The following program discusses sensitivity issues 00:00:01.36\00:00:03.40 related to addictive behavior. 00:00:03.43\00:00:05.13 Parents are cautioned that some material 00:00:05.17\00:00:06.84 may be too candid for younger children. 00:00:06.87\00:00:09.07 Welcome back to Celebrating Life. 00:00:13.84\00:00:15.24 We are talking about just loving each other, 00:00:15.28\00:00:18.95 mentorship, grace, 00:00:18.98\00:00:20.35 how do we kind of fit in that relationship 00:00:20.38\00:00:23.89 where we start to change and does God feel the same way? 00:00:23.92\00:00:27.66 Is when we start realizing how much He loves us, 00:00:27.69\00:00:30.83 we start to change in that relationship 00:00:30.86\00:00:32.49 and I'm just crazy about it. 00:00:32.53\00:00:35.10 If God was here, like I've said it million times 00:00:35.13\00:00:37.27 I would kiss Him all over the face 00:00:37.30\00:00:38.70 and just say thank You. 00:00:38.73\00:00:40.07 And so, I want to say hi to you, Verism, 00:00:40.10\00:00:44.01 and I want to just say 00:00:44.04\00:00:45.37 that we talked a lot on the phone 00:00:45.41\00:00:48.31 about another guest that was coming on 00:00:48.34\00:00:50.75 and while we were talking, I fell in love with you. 00:00:50.78\00:00:54.65 Thank you. Thank you. You are welcome. 00:00:54.68\00:00:56.75 And so to me I'd like to have you introduce yourself to us 00:00:56.79\00:01:01.46 but from the beginning like where you from and I want, 00:01:01.49\00:01:06.13 I think I want them to fall in love with you 00:01:06.16\00:01:07.86 in the same way I did. 00:01:07.90\00:01:09.36 Well, I'm Verism Barker. 00:01:09.40\00:01:11.37 I'm originally from South America, 00:01:11.40\00:01:13.54 from Guyana. 00:01:13.57\00:01:14.90 But in reference to what you're saying, 00:01:14.94\00:01:17.74 I am a writer, I am an educator 00:01:17.77\00:01:20.51 and I have had the privilege of working with people 00:01:20.54\00:01:23.71 who needed me. 00:01:23.75\00:01:25.95 I went to South Carolina, I don't know why, 00:01:25.98\00:01:29.28 but I got there and discovered 00:01:29.32\00:01:30.82 that I could actually meet people 00:01:30.85\00:01:34.42 who needed to be employed. 00:01:34.46\00:01:37.19 And I started a janitorial company, 00:01:37.23\00:01:40.00 largely because nobody was employing them. 00:01:40.03\00:01:42.03 So you are talking about there were people 00:01:42.06\00:01:44.27 that you looked at and they said 00:01:44.30\00:01:45.63 because of their background and because of who they are, 00:01:45.67\00:01:47.67 nobody is given them a chance. 00:01:47.70\00:01:49.54 They were excluded. Right. 00:01:49.57\00:01:50.91 Excluded from being employed and so I started this company 00:01:50.94\00:01:54.81 and met some of the most beautiful women 00:01:54.84\00:01:58.65 who sadly, I mean they had several children 00:01:58.68\00:02:04.55 and unfortunately they had no jobs. 00:02:04.59\00:02:06.65 So I started the company and then as I worked with them, 00:02:06.69\00:02:09.79 I realized that they were undereducated as well. 00:02:09.82\00:02:14.06 Yeah, and that wasn't your background 00:02:14.10\00:02:16.23 because you said, you were educated, 00:02:16.26\00:02:19.10 you were writer all that kind of stuff. 00:02:19.13\00:02:20.54 So I want to go back to, were you always a writer? 00:02:20.57\00:02:24.01 I mean, you know, 00:02:24.04\00:02:25.37 where did all of that come from? 00:02:25.41\00:02:26.94 Yes I... 00:02:26.98\00:02:28.31 And why do you have such a big heart? 00:02:28.34\00:02:30.18 I have to say that I was always a writer, 00:02:30.21\00:02:32.28 I've been, I won my first essay 00:02:32.31\00:02:34.38 like I told you when I was eight years old. 00:02:34.42\00:02:36.69 But I come from a country 00:02:36.72\00:02:38.15 that in which we had no televisions. 00:02:38.19\00:02:40.66 So reading was my entertainment. 00:02:40.69\00:02:43.99 And I always read and I guess I had the wildest imagination, 00:02:44.03\00:02:47.66 I always wrote and that followed me, 00:02:47.70\00:02:50.83 I became a writer, I became a journalist, 00:02:50.87\00:02:52.90 a publisher and that's my business. 00:02:52.93\00:02:55.84 So when I was in, 00:02:55.87\00:02:57.21 so when I came to South Carolina, 00:02:57.24\00:02:59.11 I started this program 00:02:59.14\00:03:02.74 which I took at the Seventh-day Adventist church. 00:03:02.78\00:03:05.78 Grammar and writing skills... 00:03:05.81\00:03:07.15 'Cause you're not Adventist, right? 00:03:07.18\00:03:08.52 I'm not Adventist. Okay. 00:03:08.55\00:03:09.88 And I was going to be accepted. 00:03:09.92\00:03:11.35 Why did you choose Adventist church? 00:03:11.39\00:03:12.72 'Cause I'm Adventist. 00:03:12.75\00:03:14.09 Because I shopped in the program around, 00:03:14.12\00:03:15.46 I do not shop as in the sense of looking for money. 00:03:15.49\00:03:17.99 But I felt because there were so many people 00:03:18.03\00:03:20.53 in this specific geographical area 00:03:20.56\00:03:22.86 that was so in need. 00:03:22.90\00:03:25.67 I figured well, going to the churches 00:03:25.70\00:03:27.50 because, you know, everybody goes to church, 00:03:27.54\00:03:30.17 I would meet more people. 00:03:30.21\00:03:31.67 But unfortunately, 00:03:31.71\00:03:33.94 most of them didn't buy the idea. 00:03:33.98\00:03:36.31 And the one church that took me 00:03:36.34\00:03:38.38 was the Seventh-day Adventist church. 00:03:38.41\00:03:39.75 Get on them. 00:03:39.78\00:03:41.12 So I... 00:03:41.15\00:03:42.48 there was a program that they were conducting to 00:03:42.52\00:03:44.79 and they took my writing and my grammar. 00:03:44.82\00:03:50.09 Okay. 00:03:50.13\00:03:51.46 Which is what I did everyday with these women. 00:03:51.49\00:03:54.06 For these women. 00:03:54.10\00:03:55.43 So trying to educate them, 00:03:55.46\00:03:57.33 trying to get them working in their job, right? 00:03:57.37\00:04:01.44 And when I talked about Marcia and Marcia coming into my life 00:04:01.47\00:04:05.21 and just loving me into my own skin, 00:04:05.24\00:04:08.88 I thought about you. 00:04:08.91\00:04:12.35 Yes, and I met several women 00:04:12.38\00:04:14.48 who I ended up becoming their Marcia. 00:04:14.52\00:04:19.35 You know, so many of them had so many deep stories 00:04:19.39\00:04:24.23 that they wanted to tell. 00:04:24.26\00:04:26.26 And they wanted it to be heard 00:04:26.29\00:04:27.63 because they felt that it would be healing 00:04:27.66\00:04:30.77 and mentoring for others 00:04:30.80\00:04:32.20 who had gone through what they went through. 00:04:32.23\00:04:34.84 Can I and I never, you know, I don't know why 00:04:34.87\00:04:37.51 but I just never got to ask my mom or Marcia this, why? 00:04:37.54\00:04:44.45 It's not easy to love us. 00:04:44.48\00:04:46.58 It's not easy to reach into somebody's life 00:04:46.61\00:04:48.55 that is inconsistent, they're acting out, 00:04:48.58\00:04:51.02 they don't know how to respond, 00:04:51.05\00:04:52.72 I don't know how to like, you love me. 00:04:52.75\00:04:54.09 I don't know how to trust, what was that like 00:04:54.12\00:04:57.33 and why did you fight to do that? 00:04:57.36\00:05:00.50 It was difficult. 00:05:00.53\00:05:02.46 It was difficult, yes. You say that so nice. 00:05:02.50\00:05:04.17 I'll be honest it was difficult. 00:05:04.20\00:05:06.07 But I realize that a lot of the pushing away 00:05:06.10\00:05:09.00 wasn't because they wanted to push back. 00:05:09.04\00:05:12.91 A lot of them were scared 00:05:12.94\00:05:14.64 because receiving love was not something that they... 00:05:14.68\00:05:18.11 and I don't think I have the biggest heart. 00:05:18.15\00:05:20.58 But I just felt for me to reach them, 00:05:20.62\00:05:23.59 we have to communicate some hope. 00:05:23.62\00:05:26.72 And in doing that, you know, we meshed... 00:05:26.76\00:05:30.19 Yeah. 00:05:30.23\00:05:31.56 Some of them decided they didn't want the program, 00:05:31.59\00:05:34.86 other stayed and, It didn't work. 00:05:34.90\00:05:40.10 'Cause at sometimes, 00:05:40.14\00:05:41.47 at sometimes they will be angry at you, 00:05:41.50\00:05:44.97 they will lie to you, they'll not show up, 00:05:45.01\00:05:47.48 I mean all of those had things. 00:05:47.51\00:05:48.84 Look I had a lot of that, 00:05:48.88\00:05:50.21 I had a lot of that especially with working... 00:05:50.25\00:05:52.61 Yeah. 00:05:52.65\00:05:53.98 Lots of them after the first check 00:05:54.02\00:05:55.38 wouldn't show up, 00:05:55.42\00:05:57.02 you know, during the work day I would not get a call, 00:05:57.05\00:06:00.56 some people would not show up for work, 00:06:00.59\00:06:02.66 so it was tough. 00:06:02.69\00:06:04.69 But I felt like if I am gonna change it, 00:06:04.73\00:06:07.00 if I am really gonna make a difference. 00:06:07.03\00:06:08.50 I've already started this and I know the need 00:06:08.53\00:06:12.00 and I know, after a while I kind of knew who they were. 00:06:12.03\00:06:15.37 I knew they wanted to change 00:06:15.40\00:06:16.74 but because it was something so different to them. 00:06:16.77\00:06:20.34 So, you know, what's really tough 00:06:20.38\00:06:21.71 when I'm listening to you, Verism, 00:06:21.74\00:06:23.08 I want to, you know, 00:06:23.11\00:06:25.08 I want to look at the camera and just say please, 00:06:25.11\00:06:27.35 if you get this at all, 00:06:27.38\00:06:29.18 if you realize that you could mentor someone 00:06:29.22\00:06:32.12 or you could step into someone's life, 00:06:32.15\00:06:33.56 please do it. 00:06:33.59\00:06:34.92 And it's not easy, it's not anything, 00:06:34.96\00:06:36.73 in the midst of all of the stuff 00:06:36.76\00:06:38.19 that you are doing, trying to get someone employed, 00:06:38.23\00:06:40.76 educated, to be able to receive love 00:06:40.80\00:06:43.47 or just to heal from some of that stuff. 00:06:43.50\00:06:45.83 In the midst of that you have some medical problem. 00:06:45.87\00:06:48.50 Yes. So talk about that. 00:06:48.54\00:06:49.87 Because, you know, when you make a commitment 00:06:49.90\00:06:52.64 to step into someone's life, 00:06:52.67\00:06:54.14 it doesn't mean that everything in your life stops. 00:06:54.18\00:06:56.54 You are still dealing with whatever. 00:06:56.58\00:06:58.58 And a lot of, a lot of people seem to think 00:06:58.61\00:07:02.05 because I was pushing so hard, 00:07:02.08\00:07:03.89 trying to get people to work and go against who they where, 00:07:03.92\00:07:08.42 that's why I became ill. 00:07:08.46\00:07:09.79 In 2009 I suffered a brain aneurysm. 00:07:09.82\00:07:12.49 And I was in the intensive care unit 00:07:12.53\00:07:16.67 for three weeks. 00:07:16.70\00:07:18.87 When I came out it took me approximately a year, 00:07:18.90\00:07:23.74 before I could have really gotten back to myself. 00:07:23.77\00:07:26.91 Yes, I want to talk about that, 00:07:26.94\00:07:28.28 'cause for some people that haven't had, 00:07:28.31\00:07:30.81 like I just got bucked of a horse 00:07:30.85\00:07:32.81 and was knocked out for 00:07:32.85\00:07:34.88 I don't know how long, didn't remember. 00:07:34.92\00:07:36.42 The ambulance rider showing up at the hospital 00:07:36.45\00:07:38.65 and even at the hospital 00:07:38.69\00:07:40.02 the first person I met was my neurosurgeon. 00:07:40.06\00:07:42.32 He said, "Hi, my name is... 00:07:42.36\00:07:43.69 I'm your neurosurgeon." 00:07:43.73\00:07:45.06 And so I had a bleed between the right and left hemisphere. 00:07:45.09\00:07:48.36 I didn't hardly remember my name. 00:07:48.40\00:07:50.97 So I want you to talk about... 00:07:51.00\00:07:52.33 My frontal lobe, I'm told my frontal lobe was blown. 00:07:52.37\00:07:55.04 Yeah. 00:07:55.07\00:07:56.40 I actually have a coil right now in my brain, 00:07:56.44\00:08:00.11 it was called the coiling system. 00:08:00.14\00:08:02.31 And you feel lethargic after, I was lethargic, 00:08:02.34\00:08:07.62 I know for at least six months 00:08:07.65\00:08:10.42 and even the business that I'm talking about, 00:08:10.45\00:08:12.42 that's how that it suffered. 00:08:12.45\00:08:14.32 Because I couldn't get back into it. 00:08:14.36\00:08:17.66 But I still kept in touch and I kept a lot of it going. 00:08:17.69\00:08:20.86 It was not as vibrant as it was. 00:08:20.90\00:08:23.06 But that illness is very, it could be debilitating. 00:08:23.10\00:08:28.37 So I think, 00:08:28.40\00:08:30.77 that's when I realize the stuff that you went through, 00:08:30.81\00:08:33.91 at the same time you're trying to love 00:08:33.94\00:08:36.54 and bring life into someone else. 00:08:36.58\00:08:39.28 Who mentored you, who was your strength? 00:08:39.31\00:08:42.28 My mom. My mom. Okay, in what way? 00:08:42.32\00:08:46.45 My mow was a teacher by profession 00:08:46.49\00:08:49.82 but she never stopped when she was home. 00:08:49.86\00:08:52.49 So we felt her strength 00:08:52.53\00:08:54.40 and we felt her desire to keep us educated 00:08:54.43\00:08:56.67 and to keep us on the right track. 00:08:56.70\00:08:59.40 You know, she always taught is 00:08:59.43\00:09:02.70 if you have a loaf of bread, half of it only is yours. 00:09:02.74\00:09:06.04 The other half, make sure that you share it. 00:09:06.07\00:09:08.21 Wow. 00:09:08.24\00:09:09.58 So it was never a problem for me to give. 00:09:09.61\00:09:12.55 I'm not going to say I was never selfish. 00:09:12.58\00:09:15.08 I was selfish, 00:09:15.12\00:09:16.45 I mean I know the times when I was selfish. 00:09:16.48\00:09:17.89 And I was also judgmental even though that was something 00:09:17.92\00:09:19.92 that she taught us not to be. 00:09:19.95\00:09:22.52 What did that look like in your life in the judgmental stuff 00:09:22.56\00:09:25.23 and how, you had to surrender some of that 00:09:25.26\00:09:27.03 if you're working with Adventist folks. 00:09:27.06\00:09:29.53 I came to this country, I'm in 30, several years ago. 00:09:29.56\00:09:34.10 And I came as a student and it always shocked me 00:09:34.14\00:09:39.47 that as I was on my way to school 00:09:39.51\00:09:40.98 I saw so many people who weren't going... 00:09:41.01\00:09:43.51 Just hanging out. Yeah. Just chilling. 00:09:43.55\00:09:45.58 And so I said, you know, I figured well, 00:09:45.61\00:09:47.92 I mean really 00:09:47.95\00:09:49.28 and then especially the ones who would ask me for a dollar. 00:09:49.32\00:09:52.42 I would be like well, you know, 00:09:52.45\00:09:53.79 I'm going to work and when I'm done, 00:09:53.82\00:09:55.72 I have to go and catch eight hours of class 00:09:55.76\00:09:57.89 because I want to be able to not to ask for a dollar. 00:09:57.93\00:10:00.60 So I was very critical and... 00:10:00.63\00:10:03.47 It's... 00:10:03.50\00:10:04.83 but I love when you say that 'cause it's really tough, 00:10:04.87\00:10:06.94 'cause I've been on both sides of that where, 00:10:06.97\00:10:09.54 you know, man I, it's non stop, just trying to get on my feet. 00:10:09.57\00:10:14.18 And, you know, you got to just do something. 00:10:14.21\00:10:16.58 But that taught me, It taught me too, 00:10:16.61\00:10:18.58 I mean over the years 00:10:18.61\00:10:19.95 and I think age is really wisdom 00:10:19.98\00:10:21.48 and maturity like that. 00:10:21.52\00:10:23.02 It taught me enough because they're asking, 00:10:23.05\00:10:25.12 it means that they have a golden spirit. 00:10:25.15\00:10:27.56 I learned especially from the ladies 00:10:27.59\00:10:29.22 I mentioned and men. 00:10:29.26\00:10:30.59 There were men on my crew as well 00:10:30.63\00:10:32.19 that there was some nurturing damage 00:10:32.23\00:10:35.63 that took them where they were. 00:10:35.66\00:10:37.00 Exactly. 00:10:37.03\00:10:38.37 So they were not willfully deviants... 00:10:38.40\00:10:42.37 Right. Right. Or degenerate. 00:10:42.40\00:10:44.54 So but let me just say, 'cause it's really interesting 00:10:44.57\00:10:46.74 'cause there's a reason to everybody's where they are 00:10:46.78\00:10:48.78 but I never got the person that said, 00:10:48.81\00:10:51.18 "You know what, are you kidding me? 00:10:51.21\00:10:52.61 I'm like tired and working hard." 00:10:52.65\00:10:55.25 And then the other person that says, 00:10:55.28\00:10:57.39 "I never learned to dare to dream 00:10:57.42\00:10:59.22 or dare to even expect anything from the world around me." 00:10:59.25\00:11:02.86 And so when you said just chilling, 00:11:02.89\00:11:04.29 that's I would be there. 00:11:04.33\00:11:05.66 I didn't expect to make it. I didn't expect to be accepted. 00:11:05.69\00:11:09.36 I didn't expect to have anything to offer 00:11:09.40\00:11:11.50 and so I kind of stepped out. 00:11:11.53\00:11:13.84 But... 00:11:13.87\00:11:15.20 But there is this compassion that you receive and think, 00:11:15.24\00:11:18.07 when you get older, 00:11:18.11\00:11:21.38 you're taught not to be judgmental. 00:11:21.41\00:11:23.04 I mean you receive that, you were told in the home. 00:11:23.08\00:11:25.85 But then as you grow older 00:11:25.88\00:11:27.22 and you get into society and stuff, 00:11:27.25\00:11:30.32 you then you get the lessons you were being taught. 00:11:30.35\00:11:32.15 So it taught me then that, okay, 00:11:32.19\00:11:34.32 there must be a reason 00:11:34.36\00:11:35.69 why year after year people will be here, 00:11:35.72\00:11:37.99 they're not moving forward. 00:11:38.03\00:11:39.36 Yeah. It has to be more than that. 00:11:39.39\00:11:41.43 So I need to sit back and get away from myself. 00:11:41.46\00:11:46.13 And stop thinking that I'm the example 00:11:46.17\00:11:48.54 and let me start looking at how I can give back. 00:11:48.57\00:11:51.27 And that started years ago at Brooklyn 00:11:51.31\00:11:53.78 when I lived in New York 00:11:53.81\00:11:55.14 and I worked with high school kids 00:11:55.18\00:11:57.91 and then I went to like the shelters 00:11:57.95\00:12:00.08 and worked with women who wanted to work, 00:12:00.12\00:12:03.55 who wanted to be taught but they were never 00:12:03.59\00:12:07.06 because of who they had become. 00:12:07.09\00:12:09.59 They were not afforded those opportunities. 00:12:09.62\00:12:11.83 And so that took me from state to state, 00:12:11.86\00:12:13.43 every state I lived in, I found a place. 00:12:13.46\00:12:16.43 Where you could get, 00:12:16.46\00:12:18.30 and as you're taking I remember again 00:12:18.33\00:12:20.80 why I fell in love with you. 00:12:20.84\00:12:22.17 Thank you. 00:12:22.20\00:12:23.54 But, you know, even saying that transition for you 00:12:23.57\00:12:27.28 when you said that, you know, I'm realizing that, you know, 00:12:27.31\00:12:31.08 you can step in and, you know, 00:12:31.11\00:12:33.11 there is a writer Ellen White and she said, 00:12:33.15\00:12:36.42 "Only by love is love awakened." 00:12:36.45\00:12:38.89 And the first time I read that, 00:12:38.92\00:12:40.66 I thought only by love is love awakened. 00:12:40.69\00:12:43.53 We can't change outside of that and so I want to say again, 00:12:43.56\00:12:49.00 as we mentor each other 00:12:49.03\00:12:50.37 and as we step into that world of mentoring someone, 00:12:50.40\00:12:54.20 we wake that desire for change in them 00:12:54.24\00:12:57.44 and God does that for us, 00:12:57.47\00:12:58.87 but we actually do that for someone else. 00:12:58.91\00:13:00.74 I could see that only by love is love awakened. 00:13:00.78\00:13:03.78 I mean if you don't know how to love 00:13:03.81\00:13:05.25 and you're now learning, you're now giving it, 00:13:05.28\00:13:07.18 that's how you'll see it and that's how you start. 00:13:07.22\00:13:09.98 learning using it, you know, I can see how that's relevant. 00:13:10.02\00:13:14.52 So the aneurysm takes you out for a bit, 00:13:14.56\00:13:18.23 how did you stand back up? 00:13:18.26\00:13:20.26 That should be a year. 00:13:20.30\00:13:22.43 I remember in my house, my office is upstairs 00:13:22.46\00:13:27.27 and I was unable to walk steadily for a while 00:13:27.30\00:13:32.37 and I remember one day 00:13:32.41\00:13:33.78 I got up, I said I'm going up to my office. 00:13:33.81\00:13:37.11 And it took me because my back, you know, the epidural 00:13:37.15\00:13:42.35 and all that to get into my back, 00:13:42.38\00:13:43.99 so my muscles were on the stiff side. 00:13:44.02\00:13:46.29 You know, braced against the wall 00:13:46.32\00:13:47.69 and took myself up 14 treadles up to my office. 00:13:47.72\00:13:52.39 When I got up there, turned on my computer, 00:13:52.43\00:13:55.63 I didn't even remember what to do, 00:13:55.66\00:13:57.23 how to, you know, it came up, the screen came up. 00:13:57.27\00:14:00.00 And I sat there for a while and I didn't leave, 00:14:00.04\00:14:04.77 I know I didn't cry. 00:14:04.81\00:14:06.21 Yeah. Right. But I was so frustrated. 00:14:06.24\00:14:08.61 Because I said, you know, I'm seeing it 00:14:08.64\00:14:11.11 and I'm reading what's up there and I couldn't get it started. 00:14:11.15\00:14:14.98 And I did that later on that day 00:14:15.02\00:14:17.95 and like two days after 00:14:17.99\00:14:20.29 I was able to get back into the groove 00:14:20.32\00:14:23.89 of doing what I used to do but it took a while, 00:14:23.93\00:14:26.80 the better part of a year. 00:14:26.83\00:14:28.23 So can I ask you, 00:14:28.26\00:14:30.97 if someone that's right now discourage and saying, 00:14:31.00\00:14:34.67 you know, what? 00:14:34.70\00:14:36.10 I am done, you know, 00:14:36.14\00:14:38.24 everything that I knew what I was doing, 00:14:38.27\00:14:40.28 everything that I could do, 00:14:40.31\00:14:41.64 everything that I could count on is gone. 00:14:41.68\00:14:45.41 What would you say to them 00:14:45.45\00:14:46.78 'cause I imagined in front of the computer you felt that, 00:14:46.82\00:14:49.25 it's like, you know, what am I doing? 00:14:49.28\00:14:51.55 How am I gonna get my life back? 00:14:51.59\00:14:52.92 You know there is a inner strength that we have, 00:14:52.95\00:14:55.26 that we don't really remember 00:14:55.29\00:14:57.26 especially when we are into throes 00:14:57.29\00:14:59.23 of that kind of disorientation. 00:14:59.26\00:15:01.76 We tend to think that that's the end. 00:15:01.80\00:15:06.07 There is this push that you feel. 00:15:06.10\00:15:11.07 It might be a sense of pride, 00:15:11.11\00:15:12.61 but there was no way I was going out like that. 00:15:12.64\00:15:15.18 I had to write, I had stories up there. 00:15:15.21\00:15:17.98 I mean, I'm a journalist, I'm a writer, 00:15:18.01\00:15:19.61 I had things that I had started 00:15:19.65\00:15:21.48 that were on that they needed to be done. 00:15:21.52\00:15:24.95 I couldn't think of anybody else to do it but me. 00:15:24.99\00:15:27.06 So I had to get it done. 00:15:27.09\00:15:28.96 You know, there is, I think one of the writers 00:15:28.99\00:15:32.53 that help me survive is writer name Frankl 00:15:32.56\00:15:35.93 and he wrote a book 00:15:35.96\00:15:37.37 called "Man's Search for Meaning" 00:15:37.40\00:15:39.37 and this guy is in concentration camps 00:15:39.40\00:15:41.90 and totally lost and just about that 00:15:41.94\00:15:45.57 and he remember that he didn't write his book yet. 00:15:45.61\00:15:49.14 It reminded me exactly of what you said. 00:15:49.18\00:15:51.28 He said I can't die yet. 00:15:51.31\00:15:52.88 I haven't written this book and it helped him survive 00:15:52.91\00:15:55.95 that whole thing and the book is brilliant. 00:15:55.98\00:15:58.19 So what were you saying is... 00:15:58.22\00:15:59.55 But I remember the people who worked for me before that. 00:15:59.59\00:16:02.22 Because they would call, you know, and my son, 00:16:02.26\00:16:05.36 my younger son was still helping me 00:16:05.39\00:16:07.06 to keep the business alive. 00:16:07.10\00:16:08.60 And he would bring cards and they would call, 00:16:08.63\00:16:10.90 and I knew I have to get back. 00:16:10.93\00:16:12.43 I had one of the... 00:16:12.47\00:16:14.00 I had a great payroll person who kept working for me 00:16:14.04\00:16:18.47 even when I wasn't paying her. 00:16:18.51\00:16:20.54 You know, and she just kept the fact 00:16:20.58\00:16:22.28 that everything kept going 00:16:22.31\00:16:24.31 and these people still had a reason to come to work, 00:16:24.35\00:16:27.22 that made me feel good 00:16:27.25\00:16:28.58 and that gave me even more of a desire to get better. 00:16:28.62\00:16:32.35 Because if they weren't working, 00:16:32.39\00:16:34.82 they were not gonna be doing good, 00:16:34.86\00:16:36.19 they were to be going back to where they were. 00:16:36.22\00:16:38.06 And several of them did, several of them did. 00:16:38.09\00:16:41.36 So it takes you about a year. 00:16:41.40\00:16:44.53 You start to know even what to do with a computer 00:16:44.57\00:16:49.50 and I... 00:16:49.54\00:16:50.87 No, it took me about like about three or four months, 00:16:50.91\00:16:53.17 but it took me about a year 00:16:53.21\00:16:54.54 to get back to really devising things, 00:16:54.58\00:16:58.38 secreting by look and we're gonna do it this way. 00:16:58.41\00:17:00.82 To really thinking at a higher level. 00:17:00.85\00:17:04.15 Because at that time my thinking was, 00:17:04.19\00:17:06.39 I would say purely instinctive, 00:17:06.42\00:17:07.99 I knew if this glass was falling, 00:17:08.02\00:17:09.62 I should hold it, 00:17:09.66\00:17:10.99 but it, I mean I couldn't calculate 00:17:11.03\00:17:12.53 or do any of that. 00:17:12.56\00:17:14.16 And I think that unless you had brain issues, 00:17:14.20\00:17:17.63 it's hard to know what that feels like, 00:17:17.67\00:17:20.10 'cause I remember trying to find a word like, 00:17:20.14\00:17:22.10 I would start to speak 00:17:22.14\00:17:23.47 and I think, I try to find a word 00:17:23.51\00:17:24.84 and it just won't be there. 00:17:24.87\00:17:26.34 And even my husband would look at me 00:17:26.37\00:17:28.21 like what's wrong and I said, "I just don't know, 00:17:28.24\00:17:30.95 I know that what I want to say, but I can't say it." 00:17:30.98\00:17:34.28 See I didn't have a problem with that 00:17:34.32\00:17:36.28 because my long term memory was intact. 00:17:36.32\00:17:38.72 Right. 00:17:38.75\00:17:40.09 But if I put my glasses down, 00:17:40.12\00:17:41.46 I could never remember where they were. 00:17:41.49\00:17:43.53 The very small things, 00:17:43.56\00:17:44.89 the short term things bothered me 00:17:44.93\00:17:47.33 and that was frightening. 00:17:47.36\00:17:48.70 I mean, you know, how many times I lock my keys in my car 00:17:48.73\00:17:51.80 or I started the car and locked, 00:17:51.83\00:17:53.80 you know, thank God for roadside assistance. 00:17:53.84\00:17:57.41 Because that's what rescued me so often. 00:17:57.44\00:18:00.18 So it's really, it's a terrible. 00:18:00.21\00:18:04.38 It could be tragic 00:18:04.41\00:18:05.88 because some people tend to go into themselves. 00:18:05.91\00:18:08.42 I attended, I had to attend a clinic during my healing 00:18:08.45\00:18:12.55 and it would be so, it would be shocking, 00:18:12.59\00:18:17.13 it would be a source of realization 00:18:17.16\00:18:19.93 when you got there to see how many people had aneurysm 00:18:19.96\00:18:22.96 and were not as well as I was. 00:18:23.00\00:18:27.67 A lot them, they were a lot of deficits 00:18:27.70\00:18:29.54 that people suffered. 00:18:29.57\00:18:31.04 Ambulation, they for instance, 00:18:31.07\00:18:33.04 they couldn't speak, couldn't control their saliva, 00:18:33.07\00:18:36.34 so looking at that kind of thing told me, 00:18:36.38\00:18:38.85 look, I was spared for a reason 00:18:38.88\00:18:42.65 and I wasn't gonna stop writing. 00:18:42.68\00:18:44.89 I was not going to stop my teaching 00:18:44.92\00:18:46.82 and I was going to keep reaching all 00:18:46.86\00:18:48.42 to the folks who still wanted me. 00:18:48.46\00:18:50.46 And the best part was that 00:18:50.49\00:18:52.99 this is from the Seventh-day Adventist church 00:18:53.03\00:18:55.50 told me that the door was always open 00:18:55.53\00:18:57.43 once I was heal, come on back, 00:18:57.47\00:18:59.50 and she kept it open and I went back. 00:18:59.53\00:19:01.47 That's incredible. 00:19:01.50\00:19:02.84 So as you start getting back on your feet, 00:19:02.87\00:19:05.17 I want you to talk about 'cause we are talking about, 00:19:05.21\00:19:07.84 you know, loving people into their own skin 00:19:07.88\00:19:09.94 and mentoring and giving back our talents 00:19:09.98\00:19:12.95 'cause what I heard from you 00:19:12.98\00:19:14.55 when I first started talking with you, 00:19:14.58\00:19:16.99 is we're talking about someone else 00:19:17.02\00:19:18.55 that you're working with 00:19:18.59\00:19:19.92 and they're gonna be on another program, 00:19:19.95\00:19:21.79 we'll meet Connie, 00:19:21.82\00:19:23.19 we'll meet you on this program too 00:19:23.22\00:19:24.99 but as I'm talking to you, I'm realizing that as a mentor, 00:19:25.03\00:19:31.23 as someone that is standing up through all of their own stuff, 00:19:31.27\00:19:35.77 there's something incredibly important for that. 00:19:35.80\00:19:39.01 We can't heal outside a connection. 00:19:39.04\00:19:42.38 You know, Brene Brown is another author that I love, 00:19:42.41\00:19:47.15 she says, "It's an irreducible need 00:19:47.18\00:19:49.82 of all people to be loved and to belong 00:19:49.85\00:19:53.29 and if we don't have that we break, we fall apart." 00:19:53.32\00:19:56.62 You know, we act out all of that kind of stuff 00:19:56.66\00:19:58.89 and so I know the ministry you have 00:19:58.93\00:20:05.03 is trying to connect, 00:20:05.07\00:20:06.77 trying to love someone into their own skin 00:20:06.80\00:20:09.67 and trying to get them to stand up is huge. 00:20:09.70\00:20:11.84 And so you step back into that and you... 00:20:11.87\00:20:14.84 And I met Connie. Okay. So Connie is who? 00:20:14.88\00:20:17.31 Connie, she was in the grammar writing skills class 00:20:17.35\00:20:20.85 that I conducted. 00:20:20.88\00:20:22.28 And I remember one day after class she ask me, 00:20:22.32\00:20:25.69 she said she wanted to talk to me. 00:20:25.72\00:20:27.42 And she had this story that she wanted to tell 00:20:27.46\00:20:29.79 but she's not a strong writer. 00:20:29.82\00:20:32.03 I said, well, we're not all strong writers 00:20:32.06\00:20:34.33 but I'll be happy to listen to it. 00:20:34.36\00:20:36.30 And the first line she gave me 00:20:36.33\00:20:37.73 but I'm giving away her story or her, 00:20:37.77\00:20:40.04 you know, sit down here, 00:20:40.07\00:20:43.14 told me it was a story I had to do. 00:20:43.17\00:20:44.91 It was a story of such poor nurturing 00:20:44.94\00:20:51.01 and the fall out of that, 00:20:51.05\00:20:53.42 and then it took me back to the people I would pass, 00:20:53.45\00:20:55.85 asking me for a dollar. 00:20:55.88\00:20:57.79 You know, it helped me to connect 00:20:57.82\00:21:01.66 why nurturing is so important to making people hold 00:21:01.69\00:21:08.43 and why so many broken people are out there. 00:21:08.46\00:21:11.37 You know, and I don't want to go by that too fast 00:21:11.40\00:21:14.04 because, you know, we can see it in an animal. 00:21:14.07\00:21:17.31 You know, we can say it, 00:21:17.34\00:21:18.67 I can have somebody donate a horse 00:21:18.71\00:21:20.91 'cause we worked with foster kids and horses. 00:21:20.94\00:21:23.08 I can have somebody donate a horse and that horse 00:21:23.11\00:21:25.65 if it's not taking care of and not loved, 00:21:25.68\00:21:27.85 that horse will never be the same, 00:21:27.88\00:21:29.68 it doesn't act the same as other horses. 00:21:29.72\00:21:33.02 But we don't really see it or accepting each other, 00:21:33.05\00:21:36.39 we want to step in with some kind of judgment. 00:21:36.42\00:21:38.96 So when you say that what you saw was that, 00:21:38.99\00:21:42.76 you know, a real difference in someone 00:21:42.80\00:21:45.63 when they're not nurtured. 00:21:45.67\00:21:47.00 Can you explain that a little bit more 00:21:47.04\00:21:48.94 what you saw, what you experienced? 00:21:48.97\00:21:52.04 Well, the first day we sat down, 00:21:52.07\00:21:55.04 we never really got to doing the book 00:21:55.08\00:21:56.95 because she ripped. 00:21:56.98\00:21:58.55 I mean she ripped. 00:21:58.58\00:22:00.25 And we were to meet for an hour and we never did anything 00:22:00.28\00:22:04.59 other than I watched her cry and told her it's okay 00:22:04.62\00:22:08.36 and we met at my home and so I got up, you know, 00:22:08.39\00:22:13.16 I just made like a visit. 00:22:13.19\00:22:16.60 And I think it was as she cried and she said 00:22:16.63\00:22:21.94 but, you know, she really wanted to get this off 00:22:21.97\00:22:23.77 and she's just tired of this, 00:22:23.81\00:22:25.37 it's just a thing she was saying as she was crying. 00:22:25.41\00:22:28.04 I said, it made me feel that she was genuine 00:22:28.08\00:22:31.95 and wanting to have this out there. 00:22:31.98\00:22:35.58 Wanting to say, get it off her chest. 00:22:35.62\00:22:38.59 You know, and as we went, 00:22:38.62\00:22:43.06 it took us almost 22 months to get the book done. 00:22:43.09\00:22:45.69 Twenty two months, 00:22:45.73\00:22:47.06 I can't even imagine the amount of healing 00:22:47.10\00:22:49.06 that happened for her during that time. 00:22:49.10\00:22:50.67 And I want to ask you something about that. 00:22:50.70\00:22:53.50 When I was writing my own book, 00:22:53.54\00:22:55.94 I was assigned to write her at one point 00:22:55.97\00:22:58.24 and I realized that she's never been in that world. 00:22:58.27\00:23:02.18 You know, it's interesting to tell someone about that 00:23:02.21\00:23:05.01 but it's really different that is your reality. 00:23:05.05\00:23:09.02 And so I sent her to hang out with my sister, 00:23:09.05\00:23:12.09 who is a stripper and drug dealer 00:23:12.12\00:23:14.06 and to just walk around with her, 00:23:14.09\00:23:15.66 just hang out with her 00:23:15.69\00:23:17.09 'cause I just wanted her to get a feel of what it felt like, 00:23:17.13\00:23:21.06 to have that be your world 00:23:21.10\00:23:23.16 and did you get a sense of that during that 22 months as said, 00:23:23.20\00:23:27.04 did you get a sense of what she actually lived? 00:23:27.07\00:23:31.37 Yes, I have to especially 00:23:31.41\00:23:33.04 because I had to create all the scenes, 00:23:33.07\00:23:35.51 I have to do to fill in to make the story readable, 00:23:35.54\00:23:39.81 you know, some people ask for a mike, 00:23:39.85\00:23:42.28 they want to have it recorded or whatever 00:23:42.32\00:23:44.15 but if I was not there to see her cry, 00:23:44.19\00:23:46.99 to see the emotions she showed at certain points. 00:23:47.02\00:23:49.99 To see how certain memories that she would invoke 00:23:50.03\00:23:54.46 and try to relived to give me some clarity. 00:23:54.50\00:23:58.57 I would not have been able to paint the picture as, 00:23:58.60\00:24:03.71 I want to say real, 00:24:03.74\00:24:05.07 but I did a pretty decent job trying to get all that 00:24:05.11\00:24:07.84 and not for me but for her. 00:24:07.88\00:24:09.84 Because she wanted this story to be told with 00:24:09.88\00:24:12.08 as much authenticity as was possible. 00:24:12.11\00:24:14.95 So if she were out doing what she did in the book, 00:24:14.98\00:24:18.39 I'm not gonna take away from her. 00:24:18.42\00:24:20.36 I have to understand where she was mentally... 00:24:20.39\00:24:23.43 What that meant? Emotionally and physically. 00:24:23.46\00:24:26.36 So it was quite a journey. 00:24:26.39\00:24:29.93 You know, and the healing that happened to her 00:24:29.96\00:24:32.87 even the process you got to see. 00:24:32.90\00:24:35.20 Yes. 00:24:35.24\00:24:36.57 Did you ever once and don't lie to me, 00:24:36.60\00:24:39.21 did you ever once feel like, "Aye, this is too much." 00:24:39.24\00:24:42.48 I cried sometimes too. Yeah. 00:24:42.51\00:24:44.81 When I heard some of the things that she endured, 00:24:44.85\00:24:47.22 I cried. 00:24:47.25\00:24:48.58 And I think I would have cried for anybody 00:24:48.62\00:24:50.22 because I can't understand how people can be treated 00:24:50.25\00:24:53.32 that way by people that they love, 00:24:53.36\00:24:54.79 people they looked to for protection. 00:24:54.82\00:24:58.16 And, you know, I'm talking about within the home 00:24:58.19\00:25:01.20 that kind of thing. 00:25:01.23\00:25:02.56 It was really, really, really hard 00:25:02.60\00:25:05.10 for somebody to listen to as well. 00:25:05.13\00:25:07.77 It's hard even for someone to read. 00:25:07.80\00:25:10.37 Yes. 00:25:10.41\00:25:12.54 But why, you know, and I know the answer for myself 00:25:12.57\00:25:17.95 but I'm asking you 00:25:17.98\00:25:19.31 why do we need to hear this story? 00:25:19.35\00:25:20.68 Why do we need to know? 00:25:20.72\00:25:22.05 Why do we need to see this world? 00:25:22.08\00:25:23.42 I think it's important because it brings, 00:25:27.29\00:25:31.06 it shows we are somebody, could have been from childhood. 00:25:31.09\00:25:35.96 What they were given the bad tools, 00:25:36.00\00:25:39.50 they were given to take them into young adulthood, 00:25:39.53\00:25:43.27 into adulthood and to see that they can get to a point 00:25:43.30\00:25:46.17 where we started of with grace, 00:25:46.21\00:25:50.48 where she could have received so much grace. 00:25:50.51\00:25:52.81 Where she could have felt well, 00:25:52.85\00:25:54.18 I need to go to church at some point. 00:25:54.22\00:25:56.15 I need to get myself out of the situation 00:25:56.18\00:25:59.55 and I'm not saying that she did it on her own. 00:25:59.59\00:26:02.89 She had to listen to some voice that said, you know, what? 00:26:02.92\00:26:05.29 "You have to get away from this area 00:26:05.33\00:26:07.03 to get yourself together." 00:26:07.06\00:26:09.93 And she got away and as things would have it, 00:26:09.96\00:26:14.37 we met and we got the story together 00:26:14.40\00:26:17.51 and now it's really a tool for anybody who was been there. 00:26:17.54\00:26:21.54 So, Verism, I want to just say, 00:26:21.58\00:26:25.55 we can't heal without looking into someone's eyes 00:26:25.58\00:26:28.55 and saying, I know that you see me. 00:26:28.58\00:26:31.49 I feel that when you spend this time with me, 00:26:31.52\00:26:35.62 when you slow down enough to even hear my story, 00:26:35.66\00:26:39.19 I feel somewhat loved and protected for a moment. 00:26:39.23\00:26:43.33 So, you know, to me during that time, 00:26:43.37\00:26:45.73 I just want to say as an adverse person 00:26:45.77\00:26:48.44 that every single time someone did that to me, 00:26:48.47\00:26:50.71 I could feel myself heal. 00:26:50.74\00:26:52.07 When I talked about Marcia and being adopted, 00:26:52.11\00:26:54.84 unbelievable, unbelievable, she starts to aggregate cancer 00:26:54.88\00:27:00.25 and she's not gonna make it, 00:27:00.28\00:27:01.78 and I remember her invited me over 00:27:01.82\00:27:04.29 and I wanted to weep and say, "I can't lose you, 00:27:04.32\00:27:07.52 I can't lose you because I don't know how to stand. 00:27:07.56\00:27:10.79 You are in this world, the person that loves me 00:27:10.83\00:27:15.50 and I'm so afraid." 00:27:15.53\00:27:17.03 And she laid in the bed, 00:27:17.07\00:27:19.70 she's dying and she's showing me pictures 00:27:19.73\00:27:23.10 of all the relatives that I didn't meet. 00:27:23.14\00:27:25.47 Man, my grandfather would have loved you. 00:27:25.51\00:27:28.21 My grandma, she would have just adored you, 00:27:28.24\00:27:31.68 I wish you would have met and she would tell me stories 00:27:31.71\00:27:33.65 and we would laugh 00:27:33.68\00:27:35.02 and I think that 22 months is in a mentoring situation, 00:27:35.05\00:27:39.75 in a situation where you step into someone's life 00:27:39.79\00:27:42.52 and I don't care what the task is. 00:27:42.56\00:27:45.83 You have changed everything. 00:27:45.86\00:27:47.90 It's like that moment and time where love becomes real 00:27:47.93\00:27:50.93 and trust becomes real. 00:27:50.97\00:27:52.80 And I can hope that I can heal. 00:27:52.83\00:27:57.67 And I learned a lot from her too. 00:27:57.71\00:28:01.08 A lot of bowed her to, 00:28:01.11\00:28:03.04 because I think she has a great personality, 00:28:03.08\00:28:06.98 a great sense of humor. 00:28:07.02\00:28:08.62 It was so much that I would not have known if I... 00:28:08.65\00:28:12.49 She's a great cook, she does and, you know, 00:28:12.52\00:28:16.09 she has recipes that she creates 00:28:16.12\00:28:19.23 and of course, I get to sample them 00:28:19.26\00:28:21.00 because we're doing a little recipe book, 00:28:21.03\00:28:23.67 and we bring and Marcia has... 00:28:23.70\00:28:27.67 She has a marvelous voice, I hate to say it because, 00:28:27.70\00:28:30.64 you know, she kind of feels like gets too much to the head. 00:28:30.67\00:28:36.04 But she is very, has a great voice. 00:28:36.08\00:28:40.35 Has so many ambitions, 00:28:40.38\00:28:42.75 so here I was looking at this person 00:28:42.78\00:28:44.82 who I thought was so broken. 00:28:44.85\00:28:47.09 Who I would not have expected to say 00:28:47.12\00:28:50.96 I want to be all these things, 00:28:50.99\00:28:52.76 I want to do all these things and having pass, 00:28:52.79\00:28:55.63 having gotten to that age, you know, I'm saying well, 00:28:55.66\00:29:00.60 it can't happen 00:29:00.64\00:29:02.20 and here it was I could see her for the 22 months 00:29:02.24\00:29:04.31 becoming a different person. 00:29:04.34\00:29:06.24 So by the end of it we became friends. 00:29:06.27\00:29:09.11 Absolutely. 00:29:09.14\00:29:10.48 I mean friends sharing with her the things 00:29:10.51\00:29:13.62 that I share with friends that I grew up with, 00:29:13.65\00:29:16.12 that I went to school with. 00:29:16.15\00:29:17.85 You know, she came into that bracket. 00:29:17.89\00:29:21.32 She fell into that bracket. 00:29:21.36\00:29:22.69 And this is, and I could because we really kind of went 00:29:22.72\00:29:26.73 from what you do to this one woman but you've had 00:29:26.76\00:29:31.33 spoken to the life of several women, 00:29:31.37\00:29:33.27 several men and I just have to say, I just, 00:29:33.30\00:29:38.64 I so wanted just shout from the roof top, 00:29:38.67\00:29:43.28 we can't heal in a vacuum. 00:29:43.31\00:29:46.41 On either side, when you talked about even, 00:29:46.45\00:29:49.35 like even term of that judgmental stuff, 00:29:49.38\00:29:51.85 and I'm thinking I knew and could get that 00:29:51.89\00:29:54.59 is like we can't heal on either side into. 00:29:54.62\00:29:57.43 Dialogue is open and we actually understand 00:29:57.46\00:29:59.89 what Jesus said, when He said love one another. 00:29:59.93\00:30:02.16 Reaching to the lives of each other 00:30:02.20\00:30:04.63 and it's the only way 00:30:04.67\00:30:07.24 the gospel is gonna become real. 00:30:07.27\00:30:08.87 And I can say that I know for sure 00:30:08.90\00:30:10.54 that she was hurting in the sense 00:30:10.57\00:30:13.88 that she was not loved by the people 00:30:13.91\00:30:15.74 she wanted to be loved by. 00:30:15.78\00:30:18.01 And I'm not guessing, this is what she said. 00:30:18.05\00:30:21.05 And I don't know if that has happened as yet, 00:30:21.08\00:30:24.65 that would be her story to tell. 00:30:24.69\00:30:26.35 But it was so frustrating to me when I was working with her 00:30:26.39\00:30:31.36 and I actually was told that I shouldn't, you know, 00:30:31.39\00:30:36.80 by family members, her family members. 00:30:36.83\00:30:39.33 I really shouldn't be working with her 00:30:39.37\00:30:41.00 because her story is not true 00:30:41.04\00:30:43.30 and, you know, that kind of thing, so... 00:30:43.34\00:30:45.91 And let me just go on to that 00:30:45.94\00:30:47.41 'cause it's really interesting the more I get into recovery, 00:30:47.44\00:30:51.28 the more I get into, you know, I'm 35 years clean 00:30:51.31\00:30:56.58 and so that's a long time, 00:30:56.62\00:30:58.35 but the narratives that we tell in our damage 00:30:58.39\00:31:02.22 are sometimes are the stories that we tell, 00:31:02.26\00:31:04.83 like I don't take it from anybody else's point of view. 00:31:04.86\00:31:08.23 I don't know what it feels like to be in my sister skin 00:31:08.26\00:31:11.13 and my brother skin or my mom skin 00:31:11.17\00:31:13.54 or even my dad who, 00:31:13.57\00:31:15.30 you know, died using crack and is a mess. 00:31:15.34\00:31:19.37 You know, I don't know what it feels like to be in their skin 00:31:19.41\00:31:21.94 but as I get older and I start to heal 00:31:21.98\00:31:24.45 and I start to look back 00:31:24.48\00:31:26.11 and I start having empathy for the other people 00:31:26.15\00:31:28.72 and hear their stories, 00:31:28.75\00:31:30.09 I realize it everybody has their own perspective. 00:31:30.12\00:31:33.05 So when family members really say like my sister 00:31:33.09\00:31:37.36 is a methodic she will say, 00:31:37.39\00:31:38.93 "I'm so angry that you talk about our addiction." 00:31:38.96\00:31:42.53 And I'm like really because we're all, we're addicts. 00:31:42.56\00:31:47.44 Yeah, I heard that too. I heard that too. 00:31:47.47\00:31:49.37 But you heard that? Yes. 00:31:49.40\00:31:51.47 You know, but I wanted to say for even for family members 00:31:51.51\00:31:54.74 is that man, it's hard to hear someone else 00:31:54.78\00:31:59.18 tell it from their point to view. 00:31:59.21\00:32:00.55 It really is hard and my heart goes out to them too. 00:32:00.58\00:32:03.62 Yeah, like I explained to, you know, her family members, 00:32:03.65\00:32:06.45 I'm not making this up. 00:32:06.49\00:32:08.26 This is what was told to me and I'm writing it 00:32:08.29\00:32:10.76 and I'm giving all the disclaimers 00:32:10.79\00:32:12.13 that are necessary. 00:32:12.16\00:32:14.30 But I feel very comfortable in what I was told, 00:32:14.33\00:32:17.70 was told from the heart. 00:32:17.73\00:32:19.93 And I put it back out there and I mean put it back 00:32:19.97\00:32:22.94 as she gave it to me, nothing was repackaged. 00:32:22.97\00:32:26.78 You know, so it's tough, it's tough 00:32:26.81\00:32:29.51 and it's all about reality. 00:32:29.54\00:32:31.35 And it's all about being honest in the end. 00:32:31.38\00:32:34.25 We're gonna open up for questions. 00:32:34.28\00:32:36.02 I want to ask you a few questions. 00:32:36.05\00:32:37.49 To see if anybody has any questions 00:32:37.52\00:32:39.25 that ask of you in the cafe 00:32:39.29\00:32:41.12 'cause I just want to say that you guys are amazing 00:32:41.16\00:32:43.99 and I'm glad you're here 00:32:44.03\00:32:45.69 and so today we're talking about, 00:32:45.73\00:32:48.23 you know, those mentoring roles, 00:32:48.26\00:32:49.90 or those times even in our lives when we have somebody 00:32:49.93\00:32:52.70 that's just slows down long enough to see us. 00:32:52.73\00:32:56.47 You know, those are incredible and so, you know, 00:32:56.50\00:32:59.64 I know that Connie, you're here 00:32:59.67\00:33:01.74 and she is your Marcia and so do you have anything 00:33:01.78\00:33:05.21 that you would like to say or ask right now? 00:33:05.25\00:33:09.92 Well, Verism, what I would like to say, Cheri, 00:33:09.95\00:33:12.52 to Verism is that I want to thank you 00:33:12.55\00:33:16.29 for taking the time out to listen to me 00:33:16.32\00:33:21.16 and to believe in me and to write my story. 00:33:21.20\00:33:24.63 And I also like to thank God for placing you 00:33:24.67\00:33:27.54 in each other's paths, you know, 00:33:27.57\00:33:30.74 so that this could come into fruition 00:33:30.77\00:33:34.84 and it's been immensely healing for me, 00:33:34.88\00:33:37.58 and I want to say, I appreciate you very much. 00:33:37.61\00:33:40.62 Thank you. 00:33:40.65\00:33:41.98 So healing in my way 'cause we're talking about mentors 00:33:42.02\00:33:44.15 and we were talking about people that see us Connie. 00:33:44.19\00:33:46.96 And to me I know what that feels like 00:33:46.99\00:33:49.66 and I know what it feels like from your situation. 00:33:49.69\00:33:54.43 So when she started to believe in you, 00:33:54.46\00:33:56.93 why did that matter? 00:33:56.97\00:34:00.40 Because growing up I didn't have a strong support system. 00:34:00.44\00:34:05.67 So she supported me and just acknowledging my gifts 00:34:05.71\00:34:12.61 and my talents and giving me compliments and, you know, 00:34:12.65\00:34:16.52 just reminding me that, 00:34:16.55\00:34:18.52 you know, you're an awesome person. 00:34:18.55\00:34:21.86 If you really just look inside yourself 00:34:21.89\00:34:23.66 and you see that. 00:34:23.69\00:34:25.03 But, you know, for somebody that's not hurt that a lot 00:34:25.06\00:34:28.20 is like you're starving to death 00:34:28.23\00:34:30.47 and somebody offers you food. 00:34:30.50\00:34:32.10 Yes, absolutely because... 00:34:32.13\00:34:33.94 I can even see it when you said it. 00:34:33.97\00:34:35.57 Yeah, 'cause my self esteem was totally shot. 00:34:35.60\00:34:38.54 You know, and I had been working only through the years 00:34:38.57\00:34:40.68 but to, we say things to ourselves all the time 00:34:40.71\00:34:45.18 but to hear someone else say it, 00:34:45.21\00:34:47.42 is even more powerful. 00:34:47.45\00:34:49.78 Yes. Yes, and she did that for me. 00:34:49.82\00:34:52.69 I think I love her because of you. 00:34:52.72\00:34:56.52 I just think I do and so I know that, 00:34:56.56\00:34:58.99 Dona, you had a question. 00:34:59.03\00:35:00.96 Hi, Cheri, I'm just, 00:35:01.00\00:35:03.00 I've seen you through the years, 00:35:03.03\00:35:05.07 we've talked through the years, 00:35:05.10\00:35:06.50 we've been friends and to following that 00:35:06.53\00:35:09.24 and I'm just glad I got to know you 00:35:09.27\00:35:12.37 because I've got a daughter that was an addict, 00:35:12.41\00:35:16.95 very bad and it broke my heart. 00:35:16.98\00:35:21.28 You know, even when we're first talking with you, Dona, 00:35:21.32\00:35:23.62 is that you know you could feel that desperation 00:35:23.65\00:35:26.55 like I don't know what to do, I don't know how to reach her. 00:35:26.59\00:35:30.89 Yeah, there was nothing that I can say to her 00:35:30.93\00:35:35.66 and I would talk to her 00:35:35.70\00:35:37.50 and she give me these blank answers 00:35:37.53\00:35:40.70 and I would pray so much, you know, 00:35:40.74\00:35:42.57 because I couldn't be there for her. 00:35:42.60\00:35:44.44 We lived miles apart 00:35:44.47\00:35:46.57 and I want to be with her so bad 00:35:46.61\00:35:49.48 and each time I talk to her, 00:35:49.51\00:35:51.58 I could hear the little girl in her 00:35:51.61\00:35:53.52 and I could just feel 00:35:53.55\00:35:54.88 that she didn't want to be in that spot. 00:35:54.92\00:35:57.49 But she was just reaching out but I wasn't there, 00:35:57.52\00:36:01.46 I put her in God's hands and that's why I wish so much 00:36:01.49\00:36:05.93 that she had met somebody earlier 00:36:05.96\00:36:09.86 that can take care of her 00:36:09.90\00:36:11.23 and hold her close like I couldn't 00:36:11.27\00:36:13.94 because I want it so bad 00:36:13.97\00:36:15.30 to physically take her in my arms 00:36:15.34\00:36:16.91 and hold her and tell her, "I'll see you through this, 00:36:16.94\00:36:20.24 I'll see that you make the recovery." 00:36:20.28\00:36:22.08 'Cause she was in and out of rehab in different areas, 00:36:22.11\00:36:25.51 and she just kept going back 00:36:25.55\00:36:28.35 but now I think that she has gone back to God, 00:36:28.38\00:36:31.99 which I'm so thankful 00:36:32.02\00:36:33.79 that was the answer to a mother's prayer 00:36:33.82\00:36:36.32 because I couldn't be there for her. 00:36:36.36\00:36:38.66 And I want it so bad 00:36:38.69\00:36:40.03 but I knew by putting her in God's hands 00:36:40.06\00:36:42.73 so he would take care of her for me. 00:36:42.76\00:36:45.17 But because I wasn't there physically, 00:36:45.20\00:36:48.20 I often wanted somebody... 00:36:48.24\00:36:50.37 Like, Verism. 00:36:50.41\00:36:51.74 Absolutely, somebody to take and just wrap her up and say, 00:36:51.77\00:36:56.51 "It's gonna be okay, I'm here for you." 00:36:56.54\00:36:59.31 It absolutely matters. 00:36:59.35\00:37:00.85 And that, you know, to me I'm just, 00:37:00.88\00:37:02.65 I'm so excited 'cause I know that Sherri is doing well, 00:37:02.68\00:37:06.76 she's in recovery. 00:37:06.79\00:37:08.56 She's really just kind of basking 00:37:08.59\00:37:11.73 in that relationship with God. 00:37:11.76\00:37:13.56 I can see it in your face and your voice 00:37:13.60\00:37:15.70 that you're just saying, I can take a breath. 00:37:15.73\00:37:18.40 It's actually been long enough that I can breathe, 00:37:18.43\00:37:20.64 I can trust her journey right now. 00:37:20.67\00:37:23.04 But I'm always wondering, 00:37:23.07\00:37:27.04 you know and she tells me every day, 00:37:27.08\00:37:29.91 "Mom, I've been clean." 00:37:29.94\00:37:32.15 But it's a struggle. Yeah. 00:37:32.18\00:37:33.62 Every day it's a struggle 00:37:33.65\00:37:36.28 and every day it's got to be hard 00:37:36.32\00:37:39.22 but she said, she relies on God. 00:37:39.25\00:37:42.86 She relies on Him to see her through these times. 00:37:42.89\00:37:45.66 That's incredible. 00:37:45.69\00:37:47.03 So, Verism, when we're talking about mentoring 00:37:47.06\00:37:50.37 and being able to see each other, do you, 00:37:50.40\00:37:55.00 and what you do with reaching out to folks 00:37:55.04\00:37:58.57 and even in your own healing, do you see more of them now? 00:37:58.61\00:38:03.85 I mean like when you look up, 00:38:03.88\00:38:05.41 can you kind of see somebody 00:38:05.45\00:38:07.22 that actually would needs that kind of relationship? 00:38:07.25\00:38:11.09 Need someone to walk along side of them? 00:38:11.12\00:38:13.42 Yes, I can and I hate to make it sound 00:38:13.46\00:38:16.66 like it's a science, something you can learn. 00:38:16.69\00:38:21.06 I think I've gotten more to feel people's emotions. 00:38:21.10\00:38:26.53 I've become a little more sensitive to why people... 00:38:26.57\00:38:33.51 appear to speak a certain way or why they pulled back 00:38:33.54\00:38:38.71 from certain things. 00:38:38.75\00:38:40.58 You know, and... 00:38:40.62\00:38:41.95 It makes me know that what I'm doing has to go on. 00:38:44.65\00:38:48.86 I have to keep doing what I'm doing. 00:38:48.89\00:38:52.23 I have to keep listening 00:38:52.26\00:38:53.70 and I can't just look at the disable person 00:38:53.73\00:38:56.46 in the corner and say, "Well, he just needs a bath 00:38:56.50\00:38:59.50 or probably a change of clothing." 00:38:59.53\00:39:02.10 That's somebody who's reaching out. 00:39:02.14\00:39:04.01 So as, you know, again we're talking about mentors 00:39:04.04\00:39:09.38 and relationships that are life changing on both sides 00:39:09.41\00:39:12.85 but life changing for us. 00:39:12.88\00:39:14.22 I know that with my love for Marcia, 00:39:14.25\00:39:16.89 the woman that adopted me is that made, 00:39:16.92\00:39:20.29 I was the apple of her eye. 00:39:20.32\00:39:22.79 Do you know what I mean? 00:39:22.82\00:39:24.16 I know that she loved me and she grew from that 00:39:24.19\00:39:25.89 but I was changed forever because of her love. 00:39:25.93\00:39:30.67 And so I'm gonna ask you one, 00:39:30.70\00:39:32.80 couple of questions I like you to answer 00:39:32.83\00:39:34.67 'cause we're almost at the end of this program 00:39:34.70\00:39:36.44 but when you step into mentoring role. 00:39:36.47\00:39:39.87 When you step into changing the lives of someone, 00:39:39.91\00:39:42.54 educating someone, getting to job 00:39:42.58\00:39:45.41 or even writing their story, I know that's time consuming. 00:39:45.45\00:39:50.09 But I want you to speak on that, 00:39:50.12\00:39:52.35 that commitment of doing those kind of relationships 00:39:52.39\00:39:57.19 and is it necessary for the church 00:39:57.23\00:39:59.36 to get the fact that we need to mentor and love each other. 00:39:59.39\00:40:03.20 Definitely, when you step in you have to realize, 00:40:03.23\00:40:06.10 first of all it's an ongoing process. 00:40:06.13\00:40:08.90 And most of the people I've helped still call me, 00:40:08.94\00:40:13.51 we're still in touch. 00:40:13.54\00:40:15.04 The ones who want to be in touch with me, 00:40:15.08\00:40:16.68 they still have their number. 00:40:16.71\00:40:18.78 I mean still have my number. Amen. 00:40:18.81\00:40:22.68 Recently I started working with a girl, 00:40:22.72\00:40:25.02 I haven't seen for years but she has lost her children 00:40:25.05\00:40:28.62 and I'm working with her to get them back. 00:40:28.66\00:40:31.23 That's the kind of thing, you have to be unselfish. 00:40:31.26\00:40:33.83 You have to understand it's ongoing 00:40:33.86\00:40:36.00 and even if there is a separation, 00:40:36.03\00:40:40.27 you should always be available. 00:40:40.30\00:40:42.60 I mean I can't see it any other way, 00:40:42.64\00:40:45.01 this just might taken it 00:40:45.04\00:40:46.37 and the people that I've worked with. 00:40:46.41\00:40:47.74 So it's not just once a week commitment. 00:40:47.78\00:40:49.94 It's not that I will see you at church 00:40:49.98\00:40:51.48 and we'll work on that. 00:40:51.51\00:40:52.85 And I think that for a lot of us 00:40:52.88\00:40:54.35 we say, you know what? 00:40:54.38\00:40:55.72 I don't know if I want to invest in someone's life 00:40:55.75\00:40:58.59 to that extent. 00:40:58.62\00:40:59.95 But if there is somebody that actually hears us today 00:40:59.99\00:41:03.12 and says, "I think I could do that, 00:41:03.16\00:41:05.83 I just want to say man, do it." 00:41:05.86\00:41:09.36 You know, do it because it's the gospel, 00:41:09.40\00:41:12.73 it's what we are asked to do for each other. 00:41:12.77\00:41:14.90 When Jesus said love one another 00:41:14.94\00:41:17.87 and, you know, fight against the schemes of the enemy. 00:41:17.91\00:41:20.88 I mean all of those things are so biblical, 00:41:20.91\00:41:22.94 strategically the enemy says, I want to disconnect everyone, 00:41:22.98\00:41:26.82 I don't want anyone to see each other. 00:41:26.85\00:41:29.18 I don't want you to honestly step into each other's lives. 00:41:29.22\00:41:33.29 But God says, no, don't listen, that is not me speaking. 00:41:33.32\00:41:38.33 I'm saying, like it says in Isaiah 58, 00:41:38.36\00:41:42.10 "Love each other, reach out to each other." 00:41:42.13\00:41:46.94 Going to each other's homes, step into each other's lives. 00:41:46.97\00:41:50.54 You know, there was a girl that 5 to 7 years 00:41:50.57\00:41:53.07 I've been working with and she did not, she was angry, 00:41:53.11\00:41:56.75 the first couple of years 00:41:56.78\00:41:58.15 she just cussed me out almost every single time we talked, 00:41:58.18\00:42:01.12 and I knew underneath all of that anger 00:42:01.15\00:42:04.85 is this incredible gifted women. 00:42:04.89\00:42:07.72 Incredible. 00:42:07.76\00:42:09.09 Well, I've been cussed out, I've been called... 00:42:09.12\00:42:12.23 I've been told to go back on the boat that I came on. 00:42:12.26\00:42:15.10 I've been told everything. Yeah. 00:42:15.13\00:42:17.13 But like I said earlier you know that's just of facade. 00:42:17.17\00:42:21.77 You know, there's somebody who's trying to push you off 00:42:21.80\00:42:24.21 because they're not ready to change. 00:42:24.24\00:42:26.94 My job to me was to stay right there, keep bugging. 00:42:26.98\00:42:30.95 Once I have your number and it hasn't been turned off, 00:42:30.98\00:42:34.12 I'll call you. 00:42:34.15\00:42:35.48 Where are you now, let's do this, 00:42:35.52\00:42:36.85 let's keep doing this. 00:42:36.89\00:42:38.25 You gonna be okay. 00:42:38.29\00:42:39.62 Yes, and there is a sense of satisfaction that you feel. 00:42:39.65\00:42:46.09 It's not, I mean, like people, a lot of my... 00:42:46.13\00:42:48.80 I heard from a lot of people that I'm wasting time. 00:42:48.83\00:42:51.27 I mean you're not paid for this. 00:42:51.30\00:42:53.34 It wasn't about the pay. It really wasn't about the pay. 00:42:53.37\00:42:57.17 And I would go so far as to say, 00:42:57.21\00:42:58.91 I feel that having healed as well as I have healed 00:42:58.94\00:43:02.98 from my aneurysm was probably the pay 00:43:03.01\00:43:05.31 that I earned that. 00:43:05.35\00:43:07.72 Yeah, God bless you in other ways. 00:43:07.75\00:43:09.62 I feel that because I have a... 00:43:09.65\00:43:12.32 Let me just say it like in Isaiah 58 00:43:12.35\00:43:14.19 when we talk about even the biblical thing is Isaiah 58 00:43:14.22\00:43:17.96 says that you'll become like a watered garden 00:43:17.99\00:43:21.43 and people will heal just in your presence 00:43:21.46\00:43:23.77 because you could imagine that watered garden 00:43:23.80\00:43:25.80 where you can actually take a breath and sit down 00:43:25.83\00:43:28.07 and see the beauty around you is that you become that, 00:43:28.10\00:43:31.17 and there's something that's a incredible gift from God 00:43:31.21\00:43:34.78 when you become that, but we become that as mentors. 00:43:34.81\00:43:39.01 We do, we do, and I mean 00:43:39.05\00:43:42.08 I can't say better than you have just said it. 00:43:42.12\00:43:46.76 I wouldn't do anything different. 00:43:46.79\00:43:48.12 Amen. 00:43:48.16\00:43:49.49 There is nothing I would do that's different. 00:43:49.52\00:43:50.96 I want to say thank you for joining us 00:43:50.99\00:43:52.99 on Celebrating Life. 00:43:53.03\00:43:54.90 I, like I said, you won my heart 00:43:54.93\00:43:58.57 and even more so, now looking at you 00:43:58.60\00:44:01.97 and knowing that you can't do anything different. 00:44:02.00\00:44:05.17 And if can say 00:44:05.21\00:44:06.54 I remember the first time I saw your program, 00:44:06.57\00:44:08.31 I wasn't even looking at the program and you just, 00:44:08.34\00:44:11.21 I mean I had the TV on going through the channel, 00:44:11.25\00:44:13.98 and you were talking about yourself when I looked up 00:44:14.02\00:44:18.05 and I called you. 00:44:18.09\00:44:19.69 I called the program and you answered the phone, 00:44:19.72\00:44:23.09 and of course, I was speechless 00:44:23.12\00:44:24.89 and then I said but I'm calling because, you know, 00:44:24.93\00:44:27.36 I just heard the program when I'm trying to, you know, 00:44:27.40\00:44:30.80 see where you are with that 00:44:30.83\00:44:32.33 and we talked for about 30 minutes. 00:44:32.37\00:44:36.04 And I feel, I mean even listening to you, 00:44:36.07\00:44:38.97 you sort of validated what I was doing at that time, 00:44:39.01\00:44:42.18 just hearing you respond to me and hearing you say, 00:44:42.21\00:44:47.45 that it was okay. 00:44:47.48\00:44:48.82 Amen. Amen. Thank you. 00:44:48.85\00:44:50.59 I want to say that we're gonna be right back stay with us 00:44:50.62\00:44:53.79 'cause I have few things I'd like to close with, 00:44:53.82\00:44:56.16 I'm not done yet. 00:44:56.19\00:44:57.59