Pain has a way of clipping
our wings and keeping us
00:00:13.48\00:00:16.34
from being able to fly.
00:00:16.38\00:00:17.67
If left unresolved for
very long you can almost
00:00:17.71\00:00:20.31
forget that you
were made to fly at all.
00:00:20.34\00:00:22.70
You forget that you
were made to be loved.
00:00:22.73\00:00:25.01
You forget that God
created you in order to laugh
00:00:25.05\00:00:28.32
out loud and be
comfortable in your own skin and
00:00:28.35\00:00:31.58
all those kind of things.
00:00:31.62\00:00:32.68
God really wants to step
in and bring healing there.
00:00:32.72\00:00:37.33
I didn't know the
difference, I really didn't.
00:00:37.36\00:00:39.42
I don't know how
it felt to be damaged,
00:00:39.46\00:00:41.50
how it felt to be healthy.
00:00:41.54\00:00:42.63
All of a sudden as I
started to get healthy,
00:00:42.66\00:00:45.09
as I started to
allowing God to step in,
00:00:45.12\00:00:47.51
it was
unbelievable to me what He did.
00:00:47.54\00:00:49.85
The changes, and it
is two different lives.
00:00:49.89\00:00:52.63
I'm going to introduce
you to our guest today.
00:00:52.66\00:00:55.36
Christian, I just want
to say thank you so much
00:00:55.40\00:00:58.06
for being on the program.
00:00:58.09\00:00:59.17
I heard a tiny bit
about your testimony and
00:00:59.20\00:01:03.59
I can't wait for
it to unfold for us,
00:01:03.62\00:01:05.56
but do you
understand what I'm saying?
00:01:05.59\00:01:07.46
Go ahead and tell us
little bit about where
00:01:07.49\00:01:10.99
you came from and why
is it important to let
00:01:11.03\00:01:14.50
God love you into health.
00:01:14.53\00:01:15.91
Well I didn't have
any God or Christianity in
00:01:15.95\00:01:21.96
my whole childhood.
00:01:21.99\00:01:23.22
My mother was a 16 year
old when she got pregnant
00:01:23.26\00:01:26.86
with me, 17 when she
had me and my father was 19.
00:01:26.89\00:01:32.01
Two kids having a kids
and eventually had 2 more
00:01:32.05\00:01:36.54
children, so all 3 of
us had the same parents.
00:01:36.58\00:01:42.15
My father was neglectful,
he was not in our lives.
00:01:42.18\00:01:47.72
He was alcoholic.
00:01:47.76\00:01:50.35
You know I have to stop
you, because I was going to say
00:01:50.38\00:01:53.18
some people say neglectful
and that could mean anything.
00:01:53.22\00:01:55.99
So what did it
mean in your family?
00:01:56.02\00:01:57.30
He wasn't present, he
didn't want to be a daddy.
00:01:57.33\00:02:00.61
He was a kid and he
wanted to go off and explore
00:02:00.65\00:02:04.49
and do his own thing and
he was involved in drugs,
00:02:04.52\00:02:08.33
alcohol and infidelity.
00:02:08.37\00:02:10.61
My mom finally had
enough of it and divorced him.
00:02:10.64\00:02:13.67
Then for the balance of my
life, I'm 39 years old now,
00:02:13.71\00:02:18.19
he was still in
and out of our lives.
00:02:18.22\00:02:20.42
Ultimately he wound up
molesting the 3 of us boys
00:02:20.45\00:02:24.95
when he was totally high.
00:02:24.98\00:02:27.11
My mother divorced him,
she had had enough of it.
00:02:27.14\00:02:31.82
You know when you say that,
you go over that real quick,
00:02:31.85\00:02:36.51
about molesting of all 3 boys.
00:02:36.55\00:02:38.88
For boys that is, you
have to have some incredible
00:02:38.92\00:02:43.01
trauma in that, who am
I and how do I grow up.
00:02:43.05\00:02:47.11
How do I look at the world.
00:02:47.15\00:02:48.70
Right, and you know when
you are a boy and your father,
00:02:48.74\00:02:51.85
who is supposed to be
your protector, violates you,
00:02:51.89\00:02:54.96
that is one of the
deepest injuries that a
00:02:55.00\00:02:58.47
young man could ever experience.
00:02:58.51\00:03:00.26
I know it was for me and
for years I wanted to have
00:03:00.30\00:03:04.19
this sense of freedom from that.
00:03:04.22\00:03:08.92
I was held bound for
so long because of that.
00:03:08.95\00:03:11.44
Frankly, I didn't tell
anybody, I didn't tell anybody,
00:03:11.47\00:03:13.87
it was my secret.
00:03:13.90\00:03:15.02
When you have those
kind of secrets and you don't
00:03:15.05\00:03:18.20
tell anybody then you
begin to wonder did I not say
00:03:18.24\00:03:21.36
anything because
maybe that's okay?
00:03:21.39\00:03:23.49
Maybe I liked that or
you have all these wacko
00:03:23.53\00:03:27.08
questions go through your mind.
00:03:27.11\00:03:28.77
I can't even imagine, if
we could see the energy as a
00:03:28.81\00:03:32.65
substance, that the weight
that must been on you as a
00:03:32.69\00:03:36.49
child, just incredibly
weighted down in shame.
00:03:36.53\00:03:39.76
Yet all I wanted to
be was to be loved by my
00:03:39.80\00:03:43.00
father and my mother.
00:03:43.03\00:03:44.49
I knew that that was
not love, I did know that.
00:03:44.52\00:03:49.49
I knew that that
was wrong and that it
00:03:49.53\00:03:52.27
should not have happened.
00:03:52.30\00:03:53.33
When he was in and out of
our lives, it was one of those
00:03:53.36\00:03:57.61
things where literally we
be packed up sitting on the
00:03:57.64\00:04:00.72
porch waiting for him to
come and he would never show.
00:04:00.76\00:04:03.79
My mom would give us some
sort of excuse just trying
00:04:03.83\00:04:06.83
to comfort our
hearts or what have you.
00:04:06.87\00:04:08.61
Then she remarried and
then my life got really bad.
00:04:08.64\00:04:14.86
Really bad,
Cheri: worse than bad!
00:04:14.90\00:04:17.70
That yeah, that was, if
I had to say anything, that
00:04:17.73\00:04:20.44
would be on a scale of
1-10 compared to what happened,
00:04:20.47\00:04:23.15
that had to be a 4 or 5.
00:04:23.18\00:04:25.39
Cheri: That's incredible,
I don't think that people
00:04:25.42\00:04:28.41
realize, in some homes, some
children what they have gone
00:04:28.44\00:04:32.21
through to get to a place
where God can even put His
00:04:32.24\00:04:34.74
hand on them.
00:04:34.78\00:04:35.81
They have gone
through so much pain.
00:04:35.84\00:04:37.21
Well, like I said I grew
up in a non-Christian home,
00:04:37.25\00:04:40.29
with alcoholism on
my whole dad's side
00:04:40.33\00:04:42.91
Sickness and
disease on my mother's side.
00:04:42.94\00:04:45.46
Being molested by my
biological father, then going
00:04:45.49\00:04:50.42
through this time of 10
years with my stepfather.
00:04:50.46\00:04:55.36
Cheri: so what was he like?
00:04:55.39\00:04:56.42
He was not being led of
God at all, there was still
00:04:56.45\00:05:02.69
no God in my life at all.
00:05:02.72\00:05:05.14
He was physically, not
sexual or anything like that,
00:05:05.17\00:05:10.06
physically,
emotionally and mentally.
00:05:10.10\00:05:13.20
He was an expert at mentally
twisting all of our minds.
00:05:13.24\00:05:18.10
My mother was a total victim,
she was abused physically,
00:05:18.14\00:05:22.97
she was abused every way.
00:05:23.00\00:05:24.18
Emotionally,
physically, sexually, mentally.
00:05:24.21\00:05:28.16
The 3 of us boys were
like little servants, little
00:05:28.20\00:05:32.16
slaves, it was never consistent.
00:05:32.20\00:05:35.34
One thing I love about
God, is He is consistent.
00:05:35.37\00:05:38.68
I never had any consistency
in my life where I could
00:05:38.71\00:05:41.98
come home and do
my chores from school.
00:05:42.02\00:05:45.65
We were latch key kids
where you let yourself in and
00:05:45.68\00:05:47.90
you are at home,
because both my parents worked.
00:05:47.94\00:05:50.12
My step dad and my mom.
00:05:50.15\00:05:51.30
So we had many hours
where we were just kind of free
00:05:51.34\00:05:54.20
to do whatever, but as
long as our chores were done
00:05:54.24\00:05:57.07
and our homework was done.
00:05:57.10\00:05:58.13
Then you would hear the car
door close, my dad's truck door,
00:05:58.17\00:06:02.18
and literally there
would be ripples of fear that
00:06:02.21\00:06:05.45
would go through your
body because have I done
00:06:05.48\00:06:08.84
anything wrong, is
everything not kept right,
00:06:08.87\00:06:12.19
have I done
everything just right.
00:06:12.22\00:06:13.83
Even if you had you
could still be beaten that day.
00:06:13.86\00:06:17.28
And when I say
beaten I don't mean like,
00:06:17.32\00:06:19.68
bad little boy,
and you get a spanking,
00:06:19.71\00:06:22.00
I'm talking beaten to
where, well I'll spare you all
00:06:22.03\00:06:26.17
the details, but I know
what it means to be scourged.
00:06:26.20\00:06:30.31
I mean literally, I had
this whole, I'll give you a
00:06:30.34\00:06:34.42
quick idea of a mental games.
00:06:34.45\00:06:36.80
I decided that I
had had enough and
00:06:36.83\00:06:40.67
I was going to run away.
00:06:40.70\00:06:41.84
I was a suicidal kid, I
was a sad kid, a depressed kid.
00:06:41.88\00:06:44.97
We lived through this
oppression, and yet when
00:06:45.01\00:06:47.76
we were out and about
everything was supposed
00:06:47.79\00:06:50.51
to look like it was okay.
00:06:50.54\00:06:52.03
You better not say
anything or all hell would break
00:06:52.07\00:06:56.19
loose and I
believed him because I was
00:06:56.23\00:06:58.60
living in hell already.
00:06:58.63\00:07:00.22
The threats on my life,
the threats on my mother's
00:07:00.26\00:07:04.59
life or whatever, I
didn't question at all.
00:07:04.62\00:07:07.56
It was oh yeah I
could see that happening.
00:07:07.59\00:07:10.45
So I went through this one
episode to give you an idea,
00:07:10.49\00:07:14.69
where I was going
to run away and I did.
00:07:14.73\00:07:18.93
One of my punishments for
something was to stack about
00:07:18.97\00:07:22.03
7 or 8 cords of wood by
myself and I would be grounded.
00:07:22.06\00:07:25.08
That's a lot of wood
for a little kid to stack.
00:07:25.12\00:07:28.34
I didn't want to do
it so I ran away 3 doors
00:07:28.37\00:07:31.56
down to my neighbor's house.
00:07:31.59\00:07:33.16
I wasn't quite as
adventurous as I am now.
00:07:33.19\00:07:35.92
He finally found me and
my mother came and got me.
00:07:35.96\00:07:39.26
I didn't want to go
home, I was sick of the abuse,
00:07:39.29\00:07:42.55
sick of everything.
00:07:42.59\00:07:43.62
For a week and a half
he taunted me with what the
00:07:43.65\00:07:49.24
consequence was going to be.
00:07:49.27\00:07:51.62
Cheri: So the consequence
didn't come right away?
00:07:51.66\00:07:53.85
Not all the time,
sometimes it was immediate,
00:07:53.89\00:07:56.25
other times they were
delayed to where he would
00:07:56.28\00:07:58.61
mess with your head.
00:07:58.65\00:07:59.81
He would say, this is
going to be a good one.
00:07:59.84\00:08:02.71
This is unacceptable
and this is going to be,
00:08:02.75\00:08:05.59
and he kept going.
00:08:05.62\00:08:06.66
Finally, after a number
of days, he finally came
00:08:06.70\00:08:08.96
to me and said I've got
it figured out let's go.
00:08:09.00\00:08:11.87
I said, let's go,
what are you talking about?
00:08:11.91\00:08:14.74
He said, let's go!
00:08:14.78\00:08:15.82
So he got in a car and
we are driving down the road
00:08:15.85\00:08:18.04
and we get out of
this country area.
00:08:18.07\00:08:19.53
I used to live in the
Centro California Valley where
00:08:19.56\00:08:21.74
there was lots of agriculture,
lots of almond trees.
00:08:21.78\00:08:23.92
We were driving down
and he said pick a road.
00:08:23.96\00:08:27.72
I said what, and anytime
I said anything he loved to
00:08:27.76\00:08:31.16
backhand so he would backhand
me and say, pick a road.
00:08:31.20\00:08:34.09
So were driving and I
pick a road and then we were
00:08:34.12\00:08:36.98
driving along, pick an orchard.
00:08:37.02\00:08:38.50
We went through this whole
process and then we get out.
00:08:38.54\00:08:41.21
Then he said, pick a
row, and I'm thinking honestly
00:08:41.25\00:08:43.89
the guy was going to hang me.
00:08:43.93\00:08:45.45
I had no idea what
was going to happen here.
00:08:45.49\00:08:47.45
Then pick a tree, and pick
a limb, then pick a branch.
00:08:47.48\00:08:51.31
Then finally climb up
and he had me cut the limb.
00:08:51.35\00:08:54.68
This long thin thing, and
he was like oh yeah that's
00:08:54.71\00:08:57.54
a good one and is just
relishing in this thought that
00:08:57.58\00:09:00.22
he is going use this as an
instrument of torture for me.
00:09:00.26\00:09:02.87
He gets me home and I go
to bed, because it is not
00:09:02.90\00:09:07.44
time for the punishment yet.
00:09:07.48\00:09:09.04
Cheri: I can't even imagine.
00:09:09.08\00:09:10.57
Then he has me sit
down, this is a true story.
00:09:10.61\00:09:13.73
I mean this is a real, he
sits me down with a knife in
00:09:13.76\00:09:18.28
the back yard and has me
cut all the little things off.
00:09:18.31\00:09:22.79
The little buds,
the little branches,
00:09:22.83\00:09:24.62
and whittled this thing down.
00:09:24.66\00:09:26.06
And then he
doesn't do it the next day.
00:09:26.09\00:09:28.23
So finally he comes
home and today was the day
00:09:28.27\00:09:32.33
he was going to use it.
00:09:32.36\00:09:33.65
He had me strip buck
naked and he whipped me from my
00:09:33.68\00:09:38.67
hair to my heels.
00:09:38.70\00:09:40.38
It was
crisscrossed, and raised whelps.
00:09:40.42\00:09:44.67
I mean we are talking
that I have been scourged.
00:09:44.71\00:09:48.26
Cheri: when you come
again when somebody goes through
00:09:48.30\00:09:53.73
that kind of pain, that
kind of craziness it is like
00:09:53.77\00:09:59.16
what about the
anger and hatred you had?
00:09:59.20\00:10:03.06
Because that had to be
building at the same time.
00:10:03.10\00:10:05.01
Of course it had, that's
what happens is, when you are
00:10:05.05\00:10:08.38
young, young and that's
your existence you don't know
00:10:08.41\00:10:11.69
any better until you
figure out, this isn't right.
00:10:11.72\00:10:14.97
This is not normal.
00:10:15.00\00:10:16.21
I go and stayed at friends
homes and their dad would
00:10:16.24\00:10:18.52
actually hug the kids
and out was like whoa.
00:10:18.55\00:10:21.73
But you know what happened
to my mind when I see that?
00:10:21.76\00:10:23.79
I'm going is he
molesting his child.
00:10:23.83\00:10:25.71
I would, I think what do
you mean he gave his get a kiss
00:10:25.74\00:10:29.71
woe like that's too gay,
that's was kind of where I was.
00:10:29.75\00:10:33.69
I had no love from a
father and the rage really,
00:10:33.72\00:10:40.44
really built within me.
00:10:40.47\00:10:42.18
And there with my brothers
we were violent little kids.
00:10:42.22\00:10:45.02
We were into WWF wrestling
and hurting each other.
00:10:45.06\00:10:50.48
I remember
choking my middle brother,
00:10:50.51\00:10:52.70
I felt his
windpipe crush in my hands.
00:10:52.74\00:10:54.86
I was suicidal, but my
middle brother wrestled the
00:10:54.89\00:10:59.01
knife out of my
hand and then we'd fight.
00:10:59.04\00:11:01.13
It was horrible, I was
a violent kid, but on the
00:11:01.17\00:11:07.83
outside we better be this
perfect little representation
00:11:07.86\00:11:10.98
of what the standard
American family needs to be.
00:11:11.01\00:11:13.34
It was a big fat lie.
00:11:13.38\00:11:15.31
He was a big fat facade.
00:11:15.35\00:11:17.22
My neighbors, they
knew what was going on.
00:11:17.25\00:11:19.64
nobody says a thing.
00:11:19.68\00:11:22.80
Our family members knew
it was going on, but they
00:11:22.84\00:11:25.65
are telling her you
made the choice so you have
00:11:25.69\00:11:28.43
to live with it, instead
of helping and rescuing us.
00:11:28.47\00:11:32.06
I've been tied up, I
was hit so hard in the head
00:11:32.10\00:11:35.66
I had a grand-mall seizure.
00:11:35.70\00:11:37.01
I had Petite-mall
seizures in seizures after that
00:11:37.05\00:11:40.18
could only be
corrected by medication.
00:11:40.22\00:11:43.09
So we are talking
it is the real deal,
00:11:43.12\00:11:45.96
it's the real deal.
00:11:46.00\00:11:47.64
Some people have different
varying degrees of abuse.
00:11:47.67\00:11:51.31
Some of it is neglect,
some is their father didn't
00:11:51.34\00:11:54.94
spend enough time
with them or what have you.
00:11:54.98\00:11:56.37
Some is like mine and some
is even worse than mine was.
00:11:56.41\00:12:01.94
But the bottom line is any
abuse God doesn't sanction.
00:12:01.98\00:12:07.48
God doesn't want
us to stay in that.
00:12:07.52\00:12:12.11
I remember crying out
one-day and hearing my mother,
00:12:12.14\00:12:16.43
she was abused so bad and
she would always try to fight
00:12:16.46\00:12:20.39
for us and different
things but it was of no avail.
00:12:20.42\00:12:24.40
I would sit there and
just listen to them and would
00:12:24.44\00:12:28.38
cry myself to sleep every night.
00:12:28.42\00:12:30.48
I honestly thought that
there could not possibly
00:12:30.52\00:12:35.27
be a God out
there that loves me.
00:12:35.30\00:12:37.62
There could not
possibly be a God,
00:12:37.65\00:12:39.93
I had heard about God.
00:12:39.96\00:12:41.23
You live in America it's
hard not to hear about God.
00:12:41.26\00:12:44.69
I just thought to myself,
well if God would allow this,
00:12:44.72\00:12:48.11
I remember screaming and
crying out one night just
00:12:48.15\00:12:50.27
saying, if there is
a God out there than
00:12:50.30\00:12:52.91
get me out of this.
00:12:52.94\00:12:54.41
I thought You
were powerful, why?
00:12:54.45\00:12:56.58
What have I done, and
I would just sit there.
00:12:56.61\00:12:59.03
My lot would
start the next day over
00:12:59.06\00:13:01.81
and over and over again.
00:13:01.85\00:13:04.02
It was just one of those
things, I saw no way out.
00:13:04.06\00:13:09.54
I saw no way out and not
only that, I was so torn down,
00:13:09.57\00:13:14.80
beaten down that I had no value.
00:13:14.84\00:13:18.27
I had no self-esteem,
I was totally defeated.
00:13:18.30\00:13:21.69
My grades were
horrible, I had to be held
00:13:21.73\00:13:25.08
back in the fourth grade.
00:13:25.11\00:13:26.39
I just wasn't thriving
anywhere and I was a mess.
00:13:26.43\00:13:31.40
My brothers were too.
00:13:31.44\00:13:32.71
So it was one of those
situations where I just,
00:13:32.75\00:13:35.78
it was utter
despair, it was utter wait,
00:13:35.81\00:13:42.83
it was the
epitome of hopelessness.
00:13:42.86\00:13:46.56
Cheri: and not even,
I can't even imagine you
00:13:46.59\00:13:50.60
approaching your home, to
go into the home, because it
00:13:50.63\00:13:52.76
would be like I don't
even want to go in there again.
00:13:52.79\00:13:54.88
I don't want to do this again.
00:13:54.92\00:13:56.76
I wanted to stay the
night, wherever I could,
00:13:56.80\00:14:00.30
at a friends house
just to have a reprieve.
00:14:00.33\00:14:03.76
Cheri: so how does God
change a child like that?
00:14:03.79\00:14:09.70
How did you meet?
00:14:09.73\00:14:10.76
All I can say is when
God was there, because He was
00:14:10.79\00:14:17.06
there sister, He was there.
00:14:17.09\00:14:19.69
He did not make this
happen, it was choices my mother
00:14:19.73\00:14:24.60
had made and those
choices passed on to me.
00:14:24.64\00:14:28.80
They were negative choices
that lead to negative things.
00:14:28.84\00:14:32.33
So I found myself in a
situation, I look back now and
00:14:32.36\00:14:35.81
you can intellectualize
this and understand it,
00:14:35.85\00:14:38.16
but back then you don't.
00:14:38.19\00:14:39.29
Cheri: but I want
talk about it a few minutes
00:14:39.32\00:14:43.90
after you finish your
testimony that those choices
00:14:43.93\00:14:46.77
are important, every
choice we make is important.
00:14:46.81\00:14:49.65
Christian: no question,
so how did I come out of
00:14:49.69\00:14:52.50
all this? What happened?
00:14:52.53\00:14:53.66
As a sophomore in high school
00:14:53.69\00:14:55.62
I went to Child
Protective Services.
00:14:55.66\00:14:57.36
Cheri: somebody finally called?
00:14:57.40\00:14:58.90
Christian: no I went, I
just showed up at the little
00:14:58.94\00:15:02.53
office in my
high school and said -
00:15:02.57\00:15:03.82
and you know what, you
want to talk about trembling
00:15:03.85\00:15:08.77
and fear because every
one I had ever trusted had
00:15:08.81\00:15:13.05
either violated me, had
gone back on their words,
00:15:13.09\00:15:17.30
there was nobody
that I could trust.
00:15:17.33\00:15:19.37
I didn't even know if I
could trust this lady that
00:15:19.41\00:15:23.36
I was going to go and talk to.
00:15:23.40\00:15:24.93
You know if you say the
wrong thing, if they say the
00:15:24.97\00:15:27.78
wrong thing and all of a
sudden make that phone call,
00:15:27.82\00:15:30.60
I could be in
some serious trouble.
00:15:30.63\00:15:32.50
You don't want to
ever bring more trouble so
00:15:32.54\00:15:35.84
I was covertly going
around telling her what was
00:15:35.87\00:15:38.86
happening and eventually
we got to a place where
00:15:38.89\00:15:41.84
we set up this intervention.
00:15:41.88\00:15:44.99
I wanted the power, I
have been so powerless for so
00:15:45.02\00:15:49.72
long, so we set this
thing up to where I could make a
00:15:49.76\00:15:54.42
phone call and an
arrest would happen.
00:15:54.45\00:15:56.76
Everything would
be set into motion.
00:15:56.80\00:15:59.04
I set my step dad and my
mom down, and I was trembling.
00:15:59.07\00:16:03.67
I was trembling inside
but I knew that a new day was
00:16:03.71\00:16:08.36
dawning and I sat there
and said, I have been talking
00:16:08.39\00:16:13.01
to some people at school.
00:16:13.04\00:16:14.54
I will not stand for
what is happening in this home
00:16:14.58\00:16:19.56
anymore, if you and I
looked him straight in the eye.
00:16:19.59\00:16:23.04
Cheri: how brave you were
I just want to say what who!
00:16:23.07\00:16:26.48
Christian: Praise God!
Cheri: as you know that
00:16:26.51\00:16:28.64
everything in
your life said that
00:16:28.68\00:16:32.65
was going against everything.
00:16:32.69\00:16:34.64
Christian: and this is
where I believe God was with me.
00:16:34.67\00:16:40.07
I didn't kill myself, I
wasn't killed, and my brothers
00:16:40.11\00:16:45.47
weren't either and
my mother was either.
00:16:45.51\00:16:47.68
I believe God was there
protecting as much as He could
00:16:47.72\00:16:51.29
because He had been
shunned out of our lives.
00:16:51.32\00:16:54.96
Cheri: and you
needed to tell somebody.
00:16:54.99\00:16:56.02
Christian: I needed
to tell somebody and God
00:16:56.05\00:16:57.36
led me to the right person.
00:16:57.39\00:16:58.42
I believe with all my heart
God gave me the strength to
00:16:58.45\00:17:02.49
sit there and look that
accuser in the eye, to look
00:17:02.52\00:17:06.50
at that perpetrator and
say the beatings will stop.
00:17:06.53\00:17:09.77
I said if you touch one
more hair on anyone of our
00:17:09.80\00:17:14.65
heads there will be
arrests and investigations
00:17:14.68\00:17:17.61
and it is all over.
00:17:17.64\00:17:19.14
I just went inside and
within he got up and stormed
00:17:19.17\00:17:25.87
off and bolted off to
the back of the house and my
00:17:25.90\00:17:29.16
mother followed
him darting after him.
00:17:29.19\00:17:30.95
Within moments she
came back and said,
00:17:30.98\00:17:33.48
why are you doing this to us?
00:17:33.51\00:17:35.21
I mean I've spanked you
too and I would get in trouble.
00:17:35.24\00:17:37.92
I said mother with a
wooden spoon you know.
00:17:37.95\00:17:40.20
I said no, he had her
wrapped around his finger
00:17:40.23\00:17:44.70
in a moments time again.
00:17:44.73\00:17:46.41
So my mother,
praise God, woke up,
00:17:46.44\00:17:50.02
this was a wake-up call for her.
00:17:50.05\00:17:52.49
She woke up and a number
of months after that she got
00:17:52.52\00:17:56.69
all of her affairs in
order, she got that courage
00:17:56.72\00:17:58.88
that I believe God
instilled in her as well,
00:17:58.91\00:18:01.34
to where eventually we left.
00:18:01.37\00:18:04.20
Cheri: the reality is when
your children start to speak,
00:18:04.23\00:18:07.06
you have to say is my child
lying or is this the truth.
00:18:07.09\00:18:11.45
Christian: because
she was a victim herself,
00:18:11.48\00:18:13.41
she was so oppressed as well.
00:18:13.44\00:18:15.57
So what happened was, my
mother arranged for police
00:18:15.60\00:18:21.15
standing by, all
the family was coming,
00:18:21.18\00:18:23.71
we moved out in a day.
00:18:23.74\00:18:25.52
The cops were
there and we were free,
00:18:25.55\00:18:29.97
I mean we were FREE!
00:18:30.00\00:18:32.64
For the first time, I
remember walking into a home
00:18:32.67\00:18:35.22
and going like no
one is going to touch me.
00:18:35.25\00:18:40.01
I was free and with
that freedom my mother and
00:18:40.04\00:18:45.65
I just embraced it
and were excited about it.
00:18:45.68\00:18:48.54
I got involved in
theater, we moved to a
00:18:48.57\00:18:51.39
different city, I
got involved theater in
00:18:51.42\00:18:53.48
high school as a
junior and senior.
00:18:53.51\00:18:55.36
Got really addicted to
performing and being on stage.
00:18:55.39\00:19:01.62
Eventually I was winning
awards and singing up there.
00:19:01.65\00:19:05.24
I got all the lead parts
and all of those kind of things
00:19:05.27\00:19:09.73
because what happened in
my mind was I went from being
00:19:09.76\00:19:12.14
this oppressed, where I
wasn't going to buy it, to
00:19:12.17\00:19:15.37
wanting to overachieve
and become successful in
00:19:15.40\00:19:18.48
everything I did and touched.
00:19:18.51\00:19:19.54
Cheri: exactly!
00:19:19.57\00:19:20.60
My grades went up,
I got 4.0's everything
00:19:20.63\00:19:22.88
just changed in my
life just been freed.
00:19:22.91\00:19:25.57
My brothers went
the opposite direction.
00:19:25.60\00:19:28.36
They went into
drugs and alcohol and
00:19:28.39\00:19:32.64
they are still struggling today.
00:19:32.67\00:19:34.22
My youngest brother
started using at 12 years old.
00:19:34.25\00:19:37.31
Cheri: you know you
have to deal with that pain
00:19:37.34\00:19:40.25
because we were not
created for that much pain
00:19:40.28\00:19:42.73
and that much abuse.
00:19:42.76\00:19:44.68
Christian: they cloaked
it with alcohol and drugs,
00:19:44.71\00:19:47.59
and my youngest
brother smoked pot
00:19:47.62\00:19:50.03
like they were cigarettes.
00:19:50.06\00:19:51.26
Up to just 2 years ago
he has 2 years sobriety.
00:19:51.29\00:19:56.32
He is in AA and NA.
00:19:56.35\00:19:58.14
Cheri: so tell
him God bless him.
00:19:58.17\00:20:01.03
Christian: I will and I
am going to give them a tape
00:20:01.06\00:20:02.52
of this program because it
is a real thing and to this
00:20:02.55\00:20:05.11
day they're struggling
but they're having victory.
00:20:05.14\00:20:08.27
So my youngest brother is
coming to God and he has a
00:20:08.30\00:20:12.58
relationship with the Lord.
00:20:12.61\00:20:14.06
Cheri: so let me get
back to you is, so there was
00:20:14.09\00:20:16.72
this performance
when did you come to God?
00:20:16.75\00:20:17.96
Was it during that time?
00:20:17.99\00:20:19.02
No it wasn't during
that time, in fact I didn't
00:20:19.05\00:20:21.53
come to any sort of a
relationship with Christ
00:20:21.56\00:20:23.83
until my mid-twenties.
00:20:23.86\00:20:25.28
Cheri: and the reason I
have to ask, you know why have
00:20:25.31\00:20:27.49
to ask is that I think,
I've seen people come into the
00:20:27.52\00:20:29.91
recovery, do all kinds of
stuff, but coming out of the
00:20:29.94\00:20:33.48
abuse is not healing.
00:20:33.51\00:20:35.26
Christian: no it is not,
Cheri: you know what I mean?
00:20:35.29\00:20:37.32
Christian: exactly!,
Cheri: I believe God offers
00:20:37.35\00:20:39.16
healing and that is why
I'm always saying, well,
00:20:39.19\00:20:41.00
went God come in,
when did you get it?
00:20:41.03\00:20:42.66
Christian: well when I
got through with high school
00:20:42.69\00:20:46.66
and went on to junior
college, I start taking a bunch
00:20:46.69\00:20:49.57
of Ology classes in many
of the Ology classes teach you
00:20:49.60\00:20:52.45
absolutely
opposite and against God.
00:20:52.48\00:20:54.56
And so the only Cheri:
one of my Psychology classes
00:20:54.59\00:20:57.14
almost killed me
Christian: exactly!
00:20:57.17\00:20:58.44
I took child psych and
I've learned about Freud and
00:20:58.47\00:21:01.46
thought know that guy
is a freak because I lived
00:21:01.49\00:21:04.59
with a freak and I
know what freak it is.
00:21:04.62\00:21:06.18
I wound up having many,
and I left out I was abused
00:21:06.21\00:21:12.63
by a babysitter sexually
and other things happened
00:21:12.66\00:21:16.82
as well after we left my
biological father as well.
00:21:16.85\00:21:22.52
So there are lots of
other junk in there, but what
00:21:22.55\00:21:25.31
happened was, I found
that I wanted to better myself.
00:21:25.34\00:21:30.01
I wasn't going to be a victim.
00:21:30.04\00:21:31.45
I found out was actually
addicted to be in a victim.
00:21:31.48\00:21:35.26
Even though I was overachieving
and trying to do all
00:21:35.29\00:21:38.97
this kind of stuff, in
whatever I did I wanted it
00:21:39.00\00:21:41.22
to be perfect
and done just right.
00:21:41.25\00:21:42.87
It was the
sense that I wanted to
00:21:42.90\00:21:45.51
prove my step-dad wrong.
00:21:45.54\00:21:47.40
I got into martial arts
and got into competition,
00:21:47.43\00:21:50.89
my whole goal was to
go back and to literally
00:21:50.92\00:21:53.46
rip is head off and kill him.
00:21:53.49\00:21:55.06
I did not want that
person on this earth
00:21:55.09\00:21:58.97
to hurt someone else.
00:21:59.00\00:22:00.49
I started taking all
these self-help courses and
00:22:00.52\00:22:05.67
all the powers within,
and poly positive thinking
00:22:05.70\00:22:10.15
and all this kind of stuff.
00:22:10.18\00:22:11.57
I did everything I
could find, devoured books
00:22:11.60\00:22:14.49
and courses and went
to seminars and it would
00:22:14.52\00:22:17.49
work for little bit.
00:22:17.52\00:22:18.61
I was a happy well-adjusted
guy for a little bit.
00:22:18.64\00:22:22.44
Then through a
series of amazing events,
00:22:22.47\00:22:25.27
God got a hold of my life.
00:22:25.30\00:22:27.50
He got a hold of me
through a health problem.
00:22:27.53\00:22:30.00
My whole lifestyle
changed and I was now open to
00:22:30.03\00:22:36.23
the idea that there was a God.
00:22:36.26\00:22:41.61
Wasn't sold, because
I had heard of Him as
00:22:41.64\00:22:45.11
my Father in heaven.
00:22:45.14\00:22:46.63
Okay, and another father
that is probably going to
00:22:46.66\00:22:50.13
abuse me because everyone had.
00:22:50.16\00:22:52.25
So fathers don't have
good things in my mind, right?
00:22:52.28\00:22:55.07
So I was sure was going
to be do this, a bad place in
00:22:55.10\00:23:01.93
the universe, and I
wasn't about you trust anyone.
00:23:01.96\00:23:06.68
What happened was I
found a scripture, that was
00:23:06.71\00:23:11.42
shared with me because
a friend of mine had heard
00:23:11.46\00:23:16.14
of some of my childhood.
00:23:16.17\00:23:18.59
Not a lot of people know
all the details about it.
00:23:18.62\00:23:21.04
All of a sudden he
gives me this Scripture in
00:23:21.07\00:23:27.68
Matthew 11:28 and it
says, "come unto me all ye that
00:23:27.71\00:23:34.15
labor and are heavy laden,
and I will give you rest. "
00:23:34.18\00:23:40.64
It doesn't say I might,
it doesn't say if you're
00:23:40.67\00:23:44.78
good enough, it didn't
say if you were cleaned of
00:23:44.81\00:23:48.48
all these rageful ideas
and even fantasizing of going
00:23:48.51\00:23:52.06
and taking
somebody's life who had hurt me.
00:23:52.09\00:23:55.04
No it's said, "come unto
me all ye that heavy laden
00:23:55.07\00:23:58.88
and I will give you rest. "
00:23:58.91\00:24:00.08
I was I heavy ladened
kid, I need rest from that.
00:24:00.11\00:24:03.76
I had so much emotional baggage
00:24:03.79\00:24:05.77
I couldn't love properly.
00:24:05.80\00:24:08.58
Cheri: Amen or be loved.
00:24:08.61\00:24:10.00
Christian: or
beloved, I wouldn't accept it,
00:24:10.03\00:24:11.54
even if someone wanted to
come near me and give me an
00:24:11.57\00:24:14.25
affectionate hug, or
touch my hair I would shy away.
00:24:14.28\00:24:17.88
His thing was that he
really love to get our hair and
00:24:17.91\00:24:21.22
his on the head
and different things.
00:24:21.25\00:24:22.96
So I couldn't even be
affectionately touched and
00:24:22.99\00:24:26.43
yet I was crying out
for it, I needed affection,
00:24:26.46\00:24:29.53
I needed love, I needed someone
00:24:29.56\00:24:31.32
to love me unconditionally.
00:24:31.35\00:24:32.69
I met this beautiful
young lady and I just spilled
00:24:32.72\00:24:37.91
my beans with her.
00:24:37.94\00:24:39.44
And she accepted it and
spilled her beans with me,
00:24:39.47\00:24:42.43
and she had been hurt
and violated in her past.
00:24:42.46\00:24:44.43
We built this wonderful
friendship and it was the
00:24:44.46\00:24:48.42
first person I
could ever really trust.
00:24:48.45\00:24:50.78
She didn't want anything
from me and I didn't want
00:24:50.81\00:24:53.78
anything from her,
we were monogamists.
00:24:53.81\00:24:56.31
We were not even
involved we were just friends.
00:24:56.34\00:24:58.75
I even asked her if I
could hold her hand eventually.
00:24:58.78\00:25:00.96
It was just this neat
innocent thing, and they were so
00:25:00.99\00:25:04.30
much lack of innocence in
my life up till that point.
00:25:04.33\00:25:06.84
But I couldn't love her
completely, and I have had other
00:25:06.87\00:25:13.26
relationships with women
and I couldn't ever love them.
00:25:13.29\00:25:18.10
I was so egotistical and
I was so proud and pompous,
00:25:18.13\00:25:22.99
everything was about
me, because nothing had been
00:25:23.02\00:25:26.47
about me before and I
swung to the other side.
00:25:26.50\00:25:29.08
I have to say
that is real common for
00:25:29.11\00:25:31.20
people who get abused,
proboto know that is intense,
00:25:31.23\00:25:34.46
this grandiosity and
all those kind of things
00:25:34.49\00:25:36.95
as a way of just
clothe all that junk.
00:25:36.98\00:25:41.06
It just, some but he
will look at him and say
00:25:41.09\00:25:43.78
that guy is so
arrogant and he really is not.
00:25:43.81\00:25:46.19
Christian: because
inside you are just going,
00:25:46.22\00:25:48.04
you're just this
little messed up kid, so you
00:25:48.07\00:25:52.20
put on this facade
and you don't even affect
00:25:52.23\00:25:55.18
it or act it is just what
happens as a coping device.
00:25:55.21\00:25:58.48
And that is what I
did and I escaped through
00:25:58.51\00:26:01.53
theater and all that.
00:26:01.56\00:26:02.83
Cheri: and you were
talking about that also being
00:26:02.86\00:26:04.62
that you were used
to the victim role,
00:26:04.65\00:26:07.63
so you are used
to being a victim.
00:26:07.66\00:26:09.78
Christian: I was and
that is when I went on that
00:26:09.81\00:26:11.37
discovery course of
trying to find myself, who I am,
00:26:11.40\00:26:17.25
and do I have value.
00:26:17.28\00:26:18.73
I was going to be a millionaire
by the time I was 30.
00:26:18.76\00:26:21.99
I was going to be rich and
successful at all this type
00:26:22.02\00:26:24.51
of thing and I went all
through all those courses.
00:26:24.54\00:26:26.94
They lasted for a
little bit and if my effects
00:26:26.97\00:26:31.10
or results were
there for maybe a
00:26:31.13\00:26:32.83
couple months or whatever.
00:26:32.86\00:26:33.90
Then back to all my
old bad programming,
00:26:33.93\00:26:36.66
that I don't amount to
anything, not worth anything
00:26:36.69\00:26:39.51
to anybody, I can't
beloved, not lovable,
00:26:39.54\00:26:41.80
and all this stuff until.
00:26:41.83\00:26:43.47
Cheri: I like the
until, I'm like come on.
00:26:43.50\00:26:46.95
Until have we sufficed
that the bad news is bad?
00:26:46.98\00:26:51.45
Because the bad news is
only as bad as the good news is.
00:26:51.48\00:26:57.40
So the good news is Jesus
got a hold of my heart and
00:26:57.43\00:27:04.22
He began to perform
a surgery in my life.
00:27:04.25\00:27:07.84
It was real people,
because I had tried everything
00:27:07.87\00:27:11.11
else and it never lasted.
00:27:11.14\00:27:13.75
I'm a 12 year
Christian now and it has lasted.
00:27:13.78\00:27:18.08
God began to dissect that
emotional baggage from me.
00:27:18.11\00:27:21.36
I couldn't even talk
hardly about my childhood
00:27:21.39\00:27:24.32
without just breaking down.
00:27:24.35\00:27:26.62
To this day my brother,
big, thick, burly 6 foot guy,
00:27:26.65\00:27:30.76
and you talked him about
his childhood, he just breaks.
00:27:30.79\00:27:35.18
He doesn't have
Christ in his life.
00:27:35.21\00:27:38.77
He hasn't had the
deliverance that I have had,
00:27:38.80\00:27:41.82
come unto me all ye
that labor, under the weight
00:27:41.85\00:27:44.98
of your junk, what ever it
is, and I will give you rest.
00:27:46.33\00:27:50.28
It doesn't say I might,
I'll think about it, He says I
00:27:50.31\00:27:53.83
will, I promise.
00:27:53.86\00:27:56.45
You know why, because God
has loved me from day one.
00:27:56.48\00:28:00.37
He has seen all the
torture and all the junk I lived
00:28:00.40\00:28:03.38
through and He
hasn't wanted that for me.
00:28:03.41\00:28:05.76
He had something else
in mind, but because of my
00:28:05.79\00:28:08.55
my mother's choices
that didn't happen in my life
00:28:08.58\00:28:11.31
So my early years can you
characterized by, I didn't
00:28:11.34\00:28:15.80
know God yet, but He
was still my protector.
00:28:15.83\00:28:18.49
Amen! The middle part
of my life God was, yes my
00:28:18.52\00:28:23.79
protector continually,
and also He became my Savior.
00:28:23.82\00:28:28.24
I remember praying that
prayer and just saying Jesus,
00:28:28.27\00:28:30.41
you know I can pray
different today than I used to,
00:28:30.44\00:28:33.60
I would just say, look
if you take me I'm here.
00:28:33.63\00:28:37.47
I want that freedom,
I've got a lot of issues,
00:28:37.50\00:28:41.13
I got a lot of junk, I've got
a lot of stuff and Jesus said,
00:28:41.16\00:28:44.32
yes I have been here the
whole time Christian, welcome!
00:28:44.35\00:28:48.86
Into actually acknowledging
and excepting that power,
00:28:48.89\00:28:53.70
that deliverance, that
grace and the mercy and the
00:28:53.73\00:28:56.80
forgiveness for sin.
00:28:56.83\00:28:58.78
Cheri: what is really
interesting to me is I think
00:28:58.81\00:29:00.10
all of heaven does back flips.
00:29:00.13\00:29:01.64
It's like anytime we
start to look up, it's like oh,
00:29:01.67\00:29:04.21
finally that somebody
will call out in their
00:29:04.24\00:29:07.88
sense to let Me intervene.
00:29:07.91\00:29:09.51
What is really
interesting to me, what I found
00:29:09.54\00:29:12.41
out with God in my own
life, is I can't intervene
00:29:12.44\00:29:14.62
in everybody's choices.
00:29:14.65\00:29:15.94
People are going to
still make bad choices and all
00:29:15.97\00:29:17.76
that kind of stuff, but
if you're done I can jump
00:29:17.79\00:29:20.70
into your life, if
you're done, if you're stepping
00:29:20.73\00:29:23.64
out of all that, if
you were saying, come into
00:29:23.67\00:29:26.61
to my heart and
cut away this anger,
00:29:26.64\00:29:28.97
this revenge and
this hurt, this damage.
00:29:29.00\00:29:32.13
I need some
healing, I need some rest.
00:29:32.16\00:29:34.62
Christian: my legacy,
let's just call it like it is.
00:29:34.65\00:29:38.20
My legacy should
according to cultivated and
00:29:38.23\00:29:40.82
hereditary
tendencies be too evil.
00:29:40.85\00:29:42.92
What I should be is a
child molesting, child abusing,
00:29:42.95\00:29:49.34
pot smoking, alcohol
drinking, can't hold down a job,
00:29:49.37\00:29:54.97
a rage-aholic, that should
be my destiny according to
00:29:55.00\00:29:59.87
popular thought
processes, even counseling.
00:29:59.90\00:30:03.28
You know what I didn't
have to go to a counselor
00:30:03.31\00:30:06.67
to be rewired, Jesus
Christ, because I said take me,
00:30:06.70\00:30:10.61
re-wired me and so I am
a loving father, I don't
00:30:10.64\00:30:15.04
abuse my children, I
don't look at a child and
00:30:15.07\00:30:17.91
think in an inappropriate way.
00:30:17.94\00:30:20.57
I Look into the eyes of
children and tell you almost
00:30:20.60\00:30:24.52
every time if that
child is abused or not.
00:30:24.55\00:30:26.57
I know, I have been there,
I can see it in their eyes.
00:30:26.60\00:30:30.30
So now God has worked
things out in my life to where I
00:30:30.33\00:30:34.71
became a Christian,
I gave my life to Him.
00:30:34.74\00:30:36.58
I went from worldly working
in the world to a Ministry
00:30:36.61\00:30:41.21
overnight, it's
amazing, me in a Ministry.
00:30:41.24\00:30:45.08
Give me a break I
would have never thought
00:30:45.11\00:30:46.89
that in a million years.
00:30:46.92\00:30:48.22
But then I started to
have this desire to serve God.
00:30:48.25\00:30:52.21
And I serve Him and have
been serving Him since that
00:30:52.24\00:30:54.54
day, my whole life is
about serving God now and
00:30:54.57\00:30:57.20
telling other
people there is a way out.
00:30:57.23\00:31:00.03
Cheri: there is a way out.
00:31:00.06\00:31:01.09
Christian: and it's
Jesus Christ, the righteous.
00:31:01.12\00:31:02.79
Cheri: I'm going to open
up the floor for questions,
00:31:02.82\00:31:05.42
because I know people
have questions for you and
00:31:05.45\00:31:07.36
then we will get
back into, I want to know
00:31:07.39\00:31:09.33
specifically how you
got rid of the anger.
00:31:09.36\00:31:10.93
Okay, Joleen you had a question.
00:31:10.96\00:31:13.44
Joleen: Actually Cheri
that is the question that I had
00:31:13.47\00:31:16.93
as far as anger.
00:31:16.96\00:31:18.11
You know I can so
relate to your story Christian,
00:31:18.14\00:31:20.47
I too grew up in a home
where our dad was just so
00:31:20.50\00:31:24.67
physically abusive,
and not to his kids because
00:31:24.70\00:31:28.17
there's actually
8 of us, to my mom.
00:31:28.20\00:31:30.09
I mean from just years
and years of mental, sexual,
00:31:30.12\00:31:35.13
physical every kind of abuse.
00:31:35.16\00:31:37.16
It was different for us
because we weren't physically
00:31:37.19\00:31:41.26
abused, but we were made
to stand there and watch.
00:31:41.29\00:31:44.32
He would make us up at
two in the morning to watch my
00:31:44.35\00:31:49.18
dad beat my mom and we
would have to clean the house
00:31:49.21\00:31:51.63
at two o'clock the
morning on school nights because
00:31:51.66\00:31:54.18
the house had to be
in order and be perfect.
00:31:54.21\00:31:56.16
You know I think
nothing is right in their world,
00:31:56.19\00:31:59.44
it was like they need something
in order on the outside.
00:31:59.47\00:32:02.69
But my question is, we
grew up hating our dad and there
00:32:02.72\00:32:07.46
was so much anger just watching
that day in and day out.
00:32:07.49\00:32:11.22
There was a time when
dad abused her so bad that he
00:32:11.25\00:32:14.88
actually took her out
of state and said she was
00:32:14.91\00:32:17.05
in a car accident,
because he almost killed her.
00:32:17.08\00:32:19.03
So we had such hatred and
anger, how did you deal with
00:32:19.06\00:32:24.55
that, how did you get past
that, and how did you actually
00:32:24.58\00:32:26.38
come to the point
where you forgive?
00:32:26.41\00:32:28.73
Cheri: that's huge!
00:32:28.76\00:32:29.79
Christian: yeah it is.
00:32:29.82\00:32:31.00
Dealing with the anger was
something that didn't happen
00:32:31.03\00:32:34.04
overnight, in fact honestly
I didn't realize how angry
00:32:34.07\00:32:38.40
and how
explosive I actually was.
00:32:38.43\00:32:41.33
I mean even in the little
things in my life, I would
00:32:41.36\00:32:43.57
be so amped up, and so
enraged, because it was all
00:32:43.60\00:32:48.31
the strings that Satan
had bound to my soul you know.
00:32:48.34\00:32:52.49
So what began to happen
in my life, like I mentioned
00:32:52.52\00:32:56.90
I was in martial arts,
that gave me a physical outlet
00:32:56.93\00:33:00.42
but not an emotional one.
00:33:00.45\00:33:01.75
Unfortunately every time
I was kicking a bag or an
00:33:01.78\00:33:04.80
opponent I saw his face
and I would just kind of
00:33:04.83\00:33:06.71
annihilate him.
00:33:06.74\00:33:07.85
One day I went, I think
this was really pivotal for me,
00:33:07.88\00:33:13.03
I went and approached
him in my mid-twenties.
00:33:13.06\00:33:17.87
I know where he works, he
has his own company, and I
00:33:17.90\00:33:20.94
went in there and I said,
he didn't even recognize me.
00:33:20.97\00:33:23.57
I said, Cheri: wasn't
there a part of you, you almost
00:33:23.60\00:33:28.82
totally destroyed my life
and you don't even recognize
00:33:28.85\00:33:31.25
me, you know you just want
to grab him, are you kidding
00:33:31.28\00:33:34.52
me, I think about
you every day of my life.
00:33:34.55\00:33:36.67
Christian: isn't it
amazing? Cheri: yes!
00:33:36.70\00:33:38.29
That's what happens
and I was a victim still
00:33:38.32\00:33:41.10
Cheri: when you're saying
that, it's like that's not so
00:33:41.13\00:33:43.72
right! Christian: it
wasn't, but I went there and
00:33:43.75\00:33:46.66
approached, I approached
him and said, he was starting
00:33:46.69\00:33:51.19
to mess with my adult
life is what happened.
00:33:51.22\00:33:53.22
I went to him and said look
you messed with my childhood,
00:33:53.25\00:33:56.92
you are not going to
mess with my adult life.
00:33:56.95\00:33:59.85
If you so much as say one
more thing I'm going to come
00:33:59.88\00:34:02.65
back here and take you
out, and he saw the resolve
00:34:02.68\00:34:05.95
in my eyes, I got in a
stance and was ready to round-
00:34:05.98\00:34:09.73
house him right to the head.
00:34:09.76\00:34:10.79
I was ready, I saw in that
moment, because he started to
00:34:10.82\00:34:15.03
come I was sitting in a
chair and he realized who I was.
00:34:15.06\00:34:17.71
He was poking me in the
chest, and said what are you
00:34:17.74\00:34:20.49
doing here in my place,
and I stood up and brushed him
00:34:20.52\00:34:23.92
off and I was a little
taller than him, he was so huge
00:34:23.95\00:34:27.88
in my mind, and I was
a little taller than him.
00:34:27.91\00:34:31.50
I realized at that moment
00:34:31.53\00:34:33.07
I looked at him and
said this whole discourse and
00:34:33.10\00:34:35.56
told him look, you
are pathetic little man,
00:34:35.59\00:34:39.69
stay out of my life.
00:34:39.72\00:34:42.24
I turned around and walked out.
00:34:42.27\00:34:44.43
Now I don't recommend
this is what everybody does.
00:34:44.46\00:34:46.88
I'm just telling you my
testimony, this is what I did.
00:34:46.91\00:34:49.13
But it was a moment in
time where I realized I'm not
00:34:49.16\00:34:53.80
going to let you
hold me bound anymore.
00:34:53.83\00:34:56.29
There again I wasn't even
a Christian at this point.
00:34:56.32\00:34:58.81
But it was God working in
my mind and changing me and
00:34:58.84\00:35:03.27
rewiring me, and then
years later as I became a
00:35:03.30\00:35:08.28
Christian, then God
said, we have to start dealing
00:35:08.31\00:35:12.06
with this rage
that's inside of you.
00:35:12.09\00:35:14.33
So what God did is He
took me on a little journey.
00:35:14.36\00:35:17.57
In my mind I could see that
he was an abused little boy.
00:35:17.60\00:35:23.03
He was, because I knew
his father, my step grandpa.
00:35:23.06\00:35:28.69
I saw this heritage of
these staunch, Portuguese family
00:35:28.72\00:35:33.47
that was just so hard, so
mean and cruel to each other.
00:35:33.50\00:35:38.27
They call that
family, so dysfunctional.
00:35:38.30\00:35:41.98
I was able to, in fact I
began to pray, this was a key.
00:35:42.01\00:35:46.42
I began to pray, Jesus
help me to see my step dad,
00:35:46.45\00:35:50.10
how YOU see him.
00:35:50.13\00:35:52.52
I didn't want it, I
didn't want to see it because
00:35:52.55\00:35:56.10
he didn't
deserve to be in heaven.
00:35:56.13\00:35:58.71
That is where I was.
00:35:58.74\00:36:00.12
So God took me on a
process to where I actually
00:36:00.15\00:36:04.08
decided okay, I want to
see him how You see him.
00:36:04.11\00:36:08.63
I saw he was a trapped
victim, he was allowing his
00:36:08.66\00:36:14.82
experience to
victimize him and he was in turn
00:36:14.85\00:36:19.08
victimizing other people.
00:36:19.11\00:36:20.62
So I saw him as a
soul that Jesus died for,
00:36:20.65\00:36:23.28
that was a
miracle, that was a miracle!
00:36:23.31\00:36:26.66
You told me a little of
your testimony and I know
00:36:26.69\00:36:29.81
to be able to look at him
and honestly look at him now,
00:36:29.84\00:36:32.55
and I hope and
I do pray for him.
00:36:32.58\00:36:34.89
I hope that if God can
change him, and I know God can
00:36:34.92\00:36:39.46
because God has changed me.
00:36:39.50\00:36:40.77
I'm free I'm filled with
joy, I'm a joy filled saved
00:36:40.80\00:36:44.67
man Amen! Cheri: all
those foods are healed for you.
00:36:44.70\00:36:47.60
Christian: they're all
healed, I am healed to were now
00:36:47.63\00:36:50.67
I can love my wife, that
girlfriend I wound up marrying,
00:36:50.70\00:36:54.87
her, I can love her freely.
00:36:54.90\00:36:56.76
I was separated from her
for a while, God got a-hold of
00:36:56.79\00:36:59.17
my heart, in that six-month
period of time he cut away
00:36:59.20\00:37:02.33
so much baggage, so much
anger fell out of a lot of my
00:37:02.36\00:37:05.23
life, where when she
came back into my life,
00:37:05.26\00:37:07.41
she was like who are you?
00:37:07.44\00:37:09.09
Who are you?
00:37:09.12\00:37:10.71
I was free to love and I
could just hold her and hug
00:37:10.74\00:37:13.25
her, she was like
what, this is the love of
00:37:13.28\00:37:15.95
Jesus that has made me whole.
00:37:15.98\00:37:20.04
Do you know what I'm
saying, it's real and it is the
00:37:20.07\00:37:23.38
only thing that
has lasted in my life.
00:37:23.41\00:37:25.57
God has never abused me,
God has only done good things
00:37:25.60\00:37:29.94
to me, He has only held
me in His hands and said,
00:37:29.97\00:37:32.84
Christian I will
never, never hurt you.
00:37:32.87\00:37:35.70
I will never touch you
in an inappropriate way,
00:37:35.73\00:37:38.78
and you know what I'm
longing for, I'm longing for
00:37:38.81\00:37:43.37
that day when my Father,
because I have a Father now.
00:37:43.40\00:37:48.71
I have never had
one, I have a Father.
00:37:48.74\00:37:51.16
He is going to take me
and put His arm around me and
00:37:51.19\00:37:54.14
say, come on Christian,
let's go take a walk by that
00:37:54.17\00:37:57.21
river of life, let's
go sit under that tree.
00:37:57.24\00:37:59.71
Let's go one have that
walk and say, you are all Mine
00:37:59.74\00:38:04.85
right now, Amen!
00:38:04.88\00:38:06.52
So how did I do
away with the anger?
00:38:06.55\00:38:09.07
I didn't do away with it,
Jesus Christ did away with it.
00:38:09.10\00:38:13.15
He cut it away from
me and it fell over that
00:38:13.18\00:38:15.41
abyss into the sea.
00:38:15.44\00:38:17.81
And you know what I don't
go fishing for it anymore.
00:38:17.84\00:38:21.06
I would do that in my
life, I would say and start
00:38:21.09\00:38:25.23
to feel sad and sorry for
myself, I would start that
00:38:25.26\00:38:28.92
victim roll all over again.
00:38:28.95\00:38:30.26
All the things that were
happening in my life were
00:38:30.29\00:38:33.12
because of what
happened to me and my childhood.
00:38:33.15\00:38:35.44
No, God said, Christian
your past does not have to
00:38:35.47\00:38:39.68
equal your
present or your future.
00:38:39.71\00:38:42.30
I have an
expected end for you, Amen!
00:38:42.33\00:38:46.35
So he took me from this
guy that was learning about
00:38:46.38\00:38:51.39
Jesus to where he eventually,
and I work for a couple
00:38:51.42\00:38:54.45
different ministries and
then the Lord pulls me into
00:38:54.48\00:38:56.60
this full-time Ministry
that we started 9 years ago.
00:38:56.63\00:38:59.39
Now I go and sing and
preach around the country and
00:38:59.42\00:39:02.20
I give my testimony.
00:39:02.23\00:39:03.95
You know it breaks my
heart when I give my testimony,
00:39:03.98\00:39:08.38
and it is a real testimony,
I have young people that
00:39:08.41\00:39:11.47
come up to me and say, HELP!
00:39:11.50\00:39:14.22
I have married women
come up to me and go HELP!
00:39:14.25\00:39:18.19
We have to give the church,
because friends the church
00:39:18.22\00:39:22.14
is just as messed up some times,
00:39:22.17\00:39:24.87
because the
church is a hospital.
00:39:24.90\00:39:26.58
The church is not for
perfect people because if it
00:39:26.61\00:39:28.71
was I wouldn't be
there, is for people that need
00:39:28.74\00:39:30.64
to be repaired and
fixed and patched up.
00:39:30.67\00:39:33.66
I had lots of holes in me.
00:39:33.69\00:39:34.92
It's a hospital, so there
is a bunch of walking wounded
00:39:34.95\00:39:39.36
and I didn't realize it.
00:39:39.39\00:39:41.32
I thought when I joined
the church, I was the only
00:39:41.35\00:39:43.01
messed up one.
00:39:43.04\00:39:44.09
Cheri: you know there is
some healing when you start
00:39:44.12\00:39:46.37
talking to each
other. Christian: absolutely!
00:39:46.40\00:39:48.04
Cheri: God did this for
me yesterday and somebody's
00:39:48.07\00:39:50.57
like you know what I
going to pray for that today.
00:39:50.60\00:39:52.23
It is like being able to
verbally say, and you know
00:39:52.26\00:39:55.84
what God is
continuously, every day bringing
00:39:55.87\00:39:58.48
me a step closer,
helping me to forgive.
00:39:58.51\00:40:00.44
So now in our Ministry
as we sing, and preach,
00:40:00.47\00:40:03.77
and do media work as
well, what has opened
00:40:03.80\00:40:07.09
up was this counseling.
00:40:07.12\00:40:08.80
We invite people into
our homes, married people,
00:40:08.83\00:40:11.69
people that are having
problems, youth that are
00:40:11.72\00:40:13.75
struggling, suicidal kids.
00:40:13.78\00:40:15.81
We just invite them in
to our family and show them
00:40:15.84\00:40:18.48
that there is a way
that God wants us to live and
00:40:18.51\00:40:21.70
to love each other,
to be a happy patriarchal
00:40:21.73\00:40:25.52
family with a
loving wife, and little
00:40:25.55\00:40:27.28
kids that love worship.
00:40:27.31\00:40:28.60
Cheri: in a
father that adores them.
00:40:28.63\00:40:30.21
And I do I love them
and adore them, I'm missing
00:40:30.24\00:40:32.21
them terribly even right now.
00:40:32.25\00:40:33.44
We have another question,
so Sam you had a question.
00:40:33.47\00:40:37.34
Well yes Cheri, Christian
I feel your pain because
00:40:37.37\00:40:42.27
I was in an abusive-
00:40:42.30\00:40:43.64
Christian: brother I have
no more pain, so keep going.
00:40:43.67\00:40:45.24
No, I felt your pain
as a child because I had a
00:40:45.27\00:40:48.65
father-son relationship
similar to yours to the point
00:40:48.69\00:40:52.17
where I hated my father
and I looking for the day
00:40:52.20\00:40:55.52
up when I could become
independent from my father.
00:40:55.55\00:40:57.84
Therefore I had a
really skewed picture of God
00:40:57.87\00:41:02.03
and I didn't
want God in my life.
00:41:02.06\00:41:04.67
I became a high
achiever, I wanted to do things
00:41:04.70\00:41:09.07
independently
as a self achiever.
00:41:09.10\00:41:11.15
I could do everything
without God, without nobody
00:41:11.18\00:41:13.78
because all those putdowns
from my dad, you know they
00:41:13.81\00:41:17.29
created a scar in my life
that I wanted to bury deep.
00:41:17.32\00:41:21.72
I said I can do
everything, and you know what,
00:41:21.75\00:41:24.18
I found out that
I could not do it.
00:41:24.21\00:41:25.97
Philippians 4:13 became
my text, "I can do all things
00:41:26.00\00:41:32.11
through God that
strengthens me. "
00:41:32.14\00:41:34.01
But my question to
you is how did you become
00:41:34.04\00:41:37.86
independent from God at
one time, did you feel that
00:41:37.89\00:41:43.04
independence where you
felt like God, I don't need You,
00:41:43.07\00:41:46.55
You weren't there for
me because you didn't think
00:41:46.58\00:41:48.33
He was there for you?
00:41:48.36\00:41:49.61
Most of, up till that
time I had that moment that
00:41:49.64\00:41:54.01
euphony, Jesus say come
unto me all you that are
00:41:54.04\00:41:56.34
heavy laden I
will give you rest.
00:41:56.37\00:41:57.70
I needed that, I was a
self-sufficient individual.
00:41:57.73\00:42:01.99
I didn't need
anybody to tell me anything,
00:42:02.02\00:42:04.10
I didn't want anyone to
give me rules and that is
00:42:04.13\00:42:06.65
how I saw God because
I had a little exposure
00:42:06.68\00:42:08.22
to the Catholic Church.
00:42:08.25\00:42:09.28
He was a bunch of
rules and regulations,
00:42:09.31\00:42:10.73
I bunch of hypocrites
going in there that were
00:42:10.76\00:42:12.71
fighting and tangling with each
other but become holy in the
00:42:12.74\00:42:15.33
parking lot before
they walked in the church.
00:42:15.36\00:42:17.67
So I didn't want God,
I had no desire for Him.
00:42:17.70\00:42:21.88
To think that
another dictator in my life,
00:42:21.91\00:42:24.62
that was the
last thing I wanted.
00:42:24.65\00:42:26.60
But I had his skewed
vision of what God was.
00:42:26.63\00:42:30.61
God, as you mentioned in
the beginning, God is love.
00:42:30.64\00:42:35.36
God is love, and a
wish we could go on but
00:42:35.39\00:42:38.54
we are out of time
and I just have to say
00:42:38.57\00:42:41.34
I am so proud of what
God has done in your life.
00:42:41.37\00:42:44.38
I'm proud of you
for responding to it and
00:42:44.41\00:42:46.91
I know that He is not done.
00:42:46.94\00:42:48.22
You have a beautiful
family, incredible ministry,
00:42:48.25\00:42:50.82
a vocalist, I can't
wait to get a CD right?
00:42:50.85\00:42:54.05
Christian: I'll get you one.
00:42:54.08\00:42:55.11
All right that's a
deal Cheri: pinky promise?
00:42:55.14\00:42:56.67
Christian:
pinky promise alright.
00:42:56.70\00:42:57.95
Cheri: So I just want to
say God bless you and may
00:42:57.98\00:43:01.65
be one of these days
we'll have you come back on so
00:43:01.68\00:43:03.58
we can go into more depth
of what God has done to get
00:43:03.61\00:43:06.34
rid of the anger, to
get rid of the depression,
00:43:06.37\00:43:08.11
get rid of the unforgiveness.
00:43:08.14\00:43:10.49
Once He steps into
our lives and does that,
00:43:10.52\00:43:12.82
oh man you know I what, I
want to kiss Him on the face,
00:43:12.85\00:43:15.91
and just say You
wow me, You wow me.
00:43:15.94\00:43:18.16
We will be right
back, stay with us!
00:43:18.19\00:43:19.91