The following program
discusses sensitive issues
00:00:01.06\00:00:03.33
related to addictive behavior.
00:00:03.36\00:00:05.00
Parents are
cautioned that some material
00:00:05.03\00:00:06.89
may be too candid
for younger children.
00:00:06.92\00:00:08.87
Welcome.
00:00:14.01\00:00:15.33
You know, we are
talking about environment
00:00:15.36\00:00:18.47
and all of that kind of stuff
00:00:18.50\00:00:19.53
and I was telling you difference
00:00:19.56\00:00:20.85
in a physical
environment or going outside
00:00:20.88\00:00:23.33
and how beautiful that is,
your emotional environment,
00:00:23.36\00:00:25.98
your work environment.
00:00:26.01\00:00:27.42
And, you know, Bob McKain,
00:00:27.45\00:00:29.68
I want to say
welcome to the show.
00:00:29.71\00:00:31.30
Thank you for coming.
00:00:31.33\00:00:32.59
But do you remember
what I'm talking about
00:00:32.62\00:00:34.45
when I said, I
walked down the hallway
00:00:34.48\00:00:35.93
looked up at you and said hey.
00:00:35.96\00:00:39.28
You know, I do and at the time
00:00:39.31\00:00:42.48
when you did that I thought,
00:00:42.51\00:00:43.80
well, this is
interesting because I was told,
00:00:43.83\00:00:46.25
I probably shouldn't
manage nonprofit ever again.
00:00:46.28\00:00:49.58
Because you have just done it.
00:00:49.61\00:00:50.65
I just done it.
00:00:50.68\00:00:51.71
And it was not-- not that
it wasn't good on your part.
00:00:51.74\00:00:54.33
Talk a little bit about
that and say why would you say,
00:00:54.36\00:00:56.65
ah, I don't know?
00:00:56.68\00:00:57.96
You know, I think, I
think it really truly is
00:00:57.99\00:01:01.04
trying to fit the
square peg in a round hole.
00:01:01.07\00:01:03.42
I'm very much,
very much into business,
00:01:03.45\00:01:06.80
corporate business
00:01:06.83\00:01:08.21
and that's what I understood,
that's what I spend my time in.
00:01:08.24\00:01:11.31
You know, managed
multimillion dollar projects
00:01:11.34\00:01:14.55
up to 40 to 100 people
at a time in a test lab
00:01:14.58\00:01:19.02
and so going into a non
profit it's a different thing.
00:01:19.05\00:01:24.69
Even when you say that,
00:01:24.72\00:01:25.95
there is a part in me
that I just get tickled
00:01:25.98\00:01:28.24
because I think
how funny is that
00:01:28.27\00:01:31.15
because not only am
I saying do on a gig
00:01:31.18\00:01:32.49
and what you're
doing, but we're so flaky.
00:01:32.52\00:01:35.95
You know, so I think even
the nonprofit you came from
00:01:35.98\00:01:38.30
probably was a little
bit more together than us
00:01:38.33\00:01:41.05
and but what was your
process like, what did you do
00:01:41.08\00:01:44.15
because you eventually said yes?
00:01:44.18\00:01:47.02
You know, the fact is
that I was looking, okay,
00:01:47.05\00:01:50.30
and I just wasn't
sure what I wanted to do
00:01:50.33\00:01:52.07
and what I was going to do.
00:01:52.10\00:01:54.62
You know, it's--
you reach to the point
00:01:54.65\00:01:58.03
you don't know what you want.
00:01:58.06\00:01:59.09
You just don't know
00:01:59.12\00:02:00.15
where you are
going to go next, right?
00:02:00.18\00:02:01.56
And so I had to think about this
00:02:01.59\00:02:03.99
because I was like, okay, great,
00:02:04.02\00:02:05.20
another non profit, I
said I'm not going to,
00:02:05.23\00:02:06.97
I just can't do
with another nonprofit,
00:02:07.00\00:02:08.81
I'm just not going to do it.
00:02:08.84\00:02:10.18
And for whatever
reason I'm not really sure,
00:02:10.21\00:02:14.48
I think God just said, you know,
00:02:14.51\00:02:16.27
I really want you to do
this and you can help them.
00:02:16.30\00:02:20.56
Amen.
00:02:20.59\00:02:21.63
And so I think that's
really why I came down to you.
00:02:21.66\00:02:23.56
Well, I found out
within the first little while
00:02:23.59\00:02:25.62
when you said yes.
00:02:25.65\00:02:26.68
When you said yes
and we both had to laugh
00:02:26.71\00:02:29.31
because it's
like can we hire you,
00:02:29.34\00:02:30.76
we have not money,
and you're like, okay.
00:02:30.79\00:02:35.08
You know, when you said
yes, that was kind of incredible
00:02:35.11\00:02:37.53
but then I also
heard about your prior job
00:02:37.56\00:02:39.66
where they outsourced
the entire department.
00:02:39.69\00:02:41.88
So you had
employment history where I think
00:02:41.91\00:02:45.83
you were getting hit
in every single direction,
00:02:45.86\00:02:49.22
prior to coming to us.
00:02:49.25\00:02:50.86
Yeah, I would say so
00:02:50.89\00:02:52.78
and I think that's
actually very typical for--
00:02:52.81\00:02:56.50
for a lot of Americans right now
00:02:56.53\00:03:00.55
that are in this age
group in the 50 to mid 50s.
00:03:00.58\00:03:05.37
You know, for whatever reason
the jobs are being off shored
00:03:05.40\00:03:09.19
and I really don't
want to go into that,
00:03:09.22\00:03:10.90
that's a whole different thing.
00:03:10.93\00:03:12.26
But, you know, the
truth of the matter is
00:03:12.29\00:03:13.96
many jobs have been off
shored downsize whatever
00:03:13.99\00:03:16.60
and trying to decide
00:03:16.63\00:03:18.11
what you gonna
do with your life,
00:03:18.14\00:03:19.22
you know, you got to,
you gonna reinvent yourself
00:03:19.25\00:03:21.40
or you gonna try and go back
00:03:21.43\00:03:22.68
and do what you
know how to do it
00:03:22.71\00:03:24.06
and search some place to do it.
00:03:24.09\00:03:25.35
Yeah, so that was really--
I just, I just had so much fun
00:03:25.38\00:03:30.38
because I'm looking at
you when you finally said yes,
00:03:30.41\00:03:33.80
realizing what a gift
you are to our organization
00:03:33.83\00:03:37.93
and the success
you had to give us,
00:03:37.96\00:03:40.75
but also realizing that
00:03:40.78\00:03:42.20
we're addicts in
recovery, we're flaky.
00:03:42.23\00:03:44.43
We're coming from broken homes.
00:03:44.46\00:03:45.82
We're dealing with kids
00:03:45.85\00:03:46.98
that are coming
from foster placements.
00:03:47.01\00:03:49.26
We're doing prison ministries.
00:03:49.29\00:03:51.15
We're traveling to Thailand
working with prostitutes
00:03:51.18\00:03:55.37
and here's this
business guy that stumbles in.
00:03:55.40\00:03:58.10
So at one point I
remember telling you.
00:03:58.13\00:04:00.57
I think I'd like
you to read my book,
00:04:00.60\00:04:03.50
Miracle from the Streets to just
00:04:03.53\00:04:04.91
and I thought just
get idea like who we are
00:04:04.94\00:04:07.20
and I handed it to you,
and the look on your face.
00:04:07.23\00:04:10.15
What did you say? How you did?
00:04:10.18\00:04:11.47
What was that about for you?
00:04:11.50\00:04:13.47
You know, you handed me
Miracle from the Streets
00:04:13.50\00:04:16.95
and I just, you
know, I looked at that
00:04:16.98\00:04:18.43
and I said, yeah, whatever.
00:04:18.46\00:04:23.02
Thank you. Thank you.
00:04:23.05\00:04:24.09
I didn't see that thing,
00:04:24.12\00:04:25.68
stay for a while I was thinking,
00:04:25.71\00:04:27.44
oh, great, you
know, here's my homework.
00:04:27.47\00:04:28.99
Yeah. And so...
00:04:29.02\00:04:31.09
And now she is my boss,
00:04:31.12\00:04:32.48
I have to at least glance at it.
00:04:32.51\00:04:33.57
I have to look at,
you know, and so I did.
00:04:33.60\00:04:35.43
I did actually took it
and I actually read it,
00:04:35.46\00:04:39.16
you know, I think
was-- we had disk,
00:04:39.19\00:04:41.24
we have product
that needed to get out.
00:04:41.27\00:04:42.95
I think I was burning disks
and at that time, you know,
00:04:42.98\00:04:47.00
it was intensive enough,
00:04:47.03\00:04:49.15
it was just chewing
up the computer time so.
00:04:49.18\00:04:51.65
I read the book straight through
00:04:51.68\00:04:53.13
from cover to cover
while I was doing that.
00:04:53.16\00:04:55.52
And so, you know what?
00:04:55.55\00:04:57.14
This is my favorite part
00:04:57.17\00:04:58.72
because I feel like
the Holy Spirit stepped in
00:04:58.75\00:05:01.35
and talked directly to you.
00:05:01.38\00:05:04.39
Really had nothing
to do with my story
00:05:04.42\00:05:06.34
in particular though.
00:05:06.37\00:05:08.03
Can you share that with us?
00:05:08.06\00:05:10.11
Yeah.
00:05:10.14\00:05:11.85
You know, this is something
we've been talking back,
00:05:11.88\00:05:13.73
you know, where
we're going to go from,
00:05:13.76\00:05:14.95
you know, with this.
00:05:14.98\00:05:17.07
You know, the
fact of the matter is
00:05:17.10\00:05:18.97
as you know,
00:05:19.00\00:05:22.61
when I say a lot of
people are in the situation
00:05:22.64\00:05:24.57
that I found myself in,
00:05:24.60\00:05:26.45
it is a very
difficult situation to be in.
00:05:26.48\00:05:28.77
And, you know, I think
we're all trying to decide,
00:05:28.80\00:05:31.13
you know, what is going on,
00:05:31.16\00:05:33.01
am I really truly now worthless.
00:05:33.04\00:05:35.75
Am I really truly now
unable to do the things
00:05:35.78\00:05:38.18
I used to do it.
00:05:38.21\00:05:39.25
And I remember hitting a
distinct wall at one point
00:05:39.28\00:05:43.81
where I literally
just could not do anything.
00:05:43.84\00:05:46.01
I couldn't do any of the things
00:05:46.04\00:05:47.19
I was capable of doing anymore.
00:05:47.22\00:05:48.84
I couldn't think.
00:05:48.87\00:05:49.90
Anything that you
define yourself by?
00:05:49.93\00:05:51.54
Anything that I
define myself by,
00:05:51.57\00:05:53.17
but not only that
but any of the things
00:05:53.20\00:05:55.06
that I knew that I
was capable of doing.
00:05:55.09\00:05:57.63
I just simply, I came to a point
00:05:57.66\00:06:00.11
where I wasn't
smart enough, good enough,
00:06:00.14\00:06:02.62
anything anymore to do
things that I needed to do
00:06:02.65\00:06:05.58
and that was a
hard place to hit.
00:06:05.61\00:06:07.22
I mean I just
couldn't process stuff anymore.
00:06:07.25\00:06:09.72
And, you know, I went through
00:06:09.75\00:06:11.83
a very huge depression state
00:06:11.86\00:06:18.65
to the point of-- I
don't like to see this
00:06:18.68\00:06:20.87
but contemplating suicide
00:06:20.90\00:06:23.60
And a lot of especially,
00:06:23.63\00:06:25.14
you know, a lot of
people don't like to say that
00:06:25.17\00:06:26.69
and when they say,
you know, I just got hit,
00:06:26.72\00:06:28.04
I lost my job,
they've outsourced,
00:06:28.07\00:06:31.15
they've whatever,
I mean age group that
00:06:31.18\00:06:33.46
people are not
even want to interview.
00:06:33.49\00:06:35.49
I've got all the stuff going on.
00:06:35.52\00:06:37.36
Man, I am just done.
00:06:37.39\00:06:38.90
You know, I am just done.
00:06:38.93\00:06:40.13
And, you know,
it's really interesting
00:06:40.16\00:06:43.09
when you started
to say that out loud
00:06:43.12\00:06:46.65
is I do hear that
all over the place.
00:06:46.68\00:06:48.70
It's like, you
know, where do we go
00:06:48.73\00:06:50.55
when our identity is
just kind of yanked from us
00:06:50.58\00:06:53.86
and nobody is
handing us something else.
00:06:53.89\00:06:56.97
You know, typically
I think we do feel like
00:06:57.00\00:07:00.50
we're in this
alone most of the time
00:07:00.53\00:07:02.66
and I think, I think
what happen here is that...
00:07:02.69\00:07:07.86
God knew where I
was at, may be I didn't,
00:07:07.89\00:07:10.92
but He certainly did
00:07:10.95\00:07:12.58
and I really
wasn't looking for God.
00:07:12.61\00:07:15.25
At the time it's like,
yeah, this God thing, whatever.
00:07:15.28\00:07:17.50
I'm here to do a job, okay.
00:07:17.53\00:07:19.68
And that's
really the way I saw it.
00:07:19.71\00:07:21.53
That's so the
way it was for you.
00:07:21.56\00:07:23.37
So funny, you were so business,
00:07:23.40\00:07:26.55
and I'm like
looking at you saying,
00:07:26.58\00:07:28.38
oh, man, he is going to really
understand how flaky I am.
00:07:28.41\00:07:31.79
Do you know what?
00:07:31.82\00:07:32.85
And I thought
it was really funny
00:07:32.88\00:07:34.13
that God brought this
whole thing together and for me
00:07:34.16\00:07:37.64
because I just got it so brand
00:07:37.67\00:07:40.30
is for me to being able to say,
00:07:40.33\00:07:41.86
God, what's Your plan
here because I don't get it.
00:07:41.89\00:07:46.00
And so you're reading the
book, you're doing, you know,
00:07:46.03\00:07:50.06
you read it through,
Holy Spirit said what?
00:07:50.09\00:07:55.35
You know, really
it just brought me to
00:07:55.38\00:07:57.82
the point of
realizing that I think you said
00:07:57.85\00:08:02.95
and it really
hit me that God was,
00:08:02.98\00:08:05.19
not only He's
just crazy about me,
00:08:05.22\00:08:06.87
He was just like insanely crazy.
00:08:06.90\00:08:10.97
Amen.
00:08:11.00\00:08:12.05
You know, to the point
where you now just look at
00:08:12.08\00:08:13.60
and go house of hell, just
insane it is that even for,
00:08:13.63\00:08:18.62
you know, me because
when I look at the things
00:08:18.65\00:08:20.36
that were wrong with me,
00:08:20.39\00:08:21.65
I just said, you
know, God, I don't know,
00:08:21.68\00:08:23.97
I don't even like
me, how can You like me?
00:08:24.00\00:08:26.27
And, you know, for him
00:08:26.30\00:08:28.03
basically at that
moment of time said,
00:08:28.06\00:08:29.73
you know, I'm so
fiercely insanely
00:08:29.76\00:08:31.85
crazy about you, okay.
00:08:31.88\00:08:33.90
I sent My Son, I allowed My
Son to pay your price, right?
00:08:33.93\00:08:38.04
And I'm like why
would you do that?
00:08:38.07\00:08:40.32
You know why?
00:08:40.35\00:08:41.39
Because I love you.
00:08:41.42\00:08:42.77
And, you know, and
really that's the message
00:08:42.80\00:08:45.11
I think that you give,
00:08:45.14\00:08:47.87
and, well, I though it
was kind of hokey at first,
00:08:47.90\00:08:50.22
I really do understand
that God is crazy about me.
00:08:50.25\00:08:54.37
What was really
amazing to me, Bob, is that
00:08:54.40\00:08:58.13
when you left with
the book, I knew that you,
00:08:58.16\00:09:00.68
I didn't even think
you were going to read it
00:09:00.71\00:09:02.19
because I got that
sense when I gave it to you.
00:09:02.22\00:09:05.05
And I'm again just
smiling at God saying,
00:09:05.08\00:09:07.98
you know, God, what's up?
00:09:08.01\00:09:09.23
Why this guy?
00:09:09.26\00:09:11.83
And I immediately trusted
your talent, your skills,
00:09:11.86\00:09:15.61
your business
stuff and not that I knew
00:09:15.64\00:09:17.98
what you're going to
do with them till it last,
00:09:18.01\00:09:19.90
but you know, I
immediately trusted that.
00:09:19.93\00:09:21.59
But when I gave
you the book I thought,
00:09:21.62\00:09:23.20
I wonder if he's
going to even read it,
00:09:23.23\00:09:25.17
but the next time I
saw you all of the sudden
00:09:25.20\00:09:28.92
what I saw was this kind
of almost a softening up,
00:09:28.95\00:09:33.53
you know, that kind of pushing
that hardcore kind of shell
00:09:33.56\00:09:37.69
was literally
kind of broken somewhat
00:09:37.72\00:09:40.18
and soften and I
thought, oh, what happened?
00:09:40.21\00:09:42.63
You know, and you can see it
and I was like what happened?
00:09:42.66\00:09:44.55
And you started talking
about that you got the thing
00:09:44.58\00:09:47.15
about
forgiveness through the book.
00:09:47.18\00:09:48.66
Got the same thing about
00:09:48.69\00:09:50.71
God is crazy about
us through the book
00:09:50.74\00:09:52.66
regardless of what
we bring to the table.
00:09:52.69\00:09:56.12
That we have a God
that's bigger than that.
00:09:56.15\00:09:57.80
That's right.
00:09:57.83\00:09:59.75
That's you.
00:09:59.78\00:10:01.23
Yeah.
00:10:01.26\00:10:02.53
So are you willing to
go into any of your job?
00:10:02.56\00:10:08.30
You're like, I knew you
are going to ask me that,
00:10:08.33\00:10:10.71
because, you know,
what's really tough is
00:10:10.74\00:10:12.54
I knew a lot of your stuff,
00:10:12.57\00:10:14.94
but I know that this is really
new for you I think that--
00:10:14.97\00:10:19.03
And what's
interesting for a lot of us
00:10:19.06\00:10:21.07
especially when we've survived
with our skills and talents
00:10:21.10\00:10:24.23
and been out in
the corporate world
00:10:24.26\00:10:25.44
and all that kind of stuff.
00:10:25.47\00:10:26.72
When God said, you know what?
00:10:26.75\00:10:27.84
I'd like you to come out
of the bondage emotionally
00:10:27.87\00:10:30.64
and can we look at these
issues that you have chidden
00:10:30.67\00:10:33.60
your whole life so
that you could be free.
00:10:33.63\00:10:40.03
Yeah.
00:10:40.06\00:10:42.04
So when I was about six,
00:10:42.07\00:10:44.48
I was sexually
molested by a neighborhood girl.
00:10:44.51\00:10:52.19
I know that most
people would think
00:10:52.22\00:10:54.62
that's every guy's dream, right?
00:10:54.65\00:10:57.07
And what they didn't
realized that was something
00:10:57.10\00:10:59.35
that was
affecting me so profoundly.
00:10:59.38\00:11:00.86
I had extreme anger
issues, road rages, now,
00:11:00.89\00:11:06.24
you know, it's just
not a problem for me.
00:11:06.27\00:11:08.03
Right.
00:11:08.06\00:11:09.16
You know, I'd just
rather hit you than catch you,
00:11:09.19\00:11:14.18
that's kind of where I was at.
00:11:14.21\00:11:15.36
But, you know, what?
00:11:15.39\00:11:16.43
Like even though I knew that
we might possible go into that.
00:11:16.46\00:11:19.59
This is really tough
for you to even say aloud
00:11:19.62\00:11:21.92
because you weren't saying
this to your family or anybody.
00:11:21.95\00:11:25.51
I looked at some of other things
00:11:25.54\00:11:27.61
that how are men
affected by early molest
00:11:27.64\00:11:31.12
or sexualized
behavior in that rage
00:11:31.15\00:11:33.82
and that anger
was really common.
00:11:33.85\00:11:35.87
It was saying that will
act out with our addictions
00:11:35.90\00:11:40.78
or rage or whatever,
not even thinking that
00:11:40.81\00:11:44.25
it is associated at
all with the early molest.
00:11:44.28\00:11:48.56
I would never have
guessed that was a--
00:11:48.59\00:11:51.82
Yeah, you know,
another, one of the other things
00:11:51.85\00:11:54.53
kind of manifested
for me is sort of this
00:11:54.56\00:11:57.16
love hate
relationship with women.
00:11:57.19\00:12:00.32
I obviously
married, loved my wife,
00:12:00.35\00:12:02.73
I love my daughter.
00:12:02.76\00:12:04.95
There are women I
will work with and trust,
00:12:04.98\00:12:07.45
but for the most
part if a woman got,
00:12:07.48\00:12:10.55
you know, too close to
me, it was not only get away,
00:12:10.58\00:12:13.27
it was just get away
and then I would turn in,
00:12:13.30\00:12:16.05
I'd like to say,
I turned into spot,
00:12:16.08\00:12:18.10
you know, just more
emotional more, you know,
00:12:18.13\00:12:20.89
the more they
came on just the more.
00:12:20.92\00:12:22.87
It felt manipulate a
bit, felt like somehow
00:12:22.90\00:12:25.25
I've got to
protect myself against you.
00:12:25.28\00:12:27.19
Don't play me like that.
00:12:27.22\00:12:28.54
Don't cry, don't use your tears,
00:12:28.57\00:12:31.27
but those were all triggers
for you to go into rage.
00:12:31.30\00:12:34.15
Yeah.
00:12:34.18\00:12:35.24
In fact it's still
there because right now
00:12:35.27\00:12:38.44
everything
inside is just going...
00:12:38.47\00:12:40.35
But, you know, what?
00:12:40.38\00:12:41.90
I hear when you say that,
00:12:41.93\00:12:44.19
but I don't know if
I abide as much as--
00:12:44.22\00:12:46.71
You know we've
been working together
00:12:46.74\00:12:47.95
for how long now?
00:12:47.98\00:12:49.29
Little over year.
00:12:49.32\00:12:50.46
Little over year
and I remember one time
00:12:50.49\00:12:54.08
talk about the
time the computer thing
00:12:54.11\00:12:56.74
and your other gig
00:12:56.77\00:12:58.55
and the guy that
was having struggles.
00:12:58.58\00:13:01.19
Oh. Yeah.
00:13:01.22\00:13:02.54
Because you have
changed in so many ways,
00:13:02.57\00:13:05.33
even though you might not see it
00:13:05.36\00:13:07.18
as much as we get to see it.
00:13:07.21\00:13:08.87
Sure.
00:13:08.90\00:13:10.39
You know, I have a buddy in...
00:13:10.42\00:13:12.87
Well, I say a buddy
00:13:12.90\00:13:14.70
because I really wouldn't have
certainly called him a buddy.
00:13:14.73\00:13:17.03
'Cause you didn't like him.
00:13:17.06\00:13:18.20
Yeah, it was an
acquaint instead I had.
00:13:18.23\00:13:20.37
I have the
website that I run for--
00:13:20.40\00:13:24.81
If you ever watched
movies like Shrek Cars
00:13:24.84\00:13:27.75
or anything like that,
we call that 3D modeling.
00:13:27.78\00:13:30.07
That's why I've slide
it, the kind it does that,
00:13:30.10\00:13:32.06
that's why I met this
gentleman and because he was...
00:13:32.09\00:13:34.60
Let me just do a
commercial here for the site.
00:13:34.63\00:13:36.82
He is so good,
unbelievable on the 3D stuff
00:13:36.85\00:13:40.18
that you've put together.
00:13:40.21\00:13:41.26
You just sold a train 3D model
that you put together online
00:13:41.29\00:13:46.52
to somebody else is doing
00:13:46.55\00:13:47.74
some kind of
motion picture promotion.
00:13:47.77\00:13:49.48
Yeah. So you really are good.
00:13:49.51\00:13:51.76
This is a real site
with some incredible artist.
00:13:51.79\00:13:56.07
Yeah.
00:13:56.10\00:13:57.13
And I have to say, you
know, I am just nullified,
00:13:57.16\00:13:59.04
these guys are
incredible people,
00:13:59.07\00:14:02.09
but anyway this is how I
met him and he is in Ireland
00:14:02.12\00:14:05.46
and I'm not going to
mention his name or anything.
00:14:05.49\00:14:07.31
It's just we've
had some extremely...
00:14:07.34\00:14:11.07
And I'm thrilled about,
he is just a jerk in Ireland.
00:14:11.10\00:14:14.27
I'm sorry.
00:14:14.30\00:14:16.08
We don't want to
mention his name.
00:14:16.11\00:14:17.49
Even he has got the
same thing about me.
00:14:17.52\00:14:19.78
It was very mutual.
00:14:19.81\00:14:21.92
But, you know,
because he was Wiccan
00:14:21.95\00:14:24.41
and I am a Christian, at least,
you know, a sort of Christian.
00:14:24.44\00:14:27.65
So on every single
level you guys are not.
00:14:27.68\00:14:29.67
We used to clash
on everything, right?
00:14:29.70\00:14:31.44
And we couldn't
agree on anything
00:14:31.47\00:14:33.00
and it was a complete--
00:14:33.03\00:14:35.20
We would talk for
hours and it was like
00:14:35.23\00:14:36.98
screaming, yelling
mad at each other, right?
00:14:37.01\00:14:39.64
And so I had not heard
anything from him in probably,
00:14:39.67\00:14:43.40
I won't say may be
seven eight months, you know,
00:14:43.43\00:14:46.50
and all of a sudden he is
trying to call me on skype
00:14:46.53\00:14:50.72
I hate when that happens
00:14:50.75\00:14:51.81
because I just
don't want to pick it up.
00:14:51.84\00:14:54.06
Yeah, and I did neither.
00:14:54.09\00:14:56.34
But something said
pick it up and so I did.
00:14:56.37\00:15:00.99
You know, long story short,
00:15:01.02\00:15:02.27
we had a very long conversation.
00:15:02.30\00:15:04.74
You know, he was in a
very difficult situation
00:15:04.77\00:15:07.18
and something that I really felt
00:15:07.21\00:15:08.36
he could have been suicidal over
00:15:08.39\00:15:10.31
and so, and I
kind of picked that up
00:15:10.34\00:15:13.20
because of the
messages he texted
00:15:13.23\00:15:15.02
as he was trying to call.
00:15:15.05\00:15:16.40
And so anyway we
talked a long time.
00:15:16.43\00:15:18.59
I shared with him more I was at,
00:15:18.62\00:15:20.19
that's kind of what
led into where I was at.
00:15:20.22\00:15:21.94
Shared with him your
spiritual journey right now.
00:15:21.97\00:15:24.55
Spiritual journey right
now, what I've just shared,
00:15:24.58\00:15:27.50
you know, what I
just shared with you,
00:15:27.53\00:15:29.34
you know, about
being molested as a child
00:15:29.37\00:15:31.49
and what it had led me to
00:15:31.52\00:15:33.50
and, you know, at
that point in time
00:15:33.53\00:15:35.03
we really did
apologize to each other
00:15:35.06\00:15:37.30
for being such
jerks to each other
00:15:37.33\00:15:40.87
because we had been.
00:15:40.90\00:15:43.73
And then in the process of
that discussion I just said,
00:15:43.76\00:15:46.73
you know, just imagine
00:15:46.76\00:15:49.11
if what we went through
his cause just to do this.
00:15:49.14\00:15:52.31
Just imagine
what it means for you,
00:15:52.34\00:15:54.40
you know, this person,
this person and this person
00:15:54.43\00:15:56.85
what, you know,
people that we had,
00:15:56.88\00:15:58.43
you know hadn't
said we're dealings with
00:15:58.46\00:16:00.40
and at that point.
00:16:00.43\00:16:01.82
Because what you
were saying is that
00:16:01.85\00:16:03.75
we don't know what
people have gone through.
00:16:03.78\00:16:05.57
We don't know what
happened to them in their life
00:16:05.60\00:16:07.89
and yet didn't it just,
didn't it just surprised you
00:16:07.92\00:16:12.05
that you were
speaking so compassionately,
00:16:12.08\00:16:15.02
so emotionally with
some spiritual truth
00:16:15.05\00:16:18.40
because that's not like
00:16:18.43\00:16:19.46
what you were
doing a week before.
00:16:19.49\00:16:20.52
No, no, I wouldn't have
done that six months prior,
00:16:20.55\00:16:22.63
you know, six months prior
00:16:22.66\00:16:25.18
I'd just simply said,
well, that's your problem, okay.
00:16:25.21\00:16:28.94
I don't have
anything to share with you
00:16:28.97\00:16:30.63
or deal with you,
00:16:30.66\00:16:31.70
and it's funny the reason
he did called me as he said,
00:16:31.73\00:16:34.16
you know, the
reason I called you
00:16:34.19\00:16:35.66
because of all the people I
know, you will be real, okay.
00:16:35.69\00:16:39.87
So anyway at
that time notice like
00:16:39.90\00:16:43.23
all the light bulbs
went out in his head
00:16:43.26\00:16:45.40
and he said, you
know, I just can't believe
00:16:45.43\00:16:48.69
because I just can't imagine
00:16:48.72\00:16:51.60
what must have
happened for those people,
00:16:51.63\00:16:54.06
and I've been so
incredibly mean to him as well.
00:16:54.09\00:16:57.11
Right.
00:16:57.14\00:16:58.17
And so, you know,
so all of the sudden,
00:16:58.20\00:17:01.83
you know, I'm reaching
out to a guy who is Wiccan,
00:17:01.86\00:17:04.95
who I'd just normally
wouldn't have dealt with.
00:17:04.98\00:17:08.88
And he really didn't
trust your Christianity
00:17:08.91\00:17:11.00
because you were angry
00:17:11.03\00:17:13.46
and screaming and
yelling or whatever.
00:17:13.49\00:17:16.18
And all of the
sudden that change happen.
00:17:16.21\00:17:17.60
So you had when you
were sharing with me
00:17:17.63\00:17:19.73
that skype conversation
00:17:19.76\00:17:22.39
and how unusual that was
and you could hear yourself.
00:17:22.42\00:17:25.78
I also knew that friend,
your wife is in the background
00:17:25.81\00:17:30.07
hearing you responded
in a whole different way
00:17:30.10\00:17:32.93
to someone where it
would have been anger
00:17:32.96\00:17:35.32
and now it's compassion
and saying how cool is that.
00:17:35.35\00:17:40.36
What's happening? Yeah.
00:17:40.39\00:17:42.03
It definitely
was different for me
00:17:42.06\00:17:45.83
because of all the
things that I've gone through
00:17:45.86\00:17:49.18
which led to me to a
point of doing the things
00:17:49.21\00:17:52.00
that I needed to
do to protect myself.
00:17:52.03\00:17:54.87
And, you know, I think
the part of the journey
00:17:54.90\00:17:58.95
I am on right now is learning
00:17:58.98\00:18:01.87
to allow God to
take those things,
00:18:01.90\00:18:04.17
to take those
things and own them.
00:18:04.20\00:18:07.95
And let him protect you.
00:18:07.98\00:18:09.16
Yeah. Yeah.
00:18:09.19\00:18:10.22
Because He loves you,
He is crazy about you.
00:18:10.25\00:18:12.70
What's so cool
about that is that man
00:18:12.73\00:18:17.55
and I don't know, I probably
should have checked with you
00:18:17.58\00:18:20.57
even before the program to
ask you this next question,
00:18:20.60\00:18:23.69
but there was a time
that I think that Brad and I
00:18:23.72\00:18:27.45
and you and your friend went out
00:18:27.48\00:18:29.42
and did Christmas
lights or something.
00:18:29.45\00:18:31.04
We just decided
we're going to go out
00:18:31.07\00:18:32.93
and you came in and
then spoke to your son.
00:18:32.96\00:18:38.41
Oh, man.
00:18:38.44\00:18:40.32
Why don't you help
me out a little bit?
00:18:40.35\00:18:41.60
Just being able
to share with him,
00:18:41.63\00:18:43.67
may be even for the first
time about your molest possible,
00:18:43.70\00:18:47.49
not that he was
ready to hear you,
00:18:47.52\00:18:49.24
but even opening up
in the sense saying,
00:18:49.27\00:18:51.19
you know, what, I need to
share something about myself
00:18:51.22\00:18:53.80
and when you did
that I was like, you know,
00:18:53.83\00:18:56.27
it's incredible how God...
00:18:56.30\00:18:59.48
Yeah.
00:18:59.51\00:19:00.54
Okay, so, you know,
because of everything
00:19:00.57\00:19:06.62
that's happened in my life
and, you know, it's been...
00:19:06.65\00:19:13.97
I'm not just sure where
to, what to do with this.
00:19:14.00\00:19:16.65
You know, we just all messed up,
00:19:16.68\00:19:19.13
okay with this.
00:19:19.16\00:19:20.63
Exactly and you
know how many people
00:19:20.66\00:19:22.21
that are watching
are saying exactly
00:19:22.24\00:19:24.05
and I wish I hadn't and
man when I think about mine,
00:19:24.08\00:19:27.48
it brings that shame
and guilt or whatever.
00:19:27.51\00:19:29.88
And yet at this point
in your journey back to God
00:19:29.91\00:19:33.40
or into a real
relationship with the God.
00:19:33.43\00:19:35.72
You are saying even to
the people around you is
00:19:35.75\00:19:38.63
I don't know how I'm
going to do this but I am sorry.
00:19:38.66\00:19:41.29
Yeah.
00:19:41.32\00:19:42.35
You know we do things,
00:19:42.38\00:19:45.07
I guess I'll
just say it this way.
00:19:45.10\00:19:46.28
We do things, we
learn to survive,
00:19:46.31\00:19:49.48
okay, how we learn to survive
00:19:49.51\00:19:51.23
and based on things
that happened to us,
00:19:51.26\00:19:54.80
that changes what we--
it changes what we believe
00:19:54.83\00:19:59.12
and that really does
change how we react, okay,
00:19:59.15\00:20:02.47
and how we respond to things and
00:20:02.50\00:20:04.62
if we never find a
better way to respond,
00:20:04.65\00:20:07.42
a better way to
deal with those things
00:20:07.45\00:20:09.29
and we continue
going on the way,
00:20:09.32\00:20:10.78
we've learned to cope.
00:20:10.81\00:20:12.86
And those things
that we learn to cope with
00:20:12.89\00:20:15.84
often really hurt our--
the people closest to us
00:20:15.87\00:20:19.79
because they are close to us.
00:20:19.82\00:20:21.09
Amen.
00:20:21.12\00:20:22.15
And, you know,
and I just have to say
00:20:22.18\00:20:25.94
I hurt my son incredibly.
00:20:25.97\00:20:29.10
You know,
because of the anger and,
00:20:29.13\00:20:32.07
you know, you don't
have to beat somebody up.
00:20:32.10\00:20:34.67
You don't have to slam
people up against the wall.
00:20:34.70\00:20:36.71
You don't have to
be physically violent
00:20:36.74\00:20:39.03
to completely beat
somebody to a pulp.
00:20:39.06\00:20:42.35
Yeah. Okay.
00:20:42.38\00:20:43.46
It's just, you know, verbally
00:20:43.49\00:20:45.45
you can just
cheer somebody apart
00:20:45.48\00:20:47.24
and, you know, all
those things add up
00:20:47.27\00:20:53.27
and they compound and
I just have to say that,
00:20:53.30\00:20:55.68
you know, my son was at a point
00:20:55.71\00:20:57.15
where he was learning to
deal with those things himself.
00:20:57.18\00:21:00.59
And he called me, I
don't really remember
00:21:00.62\00:21:03.79
why he called me right now.
00:21:03.82\00:21:05.05
You know, but the thing of that
is, is for the first time in
00:21:05.08\00:21:09.37
I can't remember when we
had a very long conversation
00:21:09.40\00:21:14.06
where we opened
up to each other.
00:21:14.09\00:21:15.79
And I was able to
apologize to him for,
00:21:15.82\00:21:18.71
you know, the things that
00:21:18.74\00:21:19.99
you know, that I have done
00:21:20.02\00:21:21.66
and the reasons why
I was the way I was.
00:21:21.69\00:21:24.78
And not that it
makes anything right
00:21:24.81\00:21:26.78
but at least it provides a
bases of other standing up.
00:21:26.81\00:21:29.64
Where you came
from. A bases for healing.
00:21:29.67\00:21:31.98
You know, this is our
foundation for healing
00:21:32.01\00:21:34.84
and man, it may
not happen overnight,
00:21:34.87\00:21:38.33
but my commitment to you
is that we're going to heal.
00:21:38.36\00:21:43.31
You know, I just-- I
so respect your journey
00:21:43.34\00:21:45.56
and watching it
and watching God,
00:21:45.59\00:21:48.35
you know, soften in
and what I hate about
00:21:48.38\00:21:51.53
and tell me if this isn't true
00:21:51.56\00:21:52.69
that you take two
steps forward and ten back.
00:21:52.72\00:21:56.26
It is definitely,
it's a give and take.
00:21:56.29\00:21:59.12
You know, I really do feel like,
00:21:59.15\00:22:00.51
you know, some
days you have those,
00:22:00.54\00:22:02.18
those incredible
highs, that's where you know,
00:22:02.21\00:22:04.20
you know that God is working.
00:22:04.23\00:22:06.42
You know, the things are right.
00:22:06.45\00:22:07.86
You know, you are moving forward
00:22:07.89\00:22:09.21
and the next day it's like,
you know, the devil, he just,
00:22:09.24\00:22:13.56
he knows every button
to push and the next day,
00:22:13.59\00:22:15.72
you know, he pushes all
30 of them, whatever it is
00:22:15.75\00:22:18.24
and you're laying on the ground
00:22:18.27\00:22:19.73
wondered what just happened.
00:22:19.76\00:22:20.79
Exactly.
00:22:20.82\00:22:21.85
And you know, I
think Satan did that
00:22:21.88\00:22:24.00
with us as an
organization at one point
00:22:24.03\00:22:26.11
where we were all shocked.
00:22:26.14\00:22:28.23
But it's just a
matter of each of us
00:22:28.26\00:22:30.05
are really going
through a healing process
00:22:30.08\00:22:32.43
in incredible ways.
00:22:32.46\00:22:33.88
I'm so grateful that
you're a part of the team.
00:22:33.91\00:22:38.54
I'm so grateful to
be working with you.
00:22:38.57\00:22:41.04
But more than
that it's fun watching
00:22:41.07\00:22:43.79
God bring you out of hiding.
00:22:43.82\00:22:46.00
Do you know what I mean?
00:22:46.03\00:22:47.34
It's like the part of you that
has tried to protect themselves
00:22:47.37\00:22:50.51
and a part of you that,
00:22:50.54\00:22:51.71
that fell like the
world wasn't safer that,
00:22:51.74\00:22:53.75
you know, what if
you're going to hurt me,
00:22:53.78\00:22:55.01
I'm going to hurt you
worse in that part of you.
00:22:55.04\00:22:57.36
And I want to ask
you, you know, is God--
00:22:57.39\00:23:01.17
How is God becoming
more real life in your life?
00:23:01.20\00:23:03.49
Because that was
the whole journey too?
00:23:03.52\00:23:05.03
Yeah.
00:23:05.06\00:23:06.69
You know, it is a
daily-- it's a daily,
00:23:06.72\00:23:10.86
I don't want to say battle,
just it's a daily deal, right?
00:23:10.89\00:23:14.85
And some days I
know what's right on,
00:23:14.88\00:23:18.83
some days I don't, you know.
00:23:18.86\00:23:20.83
And the way I think the
way it's happening though
00:23:20.86\00:23:23.50
is that even on a
days where, you know,
00:23:23.53\00:23:26.06
I just failed
again, I just, you know,
00:23:26.09\00:23:29.87
I drive down the
road, the guy cuss me off
00:23:29.90\00:23:31.81
and you know, I fly in the rage
00:23:31.84\00:23:33.37
and I'm like, okay,
where'd that come from?
00:23:33.40\00:23:35.58
Yeah, don't be
cutting him off you guys.
00:23:35.61\00:23:38.66
I'm just saying.
00:23:38.69\00:23:39.77
We're trying to
keep his temper down.
00:23:39.80\00:23:43.87
You know, but those
times is like, you know,
00:23:43.90\00:23:46.84
I had an incident where
guy cut me off here about,
00:23:46.87\00:23:49.10
I think it's
couple of months ago,
00:23:49.13\00:23:50.31
it's been couple of months now.
00:23:50.34\00:23:53.63
That's good.
00:23:53.66\00:23:55.16
I get a phone call, like I
didn't even go into a rage.
00:23:55.19\00:23:58.30
I thought good on you.
00:23:58.33\00:24:00.80
You know, I did, you know,
this guy just he almost hit me,
00:24:00.83\00:24:05.59
it was in the
middle of the intersection,
00:24:05.62\00:24:07.38
he ran a red light in--
00:24:07.41\00:24:09.09
while I'm in the intersection
00:24:09.12\00:24:10.95
and normally
I've already looked,
00:24:10.98\00:24:14.01
I don't look again
and something just said,
00:24:14.04\00:24:15.70
I really, you
know, it was almost like
00:24:15.73\00:24:17.42
something is
grabbing you, look, okay.
00:24:17.45\00:24:19.90
And here's this car coming down,
00:24:19.93\00:24:21.39
I mean I was able to hit
the brakes fast enough that he,
00:24:21.42\00:24:24.03
you know, he got around me.
00:24:24.06\00:24:25.09
And I caught up with
him and I was ready to
00:24:25.12\00:24:28.07
just rip him apart
00:24:28.10\00:24:30.41
and I turned around and
looked and the guy just--
00:24:30.44\00:24:32.19
it was like, his
head was hanging in shame,
00:24:32.22\00:24:35.06
he didn't want to look at me.
00:24:35.09\00:24:36.87
And I'm like, what a jerk,
00:24:36.90\00:24:38.80
you're gonna
tear this guy apart,
00:24:38.83\00:24:40.36
he didn't even
see the red light,
00:24:40.39\00:24:41.96
it was a mistake,
he feels bad, you know.
00:24:41.99\00:24:44.94
And I remember pulling
down the road and just thinking,
00:24:44.97\00:24:47.83
okay, I really have to
repent because in my heart
00:24:47.86\00:24:51.20
I had already, you
know, ripped his head off.
00:24:51.23\00:24:53.78
Yeah. So the journey is amazing.
00:24:53.81\00:24:55.95
I would say it's fun
00:24:55.98\00:24:58.85
and I just have to tell a story
00:24:58.88\00:25:00.45
that I was really
taught is, you know,
00:25:00.48\00:25:04.17
you are working in a ministry,
00:25:04.20\00:25:05.28
we're doing all
of these projects.
00:25:05.31\00:25:07.03
You've really come in
and given us a framework
00:25:07.06\00:25:10.68
or structure that we can work in
00:25:10.71\00:25:12.60
that is so solid, it's so cool.
00:25:12.63\00:25:16.60
But I get really sick
00:25:16.63\00:25:18.47
and I'm going on
a trip, I'm afraid
00:25:18.50\00:25:21.76
because for one I've
been in the hospital twice,
00:25:21.79\00:25:24.44
I was really, you
know, my whole intestines
00:25:24.47\00:25:27.94
were shutting down.
00:25:27.97\00:25:29.14
I mean it was a
pretty serious thing,
00:25:29.17\00:25:31.28
and you came up and said,
00:25:31.31\00:25:33.39
I've put together
a anoint team with--
00:25:33.42\00:25:36.48
we've a couple of pastors
at church with the pastors
00:25:36.51\00:25:39.06
and I want to do
that before you fly out.
00:25:39.09\00:25:41.61
And I thought, you know,
00:25:41.64\00:25:42.87
that is as much
as in the last year
00:25:42.90\00:25:46.31
that I've seen God work
with you as far as softening
00:25:46.34\00:25:49.70
and trying to
kind of deal with anger
00:25:49.73\00:25:51.61
and that molest
stuff and all of that junk
00:25:51.64\00:25:54.38
is then I've got this--
00:25:54.41\00:25:55.73
I see this man of God,
00:25:55.76\00:25:57.49
literally
stepping up and saying,
00:25:57.52\00:25:59.07
you know, I'm not
sure how I'm going to do it
00:25:59.10\00:26:00.85
if we need to do
an anointing service.
00:26:00.88\00:26:03.11
And even your
prayer, it was, you know,
00:26:03.14\00:26:04.97
just a powerful
thing with Randy Maxwell
00:26:05.00\00:26:07.42
and Brian Yeager and yourself
00:26:07.45\00:26:09.21
and saying the prayer
and then sending me off.
00:26:09.24\00:26:11.88
And so your
journey to the heart of God
00:26:11.91\00:26:15.89
is being just
delightful, really delightful.
00:26:15.92\00:26:21.29
It's right, I'm not quite sure
00:26:21.32\00:26:23.37
how to respond to
that but thank you.
00:26:23.40\00:26:25.60
I'm gonna open
it up for questions,
00:26:25.63\00:26:27.25
see I know there is
a couple of people here
00:26:27.28\00:26:29.05
that know you really well,
00:26:29.08\00:26:30.82
so I'm gonna
start with your wife.
00:26:30.85\00:26:33.31
So Fran, with what Bob is
kind of covered this thing.
00:26:33.34\00:26:38.33
Do you have a
question or a comment?
00:26:38.36\00:26:39.95
Have you noticed his journey?
00:26:39.98\00:26:43.56
Definitely I remember
when he apologized to our son
00:26:43.59\00:26:48.55
and it was about that same time
00:26:48.58\00:26:49.95
I think that
apologized to me as well.
00:26:49.98\00:26:53.13
And that was really
the first time I knew
00:26:53.16\00:26:55.54
about the molest that
was in his background,
00:26:55.57\00:26:57.55
he hadn't shared
that even with me before
00:26:57.58\00:27:00.87
and it was a very eye opening
thing for me to hear that,
00:27:00.90\00:27:06.58
that was at least
part of what was behind
00:27:06.61\00:27:09.32
the anger that he has dealt
with all of our married life.
00:27:09.35\00:27:12.63
And I can at least meet you
the question I was thinking,
00:27:12.66\00:27:15.71
I'd like to ask you.
00:27:15.74\00:27:17.16
What would you
give advice to women
00:27:17.19\00:27:21.25
who are in the relationship
like that with a man
00:27:21.28\00:27:23.50
who is struggling
with anger that way?
00:27:23.53\00:27:28.92
Well, I think it's gonna be hard
00:27:28.95\00:27:31.78
to know unless I'm
really willing to share
00:27:31.81\00:27:33.76
and I think the best
thing that you can do
00:27:33.79\00:27:37.43
is probably just prove to
them that you can be trusted
00:27:37.46\00:27:42.33
and the way I think to
do that something that,
00:27:42.36\00:27:46.41
you know, I've seen
it happen since I've been
00:27:46.44\00:27:49.44
working with True Step
is that, it's nonjudgmental.
00:27:49.47\00:27:54.18
And you know, we're
our own worst enemies.
00:27:54.21\00:27:57.69
We know what we've done wrong
00:27:57.72\00:27:59.81
and we know
where we're deficient
00:27:59.84\00:28:02.67
and in our
society it's not okay.
00:28:02.70\00:28:05.31
It's not okay for us to be
unable to protect ourselves,
00:28:05.34\00:28:08.89
protect our family, and
to be deficient in anyway
00:28:08.92\00:28:13.07
and especially for, you know,
I think a lot of, you know,
00:28:13.10\00:28:20.49
older generation probably
falling in this category,
00:28:20.52\00:28:23.91
may be a little bit more
because we came from a very
00:28:23.94\00:28:26.95
can do self sufficient mindset,
00:28:26.98\00:28:31.23
so I think the nonjudgmental
is very real part of it
00:28:31.26\00:28:34.84
because if we feel like
we're going to be judged
00:28:34.87\00:28:38.27
again, you know,
00:28:38.30\00:28:40.09
because we're
already judging ourselves.
00:28:40.12\00:28:43.55
I don't think we're
going to be able to open up.
00:28:43.58\00:28:45.98
So judgment is that it's huge.
00:28:46.01\00:28:48.65
But let me just ask you
this then because in a--
00:28:48.68\00:28:52.23
I read some research
00:28:52.26\00:28:53.42
and they said in
this our generation
00:28:53.45\00:28:56.67
they are the most
unhappy generation ever,
00:28:56.70\00:29:00.75
and I'm like, like really,
like the boomers kind of thing.
00:29:00.78\00:29:04.06
And so I read the study
and I thought why is that?
00:29:04.09\00:29:07.02
why would that be?
00:29:07.05\00:29:08.38
And we're pretty much
one of the first generations
00:29:08.41\00:29:12.69
as somebody said, you
could do whatever you want.
00:29:12.72\00:29:15.07
You could be president,
you could travel the globes,
00:29:15.10\00:29:18.07
so they're not
just doing farming,
00:29:18.10\00:29:19.43
they're not just generationally
doing that kind of stuff.
00:29:19.46\00:29:22.28
All of the sudden
everything opens up to them
00:29:22.31\00:29:24.44
and that's a big
thing to give somebody
00:29:24.47\00:29:26.53
that you either fail or
succeed but you can do it
00:29:26.56\00:29:30.58
and then what you're
saying is the pressure of that
00:29:30.61\00:29:32.86
on top of having something
that actually robs you anyway
00:29:32.89\00:29:36.40
but the pressure
of that was too much.
00:29:36.43\00:29:38.68
So not being judgmental,
what would you say to man
00:29:38.71\00:29:41.56
about opening up
00:29:41.59\00:29:42.69
because how can I not judge you
00:29:42.72\00:29:44.36
when I don't know what's wrong.
00:29:44.39\00:29:45.87
Do you know what I mean like,
I don't know why you are angry
00:29:45.90\00:29:48.01
but I love you and stuff.
00:29:48.04\00:29:50.34
So what would you
say to man, it's like,
00:29:50.37\00:29:52.19
would you tell
him, tell someone?
00:29:52.22\00:29:56.43
I'm not sure if I
can answer that question.
00:29:56.46\00:29:58.41
Okay.
00:29:58.44\00:30:00.52
I'll just say for me.
00:30:00.55\00:30:03.27
I'd say the answer for me anyway
00:30:03.30\00:30:05.49
was actually taking the time
00:30:05.52\00:30:08.38
to sit down and do some reading
00:30:08.41\00:30:12.06
and let God
actually get through to me
00:30:12.09\00:30:14.27
because, you know,
there's other things
00:30:14.30\00:30:18.01
that enter into this, you
know, I was actually never,
00:30:18.04\00:30:22.47
you know, my dad
never really accepted me
00:30:22.50\00:30:25.27
or acknowledged me as a
man and so I never got that as,
00:30:25.30\00:30:29.73
you know, at any
point in my life,
00:30:29.76\00:30:32.30
so I think that
those-- we just finally,
00:30:32.33\00:30:37.48
you know, we look
at God the same way.
00:30:37.51\00:30:39.07
You know, however we see
our fathers, we tend to--
00:30:39.10\00:30:42.34
And I think this is--
I think this is actually
00:30:42.37\00:30:44.37
something that is really wrong.
00:30:44.40\00:30:46.10
We tend to allow other people
to define to us who God is
00:30:46.13\00:30:50.29
rather than allowing God
to define to us who He is.
00:30:50.32\00:30:54.04
And so, we project
everything that we see go wrong.
00:30:54.07\00:30:58.37
So, you know, if somebody
claims they're Christian
00:30:58.40\00:31:01.06
and they do
something wrong to us,
00:31:01.09\00:31:02.53
then all Christians are
bad, you know, God is bad too.
00:31:02.56\00:31:05.67
And so I think
that's really a problem
00:31:05.70\00:31:09.00
that we have in our society.
00:31:09.03\00:31:10.63
That original father
wound, this is if I--
00:31:10.66\00:31:13.03
if I don't have that foundation
00:31:13.06\00:31:14.45
where I can be sure
of that God is loving.
00:31:14.48\00:31:17.45
God cares about
me. He adores me.
00:31:17.48\00:31:19.96
He not only thinks I'm confident
00:31:19.99\00:31:23.25
but He is equipping me
because my father equipped me,
00:31:23.28\00:31:26.63
so if you don't have that
00:31:26.66\00:31:28.01
then you have to
define that yourself.
00:31:28.04\00:31:30.15
And that's what we do it poorly.
00:31:30.18\00:31:31.36
That's right.
That's a great point.
00:31:31.39\00:31:34.31
The question that
you couldn't answer
00:31:34.34\00:31:36.67
if I could, if there was anybody
00:31:36.70\00:31:39.99
that's watching this
program and they're saying that,
00:31:40.02\00:31:42.22
you know, I can relate to Bob
00:31:42.25\00:31:44.17
and I have that
same kind of background
00:31:44.20\00:31:46.15
and I understand
what he is saying
00:31:46.18\00:31:47.56
about that early
molest or that damage
00:31:47.59\00:31:49.95
and you're lost in
whatever, anger, porn whatever.
00:31:49.98\00:31:53.25
If you can open up to anybody,
maybe just God initially
00:31:53.28\00:31:57.33
and then start opening up
to your family as you heal.
00:31:57.36\00:32:00.63
It's going to bring you on
a journey that will free you.
00:32:00.66\00:32:04.26
And so what's really
hard to say is open up,
00:32:04.29\00:32:09.42
like in any 12 step program
00:32:09.45\00:32:11.59
and we're gonna talk about
00:32:11.62\00:32:12.66
after we come
back from the break.
00:32:12.69\00:32:13.80
We're gonna talk about the one
00:32:13.83\00:32:14.87
that we put
together as a ministry.
00:32:14.90\00:32:16.68
But in any 12 step program,
the first kind of step is to--
00:32:16.71\00:32:20.50
I made you powerless.
00:32:20.53\00:32:21.65
You've done the best you can
00:32:21.68\00:32:23.61
and I'm still wanted to
shoot the driver next to me.
00:32:23.64\00:32:27.66
You know, I'm
doing the best I can
00:32:27.69\00:32:29.71
and it's not helping me.
00:32:29.74\00:32:31.59
And so God, I'm going to
finally turn it over to you
00:32:31.62\00:32:34.27
and accept you that I
see a God that cares about me
00:32:34.30\00:32:37.64
and can restore me to sanity.
00:32:37.67\00:32:39.26
And all of those steps
kind of our journey back to God.
00:32:39.29\00:32:42.11
And I'm watching you
take all of those, Bob.
00:32:42.14\00:32:45.32
And I so trust
your journey right now.
00:32:45.35\00:32:48.38
So I want to thank you
for sharing that with us,
00:32:48.41\00:32:49.94
but that's the huge one.
00:32:49.97\00:32:51.78
You know,
friend, great question.
00:32:51.81\00:32:53.77
I know, Bonnie, you
had a question for Bob.
00:32:53.80\00:32:58.29
I'm Bonnie, and I'm from Oregon
00:32:58.32\00:33:00.83
and I really
relate to Bob's story
00:33:00.86\00:33:03.50
because I struggled
with anger misused to
00:33:03.53\00:33:06.24
and it seems like,
00:33:06.27\00:33:08.45
I can get up in the
morning, have my devotions
00:33:08.48\00:33:10.38
and have a really nice
time and I go on about my day
00:33:10.41\00:33:13.06
and next thing, you
know, I come across something
00:33:13.09\00:33:15.98
and it sets me off and
I'll be just gone so fast
00:33:16.01\00:33:20.00
and it makes you
want to just say, well,
00:33:20.03\00:33:23.73
did I just waste my time.
00:33:23.76\00:33:25.77
Did I waste my
time I spend with God
00:33:25.80\00:33:28.28
or how do you deal with
that on these little things
00:33:28.31\00:33:32.39
and it's so hard
to let go the anger.
00:33:32.42\00:33:35.65
Absolutely, it's
tough to let go the anger.
00:33:35.68\00:33:37.84
It's also tough
to let go the guilt
00:33:37.87\00:33:39.25
because we do
feel guilty, you know,
00:33:39.28\00:33:41.29
because we tripped up again.
00:33:41.32\00:33:45.04
You know, for me what
I'm realizing is one that
00:33:45.07\00:33:49.29
I'm not able to
do it myself, okay.
00:33:49.32\00:33:53.06
I think that's one of the things
00:33:53.09\00:33:54.14
that I said I'm
not smart enough,
00:33:54.17\00:33:55.81
I'm not good enough,
I'm not strong enough.
00:33:55.84\00:33:58.31
And that was a really difficult
realization for me to come to
00:33:58.34\00:34:02.02
because of all the
things we've talked about.
00:34:02.05\00:34:05.01
And I think once
you do come to that,
00:34:05.04\00:34:06.86
then where does
that strength come from.
00:34:06.89\00:34:08.98
And I think the reason
that it's difficult for us is
00:34:09.01\00:34:13.13
because we've learned how
to respond to things and cope,
00:34:13.16\00:34:16.83
so that we can
survive and we haven't truly,
00:34:16.86\00:34:21.71
we haven't truly
come to a point that
00:34:21.74\00:34:23.19
we can rely on that
strength of God yet.
00:34:23.22\00:34:25.28
We still want to jump over
and go, let me handle this.
00:34:25.31\00:34:28.24
This one's mine, I got it.
00:34:28.27\00:34:30.90
Because we think
we're better, right?
00:34:30.93\00:34:32.78
We think we're
better and we're not.
00:34:32.81\00:34:36.93
And God is the only
one that can give our power
00:34:36.96\00:34:40.68
and for the guilt thing,
I'm still working on that,
00:34:40.71\00:34:44.01
but I do understand now that
God loves me unconditionally.
00:34:44.04\00:34:47.69
That doesn't give me a ticket
to go and do crazy things.
00:34:47.72\00:34:53.01
It just gives me
the peace of mind
00:34:53.04\00:34:56.19
of knowing that He
is going to forgive me
00:34:56.22\00:34:59.45
and He still loves me
00:34:59.48\00:35:00.72
and we're still going to
take that journey together.
00:35:00.75\00:35:03.25
What's really interesting
tune as you're talking.
00:35:03.28\00:35:06.01
You know, Bonnie, thank
you for bringing that up.
00:35:06.04\00:35:07.95
But as you're talking, you know,
00:35:07.98\00:35:10.47
it gives you
permission to count to ten too.
00:35:10.50\00:35:13.01
Do you know what I mean?
00:35:13.04\00:35:14.07
It's like, it
gives me permission
00:35:14.10\00:35:15.28
through the Holy Spirit,
00:35:15.31\00:35:16.35
like you do with
that drivers out,
00:35:16.38\00:35:17.95
even if it was a
little bit down the road,
00:35:17.98\00:35:20.04
it's like, man, I saw his face,
and I saw the fact that he--
00:35:20.07\00:35:23.73
you know he felt bad
00:35:23.76\00:35:25.47
and I'm ready
to rip his head off
00:35:25.50\00:35:26.78
and I'm sorry for that,
00:35:26.81\00:35:27.96
so it gives us permission
to really change the way
00:35:27.99\00:35:31.31
we typically respond
when you took the skype call.
00:35:31.34\00:35:34.48
And all the sudden now
you're ministering to him
00:35:34.51\00:35:36.89
instead of yelling at him.
00:35:36.92\00:35:39.04
Yeah. Powerful stuff.
00:35:39.07\00:35:41.72
Yeah, and it's.
00:35:41.75\00:35:42.78
You know, you have to
give credit to God really.
00:35:42.81\00:35:45.44
There is
nothing we can do except
00:35:45.47\00:35:47.70
I think as you said open up.
00:35:47.73\00:35:50.09
But, you know,
what's really interesting is
00:35:50.12\00:35:54.21
that I don't know, Bob,
00:35:54.24\00:35:56.82
if you would have
been as effective with us
00:35:56.85\00:35:59.84
an organization with the content
00:35:59.87\00:36:01.96
that we have to put together,
00:36:01.99\00:36:03.35
had not you read
the book Miracle.
00:36:03.38\00:36:06.44
You know, if you read the book
00:36:06.47\00:36:07.51
and I also saw that
God is crazy about you.
00:36:07.54\00:36:10.10
Saw that you're forgiven.
00:36:10.13\00:36:11.24
Saw all that kind of
stuff and started you on journey
00:36:11.27\00:36:13.78
because your own journey
brought to the pages even
00:36:13.81\00:36:17.21
and more
honest-- more as honesty
00:36:17.24\00:36:21.43
that you can give to
someone else which is cool.
00:36:21.46\00:36:24.46
We're going to take a break.
00:36:24.49\00:36:25.53
We're going to have a
longer closing typically
00:36:25.56\00:36:27.31
because I want to show,
I want to show the viewers
00:36:27.34\00:36:30.57
what we kind of put
together as an organization
00:36:30.60\00:36:32.92
because I'm so proud of it.
00:36:32.95\00:36:34.89
But I'm also
proud of your journey.
00:36:34.92\00:36:36.40
Was very cool. So
we're gonna be right back.
00:36:36.43\00:36:38.51
I want to show you
that recovery program
00:36:38.54\00:36:40.62
we've put together and
we couldn't have done that
00:36:40.65\00:36:44.25
had we not had Bob come in
and just organize us somewhat.
00:36:44.28\00:36:48.28
And he doesn't do it too
much because of my palm sweat,
00:36:48.31\00:36:50.85
still very frightening for me.
00:36:50.88\00:36:52.53
Stay with us,
we'll be right back.
00:36:52.56\00:36:53.98