men,
00:24:19.54\00:24:23.45
women, the country.
00:24:23.48\00:24:25.46
Whoever did this, if you
will help me to forgive the
00:24:25.49\00:24:28.33
terrorists for what they did.
00:24:28.36\00:24:30.27
Then I will serve you
because You are my Lord.
00:24:30.30\00:24:34.30
And I serve You
and no matter what
00:24:34.33\00:24:36.68
happens here on earth.
00:24:36.71\00:24:38.82
No matter what people
do to me, no matter what
00:24:38.85\00:24:41.31
brings me to my knees
Lord, You are my Lord.
00:24:41.34\00:24:45.33
I was serve you with
every breath You give to me
00:24:45.36\00:24:48.45
but help me to
forgive the terrorists.
00:24:48.48\00:24:50.12
So let me just ask you
now, because in that moment,
00:24:50.15\00:24:52.28
and I had those moments
where God so present that saying
00:24:52.31\00:24:57.43
that you know He
is going to do it.
00:24:57.46\00:24:59.74
You know that He is going
to follow through, you know
00:24:59.77\00:25:01.06
that He is going to give
you the ability and teach you
00:25:01.09\00:25:04.12
how to forgive.
00:25:04.15\00:25:05.24
With that process
like because when you
00:25:05.27\00:25:06.80
walk away that moment.
00:25:06.83\00:25:07.80
You're saying,
what was I saying.
00:25:07.81\00:25:08.91
I don't even know how
to forgive, I don't have
00:25:08.94\00:25:10.77
that much, I'm not
capable of doing that.
00:25:10.80\00:25:14.55
So how did God teach you?
00:25:14.58\00:25:17.85
God taught me moment by
moment, day by day, that
00:25:17.88\00:25:24.29
as I lived, and as I
prayed out to God every day.
00:25:24.32\00:25:29.10
Help me to forgive the
terrorists for what they did.
00:25:29.13\00:25:32.21
Strengthen me Lord.
00:25:32.24\00:25:33.93
So you literally, and this
is just for people that are
00:25:33.96\00:25:36.29
struggling with that are
watching us Cheryl, they are
00:25:36.32\00:25:38.39
saying, You know what.
00:25:38.42\00:25:39.50
I've had different
issues, I've had molest issues,
00:25:39.53\00:25:43.19
someone murdered my
daughter, or I lost a child,
00:25:43.22\00:25:47.12
or I had an abortion,
or whatever and forgiveness
00:25:47.15\00:25:50.43
is forgiveness, is forgiveness.
00:25:50.46\00:25:51.91
We are looking at your
story, but I'm thinking
00:25:51.94\00:25:53.54
anybody that has to
deal with forgiveness, you
00:25:53.57\00:25:56.76
are saying, say out loud.
00:25:56.79\00:25:58.17
I forgive the terrorists.
00:25:58.20\00:26:01.43
I forgive the person
that raped or molested me.
00:26:01.46\00:26:04.44
I forgive and your
saying say it out loud,
00:26:04.47\00:26:06.78
at first did you feel it?
00:26:06.81\00:26:08.59
Did you feel that?
00:26:08.62\00:26:10.03
No, no, I was
afraid to say it at first.
00:26:10.06\00:26:13.92
I was afraid, and
I think it was more
00:26:13.95\00:26:16.50
my anger and my fear.
00:26:16.53\00:26:20.34
Because you want
somebody to pay first-yeah.
00:26:20.37\00:26:22.23
I did I really did it first.
00:26:22.26\00:26:24.99
It's like this isn't
fair, this happened to me and
00:26:25.02\00:26:28.46
I am an innocent victim.
00:26:28.49\00:26:29.73
My children are
innocent, why us?
00:26:29.76\00:26:32.81
You know what I'm going to
jump in, because I'm going to
00:26:32.84\00:26:35.74
go ahead were going to
take a break and come back.
00:26:35.77\00:26:37.84
I don't want to cut this
process short, because the next
00:26:37.87\00:26:43.38
thing that you discovered
about God and forgiveness
00:26:43.41\00:26:45.99
literally changed my life.
00:26:46.02\00:26:47.51
Change the way a look
at things, change the way,
00:26:47.54\00:26:49.63
because I thought there's
certain things in my life
00:26:49.66\00:26:53.18
that I just can't forgive.
00:26:53.21\00:26:54.59
In the first time I listened
to Cheryl talk about what
00:26:54.62\00:26:59.14
happened to Tom, and
what happened to the family.
00:26:59.17\00:27:01.16
I realize God stop me
from ever say that again.
00:27:01.19\00:27:04.91
Forgiveness is
something that God teaches us.
00:27:04.94\00:27:08.19
We are not capable in
and of ourselves, but man
00:27:08.22\00:27:11.42
does it bring joy and
healing into your life and
00:27:11.45\00:27:14.34
God knows that so.
00:27:14.37\00:27:15.56
Stay with us and we're
are going to come back and
00:27:15.59\00:27:17.49
look at this whole
thing about forgiveness.
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Further stay with Cheryl
on her journey, and just be
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blessed, be blessed.
00:27:23.40\00:27:25.27
We will be right back!
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