The following program
discusses sensitive issues
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related to addictive behavior.
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Parents are
cautioned that some material
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may be too candid
for younger children.
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Welcome to
Celebrating Life in Recovery
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and my name is Cheri, your host.
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So today I'm gonna
interview my husband
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and you're gonna talk
about that, aren't you?
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I am.
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You know what, God
can use the craziest thing
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to get at you
and change your life.
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Come join us.
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Welcome.
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You know, we're on-- I
got to say we're on season 9,
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which is amazing.
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We just
celebrated our 100th episode
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and for a lot of you,
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you know that when we started
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this people were saying,
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nobody's gonna want
to hear about addictions,
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nobody's want to
hear about all that junk
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but people are
healing by the thousands.
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I can't even tell
you the emails I get,
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somebody saying, you know what,
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I didn't think I
was gonna make it
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and I miss it in
the each and every guest
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and I got something from that
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and it gave me
strength to find God
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and hold on and to
step out of you know,
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whatever the addiction it was,
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whatever the
junk was and reconnect
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with those who they
loving the people around me.
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And it was just been amazing,
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this season we're
looking at celebrations,
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we're looking at
the health message
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and don't turn the channel,
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the health
message is a good thing.
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And I always, I
ran from that forever,
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I just thought, you know what,
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I just need to stop
heroin and I'm gonna be fine
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but God in the last
30 years of my recovery--
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somebody say, amen.
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Amen.
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Thirty years of my recovery,
all of a sudden He says,
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you know what I
want you to look at,
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you know, the joy of the Lord
is your strength an optimism
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and rest and exercise
and all that kind of stuff,
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social networking, how
I connect with everybody
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all that stuff.
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And so right now, on this week
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we're looking at exercise
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and exercise is really
crazy because you know,
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sometimes we're getting
in front of the computer
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and well, we'll be
going on and on about
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whatever would join a group
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we'll do a Bible study
but we're not moving our body,
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we're not doing what we
need to do in order to...
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kind of bring in the
complete health in our lives.
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Exercise is more than
just physical movement,
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exercise in your choices,
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what you do in your life
all of that kind of stuff.
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And I want to
introduce you this week
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to the man of my
life, my husband.
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Brad, thank you so much
for being on the program again.
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Hey, love.
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Okay, it's really cool
to have you on the program.
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But you know, for you and I,
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I get diagnose with
cancer a while back,
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and so I get
diagnose with cancer,
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I'm freaked out and you know,
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I'm so freaked about that,
that I just think I want wine.
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I mean, I got off
for-- our home was,
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for 10 years I'm on the streets,
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my family have dealt
with addictions our whole life
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and I finally find Christ,
everything comes together
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and the doctor says,
hey, you got Leukemia.
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And I'm like, shut
up, there's no way.
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You know, and I call people,
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I talk to people that all
have this really sad thing.
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Like one person
decided to fly up.
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I'm doing a gig, a teen retreat
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with David
Asscherick and you know,
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Leo Schreven and you
know, high energy folks
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and I just got cut in, cut open
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and diagnosed with cancer
and I'm trying to figure out
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what I feel about that
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and all of a sudden
this person flies in
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with the same cancer I
have but they are close to dead
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and they say, you know what,
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I just wanted you
to know what's coming.
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And I'm like, well, thank you.
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You know, and I'm just like,
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'cause I'm
hearing all this stuff
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and finally I call a group
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from the Leukemia
Society that says,
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we do marathons and
cycle 100 mile century
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rides on bike and we do all
that kind of stuff, triathlons
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and why don't you
just come join us,
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'cause here's the fun
way of dealing with cancer.
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So I tell Brad I come
home and I say, Brad--
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We're running a marathon.
And I weigh 247 pounds.
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He was much
bigger than you're now.
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And I'm gone, does this
look like a marathon in body.
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I'm like, we're doing it, hon.
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Yeah. We're doing it.
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So we end up
training for this marathon
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which was ridiculous but
we ran the half marathon,
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I go to the doctor
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'cause my leg hurts
after that, you know.
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And he says, you just
got a total hip replacement.
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Are you an idiot?
You cannot run marathons.
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And I'm thinking,
can you call me an idiot
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when I'm paying you,
'cause I'm just saying.
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And so he just says,
you can't run marathon.
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So we went ahead
and grabbed bikes.
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And the first time
I got on a bicycle,
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you know, road bike,
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I felt like a
12-year-old kid again.
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It was so cool and
but then I rode two miles
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and I thought I was gonna die,
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couldn't breath and, you
know, all of that kind of stuff
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but you and I
went into training,
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started riding bikes
together, started playing more.
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Yeah, yeah.
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And now, the first ride
we did, talk about that.
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The first ride we
did which was really fun,
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through the
Leukemia Society ride was...
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a 100 miles around Lake Tahoe.
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In California.
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In California, and I don't know
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if you're
familiar with Tahoe or not
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but this is a
mountain lake ride,
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there are
mountains that go up to,
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I think they go up
to about 9,000 feet.
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I mean, 8,000, 9,000 feet.
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And so its 100 mile ride,
there's a big climb 20 miles in
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and you go into Truckee
and then at mile 81, after--
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What's called America's
Most Beautiful Bike Riding
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and it really is--
It really is beautiful.
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Theirs is Emerald
Bay, I mean, Lake Tahoe,
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its gorgeous and so you'd
seen this incredible scenery
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on the right hand
side the whole time.
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I don't mean to interrupt
but you're my husband so I can.
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Oh.
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So we get, we're
doing this bike ride
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and we get into
mile 81, I'm dying,
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81 miles I just rode.
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All at once. All in one day.
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All at once and then I
see this hill in front of me
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and its seven miles
long, just going up.
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And I wanted to cry, I
kind of looked at Brad,
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like, Brad, I'm
not gonna make it.
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I mean, I just
not gonna make it.
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And he said,
you're gonna make it.
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And then and you're gonna
tell this part of the story
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'cause it was a
ridiculously cool.
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I wanted to kiss
you on the face and say
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that you are everything to me.
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And to me, to me
it's really fun about this
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and looking back on it I believe
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God was starting to let her know
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of my
involvement in the ministry,
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actually symbolically.
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And there's a connection
here so stay with this.
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You lost me, now go ahead.
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We're 20 miles
into the ride, right?
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Twenty miles into the
ride and we're going along
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and I see a really
large person on a bicycle
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and a little tiny person on
the bicycle ride next to him
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and they're riding along
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and the little
tiny person has her hand
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on the back of the large person.
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And I'm looking at
that of the corner of my eye
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and you know, in
big groups like this
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you're by people for
five miles at a time.
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There were 4,800 riders.
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Yeah, yeah, it was
a big ride, big ride.
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And so I just
like, what are you doing?
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And the small person
says, oh, I'm pushing him.
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Would you like me to
show you how to do it?
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'Cause there's a
little technique involved,
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it's not super complicated
but when you're riding bicycles
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you just try to push
a person next to you.
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You got to pay attention
or there's gonna be trouble.
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And so she
showed me at that point
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the technique
for pushing someone.
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And in the back of my mind
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I'm also thinking
there's a hill at mile 81.
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You were thinking that then?
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I'm that then.
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And I just have a fuming,
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someone might
need a little boost.
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And so what was really amazing--
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How could you not
let him? Oh, sorry.
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He was at mile 81,
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I knew we were
at a place like that
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and so I just said to her,
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okay, baby, we're gonna do this.
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And I'm gonna push
you up to the hill.
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And so I put my hand on her back
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and you grip the
handle bar certainly
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and do what you did and
we went to seven mile hill.
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And he pushed me the
entire way up this hill
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and women were going by
saying, can I borrow him?
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Can I have him? And
I'm like, not right no.
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After the or maybe.
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And it was like,
people were riding saying--
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'cause it was so incredible,
I wouldn't have made it,
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how'd you not decided
that I'm gonna push you.
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And they were times
that you were shaking
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because it was not
an easy thing to do
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to push somebody up a hill.
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And there were times
he was shaking but man,
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we made it, 100 miles,
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that was our first
kind of thing together
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where we really
went out and celebrated.
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Celebrated
something together and to me,
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and we symbolically,
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I just want you to
know I have your back.
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Okay. Because I
did all the way up.
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All right.
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So it was really interesting
as far as that side of it
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but since then
what's happened is
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I've gotten
involved weird schedule
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I was so busy its
very difficult for you too,
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do the-- take
the amount of time,
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it takes to stay
involved in a ride that large,
00:08:56.35\00:08:58.45
although you do still
continue to ride regularly.
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I've become actually a
coach for the Leukemia Society
00:09:01.04\00:09:03.60
and for the team and I
ride a few thousands miles
00:09:03.63\00:09:07.51
every year on my bicycle.
00:09:07.54\00:09:08.97
But what's really
funny for men and women
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they've decided
to do this together
00:09:10.90\00:09:12.31
'cause we're
talking out exercises,
00:09:12.34\00:09:13.77
find something that you love,
00:09:13.80\00:09:15.29
find something
that you can do together
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really be blessed
'cause it changes you,
00:09:16.88\00:09:18.87
it really, it brings and
play and it brings and whatever
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but I didn't know at first
men ride different than women.
00:09:22.41\00:09:25.52
You know, men, they
want to get on their bikes
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and they want to do time trials,
00:09:27.81\00:09:29.38
you know, we want to go out
00:09:29.41\00:09:30.52
and we want to see
how fast we can get
00:09:30.55\00:09:31.93
from point A to point B.
00:09:31.96\00:09:33.31
Women want to go
out and talk about,
00:09:33.34\00:09:35.17
we want to chat.
00:09:35.20\00:09:36.69
We want to talk
about, oh, I love you baby,
00:09:36.72\00:09:39.82
and we want to-- you know,
00:09:39.85\00:09:40.91
kind of talk about
the sun and you know,
00:09:40.94\00:09:43.17
isn't that-- look at that tree,
00:09:43.20\00:09:44.61
have you noticed
that tree before.
00:09:44.64\00:09:45.92
And guys were like,
you know, what tree?
00:09:45.95\00:09:47.48
We're trying to get
from point A to point B.
00:09:47.51\00:09:49.60
And so Brad and I
actually have to tell each other
00:09:49.63\00:09:51.97
we're gonna go
out for a casual ride
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or we're gonna go
out for time trials.
00:09:53.89\00:09:55.66
And if I know that I bless you,
00:09:55.69\00:09:57.46
if I say time trials I
can see you go goose bumps.
00:09:57.49\00:10:00.29
I want her, she's amazing.
00:10:00.32\00:10:02.24
But if you know
that I just need to chat
00:10:02.27\00:10:05.31
you can also bless me with that.
00:10:05.34\00:10:07.24
And as we figured that out,
00:10:07.27\00:10:08.60
it's been a blessing for
both of us in a couple of ways.
00:10:08.63\00:10:11.40
One, I start to understand
00:10:11.43\00:10:13.70
what it is to meet
your emotional means which,
00:10:13.73\00:10:16.27
okay, guys, I'm speaking
to the guys for a second.
00:10:16.30\00:10:18.61
You need to take care
of the emotional needs
00:10:18.64\00:10:21.39
of your wife, okay.
00:10:21.42\00:10:22.76
Can I write down that, hon?
00:10:22.79\00:10:23.83
'Cause I just
want you to sign that.
00:10:23.86\00:10:24.91
I know that's really profound
00:10:24.94\00:10:26.46
but I'm just
saying, I'm just saying.
00:10:26.49\00:10:29.50
But then the
other side, two is--
00:10:29.53\00:10:30.61
But let me just finish
that because one of the things
00:10:30.64\00:10:32.72
that I thought was
interesting is as Brad,
00:10:32.75\00:10:35.91
'cause Brad wasn't a
Christian and you guys know that
00:10:35.94\00:10:37.96
from the time that you
did the program before,
00:10:37.99\00:10:40.72
is that he wasn't a Christian
00:10:40.75\00:10:42.29
for the first 14, 15
years of our marriage
00:10:42.32\00:10:45.05
and so when he
became a Christian
00:10:45.08\00:10:47.14
and started to
meet my emotional needs
00:10:47.17\00:10:49.90
I wanted to show him
everything that a wife is.
00:10:49.93\00:10:53.44
I wanted to be
all of that for you
00:10:53.47\00:10:55.20
so it is a win-win situation.
00:10:55.23\00:10:57.99
That when I feel
loved and cherished
00:10:58.02\00:10:59.71
and taking care of
then I want to show you
00:10:59.74\00:11:01.94
all the respect that
you deserve as a man of God
00:11:01.97\00:11:04.78
as a spiritual
leader of the house
00:11:04.81\00:11:06.35
so really it does work.
00:11:06.38\00:11:07.81
Oh, it does, it does.
00:11:07.84\00:11:08.94
Everybody wins
when that happens.
00:11:08.97\00:11:10.58
And then we'll spend fun
too, it's have been a few times
00:11:10.61\00:11:12.48
when you've chose
to take my challenges
00:11:12.51\00:11:14.57
I'll put it out that way.
00:11:14.60\00:11:16.28
She's always surprised
00:11:16.31\00:11:18.13
at how much stronger you are
than I think you even realize,
00:11:18.16\00:11:21.58
you're incredibly
strong and so to do something
00:11:21.61\00:11:23.74
and we'll finish
and I said you realize
00:11:23.77\00:11:25.10
that it fastest
you've ever ridden
00:11:25.13\00:11:26.81
we've a little
ride we do all the time.
00:11:26.84\00:11:28.18
It's the fastest you ever
done or broke 14 miles an hour,
00:11:28.21\00:11:31.32
you know, average
and stuff like that.
00:11:31.35\00:11:33.24
And so that is really fun.
00:11:33.27\00:11:34.32
So now that I
know you can do it,
00:11:34.35\00:11:35.98
I'm not gonna
let you stay around.
00:11:36.01\00:11:39.14
There's no long backwards--
00:11:39.17\00:11:40.37
So I want to get into something
that happened to you recently,
00:11:40.40\00:11:42.89
'cause it's not been an
easy road even as you stood up,
00:11:42.92\00:11:46.94
but you know, we
play golf together,
00:11:46.97\00:11:48.62
we go bike riding together,
00:11:48.65\00:11:49.99
we do a lot of
things together now
00:11:50.02\00:11:51.53
and just for the
exercise portion of it.
00:11:51.56\00:11:54.79
But within the last
year or so you'd been hit
00:11:54.82\00:11:58.28
with some pretty hard things
and we've talked about that
00:11:58.31\00:12:00.51
we just did British
Columbia camp meeting
00:12:00.54\00:12:02.15
and you gave a concert
and gave your testimony.
00:12:02.18\00:12:04.71
Can you go there for us? Sure.
00:12:04.74\00:12:06.26
This has been a hard
couple of years for you.
00:12:06.29\00:12:09.55
Definitely a year
and a half. Absolutely.
00:12:09.58\00:12:11.85
And so for those who've
kind of had the opportunity
00:12:11.88\00:12:15.24
to see the
appearances I've done here
00:12:15.27\00:12:17.82
which for me it been
a tremendous blessing
00:12:17.85\00:12:19.54
but they've kind
of been able to watch
00:12:19.57\00:12:20.95
my journey a little bit.
00:12:20.98\00:12:22.62
And I started out
like I think the first show
00:12:22.65\00:12:24.43
I ever did here was about me
00:12:24.46\00:12:25.72
just standing up as a man of God
00:12:25.75\00:12:27.53
and what does mean and you know,
00:12:27.56\00:12:29.28
I did a whole weeble-wobble,
00:12:29.31\00:12:31.13
the little weeble
toys that kids used to have
00:12:31.16\00:12:33.26
and the matter was the
wobble but they won't fall down.
00:12:33.29\00:12:35.44
All right, every one
know what I'm talking about?
00:12:35.47\00:12:37.33
Okay, well, that's me.
00:12:37.36\00:12:39.74
I still haven't fallen down
00:12:39.77\00:12:40.85
but I'm still
wobbling around a little bit.
00:12:40.88\00:12:42.72
But so the question
was just about standing up
00:12:42.75\00:12:44.61
than I think the next stage
and we did a show on anger.
00:12:44.64\00:12:47.79
You know, and really my journey
00:12:47.82\00:12:49.13
was discovering
the tremendous anger
00:12:49.16\00:12:50.93
that I had carried around.
00:12:50.96\00:12:52.77
And I've got rid of most
of it who was interesting
00:12:52.80\00:12:54.75
and had a
incident happened last week
00:12:54.78\00:12:56.18
and looking back on, it
was oh, I got little angry,
00:12:56.21\00:12:59.25
not much but that the impact
00:12:59.28\00:13:01.11
it had on me was
tremendously negative.
00:13:01.14\00:13:04.22
But so that show was on anger
00:13:04.25\00:13:05.62
and the fact
that with God's grace
00:13:05.65\00:13:07.46
and tremendous healing--
00:13:07.49\00:13:08.52
For people that
haven't seen the program
00:13:08.55\00:13:09.58
I just wanted to
recount that you know,
00:13:09.61\00:13:11.63
my family are
druggies and lost in addiction
00:13:11.66\00:13:15.25
through generation, I
shouldn't say druggies,
00:13:15.28\00:13:16.87
I love my family but
they've lost in addiction.
00:13:16.90\00:13:20.04
Your family,
your dads an engineer,
00:13:20.07\00:13:22.52
your mom is a violinist,
00:13:22.55\00:13:23.61
she did an
ambassadorship for Bangladesh.
00:13:23.64\00:13:26.60
We going in and helping
00:13:26.63\00:13:28.99
with the kind of
rebuilding the country
00:13:29.02\00:13:31.75
after a civil war, I
mean, all that kind of stuff,
00:13:31.78\00:13:33.95
so your family is
way different than mine.
00:13:33.98\00:13:36.56
Educators, you had
an incredible family.
00:13:36.59\00:13:39.45
Yeah, I had a very, very...
00:13:39.48\00:13:42.41
standard American
middle class family.
00:13:42.44\00:13:44.53
You know, and we
did tremendous things,
00:13:44.56\00:13:46.47
tremendous things.
00:13:46.50\00:13:47.53
But the issues in my family
00:13:47.56\00:13:49.39
as I found out later were anger,
00:13:49.42\00:13:53.01
definitely some addictive been
towards alcoholism, arrogance.
00:13:53.04\00:13:56.43
Arrogance, oh,
sorry, did I say that?
00:13:56.46\00:13:58.41
Yeah, arrogance.
00:13:58.44\00:14:00.41
You know, pride issues,
being judgmental you know--
00:14:00.44\00:14:04.08
And even we add some points like
00:14:04.11\00:14:05.99
you've been
coming from my family
00:14:06.02\00:14:07.23
I'm strung out and homeless
00:14:07.26\00:14:08.52
and all that kind of stuff
00:14:08.55\00:14:09.81
and as I learn to
read, at 23 I was illiterate,
00:14:09.84\00:14:13.17
as I learned to
read went back to school,
00:14:13.20\00:14:14.51
got in nursing his
dad would say something,
00:14:14.54\00:14:16.89
he, not knowing my
background his dad would say,
00:14:16.92\00:14:19.21
you know what, his
talking about an addictive,
00:14:19.24\00:14:21.85
and he says, why don't
they pick themselves up,
00:14:21.88\00:14:23.85
stop using and
get on with your life.
00:14:23.88\00:14:25.90
And I'm thinking
probably from the womb
00:14:25.93\00:14:27.44
they didn't have a
father, from you know,
00:14:27.47\00:14:29.73
they've
addictions all their life
00:14:29.76\00:14:31.09
and I want to strangle someone,
00:14:31.12\00:14:32.46
I want to say
how arrogant is that,
00:14:32.49\00:14:34.05
you don't even
know what you're saying.
00:14:34.08\00:14:35.96
Yeah, we came from
such different places.
00:14:35.99\00:14:38.11
Yeah, exactly.
Really different places.
00:14:38.14\00:14:40.49
So that show was about anger.
00:14:40.52\00:14:42.92
And then what
was real interesting
00:14:42.95\00:14:45.76
is we did the
show on forgiveness
00:14:45.79\00:14:50.45
and then following
that it was a very--
00:14:50.48\00:14:53.08
I love that show, by the way.
00:14:53.11\00:14:54.60
That was really-- Where
we really had to look at
00:14:54.63\00:14:57.02
some of the things
that you even walked up
00:14:57.05\00:15:00.47
and said you know,
that I had a very sexualized
00:15:00.50\00:15:03.20
early environment that I
didn't know and forgive me
00:15:03.23\00:15:05.82
for all the act to now
prior to even knowing you.
00:15:05.85\00:15:08.20
And I thought why
would you say that
00:15:08.23\00:15:09.99
and I cried like a baby.
00:15:10.02\00:15:11.32
It was really, you
know, it was really incredible
00:15:11.35\00:15:15.11
and I remember one
thing on the forgiveness
00:15:15.14\00:15:17.02
that you said to me, is
that, 'cause I've been molested
00:15:17.05\00:15:20.17
my whole life and you
said, I know that those men
00:15:20.20\00:15:22.93
will never come back
and say they're sorry
00:15:22.96\00:15:24.64
but for every person,
every man that ever hurt you,
00:15:24.67\00:15:27.78
I want to you ask
you on their behalf,
00:15:27.81\00:15:30.11
will you forgive us?
00:15:30.14\00:15:31.87
And I, it flawed me.
00:15:31.90\00:15:35.00
I couldn't
believe you saying that
00:15:35.03\00:15:36.91
and I couldn't believe
the look of love in your eyes
00:15:36.94\00:15:39.15
and how much healing
that happened for me.
00:15:39.18\00:15:41.74
So I want to say,
thank you for that again.
00:15:41.77\00:15:44.91
Wow, I love you so. I know.
00:15:44.94\00:15:46.55
I was honored to do that.
00:15:46.58\00:15:47.61
Awesome. I was
honored to do that.
00:15:47.64\00:15:48.74
So we did that program.
00:15:48.77\00:15:49.93
So we did that
program and then again
00:15:49.96\00:15:52.60
with tremendous blessings
from all kinds of people
00:15:52.63\00:15:55.00
I had the opportunity to
go on a 3ABN trip to Israel
00:15:55.03\00:15:59.79
and got baptized
in the Jordan River
00:15:59.82\00:16:01.51
which was interesting for me
00:16:01.54\00:16:02.75
because I really
feel like in some ways
00:16:02.78\00:16:05.15
that really was my baptism
00:16:05.18\00:16:06.67
into the
ministry in a certain way.
00:16:06.70\00:16:09.50
Now it's curious
because after that
00:16:09.53\00:16:12.61
I think the next thing
that we did was, we did a live.
00:16:12.64\00:16:18.59
I don't want to go too fast past
00:16:18.62\00:16:20.55
the baptism in the Jordan.
00:16:20.58\00:16:22.52
Because you know,
we went to Israel,
00:16:22.55\00:16:24.81
I was in a place where I mostly
00:16:24.84\00:16:26.80
couldn't even hardly be
present because I just got in,
00:16:26.83\00:16:30.82
it was something pretty hard
00:16:30.85\00:16:32.62
but for you to walk
where Christ walked,
00:16:32.65\00:16:35.34
to see all of that kind of stuff
00:16:35.37\00:16:37.05
to walk right into the Jordan
00:16:37.08\00:16:38.98
where He was baptized by John
00:16:39.01\00:16:41.35
and for you to
have the privilege
00:16:41.38\00:16:42.80
to be baptized by J.D.
00:16:42.83\00:16:44.26
which is an
incredible pastor here.
00:16:44.29\00:16:46.58
It was life changing for you,
there was some huge changes.
00:16:46.61\00:16:50.53
Yes, that was, to me it
was really interesting ones.
00:16:50.56\00:16:55.09
You took your
mom and your sister.
00:16:55.12\00:16:56.50
I got to, my mom
and sister were with me,
00:16:56.53\00:16:58.18
my mom, she was 87 at the time.
00:16:58.21\00:17:00.61
Excuse me, she's now 88.
00:17:00.64\00:17:02.92
And just to have that
opportunity and my sister
00:17:02.95\00:17:05.04
who's been a woman
after God for years,
00:17:05.07\00:17:07.43
her opportunity
was just tremendous.
00:17:07.46\00:17:09.17
Both got
baptized. Both got baptized.
00:17:09.20\00:17:11.89
To me what was
interesting, that was,
00:17:11.92\00:17:13.72
the Jordon-- being
baptized in the Jordan River,
00:17:13.75\00:17:18.01
being able to
touch the corner stone
00:17:18.04\00:17:19.94
from the top of the temple.
00:17:19.97\00:17:21.25
That's the tour
guide talked about,
00:17:21.28\00:17:22.67
when people talk about
the highest part of the temple
00:17:22.70\00:17:24.47
doesn't necessarily mean
physically the highest part
00:17:24.50\00:17:27.60
but the highest part in
terms of what was spiritually
00:17:27.63\00:17:29.70
was the highest
part of the temple
00:17:29.73\00:17:32.02
and it was real
interesting because the corner
00:17:32.05\00:17:34.17
I'm looking in
this direction you know
00:17:34.20\00:17:35.62
and his thoughts were this,
00:17:35.65\00:17:36.99
may very well have
been the highest part.
00:17:37.02\00:17:38.99
And this was the
corner stone from there
00:17:39.02\00:17:40.72
and the Bible talks about,
00:17:40.75\00:17:42.02
this is where when
the Christ was tempted.
00:17:42.05\00:17:43.92
And they even said
at one point to look up
00:17:43.95\00:17:46.77
and at times that's
where the trumpeter stood
00:17:46.80\00:17:50.03
and for a lot of people know
00:17:50.06\00:17:52.25
that you are a
trumpeter for living,
00:17:52.28\00:17:54.45
you play in the orchestra
00:17:54.48\00:17:55.60
and you have the
principal trumpet.
00:17:55.63\00:17:57.18
And so when they even
brought in that kind of stuff,
00:17:57.21\00:17:59.39
is here's where
you know, they either
00:17:59.42\00:18:02.14
they play the trumpet
and brought people here
00:18:02.17\00:18:04.57
to worship or they did
the festival of the trumpets,
00:18:04.60\00:18:08.48
here's where they
called out warnings.
00:18:08.51\00:18:10.29
Signal things, exactly, exactly.
00:18:10.32\00:18:12.00
And I just watched you
cheer up and just stand there
00:18:12.03\00:18:14.69
not even able to
speak at the time.
00:18:14.72\00:18:16.37
It was a powerful time for you.
00:18:16.40\00:18:18.04
It was an
extremely powerful time
00:18:18.07\00:18:19.62
and I felt like I really
had gotten a spiritual kick
00:18:19.65\00:18:23.08
that was needed you
know, desired and needed.
00:18:23.11\00:18:25.46
Yeah.
00:18:25.49\00:18:26.52
So what was interesting
was then the next thing
00:18:26.55\00:18:29.16
we had the
opportunity to do here,
00:18:29.19\00:18:31.13
I think was another live
and I'm not entirely sure why
00:18:31.16\00:18:35.43
because a sort of
fear kept coming up
00:18:35.46\00:18:40.91
and sure some things
starting to go on that
00:18:40.94\00:18:43.58
I really didn't have my,
00:18:43.61\00:18:44.96
I couldn't get my
head wrapped around
00:18:44.99\00:18:46.57
what was taking place in my life
00:18:46.60\00:18:48.22
and the concept of
fear and immense fear
00:18:48.25\00:18:49.82
and personal fear and stuff
like that started to come up.
00:18:49.85\00:18:52.56
And again looking
back I got it retrospect,
00:18:52.59\00:18:55.59
you know when someone
starts to take a stand for God
00:18:55.62\00:18:58.99
and really say, I'm choosing
00:18:59.02\00:19:01.39
to really start
to do the right thing
00:19:01.42\00:19:02.74
and I wanted to do
this and stuff like that.
00:19:02.77\00:19:04.79
We all know
that-- There's an enemy.
00:19:04.82\00:19:07.77
There's an enemy who's
gonna start taking swings.
00:19:07.80\00:19:10.82
And what was really
interesting looking at it
00:19:10.85\00:19:13.76
from my point of
view as your wife
00:19:13.79\00:19:15.71
is that you
were starting to deal
00:19:15.74\00:19:17.02
with major fear in your life.
00:19:17.05\00:19:18.70
Yeah.
00:19:18.73\00:19:19.77
Significant fear
and what I didn't know
00:19:19.80\00:19:22.30
at the time was I was
starting to head down, you know,
00:19:22.33\00:19:26.43
people say they
tumble down the rabbit hole.
00:19:26.46\00:19:29.51
I was starting to head
into a period of my life,
00:19:29.54\00:19:31.75
I had no idea it was coming
00:19:31.78\00:19:33.67
and I started
having things happen.
00:19:33.70\00:19:35.29
In fact, it was the
Messiah and the first Messiah
00:19:35.32\00:19:38.83
I played after being
baptized in the Jordan,
00:19:38.86\00:19:41.09
all of a sudden I had something
happened as a player physic
00:19:41.12\00:19:43.23
and I played the
Messiah for years,
00:19:43.26\00:19:44.35
I've done it for 25 years.
00:19:44.38\00:19:46.04
You've been in orchestra
since you were 14 years old.
00:19:46.07\00:19:48.70
Eighteen but yeah, pretty close.
00:19:48.73\00:19:51.41
And so its just
one of those things
00:19:51.44\00:19:53.40
what we're doing it for years
and all of a sudden physically
00:19:53.43\00:19:55.18
I'm having this thing
happened and its like you know,
00:19:55.21\00:19:59.05
I mean, I got through
the concert but it was like,
00:19:59.08\00:20:00.75
what was that?
00:20:00.78\00:20:01.81
Like just shaking.
00:20:01.84\00:20:02.87
Shaking and you know,
00:20:02.90\00:20:03.94
all of a sudden
feeling like I can't do this.
00:20:03.97\00:20:06.30
And by the end of
the symphony season
00:20:06.33\00:20:09.60
I'd gone to a place
00:20:09.63\00:20:10.82
where all of a sudden I'm going,
00:20:10.85\00:20:13.07
almost every time
I picked the trumpet
00:20:13.10\00:20:14.85
it would start to shake
and I would start to shake
00:20:14.88\00:20:17.77
and this wasn't
about being nervous,
00:20:17.80\00:20:19.15
it's like there is
something going on here and--
00:20:19.18\00:20:22.47
There was one concert I remember
00:20:22.50\00:20:24.53
that you did that
somebody had to step in
00:20:24.56\00:20:27.71
and play for you because
you're shaking with so intense.
00:20:27.74\00:20:32.54
That was an interesting point.
00:20:32.57\00:20:37.08
I was fortunate,
I really wasn't sure
00:20:37.11\00:20:38.81
what was going on
and its very fortune
00:20:38.84\00:20:40.47
I love how God
puts people in your life
00:20:40.50\00:20:42.79
and evil though I don't know
whether he's a believer or not.
00:20:42.82\00:20:46.00
My colleague, the guy
who play second trumpet to me
00:20:46.03\00:20:47.97
and he sits right there
00:20:48.00\00:20:49.03
so he totally
aware of what's going on,
00:20:49.06\00:20:50.84
you can't be
sitting right next us
00:20:50.87\00:20:52.08
when you see guys turn
to playing, that's going on.
00:20:52.11\00:20:55.07
And artistically
I'm not able to do,
00:20:55.10\00:20:57.42
I think probably
to the general public
00:20:57.45\00:20:59.03
they almost didn't
know but to my colleagues
00:20:59.06\00:21:01.26
and the people right here
00:21:01.29\00:21:02.32
it's like okay
something is going on
00:21:02.35\00:21:03.76
and its not up to
the standard that--
00:21:03.79\00:21:05.40
And I have to ask you Brad,
00:21:05.43\00:21:07.74
because I didn't
realize how significant this was
00:21:07.77\00:21:10.71
especially for men
more so than women,
00:21:10.74\00:21:12.76
your identity is
tied up and who you are
00:21:12.79\00:21:15.47
and what you do for a living?
00:21:15.50\00:21:17.29
So can you talk about that
because you were being rocked
00:21:17.32\00:21:19.92
in every area of
your life at that point?
00:21:19.95\00:21:22.62
I think that guys
are probably are caught
00:21:22.65\00:21:24.78
in this more than
women in generally
00:21:24.81\00:21:26.86
that what we do becomes a
huge part of our identity.
00:21:26.89\00:21:30.17
And that, I mean it's
such a lie but you know,
00:21:30.20\00:21:33.27
I did this or help
build this or my job
00:21:33.30\00:21:35.11
has this kind of
significance you know,
00:21:35.14\00:21:37.22
and you know, or I'm the manager
00:21:37.25\00:21:38.89
and I'm not the
guy who mops the floor
00:21:38.92\00:21:40.46
and all these kinds
of things is you know,
00:21:40.49\00:21:43.50
based upon you know, I
built this or I made this
00:21:43.53\00:21:45.75
or I
contributed to this project.
00:21:45.78\00:21:47.37
If there's anybody
in, since I've known Brad
00:21:47.40\00:21:50.13
if there's any
musician that comes through,
00:21:50.16\00:21:52.67
any tour group
that comes through
00:21:52.70\00:21:54.80
and if they're gonna
call a trumpet player,
00:21:54.83\00:21:56.38
they're gonna call Brad.
00:21:56.41\00:21:57.91
And I mean anybody,
I've watched you play
00:21:57.94\00:22:01.11
with really
incredible musicians or vocalist
00:22:01.14\00:22:05.32
or people that
are very well known.
00:22:05.35\00:22:07.77
You played in Carnegie Hall,
00:22:07.80\00:22:09.46
I mean you played
in all kinds of places
00:22:09.49\00:22:11.23
and so being able to
say is that for all those
00:22:11.26\00:22:14.82
and have those shakes and
you are no longer the guy,
00:22:14.85\00:22:18.13
and it maybe pulled
away from you totally
00:22:18.16\00:22:20.08
you're so trying to
hide that from everyone,
00:22:20.11\00:22:22.65
it was to watch you, I
almost watched you disappear.
00:22:22.68\00:22:25.48
Oh.
00:22:25.51\00:22:26.55
And there's a part of
that too that was contributing
00:22:26.58\00:22:29.62
and I will tie this into
our spiritual journey's here
00:22:29.65\00:22:33.04
as well is by God's grace
00:22:33.07\00:22:36.02
I was given a tremendous
amount of natural ability
00:22:36.05\00:22:38.21
and its not that I
didn't work with that.
00:22:38.24\00:22:39.62
I practice a lot
and all of that stuff
00:22:39.65\00:22:41.24
but I kind of
didn't have to anything,
00:22:41.27\00:22:43.52
kind of other
than, well, I'm gonna say
00:22:43.55\00:22:45.74
what was
normally expected for that
00:22:45.77\00:22:47.49
and I was able to do my job.
00:22:47.52\00:22:48.90
Yeah, and do really well.
00:22:48.93\00:22:50.38
And do really well
and now all of a sudden
00:22:50.41\00:22:52.61
I can't do it anymore.
00:22:52.64\00:22:53.97
I'm sitting and
going I can't do it.
00:22:54.00\00:22:55.80
And I mean, I got to a place
where I am starting to think,
00:22:55.83\00:22:59.24
Can am I gonna be able to
play the trumpet again at all
00:22:59.27\00:23:03.26
and much less in
a symphony orchestra
00:23:03.29\00:23:05.28
or anything along that lines?
00:23:05.31\00:23:07.55
What I am most
thankful for was that--
00:23:07.58\00:23:09.59
again my
colleague who sat next to me
00:23:09.62\00:23:11.21
was watching what's going
on and he's a real curious guy
00:23:11.24\00:23:13.64
and he is a younger
guy, online all that stuff.
00:23:13.67\00:23:15.76
And so he started
mentioning a couple of things,
00:23:15.79\00:23:17.98
one of them is
called focal dystonia
00:23:18.01\00:23:19.47
which is a neurological disorder
00:23:19.50\00:23:21.18
that you can get with
repetitive use of muscles
00:23:21.21\00:23:23.90
which plainly you know,
00:23:23.93\00:23:24.96
it's like almost
anything is that kind of thing.
00:23:24.99\00:23:27.96
The other thing that
was in the back of my mind
00:23:27.99\00:23:29.75
is Parkinson's
disease and some kind of--
00:23:29.78\00:23:32.13
We've just read through.
00:23:32.16\00:23:33.59
And we just went through
Parkinson's with your dad.
00:23:33.62\00:23:35.78
My dad had it and my grandpa
had some kind of shaking thing
00:23:35.81\00:23:38.58
my mom has something
they call essential tremors
00:23:38.61\00:23:41.67
which you know, well, means
they really know what it is,
00:23:41.70\00:23:44.01
that just actually shakes.
00:23:44.04\00:23:45.71
And so all of this
stuff was sitting on me
00:23:45.74\00:23:47.99
and I had actually
been fired from a job,
00:23:48.02\00:23:52.34
they restructured the job
and I was no longer qualified
00:23:52.37\00:23:54.73
for it is what
it was but you know,
00:23:54.76\00:23:56.81
that was had been
four years since then
00:23:56.84\00:23:58.92
and without
looking at it you know,
00:23:58.95\00:24:01.34
I realized I was
heading in this one direction
00:24:01.37\00:24:03.47
and we're sitting
on the couch one day
00:24:03.50\00:24:04.75
and you looked over
me with all the love
00:24:04.78\00:24:06.09
in your eyes and said, you know,
00:24:06.12\00:24:08.16
I really love you but
I think you're depressed.
00:24:08.19\00:24:11.72
You looked at me
like I don't think so
00:24:11.75\00:24:13.51
and I'm thinking let me
just read what depression is.
00:24:13.54\00:24:16.13
Yes, I got the
little check list out.
00:24:16.16\00:24:17.86
Okay, well, check,
check, check, check.
00:24:17.89\00:24:19.40
I don't have that one.
00:24:19.43\00:24:20.49
Check, check,
check, check, check, check,
00:24:20.52\00:24:22.06
I don't have that one.
00:24:22.09\00:24:23.21
You know, and so
that reality came in
00:24:23.24\00:24:24.75
and so I mean it
was one of those things
00:24:24.78\00:24:25.93
as far as it been,
I'm gonna, just gonna say
00:24:25.96\00:24:28.28
totally broken and
feeling like you have nothing.
00:24:28.31\00:24:31.70
I was in sure for it's gonna
be play and my identity was,
00:24:31.73\00:24:34.30
I'm the best
trumpet player in the area.
00:24:34.33\00:24:36.54
We get-- I'd like to,
00:24:36.57\00:24:38.00
I'd literally
like to break on that.
00:24:38.03\00:24:39.73
Okay.
00:24:39.76\00:24:40.81
So 'cause I know
where you were going
00:24:40.84\00:24:42.61
into what that healing
journey is like for you
00:24:42.64\00:24:45.80
but I want to break
here and come back to that.
00:24:45.83\00:24:48.60
But sometimes when you
were overwhelmed with fear
00:24:48.63\00:24:51.87
when you are up
here with a lot of things
00:24:51.90\00:24:53.94
sometimes its not emotional,
00:24:53.97\00:24:55.80
sometimes its
that even spiritual,
00:24:55.83\00:24:57.34
sometimes its medical,
00:24:57.37\00:24:58.73
sometimes
there's a physical things
00:24:58.76\00:25:00.32
that's happening and
make sure you check that out.
00:25:00.35\00:25:02.98
But were gonna
come back and find out
00:25:03.01\00:25:04.23
what happened with
Brad and I'm telling you
00:25:04.26\00:25:06.60
I'm so glad that
he held on to God.
00:25:06.63\00:25:09.50
We'll be right back.
00:25:09.53\00:25:10.65