- I'm sure some of you
probably remember this,
00:00:01.13\00:00:02.66
but once upon a time
there was this internet company
00:00:02.66\00:00:06.00
that told people that
cheating on your spouse
00:00:06.00\00:00:08.97
is a good thing.
00:00:08.97\00:00:10.37
And today we're going to
explore the damage they did,
00:00:10.37\00:00:12.91
and I'll show you why
they were completely wrong.
00:00:12.91\00:00:15.78
[slow-paced country music]
00:00:17.08\00:00:20.75
I don't know if you
experienced the same kind
00:00:37.03\00:00:38.90
of disappointment I
felt back in the '90s
00:00:38.90\00:00:41.57
when I realized that
somebody had actually created
00:00:41.57\00:00:44.47
a web-based service
that helped people cheat
00:00:44.47\00:00:47.21
on their spouses on purpose.
00:00:47.21\00:00:49.81
And in theory, they promised
you would never get caught.
00:00:49.81\00:00:54.02
I mean, don't get me wrong,
00:00:54.02\00:00:55.28
I live in the real
world just like you do,
00:00:55.28\00:00:57.29
and I have a pretty good grasp
00:00:57.29\00:00:58.82
on how bad
human behavior can be.
00:00:58.82\00:01:01.82
So it takes a
lot to surprise me,
00:01:01.82\00:01:03.86
but this just felt
like a brand new low.
00:01:03.86\00:01:06.86
Now, if you're
struggling to remember,
00:01:06.86\00:01:09.10
and a part of me
hopes that you're struggling
00:01:09.10\00:01:11.27
to remember this, you've
never actually heard of it,
00:01:11.27\00:01:13.17
but if you're
struggling to remember,
00:01:13.17\00:01:15.10
it was the
website ashleymadison.com,
00:01:15.10\00:01:18.11
and at one point it had
well over 30 million users.
00:01:18.11\00:01:22.38
And I guess that's
the disappointing part.
00:01:22.38\00:01:24.58
There was a massive client base
00:01:24.58\00:01:26.82
for a really despicable service.
00:01:26.82\00:01:29.45
I mean, sometimes we
have to explore gray zones
00:01:29.45\00:01:32.52
on this show.
00:01:32.52\00:01:33.76
We have to ask
ourselves where the boundary
00:01:33.76\00:01:35.46
between right and wrong is.
00:01:35.46\00:01:37.33
But in this case,
00:01:37.33\00:01:39.06
we have some really
clear black and white issues.
00:01:39.06\00:01:42.13
I mean, their ad
campaign practically screamed
00:01:42.13\00:01:45.23
the word slimy.
00:01:45.23\00:01:46.63
They were telling people,
00:01:46.63\00:01:47.70
life is short, have an affair.
00:01:47.70\00:01:50.57
That was their slogan.
00:01:50.57\00:01:52.11
And the idea
behind this business
00:01:52.11\00:01:54.24
was that people who
cheat on their husband or wife
00:01:54.24\00:01:56.68
with a coworker
almost always get caught.
00:01:56.68\00:02:00.25
Something happens that
exposes their infidelity.
00:02:00.25\00:02:03.72
But this service, they said,
00:02:03.72\00:02:05.49
that's gonna protect you.
00:02:05.49\00:02:06.96
You won't get caught.
00:02:06.96\00:02:08.56
And for a certain Mr.
Darren J. Morgenstern,
00:02:08.56\00:02:11.76
the risk of getting caught
00:02:11.76\00:02:13.13
seemed like a
business opportunity to him.
00:02:13.13\00:02:16.10
Now to make things even worse,
00:02:16.10\00:02:17.50
at least from where I sit,
00:02:17.50\00:02:19.33
the whole operation
was born in the country
00:02:19.33\00:02:21.64
of my birth up in Canada,
00:02:21.64\00:02:24.14
which means that the
squeaky clean reputation
00:02:24.14\00:02:26.44
that Canadians
have had over the years
00:02:26.44\00:02:28.04
got something of a black eye,
00:02:28.04\00:02:30.01
although I can assure you,
00:02:30.01\00:02:31.21
having grown up in that country,
00:02:31.21\00:02:32.88
well, it's also populated
by sinful human beings.
00:02:32.88\00:02:36.38
I guess I was just
even more disappointed
00:02:36.38\00:02:39.39
that it was us who
created this website.
00:02:39.39\00:02:42.46
Now, back in the day, the CEO,
00:02:42.46\00:02:44.79
a certain Noel Biderman,
00:02:44.79\00:02:46.23
if I'm
pronouncing that correctly,
00:02:46.23\00:02:48.30
he insisted that
all he was really doing
00:02:48.30\00:02:51.00
was providing an online service.
00:02:51.00\00:02:53.30
And he had the gall to suggest
00:02:53.30\00:02:56.10
that having an affair can
be good for your marriage.
00:02:56.10\00:02:59.54
In a 2009 interview
with the "LA Times",
00:03:00.74\00:03:02.78
he suggested, and I quote,
00:03:02.78\00:03:04.51
that Ashley Madison
"preserves more marriages
00:03:04.51\00:03:07.55
than we break up.
00:03:07.55\00:03:09.05
Some people say it
promotes promiscuity,"
00:03:09.05\00:03:11.22
he said, "but
if you don't do it,
00:03:11.22\00:03:13.46
you get behavior that's
way more harmful to society.
00:03:13.46\00:03:16.62
Infidelity has
been around a lot longer
00:03:16.62\00:03:19.79
than Ashley Madison."
00:03:19.79\00:03:21.60
Now that's an
example of very bad thinking.
00:03:21.60\00:03:25.50
And if you've
been watching this show
00:03:25.50\00:03:27.14
for any length of time,
00:03:27.14\00:03:28.44
I'm sure you know
I'm gonna challenge it.
00:03:28.44\00:03:30.97
But first, maybe
let's finish unpacking
00:03:30.97\00:03:33.11
this unbelievably low
point in modern civilization.
00:03:33.11\00:03:36.85
The article in the
"LA Times" explained
00:03:36.85\00:03:38.91
that Mr. Biderman didn't
think that their commercials
00:03:38.91\00:03:41.98
were gonna convince
anybody to have an affair.
00:03:41.98\00:03:45.22
"It's a decision they've
come to already," he said.
00:03:45.22\00:03:47.62
"All I'm saying is
don't do it in the workplace
00:03:47.62\00:03:50.56
where it could result in
someone losing their job,
00:03:50.56\00:03:53.33
don't go to a
single dating service
00:03:53.33\00:03:55.20
and lie about your status,
00:03:55.20\00:03:56.73
don't hire a prostitute.
00:03:56.73\00:03:58.77
Given that affairs are
going to happen no matter what,
00:03:58.77\00:04:01.67
maybe we should see Ashley
Madison as a safe alternative."
00:04:01.67\00:04:06.01
Well, pardon my sarcasm,
00:04:06.01\00:04:07.68
but, oh, how very noble.
00:04:07.68\00:04:09.51
I mean, in that case,
00:04:09.51\00:04:10.78
maybe I've been
wrong about these guys.
00:04:10.78\00:04:12.65
Maybe they're a
benefit to humanity
00:04:12.65\00:04:14.62
and a perfectly
ethical service designed
00:04:14.62\00:04:16.92
to promote the very
high and noble character
00:04:16.92\00:04:19.19
of their clients.
00:04:19.19\00:04:20.66
I mean, here they are,
00:04:20.66\00:04:21.76
these poor, poor people.
00:04:21.76\00:04:23.29
They don't have an ethical
way to cheat on their spouses,
00:04:23.29\00:04:25.76
so along comes Ashley
Madison to help 'em preserve
00:04:25.76\00:04:28.96
their incredibly
high moral standards.
00:04:28.96\00:04:31.97
Come on, man, give me a break.
00:04:31.97\00:04:34.20
There appears to be no limit
to the ability of human beings
00:04:34.20\00:04:37.34
to justify disgusting behavior,
00:04:37.34\00:04:40.11
especially if
there's money involved.
00:04:40.11\00:04:42.58
The way these
people talked about it,
00:04:42.58\00:04:44.48
you'd almost
think these cheaters
00:04:44.48\00:04:45.88
were actually doing
their spouses a favor
00:04:45.88\00:04:48.78
by breaking their marriage vows.
00:04:48.78\00:04:50.79
And I know I'm
being snarky today,
00:04:50.79\00:04:52.62
but if there's one
thing that should be obvious
00:04:52.62\00:04:54.72
to absolutely everybody,
00:04:54.72\00:04:56.83
it's that the covenant of
marriage is supposed to be
00:04:56.83\00:05:00.76
sacred. Now, I know, we've
had more than half a century
00:05:01.90\00:05:04.30
of notable people
suggesting that marriage
00:05:04.30\00:05:06.77
is nothing but some
kind of oppressive relic
00:05:06.77\00:05:09.30
from a bygone age.
00:05:09.30\00:05:11.27
But maybe it's time to be honest
00:05:11.27\00:05:12.94
about the social
carnage we've suffered
00:05:12.94\00:05:15.31
in the wake of
the sexual revolution
00:05:15.31\00:05:17.51
and the
seemingly incessant attack
00:05:17.51\00:05:19.61
on the
institution of the family.
00:05:19.61\00:05:22.15
I like what
Trish McDermott said,
00:05:22.15\00:05:24.49
one of the
founders of Match.com,
00:05:24.49\00:05:26.72
a more ethical dating service.
00:05:26.72\00:05:28.96
She said this about the business
model of Ashley Madison,
00:05:28.96\00:05:31.83
and you'll find it in a "Time
Magazine" article from 2009.
00:05:31.83\00:05:35.80
"This is a business," she said,
00:05:35.80\00:05:37.50
"built on the
back of broken hearts,
00:05:37.50\00:05:39.80
ruined marriages
and damaged families.
00:05:39.80\00:05:42.47
It's in the business
of rebranding infidelity,
00:05:42.47\00:05:45.21
making it not only monetizable,
00:05:45.21\00:05:47.64
but adding a
modicum of normalcy to it.
00:05:47.64\00:05:50.45
Ashley Madison is
making bad choices,
00:05:50.45\00:05:53.25
broken promises
and faithlessness
00:05:53.25\00:05:56.05
look like
something trendy and hip
00:05:56.05\00:05:57.89
and fun to talk
about at a cocktail party."
00:05:57.89\00:06:01.09
Now, I don't really know
anything about Ms. McDermott,
00:06:01.09\00:06:05.33
but kudos to you, Trish,
00:06:05.33\00:06:06.70
for calling this
exactly what it is.
00:06:06.70\00:06:09.76
The institution
of marriage has been
00:06:09.76\00:06:11.40
in enough trouble since the '60,
00:06:11.40\00:06:13.23
and it surely doesn't need
the help of seedy characters
00:06:13.23\00:06:16.00
who want to make a buck by
straining marriage even further.
00:06:16.00\00:06:20.14
I can assure you
there's nothing glamorous
00:06:20.14\00:06:23.51
about destroying
homes and families.
00:06:23.51\00:06:26.18
And here's the
really telling thing.
00:06:26.18\00:06:28.55
Apparently, when
Mr. Biderman was asked
00:06:28.55\00:06:30.79
if he would mind if
his wife used the site,
00:06:30.79\00:06:34.36
he told a reporter,
"Oh, I'd be devastated."
00:06:34.36\00:06:38.03
Well, no kidding, you think so?
00:06:38.03\00:06:40.56
Now just in case some of
you think I've got my head
00:06:40.56\00:06:42.70
in the sand and
I don't really care
00:06:42.70\00:06:44.37
about the millions of
people who are hurting
00:06:44.37\00:06:46.13
because they live
in troubled marriages,
00:06:46.13\00:06:48.17
believe me, I know that.
00:06:48.17\00:06:49.94
Marriage can be challenging.
00:06:49.94\00:06:51.47
That's always been the case.
00:06:51.47\00:06:54.84
Now fortunately, personally,
00:06:54.84\00:06:56.68
I managed to hit
the marriage jackpot.
00:06:56.68\00:06:58.61
I couldn't be happier with
the girl I met and married.
00:06:58.61\00:07:02.22
But as a minister,
00:07:02.22\00:07:03.12
I've got to tell you,
00:07:03.12\00:07:04.69
I might be more familiar
with the heartache of infidelity
00:07:04.69\00:07:07.32
than a lot of other people,
00:07:07.32\00:07:08.66
because, well, I'm
the person you call
00:07:08.66\00:07:10.86
when your marriage falls apart,
00:07:10.86\00:07:12.49
or when you discover
that your spouse is cheating.
00:07:12.49\00:07:15.33
In fact, I'm guessing
I've heard more horror stories
00:07:15.33\00:07:18.53
than just about anybody outside
00:07:18.53\00:07:20.54
of an actual marriage counselor.
00:07:20.54\00:07:22.80
And some of the
stories I've heard
00:07:22.80\00:07:24.61
have actually
kept me awake at night
00:07:24.61\00:07:26.81
because of the sheer cruelty
00:07:26.81\00:07:28.71
that some people
have had to go through.
00:07:28.71\00:07:31.18
So yeah, I'm well
aware that many people
00:07:31.18\00:07:33.85
have not found marital bliss.
00:07:33.85\00:07:36.69
But I also know that cheating
on your spouse is never,
00:07:36.69\00:07:41.46
ever the solution.
00:07:41.46\00:07:43.43
To put it in
hyper simplistic terms,
00:07:43.43\00:07:45.83
two wrongs never make a right.
00:07:45.83\00:07:48.46
So, let me admit that when
00:07:48.46\00:07:50.73
the Ashley Madison
agency suffered a hacker attack
00:07:50.73\00:07:53.74
in July of 2015,
00:07:53.74\00:07:55.64
I did experience a
degree of Schadenfreude.
00:07:55.64\00:07:58.24
You know, that
feeling of joy you get
00:07:58.24\00:08:00.61
when you see
somebody else's misfortune?
00:08:00.61\00:08:02.91
It's not always a good thing,
00:08:02.91\00:08:04.01
but in this case, I felt it,
00:08:04.01\00:08:06.08
and I'm okay with that.
00:08:06.08\00:08:07.68
The hacker stole all
the customers' information,
00:08:07.68\00:08:10.69
names, addresses,
profile information,
00:08:10.69\00:08:13.32
along with details
about their preferences,
00:08:13.32\00:08:16.29
and they threatened to
post it all on the internet
00:08:16.29\00:08:19.36
if the company
didn't shut down for good.
00:08:19.36\00:08:22.00
And I know some
of you are thinking,
00:08:23.06\00:08:24.60
should you really be enjoying
the misfortune of others?
00:08:24.60\00:08:27.57
Well, in this case,
00:08:27.57\00:08:28.47
I'll just admit it, I did.
00:08:28.47\00:08:29.94
And I can't help
but be reminded of
00:08:29.94\00:08:31.74
that old biblical
statement that says,
00:08:31.74\00:08:33.94
"Be sure your sin
will find you out."
00:08:33.94\00:08:37.31
And as one notable
psychologist recently stated,
00:08:37.31\00:08:40.62
nobody really gets
away with anything ever,
00:08:40.62\00:08:44.49
at least not
psychologically speaking.
00:08:44.49\00:08:46.72
It's going to catch up to you.
00:08:46.72\00:08:49.16
All right, it's time
for a really quick break,
00:08:49.16\00:08:50.93
but as soon as we come back,
00:08:50.93\00:08:52.26
I'm going to explore a
very important question.
00:08:52.26\00:08:55.20
What exactly is
wrong with adultery?
00:08:55.20\00:08:58.40
Did the 10
Commandments get this right?
00:08:58.40\00:09:00.77
I'll be right back after this.
00:09:00.77\00:09:03.74
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- All right, we're
back from the break,
00:09:35.94\00:09:37.37
and if you're just tuning in,
00:09:37.37\00:09:39.01
I've been talking
about Ashley Madison,
00:09:39.01\00:09:41.48
an internet service
designed to help people cheat
00:09:41.48\00:09:44.38
on their spouses.
00:09:44.38\00:09:46.15
You'd think that
after the company's data
00:09:46.15\00:09:48.28
was compromised
by hackers in 2015,
00:09:48.28\00:09:51.22
the company would
just die a judicious death.
00:09:51.22\00:09:54.19
But sadly, that's
not what happened.
00:09:54.19\00:09:56.39
From what I understand,
00:09:56.39\00:09:57.89
it's still operating from
its headquarters in Canada.
00:09:57.89\00:10:00.83
And if you can believe
what it says on Wikipedia,
00:10:00.83\00:10:03.60
they now have more
than 60 million customers
00:10:03.60\00:10:07.10
in 53 countries.
00:10:07.10\00:10:09.40
Now,
unbelievably, they used to offer
00:10:09.40\00:10:12.01
a rock-solid guarantee:
00:10:12.01\00:10:14.21
if you didn't find
somebody to cheat with,
00:10:14.21\00:10:17.01
you got your money back.
00:10:17.01\00:10:19.08
And maybe they
actually did that,
00:10:19.08\00:10:20.62
but let me tell you what
they'll never, ever do for you.
00:10:20.62\00:10:23.82
They will never
give back your dignity,
00:10:23.82\00:10:25.95
and they sure aren't
gonna come and help you fix
00:10:25.95\00:10:27.86
the damage you
did to your family
00:10:27.86\00:10:29.62
or mitigate the shame
you heaped on your spouse.
00:10:29.62\00:10:33.26
Now, from what I understand,
00:10:33.26\00:10:34.83
that guarantee
disappeared in 2016,
00:10:34.83\00:10:37.67
so now you're
completely on your own,
00:10:37.67\00:10:39.40
which that was
gonna be the case anyway.
00:10:39.40\00:10:43.00
Now let's navigate away
from the slimeballs who did this
00:10:43.00\00:10:46.41
and talk about why it's
wrong generally speaking.
00:10:46.41\00:10:50.58
I'm just
optimistic enough to believe
00:10:50.58\00:10:52.85
that most people still
believe that cheating is wrong.
00:10:52.85\00:10:56.32
And if you've got a
religious background,
00:10:56.32\00:10:58.65
you're probably
gonna call it sin.
00:10:58.65\00:11:00.82
And I'd have to
agree with that assessment
00:11:00.82\00:11:02.62
because the Bible clearly
states that sin is lawlessness,
00:11:02.62\00:11:06.86
or in the language
of the old King James:
00:11:06.86\00:11:08.90
Sin is the
transgression of the law.
00:11:08.90\00:11:12.63
In other words, one of
the key definitions for sin
00:11:12.63\00:11:15.70
is the breaking
of God's moral law.
00:11:15.70\00:11:18.14
And as you likely know,
00:11:18.14\00:11:19.64
the sin of adultery
gets pretty high billing
00:11:19.64\00:11:22.11
in the second table
of the 10 Commandments.
00:11:22.11\00:11:24.75
But why exactly is it wrong?
00:11:25.65\00:11:28.32
Today we live in a world where
many people seem to believe
00:11:28.32\00:11:31.12
that if your passions
drive you to do something,
00:11:31.12\00:11:34.09
you should probably just do it.
00:11:34.09\00:11:35.99
And I've even
seen people suggest
00:11:35.99\00:11:37.59
that if you don't cave
into your base animal instincts,
00:11:37.59\00:11:41.00
you might actually
be causing yourself
00:11:41.00\00:11:42.86
a bit of psychological harm.
00:11:42.86\00:11:45.03
Their argument
kinda runs like this:
00:11:45.03\00:11:47.30
your passions are a
natural part of who you are,
00:11:47.30\00:11:50.84
so you should
probably just give into them.
00:11:50.84\00:11:53.14
Now, I've mentioned
this on other episodes,
00:11:53.14\00:11:55.28
but I think we can
probably thank Dr. Freud
00:11:55.28\00:11:57.95
for some of that thinking,
00:11:57.95\00:11:59.45
as well as Dr. Wilhelm Reich,
00:11:59.45\00:12:01.38
one of the chief
philosophical architects
00:12:01.38\00:12:04.02
of the sexual
revolution of the 1960s.
00:12:04.02\00:12:07.02
And I guess if you approach
the subject of human nature
00:12:07.02\00:12:09.82
from a purely
materialistic point of view,
00:12:09.82\00:12:13.06
from the position
that human beings emerged
00:12:13.06\00:12:15.83
in the universe by accident,
00:12:15.83\00:12:18.23
there is no God,
00:12:18.23\00:12:19.73
well, then I guess you
could argue they were right.
00:12:19.73\00:12:22.17
Just follow your passions.
00:12:22.17\00:12:25.11
But if you're gonna do that,
00:12:25.11\00:12:26.57
then where exactly will
you draw the moral line?
00:12:26.57\00:12:29.81
I mean, just think about this.
00:12:29.81\00:12:31.78
There are days when
you lose your temper,
00:12:31.78\00:12:34.35
and your animal passions tell
you to do unspeakable things
00:12:34.35\00:12:37.75
when somebody's making you mad,
00:12:37.75\00:12:39.75
and history has pointed out,
00:12:39.75\00:12:41.76
that would include murdering
the person who's angering you.
00:12:41.76\00:12:45.83
That's the reason
that a lot of places
00:12:45.83\00:12:47.76
have instituted cooling-off
periods for people who buy guns.
00:12:47.76\00:12:51.73
You might be able
to buy the gun today,
00:12:51.73\00:12:54.10
but you're gonna have to
wait before you can pick it up.
00:12:54.10\00:12:56.71
Why?
00:12:56.71\00:12:58.01
Well, I guess
they're trying to be sure
00:12:58.01\00:12:59.44
you're not buying that
gun in an act of passion.
00:12:59.44\00:13:02.51
I mean, maybe you just
found out that your husband's
00:13:02.51\00:13:04.78
using Ashley Madison,
00:13:04.78\00:13:06.18
and you're really,
really, really mad.
00:13:06.18\00:13:08.62
And if you actually had a gun
00:13:08.62\00:13:10.12
at the very moment of discovery,
00:13:10.12\00:13:12.19
the odds are pretty good
you might just shoot him.
00:13:12.19\00:13:15.36
You see, you don't
always want to just follow
00:13:15.36\00:13:17.93
your animal passions,
00:13:17.93\00:13:19.43
it leads to disaster.
00:13:19.43\00:13:21.26
And I think most of us can agree
00:13:21.26\00:13:22.96
that nobody wants
to live in a world
00:13:22.96\00:13:24.70
where your passions get
decoupled from your gift for
00:13:24.70\00:13:29.17
reason. If all of
your neighbors believe
00:13:30.21\00:13:31.77
that if they want something
they should just take it,
00:13:31.77\00:13:34.54
I think you'd be
tempted to move out of town.
00:13:34.54\00:13:37.08
We have laws that try to
curb our animal appetites.
00:13:37.08\00:13:41.15
Now if I'm
really honest about it,
00:13:41.15\00:13:43.42
it kind of feels to me like
we're drifting toward a point
00:13:43.42\00:13:45.79
where things like
reason and discourse
00:13:45.79\00:13:47.92
are becoming our
last consideration,
00:13:47.92\00:13:50.36
and our first thought
when we want something
00:13:50.36\00:13:52.49
is to just demand it,
00:13:52.49\00:13:54.13
to say it's our right,
00:13:54.13\00:13:55.70
even up to the point of
riots or property damage.
00:13:55.70\00:13:58.90
But that's probably
another topic for another day.
00:13:58.90\00:14:00.84
So let's get back
to the matter at hand,
00:14:00.84\00:14:03.10
and that's the
commandment against adultery.
00:14:03.10\00:14:06.84
A lotta years ago now,
00:14:06.84\00:14:08.11
I was getting a
haircut at this place in LA,
00:14:08.11\00:14:10.31
where the gal who
was cutting my hair
00:14:10.31\00:14:12.11
discovered I'm a minister.
00:14:12.11\00:14:14.32
So she suddenly
started to share her ideas
00:14:14.32\00:14:16.55
about human sexuality.
00:14:16.55\00:14:17.85
It was kind of uncomfortable.
00:14:17.85\00:14:20.06
"The fact that a
man remains fertile
00:14:20.06\00:14:21.96
well into his
golden years," she said,
00:14:21.96\00:14:23.63
"seems like proof that
men are naturally supposed
00:14:23.63\00:14:26.29
to be sleeping with as
many women as possible."
00:14:26.29\00:14:29.73
Now, of course, when
somebody's got their scissors
00:14:29.73\00:14:32.30
in your hair, you wanna respond
as tactfully as possible.
00:14:32.30\00:14:35.87
"Well, I don't believe
that for a moment," I said.
00:14:35.87\00:14:38.17
And I know that a
lot of people think
00:14:38.17\00:14:39.67
you're somehow
depriving yourself
00:14:39.67\00:14:41.11
if you don't
live by your passions,
00:14:41.11\00:14:43.21
but personally,
I've got to tell you,
00:14:43.21\00:14:45.21
the opposite is the truth.
00:14:45.21\00:14:48.12
"When you're
sleeping around," I told her,
00:14:48.12\00:14:49.52
"you're depriving
yourself of spectacular,
00:14:49.52\00:14:52.45
because there's no
way that a one-night stand
00:14:52.45\00:14:55.12
or a casual fling
can compete with the gift
00:14:55.12\00:14:57.79
of a lifetime of
intimacy with just one person."
00:14:57.79\00:15:01.83
And I really meant that.
00:15:01.83\00:15:03.43
What God designed in
the institution of marriage
00:15:03.43\00:15:05.73
is meant to
enhance your human life.
00:15:05.73\00:15:08.50
Now again, I know that
some of you have been hurt.
00:15:08.50\00:15:10.81
I'm not gonna
deny that that happens.
00:15:10.81\00:15:13.11
And I know that some of
you have never found a person
00:15:13.11\00:15:15.21
you'd like to spend
the rest of your life with.
00:15:15.21\00:15:16.95
And I'm not
suggesting even for a moment
00:15:16.95\00:15:19.58
that you have to get married
to have an authentic life.
00:15:19.58\00:15:22.55
I mean, Paul himself
said he had no desire
00:15:22.55\00:15:25.19
to get married again,
00:15:25.19\00:15:26.79
and it's really hard to argue
00:15:26.79\00:15:28.22
that Paul was not
living his best possible life.
00:15:28.22\00:15:31.76
But he also said that
most people can't do that.
00:15:31.76\00:15:34.46
And to be honest, I'm
not sure that I could.
00:15:34.46\00:15:36.70
Celibate for life. I doubt it.
00:15:36.70\00:15:39.03
So let me read what he said,
00:15:39.03\00:15:40.40
and you'll find
this in 1 Corinthians 7.
00:15:40.40\00:15:43.44
"To the unmarried
and the widows I say
00:15:43.44\00:15:45.21
that it is good for them
to remain single, as I am.
00:15:45.21\00:15:48.31
But if they cannot
exercise self-control,
00:15:48.31\00:15:50.21
they should marry,
00:15:50.21\00:15:51.71
for it is better to marry
than to burn with passion."
00:15:51.71\00:15:55.45
Then Paul goes on to
explain that if you're married,
00:15:55.45\00:15:57.92
you should do what you
can to preserve that marriage.
00:15:57.92\00:16:00.62
And sometimes, that does fail,
00:16:00.62\00:16:03.53
but it's what
you should try to do.
00:16:03.53\00:16:06.03
And of course, we still
have to answer the question,
00:16:06.03\00:16:08.16
does the 7th commandment,
00:16:08.16\00:16:09.43
the one that prohibits adultery,
00:16:09.43\00:16:10.87
still make sense in
our 21st-century context?
00:16:10.87\00:16:13.94
The answer is
an unqualified yes.
00:16:13.94\00:16:16.84
The reason it's
still important stems
00:16:17.87\00:16:19.54
from the very
character of God himself.
00:16:19.54\00:16:22.21
The 10 Commandments,
it's not just a list of rules,
00:16:22.21\00:16:24.88
it's a portrait of God himself,
00:16:24.88\00:16:26.92
a transcript of his character.
00:16:26.92\00:16:29.32
So for example, when God
says, "You shall not kill,"
00:16:29.32\00:16:33.22
he's telling you
that he values life.
00:16:33.22\00:16:35.46
And as the very source of life,
00:16:35.46\00:16:37.13
he owns it all.
00:16:37.13\00:16:38.53
He's not just saying
"you shall not kill;"
00:16:38.53\00:16:40.20
he's also saying I want you
to value life the way that I do.
00:16:40.20\00:16:45.10
So with that in mind,
00:16:45.10\00:16:46.60
what can we learn about
God from the 7th commandment?
00:16:46.60\00:16:49.34
Well, right out of the gate,
00:16:49.34\00:16:50.64
we know that God
deeply values relationships,
00:16:50.64\00:16:53.78
and he wants us to
conduct our relationships
00:16:53.78\00:16:56.44
the way that he conducts his.
00:16:56.44\00:16:59.11
When God says in
the book of Hebrews,
00:16:59.11\00:17:00.58
"I will never leave
you nor forsake you,"
00:17:00.58\00:17:02.95
he really means it.
00:17:02.95\00:17:04.49
You can bank on it
he's going to keep his word.
00:17:04.49\00:17:07.96
And honestly, that's
some of the best news
00:17:07.96\00:17:09.89
you'll ever find in the Bible.
00:17:09.89\00:17:11.19
In fact, just listen to
this statement from Paul
00:17:11.19\00:17:13.83
in the 8th chapter of Romans.
00:17:13.83\00:17:15.83
"For I am sure," Paul writes,
00:17:15.83\00:17:17.47
"that neither death nor life,
00:17:17.47\00:17:18.97
nor angels nor rulers,
00:17:18.97\00:17:20.67
nor things present
nor things to come,
00:17:20.67\00:17:22.70
nor powers, nor
height nor depth,
00:17:22.70\00:17:24.77
nor anything
else in all creation
00:17:24.77\00:17:27.48
will be able to
separate us from the love of God
00:17:27.48\00:17:30.08
in Christ Jesus our Lord."
00:17:30.08\00:17:33.18
Now you tell me
you wouldn't value
00:17:33.18\00:17:34.88
that kind of commitment
from just about anybody.
00:17:34.88\00:17:37.65
And in the 7th commandment,
00:17:37.65\00:17:39.12
God is telling us that he
expects us to be like him.
00:17:39.12\00:17:44.03
If you enter into a
covenant relationship,
00:17:44.03\00:17:46.43
your word should be as
reliable as the universe itself,
00:17:46.43\00:17:49.96
and the institution of
marriage offers you a chance
00:17:49.96\00:17:53.00
to show the character of God
through you to the whole world.
00:17:53.00\00:17:57.71
But if you play
loose with that covenant,
00:17:57.71\00:17:59.81
what you're doing is
misrepresenting the character of
00:17:59.81\00:18:02.71
God, the one who made us.
00:18:02.71\00:18:04.18
The Bible teaches that
you were made in God's image,
00:18:04.18\00:18:06.38
but if you're a cheater,
00:18:06.38\00:18:07.62
your behavior lies
about what God is like.
00:18:07.62\00:18:11.52
But there's
more to it than that,
00:18:11.52\00:18:12.89
so hang tight, and I'll
be right back after this.
00:18:12.89\00:18:16.26
- [Announcer] Life
can throw a lot at us.
00:18:19.93\00:18:22.30
Sometimes we don't
have all the answers,
00:18:22.30\00:18:25.67
but that's where
the Bible comes in.
00:18:25.67\00:18:28.10
It's our guide to a
more fulfilling life.
00:18:28.10\00:18:31.17
Here at the Voice of Prophecy,
00:18:31.17\00:18:32.74
we've created the
Discover Bible guides
00:18:32.74\00:18:34.91
to be your guide to the Bible.
00:18:34.91\00:18:36.51
They're designed to
be simple, easy to use,
00:18:36.51\00:18:38.98
and provide answers to many
of life's toughest questions,
00:18:38.98\00:18:42.02
and they're absolutely free.
00:18:42.02\00:18:44.02
So jump online
now or give us a call
00:18:44.02\00:18:46.39
and start your
journey of discovery.
00:18:46.39\00:18:49.19
- Back in the book of Genesis,
00:18:49.19\00:18:50.63
there's this famous statement,
00:18:50.63\00:18:52.13
and you've probably heard it,
00:18:52.13\00:18:53.60
that says, "You and I
were made in the image of God."
00:18:53.60\00:18:57.60
Now here's what it
actually says in Genesis 1:26:
00:18:57.60\00:19:02.04
Then God said, "Let
us make man in our image,
00:19:02.04\00:19:05.01
after our likeness.
00:19:05.01\00:19:06.51
And let them have dominion
over the fish of the sea
00:19:06.51\00:19:08.91
and over the
birds of the heavens
00:19:08.91\00:19:10.68
and over the
livestock and over all the earth
00:19:10.68\00:19:13.01
and over every creeping
thing that creeps on the earth."
00:19:13.01\00:19:16.28
So God created
man in his own image,
00:19:16.28\00:19:18.59
in the image of
God he created him;
00:19:18.59\00:19:20.69
male and female he created them.
00:19:20.69\00:19:23.26
Now, I hope you caught that,
00:19:24.06\00:19:25.19
because this is
really important.
00:19:25.19\00:19:27.96
The book of Genesis
says that men and women
00:19:27.96\00:19:29.86
were both created
in the image of God.
00:19:29.86\00:19:33.00
And then in the next chapter,
00:19:33.00\00:19:34.24
down in Genesis 2:24,
00:19:34.24\00:19:36.37
it tells us that a husband
and wife become one flesh.
00:19:36.37\00:19:40.71
It's such an important
idea that Jesus repeated it
00:19:40.71\00:19:44.21
when he was being
challenged by the Pharisees
00:19:44.21\00:19:46.55
over the issue of divorce.
00:19:46.55\00:19:48.82
You'll find this
passage in Matthew 19.
00:19:48.82\00:19:52.25
It says: And
Pharisees came up to him
00:19:52.25\00:19:54.36
and tested him by asking,
00:19:54.36\00:19:55.92
"Is it lawful to divorce
one's wife for any cause?"
00:19:55.92\00:19:59.29
He answered, "Have you not
read that he who created them
00:19:59.29\00:20:02.10
from the beginning
made them male and female,
00:20:02.10\00:20:04.47
and said, 'Therefore a
man shall leave his father
00:20:04.47\00:20:07.27
and his mother and
hold fast to his wife,
00:20:07.27\00:20:09.47
and the two shall
become one flesh'?
00:20:09.47\00:20:12.57
So they are no
longer two but one flesh.
00:20:12.57\00:20:14.98
What therefore God
has joined together,
00:20:14.98\00:20:17.48
let not man separate."
00:20:17.48\00:20:20.05
Here's what's going on,
00:20:20.05\00:20:21.28
at least in part.
00:20:21.28\00:20:22.75
Over the centuries,
00:20:22.75\00:20:24.25
careful Bible students
have noticed that God's nature
00:20:24.25\00:20:27.46
has this kind of
surprising twist to it.
00:20:27.46\00:20:29.92
There's just one God,
00:20:29.92\00:20:31.46
but somehow at the same time
he's three separate persons,
00:20:31.46\00:20:34.46
Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.
00:20:34.46\00:20:37.63
So we have one God,
00:20:37.63\00:20:38.83
but that one
God is three people.
00:20:38.83\00:20:41.10
And of course, it's hard
to wrap your mind around that,
00:20:41.10\00:20:43.14
and it's led to
centuries of theological debate,
00:20:43.14\00:20:46.57
but it really highlights
something important about
00:20:46.57\00:20:50.61
marriage. What we have in
the institution of marriage
00:20:50.61\00:20:52.51
is two people becoming one.
00:20:52.51\00:20:54.95
So Jean and I are
still two individuals,
00:20:54.95\00:20:57.29
two rather
strong-willed individuals,
00:20:57.29\00:20:59.65
but within the
marriage covenant,
00:20:59.65\00:21:01.36
we operate as one person.
00:21:01.36\00:21:03.46
We still have our own opinions,
00:21:03.46\00:21:04.89
we have our own preferences.
00:21:04.89\00:21:06.46
And because we're
faulty human beings,
00:21:06.46\00:21:08.00
we often disagree.
00:21:08.00\00:21:09.76
But overall, we
experience life as one.
00:21:09.76\00:21:13.10
The marriage relationship
is so deep, so intimate,
00:21:13.10\00:21:16.24
that it puts you
together as one person,
00:21:16.24\00:21:19.17
and that's an opportunity to
learn something more about God.
00:21:19.17\00:21:23.75
If Jean and I are
both made in God's image,
00:21:23.75\00:21:25.85
then I really
need to pay attention
00:21:25.85\00:21:27.92
to the image of God
that's found in my wife,
00:21:27.92\00:21:30.12
because she's going to show
me things about God's nature
00:21:30.12\00:21:33.32
that I will not
discover on my own.
00:21:33.32\00:21:36.22
I mean, if there's one thing
that's obvious to most people,
00:21:36.22\00:21:38.96
at least until recently,
00:21:38.96\00:21:40.56
it's the fact that men and women
00:21:40.56\00:21:42.03
are wired quite differently.
00:21:42.03\00:21:44.10
Our biology is different
all the way down to our brains
00:21:44.10\00:21:47.40
and the way we think.
00:21:47.40\00:21:49.34
So, my wife has the ability
to show me things about God
00:21:49.34\00:21:53.07
that I will never see
in myself, and vice versa.
00:21:53.07\00:21:57.35
It's almost as if God
divided his image between men
00:21:57.35\00:21:59.95
and women so that in
order to see God more clearly,
00:21:59.95\00:22:02.48
you're going to have to
live somewhat like he does,
00:22:02.48\00:22:05.39
more than one person
blended into a single unit.
00:22:05.39\00:22:09.29
Now, I understand full well that
00:22:10.23\00:22:11.73
that kind of thinking
has fallen out of fashion,
00:22:11.73\00:22:14.00
and we've gotten
pretty good at denying
00:22:14.00\00:22:16.03
the differences
between men and women.
00:22:16.03\00:22:18.40
But my job is not to tell
you what the culture says.
00:22:18.40\00:22:21.37
My job is to tell
you what the Bible says,
00:22:21.37\00:22:24.74
and the Bible tells
me that I do not possess
00:22:24.74\00:22:27.51
the image of God all by myself.
00:22:27.51\00:22:30.58
And here's what
that really means.
00:22:30.58\00:22:32.48
In a faithful,
committed relationship,
00:22:32.48\00:22:35.02
you have an opportunity to
see God a little more clearly.
00:22:35.02\00:22:39.22
You have the chance
at a really basic level
00:22:39.22\00:22:42.16
to experience the universe
kind of, sort of like God does.
00:22:42.16\00:22:46.63
And in marriage,
00:22:46.63\00:22:47.93
you've been given the
opportunity to know God
00:22:47.93\00:22:50.53
just a little better.
00:22:50.53\00:22:52.33
So what does it
mean if you cheat?
00:22:52.33\00:22:54.67
Well, first of all,
00:22:54.67\00:22:55.67
you're lying about who God is,
00:22:55.67\00:22:57.27
and then you're
destroying a great opportunity
00:22:57.27\00:22:59.44
to sit in the school of heaven
00:22:59.44\00:23:00.84
to learn about
the one who made you.
00:23:00.84\00:23:03.08
And just as a side note,
00:23:03.08\00:23:04.71
when you enter into a
lifelong sexual relationship
00:23:04.71\00:23:07.72
with somebody, you're
taking that person's heart
00:23:07.72\00:23:10.45
into your hands,
00:23:10.45\00:23:12.02
and God expects you to treat
that privilege with reverence.
00:23:12.02\00:23:15.46
He expects you to reward
another person's vulnerability
00:23:15.46\00:23:18.56
by showering them
with the kind of love
00:23:18.56\00:23:21.03
that God would give them.
00:23:21.03\00:23:22.40
We know for a fact
that sexual relationships
00:23:23.53\00:23:25.73
are tied to something
distinctly biological.
00:23:25.73\00:23:29.10
When you're that intimate,
00:23:29.10\00:23:30.54
your body generates a
hormone known as oxytocin,
00:23:30.54\00:23:33.81
the so-called
love or trust hormone.
00:23:33.81\00:23:36.34
It's actually the same substance
00:23:36.34\00:23:38.08
that nursing mothers produce
00:23:38.08\00:23:39.71
when they're
feeding their children.
00:23:39.71\00:23:41.15
And it's one of the
key reasons that the bond
00:23:41.15\00:23:43.42
between a mother and a
child is so incredibly powerful.
00:23:43.42\00:23:48.12
So in other words,
00:23:48.12\00:23:49.52
your body actually
generates a physical response
00:23:49.52\00:23:51.96
to the intimacy of marriage.
00:23:51.96\00:23:53.63
It produces this chemical bond.
00:23:53.63\00:23:56.13
And when you violate that trust,
00:23:56.13\00:23:57.90
you're not just
causing emotional carnage,
00:23:57.90\00:24:00.67
there's a
physical component too.
00:24:00.67\00:24:03.00
In fact, I sometimes wonder
00:24:03.00\00:24:04.71
if that's the
reason Paul suggests
00:24:04.71\00:24:06.37
that sexual sin is different
from other kinds of sin.
00:24:06.37\00:24:10.25
And I'll show you that
verse as soon as we come back
00:24:10.25\00:24:12.91
from this really quick break.
00:24:12.91\00:24:14.45
- [Announcer] Dragons,
beasts, cryptic statues.
00:24:18.22\00:24:22.49
Bible prophecy can be
incredibly vivid and confusing.
00:24:22.49\00:24:27.10
If you've ever read
Daniel or Revelation
00:24:27.10\00:24:29.26
and come away
scratching your head,
00:24:29.26\00:24:31.00
you're not alone.
00:24:31.00\00:24:32.30
Our free Focus
on Prophecy guides
00:24:32.30\00:24:34.70
are designed to help
you unlock the mysteries
00:24:34.70\00:24:36.81
of the Bible and
deepen your understanding
00:24:36.81\00:24:39.04
of God's plan for
you and our world.
00:24:39.04\00:24:41.58
Study online or
request them by mail
00:24:41.58\00:24:44.01
and start bringing
prophecy into focus today.
00:24:44.01\00:24:47.48
- Tragically, the Christian
church that Paul established
00:24:47.48\00:24:50.12
in the city of Corinth became
something of a moral mess,
00:24:50.12\00:24:53.79
because after all,
00:24:53.79\00:24:55.09
Christians are just as
faulty as anybody else.
00:24:55.09\00:24:57.53
And among other things,
00:24:57.53\00:24:58.89
these people were
breaking the 7th commandment.
00:24:58.89\00:25:01.83
"Flee from sexual immorality,"
Paul had to tell them.
00:25:01.83\00:25:05.00
"Every other sin a person
commits is outside the body,
00:25:05.00\00:25:08.90
but the sexually immoral person
sins against his own body."
00:25:08.90\00:25:13.34
There's just something
different about sexual sin,
00:25:13.34\00:25:16.14
something that sets it apart
00:25:16.14\00:25:17.48
from all other
forms of transgression.
00:25:17.48\00:25:19.95
And given what we know
about the chemical pair bonding
00:25:19.95\00:25:22.68
that takes place
between intimate partners,
00:25:22.68\00:25:25.29
I've sometimes wondered
if maybe there's a reference
00:25:25.29\00:25:27.32
to something like
oxytocin in Paul's description.
00:25:27.32\00:25:31.46
I don't really know,
00:25:31.46\00:25:32.73
but it does seem to
make a little sense,
00:25:32.73\00:25:35.16
and so does the
entire commandment.
00:25:35.16\00:25:37.90
The founders of Ashley
Madison were brazen enough
00:25:37.90\00:25:40.30
to suggest that committing
adultery can save your marriage.
00:25:40.30\00:25:43.77
But let's be honest,
00:25:43.77\00:25:45.07
the only reason they said that
00:25:45.07\00:25:46.81
was to get you to hand over
your credit card information.
00:25:46.81\00:25:50.01
Let me assure you,
00:25:50.01\00:25:51.11
they're dead wrong.
00:25:51.11\00:25:52.48
You're going to do a lot
of damage to your spouse,
00:25:52.48\00:25:55.68
and ultimately to yourself.
00:25:55.68\00:25:58.12
And I know,
marriages sometimes fail,
00:25:58.12\00:26:00.79
they fall apart,
00:26:00.79\00:26:02.06
people struggle,
even inside the church,
00:26:02.06\00:26:04.76
but I can assure
you that cheating
00:26:04.76\00:26:06.33
is not the best path forward.
00:26:06.33\00:26:08.30
In fact, it will never
pay the kinds of dividends
00:26:08.30\00:26:11.73
these hucksters seem to promise.
00:26:11.73\00:26:13.87
They're just lying to you.
00:26:13.87\00:26:15.87
You are far better off to
deal with your pain honestly.
00:26:15.87\00:26:19.07
And if you can,
00:26:19.07\00:26:20.41
you're better off
to save your marriage,
00:26:20.41\00:26:22.44
find a Christian
counselor, get some help.
00:26:22.44\00:26:25.11
I mean, it might still fail,
00:26:25.11\00:26:26.92
but you never ever
compromise your morality
00:26:26.92\00:26:29.92
just because someone else did.
00:26:29.92\00:26:32.22
And maybe you've
already failed at this point.
00:26:32.22\00:26:34.72
Maybe you've cheated.
00:26:34.72\00:26:36.59
Maybe all of your
relationships have fallen
00:26:36.59\00:26:39.09
way short of God's standard.
00:26:39.09\00:26:41.23
You've done it
wrong every single time,
00:26:41.23\00:26:43.10
and now you're
tempted to think it's too late
00:26:43.10\00:26:46.00
to find something better.
00:26:46.00\00:26:48.04
Well, that's as big a lie
as the ones that the people
00:26:48.04\00:26:50.51
at Ashley Madison were telling,
00:26:50.51\00:26:52.64
because we happen to have
a loving God who forgives us,
00:26:52.64\00:26:55.98
and he longs to see you
enjoy the kind of authentic life
00:26:55.98\00:26:59.38
that he intends for you.
00:26:59.38\00:27:01.12
Absolutely nobody
apart from Jesus himself
00:27:02.22\00:27:05.69
has lived the kind of life
that God can smile about 100%,
00:27:05.69\00:27:10.23
but that doesn't mean
that God has given up on you.
00:27:10.23\00:27:13.13
I mean, just listen to this,
00:27:13.13\00:27:14.10
a statement written by a man
00:27:14.10\00:27:15.50
who broke the 7th commandment.
00:27:15.50\00:27:17.60
He wrote, "For you, O
Lord, are good and forgiving,
00:27:17.60\00:27:20.80
abounding in steadfast
love to all who call upon you."
00:27:20.80\00:27:25.87
Now, if you don't
really know where to start,
00:27:27.01\00:27:28.11
head on over to
BibleStudies.com.
00:27:28.11\00:27:29.68
You'll find an
amazing free course
00:27:29.68\00:27:32.01
that you can do yourself
in the privacy of your home,
00:27:32.01\00:27:35.28
and it will help you find a
deeper relationship with a God
00:27:35.28\00:27:38.52
who wants to love you
the way you've always hoped
00:27:38.52\00:27:41.46
that you could be loved.
00:27:41.46\00:27:42.86
Thanks for joining me this week.
00:27:42.86\00:27:44.36
I'm Shawn Boonstra.
00:27:44.36\00:27:45.66
This has been another
episode of "Authentic."
00:27:45.66\00:27:48.53
[slow-paced country music]
00:27:49.33\00:27:52.97