This is my favorite segment,
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where we talk to the guest
and I get to introduce you to
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somebody, that is
either a friend of mine and has
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changed my life or who I
think is just going to so
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pour into your life
that you can get a grip on
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what you're dealing with.
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And today I want
to introduce you to
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Dr. Douglas Weiss.
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Dr. Doug, I wanted tell you,
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I'm so thrilled
that you're here.
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Well I'm glad to be here.
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I think you're a genius.
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While I think your
fun, so let's have fun.
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And has a genius stuff.
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And so we're going to talk about
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a lot of people, myself.
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I'm just going to
stay with myself and I got
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into recovery.
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I knew that the Bible
has all these promises.
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Everybody is tell me
that recovery all you have to
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do is stop doing drugs,
and you're going to be fine.
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And I'm strung out,
homeless for ten years,
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have horrendous families issues,
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and I stopped doing
drugs, and I was not fine.
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I've had the same experience,
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I got a radically
saved, and read the Bible,
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went to Bible
school thirty days later,
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but I was alcohol and
drugs fell off instantly.
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But the sexual
addiction thing for years,
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and I was torn, was ripped
up, I felt guilty, was ashamed.
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I was in the choir,
was in Bible school,
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I was in church, like
five or six days a week
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and still struggling.
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And so I know what it's
like to be radically saved
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and still have an area or
two or three or four five,
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because then you
don't know how many you have
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that you're not in control of.
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It feels like
you're burping all the time
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with these behaviors.
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I know like what it says I'm
a child of God, I'm suppose to
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look like king, but I'm not
these things keep popping up.
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What is this so
I totally get it.
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You know, when you talked about
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the devotion this morning.
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They should know that
everything is cool until
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somebody hits those buttons.
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And all that
stuff is there so when
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it comes to the surface.
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It's not because
of it he gave me that.
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And that there are
interfering with my life,
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is that I have it there.
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Yes, now some of us
legitimately have it there
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from things we've experienced,
like you had traumas,
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I've had traumas.
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Some of us had really
bad role models to say it's
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okay to be angry and
throw things or do stuff
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like that when they
were smoking or doing stuff.
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And some role models that
were issues, and some of us
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there's physical abuse,
emotional abuse, abandonment,
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You know abandonment can
be very hard on the soul.
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It says your not worth
it says you're not worthy to
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be loved, not
worthy to be cared for.
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And if you
internalize those messages.
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You can repeat
that in your own life.
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I tell my clients all the time,
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you can become
your own perpetrator.
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Maybe this person abused you,
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maybe this person abused you,
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and this person abused you,
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this person abandoned you.
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But now look what
you're doing to yourself!
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And sometimes we get
stuck in those foundational
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patterns that
relate in our life,
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and we do need to
take responsibility for it.
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The first time that I
was exposed to any of the
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insights you have, the teachings
that you have on coming
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out of all that junk.
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I just wanted to
cry because I thought
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how cool is this.
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But what if they got
me the most is you come
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from that place, you know
what you're talking about.
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And so I want you to
share with us who you are.
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Why do you know, when
you talk about abandonment,
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right then, could I tell
in your eyes that you know
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what you're talking about.
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I was conceived in adultery.
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Okay, I never met
my biological dad,
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my mom got divorced
from her first husband,
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married a guy she met in a bar,
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his last name is Weiss.
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Okay, that's how I got my name.
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Of course, he was a
drunk, so they got divorced.
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So I went in foster homes
for several years and then
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she took me out with a
guy she was living with
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and he eventually
became a step dad.
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I knew abandonment by the time
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I came out of the womb.
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Right, probably
even pre, I don't know.
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Probably before that
is, who is this new guy
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talking to me.
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So abandonment can
be a core anchor for
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dysfunctional behavior.
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Absolutely, but the Spirit
of adoption can feel those
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places, but we have
to open those places up.
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The thing that
really keeps, Cheri,
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us trapped is self-deception.
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So part of the
solution is self honesty.
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Yeah, I was abandoned,
yeah, my mom, my grandma,
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my dad my legal dad,
they all abandoned me.
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I just have to say
for anybody out there that
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really doesn't
know how to be honest,
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don't let that scare you.
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It's not that complicated.
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But you know, like
even coming out of that.
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Somebody said, we did
know what you just got to be
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normal or honest.
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I'm like, okay is this good.
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Where you start that?
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Because you know, some of
us is that we get so much trash
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kind of on trash,
on trash, on trash.
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It's like, what does
it mean to be normal,
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what does it mean to be honest.
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What is that mean to
feel, to stay present,
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I mean all those kind of things.
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And so what you're
saying is with your background.
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That's where you started too.
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I don't know anything, you know,
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I'm coming out of foster homes.
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Yeah well, actually
when I came to Lord,
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I was in Bible school, I mean
I came there about thirty days
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later I was in my Bible school
and I was in the dorm room.
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Like God, if you're
going to use me, like,
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could you have
chosen a different path?
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In all like give me
decent parents, you know,
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give me the Bible
went out was six years old?
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To all the kind of
stuff, why did I have to go
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through so much abuse and
neglect, but I didn't know that
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He had a ministry for
me to set captives free.
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So I had to be a
captive to set captives free.
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That was His design for me.
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And some of us look at
our scars and we don't realize
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that they are His scars for us.
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So that we can
release scars for others.
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Instead of being a
baby about it, say listen,
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these are my scars now
You use them for the glory.
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You use them for Your kingdom,
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and I will open them
up and let You heal them,
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so you can heal through them.
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Do you see what I'm
saying, and some of us get
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to know where I
want to hide my scars.
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You block the Ministry of
the Spirit of God when you
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block your scars.
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He's not looking
for perfect people He's
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looking for screwed up people,
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and you might qualify.
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Ha ha, I qualify.
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I'm saying in
general we qualify,
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he's looking for those
flawed people that will
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say I'm flawed and
loved, because sinners believe
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their flawed and not loved.
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Right!
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You see the difference?
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When you could accept
that your flawed and loved by
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God and others, then
you're free to do with
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what He wants
you to do on Earth.
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Which is so incredible,
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I don't have to pretend anymore,
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I don't have to fake it anymore,
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I literally can come to
God and say God what are You
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going to do with all this stuff.
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And somebody said one time
and I just laughed out loud.
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They said, you know, if
you have skeletons in your
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closet take them out
and teach them to dance.
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And I'm like yes, right.
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That's exactly it so part of
getting a grip is doing that.
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I mean we're talking
about how someone who is stuck
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in anger, or addictions
or pornography or criticism
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or jealousy how they
opened that door and the
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first thing is self honesty.
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Then the next step
would be disclosure.
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See the Scripture says confess
your faults to one another
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that you may be healed.
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So, many
Christians are forgiven,
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but they're not healed.
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You see the
difference? Because 1 John says,
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if we confess our
faults, He'll forgive us.
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But many of us are forgiven,
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but we are not healed,
because we are not with
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another person saying hey.
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Here's my stuff, and when
that happens, healing happens.
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That's huge.
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And then you're
free to be authentic.
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Let me just say that I didn't
realize how huge that was.
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I hid my, I came to Christ
and hid all my background.
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Homeless, heroine
addict, all that stuff.
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You became a Christian right?
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For ten years became a
Christian put on the right
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clothes set there dying.
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But as soon as I told somebody
and saw the love and compassion
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in their eyes.
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The healing
happens, so it is really,
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be careful who you
tell pick safe people.
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But as soon as you say it
out loud and see the love of
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God in somebody else's eyes,
you can kind of let go stuff.
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And it releases the
shame instantly in you.
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I did a recovery.
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They talk about doing your
fifth step with someone were
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you just really go
through your whole garbage list
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and I did that
somebody you know,
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and it was another
recovery type person.
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He is a great Christian
guy and said I love you.
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I left there, drove a block
and I was in my little Honda
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at that time because
I was in the seminary.
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I'm telling you, the Spirit
of God just flushed through me.
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I was so released I
had to get out of the car,
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I found a football place.
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And I was jumping
around praising God,
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because I believe
something like this.
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I believe that if
you really knew me,
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you wouldn't love me.
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You see, that is what
the enemy wants you to stay
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in, but if you
release what you think is
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unlovable to
someone who can love you,
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you will never have
shame, which is shame
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or guilt about that.
00:08:01.31\00:08:02.28
To the level that you do
right now so that is another way
00:08:02.29\00:08:04.05
of getting out of
breaking that foundation
00:08:04.09\00:08:06.41
of pain up.
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Self honesty disclosure.
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Disclosure yes.
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And oh, you want more.
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You know, I want to
be being well when we are
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done with this interview.
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Well Okay, good for you.
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Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!
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I should take notes that right!
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I'm glad you got the book.
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Because you can't do
everything instantly.
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It's a process
and God loves process.
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And you know what I
like about the process.
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Even with what you
are sharing, I look at you
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you are an incredible man of God
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helping people
get out of bondage.
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You are happy, full of joy,
and all those kind of things.
00:08:35.71\00:08:39.54
Kids and wife and dog.
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Love your house, a
place that you want to be.
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You know God is good.
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And so just be able to
say with their process is
00:08:45.60\00:08:47.33
every single step you are
getting closer to where you
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can just sit in
your own skin like it.
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Absolutely, and so then
you got yourself disclosure.
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But then self
disclosure, doesn't alleviate
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some of the symptoms.
00:08:57.92\00:08:58.92
You know, if you
are dealing with anger,
00:08:58.95\00:09:00.14
your compulsive in some way.
00:09:00.18\00:09:01.77
You are doing the ice
cream at ten o'clock every
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night or when every trip is.
00:09:03.52\00:09:04.62
You have that going on, now you
have to start doing some work.
00:09:04.65\00:09:07.83
American Christians
are Western Christians like
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the instantaneous thing.
00:09:11.56\00:09:12.82
You know, it very
where were good at that.
00:09:12.85\00:09:15.46
It's under the
blood and all that.
00:09:16.22\00:09:18.00
That's fine, but
sometimes God will walk
00:09:18.03\00:09:20.05
you through a process.
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Once you start bringing
people into the process,
00:09:21.34\00:09:24.60
one of the things we talk
about is the power up principle.
00:09:24.63\00:09:27.11
Okay, and that is where
you get a team of people,
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or at lease one other person,
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and you are
accountable every single day.
00:09:30.82\00:09:32.60
In the book you write
down every day you call them.
00:09:32.63\00:09:35.60
Now suppose I'm
starting anger or hurt or envy.
00:09:35.64\00:09:38.54
We'll then I you say hey,
I'm checking in with that.
00:09:38.58\00:09:40.78
So every day I'm
checking envy, or my anger,
00:09:40.82\00:09:43.25
or what ever it is
I'm struggling with
00:09:43.28\00:09:44.77
your inner problems.
00:09:44.80\00:09:46.22
Doug, I'm checking
in, and I'm doing fine,
00:09:46.25\00:09:48.96
Oh, I slipped, you know.
00:09:49.00\00:09:50.00
I really got ticked off with
00:09:50.04\00:09:51.01
my boss or whatever.
00:09:51.04\00:09:52.01
And so that is
like one principle.
00:09:52.02\00:09:53.83
That all by itself
can take behavior that has
00:09:53.87\00:09:56.71
been controlling you
for thirty years and reduces
00:09:56.75\00:09:59.18
it significantly
in two or three weeks.
00:09:59.22\00:10:01.33
And it is because
literally if I'm going to
00:10:01.37\00:10:03.31
be accountable to you
when it starts coming up,
00:10:03.34\00:10:05.24
I think about it.
00:10:05.28\00:10:06.35
But it's absolutely huge.
00:10:06.38\00:10:08.69
It's an incredibly huge thing.
00:10:08.72\00:10:10.35
Yes, and now so you
have the power principle in
00:10:10.38\00:10:13.15
place and you have
this accountability,
00:10:13.19\00:10:14.62
at the end that I have
a chapter or talk about
00:10:14.65\00:10:16.82
measure me please.
00:10:17.15\00:10:18.49
I hated that chapter.
00:10:18.52\00:10:19.60
You hated that chapter.
00:10:19.63\00:10:20.72
Go ahead, go ahead, though.
00:10:20.76\00:10:21.78
Because what it does, it
lets you look at you everyday.
00:10:21.82\00:10:25.16
And sometimes it's not pretty,
00:10:25.20\00:10:26.43
especially like if I'm trying
to lose ten pounds or whatever.
00:10:26.46\00:10:28.79
Oh man I went up a pound,
went down a pound, up a pound.
00:10:28.82\00:10:33.23
It lets me see
that so what happens
00:10:33.26\00:10:35.61
when you measure yourself.
00:10:35.64\00:10:36.77
You literally, you write
down whatever the behaviors,
00:10:36.81\00:10:39.60
and you check off
every day on how you're doing
00:10:39.63\00:10:41.04
with that behavior.
00:10:41.07\00:10:42.04
That's trying to get me not
to exaggerate or lie, right.
00:10:42.05\00:10:44.65
And I'm just, you know,
I was manipulative on the
00:10:44.69\00:10:48.77
streets, I was
good at what I did,
00:10:48.80\00:10:50.05
and all that kind of
stuff, and so measure yourself
00:10:50.09\00:10:52.21
every single time you exaggerate
and please don't act like I'm
00:10:52.24\00:10:55.81
the only one that does this.
00:10:55.84\00:10:56.81
Every single time
you exaggerate or lie,
00:10:56.83\00:10:58.40
you have to write it down.
00:10:58.43\00:10:59.40
Oh my goodness,
your getting notebooks.
00:10:59.41\00:11:01.99
But to see what
happens, you see you.
00:11:02.02\00:11:04.53
Amen, and it's so releasing.
00:11:04.56\00:11:06.70
And then there is
another step if you want to go
00:11:06.73\00:11:08.94
even further with this
and you can see it starting to
00:11:08.97\00:11:11.03
be painful, already like
I don't want to look at me.
00:11:11.06\00:11:12.57
Come on this is a lot
of looking at me, but yeah,
00:11:14.17\00:11:15.57
you see, you can have the
intention of the fruit of the
00:11:15.61\00:11:17.64
Spirit, you can
change like if you are an
00:11:19.25\00:11:20.53
impatient, you can
actually harvest patience.
00:11:20.57\00:11:21.82
You know what I'm saying.
00:11:21.85\00:11:23.25
And God wants to pour it at
you. He wants to do that but
00:11:23.29\00:11:24.68
sometimes, as we just
like to have it by accident.
00:11:24.72\00:11:26.37
You can plant it so anyway,
00:11:26.40\00:11:28.69
once you get
past the measurement,
00:11:28.72\00:11:30.73
you can say what I call
double dipping or consequences.
00:11:30.76\00:11:33.69
Okay, let's call
it spank the dog.
00:11:33.72\00:11:35.67
Okay, so spank the dog
is, if I do x-behavior.
00:11:35.70\00:11:38.77
Then I get some
kind of spanking.
00:11:38.80\00:11:40.68
You know, I don't did
eat chocolate for the day,
00:11:40.71\00:11:42.62
I can go to Starbucks, I
had to do lunges for half
00:11:42.65\00:11:45.59
a block or whatever.
00:11:45.62\00:11:46.91
I set up a consequence for me,
00:11:46.94\00:11:48.20
gives money to some person,
I don't like or whatever.
00:11:48.23\00:11:50.23
I like that,
especially the exercises.
00:11:50.26\00:11:52.64
Okay, if I wanted to
eat Dryers ice cream,
00:11:52.67\00:11:54.95
I had to go thirty
minutes on the bike.
00:11:54.98\00:11:56.86
So I'm going to eat
much less ice cream.
00:11:56.89\00:11:59.44
Right, or some people
say it they're doing the
00:11:59.47\00:12:01.60
weight thing they say
okay, if I eat pass 4 o'clock
00:12:01.63\00:12:03.75
Then I have to spend
thirty minutes in aerobics.
00:12:03.78\00:12:06.10
So they stop
eating after 4 o'clock,
00:12:06.13\00:12:08.69
because then they loose weight.
00:12:08.72\00:12:09.69
They stop the behavior of
eating and after 4 o'clock.
00:12:09.70\00:12:11.50
See what I am saying?
00:12:11.54\00:12:12.51
So getting a grip is a way to
take your behaviors and get them
00:12:12.52\00:12:15.28
in submission to your desires
or desires of the Holy Spirit.
00:12:15.31\00:12:19.86
And I think, we don't
realize at least I didn't
00:12:19.89\00:12:23.25
at the first
part of my recovery.
00:12:23.28\00:12:24.88
I so realize it now.
00:12:24.91\00:12:26.07
It is that God
says freedom feels good.
00:12:26.10\00:12:28.66
Well, that is where the Spirit
of the Lord is there is freedom.
00:12:28.69\00:12:31.02
And so when He comes
into us sometimes He gets
00:12:31.05\00:12:33.14
jammed up, because in that area
is there's not freedom, yet.
00:12:33.17\00:12:35.42
So He will put pressure
on you for 40 or 50 years
00:12:35.45\00:12:37.90
until you pop that thing open
so that He can be in that spot.
00:12:37.93\00:12:41.00
You know what I'm saying?
00:12:41.03\00:12:42.38
So then the double dipping.
00:12:42.41\00:12:44.36
I love when you
say, 40 or 50 years,
00:12:44.39\00:12:45.81
most people are
just groaning right.
00:12:45.84\00:12:47.64
Oh, I know it's been that.
00:12:47.67\00:12:49.76
There's sometimes like
you want to hold go door.
00:12:49.79\00:12:52.50
If we open that door
up, He wants to be in that
00:12:52.53\00:12:55.38
place not just
for us to be free,
00:12:55.41\00:12:57.07
but see He is very capitalistic.
00:12:57.10\00:12:59.59
He wants to set us free
so that we can be used to set
00:12:59.62\00:13:01.98
a lots of people free.
00:13:02.01\00:13:03.00
So, His seed, will
sow a hundred, a thousand,
00:13:03.03\00:13:05.89
ten thousand or a million.
00:13:05.92\00:13:06.99
If you will open one
little door in your life.
00:13:07.03\00:13:09.03
It's who He is.
00:13:09.07\00:13:10.04
Because he loves
freedom, heaven is free.
00:13:10.05\00:13:12.11
It's free of
time it's free of sin.
00:13:12.14\00:13:13.58
It's a free place.
00:13:13.61\00:13:15.08
Incredible incredible.
00:13:15.11\00:13:16.82
So, or you can double-dip,
hey listen if I reach my goal,
00:13:16.85\00:13:19.96
maybe I'm only
angry once a week,
00:13:19.99\00:13:21.70
I get to play golf extra, or I
get to do a little entertainment
00:13:21.73\00:13:25.07
thing extra, or I
can reward myself.
00:13:25.10\00:13:27.07
Some people are
motivated by reward.
00:13:27.10\00:13:28.47
Do you see what I
am saying so you can.
00:13:28.50\00:13:30.27
I have to say with some
of the people that I know and
00:13:30.30\00:13:34.06
love is that when your
motivated with reward just
00:13:34.09\00:13:37.53
don't reward yourself at
things that cause you damage.
00:13:37.56\00:13:39.83
So if you are
overweight, don't go buy donuts.
00:13:39.86\00:13:42.66
So it is like being
able to say, be smart,
00:13:42.69\00:13:45.85
because we can trip
ourselves up easily.
00:13:45.88\00:13:48.33
Absolutely, you don't want
to reinforce negative behavior.
00:13:48.36\00:13:49.93
Absolutely not.
00:13:49.97\00:13:50.94
But you can find things
like suppose maybe you're
00:13:50.96\00:13:53.40
struggling with anger, or
maybe your a shop-a-holic,
00:13:53.43\00:13:56.70
so you're shopping too much,
00:13:56.73\00:13:58.06
so maybe you say you
don't buy anything for 30
00:13:58.09\00:14:01.00
days extra, then
I'll get myself a massage.
00:14:01.03\00:14:03.60
You know, and
that's a good deal,
00:14:03.63\00:14:06.63
because maybe you're
love language is touched.
00:14:06.66\00:14:08.95
So you can say, wow
okay, I can reward myself.
00:14:08.98\00:14:12.10
If I don't and I buy something,
00:14:12.13\00:14:13.90
then I don't get that massage.
00:14:13.93\00:14:15.08
They see some people
and set that up so again.
00:14:15.11\00:14:17.42
You are setting up
systems to destroy a behavior
00:14:17.45\00:14:20.49
that has been in
our life proactively.
00:14:20.52\00:14:22.60
We can pro actively go
after negative behaviors
00:14:22.63\00:14:25.13
that has the grips about.
00:14:25.16\00:14:26.13
Here is a negative behavior
in my life, we all have them.
00:14:26.14\00:14:27.89
Being saved as in get rid of it.
00:14:27.93\00:14:30.00
It helps to put the
process of getting rid of
00:14:30.03\00:14:33.50
it and not all of it instantly.
00:14:33.53\00:14:35.30
But God says
through the Holy Spirit,
00:14:35.33\00:14:36.72
I promise you I will be
so creative in helping you
00:14:36.75\00:14:40.49
unload all that baggage.
00:14:40.52\00:14:41.92
And I find here's what
I have learned about Him.
00:14:41.95\00:14:45.79
He, if we're proactive,
He doesn't have to be as
00:14:45.82\00:14:50.23
much, because if you
say I'm going to do with my
00:14:50.26\00:14:54.51
anger, if I'm going
to deal with my envy,
00:14:54.54\00:14:55.93
and going to do with my weight,
or I'm going to deal with this,
00:14:55.96\00:14:57.36
then He's like oh, look at that!
00:14:57.39\00:14:59.49
they're trying to
clean up their own room
00:14:59.52\00:15:00.55
I'm with that.
00:15:00.58\00:15:01.55
Oh that's great,
Oh praise the Lord.
00:15:01.56\00:15:03.23
Oh how sweet!
00:15:03.26\00:15:04.49
but if you intentionally
get in a rebellious kind
00:15:04.52\00:15:07.19
of position,
where you know what,
00:15:07.22\00:15:08.24
I'm going to be this
way, and this is the way am!
00:15:08.27\00:15:10.78
God is going to spank you.
00:15:10.81\00:15:12.14
He's going to discipline
because He disciplines
00:15:12.17\00:15:15.12
those He loves.
00:15:15.15\00:15:16.24
Here's what I
learnt about spanking,
00:15:16.27\00:15:17.48
is when you move away
from God in an area where
00:15:17.51\00:15:19.89
your life
increases the arc of His hit.
00:15:19.92\00:15:21.81
OH, Ouch!
00:15:21.84\00:15:23.44
Because if you are in
the back seat of the car,
00:15:23.47\00:15:25.50
you always want to
be behind your dad,
00:15:25.53\00:15:26.63
because he can't get to you.
00:15:26.66\00:15:27.68
But if you are like
where he can whack you,
00:15:27.71\00:15:29.94
So when you move away
from the area in your life and
00:15:29.97\00:15:33.31
the Holy Spirit convicts you
00:15:33.34\00:15:34.31
then you are moving
away from His kindness,
00:15:34.33\00:15:37.06
His correction, then the
arc of His hand increases.
00:15:37.09\00:15:39.13
When He whacks you
it will be so hard,
00:15:39.16\00:15:41.33
it will get rid of the behavior,
00:15:41.36\00:15:42.83
but it will cost you
much more than if you were
00:15:42.86\00:15:44.44
proactively doing it
through confessing your
00:15:44.47\00:15:46.61
faults and having
relationships and doing
00:15:46.64\00:15:48.24
what He wants us to do.
00:15:48.27\00:15:49.24
And I just want to say
to those that have a hard
00:15:49.25\00:15:51.83
time with this because
their parents were abusive
00:15:51.86\00:15:54.57
physically, is that
God disciplines us in love.
00:15:54.60\00:15:57.20
He says I want you
to sense this freedom.
00:15:57.23\00:15:59.48
I'm going to open up
the floor for questions,
00:15:59.51\00:16:02.61
just because I know that people
00:16:02.64\00:16:03.78
have questions of you.
00:16:03.81\00:16:04.93
Some going to open up how about,
00:16:04.96\00:16:08.10
can we start with you Mark?
00:16:08.13\00:16:09.30
So Dr. Weiss, men are stuck.
00:16:09.33\00:16:13.44
And men are busy.
00:16:13.47\00:16:14.49
So my question would be
what do you think that it
00:16:14.52\00:16:18.44
is that men need to get
a grip on and how can we do
00:16:18.47\00:16:21.45
this in this busy
season of our lives?
00:16:21.48\00:16:23.46
Well Mark, I mean,
you deal with men at lot
00:16:23.49\00:16:25.63
as a men's minister.
00:16:25.66\00:16:26.63
Oftentimes, they
are trying to perform,
00:16:26.64\00:16:28.68
they are trying
to prove something.
00:16:28.71\00:16:30.34
Know what I'm saying,
that they are worth that they
00:16:30.37\00:16:33.00
are successful, they
could wear the nice watch,
00:16:33.03\00:16:34.37
or they can drive a
nice car or whatever.
00:16:34.40\00:16:36.00
So, sometimes they lose
the value of really what
00:16:36.03\00:16:39.26
they have, you know,
great wife, great kids,
00:16:39.29\00:16:42.34
who wants to see them.
00:16:42.37\00:16:43.66
You know what I am saying?
00:16:43.69\00:16:44.96
And so for you, if guys
can get a accountable like
00:16:44.99\00:16:48.47
in twos and threes and fours,
00:16:48.50\00:16:50.46
and they can start
working on whatever it is,
00:16:50.49\00:16:52.03
that is kind of pushing them.
00:16:52.06\00:16:53.03
They are going
to do a lot better.
00:16:53.04\00:16:54.01
Like if they say, you
know what I've got a stop work
00:16:54.02\00:16:55.68
work at 45 hours a week.
00:16:55.72\00:16:57.12
And they make themselves
like we talked about power
00:16:57.15\00:16:58.83
up, and they get
accountable to someone for
00:16:58.86\00:17:00.52
45 hours and more that
they got to give the money away.
00:17:00.55\00:17:02.86
Then they'll start
working forty five hours a week.
00:17:02.89\00:17:05.34
So just again, the power
up is really good for men,
00:17:05.37\00:17:07.97
because we do better in teams.
00:17:08.00\00:17:09.51
You know that your sports guy,
00:17:09.54\00:17:11.46
we do better in
teams we do as good
00:17:11.49\00:17:13.12
at home by our selves.
00:17:13.15\00:17:14.12
You know what I have to say,
00:17:14.13\00:17:15.23
which is really interesting.
00:17:15.26\00:17:16.23
We are in a society
that we get more and more
00:17:16.24\00:17:19.29
isolated, we're in front
of our computers, were on our
00:17:19.32\00:17:22.24
iPods or
watching TV and so we get
00:17:22.27\00:17:23.83
more and more separated.
00:17:23.86\00:17:25.64
What your saying, you
know kind of breakaway
00:17:25.67\00:17:27.70
from that and
reconnect with each other.
00:17:28.18\00:17:29.97
Yeah, I'm not sure you
know Jesus liked to walk
00:17:30.00\00:17:31.98
and He liked to walk in groups.
00:17:32.01\00:17:34.10
He always had guys
around Him talking.
00:17:34.13\00:17:36.04
He didn't have iPods.
00:17:36.07\00:17:37.35
They laugh, joke,
talked about their wives
00:17:37.38\00:17:39.84
and had a good time.
00:17:39.87\00:17:40.94
We missing that
relationship component,
00:17:40.97\00:17:43.20
you know all
communities are being
00:17:43.23\00:17:45.48
affected by this kind of
technological de-socialization.
00:17:45.51\00:17:49.42
That's what
happens with our kids.
00:17:49.45\00:17:51.41
Our kids are not
allowed to watch video games or
00:17:51.45\00:17:53.62
read on the computer very long,
00:17:53.66\00:17:54.63
because it is like
this de-socialization
00:17:54.66\00:17:56.68
that's happening.
00:17:56.72\00:17:57.69
I think that's what's
happening to lot of not
00:17:57.70\00:17:58.74
just men, but ladies too.
00:17:58.77\00:18:00.24
Ladies are on the computer
they would rather chat to
00:18:00.27\00:18:02.18
their sister
instead of just calling her.
00:18:02.21\00:18:03.99
You know sometimes my
kids are on her cell phone
00:18:04.02\00:18:06.29
She is texting someone
sitting right next to her.
00:18:06.33\00:18:08.57
Why don't you just talk to her?
00:18:08.61\00:18:10.19
She's right there.
00:18:10.22\00:18:11.59
I know it's so much
cooler I'm thinking,
00:18:11.62\00:18:14.31
We are losing a generation.
00:18:14.34\00:18:15.40
But you know, I think
if you try to do recovery.
00:18:15.43\00:18:18.46
If you're trying to really
look at your stuff and all
00:18:18.49\00:18:21.34
that is to connect with someone.
00:18:21.37\00:18:22.37
Absolutely, for guys,
relationships are key.
00:18:22.40\00:18:24.90
You know, I see
that, I see that in every
00:18:24.93\00:18:27.21
single church I go to.
00:18:27.24\00:18:28.33
We have another
question, Larry had a question.
00:18:28.36\00:18:31.53
I've got several questions,
00:18:31.56\00:18:33.28
but I'm going to try
to get this down into one.
00:18:33.31\00:18:35.70
You know you are
talking about for one thing
00:18:35.73\00:18:38.11
I am a people person.
00:18:38.14\00:18:39.16
But what I've got
personal problems,
00:18:39.19\00:18:40.89
I don't want to
talk to people about it.
00:18:40.92\00:18:42.52
And I've got things in
my life that I know I do
00:18:42.55\00:18:46.17
wrong and I'll say okay I
know I'm doing this wrong.
00:18:46.20\00:18:48.92
I know I'm doing that wrong.
00:18:48.95\00:18:50.43
I'm doing as this way.
00:18:50.46\00:18:51.43
It's like I'm asking myself,
00:18:51.44\00:18:52.96
do I have a self-destruct
thing going on here.
00:18:52.99\00:18:56.86
Why is it that I can see
it, but I can't touch it?
00:18:56.89\00:18:59.62
Well I think we all
have the self-destruct
00:18:59.65\00:19:01.64
thing called sin.
00:19:01.67\00:19:02.64
It's a really bad thing.
00:19:02.67\00:19:03.87
What you're
described in like is for me,
00:19:03.90\00:19:06.78
when I was abused and so
sometimes I would act out
00:19:06.81\00:19:09.10
of my pain so I
didn't feel that.
00:19:09.13\00:19:11.36
So some time to heal that thing,
00:19:11.39\00:19:12.86
and there's actually
an exercise in the book
00:19:12.89\00:19:14.55
called, Cleansing
the Temple where you
00:19:14.58\00:19:15.94
Identify those people
who hurt you, you deal with
00:19:15.97\00:19:17.64
those issues and forgive them,
00:19:17.70\00:19:18.82
but you get to
the anger work first
00:19:18.85\00:19:20.53
So you can pop those wounds.
00:19:20.56\00:19:21.53
Sometimes, we are
acting out of our wounded-ness,
00:19:21.54\00:19:24.00
and so if we heal that
wounded area than we are
00:19:24.03\00:19:26.51
not going to act out that way.
00:19:26.54\00:19:27.51
So, that is one thing that
can really, really help you.
00:19:27.52\00:19:29.94
Now the other thing
you are stuck with is
00:19:29.97\00:19:31.55
over adoration
of your personality.
00:19:31.58\00:19:33.54
Okay, which means you
like yourself too much.
00:19:33.57\00:19:36.01
I don't think so.
00:19:36.04\00:19:38.85
Well in this way, because
Scripture says confession
00:19:38.88\00:19:41.27
of one's faults to
another, and you're like,
00:19:41.30\00:19:43.32
I not want to do that.
00:19:43.35\00:19:44.32
No, because I don't look at me.
00:19:44.33\00:19:45.88
No, you don't
want to be obedient.
00:19:45.91\00:19:46.98
I don't want to be obedient?
00:19:47.01\00:19:49.17
Yeah, the Scripture
says confession faults one to
00:19:49.20\00:19:51.56
another and you are like know
00:19:51.59\00:19:53.11
I do not want to do that.
00:19:53.14\00:19:54.52
I want to confess them to God,
00:19:54.55\00:19:56.17
I don't want to talk
to people about them.
00:19:56.20\00:19:57.65
Yeah but you see your
classic, your classic, Larry
00:19:57.68\00:20:00.67
I love you because you
are being honest, okay?
00:20:00.71\00:20:02.78
Most of us do not
want to do the hard work of
00:20:02.81\00:20:05.92
talking to another
person about our faults or our
00:20:05.95\00:20:08.66
flaws our faults our pain.
00:20:08.69\00:20:11.05
We don't want to do the work.
00:20:11.08\00:20:12.09
And that's how many Christians,
00:20:12.12\00:20:13.75
and I'm not talking
about you specifically,
00:20:13.78\00:20:15.16
most Christians are forgiving.
00:20:15.19\00:20:17.38
The blood has covered
them but they are not healed,
00:20:17.41\00:20:19.31
because healing is
in the body of Christ.
00:20:19.34\00:20:21.46
Not in the head of Christ.
00:20:21.49\00:20:22.57
Since resurrection He has
transferred the healing power
00:20:22.60\00:20:25.11
to the body of Christ.
00:20:25.14\00:20:26.21
So if you want healing of
your hurts and heart you have to
00:20:26.24\00:20:29.12
go to the body
members to get it.
00:20:29.15\00:20:31.32
So, so many
Western Christians Cheri,
00:20:31.35\00:20:34.23
missed that point.
00:20:34.26\00:20:36.24
So, that is a great question.
00:20:36.27\00:20:38.01
I thank you.
00:20:38.04\00:20:39.06
You know what really
is interesting to me,
00:20:39.09\00:20:40.06
is that it really does go
back as the Bible is clearer for
00:20:40.07\00:20:45.24
our obedience in
the Bible is clear.
00:20:45.27\00:20:46.53
But we are afraid.
00:20:46.57\00:20:47.85
And a love when you say
about the abuse because I
00:20:47.89\00:20:50.23
was sexually abused for
so long, so when you say,
00:20:50.26\00:20:53.51
when I know that
healing happens if I open myself
00:20:53.55\00:20:56.39
up to you, but I
haven't opened myself to myself
00:20:56.43\00:20:58.61
because I'm afraid of
dealing with that pain.
00:20:58.65\00:21:00.80
I'm kind of stuck
in this vicious thing.
00:21:00.83\00:21:03.22
We project rejection,
it's kind of like the guy who
00:21:03.26\00:21:06.71
put the talent in the ground,
00:21:06.74\00:21:08.49
they said to the king I thought
00:21:08.52\00:21:10.23
you were an angry man.
00:21:10.27\00:21:11.24
And you wanted to
sow were you didn't reap.
00:21:11.25\00:21:14.02
Actually, he was
projecting onto the king.
00:21:14.05\00:21:16.81
No people, you find loving
people in the body of Christ,
00:21:16.84\00:21:20.52
some one talks to you
Larry, about a problem
00:21:20.56\00:21:22.67
that they are having in their
life, your not going to say
00:21:22.70\00:21:24.41
I didn't realize
that you were so strange,
00:21:24.44\00:21:25.50
is that going to
be your response?
00:21:25.53\00:21:27.23
I like to help people, I like to
help people with their problems.
00:21:27.26\00:21:30.65
So why don't you let
them have the same feeling?
00:21:30.68\00:21:32.28
Because they
would enjoy helping you.
00:21:32.31\00:21:35.22
Yeah, right.
00:21:35.26\00:21:36.31
You see that's
where we're stuck.
00:21:36.34\00:21:37.31
You see he's very
symptomatic of not just men,
00:21:37.32\00:21:39.85
but the body of Christ.
00:21:39.88\00:21:41.03
That is the great
interaction there.
00:21:41.07\00:21:43.47
But what's incredible
is when you start healing
00:21:43.50\00:21:45.95
when you start doing and
being obedient to how God
00:21:45.98\00:21:48.39
has unfolded
our healing is that.
00:21:48.43\00:21:51.59
I didn't have a choice,
cause I was in prayer and
00:21:51.63\00:21:54.16
God told me you tell your
room mate every time that you
00:21:54.20\00:21:56.41
do this one behavior.
00:21:56.44\00:21:57.41
I was in seminary.
00:21:57.42\00:21:58.39
When I came back to Florida,
00:21:58.40\00:22:00.14
I made a deal with him
one hundred percent of what
00:22:00.17\00:22:01.63
you tell me, no questions asked.
00:22:01.67\00:22:02.64
That is how I got some
of the weird jobs I got.
00:22:02.65\00:22:04.47
and so but, I
didn't have a choice,
00:22:04.50\00:22:07.08
I don't get this option thing.
00:22:07.11\00:22:08.28
Like I don't want
to, I don't get that.
00:22:08.32\00:22:10.80
I tell my kids it doesn't
matter if you want to or not
00:22:10.84\00:22:12.73
I'm your dad, do that.
00:22:12.76\00:22:13.89
Do you know what I'm saying?
00:22:13.93\00:22:14.99
I think sometimes Americans
think they have an option.
00:22:15.03\00:22:18.02
And it robs us!
00:22:18.05\00:22:19.84
It robs me if I don't obey Him!
00:22:19.88\00:22:22.27
So Monique, I know
that you had a question.
00:22:22.31\00:22:24.87
Yes, I came to work
today here at the café, and I
00:22:24.91\00:22:29.06
did not expect to disclose
something but I am about
00:22:29.10\00:22:33.22
to share something
as we're talking about
00:22:33.26\00:22:34.91
disclosures is one
of the keys to healing.
00:22:34.95\00:22:37.05
I have an issue that
I've struggled with in
00:22:37.09\00:22:39.16
in various points of my life.
00:22:39.20\00:22:40.71
Growing up in
New York, my dad use
00:22:40.74\00:22:43.38
to take us to school,
elementary school, and
00:22:43.42\00:22:45.47
I was late almost everyday.
00:22:45.50\00:22:47.58
And now its has carried
over into my adult life.
00:22:47.62\00:22:50.26
And it is always like
five minutes is never usually
00:22:50.29\00:22:52.90
more than five minutes late,
00:22:52.93\00:22:54.19
but it's still five
minutes and I'm still late.
00:22:54.23\00:22:57.04
And it's a chronic problem,
00:22:57.08\00:22:59.35
I think it is really
rude and inconsiderate to be
00:22:59.39\00:23:01.18
even a minute
late to an appointment
00:23:01.22\00:23:02.59
to work or whatever.
00:23:02.62\00:23:03.71
My dad one time told me
that it doesn't matter if
00:23:03.74\00:23:07.52
you're a few minutes
late as two long as you are
00:23:07.55\00:23:09.30
not trying to catch a plane.
00:23:09.33\00:23:10.52
Because that is the only time
that lateness really matters.
00:23:10.55\00:23:12.39
He said that to
me when I was little,
00:23:12.42\00:23:13.92
and I think now as an
adult is in the back of my
00:23:13.95\00:23:16.62
mind, it is still there.
00:23:16.66\00:23:17.63
How can I overcome this
chronically lateness issue?
00:23:17.64\00:23:19.98
I think in the
past I have excused it,
00:23:20.01\00:23:21.98
saying that maybe
that it was the train,
00:23:22.02\00:23:24.14
all the delays on
the subways in New York,
00:23:24.17\00:23:27.03
but I can't make an
excuse to have to face it.
00:23:27.06\00:23:29.85
You are fighting against
a consistent role model that
00:23:29.88\00:23:32.46
you have developed
with, you have kind
00:23:32.50\00:23:34.27
of grew up along side of.
00:23:34.31\00:23:35.28
But your insights
right, you have to
00:23:35.29\00:23:36.69
take personal responsibility.
00:23:36.73\00:23:37.90
Like my daughter Hadassah,
she has a similar problem.
00:23:37.94\00:23:41.14
She never, we're never
late, but she likes to be.
00:23:41.17\00:23:43.87
So we set it up in school
that she is not in the car
00:23:43.90\00:23:48.07
by 7:00 o'clock then at
7:01 she has a consequence.
00:23:48.10\00:23:50.67
Okay, so you can either set
up a consequence or a reward.
00:23:50.70\00:23:53.64
So you can say if I'm
late even one minute late.
00:23:53.67\00:23:56.29
I'm going to do
twenty five push-ups,
00:23:56.32\00:23:57.67
as soon as I get in my office.
00:23:57.70\00:23:59.35
You'll stop
within, probably one month.
00:23:59.38\00:24:01.80
See, because right now
there is no consequence
00:24:01.83\00:24:04.43
that stops you from
this even though the
00:24:04.46\00:24:05.69
Spirit is telling
you it's kind of rude.
00:24:05.72\00:24:07.31
You are not
valuing them as equals.
00:24:07.34\00:24:09.04
You know what I'm
saying, and you get convicted,
00:24:09.07\00:24:11.72
but now set that up and set some
00:24:11.75\00:24:13.18
accountability with somebody.
00:24:13.21\00:24:14.24
Just picks any good
friend and say listen,
00:24:14.27\00:24:15.85
I'm going to kill this thing.
00:24:15.88\00:24:16.85
But you know what, say
what does your daughter do
00:24:16.86\00:24:19.00
because I think
that worked for me
00:24:19.03\00:24:21.23
and I know what she has to do.
00:24:21.26\00:24:22.78
What we do with her is
that I hand her write a
00:24:22.81\00:24:26.60
statement that says, to
be early is to be on time,
00:24:26.63\00:24:29.10
to be off time is to be
late, to be late is to be rude.
00:24:29.13\00:24:31.41
Okay, and she has to
write that twenty five times.
00:24:31.44\00:24:33.87
If she is late, so first
thing she gets in the car
00:24:33.90\00:24:35.56
she has to write.
00:24:35.59\00:24:36.56
She doesn't like to
write because that is a time to
00:24:36.57\00:24:38.28
text, her friends, to
kind of have her own time.
00:24:38.31\00:24:40.96
So she doesn't want
that consequence to happen so
00:24:40.99\00:24:43.98
now she is in the
car and she is on time.
00:24:44.01\00:24:45.95
You know what I love
about what she wrote,
00:24:45.98\00:24:47.95
is for me that I need to
put that in my head is to
00:24:47.98\00:24:50.82
be late is to really be rude.
00:24:50.85\00:24:52.57
And I need to somehow
reprogram myself with that
00:24:52.60\00:24:56.12
statement instead of looking
at it as it is no big deal.
00:24:56.15\00:24:59.08
And whatever as it
really is a big deal.
00:24:59.11\00:25:01.17
Well for some people, especially
00:25:01.20\00:25:03.09
if they are northeast
coast, it is very rude.
00:25:03.12\00:25:04.49
I grew up in a culture
of rudeness was looked at is
00:25:04.52\00:25:06.90
almost as you cursed at them.
00:25:06.93\00:25:08.16
In you weren't ten minutes
early, you weren't on time.
00:25:08.19\00:25:12.05
But that can be a value
thing, you can say Lord,
00:25:12.08\00:25:16.07
I want to treat my boss
and other employees as if they
00:25:16.10\00:25:18.80
are valuable to me
so I want to get there
00:25:18.83\00:25:20.20
first to serve them.
00:25:20.23\00:25:21.20
So I will be there five
minutes early in case somebody
00:25:21.21\00:25:22.92
needs to be served, some kind
of service or ministry thing
00:25:22.95\00:25:24.89
before I start my day.
00:25:24.92\00:25:26.01
How cool is that.
00:25:26.04\00:25:27.16
So see if set yourself
up, see you have a natural
00:25:27.19\00:25:32.34
father, that didn't help you,
00:25:32.37\00:25:33.34
but you have a heavenly
Father, Whose never late.
00:25:33.35\00:25:35.33
See what I'm saying!
00:25:35.36\00:25:38.12
Thanks, alright!
00:25:38.15\00:25:39.12
You look like you had a
little more going on there.
00:25:39.13\00:25:41.30
I do and want to take this
thing a different direction,
00:25:41.33\00:25:43.06
but I have some
friends, being single,
00:25:43.09\00:25:45.85
and we always talk
about relationships, and what
00:25:45.88\00:25:48.07
we are looking for.
00:25:48.10\00:25:49.07
So many single women seem
to choose the same type of
00:25:49.08\00:25:52.06
guy, whether they are
emotionally unavailable
00:25:52.09\00:25:54.25
commitment phobic,
whatever the issue are.
00:25:54.28\00:25:57.18
They find themselves
in a cycle where they are
00:25:57.21\00:25:58.94
choosing people don't
really have qualities that
00:25:58.97\00:26:02.14
they are looking
for a future spouse.
00:26:02.17\00:26:03.91
Using some of the same
tools that you were talking
00:26:03.94\00:26:06.50
about being accountable,
how do you remedy that?
00:26:06.53\00:26:10.90
The people who are constantly in
00:26:10.93\00:26:12.44
involved in
destructive relationships.
00:26:12.47\00:26:14.75
Now, this book they're
probably there might be some
00:26:14.78\00:26:17.22
core family of origin or
abuse or neglect issues so now
00:26:17.25\00:26:19.50
they are self abandoning
themselves so they can break
00:26:19.53\00:26:21.75
with it and get a grip.
00:26:21.79\00:26:22.76
I saw something
called successfully single.
00:26:22.77\00:26:24.39
It which a single person
makes himself accountable
00:26:24.42\00:26:27.27
to a couple
through the whole process.
00:26:27.30\00:26:29.20
So someone comes up to
you at a coffee shop and says
00:26:29.23\00:26:31.81
Monique I think I'd
like to get to know you
00:26:31.84\00:26:34.35
you say well here's Bob
and Carol's phone number you
00:26:34.38\00:26:36.41
can call them
and if they like you.
00:26:36.44\00:26:38.23
Then I'll be able to
go on a date with you.
00:26:38.26\00:26:40.27
And they set up an
authority over them that
00:26:40.30\00:26:43.16
lets them see things
differently because you
00:26:43.19\00:26:44.89
know, you're cute
and your young and
00:26:44.92\00:26:45.95
you might be emotional.
00:26:45.98\00:26:47.22
But if you got a couple
over you and the guys like Hey!
00:26:47.25\00:26:49.91
So, what do you do for a living?
00:26:49.94\00:26:51.18
How long have you been
doing that? So guys will
00:26:51.21\00:26:53.35
you know so you got a
spiritual father over you.
00:26:53.38\00:26:55.45
That says Heh, I want to ask
this guys some real questions.
00:26:55.48\00:26:57.52
Then start the process
said it will save you a
00:26:57.55\00:26:59.98
lot of wear and tear.
00:27:00.01\00:27:00.98
And then you're going
be accountable every two
00:27:00.99\00:27:02.60
to four weeks on what
you are doing physically with
00:27:02.63\00:27:05.23
each other is sometimes
what you see Monique, is
00:27:05.26\00:27:06.94
what your friends
aren't telling you.
00:27:06.97\00:27:08.56
It might be physically
inappropriate together
00:27:08.59\00:27:11.42
They're actually gluing
to that person and now they
00:27:11.45\00:27:13.68
have a physical bond to
that person that keeps them in
00:27:13.71\00:27:16.28
that relationship that is
no longer helpful to them.
00:27:16.31\00:27:18.60
So Yeah being a team is
much better than going up there
00:27:18.63\00:27:23.51
by yourself as a single person.
00:27:23.54\00:27:24.90
I love that idea.
00:27:24.93\00:27:26.38
Oh It's free,
00:27:26.41\00:27:27.38
That's freeing, could you
I just try to picture the guy
00:27:27.39\00:27:30.95
saying I've got
some friends that really
00:27:30.98\00:27:32.74
want to talk to you first.
00:27:32.77\00:27:33.74
If they like you
then we'll go out.
00:27:33.76\00:27:35.51
I can just see the
guys face, like what.
00:27:35.54\00:27:37.08
What happens is see
here's the thing, if a man
00:27:37.11\00:27:39.64
can't submit to
authority in dating,
00:27:39.67\00:27:41.79
he's going to be
a tyrant as a man.
00:27:41.82\00:27:43.90
Oh shut up, That is great.
00:27:43.93\00:27:45.56
See what I am saying?
00:27:45.59\00:27:46.92
So if he can submit to
authority during dating,
00:27:46.95\00:27:48.23
You are going to
be able to be led the
00:27:48.26\00:27:50.98
rest of your life, through him.
00:27:51.01\00:27:52.11
See what I am saying?
so the dating process in
00:27:52.14\00:27:55.36
successfully single
sets you up to measure how he
00:27:55.39\00:27:58.09
can walk through a process.
00:27:58.12\00:27:59.19
And you get to see it
so that when you are in the
00:27:59.22\00:28:01.43
car by yourself at
ten thirty at night.
00:28:01.46\00:28:02.78
And like hey, hey, hey Heh,
like listen, we're going to talk
00:28:02.81\00:28:04.52
Bob and Carol so if
you start doing that.
00:28:04.55\00:28:06.12
You need to know that
I'm going to tell them.
00:28:06.15\00:28:08.93
So now you see, you have
a different level of value,
00:28:08.96\00:28:13.20
because men don't mind
working for a women who think
00:28:13.23\00:28:15.36
she's valuable.
00:28:15.39\00:28:16.36
Wow, Thank you so much.
00:28:16.37\00:28:18.16
Thank you for asking that,
that will help a lot of people.
00:28:18.20\00:28:21.15
That's incredible,
any more questions?
00:28:21.19\00:28:22.66
Nyse do have a question.
00:28:22.69\00:28:24.18
Yes matter fact, I do.
00:28:24.21\00:28:25.43
So check this out, we got
everything and we see the whole
00:28:25.46\00:28:29.37
picture of how it all
works and stuff like that.
00:28:29.40\00:28:31.24
I have a little quick question,
00:28:31.27\00:28:33.27
One of the
parts is self honesty.
00:28:33.30\00:28:36.18
So I'm going to be self honest,
00:28:36.21\00:28:39.25
I'm going to start jotting
all these things down the
00:28:39.28\00:28:41.07
things that need
to be honest with now.
00:28:41.11\00:28:42.62
Why don't you just
pick one at a time.
00:28:42.65\00:28:44.09
That's the question is
not going to be only one thing
00:28:44.12\00:28:47.96
that we need to deal with.
00:28:47.99\00:28:49.01
So even be personalized,
where no were dealing with
00:28:49.04\00:28:52.26
different addictions.
00:28:52.29\00:28:53.37
My mom she was on
every drug, on the market,
00:28:53.40\00:28:55.10
She was with almost every
other man, you know what I mean.
00:28:55.13\00:28:57.84
So some of these
things kind of passed down.
00:28:57.87\00:29:00.04
So I kind of seen myself getting
to these situations years ago.
00:29:00.07\00:29:03.57
And I'm like, how am I
going to deal with this.
00:29:03.60\00:29:05.43
One thing I found out, I
did the self honestly thing
00:29:05.46\00:29:08.56
I started jotting it
down what would you recommend?
00:29:08.59\00:29:11.12
I, in the work that we do,
people have so many situations.
00:29:11.15\00:29:14.95
We mainly work with them on
their diets, but come to find
00:29:14.98\00:29:16.96
out they have a diet
issue because you know there's
00:29:16.99\00:29:19.33
a personal issue
behind that and then
00:29:19.36\00:29:21.09
there's a family issue,
then abuse issue my goodness.
00:29:21.12\00:29:23.35
So in dealing with that, after
listing down, is it a good thing
00:29:23.38\00:29:28.16
to start with something that
is easy, like me personally,
00:29:28.19\00:29:31.66
I started my diet.
00:29:31.69\00:29:33.48
But that is pretty
much okay to do that,
00:29:33.51\00:29:35.77
and once I got victory
over this and start controlling
00:29:35.80\00:29:38.74
it as that man is giving
me a little help so that big
00:29:38.77\00:29:42.47
Goliath that I'm dealing
with he's not that bad after all
00:29:42.50\00:29:45.09
Is that something that
you would recommend, is there
00:29:45.12\00:29:48.06
level of severity or
degree of these all the
00:29:48.09\00:29:52.03
things I'm dealing
with the start of little
00:29:52.06\00:29:53.51
one or start a hard one.
00:29:53.54\00:29:54.78
You can start either way.
00:29:54.81\00:29:56.53
Your intuition is
right and it's great
00:29:56.56\00:29:58.35
question because we
haven't addressed that yet.
00:29:58.38\00:29:59.63
And that is you
only take one at a time.
00:29:59.66\00:30:01.46
And we use the Blitz
Greed method, use all of your
00:30:01.49\00:30:04.26
energy on one front.
00:30:04.29\00:30:05.58
Don't try to
take it all one time.
00:30:05.61\00:30:07.40
And what is interesting
the other thing that you
00:30:07.43\00:30:09.31
mentioned, you know
before David took on Goliath.
00:30:09.34\00:30:11.76
There was the lion and the bear.
00:30:11.79\00:30:14.16
You know what I'm saying, he
had steps before he got there.
00:30:14.19\00:30:16.70
So when he saw the giant he
said well, I saw this before.
00:30:16.73\00:30:18.71
I can do this, you
know I'm saying nothing new.
00:30:18.74\00:30:21.77
Just a different
face on the same problem.
00:30:21.80\00:30:23.09
So some times you want to
start with the one behavior so
00:30:23.12\00:30:26.91
it diet or something like
that but then do the healing
00:30:26.94\00:30:30.11
work, underneath that
there's been abandonment
00:30:30.14\00:30:32.30
or abuse and neglect.
00:30:32.33\00:30:33.30
Clean that stuff out why
you're working on that behavior.
00:30:33.31\00:30:35.17
That that you can do.
00:30:35.20\00:30:36.17
But just stick on one behavior.
00:30:36.18\00:30:37.63
So each step has to
be taking care of in its
00:30:37.66\00:30:40.28
entirety in no kill it or
don't know if I can say that.
00:30:40.31\00:30:44.33
Get rid of it altogether,
because I found the thing I
00:30:44.36\00:30:48.34
that personally
me, held me back is.
00:30:48.38\00:30:50.11
I try to be a jack of all,
and nibble at this and take
00:30:50.14\00:30:53.60
and I said I
thought I took care of this.
00:30:53.63\00:30:55.58
And it's creeping
back up, so that's what.
00:30:55.61\00:30:58.53
You deal with one
30, 60, or 90 days.
00:30:58.56\00:31:00.80
And by then you
are usually victorious.
00:31:00.83\00:31:02.48
Then you pick up
the next one in you
00:31:02.51\00:31:04.74
start measuring that one.
00:31:04.77\00:31:05.76
Hear I'm saying, that's
the way you are successful.
00:31:05.79\00:31:07.58
So you want to
aim all your energy,
00:31:07.61\00:31:09.71
spiritually praying
for that thing emotionally
00:31:09.74\00:31:12.12
and then intellectually.
00:31:12.15\00:31:14.26
Start reading in
disciplining yourself to do that
00:31:14.29\00:31:16.88
stuff and you
start getting momentum
00:31:16.92\00:31:19.45
against the problem,
they you're done with that one
00:31:19.48\00:31:22.42
And then of course
something else will come round.
00:31:22.45\00:31:25.26
Well, I don't know to do that.
00:31:25.29\00:31:26.56
I'm saying that book was a
00:31:26.59\00:31:29.80
like um fire, aim.
00:31:29.83\00:31:32.55
Instead of aim,
fire, that kind of thing.
00:31:32.58\00:31:34.33
You have to aim at
what you want to fire at.
00:31:34.36\00:31:36.20
Stay focused, right there,
if you'll stay right there,
00:31:36.23\00:31:39.81
you will get success.
00:31:39.84\00:31:40.81
Which is great.
00:31:40.82\00:31:42.40
So we can actually get
a grip on this thing now.
00:31:42.43\00:31:44.59
And you feel good about it.
00:31:45.34\00:31:46.56
You feel good about yourself,
00:31:46.60\00:31:47.75
because not only what get
a grip does, not only gives
00:31:47.79\00:31:49.96
you a set of skills,
00:31:50.00\00:31:50.97
but then those skills
can be applied in anything.
00:31:50.98\00:31:53.47
You know what I'm saying.
00:31:53.50\00:31:55.20
If you want to better
at a certain thing may be a
00:31:55.23\00:31:57.80
tennis game me one
better bowling or what ever you
00:31:57.83\00:31:59.59
can start aiming those
same skills that I've got
00:31:59.62\00:32:02.58
a discipline myself.
00:32:02.62\00:32:03.59
I got be accountable
to the practice and what I
00:32:03.60\00:32:04.81
have got to do and
boom, you can be successful.
00:32:04.84\00:32:06.58
And the skills work for
both sides getting rid of
00:32:06.61\00:32:09.03
something and been
successful in something.
00:32:09.06\00:32:10.40
I love the way that
even the transition into it.
00:32:10.43\00:32:14.00
First it made me look
like you are dealing with a lot
00:32:14.03\00:32:16.14
of junk anger or
molest all that kind of stuff.
00:32:16.17\00:32:18.24
Whatever the issues are
and as you get healthier.
00:32:18.27\00:32:20.82
It really is skills that
learn for healthier things
00:32:20.85\00:32:23.37
Sure, like saying,
you could get as you grow
00:32:23.40\00:32:25.67
spiritually is I'm not dealing
with you on drinking alcohol.
00:32:25.70\00:32:29.01
I haven't had trouble
with that 25 or 30 years,
00:32:29.04\00:32:30.70
but I could be
dealing with impatience.
00:32:30.73\00:32:33.43
Or can we deal with
going 60 mph in a 55.
00:32:33.46\00:32:36.91
Do you know what I'm saying.
00:32:36.94\00:32:38.89
Somebody out there
is like that a problem.
00:32:38.92\00:32:41.03
So, but they're not there yet.
00:32:41.06\00:32:42.93
And God is really
gracious about all that,
00:32:42.96\00:32:45.75
like He sometimes.
00:32:45.78\00:32:46.84
Most times He'll thumb
you on one thing at a time
00:32:46.87\00:32:49.43
really hard,
00:32:49.46\00:32:50.43
It's like ok son,
please deal with this because
00:32:50.44\00:32:51.86
I don't want to take
you out on that mountain
00:32:51.90\00:32:53.48
again I went to
take you somewhere else.
00:32:53.51\00:32:55.95
You keep doing this
so I want to go here.
00:32:55.98\00:32:59.86
Please deal with this
because I have a blessing.
00:32:59.89\00:33:01.76
I want to pour into
you, and that's it My way,
00:33:01.79\00:33:04.47
because your hands are
full I need you to empty them
00:33:04.50\00:33:07.89
so I could put
some different in them.
00:33:07.92\00:33:08.92
I love what Nyse
brought up because he is our, he
00:33:08.95\00:33:13.68
really is a health
expert it is what his
00:33:13.71\00:33:16.10
ministry is and he
talks about health and taking
00:33:16.13\00:33:19.02
care of yourself physically,
00:33:19.05\00:33:20.02
and I want to just
ask your opinion on that,
00:33:20.03\00:33:22.25
because I somebody come out a
00:33:22.28\00:33:23.77
horrendous addictions
and they will be setting in a
00:33:23.80\00:33:27.18
twelve step group with a
cigarette and caffeine and just
00:33:27.21\00:33:30.55
so you think how can they
get to their frontal lobes.
00:33:30.58\00:33:34.64
How do you get to think
and what do you think as
00:33:34.67\00:33:36.92
far as tying into that
whole physical healing.
00:33:36.95\00:33:39.09
As far as recovery, I
think it is perfect and
00:33:39.12\00:33:42.02
for many of us my
journey started with
00:33:42.05\00:33:44.75
spiritually healing
first, I needed that encounter.
00:33:44.78\00:33:47.14
And that it moved
into my soul and my body.
00:33:47.17\00:33:50.69
Absolutely.
00:33:50.72\00:33:51.71
And I think you have to
maintain a healthy a body if
00:33:51.74\00:33:54.64
you're going to be
emotionally healthy.
00:33:54.67\00:33:55.78
You can't be emotionally
healthy and you got a pile
00:33:55.81\00:33:59.43
of lasagna, your pile of
ice cream, a chocolate cake and
00:33:59.46\00:34:02.56
your remote control and your
caffeine and that's your evening
00:34:02.59\00:34:06.51
You're going to be sick.
00:34:06.54\00:34:08.75
You're not exactly going
to be the life of the party.
00:34:08.78\00:34:11.44
As much as we
think we can do that.
00:34:14.12\00:34:15.75
I can do all that
and still stay thinking
00:34:15.78\00:34:18.51
clearly very but in
the room is like hello.
00:34:18.54\00:34:20.72
I know how actually feel
when I get too many fats I
00:34:20.75\00:34:23.62
get clogged in my brain.
00:34:23.65\00:34:24.95
If you are really
preparing your brain for
00:34:24.98\00:34:27.69
activity, like before I
speak, I don't eat a lot of beef
00:34:27.73\00:34:31.47
I won't eat sugar.
00:34:31.51\00:34:32.48
I was off of sugar
for like ten years.
00:34:32.49\00:34:34.19
At one point that I still
find if I have sugar before I'm
00:34:34.22\00:34:37.28
going to be up
somewhere, it can crash me.
00:34:37.31\00:34:40.03
So I had to be responsible
with that, with my body type.
00:34:40.06\00:34:42.10
And all this need to be
responsible for what God
00:34:42.13\00:34:44.34
has designed us with.
00:34:44.37\00:34:45.34
Good! Good!
00:34:45.35\00:34:46.50
Yeah, I was just
looking their real quick in the
00:34:46.53\00:34:49.54
book and I noticed
one of the chapters was on
00:34:49.57\00:34:50.94
cleansing in the temple.
00:34:50.97\00:34:51.99
And so it knocked on
both items to cleanse its
00:34:52.02\00:34:54.58
spiritually and then work
things out and then He's holding
00:34:54.61\00:34:58.01
us accountable for taking
care of that temple physically.
00:34:58.04\00:35:01.61
It definitely
plays, this is awesome.
00:35:01.64\00:35:04.05
Yeah, and cleansing
temple is not only a physical
00:35:04.08\00:35:06.11
thing, because trauma affects
you spirit, soul and body
00:35:06.14\00:35:08.82
And what cleansing that
temple does, it allows you to
00:35:08.85\00:35:12.20
identify people who have hurt
you, you write an anger letter,
00:35:12.23\00:35:14.45
do the anger work, and that
thing pops out 3 dimensionally
00:35:14.48\00:35:17.21
and then not only are
you heeling spiritually,
00:35:17.24\00:35:19.28
you are healing spirit,
body, and soul all at one time.
00:35:19.31\00:35:21.00
And it is a beautiful
thing I have seen people
00:35:21.03\00:35:22.73
with tremendous
trauma do this process.
00:35:22.76\00:35:24.47
We have been doing
that for almost 20 years.
00:35:24.50\00:35:26.27
And you're not talking
about sending the letter,
00:35:26.30\00:35:28.28
you're saying just
write it down on paper,
00:35:28.31\00:35:29.61
saying it out loud.
00:35:29.64\00:35:30.83
And hitting and yelling
and screaming, yelling it out
00:35:30.86\00:35:33.70
of your body, because your body
was there during the trauma.
00:35:33.74\00:35:34.94
and so your body has
be part of releasing that.
00:35:34.97\00:35:36.75
See Jesus could have cleansed
the temple by saying be gone.
00:35:36.78\00:35:39.79
He did it, He engaged
His body physically and
00:35:40.77\00:35:44.12
verbally, and He
kicked things around.
00:35:44.15\00:35:46.89
He was the
carpenter before power tools.
00:35:46.92\00:35:48.57
If He hit you, it
was going to hurt.
00:35:48.60\00:35:50.64
So everyone got out of
there so He was showing us
00:35:50.67\00:35:54.06
how to cleanse
our temple, because,
00:35:54.09\00:35:55.58
as Paul says
you are that temple.
00:35:55.61\00:35:56.83
Some of our traumas affects
the spirit, soul and body.
00:35:56.86\00:36:00.12
That is why a lot of
people who overeat are
00:36:00.15\00:36:02.31
survivors of abuse of
some kind, spiritual, emotional
00:36:02.34\00:36:07.03
or sexual abuse.
00:36:07.06\00:36:08.10
And most people don't
even think of that is eating
00:36:08.13\00:36:12.15
disorder, that I'm
trying to fill this void up and
00:36:12.18\00:36:14.95
you can't eat enough.
00:36:14.98\00:36:16.12
You can't eat enough and
any kind of medication in
00:36:16.15\00:36:18.05
working, even over
studying and know there's a
00:36:18.08\00:36:21.45
terminal student you
know who's thinking 4 degrees.
00:36:21.48\00:36:25.25
It's like, well did you
think about getting a job?
00:36:25.28\00:36:27.01
It's another way of
avoiding type of thing.
00:36:27.04\00:36:30.63
So, I know
there's more questions.
00:36:30.66\00:36:34.38
I just want to say in
this whole process as you work
00:36:34.41\00:36:38.44
with people because
I know you work with
00:36:38.47\00:36:39.75
people all over the world.
00:36:39.79\00:36:40.76
We have counseling centers
and they talk on the telephone.
00:36:40.77\00:36:42.33
Is that it must just
bring joy to your life to see
00:36:42.36\00:36:46.59
people just let go of things.
00:36:46.62\00:36:48.14
Oh absolutely,
some people say Doug,
00:36:48.17\00:36:50.19
how can you do what you do?
00:36:50.22\00:36:51.64
Telephone counseling,
we give 3 day intense with
00:36:51.67\00:36:54.16
couples and all this
stuff and knock it down like,
00:36:54.19\00:36:56.97
how do you get down.
00:36:57.00\00:36:57.97
I feel like I'm the
warden with the keys.
00:36:57.98\00:36:59.68
I'm just let people
outdoors all day long so
00:36:59.71\00:37:02.61
how hard it is that?
00:37:02.64\00:37:03.61
They come out happier and
their marriages are better.
00:37:03.62\00:37:05.50
When their marriages
are better than their family
00:37:05.53\00:37:07.75
and kids life are better
and in the kids have less
00:37:07.79\00:37:09.98
stuff, it's a wonderful thing.
00:37:10.01\00:37:11.32
We seen pastors restored.
00:37:11.35\00:37:12.92
Its beautiful so all of us,
00:37:12.95\00:37:14.93
and it's not just like,
00:37:14.96\00:37:16.15
people go to professionals
talk in one-on-one,
00:37:16.18\00:37:18.90
but we're are all
ministers of Jesus Christ.
00:37:18.93\00:37:20.80
And as we heal in an
area He will release healing
00:37:20.83\00:37:23.61
through us, in that
area, to other people.
00:37:23.64\00:37:25.02
So you have to asked
yourself the question,
00:37:25.05\00:37:26.93
How much you do want to limit
the healing of God in your life?
00:37:26.96\00:37:29.45
How much do want to let that
other person stay in chains?
00:37:29.48\00:37:32.20
Because you get to be
quiet and comfortable.
00:37:32.23\00:37:34.61
See, I don't get
to be comfortable,
00:37:34.64\00:37:35.98
I've talked about my
abandonment abuses and
00:37:36.01\00:37:38.43
neglect, I've talked
about it for twenty years.
00:37:38.46\00:37:40.01
But in releasing that
people have been set free.
00:37:40.04\00:37:44.34
You know you were kind
of a talking off before the
00:37:44.37\00:37:47.20
show you went to a
place and shared something and
00:37:47.23\00:37:49.73
an eighty three year
old woman came up to you and
00:37:49.76\00:37:51.76
had permission to be authentic.
00:37:51.79\00:37:53.77
This is the season of the
Spirit of God for authenticity.
00:37:53.80\00:37:58.18
So we aren't
permitted maybe the generation
00:37:58.21\00:38:01.35
before were able to
keep their secrets and keep
00:38:01.38\00:38:03.18
their skeletons
and have funny hair.
00:38:03.21\00:38:05.07
But we're passed that point.
00:38:05.10\00:38:07.04
We're past that
point, the Spirit of God is
00:38:07.07\00:38:09.68
authentically
coming because He wants to
00:38:09.71\00:38:11.79
restore us to His heart.
00:38:11.82\00:38:13.05
And His heart is I
absolutely love you,
00:38:13.08\00:38:15.25
Yes your flawed,
that's not the point.
00:38:15.28\00:38:17.41
I love you, let Me
come into that spot.
00:38:17.44\00:38:20.66
And I want to heal you.
00:38:20.70\00:38:21.72
Oh yes, totally.
00:38:21.76\00:38:22.75
Isaiah 57:18 where it
talks about and know all
00:38:22.79\00:38:25.40
your junk and I
want to heal you anyway.
00:38:25.43\00:38:26.96
And I love that,
because we are in a place that
00:38:26.99\00:38:30.01
people so
desperately want to get well.
00:38:30.04\00:38:31.78
We have people that
call and e-mail on the show
00:38:31.81\00:38:35.08
and I am sure that
we are going to get
00:38:35.11\00:38:36.66
tons from just this show.
00:38:36.69\00:38:38.06
It's just saying thank
you for saying that out loud.
00:38:38.09\00:38:39.99
Thank you for saying it.
00:38:40.02\00:38:41.09
So I think what you are
saying is that if you hold
00:38:41.12\00:38:44.45
your stuff and
nobody has permission
00:38:44.48\00:38:46.30
to heal it around you.
00:38:46.33\00:38:47.30
It clogs up the whole
body is kind of like you close
00:38:47.31\00:38:50.82
an artery of healing.
00:38:50.85\00:38:52.06
You see your wounds
are places of entry point
00:38:52.09\00:38:54.43
where God's Spirit can flow
00:38:54.46\00:38:55.51
through to other people.
00:38:55.54\00:38:56.59
And you see we have the wrong
00:38:56.62\00:38:58.26
perspective of roundedness,
00:38:58.29\00:38:59.96
as if we've got protect
it NO, let it out there.
00:38:59.99\00:39:02.83
You know, Paul
said in my weaknesses,
00:39:02.86\00:39:04.33
He's made strong.
00:39:04.36\00:39:05.33
You want to a strong
ministry on planet Earth,
00:39:05.34\00:39:07.41
it's at your weakest point.
00:39:07.44\00:39:09.62
That's huge!
00:39:09.65\00:39:11.40
My abuse, my
abandonment my addictions,
00:39:11.43\00:39:14.42
weakest points that God
has used to set men free,
00:39:14.45\00:39:18.04
women free, couples healed.
00:39:18.07\00:39:19.35
I love this stuff, some
of us want to say no use my
00:39:19.38\00:39:22.16
smartness, listen I
barely graduated out of high
00:39:22.19\00:39:24.36
school, but I got four degrees.
00:39:24.39\00:39:25.36
God is good, and it is
His heart that all of us want
00:39:25.37\00:39:31.38
are to be a part of
healing on this earth.
00:39:31.41\00:39:32.74
And what to do it on the
show, what you are doing and
00:39:32.77\00:39:35.40
are a part of, you're letting
this healing flow through you.
00:39:35.43\00:39:37.65
Yes, you are homeless,
You were all this stuff and
00:39:37.68\00:39:40.48
women go, Oh my gosh
you look so together,
00:39:40.51\00:39:42.54
how can you been so messed up.
00:39:42.57\00:39:43.54
And so there is hope for you.
00:39:43.55\00:39:44.99
There's hope for me.
00:39:45.02\00:39:46.09
And God is good.
00:39:46.12\00:39:47.91
He's very good.
00:39:47.94\00:39:49.04
And you know,
we're going to ask,
00:39:49.07\00:39:50.95
I know there's more questions.
00:39:50.98\00:39:52.13
But I just want to say
before going to turn over
00:39:52.16\00:39:54.12
to a question, is that
I am surprised that God
00:39:54.15\00:39:57.12
saying that every
time you give Me something,
00:39:57.15\00:39:59.41
every single time you
get ride of something,
00:39:59.44\00:40:01.52
I will show you who
I created you to be,
00:40:01.55\00:40:03.72
I will show you what
is underneath all that.
00:40:03.75\00:40:05.37
And sometimes I
stand, and I'm shocked.
00:40:05.40\00:40:08.39
I think that God that is good,
00:40:08.43\00:40:10.02
and He's like I know.
00:40:10.05\00:40:11.07
How fun is that!
00:40:11.10\00:40:12.90
So Mark, I know that
you had something else that
00:40:12.93\00:40:16.65
you are wanting to ask him.
00:40:16.68\00:40:17.78
Yes, so my question kind
of goes back we talked about.
00:40:17.81\00:40:20.78
Men are busy, people are busy.
00:40:20.81\00:40:22.14
You mentioned
texting an all those things,
00:40:22.17\00:40:24.92
and we find ourselves in
a season where people are
00:40:24.95\00:40:27.62
just being
overwhelmed with things.
00:40:27.65\00:40:29.89
You had mentioned before in a
response to a question working
00:40:29.92\00:40:33.66
on one thing at a time.
00:40:33.69\00:40:34.90
What advice, or how
would you speak into somebody's
00:40:34.93\00:40:38.27
life who just had a
bunch of things that are
00:40:38.30\00:40:40.29
overwhelming them and
they can't get through the one
00:40:40.32\00:40:42.99
issue, because they
have got so many other things
00:40:43.02\00:40:45.73
that are pulling at
them and drawing at them.
00:40:45.76\00:40:48.55
Issues with family, issues
with relationships, issues
00:40:48.58\00:40:51.26
with jobs and things like that.
00:40:51.29\00:40:52.47
How would you
speak into that even
00:40:52.50\00:40:54.10
using that same process.
00:40:54.13\00:40:55.38
Your talking about
how you eat an elephant.
00:40:55.41\00:40:57.59
One bite at a time.
00:40:57.62\00:41:01.30
And you really can't, sometimes
people come to my office and
00:41:01.33\00:41:05.01
they've got all these issues,
financial, relationships, kids,
00:41:05.04\00:41:07.77
they are a mess.
00:41:07.80\00:41:08.77
But there's addictions going on,
00:41:08.78\00:41:11.17
let's deal with this one
right now and learn to be
00:41:11.20\00:41:15.67
successful, and then you
can be successful in the other.
00:41:15.70\00:41:17.45
You didn't get in this problem,
00:41:17.48\00:41:18.99
these men, women,
couples, they don't get in
00:41:19.02\00:41:21.06
this problem,
Mark, in three days.
00:41:21.09\00:41:23.55
It's taken 20 years
for some of them to create
00:41:23.58\00:41:25.43
the mess they're in.
00:41:25.46\00:41:26.43
And you can even say,
you can even ask someone what
00:41:26.44\00:41:28.95
is the crisis that you
had yesterday and kind of
00:41:28.98\00:41:32.03
narrow it down
to almost a pattern,
00:41:32.06\00:41:33.94
almost
immediately as far your life.
00:41:33.97\00:41:36.44
Crises, what's on your
mind, what really hit you.
00:41:36.47\00:41:40.09
But often times, Mark is saying,
these things people have a
00:41:40.12\00:41:42.46
pattern of a lifestyle
and you can only address
00:41:42.49\00:41:44.51
one pattern at a time.
00:41:44.54\00:41:45.70
Like Monique was talking about
being late, well Ok address that
00:41:45.73\00:41:48.53
Maybe the guy is cursing at
his wife okay, address that.
00:41:48.56\00:41:51.21
Let's deal with it
one at a time, because you
00:41:51.24\00:41:53.11
you are already spread
out for me to say okay, we're
00:41:53.14\00:41:57.24
going to spread out with your
problems isn't going to work.
00:41:57.27\00:41:59.11
I need to be focused anyway,
00:41:59.14\00:42:01.86
Do you know I'm saying?
00:42:01.89\00:42:03.71
Because if your focused, then
you can start being successful.
00:42:03.74\00:42:06.12
You know Jesus was
a very focused man,
00:42:06.15\00:42:08.58
and that is why
He was successful.
00:42:08.61\00:42:10.36
He knew why He was here.
00:42:10.39\00:42:11.64
What He was to get done.
00:42:11.67\00:42:12.78
And He was
about getting it done.
00:42:12.81\00:42:14.07
So if we only focus on the
one problem we are going to be
00:42:14.10\00:42:16.57
much more
successful than like if
00:42:16.60\00:42:18.24
we try to figure it
all out at one time.
00:42:18.27\00:42:19.25
I'm glad Jesus didn't ask
me to do more than I could.
00:42:19.28\00:42:22.83
With me He like
dealt with me in layers.
00:42:22.86\00:42:25.40
There was times in Bible school,
00:42:25.43\00:42:29.58
where I could drink all the
coffee I wanted, I literally
00:42:29.61\00:42:32.20
had bags of peanut M. and Mr.
's in my backpack at all times.
00:42:32.23\00:42:35.55
And then there were days
when He said He I want you
00:42:35.58\00:42:37.78
I want you to give
up caffeine and sugar.
00:42:37.82\00:42:39.04
Ouch!
00:42:39.07\00:42:40.05
I can point to the spot
where I was from that point
00:42:40.09\00:42:43.58
for ten years I was off.
00:42:43.61\00:42:44.90
I haven't had caffeine, soft
caffeine for almost 20 years.
00:42:44.94\00:42:47.70
But you see it was layers,
00:42:47.73\00:42:49.98
because I was
using it to medicate.
00:42:50.01\00:42:51.68
It's fine for other people,
00:42:51.71\00:42:53.10
but it wasn't fine for me.
00:42:53.13\00:42:54.10
I can see how their
accountability would,
00:42:54.11\00:42:55.73
help with getting rid
of those things at a time
00:42:55.76\00:42:58.56
because some people
don't know how to get rid of
00:42:58.59\00:43:01.08
things, they don't know
how to address those things.
00:43:01.11\00:43:04.06
Some people don't
know how to play football.
00:43:04.09\00:43:05.08
Yes, to get out there,
give them the basics and do it.
00:43:05.11\00:43:06.79
Skills for life is
what we're talking about.
00:43:06.82\00:43:10.06
There are skills that
come with solving problems.
00:43:10.09\00:43:13.51
That's incredible to me
every thing is bettering
00:43:13.54\00:43:18.04
yourself for learning.
00:43:18.07\00:43:19.05
It's not just these you
are working on the process
00:43:19.08\00:43:22.20
of working on it improves you.
00:43:22.23\00:43:24.55
JoAnie we haven't
gotten to your question yet.
00:43:24.58\00:43:27.75
Go ahead yeah,
I have a question.
00:43:27.78\00:43:29.65
I do Myofascial release
and I'm a massage therapist and
00:43:29.68\00:43:33.81
I can literally feel
my client's body change.
00:43:33.84\00:43:38.84
They can tighten up they
can not be talking at all.
00:43:39.30\00:43:40.88
I'll be working
on them and suddenly
00:43:40.91\00:43:42.28
they'll just get real tight.
00:43:42.31\00:43:44.27
I'll say, what are you thinking.
00:43:44.30\00:43:45.29
Sometimes they know
sometimes they don't I
00:43:45.32\00:43:48.65
don't know what I can
tell them to help them be able
00:43:48.68\00:43:52.26
to walk out of my
office softer than
00:43:52.29\00:43:56.55
when they came in.
00:43:56.58\00:43:57.55
I don't want them to
leave the same way they came in.
00:43:57.56\00:43:58.90
Well, that is a
great question because
00:43:58.93\00:44:01.85
in your profession.
00:44:01.88\00:44:03.31
We are triune, you
know, just like the
00:44:03.34\00:44:06.51
Father-Son-Holy Spirit we
are triune so when our soul
00:44:06.54\00:44:10.02
gets impacted and often times,
00:44:10.05\00:44:11.46
the body will hold it especially
if it's been physical abuse.
00:44:11.49\00:44:13.95
Especially if it's been
sexual abuse, you know I did
00:44:13.98\00:44:16.63
some training with
inpatient facility and there was
00:44:16.66\00:44:19.67
a massage therapist
there where she would work on
00:44:19.70\00:44:22.54
these ladies, and she
would hit spots in their
00:44:22.57\00:44:24.25
bodies were they were hurt.
00:44:24.28\00:44:26.67
With the
shoulders being pinned down,
00:44:26.70\00:44:28.89
or legs being held and
the client would actually cry.
00:44:28.92\00:44:32.12
And actually release
and you might have had
00:44:32.15\00:44:34.23
instances where you
are touching somebody.
00:44:34.26\00:44:35.57
And they're actually crying,
00:44:35.60\00:44:36.57
and which are doing
you are triggering her from
00:44:36.58\00:44:38.52
the body and your
seeing that trauma actualize.
00:44:38.55\00:44:41.41
It's probably uncomfortable
they start crying in your
00:44:41.44\00:44:45.14
office because you
want them to feel good,
00:44:45.17\00:44:46.35
but it does
help them to say hey.
00:44:46.38\00:44:48.04
Something happened
here, you might want to go see
00:44:48.07\00:44:50.32
somebody because your
body is holding something
00:44:50.35\00:44:53.43
here and find out
what it is holding.
00:44:53.46\00:44:55.37
It that might help you
and it helps you help them.
00:44:55.40\00:44:58.17
It's amazing what
the body tells you,
00:44:58.20\00:45:00.86
you know that as your pulling,
00:45:00.89\00:45:02.61
pushing it's like wow
what's going on with this.
00:45:02.64\00:45:04.77
Holds your pain
here, you hold it there.
00:45:04.80\00:45:07.25
And we do hold
stuff in our body.
00:45:07.28\00:45:09.40
That's where were talking
about cleansing the temple.
00:45:09.43\00:45:11.14
Doing an anger work it's
like a flush for emotional pain.
00:45:11.17\00:45:16.64
You know, we do these
cleansings for body where
00:45:16.68\00:45:18.99
we try to detoxify.
00:45:19.02\00:45:20.84
Well to get a grip does is
it detoxifies the soul part.
00:45:20.88\00:45:23.61
So the body
doesn't hold it anymore.
00:45:23.64\00:45:25.91
And I can to you a story,
this guy was a big old Texan.
00:45:25.94\00:45:29.18
He had a mom that was
abusive to him emotionally
00:45:29.21\00:45:34.22
abusive, and he
had all this rage
00:45:34.25\00:45:35.68
inside of him against her.
00:45:35.71\00:45:37.10
Now he is a Christian man.
00:45:37.13\00:45:38.95
But her time he goes
home for Thanksgiving,
00:45:38.98\00:45:41.53
he balls up and
becomes as real angry ball.
00:45:41.56\00:45:43.95
His whole family doesn't
want to go there anymore.
00:45:43.98\00:45:45.60
So I did the cleansing
temple he was probably in
00:45:45.63\00:45:47.69
there for 30 or 40 minutes.
00:45:47.72\00:45:48.79
He's yelling, he's hitting,
00:45:48.82\00:45:49.95
he's letting it
out and then he did the
00:45:49.98\00:45:52.40
forgiveness exercise.
00:45:52.43\00:45:54.06
This was around Octoberish,
00:45:54.09\00:45:56.73
and he actually went home
for Thanksgiving that year
00:45:56.76\00:45:58.82
and he came back and he
realized on the way home
00:45:58.85\00:46:00.70
That he wasn't balled up
anymore, that he wasn't in pain
00:46:00.73\00:46:05.28
when he was in the
presence of his mom.
00:46:05.31\00:46:06.78
Because he was able to,
JoAnie was able to release that
00:46:06.81\00:46:10.14
physically, he was able to
release it emotionally as well.
00:46:10.17\00:46:11.89
It was really good for him.
00:46:11.92\00:46:13.25
It was like it
cleansed him of that.
00:46:13.28\00:46:16.22
Exactly, so he doesn't
have to go there ever again.
00:46:16.25\00:46:18.49
I mean he really doesn't.
00:46:18.52\00:46:19.49
He doesn't ball
up in her presence.
00:46:19.50\00:46:20.92
There are people that
I've seen come up and they want
00:46:20.95\00:46:25.16
healing, a prayer for healing,
00:46:25.19\00:46:27.00
I'm over weight and I want
somehow get an control on that.
00:46:27.03\00:46:31.98
The Holy Spirit will
say out loud to me they have
00:46:32.01\00:46:35.83
been sexually abused
and if they get thinner they
00:46:35.86\00:46:37.46
get afraid, and they
get close to that weight.
00:46:37.49\00:46:39.97
So talk about that for
a little bit about that
00:46:40.01\00:46:42.42
how one thing is kind of
tied to another sometimes.
00:46:42.45\00:46:44.46
Sometimes you have a
trauma bond in the situation you
00:46:44.49\00:46:46.41
are in so like you are
talking about the weight.
00:46:46.44\00:46:48.54
If a person gets down to
the weight where they were
00:46:48.57\00:46:49.88
perpetrated, sometimes
they will run from that weight.
00:46:49.91\00:46:53.02
They will panic.
00:46:53.05\00:46:54.02
They will run from the
weight because they think
00:46:54.03\00:46:55.23
if I look good then
people will hurt me.
00:46:55.26\00:46:57.11
Because you come up
with irrational beliefs
00:46:57.14\00:46:58.64
to try to explain your trauma.
00:46:58.67\00:46:59.74
The only reason for
trauma is total insanity.
00:46:59.77\00:47:01.77
There is no way that the
victim can be responsible
00:47:01.80\00:47:03.97
for trauma,
whether it is shooting,
00:47:04.00\00:47:05.40
beating or raping or
sexual it doesn't matter.
00:47:05.43\00:47:07.59
But you try to
come up with something
00:47:07.62\00:47:10.25
like if I am
skinny I'll be hurt.
00:47:10.28\00:47:12.48
So let's eat again.
00:47:12.51\00:47:13.81
Some times I do prayer
ministry in my church as well.
00:47:13.84\00:47:17.49
I'll stand up there,
sometimes it's kind of
00:47:17.52\00:47:19.63
funny, really want
prayer for blah blah blah and I
00:47:19.66\00:47:21.93
say okay I don't mind praying
for you because God wants you
00:47:21.96\00:47:23.90
to pray for you, let me
ask you, who are you going to
00:47:23.93\00:47:25.58
be accountable
for the next 30 days?
00:47:25.61\00:47:26.81
Just shut up, do
you tell them that.
00:47:26.84\00:47:28.91
Who are you going to
be accountable to because
00:47:28.94\00:47:30.17
Scripture says you
have to confess your faults
00:47:30.20\00:47:31.95
one to another so
you are confessing to
00:47:31.98\00:47:33.00
me, but to stay healing you
have to confess it for the next
00:47:33.04\00:47:35.13
30 days, who are you
going to do that with,
00:47:35.17\00:47:36.52
then I will pray for
you, give me their name
00:47:36.55\00:47:37.86
cause I know you
will probably do it.
00:47:37.90\00:47:39.56
Then God can answer prayers
because we are in the flow
00:47:39.59\00:47:42.84
of what He already said to do.
00:47:42.87\00:47:44.14
To stay in a state of healing,
00:47:44.17\00:47:46.28
you have to stay in
a state of confession.
00:47:46.31\00:47:47.50
What's really
powerful, let's talk about this.
00:47:47.53\00:47:49.77
When we confess our
faults one to another,
00:47:49.80\00:47:51.48
not only can we be
healed, but the prayers of a
00:47:51.51\00:47:53.84
righteous person availeth much.
00:47:53.87\00:47:55.84
When we stay in a
state of humility,
00:47:55.87\00:47:58.74
confessing our faults,
our prayers are heard and are
00:47:58.77\00:48:02.12
powerful on earth.
00:48:02.15\00:48:03.12
If we produce a fake lifestyle,
00:48:03.13\00:48:05.78
protect our pain, and
are unauthentic in our
00:48:05.81\00:48:08.64
relationships our
prayers are ineffective.
00:48:08.67\00:48:10.77
But we feel it too.
00:48:10.80\00:48:14.10
Our heart feels it.
00:48:14.13\00:48:15.88
It's like I feel my
prayers go to the ceiling
00:48:15.91\00:48:17.76
and stop and you want
to say you know what God
00:48:17.79\00:48:19.93
never intended that.
00:48:19.96\00:48:20.93
So then you have to say
what sin are you not confessing.
00:48:20.94\00:48:23.57
What did you do that
you haven't told anybody.
00:48:23.60\00:48:25.53
They look at me
like how do you know?
00:48:25.56\00:48:27.89
It's simple, if your
prayers are ineffective it
00:48:27.92\00:48:30.01
is because you
have unconfessed sin.
00:48:30.04\00:48:31.35
But let me just say, you said.
00:48:31.38\00:48:34.15
Mark is over there nodding
his head yeah I get this.
00:48:34.18\00:48:35.72
You said earlier
which shocked me and I can't
00:48:35.75\00:48:39.68
wait until after the show, I
can sit with this for awhile.
00:48:39.71\00:48:41.76
You said the sin of not
confessing to one another
00:48:41.80\00:48:44.24
because the Bible
commands that and so it's like
00:48:44.28\00:48:46.69
when we think of sin we think of
00:48:46.72\00:48:48.15
gambling or eating or
sexual relationships or
00:48:48.18\00:48:52.60
whatever, but you are
saying in the sin of not
00:48:52.63\00:48:54.00
being obedient to
God in our healing and so
00:48:54.03\00:48:57.29
sometimes the sin may
not be as obvious to you.
00:48:57.32\00:48:59.80
Since we have kind
of broken away from the
00:48:59.83\00:49:03.26
Catholic theology,
and really focused on
00:49:03.29\00:49:05.44
confession we throw the
baby out with the bathwater.
00:49:05.47\00:49:07.29
Now
evangelicals, we don't confess.
00:49:07.32\00:49:09.22
And so we are
not effective either.
00:49:09.25\00:49:10.91
So sometimes what we
are dealing with in our life
00:49:10.94\00:49:14.50
is an effectiveness of
disobedience of confession.
00:49:14.53\00:49:17.93
We're going where out of
time and I love having you
00:49:17.96\00:49:22.10
on the show and were
going to have you on another
00:49:22.13\00:49:23.37
show up couple the
season, which I am thrilled.
00:49:23.40\00:49:25.52
Thanks for joining us.
00:49:25.55\00:49:27.08
Thank you, and want to
say if you've heard anything
00:49:27.11\00:49:31.39
and remember I said get a
pen and write something down.
00:49:31.42\00:49:33.54
I pray that you did and
if you haven't written it
00:49:33.57\00:49:35.42
down, go to the website
and definitely get the book.
00:49:35.45\00:49:38.18
It's huge, Get a Grip,
start healing, start paying
00:49:38.21\00:49:42.78
attention to what is
controlling you, what is
00:49:42.81\00:49:45.92
really messing you up.
00:49:45.95\00:49:47.09
We're going to go
ahead and take a break,
00:49:47.12\00:49:48.82
will be right back.
00:49:48.85\00:49:49.82
Stay with us, and I'm so
glad that I had Doug on show
00:49:49.83\00:49:53.38
so you could
hear all this stuff.
00:49:53.42\00:49:54.93