The following program
discusses sensitive issues
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related to addictive behavior.
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Parents are
cautioned that some material
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may be too candid
for younger children.
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Welcome back.
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I want to--for
people that just tuned in,
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we're talking about
"Grandparent as Parents."
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So what does that look like,
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what are the needs
to help prevalent this.
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We're just looking at all this.
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But on this segment I want
to introduce you to Annette.
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And we're gonna
talk about your story,
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because you're
raising you grandparents--
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I mean your grandchildren.
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Yes. Okay.
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So talk about your name
and where did you come from?
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Who are you?
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Hi. My name is
Annette Washington.
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I'm from Saint Louis
and I'm a grandmother of 19.
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Nineteen. But I'm raising five.
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And when you talk about
five, because we talked earlier,
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they're not
from the same family.
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No. Okay.
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Two sister's kids. Okay.
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And so tell us a little bit
about your journey, your family,
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your upbringing
and then we'll get into
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how you got to
were you accepted.
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You're now with
your sister's kid,
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raising your sister's kids.
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Well, I mean, I guess
you mean, like my mom--
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Yeah, sisters,
brothers you have--
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Now it's a five
girls, five girls now.
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It was a seven--
total seven kids.
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I lost a brother
some years ago. Okay.
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He was the only
boy and I lost a sister
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to diabetes about 3 years ago.
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Okay. And so
when did you first--
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do you have your own children?
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Oh, yes. I have
four girls and two boys.
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So you have a big
family. Oh, yes. I love kids.
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Okay. All right.
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So my eldest is
36 and my baby is 28
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and actually I am
raising two youngest girl kids.
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And so when--when you
have your own children,
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because I am thinking about
the grandparents as parents,
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so when you had
your own children,
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they were a
point where they're--
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they're leaving the house
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and you're kind of
thinking on your own.
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Would did you
ever had that time?
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Not really. Well, my baby,
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I mean, the other
kids were grown and left,
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I mean, she pretty
much stuck up on to me.
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Okay. I mean she
was true mama's baby.
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But eventually, she left,
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moved out, but
she came back so--
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Okay. And then how did you--
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when did your
first grandchildren
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come to live with you?
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And why was that?
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The first one was
Jasmine, she's a teen,
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so--first really got
home when she was 9 months old
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'cause my daughter
got into some trouble,
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so--I end up with her, so--
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At nine months,
so you-- Nine months.
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She's been with you a long time.
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Basically, yes,
yes, yes, over long, yes.
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And, you know, my daughter
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kept having issues and issues,
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so I mean I just
kept her--I mean,
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at one time moved her
and her mom there, but so--
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And so when
Pamela was talking about,
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you know,
everything kind of changes
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and you just do
the best you can,
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financially and
in every kind of way.
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Yep, yes. Oh, yes.
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I mean it's my,
6-year-old, her name is Jaira.
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I got her when she
was three days old.
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I actually went to
the hospital and got her
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because my daughter
had got into some trouble,
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so I joggled to the
prison hospital and got her.
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So she had her
right in prison. Yes.
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Okay. And so you took her
right from prison to your house.
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Yes, I did.
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You know, what I want to say,
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thank God for grandmother.
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That's what I
wanted to say. Yes.
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Because you know what
was really interesting
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is she could have
been taken anywhere,
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but she was taken to your house
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and you were there saying,
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you know, "This
is what I got to do."
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Oh, yes. And--I mean I have
a good family support system
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because at the time, actually,
I was living in Chicago.
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I had to drive from Chicago
to Saint Louis, Mexico Zoo,
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to pick her up
because they only gave me
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three days to
get there-- so as I.
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And if you weren't
there in three days,
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what would have happened?
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They're gonna
turn over to the state.
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Right. And so--
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And that's what
people need to hear is that--
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there is a lot of
grandparents have said,
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you know, "If I don't step in,
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I have no idea where
this child of mine--"
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Right.
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"This--my
grandbaby is gonna end up,
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so I have to step in."
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Right. I mean because
that would have really,
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wherever it means,
okay, where is my grandbaby?
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Who's getting my grandbaby?
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And actually this-- I
got her brother, he's eight.
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I got a phone call in the middle
of the night and you know--
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you know, how you just
get a frantic phone call,
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you know--you
know, something is wrong.
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It was like 11:30 or so.
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Before they could
finish the conversation.
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I say, "you have my
daughter, don't you?"
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So they say, "Yes, ma'am."
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So they say, we
have your grandson
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and then he was
eight months old.
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So, they said, they
have run a background check
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on his dad already and
his dad, couldn't get him.
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So be-- before
she got a chance to
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for the counsel
that how we address.
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I'll be right there.
Exactly. Right, right.
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So she said "Ma'am, just,
calm down, just calm down.
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We have to run a
background check on--
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you before you
get your grandson."
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I said what? So she said yes.
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I say "okay, do it."
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So by the time
she called me back,
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it took like a hour or
so for her to call me back
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but when she called me
back I was just in the car.
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Right.
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So--so she said
we're gonna give you
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till 4:30 to make it to 4:10.
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I was coming from
South city Saint Louis
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and drive it at 4:10 to get him.
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Wow. And so-- what
you're saying is that,
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you know, there is
each of these children,
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you really said,
"I have no choice."
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Right.
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"I--so I have to
go and pick them up,
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I have to bring them.
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I have to make it work." Yes.
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Did you know
how it's gonna work?
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No, I wouldn't
worry about that then.
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Yeah. You know--I mean.
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Who what? Right.
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When I--they, you know,
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so it was, I
can't worry about that.
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I mean somehow
I'd to give, I mean,
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those are my babies, I mean.
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Amen. So, you know,
to me when you say that
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"I couldn't worry about that."
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You know, do you wish
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the whole world
could hear that statement?
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Yeah, I mean because--
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If someone could help
us, that would be great.
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But I can't worry about that.
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Yeah, and I mean
I have been blessed.
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I mean they've
never been in the system.
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So I mean it's--and
that's some of the problem now,
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they don't want
to help you unless
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they've been in the
system, so it's kind of...
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And if they go into the
system, there's gonna be
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a whole another set of
emotional behavioral problems.
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Exactly, exactly.
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And you're saying "I don't want
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my grandchildren to
feel that, to know that."
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Right, right. I mean-- But
the funds are tied to that.
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Right.
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Okay, but my issue with that is,
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if you take them and
put them in the system
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and I come get
him from the system.
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You still will have
to take care of them.
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I mean so why not
just give me the money
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now versus take
me through all it.
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And you're not
talking about money.
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And said, yeah,
I want to be rich.
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You're talking
about food and healthcare.
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Believe me, you
won't get much offered.
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Yeah. Well, you know what,
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I think that when
somebody says that,
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you know, we're
talking basic necessities,
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we're not talking
about, you know, extra stuff,
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money in your
pocket kind of thing.
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There will
never be extra, never.
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And that--but I, you know,
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I think the reason I
want to say that out loud
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as I think some
people have the misconception
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that it's not a need.
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This is a huge need.
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Some of these kids
are-- like I have met
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some of these children that are
just the most beautiful kids.
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And they really
are being loved on in.
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You know, they're
doing well in school
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and they're being sent off
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and everybody is
doing the right thing.
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But sometimes the utilities
aren't being paid. Right.
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You know, and so that's you're
talking basic, basic stuff.
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Yeah, I mean,
yeah, because, it's like,
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you know, you
have to feed the kids.
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I mean it's like
sometimes you face a choice of
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drop at the gas, or
drop at the grocery.
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Can I take $200 of the gas,
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and I hope they
don't turn the gas off.
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I mean, I have been there. Yeah.
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And what's really tough about
that too is I know that for--
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and I don't know about
you but for a lot of people
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that's hard to
even say out loud.
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Yes. And yet you
need someone to hear that.
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It is, I mean, I had
to go through a whole lot,
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even when oldest one
Jas, I want to sign her
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up for a school, pre-school,
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you know, the first thing
that you hear, "Where's the mom?
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Where's the mom?" I am the mom.
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You know, I am the mom.
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So and so in the end, I had
to call to the prison there.
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Have my daughter
Simi notarize a letter.
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So that you can
get her in school.
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Yeah, to give me
guardianship of her
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and to get her in a school.
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And so--you know,
to me all of that,
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all of that stuff and
you're talking about those
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the three youngest ones,
you've had pretty much since--
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But you have two more now. Yes.
00:10:36.99\00:10:39.44
And when did you get them
and what was the circumstances?
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November last year,
my daughter was murdered.
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She was shot. I'm so sorry.
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Thank you. She would have
been 30 St. Patrick's Day.
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But she was shot.
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And this is a random thing.
It wasn't that she was doing.
00:11:04.82\00:11:08.92
No, no. She wasn't--
00:11:08.95\00:11:11.28
actually, her and
her friend had went out
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and they stopped there
at this after hours club
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and my daughter friend, she
had altercation with someone
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and lady, she
had altercation with,
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she left and when, no--
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her friend left
and when they got to go
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and came start shooting her.
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And so you, not
only that tragedy
00:11:37.24\00:11:39.23
and that when you
told me this earlier,
00:11:39.26\00:11:41.39
I thought, you know,
not only that tragedy
00:11:41.42\00:11:42.99
but then you got your
daughter's two children
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which are preteens. Yes.
00:11:46.13\00:11:48.42
Dealing with their
loss, dealing with your loss
00:11:48.45\00:11:52.00
and having five kids to raise
with all of that financial stuff
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and I looked to you
and I think you know what?
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I bet, you haven't even had
time to take a breath hardly.
00:11:58.10\00:12:01.26
No. Far or less grieve this.
00:12:01.29\00:12:03.97
And I just tell
them all time I know,
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grandma, first but
yes, bare with me and just--
00:12:11.93\00:12:16.28
We'll get through this--
00:12:16.31\00:12:17.68
Yes, yes, but they
know, they just say
00:12:17.71\00:12:20.74
"Oh, she just fussing now".
00:12:20.77\00:12:23.66
But, you know, they know
because they are my world,
00:12:23.69\00:12:27.29
they are what I live
and breathe for, I mean--
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And you got
them into counseling.
00:12:29.70\00:12:31.33
You're doing the best you can
00:12:31.36\00:12:33.79
with the limited
resources that you have.
00:12:33.82\00:12:35.36
Yes, we've limited. Right.
00:12:35.39\00:12:37.05
And there is--and I
just want to say this again
00:12:37.08\00:12:39.18
'cause Pamela had
talked about this earlier.
00:12:39.21\00:12:40.83
There is really no place
where you can go and say,
00:12:40.86\00:12:43.60
"Can you help us
with these funds?"
00:12:43.63\00:12:47.16
With the counseling, did you get
00:12:47.19\00:12:48.69
any victims funds
for the counseling?
00:12:48.72\00:12:51.46
Well, actually
the victim of crime
00:12:51.49\00:12:56.13
is paying for the
counseling. Okay, good.
00:12:56.16\00:12:58.91
They say they have a limit
of $2,500 pay for a counseling
00:12:58.94\00:13:06.01
which is fine because I mean,
00:13:06.04\00:13:08.01
I think there
are two angry kids.
00:13:08.04\00:13:13.01
You know, they are male,
00:13:13.04\00:13:14.87
I mean, they are
angry, I mean, right,
00:13:14.90\00:13:17.76
I mean, it's like
they all know what to do
00:13:17.79\00:13:22.78
and I mean, you know, I
just tell them every day,
00:13:22.81\00:13:26.16
"Grandma's here
as long--work out--
00:13:26.19\00:13:29.48
it's gonna be all right."
00:13:29.51\00:13:31.23
And I just want to say for all--
00:13:31.26\00:13:34.23
some kids in that
same circumstances
00:13:34.26\00:13:36.29
would be than
have put in foster care
00:13:36.32\00:13:38.54
with people they
don't even know. Right.
00:13:38.57\00:13:40.30
The fact that they can
look at a family member.
00:13:40.33\00:13:43.02
Right, right, you know, I just,
00:13:43.05\00:13:45.60
I mean, I have to
take care of them.
00:13:45.63\00:13:49.18
I mean, they got me,
00:13:49.21\00:13:51.67
you know, I mean, I don't--
00:13:51.70\00:13:53.39
I mean, I couldn't
even function knowing
00:13:53.42\00:13:56.35
that somebody else
will have to take care.
00:13:56.38\00:13:59.47
I mean, I
couldn't even function,
00:13:59.50\00:14:01.26
I mean, yeah,
doing without them,
00:14:01.29\00:14:04.76
I mean, I need
some money firstly,
00:14:04.79\00:14:06.58
I mean, I need
somebody to talk to, I mean.
00:14:06.61\00:14:12.31
And, you know, my
three young's one, you would,
00:14:12.34\00:14:16.93
I mean, just by talking to them,
00:14:16.96\00:14:19.99
you can tell that an
older person is raising them.
00:14:20.02\00:14:23.14
I mean, I had to teach them
00:14:23.17\00:14:24.54
how they get on
a bus and for tram,
00:14:24.57\00:14:28.07
I mean, look for
the number 10 bus--
00:14:28.10\00:14:31.82
So they have learned that right
from the time they were little.
00:14:31.85\00:14:34.47
They know. Yeah.
00:14:34.50\00:14:36.81
They know. Yeah.
00:14:36.84\00:14:38.52
And so-- and this is a question
00:14:38.55\00:14:42.20
that probably you
don't ask yourself much.
00:14:42.23\00:14:45.56
But what about you?
00:14:45.59\00:14:47.51
I mean, no, I mean I
don't actually myself,
00:14:47.54\00:14:50.50
I mean, my daughter
asks me all the time.
00:14:50.53\00:14:52.93
she says, "Mommy, you
got to take care of you,
00:14:52.96\00:14:54.59
I mean, but who's
gonna take care of them?"
00:14:54.62\00:14:56.40
I mean-- Right.
00:14:56.43\00:14:58.14
I enjoy taking care of them.
00:14:58.17\00:15:00.78
If I had to do over
again, I would do it over.
00:15:00.81\00:15:02.72
Right. But I mean--
00:15:02.75\00:15:04.54
But do you have to kind of fight
00:15:04.57\00:15:09.01
for that decision that you made?
00:15:09.04\00:15:10.41
Do you have to make so
that your other kids know
00:15:10.44\00:15:13.74
that you're okay
with the decision
00:15:13.77\00:15:16.17
that you've made that
this is what I have to do?
00:15:16.20\00:15:19.28
Does anybody say, you know what,
00:15:19.31\00:15:20.75
that's enabling and
you shouldn't do this?
00:15:20.78\00:15:23.21
You know, you
know, actually I've had
00:15:23.24\00:15:26.82
couple of people say
that, well, you know, and they,
00:15:26.85\00:15:30.95
"You got three already,
how're you gonna do five?"
00:15:30.98\00:15:35.90
Just like I deal with three.
00:15:35.93\00:15:38.58
Exactly, you don't
even ask yourself that,
00:15:38.61\00:15:40.77
how could I ask myself that.
00:15:40.80\00:15:42.17
Yeah, it's like when--okay,
if I had one slice of bread,
00:15:42.20\00:15:47.78
well, cut down to six.
00:15:47.81\00:15:49.61
I mean six slice of bread,
00:15:49.64\00:15:51.14
I mean, I just I
can't think about that,
00:15:51.17\00:15:54.49
I mean, because I would
waste time to think about it
00:15:54.52\00:15:59.46
and I mean I just
can't worry about that.
00:15:59.49\00:16:01.39
I mean I don't
even-- I don't even--
00:16:01.42\00:16:04.29
It's not even an option-- No.
00:16:04.32\00:16:05.95
To think about that? No.
00:16:05.98\00:16:07.35
So when did you find out
about "Grandparents as Parents"
00:16:07.38\00:16:10.32
that organization and how did
you get involved in that one?
00:16:10.35\00:16:13.94
There's a funny story.
00:16:13.97\00:16:16.45
Me and three young's one,
00:16:16.48\00:16:19.41
we was in a
grocery store, shopping.
00:16:19.44\00:16:21.95
You know, I tell them,
00:16:21.98\00:16:24.51
okay, look for
something that's on sale.
00:16:24.54\00:16:27.33
In the papers I
get the coupons so--
00:16:27.36\00:16:31.33
So they learned
to do that young?
00:16:31.36\00:16:33.67
They know. Yes.
00:16:33.70\00:16:35.07
So, we was in the store
and a lady was in front of us.
00:16:35.10\00:16:40.09
And she really stopped
doing what she was doing,
00:16:40.12\00:16:45.00
looked back at us,
00:16:45.03\00:16:46.40
I mean, at first I was wondering
00:16:46.43\00:16:48.42
what she looking at, you know?
00:16:48.45\00:16:50.71
But it--she said,
"Are those your grandkids?"
00:16:50.74\00:16:54.79
I said, "Aha, yes."
00:16:54.82\00:16:56.68
She said, "They are so amenable.
00:16:56.71\00:16:58.74
I see, they know it,
00:16:58.77\00:17:00.49
I mean, they know
how to act, you know."
00:17:00.52\00:17:02.40
She said, "I am just so--"
00:17:02.43\00:17:05.15
What I--so each of
them had coupons to give you
00:17:05.18\00:17:08.38
and so she was
hearing that. Yeah.
00:17:08.41\00:17:10.20
The whole conversation. Yeah.
00:17:10.23\00:17:12.86
And she was because--
00:17:12.89\00:17:14.43
they know, you know, at
the time it was four of us,
00:17:14.46\00:17:18.95
so they know to
get four bananas,
00:17:18.98\00:17:23.04
four oranges, four apples, so--
00:17:23.07\00:17:25.50
And everybody
gets one. Yeah. Yes.
00:17:25.53\00:17:28.00
And so she was saying to you,
00:17:28.03\00:17:30.10
"That's pretty
amazing to watch."
00:17:30.13\00:17:31.50
Yes. And actually she gave me
her sister's number Pam tallied
00:17:31.53\00:17:38.74
her number and was telling me,
00:17:38.77\00:17:40.87
you know, they-- she
may be able to help me
00:17:40.90\00:17:44.48
and able to-- so I called her.
00:17:44.51\00:17:46.35
Exactly. So I mean, and they've
been helping me since then.
00:17:46.38\00:17:50.56
It's been a few years now.
00:17:50.59\00:17:53.08
Okay, one thing
that I know is that
00:17:53.11\00:17:56.05
now you're also
helping them. Oh, yes.
00:17:56.08\00:17:58.94
So, you know, so
it's interesting to me
00:17:58.97\00:18:02.81
that not only did
you call to get support
00:18:02.84\00:18:06.03
and find out what they are doing
00:18:06.06\00:18:07.43
and all that kind of
stuff, but then you said to Pam,
00:18:07.46\00:18:10.06
what can I do to help you guys?
00:18:10.09\00:18:12.30
And so do you
work in the office?
00:18:12.33\00:18:13.81
Do you volunteer with
that organization now?
00:18:13.84\00:18:17.09
Yes, I do. I mean, I earn--
00:18:17.12\00:18:20.28
and I mean, I
really like my job.
00:18:20.31\00:18:23.45
I mean, you think I
was making $40 an hour
00:18:23.48\00:18:29.65
but because I
get there on the bus.
00:18:29.68\00:18:34.07
I mean, I like it, I mean,
it's not all about the money.
00:18:34.10\00:18:38.48
I mean, Pam is really
teaching me different skills
00:18:38.51\00:18:43.75
'cause I knew
nothing about computers.
00:18:43.78\00:18:46.67
Right. Now I do.
00:18:46.70\00:18:48.12
Right. You know, I am learning.
00:18:48.15\00:18:49.86
And to work in an organization
00:18:49.89\00:18:53.30
that gives grandparents a
voice, that's got to feel good?
00:18:53.33\00:18:56.40
Oh yes. Yes.
00:18:56.43\00:18:57.80
I mean because I am
walking in those shoes.
00:18:57.83\00:19:01.20
I mean, I was 47 years old
00:19:01.23\00:19:04.72
banned for pull ups
and vibes, I mean, I--
00:19:04.75\00:19:08.43
There's something
so not right about that
00:19:08.46\00:19:10.77
but, you know,
you do what you do.
00:19:10.80\00:19:13.07
Yeah, and I think that my
kids were just was worried
00:19:13.10\00:19:17.90
because of my health issues.
00:19:17.93\00:19:20.87
I mean, I've had like
00:19:20.90\00:19:25.82
10 surgeries since '04.
00:19:25.85\00:19:29.61
I am on my second pacemaker
00:19:29.64\00:19:32.38
and I have a form of
leukemia but God is good.
00:19:32.41\00:19:39.31
I mean, I just ask
God to give me my sight,
00:19:39.34\00:19:44.53
sense and strength enough to see
00:19:44.56\00:19:46.14
these kids till they get grown.
00:19:46.17\00:19:47.58
Exactly, and that's
what a lot of grandparents
00:19:47.61\00:19:50.32
throughout the
country are asking us
00:19:50.35\00:19:52.11
who're raising
their grandbabies is that
00:19:52.14\00:19:54.20
I can't even slow down
00:19:54.23\00:19:55.60
to look at what's
happening with me physically
00:19:55.63\00:19:58.05
because there's a need that
has to happen out here. Right.
00:19:58.08\00:20:00.76
And I have to say we're
gonna open it up for questions
00:20:00.79\00:20:04.01
but I have to just say to
you is that God blessed you
00:20:04.04\00:20:07.02
for making that decision.
00:20:07.05\00:20:09.36
And I really understand the fact
00:20:09.39\00:20:11.82
that I will have time to
look at all these other stuff
00:20:11.85\00:20:14.31
whether we can afford it or not,
00:20:14.34\00:20:15.71
whether I am well or not,
00:20:15.74\00:20:17.11
whether, you know, I
need another surgery or not,
00:20:17.14\00:20:19.76
is that who is going
to take care of this.
00:20:19.79\00:20:22.09
And that's the voice of a
lot of grandparents right now.
00:20:22.12\00:20:24.89
And that's what your
organization is trying
00:20:24.92\00:20:28.01
to find out as what is the need
00:20:28.04\00:20:29.45
and how can we meet that need.
00:20:29.48\00:20:30.85
Yeah, I mean, it's like you see
00:20:30.88\00:20:34.64
so many
grandparents raising grandkids,
00:20:34.67\00:20:37.97
you know, it's
not a black issue,
00:20:38.00\00:20:40.78
it's not a white
issue. I mean it's a--
00:20:40.81\00:20:44.13
It's not an economy issue.
00:20:44.16\00:20:45.53
Right, right. It's a issue.
00:20:45.56\00:20:46.93
I mean I've seen
grandparents younger than me,
00:20:46.96\00:20:52.56
you know, carrying
their grandkids to school.
00:20:52.59\00:20:55.02
I mean, I was 47-years-old
taking my baby to preschool
00:20:55.05\00:21:00.59
so I had to do it, I mean--
00:21:00.62\00:21:05.16
You do what you have to do. Yes.
00:21:05.19\00:21:06.58
We're gonna open it up
for questions right now.
00:21:06.61\00:21:08.28
So--and I know that there's
few people in the cafe right now
00:21:08.31\00:21:14.15
that have been
raised by grandparents
00:21:14.18\00:21:16.45
and have that same--
those same kind of issues.
00:21:16.48\00:21:19.46
And so I'd like
to stay on that topic
00:21:19.49\00:21:22.36
and Pam, I am gonna
bring you up after the break.
00:21:22.39\00:21:27.25
And so you can kind
of close it for us. Okay.
00:21:27.28\00:21:30.86
And you know the first
person, Ronald, do you had the--
00:21:30.89\00:21:33.66
you had a comment that
00:21:33.69\00:21:35.06
I thought was
really interesting,
00:21:35.09\00:21:36.46
so go ahead and share with us.
00:21:36.49\00:21:39.38
Well, I'm a layman
and my experience in life
00:21:39.41\00:21:46.54
sort of fits into what
you've been talking about.
00:21:46.57\00:21:50.19
As a child, I was born
but I never knew my father.
00:21:50.22\00:21:56.54
He left my mother
before I was born.
00:21:56.57\00:22:00.18
And so I grew up living with
my grandmother and my mother
00:22:00.21\00:22:06.60
and both of them had to work.
00:22:06.63\00:22:09.19
So they send me out to
somebody when they went to work
00:22:09.22\00:22:13.50
and then I came
home when they came home.
00:22:13.53\00:22:17.33
But then when I
started to go to school,
00:22:17.36\00:22:23.86
I would leave with my mother
00:22:23.89\00:22:26.82
and take a bus
into the Lancaster
00:22:26.85\00:22:31.69
and then the bus
out to Grand Duo Heights
00:22:31.72\00:22:35.23
because that's where my aunt
00:22:35.26\00:22:36.63
want to me to go to
school, a new school.
00:22:36.66\00:22:40.52
But it was on the
other side of the Lancaster.
00:22:40.55\00:22:43.03
And then my
mother, when she came back
00:22:43.06\00:22:47.26
from work at a watch factory,
00:22:47.29\00:22:50.17
she would come and get me
and then we go home on a bus.
00:22:50.20\00:22:55.85
And before that
though when she was working,
00:22:55.88\00:22:59.30
when she would go to work,
00:22:59.33\00:23:01.35
we can go up and
then to Willow street
00:23:01.38\00:23:04.99
and then she dropped me
off at an army--not an army,
00:23:05.02\00:23:08.15
Mennonite home and they kept me.
00:23:08.18\00:23:11.37
Then when she'd come home,
00:23:11.40\00:23:12.90
she get me and we'd walk
down and walk back to the house.
00:23:12.93\00:23:17.23
And grandma's
house was always there.
00:23:17.26\00:23:20.57
Yeah. Well, until my
mother got remarried.
00:23:20.60\00:23:25.93
But I never even
knew what a father was.
00:23:25.96\00:23:29.65
What's really
interesting, Ronald, is to add,
00:23:29.68\00:23:32.72
in what we're talking
about is sometimes from early on
00:23:32.75\00:23:37.05
we were raised by
parents and grandparents
00:23:37.08\00:23:39.75
but, you know, when I
look at you and you say--
00:23:39.78\00:23:41.78
Ronald, you said,
you were raised that way,
00:23:41.81\00:23:43.94
is that this is not a new issue.
00:23:43.97\00:23:46.16
This is not
something that just happened.
00:23:46.19\00:23:48.14
I think it is getting
to where more and more
00:23:48.17\00:23:51.53
grandparents are raising
kids but it always has been--
00:23:51.56\00:23:55.45
Maybe just hid of
being-- It was way hid.
00:23:55.48\00:23:59.15
They want to talk about,
00:23:59.18\00:24:00.55
maybe they
thought it was a shame,
00:24:00.58\00:24:01.96
you know, they just
don't want to talk about it.
00:24:01.99\00:24:04.40
Right. There's still
some shame attached to it.
00:24:04.43\00:24:07.67
It is. It is.
00:24:07.70\00:24:09.07
But not as much
as, as at one time.
00:24:09.10\00:24:11.31
And I love the fact that
the more we talk about it,
00:24:11.34\00:24:13.95
the less shame and the more
00:24:13.98\00:24:15.96
somebody can actually
do something, you know.
00:24:15.99\00:24:18.71
It is a population that needs
a response from the community.
00:24:18.74\00:24:23.20
I mean it because we
keep it here, who knows,
00:24:23.23\00:24:26.22
I mean, if you need help,
00:24:26.25\00:24:28.13
you know, they don't
know unless you speak up.
00:24:28.16\00:24:31.79
Exactly. Asheley,
you had a question.
00:24:31.82\00:24:35.14
Yeah, I was thinking back
to my own personal experience
00:24:35.17\00:24:39.09
and how my grandparents
kind of raised me off and on.
00:24:39.12\00:24:42.70
It's not like I
think for a lot of parent--
00:24:42.73\00:24:46.42
grandparents out there,
00:24:46.45\00:24:47.82
may be it's not a permanent
thing like with your situation.
00:24:47.85\00:24:51.08
May be it's kind of, you know,
00:24:51.11\00:24:53.20
where they have
the kids for a while
00:24:53.23\00:24:54.83
and then they don't
have them for a while.
00:24:54.86\00:24:56.38
And that's just is
really unstable thing
00:24:56.41\00:24:58.47
and then how do you cope
00:24:58.50\00:24:59.87
as a
grandparent with not knowing
00:24:59.90\00:25:02.07
if you're gonna have the child,
00:25:02.10\00:25:04.38
you know, for a long period
of time or they gonna go back
00:25:04.41\00:25:06.78
and live with their parents.
00:25:06.81\00:25:08.75
Well, actually my
three young's one,
00:25:08.78\00:25:11.87
my daughter send
them over to me again.
00:25:11.90\00:25:17.07
What she did was
when she was locked up,
00:25:17.10\00:25:23.27
she signed temporary
guardianship over to me.
00:25:23.30\00:25:27.42
So I can get them in
school but when she came home,
00:25:27.45\00:25:30.64
actually, she just
redone the papers in 2009.
00:25:30.67\00:25:36.77
She say, she
wasn't ready for it yet.
00:25:36.80\00:25:39.92
But she got four
more kids. So but--
00:25:39.95\00:25:44.40
So now that you
have permanent custody.
00:25:44.43\00:25:47.27
When--but
Asheley, you were saying
00:25:47.30\00:25:51.19
when the children
come and go emotionally
00:25:51.22\00:25:54.13
what does that do
to the grandparent?
00:25:54.16\00:25:58.15
What does that do to,
00:25:58.18\00:25:59.55
you know, you really
can't plan on anything?
00:25:59.58\00:26:02.05
Well, I mean, well,
actually, I haven't had to go
00:26:02.08\00:26:06.19
through that problem
yet and I hope I don't but--
00:26:06.22\00:26:11.90
I know that I wish you've had
00:26:11.93\00:26:14.29
similar
situation than like that.
00:26:14.32\00:26:16.90
So you've had an
adoptive grandchild
00:26:16.93\00:26:19.12
not necessarily
your own grandchild
00:26:19.15\00:26:20.86
but speak a little bit
about when she comes and goes.
00:26:20.89\00:26:23.89
Yeah, I mean,
I've had her twice.
00:26:23.92\00:26:27.24
And she's like my
own granddaughter.
00:26:27.27\00:26:29.08
I mean, I am her
surrogate grandparents.
00:26:29.11\00:26:31.27
And when she comes, I
have to recognize the fact
00:26:31.30\00:26:35.04
that she's not
going to be there with us.
00:26:35.07\00:26:37.47
But at the same
time I have to treat her
00:26:37.50\00:26:39.72
like she's going to
be there with me forever.
00:26:39.75\00:26:42.30
I mean, I can't assume anything.
00:26:42.33\00:26:45.38
But when it gets
closer with someone
00:26:45.41\00:26:47.80
you know when it's coming.
00:26:47.83\00:26:49.20
I mean, you have an idea
00:26:49.23\00:26:50.60
that they are
going to let her go back
00:26:50.63\00:26:52.00
or she's going to go back.
00:26:52.03\00:26:53.40
And so you first start
preparing your mind for it.
00:26:53.43\00:26:55.67
You really have to because
otherwise you're not gonna--
00:26:55.70\00:26:59.03
I mean it hurts when they
walk-- when they're going back.
00:26:59.06\00:27:04.52
But you also want them
to be together as a family
00:27:04.55\00:27:07.38
and that's what
makes it little bit easier.
00:27:07.41\00:27:09.47
Exactly and so
we're gonna take a break
00:27:09.50\00:27:11.76
and bring Pamela back up.
00:27:11.79\00:27:13.62
But, you know, I love the fact
00:27:13.65\00:27:15.36
what everybody shared is
that you can't do anything
00:27:15.39\00:27:18.06
other than step in and
try to help in your family.
00:27:18.09\00:27:21.72
You really do have
to recognize the pain
00:27:21.75\00:27:24.62
like what Iris was saying
00:27:24.65\00:27:26.02
of having a child
come and go from your life.
00:27:26.05\00:27:28.57
And I am hoping that we're
part of allowing this group
00:27:28.60\00:27:32.87
to have some what of a voice.
00:27:32.90\00:27:34.60
They need some help
even if it's a good job,
00:27:34.63\00:27:38.30
can I baby sit?
Can I give you a break?
00:27:38.33\00:27:40.54
I mean any of
those kind of things.
00:27:40.57\00:27:41.94
But we're gonna be right back.
00:27:41.97\00:27:43.34
I am gonna bring Pamela back up
and I know that we're gonna get
00:27:43.37\00:27:46.36
a little bit more
information, so stay with us.
00:27:46.39\00:27:48.93