The following program
discusses sensitivity issues
00:00:01.36\00:00:03.40
related to addictive behavior.
00:00:03.43\00:00:05.13
Parents are
cautioned that some material
00:00:05.17\00:00:06.84
may be too candid
for younger children.
00:00:06.87\00:00:09.07
Welcome back to
Celebrating Life.
00:00:13.84\00:00:15.24
We are talking about
just loving each other,
00:00:15.28\00:00:18.95
mentorship, grace,
00:00:18.98\00:00:20.35
how do we kind of
fit in that relationship
00:00:20.38\00:00:23.89
where we start to change
and does God feel the same way?
00:00:23.92\00:00:27.66
Is when we start
realizing how much He loves us,
00:00:27.69\00:00:30.83
we start to change
in that relationship
00:00:30.86\00:00:32.49
and I'm just crazy about it.
00:00:32.53\00:00:35.10
If God was here, like
I've said it million times
00:00:35.13\00:00:37.27
I would kiss Him
all over the face
00:00:37.30\00:00:38.70
and just say thank You.
00:00:38.73\00:00:40.07
And so, I want to
say hi to you, Verism,
00:00:40.10\00:00:44.01
and I want to just say
00:00:44.04\00:00:45.37
that we talked
a lot on the phone
00:00:45.41\00:00:48.31
about another
guest that was coming on
00:00:48.34\00:00:50.75
and while we were talking,
I fell in love with you.
00:00:50.78\00:00:54.65
Thank you. Thank
you. You are welcome.
00:00:54.68\00:00:56.75
And so to me I'd like to have
you introduce yourself to us
00:00:56.79\00:01:01.46
but from the beginning
like where you from and I want,
00:01:01.49\00:01:06.13
I think I want them
to fall in love with you
00:01:06.16\00:01:07.86
in the same way I did.
00:01:07.90\00:01:09.36
Well, I'm Verism Barker.
00:01:09.40\00:01:11.37
I'm originally
from South America,
00:01:11.40\00:01:13.54
from Guyana.
00:01:13.57\00:01:14.90
But in reference
to what you're saying,
00:01:14.94\00:01:17.74
I am a writer, I am an educator
00:01:17.77\00:01:20.51
and I have had the
privilege of working with people
00:01:20.54\00:01:23.71
who needed me.
00:01:23.75\00:01:25.95
I went to South
Carolina, I don't know why,
00:01:25.98\00:01:29.28
but I got there and discovered
00:01:29.32\00:01:30.82
that I could
actually meet people
00:01:30.85\00:01:34.42
who needed to be employed.
00:01:34.46\00:01:37.19
And I started a
janitorial company,
00:01:37.23\00:01:40.00
largely because
nobody was employing them.
00:01:40.03\00:01:42.03
So you are talking
about there were people
00:01:42.06\00:01:44.27
that you looked at and they said
00:01:44.30\00:01:45.63
because of their background
and because of who they are,
00:01:45.67\00:01:47.67
nobody is given them a chance.
00:01:47.70\00:01:49.54
They were excluded. Right.
00:01:49.57\00:01:50.91
Excluded from being employed
and so I started this company
00:01:50.94\00:01:54.81
and met some of the
most beautiful women
00:01:54.84\00:01:58.65
who sadly, I mean
they had several children
00:01:58.68\00:02:04.55
and
unfortunately they had no jobs.
00:02:04.59\00:02:06.65
So I started the company
and then as I worked with them,
00:02:06.69\00:02:09.79
I realized that they
were undereducated as well.
00:02:09.82\00:02:14.06
Yeah, and that
wasn't your background
00:02:14.10\00:02:16.23
because you said,
you were educated,
00:02:16.26\00:02:19.10
you were writer
all that kind of stuff.
00:02:19.13\00:02:20.54
So I want to go back to,
were you always a writer?
00:02:20.57\00:02:24.01
I mean, you know,
00:02:24.04\00:02:25.37
where did all of that come from?
00:02:25.41\00:02:26.94
Yes I...
00:02:26.98\00:02:28.31
And why do you
have such a big heart?
00:02:28.34\00:02:30.18
I have to say that
I was always a writer,
00:02:30.21\00:02:32.28
I've been, I won my first essay
00:02:32.31\00:02:34.38
like I told you when
I was eight years old.
00:02:34.42\00:02:36.69
But I come from a country
00:02:36.72\00:02:38.15
that in which we
had no televisions.
00:02:38.19\00:02:40.66
So reading was my entertainment.
00:02:40.69\00:02:43.99
And I always read and I guess
I had the wildest imagination,
00:02:44.03\00:02:47.66
I always wrote
and that followed me,
00:02:47.70\00:02:50.83
I became a writer,
I became a journalist,
00:02:50.87\00:02:52.90
a publisher and
that's my business.
00:02:52.93\00:02:55.84
So when I was in,
00:02:55.87\00:02:57.21
so when I came
to South Carolina,
00:02:57.24\00:02:59.11
I started this program
00:02:59.14\00:03:02.74
which I took at the
Seventh-day Adventist church.
00:03:02.78\00:03:05.78
Grammar and writing skills...
00:03:05.81\00:03:07.15
'Cause you're
not Adventist, right?
00:03:07.18\00:03:08.52
I'm not Adventist. Okay.
00:03:08.55\00:03:09.88
And I was going to be accepted.
00:03:09.92\00:03:11.35
Why did you
choose Adventist church?
00:03:11.39\00:03:12.72
'Cause I'm Adventist.
00:03:12.75\00:03:14.09
Because I shopped
in the program around,
00:03:14.12\00:03:15.46
I do not shop as in the
sense of looking for money.
00:03:15.49\00:03:17.99
But I felt because
there were so many people
00:03:18.03\00:03:20.53
in this specific
geographical area
00:03:20.56\00:03:22.86
that was so in need.
00:03:22.90\00:03:25.67
I figured well,
going to the churches
00:03:25.70\00:03:27.50
because, you know,
everybody goes to church,
00:03:27.54\00:03:30.17
I would meet more people.
00:03:30.21\00:03:31.67
But unfortunately,
00:03:31.71\00:03:33.94
most of them
didn't buy the idea.
00:03:33.98\00:03:36.31
And the one church that took me
00:03:36.34\00:03:38.38
was the
Seventh-day Adventist church.
00:03:38.41\00:03:39.75
Get on them.
00:03:39.78\00:03:41.12
So I...
00:03:41.15\00:03:42.48
there was a program
that they were conducting to
00:03:42.52\00:03:44.79
and they took my
writing and my grammar.
00:03:44.82\00:03:50.09
Okay.
00:03:50.13\00:03:51.46
Which is what I did
everyday with these women.
00:03:51.49\00:03:54.06
For these women.
00:03:54.10\00:03:55.43
So trying to educate them,
00:03:55.46\00:03:57.33
trying to get them
working in their job, right?
00:03:57.37\00:04:01.44
And when I talked about Marcia
and Marcia coming into my life
00:04:01.47\00:04:05.21
and just loving
me into my own skin,
00:04:05.24\00:04:08.88
I thought about you.
00:04:08.91\00:04:12.35
Yes, and I met several women
00:04:12.38\00:04:14.48
who I ended up
becoming their Marcia.
00:04:14.52\00:04:19.35
You know, so many of
them had so many deep stories
00:04:19.39\00:04:24.23
that they wanted to tell.
00:04:24.26\00:04:26.26
And they wanted it to be heard
00:04:26.29\00:04:27.63
because they felt
that it would be healing
00:04:27.66\00:04:30.77
and mentoring for others
00:04:30.80\00:04:32.20
who had gone through
what they went through.
00:04:32.23\00:04:34.84
Can I and I never,
you know, I don't know why
00:04:34.87\00:04:37.51
but I just never got to
ask my mom or Marcia this, why?
00:04:37.54\00:04:44.45
It's not easy to love us.
00:04:44.48\00:04:46.58
It's not easy to
reach into somebody's life
00:04:46.61\00:04:48.55
that is inconsistent,
they're acting out,
00:04:48.58\00:04:51.02
they don't know how to respond,
00:04:51.05\00:04:52.72
I don't know how
to like, you love me.
00:04:52.75\00:04:54.09
I don't know how to
trust, what was that like
00:04:54.12\00:04:57.33
and why did you
fight to do that?
00:04:57.36\00:05:00.50
It was difficult.
00:05:00.53\00:05:02.46
It was difficult,
yes. You say that so nice.
00:05:02.50\00:05:04.17
I'll be honest it was difficult.
00:05:04.20\00:05:06.07
But I realize that a
lot of the pushing away
00:05:06.10\00:05:09.00
wasn't because they
wanted to push back.
00:05:09.04\00:05:12.91
A lot of them were scared
00:05:12.94\00:05:14.64
because receiving love
was not something that they...
00:05:14.68\00:05:18.11
and I don't think I
have the biggest heart.
00:05:18.15\00:05:20.58
But I just felt
for me to reach them,
00:05:20.62\00:05:23.59
we have to
communicate some hope.
00:05:23.62\00:05:26.72
And in doing that,
you know, we meshed...
00:05:26.76\00:05:30.19
Yeah.
00:05:30.23\00:05:31.56
Some of them decided
they didn't want the program,
00:05:31.59\00:05:34.86
other stayed
and, It didn't work.
00:05:34.90\00:05:40.10
'Cause at sometimes,
00:05:40.14\00:05:41.47
at sometimes they
will be angry at you,
00:05:41.50\00:05:44.97
they will lie to
you, they'll not show up,
00:05:45.01\00:05:47.48
I mean all of those had things.
00:05:47.51\00:05:48.84
Look I had a lot of that,
00:05:48.88\00:05:50.21
I had a lot of that
especially with working...
00:05:50.25\00:05:52.61
Yeah.
00:05:52.65\00:05:53.98
Lots of them
after the first check
00:05:54.02\00:05:55.38
wouldn't show up,
00:05:55.42\00:05:57.02
you know, during the work
day I would not get a call,
00:05:57.05\00:06:00.56
some people would
not show up for work,
00:06:00.59\00:06:02.66
so it was tough.
00:06:02.69\00:06:04.69
But I felt like if
I am gonna change it,
00:06:04.73\00:06:07.00
if I am really
gonna make a difference.
00:06:07.03\00:06:08.50
I've already started
this and I know the need
00:06:08.53\00:06:12.00
and I know, after a while
I kind of knew who they were.
00:06:12.03\00:06:15.37
I knew they wanted to change
00:06:15.40\00:06:16.74
but because it was
something so different to them.
00:06:16.77\00:06:20.34
So, you know,
what's really tough
00:06:20.38\00:06:21.71
when I'm
listening to you, Verism,
00:06:21.74\00:06:23.08
I want to, you know,
00:06:23.11\00:06:25.08
I want to look at the
camera and just say please,
00:06:25.11\00:06:27.35
if you get this at all,
00:06:27.38\00:06:29.18
if you realize that
you could mentor someone
00:06:29.22\00:06:32.12
or you could step
into someone's life,
00:06:32.15\00:06:33.56
please do it.
00:06:33.59\00:06:34.92
And it's not
easy, it's not anything,
00:06:34.96\00:06:36.73
in the midst of all of the stuff
00:06:36.76\00:06:38.19
that you are doing,
trying to get someone employed,
00:06:38.23\00:06:40.76
educated, to be
able to receive love
00:06:40.80\00:06:43.47
or just to heal
from some of that stuff.
00:06:43.50\00:06:45.83
In the midst of that you
have some medical problem.
00:06:45.87\00:06:48.50
Yes. So talk about that.
00:06:48.54\00:06:49.87
Because, you know,
when you make a commitment
00:06:49.90\00:06:52.64
to step into someone's life,
00:06:52.67\00:06:54.14
it doesn't mean that
everything in your life stops.
00:06:54.18\00:06:56.54
You are still
dealing with whatever.
00:06:56.58\00:06:58.58
And a lot of, a lot
of people seem to think
00:06:58.61\00:07:02.05
because I was pushing so hard,
00:07:02.08\00:07:03.89
trying to get people to work
and go against who they where,
00:07:03.92\00:07:08.42
that's why I became ill.
00:07:08.46\00:07:09.79
In 2009 I
suffered a brain aneurysm.
00:07:09.82\00:07:12.49
And I was in the
intensive care unit
00:07:12.53\00:07:16.67
for three weeks.
00:07:16.70\00:07:18.87
When I came out it took
me approximately a year,
00:07:18.90\00:07:23.74
before I could have
really gotten back to myself.
00:07:23.77\00:07:26.91
Yes, I want to talk about that,
00:07:26.94\00:07:28.28
'cause for some
people that haven't had,
00:07:28.31\00:07:30.81
like I just got
bucked of a horse
00:07:30.85\00:07:32.81
and was knocked out for
00:07:32.85\00:07:34.88
I don't know how
long, didn't remember.
00:07:34.92\00:07:36.42
The ambulance rider
showing up at the hospital
00:07:36.45\00:07:38.65
and even at the hospital
00:07:38.69\00:07:40.02
the first person I
met was my neurosurgeon.
00:07:40.06\00:07:42.32
He said, "Hi, my name is...
00:07:42.36\00:07:43.69
I'm your neurosurgeon."
00:07:43.73\00:07:45.06
And so I had a bleed between
the right and left hemisphere.
00:07:45.09\00:07:48.36
I didn't hardly
remember my name.
00:07:48.40\00:07:50.97
So I want you to talk about...
00:07:51.00\00:07:52.33
My frontal lobe, I'm told
my frontal lobe was blown.
00:07:52.37\00:07:55.04
Yeah.
00:07:55.07\00:07:56.40
I actually have a
coil right now in my brain,
00:07:56.44\00:08:00.11
it was called
the coiling system.
00:08:00.14\00:08:02.31
And you feel lethargic
after, I was lethargic,
00:08:02.34\00:08:07.62
I know for at least six months
00:08:07.65\00:08:10.42
and even the business
that I'm talking about,
00:08:10.45\00:08:12.42
that's how that it suffered.
00:08:12.45\00:08:14.32
Because I
couldn't get back into it.
00:08:14.36\00:08:17.66
But I still kept in touch
and I kept a lot of it going.
00:08:17.69\00:08:20.86
It was not as vibrant as it was.
00:08:20.90\00:08:23.06
But that illness is
very, it could be debilitating.
00:08:23.10\00:08:28.37
So I think,
00:08:28.40\00:08:30.77
that's when I realize the
stuff that you went through,
00:08:30.81\00:08:33.91
at the same time
you're trying to love
00:08:33.94\00:08:36.54
and bring life
into someone else.
00:08:36.58\00:08:39.28
Who mentored you,
who was your strength?
00:08:39.31\00:08:42.28
My mom. My mom.
Okay, in what way?
00:08:42.32\00:08:46.45
My mow was a
teacher by profession
00:08:46.49\00:08:49.82
but she never
stopped when she was home.
00:08:49.86\00:08:52.49
So we felt her strength
00:08:52.53\00:08:54.40
and we felt her
desire to keep us educated
00:08:54.43\00:08:56.67
and to keep us
on the right track.
00:08:56.70\00:08:59.40
You know, she always taught is
00:08:59.43\00:09:02.70
if you have a loaf of
bread, half of it only is yours.
00:09:02.74\00:09:06.04
The other half, make
sure that you share it.
00:09:06.07\00:09:08.21
Wow.
00:09:08.24\00:09:09.58
So it was never a
problem for me to give.
00:09:09.61\00:09:12.55
I'm not going to
say I was never selfish.
00:09:12.58\00:09:15.08
I was selfish,
00:09:15.12\00:09:16.45
I mean I know the
times when I was selfish.
00:09:16.48\00:09:17.89
And I was also judgmental
even though that was something
00:09:17.92\00:09:19.92
that she taught us not to be.
00:09:19.95\00:09:22.52
What did that look like in your
life in the judgmental stuff
00:09:22.56\00:09:25.23
and how, you had to
surrender some of that
00:09:25.26\00:09:27.03
if you're working
with Adventist folks.
00:09:27.06\00:09:29.53
I came to this country,
I'm in 30, several years ago.
00:09:29.56\00:09:34.10
And I came as a student
and it always shocked me
00:09:34.14\00:09:39.47
that as I was
on my way to school
00:09:39.51\00:09:40.98
I saw so many
people who weren't going...
00:09:41.01\00:09:43.51
Just hanging out.
Yeah. Just chilling.
00:09:43.55\00:09:45.58
And so I said, you
know, I figured well,
00:09:45.61\00:09:47.92
I mean really
00:09:47.95\00:09:49.28
and then especially the ones
who would ask me for a dollar.
00:09:49.32\00:09:52.42
I would be like well, you know,
00:09:52.45\00:09:53.79
I'm going to work
and when I'm done,
00:09:53.82\00:09:55.72
I have to go and
catch eight hours of class
00:09:55.76\00:09:57.89
because I want to be able
to not to ask for a dollar.
00:09:57.93\00:10:00.60
So I was very critical and...
00:10:00.63\00:10:03.47
It's...
00:10:03.50\00:10:04.83
but I love when you say
that 'cause it's really tough,
00:10:04.87\00:10:06.94
'cause I've been on
both sides of that where,
00:10:06.97\00:10:09.54
you know, man I, it's non stop,
just trying to get on my feet.
00:10:09.57\00:10:14.18
And, you know, you
got to just do something.
00:10:14.21\00:10:16.58
But that taught
me, It taught me too,
00:10:16.61\00:10:18.58
I mean over the years
00:10:18.61\00:10:19.95
and I think age is really wisdom
00:10:19.98\00:10:21.48
and maturity like that.
00:10:21.52\00:10:23.02
It taught me enough
because they're asking,
00:10:23.05\00:10:25.12
it means that they
have a golden spirit.
00:10:25.15\00:10:27.56
I learned
especially from the ladies
00:10:27.59\00:10:29.22
I mentioned and men.
00:10:29.26\00:10:30.59
There were men
on my crew as well
00:10:30.63\00:10:32.19
that there was
some nurturing damage
00:10:32.23\00:10:35.63
that took them where they were.
00:10:35.66\00:10:37.00
Exactly.
00:10:37.03\00:10:38.37
So they were not
willfully deviants...
00:10:38.40\00:10:42.37
Right. Right. Or degenerate.
00:10:42.40\00:10:44.54
So but let me just say,
'cause it's really interesting
00:10:44.57\00:10:46.74
'cause there's a reason
to everybody's where they are
00:10:46.78\00:10:48.78
but I never got
the person that said,
00:10:48.81\00:10:51.18
"You know what,
are you kidding me?
00:10:51.21\00:10:52.61
I'm like tired
and working hard."
00:10:52.65\00:10:55.25
And then the
other person that says,
00:10:55.28\00:10:57.39
"I never
learned to dare to dream
00:10:57.42\00:10:59.22
or dare to even expect anything
from the world around me."
00:10:59.25\00:11:02.86
And so when you
said just chilling,
00:11:02.89\00:11:04.29
that's I would be there.
00:11:04.33\00:11:05.66
I didn't expect to make it.
I didn't expect to be accepted.
00:11:05.69\00:11:09.36
I didn't expect to
have anything to offer
00:11:09.40\00:11:11.50
and so I kind of stepped out.
00:11:11.53\00:11:13.84
But...
00:11:13.87\00:11:15.20
But there is this compassion
that you receive and think,
00:11:15.24\00:11:18.07
when you get older,
00:11:18.11\00:11:21.38
you're taught
not to be judgmental.
00:11:21.41\00:11:23.04
I mean you receive that,
you were told in the home.
00:11:23.08\00:11:25.85
But then as you grow older
00:11:25.88\00:11:27.22
and you get into
society and stuff,
00:11:27.25\00:11:30.32
you then you get the
lessons you were being taught.
00:11:30.35\00:11:32.15
So it taught me then that, okay,
00:11:32.19\00:11:34.32
there must be a reason
00:11:34.36\00:11:35.69
why year after year
people will be here,
00:11:35.72\00:11:37.99
they're not moving forward.
00:11:38.03\00:11:39.36
Yeah. It has to
be more than that.
00:11:39.39\00:11:41.43
So I need to sit back
and get away from myself.
00:11:41.46\00:11:46.13
And stop thinking
that I'm the example
00:11:46.17\00:11:48.54
and let me start
looking at how I can give back.
00:11:48.57\00:11:51.27
And that started
years ago at Brooklyn
00:11:51.31\00:11:53.78
when I lived in New York
00:11:53.81\00:11:55.14
and I worked
with high school kids
00:11:55.18\00:11:57.91
and then I went
to like the shelters
00:11:57.95\00:12:00.08
and worked with
women who wanted to work,
00:12:00.12\00:12:03.55
who wanted to be
taught but they were never
00:12:03.59\00:12:07.06
because of who they had become.
00:12:07.09\00:12:09.59
They were not
afforded those opportunities.
00:12:09.62\00:12:11.83
And so that took me
from state to state,
00:12:11.86\00:12:13.43
every state I lived
in, I found a place.
00:12:13.46\00:12:16.43
Where you could get,
00:12:16.46\00:12:18.30
and as you're
taking I remember again
00:12:18.33\00:12:20.80
why I fell in love with you.
00:12:20.84\00:12:22.17
Thank you.
00:12:22.20\00:12:23.54
But, you know, even
saying that transition for you
00:12:23.57\00:12:27.28
when you said that, you know,
I'm realizing that, you know,
00:12:27.31\00:12:31.08
you can step in and, you know,
00:12:31.11\00:12:33.11
there is a writer
Ellen White and she said,
00:12:33.15\00:12:36.42
"Only by love is love awakened."
00:12:36.45\00:12:38.89
And the first time I read that,
00:12:38.92\00:12:40.66
I thought only by
love is love awakened.
00:12:40.69\00:12:43.53
We can't change outside of
that and so I want to say again,
00:12:43.56\00:12:49.00
as we mentor each other
00:12:49.03\00:12:50.37
and as we step into that
world of mentoring someone,
00:12:50.40\00:12:54.20
we wake that
desire for change in them
00:12:54.24\00:12:57.44
and God does that for us,
00:12:57.47\00:12:58.87
but we actually do
that for someone else.
00:12:58.91\00:13:00.74
I could see that only
by love is love awakened.
00:13:00.78\00:13:03.78
I mean if you
don't know how to love
00:13:03.81\00:13:05.25
and you're now
learning, you're now giving it,
00:13:05.28\00:13:07.18
that's how you'll see it
and that's how you start.
00:13:07.22\00:13:09.98
learning using it, you know,
I can see how that's relevant.
00:13:10.02\00:13:14.52
So the aneurysm
takes you out for a bit,
00:13:14.56\00:13:18.23
how did you stand back up?
00:13:18.26\00:13:20.26
That should be a year.
00:13:20.30\00:13:22.43
I remember in my
house, my office is upstairs
00:13:22.46\00:13:27.27
and I was unable to
walk steadily for a while
00:13:27.30\00:13:32.37
and I remember one day
00:13:32.41\00:13:33.78
I got up, I said I'm
going up to my office.
00:13:33.81\00:13:37.11
And it took me because my
back, you know, the epidural
00:13:37.15\00:13:42.35
and all that to
get into my back,
00:13:42.38\00:13:43.99
so my muscles
were on the stiff side.
00:13:44.02\00:13:46.29
You know,
braced against the wall
00:13:46.32\00:13:47.69
and took myself up 14
treadles up to my office.
00:13:47.72\00:13:52.39
When I got up there,
turned on my computer,
00:13:52.43\00:13:55.63
I didn't even
remember what to do,
00:13:55.66\00:13:57.23
how to, you know, it
came up, the screen came up.
00:13:57.27\00:14:00.00
And I sat there for a
while and I didn't leave,
00:14:00.04\00:14:04.77
I know I didn't cry.
00:14:04.81\00:14:06.21
Yeah. Right. But
I was so frustrated.
00:14:06.24\00:14:08.61
Because I said,
you know, I'm seeing it
00:14:08.64\00:14:11.11
and I'm reading what's up there
and I couldn't get it started.
00:14:11.15\00:14:14.98
And I did that later on that day
00:14:15.02\00:14:17.95
and like two days after
00:14:17.99\00:14:20.29
I was able to get
back into the groove
00:14:20.32\00:14:23.89
of doing what I used
to do but it took a while,
00:14:23.93\00:14:26.80
the better part of a year.
00:14:26.83\00:14:28.23
So can I ask you,
00:14:28.26\00:14:30.97
if someone that's right
now discourage and saying,
00:14:31.00\00:14:34.67
you know, what?
00:14:34.70\00:14:36.10
I am done, you know,
00:14:36.14\00:14:38.24
everything that I
knew what I was doing,
00:14:38.27\00:14:40.28
everything that I could do,
00:14:40.31\00:14:41.64
everything that I
could count on is gone.
00:14:41.68\00:14:45.41
What would you say to them
00:14:45.45\00:14:46.78
'cause I imagined in front
of the computer you felt that,
00:14:46.82\00:14:49.25
it's like, you
know, what am I doing?
00:14:49.28\00:14:51.55
How am I gonna get my life back?
00:14:51.59\00:14:52.92
You know there is a
inner strength that we have,
00:14:52.95\00:14:55.26
that we don't really remember
00:14:55.29\00:14:57.26
especially when
we are into throes
00:14:57.29\00:14:59.23
of that kind of disorientation.
00:14:59.26\00:15:01.76
We tend to think
that that's the end.
00:15:01.80\00:15:06.07
There is this
push that you feel.
00:15:06.10\00:15:11.07
It might be a sense of pride,
00:15:11.11\00:15:12.61
but there was no way I
was going out like that.
00:15:12.64\00:15:15.18
I had to write, I
had stories up there.
00:15:15.21\00:15:17.98
I mean, I'm a
journalist, I'm a writer,
00:15:18.01\00:15:19.61
I had things that I had started
00:15:19.65\00:15:21.48
that were on that
they needed to be done.
00:15:21.52\00:15:24.95
I couldn't think of
anybody else to do it but me.
00:15:24.99\00:15:27.06
So I had to get it done.
00:15:27.09\00:15:28.96
You know, there is, I
think one of the writers
00:15:28.99\00:15:32.53
that help me survive
is writer name Frankl
00:15:32.56\00:15:35.93
and he wrote a book
00:15:35.96\00:15:37.37
called "Man's
Search for Meaning"
00:15:37.40\00:15:39.37
and this guy is in
concentration camps
00:15:39.40\00:15:41.90
and totally lost
and just about that
00:15:41.94\00:15:45.57
and he remember that he
didn't write his book yet.
00:15:45.61\00:15:49.14
It reminded me
exactly of what you said.
00:15:49.18\00:15:51.28
He said I can't die yet.
00:15:51.31\00:15:52.88
I haven't written this
book and it helped him survive
00:15:52.91\00:15:55.95
that whole thing and
the book is brilliant.
00:15:55.98\00:15:58.19
So what were you saying is...
00:15:58.22\00:15:59.55
But I remember the people
who worked for me before that.
00:15:59.59\00:16:02.22
Because they would
call, you know, and my son,
00:16:02.26\00:16:05.36
my younger son
was still helping me
00:16:05.39\00:16:07.06
to keep the business alive.
00:16:07.10\00:16:08.60
And he would bring
cards and they would call,
00:16:08.63\00:16:10.90
and I knew I have to get back.
00:16:10.93\00:16:12.43
I had one of the...
00:16:12.47\00:16:14.00
I had a great payroll
person who kept working for me
00:16:14.04\00:16:18.47
even when I wasn't paying her.
00:16:18.51\00:16:20.54
You know, and she
just kept the fact
00:16:20.58\00:16:22.28
that everything kept going
00:16:22.31\00:16:24.31
and these people still
had a reason to come to work,
00:16:24.35\00:16:27.22
that made me feel good
00:16:27.25\00:16:28.58
and that gave me even
more of a desire to get better.
00:16:28.62\00:16:32.35
Because if they weren't working,
00:16:32.39\00:16:34.82
they were not
gonna be doing good,
00:16:34.86\00:16:36.19
they were to be going
back to where they were.
00:16:36.22\00:16:38.06
And several of them
did, several of them did.
00:16:38.09\00:16:41.36
So it takes you about a year.
00:16:41.40\00:16:44.53
You start to know even
what to do with a computer
00:16:44.57\00:16:49.50
and I...
00:16:49.54\00:16:50.87
No, it took me about like
about three or four months,
00:16:50.91\00:16:53.17
but it took me about a year
00:16:53.21\00:16:54.54
to get back to
really devising things,
00:16:54.58\00:16:58.38
secreting by look and
we're gonna do it this way.
00:16:58.41\00:17:00.82
To really
thinking at a higher level.
00:17:00.85\00:17:04.15
Because at that
time my thinking was,
00:17:04.19\00:17:06.39
I would say purely instinctive,
00:17:06.42\00:17:07.99
I knew if this
glass was falling,
00:17:08.02\00:17:09.62
I should hold it,
00:17:09.66\00:17:10.99
but it, I mean I
couldn't calculate
00:17:11.03\00:17:12.53
or do any of that.
00:17:12.56\00:17:14.16
And I think that
unless you had brain issues,
00:17:14.20\00:17:17.63
it's hard to know
what that feels like,
00:17:17.67\00:17:20.10
'cause I remember
trying to find a word like,
00:17:20.14\00:17:22.10
I would start to speak
00:17:22.14\00:17:23.47
and I think, I
try to find a word
00:17:23.51\00:17:24.84
and it just won't be there.
00:17:24.87\00:17:26.34
And even my
husband would look at me
00:17:26.37\00:17:28.21
like what's wrong and I
said, "I just don't know,
00:17:28.24\00:17:30.95
I know that what I want
to say, but I can't say it."
00:17:30.98\00:17:34.28
See I didn't have
a problem with that
00:17:34.32\00:17:36.28
because my long
term memory was intact.
00:17:36.32\00:17:38.72
Right.
00:17:38.75\00:17:40.09
But if I put my glasses down,
00:17:40.12\00:17:41.46
I could never
remember where they were.
00:17:41.49\00:17:43.53
The very small things,
00:17:43.56\00:17:44.89
the short term
things bothered me
00:17:44.93\00:17:47.33
and that was frightening.
00:17:47.36\00:17:48.70
I mean, you know, how many
times I lock my keys in my car
00:17:48.73\00:17:51.80
or I started the car and locked,
00:17:51.83\00:17:53.80
you know, thank God
for roadside assistance.
00:17:53.84\00:17:57.41
Because that's what
rescued me so often.
00:17:57.44\00:18:00.18
So it's really, it's a terrible.
00:18:00.21\00:18:04.38
It could be tragic
00:18:04.41\00:18:05.88
because some people
tend to go into themselves.
00:18:05.91\00:18:08.42
I attended, I had to attend
a clinic during my healing
00:18:08.45\00:18:12.55
and it would be so,
it would be shocking,
00:18:12.59\00:18:17.13
it would be a
source of realization
00:18:17.16\00:18:19.93
when you got there to see
how many people had aneurysm
00:18:19.96\00:18:22.96
and were not as well as I was.
00:18:23.00\00:18:27.67
A lot them, they
were a lot of deficits
00:18:27.70\00:18:29.54
that people suffered.
00:18:29.57\00:18:31.04
Ambulation, they for instance,
00:18:31.07\00:18:33.04
they couldn't speak,
couldn't control their saliva,
00:18:33.07\00:18:36.34
so looking at that
kind of thing told me,
00:18:36.38\00:18:38.85
look, I was spared for a reason
00:18:38.88\00:18:42.65
and I wasn't gonna stop writing.
00:18:42.68\00:18:44.89
I was not going
to stop my teaching
00:18:44.92\00:18:46.82
and I was going
to keep reaching all
00:18:46.86\00:18:48.42
to the folks
who still wanted me.
00:18:48.46\00:18:50.46
And the best part was that
00:18:50.49\00:18:52.99
this is from the
Seventh-day Adventist church
00:18:53.03\00:18:55.50
told me that the
door was always open
00:18:55.53\00:18:57.43
once I was heal, come on back,
00:18:57.47\00:18:59.50
and she kept it
open and I went back.
00:18:59.53\00:19:01.47
That's incredible.
00:19:01.50\00:19:02.84
So as you start
getting back on your feet,
00:19:02.87\00:19:05.17
I want you to talk about
'cause we are talking about,
00:19:05.21\00:19:07.84
you know, loving
people into their own skin
00:19:07.88\00:19:09.94
and mentoring and
giving back our talents
00:19:09.98\00:19:12.95
'cause what I heard from you
00:19:12.98\00:19:14.55
when I first
started talking with you,
00:19:14.58\00:19:16.99
is we're talking
about someone else
00:19:17.02\00:19:18.55
that you're working with
00:19:18.59\00:19:19.92
and they're gonna
be on another program,
00:19:19.95\00:19:21.79
we'll meet Connie,
00:19:21.82\00:19:23.19
we'll meet you
on this program too
00:19:23.22\00:19:24.99
but as I'm talking to you,
I'm realizing that as a mentor,
00:19:25.03\00:19:31.23
as someone that is standing up
through all of their own stuff,
00:19:31.27\00:19:35.77
there's something
incredibly important for that.
00:19:35.80\00:19:39.01
We can't heal
outside a connection.
00:19:39.04\00:19:42.38
You know, Brene Brown is
another author that I love,
00:19:42.41\00:19:47.15
she says, "It's
an irreducible need
00:19:47.18\00:19:49.82
of all people to
be loved and to belong
00:19:49.85\00:19:53.29
and if we don't have
that we break, we fall apart."
00:19:53.32\00:19:56.62
You know, we act out
all of that kind of stuff
00:19:56.66\00:19:58.89
and so I know
the ministry you have
00:19:58.93\00:20:05.03
is trying to connect,
00:20:05.07\00:20:06.77
trying to love
someone into their own skin
00:20:06.80\00:20:09.67
and trying to get
them to stand up is huge.
00:20:09.70\00:20:11.84
And so you step
back into that and you...
00:20:11.87\00:20:14.84
And I met Connie.
Okay. So Connie is who?
00:20:14.88\00:20:17.31
Connie, she was in the
grammar writing skills class
00:20:17.35\00:20:20.85
that I conducted.
00:20:20.88\00:20:22.28
And I remember one day
after class she ask me,
00:20:22.32\00:20:25.69
she said she
wanted to talk to me.
00:20:25.72\00:20:27.42
And she had this story
that she wanted to tell
00:20:27.46\00:20:29.79
but she's not a strong writer.
00:20:29.82\00:20:32.03
I said, well, we're
not all strong writers
00:20:32.06\00:20:34.33
but I'll be
happy to listen to it.
00:20:34.36\00:20:36.30
And the first line she gave me
00:20:36.33\00:20:37.73
but I'm giving
away her story or her,
00:20:37.77\00:20:40.04
you know, sit down here,
00:20:40.07\00:20:43.14
told me it was a
story I had to do.
00:20:43.17\00:20:44.91
It was a story of
such poor nurturing
00:20:44.94\00:20:51.01
and the fall out of that,
00:20:51.05\00:20:53.42
and then it took me back
to the people I would pass,
00:20:53.45\00:20:55.85
asking me for a dollar.
00:20:55.88\00:20:57.79
You know, it
helped me to connect
00:20:57.82\00:21:01.66
why nurturing is so
important to making people hold
00:21:01.69\00:21:08.43
and why so many
broken people are out there.
00:21:08.46\00:21:11.37
You know, and I don't
want to go by that too fast
00:21:11.40\00:21:14.04
because, you know, we
can see it in an animal.
00:21:14.07\00:21:17.31
You know, we can say it,
00:21:17.34\00:21:18.67
I can have
somebody donate a horse
00:21:18.71\00:21:20.91
'cause we worked with
foster kids and horses.
00:21:20.94\00:21:23.08
I can have somebody
donate a horse and that horse
00:21:23.11\00:21:25.65
if it's not taking
care of and not loved,
00:21:25.68\00:21:27.85
that horse will
never be the same,
00:21:27.88\00:21:29.68
it doesn't act the
same as other horses.
00:21:29.72\00:21:33.02
But we don't really see
it or accepting each other,
00:21:33.05\00:21:36.39
we want to step in
with some kind of judgment.
00:21:36.42\00:21:38.96
So when you say that
what you saw was that,
00:21:38.99\00:21:42.76
you know, a real
difference in someone
00:21:42.80\00:21:45.63
when they're not nurtured.
00:21:45.67\00:21:47.00
Can you explain
that a little bit more
00:21:47.04\00:21:48.94
what you saw,
what you experienced?
00:21:48.97\00:21:52.04
Well, the first day we sat down,
00:21:52.07\00:21:55.04
we never really
got to doing the book
00:21:55.08\00:21:56.95
because she ripped.
00:21:56.98\00:21:58.55
I mean she ripped.
00:21:58.58\00:22:00.25
And we were to meet for an
hour and we never did anything
00:22:00.28\00:22:04.59
other than I watched her
cry and told her it's okay
00:22:04.62\00:22:08.36
and we met at my home
and so I got up, you know,
00:22:08.39\00:22:13.16
I just made like a visit.
00:22:13.19\00:22:16.60
And I think it was as
she cried and she said
00:22:16.63\00:22:21.94
but, you know, she
really wanted to get this off
00:22:21.97\00:22:23.77
and she's just tired of this,
00:22:23.81\00:22:25.37
it's just a thing she
was saying as she was crying.
00:22:25.41\00:22:28.04
I said, it made me
feel that she was genuine
00:22:28.08\00:22:31.95
and wanting to
have this out there.
00:22:31.98\00:22:35.58
Wanting to say,
get it off her chest.
00:22:35.62\00:22:38.59
You know, and as we went,
00:22:38.62\00:22:43.06
it took us almost 22
months to get the book done.
00:22:43.09\00:22:45.69
Twenty two months,
00:22:45.73\00:22:47.06
I can't even imagine
the amount of healing
00:22:47.10\00:22:49.06
that happened for
her during that time.
00:22:49.10\00:22:50.67
And I want to ask
you something about that.
00:22:50.70\00:22:53.50
When I was writing my own book,
00:22:53.54\00:22:55.94
I was assigned to
write her at one point
00:22:55.97\00:22:58.24
and I realized that
she's never been in that world.
00:22:58.27\00:23:02.18
You know, it's interesting
to tell someone about that
00:23:02.21\00:23:05.01
but it's really
different that is your reality.
00:23:05.05\00:23:09.02
And so I sent her to
hang out with my sister,
00:23:09.05\00:23:12.09
who is a
stripper and drug dealer
00:23:12.12\00:23:14.06
and to just
walk around with her,
00:23:14.09\00:23:15.66
just hang out with her
00:23:15.69\00:23:17.09
'cause I just wanted her to
get a feel of what it felt like,
00:23:17.13\00:23:21.06
to have that be your world
00:23:21.10\00:23:23.16
and did you get a sense of that
during that 22 months as said,
00:23:23.20\00:23:27.04
did you get a sense of
what she actually lived?
00:23:27.07\00:23:31.37
Yes, I have to especially
00:23:31.41\00:23:33.04
because I had to
create all the scenes,
00:23:33.07\00:23:35.51
I have to do to fill in
to make the story readable,
00:23:35.54\00:23:39.81
you know, some
people ask for a mike,
00:23:39.85\00:23:42.28
they want to have
it recorded or whatever
00:23:42.32\00:23:44.15
but if I was not
there to see her cry,
00:23:44.19\00:23:46.99
to see the emotions she
showed at certain points.
00:23:47.02\00:23:49.99
To see how certain
memories that she would invoke
00:23:50.03\00:23:54.46
and try to relived
to give me some clarity.
00:23:54.50\00:23:58.57
I would not have been
able to paint the picture as,
00:23:58.60\00:24:03.71
I want to say real,
00:24:03.74\00:24:05.07
but I did a pretty decent
job trying to get all that
00:24:05.11\00:24:07.84
and not for me but for her.
00:24:07.88\00:24:09.84
Because she wanted
this story to be told with
00:24:09.88\00:24:12.08
as much
authenticity as was possible.
00:24:12.11\00:24:14.95
So if she were out doing
what she did in the book,
00:24:14.98\00:24:18.39
I'm not gonna
take away from her.
00:24:18.42\00:24:20.36
I have to understand
where she was mentally...
00:24:20.39\00:24:23.43
What that meant?
Emotionally and physically.
00:24:23.46\00:24:26.36
So it was quite a journey.
00:24:26.39\00:24:29.93
You know, and the
healing that happened to her
00:24:29.96\00:24:32.87
even the process you got to see.
00:24:32.90\00:24:35.20
Yes.
00:24:35.24\00:24:36.57
Did you ever once
and don't lie to me,
00:24:36.60\00:24:39.21
did you ever once feel
like, "Aye, this is too much."
00:24:39.24\00:24:42.48
I cried sometimes too. Yeah.
00:24:42.51\00:24:44.81
When I heard some of
the things that she endured,
00:24:44.85\00:24:47.22
I cried.
00:24:47.25\00:24:48.58
And I think I would
have cried for anybody
00:24:48.62\00:24:50.22
because I can't understand
how people can be treated
00:24:50.25\00:24:53.32
that way by
people that they love,
00:24:53.36\00:24:54.79
people they
looked to for protection.
00:24:54.82\00:24:58.16
And, you know, I'm
talking about within the home
00:24:58.19\00:25:01.20
that kind of thing.
00:25:01.23\00:25:02.56
It was really,
really, really hard
00:25:02.60\00:25:05.10
for somebody to
listen to as well.
00:25:05.13\00:25:07.77
It's hard even
for someone to read.
00:25:07.80\00:25:10.37
Yes.
00:25:10.41\00:25:12.54
But why, you know, and I
know the answer for myself
00:25:12.57\00:25:17.95
but I'm asking you
00:25:17.98\00:25:19.31
why do we need
to hear this story?
00:25:19.35\00:25:20.68
Why do we need to know?
00:25:20.72\00:25:22.05
Why do we need
to see this world?
00:25:22.08\00:25:23.42
I think it's
important because it brings,
00:25:27.29\00:25:31.06
it shows we are somebody,
could have been from childhood.
00:25:31.09\00:25:35.96
What they were
given the bad tools,
00:25:36.00\00:25:39.50
they were given to take
them into young adulthood,
00:25:39.53\00:25:43.27
into adulthood and to see
that they can get to a point
00:25:43.30\00:25:46.17
where we started of with grace,
00:25:46.21\00:25:50.48
where she could have
received so much grace.
00:25:50.51\00:25:52.81
Where she could have felt well,
00:25:52.85\00:25:54.18
I need to go to
church at some point.
00:25:54.22\00:25:56.15
I need to get
myself out of the situation
00:25:56.18\00:25:59.55
and I'm not saying
that she did it on her own.
00:25:59.59\00:26:02.89
She had to listen to some
voice that said, you know, what?
00:26:02.92\00:26:05.29
"You have to get
away from this area
00:26:05.33\00:26:07.03
to get yourself together."
00:26:07.06\00:26:09.93
And she got away and
as things would have it,
00:26:09.96\00:26:14.37
we met and we got
the story together
00:26:14.40\00:26:17.51
and now it's really a tool
for anybody who was been there.
00:26:17.54\00:26:21.54
So, Verism, I want to just say,
00:26:21.58\00:26:25.55
we can't heal without
looking into someone's eyes
00:26:25.58\00:26:28.55
and saying, I
know that you see me.
00:26:28.58\00:26:31.49
I feel that when you
spend this time with me,
00:26:31.52\00:26:35.62
when you slow down
enough to even hear my story,
00:26:35.66\00:26:39.19
I feel somewhat loved
and protected for a moment.
00:26:39.23\00:26:43.33
So, you know, to
me during that time,
00:26:43.37\00:26:45.73
I just want to say
as an adverse person
00:26:45.77\00:26:48.44
that every single time
someone did that to me,
00:26:48.47\00:26:50.71
I could feel myself heal.
00:26:50.74\00:26:52.07
When I talked about
Marcia and being adopted,
00:26:52.11\00:26:54.84
unbelievable, unbelievable,
she starts to aggregate cancer
00:26:54.88\00:27:00.25
and she's not gonna make it,
00:27:00.28\00:27:01.78
and I remember
her invited me over
00:27:01.82\00:27:04.29
and I wanted to weep
and say, "I can't lose you,
00:27:04.32\00:27:07.52
I can't lose you because
I don't know how to stand.
00:27:07.56\00:27:10.79
You are in this world,
the person that loves me
00:27:10.83\00:27:15.50
and I'm so afraid."
00:27:15.53\00:27:17.03
And she laid in the bed,
00:27:17.07\00:27:19.70
she's dying and
she's showing me pictures
00:27:19.73\00:27:23.10
of all the
relatives that I didn't meet.
00:27:23.14\00:27:25.47
Man, my grandfather
would have loved you.
00:27:25.51\00:27:28.21
My grandma, she
would have just adored you,
00:27:28.24\00:27:31.68
I wish you would have met
and she would tell me stories
00:27:31.71\00:27:33.65
and we would laugh
00:27:33.68\00:27:35.02
and I think that 22 months
is in a mentoring situation,
00:27:35.05\00:27:39.75
in a situation where
you step into someone's life
00:27:39.79\00:27:42.52
and I don't care
what the task is.
00:27:42.56\00:27:45.83
You have changed everything.
00:27:45.86\00:27:47.90
It's like that moment and
time where love becomes real
00:27:47.93\00:27:50.93
and trust becomes real.
00:27:50.97\00:27:52.80
And I can hope that I can heal.
00:27:52.83\00:27:57.67
And I learned a
lot from her too.
00:27:57.71\00:28:01.08
A lot of bowed her to,
00:28:01.11\00:28:03.04
because I think she
has a great personality,
00:28:03.08\00:28:06.98
a great sense of humor.
00:28:07.02\00:28:08.62
It was so much that I
would not have known if I...
00:28:08.65\00:28:12.49
She's a great cook,
she does and, you know,
00:28:12.52\00:28:16.09
she has recipes that she creates
00:28:16.12\00:28:19.23
and of course, I
get to sample them
00:28:19.26\00:28:21.00
because we're doing
a little recipe book,
00:28:21.03\00:28:23.67
and we bring and Marcia has...
00:28:23.70\00:28:27.67
She has a marvelous
voice, I hate to say it because,
00:28:27.70\00:28:30.64
you know, she kind of feels
like gets too much to the head.
00:28:30.67\00:28:36.04
But she is very,
has a great voice.
00:28:36.08\00:28:40.35
Has so many ambitions,
00:28:40.38\00:28:42.75
so here I was
looking at this person
00:28:42.78\00:28:44.82
who I thought was so broken.
00:28:44.85\00:28:47.09
Who I would not
have expected to say
00:28:47.12\00:28:50.96
I want to be all these things,
00:28:50.99\00:28:52.76
I want to do all these
things and having pass,
00:28:52.79\00:28:55.63
having gotten to that
age, you know, I'm saying well,
00:28:55.66\00:29:00.60
it can't happen
00:29:00.64\00:29:02.20
and here it was I could
see her for the 22 months
00:29:02.24\00:29:04.31
becoming a different person.
00:29:04.34\00:29:06.24
So by the end of
it we became friends.
00:29:06.27\00:29:09.11
Absolutely.
00:29:09.14\00:29:10.48
I mean friends
sharing with her the things
00:29:10.51\00:29:13.62
that I share with
friends that I grew up with,
00:29:13.65\00:29:16.12
that I went to school with.
00:29:16.15\00:29:17.85
You know, she
came into that bracket.
00:29:17.89\00:29:21.32
She fell into that bracket.
00:29:21.36\00:29:22.69
And this is, and I could
because we really kind of went
00:29:22.72\00:29:26.73
from what you do to
this one woman but you've had
00:29:26.76\00:29:31.33
spoken to the
life of several women,
00:29:31.37\00:29:33.27
several men and I
just have to say, I just,
00:29:33.30\00:29:38.64
I so wanted just
shout from the roof top,
00:29:38.67\00:29:43.28
we can't heal in a vacuum.
00:29:43.31\00:29:46.41
On either side, when
you talked about even,
00:29:46.45\00:29:49.35
like even term of
that judgmental stuff,
00:29:49.38\00:29:51.85
and I'm thinking I
knew and could get that
00:29:51.89\00:29:54.59
is like we can't
heal on either side into.
00:29:54.62\00:29:57.43
Dialogue is open and
we actually understand
00:29:57.46\00:29:59.89
what Jesus said, when
He said love one another.
00:29:59.93\00:30:02.16
Reaching to the
lives of each other
00:30:02.20\00:30:04.63
and it's the only way
00:30:04.67\00:30:07.24
the gospel is gonna become real.
00:30:07.27\00:30:08.87
And I can say
that I know for sure
00:30:08.90\00:30:10.54
that she was
hurting in the sense
00:30:10.57\00:30:13.88
that she was not
loved by the people
00:30:13.91\00:30:15.74
she wanted to be loved by.
00:30:15.78\00:30:18.01
And I'm not guessing,
this is what she said.
00:30:18.05\00:30:21.05
And I don't know if
that has happened as yet,
00:30:21.08\00:30:24.65
that would be her story to tell.
00:30:24.69\00:30:26.35
But it was so frustrating to
me when I was working with her
00:30:26.39\00:30:31.36
and I actually was told
that I shouldn't, you know,
00:30:31.39\00:30:36.80
by family members,
her family members.
00:30:36.83\00:30:39.33
I really shouldn't
be working with her
00:30:39.37\00:30:41.00
because her story is not true
00:30:41.04\00:30:43.30
and, you know, that
kind of thing, so...
00:30:43.34\00:30:45.91
And let me just go on to that
00:30:45.94\00:30:47.41
'cause it's really interesting
the more I get into recovery,
00:30:47.44\00:30:51.28
the more I get into,
you know, I'm 35 years clean
00:30:51.31\00:30:56.58
and so that's a long time,
00:30:56.62\00:30:58.35
but the narratives
that we tell in our damage
00:30:58.39\00:31:02.22
are sometimes are
the stories that we tell,
00:31:02.26\00:31:04.83
like I don't take it from
anybody else's point of view.
00:31:04.86\00:31:08.23
I don't know what it feels
like to be in my sister skin
00:31:08.26\00:31:11.13
and my brother
skin or my mom skin
00:31:11.17\00:31:13.54
or even my dad who,
00:31:13.57\00:31:15.30
you know, died
using crack and is a mess.
00:31:15.34\00:31:19.37
You know, I don't know what it
feels like to be in their skin
00:31:19.41\00:31:21.94
but as I get older
and I start to heal
00:31:21.98\00:31:24.45
and I start to look back
00:31:24.48\00:31:26.11
and I start having
empathy for the other people
00:31:26.15\00:31:28.72
and hear their stories,
00:31:28.75\00:31:30.09
I realize it everybody
has their own perspective.
00:31:30.12\00:31:33.05
So when family members
really say like my sister
00:31:33.09\00:31:37.36
is a methodic she will say,
00:31:37.39\00:31:38.93
"I'm so angry that you
talk about our addiction."
00:31:38.96\00:31:42.53
And I'm like really because
we're all, we're addicts.
00:31:42.56\00:31:47.44
Yeah, I heard that
too. I heard that too.
00:31:47.47\00:31:49.37
But you heard that? Yes.
00:31:49.40\00:31:51.47
You know, but I wanted to
say for even for family members
00:31:51.51\00:31:54.74
is that man, it's
hard to hear someone else
00:31:54.78\00:31:59.18
tell it from
their point to view.
00:31:59.21\00:32:00.55
It really is hard and my
heart goes out to them too.
00:32:00.58\00:32:03.62
Yeah, like I explained to,
you know, her family members,
00:32:03.65\00:32:06.45
I'm not making this up.
00:32:06.49\00:32:08.26
This is what was told
to me and I'm writing it
00:32:08.29\00:32:10.76
and I'm giving
all the disclaimers
00:32:10.79\00:32:12.13
that are necessary.
00:32:12.16\00:32:14.30
But I feel very
comfortable in what I was told,
00:32:14.33\00:32:17.70
was told from the heart.
00:32:17.73\00:32:19.93
And I put it back out
there and I mean put it back
00:32:19.97\00:32:22.94
as she gave it to me,
nothing was repackaged.
00:32:22.97\00:32:26.78
You know, so
it's tough, it's tough
00:32:26.81\00:32:29.51
and it's all about reality.
00:32:29.54\00:32:31.35
And it's all about
being honest in the end.
00:32:31.38\00:32:34.25
We're gonna open
up for questions.
00:32:34.28\00:32:36.02
I want to ask
you a few questions.
00:32:36.05\00:32:37.49
To see if
anybody has any questions
00:32:37.52\00:32:39.25
that ask of you in the cafe
00:32:39.29\00:32:41.12
'cause I just want to
say that you guys are amazing
00:32:41.16\00:32:43.99
and I'm glad you're here
00:32:44.03\00:32:45.69
and so today
we're talking about,
00:32:45.73\00:32:48.23
you know, those mentoring roles,
00:32:48.26\00:32:49.90
or those times even in our
lives when we have somebody
00:32:49.93\00:32:52.70
that's just slows
down long enough to see us.
00:32:52.73\00:32:56.47
You know, those are
incredible and so, you know,
00:32:56.50\00:32:59.64
I know that Connie, you're here
00:32:59.67\00:33:01.74
and she is your Marcia
and so do you have anything
00:33:01.78\00:33:05.21
that you would like
to say or ask right now?
00:33:05.25\00:33:09.92
Well, Verism, what I
would like to say, Cheri,
00:33:09.95\00:33:12.52
to Verism is that
I want to thank you
00:33:12.55\00:33:16.29
for taking the
time out to listen to me
00:33:16.32\00:33:21.16
and to believe in me
and to write my story.
00:33:21.20\00:33:24.63
And I also like to
thank God for placing you
00:33:24.67\00:33:27.54
in each other's paths, you know,
00:33:27.57\00:33:30.74
so that this
could come into fruition
00:33:30.77\00:33:34.84
and it's been
immensely healing for me,
00:33:34.88\00:33:37.58
and I want to say, I
appreciate you very much.
00:33:37.61\00:33:40.62
Thank you.
00:33:40.65\00:33:41.98
So healing in my way 'cause
we're talking about mentors
00:33:42.02\00:33:44.15
and we were talking about
people that see us Connie.
00:33:44.19\00:33:46.96
And to me I know
what that feels like
00:33:46.99\00:33:49.66
and I know what it feels
like from your situation.
00:33:49.69\00:33:54.43
So when she
started to believe in you,
00:33:54.46\00:33:56.93
why did that matter?
00:33:56.97\00:34:00.40
Because growing up I didn't
have a strong support system.
00:34:00.44\00:34:05.67
So she supported me and
just acknowledging my gifts
00:34:05.71\00:34:12.61
and my talents and giving
me compliments and, you know,
00:34:12.65\00:34:16.52
just reminding me that,
00:34:16.55\00:34:18.52
you know, you're
an awesome person.
00:34:18.55\00:34:21.86
If you really just
look inside yourself
00:34:21.89\00:34:23.66
and you see that.
00:34:23.69\00:34:25.03
But, you know, for somebody
that's not hurt that a lot
00:34:25.06\00:34:28.20
is like you're starving to death
00:34:28.23\00:34:30.47
and somebody offers you food.
00:34:30.50\00:34:32.10
Yes, absolutely because...
00:34:32.13\00:34:33.94
I can even see
it when you said it.
00:34:33.97\00:34:35.57
Yeah, 'cause my self
esteem was totally shot.
00:34:35.60\00:34:38.54
You know, and I had been
working only through the years
00:34:38.57\00:34:40.68
but to, we say things
to ourselves all the time
00:34:40.71\00:34:45.18
but to hear someone else say it,
00:34:45.21\00:34:47.42
is even more powerful.
00:34:47.45\00:34:49.78
Yes. Yes, and
she did that for me.
00:34:49.82\00:34:52.69
I think I love
her because of you.
00:34:52.72\00:34:56.52
I just think I do
and so I know that,
00:34:56.56\00:34:58.99
Dona, you had a question.
00:34:59.03\00:35:00.96
Hi, Cheri, I'm just,
00:35:01.00\00:35:03.00
I've seen you through the years,
00:35:03.03\00:35:05.07
we've talked through the years,
00:35:05.10\00:35:06.50
we've been friends
and to following that
00:35:06.53\00:35:09.24
and I'm just
glad I got to know you
00:35:09.27\00:35:12.37
because I've got a
daughter that was an addict,
00:35:12.41\00:35:16.95
very bad and it broke my heart.
00:35:16.98\00:35:21.28
You know, even when we're
first talking with you, Dona,
00:35:21.32\00:35:23.62
is that you know you
could feel that desperation
00:35:23.65\00:35:26.55
like I don't know what to do,
I don't know how to reach her.
00:35:26.59\00:35:30.89
Yeah, there was
nothing that I can say to her
00:35:30.93\00:35:35.66
and I would talk to her
00:35:35.70\00:35:37.50
and she give me
these blank answers
00:35:37.53\00:35:40.70
and I would pray
so much, you know,
00:35:40.74\00:35:42.57
because I
couldn't be there for her.
00:35:42.60\00:35:44.44
We lived miles apart
00:35:44.47\00:35:46.57
and I want to be with her so bad
00:35:46.61\00:35:49.48
and each time I talk to her,
00:35:49.51\00:35:51.58
I could hear the
little girl in her
00:35:51.61\00:35:53.52
and I could just feel
00:35:53.55\00:35:54.88
that she didn't
want to be in that spot.
00:35:54.92\00:35:57.49
But she was just
reaching out but I wasn't there,
00:35:57.52\00:36:01.46
I put her in God's hands
and that's why I wish so much
00:36:01.49\00:36:05.93
that she had
met somebody earlier
00:36:05.96\00:36:09.86
that can take care of her
00:36:09.90\00:36:11.23
and hold her
close like I couldn't
00:36:11.27\00:36:13.94
because I want it so bad
00:36:13.97\00:36:15.30
to physically
take her in my arms
00:36:15.34\00:36:16.91
and hold her and tell her,
"I'll see you through this,
00:36:16.94\00:36:20.24
I'll see that you
make the recovery."
00:36:20.28\00:36:22.08
'Cause she was in and out
of rehab in different areas,
00:36:22.11\00:36:25.51
and she just kept going back
00:36:25.55\00:36:28.35
but now I think that
she has gone back to God,
00:36:28.38\00:36:31.99
which I'm so thankful
00:36:32.02\00:36:33.79
that was the answer
to a mother's prayer
00:36:33.82\00:36:36.32
because I
couldn't be there for her.
00:36:36.36\00:36:38.66
And I want it so bad
00:36:38.69\00:36:40.03
but I knew by
putting her in God's hands
00:36:40.06\00:36:42.73
so he would take
care of her for me.
00:36:42.76\00:36:45.17
But because I
wasn't there physically,
00:36:45.20\00:36:48.20
I often wanted somebody...
00:36:48.24\00:36:50.37
Like, Verism.
00:36:50.41\00:36:51.74
Absolutely, somebody to take
and just wrap her up and say,
00:36:51.77\00:36:56.51
"It's gonna be
okay, I'm here for you."
00:36:56.54\00:36:59.31
It absolutely matters.
00:36:59.35\00:37:00.85
And that, you
know, to me I'm just,
00:37:00.88\00:37:02.65
I'm so excited 'cause I
know that Sherri is doing well,
00:37:02.68\00:37:06.76
she's in recovery.
00:37:06.79\00:37:08.56
She's really
just kind of basking
00:37:08.59\00:37:11.73
in that relationship with God.
00:37:11.76\00:37:13.56
I can see it in
your face and your voice
00:37:13.60\00:37:15.70
that you're just
saying, I can take a breath.
00:37:15.73\00:37:18.40
It's actually been long
enough that I can breathe,
00:37:18.43\00:37:20.64
I can trust her
journey right now.
00:37:20.67\00:37:23.04
But I'm always wondering,
00:37:23.07\00:37:27.04
you know and she
tells me every day,
00:37:27.08\00:37:29.91
"Mom, I've been clean."
00:37:29.94\00:37:32.15
But it's a struggle. Yeah.
00:37:32.18\00:37:33.62
Every day it's a struggle
00:37:33.65\00:37:36.28
and every day
it's got to be hard
00:37:36.32\00:37:39.22
but she said, she relies on God.
00:37:39.25\00:37:42.86
She relies on Him to
see her through these times.
00:37:42.89\00:37:45.66
That's incredible.
00:37:45.69\00:37:47.03
So, Verism, when we're
talking about mentoring
00:37:47.06\00:37:50.37
and being able to
see each other, do you,
00:37:50.40\00:37:55.00
and what you do with
reaching out to folks
00:37:55.04\00:37:58.57
and even in your own healing,
do you see more of them now?
00:37:58.61\00:38:03.85
I mean like when you look up,
00:38:03.88\00:38:05.41
can you kind of see somebody
00:38:05.45\00:38:07.22
that actually would needs
that kind of relationship?
00:38:07.25\00:38:11.09
Need someone to
walk along side of them?
00:38:11.12\00:38:13.42
Yes, I can and I
hate to make it sound
00:38:13.46\00:38:16.66
like it's a science,
something you can learn.
00:38:16.69\00:38:21.06
I think I've gotten more
to feel people's emotions.
00:38:21.10\00:38:26.53
I've become a little more
sensitive to why people...
00:38:26.57\00:38:33.51
appear to speak a certain
way or why they pulled back
00:38:33.54\00:38:38.71
from certain things.
00:38:38.75\00:38:40.58
You know, and...
00:38:40.62\00:38:41.95
It makes me know that
what I'm doing has to go on.
00:38:44.65\00:38:48.86
I have to keep
doing what I'm doing.
00:38:48.89\00:38:52.23
I have to keep listening
00:38:52.26\00:38:53.70
and I can't just
look at the disable person
00:38:53.73\00:38:56.46
in the corner and say,
"Well, he just needs a bath
00:38:56.50\00:38:59.50
or probably a
change of clothing."
00:38:59.53\00:39:02.10
That's somebody
who's reaching out.
00:39:02.14\00:39:04.01
So as, you know, again
we're talking about mentors
00:39:04.04\00:39:09.38
and relationships that are
life changing on both sides
00:39:09.41\00:39:12.85
but life changing for us.
00:39:12.88\00:39:14.22
I know that with
my love for Marcia,
00:39:14.25\00:39:16.89
the woman that
adopted me is that made,
00:39:16.92\00:39:20.29
I was the apple of her eye.
00:39:20.32\00:39:22.79
Do you know what I mean?
00:39:22.82\00:39:24.16
I know that she loved
me and she grew from that
00:39:24.19\00:39:25.89
but I was changed
forever because of her love.
00:39:25.93\00:39:30.67
And so I'm gonna ask you one,
00:39:30.70\00:39:32.80
couple of questions
I like you to answer
00:39:32.83\00:39:34.67
'cause we're almost at
the end of this program
00:39:34.70\00:39:36.44
but when you step
into mentoring role.
00:39:36.47\00:39:39.87
When you step into
changing the lives of someone,
00:39:39.91\00:39:42.54
educating
someone, getting to job
00:39:42.58\00:39:45.41
or even writing their story,
I know that's time consuming.
00:39:45.45\00:39:50.09
But I want you to speak on that,
00:39:50.12\00:39:52.35
that commitment of doing
those kind of relationships
00:39:52.39\00:39:57.19
and is it
necessary for the church
00:39:57.23\00:39:59.36
to get the fact that we need
to mentor and love each other.
00:39:59.39\00:40:03.20
Definitely, when you
step in you have to realize,
00:40:03.23\00:40:06.10
first of all it's
an ongoing process.
00:40:06.13\00:40:08.90
And most of the people
I've helped still call me,
00:40:08.94\00:40:13.51
we're still in touch.
00:40:13.54\00:40:15.04
The ones who want
to be in touch with me,
00:40:15.08\00:40:16.68
they still have their number.
00:40:16.71\00:40:18.78
I mean still
have my number. Amen.
00:40:18.81\00:40:22.68
Recently I started
working with a girl,
00:40:22.72\00:40:25.02
I haven't seen for years
but she has lost her children
00:40:25.05\00:40:28.62
and I'm working with
her to get them back.
00:40:28.66\00:40:31.23
That's the kind of
thing, you have to be unselfish.
00:40:31.26\00:40:33.83
You have to
understand it's ongoing
00:40:33.86\00:40:36.00
and even if
there is a separation,
00:40:36.03\00:40:40.27
you should always be available.
00:40:40.30\00:40:42.60
I mean I can't
see it any other way,
00:40:42.64\00:40:45.01
this just might taken it
00:40:45.04\00:40:46.37
and the people
that I've worked with.
00:40:46.41\00:40:47.74
So it's not just
once a week commitment.
00:40:47.78\00:40:49.94
It's not that I
will see you at church
00:40:49.98\00:40:51.48
and we'll work on that.
00:40:51.51\00:40:52.85
And I think that for a lot of us
00:40:52.88\00:40:54.35
we say, you know what?
00:40:54.38\00:40:55.72
I don't know if I want
to invest in someone's life
00:40:55.75\00:40:58.59
to that extent.
00:40:58.62\00:40:59.95
But if there is somebody
that actually hears us today
00:40:59.99\00:41:03.12
and says, "I
think I could do that,
00:41:03.16\00:41:05.83
I just want to say man, do it."
00:41:05.86\00:41:09.36
You know, do it
because it's the gospel,
00:41:09.40\00:41:12.73
it's what we are
asked to do for each other.
00:41:12.77\00:41:14.90
When Jesus said love one another
00:41:14.94\00:41:17.87
and, you know, fight against
the schemes of the enemy.
00:41:17.91\00:41:20.88
I mean all of those
things are so biblical,
00:41:20.91\00:41:22.94
strategically the enemy says,
I want to disconnect everyone,
00:41:22.98\00:41:26.82
I don't want
anyone to see each other.
00:41:26.85\00:41:29.18
I don't want you to honestly
step into each other's lives.
00:41:29.22\00:41:33.29
But God says, no, don't
listen, that is not me speaking.
00:41:33.32\00:41:38.33
I'm saying, like
it says in Isaiah 58,
00:41:38.36\00:41:42.10
"Love each other,
reach out to each other."
00:41:42.13\00:41:46.94
Going to each other's homes,
step into each other's lives.
00:41:46.97\00:41:50.54
You know, there was a
girl that 5 to 7 years
00:41:50.57\00:41:53.07
I've been working with and
she did not, she was angry,
00:41:53.11\00:41:56.75
the first couple of years
00:41:56.78\00:41:58.15
she just cussed me out almost
every single time we talked,
00:41:58.18\00:42:01.12
and I knew
underneath all of that anger
00:42:01.15\00:42:04.85
is this incredible gifted women.
00:42:04.89\00:42:07.72
Incredible.
00:42:07.76\00:42:09.09
Well, I've been cussed
out, I've been called...
00:42:09.12\00:42:12.23
I've been told to go back
on the boat that I came on.
00:42:12.26\00:42:15.10
I've been told everything. Yeah.
00:42:15.13\00:42:17.13
But like I said earlier
you know that's just of facade.
00:42:17.17\00:42:21.77
You know, there's somebody
who's trying to push you off
00:42:21.80\00:42:24.21
because they're
not ready to change.
00:42:24.24\00:42:26.94
My job to me was to stay
right there, keep bugging.
00:42:26.98\00:42:30.95
Once I have your number
and it hasn't been turned off,
00:42:30.98\00:42:34.12
I'll call you.
00:42:34.15\00:42:35.48
Where are you
now, let's do this,
00:42:35.52\00:42:36.85
let's keep doing this.
00:42:36.89\00:42:38.25
You gonna be okay.
00:42:38.29\00:42:39.62
Yes, and there is a sense
of satisfaction that you feel.
00:42:39.65\00:42:46.09
It's not, I mean,
like people, a lot of my...
00:42:46.13\00:42:48.80
I heard from a lot of
people that I'm wasting time.
00:42:48.83\00:42:51.27
I mean you're not paid for this.
00:42:51.30\00:42:53.34
It wasn't about the pay. It
really wasn't about the pay.
00:42:53.37\00:42:57.17
And I would go so far as to say,
00:42:57.21\00:42:58.91
I feel that having
healed as well as I have healed
00:42:58.94\00:43:02.98
from my aneurysm
was probably the pay
00:43:03.01\00:43:05.31
that I earned that.
00:43:05.35\00:43:07.72
Yeah, God bless
you in other ways.
00:43:07.75\00:43:09.62
I feel that because I have a...
00:43:09.65\00:43:12.32
Let me just say
it like in Isaiah 58
00:43:12.35\00:43:14.19
when we talk about even
the biblical thing is Isaiah 58
00:43:14.22\00:43:17.96
says that you'll
become like a watered garden
00:43:17.99\00:43:21.43
and people will heal
just in your presence
00:43:21.46\00:43:23.77
because you could
imagine that watered garden
00:43:23.80\00:43:25.80
where you can actually
take a breath and sit down
00:43:25.83\00:43:28.07
and see the beauty around
you is that you become that,
00:43:28.10\00:43:31.17
and there's something that's
a incredible gift from God
00:43:31.21\00:43:34.78
when you become that, but
we become that as mentors.
00:43:34.81\00:43:39.01
We do, we do, and I mean
00:43:39.05\00:43:42.08
I can't say better
than you have just said it.
00:43:42.12\00:43:46.76
I wouldn't do
anything different.
00:43:46.79\00:43:48.12
Amen.
00:43:48.16\00:43:49.49
There is nothing I
would do that's different.
00:43:49.52\00:43:50.96
I want to say
thank you for joining us
00:43:50.99\00:43:52.99
on Celebrating Life.
00:43:53.03\00:43:54.90
I, like I said, you won my heart
00:43:54.93\00:43:58.57
and even more so,
now looking at you
00:43:58.60\00:44:01.97
and knowing that you
can't do anything different.
00:44:02.00\00:44:05.17
And if can say
00:44:05.21\00:44:06.54
I remember the first
time I saw your program,
00:44:06.57\00:44:08.31
I wasn't even looking at
the program and you just,
00:44:08.34\00:44:11.21
I mean I had the TV on
going through the channel,
00:44:11.25\00:44:13.98
and you were talking
about yourself when I looked up
00:44:14.02\00:44:18.05
and I called you.
00:44:18.09\00:44:19.69
I called the program
and you answered the phone,
00:44:19.72\00:44:23.09
and of course, I was speechless
00:44:23.12\00:44:24.89
and then I said but I'm
calling because, you know,
00:44:24.93\00:44:27.36
I just heard the program
when I'm trying to, you know,
00:44:27.40\00:44:30.80
see where you are with that
00:44:30.83\00:44:32.33
and we talked
for about 30 minutes.
00:44:32.37\00:44:36.04
And I feel, I mean
even listening to you,
00:44:36.07\00:44:38.97
you sort of validated
what I was doing at that time,
00:44:39.01\00:44:42.18
just hearing you respond
to me and hearing you say,
00:44:42.21\00:44:47.45
that it was okay.
00:44:47.48\00:44:48.82
Amen. Amen. Thank you.
00:44:48.85\00:44:50.59
I want to say that we're
gonna be right back stay with us
00:44:50.62\00:44:53.79
'cause I have few
things I'd like to close with,
00:44:53.82\00:44:56.16
I'm not done yet.
00:44:56.19\00:44:57.59