Welcome back!
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This is exciting, it's
exciting to introduce you to
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Barbara and later on
Rick and to let you guys do
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the presentation that you
do all over the world for us.
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I am thrilled, I have seen
it before and was blessed by it.
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I know that you are
going to bless them.
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I'm going to be over here
praying for you the whole time.
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- Thank you! Thank you!
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You know when you have
a physical pain, a doctor,
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He will often look at a
healthy person's body just to
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try to help him understand
what is causing you the pain.
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Today I will be
sharing my personal story,
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but before I start telling
my story, I'm going to use these
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boxes just to set up a
demonstration and give us a
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picture of how a healthy person
would learn about different
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kinds of love, and different
kinds of relationships.
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Then I'm going to use the
box as I tell my story to help
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you understand the pain in
my story a little bit better.
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When a little person
comes into the world,
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one of the first relationships
a little person has
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is normally with their parents.
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Parents are there to
provide things like food and
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clothes and diapers and shelter.
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There are little
babies in Romanian orphanages.
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The babies has their food
and their clothes and blankets,
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but they didn't have
enough people there to actually
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interact with the babies and
give them tender loving care.
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The babies started to die.
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When they looked into it what
they found out is the babies
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brains were actually
shrinking, and they called it
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Failure to Thrive.
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So what they have learned
all around the world is that
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humans were designed that
we need tender loving care
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even in order for our
brains to grow properly.
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So you can think of
little babies really as
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just little
storage units for love.
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They are just fill me
up with love, I mean that
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they just want to be filled
with love, these little ones.
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Then as a little person
gets going and they become a
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toddler, you think of toddlers
ready to see explored the world.
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That is what they are doing,
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they are
learning to talk and walk.
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They are running around
trying to get their fingers
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into electrical outlets,
they're trying to get cleaning
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supplies from under the sink.
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Mom has to chase them around
and put boundaries around them.
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They are also ready to
start to learn so you start
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buying them their
books, and their toys.
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Now do most little toddlers
like to share their toys?
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No, generally not, once in
a while you might need one or
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two that will, but generally
you need to teach toddlers
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to share their toys with
friends and then brothers
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and sisters possibly.
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So that is the next relationship
that a healthy person
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learns about, is brotherly,
sisterly love, friendship
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love and so that is the
next kind of developmental love
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type thing that a
person learns about.
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They also still need
the support of parents,
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they still need that.
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The food, the clothes, the
shelter that support and love.
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Then as the person continues
to grow they become a teenager.
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I talk to young people across
the country and when I ask
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young people what they
need they are quick to tell me
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things like cell phones,
iPods, and music, and cars
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and foods, but they also I
start getting deeper answers.
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I'd like to get
things like more privacy,
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or independence, and friends.
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Friends are very important
for a young person right now.
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Generally girls are making
deeper friendships with girls,
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guys are making
deeper friendships with guys,
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but they are also starting
to check each other out.
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They are trying to figure
out what does it mean to be
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a godly woman, what is
it mean to be a godly man?
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What is it mean to, who am I?
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What is my identity?
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What does that look like?
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They are starting
to ask those questions,
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so they have to be very
careful when they start looking
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at these romantic relationships
that they don't over
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romanticize that other person
in what they can do for them
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Also right now a father
or a father figure's voice
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is very important.
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A father is generally
there to be giving his
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sons and
daughters certain messages.
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It looks a little
different for guys and girls.
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Generally for a daughter,
a father is saying to her,
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hey I am a here to protect
you, I will take care of you,
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I love you, you are beautiful.
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For a son a father is
there to say things like,
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hey you've got what it takes,
you are worthy of respect,
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you can do it, you are adequate.
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But when a father isn't there,
or a father figure to give
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us those messages we
might start looking to romantic
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relationships to try
to get those messages
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a little sooner than we should.
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I'm going to call this
romantic, objective love.
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It is a normal part of
development, still need the
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support of friends, still need
the support of parents and is
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all that develops in a
healthy way it prepares us as an
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adult to give what I am going
to call, unconditional love.
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Agape love, the sacrificial
kind of love that Jesus
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Christ showed for us.
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A love that thinks about what
another person needs the most.
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Now because of that when the
University of Chicago, they were
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doing studies about which
groups of people were most
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sexually satisfied, they
were looking at people who
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were living together,
people who were just dating,
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people who were married.
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They did a survey and
all these questions from all
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different angles and at
the end of all their surveys,
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what they realized was that
people who reported being the
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most sexually satisfied
over and over were those people
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who were married.
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Because if you think about
it, you have two people who
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are truly committed to
thinking about what each person
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needs the most, and I know
we have seen marriages were
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that is not the case, but in a
marriage where that is the case,
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both people truly get the best
just as God planned it to be.
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When they wake up in the morning
they don't have to worry.
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They don't have to worry
now that this person possibly
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give me a sexually
transmitted disease?
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Is this person just going to
leave me and break up with me?
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And if you get pregnant
is okay because of all that
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unconditional love ready
to flow down and start the
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pyramid for someone else's life.
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I am the oldest
of four children,
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I have two
sisters and one brother.
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When I was little in my
home we had these little Bible
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story books, I don't know if
you remember Golden Arch books?
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One of the ones I had was
the story of a lost little lamb.
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It was my favorite.
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The story goes like this.
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There was a shepherd and he
had a hundred sheep in a pen.
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And one day one of the
little lamb gets out and he is
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playing around and
he's having a good time,
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but the book would scare me.
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Because in the very middle
of the book was this page,
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it was at night, and the page
was all black except it had the
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eyes of the little
lamb wide open in fear.
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All around the lamb were
these big yellow Wolf eyes
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ready to devour the little
lamb, and it would scare me.
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But I can always read the
book, because when I turned
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the page the next page
picture would show the shepherd
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reaching down and pulling
the little lamb out of the pit.
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And that was my view of
God when I was little, but
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somehow as I started growing my
view of God started to change.
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I start to think that God would
only love me if I was perfect.
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How do you know
when your perfect anyway?
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So I was always
trying to be perfect for God.
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I was also trying to be
perfect in school and get the
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A's, the A+ and when I was
twelve years old there was an
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adult male in my life
who started to molest me.
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My parents ended up getting
divorced shortly after that
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started to happen and we
moved to a different state,
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so that ended the abuse.
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But at the time of my
parents divorce what I found out
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was my father was leaving
my mom, and us four kids,
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for another woman.
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As we continued through
the divorce I found out that my
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dad actually been
unfaithful many times.
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Well if you saw me on the
outside without my dad there,
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I would seem just fine.
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I was doing really good in
school, I was still performing
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for God and if you hung out
with me I seemed very happy.
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But my little demonstration
here with the blocks,
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what kind of love on the
bottom did we say came from,
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parents right?
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Well one of my
parents just got taken away.
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On the outside
everything looked okay for me,
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but on the inside that's
really how it felt for me.
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And sometimes the pain
for me was so real that
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physically I can
actually feel the pain.
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It wasn't until I was
older that I saw some healthier
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families, but I started to
realize my dad he was supposed
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to be there to
do certain things.
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My daddy was supposed to be
there to help provide for me.
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He was supposed to be
there to help affirm me.
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He was supposed to be
there to help protect me.
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And he was
supposed be there to give me
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some spiritual leadership.
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But I did know any of that.
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All I knew is that
something big was missing.
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Like many girls when
their dad isn't present,
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and a dad might be in the
home, he might clicking on the
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computer, clicking on the
remote, but not be present.
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Or you might be there and don't
have the words to be present.
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Well without my father
present what happened is I just
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started to crave male attention.
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If there was a guy around,
I wanted his attention on me.
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I started to evaluate
my relationships with guys.
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I start thinking
what kind do I want?
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Do I eventually want marriage?
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Is it going to be worth it?
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So I started looking
at the marriages around me
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and you know what I saw?
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I just saw more couples
fighting, I saw more divorce,
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and I even saw
more unfaithfulness.
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I thought, you know what I
don't think a good marriage
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is possible, I
don't think it's possible.
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After seeing everything my
mom just went through I would
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rather be single the rest of my
life than go through all that.
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So I decided to just
become self-sufficient,
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emotionally, and financially.
00:09:06.92\00:09:08.21
For me that meant going to
college and get the scholarships
00:09:08.24\00:09:10.88
I worked very hard to get
good grades, I worked hard to
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gain positions of
leadership and it all paid off.
00:09:13.43\00:09:15.46
I ended up getting a
Grant scholarship to one of the
00:09:15.49\00:09:18.19
major Universities in Denver.
00:09:18.22\00:09:19.39
Well I get there and now my
focus isn't on my grades anymore
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Do you know what
my focuses is on?
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Guys, right?
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But now we are talking men.
00:09:25.97\00:09:27.15
We are talking
hundreds of available men.
00:09:27.18\00:09:29.16
I would look out my dorm
room window, these guys are just
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running everywhere.
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Even though I'm doubting
the whole marriage thing I'm
00:09:32.78\00:09:34.69
thinking I'm going to do
something about my craving
00:09:34.72\00:09:36.17
for male attention.
00:09:36.20\00:09:37.43
But I'm also still thinking
I am not going to be used or
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cheated on like my mom.
00:09:40.35\00:09:41.77
I will be in control
of every relationship.
00:09:41.80\00:09:43.90
I thought I had
really high standards,
00:09:43.93\00:09:45.72
but when I look back if
somebody wanted to date me,
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and I was
available, I would date them.
00:09:47.96\00:09:49.90
It didn't matter to
me if they had no faith.
00:09:49.93\00:09:52.12
It didn't matter if they
had a drinking problem, or a
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drug problem because I would
tell myself I can just fix him
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I would just fix him, but
really what I wanted to fix,
00:09:57.42\00:10:00.96
was all this.
00:10:00.99\00:10:03.00
I also didn't do something else.
00:10:03.03\00:10:05.45
I thought I was on all
this control, but never thought
00:10:05.48\00:10:07.91
about controlling
sexual boundaries.
00:10:07.94\00:10:09.51
I would just get into these
relationships with these guys
00:10:09.54\00:10:11.79
and start do things
physically with them.
00:10:11.82\00:10:14.22
I never talked to any of these
guys about their sexual past.
00:10:14.25\00:10:18.51
I mean I had no idea
what these guys had done
00:10:18.54\00:10:21.22
physically before I met them.
00:10:21.25\00:10:22.71
When I started to
drink, my sexual boundaries
00:10:22.74\00:10:25.60
they just deteriorated.
00:10:25.63\00:10:27.22
So finally my sophomore year
I working late in the library
00:10:27.25\00:10:30.14
one night and this guy I
was dating he was waiting
00:10:30.17\00:10:31.73
for me afterwards.
00:10:31.76\00:10:32.79
He lived in the apartment's
and I live in the dorm and
00:10:32.82\00:10:34.42
he said, Barb why
don't you come over to
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the apartment tonight?
00:10:35.58\00:10:36.74
I knew I should go back
to the dorm, but I just want
00:10:36.77\00:10:38.98
this guy to love me, I wanted
him to tell me I was beautiful.
00:10:39.01\00:10:41.72
That he would take care of
me and that he would protect me.
00:10:41.75\00:10:43.66
So I went back to his
apartment, it became my first
00:10:43.69\00:10:47.74
experience with sexual
intercourse, for me it was
00:10:47.77\00:10:49.73
horrible, it was awful,
I just cried afterwards.
00:10:49.76\00:10:50.79
I was like take me home.
00:10:50.82\00:10:53.20
As I'm saying take me home
I thought of how many times
00:10:53.23\00:10:55.98
that night I could have said
take me home before it happened.
00:10:56.01\00:10:58.22
So I was getting in the
car and as I was driving to a
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place and was going up
the stairs to the apartment.
00:11:00.94\00:11:02.79
That was the first time, a
little bit later we broke up.
00:11:02.82\00:11:06.94
Well at the same time I was
taking this philosophy class
00:11:06.97\00:11:10.07
And in this philosophy class
they were saying that God and
00:11:10.10\00:11:12.60
religion were just man-made
inventions to keep social order.
00:11:12.63\00:11:15.34
Well I was feeling so
guilty from what just happened
00:11:15.38\00:11:17.00
that I thought
yeah, there was no God.
00:11:17.03\00:11:18.35
We just invented Him, I
don't need to feel guilty,
00:11:18.38\00:11:20.47
so I abandoned my faith.
00:11:20.51\00:11:21.94
I spent my next few years
in school doubting whether God
00:11:21.98\00:11:25.16
or a healthy marriage could
exist, and I did know those
00:11:25.20\00:11:28.35
things are so closely related.
00:11:28.38\00:11:30.14
I just kept thinking
that dating was hard.
00:11:30.18\00:11:32.25
I would get this dating
pattern and date a guy for about
00:11:32.28\00:11:34.67
three months while all the
infatuation period was on and
00:11:34.70\00:11:36.99
we were all excited, and then
start seeing things we didn't
00:11:37.02\00:11:39.27
like about each other and
I start breaking up with him
00:11:39.31\00:11:40.60
before he could
break of with me.
00:11:40.64\00:11:41.82
I graduate with honors,
I don't know anything about
00:11:41.85\00:11:44.41
building a healthy relationship
and I get out there.
00:11:44.44\00:11:47.00
Finally when I'm twenty
five I have a friend of mine set
00:11:47.04\00:11:49.47
me down and start telling
me about God's love for me.
00:11:49.51\00:11:52.51
And how God's love for me wasn't
based on me being perfect.
00:11:52.55\00:11:56.15
It was unconditional love,
it was a gift and I needed to
00:11:56.19\00:11:59.76
accept that gift.
00:11:59.80\00:12:01.10
I was so tired of
trying to earn His love.
00:12:01.13\00:12:04.49
So I started reading
Romans, Ephesians and I finally
00:12:04.52\00:12:07.97
started reading
the Bible for myself.
00:12:08.01\00:12:11.14
I started realizing that He
just loved me for the way I was.
00:12:11.18\00:12:16.80
I had to admit that I couldn't
earn heaven and that I needed
00:12:16.84\00:12:22.43
Him as my
personal Lord and Savior.
00:12:22.46\00:12:24.59
So I did accept Him as
my personal Lord and Savior.
00:12:24.62\00:12:28.28
But did I change
my dating right away?
00:12:28.32\00:12:34.67
I didn't, I
didn't, do you know why?
00:12:34.70\00:12:40.98
Because I was still listening
to all these lies that I
00:12:41.02\00:12:44.10
believed, had all these lies
I was still operating off of.
00:12:44.13\00:12:47.17
Lies that it good marriage
wasn't possible, that there
00:12:47.21\00:12:49.78
are no good guys out
there waiting to have sex until
00:12:49.81\00:12:52.34
marriage, and even if
there are, Barb you are
00:12:52.38\00:12:55.54
not going to find one.
00:12:55.57\00:12:56.97
With your past now,
you don't deserve one.
00:12:57.01\00:12:59.65
Or I would believe the
lies that it is okay if you date
00:12:59.69\00:13:03.63
someone that doesn't have
any faith because eventually
00:13:03.66\00:13:07.53
this person will come into a
personal relationship with Jesus
00:13:07.56\00:13:10.31
It is okay if you are
dating him and pushing your
00:13:10.35\00:13:12.78
physical boundaries,
God will understand because
00:13:12.81\00:13:15.03
eventually this person
will come to know Jesus
00:13:15.06\00:13:17.24
and that's okay.
00:13:17.28\00:13:18.51
So I would get in these
relationships were I still was
00:13:18.55\00:13:22.34
not following
God's plan for a healthy
00:13:22.38\00:13:25.19
marriage and relationship.
00:13:25.23\00:13:26.60
But finally after having
sex with six guys I was feeling
00:13:26.64\00:13:29.78
really depressed, my self-esteem
was down and I couldn't
00:13:29.82\00:13:32.93
be transparent with God.
00:13:32.96\00:13:34.40
I felt empty, that is the
best word I can describe it as.
00:13:34.44\00:13:37.72
I felt so empty inside, I
kept wondering what is wrong
00:13:37.76\00:13:41.51
with me, and finally I thought
you know what I really do
00:13:41.55\00:13:45.27
want somebody who is
going to be committed to me.
00:13:45.30\00:13:47.85
Will love me and stand
by my side no matter what.
00:13:47.89\00:13:50.37
I started realizing, even
though I was doubting marriage.
00:13:50.41\00:13:52.52
I did want this I just
didn't know how to get there.
00:13:52.56\00:13:55.02
So I start looking
again at marriages around me.
00:13:55.05\00:13:57.44
This time I was a different
group, have people who have
00:13:57.47\00:14:00.75
Christ is the
center of their marriage.
00:14:00.78\00:14:02.44
So I started asking them,
OK help me understand I am
00:14:02.48\00:14:05.58
looking at these marriages
and see happily married couples.
00:14:05.61\00:14:07.82
So help me understand
what makes a good husband,
00:14:07.85\00:14:10.81
what makes a good wife?
00:14:10.84\00:14:11.87
What would I be
looking for in a man?
00:14:11.90\00:14:13.63
Who do I try to
become as a woman?
00:14:13.66\00:14:15.40
That is when I started to
understand that dating is more
00:14:15.44\00:14:17.90
about becoming the right person
then finding the right person.
00:14:17.93\00:14:20.61
I also started to realize
that the relationship between
00:14:20.65\00:14:24.90
a man and woman is a
picture in a marriage.
00:14:24.94\00:14:27.80
The relationship
between God and His Church,
00:14:27.83\00:14:30.66
and He calls His Church's bride.
00:14:30.69\00:14:32.69
The point being our relationship
with one spouse is a
00:14:32.72\00:14:36.46
picture to the entire world of
our relationship with one God.
00:14:36.50\00:14:40.25
I also started to understand
there were some real pain from
00:14:40.28\00:14:44.00
my dad being gone,
there are no perfect families,
00:14:44.03\00:14:45.87
there are no perfect moms
there are no perfect dad's.
00:14:45.91\00:14:48.55
When you become a mom or
dad you will not be perfect.
00:14:48.59\00:14:51.28
But I had to go ahead and
that there were some real pain
00:14:51.32\00:14:54.40
for my dad being gone and I
had to start grieving that pain.
00:14:54.44\00:14:57.49
and letting God help
me to forgive my father.
00:14:57.52\00:15:00.39
Asking God, the Father,
to give me those messages
00:15:00.42\00:15:03.50
that I longed to hear.
00:15:03.54\00:15:04.78
beautiful, that I would be
protected, that He loved me.
00:15:04.81\00:15:07.81
For a guy I know it is
different a man a guy needs to
00:15:07.84\00:15:10.80
get from God, a man that is
00:15:10.84\00:15:13.53
worthy of respect, he's got
what it takes, he's adequate.
00:15:13.56\00:15:17.02
So I started turning to
God and ask God for forgiveness
00:15:17.05\00:15:20.48
over my sexual past
and I just started over.
00:15:20.51\00:15:22.94
I mean I had done things
with my body but I decided
00:15:22.98\00:15:25.14
to make new decisions
that I wasn't going to have
00:15:25.17\00:15:27.30
sex again until I got married.
00:15:27.33\00:15:29.37
It was just starting over,
making new decisions to start
00:15:29.40\00:15:32.65
protecting my future
marriage, and my future kids.
00:15:32.68\00:15:35.87
So finally when I was
twenty seven years old I met the
00:15:35.90\00:15:39.06
man of my dreams at a
Christian singles group.
00:15:39.09\00:15:40.99
Then I knew what
kind of guy I needed.
00:15:41.02\00:15:42.56
I knew I was looking for a
guy that would help protect
00:15:42.60\00:15:44.57
me, provide for me, affirm me
an offer spiritual leadership.
00:15:44.61\00:15:48.02
This guy could do it
he truly had God first.
00:15:48.05\00:15:50.05
He wasn't going to make
me first, he wasn't going to
00:15:50.08\00:15:52.23
make his career first, he
was in the make money first.
00:15:52.26\00:15:55.32
Now this guy when he was
younger he had gotten involved
00:15:55.35\00:15:58.38
and drinking and pornography.
00:15:58.41\00:15:59.69
He wasn't raised in a
Christian home, but he became a
00:15:59.73\00:16:01.75
Christian his first day
of college and got in with a
00:16:01.79\00:16:04.10
group of Christian mentors
and they taught him the value
00:16:04.14\00:16:07.41
of setting boundaries and
protecting his future family.
00:16:07.44\00:16:10.68
This guy he
wanted a strong marriage.
00:16:10.71\00:16:13.74
He was tired of seeing
all the broken marriages and
00:16:13.77\00:16:16.35
he really wanted his wife
to respect him and love him.
00:16:16.39\00:16:18.94
He knew in order to
get her respect and love,
00:16:18.97\00:16:21.89
that he needed to be
faithful, and faithfulness
00:16:21.92\00:16:24.81
takes self-control.
00:16:24.84\00:16:25.87
So he started
working on the self-control
00:16:25.90\00:16:27.46
before he was married.
00:16:27.49\00:16:28.81
Since he had been involved
in pornography he was very
00:16:28.84\00:16:31.60
careful to guard his
eyes because they're so
00:16:31.64\00:16:33.24
much coming at him.
00:16:33.28\00:16:34.53
He got into accountability
with others and he had to
00:16:34.57\00:16:37.55
keep reminding himself,
in Christ, he was still a man
00:16:37.59\00:16:40.78
worthy of honor and
respect so that the enemy didn't
00:16:40.82\00:16:43.98
weaken him and bring him down.
00:16:44.01\00:16:46.12
He didn't go to parties
where there were drugs and
00:16:46.16\00:16:48.28
drinking that would
take him out of control.
00:16:48.31\00:16:50.54
When he started
dating a girl he would have a
00:16:50.57\00:16:52.81
conversation with her
about sexual boundaries.
00:16:52.84\00:16:55.00
He did not do it because
he thought he was so great,
00:16:55.04\00:16:58.40
he would set up the physical
sexual boundaries because
00:16:58.43\00:17:01.55
he knew he was so normal,
he knew that if his body gotten
00:17:01.59\00:17:04.67
certain situations how
his body would respond.
00:17:04.71\00:17:07.07
So he did it to
protect everybody,
00:17:07.10\00:17:08.52
he had the heart of a protector.
00:17:08.55\00:17:09.90
So when I met this
guy he really honored me.
00:17:09.94\00:17:13.66
That is one of the
things that attracted me to him,
00:17:13.70\00:17:16.05
and like you said on one
of our first dates he told me
00:17:16.09\00:17:18.77
he's a virgin, twenty seven
years old, he's a virgin and
00:17:18.81\00:17:21.46
waiting until he
gets married to have sex.
00:17:21.49\00:17:23.61
Well by now I think this is
awesome but I sure don't say
00:17:23.65\00:17:27.52
anything because I
have my sexual past.
00:17:27.56\00:17:30.34
I'm thinking what is this
guy going to think of me when
00:17:30.37\00:17:33.01
he hears about my
past, will he still like me?
00:17:33.05\00:17:35.02
So I'm waiting for the right
time, we are definitely headed
00:17:35.05\00:17:37.87
towards marriage, so I
got with a friend and prayed.
00:17:37.91\00:17:39.59
I went to this guy and
told him about my sexual past,
00:17:39.62\00:17:42.92
and when I told him
honestly he was disappointed.
00:17:42.96\00:17:46.19
Because he knew I had
actually bonded with those other
00:17:46.22\00:17:48.96
men, and if we got
married I would be taking sexual
00:17:48.99\00:17:51.69
memories of other men
into our marriage bed.
00:17:51.73\00:17:53.83
That can cause problems, but
he said Barb I see who you are.
00:17:53.86\00:17:58.56
He said I know that God
has offered you His forgiveness
00:17:58.60\00:18:03.88
and I just want to
offer you my forgiveness.
00:18:03.92\00:18:06.47
He said I am not so concerned
with your perfection as
00:18:06.50\00:18:10.64
much as I am in your direction,
and he said I see your
00:18:10.68\00:18:13.92
direction and I love you
and want to keep going on
00:18:13.96\00:18:17.17
with this relationship.
00:18:17.20\00:18:18.61
I was like Woo Hoo, the
hard parts down right I've got
00:18:18.64\00:18:23.35
this great guy and am
heading toward marriage
00:18:23.39\00:18:25.09
just like I wanted.
00:18:25.12\00:18:26.15
My relationship with God,
I'm ecstatic, I'm so excited.
00:18:26.18\00:18:29.03
I'm thinking about us
all the time, and as I kept
00:18:29.07\00:18:31.26
thinking about it I'm
thinking this guy is a virgin
00:18:31.29\00:18:33.45
and I wasn't and
00:18:33.48\00:18:34.98
I had never been tested for
all the sexually transmitted
00:18:35.01\00:18:37.57
diseases and I thought I
would go get tested and put my
00:18:37.60\00:18:40.40
past behind me and I won't
have to worry about it anymore.
00:18:40.43\00:18:43.28
So I went into this anonymous
testing center, I had to
00:18:43.31\00:18:46.12
wait two weeks
to get the results.
00:18:46.16\00:18:47.58
I was not worried, and I
go back after the two weeks.
00:18:47.61\00:18:50.02
I'm sitting in the lobby
and they had these little home
00:18:50.05\00:18:52.55
decorating magazines and I
am flipping through them just
00:18:52.58\00:18:54.73
thinking about how I would
decorate when I get married.
00:18:54.77\00:18:56.88
The counselor calls me
and looks at me and says
00:18:56.92\00:19:01.04
your HIV test, it
came back positive.
00:19:01.08\00:19:06.76
I just stood there and thinking
this cannot be me, right?
00:19:13.59\00:19:18.25
This kind of thing happens
to other people, it can't be me,
00:19:18.28\00:19:21.77
I'm only twenty seven years
old, I'm in love, and I want
00:19:21.80\00:19:25.25
to get married so
how can this be me?
00:19:25.28\00:19:27.82
So I'm trying to figure
it out, so I started thinking
00:19:30.87\00:19:34.65
okay maybe there is some
big mistake somewhere, right?
00:19:34.69\00:19:37.89
There's just some big mistake
somehow, that's what I asked
00:19:37.93\00:19:41.09
the counselor, could
there just be a big mistake?
00:19:41.13\00:19:42.99
He said we will do a
retest, I say great can
00:19:43.02\00:19:45.40
I find out tomorrow.
00:19:45.44\00:19:46.47
He said no, it
would take a week.
00:19:46.50\00:19:47.84
I said a week I have
to wait another week?
00:19:47.88\00:19:50.23
Yes this was 1993 and it would
take a week to get the results.
00:19:50.27\00:19:53.17
So he took out a needle
into more blood and we get up
00:19:53.20\00:19:56.44
and I think we are
leaving, but instead he takes me
00:19:56.48\00:19:59.69
into another room.
00:19:59.72\00:20:01.15
When we get into this room
there is a woman in there and
00:20:01.19\00:20:04.05
she says I am from the Colorado
State health Department.
00:20:04.08\00:20:07.70
This disease is so dangerous
the only way we can keep
00:20:07.73\00:20:10.74
this disease from spreading
is to get anyone who might
00:20:10.78\00:20:13.29
have been exposed, we
need to get them all tested.
00:20:13.32\00:20:16.24
She said, we need you
to get the names of anyone
00:20:16.27\00:20:19.15
who might be exposed.
00:20:19.19\00:20:20.53
I am in shock and know very
little bit about HIV and AIDS.
00:20:20.56\00:20:23.90
Now this woman she wants
me to tell her my whole sexual
00:20:23.94\00:20:27.24
history with names.
00:20:27.28\00:20:28.72
She says, it's anonymous,
we don't know your name
00:20:28.76\00:20:31.65
and we call them to be
tested, but we won't tell
00:20:31.69\00:20:34.55
them your name.
00:20:34.59\00:20:35.69
So I said okay and I
gave her the six names.
00:20:35.72\00:20:39.34
I drive home, all the way
home I am in shock, I'm numb.
00:20:41.53\00:20:46.87
But by the time I got home
my thoughts were loud and clear.
00:20:46.90\00:20:53.06
Basically Barb
your life is over,
00:20:53.10\00:20:57.23
because everyone is
going to reject you.
00:20:57.27\00:20:59.84
The man you are wanting
to marry, your family, your
00:20:59.88\00:21:03.25
friends, coworkers,
church members and honestly most
00:21:03.28\00:21:06.58
people in the world
because this was 1993 as I said.
00:21:06.61\00:21:09.87
And at that time AIDS
was viewed as leprosy.
00:21:09.90\00:21:13.32
I thought if anyone
touched me they would get AIDS,
00:21:13.36\00:21:17.18
so I thought no one
could ever touch me again.
00:21:17.21\00:21:19.69
I just pictured myself
covered from head to toe in
00:21:19.72\00:21:22.64
sores, real thin, weak,
dying alone on a mattresses
00:21:22.68\00:21:25.56
in an empty room all
00:21:25.60\00:21:26.79
by myself from the
things that I have been hearing.
00:21:26.82\00:21:30.95
For the first time, for
the first time I faced the fact
00:21:30.98\00:21:34.60
that going outside of
God's plans for sex within the
00:21:34.63\00:21:38.22
protective
boundaries of marriage.
00:21:38.25\00:21:40.32
It wasn't just a walk in
the park called dating is hard,
00:21:40.35\00:21:45.14
but there was a real
spiritual battle going on.
00:21:45.17\00:21:49.10
A spiritual battle
to destroy so much of
00:21:49.14\00:21:52.26
what God had planned for me.
00:21:52.30\00:21:54.10
I started to realize that
my doorway wasn't just there
00:21:54.13\00:21:58.57
for my own
pleasure, my sexuality.
00:21:58.60\00:22:00.91
It wasn't there for my own
pleasure, it was actually a
00:22:00.94\00:22:03.30
doorway for so much of what
God wanted to share with me,
00:22:03.33\00:22:05.66
and so much what I
could share back with Him.
00:22:05.69\00:22:07.78
And I laid there that night
and the enemy of my soul was
00:22:07.82\00:22:14.40
in my face saying,
Barb it is too late for you.
00:22:14.44\00:22:18.72
It's too late,
you didn't listen.
00:22:18.76\00:22:22.65
You didn't listen!
00:22:22.68\00:22:24.59
I was in terror, I had
this sense of terror and I was
00:22:24.62\00:22:29.81
running to all these
identities that I had created to
00:22:29.84\00:22:34.99
give myself a
sense of accomplishment.
00:22:35.03\00:22:38.02
I had created this perfect
career woman, or the perfect
00:22:38.06\00:22:41.98
daughter, perfect teacher in
church, all these things that
00:22:42.02\00:22:45.79
I had done and then kept
picturing the news of the HIV
00:22:45.83\00:22:49.57
hitting all those
different identities.
00:22:49.60\00:22:51.74
And as I had pictured the news
of HIV hitting I saw them all
00:22:51.77\00:22:55.92
start to crumble, and I was so
scared I just laid on the floor
00:22:55.96\00:23:00.65
that night, because it
was the only thing that felt
00:23:00.69\00:23:03.16
solid enough, it was floor.
00:23:03.20\00:23:04.50
I'm laying on the floor in
the dark with my eyes wide open
00:23:04.53\00:23:10.24
in fear, and the big yellow
Wolf eyes of everything that was
00:23:10.27\00:23:15.94
going to devour me
were all around me.
00:23:15.97\00:23:17.84
And even though I felt
too guilty to talk to God,
00:23:17.87\00:23:22.68
I couldn't even talk to
Him, I just felt too guilty.
00:23:22.72\00:23:27.50
I knew that He
would not let me go,
00:23:27.54\00:23:33.61
I knew that He would
reach down and with everything
00:23:33.64\00:23:38.59
crumbling, He
would still hold onto me.
00:23:38.62\00:23:41.55
That night it was very
important to me was that it
00:23:45.55\00:23:47.00
wasn't some God who loved
me, it wasn't just some God,
00:23:47.03\00:23:50.62
it meant something to me
that it was Jesus Christ.
00:23:50.65\00:23:54.17
Because I knew He had actually
died and conquered death,
00:23:54.20\00:23:59.84
and risen, and He was
now offering me His life.
00:23:59.87\00:24:03.94
I still had the
hope of eternal life.
00:24:03.98\00:24:07.93
I had that hope, if the
whole world rejected me I had
00:24:07.97\00:24:12.23
the hope of eternal life.
00:24:12.26\00:24:15.00
I spent all night crying.
00:24:15.04\00:24:17.71
In the morning I am still
crying and remembered the guy
00:24:17.74\00:24:20.64
am in love with, I'm
supposed to have dinner with
00:24:20.67\00:24:22.79
him that night.
00:24:22.83\00:24:24.05
Now I wasn't going to say
anything to this guy until I
00:24:24.08\00:24:27.42
found out the retest results,
but I couldn't stop crying.
00:24:27.46\00:24:30.76
I thought there is no
way I can hide this from him.
00:24:30.80\00:24:33.45
He was a really good guy
and deserved to know, but I knew
00:24:33.48\00:24:35.85
when I told him he would
leave me and I would be alone.
00:24:35.89\00:24:38.12
So we drove to the park
and I wouldn't look at him,
00:24:38.15\00:24:40.31
because if I look at him I
will start crying and I won't
00:24:40.34\00:24:41.99
be able to stop.
00:24:42.03\00:24:43.06
But finally I get out
there I said, remember
00:24:43.09\00:24:44.59
when I told you
I wasn't a virgin?
00:24:44.62\00:24:46.05
Well I went to get
tested for STDs and the HIV part
00:24:46.09\00:24:49.17
came back positive.
00:24:49.20\00:24:50.63
I did a silent scream and
he goes to hug me but I pushed
00:24:50.66\00:24:53.71
him away, no don't touch me.
00:24:53.74\00:24:55.59
Because I still didn't
understand about HIV and AIDS.
00:24:55.62\00:24:58.79
But he said no, it is
okay, he said I was trained at
00:24:58.83\00:25:01.40
work about HIV and AIDS,
it is okay I can touch you.
00:25:01.43\00:25:03.96
So he just held me.
00:25:04.00\00:25:05.32
We were crying, and I thought
okay I'm just going to get
00:25:05.35\00:25:08.71
this over with and I won't
make him end the relationship
00:25:08.75\00:25:12.07
because it is not
fair to him, I'll do it.
00:25:12.10\00:25:13.51
So I said I know this is going
to change our relationship.
00:25:13.55\00:25:17.54
He said I want to show
you something and he gently
00:25:17.57\00:25:23.65
pushed me back - I gently
pushed her back and I told
00:25:23.68\00:25:29.69
Barb that I had committed in my
heart to asking you to marry me.
00:25:29.72\00:25:35.31
I don't know what the future
holds, but I love you and I'm
00:25:35.35\00:25:39.71
and sticking by that commitment
and nothing you do or say
00:25:39.74\00:25:44.07
is going to change my mind.
00:25:44.11\00:25:45.79
That sure was not
the reaction I expected.
00:25:45.82\00:25:53.59
This guy his name is Rick
and I don't know if you can
00:25:53.62\00:25:58.93
imagine just the night before
I truly believed that every
00:25:58.96\00:26:04.24
single thing in
my live was lost.
00:26:04.27\00:26:06.02
Everything, but the next
day here is Rick and he commits
00:26:06.06\00:26:12.48
his life and his love to
me, that's when I realized that
00:26:12.51\00:26:18.90
maybe this kind
of love was possible.
00:26:18.94\00:26:21.69
Maybe this kind
of love did exist.
00:26:21.73\00:26:24.42
That's when I realized
that Rick, the first time he
00:26:24.45\00:26:29.32
pictured for me God's
unconditional, unfathomable,
00:26:29.35\00:26:34.18
love in a real way.
00:26:34.22\00:26:35.66
And he pictured a man
that was committed to God and
00:26:35.70\00:26:38.50
could be committed to me.
00:26:38.54\00:26:39.79
That's what I also realized
that Rick didn't love me for
00:26:39.83\00:26:45.26
sex, we weren't having
sex, Rick truly loved me for me.
00:26:45.29\00:26:50.69
Well then I kind of got
this sick feeling inside.
00:26:50.73\00:26:53.83
It was like, why did
I give up my hope that
00:26:53.87\00:26:57.36
he was out there.
00:26:57.39\00:26:58.72
Why hadn't I
just waited for him?
00:26:58.76\00:27:00.91
- when Barb told me, I was
devastated, I was in shock,
00:27:00.95\00:27:06.74
but I had remembered
that she had shared with me,
00:27:06.78\00:27:09.20
a few weeks before,
that she wasn't a virgin.
00:27:09.24\00:27:11.96
We had talked about
that and I had forgiven her.
00:27:12.00\00:27:14.65
So my decision wasn't can I
forgive Barb now that there's
00:27:14.69\00:27:18.30
real consequences, the
decision I had to make was could
00:27:18.33\00:27:21.91
I love this
wonderful godly woman
00:27:21.95\00:27:24.19
through terminal illness?
00:27:24.22\00:27:26.20
I knew that I wanted to,
00:27:26.23\00:27:28.14
I knew if I relied
on Him that I could.
00:27:28.17\00:27:30.39
While we were sitting in the
car I remembered something that
00:27:30.43\00:27:33.52
I had heard a few weeks
before, that if your hope isn't
00:27:33.56\00:27:36.75
big enough for any eventuality,
for anything that could
00:27:36.79\00:27:39.95
possibly happen, your
hope isn't big enough.
00:27:39.99\00:27:43.12
I told Barb our
hope is Jesus Christ,
00:27:43.15\00:27:46.37
and He is big enough for this.
00:27:46.40\00:27:48.32
- so we are waiting
for the retest results.
00:27:48.35\00:27:51.90
We are hoping and praying
that they come back negative,
00:27:51.94\00:27:55.08
but when they came
back they were positive.
00:27:55.12\00:27:58.81
So they said you will
need to see a doctor because
00:27:58.84\00:28:00.61
you will need medicine.
00:28:00.64\00:28:01.88
So I went and saw my
doctor, now my doctor didn't
00:28:01.92\00:28:04.44
believe it, my doctor
didn't believe it, you know why?
00:28:04.48\00:28:08.07
I wasn't sick, there
wasn't anything wrong with me
00:28:08.10\00:28:11.66
so I got little hope.
00:28:11.69\00:28:12.80
So yeah maybe it's just a big
mix-up at the lab, but they do
00:28:12.83\00:28:15.64
a retest, in another test and
Rick couldn't get off of work,
00:28:15.67\00:28:17.87
so I back to get the results
and am sitting there alone.
00:28:17.90\00:28:20.02
In came the doctor and he was
literally shaking, he said Barb
00:28:20.06\00:28:23.52
they were right,
you do have AIDS.
00:28:23.55\00:28:26.60
He said is what we do a test
when a person's body gets an
00:28:26.63\00:28:30.39
infection they have these
special cells in their body
00:28:30.42\00:28:34.14
they call T-helper
cells and a cry for help.
00:28:34.18\00:28:36.01
They call these fighter cells
to fight off the infections.
00:28:36.05\00:28:40.06
What HIV does, it comes in and
destroys your T-helper cells.
00:28:40.09\00:28:44.06
The next time your body
gets an infection now there is
00:28:44.10\00:28:46.73
nothing there to cry for help
so nothing comes to fight and
00:28:46.76\00:28:49.68
infections can just
take over your body.
00:28:49.71\00:28:51.61
He says that's why people
with AIDS we die of cancer,
00:28:51.65\00:28:55.11
pneumonia, tuberculosis,
different big infections.
00:28:55.15\00:28:58.20
He said a healthy person,
when we look at how many T-
00:28:58.23\00:29:00.78
helper cells a healthy
person has they have between
00:29:00.81\00:29:03.32
800 and 1200.
00:29:03.35\00:29:05.24
We did your T-helper cell
count and yours came back at
00:29:05.27\00:29:08.58
147, under 200
is considered AIDS.
00:29:08.61\00:29:13.33
He said you probably have
two weeks to a year to live.
00:29:13.37\00:29:17.00
Because again this was in
1993, and at that time they only
00:29:17.04\00:29:20.15
had one drug to fight AIDS
and it was working very well.
00:29:20.18\00:29:23.44
He said what is happening
is that most people, when they
00:29:23.48\00:29:26.53
had that low T-cell count
they will get something big
00:29:26.56\00:29:29.00
like pneumonia and will be
trying to fight it and pick up
00:29:29.04\00:29:31.44
a second infection,
staff or strep and the
00:29:31.48\00:29:33.67
two infections
usually kill them.
00:29:33.70\00:29:35.39
I stood there in his office
and kept thinking this isn't
00:29:35.42\00:29:39.95
me, right? This isn't me.
00:29:39.98\00:29:42.70
This cannot be me.
00:29:42.74\00:29:45.77
I'm at home and I just
called Rick it was worse than
00:29:47.80\00:29:49.39
we were thinking.
00:29:49.43\00:29:50.46
I started going through the
grieving process, the anger,
00:29:50.49\00:29:52.96
the bargaining, depression,
denial come at me slinky
00:29:53.00\00:29:55.61
over and over.
00:29:55.64\00:29:56.84
Rick would come over to
comfort me and I kept crying and
00:29:58.85\00:30:00.77
getting his shirts
covered in mascara right here.
00:30:00.80\00:30:03.24
- I started to
wear darker shirts.
00:30:03.27\00:30:05.51
- at night before Rick
would leave he'd do something
00:30:05.55\00:30:09.44
I thought that was strange.
00:30:09.47\00:30:10.59
He would start giving
me all these Bible verses,
00:30:10.63\00:30:12.80
he stand there and give me Bible
verses and I would be like,
00:30:12.83\00:30:15.00
what is he doing?
00:30:15.04\00:30:16.12
But the next day when I
would get to work, I would have
00:30:16.15\00:30:19.66
all these thoughts, Barb
you're going to die real soon.
00:30:19.69\00:30:23.16
Guess what? You
deserve it! You deserve it!
00:30:23.20\00:30:28.16
The only way I can stand
up was to remember the verses
00:30:28.19\00:30:31.49
that Rick had given
me the night before.
00:30:31.52\00:30:33.38
- well I was overwhelmed
and I knew I didn't have the
00:30:33.41\00:30:36.85
words, the wisdom to
give Barb to get through this.
00:30:36.89\00:30:40.26
So I use God's words, I
used to verses like Isaiah 41:10
00:30:40.29\00:30:44.09
and it says "do not
fear for I'm with you,
00:30:44.13\00:30:46.74
do not be dismayed
00:30:46.77\00:30:48.28
for I am your God, I will
strengthen you and help you,
00:30:48.31\00:30:50.69
I will uphold you for
my righteous right hand. "
00:30:50.72\00:30:53.38
Or 1 John 1:9 that says,
"if we confess our sins he is
00:30:53.42\00:30:57.22
faithful and just to forgive
us our sins and purify us
00:30:57.26\00:31:01.03
from all and righteousness. "
00:31:01.06\00:31:02.21
Or 2 Corinthians 5:17
that says, "therefore if anyone
00:31:02.24\00:31:06.04
is in Christ he is a new
creation, the old is gone,
00:31:06.07\00:31:09.84
the new has come. "
00:31:09.87\00:31:11.44
- I really clung to the
last verse about the HIV
00:31:11.47\00:31:14.90
being made new.
00:31:14.94\00:31:17.86
With HIV running through
my body I felt so contaminated
00:31:17.90\00:31:21.16
and I kept thinking
how can I be made new?
00:31:21.19\00:31:24.11
But Rick kept reminding me
that no matter what sexual thing
00:31:24.14\00:31:27.91
we have done, no matter
what hateful thing we've done,
00:31:27.95\00:31:30.12
no matter what addiction we
have that God is always there.
00:31:30.16\00:31:32.30
If we turn around
and ask His forgiveness,
00:31:32.33\00:31:33.72
He's always there ready
to offer us a way to be new.
00:31:33.76\00:31:36.73
So I just clung on to
that, I clung on to that.
00:31:36.77\00:31:41.21
We started to see a counselor,
because this affected both
00:31:41.24\00:31:45.07
of us in every part
of our lives, physically,
00:31:45.10\00:31:47.75
intellectually, emotionally,
socially, spiritually,
00:31:47.78\00:31:50.37
and financially.
00:31:50.41\00:31:51.77
We're going to talk about
just a few of the ways that
00:31:51.81\00:31:54.18
this has impacted our lives.
00:31:54.21\00:31:55.88
- I go see the counselor
and the counselor says Barbara
00:31:55.92\00:31:59.46
there something you
haven't done and I said okay,
00:31:59.49\00:32:01.42
what do I need to do?
00:32:01.46\00:32:02.75
He said will you
need to tell your family.
00:32:02.79\00:32:04.59
I was like what?
00:32:04.63\00:32:07.07
He said yeah you should
probably tell your family and I
00:32:07.10\00:32:08.98
got mad and said there was
no way I was going to tell my
00:32:09.01\00:32:10.92
mom and dad, my sisters
and brothers, I'm not bringing
00:32:10.95\00:32:12.82
this all into their life.
00:32:12.85\00:32:13.92
He is like no, you need to
calm down, Barb really think
00:32:13.96\00:32:17.48
about what you want to
do, do you want to wait until
00:32:17.51\00:32:20.24
you're dying and try to
tell everybody this then?
00:32:20.28\00:32:22.97
Is that going
to be fair to them?
00:32:23.00\00:32:24.41
I'm like no you are right, I
guess I better tell them now.
00:32:24.44\00:32:28.02
So we did not know where
they would all stand on the
00:32:28.06\00:32:30.67
issue of AIDS, they said don't
tell them all together, it's
00:32:30.71\00:32:33.29
better if you tell them one-on-
one, so that is what we did.
00:32:33.33\00:32:37.11
We called each one of
them up and Rick go with me.
00:32:37.14\00:32:39.37
I just want you to know
that everyone of my family
00:32:39.40\00:32:41.60
members as I told
them they were devastated.
00:32:41.63\00:32:43.75
Especially my mom, believe
me, believe me you never want
00:32:43.78\00:32:50.33
to have to tell your
mom something like that.
00:32:50.36\00:32:52.48
But you know something,
whatever I thought was this
00:32:52.52\00:32:56.47
perfect girl in here I was
with all my dirt showing they
00:32:56.51\00:32:58.67
all still loved me,
they all still loved me.
00:32:58.70\00:33:02.14
Rick would sit there and
tell them, I love her and
00:33:02.18\00:33:05.36
I'm going to be there for her.
00:33:05.39\00:33:07.32
At a time when I sit there
and think all I could think,
00:33:07.36\00:33:09.83
I was worthless, I'm
worthless, I'm worthless.
00:33:09.87\00:33:12.70
Rick kept speaking the
truth, no she still has value,
00:33:12.74\00:33:16.67
she still has value.
00:33:16.71\00:33:18.54
Now I remember any time we
feel worthless God is always
00:33:18.58\00:33:22.84
by our side, saying
you still have value.
00:33:22.88\00:33:26.81
You still have value.
00:33:26.84\00:33:29.05
- we had to tell my parents,
Barb had only met them twice.
00:33:29.08\00:33:34.32
So she came to me and
said Rick, I can't do that, I
00:33:34.35\00:33:37.41
cannot go talk to your
parents about this, I am too
00:33:37.45\00:33:40.47
emotionally drained right now.
00:33:40.51\00:33:42.07
I said okay I will go
talk to them myself, could you
00:33:42.10\00:33:45.03
just write a letter?
00:33:45.07\00:33:46.16
It took Barb over eight
hours to write that letter.
00:33:46.19\00:33:49.39
- I couldn't figure out
what to say, basically all I
00:33:49.43\00:33:52.60
could say was I was
pretty stupid and your son
00:33:52.63\00:33:55.13
is pretty awesome.
00:33:55.16\00:33:56.49
Then the past boyfriends
started calling up, because
00:33:56.52\00:33:59.50
they were notified by
the state that they had been
00:33:59.53\00:34:02.32
exposed and needed to
be tested, even though they
00:34:02.36\00:34:04.72
didn't tell these guys my
name, they just got curious
00:34:04.75\00:34:07.08
and started to
investigate their sexual past.
00:34:07.11\00:34:09.28
One of the guys calls me
up and tells me he is newly
00:34:09.31\00:34:12.11
married and his
wife is pregnant.
00:34:12.15\00:34:13.93
This guy was going nuts and
wondering what he just did to
00:34:13.97\00:34:16.64
his new family and for the
next two-week while they are
00:34:16.68\00:34:19.53
getting tested, I'm laying
there every night going is this
00:34:19.56\00:34:22.37
guy give me the
HIV possibly come or
00:34:22.41\00:34:24.92
did I give the guy HIV possibly?
00:34:24.96\00:34:26.54
Does the little baby have it?
00:34:26.58\00:34:28.09
But thankfully and with God's
mercy, they came back negative.
00:34:28.12\00:34:32.27
But then Rick said Barb
we need to sit down and go
00:34:32.30\00:34:35.29
through your past, not
every detail but enough that we
00:34:35.33\00:34:38.29
didn't have to do this
each time somebody called.
00:34:38.32\00:34:39.78
Because every time some it
would call I would be sitting
00:34:39.81\00:34:41.63
there thinking is
Rick going to leave me.
00:34:41.66\00:34:44.00
I mean it this guy
hears one more detail,
00:34:44.04\00:34:46.34
won't he just be gone?
00:34:46.38\00:34:48.47
But Rick said Barb let's go
over all the details because
00:34:48.51\00:34:53.33
I want you to know for sure,
I want you to know for sure
00:34:53.36\00:34:57.29
that my love and my forgiveness
are going to cover all
00:34:57.32\00:35:01.10
the details and you do
not need to keep worrying that
00:35:01.13\00:35:04.84
I'm going to leave you, because
I am not going to leave you.
00:35:04.87\00:35:08.28
Well we figured out I got
HIV from the first guy, the
00:35:08.32\00:35:12.47
guy who had the apartment
is a guy who had it when
00:35:12.50\00:35:16.62
I was 19 years old.
00:35:16.65\00:35:17.78
I didn't find out I was HIV
positive till 9 years later.
00:35:17.81\00:35:20.59
You couldn't tell by looking
at me that I was HIV positive,
00:35:20.63\00:35:23.38
can you tell now?
00:35:23.41\00:35:24.73
I couldn't tell that
HIV was inside of me,
00:35:24.76\00:35:27.51
it was inside of me
and I couldn't tell.
00:35:27.54\00:35:30.22
So those next five guys I
didn't tell I was HIV positive,
00:35:30.25\00:35:33.59
now I wasn't lying because
I didn't know, but every one
00:35:33.62\00:35:36.15
of those guys is taking a
risk of contracting anything
00:35:36.19\00:35:38.68
that I might have
contracted from someone else.
00:35:38.72\00:35:40.56
I just didn't realize that
my sexual choices were going
00:35:40.60\00:35:43.11
to impact anyone except me
and maybe the other person.
00:35:43.15\00:35:45.62
I didn't really think about it.
00:35:45.66\00:35:46.96
Well during this time Rick
and I kept dating, and Rick
00:35:47.00\00:35:51.02
kept telling me he
still wanted to get married.
00:35:51.05\00:35:53.38
I just kept asking are you
nuts or crazy I mean they are
00:35:53.41\00:35:56.45
only given me a couple
weeks, a couple months to live.
00:35:56.49\00:35:59.49
Are you sure?
00:35:59.53\00:36:02.77
- well we wanted to get
as much advice as we could
00:36:02.81\00:36:06.68
so we asked doctors
and counselors, Pastors
00:36:06.71\00:36:09.63
if we should get married.
00:36:09.67\00:36:11.17
Barb thought that all of
them would say no, but to her
00:36:11.21\00:36:13.84
surprise everyone of
them said yes, an HIV-positive
00:36:13.87\00:36:16.47
person can still get
marriage but there will
00:36:16.50\00:36:19.11
be sexual restrictions.
00:36:19.14\00:36:20.81
So on October
9,1993 we did get married.
00:36:20.84\00:36:26.19
This last October we
celebrated our 15th anniversary.
00:36:26.22\00:36:32.85
Yes we are so glad, we
did not expect that to happen.
00:36:32.88\00:36:38.21
We were celebrating it at a
romantic restaurant and just
00:36:38.25\00:36:42.76
looking at each other
amazed because at the same time,
00:36:42.80\00:36:46.33
this will sound dramatic
but it is true, at the same
00:36:46.37\00:36:49.27
time I was making all my
wedding plans I was also making
00:36:49.30\00:36:52.17
all my own funeral plans.
00:36:52.21\00:36:53.88
When most people get married
they can now have sex without
00:36:53.91\00:36:57.09
any worries, like God
plans is to be, but every single
00:36:57.12\00:37:00.26
day Rick and I we
have to consider the HIV,
00:37:00.30\00:37:02.77
every single day.
00:37:02.81\00:37:03.99
I just keep thinking why
did I bring all of this in the
00:37:04.03\00:37:07.97
relationship, why
didn't I just trust God.
00:37:08.00\00:37:09.72
Why didn't I
listen to His voice?
00:37:09.76\00:37:11.65
Why did I try to take control
of everything in my own power?
00:37:11.69\00:37:15.10
Well fourteen years
later and you may be looking at
00:37:15.13\00:37:18.32
me thinking oh she looks
okay and everything is good,
00:37:18.35\00:37:21.51
it's not that hard
have an HIV and AIDS.
00:37:21.54\00:37:23.58
It has been a difficult
road and we've had to give up
00:37:23.62\00:37:26.50
children, because they said
there was a 1 in 4 chance that
00:37:26.54\00:37:29.18
I could pass on
the HIV to a child.
00:37:29.22\00:37:32.84
Now they can get the mom
and baby certain drugs in the
00:37:32.88\00:37:35.30
United States they can get the
transmission under 1 percent.
00:37:35.33\00:37:37.90
But I would have to use
some drugs that make me really
00:37:37.94\00:37:40.67
sick and I don't know
how I will feel and to put a
00:37:40.70\00:37:43.40
little person through all that.
00:37:43.44\00:37:44.99
Also when you fight a
disease and make use a high pile
00:37:45.02\00:37:50.37
of drugs called a cocktail,
in the medical world right now
00:37:50.40\00:37:55.71
I am on a medical
cocktail to help me fight this.
00:37:55.75\00:37:58.52
But the drugs have a lot
of side effects, so I have
00:37:58.56\00:38:01.56
rashes, headaches, fever,
it's hard to have the energy
00:38:01.60\00:38:04.57
to get through a full day.
00:38:04.60\00:38:05.85
I get blurred vision, in
one set of drugs I was on in
00:38:05.89\00:38:09.89
the morning I would
just feel like I had
00:38:09.92\00:38:11.74
a hangover every morning.
00:38:11.77\00:38:13.10
When I needed to drive to
work, because if I lost my job
00:38:13.13\00:38:16.32
I lost my health insurance.
00:38:16.36\00:38:17.80
My drugs without health
insurance are over 2000 dollars
00:38:17.84\00:38:20.63
a month, with health
insurance is 2 to 300 hundred
00:38:20.66\00:38:23.55
dollars a month,
so I needed my job.
00:38:23.59\00:38:24.88
I would drive to work and
feel very sick until about
00:38:24.91\00:38:27.08
eleven thirty and
then I would go home and
00:38:27.11\00:38:28.98
start it all over again.
00:38:29.01\00:38:30.30
I would think I do not
want to do this anymore, this is
00:38:30.34\00:38:32.49
not how I want to live my life.
00:38:32.53\00:38:34.05
With that I think of how
there are millions of children,
00:38:34.08\00:38:37.51
or thousands of men, women
and little children all around
00:38:37.55\00:38:40.35
the world who die from AIDS
every day because they don't
00:38:40.38\00:38:43.01
have medicine, I say Barb
at least you are someone who
00:38:43.04\00:38:45.64
has medicine and
you better take it with
00:38:45.67\00:38:47.27
a grateful heart.
00:38:47.30\00:38:48.66
So we kept the secret for
about nine years and finally
00:38:48.69\00:38:51.23
on December of 2000 they
came up with some new drugs
00:38:51.26\00:38:53.41
that I am on in my body is
doing well with these drugs
00:38:53.44\00:38:55.76
so I was asked would I
please tell the story to some
00:38:55.79\00:38:58.07
young people?
00:38:58.11\00:38:59.24
At first I didn't want to do
it, but God said Barb that is
00:38:59.27\00:39:01.60
your pride, get
it out of the way,
00:39:01.64\00:39:02.94
this is not about
you, it's about My love for
00:39:02.97\00:39:04.47
these young people.
00:39:04.50\00:39:05.53
So I told my first youth group
and it was the young people
00:39:05.56\00:39:07.44
that came up and said
thank you, you should be telling
00:39:07.48\00:39:09.54
our friends and they
invited me to the classrooms.
00:39:09.58\00:39:11.58
So were going around telling
our story now over 800 times
00:39:11.61\00:39:16.37
to hundreds of thousands
of people across the country
00:39:16.40\00:39:21.12
and in Europe.
00:39:21.16\00:39:22.19
It amazes me because that
first night the enemy lied to
00:39:22.22\00:39:25.01
me and said there was
nothing ahead of me but an empty
00:39:25.05\00:39:28.10
room and pain, but
the truth was right around
00:39:28.14\00:39:32.64
the corner was Rick.
00:39:32.67\00:39:34.44
God has provided this
marriage and love for us and
00:39:34.48\00:39:37.42
is given as opportunity
to meet some of the most
00:39:37.46\00:39:40.37
fantastic people in the world.
00:39:40.40\00:39:42.28
And I hear stories because
I hear young people all over
00:39:42.32\00:39:45.78
the world caught
me and talk to me and
00:39:45.81\00:39:47.31
tell me their story and
00:39:47.35\00:39:48.40
I don't know what everybody
gets blocks looks like,
00:39:48.44\00:39:51.55
but I can tell you that I
honestly look people back and
00:39:51.59\00:39:54.63
tell them I have hope for you
no matter what you stories are.
00:39:54.67\00:39:57.53
Because I realize the pain
in people's lives are because
00:39:57.56\00:40:01.21
of all the lies we believe
when our blocks are broken,
00:40:01.25\00:40:04.37
we have pain and we believe
lies instead of the truth.
00:40:04.41\00:40:07.50
Well I want to let you
know that God can restore.
00:40:07.54\00:40:10.20
He is in the business of
restoring and reconciliation and
00:40:10.23\00:40:12.91
He can bring in the first
row, He can bring back the
00:40:12.95\00:40:16.74
truth that we are valuable,
that He knew before we were
00:40:16.77\00:40:19.52
born, who we were going
to be, that He planned for us
00:40:19.56\00:40:22.27
to be created.
00:40:22.31\00:40:23.34
That we are valuable
and worth being cared for.
00:40:23.37\00:40:25.28
That we can learn through the
body of Christ fellowship and
00:40:27.41\00:40:31.26
friendship, what it is to
be listened to, and cared for,
00:40:31.30\00:40:35.11
any given truth, and
how we can be friends
00:40:35.14\00:40:37.88
for other people.
00:40:37.91\00:40:38.94
How we can be there to
help them in their time of need
00:40:38.97\00:40:41.22
and handling communications
and conflict solving.
00:40:41.25\00:40:43.51
And then the truth about
our identity as godly men and
00:40:43.54\00:40:46.78
women, what does it mean
to be a godly woman, what is
00:40:46.81\00:40:51.77
the truth about a godly
man, whom am I that we can see
00:40:51.81\00:40:56.73
ourselves as God sees us.
00:40:56.77\00:40:58.15
That He delights in us as you
were saying earlier, that His
00:40:58.18\00:41:03.28
delight is in us and He
restores this part of our lives.
00:41:03.32\00:41:08.43
As we realize how valuable
we are, then we are able to
00:41:08.46\00:41:13.04
understand the value of
committed love really be an
00:41:13.08\00:41:17.63
agape love towards
putting people in a place
00:41:17.66\00:41:20.52
where we commit to do
loving actions for them.
00:41:20.56\00:41:23.35
Even though we might not
feel like it, we do the actions,
00:41:23.39\00:41:27.59
and the actions
creates the loving feelings.
00:41:27.63\00:41:29.75
That is really agape committed
love, and that brings us
00:41:29.79\00:41:33.24
to committed love and
marriage that allows us to have
00:41:33.28\00:41:36.70
children and start
the whole cycle building
00:41:36.73\00:41:39.80
up pyramids with truth.
00:41:39.84\00:41:41.12
- oh man, I just have
to say I love you guys.
00:41:41.15\00:41:47.22
Because I think about,
we are going to go ahead and
00:41:47.26\00:41:51.27
break but I just want to
say that as I'm listening to
00:41:51.31\00:41:55.26
you I'm watching that whole
thing is that what trashed you
00:41:55.29\00:41:58.11
was what your belief of
who you were, your father left
00:41:58.15\00:42:01.31
and all that stuff, and
that you literally brought that
00:42:01.34\00:42:04.46
back into her life.
00:42:04.50\00:42:05.63
None of that was true and
definitely God reinforced that.
00:42:05.67\00:42:09.15
We will be right back, and
as you saw this presentation,
00:42:09.19\00:42:13.09
it is so important because
we all have something that we
00:42:13.12\00:42:16.98
believe that has
never been ours to believe.
00:42:17.02\00:42:19.19
It is never what God
intended in our lives, and God
00:42:19.23\00:42:22.00
says you know as those
blocks are put up, I just want
00:42:22.03\00:42:25.58
you to know that I can
come in and just bring people
00:42:25.62\00:42:29.30
into your life that
will just help you to restore
00:42:29.33\00:42:32.98
everything that
was knocked down.
00:42:33.01\00:42:34.39
Man, I hope you were blessed
by Barb and Rick's story.
00:42:34.43\00:42:39.78
I know that for
me, it changed me.
00:42:39.82\00:42:43.07
It changed me that all
of a sudden I realize, it
00:42:43.10\00:42:45.75
doesn't matter
what I am holding on to.
00:42:45.78\00:42:48.35
What is hitting me is
that God is faithful and I can
00:42:48.38\00:42:51.48
hold on to it in His love,
and definitely in the love of
00:42:51.52\00:42:54.75
the people around us, and I
am so glad I met this couple.
00:42:54.79\00:42:57.99
We will be right
back! stay with us!
00:42:58.03\00:43:00.31