#S058 - What Every Women Needs
To Know About Her Man (Part 1)
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This week
Brothers, we going to preach
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what every woman needs
to know about her husband.
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Now, brothers,
last week they was loud.
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Come on and say, man.
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So. So, brothers, don't
leave me on an island today.
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I need you to stand with
the pastor this afternoon.
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Matter of fact, turn to
your right real quick and say.
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Keep that same. Energy.
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Keep that same energy.
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Amen. Amen.
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Let's jump into it.
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Let's say it
together like we mean it
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today, I commit myself
to a principled marriage.
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I make the.
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Decision to put
principle before feelings.
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I commit to doing what
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I know to do, not just
what I feel like doing.
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I will serve
when I don't feel it.
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I will love
when I don't feel it.
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I will respect.
When I don't feel it.
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I will forgive
when I don't feel it.
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I will remain.
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When I don't feel it and I
will pray when I don't feel it.
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Today I'm.
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Coming out of my
feelings and I'm embracing.
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My principles.
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Do my. Favorite.
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Do me a favor. Kiss
your wife or husband and say,
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let's stay in the principal.
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Amen.
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Y'all been waiting
all week to do that.
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All right. Amen.
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So. So today, as
we get into the word,
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we're going to go quickly
here to the Book of Proverbs
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Chapter 31.
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If you have it in your
Bible, you can look, there
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are we going to place it here
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on the screen for
your consideration today?
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Proverbs, chapter 31
there in the Old Testament.
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And when you get there,
let me hear you say amen.
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I'm going to got to look
through the whole chapter.
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We're just going to
take some selections
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that are beneficial
for our conversation
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today, Proverbs
31 and verse one.
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When you get
there, let me say amen.
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The Bible says, Who
can find a virtuous wife
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for her worth is far above what?
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Now, again, let me just say
this to the husbands real quick.
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Her value is that of a.
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Ruby and realize.
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Ruby don't grow on. Trees.
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You don't find them everywhere.
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It is a precious stone.
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And it ought to
be valued. As such.
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But notice what
it says about this
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woman, the heart of her
husband safely trust her.
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So he will have no lack of gain.
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She does him good and not evil.
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All the days of her life.
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She seeks wall and flax and will
in the works with her hands.
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She is like the merchant ship.
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She brings her food from afar.
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Yet she also rises.
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While it is yet night and
provides food for her household,
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she considers the
field and buys it.
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And from her profit,
she plants a vineyard.
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So guess what?
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Not only is she.
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Domestic. She's
also professional.
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Amen. So it's not.
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One or the other?
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It's not one or the other.
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It's both.
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I would like some of these
young wives meet to my man.
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All I make is reservation.
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You do?
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You do.
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You see
Gertrude's self-restraint?
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It strengthens her arms.
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She opens her
mouth with the wisdom,
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and on her tongue
is the law of kindness.
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She watches over the
ways of her household and.
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Does not eat the bread
of what, in other words,
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seeing on Instagram all day.
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She ain't got.
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Time for Real
Housewives of Atlanta.
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Oh, tell him
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keep that same energy, keep that
same energy, that same energy.
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Her children rise
up and call her blessed
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and her husband
also he praises her.
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Many daughters have done
well, but you expel them all.
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Charm is deceitful.
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Beauty is passing.
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But a woman who fears
the Lord shall be praise.
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And then one last verse,
a critical one in Proverbs
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14 and verse one, and
hear me on this lady's a wise
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woman bills her house,
but with her own hands.
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The foolish one tears hers down.
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So again, we're
talking today on the subject
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what every woman needs
to know about her, her man.
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Let's pray and
we'll move quickly.
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Today, Father, we
pray that in this little
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while that you would say much.
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I pray that you would speak
clearly, directly, succinctly,
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and maybe not just
be hearers of the word,
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but may we act on your word.
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We pray in the
wonderful name of Jesus.
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Let those who
believe stay together. Amen.
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And amen.
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You may be seated in
the House of the Lord.
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Again, we'll kind
of get to the section
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about what every
woman needs to know.
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But as we did last week,
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we want to begin with
some general principles
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that cross both gender.
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And there are some team
concepts I want us to get now.
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Again, just for
those who want something
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to continue to study or
just to read as a group.
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There are a couple of books,
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ladies, that kind of informed
this particular study this week.
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It's one book
is called For Women
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Only What You Need to Know
About the Inner Lives of Men.
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By Ms.. Shante Feldon.
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And then another book
is called What Your Husband
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Isn't Telling
You by David Morrow.
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And it's just something if
you want something to read,
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you just kind of continue
to reinforce some things.
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And even with the book, what
your husband isn't telling you.
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And if that's
not, then just mean
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and what it means specifically.
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There are some things that
he's not telling you verbally,
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but there are some
things he's telling you
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with his behavior and actions.
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And it kind of
gives a little bit
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of a deciphering code to know
the difference between the two.
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So again, our
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theme Friends is putting
principle before feeling.
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And again, as I
said last week, I know
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this doesn't
give you goose bumps.
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It's not
sentimental, but it's the truth.
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Because, again,
let me say it again.
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How many of us know that
if you don't stay married.
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You've got to make.
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Decisions against your
feelings so that you're going.
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To have to love when
you don't feel like loving,
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you're going to have to listen.
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When you don't
feel like listening,
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you're going to have to forgive.
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When you don't
feel like forgiving.
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And guess what?
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You're going to
have to stay married
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when you don't feel like staying
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married can ensure
it's eight men today.
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And I need you to know
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that, man, if you
operate out of feelings
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your marriage has
an expiration date.
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And see, this is critical.
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We told you on last
week you got to get feelings
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out of the driver's
seat and put principle there.
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Because feelings
don't make good drivers.
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They ought to be passengers.
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And the reason
feelings should not be drivers
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is that feelings drive
while under the influence,
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and they're
marriages that have due eyes
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because those feelings
will get under the influence
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of comparison, stress.
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Circumstance and situation.
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And that's why you got to
let principle guide the process.
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Y'all hear what I'm
saying today, friends.
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And one of the
things I want to say
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real quick is
that in every marriage,
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you got to have some
know matter what principles.
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In other words, there's
got to be some fixed principles
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that do not change
whether or not you have money
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when you're sick,
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when things go well,
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you've got to have some
principles that we abide by.
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No matter what.
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If I'm telling the
truth, I mean, you say, man.
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So. So one of those.
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No matter what principles
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is, you've got to
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have as a principle that
says we remain in our marriage.
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That's got to be a no matter
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what principle and see, I
need us to understand this.
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I told you last
week, my wife and I
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celebrated 20 years and I in
no means try to make ourselves
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the example of anything
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but the one thing I can testify
in truth, that we've never had
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a discussion
about getting divorced.
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Now, she might have thought it,
but at least she never said it.
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Only statement and reason I'm
saying this, friends of mine,
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is because when you hold
out divorce as a contingency
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or backup plan, there
going to be some circumstances
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that suggest
it's your only plan.
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AC One of the things I
need the church to know
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is that you got to kind of
make it up in your mind to say
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the only option is
for us to work it out.
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In other words, I'm not
leaving this up to chance.
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There ain't no such thing
as if it's going to work out.
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The only thing is for
us to work that thing out.
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And I need you to know
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that the enemy has created
this one great deception.
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And his greatest deception
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is to make single folk
think they don't have no options
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and to make married
folk think they have options.
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In other words,
you ain't got no one.
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The only option
is for you and him,
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you and her to get in a
room under the guidance of God.
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We all that today
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church under the guidance
of God and work that thing out
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and you'll be surprised
what you can make prosper
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when you come to the
conclusion is so only option
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I. In other words when you
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come to the conclusion
that it's going to be me
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and her to the end, you've
got to work that thing out.
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Come on and say, man.
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In other words, if you
want, go work that thing out.
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You shouldn't
have took the vows.
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You took
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your vows saying something
like, for better or worse,
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richer or poorer, in
sickness and in health.
00:09:04.61\00:09:08.08
You didn't amend the vows to
say for richer, better health
00:09:08.11\00:09:13.58
or until
circumstance do us part.
00:09:13.62\00:09:16.82
We said the only thing
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we gonna let separate
us is the power of death.
00:09:17.99\00:09:20.42
Y'all hear me today?
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So you got to
have some, no matter
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what principles, teamwork
has to be a no matter work.
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What principle I see.
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The problem is in too
many contemporary marriages,
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we're not operating like teams.
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We're operating like
free agents that live together
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and say, I need you to
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understand that
there are some of us, man.
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We all are left
center with our approach.
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We get into marriage and say,
Man, I'm not going to change.
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I'm not going to adjust.
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I'm not going to lose
myself. I just got to be me.
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If you're not going to lose
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none of yourself, you
shouldn't got married.
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Because I need you to
know that marriage requires
00:09:53.66\00:09:55.86
you to give more than
you think you ought to give.
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I need you to realize
that marriage is the constant.
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Tell me if I'm
telling the truth.
00:10:03.47\00:10:04.63
It is a constant
dying to your old self.
00:10:04.67\00:10:09.00
It is a death to who I
think I am and who I should be.
00:10:09.04\00:10:12.97
And see.
00:10:13.27\00:10:14.41
One of the things you'll
know about championship teams
00:10:14.44\00:10:16.85
is that individual stars
give so the team can thrive,
00:10:16.88\00:10:21.92
so that when LeBron and
Chris Bosh went to Miami
00:10:21.95\00:10:25.85
in order to form a
super team, guess what?
00:10:26.82\00:10:28.42
Each individual
had to take less money.
00:10:28.46\00:10:30.76
Each individual
had to take less shots.
00:10:30.79\00:10:32.89
Each individual
had to take less.
00:10:32.93\00:10:35.16
But guess what?
00:10:35.20\00:10:36.13
Each individual was
willing to take less.
00:10:36.16\00:10:37.90
So the second
half team's success
00:10:37.93\00:10:40.87
and I need us to know
friends, that the only way
00:10:40.90\00:10:42.67
the team is going to thrive
00:10:42.70\00:10:44.34
is if each individual
brings equal sacrifice.
00:10:44.37\00:10:47.38
Y'all hear what
I'm saying today?
00:10:48.18\00:10:49.01
You got to have some.
00:10:49.04\00:10:50.18
No matter what principles,
no matter what. Guess what?
00:10:50.21\00:10:52.45
We are not going to
step outside of our marriage,
00:10:52.48\00:10:55.98
are y'all?
00:10:56.02\00:10:56.85
Hear what the
pastor is saying today?
00:10:56.89\00:10:57.99
I don't care how
drive the will gets.
00:10:58.02\00:11:04.33
And some of us are in a
marital Sahara desert today.
00:11:04.36\00:11:08.73
But what I'm
saying is I need you
00:11:08.76\00:11:10.37
to know the
answer is never outside.
00:11:10.40\00:11:13.57
The answer is inside.
00:11:13.60\00:11:15.40
So you got to get to a place
where we're going to make sure
00:11:15.44\00:11:18.21
that we do what we
need to do to keep one
00:11:18.24\00:11:20.41
another, engage, then
satisfied and built up.
00:11:20.44\00:11:23.58
I need to get that quality.
00:11:23.61\00:11:25.01
Time needs to be a no
matter what principle.
00:11:25.05\00:11:28.38
In other words, I
know that life be living
00:11:28.42\00:11:30.69
and it's busy and it's hectic.
00:11:30.72\00:11:32.32
But see, there is
too often a disparity
00:11:32.35\00:11:35.49
between our professed
values and our actual values.
00:11:35.52\00:11:39.76
So our professed
value is the home,
00:11:39.79\00:11:42.76
but all of the
investment goes into the job.
00:11:42.80\00:11:46.63
My professed value is my spouse,
00:11:46.67\00:11:49.07
but all my actual investment
goes into my recreation.
00:11:49.10\00:11:51.87
I hear what I'm saying today.
00:11:51.91\00:11:53.58
And so I need you to know
00:11:53.61\00:11:54.61
that you got to
make it up in your mind
00:11:54.64\00:11:56.31
to just create a baseline
principle that says, no matter
00:11:56.34\00:12:00.28
what, we're going to
spend at least 30 minutes
00:12:00.32\00:12:02.68
of uninterrupted time
together as a couple every day.
00:12:02.72\00:12:07.46
In other words,
uninterrupted time.
00:12:07.49\00:12:09.16
I mean, no TV. My
00:12:09.19\00:12:12.46
brother's like I thought I
was preaching to them this week.
00:12:12.49\00:12:14.56
And I'm gonna get to them.
00:12:14.60\00:12:15.93
I when she puts down
the phone, come on and say,
00:12:15.96\00:12:18.67
Hey, man, all
right, we're again.
00:12:18.70\00:12:21.10
And no matter what principle
00:12:21.14\00:12:22.64
is that at some point in the day
00:12:22.67\00:12:24.01
or the week, we're going
to visit the family altar?
00:12:24.04\00:12:26.98
No, God, no.
00:12:27.01\00:12:29.11
That's got to be a no matter
what principle, because what gas
00:12:29.14\00:12:33.31
is to your car, the
spirit is to your marriage.
00:12:33.35\00:12:37.49
And so you're wondering why you
stuck by the side of the road
00:12:37.52\00:12:40.42
all the time.
00:12:40.46\00:12:41.42
It is because there
is not a requisite amount
00:12:41.46\00:12:44.33
of fuel to push
the engine forward.
00:12:44.36\00:12:47.76
I need you to
get friends of mine.
00:12:48.56\00:12:49.36
That respect has
to be a no matter what
00:12:49.40\00:12:52.30
principle.
00:12:52.33\00:12:55.94
All right. Let me say it again.
00:12:55.97\00:12:57.71
Respect has to be a
no matter what principle.
00:12:57.74\00:13:01.71
And again, since
we're kind of preaching
00:13:01.74\00:13:03.11
to the ladies, friends of mine,
ladies, I do want to say this.
00:13:03.14\00:13:05.75
You can't have
unconditional love
00:13:06.55\00:13:08.35
and want conditional
give conditional respect.
00:13:08.38\00:13:12.29
Okay. Let me say it again.
00:13:12.32\00:13:13.72
You can't expect for him
to love like Christ love that.
00:13:13.76\00:13:16.86
Oh, we all that now love
like Christ loved the church.
00:13:16.89\00:13:20.33
Unconditional love.
00:13:20.36\00:13:22.33
But you want to give respect.
00:13:22.36\00:13:24.10
That's conditional
on how he's behaving
00:13:24.13\00:13:27.74
and those who follow the
ministry for a long time.
00:13:27.77\00:13:29.87
You've heard me say
this and it bears repeating.
00:13:30.87\00:13:32.77
I need you to understand
00:13:32.81\00:13:33.88
you don't respect
the husband's behavior.
00:13:33.91\00:13:36.34
You respect the
office of husband.
00:13:36.38\00:13:41.08
No, no, no, no.
00:13:41.12\00:13:41.98
You respect him
because of the office
00:13:42.02\00:13:43.85
that he holds, because
of who he is in your life.
00:13:43.89\00:13:46.39
And the metaphor I often use
00:13:46.42\00:13:47.86
is sometimes even
in church setting,
00:13:47.89\00:13:49.76
you don't always like
what the pastor is saying.
00:13:49.79\00:13:51.89
You don't always like
what the pastor is doing.
00:13:51.93\00:13:54.10
But guess what?
00:13:54.13\00:13:54.83
You don't come any kind of way
00:13:54.83\00:13:56.60
because you respect
the pastor's office.
00:13:56.63\00:14:00.40
There are times where you don't
00:14:00.44\00:14:01.44
always like what
your boss is saying.
00:14:01.47\00:14:03.14
You don't always
00:14:03.17\00:14:04.31
respect what your boss is doing,
but you respect the office
00:14:04.34\00:14:06.88
of supervisor.
00:14:06.91\00:14:08.54
So why would you respect
the office of Supervisor?
00:14:08.58\00:14:11.18
The office of Coworker
of the Office of Pastor,
00:14:11.21\00:14:13.55
the office of President.
00:14:13.58\00:14:14.62
But you won't respect
the office of husband.
00:14:14.65\00:14:19.25
A husband shouldn't
have to audition for respect
00:14:19.29\00:14:22.69
the same way a wife shouldn't
have to audition for love.
00:14:22.72\00:14:26.09
It has to be guaranteed
because of his placement
00:14:26.13\00:14:29.10
in your life, are you
hearing what I'm saying?
00:14:29.13\00:14:32.57
And so one of
those men, no matter
00:14:32.60\00:14:34.10
what principles,
has to be acceptance.
00:14:34.14\00:14:36.17
Can you say, man,
00:14:36.20\00:14:37.64
I need somebody to know
that your victory is not in them
00:14:37.67\00:14:40.91
changing.
00:14:40.94\00:14:43.91
Your victory is in
finally accepting who they are.
00:14:43.95\00:14:50.25
Oh, man, how to get a
good offering. See all
00:14:50.29\00:14:53.22
this angle?
00:14:53.25\00:14:54.46
Because I need you to
understand that that c we think
00:14:54.49\00:14:57.93
man will finally get
happy when they change.
00:14:57.96\00:15:00.46
But know your family.
00:15:00.50\00:15:01.66
Be happy when you just accept
and love them for who they are.
00:15:01.70\00:15:05.10
Because how many of us know
marriage doesn't change people.
00:15:05.13\00:15:09.27
Marriage just gives them
the security to stop changing
00:15:09.30\00:15:15.58
that joke.
00:15:15.61\00:15:17.35
It's like, I'm
good now, he said.
00:15:17.38\00:15:20.75
I do it. I did it is right.
00:15:20.78\00:15:23.45
All right.
00:15:23.49\00:15:24.52
So so second thing I want
to say real quick, big idea
00:15:24.55\00:15:26.65
and I'm going to
shift to laser quick
00:15:26.69\00:15:28.09
is I want somebody to say
that no woman or man has it all.
00:15:28.12\00:15:34.76
So I need to know
there are some of us
00:15:34.83\00:15:36.73
that don't have a
bad marital reality,
00:15:36.77\00:15:40.44
but the reality looks bad
because you're comparing it
00:15:40.47\00:15:43.37
to a fantasy.
00:15:43.41\00:15:46.47
And see, the reason
some of us are never happy
00:15:46.51\00:15:49.54
is because we live in
a world of comparison.
00:15:49.58\00:15:53.11
Assuming that
somebody has something
00:15:53.15\00:15:55.35
that we're missing out on.
00:15:55.38\00:15:57.45
In other words,
just as some of us
00:15:57.49\00:15:58.72
don't have a bad
man but say you're
00:15:58.75\00:16:00.59
comparing him to the
fallacy that's in your head.
00:16:00.62\00:16:02.99
Man are some of us, man
that man got it all twisted.
00:16:03.02\00:16:05.63
Man You want a man that
looks like Morris Chestnut?
00:16:05.66\00:16:08.23
He got the
intelligence of Barack Obama.
00:16:08.26\00:16:10.57
He got the swag of Tupac Shakur.
00:16:10.60\00:16:12.83
He's got the bank
account of just Jeff Bezos
00:16:12.87\00:16:15.37
and he got the
character of Jesus.
00:16:15.40\00:16:17.14
I mean, what a guy.
00:16:17.17\00:16:22.04
Oh, man.
00:16:22.08\00:16:22.48
I mean, I know.
00:16:22.51\00:16:23.35
I don't know how
you seen that catch.
00:16:23.38\00:16:24.91
I the only place he
lives in your head and
00:16:24.95\00:16:28.12
and husbands we
can do the same thing.
00:16:28.15\00:16:30.05
We want her to be professional,
like Clair Huxtable.
00:16:30.09\00:16:32.92
We want her to be domestic.
Like Leave it to Beaver.
00:16:32.95\00:16:35.46
We want her to take it
00:16:36.02\00:16:36.96
like Beyonce say we
want her to be married.
00:16:36.99\00:16:39.23
The mother of
Jesus in the daytime
00:16:39.26\00:16:41.33
and Mary Magdalene after dark.
00:16:41.36\00:16:43.20
Y'all not here.
Come on. Is. Hey, hey.
00:16:43.23\00:16:45.30
Y'all know how we all.
00:16:45.33\00:16:50.21
And we think you re
missing out on something. But
00:16:50.24\00:16:53.71
I know, like,
00:16:53.74\00:16:54.71
Clair Huxtable messed up
00:16:54.74\00:16:56.14
anybody that was
growing up in the eighties.
00:16:56.18\00:16:57.95
Am I telling the truth today?
00:16:57.98\00:17:00.25
And what I'm saying is, friends,
that sometimes you just got
00:17:00.28\00:17:02.88
to celebrate who
God has given you.
00:17:02.92\00:17:04.65
I hear me today.
00:17:04.69\00:17:05.92
And the last thing
00:17:05.95\00:17:07.09
I want to say real quick
before I switch is don't blame
00:17:07.12\00:17:09.59
the server because you
don't like what you ordered.
00:17:09.62\00:17:15.26
Now, Eli, because this is what
we be doing in church sometimes.
00:17:15.30\00:17:20.47
Like, I mean, you're just
I was literally in Maryland.
00:17:20.50\00:17:23.37
You're in
meetings a couple weeks ago
00:17:23.41\00:17:24.81
now for your friends of mine.
We went out to a restaurant.
00:17:24.84\00:17:27.11
I mean,
00:17:27.14\00:17:28.11
I just see, man, this
person next to me, man,
00:17:28.14\00:17:29.34
just giving it to the
server, giving him a hard time
00:17:29.38\00:17:32.81
and he literally,
man is like, ma'am,
00:17:32.85\00:17:34.82
like that is what you
ordered off of the menu.
00:17:34.85\00:17:37.82
And it's crazy
00:17:37.85\00:17:38.95
because he's like, Man,
that's not really what I wanted.
00:17:38.99\00:17:41.32
I didn't want it
to come that way.
00:17:41.36\00:17:42.72
And he said, Ma'am, if you
just look at the ingredients,
00:17:42.76\00:17:46.53
you will see it actually
had that in the ingredients.
00:17:46.56\00:17:49.66
And it's crazy
00:17:49.70\00:17:50.70
because he turned to
our table out a little while
00:17:50.73\00:17:52.37
and he says like, Yo,
bro, this is just my life.
00:17:53.44\00:17:54.60
People always get mad at me
and all I do is bring them what.
00:17:54.64\00:17:57.47
They ask for.
00:17:57.51\00:17:59.84
And there are times
when we sit up in church mad
00:17:59.87\00:18:02.18
it got mad at the Bible, mad
00:18:02.21\00:18:04.31
at the standards of the
church, mad at the pastor,
00:18:04.35\00:18:08.22
cause he's asking you to stay
in the vows you committed to.
00:18:08.25\00:18:12.62
And it's crazy
because some of us men are
00:18:12.65\00:18:14.39
walking around here
like marital martyrs,
00:18:14.42\00:18:19.66
like somebody is
forcing them to do something.
00:18:19.69\00:18:21.83
You realized you could not
stop praying for him to propose
00:18:23.00\00:18:27.47
to come out.
00:18:27.50\00:18:28.47
Keep that same energy.
00:18:28.50\00:18:29.40
Keep that same energy.
00:18:29.44\00:18:31.64
I you prayed that
she would say yes.
00:18:31.67\00:18:35.51
You knew what was
in the ingredients.
00:18:35.54\00:18:43.22
I mean, there are certain
things that were not hidden.
00:18:43.25\00:18:45.52
It was there in plain
sight from the beginning.
00:18:46.59\00:18:47.96
And what I'm
saying is, at some point
00:18:47.99\00:18:50.06
you got to stop trying to send
back what you ordered and change
00:18:50.09\00:18:53.80
what you ordered and
celebrate what you've ordered.
00:18:53.83\00:18:56.33
I hear me today, Prince So real
quick, I'm going to talk for.
00:18:56.36\00:18:59.53
Just a little. While.
00:18:59.57\00:19:00.54
Encouraging the
ladies in the Scriptures.
00:19:00.57\00:19:02.04
I promise you, I'm not going
to weaponize the Word of God.
00:19:02.07\00:19:04.37
We're going to all be
built up in the word today.
00:19:04.41\00:19:06.14
Is that all right, man?
00:19:06.17\00:19:07.94
I said, I won't go sweat today.
00:19:07.98\00:19:11.11
I was thinking cool.
00:19:11.15\00:19:12.05
Thoughts, but they
really. Work it out.
00:19:12.08\00:19:14.55
So whatever your wife
wants to know about her husband
00:19:14.58\00:19:16.62
and so I want to share
something that I'm praying
00:19:16.65\00:19:18.49
that would allow our wives to.
00:19:18.52\00:19:20.19
Kind of give a little
grace to our husbands.
00:19:20.22\00:19:22.36
I want to talk a
minute for. A minute.
00:19:22.39\00:19:23.66
About the power.
Of socialization.
00:19:23.69\00:19:25.89
There are certain
messages that we get as men
00:19:25.93\00:19:28.63
that are instilled and
encoded in our worldview
00:19:28.66\00:19:32.20
that actually create a
little bit of a crisis for us
00:19:32.23\00:19:35.20
once we start trying to serve
God or once we get married.
00:19:35.24\00:19:38.81
So there are certain things,
even a father or even an uncle
00:19:38.84\00:19:41.58
or even sometimes a mom would
tell a boy as he's growing up,
00:19:41.61\00:19:44.55
so that when he falls
down and skins his knee
00:19:44.58\00:19:46.61
and his eyes begin
00:19:46.65\00:19:47.45
to well with
tears, at some point
00:19:47.48\00:19:49.22
somebody is going to say,
Man, you better hold it together
00:19:49.25\00:19:51.25
cause big boys don't cry.
00:19:51.29\00:19:55.06
And what we begin
00:19:55.09\00:19:56.22
from to do from beginning
is we submersed our feelings.
00:19:56.26\00:19:58.86
In other words, when the
little girl falls on her bike,
00:19:58.89\00:20:01.50
guess what? Someone's
going to run and pick her up.
00:20:01.53\00:20:03.57
When little boy falls
down, somebody is going to
00:20:03.60\00:20:05.40
say, Son, pick yourself up.
00:20:05.43\00:20:08.14
All right.
00:20:08.17\00:20:08.84
And it creates self-reliance.
00:20:08.87\00:20:10.21
In other words, boys
don't do art and music.
00:20:10.24\00:20:12.77
Boys have to do sports.
00:20:12.81\00:20:14.18
And what happens is it
dwarfs our expression in code.
00:20:14.21\00:20:18.28
Or even we say things like,
never let them see you sweat.
00:20:18.31\00:20:21.02
And what that does is it
teaches us how to perpetrate,
00:20:21.05\00:20:23.79
how to act strong
when we're actually weak,
00:20:23.82\00:20:25.89
or even to keep going
in the wrong direction,
00:20:25.92\00:20:28.39
even when we don't
know where we're going
00:20:28.42\00:20:31.59
and to never back down.
00:20:31.63\00:20:33.13
So we don't
immigrants and we struggle
00:20:33.16\00:20:35.13
with things like submission.
00:20:35.16\00:20:36.73
And it's crazy
00:20:36.77\00:20:37.47
because everything
00:20:37.50\00:20:38.43
that the culture says
makes you a strong man.
00:20:38.47\00:20:41.47
In some ways, it
makes us a poor husband
00:20:41.50\00:20:43.91
and an even
worse Christian. Why?
00:20:43.94\00:20:46.84
Because I don't
know how to submit.
00:20:46.88\00:20:48.61
I can't
acknowledge when I'm wrong.
00:20:48.64\00:20:50.51
I cannot express weakness.
00:20:50.55\00:20:52.61
I live in a world where I
act and pretend to be something
00:20:52.65\00:20:56.12
that I'm not.
00:20:56.15\00:20:57.09
And one of the
things that's got to happen
00:20:57.12\00:20:58.62
is that in the spirit, there's
got to be a rewiring of the man
00:20:58.65\00:21:03.83
so that we embrace
00:21:03.86\00:21:05.03
the very things that allow
us to be strong in the spirit
00:21:05.06\00:21:08.86
and also be strong in
the world of marriage.
00:21:08.90\00:21:11.67
I hear what I'm saying today,
00:21:12.37\00:21:13.44
so I'm going to put
some never on the screen
00:21:13.47\00:21:15.10
because even there it's
coded to a certain extent.
00:21:15.14\00:21:17.54
And the way that we think,
00:21:18.17\00:21:19.01
we tend to think
that we tend to suggest,
00:21:19.04\00:21:21.08
and this is
somewhat stereotypical,
00:21:21.11\00:21:22.91
that men tend to be left
brain, we tend to be what
00:21:22.94\00:21:26.41
we seem to stay on the
side where we're analytical
00:21:26.45\00:21:28.82
and logical and
precise and repetitive.
00:21:29.75\00:21:32.42
So you're wanting
him to be spontaneous.
00:21:32.45\00:21:34.36
Spontaneous, but know our
nature is to be repetitive.
00:21:34.39\00:21:37.23
I don't want to go to
a different restaurant.
00:21:37.26\00:21:38.79
I want to order the
same thing every time I go.
00:21:38.83\00:21:41.66
All right.
00:21:41.70\00:21:42.36
To be organized, to be detailed,
00:21:42.40\00:21:43.63
to be scientific,
to be detached, literal
00:21:43.67\00:21:45.87
and sequential.
00:21:45.90\00:21:46.90
In other words,
he is not necessarily
00:21:46.94\00:21:48.74
going to try to do
a bunch of activities.
00:21:48.77\00:21:50.87
At the same time,
he's going to check one box
00:21:50.91\00:21:52.91
before he goes to
the next and to the next.
00:21:52.94\00:21:55.64
All right.
00:21:55.68\00:21:56.28
But I ladies
00:21:56.31\00:21:57.41
tend to be a
little bit more right
00:21:57.45\00:21:58.58
brain, more
creative, more imaginative
00:21:58.61\00:22:00.65
in general, intuitive,
conceptual, big picture
00:22:00.68\00:22:03.32
heuristic, empathic,
empathetic, figurative,
00:22:03.35\00:22:07.12
irregular.
00:22:07.16\00:22:10.09
Amen. No.
00:22:10.13\00:22:11.69
No, no.
00:22:11.73\00:22:12.53
That was just on the diagram.
00:22:13.23\00:22:14.66
And I do want to say this
because there is a fallacy
00:22:14.73\00:22:17.13
that says men
don't have emotions.
00:22:17.17\00:22:19.03
That's not true.
00:22:19.07\00:22:20.57
A man has every
emotion a woman has.
00:22:20.60\00:22:23.57
Men just may not
be as expressive.
00:22:23.61\00:22:26.44
Now, again,
00:22:26.47\00:22:27.01
let me see this,
00:22:27.04\00:22:28.14
because even when you
look at the way the male brain
00:22:28.18\00:22:29.54
and the brain works,
00:22:29.58\00:22:31.05
both for men and women,
I need you to understand.
00:22:31.08\00:22:33.18
It's not that that
that men are not empathetic.
00:22:33.21\00:22:37.55
It's not that men
put it up real quick,
00:22:37.59\00:22:39.15
that they're not intuitive.
00:22:39.19\00:22:41.19
It's not that
they're not general.
00:22:41.22\00:22:43.16
It simply means
that sometimes women
00:22:43.19\00:22:46.59
will cross the street
emotionally quicker than men.
00:22:46.63\00:22:50.63
In other words, she
can operate in both spaces
00:22:50.67\00:22:52.93
a little bit more comfortably.
00:22:52.97\00:22:54.24
So she'll go from the creative
side to the logical side,
00:22:54.27\00:22:56.37
to the intuitive
side, to the organized side,
00:22:56.40\00:22:58.41
whereas men cross the
street a little bit more slowly.
00:22:58.44\00:23:02.34
It's not that I
can't get there, but man,
00:23:02.38\00:23:03.88
I got to look both
ways from across the street.
00:23:03.91\00:23:06.35
I got to make sure
I know traffic come in
00:23:06.38\00:23:07.85
before I go over
into that space where so.
00:23:07.88\00:23:10.22
So women
00:23:10.25\00:23:11.35
will kind of grope back
and forth, man, really quickly.
00:23:11.39\00:23:13.12
They go from logical
00:23:13.15\00:23:14.12
to emotional back
and forth really quickly.
00:23:14.16\00:23:15.86
And that doesn't
make you superior.
00:23:15.89\00:23:17.33
Ladies.
00:23:17.36\00:23:20.26
It just means you can go
from making real good sense.
00:23:20.30\00:23:24.37
Not keep that same energy.
00:23:24.40\00:23:27.80
I know. All right.
00:23:28.30\00:23:29.80
So so there are
a couple of things
00:23:29.84\00:23:30.97
I want to say real quick,
and I'm going to do my best
00:23:31.01\00:23:32.61
to keep in time today.
00:23:32.64\00:23:33.81
There are some things
every woman. Needs to know.
00:23:33.84\00:23:35.38
About her man number one, he.
00:23:35.41\00:23:36.95
Needs you to hold his
confidence and cover his flaws.
00:23:36.98\00:23:42.32
Okay, y'all
got. Y'all got quiet.
00:23:42.35\00:23:44.99
Notice what proverbs 31 in
verse ten and never say it.
00:23:45.02\00:23:48.39
The heart of her husband
doth faithfully trust in her.
00:23:48.42\00:23:53.66
The jokes.
00:23:53.70\00:23:54.36
Kiss church, ladies, say, men.
00:23:54.36\00:23:56.83
Ladies. Hey, men today.
00:23:56.87\00:23:58.87
All right?
00:23:58.90\00:23:59.40
He needs to know
00:23:59.43\00:24:00.87
that you
00:24:00.90\00:24:02.10
will keep his confidence and
that you will cover his flaws.
00:24:02.14\00:24:05.11
It's crazy.
00:24:05.14\00:24:06.34
The reason some of you all think
I'm an okay husband is simply
00:24:06.37\00:24:10.28
because my wife cover
is where I fall short.
00:24:10.31\00:24:14.55
Are you hear what I'm
00:24:14.58\00:24:15.42
saying? I'm more
likely to tell you
00:24:15.45\00:24:17.62
what's wrong
with me than she is.
00:24:17.65\00:24:20.69
And so I need you
to know that a husband
00:24:20.72\00:24:22.72
will never find security
in a marriage if he's married
00:24:22.76\00:24:26.03
to a woman who has leaks.
00:24:26.06\00:24:29.93
In other words, he
needs to know that his
00:24:29.96\00:24:32.27
your mother angel
know about his flaws,
00:24:32.30\00:24:34.54
that your sister Angel
know every time he messes up
00:24:34.57\00:24:37.37
that your friends
are not going to know
00:24:37.41\00:24:39.17
about every financial issue.
00:24:39.21\00:24:40.71
He needs to know that
00:24:40.74\00:24:41.64
everybody in the
streets ain't going to know
00:24:41.68\00:24:43.41
about everything that's
happening in your bedroom.
00:24:43.45\00:24:48.58
He needs to know
that he is safe, that
00:24:48.62\00:24:50.99
there is covering, that there
is somebody that has his back.
00:24:51.02\00:24:54.76
And let me just
pause to kind of give you
00:24:54.79\00:24:56.39
this little
quick piece of advice,
00:24:56.42\00:24:58.26
because I know that
00:24:58.29\00:24:59.49
every woman needs a confidant,
somebody that she can share
00:24:59.53\00:25:02.26
with and be mentored by.
00:25:02.30\00:25:03.77
But let me give you a rubric
for your confidant, ladies.
00:25:03.80\00:25:07.87
First of all, your confidence,
00:25:07.90\00:25:09.44
the one you share in, it
needs to be another lady.
00:25:09.47\00:25:16.04
Don't be talking to Jerome
00:25:16.08\00:25:19.08
about what you
got going on at home.
00:25:19.11\00:25:20.72
Hey, man.
00:25:20.75\00:25:21.95
All right?
00:25:21.98\00:25:22.65
You need to go talk to Tyisha.
00:25:22.68\00:25:24.02
Amen.
00:25:24.05\00:25:25.45
And not only does
she need to be female,
00:25:25.49\00:25:27.92
she needs to be a woman of God.
00:25:27.96\00:25:32.23
She needs to be somebody
that has spiritual discernment,
00:25:32.26\00:25:36.26
somebody that prays, somebody
00:25:36.30\00:25:39.27
that will tell you the truth
00:25:39.30\00:25:42.47
and not just affirm
what you want to hear.
00:25:42.50\00:25:45.11
And guess what?
00:25:45.14\00:25:46.34
Sometimes that woman needs to
be your age or older, all right?
00:25:46.37\00:25:49.88
You don't need to
be talking to nobody.
00:25:49.91\00:25:51.51
That ain't been
nowhere, ain't done
00:25:51.55\00:25:53.58
nothing, ain't
went through nothing
00:25:53.62\00:25:56.25
about what you're going through.
00:25:56.28\00:25:57.62
And number four,
00:25:57.65\00:25:58.89
you need to be
talking to a female
00:25:58.92\00:26:00.52
who's spiritual, your age
00:26:00.56\00:26:01.59
or older, who's happily married
00:26:01.62\00:26:03.39
or committed to
the idea of marriage.
00:26:03.43\00:26:06.43
In other words, you
don't need to talk to that
00:26:06.46\00:26:08.40
sister that's
been divorced 37 times.
00:26:08.43\00:26:12.77
Are your single girlfriends
who's still out there hunting
00:26:12.80\00:26:15.70
when you've already
got the cats are y'all hear
00:26:15.74\00:26:17.81
what I'm saying to that?
00:26:17.84\00:26:19.11
And see, there are
times where it's not so much
00:26:19.14\00:26:21.21
that he don't want
you to talk to somebody.
00:26:21.24\00:26:22.98
Sometimes he's just nervous
about who's mentoring you.
00:26:23.01\00:26:27.85
And honestly, it's a
cross gender principle.
00:26:27.88\00:26:29.92
I can put that same
idea up there for men,
00:26:29.95\00:26:32.09
and it will still be the truth.
00:26:32.12\00:26:33.39
Your confidant
needs to be another man,
00:26:33.42\00:26:35.39
a man who's spiritual,
00:26:35.42\00:26:36.73
a man who's committed
to the idea of marriage.
00:26:36.76\00:26:40.16
And so you got
to cover your man.
00:26:40.20\00:26:42.20
You got to make sure
that you hold his confidence,
00:26:42.23\00:26:45.20
that you got to make sure
that you don't expose his flaws
00:26:45.23\00:26:48.97
and that you talk to him,
00:26:49.00\00:26:50.54
talk to Jesus
about him more than you.
00:26:50.57\00:26:52.81
Talk to your mama about him.
00:26:52.84\00:26:55.41
Amen.
00:26:55.44\00:26:56.34
Second thing, he
needs your affirmation
00:26:56.38\00:26:59.25
more than your critique.
00:26:59.28\00:27:03.28
Brothers, stand with me.
00:27:03.32\00:27:05.75
All right.
00:27:05.79\00:27:08.22
She opens her mouth. With what?
00:27:08.26\00:27:11.79
And on her tongue
is the law of what?
00:27:11.83\00:27:15.90
Kindness.
00:27:15.93\00:27:16.67
In other words,
00:27:16.70\00:27:17.93
that sister knows what to say
and she knows what not to say.
00:27:17.97\00:27:22.17
Now, let me be
clear, ladies, as I say that
00:27:22.20\00:27:24.14
I'm not saying that
you've just got to be,
00:27:24.17\00:27:25.74
man, a spineless
doormat for your man.
00:27:25.77\00:27:28.94
You can be real
direct, truthful, transparent,
00:27:28.98\00:27:31.58
but that doesn't equal sarcasm
hurtful in this dismissiveness,
00:27:31.61\00:27:35.12
rudeness and too much rolling.
00:27:35.15\00:27:39.85
Thank you so much for joining
us for The Breath of Life
00:27:39.89\00:27:42.96
Television Ministries broadcast
with Pastor Debleaire Snell
00:27:42.99\00:27:47.13
Now we hope and pray
that you have been blessed
00:27:47.20\00:27:50.50
by the third message
00:27:50.53\00:27:51.77
in the sermon series
titled Famil-ish Volume two.
00:27:51.80\00:27:56.20
Join us next week for
part two of the message titled
00:27:56.24\00:28:00.18
What Every Woman
Needs to Know About Her Man,
00:28:00.21\00:28:04.65
you don't want to miss it.
00:28:04.68\00:28:07.05
(Breath Of Life Music)
00:28:07.08\00:28:21.96