The following program
discusses sensitive issues
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related to addictive behavior.
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Parents are
cautioned that some material
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may be too candid
for younger children.
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Welcome to
Celebrating Life in Recovery,
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I'm Cheri, and these friends
of mine are so full of joy,
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it's unbelievable.
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But it wasn't always like that,
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there were a time in their
life they couldn't even breathe.
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Come join us in the cafe,
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you are not going to
want to miss the story.
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It is absolutely
amazing and God is so present.
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I am so proud of God.
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Our whole season
is talking about grace
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and being loved
and being taken care
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of not in only our good times,
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but when it's the worst
time is God still present.
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So this season we're
going over our workbook
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is Victory in Jesus.
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The book is
primarily focused on,
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are we enough for God?
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And I'm thinking,
when I first came to God,
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I wanted to be everything,
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I wanted to do
all the right things,
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and I want to be
this powerful woman of God
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that just is
joyful all the time,
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and then I get
hit with something,
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and I'm thinking,
okay, there goes that.
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And now does God love me?
Am I by myself? Am I alone?
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And then when I learned
it's no and I got to say,
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Angelia, for one
welcome to the program.
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Thank you.
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I adore you, but when I say
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that in the
midst of getting hit,
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I would go back and
forth, am I alone now?
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Do you love me now? Am I
doing the right thing now?
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And I know that in your
life, you have felt that way
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but so I want to ask you I...
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You know, usually I
start the show with a teaching.
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But I just don't
want to take any time away
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from what you're
going to say to us,
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and I want to know who you
are, why you're in this seat,
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and what do you
think of God and grace?
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Those are great questions.
My name is Angelia Waite.
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I have three sons.
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My oldest son 28 years old,
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a middle son he is 23 years old,
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and then our youngest son Ramsey
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drowned in our backyard pool.
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We are serving the Lord,
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loving Jesus with
every ounce of our being,
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and on a Friday afternoon,
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I found myself
standing on the poolside,
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the worst day of my life
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and I am standing
there thinking God,
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how can this be happening to me
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and my family,
when we're doing it...
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So you were saying that you know
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we are a loving
family, we're doing it right.
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We were in
church. I love you. Yes.
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And I'm standing there
at the bottom of the pool
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looking at my...
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How old was he?
Three and a half years old.
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Three and a half.
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I can't even hear it
still and I've heard you before,
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and I know this
and I can't hear it
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still without
just wanting to weep.
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I can't imagine what it
was like to stand in there.
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Yes, you know,
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I found walking
through that afternoon
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that we were on the
mountaintop, something,
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a miracle had just
happened in our family
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and within two hours,
our youngest son was drowned.
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You know, in
Hebrew a blink of an eye
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means a half blink.
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Well, within a blink
of an eye, half blink,
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everything in my world changed.
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I went from being
mommy to mom against my will,
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against my will.
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You know, my children were
12 and 8 and three and a half.
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Well, the older
two didn't need me
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the same way that Ramsey did
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and so just like
that, everything shifted,
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no more, you
know, no more bomb pops,
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no more pull ups,
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no more me
cutting his nail, nothing.
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It was gone.
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And so I'm thinking,
I'm thinking I have years
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and years left to be a mommy
and just like that it shifted.
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Everything
changed. Everything changed.
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You know when on that day,
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I remember you talking
about your other son was home.
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Yes.
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Our oldest son Benjamin,
12 years old, it was May 26th,
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and they had just had an
end of the year pizza party.
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And he was in
the bed with sea...
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Sorry I said sea food poisoning,
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we had food poisoning
and just really, really sick,
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and my middle son, I
could hear the TV and I just,
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I had just gotten
popsicles out for the boys.
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And I was going to run inside,
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pick up a few
things out of his room,
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throw a load of laundry
in, you know, three minutes.
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And so while all
this is taking place,
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my middle son goes up the stairs
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and I said, "Where is Ramsey?"
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He said, "He's on the
deck finishing his popsicle."
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So I continued with
what I was doing picking up,
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straightening up the room
and through the load of laundry
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and Ramsey did not
even like the water.
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He never got in
the pool with us.
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So it wasn't a
thought that you had it all...
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Never, never, we
would have family pool day
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and he would sit on the outside
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with a blow dryer on
the deck to stay warm.
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He would only get...
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the boys would
splash him and he would,
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he was okay with that
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but never just
to get in the pool.
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So it never crossed my mind.
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So when I looked
outside, I didn't see him.
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I still didn't panic,
Cheri, because it was not,
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it was off my radar.
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So I looked outside
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and we have this
fabulous backyard swing set
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and all jungle jam
and things to climb
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and things to ride and balls,
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and it was just
perfect for children.
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So I just
assumed he was playing.
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So I walked all the
way around calling his name
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nothing, I still didn't panic.
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You know, there's
just mom's know we just,
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there's just something about it,
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but I didn't
panic, and I went inside,
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called his name
nothing, went upstairs,
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I'm calling his name, nothing.
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Well, now I am
beginning to panic.
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It's starting to,
it's starting to hit...
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Yes. This child
I always hear him.
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It's been too long.
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We're at about
the three minute mark,
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that's too long.
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And so I...
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my first thought was
that we had a picket fence
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around the pool
and the gate was closed
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and so I saw that the
gate was latched and I...
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my only other option was
to go into the breezeway,
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breezeway connected
through a detached garage.
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You know there's something
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about your
meeting place with Jesus.
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Well, that breezeway was mine.
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Four in the
morning, whatever time,
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you could find me there.
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If I'm not sleeping,
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I'm meeting
right there with Jesus,
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candlelit, my Bible, a blanket,
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heater in the winter
time, it was my familiar place.
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So I walked
through the breezeway
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and into the detached garage.
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The garage has
the play room upstairs
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and I called his name, nothing.
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Well, by now I'm
getting a little angry, mommies,
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you know, how we do,
I got my mommy voice.
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Right. You better answer me.
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Well, he had
never hidden from me.
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So I just, it just didn't,
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it wasn't a game that we played,
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that wasn't allowed to be
played and you don't hide.
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So I said, "You better
answer me Ramsey, I mean it."
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Nothing, I go running up
the stairs to the playroom,
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he's not there.
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And so I'm
panicking, I am panicking.
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Where is he?
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My heart is
beating out of my chest,
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I can't breathe
just like you described,
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and I open the door and
I walk on to the breezeway.
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You know in the presence of God,
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there is a peace regardless
of what you are facing
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and the minute my feet
hit that concrete pad, Cheri,
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we know the voice of the Lord.
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We also know the
voice of the enemy
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and that voice is the
opposite of the voice of God,
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and this is what I heard,
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"I'm going to take them both."
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At that moment I'm
thinking what does that mean.
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The Lord said to me,
"Go back to the pool."
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So I knew the different
voices, "Go back to the pool."
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My first thought was
God this can't be right.
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This can't be right.
This can't be happening.
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It cannot be
happening to me now, it ever.
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Right.
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The second time he
said, "Go back to the pool."
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Although it was everything
I did not want to hear.
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I knew it was God.
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I knew I was about to
walk into my worst fear.
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I go up the
stairs God, I remember,
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please not the
pool, please not the pool.
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Is there a part of
you, it's even a part of me
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that says I don't want to go.
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I don't want to move
my feet in that direction.
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Because you're
starting to in your spirit
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you're starting to know.
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Yes, have you ever
been in the grocery store
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and your toddler be
there and just for a moment
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they walk away
out of your sight.
00:09:17.99\00:09:20.29
And you, you know,
that panic that you feel,
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you just need to find them.
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Well, I think
that is what took over.
00:09:25.66\00:09:28.13
I had to lay my eyes on him.
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It was not what I wanted to hear
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but I had to find him.
00:09:32.27\00:09:34.57
So I'm walking,
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I'm running up the
steps at end of the house
00:09:35.97\00:09:37.97
and I'm running
to the pool side.
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This was not the
first time I looked in,
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and I looked in
and he was not there
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and I'm like, "Lord,"
He said, "Go to the edge."
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Well, I couldn't see him
from where I was on the deck.
00:09:49.78\00:09:53.36
So when I walked off the
deck and on to the concrete pad.
00:09:53.39\00:09:57.49
There he was in the deep end.
00:09:57.53\00:09:59.69
I could not see
him from the deck.
00:09:59.73\00:10:01.96
But I could see him
from the concrete pad
00:10:02.00\00:10:04.93
which is where the Lord sent me.
00:10:04.97\00:10:07.37
You know,
people have said to me,
00:10:07.40\00:10:08.74
I just don't believe that
was the voice of the Lord.
00:10:08.77\00:10:11.37
If you've ever been a mommy
00:10:11.41\00:10:13.71
and you cannot
find your children,
00:10:13.74\00:10:17.45
the Lord hears
our cry and our panic.
00:10:17.48\00:10:22.75
And the calm that
His voice brought to me
00:10:22.78\00:10:26.35
I immediately jumped in.
00:10:26.39\00:10:27.92
Yes, I
immediately jumped in the pool
00:10:27.96\00:10:31.03
and, you know, I've
been swimming my whole life,
00:10:31.06\00:10:34.00
but in the moment of panic.
00:10:34.03\00:10:36.16
I can't imagine even going down
00:10:36.20\00:10:37.87
and breathing,
holding your breath.
00:10:37.90\00:10:39.90
I could not breathe
because of the panic
00:10:39.93\00:10:42.50
and the anxiety and the...
00:10:42.54\00:10:43.87
just everything and
it's happening so fast,
00:10:43.91\00:10:47.88
and I remember trying to breathe
00:10:47.91\00:10:49.41
and I went down into the water
00:10:49.44\00:10:50.78
and I can't even hold my breath.
00:10:50.81\00:10:52.55
I can't get to the bottom
00:10:52.58\00:10:54.62
and I've been
swimming my whole life.
00:10:54.65\00:10:57.02
We live next door to a church,
00:10:57.05\00:10:59.15
and I remember screaming
at the top of my lungs,
00:10:59.19\00:11:03.56
"God, you've got to send
somebody to help me, help me."
00:11:03.59\00:11:07.50
And I'm yelling
desperate, I'm yelling,
00:11:07.53\00:11:14.07
and I hear the sound pounding.
00:11:14.10\00:11:17.14
And my 12 year old son
00:11:17.17\00:11:19.51
is running across the
deck projectile vomiting,
00:11:19.54\00:11:24.38
he is so sick, "Mommy what?"
00:11:24.41\00:11:27.88
I said, "Ramsey
is in the bottom."
00:11:27.92\00:11:30.45
Immediately he jumped in,
and he dove into the pool,
00:11:30.49\00:11:34.42
he is so sick.
00:11:34.46\00:11:36.06
And when he went in I
heard the enemy again,
00:11:36.09\00:11:40.40
"Now, I'm going
to take them both."
00:11:40.43\00:11:45.00
I can't, even in that moment
00:11:45.03\00:11:47.54
when you say
that in that moment,
00:11:47.57\00:11:48.90
I can't imagine
how I would, I just,
00:11:48.94\00:11:52.54
just take me because I
can't do this, I can't do this.
00:11:52.57\00:11:55.44
I was right there. Yeah.
00:11:55.48\00:11:56.81
I was right there. Yes.
And Satan is relentless.
00:11:56.85\00:11:59.25
To me when you said,
I heard a enemy's voice,
00:11:59.28\00:12:01.18
he is relentless
when he does that to us.
00:12:01.22\00:12:03.69
Yes, he is. And he knew exactly.
00:12:03.72\00:12:07.46
First of all
I'm yelling for help
00:12:07.49\00:12:09.32
and I could not save my child.
00:12:09.36\00:12:11.79
So my second child
comes in 12 years old,
00:12:11.83\00:12:15.46
he became 27
within three minutes.
00:12:15.50\00:12:18.30
You say, he's a little child.
00:12:18.33\00:12:21.20
And he's suddenly in
the bottom of the pool.
00:12:21.24\00:12:23.91
And the enemy speaks,
00:12:23.94\00:12:25.27
"Now I'm going
to take them both."
00:12:25.31\00:12:27.54
I'm here to tell you
the rubber met the road
00:12:27.58\00:12:29.44
right there in my soul.
00:12:29.48\00:12:31.65
Because now two of my
children are in the pool
00:12:31.68\00:12:35.05
and I can't do anything.
00:12:35.08\00:12:37.15
I remember falling to
my knees on that concrete
00:12:37.19\00:12:40.79
and I said, "God, you
have got to do something."
00:12:40.82\00:12:47.43
It wasn't, God I need...
00:12:47.46\00:12:50.40
No, you have got to do something
00:12:50.43\00:12:54.67
and at that moment
00:12:54.70\00:12:56.34
I'm on my knees
crying out for help.
00:12:56.37\00:13:00.48
You have to and he
comes out of that water.
00:13:00.51\00:13:03.95
It was like an explosion
not gentle, it was violent.
00:13:03.98\00:13:07.92
Benjamin shoots
out of that water
00:13:07.95\00:13:09.92
with Ramsey in his
arms, I said "God,"
00:13:09.95\00:13:14.22
I'm telling you he
swam right over he's 12.
00:13:14.26\00:13:17.89
He's a child.
Holding his brother.
00:13:17.93\00:13:20.00
Holding his brother
completely limbless,
00:13:20.03\00:13:23.10
just leapt, just blew,
just holding his little body
00:13:23.13\00:13:27.90
and he's getting, he's
trying to get out of the pool,
00:13:27.94\00:13:29.90
I'm trying to help him out.
00:13:29.94\00:13:31.34
The whole time
our eight year old,
00:13:31.37\00:13:34.41
if you have,
00:13:34.44\00:13:35.78
if you can remember your
child being eight years old,
00:13:35.81\00:13:38.71
so innocent.
00:13:38.75\00:13:40.08
So innocent.
00:13:40.12\00:13:41.45
And there Chandler
was ringing his hands,
00:13:41.48\00:13:45.22
ringing his
hands all by himself.
00:13:45.25\00:13:48.02
There's no one there.
00:13:48.06\00:13:50.33
We're here and
there's nobody there,
00:13:50.36\00:13:52.66
nobody's called, 911.
00:13:52.69\00:13:54.63
There's nobody there to help us.
00:13:54.66\00:13:56.90
And there that little child is
00:13:56.93\00:13:58.83
and I can see
him just the terror.
00:13:58.87\00:14:01.54
No tears, no tears
he's too afraid, no tears,
00:14:01.57\00:14:04.97
just the terror on him.
00:14:05.01\00:14:07.18
And I'm... And his
whole world changing.
00:14:07.21\00:14:09.64
Yes. Yes. His
whole world changing.
00:14:09.68\00:14:11.78
I don't
understand what's happening.
00:14:11.81\00:14:13.68
No and Ramsey, they were
inseparable, inseparable.
00:14:13.72\00:14:17.55
And he is living this out
00:14:17.59\00:14:20.52
about 12 feet from the incident
00:14:20.56\00:14:24.99
and immediately Benjamin
pulls him out of the water.
00:14:25.03\00:14:30.27
I can't even
explain what we're...
00:14:30.30\00:14:32.33
what I'm looking at, you know,
00:14:32.37\00:14:35.30
it's my husband
was on his way home
00:14:35.34\00:14:37.11
had not gotten home.
00:14:37.14\00:14:38.61
You know, he's a
veterinarian, he saves creatures
00:14:38.64\00:14:41.44
and all I could
think of is where are you.
00:14:41.48\00:14:44.91
You know he's the
leader of the home,
00:14:44.95\00:14:47.85
he's not there.
00:14:47.88\00:14:49.55
I don't know how to
do this without you.
00:14:49.58\00:14:51.15
I can't do it without
you, I can't but I'm having to.
00:14:51.19\00:14:56.86
You know, and so Benjamin
immediately 12 years old,
00:14:56.89\00:15:00.40
begins to do CPR.
00:15:00.43\00:15:02.46
I snatched the
phone, he is doing CPR,
00:15:02.50\00:15:05.83
I'm calling 911 and, you know,
00:15:05.87\00:15:07.60
they want to keep you on
the phone I can't breathe.
00:15:07.64\00:15:10.51
My children are right here
Chandler hanging on to my leg,
00:15:10.54\00:15:14.74
the other, I can't
even, I can't even...
00:15:14.78\00:15:17.35
Somebody is got
to answer this call.
00:15:17.38\00:15:19.41
You've got to help us.
00:15:19.45\00:15:21.28
And so they want,
00:15:21.32\00:15:22.65
they want
details and I'm thinking,
00:15:22.68\00:15:24.05
"Please stop, just come,
trust me you just got to come."
00:15:24.09\00:15:28.69
And so it seemed like
three more minutes passed
00:15:28.72\00:15:33.19
and I hear this creak
and it was the back gate
00:15:33.23\00:15:37.13
and I will never
forget that moment
00:15:37.17\00:15:39.20
and the man
walked in with a bag.
00:15:39.23\00:15:41.87
I had never been so relieved
and I just remember saying,
00:15:41.90\00:15:45.21
"God thank you, thank
you for sending someone."
00:15:45.24\00:15:49.71
He immediately comes over
00:15:49.74\00:15:51.11
and then there's
more people coming
00:15:51.15\00:15:53.01
and the helicopter
lands in the backyard is full
00:15:53.05\00:15:56.18
and I just remember
thinking, you heard me,
00:15:56.22\00:16:00.76
this doesn't look like
what it's supposed to look like
00:16:00.79\00:16:03.32
but you came when I called.
00:16:03.36\00:16:05.33
Amen.
00:16:05.36\00:16:06.80
You heard me, you know,
00:16:06.83\00:16:10.20
and I was just
telling someone my story
00:16:10.23\00:16:12.50
doesn't have a bow on it.
00:16:12.53\00:16:14.17
That's big and
beautiful and lovely,
00:16:14.20\00:16:16.57
my story doesn't look like that.
00:16:16.60\00:16:19.07
The reality was,
we buried our son.
00:16:19.11\00:16:23.31
We worked hard tirelessly.
00:16:23.35\00:16:26.48
People did not want to give up.
00:16:26.51\00:16:28.02
No. On him.
00:16:28.05\00:16:29.38
We fought, we
did all those things
00:16:29.42\00:16:31.55
and it just didn't turn
out like we needed it to.
00:16:31.59\00:16:37.03
So we were faced with a truth
that shifted our entire family.
00:16:37.06\00:16:42.66
It shook us to the core.
00:16:42.70\00:16:44.33
We're gonna, I
like to take a break
00:16:44.37\00:16:46.53
because, I know that
Jade, your husband is here
00:16:46.57\00:16:49.37
and I would like him to
come up and speak with us
00:16:49.40\00:16:53.38
on this next
part of that journey.
00:16:53.41\00:16:55.98
But right now,
I just, I want to,
00:16:56.01\00:16:58.81
I want to say that I can't
imagine being in that place,
00:16:58.85\00:17:02.52
I can't imagine that shift,
00:17:02.55\00:17:04.72
I can't imagine
getting up the next day
00:17:04.75\00:17:07.49
and trying to
figure out how to survive,
00:17:07.52\00:17:09.89
how to breathe,
how to make breakfast.
00:17:09.92\00:17:13.96
I mean, you know, any
of that kind of stuff.
00:17:14.00\00:17:16.56
And one of the things I want
to answer when we come back,
00:17:16.60\00:17:19.83
is a lot of people
will say, "If God is God,
00:17:19.87\00:17:23.24
why did that happen."
00:17:23.27\00:17:24.77
And I really want
to answer that question
00:17:24.81\00:17:28.14
or I want to
have Jade and Angelia
00:17:28.18\00:17:29.88
answer that question
because you know what,
00:17:29.91\00:17:32.41
we want to blame
God and God says,
00:17:32.45\00:17:33.92
"I promise you,
this was not my fault."
00:17:33.95\00:17:37.72
If you're out there,
00:17:37.75\00:17:39.09
if you struggle
with this kind of stuff
00:17:39.12\00:17:40.52
and you're having a
hard time right now,
00:17:40.56\00:17:42.46
don't turn the channel off now.
00:17:42.49\00:17:44.66
Stay with us,
we'll be right back.
00:17:44.69\00:17:46.49