The following program
discusses sensitive issues
00:00:01.06\00:00:03.28
related to addictive behavior.
00:00:03.31\00:00:04.97
Parents are
cautioned that some material
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may be too candid
for younger children.
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Welcome to
Celebrating Life in Recovery.
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Today we're gonna
talk about demons.
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We're gonna talk
about just being harassed.
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We're gonna talk
about addictions and choices
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and being so lost
that you do not think
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you can come out and
that's happened to you,
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that was your life.
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Yes, it has happened to me
I have a story just like that.
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So we're gonna stay
with this in the cafe
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and you're gonna be surprise
at what God is able to redeem.
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It's absolutely too cool.
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Welcome, we are talking about--
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this whole season
we're gonna talking about
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maintaining our
sobriety or recovery whatever.
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And when I talk
about sobriety people think
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that I'm talking just
drugs and alcohol, I am not.
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We are a mess,
we can be addicted
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to anything, I mean literally.
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You know, there are
people that I worked with that--
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that you know
they're alcoholics.
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I don't want them to ever change
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because I work for me
and so I want them to work--
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you know, no, I
want them to change.
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But is that, we can
get addicted to work,
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we can get addicted to food,
we can get addicted to drugs,
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to relationships
to all kinds of stuff.
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And so this week
we're going to the--
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the book Celebrations,
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we're covering all
kinds of different topics,
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this week is temperance.
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And we don't even
use that word anymore,
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so it's word
that people don't tend
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to know what that means.
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And so I'm
gonna-- I'm gonna tell you
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the World Health Organization
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it says that 2.5
million people die
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from alcohol
related deaths every year,
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so that's four
percent of all deaths.
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That means out more than
all other injuries cancer,
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cardiovascular disease,
liver, cirrhosis, alcohol--
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kind of it takes people
out more than any of that
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kind of stuff and so it's huge.
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We tend to drink too much,
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party too much, do
all that kind of stuff.
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And so I'm gonna
say, I'm gonna go
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to temperance in the
different way though.
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There was a guy, a
normal guy played football,
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was in Christian
schools all that kind of stuff,
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somebody gives methamphetamine
one time and he loved it,
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loved it and so get strung out.
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Ends up during his meth
addiction has seven kids,
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seven kids, so we talked
about temperance in that way.
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Wow. So I stopped it already.
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But that seven kids they're
all got meth addiction issues
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and then his wife
says I'm done, I'm done.
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And you know, you
have been out of control
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for so long I've done, you've--
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you've hurt the
family, you've hurt us all.
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And so he goes to
blow her head off,
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he was gonna shoot her.
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One of his kids walk in
six years old, freaks out,
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so instead of shooting
his wife he puts the gun up
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against his face
and blows his face off.
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When the people
come thinking he is dead,
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he is laying on the ground
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they put shock around him
literally as a crime scene.
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And they think he's dead,
his face stays on the ground,
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he comes up and says, am I dead?
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No, you are not.
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But they have to
now restores his face,
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redo all that kind of stuff.
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When he is on the
way to the hospital
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dies four times in the ambulance
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and finally says and I love this
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because outside
its just ridiculous.
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He says, you know I
think I should cleanup.
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I think I should stop
using. It's just so crazy.
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But so now he stepped
in to a life that God says,
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you know what I don't want
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you to do anything too extreme
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because I'm gonna teach you
what it means to have balance
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and so
temperance is just a matter
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of looking that balance.
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And today I'd
like to introduce you
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to a friend of
mine Tracy Hammond.
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I just have to
say that you bless me
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but one day my
pastor is amazing,
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you know, he's amazing.
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We have this
amazing Pastor Randy Maxwell
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and Randy decided to
start letting different people
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kind of sit up in front
and give their testimony.
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And so I heard your
whole testimony one time
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and I thought shut up,
you are--you are amazing.
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And so what do you think
when I talk about temperance?
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When I talk about, you know,
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there are times that
we go so out of control
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that I think
even demons takeover,
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what's your take on that?
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You know, you are
exactly right, Cheri.
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And what a thrilled to be
here I mean it is the cafe,
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so many times
I've been here and--
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and I wanted to be here.
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I've been staring
at you through the TV,
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you live in my
living room all the time.
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And so thank you
for invite me out here.
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I'm so happy to be here.
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But yeah, my testimony is--
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there is a surprising
one to a lot of people
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I was raised in a home that was
Pentecostal with three young--
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three sisters and a great home
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but as I tried
to get close to God,
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there was a thing
where I was baptized
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I supposed to
get the Holy Spirit,
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I supposed
speak in tongues and--
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and I couldn't and
it was so hard for me
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to deal with that.
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I thought, well,
this God not love me,
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do I not have enough
faith in God you know and so--
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So for people that don't know
speak in tongues, it's that--
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in some of the
denominations they believe
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that you'll speak
in angelic language
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or another
language not a language
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that anybody is gonna understand
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but the language
just between you and God.
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Right, right.
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And they are times
that they will set you down.
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Because I had
someone do this to me.
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So they will set you down
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and have you just repeat a
word over and over and over.
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They'll pray for you
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and they will
wait for you to get it
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and if you don't
get it you really are
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kind of not a
secondhand Christian but--
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somehow you're not legit.
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Yeah, I'm not
guaranteed to make it
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to heaven is the
way, I was made to feel,
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they would get me in circles
and people lay hands one me
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and get me to
exoterically utter these things
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and I just couldn't
do it, I couldn't do it.
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And so with my failure
to getting close to God I--
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I drifted away and I got into
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pretty bad drug addiction
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back in-- back in the 90s--
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Because you're not
gonna make it anyway?
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No, I'm not making anyways.
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If I'm not invited in a club
I don't want to be in the club.
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you know, God
doesn't love me that's fine,
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you know, I'm gonna live my life
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and I went and got
into the waxy crank
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that was out the time.
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And I got really dark
into that and I started--
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I started getting pulled
out of that by the spirit.
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I was getting
dreams to come out of that.
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Okay, let's just talk about that
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because one of
the things Tracy, that
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we're talking
about on this program
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is how do you
maintain you're coming out of,
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so what was your sliding into.
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Because it
didn't happen overnight,
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you didn't just overnight decide
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that I'm totally lost, you
did one thing after another,
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after another that got you
so into your drug addiction.
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Yeah, that's true.
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I have missed a
part in this where--
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where as I slid away there
is formative movement in my life
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that made me go to drugs
and it changed my whole life
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and that was
when I was a young lad
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in a changing pool--
room with my cousin Richie
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we were there
and we are changing
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and as we're
taking off our shorts
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putting on swimming trunks
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he laughed at me
and pointed at me
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and because I wasn't
circumcised was a thing.
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I didn't understand that,
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I didn't
understand anything about.
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I thought oh, I'm
different, I'm weird,
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I'm not a normal
little boy and I--
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ever since that
time it's changed
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the way I interact with
woman and how relationships work
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and so I barely
did it anyone grown up
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your high school I was just--
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oh no, I'm weird I can't
be hanging other girls and--
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So what's really--
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because you know
we talked about--
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on some of these
programs strategy
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that the devil
sets up against us,
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so he really set
that up against you
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and you can't speak in tongues,
you're not part of the club,
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you don't even
look like normal boys,
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you're not part of the club
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and so you are
really saying that I--
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I don't measure up anywhere.
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Yeah, that's right.
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But whether a lot
of people don't realize
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that first time we
do a drug, we so fit in.
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Oh, yeah.
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Nobody, you know,
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oddest of the oddest
people, we're family.
00:08:04.89\00:08:07.13
Yeah, exactly.
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That's what it was the lure
of the devil's trick the drug,
00:08:08.22\00:08:12.27
there is false
sense of sensuality
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that comes with
crank in meth the sexuality
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is more of a lust, self lust
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kind of a thing that
comes on that made me feel,
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I quoted the
drug instead of women
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and it fulfilled that desire
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first in the
beginning days of it--
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So you went over
that pretty fast,
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unfold that for us
according the drug,
00:08:27.99\00:08:30.64
your relationship is
now the drug not people--
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Not people, yeah,
yeah, because it was--
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I would isolate I
would take these drugs
00:08:37.22\00:08:39.10
and I would isolate
and get away from people
00:08:39.13\00:08:40.77
and have adulterous images and--
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and so--
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So online stuff.
00:08:44.17\00:08:45.27
Online stuff, magazines
you know whatever and--
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which left me feeling more, less
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worthy of having
a real relationship
00:08:52.81\00:08:54.47
every weekend I did this
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I was less capable of
a healthy relationship.
00:08:55.60\00:08:57.79
But you know what
I've got to say to you
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is that I could just imagine
00:08:59.42\00:09:01.02
that a picture
won't laugh at you.
00:09:01.05\00:09:02.48
Yeah, that's true. An
image won't laugh at you.
00:09:02.51\00:09:04.69
I don't have to
risk anything here
00:09:04.72\00:09:06.26
because I know that this image,
00:09:06.29\00:09:09.28
this chat room, this
girl will not laugh at me.
00:09:09.31\00:09:12.63
Exactly-- I have control here.
00:09:12.66\00:09:14.11
Yeah, it's a very
comforting place to be
00:09:14.14\00:09:17.47
in the beginning
days you know, I felt--
00:09:17.50\00:09:20.52
I felt find but the
fruit of it led to despair
00:09:20.55\00:09:24.72
and getting further and
further from anything good
00:09:24.75\00:09:26.69
I felt disgusting and
horrible at the end of it
00:09:26.72\00:09:29.28
unless I was high and when
I was high I wouldn't care,
00:09:29.31\00:09:32.44
you know, and so and that
was at the very early days of--
00:09:32.47\00:09:36.87
of using crank and
I had a cycle of abuse
00:09:36.90\00:09:39.07
that would emerged through this
00:09:39.10\00:09:40.14
not being able
to get back to God
00:09:40.17\00:09:41.62
when I came out of the
crank there was a cycle of abuse
00:09:41.65\00:09:43.33
that appeared
where I tried to go back
00:09:43.36\00:09:45.34
and repent and I got
with my-- my grandparents
00:09:45.37\00:09:48.50
who were
Pentecostal pastors, preachers
00:09:48.53\00:09:51.57
again I hit same roadblock
00:09:51.60\00:09:53.00
of not speaking an
ecstatic adherences
00:09:53.03\00:09:56.18
and I was pulled out of
the circle of crank users
00:09:56.21\00:10:00.04
I was in at that
time, just in time
00:10:00.07\00:10:02.37
because a month
later after I moved away
00:10:02.40\00:10:03.96
the whole ring
that I hung with was--
00:10:03.99\00:10:05.69
was taking down by the FBI.
00:10:05.72\00:10:07.79
All the people I knew were
arrested or served in that.
00:10:07.82\00:10:10.89
And so I see God's movement
00:10:10.92\00:10:12.27
but as I moved
back to Idaho and I--
00:10:12.30\00:10:14.64
You know, I just
say-- you know it's crazy
00:10:14.67\00:10:16.90
because what you
said you know even
00:10:16.93\00:10:18.44
when I tried to come
back I couldn't do the tongues
00:10:18.47\00:10:21.70
so then therefore my--
00:10:21.73\00:10:23.41
my even my
motives are questionable
00:10:23.44\00:10:25.76
and so now I just
went back to whatever.
00:10:25.79\00:10:28.82
Yeah, I drift away so I
knew some of it was true.
00:10:28.85\00:10:30.93
I knew that God loved me,
00:10:30.96\00:10:31.99
I knew the Holy Spirit
was working on my mind,
00:10:32.02\00:10:33.42
He's was giving me the
dreams that were prophetic
00:10:33.45\00:10:35.48
but I just drift away.
00:10:35.51\00:10:36.87
When I realized I
hit this roadblock
00:10:36.90\00:10:38.46
and now I looking back I
see the Holy Spirit was working
00:10:38.49\00:10:41.15
so strong in me right then
and that was just shortcut it
00:10:41.18\00:10:45.17
by the doctrine of
you've got to speak in tongues.
00:10:45.20\00:10:48.35
Or it's not real.
Or else it's not real.
00:10:48.38\00:10:50.24
And being able to say
is that one of the things
00:10:50.27\00:10:53.78
I know about
Methamphetamine are crank
00:10:53.81\00:10:56.71
is that it makes you crazy.
00:10:56.74\00:10:58.52
Yeah, yeah. You
know, and so there is--
00:10:58.55\00:11:00.45
not only you know, when
we talked about temperance
00:11:00.48\00:11:02.86
and part of the
disease right in drinking water
00:11:02.89\00:11:05.16
and all that kind of stuff
00:11:05.19\00:11:06.29
when you're in the
middle of using the meth,
00:11:06.32\00:11:08.30
you're not drinking
anything water for sure.
00:11:08.33\00:11:09.79
Right.
00:11:09.82\00:11:10.85
You know so you're
dehydrated, you're malnourished,
00:11:10.88\00:11:14.59
I mean all of that kind of stuff
00:11:14.62\00:11:15.71
and on top of
that you're staying up
00:11:15.74\00:11:17.80
for days and days and
days and so you can get--
00:11:17.83\00:11:20.77
you can get so crazy
that nothing make sense.
00:11:20.80\00:11:24.42
And at that
point, and at that point
00:11:24.45\00:11:27.30
you've got the devil
himself just appear talking,
00:11:27.33\00:11:30.24
you know, it is
not and when people say
00:11:30.27\00:11:33.27
because I've heard
people say, you know,
00:11:33.30\00:11:34.74
I don't think they are demons,
00:11:34.77\00:11:35.87
I don't think
that the devil is real.
00:11:35.90\00:11:37.20
And I'm like you know
take crank for about a week.
00:11:37.23\00:11:39.65
Yeah, yeah,
because you'll find them.
00:11:39.68\00:11:41.32
Yeah, that's exactly right.
00:11:41.35\00:11:42.38
That's what I found
was fasting and prayers
00:11:42.41\00:11:44.67
what I was doing
when I was on this meth
00:11:44.70\00:11:46.34
I wouldn't have time to
stop for by to eat at all
00:11:46.37\00:11:49.09
and I've learned
that I need to go
00:11:49.12\00:11:50.92
down to drink water at least
so my muscles don't cram up
00:11:50.95\00:11:53.28
and even
pouring the cup of water
00:11:53.31\00:11:54.94
I'd forget to drink
it or leave it somewhere
00:11:54.97\00:11:56.82
and it was just a
chore and as my body
00:11:56.85\00:12:00.34
became empty of
fluids they were good
00:12:00.37\00:12:01.97
and my land became
a swamp land inside
00:12:02.00\00:12:04.32
and I was
concentrating on adultery
00:12:04.35\00:12:06.16
there was this
spirit that came around
00:12:06.19\00:12:08.56
and when I didn't
believe in God I just thought
00:12:08.59\00:12:11.32
oh, there is aliens, oh,
there is people watching me,
00:12:11.35\00:12:13.27
oh, you know this sort
of thing but as I became--
00:12:13.30\00:12:16.91
once I came back
to meth and I was on
00:12:16.94\00:12:19.11
and I knew God
existed then I realized
00:12:19.14\00:12:22.36
there was demons all around me
00:12:22.39\00:12:23.67
and they did
exposed himself to me
00:12:23.70\00:12:25.35
and revealed
themselves in miraculous ways
00:12:25.38\00:12:27.24
and their counterfeit miracles
and horrible ways where I was--
00:12:27.27\00:12:30.56
I was completely
crazy in my mind.
00:12:30.59\00:12:33.13
I was jabbering on nonstop
in three different persons
00:12:33.16\00:12:36.19
you know like shut up
you both wrong kind of thing
00:12:36.22\00:12:38.29
and I had all sorts of craziness
00:12:38.32\00:12:39.55
going on in my mind.
00:12:39.58\00:12:41.28
And but the demons
were all around me.
00:12:41.31\00:12:45.01
Once they knew I
knew God existed you know.
00:12:45.04\00:12:47.66
I did-- I did a
program on demonic eroticism.
00:12:47.69\00:12:50.70
Yeah.
00:12:50.73\00:12:51.77
Folks that have actually brought
00:12:51.80\00:12:53.05
in demonic presence or spirits
00:12:53.08\00:12:57.31
and God involved with
them in the sexual way.
00:12:57.34\00:12:59.80
And so what's
really-- what's interesting is
00:12:59.83\00:13:01.92
as people really
look at that world
00:13:01.95\00:13:03.96
and start to acknowledge
it and invite that in
00:13:03.99\00:13:06.94
is there's some
very real things.
00:13:06.97\00:13:09.06
When you know, you talked
about the demoniac in the Bible
00:13:09.09\00:13:11.62
and Jesus said He was
filled with the 1,000 demons,
00:13:11.65\00:13:14.71
I think that we think somehow
00:13:14.74\00:13:16.20
that they're not
playing with us anymore.
00:13:16.23\00:13:18.89
And when we allow
ourselves to get really lost
00:13:18.92\00:13:22.46
is that we are inviting a
world or presence into our lives
00:13:22.49\00:13:26.49
that will take us out,
the goal is to take us out.
00:13:26.52\00:13:28.96
Right. That's what I had found.
00:13:28.99\00:13:32.52
When I was first
visited by the demons
00:13:32.55\00:13:34.70
I'd overdosed on a
substance called bath salts.
00:13:34.73\00:13:36.78
I've been sober for years--
00:13:36.81\00:13:38.33
Talk about what that
is, because that legal.
00:13:38.36\00:13:40.50
Yeah, it was
legal for a short time.
00:13:40.53\00:13:43.12
It's a designer drug, designed
to circumvent the meth loss.
00:13:43.15\00:13:47.33
It's a derivative
of an amphetamine.
00:13:47.36\00:13:50.35
It produces a similar
high but not the exact same.
00:13:50.38\00:13:52.78
I found it more
uncomfortable and jingly.
00:13:52.81\00:13:54.81
I couldn't form sentences.
00:13:54.84\00:13:56.48
But you could buy
it over the counter.
00:13:56.51\00:13:58.05
You can go-- and I
had the hardest time--
00:13:58.08\00:14:00.12
Kids were buying it
all over the country.
00:14:00.15\00:14:01.94
People were buying
it all over the country.
00:14:01.97\00:14:03.72
They would
literally killing themselves
00:14:03.75\00:14:05.50
and each other because of this.
00:14:05.53\00:14:07.13
It got crazy. People
were becoming psychotic.
00:14:07.16\00:14:10.97
Yeah, it lead to a
stranger high then meth
00:14:11.00\00:14:13.50
and I'd approved in
my mind of doing meth.
00:14:13.53\00:14:16.65
And so I didn't find bath salt,
00:14:16.68\00:14:17.74
like I am not
gonna bother with that.
00:14:17.77\00:14:19.28
I didn't know meth
was and I could buy this.
00:14:19.31\00:14:21.30
So I kept doing this bath salts
00:14:21.33\00:14:24.26
and eventually
there was one night
00:14:24.29\00:14:26.14
where I was taking the
drug right out of the bag
00:14:26.17\00:14:29.14
and it spilled
over on the ground
00:14:29.17\00:14:31.35
and I just sat there
and I swept the ground up
00:14:31.38\00:14:33.20
until I'd taken all
up, and I must have taken
00:14:33.23\00:14:35.34
in half a gram here real
quick and I was already high.
00:14:35.37\00:14:37.69
And at that point it was
later on during that night
00:14:37.72\00:14:39.88
when I was doing
adulterous things--
00:14:39.91\00:14:41.15
horrible disgusting things
that happen when I am high,
00:14:41.18\00:14:44.42
that I started realizing
there was things in my room.
00:14:44.45\00:14:47.33
I was seeing supernatural things
00:14:47.36\00:14:50.41
were going on
and it was obvious.
00:14:50.44\00:14:52.29
And I had my camera on, I
was recording all these things.
00:14:52.32\00:14:55.14
And I sent a
thought out in my mind,
00:14:55.17\00:14:57.85
why are you pestering
me, why are you pinching me
00:14:57.88\00:15:00.21
and the idea of silence
of course comes form them.
00:15:00.24\00:15:04.40
But the idea is this
is ours, we own this,
00:15:04.43\00:15:07.18
whatever you are doing
right here this is our kingdom.
00:15:07.21\00:15:09.05
Yeah, this is our ground.
00:15:09.08\00:15:10.11
You are
approving of this kingdom
00:15:10.14\00:15:11.51
and anything you
do in our kingdom
00:15:11.54\00:15:12.98
we'll do
whatever we want to you.
00:15:13.01\00:15:14.17
You are our slave now.
00:15:14.20\00:15:15.63
And that was a
hard pill to take.
00:15:15.66\00:15:16.70
I thought, well, I had
free will in God's kingdom,
00:15:16.73\00:15:18.56
I could do whatever I want
but when you are doing stuff
00:15:18.59\00:15:20.96
that the devil has
created it's his kingdom
00:15:20.99\00:15:25.85
and he will
totally invade my life.
00:15:25.88\00:15:28.92
He invaded my
life at that point.
00:15:28.95\00:15:31.14
Even when somebody says
that I can invite the devil in
00:15:31.17\00:15:35.65
and then I am confused
00:15:35.68\00:15:36.71
that he's
playing with my children.
00:15:36.74\00:15:38.45
You know, I have
a porn addiction,
00:15:38.48\00:15:39.70
I am doing all
that kind of stuff,
00:15:39.73\00:15:41.10
I am acting now, I am
having an adulterous affair
00:15:41.13\00:15:43.23
with either men or women,
00:15:43.26\00:15:44.65
I am doing
prescription drugs addictively
00:15:44.68\00:15:47.49
and then my kids
started acting out
00:15:47.52\00:15:48.90
and I don't
realize that I just invited
00:15:48.93\00:15:50.92
a lot into my home
00:15:50.95\00:15:52.43
and my home is gonna slowly
fall apart because of that.
00:15:52.46\00:15:55.70
And I have to ask
God, restore the ground
00:15:55.73\00:15:57.97
that I gave to the enemy
00:15:58.00\00:15:59.06
because I gave this
ground to the enemy.
00:15:59.09\00:16:01.34
So thank you for saying that.
00:16:01.37\00:16:02.40
So now you are
surrounded by demons,
00:16:02.43\00:16:04.15
literally hearing
and seeing crazy stuff,
00:16:04.18\00:16:06.76
nobody would believe you.
00:16:06.79\00:16:07.82
Yeah.
00:16:07.85\00:16:08.88
Some of it is just
psychotic, you know,
00:16:08.91\00:16:11.33
because of the drugs
but you know enough of it
00:16:11.36\00:16:13.73
real that the devil
can confuse you on that.
00:16:13.76\00:16:16.77
Exactly.
00:16:16.80\00:16:17.83
And that's the
point he wanted to make
00:16:17.86\00:16:20.01
is to make me crazy.
00:16:20.04\00:16:21.80
If I lose my mind, that's
great and I have no testimony.
00:16:21.83\00:16:24.78
If I seem crazy to
other people that's great too.
00:16:24.81\00:16:27.16
And if you lose
your mind enough,
00:16:27.19\00:16:28.95
you'll just kill
yourself and that's great too.
00:16:28.98\00:16:30.71
And that's great
too. So he was playing--
00:16:30.74\00:16:33.11
but the Holy Spirit
restored me to sanity,
00:16:33.14\00:16:35.05
my mom intervened.
00:16:35.08\00:16:36.12
Thank God for my mom.
That night I tried to--
00:16:36.15\00:16:38.78
Thanks, mom.
Thank God for momma.
00:16:38.81\00:16:42.53
I know.
00:16:42.56\00:16:43.73
Mommas and grandmas,
they never stop praying.
00:16:43.76\00:16:46.67
So I would just want to
say, if you are out there
00:16:46.70\00:16:48.60
and you're praying
for somebody you love,
00:16:48.63\00:16:50.27
listen up, don't stop
00:16:50.30\00:16:52.06
because they'll
eventually hear you.
00:16:52.09\00:16:54.45
Yeah.
00:16:54.48\00:16:56.15
The night that, that happened
00:16:56.18\00:16:57.41
that I overdosed
and I tried to repent--
00:16:57.44\00:17:00.45
I kept going for a while
00:17:00.48\00:17:01.51
and I realized these
thing aren't leaving,
00:17:01.54\00:17:02.64
they are all over the place.
00:17:02.67\00:17:03.99
And things I saw
and things I didn't see.
00:17:04.02\00:17:08.34
And so I tried to repent.
00:17:08.37\00:17:09.48
I said, I am
gonna throw this away,
00:17:09.51\00:17:10.55
I am gonna throw
these magazines away
00:17:10.58\00:17:12.03
and I am gonna
get right with God
00:17:12.06\00:17:13.10
and I started to repent
00:17:13.13\00:17:14.16
and as I started
throwing away the magazine
00:17:14.19\00:17:15.62
I started looking at the
covers and lusting after them
00:17:15.65\00:17:19.12
and did a whole lot more drugs.
00:17:19.15\00:17:20.63
And then I was on
the run, I was on terror
00:17:20.66\00:17:22.44
because I just denied
God, defy God, betrayed God.
00:17:22.47\00:17:25.43
I couldn't repent
honestly again I felt.
00:17:25.46\00:17:27.62
And so I had no
accountability and so I though,
00:17:27.65\00:17:30.60
oh, well, I'll
just leave the house,
00:17:30.63\00:17:31.95
it's just the house
that's possessed and my cats--
00:17:31.98\00:17:34.36
I have four cats, I live
alone, I love those cats.
00:17:34.39\00:17:36.71
And they are being
harried and harassed
00:17:36.74\00:17:38.06
by these things too and
I feel sorry for the cats.
00:17:38.09\00:17:40.57
I think if I
get out of the house
00:17:40.60\00:17:42.81
maybe everything will calm down,
00:17:42.84\00:17:44.05
everything will be fine.
00:17:44.08\00:17:45.11
And as I drove away--
00:17:45.14\00:17:46.93
You even know in your
addiction, in your addiction
00:17:46.96\00:17:49.62
that I don't have enough control
00:17:49.65\00:17:51.01
even though I realize all
of this craziness is there
00:17:51.04\00:17:53.91
I don't have enough control
over this addiction to say, no.
00:17:53.94\00:17:58.38
I am enslaved. Yeah.
00:17:58.41\00:18:00.42
I wanted the lust
involved with the drug
00:18:00.45\00:18:04.57
even more than I wanted
to be free of the demons.
00:18:04.60\00:18:06.90
I didn't understand
how permanent they were.
00:18:06.93\00:18:11.02
I though I could
run from them somehow.
00:18:11.05\00:18:13.26
So now you're leaving
the house and on the run.
00:18:13.29\00:18:14.45
So I left the
house, I jump in the car
00:18:14.48\00:18:16.06
but the thing is now I realize
that they are inside of me
00:18:16.09\00:18:19.63
or there's changes to my body.
00:18:19.66\00:18:21.24
When I swing things into the car
00:18:21.27\00:18:22.42
they swing in a funny angle,
00:18:22.45\00:18:23.49
there's heavy
weights pulling on me,
00:18:23.52\00:18:25.79
there's noises
that are amplified.
00:18:25.82\00:18:27.18
And I know all these
can be just delusional
00:18:27.21\00:18:28.76
but they were
real to me at that time
00:18:28.79\00:18:30.22
and it was
messing with me real bad.
00:18:30.25\00:18:32.02
Driving the car
and driving to town
00:18:32.05\00:18:33.32
and I am just acting insane,
00:18:33.35\00:18:35.34
there's static
all around my body.
00:18:35.37\00:18:37.35
I feel like something
clinching me around my throat
00:18:37.38\00:18:40.46
and I am wondering, how
much power do that have,
00:18:40.49\00:18:42.46
can they choke me up?
00:18:42.49\00:18:43.60
And my fear was what
they were working for,
00:18:43.63\00:18:46.73
they wanted me to be deathly
afraid of them and they won.
00:18:46.76\00:18:49.14
As soon as I am
afraid they were winning
00:18:49.17\00:18:50.63
because I am not
thinking about God,
00:18:50.66\00:18:51.73
I am thinking
about fear and them.
00:18:51.76\00:18:54.27
And I tried to wash
the static off my car,
00:18:54.30\00:18:56.78
I tried to throw floor mat out
00:18:56.81\00:18:58.85
because I could
feel it was super heavy.
00:18:58.88\00:19:00.42
I knew the demons
were on this and that,
00:19:00.45\00:19:01.86
and it just made me look insane.
00:19:01.89\00:19:03.76
And I passed
four police officers
00:19:03.79\00:19:05.48
on my short
driving into town and back,
00:19:05.51\00:19:06.94
I realize the
devil setting me up
00:19:06.97\00:19:08.81
for a really dumb fall here.
00:19:08.84\00:19:09.96
I am gonna go jail for--
00:19:09.99\00:19:11.64
so I come back
home and the shadows--
00:19:11.67\00:19:13.62
as I pull up
underneath street lights
00:19:13.65\00:19:15.09
they are getting dim and dark
00:19:15.12\00:19:16.52
and as I turn my head
00:19:16.55\00:19:17.58
the shadows are
moving slowly behind.
00:19:17.61\00:19:19.20
They are not behaving normally
and they are taunting me
00:19:19.23\00:19:23.04
and I'm just in utter panic.
00:19:23.07\00:19:24.43
And so I think I
got to call someone
00:19:24.46\00:19:25.83
or call the
pastor or call my mom.
00:19:25.86\00:19:27.17
I called my mom,
that's who I call.
00:19:27.20\00:19:28.89
And I called
her and I said, mom,
00:19:28.92\00:19:30.66
I am under attack by
the devil, pray for me.
00:19:30.69\00:19:32.40
And she just started
praying so powerfully
00:19:32.43\00:19:33.98
and I just
started crying, you know,
00:19:34.01\00:19:35.19
because now I had an
accountability partner.
00:19:35.22\00:19:37.40
Now I can repent to God
because mom's asking for me
00:19:37.43\00:19:40.29
and it meant
something this time.
00:19:40.32\00:19:42.60
And what's really
incredible is I want--
00:19:42.63\00:19:45.61
at that moment your
mom started praying,
00:19:45.64\00:19:47.28
did you not feel
something start to surround you?
00:19:47.31\00:19:51.15
Oh, yeah. Right away--
00:19:51.18\00:19:52.42
Because now that
becomes now of God.
00:19:52.45\00:19:53.88
Yeah.
00:19:53.91\00:19:55.12
Right then I just felt--
00:19:55.15\00:19:56.18
as soon as I started
crying I realized I was--
00:19:56.21\00:19:58.17
I throw myself into the
arms of God and He has mercy.
00:19:58.20\00:20:01.46
And I no longer I felt
the heavy weights on my body,
00:20:01.49\00:20:04.94
I didn't feel the static
clinging to my shirt anymore,
00:20:04.97\00:20:07.14
choking me out but the
shadows were still all around
00:20:07.17\00:20:09.89
and I just duck my head down
00:20:09.92\00:20:11.03
and I was told
don't look at them.
00:20:11.06\00:20:12.66
And I so duck my
head down, and mom prayed
00:20:12.69\00:20:15.52
and I said, I got to sing
00:20:15.55\00:20:16.58
and I just started singing,
my mom was on the phone.
00:20:16.61\00:20:19.14
I was singing all
these gospels songs,
00:20:19.17\00:20:21.25
every gospel song I knew.
00:20:21.28\00:20:24.23
And it just totally
kept my mind focused on God,
00:20:24.26\00:20:27.33
I kept my eyes down
00:20:27.36\00:20:28.99
and I made it
through that night.
00:20:29.02\00:20:30.57
You know, Tracy
Peterson helped me,
00:20:30.60\00:20:32.55
she was on the phone, my sister
Heather helped me so much.
00:20:32.58\00:20:35.91
And Pastor Randy of
course helped very much.
00:20:35.94\00:20:39.13
Yeah, he-- I said
I'll call Pastor Randy,
00:20:39.16\00:20:41.22
he's smart, he knows what to do
00:20:41.25\00:20:42.50
and tell him what's going on.
00:20:42.53\00:20:44.42
I said, I can
prove demons exist.
00:20:44.45\00:20:45.77
He said, Tracy, you
don't want to do that.
00:20:45.80\00:20:47.55
Don't bother with that.
00:20:47.58\00:20:49.02
He said, I need you to--
00:20:49.05\00:20:51.09
I think you ought
to get into you know,
00:20:51.12\00:20:53.84
a drug treatment facility,
this is a powerful addiction.
00:20:53.87\00:20:55.97
And I said, no, no,
I've been changed because--
00:20:56.00\00:20:57.82
and then I said, well, I
just said that this guy knows
00:20:57.85\00:21:00.00
what he's talking
about and he's a smart guy
00:21:00.03\00:21:02.02
and now I am gonna say no?
00:21:02.05\00:21:03.76
And so I agreed,
okay, I'll go in.
00:21:03.79\00:21:05.56
And I did check myself
00:21:05.59\00:21:06.64
into the Walker
Center through mom's help.
00:21:06.67\00:21:08.34
I couldn't have
made it without her
00:21:08.37\00:21:10.26
help on purchasing-- So even--
00:21:10.29\00:21:12.39
what's really interesting
00:21:12.42\00:21:13.47
is even in that
incredibly crazy time
00:21:13.50\00:21:15.82
because I've seen people
that have allowed themselves
00:21:15.85\00:21:18.37
to get to the point
00:21:18.40\00:21:19.87
where I think the
devil could play with them
00:21:19.90\00:21:21.29
and we all
think, not only we know
00:21:21.32\00:21:23.17
there's some delusional stuff
00:21:23.20\00:21:24.64
but we write it
all off the delusion,
00:21:24.67\00:21:27.25
all off to drugs
00:21:27.28\00:21:28.86
when they are really
being played with spiritually.
00:21:28.89\00:21:31.19
And so it's really tough
00:21:31.22\00:21:32.42
when you come out
of all that craziness
00:21:32.45\00:21:34.02
when some other
look at you and say, man,
00:21:34.05\00:21:36.50
I really think that
some of this is demonic,
00:21:36.53\00:21:39.28
some of this is crazy.
00:21:39.31\00:21:41.00
Yeah, that's a
huge part of it too--
00:21:41.03\00:21:43.12
Because you are
crawling on the floor,
00:21:43.15\00:21:45.30
you really got lost.
00:21:45.33\00:21:47.03
Yeah.
00:21:47.06\00:21:48.09
I was out there and
to tell you the truth--
00:21:48.12\00:21:50.65
in the Walker Center wonderful
group of guys stayed there
00:21:50.68\00:21:52.68
for a month and the guys,
00:21:52.71\00:21:54.21
I told them my story and
they were just baffled by it
00:21:54.24\00:21:57.11
and most of them-- the thing
00:21:57.14\00:21:58.48
that freak them
out is that my cats.
00:21:58.51\00:21:59.94
When I was watching my cats
00:21:59.97\00:22:02.03
they were
staring up and behind me,
00:22:02.06\00:22:03.50
that awful night that
the demons were all around,
00:22:03.53\00:22:05.37
they staring up and
behind me all the time
00:22:05.40\00:22:07.25
with this dreadful
look in their face,
00:22:07.28\00:22:08.52
they were listening
to things walking up
00:22:08.55\00:22:10.04
and down the hall like I was.
00:22:10.07\00:22:11.11
I could hear things
moving up and down the hall
00:22:11.14\00:22:13.31
and I was chased out of my house
00:22:13.34\00:22:14.96
and we're in the backyard
00:22:14.99\00:22:16.15
and I could hear things
running through the lawn.
00:22:16.18\00:22:18.16
And the cats were just looking
all around like trying to--
00:22:18.19\00:22:20.81
they were jump on these things.
00:22:20.84\00:22:22.49
The fact that the cats
saw them kind of proved it
00:22:22.52\00:22:25.02
more to the guys
than it do me too late.
00:22:25.05\00:22:27.38
I am like, oh, yeah, how
come-- they didn't do any drug,
00:22:27.41\00:22:29.24
I mean surface yeah,
00:22:29.27\00:22:30.30
but there was actually
really things in my house.
00:22:30.33\00:22:32.70
And other things
to do with cats is
00:22:32.73\00:22:36.43
I picked up my
cat Smoke one time,
00:22:36.46\00:22:37.84
he's never hissed to me
00:22:37.87\00:22:38.90
and I knew that he
had a demon on him,
00:22:38.93\00:22:40.40
and he look at me
an just hissed to me
00:22:40.43\00:22:42.05
and jumped out of
my-- and then another cat
00:22:42.08\00:22:44.00
came one night and
just starting yelling
00:22:44.03\00:22:46.61
and jumping up into
the corners of the walls.
00:22:46.64\00:22:48.66
I mean, this is obviously
biblical demonic stuff,
00:22:48.69\00:22:51.39
pigs flying off,
ledges kind of stuff
00:22:51.42\00:22:53.33
where these cats were harassed
00:22:53.36\00:22:55.15
by these spirits
as well as I was.
00:22:55.18\00:22:56.44
I would go to
other people houses
00:22:56.47\00:22:58.12
and there will be
none of these side effects.
00:22:58.15\00:22:59.98
So it wasn't my mental delusion,
00:23:00.01\00:23:02.40
my brain being sick
00:23:02.43\00:23:03.73
that cause these
things, it was there--
00:23:03.76\00:23:05.77
seriously it was
entity out in there.
00:23:05.80\00:23:07.92
And there was a
sense of hatred and hurt.
00:23:07.95\00:23:11.07
I feel things burning
into my skin, poking, jamming.
00:23:11.10\00:23:14.63
So on top of that,
just for more normal folks,
00:23:14.66\00:23:19.32
because on top of that
when all of that happened
00:23:19.35\00:23:22.44
there is with drug addiction
00:23:22.47\00:23:24.99
and people that
are really lost in that
00:23:25.02\00:23:26.93
they need to know that
this is where you come--
00:23:26.96\00:23:30.27
when you ask for help
00:23:30.30\00:23:31.34
this is what
you're actually seeing
00:23:31.37\00:23:32.70
and experiencing.
00:23:32.73\00:23:34.24
And all of this craziness
00:23:34.27\00:23:35.92
and on top of
that nothing healthy
00:23:35.95\00:23:38.80
about your body that
you can even pull from.
00:23:38.83\00:23:40.62
And so when somebody gets a
call from somebody lost like
00:23:40.65\00:23:43.24
that it's a huge deal.
00:23:43.27\00:23:45.27
And you were lucky
like your momma said,
00:23:45.30\00:23:47.68
just pray, I want you to focus,
00:23:47.71\00:23:49.67
I want you to pray,
we want to cover you.
00:23:49.70\00:23:51.66
And so now we're gonna
go ahead and take a break
00:23:51.69\00:23:54.45
and we're gonna come
back because I want to know
00:23:54.48\00:23:56.92
how you heard the voice
of God and what was that like
00:23:56.95\00:24:00.14
and as the demons had to
leave with that intervention is
00:24:00.17\00:24:04.27
that it had to be just amazing.
00:24:04.30\00:24:06.91
We're gonna come
back in a few minutes
00:24:06.94\00:24:09.14
but if you are out
there and you are struggling
00:24:09.17\00:24:11.28
and you are lost
in this craziness
00:24:11.31\00:24:14.07
you got to pay attention
00:24:14.10\00:24:15.36
and if you love
somebody that's lost
00:24:15.39\00:24:17.79
you're gonna not want
to miss this next session.
00:24:17.82\00:24:19.67
We'll be right back.
00:24:19.70\00:24:20.74