Participants: Cheri Peters (Host), Guests from Miracle Meadows
Series Code: CLR
Program Code: CLR000099B
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00:01 The following program discusses sensitive issues
00:03 related to addictive behavior. 00:05 Parents are cautioned that some material 00:06 may be too candid for younger children. 00:14 Welcome back. 00:16 You know what was amazing to me, 00:18 we're listening to everything 00:19 that like Gayle had to say about, 00:21 you know, reactive disorders and attachment 00:23 and all that kind of stuff 00:25 and what was amazing to me is that for me 00:28 because I had all that is I just wanted someone to tell me 00:32 that I could learn something different 00:34 and I could walk away from that. 00:35 So we're gonna meet everybody that's at Miracle Meadows. 00:39 You've been there for how long? 00:41 About 8 1/2 months. 00:43 8 1/2 months. And tell us your name. 00:45 What brought you there? And what you're learning there? 00:48 Okay, my name is Jill 00:49 and basically what brought me to Miracle Meadows 00:52 is that I just didn't know what I wanted to do. 00:54 If I wanted to do drugs I did drugs. 00:57 It started off my real dad wasn't really in the picture 00:59 when I was younger and my mom got remarried. 01:02 So he left how old were you? 01:04 Well, basically before I was born. Okay. 01:06 My mother divorced him. 01:08 And she got remarried when I was six. 01:11 And so that was when everything really started out. 01:13 I was like, well, who are you to come here 01:14 and try to tell me what to do. 01:16 Yeah. Like, goodbye. 01:18 And I started to rebel against him 01:21 and while I was also rebelling 01:24 against my mom at the same time. 01:25 And when I started to get older I started to find more ways 01:28 to cope with how I was angry and how I was heard 01:31 because my real dad wasn't in the picture. 01:33 And I started to do drugs. 01:35 I experimented with pills and I moved on. 01:37 So in--in--like, I started doing drugs when I was like 12. 01:41 What age were you? I was about 12. Okay. 01:43 Because a lot of people look at little 12-year-olds 01:45 and they think "no way, they're not doing that." Well, yeah. 01:49 Then it was more about myself. 01:51 When I was 12 and 13 I started to do drug myself. 01:53 And as I got older and I went to high school, 01:55 I started to find other people to do drugs with. 01:57 What worked about drugs? 01:59 I mean, when you first did drugs why did it work? 02:01 Oh, it took the pain away. I didn't feel anything. 02:03 Yeah. You could relax. You didn't feel so angry. 02:06 Yeah, I didn't feel anxious either. 02:08 And I was just-- I was just laidback. 02:12 I didn't have to worry about anything. 02:14 You liked yourself better. 02:15 Yes. And I felt more comfortable. Yeah. 02:18 And from there I started to smoke and smoke cigarettes 02:23 and drink and progress into going to party, 02:27 start partying hard and not come home at night. 02:31 Come home at 2 o' clock in the morning 02:32 when I was supposed to be home at 11:00. 02:34 And I'd be like, well, I don't care. 02:36 I can do what I want. 02:37 Don't tell me what to do. 02:38 Yeah. Who are you? Yeah. 02:40 And I just-- I rebelled. 02:42 I got piercings, I got tattoos just because my parents said no, 02:47 you can't have it. 02:48 Look, look how sweet you look. 02:49 I can't even imagine that because I'm looking at you 02:53 and I'm thinking, you know, you look, 02:55 you know, calm and you look like 02:56 you like being in your own skin. 02:58 So you come to Miracle Meadows through all that rebellion. 03:01 Did they--did they tell you, you were coming? 03:03 No. They told me I was going to go visit a family member. 03:06 And I was knocked out in the car. 03:08 And when I woke up in West Virginia, 03:10 I was like, wait, West Virginia isn't close 03:13 to where we were supposed to be going. 03:14 Well, don't you know your geography? 03:16 It's a state over, you'rve supposed to go to Pennsylvania. 03:19 And I was like, wow, that was when it hit me. 03:22 I was like, wow, I messed up and they're sending me away. 03:24 And as soon as I pulled up I saw Miracle Meadows School. 03:27 You knew. And I just started to cry. 03:30 That's all I could do. I could just cry. 03:32 You know and I think that that 03:33 because you talked about abandonment issues with dad 03:35 and now you're coming to a school, 03:37 even though people are bringing you there 03:38 to get help it still must have felt like 03:41 you were being abandoned. 03:42 Oh, yes. I was so hurt. 03:43 I said "you're leaving me here 03:45 with people you don't know." Yeah. 03:46 I don't know them. You don't know them. 03:48 And so how long did it take you 03:51 to start to even look at this program 03:55 or get involved in this program? 03:56 Well, I'd been in other programs before so I knew 03:59 a lot of what I should have been doing. 04:00 I just wasn't doing it. Okay. 04:02 And so I started-- I started to look and I said, 04:05 I already knew the 12 steps 04:07 because I participated in AA 04:09 for about a month or two. Okay. 04:11 And I started to look and I started to go back 04:13 and I said "okay, this is what I'm supposed to be doing. 04:17 And I was in a Christian family. 04:19 My parents were Baptist and grandparents were Baptist. 04:22 So I was like "Lord, is this what 04:24 I'm supposed to be doing and I'm supposed to be here? 04:26 Yeah. So you even knew that you could ask God. Yes. 04:29 Yeah. And what did he say? He said, yes. 04:33 Exactly. Because you know, even it's like, 04:36 you know, we have abandonment 04:38 and we have all this kind of stuff 04:39 and we're so angry and nothing's working 04:42 and now stepparents and all that kind of stuff, 04:44 and it's nobody's fault but it just doesn't work. Yeah. 04:47 And there's got to be a time 04:48 were all the craziness comes to a hold. 04:52 And there's some hope that, you know, I can get better. 04:55 Yeah. It's hard especially being an addict, 04:59 going through all that. 05:01 It's very hard. 05:02 And so what works at Miracle Meadows? 05:03 What are you learning? 05:05 Well, I'm starting to learn more about the Adventist religion. 05:09 I didn't know much about it before. 05:11 And I'm learning more about the 3 Angel message, 05:14 the Sabbath and everything like that. 05:16 And since I've been at Miracle Meadows 05:17 I've lost two important family members and-- 05:22 While you were in Miracle Meadows? 05:24 So you haven't seen-- 05:25 you didn't get to see them before they died? 05:27 I didn't--no, I did not get to say goodbye. 05:28 I'm sorry. Um, but-- 05:32 So did you work on your grief? 05:34 Yes, I didn't-- it hasn't hit as hard 05:38 because I've been at Miracle Meadows 05:41 and I haven't really had a chance to really sit there 05:44 and it hasn't really hit as much. Yeah. 05:46 But it's a good process because I have people around me 05:50 that know and that are helpful. 05:51 And they support you. Yes. 05:54 Okay, so besides religion, 05:57 what were you learning spiritually, 05:58 how about with your anger 06:00 and with your abandonment issues what are you learning? 06:02 Well, I learned that my real dad, 06:04 it wasn't my fault. Yeah. 06:06 I'd always kind of blame myself, like, he left me 06:09 because I did something, 06:11 because maybe I was conceived 06:14 and I was going to be around or something like that. 06:17 You went in them. 06:19 Yeah. That I wasn't enough. Yeah. 06:20 And I started to tell-- also learned that 06:22 my step-dad really does love me. 06:24 And that he's-- I call him dad 06:26 and I really do call him dad because he is my father. 06:29 And it wasn't his fault. Yes. 06:30 That your real dad left. Yes. 06:33 And I'm just-- I'm starting to realize like, 06:36 everything happens for a reason. 06:37 And that I was brought-- 06:40 the way I was brought up might not have been 06:41 the best way to be brought up. 06:44 But everything-- there's a plan for everything 06:47 and there's a reason for everything. 06:49 So you're learning to really trust God. Yes. 06:51 And I may not understand that reason but I trust you. Yeah. 06:55 Hell, yeah. How about things-- 06:58 well, you know, I'm gonna introduce 07:00 the folks to someone else as I want to say, God bless you. 07:05 I think it's cool that you're there and I know that, 07:07 you know, you could probably be anywhere 07:09 but there would be better. 07:10 But, you know, you're coming off your drugs, 07:12 you're dealing with anger 07:13 and you're starting to look at your family in a healthier way 07:16 and I'm sure looking at yourself in a healthier way 07:18 because when I first met you one of the thing 07:20 that I thought was really cool about you 07:22 is you really present it well, you know. 07:25 You're just solid in your presentation and stuff. 07:28 And I thought, you know, I wonder 07:29 what she's gonna do for a living. 07:31 What is gonna be your passion. Do you have any idea? 07:35 I worked into going to medical school 07:38 and law school like my mother. 07:40 Oh, yeah. But I don't know yet. 07:42 But you know what? 07:43 When I first met you, that's the sense I got from you 07:46 is you're really a solid individual 07:49 that wouldn't have a hard time coming up 07:52 in front of somebody and presenting something. 07:53 So law and that kind of stuff would be perfect 07:56 and you can feel that. 07:57 So I can't wait to see what happens 07:59 and good luck with your program. Thank you. 08:01 Okay, thanks, Jill. 08:02 And now I'd like to introduce you to Taalib. 08:05 Go head and come on now. 08:07 And I--when you first started to share a little bit 08:10 about your background I really related to you. 08:13 So I want you to say a little bit about who you are, 08:19 what your name is and who you are 08:21 and a little bit about what you shared with me. 08:24 My name is Taalib. I'm from New York. 08:26 And the reason I came to Miracle Meadows 08:28 is because of my mom wasn't able to trust me at home. 08:32 And I wouldn't do my school because I was failing. 08:36 I was doing drugs. I was-- 08:38 So totally rebelling. Yeah. 08:40 I'm not following any kind of direction at home 08:47 and I'm not doing schoolwork and I'm taking drugs 08:49 and I could care less what you think. Yeah. 08:53 Okay, so that brought you there. 08:55 You told me--I'd like you to talk about 08:57 from the very beginning like you were born... 09:02 Yeah, I was born--when I went to my adopted mother 09:06 I'd had to come straight from the hospital for 2 weeks 09:09 from being detoxicated from drugs 09:12 and I was taking my biological parents. 09:15 And so to me I thought 09:16 that was you're born strung out already. 09:20 So you were born addicted to drugs 09:22 and dealing with detox before you could speak, 09:25 before you could walk. 09:27 And I just so thought when you told me that is 09:31 "man, a lot of people don't have those issues 09:34 to walk into their childhood with, 09:36 to walk in, you know, into their life with." 09:39 And you had them right from the beginning. 09:42 So you adopted--you were adopted right away. 09:44 I was adopted at age 13. Okay. 09:46 So where did go when you were-- from your bio mom? 09:49 Well, I lived with my adopted mother 09:54 since I was 2 weeks old 09:56 and in for a year and a half I lived with my grandmother. 09:59 And then I went to court and they asked me 10:00 who I want to live with and I said "my adopted mother." 10:03 Okay and then she adopted you. 10:05 She adopted me at age 13. 10:06 Okay but she's known you since you were born, really. 10:09 Okay, so when you got brought to Miracle Meadows 10:13 you were brought because of all that 10:14 kind of rebellion at your adopted mom. 10:17 And I'd steal from my mother and I use her credit cards. 10:19 Okay. All kinds of stuff. 10:21 Totally out of control. Yeah. 10:24 Again, well, the same thing when I looked at Jill. 10:26 I look at you and you really do not look like, 10:30 you know, that kid like you have that much-- 10:32 that kind of anger in you but you're saying I do. 10:35 I really have that kind of anger. 10:37 So when you come to Miracle Meadows 10:38 how long have you been there? 10:39 A year and two months. Okay. 10:41 What are you working on? Mostly school work right now. 10:44 Okay. Didn't work on anger or any of that kind of stuff? 10:48 Well, I don't blow up as much as I used to 10:50 but when I first went to Miracle Meadows 10:53 I had some issues. 10:54 Okay. So what worked? Why don't you blow up as much? 10:59 Well, because if you be active there, after a while 11:02 you start getting tired of being there 11:04 so you just do what you do to leave. 11:06 Okay, so do you feel like, 11:11 you know, like what we were talking 11:14 about at the first part of the program, 11:16 there's sometimes all that stuff 11:18 that we had from little tiny kids 11:20 and even babies causes us to have more difficulty in life. 11:25 Do you agree with that? 11:27 No? Yeah. 11:28 Yeah, and so do you believe 11:31 you can be re-taught like what Gayle was saying, 11:34 I can learn what I didn't learn as a kid, 11:38 like how to deal with anger and all kind of stuff. 11:41 I so believe that. 11:42 I think that, you know, to me 11:44 I look at what you had as an infant. 11:47 Did you ever meet your birth mom? 11:50 I've seen my birth mother once. Okay. 11:51 What's she like? I don't remember. 11:54 Okay. I was five. 11:55 Okay. You were too little. 11:59 So when you, you know, when you come back with all that, 12:03 the fact that you can re-learn as far as anger 12:07 and being able to kind of fit in 12:10 because I don't know about you 12:12 but I never felt like I fit in anywhere. 12:14 How did you feel about that? 12:16 Did you feel like you fit in, you know, into your family, 12:19 into your school, into your-- so you don't have that. 12:23 What kind of-- how did you deal with anger? 12:25 Then, you know, when you said 12:26 I don't have the anger that I had at first. 12:28 How did you deal with that? 12:30 When I first got angry what did I do? 12:32 When you first got to Miracle Meadows you were angry. 12:36 And now you're not as angry. 12:38 Did they do something specifically to help you 12:40 to deal with your anger? 12:41 Well, they talked to me 12:43 and they told me like how you can-- 12:46 how it wouldn't be easy in the real world. 12:48 In the real world you can't just blow up 12:50 because then you lose a lot of jobs like that. 12:51 So I took into consideration and I listened to what they said. 12:54 And I started not blowing up as much as I used to. 12:57 How about your drugs? 13:01 Are you not using because you're at Miracle Meadows 13:03 or you're not using because you really making 13:05 a decision not to use? 13:08 Kind of 50-50, I don't know. 13:10 Okay, and so my prayer for you is that 13:12 it's gonna be 100% that you realize you can't use. 13:15 Because you know you were born an addict. 13:17 And anytime you sell out you're gonna be more-- 13:22 it's kind of in your blood 13:23 and you're gonna be more tripped up 13:24 with drugs and alcohol than somebody else would. 13:27 And so my prayer for you 13:29 before you leave is that you get that. 13:32 Do anything else, except for drugs and alcohol. 13:35 You know what I mean? 13:36 Just don't use. 13:39 Anything you want to say about who you are 13:42 before I introduce the group to someone else. No. 13:45 Okay, it was nice meeting you. Thank you. 13:48 Okay, So I'd like Aaron to come up. 13:56 And so it's interesting, Aaron, 13:57 when as we're meeting everybody 14:00 it seems like everybody who's coming 14:02 or most people had the story of coming 14:03 with rebellion to Miracle Meadows. 14:07 Tell us who you are, where you came from 14:10 and how you got to Miracle Meadows. 14:11 Okay, so my name is Aaron and I'm originally from New York. 14:17 I think my whole anger problem started 14:20 which is why I'm at Miracle Meadows. 14:21 Basically, when my parents started to move 14:24 to West Virginia and, you know-- 14:26 From New York. Yeah. 14:27 So big change in where and how you lived. 14:29 Yeah so, I mean, we moved to the suburbs 14:33 like kind of after 9/11 and everything. 14:36 But it was still kind of like 14:37 I was able to hang out with friends and stuff. 14:39 And then we moved out to in the middle of nowhere. 14:41 And like I don't have my friends or anything, you know. 14:44 Like where are we? 14:45 And so I guess I was kind of angry at my parents about that. 14:49 And after a while like I couldn't just-- 14:53 I guess sort of through like my teenage years 14:55 I would get into arguments 14:57 with my brother and my mom would get mad at me. 14:59 And then because my parents were having martial problems, 15:02 my mom would sort of take that out on me 15:04 and start to freak out. 15:05 That's a lot to handle. Yeah. 15:07 So a lot of your changes, 15:09 friends, moving out to the country and having, 15:12 you know, family stuff and you just respond to all that 15:17 with anger and definitely rebellion. 15:20 So how did you get-- did they just say one day, 15:24 you know, we're gonna take you to Miracle Meadows. 15:25 You're gonna go to that school. 15:28 Well, it kind of accelerated. 15:31 At first I would just yell and curse my mom. 15:33 And afterwards feel bad and apologize to her. 15:36 And then it would accelerate 15:37 and I wouldn't even apologize 15:38 and then after a while I would get physical and punch walls. 15:42 So she knew that it was getting worse? Yeah. 15:44 And eventually you were gonna have big problems 15:47 if you didn't deal with it. Mm-hmm. 15:49 And then one day, it kind of got out of hand. 15:51 And so I ended up grabbing a gun. 15:54 And so I got into trouble with the law. 15:56 And so my parents pounded me off to juvi 15:59 and then they sent me to Miracle Meadows. 16:01 Okay, what do you think of Miracle Meadows? 16:05 I think in some ways, in a lot of ways 16:07 actually it's better then being in the system. 16:10 So I think it's actually a blessing sort of in disguise. 16:14 How long have you been there? 16:15 About 5 months. Okay so 5 months. 16:18 What does your anger feel like? Is it less? 16:21 Yeah, actually I think it's less. 16:23 I mean, like Miracle Meadows is not a perfect place 16:26 but I guess, you know, you have certain people 16:29 who you just don't get along with but I guess 16:30 God puts them in your path to sort of test you 16:33 so I've been trying to work on that. 16:34 All right, so what are the-- is there a program or something 16:39 that they teach you that specifically says, 16:41 when you get angry these are some of the things you can do? 16:45 Well, they sort of try to work with you 16:46 with what works best for you, you know. 16:48 So they tell you to do certain things. 16:50 Try to do certain things which work best with you. 16:52 I mean, when people irritate me 16:55 I think the best thing for me 16:57 instead of retaliating is to ignore them. 16:59 So I've had staff tell me 17:01 to just basically try to ignore people 17:03 when they try to, 17:04 you know, try to get me angry and it works. 17:06 Yeah, that'll, that'll, definitely. 17:09 That'll do it. Yeah. 17:10 But, you know, it's like, it is really tough 17:12 'cause it feels like sometimes that people literally, 17:14 even if it's just a physiological way, 17:16 they literally try to push your buttons. 17:18 And when that happens to you, 17:19 well, you say is I try to-- some people say, 17:22 I count to 10. I take a walk. 17:24 I do whatever but, you know, I know the responding in anger, 17:28 getting up, grabbing something, 17:29 throwing something is not gonna work for me. 17:32 And so you're learning that this doesn't work. 17:35 Okay, so I won't push your buttons then. 17:38 Thank you. Thanks, Aaron. Thank you. 17:40 Okay, I'd like to have Cody. 17:44 And, you know, I just have say even with Aaron coming up, 17:48 he's learning different ways 17:50 to actually not have people push his buttons. 17:53 And I don't even know if that's your same issue. 17:55 But talk about, who you are, where you came from 17:58 and what brought you to Miracle Meadows. 18:01 Well, I'm Cody. I'm from California. 18:03 And I came here for a lot of different issues including 18:07 disrespect, defiance which kind of goes along the same lines, 18:12 lying, stealing, severe destruction of property. 18:16 And this is at your-- are you adopted by a family? 18:20 Kind of, you know, in a sense 18:21 but it's different from most of the other kids. 18:23 My birth-mom had me for the first 11 years of my life. 18:26 And my father got custody of me. 18:29 Okay. And where were you acting out, at father or mom's house? 18:33 Father. Okay. 18:34 Were you just angry that you got pulled from your mom's? 18:38 I mean what was the anger about? 18:39 I mean, a lot of it was but looking back like, 18:43 either way it made no sense 18:44 because my mom always getting abused over there a lot 18:47 and she had a lot of bad friends 18:49 that were doing stuff to me. Okay. 18:50 And I used to have to take cake of my siblings a lot. 18:53 Okay, so you kind of were-- you're trying to make sure 18:57 that everyone was safe, no one got hurt. 18:59 Everybody was taken care of 19:01 and that the house ran in a certain way. 19:03 You did all that. Kind of yeah. 19:05 Wow. Because you were young. 19:09 What brought your dad into remove you 19:11 from your mom's house? 19:13 Well, what happened was that the first time I called him 19:15 because my mom and my step-dad got in a really bad fight 19:19 and I had keep my little-- he was burning my sister 19:22 with water, like boiling water. 19:24 I had to take her from him and hide all my siblings 19:26 in the bathroom and call my grandma for help. 19:29 I didn't know what to do. 19:31 Right, somebody come help us. 19:33 So yeah, that happened and then he came and visited. 19:37 And my mom just had stuff lying out 19:38 like drugs and bongs, whatever. 19:41 And he fought a case against her and got half custody of me 19:45 and then I ended up telling him 19:47 a lot of stuff and then he ended up 19:48 getting full custody of me like a year later. 19:50 After that point I started like really rebelling 19:52 and getting tired of my dad. 19:54 Can I just--'cause it sound like if you were-- 19:56 if you were taking care of everybody 19:58 and keeping everybody safe, 19:59 did it feel like you abandoned them? 20:02 You know, so I mean, that's got to feel like, 20:05 you know, who's gonna take care? 20:06 What are they gonna do? 20:08 Who's gonna keep them safe? Yeah. 20:11 And so that was pretty intense 20:12 and so your anger increased, 20:14 rebellion, real destructive for property what does that mean? 20:18 I was straight up like, destroying stuff. 20:20 I tried to poison my dad. Yeah. 20:23 I tried to break a shed and yeah, 20:27 just all kind of crazy stuff like that. 20:29 Did you think that if he wasn't around 20:30 you'd get sent back to mom's? Or did you think-- 20:33 Yeah, I used to run away a lot, too. 20:34 That was in fact the kind of thing 20:36 that just solidified my decision to come here. Yeah. 20:40 What happened was I ran away and I was slept like-- 20:45 I slept in a post office under a trash can. 20:47 And someone called the cops and they came and got me. 20:50 I didn't really have a choice but I had to come but-- Yeah. 20:53 I went to Exodus' house and once my dad-- 20:56 my dad was kind of had a pretty heavy hand. 20:58 And was doing a lot of stuff to me 21:00 and they kept me there for a while. 21:01 And he ended up getting me back 21:03 and sending me here afterwards. 21:04 And so you come to Miracle Meadows. 21:06 First of all, I want to say thank you because-- 21:08 I mean some of the stuff that you share, 21:11 other kids share are pretty intense. 21:12 I mean it's heavy issues. 21:14 So thank you for sharing with us. 21:16 But when you get to Miracle Meadows 21:18 and you've got all that anger, 21:19 all of that stuff has gone on in your life from day one, 21:23 how do you then step into 21:25 a program like this and it be okay? 21:28 It wasn't okay when I first came. 21:30 That's probably the more honest answer. 21:32 But eventually you decided to do the program. 21:37 So what made it okay? 21:39 What--what made you start to trust anybody? 21:44 Well, like it seemed when I was here, 21:47 me and my dad were not really close. 21:49 We started getting like in a close relationship, 21:51 you know, started talking more like on positive things. 21:54 And then that kind of made me 21:56 want to make the right decision also 21:57 because I'd get out here faster. 21:59 I honestly did not like the school. 22:01 Yeah. Do you have friends here now? Mm-hmm. 22:05 And so, you know, to me I think that man, 22:08 I just admire the fact that you're working on all this 22:11 because you've got a lot of abuses, 22:14 different kind of abuses in your life 22:17 because of somebody else's addiction, 22:18 because your mom's addiction. 22:20 What do you do that actually works, 22:24 feels good, helps you and it's a positive thing? 22:28 Just I think talking to friends, drawing. 22:31 I mean I got into a couple of horrible things 22:32 like cutting and stuff. 22:34 So that was hard to quit but afterwards drawing, 22:36 playing piano all that stuff helps me. 22:38 And I see scars all the way up and down your arms. 22:40 So what works about cutting? 22:42 It's just, like, got my mind off of that 22:44 and it feels good to feel something, even if it's pain. 22:48 You know, we are talking about-- 22:49 on this program we talk about 22:50 what hijacks your pleasure centers, 22:52 what hijacks that part of your brain 22:54 that makes you feel calm and like everything's, 22:57 all gonna be okay. 22:58 And sometimes cutting is one of those things. 23:00 It's a negative way that gets you to feel good, 23:05 like somehow I feel-- I don't feel as angry 23:08 or I don't feel as stressed or anxious or whatever. 23:11 What are you doing? 23:13 So the cutting-- now you said you draw, 23:14 you hangout with friends, you talk. 23:16 Any sports, any physical stuff that works? 23:20 I think, yeah. 23:21 I like doing a lot of wrestling and stuff in the dorm 23:24 but I'm not supposed to. 23:26 Okay, okay. But it works. Yeah. 23:28 So, you know, to me I want to just say 23:30 I admire the fact that you have all of this junk 23:34 that you have to deal with 23:35 and you're starting to open up and deal with that. 23:37 That is awesome. 23:39 And the fact that you and your dad 23:40 are starting to connect a little bit more, 23:43 that's really good too. 23:45 How--what are your siblings, how are they doing? 23:48 I don't know. I haven't talk to them in a while. 23:50 How do you feel about that? 23:52 It hurts. Yeah. 23:53 And so that-- that's one thing to look at, 23:56 too 'cause you can't deny 23:57 the fact that you love them and it hurts. 24:00 And so, you know, I've asked people 24:02 that are watching this program is to pray 24:04 for whoever comes up and talks and I-- 24:07 I'm hoping that somebody just prays for you 24:09 during this whole time and prays for your-- 24:11 how many--you have brothers and sisters? 24:13 Both, one brother, one sister? 24:15 I have two brothers and one sister on my mom's side 24:18 and two sisters on my dad's side. 24:21 Okay, okay. You know-- you're working through a lot. 24:26 And I'm--I'm just proud that you are deciding to do the program 24:29 and that you're gonna work through this. 24:32 And that you're not cutting any more. 24:33 How cool is that? It is pretty cool. 24:35 Bye. Okay. Next I'd like to introduce you to Caroline. 24:40 Caroline, come in. 24:41 You know what, you are out of this group 24:44 the youngest one here. 24:46 How old are you? Nine. 9-years-old. 24:49 But you're not the youngest one at the school. 24:51 Who's the youngest one? Seleena. 24:53 And how old is she? She is eight. 24:56 Okay, and so I look at you 24:59 and I think there is no way 25:02 you could be in a alternative school but you are. 25:07 And so who are you and what brought you there? 25:10 I'm Caroline Murray Berrett. 25:13 I came to Miracle Meadows for disrespect, 25:18 stealing, lying, and defiance. 25:20 And tell me about your--are you bio-family, adopted family? 25:27 Tell me a little bit about your life. 25:31 I had my birth mom with me before I was only about-- 25:35 I don't know how old I was when I was with my birth family. 25:40 I was 3-months-old when I came to my adopted family. 25:43 Okay. Yeah. 25:45 And so and you got adopted at 3-months-old? Mm-hmm. 25:50 And the defiance, have you always just felt angry? 25:53 I mean, or is that new? No. 25:57 Okay so talk a little bit about that. 26:00 I like, I only get angry if I don't-- 26:02 like my mom does something I don't want happening 26:06 or if like-- if we're like moving somewhere 26:09 where I can't talk to my friends 26:11 or if like my mom won't let me to like eat something 26:16 or like if I want to go somewhere I cant go there. 26:20 Right, but, you know, so for a lot of us 26:23 will get angry about that. 26:25 But your anger is a little bit over the top then, right? 26:29 And so she ends up putting you in Miracle Meadows. 26:31 What's that like? 26:35 It was really just not happy 26:38 because I came back from school the one time 26:42 and I think it was in May the 4th. 26:44 So I came back, I saw my mom packing stuff. 26:47 I asked her, where are we going? 26:49 She's like, "well, you're going to a school." 26:50 I was like, "where?" 26:52 She's like, "the school that I was talking about." 26:54 And I was like, "oh, no." 26:55 And I kind of got really mad 26:57 and then when I saw the-- like I slept the whole time 27:02 and then I was just kind of-- 27:06 I was just my mom told me to wake up 27:07 and I just saw a sign. 27:09 Oh, Miracle Meadows. 27:10 I was like, "what am I doing here?" 27:11 She's like, "well, this is the school." 27:13 I was like, "is this a boarding school?" 27:15 She told me yes. So I was like, "okay." 27:17 So boarding school, dealing with anger, 27:19 what did they taught you about anger? 27:21 Anything? I mean what are you learning? 27:23 That I shouldn't let it on-- out on people. 27:26 That it's not a fun part to have in your life. 27:31 Right. So what do you do instead? 27:33 Instead of putting-- directing it towards people, 27:35 what do you do that works? 27:37 Sometimes I pray, sometimes I read 27:41 or something so I can just think of something else 27:44 instead of anger and not get mad. 27:46 So you just distract yourself. 27:48 Like, I just want to do something else. 27:50 Anything, exercise, physical stuff. 27:54 They changed the way you eat. 27:58 Yeah, they--not change the way I eat but-- 28:04 Because I've been at Miracle Meadows 28:05 and they're pretty healthy, right, as far as foods. 28:09 Not a lot of sugars and candies and all that kind of stuff. 28:13 Do you miss that? Kind of. 28:18 Well, I want to just say thank you. 28:19 So that--is there anything else that you want to share us first, 28:23 stuff that you've learned at Miracle Meadows? No. 28:27 Okay, thanks for sharing what you have. 28:30 It's kind of hard-- it's harder to be up here 28:31 than it looks, isn't it? 28:33 Because it looks like it'll be pretty easy. 28:36 Okay, thank you. 28:38 Okay, I'd like to introduce you now to Delaine. 28:41 Ah, Delaina. I always put the "e" on there. 28:44 Okay. Thank you. 28:47 And so you've heard everybody has talked about, 28:50 you know, Miracle Meadows and what brought them there. 28:55 I'm gonna ask you the same question 28:57 and then I want to ask you about their program 28:59 because you've been there for how long? 4 years. 29:01 And so you were there even the last time I was there. Yeah. 29:04 And so talk about what brought you there. Who are you? 29:07 Who your family is? And what are you learning? 29:10 Well, I'm Delaina. 29:12 I am the oldest student 29:13 at Miracle Meadows in age and length. 29:16 And I was adopted at the age of four before 29:22 and I was with my birth mother who was single 29:26 and addicted to drugs and alcohol and everything. 29:29 And she wasn't taking care of me. 29:30 There will be often times where she'll pass out. 29:33 She'll just leave me. 29:34 So you kind of were taking care of her. 29:36 Yeah, as a little girl. 29:38 And I'd be in and out of the foster program. 29:40 And there was a time where, 29:41 you know, she was told that she needs to complete 29:44 the rehab program or give up me. 29:47 And she gave up me. 29:51 You know, when you're saying that it sounds like 29:52 it's an easy thing to say 29:54 but it can't have been that easy to feel. 29:57 No, this actually took me quite a long time 30:00 to actually accept the fact that it wasn't my fault 30:03 for the adoption and to realize that, 30:07 you know, God's using me for a purpose 30:09 and that my past is my past and I have to step forward. 30:12 And not till this last year-- 30:15 well, half year that I started working myself 30:17 and getting rid of that past hurt. 30:20 So--and that's why I think it's incredible thing 30:23 when you actually have people that care about you. 30:25 They can talk about the issues 30:26 because it sounds like 30:28 you walked in feeling all that rejection. 30:30 You know, nobody really wants me. 30:32 I'm not good enough for my mom. 30:34 She won't even stay clean. 30:35 You're in and out of foster homes. 30:37 Were you finally adopted at the end of that? 30:39 Yeah. I was--I was--at the age of four I was adopted. Okay. 30:42 And my mother-- my family, 30:46 you know, my mother now, 30:48 you know, she came and picked me up 30:49 and she told me that when she picked me up she had-- 30:54 well, the only thing that I had was, 30:55 you know, a matching pair of earrings. 30:57 Everything else was not too big, too small. 30:59 Not my cloths kind of things. 31:01 So I came from, you know, a bad background 31:04 and ever since I was young growing up I felt rejected, 31:08 you know, from my birth mother. 31:10 And I was afraid of love. 31:12 Afraid of, you know, coming-- having someone love me 31:16 and then loving them back 31:18 and then having them get rid of me again. 31:19 So I acted out in violence physically and emotionally 31:23 towards my family. 31:25 And I was--I stole, I lied, I was destructive of property 31:31 and, you know, everything was like turned upside down, 31:35 like chaos because of me. 31:37 And I often, you know, all it caused was hurting the family. 31:41 And what finally caused the decision 31:43 to get rid of me was before I left was at the age of 13. 31:48 They said that, you know, we can't handle you anymore 31:51 because we had this big fight and I threatened to stab them 31:53 in their sleep before they-- after they went to bed. And-- 31:58 That's pretty intense. Yeah. 32:00 And I just told them I am gonna kill the fish. 32:03 And like I hope you fall on the stairs. 32:05 I'm gonna stab you guys in your sleep 32:07 and they couldn't take it any longer. Right. 32:08 And the next day, you know, they took me out of school 32:10 and shipped me off 32:11 because they couldn't handle any longer. Right. 32:14 And so you come to Miracle Meadows totally-- 32:16 you know, and can I ask you Delaina, 32:18 'cause I mean I, you know, I think you're so amazing 32:21 but did you think at one point that I must be crazy? 32:25 Do you know like 'cause you don't really-- 32:26 I think sometimes we don't feel like we understand our anger. 32:29 We don't understand why I'm doing this. 32:31 It just feels crazy but I have no control. 32:34 Yeah, often I felt like, 32:35 you know, there's something wrong with me. 32:37 There's something wrong with me inside, you know. 32:39 Am I not a good person? 32:41 Is there a--did I have a defect or something? 32:44 Like I didn't feel important at all. 32:46 I felt like trash along with treating others like trash. 32:49 And a lot times to the outside world, 32:52 like complete people I do not know, they thought, 32:55 "oh, what's wrong with her?" 32:56 Like even my best friend thought, 32:58 you know, nothing's wrong with you. Right. 33:00 But she didn't know what's going on 33:03 when it came to family and people close to me 33:05 and all that hurt and the destruction I had done. 33:09 And wanting someone to pay. 33:10 I want someone to pay. 33:13 You've been at Miracle Meadows for 4 years now. 33:17 How is that? Is that settled in for you? 33:19 Have you learned stuff about yourself? 33:21 Have you learned to accept yourself? 33:23 Oh, yeah, when I first entered Miracle Meadows 33:26 it was more like let me climb my way out, 33:28 let me manipulate and, you know, get myself out of here. 33:31 I think I never do anything bad again. 33:33 But, you know, often I tell it's not my problem, 33:36 it's not my problem. 33:37 Then eventually I realized, 33:38 you know, last year-- 33:40 because I come from a family who-- 33:42 it's not--they're not Seventh-day Adventist 33:44 or they don't-- they're Christian but, 33:47 you know, I got baptized as a Seventh-day Adventist last year. 33:50 And I've come close to God and I've realized, 33:52 you know, I'm a great person. 33:54 He has a plan for me. 33:55 And I've learned about why-- how I react certain ways, 33:59 why I react certain ways and how I can deal with them. So-- 34:01 Right, and you know what, I'm sorry we have to close 34:05 'cause I really want to have you back 34:07 and talk about this with you 34:09 'cause I have a feeling you're gonna graduate 34:11 and do some incredible things with your life. 34:13 But I want to say to-- I want to say 34:18 to the viewers is that we're gonna come back 34:20 and kind of wrap this up. 34:21 But every single one of these young people have a story 34:26 and they all coped in the best way they can. 34:28 And now they have to relearn that and so stay with us. 34:32 We're gonna come back and I want to talk 34:33 a little bit about that 'cause you might be one of these kids. |
Revised 2014-12-17