The following program
discusses sensitive issues
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related to addictive behavior.
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Parents are
cautioned that some material
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may be too candid
for younger children.
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Welcome back.
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You know, I sometimes feel like
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I have just no talent at all
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but when I watch
God work with somebody
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that really is and you
now, Jim, you are a songwriter
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and pastor and so you
use words in a number of ways
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with music and in your
sermons that are just amazing
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because what I
hear when you do that
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is your own personal journey.
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So we are gonna start
this segment with a song
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that you wrote
one of my favorites
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and so can you let us know
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the journey of
writing in the song
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and then play it for us.
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Sure.
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Well this song is
entitled love me Jesus
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and the story behind the song
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is after the experience
with the kid calling the phone
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and preaching the
sermon and whatever
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then I wanting to
learn more about addiction.
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So this guy at are
one of our churches
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was doing a 12 Step group.
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He had been an alcoholic,
he was 17 years in recovery
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and he is leading
this 12 Step group.
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And so I go to the
group and I was having
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we are doing our group session
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and I was really kind
of down on myself that day
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you know I'm not the
pastor that I should be
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or not a leader like
this person or that person
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I was kind of comparing
myself and one of the things
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I love is when
heard somebody say,
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comparison is the thief of joy.
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And so my joy had been robbed
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and Jack turns
to me and he goes,
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Jim, he says you
are okay, you are okay.
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Amen.
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And just the way he
said it, I heard God saying
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I love you and I started to weep
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because it was like
you know I ultimately
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I don't want to be a super hero
I don't want to be in the dumb
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I just want to be okay.
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I just want to know that
I am loved and I am okay.
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I think its probably
what we all want to know.
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Amen.
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And so then one morning I
was just having my quite time
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and this song just
kind of came together
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out of that quite
time and as I was singing
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and the words were coming
I just started to weep again
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and reminded me
that experience with Jack
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and its just kind
of become my life song
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and its called "Love Me Jesus."
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Song is so anointed.
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Oh, the words I long to hear
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When I enter heaven's gate
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And not so much wealth
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As I have loved
You all Your days
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From Your very first breath
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When they laid You in the grave
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You've been my heart's delight
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The one I died to say
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Love me, Jesus
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Not for all I do
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For all that You is faith
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I need amazing grace
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Just love me, Jesus
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'Cause my only hope of change
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It's not so much well done
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As Your amazing grace
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And the words I long to hear
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When I bow at Your feet
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And not so much well done
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As, my child, don't You weep
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For my grace was sufficient
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For Your every need
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And now we have each other
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Through eternity
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Oh, love me, Jesus
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Not for all I do
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For all that You is faith
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I need amazing grace
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Just love me, Jesus
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'Cause my only hope of change
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It's not so much well done
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As Your amazing grace
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When you finally speak the word
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Well done, my faithful child
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I know it was Your grace
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That brought me every mile
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From my very first steps
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To when I lay down my soul
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It will have been Your goodness
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Working in me, Lord
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And I love you, Jesus
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For all that you've done
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For giving Your life
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For giving Your blood
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Yes, I love you, Jesus
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'Cause You're my
only hope of change
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When You say to me, well done
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When You say to me, well done
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And when You
say to me, well done
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I'll say amazing grace
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I'll say amazing grace
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Good will have been Your grace
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That's incredible.
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You know, just that
you know the words of that
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as you know we are
looking for that well done.
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It's all that cool
stuff but when we actually see
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who are and the
distance between what I am
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and what God is gonna create
is that we know its grace.
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I mean, we really know
it's the blood of Christ
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and mercy of God and the
grace of God that gets us there.
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Amen. That's grace.
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That's all it is. Amen.
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I got to tell you a
story about that okay thing.
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I'm on my way
from St. Louis to 3ABN
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and I have two people
that have never been here
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and I'm excited that they
are here all that kind of stuff
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and but I pass the off
ramp to go to 3ABN by two hours
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so not just by a
few minutes by two hours
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and so now its
really late at night.
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We show up at this
cafe and this woman is there
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she is the only one in cafe
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because its 2:30,
3:30 in the morning
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and me and the two girls that
I'm with were laughing out loud
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and we are having a great
time and we are talking about,
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you know, how flaky I'm
to pass by a couple of hours.
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We are in a
different state by the way
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so we are no
longer even in Illinois
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and the waitress just look like
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she was really
stressed about something.
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So I said, no one is
here why don't you join us?
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Why don't you eat with us?
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And she sat down and
she was really struggling
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and she started crying.
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We prayed with
her, we talked with her,
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we ended up going through
this whole crisis with her
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and then she laughed
and I said you know what,
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I'm gonna get back to
3ABN and they are gonna just,
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you know, they
are gonna say you know
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I'm just flaky or whatever.
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And she said I want you
to know that you are okay.
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And so when you said
that even before the song
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I just really know
what it feels like to,
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think you are not
that she said you okay
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I said can you write that down?
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I was just joking, can
you write that down for me?
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And so she went in the bag
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when she got our
ticket down to page,
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she went in the bag
and with the sharpies
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she wrote on a napkin.
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You are okay and
she handed it to me
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and I have that in my
office now framed, I'm okay.
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And so even with
the writing of that song
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is that the
message is that where Jesus
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is because of His
grace we are okay.
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You know, really it
is His amazing grace.
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Amen.
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And I love the hymn writer
I can't get his name right now
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when he says, "The
best obedience of my hands
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dares not appear
before Thy throne.
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But faith can answer
Thy demands by pleading
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what my Lord has done."
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Amen, amen.
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I don't have
anything to bring in
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but a broken life
and He says I'll take it.
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Hallelujah, I'll take
it, that's what He says.
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He delights in us
and so when He says
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you know we are okay
He is saying, you know,
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what you are
just I delight in you.
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I can't help
myself. You are right.
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You are right.
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So you don't
even I want to talk--
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have you talk to us a little bit
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about the way God
uses music with you.
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The way God uses
words or sermons with you
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in your recovery
because it's sounds like--
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it seems like I've
known you for a while now
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and every single time
I see you sit down and--
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and put a song together
is God really has giving you
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that as you have
gone through this trail?
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Yeah.
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Yeah, I think you know
sometimes I'm stressed out
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or just often times
I use to write songs
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and during test week at school.
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And started
studying. Yeah, yeah.
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It was just, you know,
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I think what comes
to my mind right now
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just as you asked that question
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is there is a
young women named Bethany
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and she gave me
permission to share her story
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if it would be helpful.
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And she was
going through a divorce
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and she was
working at the hospital
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where a guy from
our church worked in.
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He was her boss
and we are sharing
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and Tim calls me up and says
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and I just recently
moved to this church.
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Tim calls up and he
says can you talk to Bethany.
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I'm like what, I
never met her but okay.
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So you know she
came to our house
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so that we could
just have good boundaries
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and have the office door
open and Ingrid was there
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and when she
came to the front door
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she looked like she had
been hit by a Mack truck.
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I mean emotionally
just I have never seen any.
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Devastating.
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Yeah, like she
wouldn't hardly look in the eye
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and was kind of
skittish and wouldn't talk and,
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so I said I just said
that to her you look like
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you have been
hit by a Mack truck
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what's your story?
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And she said, I can't
remember a time in my life
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when I didn't feel depressed.
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And I was like wow, I
had read just recently
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the story of David Brainerd,
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John Piper has a
series of biographical sermons
00:11:52.76\00:11:55.15
and I read that
sermon and Brainerd
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was this guy in the 1740
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who had gone to one
of the Ivy League schools
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on the east coast
got kicked out of school
00:12:00.97\00:12:03.33
because he had been
critical with the faculty.
00:12:03.36\00:12:05.19
Jonathan Edwards
had come to the school
00:12:05.22\00:12:07.14
and there had been a big
rival and Brainerd hit criticize
00:12:07.17\00:12:10.65
the fact that because
they weren't spiritual enough.
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You know there weren't
responding to the Spirit of God
00:12:12.90\00:12:15.39
and they gave
him warning and then
00:12:15.42\00:12:16.56
they kicked him out of school.
00:12:16.59\00:12:17.68
Back then the only way
you could be as a pastor
00:12:17.71\00:12:20.54
was if you had graduated
from one of these schools.
00:12:20.57\00:12:24.18
Well, turns out
he gets kicked out
00:12:24.21\00:12:26.49
he ends up having tuberculosis.
00:12:26.52\00:12:29.32
He battles with melancholic,
00:12:29.35\00:12:30.83
which is what we
would call depression today
00:12:30.86\00:12:33.43
and yet he starts
to write this journal
00:12:33.46\00:12:37.56
of his because God calls him
00:12:37.59\00:12:39.31
to be a like a
evangelist or missionary
00:12:39.34\00:12:43.28
to the native Americans
along the eastern coast.
00:12:43.31\00:12:46.11
And so he is going
around he is keeping a journal
00:12:46.14\00:12:50.01
and hyper points out in sermons
00:12:50.04\00:12:51.88
that when William
Carey went to India
00:12:51.91\00:12:54.32
he took two books,
he took the biography
00:12:54.35\00:12:57.90
of David Brainerd and his Bible.
00:12:57.93\00:12:59.52
So he takes the
biography of this guy
00:12:59.55\00:13:02.06
who is battling depression.
00:13:02.09\00:13:04.16
In fact Jim
Elliot the guy from story
00:13:04.19\00:13:06.96
the end of the spear
who lives with Elliot, book,
00:13:06.99\00:13:10.20
Through Gates of
Splendor same story
00:13:10.23\00:13:12.09
once a movie, once a book.
00:13:12.12\00:13:13.78
Jim Elliot, Brainerd was
instrumental in his testimony
00:13:13.81\00:13:18.94
of ministering in the
mist of his depression
00:13:18.97\00:13:22.62
so I say to
Bethany, I say Bethany well,
00:13:22.65\00:13:25.15
depression is not the
worst thing in the world.
00:13:25.18\00:13:26.83
May be God wants
to use your depression
00:13:26.86\00:13:28.88
to make you a blessing.
00:13:28.91\00:13:30.21
Amen. That's true.
00:13:30.24\00:13:31.34
Because we try to run
from that kind of stuff
00:13:31.37\00:13:33.63
so what a gift to say
maybe in your store room
00:13:33.66\00:13:38.24
God is gonna use.
00:13:38.27\00:13:39.30
So, then I played to her
that song "Love Me Jesus."
00:13:39.33\00:13:42.19
And I played her the song
00:13:42.22\00:13:43.29
and she kind of
did one of these.
00:13:43.32\00:13:45.03
She like cocked
her head and said,
00:13:45.06\00:13:47.56
like, she couldn't believe it
00:13:47.59\00:13:49.15
and then she said
will you sing that again.
00:13:49.18\00:13:51.00
So I had to sing
the song two times
00:13:51.03\00:13:53.63
and then I said to her I said,
I told her the story about Jack
00:13:53.66\00:13:57.35
and the 12 Step
group and said Bethany,
00:13:57.38\00:14:00.77
I said you are okay.
00:14:00.80\00:14:03.41
Oh.
00:14:03.44\00:14:04.78
And so-- Amen.
00:14:04.81\00:14:06.97
You know, it's like God give us
00:14:07.00\00:14:08.92
these things
like Jack sent to me,
00:14:08.95\00:14:11.06
you are okay not to--
00:14:11.09\00:14:13.38
it's like Jesus said freely
you receive, freely you give.
00:14:13.41\00:14:16.90
And the greatest gifts
00:14:16.93\00:14:18.51
we can give one another
are those inner personal
00:14:18.54\00:14:21.54
emotional blessings
that somebody is giving us
00:14:21.57\00:14:24.12
when God is
spoken through them to us
00:14:24.15\00:14:26.08
and then He
creates and opportunity
00:14:26.11\00:14:27.88
where we can speak to another
00:14:27.91\00:14:30.04
like that whole
play of forward concept.
00:14:30.07\00:14:32.49
Exactly, exactly.
00:14:32.52\00:14:34.34
And I think for a lot of us
00:14:34.37\00:14:35.86
and I love when you
say that for a lot of us
00:14:35.89\00:14:38.50
is we see our struggles
as something to run from
00:14:38.53\00:14:42.37
and when the Bible says, don't--
00:14:42.40\00:14:44.63
don't run too fast
from your tribulations
00:14:44.66\00:14:47.50
from your struggles from this
00:14:47.53\00:14:49.00
because sometimes that
really builds character
00:14:49.03\00:14:52.51
and helps you to see
adopting yourself and others
00:14:52.54\00:14:55.39
that you won't
see any other way.
00:14:55.42\00:14:57.07
But we don't like to feel that.
00:14:57.10\00:15:00.38
We don't like to,
to look at our anger
00:15:00.41\00:15:02.76
or depression or any
of that kind of stuff
00:15:02.79\00:15:04.54
and God says I
promise you give it to Me
00:15:04.57\00:15:06.82
like you said earlier
and I'll use all of it.
00:15:06.85\00:15:09.55
Yeah, absolutely. All of it.
00:15:09.58\00:15:11.01
He does, He totally
uses every odds of hardship
00:15:11.04\00:15:14.35
we ever experienced.
00:15:14.38\00:15:15.91
You know, we-- we
have talked in your journey
00:15:15.94\00:15:19.29
about the early stuff
coming through that early stuff
00:15:19.32\00:15:23.23
and that shame
how God opened for you
00:15:23.26\00:15:26.67
in understanding of
people even in addictions.
00:15:26.70\00:15:29.47
So its like, you know,
I have an understanding
00:15:29.50\00:15:31.16
of what's that like
may be not in the same way
00:15:31.19\00:15:33.71
as someone else working
through some of your anger
00:15:33.74\00:15:38.24
and you know and
even the intensity of that
00:15:38.27\00:15:42.31
with your
children and having to say
00:15:42.34\00:15:43.99
as do I want to be this.
00:15:44.02\00:15:46.31
Do you have anything to
say about those two things?
00:15:46.34\00:15:49.42
About?
00:15:49.45\00:15:50.74
About the anger or
the early yours the things
00:15:50.77\00:15:53.45
that you dealt with as far as
00:15:53.48\00:15:54.86
not allowing the
devil to keep you in shame.
00:15:54.89\00:15:57.93
Well, I think you
know I had an experience
00:15:57.96\00:16:02.78
just addressing
both of those briefly.
00:16:02.81\00:16:04.99
I had an experience or
may be about five years ago
00:16:05.02\00:16:09.57
where you know,
I think for guys,
00:16:09.60\00:16:13.06
sexually related things
can continue to be a temptation
00:16:13.09\00:16:16.42
and I go on the
Victoria Secrets website
00:16:16.45\00:16:19.16
and it was very intense
and I realize then after
00:16:19.19\00:16:24.20
like 15 years of
ministry the intensity
00:16:24.23\00:16:28.29
that I felt
physiologically was nothing like
00:16:28.32\00:16:33.79
what I feel
what am with my wife.
00:16:33.82\00:16:37.09
It was almost like
the difference between
00:16:37.12\00:16:39.46
a natural high and
maybe methamphetamine
00:16:39.49\00:16:41.71
I've never done
that but that intensity
00:16:41.74\00:16:44.58
was so intense it
didn't feel natural
00:16:44.61\00:16:46.75
to what I experience in marriage
00:16:46.78\00:16:48.26
and all of a
sudden I realized oh, wow,
00:16:48.29\00:16:50.90
you know that's why
God is trying to keep us
00:16:50.93\00:16:53.22
from those things because then
00:16:53.25\00:16:54.80
if I'm comparing that
pornographic experience
00:16:54.83\00:16:59.42
with the experience with my wife
00:16:59.45\00:17:01.01
I'm gonna think the experience
with my wife fall short
00:17:01.04\00:17:03.44
when really there is so
much more depth of intimacy
00:17:03.47\00:17:06.03
there then some like
over the top rush its gone
00:17:06.06\00:17:12.03
and then you feel
embarrassed or shame.
00:17:12.06\00:17:14.07
I never felt
embarrassed or shame
00:17:14.10\00:17:15.78
when I had an
intimate moral with my wife.
00:17:15.81\00:17:18.03
Right, and its real. Yeah.
00:17:18.06\00:17:20.13
And so, really,
it's really tough
00:17:20.16\00:17:22.50
and I want to
stay there for a minute
00:17:22.53\00:17:23.95
because for a lot of us men
and women in sexual addictions
00:17:23.98\00:17:28.05
is that we don't realize that
we are cultivating something
00:17:28.08\00:17:31.55
that will never
happen in the natural.
00:17:31.58\00:17:33.97
It cannot happen.
00:17:34.00\00:17:35.48
There is no way to
kick it up to that high.
00:17:35.51\00:17:37.71
It's a fantasy world.
00:17:37.74\00:17:38.85
It's a fantasy world not real
00:17:38.88\00:17:40.73
but we will hook us to the point
00:17:40.76\00:17:43.09
where we will never
be able to meet that
00:17:43.12\00:17:46.98
and will always
feel like somehow
00:17:47.01\00:17:50.18
if I wasn't stuck
here I could have that.
00:17:50.21\00:17:53.44
There is always that
breeding that dissatisfaction
00:17:53.47\00:17:57.17
that saying just
says, absolutely,
00:17:57.20\00:18:01.27
you need to leave,
you need to go somewhere,
00:18:01.30\00:18:03.15
you need to be
online with something.
00:18:03.18\00:18:07.32
And the more we
go somewhere the less
00:18:07.35\00:18:10.18
we feel fulfilled with somewhere
00:18:10.21\00:18:12.58
and the less we feel
fulfilled with right here.
00:18:12.61\00:18:15.06
I mean it's like he
has got us in a bind.
00:18:15.09\00:18:17.29
You know, we are not
happy in the fantasy world,
00:18:17.32\00:18:19.62
we are not happy
in the real world
00:18:19.65\00:18:21.15
and so we start to disperse.
00:18:21.18\00:18:23.44
And you know
coming to the anger piece
00:18:23.47\00:18:26.44
which I still feel like that's
something God's work in me
00:18:26.47\00:18:30.00
through I haven't arrived
00:18:30.03\00:18:31.59
and I'm sure
after I get over anger
00:18:31.62\00:18:33.29
there will be something else.
00:18:33.32\00:18:35.82
Then you know that's true.
00:18:35.85\00:18:36.99
You are like come on,
00:18:37.02\00:18:38.38
where you get a
little break in between.
00:18:38.41\00:18:40.41
So but you know what
I realize about anger
00:18:40.44\00:18:43.44
is that there are
times when I've got so angry
00:18:43.47\00:18:47.83
that Ingrid will
say to be she is like
00:18:47.86\00:18:49.74
I'm not even gonna talk to you
right now you are irrational.
00:18:49.77\00:18:52.64
And I realize
that I really believe
00:18:52.67\00:18:55.60
and I'm read the
studies to prove it out
00:18:55.63\00:18:58.15
but I think that anger
can become like this addiction
00:18:58.18\00:19:02.29
and its like there is
when you are upset about
00:19:02.32\00:19:06.22
something and then there
is one just start to rage
00:19:06.25\00:19:08.82
and its like
somebody filled a switch
00:19:08.85\00:19:10.38
and you don't feel
like you can turn it out
00:19:10.41\00:19:13.52
and you just so just ticked off,
00:19:13.55\00:19:15.96
I mean I just a we have to go,
00:19:15.99\00:19:18.08
I have one of those days
and Ingrid said something
00:19:18.11\00:19:21.72
and it wasn't really her fault.
00:19:21.75\00:19:23.31
I mean, but I was stressed out
and I just triggered something
00:19:23.34\00:19:27.42
and I just started to lose it
00:19:27.45\00:19:29.12
and then we have this
inner personal interaction
00:19:29.15\00:19:31.66
I started to lose it some
more and then I had the kids
00:19:31.69\00:19:34.01
and I was trying to
get house projects done
00:19:34.04\00:19:35.84
and they were constantly coming
00:19:35.87\00:19:36.99
and I was just
angry all day long
00:19:37.02\00:19:40.51
and I was miserable and so--
00:19:40.54\00:19:43.41
So as anger that bad. What?
00:19:43.44\00:19:45.48
So as she or bad.
00:19:45.51\00:19:47.41
Oh, yeah, yeah,
she was like you know
00:19:47.44\00:19:50.24
but fortunately
I feel so blessed
00:19:50.27\00:19:52.73
because God has given me a wife
00:19:52.76\00:19:55.17
that she has a
nose for dysfunction
00:19:55.20\00:19:58.34
she can smell it a lot mile away
00:19:58.37\00:20:00.04
so she protects me from people
00:20:00.07\00:20:01.60
who might try and manipulate me
00:20:01.63\00:20:03.24
but she also knows
when I'm in my junk
00:20:03.27\00:20:07.66
and she can go
you are in your junk
00:20:07.69\00:20:09.73
and you know get over yourself
or get away are whatever.
00:20:09.76\00:20:12.88
Take a walk or whatever.
I'm not gonna deal with you.
00:20:12.91\00:20:14.86
So, she really does pretty
good at not engaging with me.
00:20:14.89\00:20:18.50
So you know for somebody that
00:20:18.53\00:20:20.13
deals with those kinds of things
00:20:20.16\00:20:23.24
what are the
some steps that you do
00:20:23.27\00:20:25.36
to kind of get a grip
yourself like when I start to...
00:20:25.39\00:20:29.89
Well, you know, I'm
so learning those steps
00:20:29.92\00:20:34.49
I feel like but if
I'm in a healthier place
00:20:34.52\00:20:38.79
I'll go away and pray you know,
00:20:38.82\00:20:43.25
I'm quite time one time
00:20:43.28\00:20:44.92
God gave me that
in my journaling time
00:20:44.95\00:20:47.09
I was like when you get
angry walk away and pray.
00:20:47.12\00:20:50.42
It's so hard to do.
And you journal too?
00:20:50.45\00:20:52.34
Yeah, I do.
00:20:52.37\00:20:53.94
Look as I, you
know, I watched you
00:20:53.97\00:20:55.29
not only walk away and pray
but I watched you like journals
00:20:55.32\00:20:58.71
through where you
have got in a few pages
00:20:58.74\00:21:00.96
on you know what
was this all about
00:21:00.99\00:21:04.49
and where did God
take you from there
00:21:04.52\00:21:06.35
and then you blog it
and bless all of us with it
00:21:06.38\00:21:08.86
so in a sense that you use it.
00:21:08.89\00:21:12.51
And I-- I mean I
remember one time
00:21:12.54\00:21:14.53
I don't remember what it was
00:21:14.56\00:21:15.80
but I was upset
and I'm driving away
00:21:15.83\00:21:19.19
and I'm beating
the horn on the car
00:21:19.22\00:21:22.59
and yelling and screaming
words I want to say here to God
00:21:22.62\00:21:26.15
and just like so
when I think that's viable
00:21:26.18\00:21:29.77
I mean you see
David in the Psalms
00:21:29.80\00:21:31.29
and you know when
he says, you know,
00:21:31.32\00:21:32.74
may their little ones be
thrown against the stones
00:21:32.77\00:21:34.74
its not exactly like he is
being a pansy or being nice
00:21:34.77\00:21:37.87
but I think God has big enough--
00:21:37.90\00:21:40.62
He just break their jaws
00:21:40.65\00:21:42.07
not break their
teeth out of their mouth.
00:21:42.10\00:21:43.98
Yeah, so, Gods
shoulders are big enough
00:21:44.01\00:21:46.12
that if we can learn to
direct our anger towards Him
00:21:46.15\00:21:49.78
I believe He
will do this exchange
00:21:49.81\00:21:51.84
where you know as we
come to Him with all our junk
00:21:51.87\00:21:54.99
He will work this
transformation in our heart.
00:21:55.02\00:21:57.30
And I remember
Bengie Max and tell a story
00:21:57.33\00:21:59.30
of pastor meet
about a girl that come to
00:21:59.33\00:22:01.47
and she said I just want
to curse God to His face,
00:22:01.50\00:22:04.06
curse Him out and he said do it.
00:22:04.09\00:22:06.57
And so when she did
that over about a year
00:22:06.60\00:22:11.62
God totally changed her where
she says I want to pray now,
00:22:11.65\00:22:14.26
where she didn't want
to talk to God before.
00:22:14.29\00:22:16.91
I love the fact
that God you know
00:22:16.94\00:22:18.48
when you say just do it.
00:22:18.51\00:22:19.93
You know, just yell at
God just take that to God
00:22:19.96\00:22:22.44
and we are afraid of
all that kind of stuff
00:22:22.47\00:22:24.23
and even when you know
God takes all of that stuff
00:22:24.26\00:22:27.04
that we are
currently going through
00:22:27.07\00:22:28.95
don't think that you are vibe
00:22:28.98\00:22:30.40
don't think this is a
destination here is that
00:22:30.43\00:22:33.14
you know we are
a mess and God said
00:22:33.17\00:22:35.69
daily bring those
things that you work with
00:22:35.72\00:22:38.11
because that's the best
we can do at any given time.
00:22:38.14\00:22:41.03
I would like see if there's
any questions in the cafe
00:22:41.06\00:22:43.11
because I know it's
really funny because Brad,
00:22:43.14\00:22:45.68
you know you are my husband
00:22:45.71\00:22:46.88
I love you but you
dealt with anger in your life.
00:22:46.91\00:22:49.37
You know, I absolutely
have it you know that very well
00:22:49.40\00:22:51.92
because you do live with me.
00:22:51.95\00:22:54.02
Jim, I just want
to start by saying
00:22:54.05\00:22:55.22
thank you for the song
00:22:55.25\00:22:56.28
because I was so blessed by that
00:22:56.31\00:22:58.58
but the anger
thing has been something
00:22:58.61\00:23:00.79
that have dealt with in my life
00:23:00.82\00:23:02.06
and well I have got some victory
00:23:02.09\00:23:03.75
there are still some there.
00:23:03.78\00:23:06.69
In fact, last weekend an
incident happened on my job
00:23:06.72\00:23:10.01
that it impacted my ability
00:23:10.04\00:23:11.74
to perform on
my job a little bit
00:23:11.77\00:23:13.65
because anger came up
00:23:13.68\00:23:15.33
and Cheri and I even
dealt with some stuff
00:23:15.36\00:23:17.67
last night is funny as it is.
00:23:17.70\00:23:19.27
I mean it so to speak
with the idea of maintenance
00:23:19.30\00:23:23.24
you know on a daily basis
or how can we move forward
00:23:23.27\00:23:27.92
and really deal
with some and in hand
00:23:27.95\00:23:29.35
that's often a way that
00:23:29.38\00:23:30.44
its not our
burden to carry any more.
00:23:30.47\00:23:32.62
Well, I think
the one of the things
00:23:32.65\00:23:36.72
is just I guess
saying to God in the Psalms
00:23:36.75\00:23:40.24
where David says,
Lord search me and know me.
00:23:40.27\00:23:43.14
And I think when
I try and rigid up
00:23:43.17\00:23:46.91
this is my personality
00:23:46.94\00:23:48.23
I kind of get over
while I'm with it all.
00:23:48.26\00:23:50.72
So its like on a daily basis
00:23:50.75\00:23:53.56
we are not
freaking out to say Lord,
00:23:53.59\00:23:56.99
just search my heart
when we go to the word
00:23:57.02\00:23:59.99
if we are spending time
00:24:00.02\00:24:01.07
I recommend spending
time in the word every day
00:24:01.10\00:24:03.64
and just saying Lord,
you know where I'm at,
00:24:03.67\00:24:06.30
what my journey is,
00:24:06.33\00:24:07.40
where I met the recovery process
00:24:07.43\00:24:09.49
so You give me a word
today that will minister to me
00:24:09.52\00:24:14.40
and the way that I need to grow
00:24:14.43\00:24:16.20
and also a word
that will allow me
00:24:16.23\00:24:17.92
to minister to the
people You put my circle
00:24:17.95\00:24:20.69
that I can help lift them up.
00:24:20.72\00:24:22.87
So search me
know me and direct me
00:24:22.90\00:24:27.70
and then you know
some of the other things
00:24:27.73\00:24:29.87
I don't know, I guess I
just when anger comes up
00:24:29.90\00:24:32.88
I just go back to God
and try and talk about it.
00:24:32.91\00:24:36.07
Sometimes it takes me a while
00:24:36.10\00:24:37.29
because I suffer righteousness
in the sense of I'm right
00:24:37.32\00:24:40.31
and there are--
a mess its hatred
00:24:40.34\00:24:42.85
like get to that place
where I'm just willing to say
00:24:42.88\00:24:45.18
you know I really screwed it up
00:24:45.21\00:24:46.58
by I was wrong and
so you can pray for me
00:24:46.61\00:24:51.27
because I don't feel like
00:24:51.30\00:24:53.42
I have a whole
lot of answers yet
00:24:53.45\00:24:55.33
I mean those are some
of the things but I'm so.
00:24:55.36\00:24:58.82
What's really
interesting to is that
00:24:58.85\00:25:00.62
that I love the
fact that you said
00:25:00.65\00:25:02.46
you know with anger
in and she is amazing
00:25:02.49\00:25:04.90
but she is been
able to look at you
00:25:04.93\00:25:06.32
and say you know
this is not my stuff
00:25:06.35\00:25:08.07
and I am not taking it on.
00:25:08.10\00:25:09.59
So giving people permission
in your circle to know
00:25:09.62\00:25:13.99
that you know when
you say that it does help.
00:25:14.02\00:25:16.93
May be not in the
middle of my anger
00:25:16.96\00:25:18.62
but it helps me
because I get it the fact
00:25:18.65\00:25:21.16
that you have those things
00:25:21.19\00:25:22.22
take a walk journal
and grab your guitar.
00:25:22.25\00:25:25.01
Brad is a trumpet
play, just do some screaming
00:25:25.04\00:25:28.60
high notes on your trumpet
00:25:28.63\00:25:30.17
you know do something that
00:25:30.20\00:25:31.82
actually takes
you out of yourself.
00:25:31.85\00:25:33.73
Brad also you are cyclists
00:25:33.76\00:25:36.07
ride your bikes all
kind of stuff with our anger
00:25:36.10\00:25:38.91
is that we got
to do it that way.
00:25:38.94\00:25:41.21
But somebody
said to me, you know,
00:25:41.24\00:25:43.11
Cheri, do you have anger?
00:25:43.14\00:25:45.21
I remember saying you
know I don't think so.
00:25:45.24\00:25:47.57
And there was a
council that said that
00:25:47.60\00:25:49.02
and they just looked
at me and said oh, man,
00:25:49.05\00:25:51.22
she is so in denial with this.
00:25:51.25\00:25:52.89
So sometimes we
don't even realize
00:25:52.92\00:25:54.60
that we are dealing with things
00:25:54.63\00:25:55.66
until God in His
grace starts to show us.
00:25:55.69\00:25:59.29
But part of our journey,
00:25:59.32\00:26:00.42
part of our
sanctification is God says,
00:26:00.45\00:26:06.41
"let me unfold this for you."
00:26:06.44\00:26:07.94
I want to say thank
you being on the program.
00:26:07.97\00:26:10.11
I want to say
to anybody watching
00:26:10.14\00:26:11.78
I hope you were blessed.
00:26:11.81\00:26:12.87
I would like and set it
to close out the program
00:26:12.90\00:26:14.99
like we usually do.
00:26:15.02\00:26:16.53
I would like you to
come in and bless us
00:26:16.56\00:26:18.39
with another one of
your songs because you are--
00:26:18.42\00:26:21.47
I think God really
speak through those.
00:26:21.50\00:26:23.61
And so I'm gonna close
right now and say goodbye.
00:26:23.64\00:26:26.01
Always remember that God
is crazy about you, me too.
00:26:26.04\00:26:28.86
We are gonna
comeback listen to Jim singing
00:26:28.89\00:26:31.53
and then I'll see you next time.
00:26:31.56\00:26:33.49