Welcome to
Celebrating Life in Recovery.
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I'm Cheri your host.
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Have you ever heard the
expression that God brought
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a person out of
darkness into light.
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Do you want to
know what that means?
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Stay with us!
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In my opinion, it's a
bigger miracle than the
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parting of the Red Sea.
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Welcome back.
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I love this show.
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I love doing it, I
love putting it together,
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I love introducing you
to friends of mine, just
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the miracles that
God is doing around the
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world are absolutely incredible.
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We are going to do the
show a little bit different
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today from a because I
have some friends from Milan.
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Also, I want to bring
Dr. Doug Weiss back in to
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meet them and kind of
go over their testimonies.
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Not so much their
testimonies, you know I don't
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when I hear
somebody's testimony.
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I understand where
people are coming from, hard
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backgrounds, or
molest issues or addiction.
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What really excites me
is when I hear somebody say,
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then they saw God
and God stepped in
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it was this huge thing.
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So are going to talk
about all that today.
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We're not only going to talk
about how God, not only brings
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you out of that kind of
darkness into light, but stands
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you up in ministry,
which I think is absolutely
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the coolest thing.
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But you know, first of
all I want to share with
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you a little bit.
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We're going to talk
about how to be holy in the
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presence of a holy God.
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When I first
read that I thought,
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what does that mean?
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You know, I've been on
the streets for ten years,
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I have this background
is a little different from
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yours more than likely.
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So holy and from a holy
God, and I'm thinking holy.
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I don't even know
what that word means.
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but it doesn't sound
like it's very much fun.
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You know, I may
not want to be holy.
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And then I watching
Saturday night live,
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and for people
haven't seen that show,
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there was a woman
there called the Church Lady.
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And she came and she
has her hair in a bun,
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and she's like,
always kind of mad.
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She has got this
black dress on, and serious.
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She holds up a Bible, you
know who made you do that?
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Satan made you do that.
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And I'm thinking God, I
love you, but do not make
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me the Church Lady,
because I don't even like her.
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And I wouldn't even
look good in a bun, you know.
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So, I really fought
against, I don't know if I
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want to be holy.
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I just want to be fun, you know!
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You can stay the holy
thing, I just want to hang
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out with God and have fun.
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And so God kind of showed
me, you know what holiness
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is to live a life of recovery.
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Live a life where you
like being in your own skin.
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To live a life where you're
not manipulated like a puppet.
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With all your addictions
and all the junk that was
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told to you as a kid, for
some kids that are molested.
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We don't even know
how to stay present,
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in any kind sexual situation.
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And we don't know
how to love our spouses,
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because of all the
junk we carry with us.
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Holiness for God
is stepping out of all
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that and being free.
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Step out of all the
bondages and all the
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darkness that just
kind of wrapped around you.
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God says I'm going to
pull you out of all that.
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And He disciplines us in
a way that we are able to
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see what's
light and what's dark.
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And that doesn't sound
good for a lot of people in
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recovery, and so if
you're out there and saying
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Cheri I don't like discipline,
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just imagine it this way.
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If I'm going to adopt
a kid and I fall in love
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with a little kid that's
a gangster, nine years old,
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but a little gangster.
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He steals, and
lies, beats everybody up,
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he's s very violent.
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When I bring him into my
home, I absolutely fall in
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love this kid, but do you
think I'm going to let him
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steal and lie still?
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I'm going to try teach
him how to get out of that,
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because I love him
and I want him to live a
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life that is good.
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A life where he can
connect with other people,
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where he can understand
what it feels like to be
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trusted, to be full of joy and
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Just get out of that.
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So when he steals,
I'm going to nail him.
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I'm going to say, you
know what stealing is not okay.
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When he lies to me I'm
going to say, hey buddy.
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I know that you are not
a millionaire, your nine,
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you live in my house.
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And every time
he lies, hopefully.
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I'm going to come back
and say, you know Buddy.
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So as we look at this
show we talk about God
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bringing us out of one
place into another place.
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Then, setting in front
of us a standard, please
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think of the words
in a different way.
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He literally adopts us
into His house, and says the
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behaviors that you
have that you so think are
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normal that are killing you.
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Killing you and
keeping you from having an
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incredible life with
the people around you.
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I'm going to show you
way to get out of them and
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then you'll stand holy in
the presence of a holy God.
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And even change a word
you'll understand happy.
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In the presence of a
happy God, you know what I mean,
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you will use a word
that doesn't trigger you.
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Because holiness triggered me.
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I'm okay on that, so
stay with that, and then I'm
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going to introduce
you to Harmony Dust.
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Harmony, I just want to
say God bless you for being
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on the show with us.
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Thank you, it's my honor.
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I'm thrilled - I'm excited.
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You said you would
come, I'm like no way.
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I call people here
and I said you know what,
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you're going to be blessed.
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And I would like you to
start out with your testimony,
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because I want people to
know who you are before we
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talk about your ministry.
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Gotcha, I gotcha.
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Yeah, I was raised in
Venice, California area
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called Ghost Town.
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My family had a lot
of financials struggles.
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My dad left when I
was about a year old.
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And I was raised by my
mother who was struggling
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with an addiction to cocaine.
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So I just want to say
this, because a lot of people
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do not understand that
when you're dad leaves you
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really are, you and
your mother, are unprotected.
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So you do the best you
can, but that is a huge thing.
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And when you say it, we
say in our stories, in our
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testimonies, and we say
it in a way that people do
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not realize it's
unbelievable not to have that
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covering over our families.
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And you know, I'm glad
you stop me there because a
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lot of times, I
used to gloss over that
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fatherlessness issue
because it is so common.
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You know, who even
has a father nowadays!
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Where I come from and it is very
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uncommon to have a father.
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But later on, years down
the line, I realize that so
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many of the choices that
I made came from that void,
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that lack of a
really orphaned heart.
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So not having a
dad from that early age
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played a huge role in my life.
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Not having the protection
not having the covering.
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So, that was a big
deal and is a big deal,
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and a lot people
can relate to that.
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My mom got involved
another relationship, and
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there was domestic
violence in my household,
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there was just a lot.
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Not a predictable kind
of atmosphere, but one thing
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that did seem to be
predictable, unfortunately,
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was that there was
this threat of sexual
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abuse throughout my life.
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I was exposed to
pornography at three years old.
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And molested by
multiple people, men and women,
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and raped as a teenager.
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And it really
took its toll on me but
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cause I internalized it.
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I thought it was my
fault, I blamed myself like a
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lot of abuse victims do.
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I just thought
something must be wrong with me,
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because how do I keep
ending up in these situations.
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How do I keep
drawing these sort of
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people into my life?
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I really dealt with a lot
of blame and a lot of shame.
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I didn't talk about it.
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Can I even jump on
there because I think too,
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that somebody is more
normal and doesn't have
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that as their every day
life, because I had that too
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as my everyday life.
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Is that at soon as
somebody even gets into a
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sexualized place with
us as children, we know how
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to dissociate and just be gone.
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It doesn't even have to
be the act yet, as soon as
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they look at me and I
know that that is coming.
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I can dissociate and
just deal with what ever is
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happening and
then go out and skate.
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Yep Yep!
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The saddest thing,
as I got into recovery,
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to realize that it
is not just one child,
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it is 1 in 4 girls
right now, and 1 in 7 boys.
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So it's huge, but we
learned how to associate in
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deal with that
as a norm in life.
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And that's what
you're saying it was.
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the only constant
in your life was that.
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And you do you start to
compartmentalize about those
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experiences and you
keep them kind of over here
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separate and try to live
as normal a life as you can
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over here, you do
not know what else to do.
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It does create a
life a separation there,
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dissociation definitely.
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So I was sexualized
from an early age, and really
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taught that my only
value was in my sexuality.
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And you're only
power - and my only power.
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Yeah, that's a big one too.
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I ended up at the age of
eleven, I met a young boy
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who came, he, you know he
was only a little bit older.
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He became almost like a
father figure in my life.
00:08:42.25\00:08:45.50
When my mother left for
three months, she left me to
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take care of my
eight year old brother.
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By yourself in your home.
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Unum, hum!
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I just have to say that
because when you told me
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that the first time.
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We were on the radio,
but we weren't in the same
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room together, and
I just cried for you.
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By yourself taking
care of this child.
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And I'm thinking you
had no skills anyway,
00:09:02.02\00:09:03.95
because you didn't
have any mentor and stuff.
00:09:03.98\00:09:05.88
I'm just
thinking man, that's huge.
00:09:05.91\00:09:08.24
And now as an adult
looking back, there is some
00:09:08.27\00:09:11.32
rejection,
there, but at the time
00:09:11.36\00:09:13.27
I was thinking freedom!
00:09:13.31\00:09:15.03
I was like okay, now I
don't have to worry about
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arguing, about how
disciplined my brother, no one's
00:09:18.17\00:09:21.19
going to tell me what to do.
00:09:21.23\00:09:22.20
I just started stealing
food from the liquor store
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to kind of get by.
00:09:25.57\00:09:26.71
But then this young
man he would come along,
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he offered me a sense
of security, protection,
00:09:29.36\00:09:32.22
made sure we ate, took
us down bought us food.
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There was just a tie
that developed there.
00:09:35.73\00:09:38.57
I started to, is
years went by, realize he is
00:09:38.60\00:09:41.40
the only one who is here.
00:09:41.44\00:09:42.41
After everyone's
left, people came and go,
00:09:42.42\00:09:44.18
people you know hurt
you, they've abused you,
00:09:44.21\00:09:45.94
rape you, yet he's here still.
00:09:45.97\00:09:47.21
I was so afraid of
being rejected and abandoned
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again that I pretty much
obsessively did everything
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I could to keep him in my life.
00:09:52.83\00:09:54.52
Because I didn't think
I had enough to offer just
00:09:54.55\00:09:57.57
as a person as the
human, one of the ways I thought
00:09:57.60\00:10:00.58
I could make him
depend on me was financially.
00:10:00.62\00:10:03.70
And so I mean as young as
fifteen I was giving him all the
00:10:03.74\00:10:06.96
money I was making.
00:10:07.00\00:10:07.97
From my jobs, by
seventeen, I was stealing
00:10:08.00\00:10:11.36
money from the register
work, to fully support him,
00:10:11.40\00:10:13.94
to put him up in apartment and
00:10:13.98\00:10:15.00
everything by seventeen.
00:10:15.04\00:10:16.14
And then left home and
by nineteen I was $35,000
00:10:16.18\00:10:19.17
dollars in debt, and on
the brink of bankruptcy.
00:10:19.20\00:10:22.10
I just want to say to
people because we are not
00:10:22.13\00:10:24.99
seeing the whole
picture, because you
00:10:25.03\00:10:26.42
stayed in school.
00:10:26.46\00:10:27.80
I stayed in school
during this whole time.
00:10:27.84\00:10:29.58
Shut up, how did you do
that, because I'm thinking
00:10:29.62\00:10:32.69
out of all this chaos,
and mom being gone, whatever
00:10:32.73\00:10:35.19
you stayed in school
probably kept your brother in
00:10:35.23\00:10:37.66
school, all that
kind of normal thing.
00:10:37.69\00:10:40.48
You were a good student.
00:10:40.51\00:10:42.11
You know, it's almost
how could I've left school,
00:10:42.15\00:10:45.72
because there was a
time were I wasn't going to
00:10:45.76\00:10:49.30
school, and my grades
start getting really bad,
00:10:49.33\00:10:51.69
but I ended up
in a group home when
00:10:51.73\00:10:54.67
I was just turned seventeen.
00:10:54.70\00:10:56.80
It was through that
experience, in meeting some of
00:10:56.83\00:11:00.59
the counselors, that
had grown up in the same
00:11:00.62\00:11:02.45
neighborhood as I had,
that they were going to school.
00:11:02.48\00:11:04.71
And I thought that's my
only way out, it's only why
00:11:04.74\00:11:06.87
we get out of the situation,
it's only when I get out
00:11:06.90\00:11:09.22
of my neighborhood,
it's only when going to break
00:11:09.26\00:11:11.54
some of these cycles.
00:11:11.58\00:11:12.55
I didn't have all the
tools, but I knew that was the
00:11:12.58\00:11:14.82
one thing I got to stick to.
00:11:14.85\00:11:15.88
I've got a get
out of this - yeah!
00:11:15.91\00:11:17.00
Somebody's got to rescue me.
00:11:17.03\00:11:18.42
Yeah, and even later as
just as the circumstances
00:11:18.46\00:11:21.66
in my life got more out
of control, the only thing
00:11:21.69\00:11:24.86
I had was coming
home, ironically reading
00:11:24.90\00:11:27.81
my psychology books.
00:11:27.85\00:11:28.96
You know like I wasn't
seeing myself in any of it
00:11:29.00\00:11:32.21
but oh, I was studying.
00:11:32.24\00:11:34.02
I saw myself on every
page, when I went back to
00:11:34.05\00:11:36.42
school either think
like I'm schizophrenic.
00:11:36.46\00:11:38.79
I think oh man!
00:11:38.82\00:11:40.15
Yeah, and later a start
to become more self-aware.
00:11:40.19\00:11:43.62
But first off, it was
interesting, studying the human
00:11:43.65\00:11:47.05
mind, have no
self-awareness, no understanding
00:11:47.08\00:11:50.54
of your own choices.
00:11:50.57\00:11:51.54
So, what ended up
happening - I want to interrupt,
00:11:51.55\00:11:55.11
but I love you.
00:11:55.15\00:11:56.12
Oh I love you too!
00:11:56.13\00:11:57.10
So a boy at school, knew
my financial situation and
00:11:57.11\00:12:03.62
suggested that I
become a stripper.
00:12:03.65\00:12:05.89
At first I thought
no way I'd set foot
00:12:05.92\00:12:08.12
in a strip club.
00:12:08.16\00:12:09.13
It just seemed like
something I wouldn't do.
00:12:09.14\00:12:10.55
This financial thing
started spinning out of control,
00:12:10.58\00:12:14.20
and it became more
and more like an option.
00:12:14.23\00:12:16.57
I took the idea to a
psychology professor that
00:12:16.60\00:12:18.91
I really respected.
00:12:18.94\00:12:19.91
And I was hoping he
would say to me no you have got
00:12:19.93\00:12:22.59
a career in front of you,
you're worth more than that,
00:12:22.62\00:12:25.25
that's not a good idea.
00:12:25.28\00:12:26.62
Instead, he said
well, you don't have
00:12:26.65\00:12:28.17
put on your resume.
00:12:28.20\00:12:29.17
So, he spoke a curse
into your life at that moment.
00:12:29.18\00:12:32.70
And I still made the
choice to go and audition.
00:12:32.74\00:12:36.22
But that played
a big part in it.
00:12:36.26\00:12:38.91
There was no
other voice in my life,
00:12:38.95\00:12:41.61
there was no one telling
00:12:41.65\00:12:42.62
me you're worth
more, your valuable.
00:12:42.63\00:12:45.33
You know,
whatever and so I ended up-
00:12:45.37\00:12:48.20
I just want to break in and
say if you just heard that and
00:12:48.24\00:12:51.24
if you are a man in the
church please speak into
00:12:51.27\00:12:54.72
peoples lives and let them
know that they are valuable.
00:12:54.76\00:12:57.57
And it don't mean to
interrupt you, but that is
00:12:57.60\00:12:59.33
such a burden in my heart.
00:12:59.36\00:13:00.70
Just to know that I
don't think that we realize
00:13:00.74\00:13:03.91
that there are people
that are looking at us and
00:13:03.94\00:13:07.50
saying, Please somebody
tell me that I am of worth.
00:13:07.54\00:13:11.26
And not that I'm cute
or pretty, or intelligent,
00:13:11.30\00:13:14.99
just in the eyes
of God, I have worth.
00:13:15.02\00:13:17.77
Inherent worth, it doesn't
have to do with the outside.
00:13:17.80\00:13:21.03
Go ahead, I'm sorry.
00:13:21.07\00:13:22.49
That's a great point.
00:13:22.53\00:13:23.88
I just want to weep
when you say that because.
00:13:23.92\00:13:27.40
I wish there was somebody
in your life at that time,
00:13:27.43\00:13:29.00
that said, are you kidding me.
00:13:29.03\00:13:30.33
Look at you, you're
fabulous and stand up and you
00:13:30.36\00:13:33.67
have such a future.
00:13:33.71\00:13:35.18
And instead you
took the audition.
00:13:35.21\00:13:37.69
When I start working at
first like everybody else,
00:13:37.72\00:13:40.27
I thought I'll only do
this for a couple months
00:13:40.30\00:13:42.82
to control my finances.
00:13:42.85\00:13:44.11
Every dancer I've
ever worked with said that.
00:13:44.15\00:13:46.22
Everybody, I use to tell
the girls, you'll save money,
00:13:46.26\00:13:48.46
I can open a business hopefully.
00:13:48.50\00:13:50.13
And then sure enough,
the psychology professor
00:13:50.16\00:13:55.03
comes into the club a couple
months later- with his addiction
00:13:55.07\00:13:57.90
He wanted you there.
00:13:57.94\00:13:59.14
That was a really low moment
for me, because he kind of
00:13:59.17\00:14:04.63
encompassed everything
I hoped was possible that
00:14:04.67\00:14:07.53
there would be upstanding
men, that had good careers
00:14:07.57\00:14:10.57
and lived with a white
picket fence or something.
00:14:10.61\00:14:12.96
That's what I had saw
in him, and it's gone now.
00:14:12.99\00:14:15.31
It was really devastating.
00:14:15.34\00:14:18.73
I ended up getting totally
caught up in the lifestyle.
00:14:18.77\00:14:22.81
The one thing that I
didn't do is use, because I had
00:14:22.84\00:14:26.85
seen my mother go through that.
00:14:26.89\00:14:28.96
Let me just say for when
I first heard that when you
00:14:28.99\00:14:32.91
said, the only thing I didn't
do I wasn't a drug addict.
00:14:32.95\00:14:36.83
And I'm thinking, I
don't know how you survived.
00:14:36.87\00:14:39.78
The only way I could
survive that lifestyle is I took
00:14:39.82\00:14:42.38
myself out every single day.
00:14:42.42\00:14:43.99
I didn't have to do
it in my right mind, and
00:14:44.02\00:14:49.17
if I started to come down.
00:14:49.21\00:14:50.33
I would want to
jump in front of a train.
00:14:50.37\00:14:52.90
So, it's like gimme some
heroine, give me some drugs
00:14:52.93\00:14:55.60
because I don't want to
sit through this life without
00:14:55.63\00:14:58.26
that, I can't do that.
00:14:58.30\00:14:59.64
And so I don't know
how you deal with that much
00:14:59.68\00:15:02.52
pain, that much dysfunction
without taking yourself
00:15:02.56\00:15:05.37
out with some chemicals.
00:15:05.41\00:15:06.99
The dissociation, I perfected
that skill I'm telling you.
00:15:07.02\00:15:11.33
I've had to un-perfect it.
00:15:11.37\00:15:14.46
So that I can be back
in touch with reality.
00:15:14.50\00:15:16.55
I mean I could just snap.
00:15:16.59\00:15:18.83
Just a physical sensation
to un-feel almost like when you
00:15:18.86\00:15:22.49
are on painkillers,
something like that.
00:15:22.53\00:15:23.73
You feel the physical
sensation of the numbing,
00:15:23.76\00:15:27.77
you can just oooh.
00:15:27.81\00:15:29.26
And I would be dancing at
be studying for tests in my
00:15:29.30\00:15:32.66
mind for school the next day.
00:15:32.70\00:15:34.77
Because you stayed in college.
00:15:34.81\00:15:36.81
Yes I did, I stayed in school
that's one thing that I did do.
00:15:36.85\00:15:39.29
and just that relationship,
the dynamics of the
00:15:39.32\00:15:42.65
relationship that I
was doing everything
00:15:42.68\00:15:45.33
I could to maintain.
00:15:45.36\00:15:46.56
I got worse physically
abusive, emotionally abusive.
00:15:46.59\00:15:50.00
And he as with other women,
he got another girl pregnant.
00:15:50.04\00:15:52.87
People who watch your
show probably don't watch the
00:15:52.90\00:15:55.85
Jerry Springer show.
00:15:55.89\00:15:56.86
They might, but my life
was like an episode of the
00:15:56.88\00:15:59.60
Jerry Springer show.
00:15:59.63\00:16:00.74
You could've been
on that show - yeah!
00:16:00.77\00:16:02.10
I could have mailed him
25 episodes for that show.
00:16:02.14\00:16:05.35
I was a supporting
him, and the baby's Mama.
00:16:05.39\00:16:07.30
One of the guys that I
was with was on that show.
00:16:07.34\00:16:09.94
Oh really!
00:16:09.98\00:16:10.95
So to me understand
what you are saying that that
00:16:10.99\00:16:13.38
lifestyle that is kind
of normal in our lifestyle.
00:16:13.42\00:16:16.77
And it's really tough to
look at how normal people
00:16:16.81\00:16:19.78
look at the world,
because that's how you live.
00:16:19.81\00:16:22.71
I used to come home from
work and watch it because it
00:16:22.74\00:16:25.35
made me feel more normal.
00:16:25.38\00:16:26.83
Just a little - just a little.
00:16:26.86\00:16:28.83
I'm more normal see I'm
not the only one out there that
00:16:28.87\00:16:30.58
are dealing with
is so that's enough.
00:16:30.61\00:16:33.92
Isn't that funny! I made
is sad funny, but it's funny
00:16:33.96\00:16:36.52
because it's so out there.
00:16:36.56\00:16:37.54
You know you're
going to get into how you
00:16:37.57\00:16:40.47
got out of that.
00:16:40.51\00:16:41.48
So basically what
happened is I met a girl - this
00:16:41.49\00:16:44.74
is my favorite part -
it is my favorite part too.
00:16:44.78\00:16:48.00
So, I met a girl in a
ballet class at school.
00:16:48.03\00:16:51.19
Shut up, when you said
that the first time, I'm
00:16:51.23\00:16:54.11
thinking wait,
dancing, stripping, living that
00:16:54.14\00:16:56.99
lifestyle and taking ballet.
00:16:57.02\00:16:58.43
And my mind just froze,
I even had to stop you when
00:16:58.47\00:17:02.40
we were doing the interview,
00:17:02.44\00:17:03.41
you were in a ballet class?
00:17:03.42\00:17:05.14
If that's how the
enemy twists things, because
00:17:05.17\00:17:07.29
I was actually always
very passionate about dance,
00:17:07.32\00:17:09.41
which made it easier
to rationalize dancing.
00:17:09.44\00:17:11.62
Stripping, because
I'm just like-dancing.
00:17:11.66\00:17:13.77
If they want to make of
it, how you have all your
00:17:13.81\00:17:16.17
little
rationalizations, - but this is
00:17:16.21\00:17:18.25
an art form for me.
00:17:18.29\00:17:19.39
That's exactly, but you know,
ballet, jazz, African dance.
00:17:19.43\00:17:22.87
I always loved it, I
danced throughout my life.
00:17:22.90\00:17:25.64
Taking this ballet
class, I met this girl, just
00:17:25.67\00:17:29.80
beautiful full of
life, just glowing, funny.
00:17:29.84\00:17:33.94
For some reason I was
honest with her about the
00:17:33.97\00:17:37.92
circumstances in my life.
00:17:37.96\00:17:38.95
What I did for living,
which I normally didn't.
00:17:38.99\00:17:42.06
I found out that she
was a Christian - then you
00:17:42.10\00:17:44.83
thought oh man, I
can't believe I've done that.
00:17:44.86\00:17:47.00
Oh, she's never going
to to talk to me again.
00:17:47.04\00:17:48.85
Next time I showed up
a class I was thinking,
00:17:48.88\00:17:50.66
oh my gosh it's okay.
00:17:50.69\00:17:52.18
I'll understand
it if she doesn't
00:17:52.22\00:17:53.39
say anything to me.
00:17:53.42\00:17:54.58
And she was just like,
hey Harmony how are you?
00:17:54.62\00:17:57.62
And just loved on me
and I was so surprised
00:17:57.66\00:18:00.59
because obviously I
wasn't raised in the church.
00:18:00.63\00:18:03.78
All I knew about God,
is if there was a God,
00:18:03.82\00:18:06.93
and I wasn't
convinced that there was,
00:18:06.97\00:18:08.41
He didn't like people like me.
00:18:08.44\00:18:10.16
Because I had been
told if you don't believe it
00:18:10.20\00:18:12.66
then you're going to hell.
00:18:12.70\00:18:13.67
You know when you said
that, I just want to weep
00:18:13.68\00:18:15.87
because I know that
God likes people like us.
00:18:15.90\00:18:18.44
You know what I want to
weep because most of the
00:18:18.48\00:18:20.99
world has some
how got that message.
00:18:21.02\00:18:22.76
That He doesn't
like people like us.
00:18:22.79\00:18:24.46
And I remember one time,
in prayer, as saying God,
00:18:24.49\00:18:26.65
who do you like?
And who don't You like?
00:18:26.69\00:18:28.68
He said put a
mirror under their nose,
00:18:28.71\00:18:30.67
if it steams up I like them.
00:18:30.70\00:18:32.15
I'm like okay.
00:18:32.18\00:18:34.91
That's pretty much it, go ahead.
00:18:34.94\00:18:37.34
I didn't mean to interrupt,
you know there's a part
00:18:37.38\00:18:40.22
of me that when I hear
that, I just want to run and
00:18:40.25\00:18:43.06
hold somebody and
say somebody lied to you,
00:18:43.09\00:18:45.38
God likes you, He loves you,
00:18:45.42\00:18:46.94
He can't do anything else!
00:18:46.97\00:18:48.43
That's huge,
that's like the biggest
00:18:48.46\00:18:50.82
revelation to get ever.
00:18:50.85\00:18:52.42
And so that's, actually
through this friendship with
00:18:52.46\00:18:55.01
the girl I met in ballet class.
00:18:55.05\00:18:57.34
That is the
revelation I started to have,
00:18:57.37\00:18:59.03
because I saw that she
liked me and she loved me.
00:18:59.06\00:19:01.29
And she pretty much
was the hands and feet,
00:19:01.32\00:19:03.00
and through her I
experience the love of God.
00:19:03.04\00:19:04.69
I started
realizing, all my gosh, maybe.
00:19:04.72\00:19:07.05
Tell them about her
inviting you to church and you
00:19:07.08\00:19:10.38
wouldn't go there.
00:19:10.42\00:19:11.48
That's right! I didn't go
there, I didn't want to go.
00:19:11.51\00:19:12.77
I'm not ready to go,
I wasn't ready for that.
00:19:12.81\00:19:14.57
But when I did go to church,
she invited me to coffee.
00:19:14.60\00:19:17.06
Yeah, she didn't bat an eyelash.
00:19:17.10\00:19:20.50
How cool is
that-Yeah, I loved it.
00:19:20.53\00:19:21.83
You can't come in the
building that's all right,
00:19:21.86\00:19:23.57
let's go for a walk.
00:19:23.60\00:19:24.61
Right exactly!
00:19:24.65\00:19:25.62
Let's go bowling,
let's go have coffee.
00:19:25.63\00:19:26.97
It spoke volumes to
me because I thought,
00:19:27.00\00:19:28.52
you know what, I'm
not just some project
00:19:28.56\00:19:30.04
on her check list.
00:19:30.08\00:19:31.05
To get brownie points
for getting people to come
00:19:31.06\00:19:35.18
to church with her.
00:19:35.21\00:19:36.18
That she actually
seemed like she was -
00:19:36.19\00:19:38.30
Can I just say again?
00:19:38.33\00:19:39.66
Do you realize
what she just said?
00:19:39.70\00:19:41.26
If you have ears, the
Bible says if you have ears
00:19:41.29\00:19:44.28
hear what the Spirit says.
00:19:44.32\00:19:45.88
A lot of times people
look at us, as Christians
00:19:45.91\00:19:49.36
as we go to love on them.
00:19:49.40\00:19:50.97
If it's not authentic, if
you're truly not into what
00:19:51.00\00:19:54.02
you're doing as far as
that person is concerned.
00:19:54.05\00:19:56.57
It used just about numbers,
the world is just saying
00:19:56.61\00:19:59.09
don't play me, don't play me.
00:19:59.13\00:20:01.09
If it's just
about numbers to you,
00:20:01.13\00:20:03.19
go find someone else.
00:20:03.22\00:20:05.81
But if you truly
are interested in me,
00:20:05.84\00:20:08.15
I truly need help.
00:20:08.19\00:20:09.94
I truly need, so it
is just like we know
00:20:09.97\00:20:15.29
even a kid knows.
00:20:15.32\00:20:16.56
You know, you can sense
when someone is genuine.
00:20:16.60\00:20:18.45
That's what I saw in her.
00:20:18.49\00:20:20.48
So I eventually ended
up taking her up on an
00:20:20.51\00:20:23.48
offer to go to church.
00:20:23.51\00:20:24.48
Because I saw something
in her life that was missing.
00:20:24.50\00:20:27.60
And I thought all
right I'm going to go.
00:20:27.63\00:20:29.58
And I walked in,
and I thought I'm home.
00:20:29.61\00:20:31.49
Like I had never even
about church home, whatever.
00:20:31.53\00:20:33.61
I'm like I'm home, and
I'm telling you they couldn't
00:20:33.64\00:20:36.42
keep me out of that place.
00:20:36.46\00:20:37.55
Every time the
doors were opened.
00:20:37.59\00:20:38.62
How cool is that - I
was still in the strip club.
00:20:38.65\00:20:41.41
I go to church and then
go straight to the club.
00:20:41.45\00:20:44.37
And people think that
couldn't be authentic, then.
00:20:44.40\00:20:47.25
But I've met people smoking
weed, smoking a joint, studying
00:20:47.28\00:20:50.48
the Bible, the ash of one
of my friends, the ash falls on
00:20:50.51\00:20:53.67
the Bible and burns the page.
00:20:53.70\00:20:54.75
He get so freaked out,
because all my goodness,
00:20:54.79\00:20:57.83
I just burned the Bible.
00:20:57.86\00:20:59.00
And I said what did
you do and he said well,
00:20:59.04\00:21:00.26
I switched to a pipe.
00:21:00.30\00:21:02.32
How funny are you.
00:21:02.35\00:21:04.30
You know, and so God
loves on us through those steps.
00:21:04.34\00:21:07.93
We think, how dare
us mentioned the name of
00:21:07.97\00:21:11.32
God on our lips.
00:21:11.36\00:21:12.46
And God said, don't
you put a stumbling block
00:21:12.50\00:21:15.36
in front of them.
00:21:15.39\00:21:16.36
It took the Holy
Spirit this long to get her
00:21:16.38\00:21:18.02
in the building, this is
the only time she has felt safe.
00:21:18.05\00:21:20.67
She will drop all that
stuff, not because I demand
00:21:20.71\00:21:23.46
her to, but because she
is responding to My love.
00:21:23.49\00:21:26.21
Right, it's the
goodness of God that
00:21:26.25\00:21:28.31
leads people to repentance.
00:21:28.34\00:21:29.75
That is really
what happened for me.
00:21:29.78\00:21:33.38
God did it transforming
work in my heart, I began to
00:21:33.42\00:21:36.12
realize that I was
valuable and that He loved me.
00:21:36.15\00:21:38.82
He created me with
a plan and a purpose.
00:21:38.85\00:21:40.53
And as I started
realizing those things, this is
00:21:40.56\00:21:43.05
over a span of time, but
it became impossible to live
00:21:43.09\00:21:45.54
in a way that contradicted it.
00:21:45.57\00:21:46.94
I start with small steps.
00:21:46.98\00:21:48.22
I actually decided
that I was going to save
00:21:48.25\00:21:50.12
myself for marriage
before a quick dancing.
00:21:50.16\00:21:51.99
How funny is that!
00:21:52.03\00:21:55.63
All of heaven,
how adorable is she.
00:21:55.66\00:22:00.38
So, that is where
really started that journey.
00:22:00.42\00:22:05.27
I think a real defining
moment for me was when I
00:22:05.30\00:22:10.12
went somewhere
heard this man speak.
00:22:10.15\00:22:11.40
And he just shared his
story very simple, five
00:22:11.43\00:22:14.37
minutes ten minutes maybe.
00:22:14.41\00:22:15.51
He had been homeless, he
had been at drug addict on
00:22:15.54\00:22:18.74
the streets and he shared
John 15:5, "I am the vine,
00:22:18.77\00:22:21.93
and you are the branches,
if you remain in Me you'll
00:22:21.97\00:22:24.74
bear fruit, apart from
me man can do nothing. "
00:22:24.77\00:22:27.19
It was so simple, but I
thought, what if God can
00:22:27.23\00:22:29.91
love him than I think He
can probably love me too.
00:22:29.95\00:22:32.60
If so then how do I
do this abiding thing?
00:22:32.64\00:22:35.71
I've got to figure it
out because I felt like that
00:22:35.74\00:22:38.43
withered branch apart from God.
00:22:38.47\00:22:40.53
I wasn't doing anything, my
life wasn't bearing any fruit.
00:22:40.56\00:22:43.93
I felt like a withered
dried-up branch that was
00:22:43.97\00:22:46.11
like spinning my
wheels my whole life trying to
00:22:46.14\00:22:48.25
do things on my
own, it wasn't working.
00:22:48.29\00:22:50.08
Look at the
situation, I was in, you know.
00:22:50.11\00:22:52.79
But God was giving
you the privilege by
00:22:52.83\00:22:55.47
saying abide in Me.
00:22:55.50\00:22:56.77
Literally, I will
graft you into my family,
00:22:56.80\00:22:59.98
onto Me, you'll
never be alone again.
00:23:00.02\00:23:02.34
All that for someone
in your situation coming
00:23:02.37\00:23:06.55
out that is life.
00:23:06.58\00:23:07.72
It was your very life.
00:23:07.76\00:23:09.10
How cool is that.
00:23:09.13\00:23:10.75
Where I go ahead we're
going to break, because
00:23:10.78\00:23:14.07
I want to come back.
00:23:14.11\00:23:15.08
I want to talk about
not only did He save you
00:23:15.09\00:23:18.45
and pour everything into you.
00:23:18.48\00:23:19.74
And I feel the Holy Spirit
in you from across the room.
00:23:19.78\00:23:22.72
I mean, I just
love that about you.
00:23:22.76\00:23:24.73
But He stood to up in
ministry right back to the
00:23:24.76\00:23:28.96
very darkness that
you came out of to bring
00:23:28.99\00:23:31.60
people into the light.
00:23:31.64\00:23:32.84
That's right - how cool.
00:23:32.87\00:23:34.00
Stay with us, and if
you haven't been blessed.
00:23:34.03\00:23:37.31
We need to come to your
house to do an intervention.
00:23:37.34\00:23:40.45
I just want to say, stay
tuned, there's more to come.
00:23:40.49\00:23:43.56
You are going to be blessed.
00:23:43.60\00:23:44.57
We are going to talk now about
how God stands somebody up,
00:23:44.58\00:23:47.24
coming from that place.
00:23:47.28\00:23:49.85
How does He enable us to
not only receive His love,
00:23:49.89\00:23:53.41
but to heal to the
point where we have something
00:23:53.45\00:23:56.94
to say through the Holy Spirit.
00:23:56.97\00:23:58.38
I know who God is, I know
the saving grace of Christ,
00:23:58.41\00:24:01.46
I know how much He loves us,
00:24:01.49\00:24:03.46
and I just got to tell someone.
00:24:03.50\00:24:05.95
It's just absolutely the best.
00:24:05.98\00:24:08.39
Stay with us
00:24:08.43\00:24:09.82