Welcome to Celebrating life in
Recovery. I'm Cheri, your host.
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Today we'll look at
how messed up we can get
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and exactly what do we
need to restore us the sanity.
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Come join us. This
is an incredible show.
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In the book " Steps to Christ"
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the second chapter starts out
with the statement that says,
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"Man was originally
endowed with noble powers
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and a well balanced mind."
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And I think of myself
and the people I know,
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I think "What happened?"
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And I want to say just
kidding, but I'm serious,
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what happened?
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I read the newspapers and
we are anything but balanced.
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I try to deal with my own
recovery and try to figure out
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how to walk in
recovering those kind of things.
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And I'm watching movies
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and the movies are kind
of about my own lifestyle
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most of the time, and I
don't want to watch them,
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and all that kind of stuff.
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And I ask God, I'm praying,
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"God O.K, what can I watch?"
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And He says, "Anything that's
not dark, with dark themes."
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And I'm thinking, I turned
on a commercial and I said,
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"Ok, I'll watch that."
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And I haven't even
got to the movie yet.
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This show is called
"Powerless without Jesus".
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Will cover how to heal,
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how to allow God to restore
us the sanity, fill us with joy
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I'd like to introduce you to
the people that are at the cafe.
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We've got Brenda
Stoeker, and Brenda I love you.
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We're going to talk
to you some time today.
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And Fred Stoeker.
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You have helped me to heal in
ways that you don't even know.
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We've got the pastor and his
wife, Richard, Annette, Curly.
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I'm blessed by you and I
want to tell some stories
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about when we
first met too. And Pam.
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I want to say as we start this
show, "Powerless without Jesus",
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I'm going to
tell you some stories
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and I really want
to turn to my life,
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I want to talk
about where I came from
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and why I think this show
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is the most
important show that we'll do.
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I was born to 14 and 16 year
old addicts, they were a mess,
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I was homeless by the
time I was 13 years old.
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When I ended up on the
streets, at 13 years old,
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the options that I had as
far as work, how to survive,
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how to be fed, how to be housed,
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all those kind of
things were so ugly.
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And some of that I'm
not even going to talk about
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because it was too ugly.
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If your kids are
around right know
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this is not going
to be a show for kids.
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It is a show for people
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that are struggling
with various addictions,
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it's a show for someone
that is working with anybody
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on the planet.
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Anybody that's
struggling with stuff.
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Because you really do need
to understand what's out there.
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We spend more money
on our darker addictions
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than we do on all entertainment,
all sports entertainment,
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all movies, all video
games, all those kind of things
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that you think we
spend so much money on.
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We spend more money
on our darker addictions
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and all that stuff.
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When I ended up on the
streets I was homeless.
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When I was 14 years old I got
picked up by a motorcycle gang.
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When I was picked
up it was probably...
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I saw the guy come
up on a Harley Davidson,
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I didn't have a place to stay,
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I was not in a place
where I was being safe,
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the person kind of raising
me was in jail, and I was stuck,
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I was stuck
without any place to go.
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He said, "Do you
want to go camping?"
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I'm like, "Shut up!
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How fun would that be?!"
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I've never been camping,
my family are addicts, right?
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And even when I
was little my dad,
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who the first time he got caught
molesting me I was 3 months old,
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and I think I was
molested from birth,
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he was kicked out
finally when I was 4,
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my mom moved a bartender in who
was alcoholic and really a mess.
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And I loved them,
I just have to say.
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As much as messed my
family is, though my family.
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But this is just the
reality of how I grew up.
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But we never went camping.
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Child protective
services always came to my house
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trying to remove
us from the home.
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We didn't have a
kind of upbringing
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that most people would have.
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So when somebody said "camping"
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I was just like, "How fun!"
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I was a drug
addict by that time.
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I started doing drugs
when I was 11 to survive.
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The first time somebody gave
me drugs I was 11 years old.
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My family asked me
to leave the house.
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They didn't want me there.
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It was real clear
they didn't want me there.
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My mom, like I said,
was 14 when she had me.
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She had 5 kids by
the time she was 21.
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The house was a mess.
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So I was
introduced to drugs at 11.
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The first time I took drugs
it was Quaalude a sedative.
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And I didn't feel like dying.
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I thought, "Oh, man!
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How good is this!"
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I remember thinking that if
one makes me feel like not dying
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could I have four more, could
somebody give me some more?
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I stayed high for
the next 10 years.
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When I say "high" to
a lot of people they...
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I don't think
you get the picture.
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I had to hold on to
things a lot of times
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when I walked around.
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I was pregnant by the age 12
because I was on the streets,
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I was using.
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Somebody said,
"Who is the father?"
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"I don't even know."
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I ended up
getting married by 13,
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before I ended
up on the streets.
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I married a guy in
the navy, went over seas,
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moved me into his mom's house.
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Him mom hated me, of course.
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I was a 12 year old drug addict
that just ruined his sons life.
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I thought,
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"I don't have to stay here
anymore because I'm an adult,
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I'm married."
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When I ended up on the streets
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I got picked up by a
group of heroine addicts
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So that is how I ended up
standing in front of this biker
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saying, "Do you
want to go camping?"
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He gave me some drugs.
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From the time I
first started doing drugs
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I was never not high.
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If I had to deal with
life how it was in front of me
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it was too painful.
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I would just want
somebody to take me out.
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Could somebody just
throw me in front of a train?
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Because I don't want to be here.
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But if I was high I didn't care.
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So we went camping
and he gave me some drugs.
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We got to the camp side.
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It was 300
people, there at least.
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I got off the
bike and I'm thinking,
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"This is going
to be so much fun!"
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I started walking to
the main group and he said,
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"Excuse me, but did I tell
you could walk away from me?"
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And I'm like,
"What? Did I ask you?"
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I started laughing
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and he hit me in the
face as hard as he could.
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I fell into a tree, slammed into
a tree actually, and slid down.
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I thought, "I can't
believe hits guy hit me."
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I jumped up and I hit him
in the face as hard as I could.
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I was 14, he was 38.
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He was sergeant of arms in
a bike club and he was built.
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A big guy.
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When I say I was 14 I used to
think I must have looked older,
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I must have been...whatever.
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I looked 14, I was a kid.
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When I hit him again, he
hit me again I hit the same tree
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and everybody started laughing,
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it started gathering
people around us that said,
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"How fun is that?!"
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I was furious.
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I thought, "Are
they laughing at me?"
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It was almost like every
injustice in my life came up.
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When I talked about my dad
molested me when I was a kid,
00:08:02.26\00:08:05.59
there was a guy across the
street from my elementary school
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that got an apartment
separate from his house
00:08:08.93\00:08:11.50
so he could molested
kids from the school.
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There was people in my family
that were very abusive sexually,
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very sexualized behavior.
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When you have a molested
kid he usually draws molesters.
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They will attract people around
them because they are so needy.
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I didn't know that but
my history was very intense.
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And so when I'm
lying there after being hit
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all that stuff just started
coming up to me and I thought,
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"He is not going
to hit me like that."
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And I jumped and hit him again.
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And he hit me again
and I fell back down,
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and I remember
just went into a rage,
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literally went into a rage.
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I jumped back up, I
hit him, scratched him,
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and he was laughing so
hard he couldn't hit me.
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I thought, "He
is laughing at me."
00:08:54.65\00:08:56.64
I went nuts, I
literally went crazy.
00:08:56.67\00:09:01.12
He was trying to hold
me from hitting him again.
00:09:01.45\00:09:05.93
And as he stopped
laughing and gained control
00:09:05.97\00:09:08.28
he hit me so hard that
he knocked some teeth out
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of the front of my mouth.
00:09:10.63\00:09:11.60
I felt like my face had cracked.
00:09:11.61\00:09:13.77
I was lying there and
I felt blood everywhere.
00:09:13.80\00:09:18.16
I was trying to
check with my tongue
00:09:18.46\00:09:20.98
how many teeth did I have left.
00:09:21.01\00:09:22.68
I knew that I
had lost some teeth
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and I'm trying to check that.
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As I was doing that
he walked up and he said,
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"You know, I think you
are so gutsy. I like that.
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I'd like you to be my old lady."
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I thought, "Is he asking me out?
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Is this guy asking me out?"
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And he was.
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What he was saying is
that in that lifestyle.
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Because I could take a beating
and get up and defend myself.
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He wanted me as his girlfriend.
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Anybody want to
guess what I said?
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"No, thank you.",
that's what I said.
00:09:58.86\00:10:02.56
"Absolutely not!"
00:10:02.82\00:10:04.37
And he informed me that
this was really not a question.
00:10:04.41\00:10:07.61
He wasn't really
waiting for an answer from me.
00:10:07.64\00:10:10.28
But my feeling
was "Absolutely not."
00:10:10.31\00:10:12.36
But now I'm his property.
00:10:12.39\00:10:13.38
And in bikers,
00:10:13.41\00:10:15.94
in that lifestyle
the bikes are number one,
00:10:15.97\00:10:20.44
the brothers, or his
partners, are number two,
00:10:20.77\00:10:26.89
women maybe are number three.
00:10:27.18\00:10:30.78
But it maybe even
drugs and that kind of stuff.
00:10:31.09\00:10:34.01
Women are very
far down the road.
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Now I'm his property.
00:10:35.67\00:10:37.24
They picked up three girls from
the street. I didn't know that.
00:10:37.27\00:10:40.84
So three girls were
picked up from the street.
00:10:40.87\00:10:42.54
They were picked
up to be turned out.
00:10:42.57\00:10:44.51
What that means
00:10:44.54\00:10:45.51
is that they were having
initiation for new members,
00:10:45.52\00:10:48.68
they were bringing
new bikers into the club,
00:10:48.71\00:10:50.75
they needed
girls from the street
00:10:50.78\00:10:52.77
in order to
initiate the new members.
00:10:52.80\00:10:54.37
And they were brought in
to be beaten and whatever.
00:10:54.40\00:10:57.67
I could tell you some of the
things they did to this women.
00:10:57.70\00:11:00.74
I wasn't one of them now because
I was taken as his girlfriend.
00:11:00.77\00:11:05.80
So I was not one but I watched
00:11:05.83\00:11:07.34
a 13 year old that first
night until she was dead.
00:11:07.37\00:11:12.58
People say,
00:11:12.87\00:11:14.34
"On the street,
00:11:14.64\00:11:15.92
did you have anything that
you didn't get over it well?"
00:11:15.95\00:11:18.98
This was one of the
things that I had nightmares
00:11:19.01\00:11:21.94
for years and years.
00:11:21.97\00:11:23.01
Because I heard this girl
just screaming all day long,
00:11:23.04\00:11:26.41
all night long.
00:11:26.44\00:11:27.64
Out of the 300 people
that were there, men and women,
00:11:27.67\00:11:31.13
this girl was
abused by all of them.
00:11:31.16\00:11:33.69
What was funny to them
is not only raping them
00:11:33.72\00:11:36.37
but beating them, hitting
them, all that kind of stuff.
00:11:36.40\00:11:40.33
She was horribly abused
and when she started to die
00:11:40.36\00:11:43.24
her scream's changed, the sound
of her voice was different.
00:11:43.27\00:11:47.11
I started
screaming, "She is dying!"
00:11:47.14\00:11:49.73
I've never heard anyone
die but it's so obvious.
00:11:49.76\00:11:54.25
It's so obvious when someone
has this sound of death to them.
00:11:54.28\00:12:00.50
I remember him coming
to my face and just saying,
00:12:00.83\00:12:04.18
"Shut up. You either take her
place or shut up. I'm serious."
00:12:04.21\00:12:09.59
I couldn't shut
up, I kept screaming,
00:12:09.62\00:12:11.78
"You've got to stop them."
00:12:11.81\00:12:13.53
And pretty soon I got beat up
00:12:13.56\00:12:14.99
and taken to another
part of the campground.
00:12:15.02\00:12:18.05
Eventually he had to take me
and we left the campground early
00:12:18.08\00:12:23.49
because I could not stop.
00:12:23.52\00:12:25.43
I was so outraged by the
abuses I saw and the damage.
00:12:25.46\00:12:30.76
The first time I got into a
Bible study, when I met God,
00:12:31.07\00:12:37.34
and I'm going to go
through that on various shows
00:12:37.64\00:12:40.70
because it was incredible.
00:12:40.73\00:12:42.58
It took me two weeks
to leave those bikers,
00:12:42.61\00:12:47.80
to escape from there.
00:12:48.05\00:12:49.70
In those two
weeks I watched abuses
00:12:49.73\00:12:52.81
that I cannot
even say on the set.
00:12:52.84\00:12:56.74
Because if I tell you, not
that I don't want to tell you,
00:12:57.09\00:13:00.08
because I want to tell everyone,
00:13:00.11\00:13:01.76
and the reason I
want to tell everyone
00:13:01.79\00:13:03.88
is not because I
want to exploit anything,
00:13:03.91\00:13:05.93
not because I
want to shock anyone,
00:13:05.96\00:13:07.61
but as Christians I
want us to finally say,
00:13:07.64\00:13:10.45
"You know what? It
matters that we are here.
00:13:10.48\00:13:13.29
We need to get out there.
00:13:13.32\00:13:14.56
People are so
destroying themselves.
00:13:14.59\00:13:16.67
Sin has them so twisted
00:13:16.70\00:13:18.01
that some people will
never be able to untwist
00:13:18.04\00:13:20.61
unless we say there is hope."
00:13:20.64\00:13:22.83
There is a Saviour that says,
00:13:22.86\00:13:24.47
"I even know...", the theme text
for this show is Isaiah 57,18,
00:13:24.50\00:13:28.83
"I know everything about you.
00:13:28.86\00:13:31.21
I know all your garbage
and I will heal you anyway."
00:13:31.24\00:13:34.25
That is what God is saying.
00:13:34.28\00:13:36.15
He is saying it to these bikers.
00:13:36.18\00:13:38.02
He is saying it to me,
00:13:38.05\00:13:39.02
to this homeless kid
that ends up on the street.
00:13:39.03\00:13:40.92
He is saying it to you, any of
the things that you deal with.
00:13:40.95\00:13:45.30
He is saying that to us.
00:13:45.33\00:13:46.65
So it takes me
two weeks to escape.
00:13:46.68\00:13:55.78
I end up going through all this
kind of stuff on the street.
00:13:56.21\00:14:03.77
I was on the street from that
point for the next few years.
00:14:04.05\00:14:07.92
I got off the street at
23 when I meet Jesus Christ.
00:14:07.95\00:14:12.16
In a drug house, sitting on
a bed trying to kill myself.
00:14:12.19\00:14:15.82
I was so done. I had
seen that kind of situation
00:14:15.85\00:14:18.88
plus worse throughout the years.
00:14:18.91\00:14:21.76
I had been strung out on
heroine for the last few years.
00:14:22.11\00:14:25.04
I was selling drugs.
00:14:25.07\00:14:26.69
The Vice that was supposed
to arrest us for selling drugs
00:14:26.72\00:14:29.45
was actually trading
favors off with the kids
00:14:29.48\00:14:32.04
that I ran with
00:14:32.07\00:14:33.37
so they wouldn't arrest us.
00:14:33.40\00:14:35.89
I saw darker things.
00:14:35.92\00:14:37.20
If I met a pastor on the street
00:14:37.23\00:14:39.04
it was because of
a darker addiction.
00:14:39.07\00:14:41.15
If I met a doctor on the street
00:14:41.18\00:14:42.46
it was because of
a darker addiction.
00:14:42.49\00:14:44.97
I met a guy that was head
of cardiac surgery one time.
00:14:45.00\00:14:49.37
And I was in a
drug house, wasted.
00:14:49.40\00:14:51.28
And he said he was a doctor,
00:14:51.31\00:14:52.54
head of cardiac
surgery, did heart transplants.
00:14:52.57\00:14:55.35
I wanted to see his
hands because I thought,
00:14:55.38\00:14:58.09
"Wow! That is amazing!"
00:14:58.12\00:15:00.48
I remember all of
the sudden thinking,
00:15:00.52\00:15:03.84
"You're a doctor? You
do heart transplants."
00:15:03.87\00:15:08.49
I went up to him and I
said, "What are you doing here?"
00:15:08.83\00:15:14.22
And he is like,
"What do you mean?"
00:15:14.63\00:15:16.60
"I mean, what
are you doing here?"
00:15:16.63\00:15:18.82
And he is like,
"What do you mean?"
00:15:18.85\00:15:20.91
And the people
that I was running with,
00:15:20.94\00:15:22.87
the other child prostitutes,
the addicts are saying,
00:15:22.90\00:15:26.04
"Cheri, shut up."
00:15:26.07\00:15:28.76
The reason they
are telling me that is,
00:15:29.06\00:15:31.16
"Don't bug him,
he brings money here.
00:15:31.19\00:15:34.04
We're playing this guy"
00:15:34.07\00:15:35.52
And I'm telling this
guy, "What are you doing here?
00:15:35.55\00:15:38.09
Do you have a
wife? Do you have kids?
00:15:38.12\00:15:40.17
Do the people you work
with know that you're here?"
00:15:40.20\00:15:43.44
I wanted so desperately
for someone to be normal.
00:15:43.47\00:15:46.71
Does that sound crazy?
00:15:46.74\00:15:47.94
I'm sitting there trying
to kill myself. I'm so done.
00:15:47.97\00:15:51.48
I remember getting everything
ready, I'm not in the pain.
00:15:51.51\00:15:54.88
My first suicide
attempt was when I was 8
00:15:54.91\00:15:57.71
and I jumped of a house.
00:15:57.74\00:15:58.71
When I figured out where I was
going to jump, at 8 years old,
00:15:58.73\00:16:02.09
I put a mattress down so when
I hit I wouldn't hurt myself.
00:16:02.12\00:16:05.34
So I'm not in the pain and I got
some different things together
00:16:05.37\00:16:10.87
and I'm ready to kill myself
00:16:10.90\00:16:18.41
and I felt like the presence
of God just came in the room.
00:16:18.68\00:16:24.63
And somebody says,
00:16:24.88\00:16:25.93
"Did the room
changed, did it light up?"
00:16:25.96\00:16:28.22
I think it did.
00:16:28.25\00:16:29.22
But if you had a video
camera nothing happened.
00:16:29.23\00:16:31.21
But I felt like the Holy Spirit,
God Himself came in the room.
00:16:31.24\00:16:34.27
I had never had any
encounters with God.
00:16:34.30\00:16:36.56
My family is not Christian.
00:16:36.59\00:16:38.52
God said, "Cheri, I love you."
00:16:38.55\00:16:42.50
I felt safe for the
first time in my life,
00:16:42.80\00:16:46.11
I felt loved and
no reason for that.
00:16:46.14\00:16:49.82
I said, "Look at me."
00:16:50.16\00:16:52.36
I had teeth missing
and I'm a heroin addict.
00:16:52.69\00:16:55.54
I don't even know anything.
00:16:55.57\00:16:57.38
I'm illiterate,
fairly illiterate.
00:16:57.41\00:16:59.39
I could probably read
like second grade level.
00:16:59.42\00:17:02.04
And God says, "I love you.
00:17:02.07\00:17:03.21
I want to show you who
I see when I look at you."
00:17:03.24\00:17:05.97
He gives me this image.
00:17:06.00\00:17:07.44
And I don't know He does
that when He shows you something
00:17:07.47\00:17:10.32
but you see nothing,
but you see everything.
00:17:10.35\00:17:12.62
I don't know how the
Holy Spirit does this
00:17:12.65\00:17:15.01
but He shows me
who I am in Christ.
00:17:15.04\00:17:17.94
And who I am is
His beautiful child.
00:17:17.97\00:17:21.09
I thought, "No way, no way..."
00:17:21.12\00:17:22.86
You know what hit
me about this image?
00:17:22.89\00:17:25.12
That she was so innocent.
00:17:25.15\00:17:29.19
I said, "I've never
been innocent in my life."
00:17:29.51\00:17:32.63
I was molested from the first
time I came out of the womb.
00:17:32.66\00:17:36.23
I've never been loved.
00:17:36.26\00:17:38.07
And God said, "You've
always been that way to Me
00:17:38.10\00:17:40.07
and if you trust Me stand up,
I'll walk you into this image."
00:17:40.10\00:17:44.35
And I did, and I trust Him.
00:17:44.38\00:17:47.30
We're going to talk
about a God that says,
00:17:47.68\00:17:49.92
"I don't care what your junk is.
00:17:49.95\00:17:51.90
I want to restore you to sanity.
00:17:51.93\00:17:53.75
I want to bring you to a place
00:17:53.78\00:17:55.73
where you can stand holy in
the presence of the holy God
00:17:55.76\00:17:58.81
with all your junk."
00:17:58.84\00:18:00.10
He's talking not only to me
00:18:00.13\00:18:02.19
but to every biker
that was there that weekend.
00:18:02.22\00:18:04.40
Every person that I met on
the street He was talking to
00:18:04.43\00:18:07.97
and He said, "I don't
want anyone to perish.
00:18:08.00\00:18:09.97
I don't want anyone to
die outside of relationship.
00:18:10.00\00:18:13.29
I want to bring you life."
00:18:13.32\00:18:15.51
So stay with us.
00:18:15.54\00:18:16.51
I'm going to introduce you to
a friend of mine, Fred Stoeker,
00:18:16.52\00:18:20.51
that you will be blessed by him.
00:18:20.54\00:18:21.51
You will be blessed by
what he brings to the table.
00:18:21.52\00:18:26.03
Don't go away.
00:18:26.06\00:18:28.63
We want to introduce
you to a beautiful book
00:18:35.97\00:18:38.90
called "Steps to Christ".
00:18:38.93\00:18:40.60
Each program in this series
is based on a different chapter,
00:18:40.63\00:18:44.56
showing you how
to become a Christian
00:18:44.59\00:18:47.57
and gain victory
over your addictions.
00:18:47.60\00:18:50.72
"Steps to Christ" is our
gift to you, free of charge.
00:18:50.75\00:18:53.88
Call us at (618) 627-4651 during
the regular business hours
00:18:53.91\00:18:57.80
or write to Steps
to Christ, P.O Box 220,
00:18:57.83\00:19:01.08
West Frankfurt, Il 62896
00:19:01.11\00:19:03.82
Welcome back!
00:19:20.76\00:19:21.96
I think the
funniest think I ever learned
00:19:22.22\00:19:24.98
when I first
came into Christianity
00:19:25.01\00:19:26.54
and I first
started studying the Bible,
00:19:26.57\00:19:28.58
someone told me a
story about Mary Magdalene
00:19:28.61\00:19:31.68
and the woman that was
dragged to Jesus' feet.
00:19:31.71\00:19:35.23
She was a
prostitute caught in the act,
00:19:35.26\00:19:37.85
and all that kind of things.
00:19:37.88\00:19:39.41
I just wept because I thought
that Christ looked at her
00:19:39.44\00:19:43.11
and in love He
said, "You know what?
00:19:43.14\00:19:46.15
Go and don't hurt yourself
anymore. Don't sin anymore."
00:19:46.18\00:19:49.45
I really don't believe
00:19:49.48\00:19:50.82
that He said it in
the way "don't do wrong"
00:19:50.85\00:19:53.33
He's like, "Don't hurt yourself.
Stand up, live your life."
00:19:53.36\00:19:56.79
And then they told me this
story and I will never forget it
00:19:56.82\00:19:59.51
because they
said, "You know what?
00:19:59.54\00:20:01.87
I want to tell you the story
00:20:01.90\00:20:02.88
about a guy that
was filled with demons
00:20:02.91\00:20:06.04
and had foam at the
mouth, and just horrible.
00:20:06.07\00:20:10.32
He was cutting
himself with stones.
00:20:10.62\00:20:13.01
He was beating people up.
00:20:13.04\00:20:14.33
They chained him
up, he broke the chains.
00:20:14.36\00:20:17.21
He lived in the
cemetery, all those things."
00:20:17.24\00:20:19.33
And the person said,
"Did I tell you he was ugly?
00:20:19.36\00:20:22.16
With foam at the mouth, filled
with thousands of demons?"
00:20:22.19\00:20:24.28
I thought "You did."
00:20:24.31\00:20:25.87
A little while later he didn't
tell me what happened but said,
00:20:25.90\00:20:28.59
"Did I tell you?
This guy was ugly."
00:20:28.62\00:20:30.97
And I'm thinking, "You did
tell me. I know he was ugly."
00:20:31.00\00:20:34.18
And the whole time they
are talking I'm thinking,
00:20:34.21\00:20:36.52
"You know what? I
think I dated that guy."
00:20:36.55\00:20:39.14
I was so serious that
I thought I dated him.
00:20:39.17\00:20:42.60
I wanted to say that
when I listened to the story,
00:20:42.63\00:20:45.80
one of the things I wanted
to know with everything in me...
00:20:45.83\00:20:49.11
because you heard the
story about the bikers.
00:20:49.14\00:20:51.24
I've seen people
filled with demons.
00:20:51.27\00:20:52.25
I've seen people in
such destructive lifestyles
00:20:52.28\00:20:55.70
that are just unbelievable.
00:20:55.73\00:20:57.54
Murdering each other
and all that kind of stuff.
00:20:57.57\00:20:59.93
I wanted to know what did
Jesus do, what did God do.
00:20:59.96\00:21:03.46
He said He walked up
to him, everybody ran.
00:21:03.49\00:21:06.48
And He is standing there.
00:21:06.51\00:21:08.06
And as He stood there
the guy opens his mouth
00:21:08.09\00:21:10.11
and instead of pleading
for God to change something,
00:21:10.14\00:21:13.51
he cuffs them
out, curses them out.
00:21:13.54\00:21:16.35
And God doesn't
move, Jesus doesn't move.
00:21:16.38\00:21:18.80
He just stands there.
00:21:18.83\00:21:20.27
He said that He saw within this
guy soul a small part of him
00:21:20.30\00:21:24.60
that wanted to be restored,
wanted to be in his right mind.
00:21:24.63\00:21:27.79
And He did that for him.
00:21:27.82\00:21:30.00
He pulled all the demons out,
00:21:30.03\00:21:31.05
restored this guy
to his right mind.
00:21:31.08\00:21:34.23
And for the first time,
in I don't know for how long,
00:21:34.26\00:21:37.69
this guy stood in his
right mind next to Christ.
00:21:37.72\00:21:41.38
I thought, "Oh, I want that."
00:21:41.41\00:21:43.64
I want to introduce you
to Fred and Brenda Stoeker,
00:21:43.67\00:21:47.33
no that Fred
reminds me of the demoniac.
00:21:47.36\00:21:51.45
Thank you for being on the show.
00:21:51.77\00:21:53.75
It's great to be here!
00:21:53.78\00:21:55.69
You both have blessed me in
ways that you don't even know.
00:21:55.72\00:21:59.61
We're going to
cover all of the today.
00:21:59.64\00:22:02.31
You have a ministry
that is international.
00:22:02.34\00:22:05.45
You've been
definitely all of the U.S.
00:22:05.48\00:22:08.30
Introduce yourself, a
little bit about the ministry
00:22:08.33\00:22:12.54
and then let's get
into your testimony.
00:22:12.57\00:22:14.91
I found a living
in true ministry.
00:22:14.94\00:22:17.22
It's designed to help men
to learn how to live normally.
00:22:17.25\00:22:21.52
From my own past, I grew up
in kind of a dysfunctional home
00:22:21.55\00:22:24.86
and I got into sexual sin.
00:22:24.89\00:22:26.61
It took me a while
once I became a Christian
00:22:26.64\00:22:28.67
to really
understand what I needed to be.
00:22:28.70\00:22:32.08
That's what I
want to do for men now.
00:22:32.11\00:22:34.00
I want to go out
and help them see.
00:22:34.03\00:22:35.78
Is it because you understand the
gift that Christ has given you
00:22:35.81\00:22:45.18
and how He wants to restore us?
00:22:45.50\00:22:47.52
Oh, sure. In Psalm 51 it talks
about the fact that God takes us
00:22:47.55\00:22:51.14
cleans us up and then
sends us out to teach others.
00:22:51.17\00:22:54.09
I'd like to think
at that as my destiny.
00:22:54.12\00:22:57.18
I need to be out
helping other guys
00:22:57.21\00:22:59.39
to experience this
freedom that I'm experiencing.
00:22:59.42\00:23:02.61
Since the
purity came in my life,
00:23:02.64\00:23:04.59
my wife and I had such a
wonderful marriage since then.
00:23:04.62\00:23:07.89
We've been married for 25 years
and we're having a great time.
00:23:07.92\00:23:11.83
That's what God wants for us.
00:23:11.86\00:23:13.67
He wants us to live lives
that are reflective of His word
00:23:13.70\00:23:17.16
and that we can just be happy.
00:23:17.19\00:23:19.28
Obviously we need to be helping
Him reach others as well.
00:23:19.31\00:23:23.10
We're going to get
into both of those things.
00:23:23.13\00:23:26.09
Brenda, when he says
"I'm happy." is he right?
00:23:26.12\00:23:29.08
He is really right.
00:23:29.11\00:23:30.97
I just had to check.
00:23:31.00\00:23:32.91
We are very, very blessed.
00:23:33.54\00:23:36.39
As we get into this you're going
to come back on another show
00:23:36.75\00:23:40.96
and just hear your testimony.
00:23:40.99\00:23:43.26
You've written a book
called "Every heart restored".
00:23:43.29\00:23:45.96
And so, as we listen to him,
00:23:45.99\00:23:47.15
I want people to know that we
will cover your restoration too.
00:23:47.18\00:23:51.85
Fred, tell us.
00:23:51.88\00:23:54.25
Dysfunctional home,
getting into sexual sin,
00:23:54.54\00:23:57.19
what do you mean by that?
00:23:57.22\00:23:58.95
I know it really bothers
some folks talking about that.
00:23:58.98\00:24:04.54
But I want people to know that I
do ministry all over the world.
00:24:04.57\00:24:09.68
I have been fortunate enough,
00:24:09.71\00:24:11.31
I think God has given me the
opportunities to talk to people
00:24:11.34\00:24:14.65
in prisons and rehab
centers and jails and churches.
00:24:14.68\00:24:17.09
And every single
time sexual sin comes up,
00:24:17.12\00:24:19.75
and I don't get
out of the churches
00:24:19.78\00:24:21.98
usually until
12:30-1:30 at night
00:24:22.01\00:24:24.07
because people are
dealing with these.
00:24:24.10\00:24:26.46
And so I'm so
grateful for your ministry
00:24:26.49\00:24:29.15
and that you are able to
say out loud there is hope.
00:24:29.18\00:24:32.83
There is a lot of hope.
00:24:32.86\00:24:34.59
When I went out to college,
I went to Standford University,
00:24:34.62\00:24:35.92
for those who
would know where that is,
00:24:35.95\00:24:37.32
I was probably a thousand miles
away from home and very lonely.
00:24:40.19\00:24:43.93
It wasn't long before I
started to get hooked on porn
00:24:43.96\00:24:47.68
because it was something that
made me feel connected somehow.
00:24:47.71\00:24:50.50
It wasn't long before
I had the dates memorized
00:24:50.53\00:24:52.59
when those magazines would come
00:24:52.62\00:24:54.66
into the campus
bookstore each month.
00:24:54.69\00:24:56.59
And I would be the first
one on campus to get those.
00:24:56.62\00:24:59.13
So it was
really important to me.
00:24:59.16\00:25:01.19
Then I began to chase women.
00:25:01.22\00:25:02.57
Probably, maybe in a year of
college I had four girlfriends,
00:25:02.60\00:25:06.44
I was sleeping
with three of them,
00:25:06.47\00:25:07.79
and I was essentially engaged
to be married to two of them.
00:25:07.82\00:25:10.86
None of them
knew about each other.
00:25:10.89\00:25:13.48
It was a time of my life
00:25:13.51\00:25:17.52
when I really didn't
know that that was wrong.
00:25:17.76\00:25:20.32
It seemed like everybody
was having a good time,
00:25:20.35\00:25:22.82
no one was getting hurt.
00:25:22.85\00:25:23.92
But there was
something nagging in my heart
00:25:23.95\00:25:26.79
about "Who am I really?"
00:25:26.82\00:25:29.60
It was starting to get hard
to keep all the balls in the air
00:25:29.87\00:25:32.59
and it felt like a
gerbil on the wheel.
00:25:32.62\00:25:35.50
There was a night
that I was in my office,
00:25:35.53\00:25:38.27
I was working as a
stock broker at the time,
00:25:38.30\00:25:41.41
so I was sitting in my office,
I was looking out the window,
00:25:41.44\00:25:44.59
and there was a sunset, it was
just coming down in California,
00:25:44.62\00:25:48.04
there are
beautiful sunsets out there,
00:25:48.07\00:25:49.15
and I decide, "I'm the last
one here. I want to go home.
00:25:49.18\00:25:52.04
I need to go home, but I
want to watch this sunset
00:25:52.07\00:25:54.16
before I go home. Just to enjoy
myself, relax a little bit."
00:25:54.19\00:25:57.76
I sat down and I put
my hands behind my head,
00:25:57.79\00:25:59.68
I put one feet
up on the credenza
00:25:59.71\00:26:02.49
and I started
watching that sunset.
00:26:02.52\00:26:05.14
What you said
earlier about your salvation
00:26:05.17\00:26:07.56
struck me right through my toes
00:26:07.59\00:26:09.13
because I've never heard
anybody else say what you said
00:26:09.16\00:26:12.77
except me.
00:26:12.80\00:26:16.40
I don't know how God did it but
He suddenly changed the scene
00:26:16.43\00:26:21.83
and I could see
everything that I'd become.
00:26:21.86\00:26:25.35
He didn't
actually show me anything
00:26:25.38\00:26:27.55
and yet He showed me
everything that I'd become.
00:26:27.58\00:26:30.21
It was in that
moment that I understood
00:26:30.24\00:26:33.88
that something had to change.
00:26:33.91\00:26:36.03
So I bowed my head and
I prayed a simple prayer,
00:26:36.06\00:26:39.05
"Lord, I'm
ready to work with you
00:26:39.08\00:26:40.55
if You are ready
to work with me."
00:26:40.58\00:26:41.94
When I got up from
there and went home
00:26:41.97\00:26:44.77
I didn't even know I was saved.
00:26:44.80\00:26:45.83
I had no idea that
it stuck, so to say.
00:26:45.86\00:26:49.43
But over the next few weeks I
was on my way back home to Iowa.
00:26:49.46\00:26:54.71
The Lord seem to
move everything in my life
00:26:54.74\00:26:56.79
and I was moving back to Iowa
00:26:56.82\00:26:58.33
leaving all those
girlfriends behind.
00:26:58.36\00:27:01.10
I had a chance for a new life.
00:27:01.13\00:27:03.24
When I got back there
I began going to a church
00:27:03.27\00:27:07.13
that was doing some Sunday
school classes on marriage.
00:27:07.16\00:27:10.02
As I was going through the
list of Sunday school classes
00:27:10.05\00:27:12.83
and I came to that
class I thought to myself,
00:27:12.86\00:27:15.17
"If there's anything I need
00:27:15.20\00:27:16.33
it's I need to know
how to treat women."
00:27:16.36\00:27:18.99
Even though I wasn't married
00:27:19.02\00:27:20.22
and I didn't have a fiancée
or a girlfriend at that time
00:27:20.25\00:27:22.97
I started going to this class.
00:27:23.00\00:27:24.15
And over that year
I just fell in love
00:27:24.18\00:27:27.91
with what God
has said about women.
00:27:28.20\00:27:30.82
The pastor was teaching us about
how different they are from us
00:27:30.85\00:27:34.08
and how important it is
for us to understand that,
00:27:34.11\00:27:36.92
and how awesome God made them.
00:27:36.95\00:27:39.15
By the time that
year is up I prayed again.
00:27:39.18\00:27:43.16
I love that!
00:27:43.25\00:27:45.67
I got on my knees,
it was in my apartment,
00:27:45.99\00:27:48.80
I've just gotten to the point
00:27:48.83\00:27:51.08
when I need to see what
one of these looks like.
00:27:51.11\00:27:54.07
I've bee going to church,
00:27:54.10\00:27:55.07
obviously there were
Christian women there,
00:27:55.09\00:27:57.31
but I didn't
really know any of them.
00:27:57.34\00:27:59.60
So I prayed, "Lord,
can You show me a woman
00:27:59.63\00:28:01.82
that embodies
these characteristics?"
00:28:01.85\00:28:03.36
I just wanted to see.
00:28:03.39\00:28:04.65
It's one thing to
read about a giraffe,
00:28:04.68\00:28:06.08
it's another thing to see one.
00:28:06.11\00:28:08.90
Are you a giraffe?
00:28:09.07\00:28:10.60
I didn't think so.
00:28:10.63\00:28:12.44
In my world she
became one I guess.
00:28:13.62\00:28:15.85
Because in a couple of weeks
00:28:15.88\00:28:17.50
I'd kind of forgotten about
the prayer, but my dad called
00:28:17.53\00:28:20.96
and he had set up a
blind date with Brenda and me.
00:28:20.99\00:28:24.28
I didn't know Brenda at
that time and never seen her.
00:28:24.31\00:28:26.72
We were going to go to church
00:28:26.75\00:28:28.11
and then go out
to eat afterwards.
00:28:28.14\00:28:29.94
When I was in the seat that day
and my dad leaned over and said,
00:28:29.97\00:28:33.81
"Freddy, here she comes."
00:28:33.84\00:28:34.81
I turned and looked
at her and the Lord said,
00:28:34.82\00:28:37.16
"This is the girl you're going
to marry", as I looked at her.
00:28:37.19\00:28:40.55
It was very exciting.
00:28:40.58\00:28:44.06
But the thing that was
most impressive to this story
00:28:44.32\00:28:48.26
is that as I began to
know her better and better
00:28:48.29\00:28:52.76
I knew that she
really did embody
00:28:52.79\00:28:55.25
all those characteristics
I've been talking about.
00:28:55.28\00:28:58.46
When I began to understand that
00:28:58.49\00:29:00.81
I really wanted to
do well as a husband.
00:29:00.84\00:29:03.33
Really wanted to do well.
00:29:03.36\00:29:05.65
I stopped looking at
porn before we got married
00:29:05.91\00:29:09.93
and I have not purchase porn
and looked at it on the computer
00:29:09.96\00:29:13.70
since our wedding day.
00:29:13.73\00:29:15.16
Did you know his history Brenda?
00:29:15.19\00:29:17.92
I knew that he had had a lot of
relationships with other girls.
00:29:17.95\00:29:20.68
That was as far as
I knew that it went.
00:29:20.71\00:29:23.08
So I assume when we got married
00:29:23.11\00:29:25.62
I thought
everything was in the past.
00:29:25.65\00:29:26.97
I had no idea there is
any on going problem for him.
00:29:27.00\00:29:30.79
I thought I had
left it all behind
00:29:30.82\00:29:34.73
because I wasn't
dating other women
00:29:35.50\00:29:37.68
and I wasn't looking at porn.
00:29:37.71\00:29:39.12
But you see,
00:29:39.15\00:29:40.27
the Bible's standard is
different from our standard.
00:29:40.30\00:29:43.72
In Ephesians 5:3 it
says that we are not to have
00:29:43.75\00:29:46.40
even a hint of sexual
immorality in our lives.
00:29:46.43\00:29:49.68
So when I read that and I began
to meditate on it and I thought,
00:29:49.71\00:29:54.53
"What in the world
does a hint meant?"
00:29:54.56\00:29:56.52
And over time I began to
understand that what it means is
00:29:56.55\00:29:59.02
that we are not to get
any sexual gratification
00:29:59.05\00:30:01.76
from anyone or
anything except our spouse.
00:30:01.79\00:30:05.67
By that standard I
was failing miserably.
00:30:06.09\00:30:08.93
I was still
watching the R-rated movies,
00:30:08.96\00:30:11.83
there was still a
lot of self stimulation
00:30:11.86\00:30:14.75
with lingerie ad inserts
00:30:14.78\00:30:16.90
and department store
inserts on Sunday mornings.
00:30:16.94\00:30:19.76
There were
joggers, exercise shows,
00:30:19.79\00:30:21.15
all sorts of things that
they still had me captured.
00:30:21.18\00:30:26.25
What the Lord was
trying to say to me was,
00:30:26.50\00:30:29.63
"These have to go too."
00:30:29.66\00:30:31.69
Can I ask you something?
Because in my own recovery,
00:30:31.72\00:30:34.33
one of the things
that I learned about God
00:30:34.36\00:30:37.12
is that He was trying
to teach me when He says,
00:30:37.15\00:30:45.15
"Don't even look on
somebody with lust.",
00:30:45.42\00:30:47.88
is He wasn't saying "That's
a check list that I have"
00:30:47.91\00:30:51.72
"I will fill you up with
so much joy and so much health
00:30:51.75\00:30:56.27
that you'll be surprised at
what actually is to love someone
00:30:56.30\00:31:00.51
and this will get in your way."
00:31:00.54\00:31:02.03
So it wasn't "Don't do
this because I said so,
00:31:02.06\00:31:04.74
it was because "I want to
pour into you some good stuff."
00:31:04.77\00:31:07.92
And that's the most
amazing thing about God
00:31:07.95\00:31:09.89
that I've found
over time is that
00:31:09.92\00:31:11.59
a lot of times we think of
Him saying "No premarital sex,
00:31:11.62\00:31:15.28
no this or that."
00:31:15.31\00:31:16.66
In other words,
"Don't have any fun
00:31:16.69\00:31:18.71
because I'm God and I said so."
00:31:18.74\00:31:20.08
Exactly.
00:31:20.11\00:31:21.08
What I've come to find is that
it's nothing like that at all.
00:31:21.09\00:31:24.81
I'm a father and I
have a 23 year old son
00:31:24.84\00:31:27.71
and a 15 year old son
00:31:27.74\00:31:29.34
I want to come back
to that a little bit
00:31:29.37\00:31:31.93
because since I've
had my sons I understand
00:31:31.96\00:31:34.39
how a father looks on
the purity of his sons
00:31:34.42\00:31:37.02
and what he wants.
00:31:37.05\00:31:38.85
There's never
been a time in my life
00:31:39.21\00:31:41.02
where I've looked
at my sons and said,
00:31:41.05\00:31:42.84
"Look, you need to stay pure.",
00:31:42.87\00:31:43.92
that I did it because of
my ego or because of my books
00:31:43.95\00:31:47.28
or because I want
them to have no fun.
00:31:47.31\00:31:48.81
It all has to do with freedom,
peace, so that they can enjoy
00:31:48.84\00:31:53.39
their sexual relationship
in their marriage better.
00:31:53.42\00:31:55.76
All of it is out of love.
00:31:55.79\00:31:58.13
We need to understand that that
is why He asks us to be pure.
00:31:58.16\00:32:03.86
When you really into my life
and you the prices I was paying
00:32:04.28\00:32:09.87
just for those small things.
00:32:09.97\00:32:12.50
What were the prices
because you're saying
00:32:12.53\00:32:14.17
that I'm looking at adds, I'm
getting lost in the TV still,
00:32:14.20\00:32:17.80
if somebody drives by
I'm still following them.
00:32:17.83\00:32:21.50
What most people would say
is, "Those are little things.
00:32:21.53\00:32:24.60
They have nothing
to do with anything.
00:32:24.63\00:32:27.07
You need to lighten
up.", is what they would say.
00:32:27.10\00:32:30.50
But these are the
prices that I was paying.
00:32:30.53\00:32:34.16
Should we talk
about what you would say?
00:32:34.19\00:32:40.15
We'll save that for later.
00:32:40.33\00:32:42.21
At this time she
didn't know anything about it.
00:32:42.24\00:32:44.94
Nothing at all,
everything was going fine.
00:32:44.97\00:32:48.90
Our sex life was good.
00:32:49.20\00:32:51.08
I seemed to be the
rising young star in our church,
00:32:51.11\00:32:53.50
I was teaching classes.
00:32:53.53\00:32:56.25
We were the family people wanted
to emulate kind of a thing.
00:32:56.46\00:33:00.30
I came from a totally
different background from Fred's
00:33:00.33\00:33:03.41
and I knew almost nothing at all
00:33:03.44\00:33:05.02
about men's sexual
differences with women.
00:33:05.05\00:33:07.79
It never even occurred to
me, I had no clue of anything.
00:33:07.82\00:33:11.61
She comes from 4
generations of Christian people
00:33:11.64\00:33:16.00
and so for her
everything is always been
00:33:16.15\00:33:19.20
pretty much kind of
a straight narrow path
00:33:19.23\00:33:21.82
and I am way off
to the left somewhere.
00:33:21.85\00:33:25.94
People were saying,
"Look, knock it off.
00:33:26.15\00:33:30.71
You can't control your eyes,
your mind does, so just relax."
00:33:30.93\00:33:36.47
I knew I was paying prices
and I had to find out why.
00:33:36.60\00:33:40.81
One of the things I
noticed was that, for instance,
00:33:40.84\00:33:43.89
when I'd be in
church, looking around
00:33:43.92\00:33:45.88
and seeing other people worship,
00:33:45.91\00:33:47.81
I knew I wasn't
making the same connection
00:33:47.84\00:33:49.82
that the other men were making.
00:33:49.85\00:33:51.77
But the worst thing
00:33:51.80\00:33:52.98
when it came to my
relationship with the board
00:33:53.01\00:33:54.59
was that I couldn't
look the in the eye anymore.
00:33:54.62\00:33:56.10
There were so many times I had
said I will stop these things
00:33:56.13\00:34:01.70
and I broke my
promise every single time.
00:34:01.73\00:34:03.21
And after a while you feel like
a goof to go back to the board
00:34:03.24\00:34:07.45
and say, "I'm going to
make one more promise."
00:34:07.48\00:34:10.21
After a while it's hard to pray,
00:34:10.24\00:34:12.24
it's hard to even
be serious with Him
00:34:12.27\00:34:15.80
because you don't even know
if He cares about you some times
00:34:15.97\00:34:18.67
and there were times
when I would get so despondent
00:34:18.70\00:34:20.49
I wonder if I was
really a Christian anymore.
00:34:20.52\00:34:22.59
Because it was just something
that had me by the throat
00:34:22.62\00:34:25.79
and I couldn't get free.
00:34:25.82\00:34:27.74
When it came to Brenda
there were also some prices
00:34:27.77\00:34:30.34
I couldn't give
myself 100% to her.
00:34:31.28\00:34:35.58
I knew that if she ever found
out about this she'd leave.
00:34:35.61\00:34:38.72
At least I
suspected that she would.
00:34:38.75\00:34:40.74
I knew that if I had given
her my whole life at that point
00:34:40.77\00:34:44.33
when she'd pulled the
rug from underneath me
00:34:44.36\00:34:46.97
I would just be dust.
00:34:47.00\00:34:48.25
So my own thinking was, "I can't
afford to give my whole life
00:34:48.28\00:34:51.64
to her because she
can leave sometime."
00:34:51.67\00:34:53.61
At one level I
wasn't as committed to her
00:34:53.64\00:34:56.77
as I could have been
even though I'd loved her.
00:34:56.80\00:34:59.71
There were parts of
me I was holding back.
00:34:59.74\00:35:03.56
The hardest part was some of
the nightmares she was having.
00:35:03.59\00:35:08.98
I don't know what you theologies
are about dreams and things
00:35:09.04\00:35:12.97
but there were times where I
was looking at those ad inserts
00:35:13.00\00:35:17.99
on Sunday mornings in the
middle of self stimulation
00:35:18.02\00:35:22.75
and I would hear Brenda wake
up upstairs and I would hear
00:35:22.86\00:35:26.27
just a sudden start and
she would rush downstairs
00:35:26.30\00:35:28.49
and I would hear her crying.
00:35:28.52\00:35:30.36
She would come and she
would fall into my arms
00:35:30.39\00:35:31.88
and she would say where have
you been, Satan was chasing me
00:35:31.91\00:35:36.50
down dark hallways and I
was looking in every room
00:35:36.53\00:35:39.75
trying to find you, I need you
to protect me. Where were you?
00:35:39.78\00:35:45.13
Imagine how I felt
00:35:45.16\00:35:46.22
knowing that I was had
just been sitting there sinning
00:35:46.25\00:35:49.29
and I'd been compromising my
spiritual authority in my home.
00:35:49.32\00:35:53.51
Satan had freedom to
mess around in my home.
00:35:53.54\00:35:57.39
When it came to my
son, his name was Jason
00:35:57.42\00:36:03.04
and he was just two and
he was a toddler at the time,
00:36:03.38\00:36:06.54
he had a little pacifier that
would hang out of his mouth,
00:36:06.57\00:36:08.68
a little drool, and
he would grin up at me
00:36:08.71\00:36:10.94
and I knew what his eyes
were saying. There were saying,
00:36:10.97\00:36:13.27
"Daddy, you are my hero.
I want to be just like you."
00:36:13.30\00:36:18.04
Sometimes I
would brake out crying
00:36:18.07\00:36:20.46
when I would look
back into his face.
00:36:20.49\00:36:22.74
Because I knew that there
was no way I could keep him
00:36:22.77\00:36:26.55
from the trap I was running in.
00:36:26.58\00:36:29.07
Because my grandparents
were both stuck on porn
00:36:29.10\00:36:31.83
and my dad was stuck on porn
and then I got stuck on porn.
00:36:31.86\00:36:34.80
I would look into his
face and he was trusting me,
00:36:34.83\00:36:37.89
he would look up and I
would have to look back,
00:36:37.92\00:36:41.17
"I know I can't keep
you from what's coming."
00:36:41.20\00:36:44.62
Those were really hard days
for me, but they were good days
00:36:44.65\00:36:50.40
because when I would look
into his face I would know
00:36:50.67\00:36:53.88
"I have to do something."
00:36:53.91\00:36:55.43
Well the Lord began to chase me.
00:36:55.46\00:36:57.54
When we are hopeless the
Lord runs towards us to help us.
00:36:57.58\00:37:04.04
There was one verse, Luke 6:46,
that He chased me with, it was,
00:37:04.25\00:37:09.00
"Why do you call me, 'Lord,
Lord,' and do not do what I say?
00:37:09.03\00:37:12.69
He didn't bring
that to me in a mean way.
00:37:12.72\00:37:17.35
It was always "Son, why?"
00:37:17.54\00:37:21.85
I would mediate on that,
I wouldn't know what to do
00:37:22.08\00:37:24.73
but it was cracking my heart.
00:37:24.76\00:37:29.05
Job 31:1 it says that Job
made a covenant with his eyes,
00:37:29.28\00:37:36.59
not to look lustfully at a girl.
00:37:36.93\00:37:38.88
I looked at that and I
knew that covenant was a key
00:37:38.91\00:37:41.56
but I didn't understand it.
00:37:41.59\00:37:42.96
How do eyes keep a promise?
I don't understand that.
00:37:42.99\00:37:47.10
The more I meditated at
this two verses as He chased me
00:37:47.13\00:37:50.19
the more He was preparing
me for His next almost a second
00:37:50.22\00:37:52.75
salvation in my life
00:37:52.78\00:37:54.01
where I was driving down Merle
Hay Road in Des Moines, Iowa.
00:37:54.04\00:37:58.56
If you've ever been to Des
Moines, you know that road.
00:37:58.59\00:38:00.81
It's the key road in the city.
00:38:00.84\00:38:03.28
North-south and
going down the hill one day
00:38:03.31\00:38:06.06
a jogger was coming by.
00:38:06.09\00:38:08.50
I looked at her,
lusted and I knew
00:38:08.75\00:38:10.48
I'd failed God for
the zillionth time.
00:38:10.51\00:38:14.00
I remember slamming my
fist in the steering wheel and
00:38:14.03\00:38:18.68
saying, "It stops here.
I don't care what it takes"
00:38:18.71\00:38:22.31
but I'm going to learn
how to build a covenant
00:38:22.34\00:38:24.70
because I'm not living like
this anymore. It stops here."
00:38:24.73\00:38:28.39
For me, and I
think for most every man,
00:38:28.42\00:38:31.75
the key to turning around
and moving towards the Lord
00:38:31.78\00:38:35.89
is that kind of
repentance where you're saying,
00:38:35.92\00:38:39.34
"I am going to turn around now
00:38:39.37\00:38:40.85
and I'm going to
go back God's way.
00:38:40.88\00:38:43.66
I have to make a decision
that I really, really mean."
00:38:43.69\00:38:47.25
I really meant it then.
00:38:47.28\00:38:49.67
Over the next
number of weeks and months
00:38:49.92\00:38:52.60
God began to change
everything in who I was.
00:38:52.63\00:38:55.75
I think that a lot of
people don't get to feel,
00:38:55.78\00:39:00.26
and I know that you
felt it during that time
00:39:00.42\00:39:03.27
that He was braking you in
a way that gives you freedom
00:39:03.30\00:39:08.42
to come into a
healthy relationship,
00:39:08.63\00:39:11.09
is that there is so much
love in the way He is doing it.
00:39:11.12\00:39:14.26
There's no
condemnation, there's no shame.
00:39:14.29\00:39:17.70
I remember
thinking that everything
00:39:17.73\00:39:19.20
that I put on the table that
I was so ashamed of, God said,
00:39:19.23\00:39:22.65
"I know that", and He cleared
the table and set a banquet.
00:39:22.68\00:39:26.59
It's like "I want this stuff."
00:39:26.62\00:39:29.10
I just want you to know
that God knows our stuff,
00:39:29.13\00:39:34.30
knows our generational things
that have kept us in bondage
00:39:34.51\00:39:37.94
and longs to set us free.
00:39:37.97\00:39:40.28
I love listening to
the way He said to you
00:39:40.31\00:39:45.53
"Fred, I want you to
stand as a man of integrity."
00:39:45.78\00:39:50.47
I always thought I was
a man because I was living
00:39:50.92\00:39:55.37
every American man's
dream I guess: four girlfriends.
00:39:55.40\00:40:00.21
You might not
be able to tell now
00:40:00.24\00:40:01.31
but I used to
be pretty handsome.
00:40:01.34\00:40:05.39
I could steal a
girl's heart pretty quick.
00:40:05.60\00:40:08.26
And I used them for my own
pleasure, but I always thought
00:40:08.29\00:40:12.50
that was a manly thing to do.
00:40:12.53\00:40:14.69
But as I got into the
Word I also began to see
00:40:14.72\00:40:18.03
that the Lord's definition
of manhood is entirely different
00:40:18.06\00:40:21.69
than what ours says.
00:40:21.72\00:40:23.73
When you go back in you'll
see that what he says is that
00:40:23.94\00:40:29.26
he who hears the word of
God and keeps it he is the man.
00:40:29.33\00:40:33.34
That's what a real man is.
00:40:33.37\00:40:35.06
When you go back to see what
Jesus' ticket in the manhood was
00:40:35.09\00:40:39.92
you get the clear picture.
00:40:39.95\00:40:41.82
When He was left behind
in Jerusalem by His parents,
00:40:41.85\00:40:43.84
after the Passover, they
thought He was with the company
00:40:43.87\00:40:46.56
all of them going home,
00:40:46.59\00:40:47.97
they've suddenly
realized He wasn't with them
00:40:48.00\00:40:49.66
so they had to go back
to Jerusalem and find Jesus.
00:40:49.69\00:40:52.47
When they found Him
they found Him in the temple
00:40:52.50\00:40:55.12
and He was talking to all
the leaders in the temple.
00:40:55.15\00:40:57.07
When they asked Him "Why
did you do this to us?", He said
00:40:57.10\00:41:00.96
"Didn't you know I have to
be about my father's business?"
00:41:00.99\00:41:04.29
That right there is
the passage in the manhood
00:41:04.32\00:41:08.06
for the Christian man:
00:41:08.09\00:41:10.41
being about his
Father's business.
00:41:10.66\00:41:13.82
Going in bed with a girl wasn't
Jesus' passage in the manhood.
00:41:13.91\00:41:19.06
It wasn't pornography, or
drugs, or any other wild thing
00:41:19.09\00:41:22.69
that any of us could think of.
00:41:22.72\00:41:25.39
He said that are passage
in the manhood is man would be
00:41:25.42\00:41:29.52
to be about our
Father's business.
00:41:29.55\00:41:32.16
As I began to
really understand that,
00:41:32.19\00:41:34.29
that I need to hear
the word of God and keep it
00:41:34.32\00:41:37.42
and be about my Father's
business everything changed.
00:41:37.45\00:41:41.24
it doesn't matter
how thick my beard is
00:41:41.27\00:41:42.68
or whether I
have hair on my chest,
00:41:42.71\00:41:43.98
or any of the other things
we think about as being manhood.
00:41:44.01\00:41:47.72
It's that image that
all of us men need to chase.
00:41:47.75\00:41:51.42
That image of Christ being
about His Father's business.
00:41:51.45\00:41:54.70
Because it's in that that
we're going to find true peace
00:41:54.73\00:41:57.03
and true completion.
00:41:57.06\00:41:58.71
Let me ask you something then.
00:41:58.74\00:42:01.48
I hear what you say but a
lot of people are going to say
00:42:01.79\00:42:04.12
"What I believe is
that if I turn it over,
00:42:04.15\00:42:08.13
if I give up
that, who am I as a man
00:42:08.16\00:42:11.10
and is life even
exciting anymore?
00:42:11.13\00:42:13.76
What am I going to feel as a
man? What is that going to be?
00:42:13.79\00:42:19.84
It's not like you
have to give up everything
00:42:20.13\00:42:24.29
that you've ever done.
00:42:24.41\00:42:26.48
You still camp, you
still climb mountains,
00:42:26.54\00:42:28.52
all the other things man do.
00:42:28.55\00:42:31.83
I really think that
Satan has lied to us
00:42:32.08\00:42:34.49
and said that
this is what's fun.
00:42:34.52\00:42:37.68
There is a part of
having 4 girlfriends that's fun.
00:42:37.84\00:42:43.28
I can't deny that
there was pleasure in that.
00:42:43.52\00:42:47.23
But when I escaped the
old definition of manhood
00:42:47.26\00:42:52.42
where I had to be masculine,
handsome, and getting women
00:42:52.66\00:42:57.12
and all those sorts of things.
00:42:57.15\00:42:58.57
When I walked into the
destiny that God had for me,
00:42:58.60\00:43:03.59
which is being
about His business
00:43:03.82\00:43:05.39
and Him standing with me
and me standing on His shoulders
00:43:05.42\00:43:08.76
approaching the future together,
00:43:08.79\00:43:10.45
it was then that life really
became extremely interesting
00:43:10.48\00:43:15.45
because what began to happen
is all of my fears were gone.
00:43:15.48\00:43:19.91
I started to watch my
son, who was two at the time
00:43:19.94\00:43:22.88
when I was still fearful.
00:43:22.91\00:43:24.88
At the age of 11 I
told him about pornography
00:43:24.91\00:43:27.91
and the dangers of it.
00:43:27.94\00:43:28.91
He went to school one day
00:43:28.92\00:43:30.22
and told me that his
friends had brought it.
00:43:30.25\00:43:33.35
I asked him "What did you do?".
00:43:33.38\00:43:36.25
Is this generation gone or what?
00:43:36.40\00:43:39.28
He said "I walked away
dad. Just like you said."
00:43:39.31\00:43:42.74
He was raised
in a public school,
00:43:42.77\00:43:47.71
he is a computer engineer,
he could get around any defense
00:43:47.93\00:43:51.18
you'd ever want to set up
and look at porn if he wanted.
00:43:51.21\00:43:54.37
He has walked through
his life to the age of 23
00:43:54.40\00:43:57.41
without looking at those things
00:43:57.44\00:43:59.01
and without the
self stimulation,
00:43:59.04\00:44:00.47
all the things that I knew.
00:44:00.50\00:44:02.28
So what God did
for you is stopped that
00:44:02.31\00:44:04.81
when you said
"It will stop here."
00:44:04.84\00:44:06.36
When he was 11 and
he said "I walked away."
00:44:06.39\00:44:10.11
I cannot tell you
how my soul just soared.
00:44:10.14\00:44:15.01
Because everything that
the Stoeker name used to mean
00:44:15.37\00:44:18.45
was crumbling and I knew it.
00:44:18.48\00:44:20.78
You talk about
excitement and fun in life.
00:44:20.81\00:44:24.69
That is watching
a destiny unfold.
00:44:24.87\00:44:26.82
Not just in my life but in
our life, in our kids lives.
00:44:26.85\00:44:32.49
I have got to say something.
00:44:32.71\00:44:35.31
When we did this show together
and during one of the brakes
00:44:35.35\00:44:38.92
I remember talking
to you about a situation
00:44:38.95\00:44:43.51
that happened to you
and you had talked about,
00:44:43.77\00:44:45.90
I don't remember
exactly what it was,
00:44:45.93\00:44:47.97
you talked about a
girl that had come up to you
00:44:48.00\00:44:51.16
and when you
realized for the first time.
00:44:51.19\00:44:53.79
It's happened many times since.
00:44:53.82\00:44:58.08
One of the things that I
see that we as men have lost
00:44:58.33\00:45:01.71
is the ability to be safe
for women to be around us.
00:45:01.74\00:45:05.49
I believe that
we need to be heroic
00:45:05.52\00:45:08.06
in our relationships
with women, not cool.
00:45:08.09\00:45:10.83
What we do is we spend
all our time trying to be cool
00:45:10.86\00:45:12.87
instead of being heroic.
00:45:12.90\00:45:14.37
One of my goals in life is that
00:45:14.40\00:45:16.05
no matter what woman comes
up to me she can feel safe.
00:45:16.08\00:45:20.49
If I'm left alone in a room with
a girl for a couple of hours
00:45:20.52\00:45:24.05
she would know 100% she is safe.
00:45:24.08\00:45:26.28
And when she stands next to me
00:45:26.31\00:45:27.99
and if she turns around
and bends over to get something
00:45:28.02\00:45:30.75
she knows I'm not going
to be looking at her rear.
00:45:30.78\00:45:32.97
Right, because
you are a man of God.
00:45:33.00\00:45:36.07
We tend to look at women
00:45:36.10\00:45:38.36
as an interesting collection
of body parts after a while
00:45:38.43\00:45:42.14
if we get into
porn and those things.
00:45:42.17\00:45:44.63
But we need to see
them as fellow heirs
00:45:44.66\00:45:46.82
to the kingdom of grace our
sisters, in absolute purity.
00:45:46.85\00:45:49.99
We need to see them that way.
00:45:50.02\00:45:51.94
That's a transformation.
00:45:51.97\00:45:52.94
There was a thing that you
said that absolutely got me.
00:45:52.95\00:45:56.70
Is for the first time
you realized "I'm saved".
00:45:56.73\00:46:01.05
And when you said that
to me when we were talking
00:46:01.08\00:46:03.82
you started to cry and there was
some healing that happened to me
00:46:03.85\00:46:08.84
that when I first came
into the church, and I came in
00:46:08.87\00:46:11.62
hoping that there would
be people that were safe
00:46:11.65\00:46:13.43
and I didn't find a lot.
00:46:13.46\00:46:14.62
I don't want to say that in a
bad way but I didn't find a lot
00:46:14.65\00:46:18.00
and all of a sudden I realized
00:46:18.03\00:46:19.02
that God was working
on men today in the church
00:46:19.05\00:46:22.44
and trying to bring them to
a place of integrity and safety
00:46:22.47\00:46:26.77
for the other
folks in the church.
00:46:26.80\00:46:28.47
You are our leaders.
00:46:28.50\00:46:29.60
It did make me cry and it still
does because it's my dream.
00:46:29.63\00:46:35.59
It's the thing that
God longs for us to be
00:46:35.98\00:46:38.48
and it's important for
you to know, as a woman,
00:46:38.51\00:46:41.65
that it's not just
you that He's working in,
00:46:41.68\00:46:44.01
He's also working in the men.
00:46:44.04\00:46:46.75
His goal is for all of
us to be walking normally
00:46:46.86\00:46:50.16
the way He created us.
00:46:50.19\00:46:51.53
At the beginning
of the show Curly,
00:46:51.56\00:46:53.15
I told I was going to
talk about how we met.
00:46:53.18\00:46:56.43
I met Curly in front
of a Chinese restaurant
00:46:56.46\00:47:00.55
with a number
of kids in recovery
00:47:00.66\00:47:03.79
from Miracle Meadows School.
00:47:03.84\00:47:05.95
A couple of the kids
were from adult prostitution,
00:47:05.98\00:47:08.69
one was a gang member.
00:47:08.72\00:47:11.11
We all walked out and
ran into Curly and his wife.
00:47:11.31\00:47:14.02
I just had to
say "Oh, excuse me,
00:47:14.05\00:47:17.29
do you have any kind
of addictions to pain?"
00:47:17.45\00:47:21.64
I remember just
like it was yesterday.
00:47:22.29\00:47:25.52
A lot of people are like "Wow!
How many tattoos do you have?"
00:47:25.55\00:47:30.28
I'm like "These aren't
tattoos these are birth marks."
00:47:30.31\00:47:35.52
But I get that a lot and I
don't know if it's an addiction,
00:47:35.79\00:47:41.85
I haven't really
got into it that much.
00:47:42.19\00:47:45.81
You're telling me "I bet
you're addicted to pain."
00:47:45.84\00:47:48.77
At that point I've never
thought about it like that.
00:47:48.80\00:47:51.06
I was saying to the kids "A
lot of people tattoo and pierce
00:47:51.09\00:47:56.37
because of an
addiction to pain."
00:47:56.40\00:47:57.70
When I said that
you looked at me like
00:47:57.73\00:47:59.64
"I don't think I'm
addicted to anything."
00:47:59.67\00:48:01.83
And all the kids looked
like "He's totally in denial."
00:48:01.86\00:48:05.85
I guess that's the
first sign, isn't it?
00:48:05.88\00:48:08.67
So Curly, do you
have a question for Fred?
00:48:08.70\00:48:11.84
It's not a question
but really a comment.
00:48:11.87\00:48:14.70
You said that "God
this is one more promise."
00:48:14.73\00:48:19.68
And I believe that our God
is a God of one more promises
00:48:19.88\00:48:23.11
because if you don't have that
Satan will use that against you
00:48:23.14\00:48:26.11
to keep you
exactly where you're at.
00:48:26.14\00:48:27.58
So our God is a
God of one more promise
00:48:27.61\00:48:29.72
that you can make to Him
no matter what you have done
00:48:29.75\00:48:32.87
and I believe that you hit
the nail on the head with that.
00:48:32.90\00:48:36.43
I agree that He is a
God of one more promise
00:48:36.46\00:48:38.66
but sometimes we don't
know how we see it at the time.
00:48:38.69\00:48:43.38
He is a God of renewal,
restoration, reclamation.
00:48:43.41\00:48:47.22
That is His game, His only
game, that's what He loves.
00:48:47.25\00:48:50.57
For me, even though I
couldn't see it at the time,
00:48:50.60\00:48:54.83
He was giving me
many opportunities.
00:48:54.86\00:48:57.80
He was chasing me
harder than I was chasing Him.
00:48:57.83\00:49:00.61
I guess all I can say is
that for anyone out there
00:49:00.64\00:49:03.35
that would be
struggling at all with God
00:49:03.38\00:49:07.09
in wondering if
He still loves you,
00:49:07.22\00:49:09.21
I just want to say one thing.
00:49:09.24\00:49:10.99
He never stops loving
you and He will be after you
00:49:11.02\00:49:15.69
with all of His
heart for all of His days.
00:49:15.73\00:49:17.94
What He really wants
00:49:17.97\00:49:18.94
is to have you step up
shoulder to shoulder with Him
00:49:18.96\00:49:22.65
and fight this battle with Him.
00:49:22.68\00:49:25.50
He is not
afraid of your defeats.
00:49:25.69\00:49:27.21
If you make that
decision and you trip up
00:49:27.24\00:49:30.57
He's not afraid of your defeats.
00:49:30.60\00:49:32.34
He is willing to
engage those defeats with you,
00:49:32.37\00:49:35.10
learn what triggered things
and move into strength with you.
00:49:35.13\00:49:39.18
I guess what I would say is that
00:49:39.21\00:49:41.90
"Yes, He's always been
one right there for me."
00:49:41.93\00:49:44.76
In fact never been in
any battle with anyone
00:49:44.79\00:49:47.59
that's more
dependable than the Lord.
00:49:47.62\00:49:49.54
When you say that I know from
myself I wasn't smart enough
00:49:49.57\00:49:53.41
to even know what
direction you're going to.
00:49:53.44\00:49:55.68
It's a yoke up with
me because I'll lead you.
00:49:55.71\00:49:57.53
I didn't know what a
covenant with the eyes meant.
00:49:57.56\00:50:01.73
But God showed me.
00:50:01.76\00:50:03.44
As soon as I made
the decision to say
00:50:03.60\00:50:05.04
"Look, Lord I'm on
your side on this."
00:50:05.07\00:50:07.58
He doesn't have any
trouble communicating.
00:50:07.61\00:50:10.23
Brenda, we have a few
more minutes of this segment
00:50:10.26\00:50:13.39
so I would like to ask you:
as Fred was starting to come out
00:50:13.42\00:50:19.57
with all these kind of
addictions, how was that for you
00:50:19.83\00:50:27.82
and what kind of
encouragement did you give him?
00:50:28.04\00:50:32.75
I had an awful lot of learning
to do because, as I said,
00:50:32.96\00:50:36.79
my background was a
very sheltered Christian home
00:50:36.82\00:50:41.21
and I knew very
little about male sexuality.
00:50:41.24\00:50:43.06
I had no idea where the roots
00:50:43.09\00:50:44.38
of these kind of
problems come from.
00:50:44.41\00:50:45.99
I didn't know the differences
between men and women very well.
00:50:46.02\00:50:49.65
I had a ton of learning to do
00:50:49.68\00:50:51.13
so that I could look at his
situation with an understanding
00:50:51.16\00:50:57.64
and truthful way of seeing it.
00:50:57.88\00:50:59.85
Instead of a frying pan.
00:50:59.88\00:51:02.76
Right!
00:51:02.93\00:51:04.09
Because at first I'm sure
it was just a hard reaction
00:51:06.96\00:51:09.73
but then you said "I
have to educate myself".
00:51:09.76\00:51:12.04
When you find
out such differences
00:51:12.07\00:51:14.34
between men and women, it
makes an awful lot of difference
00:51:14.37\00:51:17.53
to learn that's
not all about me.
00:51:17.56\00:51:19.22
Most women first think that "Oh,
my word. I'm not good enough.
00:51:19.25\00:51:23.64
I'm not attractive enough."
00:51:23.67\00:51:26.12
And your self esteem
is just way down hill.
00:51:26.30\00:51:29.92
Those are lies, it's not true.
00:51:29.95\00:51:33.54
You have to be able to restore
your own heart with the Lord
00:51:33.78\00:51:37.86
and how He views
you, how He loves you
00:51:37.89\00:51:39.63
and separate it from what
your husband has been doing.
00:51:39.66\00:51:43.03
It's something
separate, it's not your fault.
00:51:43.06\00:51:45.27
There's just
still a lot to learn.
00:51:45.30\00:51:48.10
Fred, as she
was learning lessons
00:51:48.13\00:51:51.15
and as you were learning
as a couple how to survive.
00:51:51.19\00:51:54.54
Talk a few minutes on that.
00:51:54.57\00:51:57.30
One thing I would
say about Brenda is that
00:51:57.63\00:52:01.09
even though she didn't know
very much about this situation
00:52:01.12\00:52:05.06
she is a godly woman
that chases after God's heart.
00:52:05.09\00:52:08.94
And so, when she first
started to learn the differences
00:52:08.97\00:52:13.43
between men and women
and our visual nature...
00:52:13.46\00:52:17.66
I remember one time I
was talking to her about that
00:52:17.69\00:52:21.32
after sermon where a speaker had
mentioned that men are visual
00:52:21.35\00:52:25.21
and that women
need to respond to that,
00:52:25.24\00:52:27.94
I remember that
night when we got home
00:52:27.97\00:52:30.46
we were talking
about it and she said
00:52:30.49\00:52:32.68
"I suppose I have to
prance around the room
00:52:32.71\00:52:35.79
with some cheap teddy
on, like a saloon girl."
00:52:35.82\00:52:40.14
I said "No, actually just a
bare shoulder once in a while
00:52:40.37\00:52:43.09
would be enough."
00:52:43.12\00:52:44.86
Because we don't
think about it. Yes.
00:52:45.11\00:52:48.19
But that's exactly
what I'm talking about.
00:52:48.22\00:52:51.10
She visualizes that as something
different than what we need
00:52:51.13\00:52:54.60
and she just needed to learn
00:52:54.63\00:52:56.96
and I needed to learn
how she was seeing things.
00:52:56.99\00:52:59.32
We're going to
come back to that.
00:52:59.35\00:53:01.38
I want to say "Thank
you!" for being on this show
00:53:01.41\00:53:03.73
and you have been
amazing in my own recovery.
00:53:03.76\00:53:05.95
I pray in your recovery.
00:53:05.98\00:53:08.19
You've heard what they've said,
that God doesn't care what it is
00:53:08.23\00:53:11.71
and I love that God
doesn't care what it is,
00:53:11.74\00:53:14.14
He doesn't care
where you are stuck.
00:53:14.17\00:53:16.02
He doesn't care
where it's started.
00:53:16.05\00:53:17.77
He just says
"Your are my children
00:53:17.80\00:53:19.03
and I want to restore you,
not only you as a man of God
00:53:19.06\00:53:22.13
but you as a husband and
wife, and you as a family."
00:53:22.16\00:53:25.68
I can't wait to
meet your children
00:53:25.71\00:53:26.90
because they have
benefited tremendously.
00:53:26.93\00:53:30.22
It's a great blessing
form God and it fills my heart.
00:53:30.25\00:53:32.18
I want to say stay tuned
because we'll be right back.
00:53:37.07\00:53:42.75
Amazing stories of real
people and real situations.
00:53:42.79\00:53:48.43
Discussing issues
that really matter.
00:53:48.47\00:53:52.97
The complete series of
Celebrating Life in Recovery
00:53:53.00\00:53:55.22
is now available on DVD
00:53:55.25\00:53:56.65
and can be
ordered by calling 3ABN
00:53:56.68\00:53:58.66
or online at 3abn.org
hosted by Cheri Peters.
00:53:58.69\00:54:03.40
These series follows principles
of the book Steps to Christ.
00:54:03.44\00:54:06.36
See for yourself how God changed
the lives of the convicted,
00:54:06.39\00:54:09.22
of the accused and
victims of terrible crimes.
00:54:09.25\00:54:12.06
You'll won't
want to miss a moment
00:54:12.09\00:54:14.01
of these powerful interviews.
00:54:14.04\00:54:17.00
I was asked to speak to a group
of people in a recovery setting.
00:54:20.75\00:54:25.75
So we had folks there, we
had people from the community
00:54:25.78\00:54:30.77
still strung out on meth there.
00:54:30.80\00:54:32.95
There were all
kind of different folks
00:54:32.98\00:54:35.92
but in the front
row were these bikers
00:54:35.95\00:54:38.88
and it caught me off guard.
00:54:38.91\00:54:41.18
My heart stopped and I thought
00:54:41.21\00:54:43.34
that I had a little
bit of fear come up.
00:54:43.37\00:54:45.99
God said, "You know what?
00:54:46.02\00:54:47.43
Everybody is here to find Christ
00:54:47.46\00:54:49.65
and you go on with
what you're doing."
00:54:49.68\00:54:52.67
I really felt
comfortable with that
00:54:52.70\00:54:54.29
and I started
talking about the testimony.
00:54:54.32\00:54:56.80
I got to the story about the
bikers that I told you earlier.
00:54:56.83\00:54:59.94
We were talking
about getting beat up
00:54:59.97\00:55:02.64
and the girl being killed.
00:55:02.67\00:55:04.54
All of the sudden one of
the guys in the front row,
00:55:04.57\00:55:07.07
a big guy, started crying.
00:55:07.10\00:55:10.48
I stopped, I couldn't help it
because he was trying not to cry
00:55:10.73\00:55:13.96
and I said "Are you all right?"
00:55:13.99\00:55:16.14
And he's like "No."
00:55:16.17\00:55:18.63
I said "Is there
anything I can do?"
00:55:18.85\00:55:20.15
He's like "Could you
answer me a question?"
00:55:20.18\00:55:22.72
I said "What?"
00:55:22.75\00:55:24.29
He said "Was it me?"
00:55:24.32\00:55:26.06
And I'm like
"No, it wasn't you."
00:55:26.09\00:55:27.80
He thought "Was it
me that was the one
00:55:27.83\00:55:30.32
that hurt you like that?"
00:55:30.35\00:55:31.97
I said "No".
00:55:32.00\00:55:33.03
I really realized that
minute that God was healing him.
00:55:33.06\00:55:38.63
At the same time
He was healing me.
00:55:38.87\00:55:40.58
It wasn't that He wanted to
heal me because I was the victim
00:55:40.61\00:55:43.60
He wants to heal
everybody at the table.
00:55:43.63\00:55:45.99
Everybody involved with
this sin He wants to heal.
00:55:46.02\00:55:49.47
For many of us, when
we honestly come to God
00:55:49.50\00:55:52.31
we have no illusion
that there's any good in me.
00:55:52.34\00:55:55.43
I personally welcome death.
00:55:55.46\00:55:56.71
Some say we have hit rock
bottom, nowhere else to go
00:55:56.74\00:56:00.01
and God says "I
am crazy about you."
00:56:00.04\00:56:03.77
I remember as I sat in the drugs
house trying to kill myself
00:56:04.02\00:56:06.28
God showed up, told
me that He loved me,
00:56:06.31\00:56:08.70
He wanted to pull me out
of all this muck, this pit.
00:56:08.73\00:56:13.11
He also told me that
I was beautiful to Him.
00:56:13.14\00:56:16.00
I love that!
00:56:16.03\00:56:17.18
Even though I had never
seen any value in myself
00:56:17.35\00:56:20.50
I was a creation of His
00:56:20.53\00:56:22.02
and He wanted to
show me who I really am.
00:56:22.05\00:56:25.11
He created me to be lovely,
00:56:25.14\00:56:27.47
He created me to
have a sound mind.
00:56:27.50\00:56:30.82
I cried and I asked Him into
my life. Please do the same.
00:56:31.09\00:56:34.23
With all your
junk, with all your lust,
00:56:34.26\00:56:35.73
without all your short comings,
with all your insecurity.
00:56:35.76\00:56:38.96
Don't hide anything.
00:56:38.99\00:56:39.96
God knows all that, don't be
ashamed, don't hide anything.
00:56:39.97\00:56:42.51
He doesn't want to condemn us.
00:56:42.54\00:56:44.37
He wants to heal you.
00:56:44.40\00:56:45.43
He wants to fill you with
laughter, with hope, with joy.
00:56:45.46\00:56:49.67
I want to say it
to anybody listening
00:56:49.70\00:56:52.95
that you've got to hear
what was said on this show.
00:56:52.98\00:56:56.11
That God says "Every
single thing that you do,
00:56:56.14\00:56:58.55
every single thing
that you've struggled with,
00:56:58.58\00:57:00.44
every single thing that
you hide, every single thing,
00:57:00.47\00:57:03.17
all the
skeletons in your closet.
00:57:03.20\00:57:05.27
I've talked about all this.
00:57:05.30\00:57:06.39
we all have
skeletons in our closets.
00:57:06.42\00:57:08.00
Bring the out, teach them
to dance, let God heal them.
00:57:08.03\00:57:11.64
I really believe that
with everything in me,
00:57:11.67\00:57:14.21
that He wants to heal.
00:57:14.24\00:57:15.94
And all of our junks is ugly, I
know mine was ugly, I know that.
00:57:15.97\00:57:21.20
When I think about the bikers
that were involved that weekend,
00:57:21.23\00:57:26.16
of the death.
00:57:26.19\00:57:27.24
Even Fred and Brenda, the
things they've gone through
00:57:27.27\00:57:30.87
and the addictions
that Fred had to look at.
00:57:30.90\00:57:33.61
All that stuff is ugly and God
says, "I am a God of creation.
00:57:33.64\00:57:38.28
I created you in a
way that is healthy,
00:57:38.31\00:57:41.61
in a way that
will fill you with joy,
00:57:41.64\00:57:44.49
and I want to
restore in you all that.
00:57:44.52\00:57:47.19
Next time on
Celebrating life in Recovery
00:57:47.22\00:57:50.30
we're going to talk to
Fred and Brenda Stoeker again.
00:57:50.33\00:57:53.35
But this time we're
going to talk to Brenda
00:57:53.38\00:57:56.46
about what she went through,
00:57:56.49\00:57:57.99
and Fred about
how to stay healthy,
00:57:58.02\00:58:01.08
how to walk through that,
00:58:01.11\00:58:02.62
what kind of things do
I need to learn from God,
00:58:02.65\00:58:05.88
and what is repentance.
00:58:05.91\00:58:08.67
It is a gift. When you get that
00:58:08.93\00:58:11.87
you've gotten the
secret of recovery.
00:58:11.96\00:58:14.10
So always remember
that God is crazy about you,
00:58:14.13\00:58:16.48
and you know what, so am I.
00:58:16.52\00:58:18.35
See you next time. Bye bye!
00:58:20.02\00:58:23.09