Welcome to
Celebrating Life in Recovery,
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I'm Cheri your host!
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Some testimonies just
grab you and this is going to
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be one of them you are
not going to want to miss it.
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So come join us in the café.
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Welcome back!
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I want to start out with
Jeremiah 29:11, because when
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I first saw I
thought it was amazing.
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I'm strung out on heroine, I
have teeth are missing and I'm
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illiterate and I read that
God has a plan for my life.
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A plan to prosper me
and not to harm me, a plan
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to bring everything
good out of all this junk.
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And I remember thinking,
you know what I don't think
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anybody had a plan for
my life, anybody cares about
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what happens for me.
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And I felt like all of heaven
said, that is so not true.
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We know that you are
there, we have a plan for your
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life, we have known you
since the womb and even though
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no one spoke into your
life, I'm speaking into your
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life and I want
you to know that.
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I'm going to
guide you through that.
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I like to introduce you
to a friend of mine, David.
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And David I want to say
that you know I'm thrilled
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that you are here.
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David: well
thanks for inviting me,
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it's really my honor.
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Cheri: when I first heard
your testimony I was just,
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like you are kidding me.
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I wanted to know
everything about you.
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I wanted to so, I
remember praying for you just
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because I knew that God
was using you in ways that are
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unbelievable and the fact
that you are here is amazing.
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Can you start out the program,
because I do not want to
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do a teaching part, I want
to just turn it over to you.
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Who are you?
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I know that you had a
normal life growing up,
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it didn't stay that way
and talk to us about that.
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Sure well I'm 41 years
old and I'm a recovering Meth
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addict, recovering
alcoholic and an ex-convict.
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I'm also a husband to a
wonderful woman named Amy and
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we have 7 beautiful children,
but more importantly to
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me I'm a born again Christian.
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I started out growing
up in a pretty good home.
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My mother didn't
use drugs or alcohol.
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My granddad did drink
alcohol so I was exposed to a
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person that had
drinking problems.
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But it actually was much better
than where I had come from
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with my dad being a
drug addict and alcoholic and
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a very violent man.
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So to me it was a blessing
to stay with my granddad.
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And about the age of 12
years old, my granddad was
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dying of bone cancer.
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He thought it would be
a good idea for me to find
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my dad and try to start
up and relationship with him.
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Cheri: and everything
in me when you say that,
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I just want to
scream no don't do it,
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because sometimes when
we search for parents that
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are out to
lunch, we find them and
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they are still out to lunch.
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David: oh yeah, I have
talked to young men, I say young
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men because it happens is
young man that told me part
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of their life stories
and how they have never known
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their dad and how
much it bothers them.
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And the whole time
they are telling me that,
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I'm thinking, man,
sometimes I wish that I hadn't
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met my dad, at that
young of an age anyway.
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Cheri: because you found him.
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David: I found him and
it was like peer pressure.
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When teenagers asked me
why I using drugs with my dad,
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I tell them it was about like
being around older teenagers
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I mean it was peer pressure.
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I wanted him to except
me, I wanted to hang out
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with him and his friends.
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When he offered me marijuana,
I knew that if I smoked
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it with him I could
hang out with him and I did.
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I hung out with him and
his friends, and he would take
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me to bars at
that young of an age.
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He was a musician in bars.
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So I tried the marijuana
with him, and that's really
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where my life made a turn,
because already at that age
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I was real gifted.
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God had really gifted
me on athletic ability.
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When in junior high people
in my area thought I would
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go to college and play
ball, and I thought that too.
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Basketball was really
my love of life, whenever I
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have a hard time in home...
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Cheri: you were on
teams, getting all kinds of...
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David: it was my
escape, all kids have an escape
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and that is where I
could go and do that and forget
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about the problems in my life.
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But as the drugs came in
they became the passion of my
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life, by the time I was a
senior in high school I had
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moved from marijuana, to
cocaine in one of the big
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questions people ask
me is how did you make
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a jump from
marijuana to cocaine?
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Well I was hanging around
older kids, and I was going
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to buy marijuana
from the older kids.
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Some of them was already
out of school, and as their
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addictions progressed
to harder drugs, naturally
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I progressed
right along with them.
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Once I got into the
cocaine I no longer cared about
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going to college and
playing ball, really all
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I cared about was
where I was going to get that
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next bag of dope at.
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Cheri: people,
when somebody says that,
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I see kids that
haven't experimented yet.
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They say that, that
is not the way it is.
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I'm thinking, it's so is
the way it is, that you graduate
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into something that
actually does it for you more.
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David: yeah, it just
becomes something that you feel
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like you have to have
to get through the day.
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It is no longer about
just having fun, it starts out
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experimenting and you
think it's exciting, it's fun,
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it's something new, you
have this funny feeling.
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Of course all of us addicts
know that by the end it's
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like you have to do what you
feel like to survive the day.
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To feel good, just to
get through any situation you
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feel like you need to be high.
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That's what I mean when
it became more important
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than basketball or
anything else at that point
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I started to become an addict.
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I was drinking heavy...
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Cheri: did you graduate?
David: yes I graduated.
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I don't think I would
have had it not been for the
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basketball, that is
really the only thing
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that kept me in school.
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My grades had dropped
so bad the last year that I
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shouldn't have graduated,
but I think they wanted
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to get rid of me.
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Cheri: they are
like you are so done.
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David: yeah, let's
get this guy out of here.
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I have a lot of guilt and
I always will have because
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there were other kids in
my school that didn't use
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drugs and I talked
them into smoking marijuana.
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I just went to one of
them's funeral the other day.
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Here he is 40 years old, he
became such a heavy alcoholic
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that his kidneys and
stuff finally failed.
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His name was Dean, and as
I am standing over the coffin
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a month ago, I couldn't help
but think back about talking
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him into smoking marijuana.
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Cheri: saying, it's no big deal.
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this is no big deal.
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David: my big thing
was when I started selling
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marijuana in 9 grade in
high school, getting it off
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my bus driver taking it
in to the school selling
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the marijuana to other kids.
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My big thing was...
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Cheri: getting it
off your bus driver?
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You know what all of a sudden
I'm thinking, wait a minute
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because you think that, and
it's where it's gets real crazy
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to me, is that sometimes
we think we're safe in certain
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places and with some of
these drugs you are not.
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David: yeah, the parents you
would think when you put your
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kids on the school bus they
are going to be pretty safe,
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and going through
the school system.
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But that is not the
case anymore at all,
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because addiction
just doesn't go along with
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poor kids in a
trailer park neighborhood.
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Addiction has crossed
every boundary there is and I
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have seen police
officers, school teachers,
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bus drivers, I used
with a registered nurse,
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I had a district
attorney, a Kentucky sheriff
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that was running drug rings.
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I mean from my experience
of my life on this road,
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I have noticed anybody can
be acceptable to addiction.
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Cheri: and you know, and
we are going to get into this
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on the second half, but
it is the educate ourselves
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and sets some boundaries
for people and drug tests.
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Drug tests is a huge
thing that we can protect kids
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from that, so you were
from the school bus selling
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drugs, barely making it
in school, barely staying in
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school with your grades.
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David: my big lie to the
kids was, and they still say
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it today, is God put
marijuana on this earth,
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why can't we smoke it?
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I always said
that kind of stuff.
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I remember saying that
to a car load of high school
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students selling
them a bag of weed.
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What I tell the kids
now a days is such a lie.
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God put everything here,
He didn't mean for us to use
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it like that, He put turpentine
here, but I am not going
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to suck on that every
week and see if it kills me.
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Cheri: well you did Meth.
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David: right well yeah,
might as well have, probably
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would've been less painful.
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But the thing is that
marijuana is a deadly drug.
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In our society people act like
marijuana isn't a deadly drug,
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but it is in the
main reason is 90% of Meth
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addicts started out on
marijuana and work their way up.
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Cheri: you know because I
smoked pot so I can understand
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what you're saying is that
when you start to bring those
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drugs into your life,
like I'm smoking some weed and
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enjoyed watching a movie
or laughing with friends,
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pretty soon I'm not
enjoying the movie at all
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unless I smoke weed.
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I don't laugh with friends
and unless I'm smoking weed.
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I don't really want to go
anywhere unless we get a bag
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of weed, and so it starts
out so innocent but then pretty
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soon I can't enjoy it
unless I have the weed.
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Then I'm smoking it everyday,
and once I smoke it every
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day, I'm thinking
what else can I do.
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What else looks good.
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Yeah that's exactly the
point that I was at, I had to be
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every day, every time
you went to the movies, out
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with friends I had
to be high on something.
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Alcohol was a
constant every weekend.
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At 21 years old I had
moved to Dallas Texas after my
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first marriage had failed,
I had married my high school
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sweetheart and I was a
very mean an abusive man to her.
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She was a good Christian
woman and of course the
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marriage failed and when it
did I moved to Dallas Texas.
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Right when I didn't think
anything could get any worse
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in my life I moved into
what I call, a crank house.
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Because crank and Meth, the
thing is a lot of people don't
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realize, and some of
your audience may not realize,
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is that Meth goes by
so many different names.
00:10:31.44\00:10:33.62
Lot of times I will say
crank and people will think
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I'm talking about cocaine,
but actually the word crank
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goes along with Meth,
it's just another slang.
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And I call them crank
houses where they were
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selling Meth and
that's what I moved into.
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Cheri: how did you
move into a crank house?
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David: well my dad
had got divorced from his
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third or fourth wife
and when I moved out there
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that is who I moved in with.
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Me and my dad was
bachelors together.
00:10:55.92\00:10:57.42
Him and other band
members that was in the band was
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running around Arlington
Texas and Fort Worth and
00:11:00.88\00:11:04.13
Dallas on motorcycles
and were selling the Meth.
00:11:04.17\00:11:07.39
I had never
heard of Meth before.
00:11:07.43\00:11:08.93
Living in Tennessee back in
them days, in the late 80's it
00:11:08.96\00:11:13.02
wasn't in my area and I
had no idea what it was but
00:11:13.06\00:11:15.74
they told me it was a
speed form and it was like
00:11:15.78\00:11:18.43
cocaine but a
whole lot more potent.
00:11:18.47\00:11:20.12
When they said that I
had been using cocaine,
00:11:20.16\00:11:23.65
so I naturally tried it.
00:11:23.68\00:11:24.85
I will never forget
the first time I tried it,
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a lot of people seems
like they don't remember the
00:11:26.69\00:11:28.80
first time, but I do
because it scared me so bad
00:11:28.84\00:11:30.88
because I have been used to
doing cocaine and I had never
00:11:30.91\00:11:33.43
experienced a rush like that.
00:11:33.46\00:11:35.12
My heart I felt like it was
going to jump out of my chest.
00:11:35.15\00:11:37.77
Of course it is 2 days
later before I come down and I
00:11:37.80\00:11:42.38
hadn't experience that either.
00:11:42.42\00:11:43.75
With the cocaine I had to
do it every few hours to keep
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going, but with this drug,
$25 worth, the same amount of
00:11:47.87\00:11:51.31
cocaine $25 dollars worth
would keep me if a few hours,
00:11:51.35\00:11:54.75
but Meth $25 worth I
could stay up for 2 days.
00:11:54.78\00:11:58.16
But it didn't not scare me
bad enough to not want to do it
00:11:58.19\00:12:01.94
again, I knew from the first
time I thought wow, this is my
00:12:01.98\00:12:05.70
drug of choice and can
actually stay high now like I
00:12:05.73\00:12:09.53
wanted to, not having any
money, because you have to
00:12:09.57\00:12:12.35
quiet a bit of money to
stay that high on cocaine.
00:12:12.38\00:12:15.09
Where with Meth I realized
I would have a little bit of
00:12:15.13\00:12:19.02
money and could
party for a long time.
00:12:19.05\00:12:20.66
Cheri: I can stay up, I can
party and do all that stuff.
00:12:20.69\00:12:23.75
What a lot of
people don't realize too is
00:12:23.79\00:12:25.94
that your serotonin
levels go up, you start feeling
00:12:25.97\00:12:28.99
like I could just conquer
the world, my self-esteem is
00:12:29.03\00:12:31.94
incredible and all those
kind of things that happened
00:12:31.98\00:12:34.85
artificially to
make you feel good.
00:12:34.89\00:12:37.97
You could be dying
but you would feel good.
00:12:38.01\00:12:39.89
David: yeah I felt
good, I felt alive, I had more
00:12:39.93\00:12:44.23
energy than I
had ever had before.
00:12:44.26\00:12:46.60
I thought I was thinking
clearer than I had ever felt
00:12:46.63\00:12:49.00
before and I felt so
strong in the beginning.
00:12:49.04\00:12:51.15
That is were Satan uses
the drug as such an illusion
00:12:51.18\00:12:55.43
on kids, in the
beginning they feel like that.
00:12:55.47\00:12:57.58
Cheri: don't you wish that
somehow we can love them enough
00:12:57.62\00:13:00.65
so they wouldn't need
that artificial thing.
00:13:00.68\00:13:03.70
I think sometimes when
I hear, like you tell your
00:13:03.74\00:13:07.60
testimony, I'm hoping
people get that, is that kids
00:13:07.64\00:13:11.22
especially from broken
homes, kids that are struggling
00:13:11.26\00:13:14.81
with finding out who
they are, with alcoholic
00:13:14.84\00:13:16.96
grandparents, parents
and all I kind of stuff.
00:13:16.99\00:13:19.04
Abandonment, is if we
were loving them early on that
00:13:19.07\00:13:24.46
maybe the choices
would be different.
00:13:24.49\00:13:26.36
That is just my soapbox
I'm sorry, I want to jump on
00:13:26.39\00:13:29.65
that soapbox and say, if
you are seeing a kid that you
00:13:29.68\00:13:33.25
think is not being loved
on, or is acting like an idiot,
00:13:33.29\00:13:36.82
love on that one.
00:13:36.85\00:13:37.88
David: yeah that is the
truth, it brings up the memory
00:13:37.91\00:13:43.16
of a little boy
stealing food in a cafeteria.
00:13:43.19\00:13:45.18
When they caught him, he
got reprimanded really bad.
00:13:45.22\00:13:48.72
Come to find out he was
stealing the food because his
00:13:48.76\00:13:52.19
parents was on Meth and they
wasn't feeding his baby sister.
00:13:52.23\00:13:55.38
He was only stealing the food,
to take home to feed his sister.
00:13:55.41\00:13:58.53
If sometimes we wouldn't
jump on someone and judge
00:13:58.57\00:14:02.30
them so fast and try to look
at what is causing that action,
00:14:02.34\00:14:07.09
especially with the young kids.
00:14:07.12\00:14:08.95
We could do so
much more good that way.
00:14:08.98\00:14:11.77
Cheri: so now you are
living in a crank house,
00:14:11.80\00:14:16.09
running and gunning
with the best of them and all
00:14:16.12\00:14:20.34
that kind of stuff, because
you got married again too.
00:14:20.38\00:14:24.20
At what point did your
wife come into the picture?
00:14:24.24\00:14:28.03
That lasted about a
year and a half in Texas.
00:14:28.06\00:14:30.93
When I left I would
have, back then I only did
00:14:30.97\00:14:33.75
it on the weekends, but
would stay up all weekend.
00:14:33.79\00:14:36.50
I've would have told you I
could quit anytime I wanted,
00:14:36.53\00:14:39.72
back then I
would have said that.
00:14:39.76\00:14:41.56
Looking back I realize I
really was hooked long before
00:14:41.60\00:14:44.51
that, but I left there
and came back to Tennessee.
00:14:44.55\00:14:47.43
Meth still hadn't
hit Tennessee yet heavy.
00:14:47.47\00:14:51.85
It wasn't in my area, I
went back to the same drugs
00:14:51.89\00:14:54.65
I always used,
marijuana, cocaine and alcohol.
00:14:54.68\00:14:57.94
Because when I was on
the Meth I didn't want to
00:14:57.98\00:15:00.47
do the alcohol, I
didn't want to do the cocaine.
00:15:00.50\00:15:02.84
All I wanted to do was
a Meth high, I didn't want
00:15:02.87\00:15:05.17
anything to interrupt that high.
00:15:05.20\00:15:06.26
When I came back to Tennessee
is when I met my second wife
00:15:06.29\00:15:09.08
Amy, and I ended up
getting her pregnant.
00:15:09.12\00:15:11.87
Instead of marrying her and
taking care of her and the baby,
00:15:11.91\00:15:14.74
Straightening up and
doing what a man ought to do,
00:15:14.78\00:15:17.41
I was a dope dealer
and was growing marijuana.
00:15:17.44\00:15:20.00
It was harvest time and
I had 25 pounds of weed and
00:15:20.04\00:15:22.69
I told her I was going to
take it to Tulsa Oklahoma,
00:15:22.72\00:15:25.50
where I had other family
members, and I was going to
00:15:25.54\00:15:28.28
sell it and I would be
back in a couple months.
00:15:28.32\00:15:29.92
Went out there to party
and ended up getting caught.
00:15:29.95\00:15:32.23
It was almost 2 years later
before it got to leave Oklahoma,
00:15:32.26\00:15:34.94
Went to state prison.
00:15:34.97\00:15:36.74
When I had come home
she had our first daughter,
00:15:36.77\00:15:39.58
Sarah and she was just
fixing to turn 2 years old
00:15:39.62\00:15:42.39
and I married Amy.
00:15:42.43\00:15:44.45
It was probably a
year and a half later,
00:15:44.49\00:15:48.69
I had came back
maybe 95, around 96 is when
00:15:48.72\00:15:52.85
Meth really just
exploded in my area of Tennessee
00:15:52.88\00:15:56.60
and I got back to using.
00:15:56.63\00:15:58.30
Of course then it was
so much worse I couldn't
00:15:58.34\00:16:00.73
just do it on the weekend's.
00:16:00.77\00:16:01.86
Now I had started staying
up 4 and 5 days, and what was
00:16:01.90\00:16:05.45
funny in Texas at 21 them
guys were staying up for a
00:16:05.49\00:16:08.20
week at a time and would
talk about hallucinating,
00:16:08.24\00:16:10.92
and acted weird.
00:16:10.96\00:16:12.66
I actually remember thinking
at 21, sitting there one
00:16:12.70\00:16:14.97
night, I thought, man I'm
never going to be like these
00:16:15.01\00:16:17.46
old guys, I'm never go
let that dope control me like
00:16:17.50\00:16:19.92
these guys are
letting it control them.
00:16:19.96\00:16:21.46
I really didn't believe
the hallucinations, I thought
00:16:21.49\00:16:24.73
they were just messing with
me, but when I started staying
00:16:24.76\00:16:27.76
up for 4 or 5 days I
started hallucinating too.
00:16:27.79\00:16:29.46
What was so weird to me is
there is only a few drugs in the
00:16:29.49\00:16:32.67
entire world where people
hallucinate the same visions.
00:16:32.70\00:16:35.84
Meth happens to be
one of those drugs.
00:16:35.88\00:16:37.70
I've got to seeing what
we call shadow people, that
00:16:37.74\00:16:40.35
seems like that is the most
common thing for Meth users.
00:16:40.39\00:16:42.63
Cheri: everybody
talks about those.
00:16:42.66\00:16:43.76
David: it really is, I
was in Canada not long ago and
00:16:43.79\00:16:46.78
I told the same testimony
to an audience up there and a
00:16:46.81\00:16:49.73
girl came up, she said I never
heard nobody say that before.
00:16:49.76\00:16:52.03
She said I call
them my little gremlins,
00:16:52.07\00:16:54.30
but I have seen those shadows.
00:16:54.33\00:16:55.47
I told her it is
really a common thing.
00:16:55.51\00:16:57.58
I would see them out of
the corner of my eye in the
00:16:57.61\00:16:59.70
beginning, and I would
turn and there would be nothing
00:16:59.74\00:17:01.79
there I would just see movement.
00:17:01.82\00:17:02.91
But as my addiction got
worse I could go to Wal-Mart
00:17:02.95\00:17:06.14
or wherever it was, and
be around a number of people
00:17:06.17\00:17:08.76
and I could see shadows
walking around the room that
00:17:08.79\00:17:11.35
is how bad it got.
00:17:11.38\00:17:12.51
But in the
beginning it scared me,
00:17:12.55\00:17:15.80
but I got used to it
and actually got to a point
00:17:15.84\00:17:19.44
in my addiction to where
I didn't think I was even
00:17:19.48\00:17:23.05
high enough unless I
started hallucinating.
00:17:23.08\00:17:25.36
That seems so weird to say and
weird for some people to hear
00:17:25.40\00:17:29.60
that, but that is
how bad most of us get.
00:17:29.64\00:17:34.52
We want to be right at the edge.
00:17:34.56\00:17:36.66
Cheri: so after a while
you are seeking the craziness?
00:17:36.69\00:17:41.97
And it is amazing to me
because in your right mind that
00:17:42.00\00:17:46.73
sounds so out there, it's
like I can't even conceive of
00:17:46.77\00:17:50.76
somebody actually seeking
or after more bizarre or more
00:17:50.80\00:17:54.08
crazy, if you could be crazier
than the next person then
00:17:54.11\00:17:56.85
that is actually a good
thing, but that is a lifestyle.
00:17:56.89\00:17:59.53
David: when I hear other
people say this, I hear other
00:17:59.56\00:18:02.38
people say the same thing
and when I hear them say that
00:18:02.42\00:18:05.21
it makes me cringe.
00:18:05.24\00:18:06.46
I just think, man that's the
craziest thing I ever heard now
00:18:06.50\00:18:10.19
that I'm sober, but at that
point my wife started trying
00:18:10.22\00:18:13.88
to get me to quit.
00:18:13.92\00:18:14.95
She was telling me that it
was changing me because I was
00:18:14.98\00:18:17.88
becoming more violent toward
her and other people in the
00:18:17.91\00:18:20.55
community, but I thought
instead of me quitting I needed
00:18:20.59\00:18:23.20
to get her using with me.
00:18:23.23\00:18:24.33
I got Amy to use with
me, I just kept telling her
00:18:24.37\00:18:26.55
over and over it wasn't
the Meth making me like that,
00:18:26.59\00:18:28.74
when I was so cranky.
00:18:28.78\00:18:30.31
I would tell her it
wasn't as bad as everybody said,
00:18:30.35\00:18:33.11
it made you feel good.
00:18:33.15\00:18:34.39
But I think what
really got her is she always
00:18:34.43\00:18:36.96
talks about wanting to
lose weight, and I told her
00:18:37.00\00:18:39.13
Meth will help you
lose weight because it is
00:18:39.16\00:18:41.44
an appetite suppressant.
00:18:41.48\00:18:42.82
It will for most people,
00:18:42.86\00:18:44.13
but it will do is
starve you to death.
00:18:44.17\00:18:45.77
If you tell
somebody that enough times,
00:18:45.81\00:18:47.38
it was not going to hurt them,
00:18:47.42\00:18:48.70
most people are going to try it.
00:18:48.73\00:18:49.94
I believe that is one
of the guiltiest memories I
00:18:49.98\00:18:52.81
have in the things that
I have done was to get my
00:18:52.85\00:18:55.64
wife strung out on Meth.
00:18:55.68\00:18:56.81
Because when she tried it
she was like most people from
00:18:56.85\00:19:00.05
the beginning she knew
that was her drug of choice.
00:19:00.09\00:19:03.17
That is when my kids
started suffering, before they
00:19:03.21\00:19:06.08
always had their mama to
take care of them and now
00:19:06.12\00:19:08.96
they had neither one.
00:19:08.99\00:19:10.60
I was locked up in a back
bedroom 3 or 4 days out of the
00:19:10.64\00:19:13.08
week at a time and now
I have got her locked up,
00:19:13.11\00:19:15.35
back there with me.
00:19:15.39\00:19:16.42
I remember the kids coming
back there and knocking on
00:19:16.45\00:19:18.49
the door screaming and crying
and I would be in the room
00:19:18.52\00:19:20.70
cussing them, telling them to
get out of there, leave us alone
00:19:20.73\00:19:24.23
Cheri: and they
just want to eat,
00:19:24.27\00:19:26.58
they just want
to do normal things.
00:19:26.70\00:19:27.88
David: yet I just want
somebody to hold them and the
00:19:27.92\00:19:30.06
weird thing was if you
would have asked me back then I
00:19:30.09\00:19:32.33
would have told you I was
a pretty good dad because in
00:19:32.36\00:19:34.56
my mind I
justified it by thinking
00:19:34.60\00:19:36.76
I don't do my dope
in front of my kids.
00:19:36.80\00:19:39.31
That is how I thought
I was protecting them.
00:19:39.34\00:19:41.33
I would have told
you if they need me,
00:19:41.36\00:19:43.08
I don't hang out at the
dope house all the time.
00:19:43.11\00:19:44.89
I get my drugs, I come
home, and all they have
00:19:44.93\00:19:46.67
to do is come back
and knock on the door.
00:19:46.71\00:19:48.02
But I was never there for them.
00:19:48.06\00:19:49.12
If you ask my oldest kids
what they remember about the
00:19:49.16\00:19:51.89
years of me and their mother
using drugs; what they will
00:19:51.92\00:19:54.12
probably tell you, I have
heard them tell other people
00:19:54.16\00:19:56.32
this, is we fought every day.
00:19:56.35\00:19:58.14
And we did just
about did at the end.
00:19:58.17\00:19:59.74
Cheri: my parents are
addicts, and by dad the same
00:19:59.77\00:20:03.55
thing, he just died in
December and I thought you
00:20:03.59\00:20:07.33
know I never really had a dad.
00:20:07.37\00:20:08.84
I wanted one day for him
to be just stop using for
00:20:08.88\00:20:12.39
one day because I wanted
to just be with you, I want
00:20:12.42\00:20:16.10
you to see me and you
don't get that connection.
00:20:16.14\00:20:18.95
So even physically if
you are here in the building
00:20:18.99\00:20:21.76
it doesn't matter,
if you are smoking weed,
00:20:21.80\00:20:24.31
if you're using, if
you're drinking that your kids
00:20:24.34\00:20:26.34
really don't get to see you.
00:20:26.37\00:20:27.91
David: no and it
is so important that
00:20:27.94\00:20:30.38
they do have that, that love.
00:20:30.41\00:20:33.27
I was counseling a
woman one time and she said,
00:20:33.31\00:20:37.69
What really bothers me is I
haven't used method in 2 months.
00:20:37.73\00:20:41.17
When I need my little girl
and boy to sit in my lap and
00:20:41.20\00:20:44.21
hold them, she said, they
don't want to sit in my lap.
00:20:44.25\00:20:47.22
She said, it
ticks me off so bad.
00:20:47.25\00:20:48.67
I told her you have to
think about how many times our
00:20:48.70\00:20:51.49
kids needed us when we
was using and we wasn't there
00:20:51.53\00:20:55.12
for them, it takes some
time if you do quit don't
00:20:55.15\00:20:58.42
just expect your kids
to jump right in there.
00:20:58.45\00:21:01.69
No, because they are scared.
00:21:01.72\00:21:02.77
You have lied to them so
many times they think you
00:21:02.80\00:21:05.24
are just lying again about
quitting and it takes time,
00:21:05.27\00:21:07.67
it takes months,
00:21:07.71\00:21:08.74
sometimes years for
them to feel comfortable.
00:21:08.77\00:21:11.50
My kids now I come in the
house and they just attack me.
00:21:11.54\00:21:14.18
It will come if you
let God control your life.
00:21:14.22\00:21:17.76
Cheri: Amy, both of
you have more children?
00:21:17.79\00:21:21.30
David: yes we
have more children.
00:21:21.33\00:21:22.49
Amy had Rebecca and
Abigail, and each time she found
00:21:22.52\00:21:27.64
out she was
pregnant she would quit.
00:21:27.68\00:21:28.95
I think that is what
actually saved my kids life.
00:21:28.98\00:21:32.16
She would only quit through
the pregnancy and I would
00:21:32.20\00:21:35.40
quit with her, and there's
something else it seems weird
00:21:35.44\00:21:38.61
to a lot of people is
that we would use marijuana.
00:21:38.64\00:21:40.92
We should of quit cold turkey,
but I had this weird idea
00:21:40.95\00:21:43.80
we couldn't and I would
say anytime you feel like you
00:21:43.84\00:21:46.39
want some Meth, let me
know and I'll roll a joint.
00:21:46.42\00:21:48.94
Even though
marijuana is hard on the baby,
00:21:48.98\00:21:50.79
it's not a killer like Meth.
00:21:50.82\00:21:52.56
The 2 little girls came
out very smart and God has
00:21:52.60\00:21:57.07
protected them in I think
that is what saved them is
00:21:57.11\00:22:01.55
that we actually
quit those few months.
00:22:01.59\00:22:03.46
But usually before
Amy would have the baby,
00:22:03.50\00:22:06.08
Cheri: most addicts
they quit and they don't,
00:22:06.11\00:22:08.66
but you guys actually quit?
00:22:08.69\00:22:10.00
David: we actually quit,
but we didn't stay sober.
00:22:10.03\00:22:13.05
We just moved to a different
high is what we moved to.
00:22:13.09\00:22:16.04
But before Amy would have the
baby, I would already be back to
00:22:16.07\00:22:19.70
using, then the 7th or 8th month
I'd be back, using a little bit,
00:22:19.73\00:22:23.32
sneaking around and by
the time she had the baby
00:22:23.36\00:22:25.33
I would be pushing it on her.
00:22:25.37\00:22:26.78
I will never
forget with Abigail,
00:22:26.82\00:22:29.40
she quit breast-feeding
so she could use the Meth,
00:22:29.43\00:22:33.29
of course I blame myself for
that, I was the one that kept
00:22:33.33\00:22:35.71
Cheri: come on we
got to get high again.
00:22:35.75\00:22:37.48
David: I want you to get
high with me and we'll start
00:22:37.52\00:22:40.78
getting the formula
instead of the breast milk.
00:22:40.81\00:22:43.11
I feel bad because I know
it was wrong and I see how
00:22:43.15\00:22:47.49
my wife has the emotional
scars that it has put on her.
00:22:47.53\00:22:51.84
The memory of doing
that and how it affects her
00:22:51.88\00:22:54.75
nowadays and it
really bothers me.
00:22:54.78\00:22:57.53
I'm not one of them
guys that can tell you that
00:22:57.56\00:23:00.62
there's things in my,
you know that I wouldn't
00:23:00.66\00:23:03.64
change nothing in my life
because even though I love
00:23:03.68\00:23:07.47
where God has got me now,
there are some things I do
00:23:07.51\00:23:11.27
wish I could
change that I have done.
00:23:11.30\00:23:13.11
But I can't, so I don't
like to dwell on it all the
00:23:13.14\00:23:16.42
time, I thank God
for where I am at.
00:23:16.46\00:23:19.21
Cheri: and God says, I actually
will put my hand on those.
00:23:19.24\00:23:22.39
and I trust that
in some of the things
00:23:22.43\00:23:25.87
I have done my own life.
00:23:25.91\00:23:27.12
So you ended up suicidal
a few points in your life
00:23:27.16\00:23:31.90
because of the
Meth, tell us about that.
00:23:31.93\00:23:34.18
Well my wife and kids had
left, I had slapped Amy and
00:23:34.21\00:23:37.31
threatened her with a gun
and she called the police.
00:23:37.35\00:23:40.38
She normally didn't because
I always told her to keep our
00:23:40.41\00:23:43.93
business and our family,
but thank God this time she
00:23:43.96\00:23:46.21
did call the police and
they came and took my guns,
00:23:46.25\00:23:48.46
I'm not supposed to have guns.
00:23:48.49\00:23:49.62
When I got out of
jail, my wife and kids
00:23:49.66\00:23:51.69
were living with
their grandparents.
00:23:51.73\00:23:53.69
I was sitting on my porch
and at that point I started
00:23:53.73\00:23:56.26
to becoming suicidal.
00:23:56.30\00:23:57.64
Usually it was
when I was coming down.
00:23:57.68\00:23:59.95
I have been seeing things
so long it didn't affect me
00:23:59.99\00:24:03.27
any longer to see things.
00:24:03.31\00:24:04.48
I had never gotten used
to the noise and the voices.
00:24:04.52\00:24:06.69
It started out with me
like I could hear people
00:24:06.72\00:24:08.77
whispering, that in
some of like noises of people
00:24:08.80\00:24:10.81
walking around in my house.
00:24:10.85\00:24:11.97
That day was the first I
remember hearing a man's voice.
00:24:12.01\00:24:14.55
Hearing a voice is pretty
common for a lot of heavy users.
00:24:14.58\00:24:17.02
He said, you know your wife
and kids would be better off
00:24:17.05\00:24:19.46
without you, and I still
to this day think myself,
00:24:19.49\00:24:21.98
it was Satan, because
it was an audible voice.
00:24:22.01\00:24:24.43
He said your wife and kids
would be better off without
00:24:24.47\00:24:27.03
you, he said the world
would be a better place without
00:24:27.07\00:24:29.48
a guy like you, and what
the voice said next would have
00:24:29.51\00:24:31.62
meant a thing in the world
to me if I had been told about
00:24:31.65\00:24:34.17
Jesus through my mother,
my grandfather was a preacher.
00:24:34.21\00:24:36.88
But that old dragon
always knows our breaking point.
00:24:36.91\00:24:39.33
He says, you really think
Jesus isn't going to forgive
00:24:39.36\00:24:41.74
you for the things
that you have done and
00:24:41.77\00:24:43.73
the people you have hurt?
00:24:43.77\00:24:44.80
I can remember like it
was yesterday saying out loud,
00:24:44.83\00:24:46.41
I said no I don't think He will.
00:24:46.44\00:24:47.72
But I know now how
much of a lie that was.
00:24:47.75\00:24:52.12
I don't care if a man
has killed 50 people in their
00:24:52.16\00:24:55.10
life, if they are truly
sorry in their heart, I know
00:24:55.13\00:24:58.23
our God is a loving God
and He is good all the time
00:24:58.27\00:25:01.33
and He will forgive them.
00:25:01.37\00:25:02.50
It doesn't mean they
don't have to pay for what they
00:25:02.53\00:25:05.50
have done, but
God will forgive us.
00:25:05.54\00:25:07.98
I didn't think so that
day, I went to my barn and tied
00:25:08.01\00:25:10.22
a rope in my barn
and going to hang myself.
00:25:10.25\00:25:11.93
About that time my
sister pulled up to check on me.
00:25:11.97\00:25:14.49
I thought if I'm going
to do this I have to get
00:25:14.53\00:25:17.01
her out of here.
00:25:17.05\00:25:18.09
I sent her to town to
get me some stuff and before
00:25:18.13\00:25:20.24
her car got going down the
road I had that rope around
00:25:20.27\00:25:22.35
my neck and was stepping
off my riding lawnmower.
00:25:22.38\00:25:25.04
It started choking me
and hurting, I tried to grab
00:25:25.08\00:25:27.70
the rafters and I
couldn't reach them.
00:25:27.74\00:25:29.76
I tried to get my
foot back up on my mower,
00:25:29.80\00:25:31.68
but it was too late to
change my mind in a matter of
00:25:31.71\00:25:34.14
seconds I was unconscious
and when I had woke up my
00:25:34.18\00:25:36.57
sister had found
me and my head was
00:25:36.61\00:25:38.38
at the front of the mower.
00:25:38.41\00:25:39.44
The rope had burnt and
cut me from ear to ear.
00:25:39.47\00:25:41.05
It took me about a week
to get where I could swallow,
00:25:41.09\00:25:43.80
but I was still alive,
the rope had broken in two.
00:25:43.83\00:25:46.45
I guess from my body, I
had went into convulsions
00:25:46.48\00:25:48.78
and started jerking,
and my body weight snapped
00:25:48.82\00:25:51.08
that old rope I used.
00:25:51.12\00:25:52.16
But I know the Lord
saved my life that day.
00:25:52.19\00:25:54.17
I didn't take
advantage of the situation
00:25:54.21\00:25:56.15
like I should have.
00:25:56.19\00:25:57.22
They sent me to a
preacher and the preacher helped
00:25:57.25\00:25:59.71
me a bunch and I got off
of dope for about 5 months.
00:25:59.75\00:26:02.32
When I went back to
work I thought I could hang
00:26:02.35\00:26:05.17
around my same old
buddies that I had been
00:26:05.21\00:26:06.74
hanging around with before.
00:26:06.77\00:26:07.80
I didn't think it would
bother me watching them get high
00:26:07.83\00:26:09.63
because I thought I had
the drug addiction kicked.
00:26:09.67\00:26:11.75
When you start using
it at 13 years old and
00:26:11.79\00:26:14.20
and now you are in your 30's.
00:26:14.24\00:26:15.99
I didn't know what
it was like to be sober.
00:26:16.03\00:26:18.12
It was the first time I'd
been sober, even in prison I
00:26:18.16\00:26:21.18
used drugs, so to me I
really thought I had it kicked.
00:26:21.22\00:26:24.24
Within a few weeks I was
back to smoking weed with them.
00:26:24.27\00:26:27.05
I just gave up and thought
I'm not going back to church.
00:26:27.08\00:26:29.28
I'm a being a hypocrite
and I immediately quit going
00:26:29.31\00:26:31.47
to church, that
was a huge mistake.
00:26:31.51\00:26:33.14
I should have
knocked the door down.
00:26:33.18\00:26:34.74
Cheri: Exactly, I'm
not leaving this building.
00:26:34.78\00:26:36.61
I should have knocked the
door down and asked God to
00:26:36.65\00:26:38.43
forgive me and I know
He is faithful to do that,
00:26:38.46\00:26:40.18
but I didn't, I got back
on Meth and started staying up
00:26:40.21\00:26:43.10
8, 9, 10 days instead of 3 or 4.
00:26:43.13\00:26:45.08
Each time I went
back it got a little worse
00:26:45.11\00:26:47.17
than the time before.
00:26:47.21\00:26:48.79
Cheri: and a lot more crazy.
00:26:48.83\00:26:50.67
A lot more crazy and
violent and 3 years later,
00:26:50.70\00:26:52.83
I'm going to jump up to 3 years.
00:26:52.86\00:26:55.25
I had became suicidal again.
00:26:55.29\00:26:57.61
My wife had quit using
and was going to church,
00:26:57.65\00:27:00.04
her and the kids praying for me.
00:27:00.08\00:27:01.36
I couldn't seem to
quit and I would come home
00:27:01.40\00:27:03.86
at 9:30 in the morning.
00:27:03.90\00:27:05.07
Cheri: at this
time how many kids?
00:27:05.11\00:27:06.20
David: at this time 6,
I came home at 9:30 in the
00:27:06.23\00:27:09.34
morning the 21st of February,
2003, her and the kids was
00:27:09.37\00:27:12.86
packing up to leave.
00:27:12.90\00:27:13.93
I asked her to lay
down and talk about it.
00:27:13.96\00:27:15.80
I was too sick to
stand up by this point.
00:27:15.84\00:27:17.80
I had lost so much
weight and stuff that after
00:27:17.83\00:27:19.79
2 or 3 days I
would get real sick.
00:27:19.83\00:27:20.94
I got sick that morning
and she agreed to lay down,
00:27:20.98\00:27:23.38
but as soon as she laid
down beside me she said I'm
00:27:23.42\00:27:25.47
going to lay here and
talk to you for a minute but me
00:27:25.50\00:27:27.51
and the kids are
still going to leave.
00:27:27.55\00:27:28.88
When she said that
something in me snapped.
00:27:28.91\00:27:31.25
I reached over her
and grabbed my SKS rifle,
00:27:31.29\00:27:33.56
laid on my stomach, pushed
the barrel up under my chin
00:27:33.60\00:27:36.14
and thought man this is it,
I'm going to blow my head off.
00:27:36.17\00:27:38.68
This dope has
robbed me of everything.
00:27:38.72\00:27:40.38
She screamed and
reached over to grab the barrel
00:27:40.41\00:27:42.62
out from under my chin,
but before she could grab it,
00:27:42.66\00:27:44.52
I pulled the trigger.
00:27:44.55\00:27:45.61
The bullet went in me
here and came out between
00:27:45.65\00:27:47.63
my eyes breaking
every bone in my face except
00:27:47.67\00:27:49.62
my left eye socket.
00:27:49.65\00:27:50.84
It blowed my nose off,
all my front teeth out,
00:27:50.88\00:27:53.77
but I didn't pass out.
00:27:53.81\00:27:56.81
I remember hearing the
gun blast, I felt my face fall
00:27:56.84\00:27:59.89
apart, because Meth is
such a strong stimulant it kept
00:27:59.92\00:28:02.94
me awake during all of that.
00:28:02.97\00:28:04.15
I fell off the bed onto
the floor, my wife went to
00:28:04.19\00:28:07.62
screaming and my kids came
running back to the bedroom
00:28:07.65\00:28:11.05
Your entire face
laid on the floor too.
00:28:11.08\00:28:13.10
Yeah and I'm laying
face down trying to hold my
00:28:13.14\00:28:15.63
face together, I thought
the whole front of my face
00:28:15.66\00:28:18.12
had actually blown
off, it's what felt like.
00:28:18.15\00:28:20.08
What I remember, what
really haunts me, it's my kids.
00:28:20.11\00:28:24.69
I still remember my boy David
jumping up and down in a circle
00:28:24.72\00:28:29.13
throwing his hands like
this, of course I couldn't see
00:28:29.17\00:28:31.89
him, but screaming
daddies dead, daddy's dead.
00:28:31.93\00:28:35.76
I told my wife I was
sorry, I said, I'm sorry.
00:28:35.79\00:28:39.55
I told my wife I was sorry, I
said, don't let the kids see me.
00:28:39.59\00:28:43.95
What I meant is don't let
them see my face, she kept
00:28:43.99\00:28:46.86
trying to pull my hands
away to see how bad it was.
00:28:46.90\00:28:50.66
I would never let her
see my face and she ran a got
00:28:50.69\00:28:54.42
the telephone and called 911.
00:28:54.46\00:28:55.71
The next thing I know my
mom is standing over the top
00:28:55.74\00:28:58.62
of me, my kids had called
her wanting her to come down
00:28:58.65\00:29:01.49
there because we
were fighting again.
00:29:01.53\00:29:02.56
My mother was standing
over top of me screaming and
00:29:02.60\00:29:05.27
crying, yelling
why did you do that?
00:29:05.30\00:29:06.99
I told my mom I was
sorry I don't know and that's
00:29:07.03\00:29:09.68
what I thought
laying on the floor.
00:29:09.71\00:29:11.40
I thought about
why did you do that?
00:29:11.44\00:29:13.06
I had everything a man
could ask for, a good job,
00:29:13.09\00:29:16.65
a beautiful wife and
kids, but I was miserable from
00:29:16.69\00:29:20.22
years of drug
addiction that just started out
00:29:20.25\00:29:22.10
smoking a joint
and drinking a beer.
00:29:22.14\00:29:23.62
I never dreamed I
would grow up and be
00:29:23.65\00:29:25.10
a drug addict and alcoholic.
00:29:25.14\00:29:26.34
Cheri: exactly and
that it would end like this.
00:29:26.37\00:29:29.10
We are going to take a
break, but one thing I want
00:29:29.14\00:29:32.68
to say is that it didn't
end like that, it didn't.
00:29:32.71\00:29:36.72
And as crazy as we get,
as crazy as we get in our
00:29:36.75\00:29:40.95
addictions, I want to
kiss God on the face because He
00:29:40.98\00:29:44.37
says, you know what, and
He said to David that day it's
00:29:44.41\00:29:47.41
not going to end like this
for you or for your children.
00:29:47.45\00:29:50.41
We are going to come
right back and find out.
00:29:50.45\00:29:52.54
What did God do, What
happened? What happened next?
00:29:52.57\00:29:56.36
It's amazing, It's
actually a good ending,
00:29:56.39\00:29:59.65
which sounds
crazy to say right now,
00:29:59.69\00:30:01.50
but it is a good
ending stay with us.
00:30:01.54\00:30:03.32
We will be right back!
00:30:03.35\00:30:04.38