The following program
discusses sensitive issues
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related to addictive behavior.
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Parents are
cautioned that some material
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may be too candid
for younger children.
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Welcome back.
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My next guest Stacy Bekkela,
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I just have to say
when I first met her,
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it was during a time in my
life that I actually was afraid,
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I've just been
diagnosed with cancer.
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You know I don't know
what I'm gonna do with that,
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how I'm going to act about that.
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A friend of mine,
Jim Moon is a pastor
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was going to come
in and do an anointing
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and so Stacy and Aaron coming.
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I know their background,
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their background is
coming from, you know,
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kind of an alternative
background like mine.
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They've been damaged,
they've worked in strip
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or owned strip clubs and
all of that kind of stuff,
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and all the
sudden when I realize
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that they're going to be in
the room during this prayer,
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during this
anointing, when, Stacy,
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for one I want to say
welcome to the program.
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Thank you for having me.
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When you were in the room
and I looked up and I thought,
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you know what, I feel like
I'm looking up at my sister.
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I think I'm
looking up at somebody
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that knows me well, and I said,
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"Stacy, would you pray
for me for this cancer stuff."
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And you look scared to death.
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That was terrifying,
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very honored but very terrified.
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What scared you about that?
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Not knowing what to say
and having to speak out loud
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because my prayers
were always silent.
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Right.
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And I know at that
point because you were so new,
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it's like am I good enough,
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do I have the
right to approach God?
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Oh, absolutely.
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I think that's been an
issue for me my whole life
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just not feeling
worthy, not feeling good enough
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and certainly that situation
there was no difference.
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I recognize that
look in your face.
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I mean as I said
that, I recognize that
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and I wanted to
grab you on the face
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and I think I did say to you.
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Everyone in this
room has something to say
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and they're here
because they love me.
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They're here
because they want to help
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and they want to
pray but I thought,
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you know, Stacy, you know me.
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We're from the same background.
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I would be honored if
you prayed and you did,
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it was so cool.
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I was just crying so hard
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and putting the
oil all over your head
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and thinking, "Oh, her words
are going to be so greasy."
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No, but I got to say...
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I didn't know
where to place the oil,
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I really didn't.
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I want to be anointed right
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and that was the funniest thing,
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I wasn't going to
call you out on that,
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but now that you
mention it but it was so funny,
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because I wanted to be anointed
and so I looked at the pastor
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and I said, "Can she anoint me?"
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Right, and I just
felt like it was so God
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and can she anoint me
and I had to do the oil
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and you looked at
me like I have no idea
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and then you just
pour the whole thing on me.
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I wanted to make
sure we used enough.
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Yeah.
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Make sure that
this is right. Right.
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I love you.
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Yeah, I wanted to do my best
but yeah, it was a scary thing
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just not knowing
what to say and...
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From that day to this
day I am honored to know you.
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I am honored to know you.
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I have to say, I want
you to kind of walk us
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through your life, you know,
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because you had
a life that was so,
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there's no reason you
should be sitting here
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looking as healthy
and beautiful as you look.
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So who were you?
Who is your family?
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How did you grow up?
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So I grew up in Arkansas,
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with the family
similar to your family,
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everybody doing drugs,
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my mother pregnant with me at 15
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with my father abusing her.
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Finally she got out of that
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and went to
live with her mother,
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my grandmother,
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and I must have
been may be four...
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All in a big house.
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Yeah, all in a bigger home,
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I was about four
years old at the time.
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I just remember my grandma
having these wild parties.
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She didn't want me to
call her grandma for one thing
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because, she was
an awful young lady
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to be a
grandmother at the time and...
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She was embarrassed
by the whole thing...
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I know she loved me but yeah,
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she was embarrassed
to be called grandma
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in front of all of her friends
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that, you know, she'd
throw these big parties
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and you know
smoking pot in front of me
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was just normal
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just what you did
in front of children,
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they would go to the
other room to do other things
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or send me out of the
room to do the other things.
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Certainly knew
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that that other things
were going on pretty early on.
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So you're talking
about pot probably,
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meth probably,
all of that stuff.
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And for...
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man, for some
people they will say,
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"I just don't get that world."
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But you know
I've seen on Facebook
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where somebody is
actually smoking some weed
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and blowing it into
the face of a one month old
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or a small baby so
that's some people's lives.
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This is my life. Yeah.
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And that was my life growing
up and in elementary school.
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I really loved
school, was good in school.
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And sometimes,
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I saw it as just a
nice safe place to go,
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but there was...
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I could be normal here.
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Right there was
quite a bit of education
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when I was in elementary
school toward drug awareness,
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drugs are bad
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and so I just remember thinking,
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wow, when then my family is bad,
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and I had a grandmother
on one side of my family
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that would take
me to church with her
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and so I was saved
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and I knew Jesus
from my pretty early age,
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I would say maybe eight
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I was saved and baptized and...
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You have the, you
have a grandma here
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that says, you know,
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"Man, somebody's got to
reach into this kid's life."
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You've got a
grandma here saying,
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"You don't call me grandma
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and I'm just high all the time."
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And you got a school
saying just say no to drugs,
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the drugs are bad.
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I had a lot going
on. Yeah, absolutely.
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I can't even imagine
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this kid's head
spinning, you know, just...
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I was just, I
remember riding on my bicycle
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through the
trailer parks, you know,
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just talking with Jesus.
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You know, and that
was very comforting.
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What did you say to him?
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Do you remember any
of those conversations?
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Sometimes they would
just be conversations
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that I would have with anybody,
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just a friend, he
was such a friend.
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So now you are
literally learning to adapt
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wherever you are at.
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Oh, absolutely.
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I've always said, it doesn't
matter what crowd it was,
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I could fit in anywhere.
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Older crowd, you know,
more of a roughneck type crowd,
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I could pretty much fit in
wherever I needed to fit in...
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You could be whatever,
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whatever someone
wanted you to be.
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Absolutely, and I
could feel fine with that.
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Right. Yeah.
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So what happened next?
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Because that's crazy...
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so far it has got to be
just crazy for this kid.
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My mother, she
ended up doing drugs.
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I was very young at the time.
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I'm gonna guess I was
one or two and she went from,
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you know, just
doing maybe here or there
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at my grandma's parties
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to a full blown
30 something year
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habit that's
ruined her health and...
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Meth addiction.
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Meth was her drug of
choice it sure was...
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Because, you know,
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for someone that's
not been in that world,
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meth takes you to
some really dark places
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and you, you
give up your sanity.
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You do.
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And so when you
watched your mom,
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what were the changes
that you noticed in her?
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For several years
not anything major.
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But I would say the
biggest changes were
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when it just became so unstable.
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She couldn't
hold a job or provide,
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you know, you'd come home
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and there be
things that were pawned
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or no electricity
or no food in the home.
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So, then about
sixth grade rolled around
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and I went and lived
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with several
different family members.
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My grandmother had went away
to the penitentiary for drugs
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and that believe it or not
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was like,
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she was the stable
one is what I saw her
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as even though come
to find out years later,
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you know, she's doing drugs
with my mother and possibly
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the one that turned
her on to the drugs and...
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But as a kid she
held the family together.
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As a kid she
seemed all together.
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She had...
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she was a nurse for the state,
she, you know, presented well.
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You would have never known it
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if you didn't know those
things you wouldn't know,
00:09:15.38\00:09:18.49
and she went away
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I might have been in
the fifth grade, sixth grade
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and my mother fell apart,
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and then I went to live
with my great grandparents,
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and going to church
again and just, you know,
00:09:27.96\00:09:31.37
having meals provided
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and just the normalcy of it all.
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Then my mother
came back to get me
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when the school year was over
00:09:38.51\00:09:40.11
and it's really
hard thing to talk about.
00:09:40.14\00:09:42.21
What makes it hard?
00:09:45.91\00:09:48.08
Just...
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Just...
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I know I cried for
about three weeks every day.
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Because all the
sudden she comes in...
00:10:00.90\00:10:02.23
Because I had to go back...
00:10:02.26\00:10:03.60
And just...
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She just, she just...
00:10:05.00\00:10:06.33
I remember the song on the radio
00:10:06.37\00:10:08.87
that her boyfriend was playing,
00:10:08.90\00:10:12.94
it was like a highway
to hell song or something
00:10:12.97\00:10:15.14
and I thought and I was
just crying in the backseat,
00:10:15.18\00:10:18.08
nobody even turned around.
00:10:18.11\00:10:20.38
Are you, are you okay? Nothing.
00:10:20.42\00:10:24.15
And I feel like I
am on that highway.
00:10:24.19\00:10:27.06
Yeah. I have no choice.
00:10:27.09\00:10:28.59
And then when we get there.
00:10:28.62\00:10:30.39
It's another trailer
park and that's fine people,
00:10:30.43\00:10:35.26
you know, but it was
just, it was just a tough time,
00:10:35.30\00:10:41.60
and they were really
lost in their addictions
00:10:41.64\00:10:44.07
because by this point
00:10:44.11\00:10:45.44
she started
abusing drugs with needles,
00:10:45.47\00:10:49.28
and she got really paranoid,
00:10:49.31\00:10:51.25
and she would hang
towels up on all with the...
00:10:51.28\00:10:56.89
In a small window
00:10:56.92\00:10:58.25
she would cover every
window blankets or whatever...
00:10:58.29\00:11:00.52
'Cause somebody is
looking, somebody seeing us.
00:11:00.56\00:11:02.66
Right and not allow me
to go outside of the home
00:11:02.69\00:11:06.29
or you know it was a
really, really hard time for me
00:11:06.33\00:11:12.23
and she agreed to let
me go to church so I...
00:11:12.27\00:11:17.74
there was a church bus
that would come and pick me up
00:11:17.77\00:11:20.34
but that was the only
place that I could go was church
00:11:20.38\00:11:23.21
and then when
school started school.
00:11:23.24\00:11:27.85
I wish right now,
that we, you know,
00:11:27.88\00:11:31.02
and we get a picture when
you say, I'm in a trailer.
00:11:31.05\00:11:34.36
I've got there's
towels and cardboard
00:11:34.39\00:11:38.16
and stuff on the windows.
00:11:38.19\00:11:39.53
It is filthy.
00:11:39.56\00:11:41.50
They are paranoid,
they're slamming drugs
00:11:41.53\00:11:44.13
and I'm trying to
figure out as a kid.
00:11:44.17\00:11:47.24
And when you say blood
on the ceiling explain why?
00:11:47.27\00:11:49.40
Because I know
what you're saying but,
00:11:49.44\00:11:51.37
why blood on the ceiling?
00:11:51.41\00:11:52.74
That's part of the
whole shooting up process,
00:11:52.77\00:11:54.74
you know, you pull out
00:11:54.78\00:11:56.11
and if you're not held off right
00:11:56.14\00:11:57.48
I guess it just
goes squirting in and...
00:11:57.51\00:12:00.32
And so as a kid,
you were trying to...
00:12:00.35\00:12:02.08
There was, just I
didn't understand as a kid
00:12:02.12\00:12:04.19
why there was
blood on the ceiling
00:12:04.22\00:12:05.59
or why certain
things were like they were
00:12:05.62\00:12:10.36
but I found out
later on, you know,
00:12:10.39\00:12:16.83
why those things
but yeah, it was,
00:12:16.87\00:12:19.37
it just was a really,
really dark, dark time.
00:12:19.40\00:12:22.44
And so school and church
00:12:22.47\00:12:24.21
is the only
place that you got...
00:12:24.24\00:12:25.67
The only places I
could go, and about that time
00:12:25.71\00:12:28.88
my grandmother was
getting out of the penitentiary.
00:12:28.91\00:12:31.11
She had served her time,
she got out earlier actually,
00:12:31.15\00:12:34.22
so I guess she didn't
serve all of her time,
00:12:34.25\00:12:37.65
and she heard about
the living conditions
00:12:37.69\00:12:40.82
being so poor and
sent my uncle for me
00:12:40.86\00:12:46.09
because she was going
to be released and she...
00:12:46.13\00:12:48.46
we were gonna.
00:12:48.50\00:12:49.83
So your bags are packed again.
00:12:49.86\00:12:51.20
Well, if I had any bags
I would have packed them,
00:12:51.23\00:12:53.70
I put what few things
I had into a garbage bag
00:12:53.74\00:12:56.57
and put it in my
locker at school,
00:12:56.60\00:12:58.94
and my uncle was
late picking me up.
00:12:58.97\00:13:01.41
He got stuck in traffic.
00:13:01.44\00:13:03.08
The plan was for
him to come and get me
00:13:03.11\00:13:05.88
and then they
were going to rescue me
00:13:05.91\00:13:07.32
and take me back
to my grandmother
00:13:07.35\00:13:09.48
and he was late coming in and,
00:13:09.52\00:13:14.06
so I just had to walk home
00:13:14.09\00:13:16.42
and I got beat
so severely that day
00:13:16.46\00:13:20.30
and not by my mother
00:13:20.33\00:13:21.86
but by her boyfriend at the time
00:13:21.90\00:13:24.40
with an extension
cord and it was just awful.
00:13:24.43\00:13:28.94
But that was enough
evidence for the social worker
00:13:28.97\00:13:32.07
to take pictures
and the courts to,
00:13:32.11\00:13:35.41
they couldn't grant
custody to my grandmother
00:13:35.44\00:13:37.58
because she was an ex-felon
00:13:37.61\00:13:39.25
but they could grant it
to my great grandparents
00:13:39.28\00:13:41.62
and, so we had to go that route.
00:13:41.65\00:13:43.99
So that was enough
00:13:44.02\00:13:45.35
that's everybody
said, okay, it's done.
00:13:45.39\00:13:46.72
By that time I was
in the seventh grade,
00:13:46.76\00:13:48.09
yep and I mean I can imagine
00:13:48.12\00:13:52.33
just how pitiful
I had to have looked
00:13:52.36\00:13:55.73
and even acted, you know.
00:13:55.76\00:13:58.90
So when you talked about earlier
00:13:58.93\00:14:00.70
that I never had a sense
that I was worth anything,
00:14:00.74\00:14:02.87
I never had a sense I
belonged, man, you know,
00:14:02.90\00:14:06.78
you can really see that
when you said this was my life.
00:14:06.81\00:14:10.11
Now I'm in the seventh grade
00:14:10.15\00:14:11.78
where people are trying
to figure out who they are,
00:14:11.81\00:14:13.72
they're kind of
stepping in their own skin
00:14:13.75\00:14:16.28
and your saying, I
don't even where to step."
00:14:16.32\00:14:18.02
Yeah.
00:14:18.05\00:14:19.39
You know, I don't know who I am,
00:14:19.42\00:14:20.76
I don't know where I belong,
00:14:20.79\00:14:22.12
everything I own
can fit in a trash bag.
00:14:22.16\00:14:23.66
Exactly.
00:14:23.69\00:14:25.86
So what happened?
00:14:25.89\00:14:28.23
So from there...
00:14:28.26\00:14:29.60
My grandmother of
course, I've gotten out
00:14:33.64\00:14:35.54
and she decided to turn
her life totally around.
00:14:35.57\00:14:39.11
She wasn't going
to church at the time
00:14:39.14\00:14:40.98
but you know she
wasn't doing drugs either,
00:14:41.01\00:14:44.35
so that was a start
00:14:44.38\00:14:46.21
and I found my best
friend in the world Brandy
00:14:46.25\00:14:52.92
and her mother
would take her to church,
00:14:52.95\00:14:55.96
and so she took me
and she just kind of
00:14:55.99\00:14:58.19
put me under her wing
like a like another daughter
00:14:58.23\00:15:01.63
and she would joke
about I should adopt you,
00:15:01.66\00:15:04.37
you know and,
but she was so good.
00:15:04.40\00:15:07.04
Please, please adopt me.
00:15:07.07\00:15:09.47
Yeah, my family
used to always tell me,
00:15:09.50\00:15:13.21
well, mostly in
the junior high age.
00:15:13.24\00:15:17.75
Once I had started trying
to figure out like how to be,
00:15:17.78\00:15:21.45
how to act.
00:15:21.48\00:15:22.82
Oh, you think you're
too good for this family.
00:15:22.85\00:15:24.52
And I, if I was told
that once by my grandmother
00:15:24.55\00:15:27.22
or by my uncle,
never by my mother,
00:15:27.26\00:15:29.12
but I've been told
that a lot of times
00:15:29.16\00:15:32.83
and it hurts to hear that,
00:15:32.86\00:15:37.23
but I guess I just kind of
00:15:37.27\00:15:40.97
tried to pick up
the pieces for myself,
00:15:41.00\00:15:43.30
and I could see how, you know,
the other kids were acting.
00:15:43.34\00:15:47.74
And I was just want,
00:15:47.78\00:15:49.11
all I ever wanting to do
was to fit in or to be normal.
00:15:49.14\00:15:53.18
And so I think slowly overtime
00:15:53.21\00:15:57.09
I just,
00:15:57.12\00:15:59.99
was able to somewhat
fake it to make it if you will
00:16:00.02\00:16:04.83
but always so
insecure even today still.
00:16:04.86\00:16:09.60
Something that
plagued you even today.
00:16:09.63\00:16:11.33
Always, always.
00:16:11.37\00:16:12.70
Which I got it
'cause I love you.
00:16:12.73\00:16:14.14
I just, I wish I
could shake it out you know,
00:16:14.17\00:16:16.07
I know that only God himself...
00:16:16.10\00:16:17.44
I wish you could do.
But I definitely would.
00:16:17.47\00:16:19.87
So, so now,
you're in high school.
00:16:19.91\00:16:23.14
You are faking it
00:16:23.18\00:16:25.71
and what I want
to say about that
00:16:25.75\00:16:27.78
just because I, you know,
00:16:27.82\00:16:29.15
I've been in your skin
not exactly but somewhat.
00:16:29.18\00:16:31.72
When you're faking, you
always feel like a fraud.
00:16:31.75\00:16:33.96
You always feel like
somebody is going to find out.
00:16:33.99\00:16:37.43
So that's how you're kind
of going through high school.
00:16:37.46\00:16:40.10
Did you jump
into drugs or alcohol?
00:16:40.13\00:16:42.16
Not in high school,
00:16:42.20\00:16:43.53
I was accused of that
by my family, you know,
00:16:43.57\00:16:47.00
because I was blowing my
nose in the bathroom one day
00:16:47.04\00:16:48.80
and my uncle says,
00:16:48.84\00:16:50.17
"Oh, well, you get better not
be putting stuff up your nose."
00:16:50.21\00:16:52.97
Or I'm like I've
never even tried that,
00:16:53.01\00:16:55.68
I wasn't doing any of
those things really good kid,
00:16:55.71\00:16:59.75
making great
grades and my grandmother,
00:16:59.78\00:17:03.85
I think she truly did the
best she could do at the time,
00:17:03.89\00:17:08.19
but she wasn't easy to
live with and I mean...
00:17:08.22\00:17:13.33
Because of all
her craziness. Right.
00:17:13.36\00:17:14.96
And I moved out at 16
00:17:15.00\00:17:19.20
and tried my
first heard drug at 18,
00:17:19.23\00:17:25.77
and just everything
kind of from there spiraled,
00:17:25.81\00:17:29.08
you know, the
drugs, the dancing,
00:17:29.11\00:17:31.68
I mean it just all at once.
00:17:31.71\00:17:33.35
So you literally
step in so you've got now,
00:17:33.38\00:17:36.22
now you're on your own,
00:17:36.25\00:17:38.09
you're living
with different folks.
00:17:38.12\00:17:41.46
And you start trying dugs
and you know with somebody
00:17:41.49\00:17:45.43
with that
history, family history.
00:17:45.46\00:17:48.16
Then you are set up
00:17:48.20\00:17:50.97
because usually
the first drug you try
00:17:51.00\00:17:52.87
you're going to be lost in it.
00:17:52.90\00:17:54.24
Yep.
00:17:54.27\00:17:55.60
And I thought I
could handle it at first
00:17:55.64\00:17:58.47
but I don't...
00:17:58.51\00:18:01.21
I don't think it was
possible to just handle that
00:18:01.24\00:18:04.75
because I was self medicating
00:18:04.78\00:18:07.05
without knowing that
I was self medicating...
00:18:07.08\00:18:09.22
Explain to
somebody what that means?
00:18:09.25\00:18:13.86
I guess at the time it
made me feel more normal.
00:18:13.89\00:18:19.19
And I didn't think about all...
00:18:19.23\00:18:21.20
not that I spent a
lot of time at that age
00:18:21.23\00:18:23.53
dwelling on the past,
00:18:23.57\00:18:24.90
because I didn't
face all of these things
00:18:24.93\00:18:28.87
until my mid 20s like as
far as getting help for them
00:18:28.90\00:18:31.84
but just kind of
made me feel normal.
00:18:31.87\00:18:36.41
And then once I was addicted,
then I just had to have it...
00:18:36.44\00:18:39.01
Can I, can I ask you
if this was true for you
00:18:39.05\00:18:42.55
is that the first
time I took a drug,
00:18:42.58\00:18:45.02
I didn't feel
like killing myself,
00:18:45.05\00:18:46.39
I didn't feel odd,
00:18:46.42\00:18:47.76
I felt like somehow
I was going to be okay,
00:18:47.79\00:18:49.39
and I was going to make it,
00:18:49.42\00:18:50.76
and it was like
somebody turned a light on
00:18:50.79\00:18:52.76
and it was all good.
00:18:52.79\00:18:54.86
Did you feel any of that?
00:18:54.90\00:18:56.56
I felt a very
huge sense of normalcy.
00:18:56.60\00:19:00.84
Where somebody says the drugs
would make you feel not normal,
00:19:00.87\00:19:03.27
that's not true.
00:19:03.30\00:19:04.64
Well, the first time
I ever did it I thought,
00:19:04.67\00:19:06.84
well, I don't fill all,
you know loopy and it...
00:19:06.88\00:19:10.78
Yeah, it was a little
scary looking back on it.
00:19:10.81\00:19:14.62
I don't feel the
crust. Right, absolutely.
00:19:14.65\00:19:18.29
Absolutely and I spent
five years doing hard drugs...
00:19:18.32\00:19:23.83
Hard drugs, what do you mean?
00:19:23.86\00:19:25.19
Pretty much every day,
mostly meth, sometimes cocaine.
00:19:25.23\00:19:29.36
So and even just...
00:19:29.40\00:19:30.97
Marijuana was just,
they're going to make daily...
00:19:31.00\00:19:34.70
No, not alcohol
but for me not alcohol
00:19:34.74\00:19:38.11
but yes,
marijuana and meth mainly.
00:19:38.14\00:19:42.51
So you got, you
got meth going on,
00:19:42.54\00:19:44.41
and meth what it does for people
00:19:44.45\00:19:46.18
that don't know this.
00:19:46.21\00:19:48.18
It literally all of
your neurochemistry,
00:19:48.22\00:19:50.45
all of your feel good
hormones, all of your stuff
00:19:50.49\00:19:53.42
that makes you
feel alive gets flooded.
00:19:53.46\00:19:56.12
So instead of like a
little drip in your brain,
00:19:56.16\00:19:58.16
it's like a fire
hydrant gets turned on
00:19:58.19\00:20:00.23
and you feel amazing.
00:20:00.26\00:20:02.50
So for a kid
that's never bonded,
00:20:02.53\00:20:04.33
for a kid that is
never felt that way,
00:20:04.37\00:20:06.47
it will rob you eventually,
00:20:06.50\00:20:07.87
but that initial
blast of I feel good...
00:20:07.90\00:20:12.11
Right Hooks you.
00:20:12.14\00:20:13.88
Absolutely.
00:20:13.91\00:20:15.71
So you next five
years lost in that...
00:20:15.74\00:20:18.45
Yeah, for five years.
00:20:18.48\00:20:20.18
Did you graduate
school, high school?
00:20:20.22\00:20:22.28
I made it to the
middle of my 11th grade year
00:20:22.32\00:20:26.55
and dropped out.
00:20:26.59\00:20:28.59
So how did you make a living?
00:20:28.62\00:20:30.93
I started dancing when I was 18.
00:20:30.96\00:20:33.19
I waitressed here and
there up to that point
00:20:33.23\00:20:36.10
making pretty
decent money waitressing
00:20:36.13\00:20:38.27
but I remember going into a club
00:20:38.30\00:20:42.50
with some friends,
00:20:42.54\00:20:44.21
never had been in
one before thinking,
00:20:44.24\00:20:47.41
"Oh, well, I could
probably do that too."
00:20:47.44\00:20:52.58
Like never even occurred to me
00:20:52.61\00:20:54.98
and that's the long and short
of how I discovered a club.
00:20:55.02\00:21:01.12
I could imagine that all
a sudden you've got this,
00:21:01.16\00:21:04.09
you know, you're a
kid that never felt
00:21:04.13\00:21:05.79
like I could do anything
that I'm not worth anything
00:21:05.83\00:21:08.46
but, you know,
sitting in a strip club
00:21:08.50\00:21:11.43
doing meth with
friends and I could do this.
00:21:11.47\00:21:15.00
Yeah, you know,
00:21:15.04\00:21:16.37
it just seemed too
easy in the beginning.
00:21:16.40\00:21:21.54
Like I said, when I walked
through the door with friends
00:21:21.58\00:21:24.58
and thought, well, I
guess I could do this too.
00:21:24.61\00:21:29.72
The first time of
course, I was really nervous
00:21:29.75\00:21:31.92
but moving on from that,
00:21:31.95\00:21:34.96
it wasn't
anything super scary and...
00:21:34.99\00:21:39.13
The money is good.
The money was good.
00:21:39.16\00:21:40.96
I don't have to
rely on anyone else.
00:21:41.00\00:21:42.50
And I convinced myself,
well, I'm not doing a lap dance,
00:21:42.53\00:21:45.43
nobody's touching me.
00:21:45.47\00:21:47.87
You know I would
tell myself these things,
00:21:47.90\00:21:51.04
but really it
was picking hairs...
00:21:51.07\00:21:53.48
Yeah.
00:21:53.51\00:21:54.84
Because it was
very damaging to me
00:21:54.88\00:21:57.91
whether or not, I realized it
00:21:57.95\00:21:59.28
at the time being
in it for five years.
00:21:59.31\00:22:03.92
So when you step into that world
00:22:03.95\00:22:06.29
because I know
that eventually you meet
00:22:06.32\00:22:10.43
and marry one of
the owners of the clubs.
00:22:10.46\00:22:14.46
So talk about that?
00:22:14.50\00:22:17.10
Well, he and I were both dating
people that weren't so nice.
00:22:17.13\00:22:23.20
We referred to them as psychos
because they were not so nice.
00:22:23.24\00:22:26.88
I dated them, oh, sorry.
00:22:26.91\00:22:29.71
And...
00:22:29.74\00:22:31.11
Because in that world,
when you say that, you know,
00:22:31.15\00:22:33.95
'cause everybody has so
many issues in that world
00:22:33.98\00:22:36.45
but when you say psychos.
00:22:36.48\00:22:38.05
Oh, we really,
really mean psychos.
00:22:38.09\00:22:40.69
Yeah, crazy,
00:22:40.72\00:22:42.42
I feel like my psycho was
a little more psycho than his
00:22:42.46\00:22:44.86
but that's okay, we
don't have to do beat that.
00:22:44.89\00:22:48.96
One day he just
jokingly walked over
00:22:49.00\00:22:51.60
and I was sitting at the bar
00:22:51.63\00:22:52.97
having a Dr. Pepper and he says,
00:22:53.00\00:22:54.60
we are leave up, run off,
00:22:54.64\00:22:56.50
leave our psychos
behind and get married.
00:22:56.54\00:22:58.47
Just joking, you
know, he was totally joking
00:22:58.51\00:23:00.78
and I laughed it off
not thinking anything of it
00:23:00.81\00:23:03.38
but through the years we
became really good friends
00:23:03.41\00:23:07.65
and so
00:23:07.68\00:23:12.45
once I decided to step
out from the guy I was with
00:23:12.49\00:23:15.92
that was so terrible,
00:23:15.96\00:23:18.53
I went over to my
husband now Aaron,
00:23:18.56\00:23:23.83
his brother had
a house in the town
00:23:23.87\00:23:26.67
where I was working
and I thought well great,
00:23:26.70\00:23:29.04
my cycle does not know
where this location is...
00:23:29.07\00:23:31.01
So it was a safe house.
00:23:31.04\00:23:32.37
It was a safe house
but went and got my cat
00:23:32.41\00:23:35.81
and that's all I really needed
00:23:35.84\00:23:37.35
me and my cat and
my clothes and so yeah,
00:23:37.38\00:23:40.82
it was a safe house and...
00:23:40.85\00:23:43.05
So at the time are you
still doing meth, still using?
00:23:43.08\00:23:46.76
Yes, but trying not to,
00:23:46.79\00:23:52.03
I mean for years I tried not to.
00:23:52.06\00:23:54.40
I got lost in it and I'd say
00:23:54.43\00:23:57.40
within the first
year easy I thought,
00:23:57.43\00:23:59.90
wow, I'm like having a
hard time not doing this
00:23:59.93\00:24:02.97
so, I mean I was
always trying to stop
00:24:03.00\00:24:05.51
and I just didn't know how.
00:24:05.54\00:24:07.64
In fact, when
Aaron and I first met,
00:24:07.68\00:24:09.61
he had no idea,
00:24:09.64\00:24:10.98
he just figured that
I smoked a little pot.
00:24:11.01\00:24:14.62
No idea.
00:24:14.65\00:24:16.42
He drinks but he
wasn't a meth user.
00:24:16.45\00:24:19.95
Never did drugs, yeah, so it.
00:24:19.99\00:24:21.92
He didn't really know
exactly what to look for,
00:24:21.96\00:24:26.39
but yes, I had a
pretty serious problem
00:24:26.43\00:24:29.03
and people started telling him.
00:24:29.06\00:24:30.97
Well, don't you know
that she has a problem
00:24:31.00\00:24:33.54
and I mean he really
didn't know the extent of it.
00:24:33.57\00:24:37.41
He said, no, I don't. Yeah.
00:24:37.44\00:24:38.97
You know, she's
fine, that we're fine.
00:24:39.01\00:24:41.18
And I used to say that
00:24:41.21\00:24:43.65
and I still
sometimes still say it.
00:24:43.68\00:24:47.28
I feel like Aaron saved
me from myself at the time,
00:24:47.32\00:24:52.15
because I came out to
live in Colorado with him
00:24:52.19\00:24:56.19
shortly after we fell
in love really fast and...
00:24:56.22\00:25:00.90
Although we knew
each other for years,
00:25:00.93\00:25:03.80
it just kind of all
moved really fast and I thought
00:25:03.83\00:25:06.27
well, moving at
thousand miles away from people,
00:25:06.30\00:25:08.40
I know that kind of
saves me from doing that,
00:25:08.44\00:25:13.61
and there were a few
times that I did relapse
00:25:13.64\00:25:16.41
when I would go back
to Little Rock but...
00:25:16.44\00:25:21.65
Yeah, it was...
00:25:21.68\00:25:23.28
So, you know,
what's really crazy to me.
00:25:23.32\00:25:25.49
So you guys fall in
love, move in together,
00:25:25.52\00:25:27.82
there was a time
00:25:27.86\00:25:29.26
when God actually
starts coming into the picture.
00:25:29.29\00:25:33.66
Where did that
look like and I think
00:25:33.70\00:25:35.06
it came through Aaron first?
00:25:35.10\00:25:37.37
Right, Aaron knew that
I knew Jesus as a child.
00:25:37.40\00:25:41.87
So when he
started reading the Bible
00:25:41.90\00:25:43.97
while his dad was really sick.
00:25:44.01\00:25:47.08
His brother gives him a Bible...
00:25:47.11\00:25:48.58
His brother gave him a Bible.
00:25:48.61\00:25:50.45
The first when they
got out of the clubs,
00:25:50.48\00:25:52.25
he gave him a
Bible and asked him,
00:25:52.28\00:25:53.88
"Would you just
please read this."
00:25:53.92\00:25:55.25
And so Aaron
did, he picked it up,
00:25:55.28\00:25:58.55
he had a lot going on in life,
his father being so sick and...
00:25:58.59\00:26:03.16
So I would just make sure
that I would have the kids
00:26:03.19\00:26:06.49
up towards the
front part of the house
00:26:06.53\00:26:07.86
so he had a
peaceful area to read
00:26:07.90\00:26:09.66
because I really wanted
for something to get through.
00:26:09.70\00:26:12.30
I always knew there
was a missing piece...
00:26:12.33\00:26:14.07
Amen.
00:26:14.10\00:26:15.44
And what I felt
like it was pretty close
00:26:15.47\00:26:18.17
to perfect life
that we were living.
00:26:18.21\00:26:19.87
So by this time...
00:26:19.91\00:26:21.24
My dream life.
He's working in a club.
00:26:21.28\00:26:23.24
You're still working in club,
you have a couple of kids...
00:26:23.28\00:26:25.41
No. You're home.
00:26:25.45\00:26:27.38
Actually, when
Aaron and I got together,
00:26:27.42\00:26:30.55
when we met in the club
and when we fell in love,
00:26:30.59\00:26:34.39
he was like I do
not want my girlfriend
00:26:34.42\00:26:37.06
working in the club,
00:26:37.09\00:26:38.43
shortly
thereafter we were engaged
00:26:38.46\00:26:39.89
and so, no, I quit at that time
00:26:39.93\00:26:44.17
and I was a stay at
home mom for about ten years.
00:26:44.20\00:26:47.84
You have
beautiful kids. Thank you.
00:26:47.87\00:26:49.90
Thank you, I'm
like mm-hmm. Yeah, amen.
00:26:49.94\00:26:52.07
Yes. I adore them.
00:26:52.11\00:26:55.24
So I was a stay at home mom
and he was working in the club.
00:26:55.28\00:26:59.25
And, you know, his
brother gave him the Bible
00:26:59.28\00:27:01.62
and he sat down
and started reading it
00:27:01.65\00:27:03.95
and I always made sure
let's kind of keep it peaceful,
00:27:03.99\00:27:06.59
dad is reading and
when I tell the kids
00:27:06.62\00:27:09.56
and we made sure that
he had some time to read
00:27:09.59\00:27:12.46
because it was
really important to me.
00:27:12.49\00:27:14.06
I knew that was the only piece
00:27:14.10\00:27:16.26
that I could possibly be missing
00:27:16.30\00:27:18.87
because I had everything,
everything I ever dreamed of,
00:27:18.90\00:27:21.47
I never thought I could have,
00:27:21.50\00:27:23.54
I never really
thought I could have a husband
00:27:23.57\00:27:25.77
that wonderful and that amazing.
00:27:25.81\00:27:28.18
Yeah. And a home that's stable.
00:27:28.21\00:27:30.01
I mean, you know,
00:27:30.05\00:27:31.48
'cause people
take that for granted
00:27:31.51\00:27:32.88
but some folks, the
first time you walk in
00:27:32.91\00:27:35.88
and you know this is my home
00:27:35.92\00:27:37.25
and it's good and
it's a sanctuary for me,
00:27:37.29\00:27:39.79
it's that's huge.
00:27:39.82\00:27:41.52
Yeah, absolutely I used to say,
00:27:41.56\00:27:44.86
I felt like his
childhood was pretty normal
00:27:44.89\00:27:46.96
compared to mine,
00:27:47.00\00:27:48.33
but I don't know
00:27:48.36\00:27:49.70
how you can really compare
one bad to another bad...
00:27:49.73\00:27:53.00
Right.
00:27:53.03\00:27:54.37
But I always thought his
was more normal if you will.
00:27:54.40\00:27:56.50
So you're watching him
00:27:56.54\00:27:57.87
and he actually is
starting to change.
00:27:57.91\00:28:01.11
Starting to look at, you
know, who is God and who am I.
00:28:01.14\00:28:04.28
And what do I
want to do in my life.
00:28:04.31\00:28:06.18
Yep... What do you think?
00:28:06.21\00:28:08.25
I'm thinking this is awesome.
00:28:08.28\00:28:10.59
He's finding God too
00:28:10.62\00:28:11.95
and I always knew I drifted away
00:28:11.99\00:28:13.76
and I needed to get back
and I wanted to get back.
00:28:13.79\00:28:16.99
And so when we had a
flyer come through the mail
00:28:17.03\00:28:21.50
for a Creation to
Revelation seminar
00:28:21.53\00:28:24.93
and Aaron was joking
00:28:24.97\00:28:26.30
we might ignite in
the seats, you know,...
00:28:26.33\00:28:28.97
Should we go?
00:28:29.00\00:28:30.34
And I said, "I
would really like to go."
00:28:30.37\00:28:32.04
And we agreed let's go
and we were just on fire
00:28:32.07\00:28:35.84
like we couldn't
been out of the club
00:28:35.88\00:28:37.81
any sooner like that's
yesterday was too long,
00:28:37.85\00:28:41.18
you know kind of
thing and always knew
00:28:41.22\00:28:43.35
we didn't want to raise
our family having a bar,
00:28:43.39\00:28:47.36
that wasn't something
00:28:47.39\00:28:48.72
that we wanted to be
part of our life so yeah.
00:28:48.76\00:28:53.09
I don't want my girl
to be dancing in the club.
00:28:53.13\00:28:56.03
Absolutely not.
00:28:56.06\00:28:57.53
And it's true
00:28:57.57\00:28:58.90
because there's a
point in your life
00:28:58.93\00:29:00.27
you start to think
about that kind of stuff,
00:29:00.30\00:29:02.10
so you go to this
Revelation seminar.
00:29:02.14\00:29:05.71
You are walking into a
church, the both of you,
00:29:05.74\00:29:08.84
I just want to
smile I just want to say,
00:29:08.88\00:29:10.91
I love the way God does that
00:29:10.95\00:29:12.78
and I love the
way God as our Father,
00:29:12.81\00:29:16.22
as our redeemer says,
00:29:16.25\00:29:18.79
this is exactly where
you need to be right now.
00:29:18.82\00:29:21.86
I am so proud of you
when you come walking in,
00:29:21.89\00:29:27.50
you hear the Word of God.
00:29:27.53\00:29:28.86
You hear
Revelations, you hear teaching.
00:29:28.90\00:29:33.10
We learned a whole lot
because it was a Bible seminar,
00:29:33.13\00:29:35.90
so I felt like it was
about a 30 day seminar,
00:29:35.94\00:29:41.08
roughly around 30 day
00:29:41.11\00:29:42.44
so I mean, we really
got into the Word of God
00:29:42.48\00:29:45.08
and I mean just
on fire for the Lord,
00:29:45.11\00:29:49.25
just on fire and we
met you around that time.
00:29:49.28\00:29:52.95
And yeah...
00:29:52.99\00:29:54.32
I got to actually
come to your baptism.
00:29:54.36\00:29:55.96
I was...
00:29:55.99\00:29:57.33
It was amazing, amazing.
00:29:57.36\00:29:59.03
I felt so honored
to have you there,
00:29:59.06\00:30:01.40
none of my family came out.
00:30:01.43\00:30:03.53
Yeah, wait, I came out.
00:30:03.57\00:30:04.93
Yeah, yeah you did and
it meant the world to me.
00:30:04.97\00:30:09.64
'Cause what's really crazy
is as fast as your lives changed
00:30:09.67\00:30:13.27
from that point on
00:30:13.31\00:30:14.64
is God just
started revealing himself
00:30:14.68\00:30:16.71
one way after
another after another
00:30:16.75\00:30:19.01
and you had some powerhouses
00:30:19.05\00:30:21.28
that came around you as mentors.
00:30:21.32\00:30:23.49
It was, it was amazing to watch,
00:30:23.52\00:30:25.15
even with the guy
that baptized you,
00:30:25.19\00:30:27.66
Jim Moon with all of those,
00:30:27.69\00:30:29.32
I mean they really
stood around you and said,
00:30:29.36\00:30:32.79
"You know I'm honored
00:30:32.83\00:30:35.20
to be standing here
with you right now."
00:30:35.23\00:30:37.23
They were so amazing.
00:30:37.27\00:30:38.60
All of them, they
were just so amazing.
00:30:38.63\00:30:40.00
Can I tell you...
00:30:40.04\00:30:41.37
Can I say what you
gave me during your baptism?
00:30:41.40\00:30:44.57
Yeah, yeah, go ahead.
00:30:44.61\00:30:47.01
I get to fly and I
felt like I don't know
00:30:47.04\00:30:50.41
if I would have
missed out for anything
00:30:50.45\00:30:52.28
but I get to fly in
00:30:52.31\00:30:53.65
and I felt like the Holy Spirit,
00:30:53.68\00:30:56.82
you lit up the room.
00:30:56.85\00:30:58.22
I mean it was,
I have never seen,
00:30:58.25\00:31:00.36
if I didn't see that little girl
00:31:00.39\00:31:02.16
running around the trailer park,
00:31:02.19\00:31:03.53
I saw her right there
and just lit up the room.
00:31:03.56\00:31:06.80
I mean you were so
excited to have you in God
00:31:06.83\00:31:10.63
and being baptized
and all of that stuff,
00:31:10.67\00:31:13.27
and at one point
she gives me something
00:31:13.30\00:31:15.44
that she wanted to give
me with during the baptism
00:31:15.47\00:31:18.27
and it was her
medical marijuana card.
00:31:18.31\00:31:23.14
I still have that, I
look at that once in a while
00:31:23.18\00:31:26.55
because I think
that what you were saying
00:31:26.58\00:31:28.72
is symbolically, even
though I can legally get this.
00:31:28.75\00:31:32.42
I'm symbolically saying to God,
00:31:32.45\00:31:34.89
I really do want
to surrender all,
00:31:34.92\00:31:36.83
I don't know what
that's going to look like...
00:31:36.86\00:31:38.19
I didn't know how,
00:31:38.23\00:31:39.56
I didn't know how to surrender
that like I thought well,
00:31:39.59\00:31:42.76
I did hard drugs for so long.
00:31:42.80\00:31:45.03
You know, this is not
a huge deal to do this
00:31:45.07\00:31:48.14
and I do have a
card for it, I am legal.
00:31:48.17\00:31:50.11
It's legal Right.
00:31:50.14\00:31:52.31
And I just didn't know
how to not do that anymore.
00:31:52.34\00:31:55.68
I had been doing that
longer than I had not been
00:31:55.71\00:31:59.61
so I, and Pastor Joe
says, well you just have to say
00:31:59.65\00:32:05.89
I can't do it
Jesus do it for me.
00:32:05.92\00:32:08.82
And that is what I
said out in my garage
00:32:08.86\00:32:11.49
dumping it into the dumpster,
00:32:11.53\00:32:13.40
I can't do it Jesus, do
it for me and dumping it in,
00:32:13.43\00:32:16.97
because I didn't, I
didn't want to throw it away
00:32:17.00\00:32:18.83
and I had done that before,
I had thrown everything away
00:32:18.87\00:32:22.14
and only to go back to it
00:32:22.17\00:32:24.11
and it really
was turning it over
00:32:24.14\00:32:26.44
and saying, I
can't do it for myself.
00:32:26.47\00:32:28.34
You're going to
have to do it for me...
00:32:28.38\00:32:30.78
And thanking him.
00:32:30.81\00:32:32.15
When you handed me that,
00:32:32.18\00:32:33.65
I just wanted to laugh out loud,
00:32:33.68\00:32:35.12
I wanted to
kiss God on the face,
00:32:35.15\00:32:36.58
I wanted to say in the
midst of our craziness,
00:32:36.62\00:32:39.82
God is saying, I
have never left her
00:32:39.85\00:32:42.92
and will never leave her.
00:32:42.96\00:32:44.43
And you know there are
times that we end up relapse
00:32:44.46\00:32:47.03
and then we stumble around
and God says, that's okay,
00:32:47.06\00:32:50.07
I'll stand you
back up, we're okay.
00:32:50.10\00:32:52.67
And when you
handed me that card,
00:32:52.70\00:32:54.04
I knew that what
you were saying to God
00:32:54.07\00:32:55.84
and to the people that loved you
00:32:55.87\00:32:57.97
is you know I'm surrendering.
00:32:58.01\00:33:01.18
Absolutely, absolutely.
00:33:01.21\00:33:03.71
And it felt good,
it felt really good
00:33:03.75\00:33:06.61
because it felt
like a huge weight
00:33:06.65\00:33:09.12
had been lifted off
00:33:09.15\00:33:10.85
because when you try so hard in
00:33:10.89\00:33:13.22
and it's just you without
Jesus doing it through you.
00:33:13.25\00:33:17.63
I mean sometimes you
can make it for a while
00:33:17.66\00:33:19.79
but you really in the
long term is through Jesus.
00:33:19.83\00:33:23.77
It was so cool.
00:33:23.80\00:33:25.13
So I'm going to
open it up for questions
00:33:25.17\00:33:27.70
and I'm going to get back to it
00:33:27.74\00:33:29.07
because I know that
there are lot of changes
00:33:29.10\00:33:31.17
and from that time
of leading you guys
00:33:31.21\00:33:32.84
to a place where you guys are
in the seminar being baptized,
00:33:32.87\00:33:36.68
surrendering
everything and but I...
00:33:36.71\00:33:41.42
Well, let's just stay
with that for a minute
00:33:41.45\00:33:44.29
because you and Aaron both
00:33:44.32\00:33:46.45
walked into a
relationship with God
00:33:46.49\00:33:48.22
but you're still,
00:33:48.26\00:33:49.59
he still owns
clubs at this time,
00:33:49.62\00:33:52.29
you guys are still
in that whole lifestyle
00:33:52.33\00:33:54.30
and there was a lot
of changes that happened.
00:33:54.33\00:33:57.63
So, and it happened
really quickly it seemed like.
00:33:57.67\00:34:00.97
Yeah, lots of changes,
you know, lifestyle changes,
00:34:01.00\00:34:06.44
even just downsizing, we
both went back to school.
00:34:06.47\00:34:10.95
Both were in
school at the same time
00:34:10.98\00:34:12.65
using the same
computer without WiFi,
00:34:12.68\00:34:15.12
how crazy is that
but we made it through.
00:34:15.15\00:34:19.25
You know, you
said something to me
00:34:19.29\00:34:20.69
and I just laughed, that's like,
00:34:20.72\00:34:22.59
you know, just Stacy,
what do you want to do,
00:34:22.62\00:34:26.39
what do you want to be,
00:34:26.43\00:34:28.56
and do you
remember that conversation?
00:34:28.60\00:34:30.47
I...
00:34:30.50\00:34:31.83
What did I say at that
time? I want to be a vet.
00:34:31.87\00:34:34.14
I won't say that again. Yeah.
00:34:34.17\00:34:35.90
I love animals, my passion.
00:34:35.94\00:34:38.14
Yeah. Absolutely.
00:34:38.17\00:34:40.11
And so when you
went back to school,
00:34:40.14\00:34:42.01
did you go in that direction?
00:34:42.04\00:34:43.38
Yes.
00:34:43.41\00:34:44.75
So I went back to
school and I thought,
00:34:44.78\00:34:46.11
well, if I could do
anything what would it be.
00:34:46.15\00:34:49.05
I thought why, I
don't want to go to school
00:34:49.08\00:34:50.69
for so many years to
become a veterinarian,
00:34:50.72\00:34:53.66
it takes a long time.
00:34:53.69\00:34:55.09
It's hard to
get into the school.
00:34:55.12\00:34:58.33
So I decided a vet tech.
00:34:58.36\00:35:00.36
So I'm a
certified vet tech today
00:35:00.40\00:35:02.43
and I work with small animal.
00:35:02.46\00:35:03.80
I love that.
00:35:03.83\00:35:06.33
When people say
that God says, you know,
00:35:06.37\00:35:08.10
when I give you the
desires of your heart,
00:35:08.14\00:35:09.80
I'll literally you
trust me and somebody says
00:35:09.84\00:35:14.21
but does he know what
my desires are, yes...
00:35:14.24\00:35:16.78
Absolutely.
00:35:16.81\00:35:18.15
You know, he knew from the
time you ran around as a kid
00:35:18.18\00:35:20.95
and speak on this a bit
00:35:20.98\00:35:24.09
and then we'll open
it up for questions,
00:35:24.12\00:35:25.75
but some people say
what was it God's fault
00:35:25.79\00:35:29.66
that all this
happened to you as a kid.
00:35:29.69\00:35:32.79
Absolutely not, not God's fault
that all those things happened.
00:35:32.83\00:35:38.33
I think that when he
made us up free will...
00:35:38.37\00:35:41.10
Amen.
00:35:41.14\00:35:42.87
Sinners in the world
and looking back on it,
00:35:42.90\00:35:47.14
I know that Jesus
was always by my side.
00:35:47.18\00:35:50.45
And always trying to
get the people around us
00:35:50.48\00:35:53.15
to do the right thing.
00:35:53.18\00:35:54.72
You know my family is
amazing and I love them,
00:35:54.75\00:35:57.85
but in their addictions
they are hurtful to each other.
00:35:57.89\00:36:00.82
But these are
incredible folks, very funny,
00:36:00.86\00:36:03.63
very real and so
it's like you know
00:36:03.66\00:36:05.96
I think that God sometimes
steps right in front of us
00:36:05.99\00:36:08.33
over and over and over,
get away from your dictions
00:36:08.36\00:36:11.27
or robbing you of your kids
or robbing you of your family.
00:36:11.30\00:36:14.60
And when somebody
finally decides to do that fight
00:36:14.64\00:36:17.27
like you decided to
fight and to stand up
00:36:17.31\00:36:20.41
and encourage even your husband
00:36:20.44\00:36:22.84
to have that
quiet time and find God,
00:36:22.88\00:36:25.08
somebody decides
to do that fight,
00:36:25.11\00:36:26.78
everything changes.
00:36:26.82\00:36:28.92
And it's not always easy,
the road isn't always easy,
00:36:28.95\00:36:31.65
but it's very worthwhile.
00:36:31.69\00:36:33.02
Amen.
00:36:33.05\00:36:34.39
And it can be a lot
easier if you just let Jesus in.
00:36:34.42\00:36:36.62
If you just
surrender. Just let him in.
00:36:36.66\00:36:39.09
Earlier every time,
00:36:39.13\00:36:40.46
so I'm gonna open
it up for questions
00:36:40.50\00:36:41.83
because I know that
there are a couple people here
00:36:41.86\00:36:44.10
definitely Aaron I love you
00:36:44.13\00:36:46.90
and you're
hearing Stacy talk about,
00:36:46.94\00:36:49.90
you know, her journey
00:36:49.94\00:36:51.27
and you were
part of that with her
00:36:51.31\00:36:53.94
but, you know, do you
have any comment or question
00:36:53.98\00:36:56.18
that you would like
to say to her right now
00:36:56.21\00:37:00.35
to share with her.
00:37:00.38\00:37:01.72
You know I think the first thing
00:37:01.75\00:37:03.22
that I would say
as much as anything
00:37:03.25\00:37:06.62
is thank you, thank
you for sticking with me
00:37:06.65\00:37:10.99
because she'll make it
sound like it was so easy
00:37:11.03\00:37:13.63
and it was so like just
taking the kids or whatever
00:37:13.66\00:37:17.73
but she was
patient with me for years
00:37:17.77\00:37:20.84
and so thank you,
thank you very much.
00:37:20.87\00:37:23.10
I think as far as
a question would go
00:37:27.04\00:37:28.74
is where do you see the value
now where you're concerned,
00:37:28.78\00:37:33.92
where your life
has brought you to
00:37:33.95\00:37:35.72
and then like more importantly
00:37:35.75\00:37:37.65
where do you see the
value going on into the future.
00:37:37.69\00:37:40.39
Would be one of
the biggest things
00:37:46.90\00:37:50.77
that I feel value for
00:37:50.80\00:37:55.50
having a stable home,
00:37:55.54\00:37:58.54
teaching our
children about Jesus,
00:37:58.57\00:38:02.74
putting the
desire into their hearts
00:38:02.78\00:38:04.41
to want to learn
more about Jesus.
00:38:04.45\00:38:07.78
So even the
grace, the love of God...
00:38:07.82\00:38:09.95
The patience, the
friendship, you know,
00:38:09.98\00:38:14.49
I've told the kids before
little things here or there,
00:38:14.52\00:38:18.93
you know maybe they are scared
to sleep in their bed at night
00:38:18.96\00:38:22.00
when they're really small,
you know, just talk to Jesus.
00:38:22.03\00:38:25.33
When I was a little
girl, I was scared too
00:38:25.37\00:38:27.80
but it helped me just to know
00:38:27.84\00:38:29.57
I have a friend
always by my side.
00:38:29.60\00:38:32.24
So I think that's huge.
00:38:32.27\00:38:35.08
You know what's
really interesting
00:38:35.11\00:38:36.44
when you say that, Stacey,
and I just adore both of you
00:38:36.48\00:38:41.88
but when you say that
00:38:41.92\00:38:43.85
I think that as a kid
nobody really fought for you
00:38:43.89\00:38:47.66
in what you're saying
is that I really want them
00:38:47.69\00:38:51.03
to know that I'll take time
to make sure that they're safe,
00:38:51.06\00:38:57.13
to make sure that this
home is nurturing to them,
00:38:57.17\00:39:00.14
to make sure that
they know at night
00:39:00.17\00:39:02.50
they're not by themselves
00:39:02.54\00:39:03.87
that there's a God
above that loves them.
00:39:03.91\00:39:05.37
So you really
are taking the time
00:39:05.41\00:39:07.31
that people didn't take with you
00:39:07.34\00:39:08.84
because of their addictions.
00:39:08.88\00:39:10.38
Absolutely.
00:39:10.41\00:39:11.85
I hope I'm doing a good job
and I know I sure do love them
00:39:11.88\00:39:16.89
more than I ever
loved you know, so...
00:39:16.92\00:39:20.16
I've hung out at your
house. Those are good kids.
00:39:20.19\00:39:23.49
So we have one more
comment or question.
00:39:23.53\00:39:27.16
Jennifer, you have
joined us a few times.
00:39:27.20\00:39:30.93
What do you think about
what Stacy has talked about
00:39:30.97\00:39:33.70
and do you have any
comments or questions for her.
00:39:33.74\00:39:36.60
I can say that I can
relate to a lot of your...
00:39:36.64\00:39:41.21
journeys through life a
lot of them, and I'm so sorry
00:39:44.18\00:39:48.88
that you had to go through
those journeys in your life
00:39:48.92\00:39:52.65
and my question for
you would be how was your,
00:39:52.69\00:39:59.63
how was it when you
transitioned your life.
00:39:59.66\00:40:03.06
Like I say
sometimes not always easy,
00:40:06.43\00:40:11.84
I think for me just
having the love of Jesus
00:40:11.87\00:40:15.08
when I was a child
made it a little easier.
00:40:15.11\00:40:18.88
You know, Aaron never
knew Jesus as a child.
00:40:18.91\00:40:23.62
So I forgot...
00:40:23.65\00:40:27.72
So you can go back to
that, let me just say,
00:40:27.76\00:40:29.86
I want to go back to what
you were saying, Jennifer,
00:40:29.89\00:40:32.53
because I know that
you're kind of saying
00:40:32.56\00:40:35.76
that I'm transitioning right now
00:40:35.80\00:40:37.73
and I don't know how to land,
00:40:37.77\00:40:40.24
and so what you're
asking her right now
00:40:40.27\00:40:42.47
is to give you something
00:40:42.50\00:40:44.31
that you can
hold on to right now.
00:40:44.34\00:40:48.14
And so what she's saying is,
00:40:48.18\00:40:50.38
she's right now
making that transition.
00:40:50.41\00:40:53.48
I would say, Jesus, I can't,
00:40:53.52\00:40:56.62
I need your help
to keep me strong,
00:40:56.65\00:40:59.99
can't be strong
for myself right now.
00:41:00.02\00:41:02.19
So please do it for
me and work through me
00:41:02.22\00:41:04.93
and always thank him.
00:41:04.96\00:41:06.80
Thank you so much Jesus and...
00:41:06.83\00:41:08.40
So if you're
saying that to someone.
00:41:08.43\00:41:11.77
Thanks, Jennifer, for that.
00:41:11.80\00:41:13.13
And you know what I want to,
00:41:13.17\00:41:14.50
I could say again
we are new friends
00:41:14.54\00:41:19.11
and make sure you call
someone, make sure that you know
00:41:19.14\00:41:22.18
that there are people around you
00:41:22.21\00:41:24.01
that would do anything to
help you in this transition
00:41:24.05\00:41:27.32
and do not do this by yourself.
00:41:27.35\00:41:29.28
Do you hear what I'm saying?
00:41:29.32\00:41:31.15
I do. Okay.
00:41:31.19\00:41:32.85
You can call me anytime,
I'll give you my number.
00:41:32.89\00:41:35.96
So exchange numbers, we
don't do this by ourselves
00:41:35.99\00:41:38.59
and when we need to say
00:41:38.63\00:41:40.16
for people that
don't know Jesus,
00:41:40.20\00:41:42.73
and they don't
know the love of God,
00:41:42.76\00:41:44.10
and they don't
know that is being able
00:41:44.13\00:41:47.07
until you know
that call someone,
00:41:47.10\00:41:49.57
until you know that let
other people around you.
00:41:49.60\00:41:52.84
So if somebody says, you
know, you don't know Jesus
00:41:52.87\00:41:55.61
and you think
what does that mean?
00:41:55.64\00:41:57.45
What does that mean?
00:41:57.48\00:41:58.88
Is just let
someone else pray for you.
00:41:58.91\00:42:01.58
Let someone else call you
00:42:01.62\00:42:03.59
and it may be as
simple as just hanging out.
00:42:03.62\00:42:07.29
Do you know what I'm saying
00:42:07.32\00:42:08.66
that sometimes just hanging out
00:42:08.69\00:42:10.03
during the break.
00:42:10.06\00:42:11.39
And this is for you, Jennifer,
00:42:11.43\00:42:14.53
during the break I asked
Lorraine which is on the set.
00:42:14.56\00:42:17.97
I asked Lorraine, I
know that she crochets
00:42:18.00\00:42:20.30
and would you hang out
with me one night this week
00:42:20.34\00:42:22.77
and teach me a
bit about crocheting
00:42:22.80\00:42:24.51
because my
daughter's having a baby
00:42:24.54\00:42:26.07
and I want to make a blanket.
00:42:26.11\00:42:27.51
And sometimes
it's not hanging out
00:42:27.54\00:42:29.34
and talking about
deep serious stuff.
00:42:29.38\00:42:31.81
It's hanging out.
It's forming friendship.
00:42:31.85\00:42:34.88
It's spending that time
and connecting with people
00:42:34.92\00:42:37.35
that are not using
and are not psycho.
00:42:37.39\00:42:40.89
You know what I mean.
00:42:40.92\00:42:42.26
And it's not as...
00:42:42.29\00:42:43.89
it's not as
complicated as people make it.
00:42:43.93\00:42:46.53
I need you right now.
00:42:46.56\00:42:50.13
Jennifer, right now as
flaky as we are, you need us.
00:42:50.17\00:42:56.40
I do. Okay, all right so.
00:42:56.44\00:42:59.41
So even I want to say
that for you to tell your story
00:42:59.44\00:43:04.15
with someone like
her sitting right here.
00:43:04.18\00:43:06.31
And she's looking at you like
how did you get back to school,
00:43:06.35\00:43:09.65
you know, how did
you all the sudden,
00:43:09.68\00:43:12.75
you have a home and
you have your parents
00:43:12.79\00:43:14.52
and your kids
and you're beautiful
00:43:14.56\00:43:16.66
and I know that you
still feel insecure.
00:43:16.69\00:43:19.39
I'm gonna shake
that out of you some day,
00:43:19.43\00:43:22.06
but you know I think
that she's seeing you
00:43:22.10\00:43:25.63
and saying I'm scared right now.
00:43:25.67\00:43:27.57
You have to learn how to
crawl before you can walk so.
00:43:27.60\00:43:32.17
And if you don't have
any good support system
00:43:32.21\00:43:36.24
because for me it's
like, well, who do I turn to.
00:43:36.28\00:43:38.81
Right.
00:43:38.85\00:43:40.18
I don't know calling on
Jesus he will always be there.
00:43:40.22\00:43:46.79
He will always be there.
00:43:46.82\00:43:48.59
Were you ever,
were you ever scared
00:43:48.62\00:43:51.06
that you would not make it?
00:43:51.09\00:43:53.36
Yes.
00:43:53.40\00:43:55.56
Yep, and I was also afraid
00:43:55.60\00:43:56.93
that I would never get
close with Jesus again...
00:43:56.97\00:44:00.64
Because you're not good enough.
00:44:00.67\00:44:03.00
That had probably the
biggest part to do with it,
00:44:03.04\00:44:05.87
not worthy, just not worthy.
00:44:05.91\00:44:09.54
We're going through
this Victory in Jesus
00:44:09.58\00:44:12.15
for this whole series on grace,
and one of the things it says,
00:44:12.18\00:44:17.82
and you know it's like,
00:44:17.85\00:44:19.25
do we do things
to be good enough
00:44:19.29\00:44:22.69
or do we become enough
because he loves us, you know.
00:44:22.72\00:44:28.30
And some people
get those mixed up.
00:44:28.33\00:44:30.27
It's like I want to do
more, and I want to be more,
00:44:30.30\00:44:32.17
and I want to
say the right thing,
00:44:32.20\00:44:33.54
and I don't want
to smoke some weed,
00:44:33.57\00:44:35.44
and I don't want to be
doing this or that and God said,
00:44:35.47\00:44:37.81
"How about if you just know,
00:44:37.84\00:44:39.77
that I
absolutely loved you always,
00:44:39.81\00:44:43.38
and in that love, you can rest."
00:44:43.41\00:44:46.88
Sure does give a
piece of comfort to you.
00:44:46.92\00:44:49.22
Yeah, changes
everything. Everything.
00:44:49.25\00:44:51.65
We're gonna take a
break, and I want to come back,
00:44:51.69\00:44:54.39
and I want to
ask you a few things
00:44:54.42\00:44:57.03
about your
journey, and I want you
00:44:57.06\00:45:00.66
to really kind of speak
into the lives of somebody
00:45:00.70\00:45:03.26
that is saying I
don't know if I can make it.
00:45:03.30\00:45:05.73
And you know who
I'm going to ask you
00:45:05.77\00:45:07.50
to speak into the
life of, is just family.
00:45:07.54\00:45:10.64
So we'll be right back.
00:45:10.67\00:45:12.01
But I want you to think about
as we take this break is that,
00:45:12.04\00:45:15.38
it is amazing to me who
God is trying to change.
00:45:15.41\00:45:18.81
It's amazing to me when
God says, "You know what?
00:45:18.85\00:45:22.08
I promise you if
you are breathing,
00:45:22.12\00:45:25.49
You are my child
and I died for you."
00:45:25.52\00:45:28.09
And so it's like let's
not judge anything right now,
00:45:28.12\00:45:30.63
let's just know that God
is doing the best he can do
00:45:30.66\00:45:33.60
to get us home,
00:45:33.63\00:45:34.96
and he's not
leaving any of us behind.
00:45:35.00\00:45:36.97
We'll be right back.
00:45:37.00\00:45:38.33