Welcome back!
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I again wanted to say,
that I am proud of God,
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that I am proud of the
journey I am on, I hope
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that you feel the same
and if you don't e-mail us
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and we will pray for you.
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This journey I think
recovery and getting to know who
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God is getting to know who
we are and stepping away from
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our junk just, it really
is absolutely incredible.
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God is really kind.
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I think that He doesn't
show us all our stuff right
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away, it is like He does
it in stages I think so we
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just don't jump in front
of a train, and I don't want
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to say that, but I
think it is for that.
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So we just
don't get discouraged.
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I want to introduce you
to a friend of mine that is
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going to share her journey
with us and I just want you
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to listen up
because it is incredible.
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I think Alta, I want
to thank you for coming.
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So Alta Austin you're
from Grants Pass Oregon, - yes.
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I know that this
is not going to be an
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easy trip for you.
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No - so tell us a
little bit about that.
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Two days ago, I was in my car
driving, and I watch your show
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all the time, my husband
and I are just like Cheri is on,
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we need to hurry home.
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We're worse than the soap
operas, it's now like Cheri's on
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I love that -We don't watch
soap operas, we watch Cheri
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and we run home and
it is so neat because we
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really enjoy your show.
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I see all these people
that are on your show and they
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all have these
unique stories and stuff.
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I know you ask me to come be
on your program in Grants Pass
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during your seminar there
in January, earlier this year.
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It was so cool and I
thought oh wow how fun to go
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and be with Cheri.
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Then as I sitting there
going wow - I was just going
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to say when everybody
says that it just cracks me up,
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I'm a heroine addict in
recovery and I'm thinking you
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know Alta, you should
have better role models.
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But I want to thank
you for that - it's true.
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It was like we just
had so much fun together.
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But I'm standing there and
saying Lord, all these people
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have real problems you
know and it's real life and what
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do I have two bring to
the table? What do I have?.
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The Lord just says, I
want you to tell your story.
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I said my story,
and He goes yeah.
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He said it will help others,
and I said okay, I can do
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that for You,
because it is for Him.
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It's for him to bring
honor and glory it's not fun for
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me to come and share
what I am going to share.
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It is not going to
bring any pride to my life.
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Exactly- but what I want
to say is that when I met your
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husband and you I saw, which
is incredible to when I get to
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travel, what I saw was
two people that were in love
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and were really kind of
solid in their relationship.
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Then your
testimony, or story unfolds and
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I'm thinking you
have to tell someone that.
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It's really tough
because I feel when I ask
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somebody, it's a personal
thing that may not be received
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easily, and the person
looks at me like, are you nuts?
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Are you kidding, did you
hear what I just told you?
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The reason I say please
tell it is because I travel and
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I get to hear a number of
peoples stories throughout the,
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you know I travel 2 or 3 times
a month now, I'm at different
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states, at different church's,
different events, I'm in
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different countries and
our stories are the same.
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We struggle with the same
things, but I think when God
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steps in our life and gives
us victory some where, then
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we just thank you for
the victory, and we sit down
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just like I'm never
speaking on this again.
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There is a story in the
Bible about the demoniac and
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rage, filled with a
thousand demons and he was, and
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Christ came and literally
healed him, pulled all the
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demons out and this
guy was beating people up,
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cutting on himself with stones.
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Christ said to him when he
was clean in his right mind,
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please go tell someone
because there are people filled
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with demons, filled with
rage, with everything, and they
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will find that God is faithful
to bring us out of that.
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So what I heard your story
I wanted to say Alta please
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tell someone and
I'm glad you're here.
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I want to say
thank you for coming.
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Well I have to show you
two this morning that as I
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was having my devotional
time I go through the promises
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on a daily basis in my Bible.
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You know I have them
marked and stuff, I just happen
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to be on this page,
this morning at 3ABN.
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It was just like
yeah a coincidence.
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2 Corinthians 1:4, "he
comforts us in our afflictions
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so that we may be able
to comfort those who are in
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any kind of affliction
through the comfort we
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ourselves received from God. "
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I mean tears just came
to my eyes, I just sat there
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and thought God - explain
to someone why tears would
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come to your eyes?
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Because of what I have
come out of it's not a pretty
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thing and yet God can
still use somebody damaged like
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myself to bring comfort,
and to be a support and show
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another person the way out.
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I want to, because you
forgot the first part of that
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text, He comforted you - yes.
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He held you, He, with all
our junk, to me when He held
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me up and said, you are
lovely to Me, I felt that 100%.
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I was like basking
in that and realized,
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wait I have teeth missing,
I'm strung out on heroine,
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there was nothing lovely
about me except God said,
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you just don't see it yet.
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You just haven't experienced
that yet, but when God
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does that, when He comforts
us it is incredible because
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everything in us is
broken, yet we feel so together.
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My story goes back to
shortly after I was married the
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first time, I'm in my
second marriage now, but shortly
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after I was married the
first time I felt un-loved.
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Five months into the marriage
and already involved with
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somebody else - so
how did that happen?
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You know I hear that,
how did that happen for you?
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It was somebody I worked
with and it just, my husband
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was gone a lot and I just
was attracted to this other
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guy and he showed me attention.
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My husband wasn't showing me
as much attention as I thought
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I needed and all that, I'm
just high maintenance person.
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I'm a high maintenace person.
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So I ended up separating
and he actually filed for
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divorce, but we ended
up getting back together.
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In the process of that I
gave my heart to the Lord.
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I was almost 22 years old
and one day I just said Lord,
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I just do want
to do this anymore.
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I want to have a life, I
had such a miserable existence
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until then and so I just
gave my heart to the Lord.
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Thinking that was it, I
was through with my past life.
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Unfortunately that kept
coming into my life and then
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there was another affair
and eventually we ended up
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divorcing and here I am a
Christian, I love the Lord and
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I want to do what is right.
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I keep getting drawn
down to the same road.
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You know when the Bible
says that we are like a dog
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returning to its vomit, in
the first time I read that I
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thought that was pretty
harsh until I realize we really
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are, until we deal with
our stuff we will keep getting
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pulled in the same direction.
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I think that is why God
pleads with us, let Me show you
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where that comes from
so you can be done with it.
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You know it is so much easier
if I came to you and said,
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and I'm not trying to say
against somebody that has an
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alcohol problem but it
would be much easier for me to
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say that I have an
addiction to alcohol.
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But to come and say I
have an addiction to men, I've
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committed
adultery, that's not pretty.
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Not that the other is
either, its people don't
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stereotype you either,
like all wow I don't want her
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too close to my
husband type thing.
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So anyway my husband and
I divorced - I want to joke,
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I left my husband home
just in case, no I'm kidding.
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You know we do have that
hierarchy of things and we
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don't see, we see the
alcoholic is more stumbling
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around in the their
pain or past issues and that
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something is wrong, but
we don't see that person
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as in relationship
addictions in the same way.
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But as we get into your
story we are going to find out
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there was damage that fueled
that, there were smoldering
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underneath all the stuff.
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Then like I said I
got married again, married
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a wonderful Christian
man - and knowing that
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I'm done with this now.
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Yeah done with this, I
was so in love with him and we
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had been married 9 years
and he again was not showing
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the attention
that I felt I needed.
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You know he was more than
willing to say that he wasn't.
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My husband never threw it
up in my face and said, oh
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well she did this,
you know he tells people?
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If I had been there for Alta
this wouldn't have happened.
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Well it probably would
have but it is neat that he
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accepts that part of the
situation himself and that
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draws me even closer to him.
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I was involved in the
church and there was a man at
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church, again affirmed
me, showed attention to me,
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we were best
friends, his family and
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my family are best of friends.
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We used to do a lot of
things together and one
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thing led to the other
and we ended up involved
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in a relationship together.
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I left my husband for a
short time, 3 weeks, emotionally
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I had left for a
lot longer than that.
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We got back together, he
actually had prayer groups at
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our church praying me home.
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I knew it was the power of
God, my husband did that, it
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was the power of
God bringing me home.
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You would think he would
be just furious - oh yeah!
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Because what we are talking
about affairs and stepping
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out in those relationships
everyone is damaged.
00:10:21.62\00:10:24.50
we're talking about spouse's
damaged, church families
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damage,
extended families damage.
00:10:27.42\00:10:29.68
I mean it really does when
children are involved because
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I don't know if kids, if
there's children involved
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through all that get
damaged and it immediately pulls
00:10:34.62\00:10:39.82
everybody into
some painful areas.
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Oh yeah and the whole church
was affected by what I did.
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I went through church
discipline and all this kind of
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stuff and I came back but
continue to have problems in
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relationships, problems
some husband would be talking
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about splitting up, staying
together, splitting up and
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staying together, getting
counseling, we done that.
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We went through all that
and it all had helped, it
00:11:02.81\00:11:05.24
helped, it all had its purpose.
00:11:05.27\00:11:06.70
Can you share with us,
and I don't mean to get too
00:11:06.73\00:11:08.72
personal but can
you share with us.
00:11:08.75\00:11:10.31
It must of been
torture at times, thinking God
00:11:10.34\00:11:12.91
what is wrong with me?
00:11:12.94\00:11:14.56
You know I mean am I
converted or not converted.
00:11:14.59\00:11:17.53
Am I ever going to be
in a saving relationship.
00:11:17.56\00:11:20.24
I felt like the person
that had the big scarlet
00:11:20.27\00:11:24.02
letter sewn on my blouse.
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Am I like an emotional leper,
I think that we forget that
00:11:26.88\00:11:31.46
we see the activities but
we don't see the times that
00:11:31.49\00:11:34.91
you are just pleading
with God, like what is wrong?
00:11:34.94\00:11:37.33
What is wrong?
00:11:37.36\00:11:38.60
My best friend Rosie, it
was really neat when I was
00:11:38.63\00:11:41.79
gone with this man from
the church, I was gone 3 weeks,
00:11:41.82\00:11:45.71
and she would call me 2
or 3 times a day and you know
00:11:45.74\00:11:50.43
what she told me Cheri?
00:11:50.46\00:11:51.74
She would say Alta
I know you love Jesus,
00:11:51.77\00:11:54.56
I know you love Jesus.
00:11:54.59\00:11:56.69
And that's all she'd say I
know you love Jesus and you
00:11:56.72\00:11:59.65
will do the right
thing, I know you love Jesus.
00:11:59.68\00:12:01.33
She was never condemning
me saying come home and
00:12:01.36\00:12:04.11
we'll get your head
on straight, or nothing.
00:12:04.14\00:12:05.75
It was always I know
you love Jesus and that
00:12:05.78\00:12:07.77
really hit me, I do
love Jesus, and I do want
00:12:07.80\00:12:10.79
to do the right thing.
00:12:10.82\00:12:11.85
I do want to serve God as
a whole person, not as the
00:12:11.88\00:12:16.08
person that keeps - so
needy and so empty - right!
00:12:16.11\00:12:19.34
- Can I just say that it
reminds me at one point when I
00:12:19.37\00:12:25.97
thought I would never get well.
00:12:26.00\00:12:27.52
I would never, I would
always be so pulled by this junk
00:12:27.55\00:12:32.35
that I had learned.
00:12:32.38\00:12:34.57
I had read in the Bible
where Paul made the statement
00:12:34.60\00:12:37.39
like I want to do
what is right and I don't.
00:12:37.42\00:12:40.78
It's like every time I'm
even trying to do what is
00:12:40.81\00:12:44.70
right I do what's
wrong and I'm thinking I'm so
00:12:44.73\00:12:46.60
wretched and he really
starts to plead with God and
00:12:46.63\00:12:49.34
said, wretched man that I
am who is going to save me?
00:12:49.37\00:12:52.18
And luckily he goes right
into this thing well Christ
00:12:52.21\00:12:55.90
you're going to save me,
because it's not like I'm even
00:12:55.93\00:12:58.51
doing the right thing, I
am stumbling around failing
00:12:58.54\00:13:01.31
miserably and the only
hope I have is if You are real.
00:13:01.34\00:13:06.42
What you are saying right
now is that your heart said
00:13:06.45\00:13:08.23
God, Jesus I
know that I love you.
00:13:08.26\00:13:10.78
I know that my heart is
crying to get out of all this
00:13:10.81\00:13:13.65
kind of stuff,
but you were so stuck.
00:13:13.68\00:13:16.32
So what happened, I mean.
00:13:16.35\00:13:19.20
Well you know things got
better but there was still
00:13:19.23\00:13:23.40
something, but I
didn't know that.
00:13:23.43\00:13:26.20
It was watching your
program last fall and you had
00:13:26.23\00:13:31.94
Misty Bracken on your show.
00:13:31.97\00:13:35.01
She was telling you about
a problem she had, and I want
00:13:35.04\00:13:38.13
you to know we were paying
attention, and she was telling
00:13:38.16\00:13:42.07
about this problem she was
00:13:42.10\00:13:43.82
having and she
wanted sympathy from you.
00:13:43.85\00:13:47.35
Instead you said, well
that sounds like your stuff you
00:13:47.38\00:13:52.42
need to deal with, what is
in your past that is causing
00:13:52.45\00:13:56.38
you to react this way?
00:13:56.41\00:13:58.04
And she's going what, like
no know you're supposed to be
00:13:58.07\00:14:02.33
on my side here, not
telling me go search things out.
00:14:02.36\00:14:05.13
So she said finally
through the Holy Spirit, as you
00:14:05.16\00:14:09.36
kept nagging at her, pray
and ask the Holy Spirit to
00:14:09.39\00:14:11.28
reveal what it is.
00:14:11.31\00:14:12.51
So I thought
immediately I knew, it was like,
00:14:12.54\00:14:17.54
Oh I need to do that.
00:14:17.57\00:14:19.76
I thought I had some, but
I thought no there is still
00:14:19.79\00:14:23.55
something and so the next
morning I'm like a little kid
00:14:23.58\00:14:26.19
that can't wait, going to
a candy store I can't wait
00:14:26.22\00:14:28.78
to get into my devotional time.
00:14:28.81\00:14:30.37
Okay honey go on
to work, goodbye!
00:14:30.40\00:14:31.76
I can't wait to get to my
devotional time - because I
00:14:31.79\00:14:36.17
wanted that time alone with God.
00:14:36.20\00:14:37.59
I'm sitting there, I'm sitting
there and nervous because
00:14:37.62\00:14:44.07
I know it is big, I
know it is really big.
00:14:44.10\00:14:46.98
So I said God what is it
- and just for somebody that
00:14:47.01\00:14:50.62
might miss what you mean by beg,
that whatever is motivating this
00:14:50.65\00:14:54.68
behavior is huge and
you had a sense of that.
00:14:54.71\00:14:57.78
You had a sense of that but
she did not know what it is,
00:14:57.81\00:15:00.47
I know that I'm going to
have to brace myself if I ask
00:15:00.50\00:15:02.36
Him to reveal this to me.
00:15:02.39\00:15:03.71
I have to read you a few
verses and I wrote them down to
00:15:03.74\00:15:05.93
save time from looking them up.
00:15:05.96\00:15:07.89
I'm in my time with
Him and I said okay Lord,
00:15:07.92\00:15:12.27
and He took me immediately,
these verses came to me
00:15:12.30\00:15:16.22
just like bullets do.
00:15:16.25\00:15:18.70
The first one He said
was, "and you shall know the
00:15:18.73\00:15:22.19
truth and the truth shall
make you free. " John 8:32
00:15:22.22\00:15:25.70
Romans 6:14, "for sin shall
not have dominion over you,
00:15:25.73\00:15:30.94
for you are not under the
law but under grace and if God
00:15:30.97\00:15:35.15
shall therefore make you
free you shall be free indeed. "
00:15:35.18\00:15:37.96
John 8:36, "howbeit when he
the spirit of truth has come
00:15:37.99\00:15:41.82
he will guide you into all
truth for he shall not speak
00:15:41.85\00:15:43.76
of himself but whatsoever he
shall hear that shall he speak
00:15:43.79\00:15:47.14
and he will show
you things to come. "
00:15:47.17\00:15:48.87
John 16:13, "I can do
all things through Christ
00:15:48.90\00:15:52.42
which strengthens me. "
00:15:52.45\00:15:53.86
Philippians 4:13, "for I
will restore health," I love
00:15:53.89\00:15:57.27
this one, "for I will restore
health unto you and I will
00:15:57.30\00:15:59.85
heal you of your
wounds says the Lord. "
00:15:59.88\00:16:02.76
Jeremiah 30:17. "And therefore
if any man be in Christ
00:16:02.79\00:16:06.42
he is a new creature,
old things are passed away,
00:16:06.45\00:16:08.94
behold all
things are become new. "
00:16:08.97\00:16:11.53
2 Corinthians 5:17, "for
the weapons of our warfare
00:16:11.56\00:16:15.65
are not Cardinal but
mighty through God to the
00:16:15.68\00:16:18.12
pulling down of strongholds
casting down imaginations
00:16:18.15\00:16:20.25
and every high thing
that exalts itself against the
00:16:20.28\00:16:22.95
knowledge of God and
bringing into captivity every
00:16:22.98\00:16:26.13
thought to the
obedience of Christ. "
00:16:26.16\00:16:28.41
2 Corinthians 10: 4 & 5,
- you know I have got to say
00:16:28.44\00:16:30.97
what is really interesting,
it is the coolest thing and for
00:16:31.00\00:16:33.17
people who
haven't done this yet.
00:16:33.20\00:16:35.19
You turn around and ask
God and you start to just let
00:16:35.22\00:16:39.67
Him show you things,
He will do that, He will
00:16:39.70\00:16:43.46
bring the Scripture text
- and I'm writing them down
00:16:43.49\00:16:45.14
and reading them and
crying and I love this one.
00:16:45.17\00:16:48.44
"Peace I leave with you
My peace I give unto you,
00:16:48.47\00:16:50.57
not as the world gives,
give I unto you. Let's not your
00:16:50.60\00:16:53.19
heart be troubled neither
let it be afraid. " John 14:27
00:16:53.22\00:16:56.78
And the last one He brought
me to was, "he brought them
00:16:56.81\00:16:59.78
out of darkness and the
shadow of death and broke their
00:16:59.81\00:17:03.43
bands asunder. " Psalms 107:14
00:17:03.46\00:17:07.42
So I'm sitting there
- He gives you all this
00:17:07.45\00:17:09.87
- He did - in preparation
- He didn't give me any
00:17:09.90\00:17:12.54
thing other than that I
knew that what He was going to
00:17:12.57\00:17:17.05
give me, He wasn't going to
give me, you know He says He
00:17:17.08\00:17:19.54
won't give anything
we can't handle - So
00:17:19.57\00:17:22.14
I knew that what He was
going to give me was going to
00:17:22.17\00:17:24.14
be big, but He was right
there, I felt His presence.
00:17:24.17\00:17:27.67
It was like loving arms
around me, so the next thing I
00:17:27.70\00:17:32.11
just closed my eyes and
there is this vision, you know
00:17:32.14\00:17:37.00
this memory that
pops into my head.
00:17:37.03\00:17:38.86
Well I knew that memory
because when somebody says
00:17:38.89\00:17:43.24
what your first memory, I
always knew mine was I was
00:17:43.27\00:17:45.90
naked behind the house
and I always said that.
00:17:45.93\00:17:48.76
I was 3 years old, naked behind
the house and that was what
00:17:48.79\00:17:53.61
I always thought that I
had gone back there and taken
00:17:53.64\00:17:56.36
all my clothes off or whatever.
00:17:56.39\00:17:58.02
My mom found me and
laughed at me and never thought
00:17:58.05\00:18:01.92
- and not laughed
at you in a bad way
00:18:01.95\00:18:03.80
- just like what you do
in taking your clothes off
00:18:03.83\00:18:05.91
that kind of thing.
00:18:05.94\00:18:07.25
I thought well God I
know that, I know that memory.
00:18:07.28\00:18:10.92
He gently said, Alta,
you didn't take your clothes
00:18:10.95\00:18:17.10
off and then He
showed me who did.
00:18:17.13\00:18:19.96
And I just, it was a
male relative of mine who is
00:18:19.99\00:18:26.19
deceased now, but I
mean, it was somebody I was
00:18:26.22\00:18:29.28
very close to, and I
just sat there with tears
00:18:29.31\00:18:32.12
running down my face.
00:18:32.15\00:18:33.68
I didn't have any
anger or bitterness,
00:18:33.71\00:18:38.44
I was saddened,
but I also have my,
00:18:38.47\00:18:44.21
the Lord had put in
my heart forgiveness.
00:18:44.24\00:18:46.81
I understood, I
immediately understood.
00:18:46.84\00:18:51.14
Then the Lord took me
back to some other memories I
00:18:51.17\00:18:54.32
had when I was 11 years
old, I was molested by a
00:18:54.35\00:18:59.38
15 year old boy, I was molested.
00:18:59.41\00:19:01.44
I always thought that was
my fault, I always thought
00:19:01.47\00:19:05.07
that was my fault.
00:19:05.10\00:19:06.73
Then when I was 16 I was
date raped and again I always
00:19:06.76\00:19:09.84
thought that was my fault.
00:19:09.87\00:19:11.69
It is your fault, you
shouldn't have let it go so far.
00:19:11.72\00:19:14.27
Even though I was
saying no, it's your fault.
00:19:14.30\00:19:16.33
All these things and the
Lord showed me at 3 years old
00:19:16.36\00:19:22.13
it wasn't my fault - Amen!
00:19:22.16\00:19:26.00
I didn't have a choice in
it, and not when I was 11 or
00:19:26.03\00:19:30.63
16 was it my fault,
but when I was 3 years old,
00:19:30.66\00:19:33.71
I was just a child, a little.
00:19:33.74\00:19:35.77
One thing that is amazing
to me when you say that story
00:19:35.80\00:19:41.91
is that when the molest
was over, whoever the relative
00:19:41.94\00:19:47.15
was walked away and left
you naked behind the shed to
00:19:47.18\00:19:51.64
be found by someone else.
00:19:51.67\00:19:53.23
And to me I think in an
emotional sense, in a spiritual
00:19:53.26\00:19:56.22
sense you were naked behind
the shed until God says you're
00:19:56.25\00:19:59.74
okay and I love you
and let Me dress you.
00:19:59.77\00:20:02.94
Let Me step in - and it
just amazes me, what I saw
00:20:02.97\00:20:09.61
from that instance, was
when He started bringing to
00:20:09.64\00:20:13.46
my mind was abandonment issues.
00:20:13.49\00:20:15.89
I was hurt and left alone
by somebody that I trusted.
00:20:15.92\00:20:19.01
So I have abandonment issues,
have relationship issues,
00:20:19.04\00:20:22.30
and I'm not trying to
make, I don't want anybody to
00:20:22.33\00:20:25.44
hear this and think that
she is just trying to make
00:20:25.47\00:20:28.34
excuses for the
thing she has done.
00:20:28.37\00:20:30.44
Because that is not
where I want this, I don't,
00:20:30.47\00:20:33.44
at 3 years old
something was taken from me.
00:20:33.47\00:20:38.90
My innocence was taken
from me and also I think
00:20:38.93\00:20:42.77
something in my brain,
I don't know - to reason
00:20:42.80\00:20:47.14
- yeah something twisted
that took away some of my
00:20:47.17\00:20:50.33
abilities to reason things out.
00:20:50.36\00:20:53.21
What is really interesting
to me, is in my own healing
00:20:53.24\00:20:56.03
like we talked about, that
as God brings us to a place
00:20:56.06\00:20:58.66
of healing is that for
some of us, for a lot of us,
00:20:58.69\00:21:02.39
He has to show us what twisted.
00:21:02.42\00:21:04.77
What made this behavior
okay, what made this draw okay,
00:21:04.80\00:21:08.73
this cavern,
emotional pit that you have,
00:21:08.76\00:21:12.36
what developed that in you.
00:21:12.39\00:21:14.28
As soon as we see it
through the Holy Spirit,
00:21:14.31\00:21:16.61
it's like the Holy Spirit
says now let Me fill that up,
00:21:16.64\00:21:19.93
let that need not ever be
a need that you have again.
00:21:19.96\00:21:22.90
I don't know how He
does it, but He does it.
00:21:22.93\00:21:26.59
Alta: He does it is so cool.
00:21:26.62\00:21:28.25
I don't hear you make
excuses, I want to tell you that
00:21:28.28\00:21:30.42
I am, I don't hear you
make excuses what I hear
00:21:30.45\00:21:33.76
is a woman that is
grateful, saying God thank you
00:21:33.79\00:21:37.85
for bringing me to this
place where I can see this
00:21:37.88\00:21:41.48
and allow you to
bring healing into my life.
00:21:41.51\00:21:44.37
And into the lives
of everybody that was
00:21:44.40\00:21:47.16
damaged during that process.
00:21:47.19\00:21:48.28
You know one of the first
things I had to do was I had
00:21:48.31\00:21:50.49
to tell my
parents what had happened.
00:21:50.52\00:21:54.01
Because I felt
they needed to know.
00:21:54.04\00:21:55.90
Cheri: what did they say?
00:21:55.93\00:21:57.89
You know I didn't want to
cast blame on them, like why
00:21:57.92\00:22:00.70
did you leave me alone, I
didn't want them to think that
00:22:00.73\00:22:02.41
at all because they certainly
trusted this person too.
00:22:02.44\00:22:04.58
They cried, they were and
yet you know my mom said that
00:22:04.61\00:22:12.71
made so much more sense now.
00:22:12.74\00:22:14.19
You were found a
number of times without your
00:22:14.22\00:22:16.77
clothes on? - yes I was.
00:22:16.80\00:22:18.51
My mom she just said
it made a lot more sense
00:22:18.54\00:22:22.24
to her way that had happened.
00:22:22.27\00:22:24.56
She said that it was
funny because it happened
00:22:24.59\00:22:27.29
only when this
person kept saying she keeps
00:22:27.32\00:22:29.46
taking her clothes off.
00:22:29.49\00:22:30.67
My mom didn't know why, she
didn't put 2 and 2 together.
00:22:30.70\00:22:35.24
What was interesting with
your mom is that even at that
00:22:35.27\00:22:40.47
time she didn't shame
you with that she was just
00:22:40.50\00:22:42.34
curious, and later on she
said this made a lot of sense.
00:22:42.37\00:22:46.38
Right now it makes more sense.
00:22:46.41\00:22:48.57
There was some real
healing between us too,
00:22:48.60\00:22:50.98
because here I am,
I'm having affairs.
00:22:51.01\00:22:54.77
I'm sure it is real
what it's, your daughter
00:22:54.80\00:22:57.40
Alta doing today?
00:22:57.43\00:22:58.46
Ah well she's now having
an affair with somebody else,
00:22:58.49\00:23:01.35
she ran off with this
guy and she can't seem
00:23:01.38\00:23:04.05
to get her life together.
00:23:04.08\00:23:05.11
Well I'm sure she wasn't
sharing all my brownie points.
00:23:05.14\00:23:08.82
When you first told me
that I have to say that my heart
00:23:08.85\00:23:12.27
went out to this little
girl that was behind the shed,
00:23:12.30\00:23:15.09
my heart went out to her.
00:23:15.12\00:23:16.41
I know that you
wrote something, at home,
00:23:16.44\00:23:18.63
about that whole thing
that God gave you these words,
00:23:18.66\00:23:22.68
I really believe that -
definitely it was right after
00:23:22.71\00:23:25.89
He showed me, within a
half hour, I was at my computer
00:23:25.92\00:23:29.13
and these words just flowed.
00:23:29.16\00:23:31.34
It's called LOST INNOCENCE.
00:23:31.37\00:23:33.31
She was so innocent
this child of three,
00:23:33.34\00:23:36.95
her life was filled
with wonder and care free.
00:23:36.98\00:23:39.89
Little did she know the
danger that lurked near,
00:23:39.92\00:23:42.31
coming from one she
had no reason to fear.
00:23:42.34\00:23:45.19
Through her short
life he had held her
00:23:45.22\00:23:47.44
often in his arms.
00:23:47.47\00:23:48.69
She had no way of
knowing that one day
00:23:48.72\00:23:51.13
he would do her harm.
00:23:51.16\00:23:52.52
But one day the opportunity
he sought finally came
00:23:52.55\00:23:56.26
at first he made it
seem like a childish game.
00:23:56.29\00:23:59.44
She laughed not
knowing what he was doing,
00:23:59.47\00:24:01.78
but in his heart
evil was brewing.
00:24:01.81\00:24:04.59
She was left upon
the cold hard ground,
00:24:04.62\00:24:07.57
feeling abandoned
with no one around.
00:24:07.60\00:24:10.57
She did not know
that this is prearranged,
00:24:10.60\00:24:13.77
nor that her life
was forever changed.
00:24:13.80\00:24:16.58
The one that she
had trusted was no more,
00:24:16.61\00:24:20.37
he continued she treat
her just as he did before.
00:24:20.40\00:24:23.72
Her mother found her
naked behind the house,
00:24:23.75\00:24:26.97
and laughed thinking her little
girl had taken off her blouse.
00:24:27.00\00:24:30.83
She scooped her up
and her loving on arms,
00:24:30.86\00:24:33.10
having no reason to be alarmed.
00:24:33.13\00:24:36.42
Nearly 50 years
has since gone by,
00:24:36.45\00:24:39.24
as she recalls what
happened she softly cries.
00:24:39.27\00:24:43.53
But through the pain
healing can now come,
00:24:43.56\00:24:46.50
for no longer does
Satan's lies need she succumb.
00:24:46.53\00:24:49.97
Her values she
now finds in the Lord,
00:24:50.00\00:24:52.11
as He tells her each day
she is the one He adores.
00:24:52.14\00:24:56.12
The bitterness of her
life He has taken away,
00:24:56.15\00:24:59.49
and into her heart comes the
peace for which she did pray.
00:24:59.52\00:25:03.75
Behold He has promised
to make all things new,
00:25:03.78\00:25:06.40
she has found
that through His word
00:25:06.43\00:25:08.44
that to be true.
00:25:08.47\00:25:10.37
She now shares her
story not to cast blame,
00:25:10.40\00:25:14.59
but others may find healing
that will take away their shame.
00:25:14.62\00:25:18.27
Amen and you know just as
you're sharing your life with
00:25:18.30\00:25:23.36
us today, I know that
there has to be people watching,
00:25:23.39\00:25:26.44
even people in the café
that are just saying thank you
00:25:26.47\00:25:29.22
so much because there is
damage that happens to us that
00:25:29.25\00:25:34.72
causes us to act out.
00:25:34.75\00:25:35.85
God is saying, please
trust Me and bring all
00:25:35.88\00:25:39.18
that to the cross.
00:25:39.21\00:25:40.61
Bring all that to
Me and trust Me in your
00:25:40.64\00:25:43.29
recovery as I will
step you right out of that.
00:25:43.32\00:25:46.30
I will show you where it
came from, I will convince you
00:25:46.33\00:25:49.74
to let it go, and I will
convince you that my love is
00:25:49.77\00:25:53.12
big enough to even
put this wound to rest.
00:25:53.15\00:25:56.37
You know I think what
has really touched me through
00:25:56.40\00:25:59.37
all this is the fact
that it was an addiction.
00:25:59.40\00:26:01.78
It was something that
I was drawn to and yet
00:26:01.81\00:26:07.32
we don't treat it that way.
00:26:07.35\00:26:09.44
We treat it, it is shameful,
it is embarrassing thing.
00:26:09.47\00:26:14.04
Do I want to come up and
say what did you do 10 years
00:26:14.07\00:26:16.76
ago, oh I had an affair.
00:26:16.79\00:26:17.90
That is not something
you want to share, and you
00:26:17.93\00:26:20.97
especially do not
want to share it in church.
00:26:21.00\00:26:22.98
They don't ask me to
come up and do testimony time.
00:26:23.01\00:26:25.63
Only you do that -
because I'm proud of God,
00:26:25.66\00:26:30.69
I'm proud of God
because I have seen the joy in
00:26:30.72\00:26:33.55
your eyes and I see how
He has set you free from
00:26:33.58\00:26:36.15
this abandonment stuff
that you have dealt with from
00:26:36.18\00:26:39.74
the sexualized behavior
that you have dealt with.
00:26:39.77\00:26:41.81
You know the first time
I saw that in your eyes,
00:26:41.84\00:26:44.28
I saw that joy, I thought
I so want you to come up and
00:26:44.31\00:26:47.93
you looked at me like
frightened, are you kidding me?
00:26:47.96\00:26:51.36
And thinking
know I am so serious.
00:26:51.39\00:26:53.90
I'm the church secretary
remember - I know so you told
00:26:53.93\00:26:57.01
me and I'm like the
secretary they are not going to
00:26:57.04\00:26:59.27
like this, and I thought please.
00:26:59.30\00:27:01.10
I would like to just open
it up right now to questions
00:27:01.13\00:27:04.53
here because I know that
Charlie you had a question.
00:27:04.56\00:27:07.06
Yes, Alta your
story really touches me
00:27:07.09\00:27:10.13
in a personal way.
00:27:10.16\00:27:11.33
I looked at it from a
child's perspective about
00:27:11.36\00:27:14.92
adultery and affairs
because when I was 31 years
00:27:14.95\00:27:18.15
old I found out I was
a product of an affair.
00:27:18.18\00:27:20.81
My mother was unhappily
married and it was quite
00:27:20.84\00:27:26.12
a shock to find that out.
00:27:26.15\00:27:27.35
At 13 I found out my
father was having an affair,
00:27:27.38\00:27:29.78
I had picked up the
phone at the same time he did
00:27:29.81\00:27:31.89
and he was telling
another woman he loved her.
00:27:31.92\00:27:33.81
I had to reveal that to
the family and it was hard to
00:27:33.84\00:27:36.70
do, so from a child's
perspective growing up and
00:27:36.73\00:27:39.16
seeing that, coming from
an affair it was really tough.
00:27:39.19\00:27:42.59
It shook me up inside.
00:27:42.62\00:27:44.43
I went to my mother and
I said why did you do this,
00:27:44.46\00:27:50.33
it was the same
reasons she was molested by her
00:27:50.36\00:27:53.65
father growing up.
00:27:53.68\00:27:54.71
An alcoholic father,
and wanted out of the home.
00:27:54.74\00:27:56.71
Rushed off and got
married to someone right away
00:27:56.74\00:27:58.73
thinking that was her
knight in shining armor
00:27:58.76\00:28:01.25
to fulfill her in some
sense and went looking for love
00:28:01.28\00:28:03.96
afterwards and I
am a product of that.
00:28:03.99\00:28:06.09
Praise God that I am
here, and so even God in a bad
00:28:06.12\00:28:09.25
situation like that
can make some good I hope.
00:28:09.28\00:28:11.26
My question is, what has
God done inside your heart
00:28:11.29\00:28:16.09
personally,
emotionally, psychologically;
00:28:16.12\00:28:18.74
what has He done inside
to divert from that behavior
00:28:18.77\00:28:21.78
in those actions now.
00:28:21.81\00:28:22.88
Where has He touched you
intimately inside that it is
00:28:22.91\00:28:26.00
not a longing anymore, or
craving to be fulfilled and
00:28:26.03\00:28:28.91
try to fill it that way?
00:28:28.94\00:28:30.53
What has He done for you?
00:28:30.56\00:28:31.59
Charlie I think one of
the things that God has showed
00:28:31.62\00:28:34.22
me through this - can I
jump in and just say something
00:28:34.25\00:28:36.13
before you answer him?
00:28:36.16\00:28:37.42
You know Charlie as you
are asking the question,
00:28:37.45\00:28:40.13
I saw this almost hurt
child, because you have
00:28:40.16\00:28:44.45
been through a lot of pain with
all of this stuff in your life.
00:28:44.48\00:28:46.77
With the disclosure
that somebody gave you that
00:28:46.80\00:28:49.86
you didn't have the
upbringing, the start that
00:28:49.89\00:28:54.54
you thought you had.
00:28:54.57\00:28:55.87
You know I almost saw
this hurt child saying please
00:28:55.90\00:29:00.04
tell me that you can change.
00:29:00.07\00:29:01.81
Please tell me that this
is real and that people do
00:29:01.84\00:29:05.67
surrender to God and change.
00:29:05.70\00:29:08.05
So when you answer him
even answer that child.
00:29:08.08\00:29:11.57
Alta: what God showed me
through all this is that I do
00:29:11.60\00:29:17.01
not need to look to
anybody else, to anybody else.
00:29:17.04\00:29:20.24
My husband, not my
parents, not anybody for that
00:29:20.27\00:29:24.78
affirmation of love.
00:29:24.81\00:29:26.45
I only need to go
to Him - and He is safe
00:29:26.48\00:29:30.61
- and He is safe.
00:29:30.64\00:29:31.67
He brings other people
into your life to love you,
00:29:31.70\00:29:33.73
to be His arms and to
embrace you and all that.
00:29:33.76\00:29:36.95
But it is His love,
and He even showed me
00:29:36.98\00:29:39.65
He was my husband
and that He has all the
00:29:39.68\00:29:42.52
characteristics of a husband.
00:29:42.55\00:29:44.27
That He wants to nurture
me, and that works for both
00:29:44.30\00:29:48.23
men and women, not just a
husband and a sense of one
00:29:48.26\00:29:51.18
that will take care of
you, that nurtures you, that
00:29:51.21\00:29:53.08
is there for you, that
picks you up and dusts you off.
00:29:53.11\00:29:54.71
I think the neatest thing
is, this little child that
00:29:54.74\00:29:58.47
was hurting, how that
morning when He showed me that,
00:29:58.50\00:30:01.77
He took me in His arms, I
felt His presence so close
00:30:01.80\00:30:06.77
around me and He does that.
00:30:06.80\00:30:08.33
What He showed me is in
my life to is that you have
00:30:08.36\00:30:14.51
trigger points that I am
very careful now when I am in
00:30:14.54\00:30:19.33
the company of other
men that aren't my husband.
00:30:19.36\00:30:22.33
You half to be on your
guard - so explain for people
00:30:22.36\00:30:25.83
who do not know
what trigger points are.
00:30:25.86\00:30:27.23
Well I don't try to find
myself flirting with other men.
00:30:27.26\00:30:30.95
I try not to be in relationships
where you get talking
00:30:30.98\00:30:35.94
intimately and things like that.
00:30:35.97\00:30:37.86
I try to keep, there
is a guard, you have to
00:30:37.89\00:30:41.05
put a guard up. -
appropriate boundaries!
00:30:41.08\00:30:42.11
It is not like I can't
go up to Charlie and give
00:30:42.14\00:30:44.80
him a hug, it's not
like you become this
00:30:44.83\00:30:47.57
cold stone wall either.
00:30:47.60\00:30:49.43
Because I am a natural
affectionately loving person.
00:30:49.46\00:30:52.28
But it also means that I
am careful of my surroundings.
00:30:52.31\00:30:56.95
- I love the way you say
there was a time I was working
00:30:56.98\00:30:59.31
in the hospital doing a
group with a bunch of doctors.
00:30:59.34\00:31:03.99
We were trying to look at
patients coming in and when
00:31:04.02\00:31:07.20
they came in and
all that kind of stuff.
00:31:07.23\00:31:08.46
I found myself at lunch
with one of the doctors and we
00:31:08.49\00:31:11.13
were laughing our heads off.
00:31:11.16\00:31:12.92
I laugh a lot so that wasn't
that, but it was different,
00:31:12.95\00:31:16.01
it was more intimate and I
looked up and realized what
00:31:16.04\00:31:20.82
just happened here.
00:31:20.85\00:31:21.88
I knew and went home and
immediately confessed to Brad,
00:31:21.91\00:31:26.07
and he's like you are laughing
and a big deal for what?
00:31:26.10\00:31:28.70
Brad you don't even understand,
it was like all of a sudden,
00:31:28.73\00:31:31.97
and I remembered setting the
boundaries and pulling myself
00:31:32.00\00:31:35.93
out of that team just
so, and it was easy to do.
00:31:35.96\00:31:39.62
I don't want to have
private lunches with this
00:31:39.66\00:31:42.43
person anymore, I want
to make sure that there is
00:31:42.46\00:31:45.69
a lot of people
around and I limit our moving
00:31:45.72\00:31:48.41
closer in our relationship.
00:31:48.44\00:31:50.14
But it was just a matter of
hearing myself laugh a certain
00:31:50.17\00:31:53.29
way knowing that that
was, for me, more intimate.
00:31:53.32\00:31:56.88
So you are saying, God
said beware of those triggers?
00:31:56.91\00:32:00.06
Right and also - when
you are feeling lonely
00:32:00.09\00:32:03.10
- when I am feeling
lonely don't call a male friend,
00:32:03.13\00:32:04.96
call your girlfriend,
call her and tell her,
00:32:04.99\00:32:07.96
spent time in the
word, talk to your husband.
00:32:07.99\00:32:11.05
I tell my husband that I
in feeling a little unloved
00:32:11.08\00:32:14.48
right now, a little neglected.
00:32:14.51\00:32:16.49
I think for men too, if I
can address that, men need
00:32:16.52\00:32:20.85
to be careful that, it's
not wrong to tell a woman she
00:32:20.88\00:32:25.55
looks nice and stuff but
don't leave the hand on the
00:32:25.58\00:32:29.88
arm longer, because
women read into that totally
00:32:29.91\00:32:32.99
different than
you think they are.
00:32:33.02\00:32:35.20
You know they are
thinking wow, he likes me.
00:32:35.23\00:32:39.45
Your mind starts playing
tricks on you, it's not a
00:32:39.48\00:32:44.21
good thing - we do that
with each other a lot, so it's
00:32:44.24\00:32:46.52
just being able to say,
and that is what we talked
00:32:46.55\00:32:49.55
about the Commandments
moving us into a place where
00:32:49.58\00:32:51.66
God says let Me teach
you appropriate behavior.
00:32:51.69\00:32:53.89
Not out of fear, but
just not helping each other
00:32:53.92\00:32:57.38
to heal from all this stuff.
00:32:57.41\00:32:59.12
We have gotten so mixed
up in this junk that we don't
00:32:59.15\00:33:02.65
even know that we are setting
off each other's triggers.
00:33:02.68\00:33:04.74
God says ask the Holy
Spirit, ask the Holy Spirit to
00:33:04.77\00:33:08.94
make you, help you to become
a woman of integrity or a man of
00:33:08.97\00:33:13.13
integrity and it is
the coolest thing ever.
00:33:13.16\00:33:15.41
but you have to lean on
God's understanding not yours
00:33:15.44\00:33:18.64
right now
because you do not know.
00:33:18.67\00:33:19.90
I have to say to that
one of the things my husband
00:33:19.93\00:33:23.21
and we did is that I
am accountable to him for
00:33:23.24\00:33:27.89
the first year or so.
00:33:27.92\00:33:29.60
He doesn't do it so much
anymore because he trusts me,
00:33:29.63\00:33:33.61
I built that trust up again.
00:33:33.64\00:33:34.94
But that was another
thing again have an accountable
00:33:34.97\00:33:37.56
person if you're in affair
or getting out of it, that
00:33:37.59\00:33:42.61
your husband or a friend
that you can say no I'm not
00:33:42.64\00:33:46.73
seeing that person, or no
I haven't had any contact.
00:33:46.76\00:33:50.39
For the first year he
would come to me and say,
00:33:50.42\00:33:52.92
you're acting a
little strange, have you had
00:33:52.95\00:33:55.02
contact with
so-and-so? And I said no, no,
00:33:55.06\00:33:57.10
or maybe I did,
and I would say yes.
00:33:57.13\00:33:59.62
It kind of reminds me of
the disciples, they could sin
00:33:59.65\00:34:03.12
when they were behind Jesus
back when Jesus wasn't looking
00:34:03.15\00:34:06.62
right at them, they could get
around and talk about who was
00:34:06.65\00:34:09.54
the greatest and who was
going to be the greatest.
00:34:09.57\00:34:11.51
But when Jesus turned
around and said what are you
00:34:11.54\00:34:13.68
talking about, they go, Oh
nothing!- I'm sorry, I'm sorry,
00:34:13.71\00:34:15.44
So I think that is so
important to have somebody that
00:34:15.47\00:34:21.13
is accountable and
that you are accountable to.
00:34:21.16\00:34:23.28
What is really difficult
in this situation is being
00:34:23.31\00:34:28.11
accountable to somebody
and being straight up with kind
00:34:28.14\00:34:31.92
of the stuff most people
don't like talking about.
00:34:31.95\00:34:33.90
It's like I need an
accountability partner, I need
00:34:33.93\00:34:37.68
somebody that I can
hang out with and call on,
00:34:37.71\00:34:40.91
those kind of things.
00:34:40.94\00:34:42.04
Charley was that an
answer, - yeah okay.
00:34:42.07\00:34:45.98
So you know what is
really important to me is that
00:34:46.01\00:34:49.27
all the damage all way
around is that God steps in
00:34:49.30\00:34:52.16
and says I'm going to
heal, I come in heal in every
00:34:52.19\00:34:55.74
single area and
every single life.
00:34:55.77\00:34:58.70
Because damage started at
3 years old, that is amazing
00:34:58.73\00:35:01.30
how Satan uses that to just
snow ball through your life.
00:35:01.33\00:35:05.74
Exactly, I want to say God
bless you and I'm going to be
00:35:05.77\00:35:08.89
praying for you and
love you and thank you for
00:35:08.92\00:35:10.73
being on the program.
00:35:10.76\00:35:11.83
Thank you for having me.
00:35:11.86\00:35:13.07
You know I just want
to say to anyone that is
00:35:13.10\00:35:16.85
struggling in these
areas, is ask the Holy Spirit,
00:35:16.88\00:35:19.83
what do I need
to know about this.
00:35:19.86\00:35:21.87
What is really interesting
is that God wants us to know.
00:35:21.90\00:35:24.50
He is not
trying to hide from us.
00:35:24.53\00:35:25.90
He's not trying to
hide our stuff from us.
00:35:25.93\00:35:27.62
He's not trying, if we
are stuck somewhere and we
00:35:27.65\00:35:30.14
keep falling in the
same thing, is ask Him.
00:35:30.17\00:35:32.99
God, not help me, which
help me is good, but show me
00:35:33.02\00:35:38.61
where I am stuck at.
00:35:38.64\00:35:40.91
Show me what I need to
know and then trust Him.
00:35:40.94\00:35:43.39
Shut your eyes and just
allow Him to speak to you.
00:35:43.42\00:35:46.83
Give you verses and
walk you right out of that.
00:35:46.86\00:35:50.38
We are going to be
right back, stay with us!
00:35:50.41\00:35:52.55