#S058 - What Every Women Needs
To Know About Her Man (Part 2)
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Welcome to the Breath of life
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television ministries broadcast
with Pastor Debleaire Snell.
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In today's episode,
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Pastor Snell will continue
part two of the powerful message
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titled What Every Woman
Needs to Know About Her Man.
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Now let's hear
more from God's word.
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And I do want to say this
because there is a fallacy
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that says men don't have
emotions. That's not true.
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A man has every
emotion a woman has.
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Men just may not
be as expressive.
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Now, again, let me see
this, because even when you look
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at the way the male
brain and the brain works,
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both for men and women,
I need you to understand.
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It's not that that
that men are not empathetic.
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It's not that men but
they're not real quick,
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that they're not intuitive.
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It's not that
they're not general.
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It simply means that sometimes
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women will cross the street
emotionally quicker than men.
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In other words, she
can operate in both spaces
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a little bit more comfortably.
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So she'll go from the creative
side to the logical side
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to the intuitive
side, to the organized side,
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whereas men cross the
street a little bit more slowly.
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It's not that I
can't get there, but man,
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I got to look both ways
when I cross the street.
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I got to make sure I
know traffic come in before
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I go over into
that space where so.
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So women will kind
of grope back and forth.
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Men really quickly,
they go from logical
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to emotional back
and forth really quickly.
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And that doesn't
make you superior.
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Ladies.
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It just means you can go
from making real good sense.
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Not keep that same
energy, you know, know.
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All right.
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So so there are
a couple of things
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I want to say real quick,
and I'm going to do my best
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to keep in time today.
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There are some things
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every woman needs
to know about her man.
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Number one, he needs
you to hold his confidence
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and cover his flaws.
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Okay, y'all
got. Y'all got quiet.
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Notice what
proverbs 31 and verse ten.
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And eleven says
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The heart of her husband
doth safely trust in her.
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The jokes that
church ladies say.
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Men, ladies say men today.
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All right.
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He needs to know
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that you will
keep his confidence
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and that you
will cover his flaws.
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It's crazy.
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The reason some of you all think
I'm a okay husband is simply
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because my wife cover
is where I fall short.
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Are you hear
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what I'm
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saying? I'm more
likely to tell you
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what's wrong
with me than she is.
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And so I need you
to know that a husband
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will never find
security in a marriage
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if he's married to
a woman who has leaks.
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In other words, he
needs to know that his
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your mother angel
know about his flaws,
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that your sister
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ain't gonna know
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every time he messes
up, that your friends are
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not going to know
about every financial issue.
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He needs to know that
everybody in the streets
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ain't going to know
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about everything that's
happening in your bedroom.
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He needs to know that he is
safe, that there is covering,
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that there is
somebody that has his back.
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And let me just pause to kind of
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give you this little
quick piece of advice,
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because I know that
every woman needs a confidant,
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somebody that she can
share with and be mentored by.
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But let me give you a rubric
for your confidant, ladies.
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First of all, your confidante,
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the one you share in it
needs to be another lady.
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Don't be talking to Jerome
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about what you
got going on at home.
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Hey, man.
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All right?
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You need to go
talk to Tyson. Amen.
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And not only does
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she need to be female, she
needs to be a woman of God.
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She needs to be somebody
that has spiritual discernment.
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Somebody that prays.
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Somebody that
will tell you the truth
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and not just affirm
what you want to hear.
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And guess what?
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Sometimes that woman
needs to be your age or older,
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right?
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You don't need to
be talking to nobody.
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That ain't been
nowhere having done nothing.
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They went through nothing
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about what you're going through.
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And number four,
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you need to be talking
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to a female who's
spiritual, your age or older,
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who happily married or committed
to the idea of marriage.
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In other words,
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you don't need to talk
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to the sister that's
been divorced 37 times
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or, you know, single girlfriends
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who's still out there hunting
when you've already got the cats
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are you hear
what I'm saying today?
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And see, there are
times where it's not so much
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that he don't want
you to talk to somebody.
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Sometimes he's just nervous
about who's mentoring you.
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And obviously it's a
cross gender principle.
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I could put that same idea
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up there for men, and
it will still be the truth.
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Your confidant
needs to be another man,
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a man who's spiritual,
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a man who's committed
to the idea of marriage.
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And so you got
to cover your man.
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You got to make sure
that you hold his confidence.
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They've got to make sure
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that you don't expose his flaws
and that you talk to him, talk
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to Jesus about
him more than you.
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Talk to your mama about him.
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Amen.
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Second thing,
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he needs your affirmation
more than your critique.
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Brothers, stand with me.
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All right.
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She opens her mouth. With what?
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And on her tongue
is the law of what?
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Kindness.
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In other words,
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that sister knows what to say
and she knows what not to say.
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Now, let me be
clear, ladies, as I say that
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I'm not saying that
you've just got to be,
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man, a spineless
doormat for your man.
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You can be real
direct, truthful, transparent,
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but that doesn't
equal sarcasm, hurtful.
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And this dismissiveness,
rudeness and too much trolling.
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See, sometimes it's
not even just what you say.
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Sometimes it's
just how you say it.
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I mean, there are some of y'all
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that got switchblades
under your tongue and
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razors in your eyes.
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And, ah, you
hear what I'm saying?
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So. So there is a way
to say it with firmness
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and truthfulness that doesn't
tear him down in the process.
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And that's why the word
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literally says that a
soothing calm is a tree of life,
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but a perverse spunk
tongue can break the spirit.
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And this is what I'm
going to say, ladies,
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that as you ministered to
your husband, as you do what
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not as you
correct him as you what?
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Not as you chastise
him, but as you what?
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As you minister
to him. Guess what?
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God can use your
tongue to enlighten,
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yet it is only the
Holy Spirit that transforms.
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Amen. No, no. I
need you to get this.
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It is the
spirit that transforms.
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So they're going to be times
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where you've got to
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not just make your point
until he is in a posture, man of
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frustrated submission.
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Sometimes you got
to make your point.
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Go into your prayer closet
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and let the Holy
Spirit do the rest.
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See, there are times
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where we want we want to be and
do the work of the Holy Spirit.
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I need you to understand
that your intercession
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is going to be more powerful
than your interruptions.
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So you got to go ahead and
let the Holy Spirit do its work
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because the Holy Spirit
can get underneath the surface.
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It is the Spirit
that influences stuff.
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It is the spirit that
quickens the conscience.
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It is the spirit
that dispels darkness.
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And I need you to know
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that only the spirit can
do certain things in the home.
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I see.
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And that's why
your most powerful room
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is not just going
to be the bedroom.
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It's your war room.
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No. There's
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somebody that needs to go
and watch the movie War Room
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so that you learn how to
fight with the right weapons.
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And let me just say this.
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You all realize
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that the most popular girl in
every school is the cheerleader.
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And it's not just
because of the uniforms.
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Sure, it
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helps, but part of
it is just her function.
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Because what does she do?
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She stands in that
corner and says, you can do it.
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Yes, you can.
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If you can't do it, nobody can.
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And then when she says
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and what I'm
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trying to get across is that
every man needs a cheerleader.
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Every man needs somebody
that is going to infuse life,
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that is going to
say what you can,
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that is going to prophesy,
that is going to be able
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to draw out of
him with his words.
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What he cannot even see being
drawn out with his own eyes.
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Are you hearing me today?
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And let me just
say this real quick,
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that your affirmation actually
helps him maintain fidelity.
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So last year, remember,
we talked under the subject
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we talked about on the subject,
are you overpaid for that?
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And we talked about the immoral
woman of Proverbs Chapter six.
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Go back and check it
out if you didn't see it.
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But but remember what gives
power to the immoral woman?
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Guess what, man?
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She is dressed inappropriately.
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She's hanging
out in the streets.
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But I need you to
notice what the words say is
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the Bible says to
keep me from the evil
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or the immoral one woman
from the flattery of her. What
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tongue?
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In other words, I
need you to know that
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that to lust
not after her beauty
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in thine heart neither let
her take you with your eye lids.
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I need to know
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one of the
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superpowers of the other woman
is not just what she offers.
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It's what she says.
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Because even when you read
Proverbs, check to step six.
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The Bible says that
she over take him with her
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words are y'all
hear what I'm saying?
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And there is a dynamic
that we must avoid where
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we're where outward affirmation
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begins to outweigh and matter
more than wife's criticism.
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Are you hear me?
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You got a problem if
you're always telling him how
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lousy he is
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and see it works, say it, man.
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I wish there was some
more good men like you.
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There is a crisis
bad formula at work.
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And what I'm
saying today, friends,
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I'm not saying that
you become a doormat,
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that you never
address situations.
00:10:46.37\00:10:48.14
But what I'm saying is
that when your language
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studies show
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that when a wife's
language becomes at least
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most of the conversation,
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when 30% of her conversation
is critical in nature,
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he's going to stop coming home
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or he's going to
avoid her in the home.
00:11:02.66\00:11:05.13
And I want to encourage you to
build and not tear down and see.
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The other thing I
want to say real quickly
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is that in conflict,
every man has a shut down. But
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and I tell the truth.
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Come on,
brothers, and I tell you,
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at some point, man,
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you got to
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default something in your spirit
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that's going to
override, and you're going to
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be there nodding, but
you ain't listening no more.
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All right.
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And see, there are
certain things that
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create shutdown
whenever there's conflict.
00:11:29.35\00:11:30.89
So he's going to shut down
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when he feels like
talking and getting him nowhere
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and and that's just frustration.
00:11:37.19\00:11:41.86
He's going to shut down.
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And this is noble
when he don't want
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to see the
conflict rise no higher.
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In other words,
he's reaching a point
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where he cannot act in godliness
and continue the dialog.
00:11:48.24\00:11:52.11
He needs to gather himself
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so he can express
his thoughts clearly.
00:11:53.21\00:11:55.48
All right.
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And then sometimes,
man, he'll shut down
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because, man,
you can talk so much.
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He's so wounded, so injured.
00:11:59.51\00:12:00.98
He's going to inflict
intentional punishment
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by withholding himself from you.
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All right.
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And then
sometimes it's just petulant
00:12:07.69\00:12:09.19
because he's too
proud to admit we're wrong.
00:12:09.22\00:12:11.86
And every now and
then that happens.
00:12:11.89\00:12:13.76
But what I'm saying is
00:12:13.80\00:12:14.93
you got to make sure
00:12:14.93\00:12:15.73
that you
communicate in such a way
00:12:15.76\00:12:17.67
that is not
stomping on the shutdown.
00:12:17.70\00:12:20.44
But are you talking
what I'm saying today, France
00:12:20.47\00:12:23.84
number three.
00:12:23.87\00:12:25.04
I need to understand that he
does not want every new conflict
00:12:25.07\00:12:30.08
to unearth all the old ones.
00:12:30.11\00:12:35.95
First Corinthians
13. It's in the Bible.
00:12:35.98\00:12:39.09
Love doesn't it
does not dishonor others.
00:12:39.12\00:12:41.59
It is not self-seeking.
It is not easily angered.
00:12:42.69\00:12:44.49
And guess what?
00:12:44.93\00:12:45.59
Love keeps no record of what.
00:12:45.63\00:12:48.46
All right.
00:12:48.50\00:12:49.10
So then if every conflict
00:12:49.13\00:12:50.97
is going to have
you go back to your pad
00:12:51.00\00:12:53.23
and you begin to unearth
00:12:53.27\00:12:54.64
every last time he did
that thing you're upset about,
00:12:54.67\00:12:59.04
it causes him to lose energy
and it'll cause him to withdraw
00:12:59.07\00:13:02.78
and back out and see.
00:13:02.81\00:13:04.25
Let me just say
a couple of things.
00:13:04.28\00:13:05.71
One of the mistakes that
we make sometimes, ladies,
00:13:05.75\00:13:07.88
I want to encourage you to make
sure you say it with respect,
00:13:07.92\00:13:10.42
but then also express
your frustration in season.
00:13:10.45\00:13:15.46
So you got to
express it when it happens
00:13:15.49\00:13:18.53
and you don't let it mount.
00:13:18.56\00:13:19.86
You realize
there is no such thing
00:13:19.89\00:13:21.20
as sweeping
things under the carpet.
00:13:21.23\00:13:24.03
Are you doing is
storing the conflict
00:13:24.07\00:13:28.34
and the more you store the
conflict, whenever you have
00:13:28.37\00:13:31.17
that one little thing
happens, there is an in it
00:13:31.21\00:13:34.31
inordinately great big reaction
00:13:34.34\00:13:36.95
because he's not
reacting just to that one thing.
00:13:36.98\00:13:39.75
It's seven or
eight things and brother
00:13:39.78\00:13:41.88
man is all confused,
discombobulated, messed up.
00:13:41.92\00:13:45.05
He's just like, man,
00:13:45.09\00:13:45.99
all I did was leave
the milk on the counter.
00:13:46.02\00:13:50.43
I sit up milk on the counter.
00:13:50.46\00:13:51.73
It is that deep. Yeah, because
it's more than one thing.
00:13:51.76\00:13:55.50
All right.
00:13:55.53\00:13:56.73
And so one of the things I would
encourage you to do is realize
00:13:56.77\00:13:58.23
that men get paralyzed
when old wrongs are repeated
00:13:59.33\00:14:02.44
without acknowledgment
of his efforts to change.
00:14:02.47\00:14:06.81
And so so there are times where
when he finally gets it right.
00:14:06.84\00:14:10.88
Instead of
celebrating that he got right,
00:14:10.91\00:14:12.95
your spirit is well about time.
00:14:13.65\00:14:17.92
And see, I need
to understand that
00:14:17.95\00:14:19.65
whatever you
celebrate, you recruit, okay?
00:14:19.69\00:14:24.99
Whatever you
glorify, you multiply.
00:14:25.03\00:14:27.36
Oh, God, I'm preaching.
00:14:27.93\00:14:28.53
If you ain't gonna say, man,
00:14:28.56\00:14:29.56
I need you to know
whenever you pour sugar.
00:14:29.60\00:14:31.90
That's the way
that man is going.
00:14:31.93\00:14:33.13
So are you all hear
what I'm saying today?
00:14:33.17\00:14:35.50
Now, the reason I'm
00:14:35.54\00:14:36.47
saying this is I
don't think we understand
00:14:36.50\00:14:38.14
sometimes how much a
man cares for his woman.
00:14:38.17\00:14:41.24
Last week we
talked about how Eve was
00:14:41.28\00:14:43.14
created to make Adam happy.
00:14:43.18\00:14:44.68
But I need to know that Adam,
she listened to say it again.
00:14:44.71\00:14:47.12
2 seconds serves.
00:14:47.15\00:14:47.75
I need to know that
00:14:47.78\00:14:48.82
in the beginning, when
sin came into the world,
00:14:48.85\00:14:50.65
I need to realize that the enemy
00:14:50.69\00:14:52.92
got Eve to
prioritize the fight above God.
00:14:52.95\00:14:56.59
But He got the man to
prioritize Eve above God.
00:14:56.62\00:15:01.10
Oh God, y'all didn't catch it.
00:15:01.13\00:15:02.63
He loved that woman so much
00:15:02.66\00:15:05.80
that he said
00:15:05.83\00:15:06.97
I would rather be lost with
her than to be alone with God.
00:15:07.00\00:15:11.21
That's how much He
wants to make you happy.
00:15:11.24\00:15:13.58
That's how much He
wants to please you.
00:15:13.61\00:15:15.51
That's how much he's
willing to ride with you.
00:15:15.54\00:15:17.58
I need you to know
that there is no man
00:15:17.61\00:15:19.88
that is absolutely happy
while his wife is wilting inside
00:15:21.02\00:15:24.22
and unhappy
with his performance.
00:15:24.25\00:15:26.22
But what I'm saying
is I need you to know
00:15:26.25\00:15:28.29
that you get more by creating
incentive than punishment.
00:15:28.32\00:15:33.56
You got to
incentivize something.
00:15:33.60\00:15:41.44
See, the kids here
sort of say too much. But.
00:15:41.47\00:15:44.91
But but like at the dog track,
you put the right carrot in
00:15:44.94\00:15:48.11
front of him.
00:15:48.14\00:15:50.48
He'll chase it down and get it.
00:15:50.51\00:15:51.81
Come on his arm in the right.
00:15:51.85\00:15:58.35
Hey, man, somebody
00:15:58.39\00:16:02.52
number four real quick
is his sense of identity
00:16:02.56\00:16:06.80
and insecurity can flow
in or out of his work, right?
00:16:06.83\00:16:12.23
What we do matters for us.
00:16:12.27\00:16:14.24
So even when we
sort of very beginning
00:16:14.27\00:16:15.70
got this main
beginning, they talked about it
00:16:15.74\00:16:17.77
new offering, be
fruitful and multiply.
00:16:17.81\00:16:19.51
But even at the intent
intended to the world again,
00:16:19.54\00:16:22.31
you know, God told the
woman, he says, listen,
00:16:22.34\00:16:24.11
you're going to have to
man do the childbearing thing.
00:16:24.15\00:16:26.48
And he says, Adam,
listen, you're going to go out.
00:16:26.51\00:16:27.98
You were always,
always called to work,
00:16:28.02\00:16:30.09
but now when you go out to work,
00:16:30.12\00:16:31.32
it's going to be
thorns and thistles
00:16:31.35\00:16:32.59
and you won't have
to sweat to make bread.
00:16:32.62\00:16:34.96
I need you to realize
00:16:34.99\00:16:36.12
that when God gave that command,
he encoded something into
00:16:36.16\00:16:38.76
the man's DNA where he was going
to find value and fulfillment
00:16:38.79\00:16:43.26
and seek approval
through how hard he works.
00:16:43.30\00:16:49.04
So adamant didn't get
lifted by bringing Eve flowers.
00:16:49.07\00:16:53.44
He got excited when he went out
00:16:53.48\00:16:55.71
and gathered a harvest
and made sure that Adam
00:16:55.74\00:16:58.71
that Eve and Cain and
Abel were taken care of.
00:16:58.75\00:17:03.45
And see, there are times where
you think, man, and I need.
00:17:03.49\00:17:05.72
You'll get it, man.
We got to adjust on this.
00:17:05.75\00:17:07.42
But you think you're
having to compete with his work
00:17:07.46\00:17:10.53
as if he is working
for himself, no men,
00:17:10.56\00:17:12.69
Am I telling the truth?
00:17:12.73\00:17:13.60
The reason we work
00:17:13.63\00:17:14.63
the way we work is
we're trying to work for them.
00:17:14.66\00:17:18.47
Are you hear what
I'm saying? And see?
00:17:18.50\00:17:20.30
We see our
reflections in different things.
00:17:20.34\00:17:21.77
So women see their reflections
in their relationship.
00:17:21.80\00:17:23.87
Men see their
reflection in their work.
00:17:23.91\00:17:26.61
And wherever you
see your reflection,
00:17:26.64\00:17:28.51
that's where you're
going to always see your worry.
00:17:28.54\00:17:32.98
So again, so that sometimes
00:17:33.01\00:17:34.22
men are not so much worried
about what's going on in home,
00:17:34.25\00:17:37.55
we worried about how
are we going to pay for
00:17:37.59\00:17:39.02
that home.
00:17:39.05\00:17:40.89
I are you want to say like,
man, I mean, listen, listen,
00:17:40.92\00:17:44.09
brothers, if I tell the
truth, that man, I mean this.
00:17:44.13\00:17:46.09
You go to work.
00:17:46.13\00:17:46.73
But I mean, there's times
00:17:46.76\00:17:47.96
where even
though, man, you look like
00:17:47.96\00:17:49.40
ain't nothing
going on in your head,
00:17:49.43\00:17:50.70
you're worried
about five years from now,
00:17:50.73\00:17:52.37
you're worried
about the kids college.
00:17:52.40\00:17:53.87
You worried about how
the house is going to pay.
00:17:53.90\00:17:55.44
I'll get paid off.
00:17:55.47\00:17:56.27
You worried about whether or not
00:17:56.30\00:17:57.44
we're going to have enough
money to make it when we retire?
00:17:57.47\00:17:59.24
We worried about these
medical bills that's coming up.
00:17:59.27\00:18:01.38
It would be nice
00:18:01.81\00:18:02.71
if I could tell
you that I got a Luther
00:18:02.74\00:18:03.88
Vandross song playing
in my head all day long.
00:18:03.91\00:18:06.75
But because I see my
reflection in my work,
00:18:06.78\00:18:09.75
I need you to know
you're going to find
00:18:09.78\00:18:11.05
different things attractive.
00:18:11.09\00:18:13.62
So men and women go get
turned on by different things.
00:18:13.66\00:18:15.79
Women go get turned on
by flowers and candles.
00:18:15.82\00:18:18.29
Men go get turned on
by a mortgage payment.
00:18:18.33\00:18:22.26
Car payment.
00:18:22.30\00:18:23.06
Come on and say, man.
00:18:23.10\00:18:27.04
And what I'm saying is
we still got to adjust.
00:18:27.07\00:18:29.64
We got to do brothers better.
00:18:29.67\00:18:30.77
Come on and say, man,
00:18:30.81\00:18:32.24
but I need you to realize it's
00:18:32.27\00:18:33.68
not an attempt
to put you second,
00:18:33.71\00:18:36.11
but I need you to know
that he is working for you.
00:18:36.14\00:18:38.95
He's not
working in spite of you,
00:18:38.98\00:18:41.45
if that makes sense to me.
00:18:41.48\00:18:42.15
You say man
00:18:42.18\00:18:43.49
number five real quick, and
I'm not gonna stay here long.
00:18:43.52\00:18:45.09
We got our babies with
us. I'm gonna say it right.
00:18:45.12\00:18:46.86
But he needs to
stay connected to you.
00:18:46.89\00:19:01.57
I need you to move that out
of the category of preference
00:19:01.60\00:19:07.34
and put it in
00:19:07.38\00:19:07.91
the category of need.
00:19:07.94\00:19:12.18
This is
important. Or maybe it ain't.
00:19:12.21\00:19:15.92
Yes. Breathing food
00:19:15.95\00:19:23.76
connection.
00:19:23.79\00:19:24.96
Know, I, I all I can hold
my breath for a little while.
00:19:24.99\00:19:31.97
I You can go a couple
of days without food. Amy
00:19:32.00\00:19:44.01
So, so, so this is
again, I cannot say you alone,
00:19:44.05\00:19:46.31
but he needs your participation
to be enthusiastic.
00:19:47.38\00:19:54.92
Amen.
00:19:54.96\00:19:57.53
So, I mean, we appreciate
it when you just like.
00:19:57.56\00:20:00.33
All right, you take it.
00:20:00.36\00:20:05.00
Yeah, but a little
enthusiasm will help.
00:20:05.03\00:20:10.17
Come on. Is.
Hey, man. All right,
00:20:10.21\00:20:12.94
just get it over.
00:20:12.97\00:20:14.34
Go. It needs to be consistent.
00:20:14.38\00:20:17.98
It needs to be
creative or explorative.
00:20:18.85\00:20:21.62
Amen.
00:20:21.65\00:20:23.02
And that goes both ways.
00:20:23.05\00:20:24.79
And we want you to be
a willing participant.
00:20:24.82\00:20:26.55
In fact,
00:20:26.59\00:20:27.19
there's some
studies that kind of talk
00:20:28.09\00:20:29.12
about how often and what
the frequency needs to be.
00:20:29.16\00:20:31.46
But man, when you
look at kind of where
00:20:32.36\00:20:33.40
both men and women
peak, ironically, is that man,
00:20:33.43\00:20:36.13
if he's
somewhere between 25 and 55
00:20:36.16\00:20:39.10
and if he's a healthy 63
times a week, is the ideal,
00:20:39.13\00:20:50.45
is the long shot
00:20:50.48\00:20:51.98
looking like, oh,
say to benediction.
00:20:52.01\00:20:56.02
But I need to realize
that about every 48 hours
00:20:56.05\00:21:00.12
there's going to be
a southern uprising. I
00:21:00.16\00:21:10.53
the Confederacy is
going to rise again.
00:21:10.57\00:21:12.77
I want to you know, I
00:21:12.80\00:21:17.91
and that's why
the word says here
00:21:17.94\00:21:19.44
in first Corinthians seven,
the wife does not have authority
00:21:19.47\00:21:21.84
over her own body,
but use it to her husband
00:21:21.88\00:21:23.98
in the same way the
husband does not have
00:21:24.01\00:21:25.55
authority over his own
body, but use it to his wife.
00:21:25.58\00:21:27.62
Do not deprive each other,
except perhaps by mutual consent
00:21:27.65\00:21:31.92
and for a time so that you
may devote yourselves to prayer.
00:21:31.95\00:21:36.99
I hear what I'm saying.
00:21:37.03\00:21:38.43
The only time you shouldn't
00:21:38.46\00:21:39.89
be connected is
cause you're fasting.
00:21:39.93\00:21:44.73
That's in the word
00:21:44.77\00:21:49.04
silly book.
00:21:49.07\00:21:50.17
And see, there's
this kind of weird thing.
00:21:50.21\00:21:52.87
Oh, I shouldn't say this.
I should let the lady say it.
00:21:52.91\00:21:55.21
But since I'm
here, we can it backwards
00:21:55.24\00:22:00.55
where I see too many wives
00:22:00.58\00:22:01.88
undressing when
they leave the house.
00:22:01.92\00:22:04.12
Oh, and you got on flannel and
00:22:04.15\00:22:12.29
you dress like a nun at home.
00:22:12.33\00:22:13.96
I know it's backwards.
00:22:14.00\00:22:17.03
Come on. Amen. Brothers,
00:22:17.07\00:22:20.44
your coworkers
should not see more of you
00:22:20.47\00:22:23.27
than your husband does.
00:22:23.30\00:22:27.81
Okay.
00:22:27.84\00:22:28.58
He processes information
a little bit differently.
00:22:29.68\00:22:32.61
I is crazy because
they literally talk
00:22:32.65\00:22:34.48
about how a woman's
brain is almost like spaghetti
00:22:34.52\00:22:38.39
where everything is touching.
00:22:38.42\00:22:39.69
It always overlaps
00:22:39.72\00:22:41.46
with a man's kind of mind,
is a little bit more segmented.
00:22:41.49\00:22:44.69
We have the current check
00:22:44.73\00:22:45.86
one box to a next
00:22:45.89\00:22:47.00
is even so happen sometimes
we're in a conversation
00:22:47.03\00:22:49.10
where my wife
and I can be talking.
00:22:49.96\00:22:50.50
I can sense that there
00:22:50.53\00:22:51.60
are so many different
things touching in her mind,
00:22:51.63\00:22:53.20
so many different things
she's talking about women.
00:22:53.23\00:22:55.17
We'll be
talking about one thing.
00:22:55.20\00:22:56.24
She'll make a hard
left and she'll be in
00:22:56.27\00:22:57.71
a whole nother conversation.
00:22:57.74\00:23:00.48
I mean, one minute
we're talking about kids
00:23:00.51\00:23:02.11
and the next minute
she's from vacation.
00:23:02.14\00:23:03.55
My baby, we didn't
even finish that first,
00:23:03.58\00:23:06.35
that first part.
00:23:06.38\00:23:08.15
And so I need to know that he's
not ignoring certain things.
00:23:08.18\00:23:13.29
He just hadn't
finished that one box.
00:23:13.32\00:23:15.06
I hear what I'm saying.
00:23:15.09\00:23:17.16
All right.
00:23:17.53\00:23:18.13
On this thing real quick.
00:23:18.16\00:23:19.36
I'm almost done is he needs
you real quick to protect his
00:23:19.39\00:23:23.90
resting time and space.
00:23:23.93\00:23:28.94
Hey, man, listen, if you when
he gets home from a long day,
00:23:28.97\00:23:33.51
if you just give him
00:23:34.04\00:23:35.11
depending on the man,
somewhere between 30 minutes
00:23:35.14\00:23:37.45
an hour, maybe 90 minutes
to just let him be still,
00:23:37.48\00:23:41.75
let him decompress.
00:23:41.78\00:23:44.19
Don't don't make
him walk in the door
00:23:44.22\00:23:46.59
and you got a list of 35 things.
00:23:46.62\00:23:49.96
Okay, that you need him to do,
00:23:49.99\00:23:53.53
because notice the woman
in Proverbs 31 and Burstyn,
00:23:53.56\00:23:56.33
what was the
brother doing all day?
00:23:57.17\00:23:57.83
He just to the next to the gates
00:23:57.87\00:24:00.40
hanging out with the elders.
00:24:00.44\00:24:02.00
But if you do that, the Bible
00:24:02.04\00:24:03.10
says her children will
arise her and called her bless.
00:24:03.14\00:24:05.71
And guess what?
00:24:06.14\00:24:06.98
His her husband
also he will praise her
00:24:07.01\00:24:09.01
somebody Saudi men today.
00:24:09.04\00:24:11.21
In other words, I need
you to realize it's funny
00:24:11.25\00:24:12.95
because even when the
book for for for women only
00:24:12.98\00:24:15.75
you realize ma'am that
a husband's favorite thing
00:24:15.78\00:24:19.29
you know what the husband's
favorite thing to think about is
00:24:20.49\00:24:22.76
nothing.
00:24:22.79\00:24:25.76
You know, the
best part of my day is.
00:24:25.79\00:24:27.00
Is when I ain't got
nothing to think about.
00:24:27.03\00:24:29.06
Nowhere to be, no obligations.
00:24:29.10\00:24:31.33
Like, literally,
there's so many things out
00:24:32.30\00:24:33.27
the way when I can
just finally sit down
00:24:33.30\00:24:35.87
in front of my flat
screen and think about nothing
00:24:35.90\00:24:40.58
that sounds very carnal
00:24:40.61\00:24:41.81
and I'm spiritual,
but like, I need some time
00:24:41.84\00:24:44.58
where ain't got
nothing to think about.
00:24:44.61\00:24:46.18
I hear what I'm saying
00:24:46.21\00:24:47.28
and what I want to
say real quick now is that
00:24:47.32\00:24:48.75
I'm done, is I need you to make
home a retreat for your man.
00:24:48.78\00:24:53.72
Watch this.
00:24:53.76\00:24:55.19
He should have to pray
for strength to get home.
00:24:55.22\00:24:59.19
He shouldn't have
to pray for strength
00:24:59.23\00:25:00.60
to walk through the door
00:25:00.63\00:25:03.53
on his proud to be Lord.
00:25:03.57\00:25:07.77
Just give me the strength
to make it home one more time.
00:25:07.80\00:25:12.04
Not Lord, give me strength.
00:25:12.07\00:25:19.91
I could be praying
about that same man.
00:25:19.95\00:25:22.45
Be praying just to help
me get through the door.
00:25:22.48\00:25:24.45
I don't hear what I'm saying
today and what I'm saying.
00:25:24.49\00:25:27.19
Even my time is up.
00:25:27.22\00:25:28.52
I need us to understand
that as husbands and wives,
00:25:28.56\00:25:32.76
we have some
unique and specific needs.
00:25:32.79\00:25:34.83
Am I telling the truth today?
00:25:34.86\00:25:36.80
And see, what I'm going to do
00:25:36.83\00:25:38.33
is here at Oakwood and
in our church community,
00:25:38.37\00:25:40.97
I want to pull us away
from the battle of the sexes
00:25:41.00\00:25:45.67
where we're trying to
compete with one another.
00:25:45.71\00:25:48.71
That's not what
God has called us to.
00:25:48.74\00:25:50.95
I told you, I think at
the end of the last week,
00:25:50.98\00:25:52.58
the only competition
00:25:52.61\00:25:53.65
we ought to have in the
Church of God and Upward
00:25:53.68\00:25:55.52
Marriages is our competitions
ought to be to out love, out
00:25:55.55\00:25:59.09
serve out care and show out
kindness toward one another.
00:25:59.12\00:26:04.03
I can hear what I'm saying.
00:26:04.06\00:26:05.56
And what I'm saying is
and even what we shared
00:26:05.59\00:26:07.50
last week in this week,
00:26:07.50\00:26:08.43
it is not
exhaustive, it is not complete.
00:26:08.46\00:26:10.47
These are simply
some broad principles.
00:26:11.37\00:26:12.43
And they don't apply necessarily
to every single home.
00:26:12.47\00:26:15.20
But what I'm saying
to us today, my friends,
00:26:16.20\00:26:17.37
is that
00:26:17.41\00:26:18.31
if we make certain
things our priority,
00:26:18.34\00:26:20.04
if we're intentional
ladies about respect,
00:26:21.01\00:26:22.34
if you're
intentional about conduction,
00:26:23.28\00:26:24.45
if you're intentional about
understanding how he processes,
00:26:24.48\00:26:27.12
if you're intentional
00:26:27.68\00:26:28.68
about understanding
how to relate to his work,
00:26:28.72\00:26:30.45
I need you to understand
00:26:31.02\00:26:32.12
that you will have a man
that doesn't love leaving home.
00:26:32.15\00:26:34.96
He'll love coming home.
00:26:34.99\00:26:37.66
And I need to know
you'll put him in a position
00:26:37.69\00:26:40.20
where you will draw
the best out of him.
00:26:41.10\00:26:42.33
He'll become the
best version of himself.
00:26:43.26\00:26:44.60
And your words
will build as a hammer,
00:26:45.43\00:26:47.67
and they will not be like a
demolition ball that destroys
00:26:47.70\00:26:52.14
the Bible.
00:26:52.17\00:26:53.27
Says that a wise woman
going to play something for me
00:26:53.31\00:26:56.01
bills her house
with her own hands,
00:26:56.04\00:26:59.95
but the foolish woman tears her
own house down brick by brick.
00:27:00.05\00:27:07.29
And sometimes it's hard.
00:27:07.32\00:27:10.76
It's difficult.
00:27:10.79\00:27:12.13
And I need you to know
listen, let me be clear.
00:27:12.16\00:27:14.20
None of the
stuff we saw last week
00:27:14.20\00:27:15.40
or this week, most
of the time are many.
00:27:15.43\00:27:18.20
Much of the time you don't
feel like doing this stuff.
00:27:18.23\00:27:20.57
I'm not telling the truth.
00:27:20.60\00:27:22.37
You not always be feeling it.
00:27:22.40\00:27:24.81
But that's why
00:27:24.84\00:27:25.94
if we're going to grow,
00:27:25.97\00:27:27.04
if we're going to
reach the next level,
00:27:27.08\00:27:28.38
if we're going to
become who God wants us to be,
00:27:28.41\00:27:30.41
we got to get to a
place where we put principle
00:27:30.45\00:27:33.82
before the
feeling, where we understand
00:27:33.85\00:27:37.85
that strong principle,
00:27:38.42\00:27:41.09
that great feeling
flows out of firm principle.
00:27:41.12\00:27:43.86
But that order can
never, ever be inverted.
00:27:43.89\00:27:46.46
You got to
abide by the principle
00:27:46.49\00:27:48.30
no matter what fidelity, no
matter what being committed,
00:27:48.33\00:27:53.00
no matter what, showing
respect, no matter what,
00:27:53.03\00:27:56.24
listening, no matter what
00:27:56.27\00:27:57.74
you do not allow these
things to have variation in it.
00:27:57.77\00:28:00.84
You got to stand firm
in the Lord Jesus Christ.
00:28:00.88\00:28:03.24
How many of us
believe the Word of God today?
00:28:03.28\00:28:04.75
(Breath Of Life Music)
00:28:05.31\00:28:13.52