Welcome back. You know when I'm
talking about, before the break,
00:00:14.72\00:00:19.56
as far as this guy that had
to deal with this kind of deep
00:00:19.59\00:00:22.34
seated fear that kind of drove
him in his life. Again I have to
00:00:22.38\00:00:27.92
say it was so amazing to see
that point of surrender, that
00:00:27.95\00:00:32.11
point of really understanding
God and recovery and healing
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and for that time just to be
full of joy and happiness and
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you know I don't have to carry
this, and the burden's off and
00:00:40.84\00:00:43.90
all that kind of stuff. So I
want to introduce to my friend
00:00:43.93\00:00:46.92
Joanie. Joanie for one I wanted
to say I can't believe you're up
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here. Me either.
I've been here for
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five seasons now and sitting
down there I would think, well
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this is enough. I don't need,
I don't need to be up there and
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and tell my story. Thank you for
encouraging me to come and be up
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here. When we
first met, not the first
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time we talked, but the first
time we met I remember thinking
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that I knew that there was
something up. You know, I knew
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that. I didn't know what it was.
Like I was trying to figure out
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I know that she has some social
stuff or there's something going
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on. There's maybe... I was even
thinking autism or something
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like, like an edge and I didn't
know what to think. But I was
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listening to you and I'm
thinking out of everybody that
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was in the room I knew that you
really had to work at your life
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more than most. And yet you
did. And I fell in love with you
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instantly. I just fell in love
with you. I thought emotionally
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that's how I felt some time and
then I'm seeing that you had to
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do a number of things in your
life just to live, just to get a
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house, get a job, all that kind
of stuff and so I want you to
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take us back throughout your
life and talk about that; your
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journey. And definitely we're
going to get to the point where
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God just released you of
all that and what's happening in
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your life now.
Because it is amazing.
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Okay. I was raised in the 50s.
My parents were older, my father
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was 43 and my mother was 37
when I was born and whenever
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they went to school for a
program or something, they
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always thought they were my
grandparents. I didn't know they
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looked old till I started going
to school. But we weren't raised
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in a Christian home but it was a
peaceful and nice home. I loved
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my mother. I felt safe there. My
father, I didn't like him and I
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never really understood why. He
was only the disciplinary person
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and he was the breadwinner and
that was just about all he did.
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But there was no emotional
attachment. I found out later
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from a cousin it was because he
wanted a boy. And you weren't.
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Yeah, it was my sister and I
and I was the youngest. I was a
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pretty easy-going child, easy to
raise, I think, and I just loved
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my mom. I felt
safe everywhere I went.
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You know you told me one
time that your mom had a hearing
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problem. Yeah, yes,
she became deaf when
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she was 30. So she knew how
to talk and she had a hearing
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aid that made it so she could
hear. But she'd be able to hear
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if we were sitting here but
if I was to turn my head she
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wouldn't be able to hear and I
needed to speak with just a calm
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voice, nothing loud or too soft.
But she couldn't hear a thing
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without it. So I learned to
talk very short and not long
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sentences and I think I've
carried that over into adult
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life where I say bottom
line and I'm not too wordy.
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Then you told me one time you
said, you know, I kind of talk
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like a deaf person. My
mother was my role model.
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and in a social setting she
hated to go to them because she
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couldn't really hear when there
was so much noise. She couldn't
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hear what anybody was saying.
It wasn't a pleasant time for
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her. I think I act like that
in a social setting. I'm really
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quiet because that's what she
did and she was definitely my
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role model. She had a good sense
of humor. I've never seen anyone
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that has her sense of humor
and I think I got a little bit
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of that and I'm glad.
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This is too fun. I know it
sounds like every time you've
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talked about your mom that you
guys were so close. In school,
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what was it like and
talk a little bit about that.
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When it was time to go to school
I think about the second grade
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I noticed that things were a
little bit different. There were
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groups. When you walk into the
classroom on the left were the
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smart kids and then in the
middle were the medium kids and
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over here were the dumb kids and
I always seemed to be over here.
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And after a while you get to
notice the plus kids call you
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dumb and then you
become submissive.
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But I love the fact that you
really recognized that. Until
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the second grade you really
didn't pay attention to that.
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You didn't notice that and
all of a sudden that social
00:05:06.50\00:05:09.57
awareness happens. I
didn't know I didn't know type
00:05:09.61\00:05:12.61
of thing. Every year first
day of school I was over on the
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smart side and I felt good.
I had my folder already because
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you have to get your paper and
your folders and your tabs for
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English, reading, spelling, all
these little tabs and everything
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was perfect and beautiful and,
I'm going to be smart this year.
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I would sit over on the smart
side. Then by the end of the
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week I was back over here on
the dumb side. I think some kids
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even said, You don't belong over
here. Yes I do, because I knew I
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was going to be smart this year.
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Because you had all this stuff?
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Yeah, everything was organized
and this year was going to be
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the year. You know
I even saw that you
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teared up with that. That pain
is still a part of you at times;
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that I've always tried to fight
that my whole life. I don't want
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to be on that side and I
don't know how to get out of it.
00:06:02.25\00:06:05.13
And I knew that if I got a job
out of high school that I would
00:06:05.16\00:06:09.71
have to have a diploma. So
I even cheated my way through.
00:06:09.74\00:06:12.92
The teacher was sick for a
week one time and I got all the
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copies of the tests and I made
sure that I didn't get A and B
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because no way would I get that.
So I would get enough so I would
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pass. It was a history class
that you absolutely had to pass.
00:06:22.99\00:06:26.15
So I really never deserved
to get a diploma but I wanted to
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get a job because I knew I could
work in a cannery or something
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like that. So you
finished high school?
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Yeah. Emotionally
did you shut down in
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high school. The
high school I went to was
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pretty mature. It was a
continuation school but at the
00:06:45.58\00:06:49.12
same time it was a
vocational school where they had
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cosmetology and typewriter
repair and secretarial work
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and I signed up to do that but
when I got there I didn't do it,
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I just took regular classes. You
could step outside on the steps
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and smoke and the teachers
were smoking too. It wasn't that
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strict like other high schools.
It was very unusual. I liked
00:07:05.60\00:07:10.12
that. I had started smoking and
drinking when I was 13 and those
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were the type of kids I hung
around with. I didn't do drugs.
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I think God just kept me from
that because I have addictive
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personality. I know
that in your younger
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years you were really good
in sports so you survived with
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sports. Yes and I
was always one of the
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top three picked for teams
for kickball or baseball and
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sometimes even was the captain
and I knew who to pick, what
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position for them to play and
all that, yeah. So I did have an
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advantage. I did have a time in
school that it felt good. P. E.
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was the best subject.
Yeah because you were the kid;
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if you were on their team we're
going to win. So they picked you
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for that. Now when you started
drinking and smoking did you get
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to relax about
some of that stuff?
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Yeah, I was shy, I was very shy.
I'm not sure I mentioned to you
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the other day I was wondering
if maybe I didn't have the
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academic issues would I be shy?
You know, I'll never know that.
00:08:05.22\00:08:08.86
But I was shy.
What was the question?
00:08:08.89\00:08:12.28
Just that when you started to
drink and that kind of thing did
00:08:12.32\00:08:16.51
you... ... feel
good. It brought me out
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It made me the life of the party
and people like me because I was
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funny and I was relaxed. But
then I would get to the point
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where I would keep drinking and
drinking and then I would become
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obnoxious. I
can't even imagine you
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obnoxious. Now you talk about
this shy thing. Because I think
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that what you did with that
shyness was genius to me and so
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talk about that because you were
not only shy but you were almost
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crippling shy. Yeah.
I wouldn't even write
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checks anywhere. When I was
married I hid behind my husband.
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And he did all the talking.
Wherever we went whatever we had
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to do he had to do it all
because I couldn't. And you know
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when I was little and the phone
would ring my mother couldn't
00:08:59.43\00:09:02.18
take the calls if she
didn't know who they were and
00:09:02.21\00:09:04.34
I would never get it right.
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My sister would
always take the calls and she
00:09:05.78\00:09:07.98
was very good. She had a very
good vocabulary, she was very
00:09:08.02\00:09:11.92
smart academically. I could
never get the calls. I remember
00:09:11.96\00:09:15.78
when I was little I couldn't
wait to be big and I could read
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the paper and eat hot boiling
food off the stove because
00:09:19.16\00:09:21.99
everybody would eat these
hot foods, but I never could, I
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still can't and I
still don't read the paper.
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So with the shy thing: You found
out you're shy. You graduated
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from high school and you decide
to do something. You and a
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girlfriend about being
shy. Yeah, Pat Love and I, we
00:09:37.06\00:09:39.43
decided that we weren't going
to be shy anymore. I already had
00:09:39.46\00:09:44.14
my children then. Because I
found out in the Bible that fear
00:09:44.18\00:09:49.04
is a sin and shyness is a
fear and so I didn't want to...
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Before we go there can we
find out how did God come in?
00:09:54.36\00:09:59.54
Oh yeah! Well my aunt and uncle
that lived in Fresno they were
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Adventist and my grandmother.
My mother was raised an
00:10:05.53\00:10:07.96
Adventist in a very
negative home. Parents split up.
00:10:08.00\00:10:10.36
Stepparents didn't want her so
she didn't want anything to do
00:10:10.40\00:10:13.50
with God. But I think she may
have even taught me the Lord's
00:10:13.54\00:10:16.68
Prayer. I'm not sure what
my father's background was with
00:10:16.71\00:10:19.33
religion. They did send us
to Sunday school. They had some
00:10:19.36\00:10:22.09
one pick us up and bring us
home. They never went. So I had
00:10:22.12\00:10:24.53
a little background there. But
when I went to Fresno to stay
00:10:24.56\00:10:27.14
with my aunt and uncle in the
summertime for a month they were
00:10:27.18\00:10:30.65
Seventh-day Adventist and
they went to their church there.
00:10:30.68\00:10:34.08
Stephen Bohr I think now is the
pastor at that church. So I had
00:10:34.12\00:10:39.11
a lot of knowledge about the
Bible and Sabbath keeping from
00:10:39.14\00:10:43.11
them. And I think probably
because of their praying for me.
00:10:43.15\00:10:46.40
I don't know if my mother and
father ever prayed for me but
00:10:46.43\00:10:49.65
my aunt and uncle and
grandmother I know did and
00:10:49.69\00:10:51.78
that's probably why I found the
Lord. But they got a hold of my
00:10:51.81\00:10:54.79
sister and took her to
a camp meeting in Soquel,
00:10:54.82\00:10:58.12
California and she came back and
she was on fire for the Lord.
00:10:58.15\00:11:01.92
So that kind of brought it into
the family. Right. So when you
00:11:01.95\00:11:05.68
fell in love and... Not
till later though. I was a
00:11:05.72\00:11:10.51
horrible sister to her. I
wasn't going to let her be good.
00:11:10.55\00:11:14.09
But later after I had my
children she started going back
00:11:14.12\00:11:17.85
to church. Then she encouraged
me to go back to church. So I
00:11:17.88\00:11:21.57
started going. That was
before I had children though.
00:11:21.61\00:11:24.63
Okay. So you started turning
over to God. So now you and your
00:11:24.66\00:11:27.00
friend decide that...
We're not going to be shy
00:11:27.03\00:11:30.14
anymore. We're going to have
Tupperware parties, we're going
00:11:30.17\00:11:32.29
to have home interior parties,
we're going to have people over
00:11:32.33\00:11:34.42
and do different
things. So we did.
00:11:34.45\00:11:37.82
Do you know that was one thing
that I thought when the first
00:11:37.85\00:11:40.69
time you told me that story
is that I realize that I'm shy.
00:11:40.72\00:11:45.50
It's crippling. I know that
I can't stay here and that I'm
00:11:45.53\00:11:49.33
going to systematically
start doing things that shy
00:11:49.37\00:11:53.13
don't do. Exactly.
And that's what I did.
00:11:53.17\00:11:55.46
I had this list of things: Don't
go to college, don't take a
00:11:55.49\00:11:59.01
speech class, don't stand in
front of people and speak, don't
00:11:59.05\00:12:03.14
write a check. You don't come
to Celebrate Live in Recovery.
00:12:03.18\00:12:07.24
and get up in front of
everybody because that just
00:12:07.27\00:12:10.47
doesn't happen. This is a
miracle that I'm here I know.
00:12:10.50\00:12:13.49
I know that because I can't
believe how calm I am right now.
00:12:13.53\00:12:17.53
So you did end up going back
to school. Yeah. Did you have
00:12:17.56\00:12:21.37
to... because I know that
the processing stuff is just you
00:12:21.41\00:12:24.87
taking information differently,
all of that kind of stuff.
00:12:24.91\00:12:28.34
So did you have to get some...
00:12:28.37\00:12:30.65
I went to the counselor, okay,
and I was telling him all this
00:12:30.69\00:12:33.41
issue with trouble in school
and they said, Well maybe you
00:12:33.45\00:12:36.34
have a learning disability. So
they sent me over there to the
00:12:36.37\00:12:39.23
learning disabled lab and
Mary and Melissa were awesome.
00:12:39.26\00:12:41.51
They were just so positive and
they taught me so many ways to
00:12:41.54\00:12:44.39
be positive and speak positive
and they were like role models
00:12:44.43\00:12:47.82
to me and I watched how they
spoke to the students. If you
00:12:47.86\00:12:50.66
turned in a paper they would
show you what you got right
00:12:50.69\00:12:53.42
but they did come up to one time
and she said, Now do you want us
00:12:53.46\00:12:58.69
to call on you in class?
And I said, No, but do it.
00:12:58.72\00:13:03.44
Yeah because I'm
trying to work on being shy.
00:13:03.48\00:13:05.89
One of the things they asked me,
What is your goal in this class?
00:13:05.92\00:13:10.22
I said, Well when I go to church
and after the sermon's over
00:13:10.25\00:13:14.24
I want to be able to talk about
what it was or tell somebody
00:13:14.27\00:13:19.16
what it was about. I still
can't now but that was the goal.
00:13:19.20\00:13:24.01
But I think I was there just to
learn to be positive. I knew God
00:13:24.05\00:13:30.25
loved me and I loved the fact
that he loved me. I couldn't
00:13:30.28\00:13:32.35
believe... Because I only
felt my mom and my aunt and my
00:13:32.39\00:13:34.42
grandmother really loved me.
00:13:34.45\00:13:36.83
Because the school situation
was painful, always trying to
00:13:36.86\00:13:40.89
fit in but you had
those three people and God.
00:13:40.92\00:13:46.38
Yes. So I did go to college
and some classes you can't take
00:13:46.41\00:13:50.90
because you have to be a certain
grade level. In the test, I
00:13:50.93\00:13:54.13
turned out to be like an eighth
grade level but there were still
00:13:54.16\00:13:57.32
classes that you could take.
So I did take some classes, a
00:13:57.35\00:13:59.92
speech class and
some English classes.
00:13:59.95\00:14:01.78
Did you ever get
up and do a speech?
00:14:01.82\00:14:03.98
Yeah, I got an A
in it. That was...
00:14:04.02\00:14:05.87
Do you remember
what it was about?
00:14:05.91\00:14:07.69
One of them I talked about
bed-wetting because my sons
00:14:07.72\00:14:11.52
wet the bed. Another one was
about, and I thought it was very
00:14:11.56\00:14:14.84
good, the topic was about
whether you should lower the
00:14:14.87\00:14:20.26
drinking to 18 and I had
to write why they should, not
00:14:20.29\00:14:24.71
believing that you should
even drink alcohol. I was very
00:14:24.75\00:14:29.13
convincing. So
that's kind of amazing.
00:14:29.17\00:14:33.82
So you get through that and
you ended up having to now even
00:14:33.85\00:14:38.65
pick your career; what am
I going to do, what kind of
00:14:38.68\00:14:41.00
business, all of
that kind of stuff.
00:14:41.03\00:14:42.67
As a shy person I knew I
was never going to work with the
00:14:42.70\00:14:44.99
public, run a register or do any
of that stuff. It would be a job
00:14:45.03\00:14:48.06
where I'd work behind the scenes
and I did do that. But after
00:14:48.10\00:14:51.52
that, after I got divorced and I
was going to school I wanted to
00:14:51.56\00:14:54.95
be a teacher so my goal always
was to be home with my kids
00:14:54.98\00:14:58.53
because my role model was my
mother. She was a stay-at-home
00:14:58.56\00:15:03.07
mom and that's what I knew
how to do. But I didn't finish
00:15:03.10\00:15:07.32
school and I would end up
working three jobs and trying to
00:15:07.36\00:15:11.54
make ends meet. You
know you talked to me one
00:15:11.58\00:15:15.65
time, was it we were talking,
and I know that you have your
00:15:15.68\00:15:19.60
own business now and I also know
that you went over to an Asian
00:15:19.64\00:15:23.52
country to get some
training, went to China.
00:15:23.56\00:15:26.74
I never would do
that as a shy person.
00:15:26.78\00:15:28.90
This is not what somebody with
a learning disability or a shy
00:15:28.93\00:15:31.43
person or somebody that has
struggled like you necessarily
00:15:31.47\00:15:34.90
does. And I thought, Joanie,
shut up, that is amazing.
00:15:34.93\00:15:38.29
So talk a little bit about that
because I don't even know if you
00:15:38.32\00:15:42.38
realize how amazing that was.
00:15:42.41\00:15:43.98
I never thought that I would
have my own business for one
00:15:44.01\00:15:46.82
thing. You know I was working
in a health food store for years
00:15:46.85\00:15:48.58
where I learned so much
and I was out front talking to
00:15:48.62\00:15:51.75
customers all the
time. Forced yourself?
00:15:51.79\00:15:53.27
Yeah... to where I'm comfortable
in that terrain. If it gets
00:15:53.31\00:15:57.54
outside of that I might not
be so comfortable. But yeah, we
00:15:57.58\00:16:01.78
went to China;
it was for 18 days.
00:16:01.82\00:16:05.57
For myofascial release?
It was actually acupressure.
00:16:05.60\00:16:10.10
And so we learned some
acupressure. Myofascial release
00:16:10.13\00:16:14.55
was a different teacher. Yeah,
I really don't know what to say.
00:16:14.59\00:16:22.75
You bought a house, bought
a rental. I mean you know what
00:16:22.78\00:16:26.96
I mean. There's all of this
stuff that you have literally
00:16:26.99\00:16:32.51
accomplished in your life. I
was amazed at the pain that you
00:16:32.55\00:16:38.03
came out of and the fact
that you really allowed God to
00:16:38.07\00:16:43.30
systematically say okay now
do this, do this and do this and
00:16:43.33\00:16:47.79
you just... I didn't
see the steps till you
00:16:47.82\00:16:49.76
get to where you are. Then you
can look back and see the steps.
00:16:49.80\00:16:53.04
Okay. Yeah. One thing I
remember, I was going through
00:16:53.07\00:16:56.96
some pictures, because the kids
were horrible to me, and I know
00:16:56.99\00:16:59.75
I did my part too with you're
no good, you can't be on my
00:16:59.79\00:17:02.76
team or whatever. But it's
pretty painful and it carries
00:17:02.79\00:17:05.70
over into your adult life. But
I was going through pictures and
00:17:05.73\00:17:09.27
I saw these kids that I just
hated so much because they were
00:17:09.30\00:17:12.58
so mean to me and
the Holy Spirit just said
00:17:12.62\00:17:14.61
to forgive them.
00:17:14.64\00:17:16.01
And I did and that
was huge to me, just to...
00:17:16.04\00:17:20.63
Looking at their faces saying
I forgive you for every single
00:17:20.66\00:17:25.00
time you looked at me that way.
That rage, that anger is pretty
00:17:25.04\00:17:29.34
intense. I was
always afraid and still am
00:17:29.37\00:17:33.18
insecure about being
around someone that is going to
00:17:33.21\00:17:36.15
belittle me. I don't like
that and I'll avoid that I can.
00:17:36.19\00:17:41.79
I can almost see it coming.
00:17:41.82\00:17:43.19
Yeah. I know that when we first
met you were afraid of that.
00:17:43.22\00:17:46.09
But you know, I pray
that I never do that to you.
00:17:46.13\00:17:52.18
I don't think you ever have.
I want to kiss you on the face.
00:17:52.21\00:17:58.69
Okay, but let's
stay focused all right?
00:17:58.72\00:18:01.14
I want to go back when I met
you. My cousin, Vicky, in Fresno
00:18:01.18\00:18:04.87
said she wanted to treat me
to a women's retreat so we went
00:18:04.90\00:18:09.63
to Yosemite. Because I knew
your name. I saw your name and I
00:18:09.66\00:18:14.11
your little blurbs, nothing
long. I'm going, no I want to
00:18:14.15\00:18:17.74
see more and I even wrote
your name down. I never do that.
00:18:17.78\00:18:21.03
Because I'm sitting in my
comfortable spot and I don't
00:18:21.06\00:18:24.24
want to get up and find a pen
and write. I went, Who is this
00:18:24.28\00:18:28.54
person. You know. And I
wrote your name down. And Vicky
00:18:28.57\00:18:30.56
said Sheri Peters is the speaker
I said, I'm coming. And you were
00:18:30.59\00:18:34.33
telling your story. I had never
heard it all together, just
00:18:34.37\00:18:38.06
little bits and pieces. There
were pretty graphic things that
00:18:38.10\00:18:42.67
you were saying. But then you
said, I couldn't read, and you
00:18:42.70\00:18:46.49
were 23 years old. So then I
started listening to you because
00:18:46.53\00:18:49.78
even though all the other stuff
you were saying happened to you,
00:18:49.81\00:18:53.33
getting beat up, motorcycle gang
the reading thing just really
00:18:53.36\00:18:56.76
caught my interest. Here you are
23 years old and you can't read.
00:18:56.79\00:18:59.87
Then you learn to read and you
become a nurse. So now I'm back
00:18:59.90\00:19:02.47
to this folder; I'm going to
be smart again because look what
00:19:02.50\00:19:05.06
she was able to be. But like
you said the other day, I may be
00:19:05.10\00:19:08.34
like this till Jesus comes, but
that's okay, that's all right.
00:19:08.37\00:19:11.58
But I knew that when we
did meet is that I knew that
00:19:11.61\00:19:16.96
emotionally the things
that I have struggled with you
00:19:17.00\00:19:22.28
struggled with the learning
stuff. So it looked different
00:19:22.32\00:19:26.32
you know it was different in a
lot of ways but it felt like me;
00:19:26.36\00:19:30.10
it was still the same battle,
the struggle. You've struggled
00:19:30.13\00:19:34.13
your whole life just to be able
to stand. You told me the other
00:19:34.16\00:19:38.05
day that sometimes even coming
into a room the smart people are
00:19:38.08\00:19:41.93
over here talking
100 miles an hour and...
00:19:41.96\00:19:44.35
And you're academically
smart. I knew that right away.
00:19:44.39\00:19:48.58
Can I write that
down? Yeah. I'll get a pen.
00:19:48.61\00:19:52.17
You're a genius, I know
that you're a genius. Oh stop!
00:19:52.20\00:19:54.46
Because I said to you, you are
very smart and you get it from
00:19:54.49\00:19:57.37
your mom or dad and you knew you
were smart. You said you got it
00:19:57.41\00:20:00.25
from your mom. My
mom's really smart.
00:20:00.29\00:20:03.09
I've watched you, I've watched
you listen to people talk and
00:20:03.13\00:20:07.68
you jump in. I
wouldn't know how to jump in.
00:20:07.72\00:20:09.09
We became friends and it
was really interesting because I
00:20:09.66\00:20:13.64
you really did, you won my heart
You've been to my house, my
00:20:13.68\00:20:18.03
family loves you, I mean, we
became friends. What I think was
00:20:18.06\00:20:23.04
really interesting during that
time is I was studying for one
00:20:23.07\00:20:26.72
of the seasons and we were
studying the baptism of the Holy
00:20:26.76\00:20:30.04
Spirit and all that and I
thought, you know, Joanie you
00:20:30.07\00:20:33.28
got to, I think I said something
stupid like you gotta study
00:20:33.32\00:20:37.21
this with me and
you're like Ohhh.
00:20:37.25\00:20:39.28
I said, I probably won't read
this book and I was handing it
00:20:39.31\00:20:41.94
back to you and I looked at and
I said, Well I'll just read the
00:20:41.98\00:20:44.48
underlined stuff. And I looked
at it and the whole thing was
00:20:44.51\00:20:46.98
like underlined.
I underline a lot.
00:20:47.02\00:20:48.72
So I did read the whole thing.
I even underlined some stuff
00:20:48.75\00:20:53.73
that I thought you
should have underlined.
00:20:53.77\00:20:55.14
You were going to call me on
that. It's like, she left this
00:20:55.17\00:20:58.95
out. But what I thought was
amazing about that is that even
00:20:58.99\00:21:02.84
at the point that you took the
book there was something that
00:21:02.87\00:21:07.00
you said one time to me was that
you took a chance of telling me,
00:21:07.03\00:21:12.48
I don't get it. You can tell me
that 100 times and I don't get
00:21:12.51\00:21:17.55
it. And you almost held your
breath waiting for me to respond
00:21:17.59\00:21:22.60
Do you remember that?
00:21:22.63\00:21:24.00
I was angry. Input and imputed
I forgot what the other ones
00:21:24.03\00:21:29.53
were. But you
know what I hear the
00:21:29.57\00:21:32.04
fact that you were angry
but you know what I saw which I
00:21:32.08\00:21:34.76
thought was incredible is that
you took a risk of sharing that
00:21:34.80\00:21:38.87
with me. And I think for any
of us in our recovery we really
00:21:38.91\00:21:42.93
have to take a risk of being
able to tell somebody, You know
00:21:42.96\00:21:46.66
what, this is what I deal with
and this is who I am and do you
00:21:46.70\00:21:50.36
still care about me?
00:21:50.40\00:21:52.04
I've been able to fake it
because even at the health food
00:21:52.08\00:21:54.83
when I was talking to customers
I could talk to them for 15
00:21:54.86\00:21:57.58
minutes and my body
knows how to do the motions.
00:21:57.62\00:22:00.95
Even if you don't understand
them? You're not even hearing
00:22:00.99\00:22:05.26
them. And I still even do it.
00:22:05.30\00:22:06.67
You do. I have to grab you
by the throat when you do that.
00:22:06.70\00:22:09.32
Sometimes I grab you by the
shirt and I want you... Okay
00:22:09.35\00:22:12.21
where are you at?
00:22:12.24\00:22:14.41
You're getting to see the shades
go down. You said the word
00:22:14.45\00:22:18.37
presumptuous the other day. I
was so all excited. I don't even
00:22:18.40\00:22:21.38
remember what you were saying
but you said the word in a way
00:22:21.41\00:22:23.89
that caused me to understand it.
Because I've tried to figure it
00:22:23.93\00:22:26.46
out and people would say to me,
You can't be presumptuous. And I
00:22:26.50\00:22:29.00
go, I don't want to be,
but I don't know what it means
00:22:29.04\00:22:32.22
Even telling me and telling me
and telling me and looking it up
00:22:32.25\00:22:35.74
in the dictionary doesn't
sink in. And I don't know why it
00:22:35.78\00:22:40.06
doesn't sink in. But I
saw it in your face that
00:22:40.10\00:22:42.96
you got it. And even
the joy that I got that.
00:22:43.00\00:22:45.79
I wasn't even listening to what
you said after that. You were
00:22:45.83\00:22:48.44
still talking and I'm
thinking, I think I got that.
00:22:48.47\00:22:52.23
Okay, so you remember what I'm
talking about when we started
00:22:52.26\00:22:55.80
going to the things and you
decided, I think that you were
00:22:55.84\00:22:59.75
going to through the books and
the first one that you just got
00:22:59.79\00:23:03.67
through, I got through this.
00:23:03.70\00:23:05.41
Yeah, The Baptism of the Holy
Spirit. And I got my own and I
00:23:05.44\00:23:08.80
underlined everything you
had underlined in the same color
00:23:08.84\00:23:12.16
because sometimes you
used a red pen, sometimes a
00:23:12.20\00:23:14.98
highlighter. And at times you
called. At times we talked about
00:23:15.02\00:23:19.12
it. We talked
about it every day on
00:23:19.16\00:23:20.57
the computer. From the time I
e- mailed you after the retreat
00:23:20.61\00:23:23.74
I sent you something and you
sent something back right away.
00:23:23.78\00:23:28.43
I'm going this can't be her,
but it was and we sent something
00:23:28.46\00:23:33.08
every day until I met you.
00:23:33.11\00:23:34.48
What was amazing to me is,
I'm going to ask you to explain.
00:23:34.51\00:23:40.61
Is that there was a point when
we were going through the books
00:23:40.65\00:23:45.99
that God started to wake you
up to some plans that he had for
00:23:46.02\00:23:50.69
your life and that I thought
was the coolest thing because I
00:23:50.72\00:23:54.56
think that we think that if I'm
not exactly like the next person
00:23:54.59\00:23:58.40
if society says that everybody's
going to walk on this road
00:23:58.43\00:24:02.90
and if I can't walk on that road
then my whole life is just going
00:24:02.93\00:24:07.21
be a struggle and God was waking
you up to I have a plan for you
00:24:07.24\00:24:12.21
and not for everyone else, but
for you and I love you and so
00:24:12.24\00:24:17.17
do you remember... Are
you talking about when I was
00:24:17.20\00:24:21.02
trying to study
all day in a book?
00:24:21.06\00:24:22.48
Yeah the start of that was...
00:24:22.52\00:24:26.57
I'm really ADD and sometimes
I just can't stay focused, but
00:24:26.61\00:24:29.52
this Sunday morning I was bound
and determined to get a certain
00:24:29.56\00:24:32.44
amount of reading done. But
I kept getting distracted and
00:24:32.48\00:24:36.31
doing stuff and so, this is
embarrassing to say but like
00:24:36.35\00:24:40.11
by 5:30 in the afternoon I was
still trying to get this stuff
00:24:40.15\00:24:44.01
done. So finally I'm sitting
there and reading and the Holy
00:24:44.05\00:24:47.90
Spirit said to me have an all
night prayer meeting and fast
00:24:47.94\00:24:51.76
10 days prior.
And I'm going what?
00:24:51.80\00:24:54.20
And we were
studying about prayer.
00:24:54.24\00:24:56.58
Yeah, Yes. I don't read books
cover to cover usually I'll read
00:24:56.61\00:25:01.02
the back chapter, skim through
it and something will catch my
00:25:01.06\00:25:04.58
eye and I think God really
puts my eye where it should be.
00:25:04.62\00:25:07.83
But that's a huge message: Have
an all-night prayer meeting...
00:25:07.87\00:25:11.05
I never heard of it...
and do a 10-day fast. Right.
00:25:11.08\00:25:13.97
So I got all excited. I call Dee
and told her and she goes wow!
00:25:14.00\00:25:16.96
And then she didn't know what
to say about it and so then I
00:25:17.00\00:25:19.40
called Charlotte and she
goes Oh yeah, I've been to one.
00:25:19.43\00:25:21.91
I know all about it. Get a
committee and we'll talk about
00:25:21.95\00:25:24.88
it and so I did. Within
three weeks we had an all night
00:25:24.92\00:25:27.79
prayer meeting at my house and
it was the most awesome bonding
00:25:27.82\00:25:30.94
time with the Lord and
with my church family ever.
00:25:30.97\00:25:35.75
To me what was amazing about
that, and I thought it was so
00:25:35.79\00:25:40.62
incredible is all of a
sudden that your gifting, your
00:25:40.65\00:25:45.30
uniqueness God was waking
up and it happened pretty fast.
00:25:45.33\00:25:49.91
Well maybe not because you spent
all that time kind of building
00:25:49.95\00:25:53.83
up to this moment. But God just
says thank you, now let's...
00:25:53.87\00:25:58.15
Because I always whenever I read
something about prayer I don't
00:25:58.18\00:26:02.03
see anything in our church that
we're doing this. I mean prayer
00:26:02.06\00:26:05.43
meeting I thought you know you
go and you pray but you study a
00:26:05.46\00:26:10.19
book and then we pray for five
minutes and that's okay. I'm not
00:26:10.22\00:26:14.36
saying that that's a bad thing.
But I just have read that we
00:26:14.40\00:26:17.75
need to pray more. We don't
pray enough and we still don't
00:26:17.78\00:26:21.09
pray enough even
what we're doing.
00:26:21.13\00:26:22.73
This was three years ago.
00:26:22.77\00:26:24.61
So you had the all night prayer
meeting. What was the committee
00:26:24.64\00:26:29.34
like and I want to know how you
felt all of a sudden to be in a
00:26:29.38\00:26:34.04
committee? I know.
Charlotte's really good
00:26:34.07\00:26:39.08
cause she kind of bosses
me around a little bit and I
00:26:39.11\00:26:41.26
respect her and I love her. I
don't mean to maybe use the word
00:26:41.30\00:26:45.69
boss; encourages me strongly.
00:26:45.72\00:26:48.86
She's type A, she moves
like this, she works with her
00:26:48.90\00:26:53.57
husband who's a doctor,
runs a business, stays the same,
00:26:53.61\00:26:57.57
she's type A and you've
got these strong women that are
00:26:57.61\00:27:00.76
looking at you like okay,
you want to do that let's do it.
00:27:00.79\00:27:03.90
Yeah and we did and we
got people from church, all
00:27:03.94\00:27:06.70
different ages there, 85 to 18.
00:27:06.74\00:27:12.49
How did you guys decide
to run the prayer meeting?
00:27:12.53\00:27:15.15
Charlotte said what we had to do
was find people and they would
00:27:15.19\00:27:18.73
pick a topic and every hour
someone had a topic and they
00:27:18.76\00:27:22.68
would pray about it. Some gave
testimonies. So that's how it
00:27:22.71\00:27:26.39
went all night and then somebody
made notes of who did what.
00:27:26.42\00:27:30.06
What did it feel
like during that night?
00:27:30.10\00:27:31.62
I was up and down; I was
excited It was incredible. Yeah.
00:27:31.65\00:27:36.22
Because you've been to
one of the prayer meetings.
00:27:36.26\00:27:38.06
I want to ask you, how did it
feel when you realized that God
00:27:38.09\00:27:42.74
is going to use you, that
there was a plan for your life?
00:27:42.78\00:27:47.71
Well a year ago we were going
to have a prayer meeting and
00:27:47.74\00:27:51.66
I was feeling a little insecure
about it, I don't know why.
00:27:51.70\00:27:56.91
So I called the pastoral prayer
department here at 3ABN and I
00:27:56.94\00:28:02.12
just prayed that whoever
answered was who I was supposed
00:28:02.15\00:28:04.98
to have and I believe that
whoever it was the God wanted me
00:28:05.02\00:28:07.78
to have that person. It happened
to be Joe O'Brien. I told him a
00:28:07.82\00:28:11.80
little bit about my academic
stuff and that I wasn't very
00:28:11.84\00:28:15.38
bright and now our church is
doing these prayer meetings, so
00:28:15.42\00:28:18.40
I told him a little bit about
them, but they're not all night
00:28:18.43\00:28:21.44
anymore. They're maybe till 10
o'clock at night and we decided
00:28:21.47\00:28:25.65
to do it during the awake hours.
But I was just really feeling
00:28:25.69\00:28:31.12
insecure myself. There were all
these smart people in our church
00:28:31.16\00:28:37.33
and you know... me? I've already
run a few of them and people are
00:28:37.37\00:28:41.50
wanting them and when are we
going to do it again? So I don't
00:28:41.53\00:28:45.38
know what my problem was that
day. So I talked for a while and
00:28:45.41\00:28:49.48
he gave me some scriptures to
encourage me. He said, You know
00:28:49.51\00:28:54.16
there's that person that has an
education and a beautiful wife
00:28:54.20\00:28:58.40
who can cook everything perfect
and all the kids look nice and
00:28:58.43\00:29:03.07
their educated and everything's
good with them. But God's not
00:29:03.10\00:29:07.85
looking for them. He said, He's
looking for you. I'd never heard
00:29:07.89\00:29:12.60
that before. What?!
00:29:12.64\00:29:14.01
I use the simple things of
the world to confound the wise.
00:29:14.04\00:29:18.25
You know what I mean? That's
powerful. He is looking for you.
00:29:18.28\00:29:22.79
I was so excited with that and
I'd never heard of that before
00:29:22.82\00:29:26.61
and I was pretty emotional about
it. I even think I got in front
00:29:26.65\00:29:29.69
of the church for the very first
time. I've been in front of like
00:29:29.73\00:29:32.74
Sabbath school but never
the church part of the church.
00:29:32.78\00:29:36.27
And I said that and then he also
said that your church is not the
00:29:36.31\00:29:40.86
only one doing these prayer
things; that he hears about it
00:29:40.89\00:29:43.39
all the time, and I'd never
heard of it before. So God gave
00:29:43.42\00:29:45.88
me something. The Holy
Spirit literally talked
00:29:45.92\00:29:48.14
to you and you knew it at that
moment. You know what, I want
00:29:48.17\00:29:52.22
to ask you to explain a little
bit to us about how the church
00:29:52.25\00:29:56.27
started to change
with these prayer meetings.
00:29:56.30\00:29:59.34
We started getting programs.
We have a couple that have a
00:29:59.37\00:30:04.52
burden for feeding the homeless.
So I think it started out that
00:30:04.56\00:30:08.01
every other Sabbath that they
would feed the homeless. But
00:30:08.04\00:30:11.51
other churches do it so
they come once a month. And then
00:30:11.55\00:30:14.76
there was a Bible study on
a Monday night and there was
00:30:14.79\00:30:17.70
another one on a Thursday
night and there was another one.
00:30:17.73\00:30:20.60
People were
getting closer together.
00:30:20.63\00:30:22.82
People were
getting close together.
00:30:22.86\00:30:24.97
You guys were calling each other
and praying for each other over
00:30:25.01\00:30:28.11
the phone during the week.
00:30:28.15\00:30:29.66
We had, yeah, we had during the
10 days of fast we had prayer
00:30:29.69\00:30:32.67
partners so we encouraged people
to have prayer partners and they
00:30:32.71\00:30:35.60
still have prayer partners now
because they liked it so much.
00:30:35.64\00:30:38.50
I have a number of them.
00:30:38.54\00:30:39.91
You know as I was watching God
unfold all of that in your life
00:30:39.94\00:30:45.33
I was so proud of God. I was
so proud of you. You know it is
00:30:45.36\00:30:49.97
almost like that we are held
in bondage to the stuff that has
00:30:50.01\00:30:54.84
happened in our life until we
finally say God can you use me?
00:30:54.87\00:30:59.66
Do you love me? I've
asked him. You know I asked
00:30:59.70\00:31:01.78
him to use me somehow and I
don't know what my gifts are.
00:31:01.81\00:31:04.68
You know I could ride a
unicycle. You know, where's that
00:31:04.72\00:31:08.48
getting me. I was the fastest
runner in the class one time.
00:31:08.51\00:31:12.20
Where's that going to get me and
what kind of job will that get.
00:31:12.24\00:31:16.04
Yeah, he's using me and I love
it and I want to be used more.
00:31:16.07\00:31:20.41
So now our church has made
me prayer coordinator. We didn't
00:31:20.45\00:31:24.75
have one. Okay. I
want you to say that
00:31:24.78\00:31:26.56
again, because that cracked me
up. When you called me and said
00:31:26.60\00:31:31.26
Guess what? and you knew I was
just going to scream. How fun is
00:31:31.29\00:31:35.92
that. So I want to hear every
thing. How did they approach
00:31:35.95\00:31:39.88
you, what did you think?
00:31:39.92\00:31:41.86
What's that committee called
when there's a group of people
00:31:41.90\00:31:45.46
call and they have to
call to ask you what jobs...
00:31:45.49\00:31:47.62
Nominating committee.
Nominating committee. Yeah they
00:31:47.65\00:31:49.71
called and asked me if I would
be prayer coordinator and if
00:31:49.75\00:31:53.54
Dee would be my assistant.
00:31:53.58\00:31:57.33
She's usually the one in charge
and they're saying I want you to
00:31:57.37\00:32:01.61
do that and... She
does better at being in
00:32:01.64\00:32:04.37
charge. One of
the all night prayer
00:32:04.40\00:32:09.93
vigils that you had at your
place, I remember you guys were
00:32:09.96\00:32:13.87
fasting, having the prayer thing
I live... How far is it from my
00:32:13.91\00:32:17.95
house? Six hundred
miles. From my door
00:32:17.99\00:32:19.70
to your door it was 600 miles.
00:32:19.74\00:32:21.11
So I decide that I'm going to
drive out and just join you guys
00:32:21.14\00:32:29.74
So Dannielle from Australia
decides to Skype in. So you have
00:32:29.77\00:32:36.82
somebody from Australia, you
have me coming in from Idaho and
00:32:36.85\00:32:42.51
then you have somebody scheduled
every hour on the hour like you
00:32:42.55\00:32:48.18
said and we pray. Through
the night one of the things, I
00:32:48.21\00:32:52.16
looked around and I was so
proud of you that you allowed
00:32:52.20\00:32:56.42
God to stand you up in that
way. But the Holy Spirit was so
00:32:56.46\00:33:00.65
present. That's
what people say when
00:33:00.69\00:33:02.77
they've come to them. When I'd
say are you going to come to the
00:33:02.80\00:33:05.27
prayer meeting... Ah, I can't
pray that long. I don't want to
00:33:05.30\00:33:09.40
do that. And I get so crushed
because I want them to feel
00:33:09.43\00:33:14.17
that. And someone came to the
last one we had and they were
00:33:14.21\00:33:19.18
blessed by it, in tears by it.
We did Steps to Christ, so it
00:33:19.22\00:33:23.40
was a weekend of prayer. So we
did all 13 chapters of Steps to
00:33:23.44\00:33:27.59
Christ and each
somebody had a chapter.
00:33:27.63\00:33:29.93
Is that when your grandson
asked for special prayer?
00:33:29.96\00:33:34.22
No that was a different thing.
00:33:34.25\00:33:36.75
So did each chapter of Steps
to Christ, and then would pray
00:33:36.79\00:33:41.84
over whatever that step was.
So how many have you guys done?
00:33:41.87\00:33:46.89
Do you know. You know maybe 10.
00:33:46.92\00:33:48.29
So now what we're doing is every
month we're having a miniature
00:33:48.32\00:33:52.54
prayer time so we're praying for
the same thing at the same time.
00:33:52.57\00:33:57.19
Because there is power in
numbers praying for the same
00:33:57.23\00:33:59.81
thing at the same time. That's
the last one that my grandson
00:33:59.85\00:34:04.50
went to. Can you
talk about that a little
00:34:04.54\00:34:07.75
bit? Maybe not the issue if you
don't want to share the issue
00:34:07.79\00:34:13.88
but just the fact that
he was there and kind of...
00:34:13.92\00:34:16.66
Yeah my grandson was there. It
was going to be my last weekend
00:34:16.70\00:34:20.75
in my house and so I was going
to spend time with my grandsons
00:34:20.79\00:34:24.49
and so I just had to have them
with me. So I took them over
00:34:24.53\00:34:28.37
there and so my grandson,
he's 11, and he saw what we were
00:34:28.40\00:34:32.18
doing and Dee said, You can fill
out a prayer request and write
00:34:32.21\00:34:35.68
something on this card and put
it in that basked. So after we
00:34:35.71\00:34:39.37
were all done he was in there
watching a little bit and he was
00:34:39.41\00:34:42.36
actually supposed to be taking
care of his little brother, my
00:34:42.40\00:34:46.31
other grandson that's four. So
he came in and after it was over
00:34:46.35\00:34:50.23
he said can you help me
fill this out. And I said, Okay.
00:34:50.26\00:34:53.00
So we filled it out and I said
just put it in the basket over
00:34:53.04\00:34:57.51
there and it'll be prayed for.
And he says, I want you guys to
00:34:57.54\00:35:01.98
pray like you were. We
were doing conversational prayer
00:35:02.01\00:35:05.14
where it's not like this person
prays and the next person.
00:35:05.17\00:35:08.17
It's just if a thought comes to
someone, fine, they just say a
00:35:08.20\00:35:12.13
phrase or they agree with what
someone had just said. And so I
00:35:12.16\00:35:15.15
called everybody in. We turned
off the stove because we were
00:35:15.19\00:35:18.79
actually going to have a meal
and they were all glad to do it.
00:35:18.82\00:35:22.38
So nine of us around us
prayed for his request...
00:35:22.42\00:35:26.86
for about 15 to 20
minutes. Yeah. Just that topic.
00:35:26.90\00:35:31.27
Right. So it's incredible to
watch how God is unfolding your
00:35:31.31\00:35:37.28
life. I want to go to an area
that... and if you don't want to
00:35:37.32\00:35:42.20
go here just let me know, it's
totally find. But I know that
00:35:42.24\00:35:47.11
you're living in a town where
almost the entire town is going
00:35:47.15\00:35:52.53
bankrupt and you were going
through the process of trying to
00:35:52.57\00:35:56.71
save your home and I remember
you saying to me at one point
00:35:56.75\00:36:01.33
that people at the bank are
asking me different things and
00:36:01.37\00:36:05.76
you're doing that kind of
nodding your head and having no
00:36:05.80\00:36:09.10
idea what they're talking about
and all that kind of stuff.
00:36:09.14\00:36:13.52
I saw you crash and kind of
withdraw a little bit. I think
00:36:13.55\00:36:16.97
you even jumped into some bad
behavior. You remember what I'm
00:36:17.00\00:36:20.63
talking about? Then it was a
really tough time and I remember
00:36:20.66\00:36:25.16
one time just praying about it
and God just said, Tell her to
00:36:25.19\00:36:29.24
tell them the truth. I don't
understand what you're saying.
00:36:29.27\00:36:33.78
I have some good friends that
helped me with all that paper
00:36:33.82\00:36:38.30
work. These were friends
I prayed for. I prayed for a
00:36:38.33\00:36:42.59
friend on the same page with me
and so I'm over at their house
00:36:42.62\00:36:46.42
one day and the Lord said, I not
only gave you one friend, I gave
00:36:46.46\00:36:49.81
you three. And they have been
amazing to me. But yeah, they've
00:36:49.85\00:36:53.65
been helping me with all the
paper work, because I just space
00:36:53.68\00:36:57.45
out. So you had
to start saying out
00:36:57.48\00:36:59.19
loud to someone, I don't get it.
What did that feel like at first
00:36:59.22\00:37:03.13
Were you afraid? Did you
feel like you were going to get
00:37:03.16\00:37:05.96
rejected? I
wasn't. But yeah, I wasn't.
00:37:06.00\00:37:10.27
But talk about what it felt
like. Because that's stopped
00:37:10.31\00:37:13.27
you for years.
00:37:13.31\00:37:17.14
There were some things probably
I could have done that I didn't
00:37:17.18\00:37:20.05
because I don't understand.
Vocabulary, I think, is an issue
00:37:20.08\00:37:22.92
So are long sentences.
00:37:22.96\00:37:26.17
Right. So to me the fact you
started to say, You know what,
00:37:26.21\00:37:30.60
I don't understand that. Can you
say it in a different way, can
00:37:30.64\00:37:35.00
you say that
again, or can you help me?
00:37:35.03\00:37:36.59
When you said, Can
you help me I thought that
00:37:36.63\00:37:39.38
I don't even know if that
was easily formed in your mouth
00:37:39.41\00:37:43.86
Can you help me, to ask someone
to help you with paperwork or
00:37:43.90\00:37:48.32
with the house or with moving.
00:37:48.36\00:37:52.01
Are you talking about
Policia or the other girl? Okay.
00:37:52.05\00:37:56.26
Or even the person at the bank.
When you said you know I need
00:37:56.30\00:37:58.89
help with this. I told
them and they understood.
00:37:58.93\00:38:01.43
Then they had to get permission
to talk to Policia on the phone
00:38:01.46\00:38:04.85
and all that stuff.
So how did that feel?
00:38:04.88\00:38:08.34
That could be expensive if you
really don't know how to do all
00:38:08.38\00:38:12.35
that stuff and to pay someone.
People just won't do anything
00:38:12.38\00:38:16.36
to do what I've been able to do.
Because they don't understand
00:38:16.39\00:38:20.34
paperwork even though it's
explained to them. Because if
00:38:20.37\00:38:23.30
you don't get it after they
explained it, people that don't
00:38:23.33\00:38:26.32
understand it get impatient and
so you don't want to go there.
00:38:26.36\00:38:29.31
You don't even want to even
start because you know what's
00:38:29.34\00:38:31.29
going to happen. So
you withdraw and shut down?
00:38:31.32\00:38:33.59
Or you don't do it.
00:38:33.62\00:38:35.98
What would you like to say
about that. If you could say to
00:38:36.02\00:38:41.49
anybody, how could they be more
real and help you out with that?
00:38:41.52\00:38:46.43
I don't know that they can. The
only thing I could do is pray
00:38:46.46\00:38:51.33
and I know the devil sets me
up everywhere I go. What I've
00:38:51.37\00:38:55.37
been learning to say is that
God died for them too and he
00:38:55.41\00:38:58.92
loves them and like Jesus
said on the cross, Forgive them
00:38:58.96\00:39:02.34
father for they don't know what
they do. Because they don't.
00:39:02.37\00:39:05.60
I don't know what their day
is like. I don't know what their
00:39:05.63\00:39:09.62
life is like. So I've come
to that point now that that's
00:39:09.65\00:39:13.60
probably what happens.
00:39:13.63\00:39:15.00
So you don't expect someone to
slow down. No. But you know in
00:39:15.03\00:39:19.07
our friendship you
do stop me and say...
00:39:19.11\00:39:21.94
No because I'm not afraid to. I
don't think I ever was afraid to
00:39:21.97\00:39:25.60
because you got it even though
you didn't have that academic
00:39:25.64\00:39:29.11
issue you understand pain
and you don't put yourself above
00:39:29.15\00:39:34.92
anybody no matter who they
are. You're just amazing to me.
00:39:34.96\00:39:40.70
I'm thinking I just want to cry.
00:39:40.73\00:39:45.03
To have an academic person
that's high academics even want
00:39:45.07\00:39:48.50
to be a friend with me...
00:39:48.53\00:39:50.19
But I want to take that back
Joanie because one of the things
00:39:50.23\00:39:53.82
that I think is amazing is
what I have seen over the years
00:39:53.86\00:39:57.62
of our friendship is that
you don't let me get away with
00:39:57.66\00:40:01.12
anything. And to me I think
that's just such a gift that God
00:40:01.16\00:40:04.42
has given you now is that you'll
just say you know I don't get
00:40:04.45\00:40:07.49
that or you'll even laugh at
times and say did you just see
00:40:07.53\00:40:10.39
me phase out. I'm mean you'll
say that where are first you
00:40:10.43\00:40:13.40
didn't say that. So I think that
since these prayer meetings,
00:40:13.43\00:40:16.54
since God has stood you up
in this area I see you look at
00:40:16.58\00:40:19.81
people and saying that more
often, even with Policia, even
00:40:19.84\00:40:23.11
with Dee, even with Bara, even
like with different friends.
00:40:23.14\00:40:27.05
They are very smart academically
smart and they love me.
00:40:27.09\00:40:32.86
And you love them. Yes. So if
somebody was watching that had
00:40:32.90\00:40:37.19
the same fear you did, the same
shyness, the same background
00:40:37.23\00:40:42.22
how would you encourage them
to not let that keep getting in
00:40:42.25\00:40:47.21
your way? The
devil is a liar and he's
00:40:47.24\00:40:50.33
lied to me all these years and
I believed it. Still sometimes I
00:40:50.37\00:40:55.15
do and I just have to ask God
to just take him away, rebuke
00:40:55.19\00:41:00.27
him from me.
I've just gone blank.
00:41:00.31\00:41:04.81
That's all right. So when that
thought comes in your head, when
00:41:04.84\00:41:08.01
you know it's those lies,
when you start to bring out the
00:41:08.04\00:41:11.45
little gun to shoot somebody,
you just have to say I rebuke
00:41:11.49\00:41:14.62
the devil and I'm not going
there anymore. I am definitely
00:41:14.66\00:41:17.76
not going there
anymore. That's incredible.
00:41:17.79\00:41:20.57
I don't think I get hurt as much
as I used to. So I'm glad you
00:41:20.61\00:41:24.91
pointed that out because I
didn't even realize that till
00:41:24.95\00:41:26.99
you said that. It's a
huge difference. But I
00:41:27.02\00:41:29.40
watch you more and more even
with me and definitely because
00:41:29.43\00:41:33.66
I know the friends that God has
brought in your life with prayer
00:41:33.70\00:41:36.91
and stuff and even with them
I see you being really, really
00:41:36.94\00:41:40.12
comfortable with
saying this is who I am.
00:41:40.16\00:41:46.88
All these years in church though
I remember trying to read even
00:41:46.91\00:41:50.17
Ellen White's stuff and it was
too hard and I felt lost, like I
00:41:50.21\00:41:53.44
wasn't going to be saved
because why would God bring this
00:41:53.47\00:41:56.24
beautiful person to our
church with all this insight and
00:41:56.27\00:41:58.92
everything that she predicted
come true and I can't even
00:41:58.95\00:42:02.13
understand her book, Steps
to Christ for one. I've tried to
00:42:02.17\00:42:06.17
it I don't know how many times
and I wanted to know why this
00:42:06.20\00:42:09.52
book was so beautiful. And one
day on my shelf I just pulled
00:42:09.56\00:42:12.85
off a book and it looked like
one of those little paper back
00:42:12.89\00:42:16.52
ones where Jesus is like in the
city and so I started reading
00:42:16.56\00:42:20.20
it and I was understanding it
and I looked at it again and it
00:42:20.24\00:42:24.49
called Steps to Jesus and
it's Steps to Christ made easy.
00:42:24.53\00:42:28.71
And I was able to read that book
and I was so excited I probably
00:42:28.75\00:42:32.21
even called you. I said, Why?
I didn't know this. I was an
00:42:32.24\00:42:37.82
Adventist since 1976 and I just
learned three years ago what
00:42:37.85\00:42:42.06
the Steps to Christ was
all about and about forgiveness
00:42:42.09\00:42:46.20
and that we can't do anything
without Jesus. We don't have
00:42:46.24\00:42:50.31
the victory unless we
ask him for it. We don't have
00:42:50.34\00:42:52.13
forgiveness if we don't ask him
for it. He changes us and I did
00:42:52.17\00:42:58.56
everything in my own strength...
00:42:58.59\00:43:00.77
To change. Taking the right
class, getting up in speech
00:43:00.80\00:43:03.12
I can't even love God unless
I ask him to put the love in me.
00:43:03.15\00:43:07.59
I can't do anything. So when
I understood that finally...
00:43:07.62\00:43:12.71
Even the smartest person can't
do anything unless God gives
00:43:12.75\00:43:17.80
them... Yeah. So it's not about
any of that. You know that it's
00:43:17.83\00:43:22.28
really interesting. It's not
about that. You even said your
00:43:22.32\00:43:26.74
weekly... Yeah, the
Sabbath school lesson.
00:43:26.77\00:43:29.18
Someone heard me talking about
my academic issues and she got
00:43:29.21\00:43:34.50
me an Easy Reader Sabbath school
lesson, made easy. I was going
00:43:34.53\00:43:38.69
to bring it and I forgot it and
the Steps to Christ too. But if
00:43:38.72\00:43:42.85
people don't know that you
can get an easy to understand
00:43:42.88\00:43:45.82
Sabbath School
lesson; it's available.
00:43:45.86\00:43:48.28
So you've come out of
hiding. Especially today!
00:43:48.31\00:43:55.31
I could talk one to one to
somebody and tell them. But not
00:43:55.35\00:43:58.75
in a group of people. And
I really do feel intimidated
00:43:58.78\00:44:02.97
around people that are high
academics. That's probably a
00:44:03.01\00:44:07.13
good project for me to work on
next. Because I don't feel like
00:44:07.16\00:44:09.99
me. Yeah. I like you.
00:44:10.02\00:44:12.47
Thank you. So you
think that's another lie
00:44:12.50\00:44:17.04
that the devil tells us?
00:44:17.08\00:44:18.73
I asked my doctor, Charlotte's
husband, Dr. Holmes. I said,
00:44:18.76\00:44:24.54
this is what I think. Do
you have friends that are not
00:44:24.57\00:44:30.93
academic. And he goes, yeah, I
guess that's just what you see.
00:44:30.97\00:44:36.45
So he did. He was the first
person I even asked so now I'm
00:44:36.48\00:44:41.93
on another project. Of
asking folks, just to check
00:44:41.96\00:44:45.63
it out. If the
Holy Spirit leads me to
00:44:45.67\00:44:48.92
ask them. When you
talk about that kind
00:44:48.95\00:44:52.13
of stuff, even opening up today
with us here in the cafe, do you
00:44:52.17\00:44:59.62
feel okay? Yeah,
I do. I'm surprised,
00:44:59.65\00:45:03.18
totally surprised. Like I told
you I was sitting in the cafe
00:45:03.21\00:45:06.79
the first season that I came and
I was fine there; I would never
00:45:06.82\00:45:11.63
be here. And I can't believe how
relaxed I am. So this is a huge
00:45:11.67\00:45:16.45
thing for a shy person to do.
00:45:16.48\00:45:18.48
I want to say for one. You know
I am thrilled that you're on the
00:45:18.51\00:45:23.29
program. I'm thrilled that you
came to share with us. I am even
00:45:23.33\00:45:27.87
happier that you're my friend.
I think it's an amazing thing
00:45:27.90\00:45:32.18
that you decided to trust our
friendship and open up because
00:45:32.21\00:45:36.70
what I saw God do is just
release you from a lot of things
00:45:36.74\00:45:41.99
and so thanks. Thanks for being
brave enough to fight all of
00:45:42.02\00:45:47.23
those real issues
that you have. Thank you.
00:45:47.27\00:45:50.81
Okay now we're going to take
a break and we'll be right back
00:45:50.85\00:45:54.20
but you know it's like when I
look at some of the things that
00:45:54.24\00:45:58.03
we deal with we think we know
each other, we think we know
00:45:58.06\00:46:01.11
kind of what's going on in
our hearts and all those kind of
00:46:01.15\00:46:04.66
things. Absolutely not. We
don't. Don't even try to guess.
00:46:04.69\00:46:08.17
And we'll be right
back. Stay with us.
00:46:08.21\00:46:10.33