Have you ever felt
like your problems were just
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too big, there was no way you
were going to get out of them?
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It's not true. God can
help you so come in and join us,
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you are going to be blessed.
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I am working with this
girl that said to me one time,
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you know Cheri you need
to tell people a little bit
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more when they
talk about recovery.
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I thought well what do you mean?
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She said you just need to
tell them a little bit more
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because you make it
sound like it's easy.
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If I have ever done that
I just want to apologize for
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right away because it
is not easy, it is just the
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coolest thing you could ever do.
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I ended up coming from a
lot of different places, I'm
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strung out on drugs,
angry, manipulative, I lied all
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the time and all
that kind of stuff.
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God had to walk me out
of all those kind of things,
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and none of it was easy,
but being on the other side of
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each one of them I felt
like, hey this is so cool
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because I
actually feel healthier.
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So when we talk about
recovery, we are talking about
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a process that some
days you are going to say,
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you know what I don't
become going to make it through
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this day, I'm not going to
make it through this issue,
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but God is really
faithful and know that it is
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not like a doctor.
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God can walk up and say,
just take 2 aspirin and call me
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in the morning and
you'll be totally well.
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Sometimes I wish He
would do that, and probably He
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could but none of us
would learn what we need
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to learn from that.
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So now I am going to introduce
you to a friend of mine.
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Misti was on the second season,
on a program called Girls
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Night Out, and I got e-
mails from everybody that
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just said I love her.
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I have to tell you I do too.
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So Misti wanted to say
thank you for coming back on.
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You are welcome.
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When you first came on
you talk about your journey
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as far as really being
able to surrender it to God
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through the Holy Spirit.
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So I want you to catch
us up on that, tell us a
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little bit about that
and then update us on what
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has happened since then.
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Well last year when I was
here we were talking about,
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really God had just started
the healing process with me.
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I have been in church
since I was about 4 years old.
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Really, for most of my
life, I searched for that
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relationship with God and
would hear other people talk
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about this close
relationship with Him.
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I wondered how
come I don't have that?
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Including you, I heard you
talk about that and wondered
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well I don't know Him that way.
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I'm ridiculous
because I actually have a
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crush on God,
you know what I mean.
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Well I wanted that
too and I did not have it.
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I knew doctrine, I knew
the Bible, I knew what we
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believed, all of that,
but I did not have that
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close walk with God.
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I wondered why and it was
through you, through the Holy
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Spirit, but it was you who
pointed out to me that some
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of the issues I were struggling
with, and had struggled
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with for years,
was inside of me.
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Can we just remind
them what happened?
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Yes we can, I
struggled for years.
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I married into a
family that were very wealthy.
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Three brothers and the
father, they own an oil company
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and some trucking companies.
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They really, were for
years, what I perceived never
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would accept me, I want
to say arrogant, but that
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is the way I perceived them.
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When you are damaged you
can perceive all kinds of stuff.
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Through my rejection, through
my damage, through my stuff.
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What is really interesting
for a lot of people is that
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when you start talking
about them, not in a bad way
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but just trying to
explain to me what was going on.
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What I saw was this
incredible, confident beautiful
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woman that was entrapped
by your own rejection issues.
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I wanted to shake you and
say, oh stop you have to get
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rid of that, you
have to stop that.
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Yes, yes and I was
pointing the finger at them.
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Through all these years
I am the one that has tried
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to make this relationship work.
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I have been a nice one.
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And they are just mean to me.
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Yeah really I felt like,
and at that point I felt like
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I'm just done, I was bitter.
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We do, as Christians we
think we can't feel that way.
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Okay God help me not
to feel that way, help me
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not to feel that way.
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I would come home every
time from being with them
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and say that to the Lord.
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For a time I think I
would feel a little bit better,
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but it was all still there.
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When you told me the
first time you were telling
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me that, I said, Misti
I think it is your stuff.
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The look on your
face was, all of a sudden,
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you just stopped and
you looked at me like,
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are you not hearing me?
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Is that not what I just said?
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I was thinking, did you
not, I was just in shock.
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Your words were well you know
that is inside of you don't you.
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It's all your stuff.
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No, I don't think so, but
before that night was over,
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you really convinced me
to take a look at myself.
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At least
explore the possibility.
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At least explore the
possibility, right I had no
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idea what God was
going to reveal to me.
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It wasn't even then
that I got serious with God,
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it took awhile before
I really decided I didn't
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want to deal with this anymore.
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I'm tired of
carrying this burden around.
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So I changed my
prayers, through the books that
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you gave me, the 5
on the a Holy Spirit.
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Which I wondered when
you gave me those books,
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I didn't get it, well
what does that have to
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do with what we talked about.
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So I didn't pick them up.
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There was really one
book in particular, that I was
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so frustrated and hurt
over the things that had
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happened that I
just flipped it open.
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the middle of the book,
I just flipped it open in
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and it was the chapter,
Experiencing God's Love.
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It's so spoke to me,
and it was his experience of
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asking God, is there
anything between you and I?
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Is there anything that
I need to be healed of,
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is there anything there?
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God had revealed to him
things that he didn't even
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know was there in his heart.
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Because I just have
to stop you there because
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for most of us when we
are dealing with so much pain,
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and so much anger
and all the things that
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come from being hurt.
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Even if it is just
perceived hurt, real hurt what
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ever when we are
dealing with all that.
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What is really is amazing
to me is that we are seeing
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the entire world
through this emotional garbage.
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It is like I can't even see it.
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If I keep it every time
somebody says something more,
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raises a more I am
always in this kind of Mire,
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and God is just say it
allow Me to love you and you
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can step out of that and
not continue to be injured.
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Very much so.
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And injuring other people.
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Because don't you want
to get back at them when
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they hurt you so badly?
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Yeah, by that time I
was so bitter I didn't,
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yeah I was not in any
way capable of behaving as
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what I thought was good
Christian behavior by trying
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to make everything work, I
couldn't even do that anymore.
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Call the newspaper,
frontline and THEY ARE MEAN!
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I want someone else to know it.
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Do you know what I mean
because you feel so attacked,
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I'm under attack all the time.
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I completely felt that
way, but when I did start
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praying, why do I feel
that way when I'm with them?
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Why does what they say
have such an effect on me
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and so much power over me?
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That is when He began
this deeper healing process.
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I think I told you that
night that my father was so
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abusive and this is
what everybody says,
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oh no I have forgiven them.
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I've forgiven them
and everybody says that,
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and probably to
some degree you have.
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I had obviously made
strides from hating him,
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wanting to kill him, to
were I was when I was sitting
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there talking to you that day.
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Having your
whole body cringe up.
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Yes just I felt like I
had been freed from that,
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but the damage that was
done through the abuse had
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not even begun to
be touched yet by God.
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So I'm going to ask you
something because people
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will ask me over and over.
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We have a very, kind
of, anti-psychology thing,
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that as Christians
should we just not go to God
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and let the Holy Spirit heal?
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What would you say to them?
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Well I would say that
if the wounds are there you
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have to go visit the
wounds, you have to let Jesus
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touch the wounds and heal them.
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When He walked this
earth and you went to Him and
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asked for
healing, He always healed.
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Our hearts are wounded
and cut open, we try to
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build walls and protective
measures around that wound,
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we don't really
know what is there.
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What is at the core that
wound, but it is not going
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to go away unless
you let Jesus touch it.
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It is not about going
back and revisiting suppressed
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memories or anything like that.
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So what is really, and I
love that because what is
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really interesting to me
is that I ended up coming
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into my own healing and
not realizing, I thought I'm
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a heroine addict so I
just have to stop doing heroin.
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I think that God must've
just moaned because that was
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not anywhere close to my injury.
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I was doing heroin
to avoid the injury.
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I think that God just
says I would love to heal you
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instantly, right now;
however, because of where
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you have hidden all the
pain, were you have protected
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it, is I will walk you
through however long it
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takes to walk you through.
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In saying that though I
want to say the Holy Spirit and
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God can come up and heal
was instantly if we had any
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brains, do you know what I mean?
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Honestly, as I was going
through this healing process,
00:09:28.87\00:09:31.48
it was intense, He
was showing me things that
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had deeply hurt me.
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I did not even realize
that there was still hurt there.
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That my behavior
came out of that.
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Take for instance with your mom.
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Okay but first I want to
say this, I want to say this.
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If He did not take me through,
if He had just healed me
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instantly, I would not
know Him like I know Him now.
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When these traumatic
things happen to us as children,
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we do not perceive He is there.
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We don't know it,
we build a wall between
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Him and us too,
because where was He,
00:10:02.43\00:10:06.26
we hear Him being this
loving God, but yet these bad
00:10:06.29\00:10:09.95
things are happening to us.
00:10:09.98\00:10:11.28
He has to take you
back there and show you that
00:10:11.31\00:10:14.40
I was there so that
the wall comes down and
00:10:14.43\00:10:15.87
you can trust Him.
00:10:15.90\00:10:17.29
And know that that was
not His will, it was not His
00:10:17.32\00:10:20.41
plan, were you can completely
trust Him and know Him.
00:10:20.44\00:10:23.18
It is a process that He
walked you through, but if He
00:10:23.21\00:10:27.93
just instantly healed
you and took all that baggage
00:10:27.96\00:10:30.93
away, you wouldn't know
Him like He wants to know you.
00:10:30.96\00:10:32.71
He wants you to know
that He is going to take a way
00:10:32.74\00:10:35.63
all that, and that He was
there, and that He loves you
00:10:35.66\00:10:37.71
and there is hope.
00:10:37.74\00:10:38.80
And not just instantly be gone.
00:10:38.83\00:10:40.36
I just think that is His plan.
00:10:40.39\00:10:43.03
That is a good point,
just saying that there is a
00:10:43.06\00:10:45.47
process that we
want it to be instant.
00:10:45.50\00:10:50.12
because He's so gentle,
you weep because He is so
00:10:50.15\00:10:53.63
good and He is lifting
that off a you, lifting the
00:10:53.66\00:10:56.63
baggage, changing the way
that you perceive yourself,
00:10:56.66\00:10:58.87
and perceive
others, anger all that.
00:10:58.90\00:11:01.67
So it is a process
that I while a was going
00:11:01.70\00:11:05.49
through it I would say I
don't want to go through this,
00:11:05.52\00:11:07.33
but since I'm not in that
in tense part of it anymore,
00:11:07.36\00:11:12.73
and He has taken me so far.
00:11:12.76\00:11:14.44
I am so thankful that
I did go through that.
00:11:14.47\00:11:16.00
My feeling is this, and
I still have to go back as
00:11:16.03\00:11:20.94
I think most people on
the planet have to walk that
00:11:20.97\00:11:23.42
process out, but I think
that God is capable of coming
00:11:23.45\00:11:26.97
in and healing in an instant.
00:11:27.00\00:11:28.63
If we could even do that.
00:11:28.66\00:11:30.32
I will meet somebody
that actually comes into the
00:11:30.35\00:11:34.24
building, comes into
their Christianity, sits down.
00:11:34.27\00:11:38.40
I understand forgiveness I
understand the Bible I accept
00:11:38.43\00:11:40.65
all that and sits down and
doesn't look at any of their
00:11:40.68\00:11:43.04
wounds until they
keep getting in their way.
00:11:43.07\00:11:44.92
Their anger keeps getting
in their way, their depression
00:11:44.95\00:11:47.07
what ever and
eventually they have to ask God,
00:11:47.10\00:11:49.41
What is up? Why
am I still a mess?
00:11:49.44\00:11:51.96
God then shows them
some of those hurts.
00:11:51.99\00:11:54.38
Right, and it is when you
are finally frustrated with,
00:11:54.41\00:11:56.64
How come I can't
overcome this? How come
00:11:56.67\00:11:58.92
I still feel this way?
00:11:58.95\00:11:59.98
You start searching God
out may be in a different way.
00:12:00.01\00:12:02.70
Like why am I doing this?
00:12:02.73\00:12:04.02
Just help me, which is a
good thing to pray but it
00:12:04.05\00:12:06.74
doesn't always free you.
00:12:06.77\00:12:08.89
So sanctification is what
all a lot of people call it,
00:12:08.92\00:12:11.43
that whole
sanctification process.
00:12:11.46\00:12:13.17
I will grow in Christ
and learn to trust Him.
00:12:13.20\00:12:16.25
So the first program that
we did as your understanding
00:12:16.28\00:12:23.06
of the Holy Spirit
and leaning on Him,
00:12:23.09\00:12:25.31
for and having Him abide in you.
00:12:25.34\00:12:27.60
I want to walk with His
abiding of the Holy Spirit,
00:12:27.63\00:12:29.91
Christ in me.
00:12:29.94\00:12:31.12
Well the first time that
I've really feel that God
00:12:31.15\00:12:34.15
reached in and healed me,
healed a part of me, was what
00:12:34.18\00:12:38.05
we talked on the last
show that was over my mother.
00:12:38.08\00:12:41.39
It wasn't about blaming
my mother at all, that is not
00:12:41.42\00:12:44.54
what God does, He takes the
whole thing and makes it right.
00:12:44.57\00:12:47.98
You see your mother as
what was going on with her,
00:12:48.01\00:12:50.94
or what was going on with
your father, who ever wounded
00:12:50.97\00:12:53.61
you, you can see
their wounds and so
00:12:53.64\00:12:55.91
you don't blame them.
00:12:55.94\00:12:56.97
But He showed me,
when I begin to pray this,
00:12:57.00\00:12:59.47
He showed me that my
father was being very,
00:12:59.50\00:13:01.57
very abusive with me one day.
00:13:01.60\00:13:03.17
I was probably 4 years old
and I turned to my mother to
00:13:03.20\00:13:06.73
help me, and she was laughing.
00:13:06.76\00:13:09.12
Now I don't know that she
was laughing at me, but in my
00:13:09.15\00:13:12.58
4- year-old mind
that was what I perceived.
00:13:12.61\00:13:14.81
I'm being
traumatized and it crushed me.
00:13:14.84\00:13:17.41
Jesus took me back there
and said look what happened
00:13:17.44\00:13:20.35
that day, and I
remembered this already,
00:13:20.38\00:13:23.12
it wasn't anything suppressed
or anything like that,
00:13:23.15\00:13:26.20
but I remembered it differently.
00:13:26.23\00:13:27.83
I would have told the
whole story as my father would
00:13:27.86\00:13:30.71
have told it and it would
have been, well your father
00:13:30.74\00:13:32.85
is not a very
nice person, is he?
00:13:32.88\00:13:34.00
But it was my mother that
day that did the wounding,
00:13:34.03\00:13:37.07
because she didn't mean to.
00:13:37.10\00:13:38.36
But that day it was in
my mind that my own mother
00:13:38.39\00:13:42.03
doesn't love me enough to
protect me from this kind of
00:13:42.06\00:13:44.18
abuse, I just must not
be worth, I came to believe
00:13:44.21\00:13:46.86
Satan took that and
he convinced me that
00:13:46.89\00:13:49.20
I was not worth very much.
00:13:49.23\00:13:50.49
So when I would be around
other people - but you live
00:13:50.52\00:13:54.73
that out every day- every
day, everything, I lived it.
00:13:54.76\00:13:58.31
That was so heavy that
when He showed me that,
00:13:58.34\00:14:00.23
He showed me what I
really believed about myself.
00:14:00.26\00:14:02.17
First I grieved over that
and it deep, I just cried.
00:14:02.20\00:14:06.54
I cried and cried and
then He begin to show me that
00:14:06.57\00:14:09.93
believing that about
myself affected everything that
00:14:09.96\00:14:12.94
I had done up until that day.
00:14:12.97\00:14:14.39
The way I felt around my
in-laws, the way I felt around
00:14:14.42\00:14:17.07
other people,
around even friends.
00:14:17.10\00:14:19.56
I was constantly
trying to feel like
00:14:19.59\00:14:20.90
I was worth something.
00:14:20.93\00:14:22.01
I was be in a people
pleaser, I had to have everybody
00:14:22.04\00:14:25.20
happy with me because
as someone wasn't happy
00:14:25.23\00:14:26.77
with me it would take away
the little bit of self worth
00:14:26.80\00:14:30.07
I could get from that.
00:14:30.10\00:14:31.13
It would take it away and
that was so painful that I,
00:14:31.16\00:14:33.12
it just drove me to do this.
00:14:33.15\00:14:35.94
That was huge!
00:14:35.97\00:14:37.25
Don't you want to say
because I know you know that
00:14:37.28\00:14:39.69
God is healing in those areas.
00:14:39.72\00:14:42.08
I know that you know He
loves you and that is all
00:14:42.11\00:14:45.00
healing, isn't don't you
want to look at the camera and
00:14:45.03\00:14:47.80
to say please trust Him?
00:14:47.83\00:14:49.83
You know there is a part
of me that I just want to say
00:14:49.86\00:14:51.67
please trust Him because
all those wounds, all that
00:14:51.70\00:14:55.48
injury, all that stuff God
just saying, I will promise
00:14:55.51\00:14:58.26
you, I will
come in and love you.
00:14:58.29\00:15:01.20
Because we were created to
be loved, it is who we are.
00:15:01.23\00:15:04.07
Not feeling love for my
father or my mother, which I
00:15:04.10\00:15:07.55
knew she loved me but, that
day forward I can look back now.
00:15:07.58\00:15:10.49
She passed when I was 21.
00:15:10.52\00:15:13.46
But I can look back now and
see that wall that was built
00:15:13.49\00:15:15.94
between her and I.
00:15:15.97\00:15:17.04
I would never share my
heart with her, from that day
00:15:17.07\00:15:20.32
on, from that day
forward, He showed me that.
00:15:20.35\00:15:22.45
I didn't know why, my
sister had a close relationship
00:15:22.48\00:15:24.46
with her, she would
tell her everything.
00:15:24.49\00:15:26.19
She would tell her about
who she was dating, and in my
00:15:26.22\00:15:28.22
mind I was thinking, why
would you ever tell her that?
00:15:28.25\00:15:31.09
When God showed me this it
was from that day on a wall
00:15:31.12\00:15:36.38
was built between her and I,
but also between myself and God.
00:15:36.41\00:15:40.27
So that was the
first thing He showed me.
00:15:40.30\00:15:42.53
The injury just compounds
itself day and day and day out.
00:15:42.56\00:15:47.07
Every other relationship
just makes it worse.
00:15:47.10\00:15:51.51
Yes, you feel like nothing
that is so painful that you
00:15:51.54\00:15:56.49
will try, we try everything.
00:15:56.52\00:15:58.68
We try drugs, we try
everything, we try workaholism,
00:15:58.71\00:16:02.83
what ever it is to make us
feel like we can accomplish,
00:16:02.86\00:16:05.05
we want to know we
are worth something.
00:16:05.08\00:16:07.93
When you get sent that
message, which is what Satan
00:16:07.96\00:16:12.21
wants, but when you're
sent that message then you spend
00:16:12.24\00:16:14.79
your life seeking after
ways to get some self worth.
00:16:14.82\00:16:18.77
So we're really not
even a threat to Satan
00:16:18.80\00:16:20.99
or his kingdom
because we are so busy trying
00:16:21.02\00:16:23.25
to feel okay about ourselves.
00:16:23.28\00:16:24.52
We are not going
to accomplish what God
00:16:24.55\00:16:26.23
has for us to accomplish.
00:16:26.26\00:16:27.29
And I love when the
Bible says this, Satan sets up
00:16:27.32\00:16:29.65
schemes in our lives
and then he takes off and he
00:16:29.68\00:16:32.30
doesn't even have to
mess with you anymore.
00:16:32.33\00:16:33.69
I felt so bad about myself
although I didn't know it,
00:16:33.72\00:16:36.42
I did know that in the
conscious mind until the
00:16:36.45\00:16:39.36
Holy Spirit showed me that.
00:16:39.39\00:16:40.50
But he didn't have to worry
about me, I was never going
00:16:40.53\00:16:42.52
to overcome the way people
treated me in a way that it
00:16:42.55\00:16:45.15
hurt me so I would spend my
time being wounded over that
00:16:45.18\00:16:47.98
and wondering how come people
treat me that way? I'm nice!
00:16:48.01\00:16:51.32
All these things and
we are stuck right there.
00:16:51.35\00:16:55.45
But He says I want to
take that away, let Me show you
00:16:55.48\00:16:58.41
what is the real truth.
00:16:58.44\00:16:59.47
As I watched God step
into your life through the Holy
00:16:59.50\00:17:04.49
Spirit and take some of
that away, I watch this joy that
00:17:04.52\00:17:06.31
just came up in you.
00:17:06.34\00:17:07.72
It was amazing, so
talk about that year.
00:17:07.75\00:17:11.80
He did that and I felt
literally I felt like a thousand
00:17:11.83\00:17:16.81
pounds had been
lifted off of me.
00:17:16.84\00:17:18.28
I felt like I could
breathe, the sky was bluer, the
00:17:18.31\00:17:21.29
birds sang louder, I mean I
really felt that way that my
00:17:21.32\00:17:24.02
walk with God was
better than it ever has been.
00:17:24.05\00:17:25.65
I was passionate about it,
I wanted everybody to get it.
00:17:25.68\00:17:28.10
For about a year was that
way we would even joke, I'm
00:17:28.13\00:17:31.01
healed on not taking that
on, you know you would joke.
00:17:31.04\00:17:33.23
One day I was in a car with
a friend of mine and we were
00:17:33.26\00:17:38.36
on the cell phone with her
husband, he was on speaker.
00:17:38.39\00:17:41.15
I don't remember what we
were talking about but they
00:17:41.18\00:17:44.13
knew us well, had
heard me talk about my dad.
00:17:44.16\00:17:46.27
I hadn't even recognize
I had a wound with my dad
00:17:46.30\00:17:49.92
because he was so awful
that I never felt the need
00:17:49.95\00:17:53.58
to have a daddy in my life.
00:17:53.61\00:17:55.82
I was repulsed by him for
as long as I can remember.
00:17:55.85\00:17:58.58
He really made sure that
you guys, because I talk to
00:17:58.61\00:18:02.17
you and your sister and he
would make sure that he said
00:18:02.20\00:18:04.67
and did things
that were repulsive.
00:18:04.70\00:18:06.33
Yes I hated him - around
you in front of your friends.
00:18:06.36\00:18:09.04
Absolutely, yes he was
very abusive, horribly abusive.
00:18:09.07\00:18:14.87
I really hated him and
by the time was a teenager I
00:18:14.90\00:18:17.12
despised him, hate is the word.
00:18:17.15\00:18:20.57
It was like a
demonic type were rage,
00:18:20.60\00:18:22.40
I would shake with rage.
00:18:22.43\00:18:23.93
One day we were fighting
and he was saying all these
00:18:23.96\00:18:26.10
mean things and there was
a pair scissors laying beside
00:18:26.13\00:18:28.05
me and I picked them
up and threw them as hard,
00:18:28.08\00:18:30.81
I mean I was
aiming for his heart.
00:18:30.84\00:18:31.87
There was nothing they could
have stopped be the hatred,
00:18:31.90\00:18:33.49
this rage was so
deep in me for him.
00:18:33.52\00:18:35.88
Luckily it flew right
past him and hit the wall,
00:18:35.91\00:18:38.10
but that is how deep it was.
00:18:38.13\00:18:40.26
I'd just, oh he was so
unkind and would just call you
00:18:40.29\00:18:44.79
names and just say the things
that would so provoke you.
00:18:44.82\00:18:48.37
He just knew how to
push those buttons and
00:18:48.40\00:18:51.14
I just hated him.
00:18:51.17\00:18:52.74
So for as long as I can
remember I had feelings like
00:18:52.77\00:18:57.63
that toward him, so I never
felt like I ever needed a daddy.
00:18:57.66\00:19:01.75
I would look at my girlfriends
sitting on their dads
00:19:01.78\00:19:04.26
lap and I would think, no way.
00:19:04.29\00:19:06.52
I would never I didn't want it.
00:19:06.55\00:19:08.22
I wasn't even I wish
that - wall was so thick,
00:19:08.25\00:19:11.30
he had done the damage so early
on that I did not want that.
00:19:11.33\00:19:16.23
I would never want it
I would never need it,
00:19:16.26\00:19:18.18
I would never need a
man, I would never be,
00:19:18.21\00:19:20.14
not controlled but
would never be dependent,
00:19:20.17\00:19:23.77
especially emotionally.
00:19:23.80\00:19:25.60
I would never be
dependent on a man and that
00:19:25.63\00:19:28.57
is just the way I was.
00:19:28.60\00:19:29.70
We were driving in the
car and people knew how I felt
00:19:29.73\00:19:33.06
about my dad, although I
felt like I had forgiven him
00:19:33.09\00:19:35.43
so I didn't talk about
a way that I hated him.
00:19:35.46\00:19:37.17
I still didn't have nice
things didn't come out of
00:19:37.20\00:19:40.70
my mouth about my dad.
00:19:40.73\00:19:41.89
So he says to me on the
phone, you know you and your
00:19:41.92\00:19:46.20
sister are going to
have to deal with your dad?
00:19:46.23\00:19:48.34
And this is a year after
feeling I'm so free, I'm so
00:19:48.37\00:19:51.33
great, God's so
good and it just hit me.
00:19:51.36\00:19:54.17
It was like something that hit.
00:19:54.20\00:19:56.49
We were going on a business
trip and ended up going to
00:19:56.52\00:20:01.19
dinner the next night.
00:20:01.22\00:20:02.71
I knew something was
hitting me, I knew that.
00:20:02.74\00:20:05.69
So we went to dinner and
we ordered our food and we
00:20:05.72\00:20:11.04
were sitting there
and I just began to cry.
00:20:11.07\00:20:13.11
I cried for like an hour,
the waiter sat down beside
00:20:13.14\00:20:18.38
me and put his arm round
me and said are you okay?
00:20:18.41\00:20:20.32
But it was coming out,
some of it, this was the
00:20:20.35\00:20:23.58
beginning of what
God was starting to do.
00:20:23.61\00:20:25.77
That day I was
grieving over not having anybody
00:20:25.80\00:20:30.12
that ever loved me.
00:20:30.15\00:20:31.59
My grandmother's love was
conditional, everything was
00:20:31.62\00:20:34.62
so conditional
that I never grieved.
00:20:34.65\00:20:36.09
Sorry, I never
grieved not having a family.
00:20:36.12\00:20:40.17
That was just the beginning
so that comes out and He
00:20:40.20\00:20:44.68
has just lifted that of
a you, but He has more that
00:20:44.71\00:20:47.57
He wanted to do.
00:20:47.60\00:20:48.63
Because what is really
interesting is your asking for
00:20:48.66\00:20:51.94
help, you're asking
for healing - I was.
00:20:51.97\00:20:53.77
So God is saying, I'll
give it to you and let you just
00:20:53.80\00:20:56.65
relax and celebrate and
then I'll show you the rest
00:20:56.68\00:20:59.07
of it, but I had been so
freed from the first one that
00:20:59.10\00:21:01.91
I wanted complete freedom.
00:21:01.94\00:21:03.23
He began to show
me there was more.
00:21:03.26\00:21:04.85
I was on a path and not
stopping, even though it is like
00:21:04.88\00:21:08.56
heart surgery that He
lances it open and He takes it
00:21:08.59\00:21:14.40
away but I
wanted complete freedom.
00:21:14.43\00:21:16.55
He did lots of healing
over the next few months.
00:21:16.58\00:21:20.76
I really think He was
getting me down to the father
00:21:20.79\00:21:24.05
wound, because we so desperately
need our fathers blessing.
00:21:24.08\00:21:28.69
And we don't have that
father, I can reject I can do
00:21:28.72\00:21:33.66
whatever but God says you were
created to be loved by a father.
00:21:33.69\00:21:37.26
Yes and little girls they
are created to dance in front
00:21:37.29\00:21:42.42
of their daddies, and
have them delight in them,
00:21:42.45\00:21:46.40
and be proud of them.
00:21:46.43\00:21:47.53
God himself would have
stood before me and said you are
00:21:47.56\00:21:51.36
my daughter, I love
you and I am proud of you.
00:21:51.39\00:21:52.94
I could have never received it
until He started in on the other
00:21:52.97\00:21:59.19
healing, He had to take
all those other walls down
00:21:59.22\00:22:01.38
before I could receive that.
00:22:01.41\00:22:02.80
One day I was praying, I
knew that there was something
00:22:02.83\00:22:06.98
there that I needed to ask
the Lord what this was about.
00:22:07.01\00:22:09.51
He shows me, literally
were the Holy Spirit talks to
00:22:09.54\00:22:14.52
you, He shows me that it
was a bedroom I had when I was
00:22:14.55\00:22:19.48
a teenager, and I would
come home from school and go
00:22:19.51\00:22:22.25
straight to my room and
shut the door because I didn't
00:22:22.28\00:22:23.85
want to deal with what
was going on at the house.
00:22:23.88\00:22:25.90
I did want to do with my mom and
dads fighting or him screaming
00:22:25.93\00:22:29.31
or any of that.
00:22:29.34\00:22:30.37
So I would go home and
shut the door and He showed
00:22:30.40\00:22:33.46
me this day I was in
this room and on the phone,
00:22:33.49\00:22:36.94
I had my own phone.
00:22:36.97\00:22:38.00
Always had lots of
friends that's how I escaped.
00:22:38.03\00:22:39.34
I guess he had called for
me and I didn't respond to him.
00:22:39.37\00:22:44.58
I don't know if I didn't
hear it or what, but he comes
00:22:44.61\00:22:46.53
bursting through the
door, he is cursing me
00:22:46.56\00:22:48.72
and calling me names.
00:22:48.75\00:22:49.83
He yanks the phone out
of a wall, and of course as
00:22:49.86\00:22:52.79
a teenager you are embarrassed,
your friends have just
00:22:52.82\00:22:54.53
heard your father
screaming and calling you names.
00:22:54.56\00:22:57.22
He picks me up, I'm on the
edge of the bed, he picks me
00:22:57.25\00:23:00.16
up shaking me, I had remembered
this already, but that
00:23:00.19\00:23:03.67
day I'm praying with God
and He took me back there.
00:23:03.70\00:23:06.21
He is just shaking me, and
my husband was praying with
00:23:06.24\00:23:10.82
me at this time because I
knew there was something there.
00:23:10.85\00:23:13.20
He was kind of facilitating
that can be just between you
00:23:13.23\00:23:17.85
and God but he can
pray with me that day.
00:23:17.88\00:23:19.92
I was just being shaken
and I thought that I could
00:23:19.95\00:23:25.97
feel all that anger and
hurt that my dad had done.
00:23:26.00\00:23:28.24
You are right back there -
right back there, yes right
00:23:28.27\00:23:31.00
back there and so I was,
okay God what's going on,
00:23:31.03\00:23:35.57
where were You?
00:23:35.60\00:23:36.63
Because the way God
took me through this healing
00:23:36.66\00:23:39.06
process, I could always
say, He would take me back to
00:23:39.09\00:23:41.24
that spot, and I
would say, where were you?
00:23:41.27\00:23:42.68
And I could see Him, He
would show me what He was doing,
00:23:42.71\00:23:45.66
He totally brings down
the walls between you and Him.
00:23:45.69\00:23:47.94
You know how He feels
about you and He was there.
00:23:47.97\00:23:50.10
So I kept saying,
where are you, where are you?
00:23:50.13\00:23:52.23
And literally I could
see, and when I say I can
00:23:52.26\00:23:55.17
see Jesus I still couldn't
tell you what He looked like,
00:23:55.20\00:23:57.44
but He was there.
00:23:57.47\00:23:58.64
But He was sitting
in chair in my room and
00:23:58.67\00:24:01.01
He's not doing anything.
00:24:01.04\00:24:02.84
I thought, why are
You not helping me?
00:24:02.87\00:24:04.52
I'm like over here asking
for help and then I knew I
00:24:04.55\00:24:09.07
had done something that I
am in control of and not Him.
00:24:09.10\00:24:12.03
So I said okay
God what have I done?
00:24:12.06\00:24:14.17
You know what is
between You and I?
00:24:14.20\00:24:16.55
This is through a process
of learning to pray this way.
00:24:16.58\00:24:18.98
He showed me, immediately
He told me well you made vow,
00:24:19.01\00:24:23.59
and I did, I made a vow
that day that no one is going to
00:24:23.62\00:24:27.79
treat me that way.
00:24:27.82\00:24:28.85
No man is ever is going to
have power over me that way.
00:24:28.88\00:24:31.43
Now I have made my self
God there and I am in charge
00:24:31.46\00:24:34.78
of that and not Him.
00:24:34.81\00:24:35.85
And I repented of that and
said okay God I do not want
00:24:35.88\00:24:38.91
to be in charge because I
have made a mess out of that.
00:24:38.94\00:24:40.81
I want you to be
in charge of that.
00:24:40.84\00:24:42.74
That is like a child
saying you know I'm not going to
00:24:42.77\00:24:45.28
trust anybody ever again,
so any of those kind of things
00:24:45.31\00:24:47.79
is nobody is ever
get close to me again.
00:24:47.82\00:24:50.59
And I didn't, I would
have never known that literally
00:24:50.62\00:24:53.92
puts you as God of
your own life in that area.
00:24:53.95\00:24:56.84
Now you are in control of
it, we'll always mess it up.
00:24:56.87\00:24:59.68
When we are in
control of that - exactly!
00:24:59.71\00:25:01.24
When we are trying to protect
ourselves, we'll mess it up.
00:25:01.27\00:25:04.29
So when I repented of that
literally, and this is where
00:25:04.32\00:25:08.36
the Holy Spirit talks to you.
00:25:08.39\00:25:09.97
I could literally see Jesus
stood up and it was my dad,
00:25:10.00\00:25:13.59
he was shaking me literally
like he became the evil
00:25:13.62\00:25:15.96
being, which my father
probably have demonic spirits,
00:25:15.99\00:25:18.96
for sure.
00:25:18.99\00:25:20.02
And he just shrunk away.
00:25:20.05\00:25:22.10
And I looked at Cole and
I the word nobody came to my
00:25:22.13\00:25:25.72
mind, and I said nobody,
not that he was a nobody in
00:25:25.75\00:25:28.48
God's sight, but God spoke to
me, the Holy Spirit said to me,
00:25:28.51\00:25:32.03
in the scheme of life
your father let evil control
00:25:32.06\00:25:35.22
him his entire life.
00:25:35.25\00:25:36.69
In the scheme of eternity
he is a no one, not that God
00:25:36.72\00:25:40.67
isn't sad about that.
00:25:40.70\00:25:42.44
Immediately He took me
to another scene where my
00:25:42.47\00:25:46.24
grandmother, which my
dad was an only child,
00:25:46.27\00:25:48.12
and he did no wrong in her eyes.
00:25:48.15\00:25:49.89
Never did he do any wrong
and she came out of surgery
00:25:49.92\00:25:53.27
one day, and my sister and I
have been taking care of her.
00:25:53.30\00:25:54.98
We had been the ones
that constantly try to get my
00:25:55.01\00:25:57.96
grandmothers love too,
and she came out of surgery
00:25:57.99\00:26:00.17
and she opened her eyes
and she didn't say a word,
00:26:00.20\00:26:03.05
literally before she died, to me
00:26:03.08\00:26:04.70
my brother, Larry Sherry's
husband was standing there
00:26:04.73\00:26:07.43
also, she didn't say a
word, she didn't acknowledge,
00:26:07.46\00:26:09.24
and my dad walked up, in
my eyes this evil person,
00:26:09.27\00:26:13.03
and she said now
there's somebody.
00:26:13.06\00:26:15.53
So God took me to that place
and showed me that you felt
00:26:15.56\00:26:18.75
like nobody, but I am the
God of the universe and I just
00:26:18.78\00:26:21.85
stood up to defend you
and to send that away, and to
00:26:21.88\00:26:27.10
tell you that you are
worth something to Me.
00:26:27.13\00:26:28.63
That was huge, I wept
and wept and wept and wept.
00:26:28.66\00:26:32.09
I felt like that's where
God was giving me, wanting to
00:26:32.12\00:26:34.78
get me down to deal with my dad.
00:26:34.81\00:26:36.15
But there was one more, I
was still on a slippery slope.
00:26:36.18\00:26:39.24
You were at our house in
February, you knew I was on a
00:26:39.27\00:26:42.16
slippery slope and I could
sink into a depression easily.
00:26:42.19\00:26:45.44
I didn't know why, I
didn't understand why.
00:26:45.47\00:26:47.33
I know that the healing
process goes on for ever, but I
00:26:47.36\00:26:51.86
believe that God was getting
me to this next step with
00:26:51.89\00:26:55.03
all the healing
that He had done.
00:26:55.06\00:26:56.14
I knew that something was
not right and so I was asking
00:26:56.17\00:27:00.62
God what else is it Lord?
00:27:00.65\00:27:01.96
Lord I want to
be free from this.
00:27:01.99\00:27:03.70
He took me back to the
same bedroom, I thought why am
00:27:03.73\00:27:06.22
I back here, what did we
not take care of when we were
00:27:06.25\00:27:09.53
there before in January?
00:27:09.56\00:27:11.04
This time there is no
furniture in the room and I can
00:27:11.07\00:27:15.48
literally see, what I
perceive to be Satan stomping
00:27:15.51\00:27:19.68
on me and just
walking all over me.
00:27:19.71\00:27:21.59
I knew that God was showing
me that emotionally my dad's
00:27:21.62\00:27:25.24
abuse, I was dead
because of the abuse.
00:27:25.27\00:27:27.55
The emotional part of me
was killed a long time ago by
00:27:27.58\00:27:30.94
my dad - you
felt that - I felt it.
00:27:30.97\00:27:32.45
When you are feeling that
again, all of that heaviness,
00:27:32.48\00:27:35.60
all the things he had done to
you, I felt the weight of that.
00:27:35.63\00:27:41.18
I can dress it up, I
can walk it out, I can work,
00:27:41.21\00:27:43.72
I can do what ever
but I feel dead inside.
00:27:43.75\00:27:46.25
Everybody pleased with me, I
would try to over accomplish.
00:27:46.28\00:27:49.20
What ever it is that
you try to do to feel better
00:27:49.23\00:27:51.24
He was showing me I was dead.
00:27:51.27\00:27:52.53
It is so painful when He is
showing you that, I'm crying
00:27:52.56\00:27:56.31
I do not want to feel this
anymore, where were you God?
00:27:56.34\00:27:59.67
I want this to be turned
around where you tell me the
00:27:59.70\00:28:02.00
truth about myself and
so I asked where were You?
00:28:02.03\00:28:05.21
He's not there and all
the healing processes before,
00:28:05.24\00:28:08.39
He was there, Jesus
was there to show me
00:28:08.42\00:28:11.93
what really went on.
00:28:11.96\00:28:12.99
To set right the things
that were wrong by the abuse of
00:28:13.02\00:28:16.21
the things you believed.
00:28:16.24\00:28:17.38
He doesn't come and I'm
feeling that pain, I'm literally
00:28:17.41\00:28:22.13
feeling desperate because
I can't fight Satan, he has
00:28:22.16\00:28:25.31
already shown he
has flattened me.
00:28:25.34\00:28:27.25
So I get so desperate
that I finally say okay,
00:28:27.28\00:28:31.14
Where is the Father?
00:28:31.17\00:28:32.55
I would have never said
that, because of my damage
00:28:32.58\00:28:35.87
of my dad, and
immediately it made me cry.
00:28:35.90\00:28:39.23
Immediately, I knew it
was the Father, I can't see
00:28:39.26\00:28:44.15
Him but I knew it was Him.
00:28:44.18\00:28:45.25
I mean I can't see what He
looks like, He walks in the
00:28:45.28\00:28:47.56
room and
immediately Satan is gone.
00:28:47.59\00:28:49.50
And I'm laying, and
it's not I'm laying there,
00:28:49.53\00:28:52.57
but I knew that my emotions
were dead on the floor in
00:28:52.60\00:28:55.51
front of the Father, and I
realized He is going to raise
00:28:55.54\00:29:00.19
me from the dead like He
did Jesus - and He loves you.
00:29:00.22\00:29:03.27
I had just started doing
Exalting His Word, reciting the
00:29:03.30\00:29:08.03
Scriptures - I had left
it at your house - you did.
00:29:08.06\00:29:10.12
And I didn't give
it back, I kept it.
00:29:10.15\00:29:13.42
I have just started this
one that week, it didn't even
00:29:13.45\00:29:16.65
register to me really,
anything that week I just wanted
00:29:16.68\00:29:18.69
to speak the
Scriptures over my life.
00:29:18.72\00:29:20.02
I maybe Shelly Quinn
will be glad to hear this,
00:29:20.05\00:29:22.84
but the one that talks
about, there is a scripture
00:29:22.87\00:29:27.84
there that talks about,
it literally says arise from
00:29:27.87\00:29:31.18
the depression and prostration
that you have been in,
00:29:31.21\00:29:35.41
your light has come.
00:29:35.44\00:29:36.55
And while I'm, I can see
the Father standing there,
00:29:36.58\00:29:40.23
He told me get that book,
and I hadn't even remembered
00:29:40.26\00:29:45.14
that that is what I had
said over my life that week.
00:29:45.17\00:29:47.18
But I flipped it open to
the one I knew He wanted me to
00:29:47.21\00:29:49.56
go to, I knew He confirmed
that He is getting ready to
00:29:49.59\00:29:52.54
resurrect me, and He
does, He calls me from my
00:29:52.57\00:29:55.91
emotional, He calls me forward.
00:29:55.94\00:29:59.08
The next thing I see is
that I am taking a walk with
00:29:59.11\00:30:03.54
Him, and I am a little girl, and
have got on this frilly dress.
00:30:03.57\00:30:06.40
I dressed up and He is just
speaking these words into my
00:30:06.43\00:30:10.04
heart that I could have
never received had He not done
00:30:10.07\00:30:12.46
all the other work before that.
00:30:12.49\00:30:14.17
He says I love you
- he says I love you,
00:30:14.20\00:30:17.15
you are mine, I
am so proud of you,
00:30:17.18\00:30:18.70
like I'm His only
daughter in the world.
00:30:18.73\00:30:20.86
You are lovely to me - and
it is like being, like what
00:30:20.89\00:30:24.71
you are saying is that I'm
so wounded by my father that
00:30:24.74\00:30:28.65
I don't even know that my
heart cries, longs for a father.
00:30:28.68\00:30:32.00
If you ask me I would say
absolutely not, and God is
00:30:32.03\00:30:35.93
saying, Oh baby
you need a daddy,
00:30:35.96\00:30:39.36
And it is okay -
you will be okay.
00:30:39.39\00:30:42.45
So I knew that is what
He had been getting me to,
00:30:42.48\00:30:45.44
It was being able to
receive the Father's blessing
00:30:45.47\00:30:48.40
It is so important, we
don't realize it but we are
00:30:48.43\00:30:52.71
meant, especially as little
girls we are meant to be adored
00:30:52.74\00:30:55.05
by our daddies, to be
loved unconditionally,
00:30:55.09\00:30:58.00
and we don't get that so often.
00:30:58.03\00:30:59.58
Because of our own damage
and the generations before us
00:30:59.61\00:31:02.98
that are
damaged. - Their damage.
00:31:03.01\00:31:04.08
Is just Satan one of his schemes
to keep us from being free.
00:31:04.11\00:31:08.35
What is really amazing
to me, is like watching your
00:31:08.38\00:31:11.90
healing and being apart
my own healing, watching the
00:31:11.93\00:31:14.48
people around me, is that
God says that literally we are
00:31:14.51\00:31:18.15
so damaged that you can
look at us on the outside
00:31:18.18\00:31:21.56
and we look fine.
00:31:21.59\00:31:22.62
But we are so damaged
that it is more miraculous to
00:31:22.65\00:31:25.44
bring us from a damaged
emotional state, to standing up
00:31:25.47\00:31:28.59
as men and women of Christ,
than it is to part the Red Sea.
00:31:28.62\00:31:31.53
And we're like ooing and
awing about the parting of
00:31:31.56\00:31:33.97
the Red Sea and God says
oh that was nothing compared
00:31:34.00\00:31:38.35
to actually raising you
guys up and having you walk
00:31:38.38\00:31:41.71
away from all that
damage and trust Me to
00:31:41.74\00:31:43.94
bring healing into your life.
00:31:43.97\00:31:45.20
It's not just a
Band-Aid, healing.
00:31:45.23\00:31:47.27
Healing to where today
when I realized I was going to
00:31:47.30\00:31:50.27
get more time to talk,
He has healed it so much it
00:31:50.30\00:31:52.95
doesn't even feel
like I was that abused.
00:31:52.98\00:31:56.26
I have to go back and try
to recall some of that because
00:31:56.29\00:32:00.23
He has so removed it from
my life that it is not even an
00:32:00.26\00:32:04.22
issue anymore, it's
full of joy and peace,
00:32:04.25\00:32:07.12
it's love and
happiness that He plans for us.
00:32:07.15\00:32:09.39
So let me further step into
that so that you can respond
00:32:09.42\00:32:12.53
to this comment is that
there was a point where all the
00:32:12.56\00:32:15.63
sudden I'm starting to
remember some of the good stuff
00:32:15.66\00:32:19.63
about my childhood
because the wounding is lifted.
00:32:19.66\00:32:22.00
Before I had said to my
husband, before this I don't
00:32:22.03\00:32:26.30
have one good
memory of my dad, not one.
00:32:26.33\00:32:28.36
And there's not a lot but I
can actually see some of the
00:32:28.39\00:32:32.42
ones that there were, whereas
before I could never see it.
00:32:32.45\00:32:35.38
And that is God's hope for
us, can you go back and just
00:32:35.41\00:32:38.88
redeem what was right
and heal from what was wrong.
00:32:38.91\00:32:43.51
And it is complete
healing, it is not halfway, I
00:32:43.54\00:32:47.68
still have to deal
with it, it is done.
00:32:47.71\00:32:49.22
When He does it is done.
00:32:49.25\00:32:51.17
That is absolutely
amazing - it's the most
00:32:51.20\00:32:54.50
wonderful thing ever.
00:32:54.53\00:32:55.95
So when I started out when
I talked about my friends and
00:32:55.98\00:32:58.64
saying you have to tell
them that it is not so easy,
00:32:58.67\00:33:01.39
you would agree? - I would
agree, there were times even
00:33:01.42\00:33:05.52
when you were there in
February, you could tell my
00:33:05.55\00:33:07.12
faith was stretched
further then I, but I think,
00:33:07.15\00:33:11.24
I don't know for sure because
I'm not an expert in this
00:33:11.27\00:33:14.23
is just my testimony, but
I think because I was seeking
00:33:14.26\00:33:17.08
so hard it was coming so fast.
00:33:17.11\00:33:19.46
It is like a heart surgery
that gets messed up that mine
00:33:19.49\00:33:23.59
was coming so fast that I wasn't
recovering in between each one
00:33:23.62\00:33:27.30
and having that rehabilitation
time because I kept seeking
00:33:27.33\00:33:30.31
Lord, I wanted to be
free, I want to be free
00:33:30.34\00:33:32.67
He was granting me that, He
was lifting these things off
00:33:32.70\00:33:35.24
of me very quickly and
it's stretched my faith further.
00:33:35.27\00:33:38.10
At times you wondered is
this even from God, it is so
00:33:38.13\00:33:40.92
painful, am I crazy, is
He really speaking these
00:33:40.95\00:33:45.49
things into my life.
00:33:45.52\00:33:46.55
Then you go back and see
all the things that have been
00:33:46.58\00:33:48.25
lifted off, yes it's
really, I mean it's all these
00:33:48.28\00:33:51.12
things that run
through your mind.
00:33:51.15\00:33:52.18
It doesn't have to go
that fast but I wanted free, I
00:33:52.21\00:33:55.83
didn't want to spend a lifetime
dealing with anger that I had
00:33:55.86\00:33:59.86
and all these things that I
had so long to be freed from.
00:33:59.89\00:34:02.93
I wanted free I didn't
want to be 20 years from now.
00:34:02.96\00:34:05.83
So would you till
somebody it is worth the fight?
00:34:05.86\00:34:08.99
Absolutely, absolutely!
00:34:09.02\00:34:11.20
When somebody says to me,
I just have to say this is
00:34:11.23\00:34:14.52
hard, but I'm thinking the
other side of that, freedom
00:34:14.55\00:34:19.00
and the health and the spiritual
connection with God is huge.
00:34:19.03\00:34:22.24
This stuff is going to
take you down, it is going to
00:34:22.27\00:34:25.93
kill you, you may look great
you may be able to walk it out,
00:34:25.96\00:34:29.15
but it will kill you,
you have to surrender it.
00:34:29.18\00:34:30.53
We are great to go ahead
and take a break but I wanted
00:34:30.56\00:34:33.85
to say, for one Misti I love you
and thank you for coming back on
00:34:33.88\00:34:37.19
I'm going to introduce
people to the other folks at the
00:34:37.22\00:34:40.64
Café and I want you to
think about surrender to God,
00:34:40.67\00:34:45.07
asking for the Holy
Spirit, and saying to God,
00:34:45.10\00:34:47.59
am I stuck anywhere?
00:34:47.62\00:34:50.46
Can you fill me up, can
you walk me out of this because
00:34:50.49\00:34:52.95
I am so done, I'm
done and I want to be well.
00:34:52.98\00:34:56.76
I want to laugh out
loud, I want to stand in the
00:34:56.79\00:34:58.86
presence of God and be
just grateful to be there.
00:34:58.89\00:35:02.63
I don't want to
bring this garbage with me.
00:35:02.66\00:35:04.86
We'll be right
back, stay right with us.
00:35:04.89\00:35:06.82