Welcome back!
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I want to introduce you
to some other folks who were
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all the same program
and when that wasn't.
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We are going to talk a
little bit about healing and
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is it hard or not hard,
like you talked with Misti.
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You could see there are
times that she dealt with her
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father and those wounds
that she got from her father,
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were God Himself just
said I have to show you this
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because you are so stuck there.
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This is so hurting
every relationship and I want
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to heal you to move beyond that.
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You could see the pain
of that, even talking about
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it up here you can see the
pain in that, but you could
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also see the joy when
God said okay you are done.
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You're done, so if anybody
is wondering if it is worth
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the pain of having to
look at some of that stuff,
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I say absolutely yes.
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And I say that even
during times that I felt crazy,
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having to look at
rejection, having to look at
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all that kind of stuff.
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If you don't have to,
God bless you, but if you do
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don't be afraid
because God is there and real
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present, He is real faithful
and Man healing is good.
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It's really good.
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Okay I want to introduce
you to Cheri E., Cheri E.
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was here on the last
program we talked about some
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of your own father wounds.
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Cheri E. we talked about
your past and how the Holy
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Spirit kind of
brought you out of that.
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So remind us a little
bit of that and then talk
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about what you are
doing today because you are in
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ministry today which is fun.
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Yeah I love it, and
well my story was that Misti
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was on this new kick of
finding your healing and stuff
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and I thought I knew
what all my problems were.
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So when I went to the
Lord and asked Him, show me
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where my damage is, He
showed me something that
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I didn't expect either.
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It was really good to go
back there and to see and
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ask the Lord, He showed
me that I was a little girl,
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a precious little girl,
that like she said could
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dance for her daddy and
stuff and I never had that.
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He showed me that that
was how He saw me still,
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and it had just lifted
all the things I had done
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all my whole life
try and fill that hole.
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You know the sex, the
drugs, the alcohol, everything,
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He did not blame me for
all that because I was still
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that little
precious little girl to Him.
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You was trying to
get somebody to love you.
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Yes anything for
somebody to love me.
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Cheri: You know all we
talk about these kind of
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things what's really
interesting to me is,
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that it may sound a
little crazy to people
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who haven't experienced that.
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One time God gives
me this image, my family
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are addicts,
dysfunctional and He gave me an
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image of myself 3
years old walking through all
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this dysfunction and
everybody so wrapped up in
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their own pain,
their own addiction's that
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no one could even
say to this child hi,
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hi come over and sit by me.
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I remember Him showing
me that and He said to me
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through the Holy
Spirit, does she look normal,
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yeah she just
wants someone to hold her
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and she still does.
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I want to hold her and
as soon as He said that,
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I cried, Misti and just
said I so want You to hold me.
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It was the first time I
think that I would go to God
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with all that hurt and
say, I have been waiting my
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whole life to be held.
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In the same with
you, I've been waiting my
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whole life to be adored.
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Yes I have been and He
just showed me that I was
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innocent because
His blood cleansed me.
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It wasn't anything I
have done, it was because
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He loved me so much
I was totally innocent,
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it wasn't my fault
what happened to me in all
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the things that I had done,
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I wasn't held
accountable for it,
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He took all of that on.
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And He loves you into
health and now at the same time
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finding that incredible
healing does that mean
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everything in your
life went well after that?
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No not really, I am
still a work in progress,
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but what I have
learned to do is I have learned
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that when something
hits me for triggers me
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I've learned to go to God about.
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For instant's, we have
talked about my son Matthew.
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We are from a small town
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and we were
going to go to a school
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function at that school.
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I was scared to death
because we had kicked him
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out because he was
using, and he was just a wreck,
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but he said I'm going to
come to this football game.
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I was like oh Lord, I was
so nervous because the stress
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out how is he going to
come, is he going to be clean,
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is he going to be strung
out, is he going to bring dope
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and try to sell it at
the school or whatever.
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And he has done
almost all that - yes.
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Some people listening
know that they have kids like
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that so they know
what you are saying.
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I was totally strung
out, I wasn't having any joy
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whatsoever so I said
I have to stop by have
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to pray and ask God.
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He just showed me that
first of all He said Cheri E.,
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his problems are not
yours, he's 19 years old.
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You did a good job,
you don't have to carry
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around the shame of
what he is doing, it's him.
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He said besides he is
going to have to go lower before
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I can really reached him.
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He showed me him
sitting in a prison and I was
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immediately like Lord no,
no, I can't deal with that.
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But I am so thankful
that He showed me that because
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right now he is sitting
in jail and had He not showed
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me that, and had I not
gone and seeked the Holy Spirit
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on this, I don't know
where I would be right now.
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I would probably be in some
depression, there is no telling.
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There was no one to talk
to right then - yes - That He
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did it in such a gentle way,
you didn't want it to happen
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but anticipated
the happening of it.
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Well it was within a week
of that, that he was arrested.
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It is just amazing but what
it is showing me, that first
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of all God loves
him so much, God doesn't
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hold him accountable either.
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You know he has been wounded
and damaged and we were the
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best parents we knew
how, but we still are not
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perfect parents and so
something has hurt him and that
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is what led him
to all these things,
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but he will come out of this.
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God is so in
control - and so faithful
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yes and He loves him.
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You know to me what I
love about you is that God
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has opened up your
vision to at risk kids,
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to youth that are in prison.
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You ended up going down to a
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prison and
started working with them?
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When we started going
through this, my husband said
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we have got to get out
and get to where we are not
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thinking about
ourselves anymore and to start
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ministering to others.
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We were watching 3ABN
one night and there was a
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guy talking about doing
a prison ministry and he
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was from the church locally.
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Larry said tomorrow we
are going to that church
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and find that guy.
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I was like oh let me
be depressed, just let me
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and he said no we
are going to do this.
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So we went, we didn't
find him but God let us a
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different places and we found
another one and we start working
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with boys it's a
prison outside Waco Texas.
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They are anywhere from
10 to 19 years old and they
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are in prison and it's a
real prison and we just love
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them, because I don't
judge them, I see them as just
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- you don't see them as
these are horrible people,
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these are someone sons
- yes - yeah most of them
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don't even have parents.
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They have been in CPS
their whole life - Child
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protective services.
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The boy that I'm in
for he is 18 and he is been
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in CPS since he has been 8.
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His dad has been
incarcerated since he was born.
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His mother is in a and out
of jail, he has two brothers
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that are
incarcerated and he has nobody.
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He has not had one
visit, he's been in there for 2
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years and not one
visitor his whole time there.
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I just sat there and looked
at that child, he is a child.
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Society just wants to
throw him away and say somebody
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else deal with these
kids, but they are just hurt
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little people,
they are just broken.
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- because you talk
about you and Misti and the
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father wound, that this
guy has no father and has
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been wounded over and
over by probably many men
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and people in his life.
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Nobody has ever done
what they said they would do.
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Nobody has ever
been just a loving
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example, he has no idea.
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He tries to read his
Bible but he doesn't know what a
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father is, he doesn't know.
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One day I was reading
some letters that he had wrote.
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He said he had found his
mother, she had wrote him a
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letter and he was
going to write her back,
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he was so excited about it.
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He wrote on there that
he was the captain of a
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basketball team, that he
was all these wonderful things
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about him - not sitting
in jail - know she knows
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he's in jail, but it was
like how good I'm doing here.
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He is none of those things,
he is not on the basketball
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team, because his behavior
won't allow him too, he is a
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good athlete, but his
behavior won't let him
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because he's so angry.
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So I said, this is not the
truth, I can't say his name
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but this is not the truth.
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But he said this
is how I see myself,
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what I said this is not it.
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I say what you are
trying to do with the few little
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crumbs that your mother
is throwing at you, you are
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trying to be somebody that
she will take at least that
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away from you.
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He just cried, I just told
him it's okay to be somebody
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who has been dumped on,
who has been totally abandoned.
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It's okay to be sad, it's
okay to be angry, it is okay
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to be who you are.
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Somebody who is desperately
searching for love and
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acceptance - to say
that truth out loud - yeah.
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It is okay to be that person
and I said, I know you for
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who you are and I love you
just the way God loves you.
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God loves you and He knows
way more about you than I do
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- I bet he just wept
- oh he cried, he cried
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because he cannot even
imagine that somebody can
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love him in the state he is in.
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That to me is so sad, and
if I could say anything to
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anybody it would be that
these kids need people down
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there, and they
need people to love them.
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Do you know I just
thought when you said that?
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Tell me if you hear
this, is that I think heaven
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looks down and
says that about us.
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If I could say this to
anybody, they need someone to
00:10:02.74\00:10:06.50
love them, because we don't
know what it is, most of us.
00:10:06.53\00:10:08.95
Even in the healthiest
home, sometimes I feel like we
00:10:08.98\00:10:12.21
don't know what it is and
God is saying not only those
00:10:12.24\00:10:15.45
damaged kids, but Misti
and Cheri E. and Cheri, Joleen,
00:10:15.48\00:10:20.36
we all need
someone to just unveil,
00:10:20.39\00:10:25.30
this is what loves looks like.
00:10:25.33\00:10:27.16
It's not hurtful, it's
not prideful and it is not
00:10:27.19\00:10:30.24
self-seeking, not all
those kind of things that we
00:10:30.27\00:10:34.29
have seen over and over
and over generationally.
00:10:34.32\00:10:36.17
God is saying, like what
you are trying to do with
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this boy, you're saying let
me show you some way out and
00:10:38.76\00:10:42.48
God is saying that to us,
let Me show you some way out.
00:10:42.51\00:10:45.59
What is really fun as I am
watching God open up Ministry
00:10:45.62\00:10:49.09
opportunities for you, as
I'm watching Him grow you as a
00:10:49.12\00:10:51.69
woman of God, you look good.
00:10:51.72\00:10:53.73
Oh thanks I'm very
happy, even in my circumstances.
00:10:53.76\00:10:57.15
My son is in jail,
but he is doing well.
00:10:57.18\00:11:00.31
When I talked to you on
the phone one day, he was
00:11:00.34\00:11:02.44
almost going to jail, you
didn't think you was going to
00:11:02.47\00:11:04.90
survive it - yeah I had
been on my knees and you just
00:11:04.93\00:11:09.58
can't believe,
but I am surviving it.
00:11:09.61\00:11:11.56
That is a miracle because there
was a day or would not have.
00:11:11.59\00:11:14.96
I suicide thoughts
and all the things.
00:11:14.99\00:11:18.10
The fact that I am
standing here - your friends -
00:11:18.13\00:11:21.68
right - yeah, and I believe
had I not got that picture
00:11:21.71\00:11:26.69
of myself as a little girl
as God sees me, I would not
00:11:26.72\00:11:29.60
be standing here today.
00:11:29.63\00:11:30.91
And it was to see how He
adores me and how He loves
00:11:30.94\00:11:35.89
every one of us and
even those boys in prison.
00:11:35.92\00:11:37.89
HE LOVES THEM!
00:11:37.92\00:11:39.85
I want to go and tell them
about it and they need more
00:11:39.88\00:11:43.29
people to tell them about Him.
00:11:43.32\00:11:44.72
So do we - yeah we do.
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Okay I want to
introduce you to Joleen.
00:11:47.27\00:11:49.62
I remember when we first
started the series on the first
00:11:49.65\00:11:53.35
program and
talked about God is love.
00:11:53.38\00:11:55.34
It is not something
that He musters up, it is not
00:11:55.37\00:11:58.09
something He tries to do
for us, He is love and He is
00:11:58.12\00:12:01.11
telling us over and over
that we are wounded to the very
00:12:01.14\00:12:04.56
core of who we are because
someone forgot to love us.
00:12:04.59\00:12:07.79
God is saying that if you
open yourself up to Me I will
00:12:07.82\00:12:11.85
bring healing into your life.
00:12:11.88\00:12:13.61
Not by giving up drugs or
cigarettes and all those kind
00:12:13.64\00:12:15.74
of things, which all are
good, but I will bring healing
00:12:15.77\00:12:18.13
into your life because I
love you and you will heal from
00:12:18.16\00:12:21.20
that and all those
other things will fall away.
00:12:21.23\00:12:22.86
Joleen you weren't on the
previous program with Misti
00:12:22.89\00:12:26.48
and the Girls Night Out and the
whole thing and you have heard
00:12:26.51\00:12:28.43
what they said and you
guys have been friends for ever.
00:12:28.46\00:12:30.65
I also know that you can
relate to all this because of
00:12:30.68\00:12:33.46
your own childhood.
00:12:33.49\00:12:34.56
So tell us a little bit
about who you are, and more than
00:12:34.59\00:12:37.86
that, what God has done as
far as healing in your life.
00:12:37.89\00:12:40.22
I grew up in a very large
home, I had 4 brothers and 3
00:12:40.25\00:12:45.48
sisters and we grew up
Catholic which meant I went and
00:12:45.51\00:12:48.89
did my time on Sunday,
did the Church aerobics.
00:12:48.92\00:12:52.36
I went from there and God was
up there kind of with a hammer.
00:12:52.39\00:12:57.51
I believed in God but I
didn't know Him personally,
00:12:57.54\00:13:01.62
I didn't have the relationship.
00:13:01.65\00:13:03.59
It wasn't until years later
after I had gotten married,
00:13:03.62\00:13:07.34
as I said my
childhood was awful.
00:13:07.37\00:13:11.89
We had a very abusive dad to
the point where he would beat
00:13:11.92\00:13:16.78
my mom to the point where
they had to admit her to a
00:13:16.81\00:13:19.52
hospital in another state and
say she was in a car accident.
00:13:19.55\00:13:21.79
He was extremely emotionally
abusive sexually, physically and
00:13:21.82\00:13:27.77
really hard part for us was
came if we tried to intervene.
00:13:27.80\00:13:33.51
My four brothers they
tried to intervene a lot,
00:13:33.54\00:13:36.26
especially as I got older and.
00:13:36.29\00:13:38.66
She would just beg them
please do not do anything
00:13:38.69\00:13:42.10
because it made it
worse, it made it worse yes.
00:13:42.13\00:13:44.75
In fact when there were
7 of us kids and my mother
00:13:44.78\00:13:50.30
was pregnant with my
little sister Susie, he did not
00:13:50.33\00:13:54.96
want us, we were so
rejected almost from day one.
00:13:54.99\00:13:57.44
Just did not want to have us
kids, he was embarrassed at 8
00:13:57.47\00:13:59.94
kids and didn't
hesitate to say you wanted these
00:13:59.97\00:14:03.22
8 kids, not me.
00:14:03.25\00:14:04.86
Especially for the boys,
never affirmed none of that,
00:14:04.89\00:14:09.42
us girls either we
never got the nurturing,
00:14:09.45\00:14:11.96
the love, any of that.
00:14:11.99\00:14:13.20
Anyway when mom was
pregnant with Susie, my youngest
00:14:13.23\00:14:16.68
sister, he actually one day
just wound up and kicked her
00:14:16.71\00:14:20.22
as hard as he could in the
stomach, literally trying to
00:14:20.25\00:14:22.39
kill the baby.
00:14:22.42\00:14:24.69
She was like, stop it you
are going to hurt it, and he
00:14:24.72\00:14:27.85
was like what do you
think I am trying to do?
00:14:27.88\00:14:29.67
It was just such a sad
ordeal because he was literally
00:14:29.70\00:14:35.81
schizophrenic and it
was very much a love-hate
00:14:35.84\00:14:38.99
relationship, you never
knew who was going to walk
00:14:39.02\00:14:41.00
in the door that day.
00:14:41.03\00:14:42.06
What's he going to be dad
who could be normal or was it
00:14:42.09\00:14:44.91
going to be this evil monster
that was going to destroy
00:14:44.94\00:14:47.44
the house and beat your mom.
00:14:47.47\00:14:50.88
He made you guys watch
the beating so it was not just
00:14:50.91\00:14:54.74
that he beat her, he
paraded you guys right in.
00:14:54.77\00:14:57.59
He would make us watch,
wake us up at two o'clock the
00:14:57.62\00:15:01.06
morning and he would beat
her and make us clean the house.
00:15:01.09\00:15:05.20
It is what we are
talking about on this program,
00:15:05.23\00:15:07.08
we were talking about
father wounds, is that all of
00:15:07.11\00:15:09.65
a sudden being enabled to
say, when somebody said that
00:15:09.68\00:15:12.31
God is my father; for a
lot of people around the world,
00:15:12.34\00:15:16.22
that is just frightening,
it's frightening it's like
00:15:16.25\00:15:19.24
what do you mean,
because God can't be my father,
00:15:19.27\00:15:21.20
you don't know my father.
00:15:21.23\00:15:22.33
I really even believe that
some people that listened to
00:15:22.36\00:15:25.10
that I've had a dysfunctional
childhood sometimes that is
00:15:25.13\00:15:28.25
said so lightly, they
don't know what it feels like to
00:15:28.29\00:15:31.38
be a child and yanked out
of bed to watch your father
00:15:31.41\00:15:33.77
beat your mother.
00:15:33.80\00:15:34.98
What you are saying is
that you had nothing normal.
00:15:35.01\00:15:38.06
You know we had nothing
normal, there was zero normalcy.
00:15:38.09\00:15:42.94
I grew up not having the
nurturing, not having the love,
00:15:42.97\00:15:47.73
not having any affirmation
from your dad at all.
00:15:47.76\00:15:50.51
You grow up and as a girl
you are looking for that and
00:15:50.54\00:15:55.01
you yearn in for that and
go looking for it in the wrong
00:15:55.04\00:15:57.37
places that are not healthy.
00:15:57.40\00:15:58.65
You are not where God
would have you be, you are not
00:15:58.68\00:16:00.91
looking for a healthy
mate, you aren't looking to be
00:16:00.94\00:16:04.98
just loved, held.
00:16:05.01\00:16:06.38
To be rescued in taking
care of which is not healthy.
00:16:06.41\00:16:09.84
You are not looking to be
a partner, someone needs to
00:16:09.87\00:16:12.95
rescue me - yeah please save me.
00:16:12.98\00:16:15.78
We were just in survivor
mode for ever, you know it was
00:16:15.81\00:16:18.38
just survive from day to day.
00:16:18.41\00:16:19.47
So my first marriage, I married
someone very much like my dad.
00:16:19.50\00:16:23.69
I swore I will never marry
anyone like my dad and would
00:16:23.72\00:16:28.86
ask my mom why
would you ever marry him?
00:16:28.89\00:16:31.02
She was he wasn't like
that when we married and I just
00:16:31.05\00:16:33.49
judged her it for so long.
00:16:33.52\00:16:35.31
Well I grew up and of
course I married a guy very much
00:16:35.34\00:16:39.80
like my dad is far as adultery
and affairs and all that.
00:16:39.83\00:16:43.38
I turned him into my
God, I did know who God was
00:16:43.41\00:16:47.67
and he became my all.
00:16:47.70\00:16:49.00
I was very codependent,
and he went out and found other
00:16:49.03\00:16:52.91
goddesses and it was like ah!
00:16:52.94\00:16:55.02
My mom had sent me the
footprints prayer, I had never
00:16:55.05\00:17:01.08
heard that before
I had never read it.
00:17:01.11\00:17:02.53
For people who have never read
it, not that you have to recite
00:17:02.56\00:17:07.85
it but what does
it say basically?
00:17:07.88\00:17:09.41
Basically you are walking
along the beach in the sand
00:17:09.44\00:17:13.42
and there is two sets
of footprints going along.
00:17:13.45\00:17:17.04
During the hardest parts
of the person's life, it is
00:17:17.07\00:17:22.50
basically conversation with God
and the person and He's saying
00:17:22.53\00:17:25.85
there's two sets of
footprints and we go along and
00:17:25.88\00:17:29.45
during the roughest times
of my life there is one set.
00:17:29.48\00:17:32.12
Kind of like where were you?
00:17:32.15\00:17:33.51
And God says that's where I
carried you, and I read that.
00:17:33.54\00:17:38.36
Something just clicked
in me and I was just done.
00:17:38.39\00:17:43.29
I was at work and I got up
and shut my office door and
00:17:43.32\00:17:47.63
got on my knees and just
said I give, you have to carry
00:17:47.66\00:17:50.88
me, I'm done I
can't do this anymore.
00:17:50.91\00:17:54.09
If you're there and you
are real, it wasn't some
00:17:54.12\00:17:56.70
scripted prayer, it
just was my hearts cry.
00:17:56.73\00:18:01.75
I just said you have
to carry me I am so done,
00:18:01.78\00:18:04.71
I have messed this
up so bad, help me.
00:18:04.74\00:18:07.28
Was He faithful -
He was extremely so.
00:18:07.31\00:18:10.73
Unfortunately we are out
of time but I would just, I
00:18:10.76\00:18:13.75
know that He was and I
know your life and I wish we
00:18:13.78\00:18:16.23
could just follow it to
find out what He did next.
00:18:16.26\00:18:18.38
But we are going to take
a little break and then come
00:18:18.41\00:18:22.03
back, but I want you to
know that those wounds are
00:18:22.06\00:18:25.28
intense, mother wounds,
father wounds, childhood wounds,
00:18:25.31\00:18:28.78
your parents sometimes
were wounded horribly and God is
00:18:28.81\00:18:32.83
saying bring those wounds to Me.
00:18:32.86\00:18:34.26
It doesn't have to be
scripted like Joleen was saying,
00:18:34.29\00:18:36.56
it wasn't scripted I don't
know what I was doing I just
00:18:36.59\00:18:38.68
got my knees and said I'm done.
00:18:38.71\00:18:40.48
And God is faithful and
what is really fun is He is
00:18:40.51\00:18:43.95
faithful and all of a sudden
one step happens in another
00:18:43.98\00:18:47.10
step happens and you start
feeling loved and healthy and
00:18:47.13\00:18:51.07
like you want to laugh out loud.
00:18:51.10\00:18:52.75
You know what I wouldn't
share with my life or trade my
00:18:52.78\00:18:55.33
life with anyone because
I am happy with who I am.
00:18:55.36\00:18:57.76
I like being in my
own skin and I like that.
00:18:57.79\00:18:59.94
We'll be right
back, stay with us!
00:18:59.97\00:19:01.35