Welcome To Celebrating
Life in Recovery, I'm Cheri
00:00:12.42\00:00:14.51
your host. Today is
going to be an all girl show.
00:00:14.54\00:00:17.62
It's fun. This is the
first part of the new season so
00:00:17.65\00:00:21.35
we are going to cover as much as
we possible can. Come join us.
00:00:21.39\00:00:24.10
We're going to do to show a
little bit different today.
00:00:50.79\00:00:52.75
We are going to have the
guests on first, and interview
00:00:52.78\00:00:56.66
her first, but before we go
there this is the first show
00:00:56.69\00:00:59.04
of the second season and
we're going to talk about.
00:00:59.07\00:01:01.98
Well let me tell you
about last season in case
00:01:02.01\00:01:04.73
you hadn't seen the show
I'm going to kind of recap.
00:01:04.76\00:01:07.18
As we went through Steps To
Christ we talked about the
00:01:07.21\00:01:09.83
basics of recovery, and
when I say basics I don't mean
00:01:09.86\00:01:13.28
basics as far as not important
or lightweight I'm talking
00:01:13.31\00:01:16.88
about the
foundation of recovery.
00:01:16.91\00:01:18.51
We talked about when I
first heard there was a God that
00:01:18.54\00:01:22.50
created the entire universe,
everything and that God is
00:01:22.53\00:01:26.51
crazy about me, it changed me.
00:01:26.54\00:01:28.47
That God spoke the world into
existence and said something
00:01:28.50\00:01:31.82
and everything that existed,
I thought He could speak life
00:01:31.85\00:01:35.23
into me, He can re-create in
me all the damage that has been
00:01:35.26\00:01:38.36
done and I was just thrilled.
00:01:38.39\00:01:40.36
I wish I could tell you
exactly how thrilled I was,
00:01:40.39\00:01:43.30
but it was
unbelievable to know that.
00:01:43.33\00:01:45.07
Then I realized that
Christ is my Savior,
00:01:45.10\00:01:48.71
and I definitely need a
Savior I'm so twisted.
00:01:48.74\00:01:50.73
I wish I could say that in a
different way but everything
00:01:50.76\00:01:54.21
about me was twisted.
00:01:54.24\00:01:55.43
I didn't know how to act, I
didn't know how to eat with
00:01:55.46\00:01:58.20
someone, I was socially under-
developed, I had insecurities,
00:01:58.23\00:02:01.71
and molest issues, and heroin
addiction and homelessness
00:02:01.74\00:02:04.63
and all that stuff.
00:02:04.66\00:02:05.93
So then somebody said that
Christ died for you and will
00:02:05.96\00:02:10.13
equip you to get through all
of this stuff, you just need
00:02:10.16\00:02:13.37
to accept that. I'm
like, I'm there, I accept it.
00:02:13.40\00:02:16.08
Then we talked about
prayer and faith and repentance.
00:02:16.11\00:02:20.74
Being sorry enough to walk
away from something, and not
00:02:20.77\00:02:23.59
sorry because you got
busted, we are sorry about that
00:02:23.62\00:02:26.78
stuff, but not
sorry for that reason.
00:02:26.81\00:02:28.38
Not sorry because I am
in jail, I'm strung out or
00:02:28.41\00:02:30.32
whatever, but sorry because I
understand what my addiction
00:02:30.35\00:02:34.22
and what my behavior has
done to the people around me.
00:02:34.25\00:02:36.96
The damage that I am
causing not only to myself
00:02:36.99\00:02:40.01
but to other people.
00:02:40.04\00:02:41.18
Being able to look at God
and say, I do want to change.
00:02:41.21\00:02:44.19
I want something different,
so we talked about all that
00:02:44.22\00:02:47.05
stuff, we talked about
growing up in Christ and really
00:02:47.08\00:02:51.57
getting a trust
relationship with God so that
00:02:51.60\00:02:53.99
I can surrender these things.
00:02:54.02\00:02:55.93
Because some of the things
that I really had in my life,
00:02:55.96\00:02:59.36
some of the things that I
dealt with, were so dark and so
00:02:59.39\00:03:02.58
twisted is the only word, so
much junk that I was afraid
00:03:02.61\00:03:09.71
to even bring them out.
00:03:09.74\00:03:10.94
So I had to get into a
trust relationship with God that
00:03:10.97\00:03:13.11
I could bring these things out.
00:03:13.14\00:03:14.41
So that is the foundation,
and now we are going to talk
00:03:14.44\00:03:18.06
about this season, the
baptism of the Holy Spirit,
00:03:18.09\00:03:20.82
and being filled with the
Holy Spirit, and actually have
00:03:20.85\00:03:23.44
a victory over all this junk.
00:03:23.47\00:03:25.09
All these addictions, and
when I say addictions please
00:03:25.12\00:03:27.32
don't misunderstand me, I
don't mean drug addictions only.
00:03:27.35\00:03:30.55
I mean to depression,
anger, criticism, perfectionism,
00:03:30.58\00:03:33.89
stealing, gambling, sex
addictions, and definitely drugs
00:03:33.92\00:03:37.39
alcohol and all
that kind of stuff.
00:03:37.42\00:03:39.09
Hidden addictions that we
have, religious addictions,
00:03:39.12\00:03:40.95
I'm talking about all of it.
00:03:40.98\00:03:42.68
Because if it is going to
trash you, and sometimes just
00:03:42.71\00:03:46.53
being insecure, just not
having a good foundation being
00:03:46.56\00:03:50.23
given to you as a child,
that causes addictive behaviors,
00:03:50.26\00:03:53.65
or protection, or walls or a
defense mechanism to come up
00:03:53.68\00:03:57.60
that interfere with our
ability to just enjoy life.
00:03:57.63\00:04:01.30
Just be right with ourselves,
with the people around us
00:04:01.33\00:04:05.39
and with God, so we are
going to talk about all that.
00:04:05.42\00:04:07.68
It is the best thing
because once you get that,
00:04:07.71\00:04:10.31
and I always tell people
that if you get this, you will
00:04:10.34\00:04:13.61
have joy. You'll have joy
and the ability to live a life
00:04:13.64\00:04:18.02
that most people
will say You know what?
00:04:18.05\00:04:20.15
I want what you have.
00:04:20.18\00:04:21.40
I want to introduce you
first of all to my friend Misti,
00:04:21.43\00:04:23.81
Misti Brackin. And I want
to say thank you so much
00:04:23.84\00:04:25.90
for coming and
being on the show Misti.
00:04:25.93\00:04:28.08
- you're welcome.
00:04:28.11\00:04:29.77
We met because of being invited
by your husband because of
00:04:29.80\00:04:34.71
his brother, so first
of all tell that story.
00:04:34.74\00:04:37.23
That was pretty heavy for me.
00:04:37.26\00:04:38.71
Well first of all I read
your book, I don't know if you
00:04:38.74\00:04:43.17
remember but I called you, I
was going to order a lot of
00:04:43.20\00:04:45.23
books for the women in my
church and you answered.
00:04:45.26\00:04:47.36
I didn't expect you to answer,
and you were talking about
00:04:47.39\00:04:50.17
just getting back from a trip
and you said that the Lord was
00:04:50.20\00:04:53.62
there and the Holy Spirit
was there and it was great to
00:04:53.65\00:04:55.74
see all these things happening.
00:04:55.77\00:04:56.92
I just said what
does it take to get you
00:04:56.95\00:04:59.44
to come talk to us?
00:04:59.47\00:05:00.91
And Coles brother had just
died, my husband's brother had
00:05:00.94\00:05:04.02
just died - oh but wait a
minute because he hadn't died
00:05:04.05\00:05:06.43
yet, - probably not one
I talk to you that day.
00:05:06.46\00:05:08.74
By the time you came
the first time he did.
00:05:08.77\00:05:11.29
What is really interesting
is that when you called me,
00:05:11.32\00:05:13.94
one of the reasons to come
to speak in Oklahoma City was
00:05:13.97\00:05:16.94
to talk and hopefully
talk with his brother. - yes.
00:05:16.97\00:05:19.88
That is right, that is right
and then by the time I think
00:05:19.91\00:05:23.48
that was in February and your
scheduled didn't allow you to
00:05:23.51\00:05:25.59
come until November, and it
was in the summer time of July
00:05:25.62\00:05:29.32
that his brother passed
away from meth addiction.
00:05:29.35\00:05:31.29
Then you came and ministered
to Cole over that and it was
00:05:31.32\00:05:36.08
just a blessing, it was
God's plan for us to meet you
00:05:36.11\00:05:41.29
and to get to know you.
00:05:41.32\00:05:42.30
Oh it's really interesting
to me and sad is that with his
00:05:42.33\00:05:46.47
brother, he was so lost
in his meth addiction that
00:05:46.50\00:05:49.98
he literally went out to
wash his car, how hot was it?
00:05:50.01\00:05:55.72
It was probably
over 100° that day.
00:05:55.75\00:05:58.06
100°, he was high on meth
and went out to wash his car
00:05:58.09\00:06:01.26
and literally fried himself.
00:06:01.29\00:06:03.50
In a manic state he always
did everything, I mean if
00:06:03.53\00:06:07.86
you gave him a job, he
would do in such a way that
00:06:07.89\00:06:11.53
you would want him to come
back and do it again because
00:06:11.56\00:06:13.58
it was a manic state, he
went out to clean his car and
00:06:13.61\00:06:17.21
cleaning the toolbox
because he had a pick up and
00:06:17.24\00:06:19.60
he was cleaning the tools
and was out there sweating
00:06:19.63\00:06:22.49
and overheated and
really that is what did it.
00:06:22.52\00:06:26.65
He came inside after being
in the sun for several hours
00:06:26.68\00:06:29.03
and went into cardiac
arrest and that was it.
00:06:29.06\00:06:32.95
He was dead before
they got to the hospital.
00:06:32.98\00:06:36.32
When I heard that I thought
that was the saddest thing,
00:06:36.35\00:06:38.89
because I know, like I
know that Cole's hope was that
00:06:38.92\00:06:42.57
somebody would intervene
because he loved his brother.
00:06:42.60\00:06:45.09
And you loved him, so it was
like I knew that had we come
00:06:45.12\00:06:50.37
earlier, could
something had happened?
00:06:50.40\00:06:51.93
Then I let that go
because only God knows that.
00:06:51.96\00:06:54.27
But my heart was like, oh
man, but we came anyway.
00:06:54.30\00:06:58.17
We got to hang out with you
guys and minister definitely
00:06:58.20\00:07:02.41
to Cole because he
just lost his brother.
00:07:02.44\00:07:04.01
An entire community with
meth, because I think what
00:07:04.04\00:07:09.00
happened with you guys is
that the issue was huge and
00:07:09.03\00:07:12.98
you wanted to
actually help somebody else,
00:07:13.01\00:07:15.21
can we help somebody else?
00:07:15.24\00:07:16.54
You know what is really
interesting to me is the more
00:07:16.57\00:07:21.59
our relationship grew the
more I realized that there
00:07:21.62\00:07:26.11
were some other issues going on.
00:07:26.14\00:07:27.54
You had talked about that
one night, so share a little
00:07:27.57\00:07:30.25
bit about your background.
00:07:30.28\00:07:32.20
Well the night you are talking
about, I think its was about
00:07:32.23\00:07:36.23
the third time may be that
you had come to Oklahoma and
00:07:36.26\00:07:38.72
you stayed at my house always.
00:07:38.75\00:07:41.74
I had been having a lot of
issues with family, just a lot
00:07:41.77\00:07:46.50
of hurt feelings and I
would come home from being with
00:07:46.53\00:07:51.15
family and I would pray
about it and have all these
00:07:51.18\00:07:53.70
bitter feelings because it
kept building inside of me.
00:07:53.73\00:07:56.17
I had bitter feelings and I
would pray about it and I might
00:07:56.20\00:07:58.82
get relief from it for a
short time, but the next time
00:07:58.85\00:08:02.13
I was around the same
family members and things would
00:08:02.16\00:08:05.16
happen that would hurt
me, it was all still there.
00:08:05.19\00:08:07.14
You know what's interesting
to me as you explained it,
00:08:07.17\00:08:10.43
you had all this confidence
in who you were and who
00:08:10.46\00:08:13.44
you are as a mother, a wife
and a woman of God and then
00:08:13.47\00:08:16.51
you would be around
family and it will be gone.
00:08:16.54\00:08:18.32
It would be gone. - I would
be going like what happened?
00:08:18.35\00:08:21.21
No-confidence, uncomfortable
in my own skin in their
00:08:21.24\00:08:25.05
presence, and this had been
going on for 13 years or so.
00:08:25.08\00:08:28.93
A longtime and so I think
the night that you were there,
00:08:28.96\00:08:33.63
I know something happened
that morning with the family
00:08:33.66\00:08:35.94
phone call, and I don't
know if you knew it all day but
00:08:35.97\00:08:38.50
I felt just devastated all day.
00:08:38.53\00:08:40.64
We had actually went to
juvenile prison and done some
00:08:40.67\00:08:44.53
cool things, - that was a
cool day. - it was, it was.
00:08:44.56\00:08:47.00
Inside I felt devastated and
when we got home there were
00:08:47.03\00:08:50.84
several people staying in
my home and everybody was
00:08:50.87\00:08:53.31
eating because everybody
was hungry and I think I went
00:08:53.34\00:08:55.91
over by myself and I looked
up and it was just you and I.
00:08:55.94\00:08:59.90
I know that God arranged that.
00:08:59.93\00:09:02.03
So we started talking and as
we got into the conversation,
00:09:02.06\00:09:05.71
I started sharing a little
bit about what some of the
00:09:05.74\00:09:09.58
things that hurt me, and I
really thought you were going
00:09:09.61\00:09:11.77
to say, I'm so sorry
they are really bad people.
00:09:11.80\00:09:15.87
Instead you said,
that's you that's your junk.
00:09:17.51\00:09:22.67
And I said, no, no,
no. - that's not me did
00:09:22.70\00:09:28.80
you not hear me? - no
it's them, it's not me.
00:09:28.83\00:09:31.42
You said no, this is yours
and I remember thinking in my
00:09:31.45\00:09:35.91
mind, you know I had a
really abusive Father but I've
00:09:35.94\00:09:40.18
forgiven him, and I
really felt like I had.
00:09:40.21\00:09:42.60
It had been a period of
time that I hated my Father.
00:09:42.63\00:09:45.21
There were times in my
childhood I've wanted him to die
00:09:45.24\00:09:48.70
I would even fantasize
how I can help that happen.
00:09:48.73\00:09:52.01
Talk about who he is
that you would want that.
00:09:52.04\00:09:56.03
What kind of things did he do?
00:09:56.06\00:09:57.47
He was not usually physically
abusive, there were times
00:09:57.50\00:10:01.29
when he did get that way,
but the emotional, mental,
00:10:01.32\00:10:04.78
and verbal abuse was
beyond what, I don't even know
00:10:04.81\00:10:07.45
if I can
describe how bad it was.
00:10:07.48\00:10:10.68
- how hateful he was? - umhumm!
00:10:10.71\00:10:12.34
Was he drunk? - no.
- did he drink? - no.
00:10:12.37\00:10:15.85
So there was nothing you
could say, it was just alcohol.
00:10:15.88\00:10:18.70
No, no. - he was just
mean? - he was mean.
00:10:18.73\00:10:21.29
You walked on eggshells around
him, I've got where I tried to
00:10:21.32\00:10:25.45
avoid him and when I came
home from school and go straight
00:10:25.48\00:10:27.49
to my bedroom and shut the door,
which just drove him crazy.
00:10:27.52\00:10:29.95
So dinnertime will come,
and every time it was time for
00:10:29.98\00:10:34.78
dinner he would end up in
this huge fight and screaming
00:10:34.81\00:10:37.39
match and I didn't even
want to come to the table.
00:10:37.42\00:10:40.22
So he would come barging
into my room and yanked me out
00:10:40.25\00:10:43.90
of the room, you are going
to come to the table when
00:10:43.93\00:10:46.02
I call you. - he loved to
embarrass you? - yes, yes.
00:10:46.05\00:10:51.56
Any time I had friends over
there would be a huge blow
00:10:51.59\00:10:55.53
up and he would
always be the cause of it.
00:10:55.56\00:10:57.50
There was just so many
things that he, and I know I had
00:10:57.53\00:11:03.47
to build the wall as a
young child so I didn't feel all
00:11:03.50\00:11:07.06
that because it
was so much pain.
00:11:07.09\00:11:10.33
You know what's interesting
as you were talking to me,
00:11:10.36\00:11:13.57
and as you were sharing all
this stuff, the only thing
00:11:13.60\00:11:16.94
I could see is that for your
whole life you are trying to
00:11:16.97\00:11:21.63
get people to act right and
be right and you be right.
00:11:21.66\00:11:24.69
He was like all left
over from your Father.
00:11:24.72\00:11:27.30
Because he would even
do, it seems like he just
00:11:27.33\00:11:31.87
constantly was at you to
get a reaction. - always.
00:11:31.90\00:11:37.25
There were three of us, my
older sister and my younger
00:11:37.28\00:11:41.67
brother and I was in the middle.
00:11:41.70\00:11:42.77
I was the one he could
always get a reaction out of.
00:11:42.80\00:11:46.31
I was the one that had, I
don't know if you want to
00:11:46.34\00:11:48.76
call it a feistier
side or he could get
00:11:48.79\00:11:51.14
a huge reaction out of me.
00:11:51.17\00:11:52.29
My sister learned how to go
along with it in his presence
00:11:52.32\00:11:55.76
so that it didn't blow
up. - did it not bother her?
00:11:55.79\00:11:59.57
Oh yeah, but she was able to
stay quiet so that it didn't
00:11:59.60\00:12:03.18
get as bad as what it would
do if she said something back.
00:12:03.21\00:12:06.76
I just couldn't do it, I had
so much anger and hatred for
00:12:06.79\00:12:10.92
him inside that I
could not do it.
00:12:10.95\00:12:12.98
She would take me into the
bedroom and say don't you know
00:12:13.01\00:12:15.70
if you just be quiet
it would be over sooner.
00:12:15.73\00:12:17.47
- it's not fair. - I
couldn't do it, I couldn't do it
00:12:17.50\00:12:19.90
there was too much inside
of me that would allow me
00:12:19.93\00:12:23.82
to not do that.
00:12:23.85\00:12:25.01
This child that was yelling
it's not fair, about your
00:12:25.04\00:12:27.04
father, I saw you even with
your new family yelling the
00:12:27.07\00:12:31.64
same thing, it's not
fair, and being lost there,
00:12:31.67\00:12:34.85
stuck there. - go ahead.
00:12:34.88\00:12:37.02
But with the new family, not
my immediate family, not my
00:12:37.05\00:12:42.39
husband and little girls,
were talking extended family.
00:12:42.42\00:12:45.74
- how do you say that
nice? But everybody knows.
00:12:45.77\00:12:51.69
Ya I didn't even have enough
self-esteem to stand up for
00:12:51.72\00:12:54.62
myself. - right. - I felt
myself trying harder and harder
00:12:54.65\00:12:58.91
trying to please them
more and more and more.
00:12:58.94\00:13:01.04
There was never, I
never pleased them.
00:13:01.07\00:13:03.88
The more I tried it seems the
less respect I got and the more
00:13:03.91\00:13:07.41
hurt I would get.
00:13:07.44\00:13:08.89
I pray that somebody is listen-
ing to me out there because
00:13:08.92\00:13:11.79
I think what is really amazing
is that I'm looking at this
00:13:11.82\00:13:15.08
beautiful woman, I'm looking
at a woman that is successful
00:13:15.11\00:13:17.79
in every way, and has a family
that loves her like crazy,
00:13:17.82\00:13:21.21
that is locked in this junk.
00:13:21.24\00:13:22.95
I'm thinking, man,
you just need to heal.
00:13:22.98\00:13:26.26
And I'm thinking I don't
have anything to heal from.
00:13:26.29\00:13:28.98
So what is really funny is
I thought there is no way
00:13:29.01\00:13:33.25
we are going to break this
tonight, so I had a book that
00:13:33.28\00:13:35.90
a friend of mine wrote called
the 'Baptism of the Holy Spirit'
00:13:35.93\00:13:38.41
'Holy Spirit In
Healing'. It's an amazing book.
00:13:38.44\00:13:41.17
I had just got baptized in
the Holy Spirit, I had just
00:13:41.20\00:13:45.13
surrendered all my stuff
to God and said, God fill me
00:13:45.16\00:13:48.72
up, I'm done with the
struggle, I'm done with fighting
00:13:48.75\00:13:51.31
this and I want to go be free
from this that my life will be
00:13:51.34\00:13:56.05
a life of joy, complete victory.
00:13:56.08\00:13:58.09
I was so living in
that and I'm looking at
00:13:58.12\00:14:00.61
you thinking, ah you
have got to read this.
00:14:00.64\00:14:02.48
You've got to get this,
and as I'm saying it, you are
00:14:02.51\00:14:05.32
looking at me like, it is that?
00:14:05.35\00:14:07.61
I was, I think before we
talked to till late, like three
00:14:07.64\00:14:13.28
in the morning or so, it was
late before we went to bed.
00:14:13.31\00:14:16.07
I think before you went to
bed I think you had convinced
00:14:16.10\00:14:19.07
me I needed to look at myself,
but I had no idea where to
00:14:19.10\00:14:23.19
look, I was clueless and
you left these books with me.
00:14:23.22\00:14:25.91
I didn't even read the
books. - I'm calling her on the
00:14:25.94\00:14:29.50
phone, Misti, did
you read the books yet?
00:14:29.53\00:14:32.62
I knew she didn't because she
be going like well you know.
00:14:32.65\00:14:35.97
I'm like, you have got to
read them, you have got to read
00:14:36.00\00:14:38.14
them and she would tell me
something else she was doing
00:14:38.17\00:14:39.88
that was fabulous, and I
would think read the book.
00:14:39.91\00:14:42.48
Because everything in me
knows that when somebody is
00:14:42.51\00:14:46.30
dealing with issues,
especially childhood issues,
00:14:46.33\00:14:48.44
dysfunction, addiction or
any of that stuff, when you get
00:14:48.47\00:14:51.80
the fact that God does not
want you to be lost in that.
00:14:51.83\00:14:54.60
When you get the fact
that there is a way out,
00:14:54.63\00:14:56.54
there is a hope that
wields up in you and
00:14:56.57\00:14:59.27
and walls start coming down.
00:14:59.30\00:15:00.57
I knew that you would get
that, and I'm thinking okay.
00:15:00.60\00:15:02.77
So when did you - well I
think you were there in October
00:15:02.80\00:15:05.67
and it wasn't until the
following July, I don't remember
00:15:05.70\00:15:08.48
the incident that happened
that made me go get those
00:15:08.51\00:15:11.39
books, but something else
with the family that hurt my
00:15:11.42\00:15:14.20
feelings really bad.
- where is that book?
00:15:14.23\00:15:16.57
I was so tired of this,
I'm so tired I can't take it
00:15:16.60\00:15:20.94
anymore, I've tried to
please them for so long and I
00:15:20.97\00:15:23.99
can't do it, I can't take
this anymore so I went and dug
00:15:24.02\00:15:26.43
the books out, and I think
there is five in the series.
00:15:26.46\00:15:29.11
I picked up one of the
books and I flipped it open to
00:15:29.14\00:15:32.71
a chapter called
Experiencing God's Love,
00:15:32.74\00:15:34.65
and I started reading.
00:15:34.68\00:15:35.65
I don't even know why
did start at the beginning,
00:15:35.66\00:15:38.98
I just flipped it
open and started reading.
00:15:39.01\00:15:40.57
The Chapter Experiencing
God's Love, it talks about
00:15:40.60\00:15:43.60
having these wounds as
children and how profoundly
00:15:43.63\00:15:47.55
they affect your life.
00:15:47.58\00:15:49.01
The man that wrote the book
he even talks about actually
00:15:49.04\00:15:52.73
giving God the
opportunity to show him.
00:15:52.76\00:15:54.58
God I know I have this
issue, I don't know where
00:15:54.61\00:15:57.27
they stem from, but he
prayed, show me what they are.
00:15:57.30\00:16:00.29
And God did, and in the
book it talks about how
00:16:00.32\00:16:03.99
he cried so hard, it was
like a cleansing cry and
00:16:04.02\00:16:06.86
it came from his
soul, deep soul wound.
00:16:06.89\00:16:08.76
He wasn't even aware it was
there until God showed him.
00:16:08.79\00:16:13.50
So I thought I'm going to do
it, I don't know what it is
00:16:13.53\00:16:17.20
and I can think of so many
things that if I go back into
00:16:17.23\00:16:19.56
the intellectual mind that
happened that might be it.
00:16:19.59\00:16:22.49
I could go back and think,
and think well yeah hurt but.
00:16:22.52\00:16:27.86
But I wasn't in touch with, it's
because it was buried. - so deep
00:16:27.89\00:16:32.29
So deep that it takes a
Holy Spirit to bring it out.
00:16:32.32\00:16:34.63
So I began praying - and
the better we are, the smarter
00:16:34.66\00:16:38.83
we are, we are so good at
burying that stuff, we really
00:16:38.86\00:16:43.44
are good and we don't even
know how many walls we have
00:16:43.47\00:16:46.29
put up, how far we have buried
it to the extent that I buried
00:16:46.32\00:16:49.12
it, I don't feel it anymore,
I don't feel the pain, but
00:16:49.15\00:16:51.36
I also don't feel joy and
I'm not connected with life.
00:16:51.39\00:16:54.10
It's like this huge thing
that I am separate, and God is
00:16:54.13\00:16:57.88
just, I think God is in
heaven just screaming,
00:16:57.91\00:17:00.42
I don't want you
to live like that.
00:17:00.45\00:17:01.95
That is not what victory
feels like, and most of us can
00:17:01.98\00:17:04.96
live like that and look great.
00:17:04.99\00:17:06.62
Right, right! And that is
what I had been doing, but
00:17:06.65\00:17:09.42
inside I had so many things
that made me unhappy and made
00:17:09.45\00:17:12.86
me just not the person
that God wanted me to be.
00:17:12.89\00:17:17.16
So I began to pray, I
think really I was praying,
00:17:17.19\00:17:21.88
I was serious with God now,
I'm tired of living this way
00:17:21.91\00:17:24.67
and now I am serious with Him.
00:17:24.70\00:17:26.05
I just began to pray,
what ever it is Lord,
00:17:26.08\00:17:28.16
what ever causes me to feel
like I need to please them,
00:17:28.19\00:17:30.33
what ever causes me to
feel not good enough,
00:17:30.36\00:17:32.44
I want to know what it is.
00:17:32.47\00:17:33.95
So I began praying, it was
probably no more than about
00:17:33.98\00:17:38.15
two weeks, and this is funny
how God will bring this up.
00:17:38.18\00:17:41.33
Because when you give Him
permission, and you give Him
00:17:41.36\00:17:43.34
access to the deep
parts of your heart.
00:17:43.37\00:17:45.04
Cole I were eating at a Mexican
restaurant and he ordered
00:17:45.07\00:17:51.59
spinach enchiladas and I
remembered, I was four years old
00:17:51.62\00:17:56.67
and I remembered a story
about my dad trying to force
00:17:56.70\00:17:59.95
me to eat spinach.
00:17:59.98\00:18:01.37
I felt this piercing in my
heart, and I thought than
00:18:01.40\00:18:05.35
I wonder if that is what
I have been praying for?
00:18:05.38\00:18:07.60
Because that was kind of
how he explained in the book
00:18:07.63\00:18:09.15
that it happened to him.
00:18:09.18\00:18:10.40
You literally felt a
physical - a physical piercing
00:18:10.43\00:18:13.09
through my heart, it was
not just a hurt my feelings,
00:18:13.12\00:18:15.62
it was an ah, take
your breath away.
00:18:15.65\00:18:17.33
So I was in a restaurant
with my little girls and
00:18:17.36\00:18:21.18
I thought I was going to
put that aside and not think
00:18:21.21\00:18:23.41
about this and the next
day in my prayer time,
00:18:23.44\00:18:26.16
of course God just
brings it flooding back.
00:18:26.19\00:18:28.75
Now this is the interesting
part, this is how we are so
00:18:28.78\00:18:31.35
disconnected with what is
really going on inside of us.
00:18:31.38\00:18:34.30
If I would have told you
the story about my dad trying
00:18:34.33\00:18:37.46
to force me to eat
spinach, he was brutal with me.
00:18:37.49\00:18:39.83
I was literally gagging
over this spinach and he is
00:18:39.86\00:18:42.86
trying to force me to eat it.
00:18:42.89\00:18:43.99
I remembered this whole
story already, and when I told
00:18:44.02\00:18:48.14
you the story I would have
said, isn't my dad just a jerk?
00:18:48.17\00:18:50.87
Isn't he just awful? But
that day God took me back to
00:18:50.90\00:18:55.08
that spot, I literally was
sitting at the kitchen table
00:18:55.11\00:18:57.78
again, remembering
as a little girl.
00:18:57.81\00:19:00.16
I am watching my dad be so
brutal with me, and I remember
00:19:00.19\00:19:04.37
and this hits my soul
every time I tell it.
00:19:04.40\00:19:07.27
And there is more, we usually
have more than one really
00:19:07.30\00:19:10.49
deep wound, but I
remember him being so brutal,
00:19:10.52\00:19:14.83
I remember tears streaming
down my face and I remember
00:19:14.86\00:19:16.64
looking to my mother to help me.
00:19:16.67\00:19:18.78
She was laughing,
now I don't know maybe
00:19:18.81\00:19:23.52
she was laughing because
he was making such an idiot
00:19:23.55\00:19:25.62
out of himself, I don't know.
00:19:25.65\00:19:27.00
But I perceived that she
was laughing at my pain.
00:19:27.03\00:19:31.29
So that day I came to
believe, see this is where our
00:19:31.32\00:19:36.32
identity was stolen. God
wants us to have that identity
00:19:36.35\00:19:39.60
we are His children, He loves
us and He would have died if
00:19:39.63\00:19:41.76
we were the only ones.
00:19:41.79\00:19:43.16
He gives us parents to
reinforce that identity and to
00:19:43.19\00:19:46.56
teach us how valuable we
are, to love us unconditionally.
00:19:46.59\00:19:48.76
But our parents are human,
even if we have wonderful,
00:19:48.79\00:19:53.56
perfect parents in our
eyes, they are still humans and
00:19:53.59\00:19:56.26
full of sin. -
they've been damaged.
00:19:56.29\00:19:59.50
And they have been damaged,
and my mother came from an
00:19:59.53\00:20:02.42
abusive home, and it probably
didn't even register to her
00:20:02.45\00:20:04.60
that this was abusive
behavior because that was what
00:20:04.63\00:20:07.29
she had been conditioned to,
that was where she grew up.
00:20:07.32\00:20:10.68
But at that moment, this
child made a decision about
00:20:10.71\00:20:14.88
the world and how she was
going to live her life for
00:20:14.91\00:20:17.28
the rest of your life.
00:20:17.31\00:20:18.49
Yes I believed at that moment
that I was not even worth,
00:20:18.52\00:20:21.16
I was not worth enough in
my mother's eyes to save me
00:20:21.19\00:20:24.80
from that kind of abuse. I
must not be worth very much.
00:20:24.83\00:20:28.70
And so I believe that from
that day forward I had to work
00:20:28.73\00:20:32.76
extra hard to be liked, I
had to work extra hard to be
00:20:32.79\00:20:36.74
loved, that I could never, I
was a people pleaser because
00:20:36.77\00:20:40.73
if I would ever say no,
then someone might not think
00:20:40.76\00:20:45.08
I was good, someone
would think I was nice
00:20:45.11\00:20:46.72
but not think I was good.
00:20:46.75\00:20:48.13
If I could get everyone
around me to think I was okay,
00:20:48.16\00:20:50.35
then I could glean some
sort of self worth out of that.
00:20:50.38\00:20:52.66
Does that make sense? -
yes, but you know what makes
00:20:52.69\00:20:55.09
sense about that is when
you started sharing some of
00:20:55.12\00:20:57.64
that with me is that I
thought, you know what?
00:20:57.67\00:20:59.80
The devil has so convinced
you of that, and you are
00:20:59.83\00:21:02.98
working so hard at that,
that no one gets to enjoy who
00:21:03.01\00:21:06.68
Misti is, and I knew
that you were fabulous.
00:21:06.71\00:21:09.52
Do you know what I mean? I'm
not saying that in a vanity
00:21:09.55\00:21:12.24
way, I just knew you
were fabulous, and fun,
00:21:12.27\00:21:14.49
and I loved
hanging out with you.
00:21:14.52\00:21:16.45
I looked at you and new
that you didn't get to
00:21:16.48\00:21:19.12
experience any of that.
00:21:19.15\00:21:20.27
It is so painful to have our
identity stolen, and that is
00:21:20.30\00:21:23.43
the devil's plan to do
this, and he can do it so well.
00:21:23.46\00:21:26.19
Usually I think it is
through parents, but it can be
00:21:26.22\00:21:28.11
through any authority
figure in your life. - right.
00:21:28.15\00:21:30.11
At any time in your life.
- At any time in your life.
00:21:30.15\00:21:32.05
You can do more damage at a
younger age, but at any time we
00:21:32.08\00:21:36.28
can receive this, and I was four
years old when this happened.
00:21:36.31\00:21:40.47
I would have told you, I
would have thought in my
00:21:40.51\00:21:43.23
intellectual mind my dad,
it had to be my dad, but
00:21:43.27\00:21:45.78
it was my mother. This is
nothing about my mother,
00:21:45.82\00:21:48.29
my mother was
wonderful and I am so thankful
00:21:48.33\00:21:50.74
I had my mother and
when I saw how much
00:21:50.78\00:21:53.12
this damage had done to
me, this wound had done to
00:21:53.15\00:21:56.20
me, I totally understood
how her wounds hurt her.
00:21:56.24\00:21:59.25
It wasn't about bitterness,
or being angry at her,
00:21:59.28\00:22:02.26
or anything like
that, love finds a way.
00:22:02.30\00:22:04.88
I like when you say that
because, when God heals us it is
00:22:04.92\00:22:07.48
not about being angry or
putting the blame on someone.
00:22:07.51\00:22:10.45
It is just about seeing it
so that I can say to God,
00:22:10.49\00:22:13.39
you know what? Help me!
00:22:13.43\00:22:15.15
Because now I am sitting at
the table, I know the damage,
00:22:15.19\00:22:18.47
I know how deep it was, but
I don't know what to do next.
00:22:18.51\00:22:21.95
Holy Spirit - yeah and in
the memory when I go back to
00:22:21.98\00:22:25.49
that day, when He took me
back there, I cried harder
00:22:25.53\00:22:29.24
then I have ever cried
because it is the hurt and the
00:22:29.27\00:22:32.91
wounds and I heard someone
else describe it as a wound that
00:22:32.94\00:22:36.01
you have that has healed a
little bit, but it is still
00:22:36.04\00:22:39.48
infected, and you give God
permission to cut it open and
00:22:39.51\00:22:42.91
lance it, clean it out
and then it can heal.
00:22:42.94\00:22:45.66
That is what I feel is happening
this pain was coming out
00:22:45.70\00:22:49.28
of me and for the first
part, for the first 30 minutes
00:22:49.32\00:22:52.71
of crying this hard, it
was probably more why would
00:22:52.75\00:22:55.43
she do that to me? Why
was she not protecting me?
00:22:55.46\00:22:58.03
It was grieving over
that, then I started to see,
00:22:58.06\00:23:00.56
and this is the Holy Spirit
that did it, I started to see
00:23:00.60\00:23:02.78
how that had affected
everything in my life.
00:23:02.81\00:23:06.18
It left me believing I was
not worth anything because my
00:23:06.22\00:23:09.52
own mother, and I know she
loves me, but I came to believe
00:23:09.55\00:23:12.81
that I wasn't worth her
protecting and that is how
00:23:12.85\00:23:16.28
I became this people pleaser.
00:23:16.31\00:23:18.59
I couldn't even be myself
because I was so busy trying
00:23:18.62\00:23:21.29
to feel like I was worth
something, I couldn't be who
00:23:21.32\00:23:23.96
God made me to be.
00:23:23.99\00:23:25.34
For a lot of people that
understand what you are saying
00:23:25.38\00:23:27.46
right now, they don't
even know who themselves is,
00:23:27.49\00:23:30.01
who am I? - right.
00:23:30.05\00:23:31.42
Because you started
that at such an early age,
00:23:31.45\00:23:33.32
you said who am I?
What does this mean?
00:23:33.36\00:23:36.02
So to me that was
such a huge thing.
00:23:36.05\00:23:38.65
When you started healing, I
could hear it in your voice.
00:23:38.68\00:23:41.50
I could hear your understanding
that the God of the
00:23:41.53\00:23:44.68
universe stepped into your
life and is guiding you in
00:23:44.71\00:23:48.19
your recovery, and I went
on the phone like Yahoo.
00:23:48.23\00:23:51.14
You know because that is
like a point in all of our
00:23:51.18\00:23:53.99
lives where we just have
to say, God I love you.
00:23:54.02\00:23:56.76
We are so damaged, we are so
damaged from the very wound
00:23:56.80\00:24:00.99
a lot of times and
God says you know what?
00:24:01.02\00:24:02.83
That doesn't even
scare Me, just trust Me.
00:24:02.86\00:24:04.60
Trust Me enough to let Me close
to that wound and I promise
00:24:04.63\00:24:07.82
you that you will have a life.
00:24:07.85\00:24:08.82
Letting Him do that, coming
out of that room that day,
00:24:08.86\00:24:11.59
I was a different person, I
felt like a weight had been
00:24:11.62\00:24:14.26
lifted off of my shoulders,
it's your baggage that I have
00:24:14.30\00:24:16.98
carried around, we are so
used to carrying it around that
00:24:17.01\00:24:19.66
we don't even know it is there.
00:24:19.70\00:24:20.79
I met this woman who said
she doesn't have baggage,
00:24:20.82\00:24:24.15
she has cargo? - ha, ha,
Ha,, - I'm thinking man.
00:24:24.19\00:24:27.45
You know what I mean? Is
that we carry so much we have
00:24:27.48\00:24:31.11
trainloads behind us, and we
don't even know what, I just
00:24:31.15\00:24:34.74
know that I'm tired. -
yes, exactly and life isn't
00:24:34.78\00:24:38.73
working smooth for us,
things don't go well,
00:24:38.76\00:24:41.46
relationships don't go
well and we don't know why.
00:24:41.49\00:24:43.99
We don't know why, it's
because they're so much pain
00:24:44.02\00:24:46.65
buried in all of us and you
have to give the Holy Spirit
00:24:46.69\00:24:49.28
that access to that.
00:24:49.32\00:24:50.51
So tell us, because you
started to pray about this and
00:24:50.54\00:24:54.18
allow the Holy Spirit to
come in, what kind of changes
00:24:54.22\00:24:57.82
and when did you
finally get it, I get it?
00:24:57.86\00:25:00.08
Well I really think coming
out of that room that day,
00:25:00.11\00:25:02.53
I was a different
person completely.
00:25:02.57\00:25:04.56
And I think for other
people, people now that I have
00:25:04.60\00:25:07.35
been doing this for a while,
I think sometimes it can be
00:25:07.38\00:25:10.00
gradual but for me that
day I was a different person.
00:25:10.03\00:25:12.54
I wanted everybody to get
it, and you can ask the ladies
00:25:12.57\00:25:15.00
sitting here. - and we are
going to, we are going to
00:25:15.03\00:25:17.57
take a break and ask
everyone sitting here, because
00:25:17.60\00:25:20.23
everyone sitting here was
affected, you were affected
00:25:20.27\00:25:23.48
because I got it and said
Misti you have to get it.
00:25:23.52\00:25:26.66
You have to pray to God to
let Him send the Holy Spirit.
00:25:26.70\00:25:29.50
Even if you don't know what
that means, even if you don't
00:25:29.53\00:25:32.54
understand the significance
of that, ask Him to give you
00:25:32.57\00:25:35.50
insight, to show you
something to come into your life
00:25:35.53\00:25:38.50
that I'm done, I'm tired
and I need You to help me.
00:25:38.53\00:25:41.43
And God starts changing
everything, and sometimes it may
00:25:41.46\00:25:44.98
feel painful and you may
cry, but God is just opening up
00:25:45.02\00:25:47.83
the wound and He is cleaning
it out and your life will
00:25:47.87\00:25:50.94
be changed and you will
feel joy and for the first time
00:25:50.97\00:25:54.34
understand who God created
you to be, and live in that.
00:25:54.37\00:25:57.17
It is amazing, so we are
going to take a break and when
00:25:57.21\00:25:59.57
we come back I'm going to
introduce you to some friends
00:25:59.61\00:26:01.94
of Misti's that are here
and we will hear what the
00:26:01.98\00:26:04.69
Holy Spirit has
done in their life.
00:26:04.72\00:26:06.33
And some of the testimonies
I'm telling you are so heavy,
00:26:06.36\00:26:09.31
we are going to have the
full testimony on another show
00:26:09.35\00:26:13.03
but I want you to hear briefly
how God steps in and gives
00:26:13.06\00:26:16.18
somebody hope, it is amazing
you have got to stay with us.
00:26:16.22\00:26:19.30
We will be right back!
00:26:19.34\00:26:20.68
Think you've seen
it all? Think again.
00:26:26.05\00:26:29.12
Cheri Peters is back
for a second season of
00:26:29.15\00:26:32.82
Celebrating Life In
Recovery with more lives
00:26:32.85\00:26:36.48
more stories and more miracles.
00:26:36.52\00:26:39.34
Watch the shocking,
inspiring, and the incredible.
00:26:39.37\00:26:43.41
Check your local
listings to find out when
00:26:43.45\00:26:46.00
Celebrating Life In
Recovery comes to you and get
00:26:46.04\00:26:49.39
ready for another dose
of reality, Cheri style.
00:26:49.43\00:26:52.75
I am so amazed at how God is.
00:27:07.79\00:27:11.06
About the Holy Spirit,
about when we finally get to a
00:27:11.09\00:27:13.63
point in recovery like
Misti was saying where I am
00:27:13.66\00:27:16.13
saying God I can't even do
this, You have got to give me
00:27:16.16\00:27:18.98
some insight, You have got
to show me where the problems
00:27:19.02\00:27:21.81
are, and when I finally
start seeking after that.
00:27:21.84\00:27:25.48
In Misti's life she said she
started seeking after that.
00:27:25.51\00:27:29.40
What ever happened I grab
the book and I started to get
00:27:29.44\00:27:33.29
on my knees and I
started praying and God started
00:27:33.33\00:27:35.46
to unfold things for her.
00:27:35.49\00:27:36.62
And when that happened to
me it was my husband had said
00:27:36.66\00:27:39.63
something and it was just,
we were doing something and
00:27:39.66\00:27:42.39
he said one of these days
Cheri you're going to let me
00:27:42.42\00:27:45.55
love you, and I'm thinking
what is he talking about?
00:27:45.59\00:27:48.47
You're still here and we
have been married 10 years.
00:27:48.51\00:27:51.25
I'm thinking that was the
craziest thing you ever said.
00:27:51.28\00:27:54.17
I have attachment disorders,
bonding disorders, and my
00:27:54.20\00:27:57.56
mom tried to self do an
abortion six different times
00:27:57.59\00:28:00.50
while she was carrying me,
never loved me, and my dad is
00:28:00.53\00:28:03.18
a druggie and just died seven
months ago in a drug house.
00:28:03.22\00:28:05.83
Crack addiction, so I
didn't have a lot of love.
00:28:05.86\00:28:09.30
But I love Brad as much as
I am able to, and I received
00:28:09.34\00:28:13.41
love from him as much
as I was able to. Right?
00:28:13.45\00:28:15.69
So I'm praying and saying
God what's he talking about?
00:28:15.72\00:28:20.69
Someday that I'm
going to let him love me?
00:28:20.72\00:28:23.77
And God said through the
Holy Spirit, Cheri someday
00:28:23.80\00:28:26.28
you're going to let Me love you.
00:28:26.32\00:28:28.92
I'm like, oh come on, come on.
00:28:28.96\00:28:31.49
If the whole world is crazy,
the whole world is not able
00:28:31.53\00:28:35.07
to love me, or I am not able
to love, that is one thing,
00:28:35.10\00:28:38.59
but God You know I love You
and You know that I let You
00:28:38.63\00:28:41.84
love me. And he said, Cheri
even when you are on your knees
00:28:41.87\00:28:45.05
praying with Me, I can't
get through those walls.
00:28:45.08\00:28:48.11
I can't get close to you.
00:28:48.15\00:28:49.19
And I was just
thinking that is so not true.
00:28:49.22\00:28:51.70
It is really hard to tell
God that, that is not true!
00:28:51.74\00:28:55.28
I'm just going to call You
on that, you are God and You
00:28:55.32\00:28:58.83
know a lot of things,
but that's a hard denial,
00:28:58.87\00:29:02.19
You don't know me, I'm
okay as Misti was saying,
00:29:02.23\00:29:05.52
it's about my
in-laws it's not me.
00:29:05.55\00:29:08.02
So God slowly through the
Holy Spirit, as I started to
00:29:08.06\00:29:11.63
seek Him, seeking the Holy
Spirit is that He started
00:29:11.67\00:29:15.20
showing me that I
never learned to trust.
00:29:15.24\00:29:17.09
As He showed me that, I remember
crying like crazy because
00:29:17.12\00:29:21.36
I thought I don't
know what to do next.
00:29:21.40\00:29:23.04
I don't know what the next
step is, and He said, good.
00:29:23.08\00:29:26.38
Because I do, I know
what the next step is and
00:29:26.41\00:29:29.96
I know how to lead you.
00:29:30.00\00:29:31.02
As I started to rely more on
the Holy Spirit, as I started
00:29:31.06\00:29:34.36
to surrender things to
God, I started to feel such
00:29:34.39\00:29:37.90
a strength and my
recovery was unbelievable.
00:29:37.93\00:29:40.26
I feel like I can go anywhere
on the planet, anywhere on
00:29:40.30\00:29:43.09
the planet and be able to
say to someone, you know I am
00:29:43.12\00:29:46.27
a woman of God standing,
enjoying, in the Holy of Holies
00:29:46.31\00:29:49.42
in the presence of my
Father, isn't life awesome?
00:29:49.45\00:29:52.96
Before I was
fighting for my recovery.
00:29:52.99\00:29:55.69
So I'm going to introduce
you to the people here,
00:29:55.73\00:29:58.17
everybody here has a
story, everybody here has an
00:29:58.21\00:30:00.58
experience at some level
with God, some are at the very
00:30:00.62\00:30:03.92
beginning, some at the,
well we are not at the end
00:30:03.95\00:30:06.88
we are all breathing but
everyone has an experience at
00:30:06.92\00:30:09.82
some level so I want to
introduce you to some.
00:30:09.85\00:30:12.38
First of all Sherry can
you come up, you have an
00:30:12.41\00:30:14.86
incredible testimony, so I
want everyone to hear that.
00:30:14.90\00:30:17.58
But first of all, most people
are not going to know that
00:30:17.62\00:30:20.27
you are Misti's sister-in-law.
00:30:20.30\00:30:22.01
So we met through Misti and
Cole, so talk a little bit
00:30:22.04\00:30:25.21
about who you are, where
you are from, and when did you
00:30:25.24\00:30:28.37
get it as far as
the Holy Spirit?
00:30:28.41\00:30:30.08
Well I got it because Misti
talked to you and she called
00:30:30.11\00:30:34.38
me and she knew I was very
damaged and she said, Sherry
00:30:34.42\00:30:37.58
you have got to do this, you
have got to pray and ask God
00:30:37.62\00:30:40.75
to show you
where your damage is.
00:30:40.79\00:30:42.20
She said Cheri Peters has
been here and she showed me
00:30:42.24\00:30:44.13
these books and I have been
reading them and I'm telling
00:30:44.16\00:30:46.02
you this is big
stuff, you got to read it.
00:30:46.06\00:30:48.36
I was like, okay whatever.
- did you do it right away?
00:30:48.39\00:30:52.26
Or did she wait like
Misti? - oh no, On no.
00:30:52.29\00:30:54.38
She calls me every day for
probably two weeks and was
00:30:54.42\00:30:58.14
like I'm telling you
this is big, this is big.
00:30:58.18\00:30:59.90
And I'm like okay, because
she gets passionate about
00:30:59.93\00:31:02.44
everything like that, I
was like okay, okay I will.
00:31:02.48\00:31:04.96
Because I thought I
knew where my damage is.
00:31:04.99\00:31:08.48
I don't have to pray, I
thought my dad left when
00:31:08.52\00:31:11.94
I was six, he left before my
little sister was even born
00:31:11.98\00:31:14.67
and I know where my damage is.
00:31:14.70\00:31:17.59
I was abandoned and then
it made my mother feel like
00:31:17.62\00:31:21.29
she had to go out and find a
man to rescue us, so I felt
00:31:21.32\00:31:24.95
abandoned and I knew
were my damage was.
00:31:24.99\00:31:26.89
You had kids that were acting
out at the time, I had kids
00:31:26.92\00:31:31.32
they were using drugs and
my life was in chaos and
00:31:31.36\00:31:35.69
I could not, I was not
functioning very well I was just
00:31:35.72\00:31:38.75
getting by, but I thought
I knew were all my problems
00:31:38.79\00:31:41.79
were and what stemmed from them.
00:31:41.82\00:31:43.46
I told her, because I love
her to pieces, and I just said
00:31:43.50\00:31:46.41
okay I'll do this, I will
because she loved me so much
00:31:46.45\00:31:49.33
she wanted me to get
this, really get it.
00:31:49.37\00:31:51.15
She wanted you to have a
freedom that she had found.
00:31:51.19\00:31:54.71
Yes, so I finally started
saying I'm going to pray
00:31:54.74\00:31:58.23
about it, and I really did.
00:31:58.26\00:31:59.84
I really started
praying about it.
00:31:59.88\00:32:01.43
I guess it was about two
weeks later that her sister
00:32:01.46\00:32:04.74
Nicky, my other sister-in-law
called and was telling me
00:32:04.78\00:32:07.72
that her little girls had
not seen their dad and I think
00:32:07.75\00:32:10.66
a month is what they said.
00:32:10.70\00:32:11.92
Because the schedules,
Nicky travels a lot and Mori
00:32:11.96\00:32:17.08
travels a lot and so ago
when she got that memory back
00:32:17.12\00:32:21.00
it was like that in my
heart pierced, that pierced.
00:32:21.04\00:32:25.46
I was like oh my, because I
knew that I was that little
00:32:25.49\00:32:29.88
girl that hadn't seen
my dad in a long time.
00:32:29.91\00:32:32.45
The Nicky said, now they
are emotional, they cry for
00:32:32.49\00:32:36.74
no reason and I don't know why.
00:32:36.77\00:32:37.84
I said that is okay honey
because I know you miss your
00:32:37.87\00:32:39.94
daddy, but nobody
was telling me that.
00:32:39.98\00:32:41.84
They were saying just
deal with it, this is the way
00:32:41.88\00:32:45.27
life is, they weren't
saying this but this is what I.
00:32:45.31\00:32:48.67
- that's right, stop crying.
00:32:48.70\00:32:50.11
But for me I did not cry
because it would make my mother
00:32:50.15\00:32:53.62
more upset, and I was the
one who protected everybody in
00:32:53.65\00:32:57.09
the family, I
made sure everybody
00:32:57.13\00:32:58.51
was happy and everything.
00:32:58.55\00:33:00.64
When she said that I
thought all my, I hadn't seen my
00:33:00.67\00:33:05.18
dad for month after month
after year, but my daddy wasn't
00:33:05.22\00:33:09.28
calling me saying, I miss
you, I can't wait to see you,
00:33:09.31\00:33:13.48
and it was nothing like
that. I just thought oh my!
00:33:13.51\00:33:17.61
So when I heard that, and the
way I feel about their girls
00:33:17.64\00:33:21.33
and you know them as well
as I do, they are precious.
00:33:21.36\00:33:24.29
- amazing kids. - I saw
myself as that sweet little
00:33:24.32\00:33:27.11
precious little girl, like
her girls are, like I think
00:33:27.15\00:33:29.91
her girls are and
that is how God sees me.
00:33:29.94\00:33:32.99
All of a sudden I was like,
oh my, I didn't deserve what
00:33:33.02\00:33:37.29
happened to me. I didn't
deserve that, I deserved better.
00:33:37.32\00:33:41.18
I deserved parents that
loved me and would nurture me.
00:33:41.21\00:33:45.04
My mother did the
best job she could and
00:33:45.07\00:33:48.15
I'm not knocking her. -
under the circumstances and
00:33:48.19\00:33:50.40
you know what I hear that
when somebody starts to heal
00:33:50.43\00:33:52.69
is that they feel like
they want to protect everybody
00:33:52.72\00:33:55.28
around them, but it is not
about knocking someone is
00:33:55.31\00:33:58.04
about just saying this is
where my damage started and
00:33:58.08\00:34:00.78
everything else
piled on top of that.
00:34:00.81\00:34:02.77
Well I call Misti the after I
got the phone call from Nicky,
00:34:04.04\00:34:06.91
I think I got it,
I think I got it.
00:34:06.95\00:34:08.13
She was like, what is it? I
began to tell her and just
00:34:08.16\00:34:11.87
the emotions flowed out
of me, and the first second
00:34:11.90\00:34:15.57
I thought how could
my dad do that to me?
00:34:15.61\00:34:17.91
Then the second right after
that it was gone, and I said,
00:34:17.95\00:34:21.64
you know what? He was
just as damaged as I was.
00:34:21.67\00:34:24.92
You know he went from
women to women trying to find
00:34:24.95\00:34:28.50
somebody else to make him
feel better and that was the
00:34:28.54\00:34:31.90
first time I could honestly
say I truly forgave my dad.
00:34:31.93\00:34:35.26
I just started seeing
everybody as hurting people,
00:34:35.29\00:34:40.43
hurting people as much as I
am and that is the reason why
00:34:40.46\00:34:43.87
I tried to mask all that hurt
with drugs and alcohol and sex,
00:34:43.91\00:34:47.78
just all the things
that come along with that.
00:34:47.81\00:34:50.90
I finally was able
to forgive myself.
00:34:50.93\00:34:53.90
And one I was talking to
Misti on the phone, I mean
00:34:53.94\00:34:57.29
emotions were, I can't even
explain what was going on.
00:34:57.33\00:35:01.36
All of a sudden I had this
vision of me just covered in
00:35:01.40\00:35:05.82
white, and I was covered in
the righteousness of Jesus
00:35:05.86\00:35:10.25
righteousness, it
was nothing I did.
00:35:10.29\00:35:12.75
He just said you know
what? I'm not holding you
00:35:12.79\00:35:15.06
accountable for what you
did. - I took that on Myself.
00:35:15.10\00:35:18.12
You are forgiven. - I was
forgiven, and I'll be honest
00:35:18.15\00:35:21.14
with you, before that
day I had many flashbacks.
00:35:21.17\00:35:23.98
You know how you have those
memories when they come back
00:35:24.01\00:35:26.60
and you feel like you are
right there in that situation
00:35:26.64\00:35:29.08
again, your heart is
pounding and you are embarrassed
00:35:29.11\00:35:31.83
and humiliated and all
this stuff and after that day
00:35:31.87\00:35:34.98
I have a really hard time
remembering those things that
00:35:35.02\00:35:38.58
I wanted to so badly and so
desperately forget before.
00:35:38.61\00:35:41.25
I want your sister to
come up, so Kim your going to
00:35:41.29\00:35:44.08
come up and as she is coming
up I want to say one thing
00:35:44.12\00:35:47.32
about when you understand
God's love for us and the
00:35:47.36\00:35:49.86
baptism of the Holy
Spirit, and the healing of the
00:35:49.90\00:35:52.80
Holy Spirit, one person
gives it to another person,
00:35:52.84\00:35:55.67
gives it to another person
and it's the way God intended.
00:35:55.71\00:35:58.12
He said comfort those with
that comfort that you have
00:35:58.16\00:36:00.39
received, and in this
show I want you to hear this
00:36:00.42\00:36:02.86
clearly but I also want
you to hear that every single
00:36:02.89\00:36:05.26
person that has asked God to
open up and show them, and bring
00:36:05.30\00:36:10.03
healing into their life,
God says I would love to.
00:36:10.06\00:36:13.34
Absolutely would love to
because I am your Father and
00:36:13.37\00:36:16.61
I want you to
live a life of joy.
00:36:16.65\00:36:18.26
It is different than just
living the Christian life
00:36:18.29\00:36:21.40
isn't it? - yeah - yes.
00:36:21.44\00:36:23.01
So Kim you come up here.
When we met, Sherry asked me
00:36:23.04\00:36:26.89
to come up and you were
struggling with an addiction and
00:36:26.93\00:36:30.60
they asked me to do a one
to one intervention with you
00:36:30.63\00:36:33.82
and meth. You know what it
is all right, it's all right.
00:36:33.85\00:36:37.00
I want you to talk a
little bit about your past.
00:36:37.03\00:36:42.42
- it's tough isn't it? - yeah.
00:36:42.46\00:36:49.40
- right now what I want to
say is for a lot of people
00:36:49.44\00:36:53.57
watching it's tough, you
are new in recovery - yeah.
00:36:53.60\00:36:57.79
You are not even sure who
God is or anything about this
00:36:57.83\00:37:01.98
whole spiritual thing,
am I right about that?
00:37:02.02\00:37:04.24
- I know who He is, I mean
I was baptized after my dad
00:37:04.28\00:37:07.17
died and everything and
went that way and kind of went
00:37:07.20\00:37:10.83
backwards again, but like
my sister said, my dad left
00:37:10.86\00:37:14.23
before it was even born so
the abandonment issues came
00:37:14.27\00:37:18.55
and I too turn to drugs,
alcohol, sex anything to make
00:37:18.59\00:37:22.49
a man love me. - right,
because why did your dad leave?
00:37:22.53\00:37:26.29
He was cheating on my mom,
- I mean as a little girl
00:37:26.32\00:37:29.36
that part of you - oh
yeah, I always thought it was
00:37:29.39\00:37:32.68
my fault because he left
before I was born so I thought
00:37:32.71\00:37:36.52
it was my fault because he
wanted a boy, because we are
00:37:36.56\00:37:39.92
all girls and I just had a
numerous amount of reasons
00:37:39.95\00:37:43.27
why I thought he left.
00:37:43.31\00:37:44.55
None of them were, it
wasn't until I divorced my first
00:37:44.59\00:37:47.40
husband that my mom told
me that my dad had been
00:37:47.44\00:37:50.30
cheating on her for
years and she finally said,
00:37:50.33\00:37:53.16
do not come home tonight.
00:37:53.19\00:37:55.06
I know that you have struggled
off and on and a very functional
00:37:56.47\00:38:01.02
addict for most of that time.
- yeah, holding a job down.
00:38:01.05\00:38:04.27
73% of all addictions or
all drug trafficking in the
00:38:04.30\00:38:11.02
United States is people
that are still going to work,
00:38:11.05\00:38:12.50
still look great and all
those things, so you are talking
00:38:12.53\00:38:15.59
to a lot of people when you
say that, I went to work and
00:38:15.62\00:38:19.15
I functioned. - I was the
only one in my surrounding
00:38:19.18\00:38:22.09
group of friends, well one other
girl, but for the most part I
00:38:22.12\00:38:25.94
was only one that held down a
job consistently for the entire
00:38:25.97\00:38:29.12
time. - why are you clean
now? Why do you want to be
00:38:29.15\00:38:31.58
clean? Well I want to be clean
for a lot of reasons, for my
00:38:31.62\00:38:37.10
children, when my sister
intervene they sleep between my
00:38:37.13\00:38:42.64
son and at that moment I
thought I had so much to lose
00:38:42.68\00:38:47.00
and nothing to gain by
continuing to this. - right.
00:38:47.04\00:38:51.92
With anybody watching I
want to beg them, pray for Kim
00:38:51.96\00:38:56.48
and her recovery, for the
reconciliation of family members
00:38:56.51\00:39:00.43
and all that stuff. And I
want you to know, that you know
00:39:00.47\00:39:04.35
we have been praying
for you since we met.
00:39:04.38\00:39:06.33
We came to your state and
sat down with you and worked
00:39:06.36\00:39:09.76
with you and your husband,
and Amanda, another meth addict
00:39:09.79\00:39:13.16
that bonded with you,
prays for you all the time.
00:39:13.19\00:39:16.06
She called me and say I
don't even know why but God is
00:39:16.09\00:39:19.21
telling me to
pray for Kim today.
00:39:19.25\00:39:20.63
So even with the Holy
Spirit directs people to pray
00:39:20.66\00:39:24.15
for us when we are struggling.
00:39:24.18\00:39:25.29
So you know what? We can't
do it on the show but tonight
00:39:25.33\00:39:28.74
I want us to sit down and
pray that the Holy Spirit just
00:39:28.78\00:39:32.16
direct your recovery
and that you find peace.
00:39:32.19\00:39:34.34
because I know you
long to have that. - yeah.
00:39:34.37\00:39:36.45
Thank you for coming up in
sharing that. - thank you.
00:39:36.48\00:39:38.72
- because I know it is
tough, give me a kiss.
00:39:38.76\00:39:40.25
Okay I would like to bring
Angie, come up for a minute.
00:39:41.96\00:39:45.27
I know this is tough, and
you know why I want to bring
00:39:45.31\00:39:48.63
you up, and I have to say
the first thing Angie told me
00:39:48.66\00:39:51.50
when she came on the show
was don't call me up, right?
00:39:51.54\00:39:54.60
Right! - so I can't
believe I'm doing this, can you?
00:39:54.64\00:39:57.66
- no. I can't.
00:39:57.70\00:40:00.12
Well you know you said
something that I would love to
00:40:00.16\00:40:02.30
cover, because you said you
know what? I don't know if
00:40:02.33\00:40:04.43
I've got it yet, what
do you mean by that?
00:40:04.47\00:40:06.71
I just feel like I know what
it's about and I know I want
00:40:06.75\00:40:10.45
it, but I don't have it,
it's a journey, it's a process
00:40:10.49\00:40:14.25
and I am not there yet, but
I know that it is a goal that
00:40:14.28\00:40:17.54
I am working towards because
when I see all these women
00:40:17.58\00:40:20.80
and everything that is
happening in their lives,
00:40:20.84\00:40:23.30
and the stories that they
tell how we are all different,
00:40:23.34\00:40:25.80
but we are all the same.
00:40:25.83\00:40:26.80
We are all looking to find
this happiness and this healing
00:40:26.81\00:40:29.41
that only God can
give us. - right.
00:40:29.45\00:40:31.44
You can see the difference
in their lives don't you?
00:40:31.48\00:40:33.84
- yes. - so tell us a
little bit because every time
00:40:33.87\00:40:36.16
I can see it when Misti calls
me on the phone, I can hear
00:40:36.20\00:40:39.41
it, so tell me a little bit
about what you see as far as
00:40:39.45\00:40:42.63
the changes when
everybody turns it over
00:40:42.66\00:40:44.55
to the Holy Spirit?
00:40:44.58\00:40:45.73
Well first of all like Sherry
said, when she gets excited
00:40:45.77\00:40:48.24
about something that is
all she can talk about.
00:40:48.27\00:40:52.52
She wants everyone to
know, and she wants everyone to
00:40:52.56\00:40:55.00
experience it so constantly
she is pounding at you that
00:40:55.03\00:40:57.40
you have got to get it, you
have got to get it keep praying.
00:40:57.44\00:40:59.29
God loves you and He wants you
have this, He wants you to find
00:40:59.32\00:41:02.22
your special for Him not to want
you to have this freedom also.
00:41:02.25\00:41:05.11
So you just see a passion
about her that wasn't there
00:41:05.15\00:41:08.92
before and a passion that
instead of being wounded and
00:41:08.95\00:41:12.26
hurt over the way people
have treated her she is just out
00:41:12.29\00:41:15.00
to make sure everybody
gets it and everybody has this
00:41:15.04\00:41:17.71
healing that she
has experienced.
00:41:17.75\00:41:19.41
- I know that you have
issues and Misti would so love
00:41:19.44\00:41:22.32
to just say, get it, get it,
00:41:22.35\00:41:25.29
give them up and I know it
in your heart you would love
00:41:25.32\00:41:27.22
to give them up? - yes.
00:41:27.25\00:41:28.43
So we are going to kind of
hang out tonight after the
00:41:28.46\00:41:30.95
show, we are going out to
dinner and we are going to
00:41:30.99\00:41:33.44
talk about the baptism
of the Holy Spirit and
00:41:33.48\00:41:35.68
I am praying you get it.
00:41:35.72\00:41:37.32
If anybody's listening
pray, pray with us. - thank you.
00:41:37.36\00:41:40.98
Okay Darbie I would like
for you to come up and share
00:41:41.02\00:41:44.57
with us, and Darbie you know
what is funny is the first time
00:41:44.60\00:41:46.72
when I said I'm going
to call you up to share,
00:41:46.75\00:41:48.20
you said you know what? I
just don't have anything really
00:41:48.23\00:41:51.66
and it is just small. Then
you tell me what the issue was
00:41:51.70\00:41:54.47
and I laughed because I
thought almost everybody on the
00:41:54.50\00:41:57.24
planet could relate to that.
00:41:57.27\00:41:58.69
So talk about, first
of all what you told me?
00:41:58.73\00:42:01.14
I was very insecure and I
didn't feel comfortable in my
00:42:01.17\00:42:05.16
own skin, but more
importantly it was really that
00:42:05.19\00:42:08.24
my words had no
value growing up.
00:42:08.27\00:42:10.33
- you got that growing
up? - well, you know I came
00:42:10.37\00:42:12.59
from a family that loved me.
00:42:12.62\00:42:14.02
My parents did get divorced
but we had a great relationship
00:42:14.05\00:42:19.21
with my family still and it
really changed after I found
00:42:19.24\00:42:24.12
the walls, but mine really
was, my words had no value.
00:42:24.16\00:42:28.97
It came to me when my husband
and I were in an argument
00:42:29.01\00:42:33.79
and I kept saying over
and over I kept saying,
00:42:33.82\00:42:35.80
you are not hearing me,
you are not hearing me.
00:42:35.84\00:42:37.75
Immediately someone had
just told us that when you feel
00:42:37.78\00:42:44.74
that anger, ask God
where that came from.
00:42:44.77\00:42:47.72
Immediately, because they
didn't know why I was saying it,
00:42:47.76\00:42:50.22
- right, it was so intense
and you knew it was bigger
00:42:50.25\00:42:54.70
than the argument. - yes,
yeah, yeah and I asked God
00:42:54.74\00:42:59.15
immediately
where that came from.
00:42:59.19\00:43:00.42
I just wanted to scream so
loud, why can't anyone hear
00:43:00.45\00:43:05.11
my words, why do my
words have no value?
00:43:05.14\00:43:07.22
Because my whole life I
felt like I shouldn't talk.
00:43:07.26\00:43:09.63
And I was a listener, I had
friends I would listen all
00:43:12.03\00:43:14.97
day long, but when it came
time to me, no one would listen.
00:43:15.00\00:43:18.87
So I kept over and over
getting that message and thought
00:43:18.90\00:43:22.74
okay well I probably
just shouldn't talk because
00:43:22.77\00:43:25.40
I should just be a listener.
00:43:25.43\00:43:27.04
From that moment, I had a
deep cry. - so this is an
00:43:27.07\00:43:32.81
I had to go back to the
fact that this is after friends
00:43:32.84\00:43:37.10
of yours and Misti was
telling you to listen to God and
00:43:37.14\00:43:41.36
let Him heal you of this.
00:43:41.40\00:43:42.53
So she was really trying
to say you don't have to be
00:43:42.56\00:43:45.96
there to say it. - Right
because I'm a people pleaser
00:43:45.99\00:43:48.95
a lot like Misti, and she
told me that's your junk,
00:43:48.98\00:43:51.90
Cheri Peters just told me that.
00:43:51.94\00:43:53.97
Is that funny, there is
something really powerful about
00:43:54.01\00:43:56.91
knowing it is our stuff,
because I can't change the world
00:43:56.94\00:43:59.82
But I sure can ask for God
to change me and to teach me.
00:43:59.86\00:44:03.69
And that began with me on
praying, to find what walls
00:44:03.73\00:44:07.49
I had built up and it caused
my relationship with God to be
00:44:07.52\00:44:10.64
further than I wanted it to
be, I wanted that closeness
00:44:10.68\00:44:14.29
that I thought everyone else
had, and I couldn't find it.
00:44:14.32\00:44:17.64
Bible studies, nothing, I
couldn't find that closeness
00:44:17.68\00:44:22.13
and finding that wall, that
my voice, I didn't have any
00:44:22.16\00:44:26.35
value in my words, - and I
love the imagery that you
00:44:26.39\00:44:30.54
have, is that you are
little girl behind walls,
00:44:30.58\00:44:32.92
and even if you scream you
are not going to be heard.
00:44:32.95\00:44:35.35
Because you have all
these walls. Um hum.
00:44:35.38\00:44:37.12
It changed my desires, my
relationship with God was what
00:44:37.16\00:44:43.01
I always dreamed it could
be and I don't know if I can
00:44:43.05\00:44:48.87
put into words, it
gave me a mission in life.
00:44:48.90\00:44:51.64
And the mission is
what? - to tell others.
00:44:51.67\00:44:54.34
To tell somebody, and
when I see people get it.
00:44:54.37\00:44:58.57
When I see people literally
the Gospel is true, recovery
00:44:58.60\00:45:02.64
is true, that there is
joy in our walk with God.
00:45:02.67\00:45:06.00
It is bigger than what
people are saying, is not
00:45:06.03\00:45:08.70
about just going and
sitting on a pew every week.
00:45:08.73\00:45:11.84
It is not about that, it
is about freedom from all of
00:45:11.88\00:45:14.95
our junk and
actually a restoration and
00:45:14.99\00:45:16.73
a renewed mind and heart.
00:45:16.76\00:45:18.50
I am going to give you a
new heart and a new spirit,
00:45:18.53\00:45:20.17
and when you feel
that isn't it amazing?
00:45:20.21\00:45:22.39
It's amazing. - it's
amazing. - it's amazing.
00:45:22.42\00:45:24.55
Everything
changes. - absolutely.
00:45:24.59\00:45:26.75
Darbie thank you so much
and you don't look insecure
00:45:26.79\00:45:29.02
at all to me
anymore. - I don't, good.
00:45:29.06\00:45:31.29
You've never met me - I
know about when I look at you
00:45:31.33\00:45:34.46
you are just a beautiful
woman and all that stuff and
00:45:34.49\00:45:37.71
I feel the Holy Spirit in
you, I don't feel insecurity.
00:45:37.75\00:45:40.93
Thank you, it is
all God. He healed me.
00:45:40.97\00:45:43.58
Okay, right now I want to
bring up Shelly, and Shelly
00:45:43.62\00:45:47.38
as you come up I want to
say that we are going to talk
00:45:47.42\00:45:50.05
about the Holy Spirit, and
we are going to talk about
00:45:50.09\00:45:53.13
recovery, but your
testimony is a little intense.
00:45:53.17\00:45:56.18
So I'm just going to
warn people about that.
00:45:56.22\00:45:58.56
You're going to be on
another show, we'll go into that
00:45:58.60\00:46:01.25
more in depth but I want
you to say where you came
00:46:01.28\00:46:04.39
from? And how did you meet
up with Misti and what does
00:46:04.43\00:46:07.50
the Holy Spirit mean to you?
00:46:07.54\00:46:08.90
Will Misti and I meant less than
two years ago, but I have had
00:46:08.93\00:46:12.72
some very major
traumas in my life.
00:46:12.75\00:46:15.16
The biggest one that
most people, and the one
00:46:15.19\00:46:17.33
you are talking about is a
little over 10 years ago.
00:46:17.36\00:46:20.53
I had gone through a
really, really bad divorce.
00:46:20.57\00:46:23.67
My ex-husband, it was probably
a year and a half for the
00:46:23.71\00:46:27.32
divorce, and three weeks after
it was finalized I had gone
00:46:27.35\00:46:30.93
out of town to see
my little sister.
00:46:30.97\00:46:32.24
For the very first time I
left my three boys with him,
00:46:32.27\00:46:35.38
they were 11, 10,
and 8 at the time.
00:46:35.41\00:46:38.06
And ah, so I left them
with their dad even though the
00:46:38.09\00:46:42.83
divorce was bad, it had been
awful for me but I had made
00:46:42.87\00:46:47.25
the decision to not try to
influence their relationship
00:46:47.28\00:46:50.52
with their dad. - you didn't
want to color that? - right.
00:46:50.56\00:46:53.23
If he was going to be a
bad person to them, it was
00:46:53.26\00:46:55.86
a half to be something they
are realizing on their own,
00:46:55.90\00:46:58.27
I didn't want to
influence that at all.
00:46:58.31\00:46:59.89
So I left them with their
dad and went to see my sister
00:46:59.93\00:47:02.58
and it was a three hour trip
and I was glad to get away.
00:47:02.62\00:47:05.49
My mother had been ill and
she was in the hospital so it
00:47:05.53\00:47:08.36
was a last minute thing
that I actually did go.
00:47:08.40\00:47:09.81
I left on a Friday and on
a Saturday morning at about
00:47:09.85\00:47:14.30
5:15 in the
morning the phone rang.
00:47:14.34\00:47:15.92
My sister answered the
phone in the other room and came
00:47:15.96\00:47:18.92
and got me and it
was my ex-husband.
00:47:18.95\00:47:20.79
He started talking, which
he did that a lot, he started
00:47:20.82\00:47:25.15
rambling a lot and into
that saying all kinds of weird
00:47:25.19\00:47:28.85
things, he kept talking,
he said they are all dead.
00:47:28.89\00:47:32.43
They're dead and I called
to you I love you and he was
00:47:32.47\00:47:35.98
saying all kinds of things.
00:47:36.02\00:47:37.42
- if they're all dead
were you talking about?
00:47:37.45\00:47:40.10
I thought he was talking
about his grandparents,
00:47:40.14\00:47:42.16
they live down the street
and we had a really good
00:47:42.19\00:47:44.17
relationship and for some
reason that was a connection
00:47:44.20\00:47:46.15
that I was making.
00:47:46.18\00:47:47.53
Then towards the very end
of the conversation he said
00:47:47.57\00:47:51.71
to me, I just called to
tell you that I love you and
00:47:51.74\00:47:55.85
that we're all dead.
Then I heard a noise.
00:47:55.89\00:47:58.45
And that was that. That was it!
00:47:58.49\00:48:01.19
I kind of started weirding
out, freaking out because
00:48:01.22\00:48:04.57
I couldn't get him to
response or do anything.
00:48:04.60\00:48:06.32
- What was that noise,
what were you saying?
00:48:06.36\00:48:08.01
Yeah, I could figure it all
out. So my sister had come
00:48:08.05\00:48:11.19
into the room by the end
and for some reason I had the
00:48:11.23\00:48:14.37
mental capacity, I know now
it was only God, to call my
00:48:14.41\00:48:17.92
Father in Oklahoma City and
have him call 911 and check
00:48:17.96\00:48:21.27
on the home where my ex-husband
lived and the kids were.
00:48:21.31\00:48:24.86
And we sat there for an
hour, I called friends of mine.
00:48:24.90\00:48:28.78
I asked for prayer we sat
there and prayed and I kept
00:48:28.81\00:48:32.21
trying to call, other people
were trying to call the home
00:48:32.24\00:48:35.60
not knowing what was going on.
00:48:35.64\00:48:37.48
- you want to just
say please answer.
00:48:37.51\00:48:39.66
Please answer and let
me know what is going on.
00:48:39.70\00:48:42.38
An hour later, at 6:15 my
dad called, and my sister
00:48:42.42\00:48:45.03
answered the phone and I
literally sat there and watched
00:48:45.07\00:48:47.45
her face for what he was saying.
00:48:47.48\00:48:49.40
She just very solemnly
liked umhumm, umhumm, okay.
00:48:49.44\00:48:55.49
She handed me the phone.
00:48:55.52\00:48:57.35
I remember my dad saying
Shelly, the police just came to
00:48:57.39\00:49:00.76
the door, and the boys are gone.
00:49:00.79\00:49:03.64
- I can't even imagine Shelly.
00:49:03.67\00:49:06.44
But Cheri, with the last
bit of hope that I had, what
00:49:06.48\00:49:10.08
I said to my dad was Oh
good, do they think they know
00:49:10.11\00:49:14.29
where he took them? He said
no honey, he shot and killed
00:49:14.32\00:49:18.47
all the boys and the
sound that you heard was him
00:49:18.50\00:49:21.59
shooting himself,
and he is still alive.
00:49:21.62\00:49:25.73
- wow. - I lost it, I
don't remember saying anything
00:49:25.77\00:49:31.43
else, I don't remember the
rest of the conversation,
00:49:31.46\00:49:33.07
I remember starting to
throw things and just.
00:49:33.10\00:49:35.40
- this just can't be
true. - just fall apart.
00:49:35.43\00:49:37.43
- this cannot be real.
- I just fell apart and
00:49:37.46\00:49:39.39
I remember my sisters now
husband, boyfriend then just
00:49:39.42\00:49:43.00
come to me saying if you have to
be beat on something beat on me.
00:49:43.04\00:49:45.73
And I beat on him until
he was black and blue and
00:49:45.77\00:49:48.35
just fell on the floor.
00:49:48.38\00:49:49.84
We made a trip back to
Oklahoma City in the van and
00:49:49.88\00:49:53.28
I remember just looking out
the window thinking I don't
00:49:53.31\00:49:56.68
have anything to go
home to. - or to live for.
00:49:56.71\00:49:59.67
I can't even
imagine trying to live.
00:49:59.70\00:50:03.27
I honestly can't say that I
didn't feel the urge to go on.
00:50:05.41\00:50:11.91
There was this part of me,
maybe it was just determination
00:50:11.94\00:50:16.11
that I knew this
was done to hurt me.
00:50:16.15\00:50:18.92
I knew my mom was waiting at
home, she had checked herself
00:50:18.95\00:50:23.41
out of the hospital to be
at home and wait for me.
00:50:23.44\00:50:25.40
I have always had to be strong
for my family, I've always
00:50:25.43\00:50:28.22
been a strong one, I've always
been responsible for a lot
00:50:28.25\00:50:31.44
of things and that is a lot
of my damage is in that area.
00:50:31.47\00:50:34.92
But I went home and I just
remember that night knowing
00:50:34.96\00:50:38.37
that I had to be
alone with God for awhile.
00:50:38.40\00:50:41.04
In knowing that they were
gone and my life had changed
00:50:41.08\00:50:45.13
forever and I didn't know why.
00:50:45.17\00:50:47.51
But I told God that night
that I would continue to go on
00:50:47.55\00:50:52.21
every day until I
figured out what His plan was
00:50:52.25\00:50:55.34
for my life and I was
okay if I never knew.
00:50:55.37\00:50:58.43
And we are going to cover
every step of your recovery,
00:51:00.72\00:51:05.93
every step of that journey
but I want to jump, how did
00:51:05.96\00:51:12.18
God convince you to allow Him
to take that grief and pain,
00:51:12.21\00:51:18.48
because walking with it is
one thing, right? - umhumm.
00:51:18.51\00:51:21.66
And I'm sure you
walk with it for years.
00:51:21.70\00:51:23.78
I'm sure you set with Him in
prayers for years but I know
00:51:23.81\00:51:27.63
that at this point you
are literally saying to Him,
00:51:27.67\00:51:30.70
take it, take it. -
I've done with it.
00:51:30.74\00:51:32.52
How did that happen and is
the Holy Spirit involved in
00:51:32.55\00:51:35.77
that? - it took a long
time, and finally took the
00:51:35.80\00:51:39.18
realization that I was
living a lie, and sometimes just
00:51:39.21\00:51:42.49
couldn't handle it anymore
and I would tell myself I was
00:51:42.53\00:51:45.77
giving it to God, but
continually taking it back.
00:51:45.80\00:51:48.24
I would pull it back now and
wouldn't let go completely.
00:51:48.27\00:51:51.72
- so every part of
your body is still trapped
00:51:51.76\00:51:53.93
mentally,
spiritually. - yes completely.
00:51:53.96\00:51:56.09
And I met Misti, and God
had just started telling me
00:51:56.12\00:51:59.46
you need to share this story,
you need to start stepping
00:51:59.50\00:52:02.27
outside your box and start
sharing this story with others
00:52:02.30\00:52:05.04
because if I can
put you through this,
00:52:05.07\00:52:07.51
this isn't your story.
00:52:07.54\00:52:09.01
This isn't your story,
this is a Mine. This is Mine.
00:52:09.04\00:52:12.42
So Misti started sawing ever-
body with all the damage and all
00:52:12.45\00:52:17.10
this stuff and I finally started
realizing the lie that I was
00:52:17.14\00:52:21.75
believing was that I had
done it, even though sometimes
00:52:21.79\00:52:24.49
I would say it was
God, but I had done it.
00:52:24.53\00:52:27.58
So when I started asking
for it, when I started taking
00:52:27.61\00:52:30.73
myself out of it, what I
finally realized was that if
00:52:30.76\00:52:33.99
I truly believe in the
all-knowing omnipotent God and
00:52:34.02\00:52:36.91
know that He gave me my
children, then I have to know
00:52:36.95\00:52:39.62
that the day before He gave
them to me, He knew the day
00:52:39.65\00:52:42.23
they would be gone, that
everything He had given me
00:52:42.26\00:52:44.77
had already been filtered
through His hands and that with
00:52:44.80\00:52:47.35
the Holy Spirit I was
going to go on and that through
00:52:47.38\00:52:49.89
the story and through
many things going on that
00:52:49.92\00:52:52.08
it will bless other people.
00:52:52.11\00:52:53.61
And you are going to
see them again. - umhumm.
00:52:53.65\00:52:55.33
So the fact that God says I
will raise them and hand them
00:52:55.36\00:52:58.66
back to you, I mean all
those things that give us hope.
00:52:58.69\00:53:01.69
But the Holy Spirit not only
gives us hope for the future
00:53:01.73\00:53:04.69
but gives us the
ability to live free today.
00:53:04.73\00:53:08.38
I see that in you, and I
think man, because God, a lot of
00:53:08.41\00:53:12.02
times we will talk about
insecurities, we will talk about
00:53:12.05\00:53:15.45
childhood stuff and all of a
sudden we see a trauma that
00:53:15.49\00:53:19.14
literally hits somebody
with things that you think how
00:53:19.17\00:53:22.01
could they survive that
and God says, you know what?
00:53:22.04\00:53:24.98
We are living in a world
that is full of sin and when
00:53:25.02\00:53:27.93
that hits you,
please come to Me.
00:53:27.96\00:53:30.21
Please seek out the Holy Spirit,
and I think God so longs to
00:53:30.24\00:53:34.59
do that and I want to thank
you so much for joining us.
00:53:34.63\00:53:36.32
We are going to cover all
that on a different show,
00:53:36.35\00:53:38.01
you know that. - yeah.
00:53:38.04\00:53:39.18
Okay Misti I what you to
come back up because I want to
00:53:39.21\00:53:41.51
say Misti a
couple things to you.
00:53:41.54\00:53:43.43
One of the things I want to
say is did you have any idea
00:53:43.46\00:53:46.79
when you started this
search, when you start allowing
00:53:46.82\00:53:50.11
the Holy Spirit to bring
healing into your life,
00:53:50.15\00:53:51.94
that you would offer it or
teach people how to get it.
00:53:51.97\00:53:55.40
I had no idea, I didn't realize
the freedom that was available
00:53:55.43\00:54:00.45
to me, I didn't realize that.
00:54:00.49\00:54:02.35
I have been since I was a
little girl, I have been
00:54:02.38\00:54:05.54
a Christian. My mother
taught, my mother became
00:54:05.58\00:54:08.13
a Christian when I was
six months old and I really
00:54:08.16\00:54:10.65
strove for that relationship
with God almost my whole life.
00:54:10.68\00:54:14.31
I'm 35 but yet I didn't feel
any closer to God from when
00:54:14.35\00:54:17.95
I was a child
asking Him in as at 35.
00:54:17.98\00:54:22.73
I remember one time he
said to me, you wake up in the
00:54:22.76\00:54:24.73
morning and you feel like God
just kisses you on the cheek
00:54:24.76\00:54:26.70
and He says Cheri just
wait until you see what
00:54:26.73\00:54:29.21
I have planned for you today.
00:54:29.25\00:54:30.43
I remember sitting there
thinking, how come I don't have
00:54:30.47\00:54:32.92
that, how come? I've
tried. What is wrong with me?
00:54:32.96\00:54:35.95
But what was wrong was I
had walls built and I was
00:54:35.98\00:54:38.46
keeping Him out. - and
Satan says that lie to you,
00:54:38.50\00:54:40.93
oh you're not good
enough. There's that lie again.
00:54:40.96\00:54:43.32
My walls did not allow Him
in even all those years I was
00:54:43.36\00:54:46.60
asking Him in to change me
and to walk with me, but yet
00:54:46.64\00:54:49.45
I wasn't getting, I think
so many Christians probably
00:54:49.48\00:54:52.26
deal with this, get
this people, get this.
00:54:52.29\00:54:55.65
Because is the difference
between walking not close to
00:54:55.68\00:54:59.07
God, and walking with that
relationship that we all want.
00:54:59.11\00:55:02.46
Let Him tear down the
walls and let the Holy Spirit
00:55:02.50\00:55:05.51
bring down the walls
and let Him come in,
00:55:05.55\00:55:07.59
because you are keeping Him
out you ask Him and He comes
00:55:07.62\00:55:09.86
as close as the walls, as
your walls will let Him.
00:55:09.89\00:55:13.09
That is as close as He can come,
let Him bring down the walls.
00:55:13.13\00:55:15.57
And He so wants to
bring down the walls.
00:55:15.61\00:55:17.84
I'm going to tell you that
we are going to come back,
00:55:17.88\00:55:19.93
I want to share with
you some closing thoughts.
00:55:19.96\00:55:22.86
But God wants to heal you,
God wants to have such an
00:55:22.90\00:55:25.88
intimate relationship
with you that He wakes you up
00:55:25.91\00:55:28.89
every day and kisses you
right on the face, and you
00:55:28.92\00:55:31.70
are excited to live
your life every single day.
00:55:31.74\00:55:34.45
Stay tuned we will be
right back and this is exciting
00:55:34.48\00:55:37.71
stuff, comeback.
00:55:37.74\00:55:39.61
Cheri Peters uses the
book, 'Coming Of The Comforter'
00:55:43.66\00:55:46.56
as a guide for the second
season of Celebrating Life In
00:55:46.59\00:55:50.17
Recovery, written by Lee Roy
E. Froom is a 320 page book
00:55:50.20\00:55:53.75
that offers every
sinner the knowledge that the
00:55:53.78\00:55:55.73
Holy Spirit is available to all.
00:55:55.76\00:55:57.91
3ABN now offers this book to
you for a suggested donation
00:55:57.94\00:56:01.78
of only $13
postpaid within the US.
00:56:01.81\00:56:04.93
Call 3ABN at 618-627-4651
or go online to 3ABN.org.
00:56:04.96\00:56:11.84
You know what I love about
this? I read somewhere in
00:56:25.70\00:56:29.49
Ellen White's writings that
Satan fears nothing as much
00:56:29.52\00:56:32.72
as he fears our understanding
of the baptism of the
00:56:32.76\00:56:35.64
Holy Spirit because he
knows that if we get this,
00:56:35.68\00:56:39.15
if we understand what God
has offered in the gift of
00:56:39.18\00:56:42.00
the Holy Spirit, in the
infilling of the Holy Spirit
00:56:42.04\00:56:45.05
and the baptism of the
Holy Spirit, all our junk will
00:56:45.08\00:56:48.06
fall off, all of it.
00:56:48.09\00:56:49.81
He will have no
more ties in our life.
00:56:49.84\00:56:52.21
He will have no way to mani-
pulate us, no way to scare us,
00:56:52.24\00:56:56.57
no way to step into our
lives and cause us to be
00:56:56.60\00:57:00.68
depressed and
discouraged and all of that.
00:57:00.72\00:57:02.83
When I get the Holy
Spirit, I understand who I am as
00:57:02.86\00:57:05.77
a woman of God, who God
is, what happened to Christ,
00:57:05.80\00:57:09.00
and the Bible become so
real that it absolutely will
00:57:09.04\00:57:12.04
scare you at first, and
then it just brings hope.
00:57:12.07\00:57:15.00
That I am a child of God, I
have inherited all this kind
00:57:15.04\00:57:18.84
of stuff, any detachment
disorders, bonding disorders,
00:57:18.87\00:57:22.34
things that the secular
world says that you will have
00:57:22.38\00:57:25.45
until you die, you will
never be able to get over this.
00:57:25.48\00:57:28.67
One of the things I am socially
underdeveloped and Misti
00:57:28.70\00:57:31.30
prayed for me after she got
the Holy Spirit and I have
00:57:31.33\00:57:34.13
never had a problem socially
anymore because I believe
00:57:34.17\00:57:36.93
that God gives us
freedom from all those things.
00:57:36.96\00:57:39.96
He wants to give you freedom,
He wants you to just turn
00:57:39.99\00:57:42.83
it over and let
the walls come down.
00:57:42.86\00:57:44.33
Trust Him, if it doesn't
happen right away, every single
00:57:44.37\00:57:47.41
day pray and when you feel
yourself in the middle of junk
00:57:47.45\00:57:50.76
pray, and when you feel like
you have so stumbled again,
00:57:50.80\00:57:54.23
pray, and when you get
that urge that this may be it
00:57:54.26\00:57:57.47
turn it over to God and let
Him bring healing into your
00:57:57.51\00:58:00.69
life and you will smile.
00:58:00.72\00:58:02.81
More than that, you will
start telling everybody because,
00:58:02.84\00:58:05.84
all of a sudden,
everything makes sense.
00:58:05.87\00:58:09.15
Everything makes sense,
that we have the only answer
00:58:09.19\00:58:12.00
and the answer is Christ.
00:58:12.04\00:58:13.90
It is so cool always
remember that God is crazy about
00:58:13.93\00:58:17.23
you and me too and we
will see you next time,
00:58:17.27\00:58:19.76
and I had a blast
today. I hope you did too!
00:58:19.80\00:58:22.26