This is my favorite segment.
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Where we get to
interview the guest and see what
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she is about, and
all that kind of stuff.
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Before we go there, I want
to take you to Revelation 4: 8.
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It's absolutely my
favorite part of the Bible.
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Only since I got this new
kind of realization of what
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it meant about the
Revelation 4:8 says, you know,
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there's all these angels
around the throne of God.
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And there's like they
have six wings, eyes all
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over the place.
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I mean, it's just a
scene that is amazing.
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I mean, You know, gems,
just this incredible scene.
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And it says that the
Angels are in front of God, the
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entire time and they say
Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord
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God Almighty, the one who
was and who is and who has
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always been and
all that kind of stuff.
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And they are saying that
like 24-7, and as an addict
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and ADD, I am thinking
24-7, are you kidding me.
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You know it would kill me
it would absolutely kill me.
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And I heard, a pastor say this.
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His name was George Silva.
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If you're out there, I
just got this love you.
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But I heard a
pastor say, you just don't
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know the whole story.
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And I'm like yeah I read
it, I know the whole story.
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No no no, that every
single time these angels try to
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get up from their knees,
God does something amazing for
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someone else in recovery
and they fall back down and say
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Holy, Holy, holy
smokes, that was good.
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And so that's the whole
story that is said, how can you
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not fall in front of God
at what He does in the lives
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of all of us in our recovery?
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So when you read that verse
know that they are saying holy
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smokes, God that was good.
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I want to, introduce
you to Shannon Ethridge.
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Shannon, you won my
heart from the very beginning.
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I'm so thrilled you're here.
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Thank you for having me
here, it's great to be here.
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It's too fun so, I wanted us um,
we're are going to talk about
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every woman's
battle, sexual addiction,
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all of that kind of stuff.
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I have to say, you
just look too sweet.
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What got you into that?
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Appearances can be
deceiving, you know.
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I can't say that I
was always this sweet.
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There was a period in
my life that I have a lot
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dark secrets, like
living a double life.
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Christian on the outside
doing all the right things,
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going to youth groups.
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I was president of my
youth group going to church.
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I say I had a drug
problem, my mother drug me
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to church every Sunday.
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So, by all outer
appearances, I was a great kid.
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National Honor
Society, and all that.
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But again living a double
life, just a lot of promiscuity,
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that I never
understood why it started.
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Or how I couldn't
get off that treadmill.
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Why I just kept looking for
love in all the wrong places,
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over and over again.
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So when for each of us,
there comes a time when we say,
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you know what I'm
going to deal with this.
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When did that happen for you?
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For me Cheri, it did not happen
until I was in my late 20s.
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I had been married seven
years already and I came to my
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husband crying...
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To a normal guy who was a
virgin when you guys got married
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Yes, Greg was a 26-year-old
virgin when we married.
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And not that I cracked up on
every virgin out there, but I
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just think it's funny, I just
didn't think they were there.
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Opposites attract, but I came
to him crying, you just don't
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meet my emotional needs.
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I was thinking of leaving him,
and my two very young children.
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Aaron was three and
Matthew was a newborn.
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But I was thinking of
leaving in pursuit of the love
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that I felt entitled to.
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And I had no idea where I
would go or how I would survive
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I just felt so starved for
attention and affection that I
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didn't feel like I was
getting enough of from Greg.
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But fortunately he saw pass my
weaknesses to my needs, and he
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spoke the truth in love.
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He said Shannon, you have a
grand canyon of emotional needs.
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He said, if every man in
Dallas lined up outside your
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doorstep to spent time with
you, it would never be enough.
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He said, until you look to God
to satisfy your emotional needs,
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there is nothing that I, or
any other man on the planet,
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can do to satisfy you.
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I want to kiss him on
the face for saying that.
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A lot of all women
would want to smack him.
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Like with our
hand, not with our lips.
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I've thought about getting
angry with him, because those
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words really stung but they
rang so true to my spirit cause
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I have given lots of men
plenty of opportunities to
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meet my emotional needs.
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No one ever
lived up to that bill.
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Right, and I did it, God
can meet my emotional needs?
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This is a side of God
that I had never heard about.
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Even though I had
been raised in the church.
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You hear about God
as being a Savior and a
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Master and a Father,
but I did want a father.
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I wanted a lover, I
desperately wanted a lover,
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and I had never heard of
Jesus as the Lover of my soul.
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Wow, even when you say
that it brings tears to my
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eyes because I think God
so wants to be that for us.
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We have been so skewed
on what we think a lover is,
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or a man is and what they
are going to offer us because we
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don't even know, we don't even
know what we are looking for.
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And we feel so unworthy
of that love for when have
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promiscuity in our past.
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We can confuse sex
and love all the time.
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So it was hard for me to
fathom that God could be that.
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But I went through
six months of intense
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individual and group counseling.
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And something that my
husband had always said to me,
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but I always denied it.
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He would say Shannon,
whenever I would tell him,
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whenever you're
tempted to act out.
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You know, like a dog
returns to its vomit and a fool
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returns to it's folly.
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I still feel emotionally
tempted outside of our marriage.
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He'd say Shannon, I know
this is not about me and you,
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this is about you and your dad.
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I would just EREEEEEL! You know.
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Its not about me and My
dad, I don't want to talk about
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my dad, I don't want to
have anything to do with my dad.
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So when I went to counseling
that was what was revealed.
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is you that know what, there
was attention and affection that
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I never felt that I received
was growing up that created
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that Grand Canyon in my heart.
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Did you get a sense of
the for one your husband
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could just stay
there and be so with you?
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Going through this counseling,
with the Holy Spirit,
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with God, with this
counselor, did you ever look at
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God and say I'm so
grateful that you hang
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in there with us?
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Oh absolutely, and Jesus, I'm
sorry I mean Greg was so Jesus
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with skin on to me.
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I just expect that he would
eventually get fed up and leave
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or ask me to leave.
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I think that a lot of my
acting out emotionally was
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subconsciously trying to
give him a free jump ship pass,
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saying I know I
don't deserve you.
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So if I was just a little
bit unfaithful to you, you would
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have cause to leave and you
can go find a woman that you
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deserve, because I
certainly didn't deserve you.
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Exactly, but Greg just
kept saying over and over again,
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I'm not going anywhere.
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I remember one
time I was suicidal.
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That was just a few years
into our marriage, and I told
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him you know, I know that
you knew I wasn't a virgin when
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we married, but I don't
think you have any idea of the
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magnitude of what kind of
baggage I have in my past.
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And he, he said there's
nothing you could tell me that
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would change my
commitment to this marriage.
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And I said well, let me
let me kind of make a list.
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I had never made a list, I
have never tried to make a list
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of all the people
that I had ever slept with.
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When I got to certain numbers,
I just thought, there was no
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way I can remember all of them.
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I had totally lost count,
but I show him what I had.
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And he just looked at me
and said Shannon, it wouldn't
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matter if you show me a
hundred times more than that.
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I'm still
committed to this marriage.
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I just, you know, it
makes me cry because it is like
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God was speaking through him.
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Because for a lot of
people, a lot of men and women,
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is that we are so relationally
addicted trying to get
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these needs met,
that we trash ourselves.
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I think God a lot of times
we think of God as looking at
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us in judgment, and God looks
at us with such pity saying
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you're just injuring
yourself more, and I love you.
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Come back to
me, let's heal this.
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Yeah, when I started looking
at some of my earlier years,
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that's when I recognized
that I had learned a pattern,
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a very dysfunctional pattern
very early in life, my counselor
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asked me, she said Shannon,
when is the first time you
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remember hungering for
male attention and affection?
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And I actually remembered
it as early as four years old.
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Because I had an eight-year-old
sister and a 10-year-old brother
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And one day my eight-year-old
sister suddenly died.
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It just left everyone in
the emotional state of shock.
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Everybody shut down, my
mother retreated to the kitchen
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and my dad retreated
to the shop, my brother
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retreated to his bedroom.
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And I was kind of in the
living room used to being the
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baby of the family getting
all the attention but now I
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thinking, what about
me, where everybody go?
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So I just grew up so lonely,
so that when I was 11 or 12
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years old and start developing
breasts and hips, I had
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a few uncles in my family,
who proceeded to teach me if
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you really want attention and
affection from men, you can get
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it if you're
willing to play their games.
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Games like can I
touch you here or here.
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And let's just keep
this between the two of us,
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because your parents
would never understand our
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special love for each other.
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I was afraid that I would
be the one to get in trouble
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if I told so I
just played along.
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But I would never
let them go all the way.
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I later found out
that these three uncles
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had a bet going on amongst
themselves as who would get
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Shannon in bed first.
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I am amazed that I
was able to fight them off
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for those years.
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In hindsight,
though, I recognize...
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I just want to jump in
because of a lot of folks that
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don't have that kind of
background just cannot even
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understand a child being
able, learning how to view the
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world in those terms.
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And yet I do counseling
with at risk people all the time
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and that is the majority of us
are so damaged in those areas.
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And so can you, can
you explain a little bit.
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For me, it was as if power
was finally restored to me.
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When I was a little girl, I
had the power to turn my daddy's
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head and my mom's head and my
brother's head and get attention
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But when all that shut
down then my uncles paying
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attention to me, it was like
I had that restoration of power.
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I'm okay, again.
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And as long as I am willing
to play this game then I can
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have the attention and
the affection that I craved.
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I thought that flirting
was the way that you get it.
00:10:01.92\00:10:04.41
Then I flirted myself into
a corner when I was 14 with an
00:10:04.44\00:10:07.95
18-year-old boy who had a lot
more than flirting on his mind.
00:10:07.98\00:10:10.78
And when he had preceded to
have sex with me, I remember
00:10:10.81\00:10:13.72
distinctly thinking, I don't
want him to think I was a tease.
00:10:13.75\00:10:17.08
So I better just
go through with it.
00:10:17.11\00:10:19.27
I did what so many women
all over the world do, we just
00:10:19.30\00:10:22.11
silently and passively allowing
ourselves to be date raped.
00:10:22.14\00:10:25.18
And I was even dating the guy,
but I had high hopes that he
00:10:25.21\00:10:28.54
would call the next day
and were maybe we get married.
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Of course he never called, and
I felt rejected all over again.
00:10:30.26\00:10:33.08
So then what I started dating
at 15, my parents allowed this,
00:10:33.11\00:10:36.91
in hindsight,
that was way too young.
00:10:36.94\00:10:38.69
But I just thought that sex
must be the price that I have to
00:10:38.72\00:10:41.66
pay to get attention.
00:10:41.69\00:10:43.15
From the ages of 15 to 20 years
old it was basically one sexual
00:10:43.18\00:10:47.25
relationship after another.
00:10:47.28\00:10:48.37
and for a lot of people,
what I think that we don't
00:10:48.40\00:10:50.47
understand is that because it
doesn't meet that need really.
00:10:50.50\00:10:54.61
That we have then a grief
reaction almost afterwards,
00:10:54.64\00:10:57.67
because it's like
this was supposed to work.
00:10:57.70\00:11:00.03
You were supposed to love me.
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And all of a sudden now I'm
more damaged, more alone and
00:11:01.77\00:11:04.74
more isolated, and the
acting out becomes more.
00:11:04.77\00:11:07.63
Sure, it's like
a drug addiction.
00:11:07.66\00:11:09.29
It gets to the point
that you have to have more,
00:11:09.32\00:11:11.47
and stronger and bigger hits.
00:11:11.50\00:11:13.58
And that's what I
was basically doing.
00:11:13.61\00:11:16.21
I got involved with married men,
men who were much older than me
00:11:16.24\00:11:19.63
And I think my
counselor picked up on.
00:11:19.66\00:11:22.28
It seemed as if all of my
sexual experiences had been with
00:11:22.31\00:11:26.31
men who were significantly
older or in some form
00:11:26.34\00:11:29.11
of authority over me.
00:11:29.14\00:11:30.26
I was looking for a
father figure to love me.
00:11:30.29\00:11:32.63
And the fact that it was sexual,
gets so twisted, we get so
00:11:32.66\00:11:36.96
twisted that only
God can untwist us.
00:11:36.99\00:11:39.99
And I go back to
what I learned about
00:11:40.02\00:11:42.02
only God can get to
those initial damages, that
00:11:42.05\00:11:46.34
we pile everything on top of.
00:11:46.37\00:11:47.77
I just love your husband I
just have to tell him some day,
00:11:47.80\00:11:51.89
how cool is it that he just
said, you know it's not about us
00:11:51.92\00:11:55.66
And I'm going to stay
here, and I want you to so
00:11:55.69\00:11:57.95
get some healing in this area.
00:11:57.98\00:12:00.44
Yeah, I say that even though
my ministry is to women the
00:12:00.47\00:12:02.61
back bone of it is a man.
00:12:02.64\00:12:03.96
I truly believe that Greg
Ethridge taught me all that
00:12:03.99\00:12:07.36
I know about sexual integrity.
00:12:07.39\00:12:09.06
Of course, it's been the Holy
Spirit, teaching through Greg.
00:12:09.09\00:12:10.98
Without his example of
unconditional love in my life,
00:12:11.01\00:12:14.46
I really don't
know where I would be.
00:12:14.49\00:12:16.34
I'm so grateful for that.
00:12:16.37\00:12:18.02
So in you're starvation when
you are stay to him, I think
00:12:18.05\00:12:22.06
I have to leave and this I
just can't do this anymore,
00:12:22.09\00:12:24.61
that was the sense of
there was not a kind of elevated
00:12:24.64\00:12:28.84
attention, that somehow
you had gotten to associate,
00:12:28.87\00:12:31.96
with love and acceptance.
00:12:31.99\00:12:33.51
And so he was just being normal.
00:12:33.54\00:12:35.06
I confused
intensity for intimacy.
00:12:35.09\00:12:38.45
The intensity...
00:12:38.48\00:12:39.87
Say it again
you've got to say it.
00:12:39.90\00:12:41.08
I confused
intensity for intimacy.
00:12:41.11\00:12:43.66
So all those years
that I was promiscuous...
00:12:43.69\00:12:45.98
Now wait a minute,
is anybody hearing that?
00:12:46.01\00:12:47.94
You got hear that,
because that is huge and for,
00:12:47.97\00:12:51.53
most of us, for men and women,
especially women, as we do
00:12:51.56\00:12:54.94
that we just think that
if you really are so into me
00:12:54.97\00:12:59.15
And if you're into me, its real
and if your not its not real,
00:12:59.18\00:13:02.40
and the devil, and the emotions
are high and the temptation is
00:13:02.43\00:13:05.17
great and the anger is yeah,
high drama relationships are
00:13:05.20\00:13:09.18
what I was accustomed to.
00:13:09.21\00:13:10.36
So I then get married to
this normal guy, and after a few
00:13:10.39\00:13:13.76
years you know the
fireworks don't pop anymore.
00:13:13.80\00:13:15.86
When he kisses me, and
it just becomes normal.
00:13:15.89\00:13:17.63
I didn't know what normal
felt like, to me normal felt
00:13:17.66\00:13:20.31
like it's over, you must
not really be my soul mate.
00:13:20.35\00:13:23.90
I must've
married the wrong person.
00:13:23.93\00:13:25.83
I had no idea that
we weren't burning out,
00:13:25.86\00:13:29.20
we were really
just warming up here.
00:13:29.23\00:13:30.99
So let's now see if and I don't
know if you go here in your
00:13:31.02\00:13:35.56
ministry, but the hardest
thing for me to learn was to
00:13:35.59\00:13:38.80
staying present with my husband
in a normal relationship.
00:13:38.84\00:13:42.32
And I didn't even know how
to do that so it was like he was
00:13:42.35\00:13:45.24
asking for some thing
I couldn't do, and that's
00:13:45.27\00:13:47.03
where I was going
to find true intimacy.
00:13:47.06\00:13:48.56
And I didn't know how to it.
00:13:48.59\00:13:50.48
Well, I had to understand
that that word intimacy can
00:13:50.51\00:13:53.23
best be understood by
breaking it down into syllables
00:13:53.26\00:13:55.57
In to me see.
00:13:55.60\00:13:57.63
And what Greg was
seeing inside of me.
00:13:57.66\00:13:59.42
I wasn't very proud of
it, it was just all the junk,
00:13:59.45\00:14:02.17
and the filth and
the guilt and the shame.
00:14:02.20\00:14:04.51
But that's the reality of
what was there, and the fact
00:14:04.54\00:14:07.91
that he didn't turn tail and
run gave me the courage to face
00:14:07.94\00:14:11.27
it myself in stead of sweeping
it under the rug like I had
00:14:11.30\00:14:13.87
been for so many years.
00:14:13.90\00:14:15.01
Amen, yeah, but what's
interesting to me is that I had
00:14:15.04\00:14:19.28
a period of 10 years of
physical sobriety without having
00:14:19.31\00:14:23.91
emotional sobriety.
00:14:23.94\00:14:25.29
I got my wake-up call
when I was 20 years old.
00:14:25.32\00:14:28.31
I was working in
the funeral home.
00:14:28.34\00:14:30.35
I went to a mortuary college.
00:14:30.38\00:14:31.80
That cracks me up.
00:14:31.83\00:14:33.11
As I can't even see you
with a dead body, said okay,
00:14:33.14\00:14:36.12
let's cut this up.
00:14:36.15\00:14:37.28
Yeah, well I grew
up watching Quincy.
00:14:37.31\00:14:39.04
I wanted to be a pathologist,
but I couldn't afford
00:14:39.07\00:14:41.06
medical school, so I thought
be in a mortician would be
00:14:41.09\00:14:43.09
the next best thing right.
00:14:43.12\00:14:44.19
So I expected to be embalming
people, who are in their
00:14:44.22\00:14:47.54
late 80s or 90s, which have
reached the end of their life
00:14:47.57\00:14:50.85
and died of natural causes.
00:14:50.88\00:14:52.17
But I was shocked at how
many people I was embalming
00:14:52.20\00:14:54.60
that was in their
20's or early 30's.
00:14:54.63\00:14:56.45
Who had either died of
full-blown AIDS or committed
00:14:56.48\00:14:59.76
suicide because of and
HIV positive diagnosis.
00:14:59.79\00:15:02.25
I remember standing over
the embalming table, here I am,
00:15:02.28\00:15:04.92
20 years old, and these people
within just a few years of me,
00:15:04.95\00:15:07.53
and I'm thinking, there
but for the grace of God,
00:15:07.56\00:15:10.52
go I, I would think Lord how
is it that I don't have AIDS?
00:15:10.55\00:15:14.59
I would go and get tested
and the test would come back
00:15:14.62\00:15:17.08
negative, and I would just
think how is it that You have
00:15:17.11\00:15:19.59
put such a huge hedge
of protection around me
00:15:19.62\00:15:21.69
all these years.
00:15:21.72\00:15:22.69
And I sensed God saying
Shannon, in if you will trust Me
00:15:22.70\00:15:26.30
with your future,
I'll redeem your past.
00:15:26.33\00:15:28.62
I had no idea what that
meant, but in hindsight,
00:15:28.65\00:15:30.75
I recognize Oh God so
knew what He was He was doing,
00:15:30.78\00:15:33.91
He got my attention and
drew me into the funeral home,
00:15:33.94\00:15:35.82
if nothing else just to teach
me that lesson that you have
00:15:35.85\00:15:38.77
got to stop this dangerous
destructive lifestyle before you
00:15:38.80\00:15:42.74
wind up on the embalming table.
00:15:42.77\00:15:44.11
And you know what I want
to have people hear from you
00:15:44.14\00:15:47.04
right now, and from this
program, is that anything that
00:15:47.08\00:15:50.92
you lay on the table in
front of God, all that junk.
00:15:50.95\00:15:53.42
And that sexual sin that we
are so ashamed of and afraid
00:15:53.45\00:15:56.49
of putting out there.
00:15:56.52\00:15:57.65
And I don't care what it is
what the how twisted you have
00:15:57.68\00:16:02.01
gotten, you put on the table
in front of God and He just
00:16:02.04\00:16:05.13
clears the table
and set a banquet.
00:16:05.16\00:16:06.81
He says, I do so will
bring you into healing even that
00:16:06.84\00:16:09.76
will turn out to be something
that will be good for you.
00:16:09.79\00:16:13.11
You will walk away from
that and be able to stand wholly
00:16:13.14\00:16:16.16
in the presence of
a Holy God and smile.
00:16:16.19\00:16:18.85
And I am amazed as to how
deep that healing has gone
00:16:18.88\00:16:21.73
because once upon a time,
my biggest fear in life was
00:16:21.76\00:16:24.72
that people would
know that I was that way.
00:16:24.76\00:16:26.73
Well remember, you say to
your husband what to think when
00:16:26.76\00:16:30.31
I write these books.
00:16:30.34\00:16:31.33
What do you think people
will think, you're married
00:16:31.36\00:16:34.00
to that kind of woman?
00:16:34.04\00:16:35.01
Yeah, yeah, but now my biggest
fear is that people won't
00:16:35.02\00:16:38.13
know what God has done in my
life and the only way I could
00:16:38.16\00:16:41.24
tell people what God has
done and my life is to tell them
00:16:41.27\00:16:43.57
the depth of the pit
that I've dug for myself.
00:16:43.60\00:16:45.97
I think God says, said out loud.
00:16:46.00\00:16:50.28
Only because if you were
the only one that ever had
00:16:50.31\00:16:53.81
gotten stuck in sexual sin,
if you were the only one that
00:16:53.84\00:16:56.51
trashed yourself in that
way relationally, then I would
00:16:56.54\00:16:59.15
say keep it to yourself,
and work through it with God.
00:16:59.18\00:17:01.20
But every time I travel
hours and hours and You too,
00:17:01.23\00:17:04.35
I'm sure hours of working
with people that are so damaged
00:17:04.38\00:17:07.24
in sexual
addictions or relationships.
00:17:07.27\00:17:09.89
And the more you take
off the mask and get real
00:17:09.92\00:17:12.26
with people, the
more they respect you,
00:17:12.29\00:17:14.26
the more you appreciate you.
00:17:14.29\00:17:15.34
It's like it fills
that emotional Grand Canyon
00:17:15.37\00:17:18.24
in a healthy way.
00:17:18.27\00:17:19.26
It's really a phenomenal
feeling, but of course
00:17:19.29\00:17:21.47
it was a process.
00:17:21.50\00:17:22.47
It was a long journey, I
can remember a time when I said
00:17:22.48\00:17:25.08
to my best friend, you
know, I have made a list of all
00:17:25.11\00:17:28.59
my uncles that abused
me, and every guy that was
00:17:28.62\00:17:30.65
promiscuous with me, and
my father for emotionally
00:17:30.68\00:17:33.96
neglecting me as
I was growing up.
00:17:33.99\00:17:35.46
When you said you made
a list, my palms sweat.
00:17:35.49\00:17:39.42
I'm thinking, I
don't want to do that.
00:17:39.45\00:17:41.46
It took me awhile to, it
was important as part of my
00:17:41.49\00:17:44.11
recovering process making
a list and asking forgiveness
00:17:44.14\00:17:47.06
where you need
to ask forgiveness.
00:17:47.09\00:17:48.28
So you literally went back
and healed all those spots.
00:17:48.31\00:17:52.44
And I actually wrote letters.
00:17:52.47\00:17:53.44
One set that I did not
send just so I can be honest,
00:17:53.45\00:17:56.73
and real about
what I was feeling.
00:17:56.76\00:17:58.22
The another set of letters that
I actually did send to my father
00:17:58.26\00:18:02.29
to my dead
sister, to my brother.
00:18:02.32\00:18:04.85
I mean, just wanted healing,
I wanted it really, really bad.
00:18:04.88\00:18:07.93
But I remember a time
when I said to my best friend,
00:18:07.96\00:18:10.43
I've made the list.
00:18:10.46\00:18:11.57
I've forgiven everybody
on the planet that I know to
00:18:11.60\00:18:14.65
forgive, but I just
can't forgive myself.
00:18:14.68\00:18:16.64
And Lisa so spoke truth to
me, she says Shannon, do you
00:18:16.67\00:18:20.60
want to know what you're
saying about the blood that
00:18:20.63\00:18:22.87
Christ shed for
you, when you say
00:18:22.90\00:18:24.66
you can't forgive yourself?
00:18:24.69\00:18:25.79
She said, you are basically
saying, that's not good enough
00:18:25.82\00:18:29.11
God, what else have you got?
00:18:29.14\00:18:30.35
What kind of special
miracle can You do for me to set
00:18:30.38\00:18:32.66
me free, because
that's not good enough.
00:18:32.69\00:18:34.33
It's like spitting on
the blood that Christ shed.
00:18:34.36\00:18:37.01
And I just thought Lord for
be it for me to question that
00:18:37.04\00:18:40.69
what You did for me is enough?
00:18:40.73\00:18:42.83
I chose to forgive myself.
00:18:42.86\00:18:45.09
And I live in freedom,
and it feels so wonderful.
00:18:45.12\00:18:47.54
As you know that's
really interesting, because when
00:18:47.57\00:18:50.78
you talk, you can see
that freedom it's so clear.
00:18:50.81\00:18:53.88
I know what it feels
like, I for God to say,
00:18:53.91\00:18:57.29
You know when I was
driving down the street,
00:18:57.32\00:18:59.38
and I was listening to
the song that talks about,
00:18:59.41\00:19:04.88
you know will I dance for you
Jesus and I'll be real still,
00:19:04.91\00:19:08.24
I can only imagine.
00:19:08.27\00:19:09.32
And so I'm singing and I'm
in such an incredible spiritual
00:19:09.35\00:19:12.86
place, and it says will I
dance for you Jesus and I was
00:19:12.89\00:19:16.48
homeless for 10 years.
00:19:16.51\00:19:17.89
I worked in clubs, danced and
all that stuff, and I started
00:19:17.92\00:19:23.20
sobbing, just see
in the whole ugliness
00:19:23.23\00:19:25.12
of that entire lifestyle.
00:19:25.15\00:19:26.93
I was sobbing and I
had to pull over because
00:19:26.96\00:19:29.38
I just couldn't drive.
00:19:29.41\00:19:30.38
And I heard the Holy Spirit say,
00:19:30.39\00:19:32.00
you will and it will be good.
00:19:32.03\00:19:33.43
And I just cried and I thought,
how could you love so much.
00:19:33.46\00:19:36.66
I just do it and you just have
to receive that and I can see
00:19:36.69\00:19:40.32
that when you speak I can see
it all over you that you have
00:19:40.35\00:19:43.53
received His forgiveness.
00:19:43.57\00:19:44.81
You have forgiven yourself,
and now you're helping us.
00:19:44.84\00:19:47.86
Yeah, and it's enough, and I
had a really great revelation
00:19:47.89\00:19:50.63
from God one day, as I was
writing this most recent book on
00:19:50.66\00:19:53.60
spiritual intimacy, I had
written on sexual integrity
00:19:53.63\00:19:56.47
and sexual
intimacy and marriage,
00:19:56.50\00:19:58.10
But I wanted to write on
spiritual intimacy, because
00:19:58.13\00:20:00.83
without spiritual intimacy
with Christ, I don't know how
00:20:00.86\00:20:02.64
anybody recovers from anything.
00:20:02.67\00:20:04.12
I was asking God one
day, Why is it that we have
00:20:04.15\00:20:07.63
physiological responses to
our emotions, like why do we
00:20:07.66\00:20:10.58
get sweaty palms and
butterflies in our stomachs,
00:20:10.61\00:20:12.70
that whenever we sense
that somebody's turning their
00:20:12.73\00:20:14.34
attention toward us
that we get all giddy?
00:20:14.37\00:20:15.99
I sensed God saying Shannon,
it's because I want human
00:20:16.02\00:20:19.79
beings to understand how
I feel when they turn their
00:20:19.82\00:20:22.51
attentions towards Me.
00:20:22.54\00:20:23.71
And I thought wait a minute
God, You get giddy over me?
00:20:23.74\00:20:26.85
Thank God says every time
you lift your hands and worship,
00:20:26.88\00:20:30.13
every time you lift your
heart in prayer, every time you
00:20:30.16\00:20:32.44
turn your attentions to Me,
00:20:32.47\00:20:33.48
I just do back
flips over you Shannon.
00:20:33.51\00:20:35.15
I did God does back flips
over me, that makes me get
00:20:35.18\00:20:39.11
out of bed every day.
00:20:39.14\00:20:40.11
Yeah, yeah.
00:20:40.13\00:20:41.10
How fun is that, an
even if that image is that we
00:20:41.11\00:20:44.83
want, we want to separate
all that from God and God says,
00:20:44.86\00:20:47.29
you know what, I
adore you, I love you.
00:20:47.32\00:20:49.90
Well, we want to look
at God as that distant
00:20:49.93\00:20:51.59
disciplinarian who wants
to strike us down if we commit
00:20:51.62\00:20:54.17
one sin too many, because that's
how I viewed my earthly father.
00:20:54.20\00:20:56.95
And we do have the tendency
to view our Heavenly Father the
00:20:56.98\00:20:59.88
same lens that we
view our earthly father.
00:20:59.91\00:21:02.33
But I had to understand and
know that my Heavenly Father
00:21:02.36\00:21:05.41
loves me with a much purer
love than what my earthly father
00:21:05.44\00:21:08.18
was capable of doing.
00:21:08.21\00:21:09.35
In the really great thing
is that when I let God, whew me
00:21:09.38\00:21:12.85
and pursue me and heal me and
do all those things and become
00:21:12.88\00:21:15.49
the lover of my soul.
00:21:15.52\00:21:16.49
I developed an
incredible love for my father
00:21:16.50\00:21:19.71
and we have a
wonderful relationship now.
00:21:19.74\00:21:22.70
I can sit in his lap, he
holds my hand whenever walking
00:21:22.73\00:21:26.29
through Home-Depot.
00:21:26.32\00:21:27.43
It's just we have a closeness
now that I never fathom possible
00:21:27.46\00:21:31.37
but again, just the
healing goes so deep,
00:21:31.40\00:21:34.28
when we surrender it all to God.
00:21:34.31\00:21:35.61
God does want us healed and
never relationship in every area
00:21:35.64\00:21:40.04
of our life.
00:21:40.07\00:21:41.04
It is funny that I had this
abusive background, and as I get
00:21:41.05\00:21:44.33
healed, I remember laughing
with a parent, putting on roller
00:21:44.37\00:21:48.19
skates that kind of thing.
00:21:48.22\00:21:49.65
You know what as you heal,
you will be able to heal those
00:21:49.68\00:21:53.39
relationships.
00:21:53.42\00:21:54.45
Because He just is
crazy about us, absolutely.
00:21:54.48\00:21:57.29
So I want to ask you to
for somebody that's trapped
00:21:57.32\00:22:02.79
stuck in addiction.
00:22:02.82\00:22:03.81
What kind of things
and people need to know.
00:22:03.84\00:22:07.92
What do I do today?
00:22:07.95\00:22:09.05
How do I get out of this,
as I am twisted, I am ashamed,
00:22:09.08\00:22:13.04
I am quiet with all that.
00:22:13.07\00:22:14.68
I put on this Christian mask,
and it's killing me because
00:22:14.71\00:22:17.52
I know it's not who I am.
00:22:17.55\00:22:18.64
Right, well the first
thing you have to do to learn is
00:22:18.67\00:22:20.44
who you are in
Christ, reading God's Word.
00:22:20.47\00:22:23.46
You begin to understand I
am a friend of Christ, I am a
00:22:23.49\00:22:26.50
child of God, I am an
ambassador for Christ.
00:22:26.53\00:22:29.14
The list is a mile long
of all the things you are.
00:22:29.17\00:22:32.33
Even if you keep saying
to yourself that you don't
00:22:32.36\00:22:34.92
know me to God says, I know you.
00:22:34.95\00:22:36.15
Well, we have to
understand, it's not a feeling.
00:22:36.18\00:22:38.86
It's a fact, our feelings
of inadequacy and unworthiness
00:22:38.89\00:22:42.99
does not change the fact that
we are still a friend of God.
00:22:43.02\00:22:45.76
We're still a child of God.
00:22:45.79\00:22:46.76
We have to accept this is
who we are, this is, who God
00:22:46.77\00:22:49.49
created us to be.
00:22:49.52\00:22:50.49
This is who Christ died to
restore us as that's right.
00:22:50.50\00:22:53.84
So understanding who you
are is very, very pivotal and
00:22:53.87\00:22:57.41
then looking back at the things
you have done along the way,
00:22:57.44\00:23:00.24
that word was a detour from
that look at those as spiritual
00:23:00.27\00:23:03.48
markers, stop looking at those,
00:23:03.51\00:23:05.28
oh but look at who I
am, that's not who you are,
00:23:05.31\00:23:07.64
that's what you did.
00:23:07.67\00:23:08.64
There's a big difference between
what you did and who you are.
00:23:08.67\00:23:10.88
What you did is a
spiritual marker of how far God
00:23:10.91\00:23:13.88
has brought you since then.
00:23:13.91\00:23:15.05
Even if it's only a day, even
it was just yesterday look at
00:23:15.08\00:23:18.08
how far God has
brought you today.
00:23:18.11\00:23:19.48
I want to encourage
people join up with a,
00:23:19.51\00:23:22.16
celebrate recovery group.
00:23:22.19\00:23:23.32
I was in Sex and Love Addicts
Anonymous for six months,
00:23:23.35\00:23:26.73
And I to continue
to go whenever I needed
00:23:26.76\00:23:29.31
accountability to
find a group of people that
00:23:29.34\00:23:31.56
you can connect
with and be real with.
00:23:31.59\00:23:33.42
I think what is really
interesting, for a lot of
00:23:33.45\00:23:35.71
people, is they try
to do it on their own.
00:23:35.74\00:23:37.24
It's really tough about that
is that I can lie to myself,
00:23:37.27\00:23:41.21
better than I can
lie to anyone else.
00:23:41.24\00:23:43.34
So in a group, you
have accountability.
00:23:43.37\00:23:45.83
You listen to people, stop
and I can listen to yourself
00:23:45.86\00:23:49.06
if, say all men I've got
just that way I know exactly how
00:23:49.09\00:23:51.62
you feel and I can heal by
just listening to someone else.
00:23:51.65\00:23:55.37
And a lot of times, I think
that the first early disciples
00:23:55.40\00:23:59.26
did that just by
hanging out with each other.
00:23:59.29\00:24:01.01
And we don't tend to hang
out with each other as much and
00:24:01.04\00:24:04.77
I think that's why a specific
groups are so important.
00:24:04.80\00:24:06.94
So important, absolutely.
00:24:06.97\00:24:08.31
But I do want to warn
people though, that whenever you
00:24:08.34\00:24:10.84
start taking those steps towards
requiring and start really
00:24:10.87\00:24:13.26
doing the hard work of looking
at your stuff, and putting
00:24:13.29\00:24:17.15
on your big girl panties
in dealing with your issues.
00:24:17.18\00:24:18.78
What's going to happen is
that Satan is going to try
00:24:18.81\00:24:22.42
everything he can to drag
you back down to that sin.
00:24:22.45\00:24:24.73
But you just look at
that as a test of your
00:24:24.76\00:24:27.91
testimony that you
can pass that test,
00:24:27.94\00:24:30.76
and how much greater.
00:24:30.79\00:24:32.00
Is your testimony going to be
when you can say as I continue
00:24:32.03\00:24:35.09
to be tempted in that area
had the strength to walk away
00:24:35.12\00:24:38.29
and choose a new lifestyle.
00:24:38.32\00:24:39.89
I remember one time, Brad and
I had a huge fight and this is
00:24:39.92\00:24:43.93
as I was trying to do all
the healing those sexual areas
00:24:43.96\00:24:46.42
and forget who I
am as a woman of God.
00:24:46.45\00:24:48.35
And we had this huge fight,
and I'm getting on the airplane
00:24:48.38\00:24:51.15
to go do something and
I hate to just leave him
00:24:51.18\00:24:53.35
in the middle of that.
00:24:53.38\00:24:54.38
And I get on the plane, and
I'm like so distracted because
00:24:54.41\00:24:57.74
I'm thinking we just are
is so at odds at each other.
00:24:57.77\00:25:01.07
And I looked at my seat
and the guy next to me was the
00:25:01.10\00:25:04.14
cutest guy that I've
ever seen on the planet.
00:25:04.17\00:25:06.16
In this little airport.
00:25:06.19\00:25:08.17
I'm the pilot outfit and
I'm thinking, Oh Satan shut up.
00:25:08.20\00:25:12.59
I'm not that easy.
00:25:12.62\00:25:14.35
I literally just it was
almost like I had to laugh out
00:25:14.38\00:25:19.07
loud that we too have an
adversary that will try to trip
00:25:19.10\00:25:22.83
us up in all the kind of
stuff and so when you start
00:25:22.86\00:25:25.04
working on this, you're going to
have cute little pilots sitting
00:25:25.07\00:25:28.55
next to you.
00:25:28.58\00:25:29.55
Also when we start
opening up, and we start forming
00:25:29.56\00:25:33.04
spiritual bonds with other
people that can be misleading
00:25:33.07\00:25:35.91
that spiritual
intimacy can lead to sexual
00:25:35.94\00:25:38.35
intimacy so quickly.
00:25:38.38\00:25:39.48
There is a fine line between
spirituality and sexuality,
00:25:39.51\00:25:42.33
so we have to understand
is, that when we are dealing
00:25:42.36\00:25:44.51
with sex and love addiction.
00:25:44.54\00:25:45.76
It is better for women to
be in relationship with women
00:25:45.79\00:25:49.02
and men to be in
relationship with men.
00:25:49.05\00:25:51.03
And to think that you
can do it any other way is
00:25:51.06\00:25:55.54
Ridiculous, you
will get tripped up.
00:25:55.57\00:25:58.20
I tried going into the mixed
group of Sex and Love Addicts
00:25:58.23\00:26:00.85
Anonymous, but for me
personally it was like an
00:26:00.88\00:26:03.59
alcoholic walking into a bar
to try to have an AA meeting.
00:26:03.63\00:26:06.98
Right there inside the bar
it was too distracting for me.
00:26:07.01\00:26:09.91
But my woman's only group
there I could relax and go
00:26:09.94\00:26:13.39
deep, I could be myself.
00:26:13.42\00:26:14.59
And some people, which is
really important to learn to its
00:26:14.62\00:26:19.09
there are so many issues
with my mom on top of that that
00:26:19.12\00:26:21.84
women's only I had to heal
as a woman with women before I
00:26:21.87\00:26:27.17
could actually heal sexually
and benefit by having a group
00:26:27.20\00:26:30.82
with women.
00:26:30.85\00:26:31.82
And so it's like God is
just saying, I know exactly what
00:26:31.83\00:26:34.01
you need and will
take all the steps.
00:26:34.04\00:26:35.65
You may not as you step into
a woman's group you may not deal
00:26:35.68\00:26:39.09
with your sexuality yet.
00:26:39.12\00:26:40.43
You may do with mom issues
and the fact that I don't know
00:26:40.46\00:26:43.31
who I am as a woman and
all those kind of things,
00:26:43.34\00:26:45.25
but embrace every
part of the journey.
00:26:45.28\00:26:47.13
Well and something that was
helpful from my counselor to do
00:26:47.16\00:26:50.60
with me, she said Shannon, I
know you don't want a heavenly
00:26:50.63\00:26:53.40
father right now because
I still had all that anger.
00:26:53.43\00:26:55.78
And until I ripped up all those
phonebooks and did all that
00:26:55.81\00:26:58.94
screaming and
yelling, I didn't care.
00:26:58.97\00:27:00.66
I still had all in me, and
she said, stop trying to look
00:27:00.69\00:27:04.41
at God as the heavenly
father look at God as a heavenly
00:27:04.44\00:27:06.92
mother, because God
has a feminine side too.
00:27:06.95\00:27:09.71
My mother was very caring,
very loving, and very patient,
00:27:09.74\00:27:12.83
kind, nurturing.
00:27:12.86\00:27:13.83
When I started to look at God
through that lens, the healing
00:27:13.84\00:27:17.00
really took place and what
is really funny is that my mom
00:27:17.03\00:27:20.38
and dad both had to issues.
00:27:20.41\00:27:22.15
So when I saw the
scripture that God is my friend,
00:27:22.18\00:27:25.48
I just cried.
00:27:25.51\00:27:27.12
I thought Oh stop, I
latched onto that, even take it
00:27:27.15\00:27:30.98
where you need to take it
as the Holy Spirit because some
00:27:31.01\00:27:33.28
people have to take it
away from any parental thing,
00:27:33.31\00:27:35.43
but it says the Bible,
God is your friend and friends
00:27:35.46\00:27:39.91
aren't related, they
choose to spend time with you
00:27:39.94\00:27:42.00
and I needed all that.
00:27:42.03\00:27:43.89
So it's like he wants to be here
I think as you let God work,
00:27:43.92\00:27:48.28
and I see that in your testimony
you're saying the same thing.
00:27:48.31\00:27:52.00
Let the Holy Spirit kind of
direct where you go with that
00:27:52.03\00:27:55.57
and another thing that was
kind of discabooberating to me.
00:27:55.60\00:27:59.70
in the first
group that I attended.
00:27:59.73\00:28:01.32
These women were talking about
how their taking bubble baths
00:28:01.35\00:28:04.67
and for walks, and I'm
just thinking, I'm here to talk
00:28:04.70\00:28:06.83
about sexual issues.
00:28:06.86\00:28:07.96
I don't know what you
ladies are talking about.
00:28:07.99\00:28:09.75
But what I had come to under
stand that they were talking
00:28:09.78\00:28:12.31
about their self-care that
they were tending to their own
00:28:12.34\00:28:15.06
emotional needs and that
was keeping them from acting out
00:28:15.09\00:28:17.82
with other people.
00:28:17.85\00:28:18.86
And as I learned to walk, I
was learning to talk with God.
00:28:18.89\00:28:22.01
As I learned to
bask in a bubble bath,
00:28:22.04\00:28:23.51
I was learning to listen to God.
00:28:24.52\00:28:25.49
that it is in those
quiet moments that we can be
00:28:25.50\00:28:28.10
by ourselves, that we truly
hear the voice of the Lord.
00:28:28.13\00:28:31.10
And you've worked with
Fred Stroker before with every
00:28:31.13\00:28:33.35
Man's Battle, Fred one time
shared with me a woman came in,
00:28:33.38\00:28:38.85
and she was leaning against
him and he was just trying to
00:28:38.88\00:28:43.22
work out how to
kind of stop that.
00:28:43.25\00:28:45.20
But he said he realized at that
moment, she was talking about
00:28:45.23\00:28:48.93
different things and her
husband's sexual addiction
00:28:48.96\00:28:50.72
and at that moment he realized
that God had brought him to
00:28:50.75\00:28:53.80
a place where he was safe.
00:28:53.83\00:28:55.13
And he said, I wanted to
cry, and I want to say to her,
00:28:55.16\00:28:58.09
can you excuse me for a minute,
because I just want to say.
00:28:58.12\00:29:00.18
God, thank you.
00:29:00.21\00:29:01.47
And there is a sense for
women to, is are we safe in the
00:29:01.50\00:29:06.01
body of Christ with men.
00:29:06.04\00:29:07.39
If I'm not in my flirting
mode, if I've healed from that
00:29:07.42\00:29:10.52
kind of Grand Canyon need
to have all this attention,
00:29:10.55\00:29:12.79
I am safer for men.
00:29:12.82\00:29:14.85
It's huge, the ramifications
for healing in this area are
00:29:14.88\00:29:18.58
absolutely huge.
00:29:18.61\00:29:19.69
I think that we need to trust
our radar, I think there are
00:29:19.72\00:29:22.29
certain people that yes
they can be safe healing
00:29:22.32\00:29:24.86
relationships for us, but
there are other people that
00:29:24.89\00:29:27.72
you just kind of
get that warning.
00:29:27.75\00:29:32.26
in your spirit that says
this is not a safe direction
00:29:32.29\00:29:35.05
and you need to
heed that warning.
00:29:35.08\00:29:36.39
Exactly at what is really
cool about that is just being
00:29:36.42\00:29:39.85
able to say God showed me
the difference, because right
00:29:39.88\00:29:44.14
now my flesh wants to
flirt and God is saying Oh baby
00:29:44.17\00:29:49.35
Not good for you.
00:29:49.38\00:29:51.02
And with your husband
even the fact that you are able
00:29:51.05\00:29:53.84
with your husband and very
few men will let their wives do
00:29:53.87\00:29:57.45
this, Brad will let me do this
to, is that with your husband
00:29:57.48\00:29:59.31
being able to say,
I'm so tempted right now.
00:29:59.34\00:30:01.17
Being able to be open with him
00:30:01.20\00:30:03.29
or with your wife or whatever
on these issues and not have
00:30:03.32\00:30:05.87
them feel its personal
and threatened by the right,
00:30:05.90\00:30:08.29
Right, that was my lifeline,
Greg holding me accountable.
00:30:08.32\00:30:10.99
And I'm so thankful that I had
the courage that God gave me the
00:30:11.02\00:30:14.94
courage to be that open
with him, because I think if
00:30:14.97\00:30:17.55
I had just hid it would
have been a much bigger slippery
00:30:17.58\00:30:20.26
slope, which would have
led to a much deeper pit.
00:30:20.29\00:30:22.49
Whatever we keep in this
shadows the devil plays with us.
00:30:22.52\00:30:25.35
I believe.
00:30:25.39\00:30:26.36
Absolutely, and so, whether
it's a spouse or so best friend
00:30:26.37\00:30:28.93
or counselor, you need to
be honest and real was someone
00:30:28.96\00:30:32.80
on the planet about what
you are dealing with we confess
00:30:32.83\00:30:34.38
our sins to one
another that we may be healed.
00:30:34.41\00:30:36.71
And the healing in
this area is more important
00:30:36.74\00:30:41.04
than the healing in
most areas we are going to
00:30:41.07\00:30:43.06
open it up for questions.
00:30:43.09\00:30:44.79
And I want to just say that
there are people here at the
00:30:44.82\00:30:48.23
café that are dying to ask
you something because you know,
00:30:48.26\00:30:50.46
sex is important all of us.
00:30:50.49\00:30:51.89
So are going to
open it up for questions.
00:30:51.92\00:30:53.98
I want to first say what
ever just say whatever you want.
00:30:54.01\00:30:59.15
Because I just think with this
were talking about sex okay?
00:30:59.18\00:31:04.79
And so Amanda.
00:31:04.82\00:31:05.79
As you say, date rape as a
14-year-old in high school.
00:31:05.80\00:31:10.89
Did you run away
and hide or did you tell
00:31:10.92\00:31:13.45
talk to somebody about it?
00:31:13.48\00:31:15.08
What did you do?
00:31:15.12\00:31:16.73
Well, this was a young man
that did not attend my school,
00:31:16.77\00:31:20.15
so it's not like I had to
encounter him on a regular basis
00:31:20.18\00:31:22.33
and I think that our was so
embarrassed by the fact that I
00:31:22.36\00:31:25.48
paid a price but did get
the goods than I thought I was
00:31:25.51\00:31:28.71
going to get a relationship
out of the deal and I didn't I
00:31:28.74\00:31:30.50
I just didn't tell until anyone.
00:31:30.53\00:31:32.46
I didn't tell my parents because
I wasn't allowed to be alone
00:31:32.49\00:31:35.56
with a boy and I was
afraid I would get in trouble.
00:31:35.59\00:31:37.35
And so I carried that secret
for probably about 10 years.
00:31:37.38\00:31:40.84
That has happened
to so many people.
00:31:40.87\00:31:42.93
Before I recognized how
deeply that wounded me and how
00:31:42.96\00:31:46.21
it set me on a course toward
making dysfunctional choice
00:31:46.24\00:31:49.46
after dysfunctional
choice, I just didn't know
00:31:49.49\00:31:52.26
what to do with it.
00:31:52.30\00:31:53.27
But I think bringing it to the
light, talking it through with
00:31:53.29\00:31:57.81
First of yourself, then of
the other person that has been
00:31:57.85\00:32:02.34
very helpful for me.
00:32:02.37\00:32:03.36
It's almost like a domino
effect that we set up that one
00:32:03.39\00:32:08.36
thing falls on another and
on another and we just get so
00:32:08.39\00:32:11.75
damaged and so twisted
and God says, you know what
00:32:11.78\00:32:15.09
I want to heal
every single area.
00:32:15.12\00:32:17.06
I'm not ashamed of you I
have never pulled my love
00:32:17.09\00:32:20.79
from you and I
so want to heal you.
00:32:20.82\00:32:22.99
That domino effect can work
for the bad, but it can also
00:32:23.02\00:32:25.57
work for the good.
00:32:25.60\00:32:26.57
God assumed pulling back layer
after layer of things He wants
00:32:26.59\00:32:29.75
to heal in our lives.
00:32:29.78\00:32:30.76
And we just get
stronger and healthier.
00:32:30.79\00:32:31.93
That's incredible and I
never thought about that, but it
00:32:31.96\00:32:34.56
is as God pours out into
us that we can stand outside
00:32:34.59\00:32:38.04
of all that garbage.
00:32:38.07\00:32:39.04
Okay, any other questions.
00:32:39.05\00:32:40.46
Nyse go-ahead.
00:32:40.49\00:32:42.33
Of course, I have one.
00:32:42.36\00:32:43.42
I'm outnumbered here are those
a lot estrogen going on and
00:32:43.45\00:32:47.31
very little testosterone,
but I'm going to take advantage
00:32:47.34\00:32:49.48
of this opportunity.
00:32:49.51\00:32:50.51
Usually it's the guys where
society puts the perspective
00:32:50.54\00:32:54.62
that the guy has to be
pure because he's the one that
00:32:54.65\00:32:56.87
messes up everything
you know before you get into
00:32:56.90\00:32:59.32
the relationship,
I'm still looking.
00:32:59.35\00:33:01.25
I'm waiting on the Lord to bless
me with a significant other.
00:33:01.28\00:33:03.68
But I an going
to take advantage.
00:33:03.71\00:33:05.23
What because we just realize
here hey, it is not only the
00:33:05.27\00:33:09.64
guys who mess up.
00:33:09.68\00:33:10.65
Sometimes it
happens on the other end.
00:33:10.66\00:33:13.04
You mentioned some
items there about the
00:33:13.07\00:33:15.65
emotional needs being met.
00:33:15.68\00:33:17.04
Yes, the guy needs to trust
in God but what else stuck out
00:33:17.07\00:33:21.59
most about your husband
about being there to listen
00:33:21.62\00:33:25.60
me like what more can I do.
00:33:25.63\00:33:26.79
But we guys what
can we do you know?
00:33:26.82\00:33:28.99
Sure before I get into that.
00:33:29.02\00:33:31.18
I just want to say to you,
woman to man, me representative
00:33:31.21\00:33:36.07
of women and you be
representative of all men.
00:33:36.10\00:33:37.97
We just want to say we are
sorry for how we have always
00:33:38.00\00:33:40.81
pointed the finger at
men and said these sexual
00:33:40.84\00:33:42.81
issues they are
all your problem.
00:33:42.84\00:33:44.05
These are your fault,
no, it takes two to tango.
00:33:44.08\00:33:46.46
We often flirt and tease.
00:33:46.49\00:33:48.56
We often lead you in those
directions and we are sorry that
00:33:48.59\00:33:51.40
there is that Stigma in men's
mind's, because women are sexual
00:33:51.43\00:33:54.30
beings to and we have to
work on our stuff too, so yeah.
00:33:54.34\00:33:57.44
You may get a woman even
though she is in a great place
00:33:57.48\00:34:00.78
in live currently maybe
she has an emotional things
00:34:00.81\00:34:03.24
the past, sexual promiscuity,
sexual abuse, and it is
00:34:03.27\00:34:06.44
really good that you
are asking the question now,
00:34:06.48\00:34:08.02
how can I help her heal?
00:34:08.05\00:34:09.38
Because as a husband or a
wife, it is the huge agent
00:34:09.41\00:34:12.26
of healing in their spouse
and I think the biggest thing
00:34:12.29\00:34:15.01
that Greg did for me was
that he never ever once threw
00:34:15.04\00:34:18.48
it in my face.
00:34:18.51\00:34:19.51
And he always treated me
with the same trust level as if
00:34:19.54\00:34:22.91
I had never slept around at
all, so whenever I traveled,
00:34:22.94\00:34:26.84
you know whenever
I was at home alone.
00:34:26.87\00:34:28.79
He never asked, was
anyone there with you or,
00:34:28.82\00:34:31.39
who's could be in that car
you meeting up with anybody?
00:34:31.42\00:34:34.24
He was never suspicious, he
always gave me far more credit
00:34:34.27\00:34:37.63
than I even gave myself.
00:34:37.66\00:34:39.31
He knew that my guilty
conscience would bring me to the
00:34:39.34\00:34:43.48
altar of repentance and
confession much faster than his
00:34:43.51\00:34:47.11
pointing a finger would.
00:34:47.14\00:34:48.32
So he just never threw it up.
00:34:48.35\00:34:50.84
He never brought it up.
00:34:50.87\00:34:51.84
He was available to me whenever
I needed to talk about it,
00:34:51.85\00:34:54.17
but he never
reminded me of my past.
00:34:54.20\00:34:57.52
I love and one other thing
that it seems like he did or,
00:34:57.55\00:35:01.91
I know that my husband,
does for me is that that he's
00:35:01.94\00:35:05.92
so doesn't engage, if I
want to be chaotic and crazy and
00:35:05.95\00:35:10.20
drama non-non-non-na na.
00:35:10.23\00:35:12.73
Brad said, I think that's your
stuff than he doesn't have to
00:35:12.76\00:35:15.38
take it on himself.
00:35:15.42\00:35:16.50
He doesn't have to pretend
he understands it's like you
00:35:16.53\00:35:18.68
know I don't even
understand where you just went.
00:35:18.71\00:35:21.20
But I love you.
00:35:21.23\00:35:22.52
And if she starts feeling
tempted remember, this is
00:35:22.55\00:35:25.92
probably not about you and
her, this is probably about
00:35:25.95\00:35:28.20
her and some things from
her past and you can be that
00:35:28.23\00:35:31.17
agent of healing by just
remaining calm and saying.
00:35:31.20\00:35:33.63
I'm going to look past your
weaknesses to recognize what
00:35:33.66\00:35:36.70
your real needs are, because
women are looking for love they
00:35:36.73\00:35:39.70
need unconditional love, and
when you stick in there with her
00:35:39.73\00:35:42.22
she going to feel that
unconditional love, where she
00:35:42.25\00:35:44.63
needs to feel it
from, her husband.
00:35:44.66\00:35:46.16
I love you, I want to say
thank you for being on the show.
00:35:46.19\00:35:49.37
Thank you for joining us.
00:35:49.40\00:35:50.45
Thank you for sharing all
that and I want to thank God for
00:35:50.48\00:35:53.10
His healing in
your life, How cool.
00:35:53.13\00:35:55.32
This was
00:35:55.35\00:35:58.06
We have too much to say in a
little bit of time so hopefully
00:35:58.09\00:36:00.77
Shannon is going
to come back sometime.
00:36:00.80\00:36:02.67
I just go into more detail
about what she has experienced
00:36:02.70\00:36:05.69
in recovery, but right now
we are going to take a break.
00:36:05.72\00:36:07.75
Stay with us, we
will be right back!
00:36:07.78\00:36:09.55