[#S056-What Every Man Needs To
Know About His Wife]  (Part 1)
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And so today
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we want to go ahead
and jump right into it.
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So do me a favor.
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Stand to your feet as we
get ready to jump into the
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word today.
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One of the things
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that we're going to do each week
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is we're going to begin with
a little covenant statement,
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and we're going to put
that up for your consideration,
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and we're going to declare it
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together before
we get into the word.
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So do me a favor.
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For all of our
married couples that's here.
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If you're married,
let me hear you shout.
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Amen.
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Today, a man.
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So our theme for this
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particular series
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is putting principle
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before feelings,
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putting
principle before feelings.
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And that's going to
drive our covenant statements
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on a state together today.
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Today, I commit myself
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to a principled marriage.
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I make the decision
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to put
principle before feelings.
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I commit to doing what
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I know to do,
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not just what I feel like doing.
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I will serve
when I don't feel it.
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I will love
when I don't feel it.
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I will respect
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when I don't feel it.
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I will forgive
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when I don't feel it.
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I will remain
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when I don't feel it.
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And I will pray
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when I don't feel it.
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Today I'm
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coming out of my feelings
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and embracing my principles.
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Do me a favor.
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Kiss your wife or husband and
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say, embrace the principles.
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Amen.
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Amen.
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Don't kiss nobody
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else's husband or wife and say,
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just kiss your own.
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Amen.
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Hallelujah
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to me quickly in your Bibles
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to Ephesians chapter five
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and verse 25.
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And today I'm going to
aim this message a little bit
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more directly in the
directions of the husbands.
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Do I have any strong
husbands in the house today?
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Amen.
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Ladies, give your man a hearty
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amen today. Amen.
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If he's in chapter five,
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in verse 25,
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and then next Sabbath,
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I'll spend a
little bit more time
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talking to the wives.
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Ephesians five
in verse 25 again,
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when you get there,
let me hear you shout.
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Amen.
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Write
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Ephesians five in verse
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25 and listen what it says.
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Men of God.
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Husbands love your wives
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just as Christ loved what
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the church
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and gave himself for her
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that he might sanctify.
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And Clint's with the
washing of the water,
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washing of water by the word
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that he might present to her,
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present her to himself
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a glorious church.
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Not having spot
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or wrinkle or any such thing,
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but that she should be wholly
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and without blemish.
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And this is the key.
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So husbands
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ought to love their own wives
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as their own bodies.
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And those the he says he who
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loves his wife does what
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loves himself
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for no one
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ever hated his own flesh,
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but nourishes and cherishes it,
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just as the Lord does.
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The Church.
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And so today's
Saints, for a little while,
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I want to talk to
you under the subject
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what every man
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needs to know about his wife,
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whatever he man
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needs to know about his wife.
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Let's pray
together today, father,
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in this little while,
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would you please say much?
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Would you speak to
us in an intelligent
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and principled fashion?
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I pray that your name
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would be glorified
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and that families
would be reinforced,
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that families
would be instructed,
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and that we would get
the tools that we need
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to experience the abundance
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you've ordained.
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So bless us.
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To this end, we pray
in the name of Jesus.
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Let those who
believe say together.
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Amen. Any man
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you may be seated in
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the house of the Lord.
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So as we get into it today,
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one of the things
that we'll do each week
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is we'll try to put
some resources before you,
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some things that
have kind of helped us
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in our development process
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that you can kind of study
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and reference
even after you leave.
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There are three books I
want to share with you today.
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The first book
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for the husbands I
want to share with you
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is it's entitled for Men Only.
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It is by Son
Tee and Jeff Feldon.
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It is a great resource for your
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for your
reading, for your study,
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for your consideration,
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and then for husbands and wives.
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There's another book
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entitled Love and Respect by Dr.
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Emerson Edgar Fitch.
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And then the last
book I want to put out for
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your consideration is entitled
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The Ad Business Home.
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Come on, same.
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And today Edmond is home
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still one of the greatest books
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to set a foundation
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for growth and
productivity going forward.
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All right.
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So let me just go back
to our thesis statement
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here quickly.
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I thesis statement is putting
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principle before feelings.
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Now, I know
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that doesn't
give you goose bumps.
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It's not sentimental,
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but I've developed a very robust
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conviction over the years
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that essentially says
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successful couples aren't meant
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to be.
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Successful couples make it work.
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Let me say it again.
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Successful couples
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aren't meant to be.
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Successful couples make it work.
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And the reason
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we like the idea of MIT to be
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because it
suggests that there is this
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cosmic are universal, are,
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in our case, spiritual
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outlook, word power
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that guarantees a good outcome.
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But the truth
is, friends of mine,
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that even if we are meant to be
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but we don't necessarily
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put in the work
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or the principle, guess what?
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My outcome is still
not going to be good.
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And so I need you to know
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that you can't
rest on the assurance
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that we've just been ordained
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to be together.
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You've got to put in the work
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and the principle to
make sure we stay together.
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If that makes sense
to me, you say amen.
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I see.
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One of the things I
want to say about feelings
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as it relates to principle
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is that feelings
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should never be
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in the driver's seat
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while principle is
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in the passenger seat.
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In other words, I read
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a great quote online
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that literally says, Feelings
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make poor drivers.
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I see one of the
reasons that we are in trouble
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is because we are
functioning out of our feelings
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and out of our principles.
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How many of us married folk
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and testify that
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every day of your married life
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you have to make a decision
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against your feelings?
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How many of us
know there are no times
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where you have to
listen when you don't feel like
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listening?
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Well, you have to serve.
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When you don't
feel like serving.
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Just as you have to cook.
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When you don't
feel like cooking.
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Well,
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you're going to have
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to buy stuff when you
don't feel like buying stuff.
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Well,
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sometimes you got
to roll over at night
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when you don't
feel like rolling.
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Oyama I did quite here today.
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So, so many days you are making
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a decision
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outside of your feelings
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and the reason,
friends, you cannot put
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feelings in the driver's seat
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is that feelings drive
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under the influence.
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And see, the reason
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some of our marriages have a DUI
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is because
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we're living emotionally
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and not principally,
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as the feelings
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will get under the influence
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of circumstance,
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feelings will get
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under the
influence of comparison.
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Feelings will get
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under the influence of mood.
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But one of the
things about real love is
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that it is bound by a principle
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that is impervious
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to the circumstance we're in.
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In other words, I
need us to understand
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that love has a standard.
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In other words,
if you're in love,
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it is not this
sappy, emotionally
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tingly feeling
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that goes up
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and down with circumstance.
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And I need you to know
that when you're operating
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in Christlike
love, there is a standard
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that does not change
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with the day or
the circumstance.
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In other words,
when you're in real love,
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there's a standard
for how you treat your man
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or your woman
when you've got money.
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And that standard doesn't
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change when you're broke,
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that there is a way
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that you approach them
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when things are medically well.
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That standard doesn't change
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when somebody gets sick.
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There's a standard
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you have when you both
are gainfully employed.
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But that standard doesn't change
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when somebody loses their job.
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And what I'm saying to us
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today is I know this is man
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not sexy, it's not sentimental
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or that to give you goose bumps.
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But I need you to understand
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this fundamental
principle is that men
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good feelings flow out of firm
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principle.
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In other words, you will
never have great feelings
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if you have some
time in principle.
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And it's funny
because there are times
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when we think that marriage
00:08:55.36\00:08:56.67
is going to survive based upon
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great vacations and trips
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and anniversary celebrations.
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I can tell the truth
just this past Thursday, John
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and I celebrated
20 years of marriage.
00:09:04.07\00:09:05.87
Fraser Law.
00:09:05.91\00:09:07.34
And guess what, man?
00:09:07.38\00:09:08.31
We went out Thursday night.
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I was unavailable.
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Come on and say, man,
you can reach me, all right?
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But I need you to understand
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that that that the anniversary
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and the vacation, those
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are the events.
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But we don't live in the events.
00:09:21.12\00:09:23.02
We live in the habits.
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And see if you want to look
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at the outcome of your marriage.
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If you don't like the outcomes,
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you've got to
evaluate your habits.
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In other words,
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let me say it
again the well-being
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or the
destruction of your marriage.
00:09:36.27\00:09:37.77
It is not going to reflect
00:09:37.81\00:09:38.97
outward circumstances.
00:09:39.01\00:09:40.91
It's going to reflect the habits
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you practice every day.
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So if you're wondering why it is
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that he feels
disrespected and indifferent
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and separate from you,
maybe you ought to look
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at the habits and ways
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in which you talk to him.
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In other words,
if she is feeling
00:09:54.72\00:09:56.62
just drained and disconnected
00:09:56.66\00:09:59.09
and resentful,
00:09:59.13\00:10:00.33
maybe she is not
just a bitter, angry,
00:10:00.36\00:10:02.56
upset black woman.
00:10:02.60\00:10:03.97
Maybe you ought to look
at the habits and the ways
00:10:04.00\00:10:06.63
you're dealing with her
00:10:06.67\00:10:08.50
and see, I need
us to understand.
00:10:08.54\00:10:09.97
Friends of mine that
at the end of the day,
00:10:10.01\00:10:12.51
your marriage is
not going to reflect
00:10:12.54\00:10:14.44
outward circumstances.
00:10:14.48\00:10:16.21
It is going to
reflect the habits
00:10:16.24\00:10:18.61
you live by.
00:10:18.65\00:10:19.95
And so quickly today,
00:10:19.98\00:10:20.92
as we move through
it kind of in a hurry,
00:10:20.95\00:10:22.55
I'm going to talk
about what every man
00:10:22.58\00:10:24.25
needs to know about his wife.
00:10:24.29\00:10:26.05
And there are some resources
that I'm going to share with you
00:10:26.09\00:10:28.26
that I hope are
blessed to today.
00:10:28.29\00:10:29.99
But I want to just begin
00:10:30.03\00:10:31.09
with you by showing you a video.
00:10:31.13\00:10:32.69
Some of us have seen it before.
00:10:32.73\00:10:34.20
That kind of gives a
little bit of a symbolism
00:10:34.23\00:10:36.73
of kind of where we
start out in marriage.
00:10:36.77\00:10:39.20
Go ahead and
show that first quick.
00:10:40.04\00:10:41.64
Sales
00:10:41.67\00:10:42.47
involved in
pulling off a wedding.
00:10:42.50\00:10:43.44
I mean, a lot of
people are just sick to death
00:10:43.47\00:10:45.31
of the whole thing by
the time the big day arrives.
00:10:45.34\00:10:47.21
I mean, that's
why this next groom is
00:10:47.24\00:10:48.61
so refreshing.
00:10:48.64\00:10:49.81
He's really loving the moment.
00:10:49.84\00:10:50.81
Refreshing is good. Yeah.
00:10:50.85\00:10:52.68
Tentative of Jesus
00:10:52.71\00:10:53.65
Christ before Almighty God.
00:10:53.68\00:10:55.05
And in the name of
the Father and of a son
00:10:55.08\00:10:56.79
Jesus
00:10:56.82\00:10:57.85
by the power
00:10:58.25\00:10:58.85
of the Holy Spirit of God.
00:10:58.89\00:11:06.06
Okay, I guess
00:11:10.47\00:11:12.63
that's not working,
00:11:14.17\00:11:14.94
but I think if
you've seen the video
00:11:14.97\00:11:16.30
before,
00:11:16.34\00:11:17.37
my brother gets as happy
00:11:17.94\00:11:19.41
at the altar
00:11:19.44\00:11:21.24
as some people get in church,
00:11:21.28\00:11:23.95
and we start out
00:11:23.98\00:11:25.91
with such
promise, such excitement
00:11:25.95\00:11:29.68
and enthusiasm
00:11:30.12\00:11:31.42
about this pact of permanence.
00:11:31.45\00:11:34.29
But over the time,
00:11:34.79\00:11:35.89
there is some resentment
00:11:35.92\00:11:37.39
that builds,
00:11:37.43\00:11:38.59
there are some
challenges that build.
00:11:38.63\00:11:40.93
There is a disconnect
00:11:41.46\00:11:42.70
that gets builds.
00:11:42.73\00:11:44.13
And then we get to the place
where we're literally beginning
00:11:44.17\00:11:46.57
to wonder, why did
we even get married?
00:11:46.60\00:11:49.90
And I want to spend
00:11:50.77\00:11:51.97
some time talking about this,
and I'm going to look at it
00:11:52.01\00:11:53.98
more specifically in the context
00:11:54.01\00:11:55.74
of husbands today.
00:11:55.78\00:11:57.35
And let me just say this.
00:11:57.38\00:11:58.58
One of the first reasons
00:11:58.61\00:12:00.08
things begin to go
00:12:00.12\00:12:01.52
sour is stay with
me, brothers, is because
00:12:01.55\00:12:04.15
somewhere along the line,
00:12:04.19\00:12:05.82
men stop trying
like they used to.
00:12:05.85\00:12:10.86
Now, brothers are
not telling the truth,
00:12:11.79\00:12:13.73
that there is a level of zeal we
00:12:13.76\00:12:15.76
have in the pursuit
00:12:15.80\00:12:18.97
that we don't keep
00:12:19.00\00:12:20.00
in the retention process.
00:12:20.04\00:12:23.17
All right.
00:12:23.20\00:12:23.87
There's an effort that we put in
00:12:23.91\00:12:25.37
when we're trying to get her,
00:12:25.41\00:12:27.54
but sometimes
that effort suffers
00:12:28.38\00:12:30.15
once we feel like we have
00:12:30.18\00:12:32.05
her are we've won her heart.
00:12:32.08\00:12:34.45
And the truth is,
00:12:34.48\00:12:35.38
you don't have
to look at me crazy.
00:12:35.42\00:12:36.85
All of us are guilty from
the pulpit to the back door.
00:12:36.89\00:12:39.59
Come on and say amen.
00:12:39.62\00:12:40.49
Today we all kind of put it in
00:12:40.52\00:12:42.96
a little bit
thicker on the front end.
00:12:42.99\00:12:45.23
But I need us to understand
00:12:45.89\00:12:47.03
there are some things
00:12:47.10\00:12:48.53
that if we were simply
00:12:48.56\00:12:49.80
to increase our effort,
00:12:49.83\00:12:51.40
things would show
up in a strong way,
00:12:51.43\00:12:53.64
because too often
00:12:53.67\00:12:54.64
we hear
situations where husbands
00:12:54.67\00:12:57.07
are literally walking around
00:12:57.11\00:12:58.84
as if, man, once we got married,
00:12:58.87\00:13:01.21
the wife just
changed in a vacuum,
00:13:01.24\00:13:05.01
as if age made her bitter,
00:13:05.05\00:13:07.28
as if time just made her
00:13:07.85\00:13:09.65
a different person than the one
00:13:09.68\00:13:11.35
that we actually married.
00:13:11.39\00:13:12.75
But see, this is what I need
00:13:12.79\00:13:13.92
you to understand the burden
00:13:13.96\00:13:15.12
about leadership,
00:13:15.16\00:13:16.59
because many times in
00:13:16.62\00:13:17.89
relationships,
men are projectors,
00:13:17.93\00:13:20.76
women are reflectors.
00:13:21.30\00:13:24.07
In other words, if you don't
00:13:24.10\00:13:25.27
like what's being reflected,
00:13:25.30\00:13:27.44
oh, help me
00:13:27.47\00:13:29.37
then you've got to change
00:13:29.40\00:13:30.57
what you're projecting.
00:13:30.61\00:13:32.41
Many times
00:13:32.44\00:13:33.24
men are
soldiers, but a woman is.
00:13:33.27\00:13:36.28
Soil are the
best way I can say it.
00:13:36.31\00:13:38.85
Men are thermostats.
00:13:38.88\00:13:41.45
Women are thermometers.
00:13:41.48\00:13:44.32
In other words,
00:13:44.35\00:13:45.25
all she's doing
00:13:45.29\00:13:46.55
is sharing with you.
00:13:46.59\00:13:48.52
The temperature are
00:13:48.56\00:13:49.92
the climate that you
are setting in the home.
00:13:49.96\00:13:52.39
Are you all with me today?
00:13:52.43\00:13:53.09
Friends.
00:13:53.13\00:13:54.13
And see, one of the
things I want to debunk is a
00:13:54.20\00:13:55.96
myth is I want to debunk
00:13:56.00\00:13:57.27
the myth of the
ride or die chick.
00:13:57.30\00:14:01.37
In other words, I'm not saying
00:14:01.40\00:14:02.84
it's not a real thing,
00:14:02.87\00:14:04.31
but I need you to
know in hip hop culture,
00:14:04.34\00:14:06.41
is this weird
thing that we expect
00:14:06.44\00:14:08.28
to have this ride or die?
00:14:08.31\00:14:09.78
Woman man, that shows
00:14:09.81\00:14:11.35
up, never gets tired,
00:14:11.38\00:14:12.58
never gets complains,
00:14:12.61\00:14:13.85
never kind of gets weary.
00:14:13.88\00:14:15.35
And she does that
00:14:15.38\00:14:16.52
without any reciprocation.
00:14:16.55\00:14:19.42
I need you to know that
00:14:19.45\00:14:20.39
if you ain't
showing her no love,
00:14:20.42\00:14:21.66
no attention, no intentionality,
00:14:21.69\00:14:23.66
she's not go ride or die.
00:14:23.69\00:14:24.96
So you don't ride till
she finds something better.
00:14:24.99\00:14:26.56
Y'all mighty quiet women today.
00:14:26.59\00:14:28.60
In other words, that is a myth
00:14:28.63\00:14:30.57
that there is just going to be
00:14:30.60\00:14:31.67
this absolute
loyalty without there
00:14:31.70\00:14:34.50
being any consistent
00:14:34.54\00:14:36.60
reciprocation.
00:14:36.64\00:14:38.14
Y'all hearing the pastor today
00:14:38.17\00:14:40.08
and see, there is one principle
I want to share with you,
00:14:40.11\00:14:42.38
because there
are sometimes, man,
00:14:43.21\00:14:43.88
we just kind of feel like men.
00:14:43.91\00:14:44.65
Our wives may
enjoy being unhappy,
00:14:44.68\00:14:47.22
that they like being bitter,
that there is just something
00:14:47.25\00:14:49.68
wrong with their
spirit or their disposition.
00:14:49.72\00:14:52.05
There is one basic principle
00:14:52.09\00:14:53.49
I want to share
with the husband today,
00:14:53.52\00:14:54.96
and if you don't get
anything else, get this.
00:14:54.99\00:14:56.89
I need you to realize
00:14:56.93\00:14:58.09
that your wife was created
00:14:58.13\00:15:00.70
by God to make you happy.
00:15:00.73\00:15:06.23
No, I just gave
00:15:06.27\00:15:06.87
you a stunning revelation.
00:15:06.90\00:15:08.67
You ought to put a big offering
00:15:08.70\00:15:09.84
in the offering tray
for what I just told you.
00:15:09.87\00:15:11.54
No, no.
00:15:11.57\00:15:12.24
Your wife was actually created
00:15:12.27\00:15:14.78
by God to make you happy.
00:15:14.81\00:15:17.91
All right, so
y'all don't believe this.
00:15:17.95\00:15:19.05
Go with me in your Bibles,
Genesis two and verse 18.
00:15:19.08\00:15:21.52
I want you to see
this in the Scriptures
00:15:21.55\00:15:22.78
quickly today, Genesis
00:15:22.82\00:15:24.32
two and verse 18, first
00:15:24.35\00:15:26.86
book of the Bible, Genesis two,
00:15:26.89\00:15:28.32
and verse number 18.
00:15:28.36\00:15:29.66
When you get
there, let me hear you say
00:15:29.69\00:15:31.06
Amen.
00:15:31.09\00:15:32.59
Genesis chapter
two and verse 18.
00:15:32.63\00:15:36.63
Let's look at the
Word of God together.
00:15:36.67\00:15:38.87
Genesis two and verse 18.
00:15:38.90\00:15:40.04
Look at what the word says.
00:15:40.07\00:15:41.34
The Bible says,
00:15:41.37\00:15:42.20
after God had noted
00:15:42.24\00:15:43.61
that it was not
good for man to be alone,
00:15:43.64\00:15:45.61
look what the
instruction he gave.
00:15:45.64\00:15:47.41
He says that the Lord
00:15:47.44\00:15:48.38
God says it is not good
00:15:48.41\00:15:49.98
for a man to be alone.
00:15:50.01\00:15:51.85
I will make a helper.
00:15:51.88\00:15:54.62
Suitable for what?
00:15:54.65\00:15:57.32
Suitable for him?
00:15:57.35\00:15:58.32
I don't know if
you call that brothers.
00:15:58.35\00:15:59.95
I need you to know that
00:16:00.06\00:16:01.06
God created Adam.
00:16:01.09\00:16:02.59
He realized it
00:16:02.62\00:16:03.49
as Adam looked at
the comparison in nature
00:16:03.53\00:16:06.03
that each and everybody
00:16:06.06\00:16:07.10
had a partner with him.
00:16:07.13\00:16:08.40
Adam began to make
00:16:08.43\00:16:09.36
the intellectual
recognition that it is not
00:16:09.40\00:16:11.90
good for me to be alone.
00:16:11.93\00:16:13.47
Now, I need you to
know that even though
00:16:13.50\00:16:15.00
Eve was not an afterthought,
00:16:15.04\00:16:17.34
he was literally
created with Adam.
00:16:18.11\00:16:20.98
Happiness in mind.
00:16:21.01\00:16:23.35
In other words, she
was different from him.
00:16:23.38\00:16:25.91
See what compliment him.
00:16:25.95\00:16:27.72
There was literally
00:16:27.75\00:16:28.85
something in Eve's
00:16:28.88\00:16:30.49
operating system
00:16:30.52\00:16:33.05
designed to make Adam happy.
00:16:33.09\00:16:36.83
In other words, I
need us to understand
00:16:36.86\00:16:38.63
this basic principle, friends,
00:16:38.66\00:16:40.26
that Eve literally
00:16:40.30\00:16:41.53
has a code in her wiring
00:16:41.56\00:16:44.93
to make that man happy.
00:16:44.97\00:16:46.94
And it's crazy
because I see this
00:16:46.97\00:16:48.44
even in my own home,
00:16:48.47\00:16:49.90
I have two sons and a
daughter and it's crazy.
00:16:49.94\00:16:52.11
My little girl.
00:16:52.14\00:16:52.94
One of the
things, as a young Eve,
00:16:52.97\00:16:54.34
she's literally always
00:16:54.38\00:16:55.78
looking for a way
00:16:55.81\00:16:57.08
to look out for me
00:16:57.11\00:16:58.58
and her brothers.
00:16:58.61\00:16:59.75
She's always trying to
cook something, trying to make
00:16:59.78\00:17:02.28
something, trying to
bring something to her brothers.
00:17:02.32\00:17:04.59
And it's crazy
because our brothers
00:17:04.62\00:17:05.85
are sitting there
playing their games,
00:17:05.89\00:17:07.16
not paying no attention,
00:17:07.19\00:17:08.42
scratching themselves upstairs.
00:17:08.46\00:17:10.33
And it's crazy.
00:17:10.36\00:17:11.19
She's always
looking for something.
00:17:11.23\00:17:12.76
And guess what?
00:17:12.79\00:17:13.46
They don't even say thank you,
00:17:13.50\00:17:15.46
but she's always
trying to make them happy.
00:17:16.40\00:17:18.00
And it's crazy because I
get mad at their indifference.
00:17:19.10\00:17:21.07
I'm like, Baby,
don't give nothing to them.
00:17:21.10\00:17:22.90
Bring it to Daddy.
00:17:22.94\00:17:25.04
In other words, I don't want
00:17:25.07\00:17:26.27
you to get in the habit
of wasting your goodness on
00:17:26.31\00:17:28.81
somebody who
won't appreciate it.
00:17:28.84\00:17:30.45
I hear what I'm saying.
00:17:30.48\00:17:32.18
But in other words, there
00:17:32.21\00:17:33.38
is something about these ladies
00:17:33.42\00:17:34.98
that has something in their DNA
00:17:35.02\00:17:38.99
that is
literally designed to make
00:17:39.02\00:17:41.26
a husband happy.
00:17:41.29\00:17:42.86
And it's crazy because one
of the things I need you to get
00:17:42.89\00:17:45.63
is that because Eve was created
00:17:45.66\00:17:48.53
with Adam's happiness
00:17:48.56\00:17:50.07
in mind, Eve can never be
00:17:50.10\00:17:52.23
completely fulfilled
00:17:52.27\00:17:53.87
if Adam is unhappy.
00:17:53.90\00:17:57.07
In other words,
00:17:57.11\00:17:58.04
if her man is not
happy, she's not going to be
00:17:58.07\00:18:00.78
totally satisfied
00:18:00.81\00:18:02.21
or happy with
00:18:02.24\00:18:03.45
the way things are going.
00:18:03.48\00:18:04.78
Ladies, if I'm
telling the truth,
00:18:04.81\00:18:05.95
let me say, man,
00:18:05.98\00:18:07.52
I not the reason
I need to get this,
00:18:07.55\00:18:09.32
because remember, men and women
00:18:09.35\00:18:10.52
kind of define themselves
differently because many times
00:18:10.55\00:18:13.22
men see their reflection
00:18:13.25\00:18:14.86
in their work.
00:18:14.89\00:18:16.19
Women see their reflection
in their relationships
00:18:16.22\00:18:19.59
in other
00:18:19.63\00:18:20.46
words, that's why
even when you look
00:18:20.50\00:18:21.53
at some of the causes
that for for for depression
00:18:21.56\00:18:23.90
among men and
women, men are more likely
00:18:23.93\00:18:25.93
to get depressed
because of a work situation.
00:18:25.97\00:18:28.54
Ladies, in some instances
00:18:29.17\00:18:29.97
are more likely to get depressed
00:18:30.01\00:18:31.44
because of what is happening
00:18:31.47\00:18:33.04
in the home.
00:18:33.07\00:18:34.61
All right.
00:18:34.64\00:18:35.48
And it's funny because
00:18:35.51\00:18:36.38
Shanti Feldman,
she makes a statement.
00:18:36.41\00:18:37.91
She literally says
that when we are at odds,
00:18:37.95\00:18:41.45
nothing is right with the world
00:18:41.48\00:18:43.65
until the issue gets resolved.
00:18:43.69\00:18:45.75
And so that's
why Ephesians chapter
00:18:46.62\00:18:47.96
five says husbands
00:18:47.99\00:18:49.26
ought to love their own wives,
00:18:49.29\00:18:50.66
even as Christ loved the word
00:18:50.69\00:18:53.19
love the church.
00:18:53.23\00:18:54.03
In other words, I
need to understand
00:18:54.10\00:18:55.50
that the Bible says he
00:18:55.53\00:18:56.73
that loves his wife,
00:18:56.77\00:19:00.90
loves himself.
00:19:00.94\00:19:03.51
So I don't know
if you ever heard
00:19:03.54\00:19:04.67
the statement, happy wife,
00:19:04.71\00:19:07.58
happy life.
00:19:07.61\00:19:09.11
Now, it's crazy
because sometimes
00:19:09.14\00:19:10.41
we hear that
and husbands get mad
00:19:10.45\00:19:11.95
as if there is an
imbalance in the home.
00:19:11.98\00:19:14.62
No, it's actually going
00:19:14.65\00:19:15.95
back to the way God created us
00:19:15.98\00:19:18.02
because essentially God
00:19:18.05\00:19:19.12
set it up in such a way
00:19:19.15\00:19:20.39
that man, when a husband
00:19:20.42\00:19:21.52
is loving the wife,
00:19:21.56\00:19:22.72
investing in the white,
00:19:22.76\00:19:23.93
prioritizing the wife,
00:19:23.96\00:19:25.43
he is literally
creating and managing
00:19:25.46\00:19:28.23
the operating system
00:19:28.26\00:19:29.63
of that woman in such a way
00:19:29.66\00:19:31.27
that she will bend over
00:19:31.30\00:19:32.80
backwards to make sure his life
00:19:32.83\00:19:35.74
operates at peak capacity,
00:19:35.77\00:19:38.74
so that when you see a woman
00:19:38.77\00:19:40.04
stepping hard with
confidence, building up her man
00:19:40.08\00:19:43.18
with her words going out of her
00:19:43.21\00:19:44.71
way to make sure
he's taking care of
00:19:44.75\00:19:46.48
is not just because
00:19:46.51\00:19:47.78
she is a great woman.
00:19:47.82\00:19:49.22
And a fact, you see, is
00:19:49.25\00:19:51.15
simply rejecting,
00:19:51.19\00:19:52.75
reflecting outwardly what he is
00:19:52.79\00:19:55.49
projecting behind closed doors.
00:19:55.52\00:19:58.53
Now, this is the critical thing
00:19:58.56\00:20:00.33
because as happy
00:20:00.36\00:20:02.56
as she can make
00:20:02.60\00:20:04.10
him, if she's done right
00:20:04.13\00:20:05.80
out, not year to today,
00:20:08.30\00:20:10.31
she can make him equally unhappy
00:20:11.01\00:20:13.61
if that machine is
operated incorrectly.
00:20:13.64\00:20:16.64
I hear me today, friends.
00:20:16.68\00:20:18.71
And so you got to make sure
00:20:18.75\00:20:20.02
that we prioritize
00:20:20.05\00:20:21.72
the love that the scriptures
00:20:21.75\00:20:23.69
have called us to, if
that makes sense to me.
00:20:23.72\00:20:25.52
You say, man, all right.
00:20:25.55\00:20:27.16
So really quickly,
00:20:27.19\00:20:28.06
I want to talk
through some principles
00:20:28.09\00:20:29.42
and then I'm hoping
that we were able to do it
00:20:29.46\00:20:31.13
today.
00:20:31.16\00:20:32.36
There are some things
00:20:32.39\00:20:33.33
that each and every husband
00:20:33.36\00:20:34.73
needs to know about his wife.
00:20:34.73\00:20:36.03
First thing number one is that
00:20:36.06\00:20:38.47
she needs your reassurance.
00:20:38.50\00:20:42.14
She needs your reassurance.
00:20:43.34\00:20:44.77
All right.
00:20:44.81\00:20:45.47
In other words, how many of us
00:20:45.51\00:20:46.61
have literally been rushing
00:20:46.64\00:20:47.94
out of the house,
getting ready to go?
00:20:47.98\00:20:49.68
You forget to say I love you.
00:20:49.71\00:20:51.11
And even though, man, your
wife knows she, you got to go.
00:20:51.15\00:20:53.58
She's going to make
sure that you remember
00:20:54.48\00:20:56.02
to say what I love you.
00:20:56.05\00:20:58.69
I in other words,
00:20:58.72\00:20:59.75
like your married
husband, you're like, man, man,
00:20:59.79\00:21:01.86
she's so fine that
I put a ring on that.
00:21:02.79\00:21:03.66
I settled here, but
00:21:03.69\00:21:04.96
she still needs to hear
00:21:04.99\00:21:06.26
you say you look beautiful.
00:21:06.29\00:21:08.96
In other words,
00:21:09.00\00:21:09.86
I need somebody to
get this principle.
00:21:09.90\00:21:11.30
This doesn't mean
that she is needy,
00:21:11.33\00:21:13.30
that there is something broken.
00:21:13.34\00:21:14.87
But I need you to understand
00:21:14.90\00:21:16.17
that when the neediness
00:21:16.20\00:21:18.17
feels too great,
00:21:18.21\00:21:19.47
it's usually evidence
00:21:19.51\00:21:21.08
of a deficit of assurance.
00:21:21.11\00:21:23.78
In other words,
00:21:24.61\00:21:25.28
if assurance is given
00:21:25.31\00:21:26.75
with regularity,
00:21:26.78\00:21:28.62
it will not be demanded
00:21:28.65\00:21:30.32
in an unhealthy fashion.
00:21:30.35\00:21:31.75
If that makes sense.
00:21:31.79\00:21:32.45
I hear you say that.
00:21:32.49\00:21:33.92
In fact, one of the
things that the book states
00:21:33.96\00:21:36.12
is that one of
the things that wives
00:21:36.16\00:21:37.56
oftentimes wonder
00:21:37.59\00:21:38.89
is, would he choose me
00:21:38.93\00:21:41.80
if he had it to
do all over again?
00:21:41.83\00:21:45.03
All right.
00:21:45.07\00:21:46.00
And so one of the
things that you've got to do
00:21:46.03\00:21:47.20
is you got to get on
the front end of that
00:21:47.24\00:21:49.47
question that lives inside
00:21:49.50\00:21:51.17
of Eve's mind.
00:21:51.21\00:21:52.34
And you've got to answer that
00:21:52.37\00:21:53.71
question before it's ever
00:21:53.74\00:21:54.91
even posed.
00:21:54.94\00:21:56.51
It's funny.
00:21:56.54\00:21:57.58
There's a statistics
I'm going to share with you
00:21:57.61\00:21:58.95
where it asks the
question to ladies Under
00:21:58.98\00:22:01.45
what circumstances do you
think about your relationship?
00:22:01.48\00:22:03.95
Whether it's going well
00:22:03.99\00:22:05.15
or how your husband
00:22:05.19\00:22:06.29
feels about you?
00:22:06.32\00:22:08.12
She literally say
00:22:08.16\00:22:08.96
it's 30% of women say
00:22:08.99\00:22:10.36
it is something
I'm conscious of.
00:22:10.39\00:22:13.50
Most of the time
00:22:13.53\00:22:15.73
that 30% of the women
00:22:15.76\00:22:16.87
are literally
thinking about the well-being
00:22:16.90\00:22:18.97
or the wholeness
of the relationship.
00:22:19.00\00:22:20.60
Most of the time,
00:22:20.64\00:22:21.94
there are 38% of
the women say that it is
00:22:21.97\00:22:24.44
in the back of their mind.
00:22:24.47\00:22:25.91
And then only 20% of ladies say
00:22:25.94\00:22:28.84
they think about
their relationship status
00:22:28.88\00:22:30.91
when they're in a difficult
season and only 12% of women
00:22:30.95\00:22:34.82
say that they never,
ever are worried about
00:22:35.78\00:22:37.29
the status of the relationship.
00:22:37.32\00:22:39.99
All right.
00:22:40.02\00:22:40.82
And so one of the
things that we got to
00:22:40.86\00:22:41.62
do, friends of mine, is that
00:22:41.66\00:22:42.82
we've got to be attentive.
00:22:42.86\00:22:44.06
And there are some specific
00:22:44.09\00:22:45.19
things that create triggers
00:22:45.23\00:22:47.13
that make that need for
reassurance even greater.
00:22:47.13\00:22:49.83
So sometimes when there is
00:22:49.86\00:22:51.37
are intense
00:22:51.40\00:22:52.57
or prolonged conflict,
00:22:52.60\00:22:54.10
that can be a trigger.
00:22:54.14\00:22:55.47
Sometimes when you get mad
00:22:55.50\00:22:57.01
and you withdraw yourself,
00:22:57.04\00:22:59.84
it can be a trigger.
00:22:59.87\00:23:01.21
Sometimes your
silence can be a trigger.
00:23:01.24\00:23:04.25
Sometimes when you
just don't notice her
00:23:04.28\00:23:07.05
and I need us to be clear,
00:23:07.08\00:23:08.25
it is always a
formula for disaster.
00:23:08.28\00:23:10.85
When everybody in her world
00:23:11.52\00:23:12.89
notices her but her husband.
00:23:12.92\00:23:14.72
All right.
00:23:16.12\00:23:16.79
You don't want a situation where
00:23:16.83\00:23:17.69
a male coworker notices
00:23:17.73\00:23:19.33
that she got her hair done.
00:23:19.36\00:23:20.93
But you didn't.
00:23:20.96\00:23:22.40
You don't want a situation
00:23:22.43\00:23:23.57
where the girlfriend notices
00:23:23.60\00:23:24.97
that she's got a new dress.
00:23:25.00\00:23:26.23
But you didn't.
00:23:26.27\00:23:27.34
There's got to be
an attention to detail
00:23:27.37\00:23:29.97
that is going to build
and bless our relationships.
00:23:30.01\00:23:32.31
I hate what I'm saying today.
00:23:32.34\00:23:33.98
All right.
00:23:34.01\00:23:34.41
In other words,
00:23:34.44\00:23:35.41
one of the things
that's going to trigger is
00:23:35.44\00:23:36.11
when the emotional bank account
00:23:36.14\00:23:38.18
is actually depleted.
00:23:38.21\00:23:39.71
In other words, there are times
where we literally feel like,
00:23:39.75\00:23:41.78
man, she's a ticking time bomb.
00:23:41.82\00:23:43.25
Things are always on edge.
00:23:43.28\00:23:44.72
See, I need you to
understand that your marriage
00:23:44.75\00:23:47.06
has an immune system.
00:23:47.09\00:23:49.19
You know how physically
00:23:50.89\00:23:51.66
you have an immune system
00:23:51.69\00:23:53.16
so that when you eat well
00:23:53.19\00:23:54.30
and you have plenty of vitamin C
00:23:54.36\00:23:55.46
and you get plenty
of sleep, guess what?
00:23:55.50\00:23:57.13
Your immune system is built up
00:23:57.17\00:23:58.43
strong and it's
vital and vibrant.
00:23:58.47\00:24:00.67
So that guess what?
00:24:00.70\00:24:01.64
When disease or
bacteria threatens, guess what?
00:24:01.67\00:24:04.04
Because your immune
system is strong, guess what?
00:24:04.07\00:24:06.31
Those white blood cells
automatically go to the point
00:24:06.34\00:24:08.78
of attack and it overwhelms
00:24:08.81\00:24:10.48
any outside attack.
00:24:10.51\00:24:11.88
But guess what?
00:24:11.91\00:24:12.88
When you get sick is
simply most of the time
00:24:12.91\00:24:14.88
because your immune
system is already low.
00:24:14.92\00:24:17.05
And I need you
00:24:18.19\00:24:18.95
to know that
your marriage immune
00:24:18.99\00:24:20.19
system operates the same way.
00:24:20.22\00:24:21.79
So that guess what, man,
00:24:21.82\00:24:22.89
when you are well fed,
00:24:22.92\00:24:24.16
when she is
nervous, when she is loved,
00:24:24.19\00:24:26.43
when she is
cared for, guess what?
00:24:26.46\00:24:28.10
Your marriage immune
00:24:28.13\00:24:29.30
system is built up high
00:24:29.33\00:24:30.83
and is built up strong.
00:24:30.87\00:24:32.30
And guess what?
00:24:32.33\00:24:32.97
Little irritations
00:24:33.00\00:24:34.37
don't overwhelm you.
00:24:34.40\00:24:36.40
But when the marriage
00:24:36.44\00:24:37.31
immune system is low,
00:24:37.34\00:24:39.11
every little objection
00:24:39.14\00:24:41.84
or every little interruption
00:24:41.88\00:24:43.88
throws the whole
thing into a tizzy,
00:24:43.91\00:24:46.08
if that makes sense to me.
00:24:46.11\00:24:46.92
You say, man.
00:24:46.95\00:24:48.45
Second thing
00:24:48.48\00:24:49.22
she needs from her husband.
00:24:49.25\00:24:50.52
Stay with me, brothers.
00:24:50.55\00:24:51.62
She needs you to respect
00:24:51.65\00:24:54.16
boundaries.
00:24:54.19\00:24:56.62
Are you all with me
00:24:56.66\00:24:57.19
today, brothers?
00:24:57.23\00:24:58.46
Matthew 26 and verse 41
00:24:59.03\00:25:00.10
Look at me in the word
00:25:00.13\00:25:01.43
Matthew 26 and verse number 41.
00:25:01.46\00:25:03.70
One of the things
your lady needs from you is
00:25:03.73\00:25:05.17
she needs you to
respect boundaries.
00:25:05.20\00:25:07.07
Matthew 26 And verse 41,
00:25:07.10\00:25:10.01
when you get there,
let me hear you say, man
00:25:10.04\00:25:13.17
there in the New Testament,
00:25:13.21\00:25:14.11
Matthew 26
00:25:14.14\00:25:15.44
and verse 41, Jesus
00:25:15.48\00:25:16.78
speaking says this.
00:25:16.81\00:25:18.01
He says, watch and pray
00:25:18.05\00:25:19.98
that you enter
00:25:20.02\00:25:20.75
not into temptation.
00:25:20.78\00:25:23.05
And he says, the
spirit is indeed willing,
00:25:23.08\00:25:26.12
but the flesh is what?
00:25:26.15\00:25:28.79
The flesh is weak.
00:25:28.82\00:25:30.13
Now I need you
to catch something.
00:25:30.16\00:25:31.46
What Jesus said his prayer is
00:25:31.49\00:25:33.83
not that you
withstand temptation.
00:25:33.86\00:25:37.80
Oh, you.
00:25:37.83\00:25:38.17
And catch
00:25:38.20\00:25:39.67
the prayer
00:25:39.70\00:25:40.34
is that you don't even find
00:25:40.37\00:25:41.94
yourself on
temptations territory.
00:25:41.97\00:25:45.54
It is why the Bible in first
00:25:45.57\00:25:46.91
Thessalonians 522
00:25:46.94\00:25:48.48
says that we should avoid even
00:25:48.51\00:25:50.28
the very appearance of evil.
00:25:50.31\00:25:53.88
All right,
00:25:53.92\00:25:54.78
so I need you to
understand that, man.
00:25:54.82\00:25:56.38
Sometimes we lose the battle.
00:25:56.42\00:25:58.19
Not because we
weren't strong enough
00:25:58.22\00:26:00.12
to handle temptation.
00:26:00.16\00:26:01.52
Jesus literally say
00:26:01.56\00:26:02.62
it doesn't matter
what your intentions are.
00:26:02.66\00:26:05.03
Your spirit may be
willing, but come on, brothers
00:26:05.06\00:26:07.73
and say, man, the flesh,
00:26:07.76\00:26:11.07
the Bible says, is weak.
00:26:11.10\00:26:13.20
And so I need you
00:26:13.23\00:26:13.90
to understand the reason
00:26:13.94\00:26:15.67
you can't even put yourself
00:26:15.70\00:26:17.61
in certain circumstances
00:26:17.64\00:26:19.17
is not because you can't
00:26:19.21\00:26:20.98
trust the other woman.
00:26:21.01\00:26:23.75
The reason you can't be
00:26:23.78\00:26:24.98
in a certain circumstances
00:26:25.01\00:26:26.25
because you
can't trust yourself.
00:26:26.28\00:26:29.95
And I need you to know
00:26:29.98\00:26:31.05
the man that gets
entangled is going to be the man
00:26:31.09\00:26:33.39
that essentially trust himself
00:26:33.42\00:26:35.12
beyond what he should are.
00:26:35.16\00:26:37.29
You hear what I'm saying today?
00:26:37.33\00:26:38.73
And see the thing about
00:26:38.76\00:26:39.53
boundaries, friends of mine
00:26:39.56\00:26:40.76
is that boundaries
00:26:40.80\00:26:41.96
are not for your restriction.
00:26:42.00\00:26:43.60
They're actually
for your protection.
00:26:43.63\00:26:46.33
In other words, boundaries
00:26:46.37\00:26:47.57
are literally the guardrails
00:26:47.60\00:26:49.30
when you're driving along
00:26:49.34\00:26:50.57
a dangerous path of the
road where there's a cliff
00:26:50.61\00:26:53.68
and there is
destruction on the other side,
00:26:53.71\00:26:55.81
that boundary keeps you
00:26:55.84\00:26:57.25
from getting too close
00:26:57.28\00:26:58.81
where if the wrong circumstance
00:26:58.85\00:27:00.78
emerges, you plummet
00:27:00.82\00:27:02.28
into a place of destruction.
00:27:02.32\00:27:04.62
Thank you so much
00:27:04.65\00:27:05.65
for joining us for
00:27:05.69\00:27:06.89
the Breath of Life Television
00:27:06.92\00:27:08.29
Ministries broadcast
00:27:08.32\00:27:09.72
with Pastor Devlin Snell.
00:27:09.76\00:27:12.03
We hope and pray
00:27:12.06\00:27:13.16
that you have been blessed
00:27:13.19\00:27:14.36
by this first
message in the sermon series
00:27:14.40\00:27:17.13
titled Family Ish Volume two.
00:27:17.17\00:27:20.57
Join us next week for part
00:27:20.60\00:27:22.64
two of the message
00:27:22.67\00:27:23.94
titled What Every Man
00:27:23.97\00:27:25.71
Needs to Know About His Woman.
00:27:25.74\00:27:28.71
You don't want to miss it.
00:27:28.74\00:27:30.75
(Breath Of Life Music)
00:28:05.01\00:28:29.14