Participants: Cheri Peters (Host), Guests from Miracle Meadows
Series Code: CLR
Program Code: CLR000099A
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00:01 The following program discusses sensitive issues
00:03 related to addictive behavior. 00:05 Parents are cautioned that some material 00:06 may be too candid for younger children. 00:10 Welcome to "Celebrating Life in Recovery." 00:12 I'm Cheri your host and today I'm gonna introduce you 00:15 to a whole group of folks from 00:16 Miracle Meadows School and I love them. 00:18 It's the best program ever. So come join us in the cafe. 00:50 Hello, you know, today my guests are from Miracle Meadows 00:54 and it's one of my favorite places to go. 00:57 I go sometimes and do week of prayer or just, 00:59 you know, hangout with the kids there. 01:02 And this is a alternative school that looks at at-risk issues. 01:08 You know, anger, drugs, 01:11 rebellion all that kind of stuff. 01:12 And I could so relate to these kids. It's amazing. 01:15 You're gonna meet a lot of them. 01:16 Before we go there, I'd like to say, 01:19 Gayle, thank you for coming on the program. 01:20 Thank you for inviting us. 01:22 Gayle, you are the founder of Miracle Meadows 01:25 and you guys have been running for, 01:26 I think you said, 25 years. 01:29 Next year. Okay. 01:30 And I'm a co-founder. My husband I founded it together. 01:32 Okay, awesome. 01:34 And so I want to know, I'm looking at you 01:36 and you look just so sweet. 01:39 And, you know, we're not easy kids. 01:40 You know, I--you know, we're just not easy. 01:43 We're angry. We're rebellion. 01:45 We're doing all that kind of stuff. 01:46 Whatever led you to working with our rescues? 01:50 Well, actually there's some truth. 01:53 I never thought to rebel against my mother. 01:55 I was an oldest child of a single mother 01:58 and my husband same way, 02:00 we just never thought to do the rebellious things. 02:02 We couldn't make sense of it even. 02:04 Why would anyone do this to themselves? 02:05 So you just did the right thing. 02:08 Most of the time-- to be honest with you 02:10 if you want to know my-- I was-- 02:12 my birth father tried to rape me at three 02:14 and that started a whole series of thing. 02:15 My mother left him. So I had my own damage. 02:18 I came from a family that was very angry. 02:22 My mother's had-- there were six children there. 02:26 All of them died of alcohol related except her. 02:29 She didn't touch anything. 02:31 There was adultery, incest, 02:34 the whole nine yards in the family. 02:35 So you even had like all of this 02:37 generational stuff just following you. 02:38 Yes, that's right. But my mother stopped it. 02:41 She was like the lily 02:43 in a cesspool kind of like thing. Right. 02:46 And probably several things were really important in my life, 02:50 my mother first off and then coming to know Jesus Christ 02:56 and becoming a Seventh-day Adventist 02:57 really was a big deal for me. 02:59 It changed the direction of my life. 03:01 But even before that, 03:03 as a young person growing up in poverty 03:05 we didn't have an indoor toilet until I was in college 03:09 and we didn't have car until I was in college. 03:11 Wow, so a lot of people don't know 03:14 what it feels like to when you say in poverty. 03:17 We don't think of--you know, we think poverty is, 03:21 you know, we may not pay our bill this month 03:24 but you're talking about no toilets, all those things. 03:26 Yeah, I'm talking also about 03:28 getting to where we didn't have food 03:31 at the end of the months. 03:33 And we didn't have a lunch program at that time 03:35 in the school so my mother wouldn't send me 03:37 to school without--send us to school without lunch. 03:39 So we didn't go to school sometimes. 03:40 So it was a poverty time for sure. 03:46 And, you know, basically when I looked 03:50 at group of little kids one of the things 03:53 that I really was attracted to were kids 03:56 who were the dirty, kind of rejected, sort of kids. 04:01 Is in a sense you knew what they were feeling. 04:03 Yeah, I have some identity with them. Right. 04:07 But I was very goal oriented because I knew my education 04:10 was what it was gonna take to get me out of where I was at 04:14 and also mission-minded. 04:15 And I chose to become a nurse. 04:17 But I always knew that I would adopt kids 04:19 or that I would work with kids 04:20 because that was really, really important to me. 04:23 And when I married my husband, 04:27 it's kind of funny because he-- I wanted to adopt our kids 04:31 and he wanted to have birth kids. 04:32 So we turned out to have 04:34 three adopted and three birth kids. 04:36 But yeah, we got into this 04:41 by just doing foster care on the side, kind of, 04:46 we call it our hobby. Yeah. 04:47 Because I was nurse educator and he was a pastor, 04:51 fulltime, for the conference. 04:53 And we--our county was desperate for homes for foster children. 04:57 So we had this big farm and we decided to take in-- 05:01 and our first ones were extremely damaged, very damaged. 05:06 And then-- And that's a lot. 05:07 You know, to me--to me what's interesting is a lot of work. 05:10 It's a lot of--you have to be consistent. 05:13 You have to, you know, really, 05:15 you know, you have to pay attention to what I'm doing 05:17 because if you don't, I'm gonna end up 05:19 getting myself in trouble. 05:21 And so we're not kids that you can 05:22 just kind of here's a crayon and here's a coloring book. 05:25 Is that we need a lot more structure. 05:27 And so you guys were willing to do that. 05:29 I just want to kiss you on the face for that. 05:31 How good are you. 05:32 Well, we were doing what we liked to do, though. 05:34 That's like kissing somebody on the face for knitting 05:36 because they like to do that. 05:37 But, you know, that I think is amazing to me that you liked it. 05:40 So what was the pay-off for you? Changed lives. 05:44 Okay, so then when you got to see 05:45 that it actually made a difference, 05:47 that it was enough of a pay-off. 05:49 Yeah, and or even just giving a kid 05:51 a chance even if they don't choose. 05:53 You're sad when a child doesn't choose to change 05:55 because it's all about their choice in the end. Yeah. 05:57 I can't force anyone to change their life. 06:00 And you're sad about that 06:01 but there's a satisfaction you gave them an opportunity 06:04 they may not have had before. 06:06 And that-- that's important because 06:08 I can tell you it's never the money. 06:10 It always cost us dearly to do that. 06:12 So we were have-- when we started this 06:15 we actually took our first troubled youth in Loma Linda 06:18 when we were there doing graduate work. 06:20 And she happened to be my younger sister, 06:22 10 years younger, who is in really serious trouble. 06:25 And we went to training natural and logical consequences 06:31 every week, parenting, because Bill and I did not-- 06:34 we just never occurred to us to disobey 06:37 because we were older kids and just responsible-- 06:39 I can't imagine that. I know. 06:41 Because, you know, so I'm like a middle child, 06:44 right, in a dysfunctional home. 06:45 So not only am I gonna disobey, 06:48 if it doesn't make sense I'm gonna be loud about it. 06:50 That's not fair. That doesn't make sense. 06:52 I'm not doing it. 06:54 And so I'm gonna be the one that's running away. 06:56 I'll be the one that sounds like they're always louder 06:58 because I really voice my opinion. 07:01 But I love the kid. 07:03 They're just smiles and they know everything's wrong 07:06 but they're gonna do the right thing anyway. 07:08 I wasn't--I wasn't always quiet about it. 07:13 And, you know, I even expressed to my mother 07:16 that I didn't feel she was being strict enough 07:18 with my younger sister, 07:19 you know, as a teenager growing up, 07:21 a young girl growing up and then as a college student. 07:23 But we took training and that really set 07:27 the foundation for knowing kind of how to handle behavior 07:31 in what they call natural and logical consequences, 07:34 you know, how to make it better. 07:35 Explain that to us because I think even a lot of parents 07:39 now-a-days really need to know what that means, 07:42 natural and logical consequences. Yeah. 07:44 It's not punishment and it's basically linking 07:50 the consequence to the offence. 07:53 For instance, if you do a sloppy 07:58 job of doing dishes then you say "well, you must need practice. 08:02 So I think I'll have you do dishes for the next 2 weeks 08:06 or until you're gonna do them 5 times right." 08:08 And once you've done them three times or five times 08:10 right then I'll know that you know how to do it. 08:12 You're on your way, okay. 08:13 You don't have to do dishes anymore. 08:14 It's linking the consequence to the natural cause. 08:18 Now sometimes you can't let the natural cause happen. 08:23 Your child runs into the street without a ball, 08:26 you know, chase the ball. 08:27 You're not gonna let the kid get hit by a car 08:29 because that's what naturally happens. 08:30 So you have to build in something 08:33 that is more of a logical, natural and logical consequences 08:36 is what they-- a logical consequence would be, 08:39 you're struggling to play safely with your ball 08:41 so the ball will stay back here for a while until you figure out 08:44 how you're gonna play safely with it, 08:46 you know, or something like that. 08:47 So you ended up going to school, learning those kind of things, 08:50 starting the foster care 08:53 and then open it up a kind of a high school. 08:57 Well, our-- we were doing foster care 09:00 and treatment foster care and our Conference President, 09:03 Herb Broeckel and our Educational Superintendent, 09:05 Larry Carter saw the change in the kids, 09:09 the state kids in our lives 09:11 and their lives in our home. 09:13 And, you know, we even could recognize that. 09:16 They would be climbing the walls literally 09:18 and totally out of control 09:19 and then they would just be transformed kids after, 09:21 you know, it didn't happen overnight, of course. 09:23 And they came to us in '87 09:26 and said would you consider doing this for the church. 09:28 And I want to say to-- because you know 09:30 this but a lot of our viewers don't know this. 09:32 But some of the transformation on the kids, 09:34 these are some incredibly talented, gifted children 09:39 or individuals and so when you see that change 09:42 and when somebody gets to wake up 09:43 to their own value it is incredible to watch. 09:46 It's exciting to watch. 09:49 And I think that if you haven't been around 09:52 at-risk folks and seen that 09:54 you might look at their problems more than their giftings. 09:57 Well, we've often said through the years 09:59 when Bill and I work with the kids, 10:01 almost all of our kids are gifted in leadership 10:03 and if they're not leading for good 10:04 they're gonna make a difference for the wrong. 10:06 So you just have to get them started. 10:08 And I so understand that one. Yeah. 10:10 There is nobody that's junk in our school. 10:13 They're very talented. 10:14 And I think that's also the excitement 10:18 is to if they can get their lives turned around 10:20 then they're going to really 10:22 make a difference in the world. Exactly. 10:23 And we want them to make a difference positively. Yeah. 10:27 So we prayed about it for a month 10:28 and then we decided that we would do the school. 10:31 And it was not something that 10:32 Bill and I'd ever thought we would do. 10:34 It was not in our plans. 10:36 So--but now that you had it running, 10:39 what kind of programs did you set up 10:42 and why did you set up those programs? 10:43 Because you have a very successful school. 10:47 When we started out 25 years ago 10:49 we're really right now-- the board asked me to come back. 10:53 I had been retired for a while, about 6 years 10:54 and asked me to come back as an interim director. 10:57 And one of the task was to bring our school 11:00 up-to-date with new research 11:02 and the stuff that we've been learning 11:05 that's a better approach in some ways 11:07 but also to look at our population more carefully 11:10 in terms of a group of related behaviors that are linked to 11:17 neglect and abuse in the first from conception 11:20 to the 3rd or 4th year of their life. 11:22 Because why does that change somebody? 11:24 You're talking about the importance 11:26 of the first few years. Yes. 11:28 Medically this is termed reactive attachment disorder. 11:32 And we have--when a child-- when a parent calls me 11:35 and they have a five, six, seven-year-old child 11:37 that needs to be-- or eight, nine, or ten-year-old child 11:40 that needs to be at our school, 11:41 first thing we ask them is if they're adopted. 11:44 Most times we'll get a yes. 11:46 And then we ask them-- excuse me-- 11:49 what was happening in the first three years of their life? 11:52 Excuse me just a second. 11:57 And if we determine that there was neglect by the-- 12:00 the adoptive parents report neglect or abuse 12:05 then we can be pretty certain that what basically happens, 12:09 a reactive attachment disorder is a medical diagnosis. 12:13 But we've tended to label these kids at our school called VELD, 12:18 Very Early Learning Deficiency. Right. 12:21 We're not talking about learning disorder. 12:23 We're talking about a deficiency that means it can be just like 12:26 if I'm deficient in multiplication tables, 12:29 I can go back, re-address that and learn them. Right. 12:32 And in our experience kids can go back 12:34 and re-address those and learn them. 12:36 And not only that, the world experts also see that. 12:40 What's really-- what was said for years 12:44 is a lot of people felt like you couldn't. Oh, yes. 12:46 And so when--even when I first went back to school 12:49 because I'm one of those kids, I went back to school 12:51 and I'm looking at attachment disorders 12:53 and bonding disorders and all of what 12:55 I read was pretty dark, pretty discouraging. 12:59 And I remember God telling me is "don't read this 13:02 because I am bigger than these issues." That's right. 13:04 And so now what the studies are showing 13:07 is there's definitely a deficit. 13:08 You have to learn this, but you can. 13:11 And you can be successful in the learning. 13:12 So I love your program for that reason. 13:14 Well, we are really right now, Cheri, in a process 13:18 right as we speak today, this very day 13:21 our staff is embarking upon an intense month of training 13:25 because the approach needs to be 13:27 a little bit more directed towards some of those things. 13:30 For instance, we've often had a group of staff 13:33 that manage the dorms, okay. 13:35 Right. So we hire dorm staff. 13:38 And they would be with-- 13:39 just kind of help manage the group, right. 13:42 Now we understand that there needs to be a coach. 13:45 And the students need to have their own coach. 13:48 And the coach is going to work on-- 13:53 and they say the first task of an infant is trust. 13:56 And I think all these tasks get really blended together 13:59 so you can't just go I learn that 14:01 when I go to the next one. Right. 14:02 But love belonging, the trust issue to know 14:09 that you are valued, that holding that baby 14:12 and looking into that baby's eyes consistently 14:14 through the hours and the day, up at night when you're having 14:18 to feed them and they are crying and walking with them, 14:21 that infant cries because they're either frightened 14:25 or hungry or cold and wet. 14:27 And someone gets up and meets their need right now. 14:30 And if you have a parent, a mother figure 14:32 this--the critical person that does the teaching of those 14:36 learning tasks is a capable, consistent, caring, 14:42 and strong protective mother figure. 14:44 And the mother may never lay a hand on the baby. 14:47 She may never abuse that baby 14:49 but let's say she's in a domestic violent situation. 14:52 She's terrified and the baby is getting cigarette burns 14:56 on them or smacked around or the mother is afraid 14:59 to go to the baby because the abusive spouse 15:02 says don't go in there. 15:04 Let that baby cry or I don't want you--you know, 15:06 whatever and so the baby doesn't get care. 15:09 The babies appear to have a mother rage. 15:11 They tend to be really angry at mothers, 15:15 especially at any mother who would step in 15:17 and try to be the mother. 15:19 And so we have babies--students come in who cannot-- 15:25 they may be okay with the dad 15:26 but they have a hard time with their mother. 15:28 So they have to re-learn that. 15:30 They have to go back and to do that it takes a strong person 15:33 who's gonna provide the consistent mothering 15:37 and facilitate the attachment and the learn of trust. 15:41 These kids are very into being in control. 15:44 They will dismantle the whole world and be in control. 15:48 And they do go to unbelievable extremes. 15:51 There is a YouTube video that describes 15:54 this called a "Child Rage." 15:56 And if anybody wants to go and read that 15:59 or look at that it describes this kind of kid. 16:02 And we have always had them. 16:04 We just didn't know what they were. 16:05 What's really, you know, talking for an advocate 16:09 for the child or for the kid that learns that is that 16:13 it feels like the only way that they could actually survive 16:16 and they're having to be in control 16:19 and nobody's gonna really take care of my needs 16:21 so I'll take care of them. 16:22 And so it's really being able to bring that child around 16:25 to where they can relax 16:26 and give that authority back to the parent. 16:31 Yeah. What I tell a parent is your child can learn more trust, 16:37 give up control, feel that he or she belongs, 16:42 then a spastic cerebral palsy child 16:45 in a wheelchair can get up and walk. I love that. 16:47 This child is doing what makes sense to it from its infancy 16:51 when no one was there for that child. Right. 16:53 Or was not there consistently and left them confused 16:57 and bewildered and unable to really give themselves 17:00 to trusting and being able to relax in the world 17:03 and enjoy and laugh and know that all was safe 17:06 and all was well because mom and daddy or even just one momma 17:08 has got my back and I am safe. 17:11 Well, of course, they're gonna grow into this kind. 17:13 This makes total sense. 17:15 And now our staff is having to re--they're having to learn 17:18 to look at this differently and how to handle this. 17:20 Now the stuff that we do for kids like this 17:23 is just good healthy parenting though it is not 17:26 normal parenting necessarily for a person. 17:28 They just say okay, well, this is how you do it. 17:31 When a child comes in that's normally attached 17:34 it's a little bit different story in terms-- 17:36 it's just--you don't necessarily have to focus 17:38 on some of those things. 17:39 But it doesn't hurt those kids because 17:41 we're talking about consistency. 17:43 We're talking about loving and valuing. 17:46 We're talking about being there for them, 17:49 being the person, showing them that 17:51 the person can discipline you and still love you 17:53 and that is a shame-- taking away 17:55 the shame base and all that stuff. 17:57 Every kid can use that. 17:59 But especially we are having to become better 18:02 at that for the sake of the large number 18:05 of these VELD kids, these very early learning 18:07 deficiency kids that we have on our campus. 18:09 Even I would like to look at-- we're gonna break 18:14 because I want to meet some of the kids because 18:16 I just adore them and the struggles 18:18 that I think some of these guys have from really early on, 18:23 you know, is amazing to me. 18:25 So I want to meet some of the kids but I want to say, 18:27 you know, for you and just for your opinion for somebody 18:32 that is not a good parent or hadn't had parenting themselves, 18:38 I know that you would suggest that they learn because 18:41 this is a critical time, that it's important 18:43 that you--whatever it takes, 18:45 stand up and really fight for this child. 18:48 And there are some excellent 18:49 how-to manuals out there for parents. 18:52 And they're almost always adoptive parents 18:54 because they've been-- the children have been taking 18:56 either out of orphanages r they've been taken away 18:59 because they're drug addicts or whatever. 19:02 We have a couple of VELD kids that come 19:05 that have a birth parent involved. 19:08 But yeah, there's some excellent resources. 19:11 They're coming out now. 19:12 Even though it's a very, very rarely diagnosed disease-- 19:16 amazing--not disease, diagnosed. 19:17 They don't look at it as a condition, then diagnose it. 19:19 They get it all mixed up with bipolar 19:23 or oppositional defiant disorder. 19:24 Yeah, it's--it is related to what happens 19:27 in those first years of life and if you can identify neglect, 19:31 just nobody has to abuse the child, 19:33 just neglect or abuse in those first three years of life 19:38 and they--the diagnostic book goes up to five 19:41 but usually--because it's when the neurons are laid down, 19:44 the actual brain neurons are laid down for trust in all, 19:47 empathy and a conscious and right and wrong 19:49 and remorse--they often don't have any remorse. 19:52 No--no--they don't care about what they do to people 19:55 and often called as you mentioned 19:58 to me childhood sociopaths. 20:00 No, no, I guess that was someone else that said that. 20:02 That's what they are and it is true. 20:04 The first books written out said there was no help for them. 20:07 They were beyond help. 20:08 But we know now that they aren't. 20:11 And praise God, God has brought these kids to us 20:15 and we are--our staff is really committed 20:18 to seeing them through. 20:21 You--you--it took you years and lots of missteps. 20:25 We are hoping to shorten that time 20:27 so that they can get on and live that abundant life 20:29 that you have in a quicker time. 20:32 We're gonna go ahead and break in 20:33 and meet with some of the kids. 20:35 I love them and I want to say, you know, 20:38 I love how Gayle talked about that. 20:41 All the research now says that, you know, 20:43 these are deficits, learning deficits early on 20:45 that can be re-learned and that people can step out of those. 20:48 God told me that almost immediately 20:50 when I first fell in love with God and was doing some changes. 20:53 He said "just surrender all this to Me. 20:55 I am actually going to be your parent." 20:58 And so like any recovery program the first thing 21:01 is to acknowledge that you have some huge issues. 21:04 And sometimes society acknowledges 21:05 that for you but then surrender to God and learn. 21:08 And so when we come back I'm gonna 21:10 introduce you some of the kids and pray for them. 21:13 I mean, just put them on your prayer list 21:15 for the rest of their life. 21:16 It will help. Amen. 21:17 We'll right back. Thank you. |
Revised 2014-12-17