Music...
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It is my honor to introduce
to you this morning the Speaker.
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Maria Kennedy
was born and raised
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in the United States of America
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and yet finds herself as a
missionary, a wife and a mother
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in the country of Thailand.
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Just like us, she
hasn't gone through this life
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without receiving some
knocks and stabs and wounds
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which has led her
on an unusual journey
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and her testimony this morning
is to uplift our great God
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and give Him
all praise and glory
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for being in
the unusual business
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of being in hot pursuit of us
to heal and bind up our wounds.
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Please give an open
ear and an open heart
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to hear what the Spirit of God
has to say to you this morning.
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Thank you.
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Pause...
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Music...
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When I am weak,
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You carried every burden
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When I'm alone,
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You're just a breath away
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When I am restless,
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You're the One who stills me
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And when I fail,
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You always stay the same.
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In You alone,
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I'm lifted up to heaven
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In You alone,
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I soar on borrowed wings
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When I reach the end,
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You are just beginning
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In You alone,
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I have all that I need.
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When I am lost,
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You rescue me from danger
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And when I fail,
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You pick me up again
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When I resist,
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You love past my defenses
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And though I stray,
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You're faithful to the end.
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In You alone,
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I'm lifted up to heaven
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In You alone,
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I soar on borrowed wings
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When I reach the end,
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You are just beginning
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In You alone,
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I have all that I need.
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In You alone
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I soar on borrowed wings
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When I reach the end,
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You are just beginning
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In You alone,
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In You alone.
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Piano.
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Pause.
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Today, I want to share with you
about how God has shaped my life
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through mission work.
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This is a story you probably
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don't often hear,
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it probably sounds a
little self-centered right?
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I think for the most part,
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we think of mission
work as something that...
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is supposed to be all about the
impact we have on other people
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rather than about us usually
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but I fully believe that
God does ordain and command us
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to serve and share
the gospel with others
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and by His grace, we will
have an impact on their lives,
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but really what I've
seen again and again is that
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doing God's work usually
has a far greater impact on us
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than any measurable impacts
that we can see in others
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and in my life, things
happened a little bit backwards.
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God graciously planted
me in the mission field
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and then worked on
the "willing-heart" part
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so, I realize that most of you
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won't fully
relate to my story today
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but hopefully by God's grace,
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you will relate to
the heart struggles
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and the points of surrender
that God has brought me through.
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Will you please
join me in praying?
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"Dear Father Lord,
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I pray today this this won't
be about me but will honor you
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and the people
will be able to see
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the way that You have pursued me
and Your faithfulness in my life
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pause...
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I pray that You'll
give me the courage
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and the clarity to
share the thoughts...
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that You've given me...
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Your thoughts today
and thank You, amen. "
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Pause.
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It all started
the year that I was 17
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and I thought I was
ready to begin my life.
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I was going to be
an Alaskan Bush Pilot
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and I had
anticipated this for years
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and I had spent at
least the last couple of years
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ironing out all of the details
of how I would accomplish this
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so that as soon as I
hit the magical age of 17,
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when I would actually be
able to get my pilot's license,
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that I could
begin flight lessons
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and be well on the
way to achieving my dreams
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but something happened
not too far into that year
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that put a little bit
of a kink into my plans.
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My family started
talking about Mission work.
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They wanted our family
to have a mission experience
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before us kids left home
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and they decided we
were going to Thailand.
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Now obviously, this was
pretty disappointing for me.
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I argued and pled
with them about it a lot
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pause
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but it was all to no avail,
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they really felt that
this would be a good thing
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for our family.
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So, Thailand... it was...
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so the other thing was that we
were calling this a mission trip
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but we had only
purchased one-way tickets
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so, you can probably
put two and two together
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in what my family
was hoping for here
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but in order for
you to understand
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how this was affecting me
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and where I was spiritually
at this point in my life,
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I'm going to go
back a little bit further
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and without going
into too much detail,
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I... I'm going to mention
some of the things that happened
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through my growing-up years that
had impacted my view of God.
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Pause.
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I was born to a
wonderful Adventist mom
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and I have
three lovely siblings.
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My father was not a Christian
and when I was five years old,
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he chose to step out of
our lives due to our faith.
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A couple of years
later, my mom met and married
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a wonderful Adventist
man that soon won my heart
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and in my eyes, he was my dad
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but our happiness
came to an abrupt halt
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when he was
diagnosed with brain cancer
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and died 18 months later
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and this was where the course
of my life really began to shift
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from a girl who loved God
and followed all the rules
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and spent time
studying the Bible,
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to the new me.
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I still followed all the rules
but I was angry and bitter.
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You see, I had grown
up to really think of God
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as a God of miracles.
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Through the unique
circumstances of my...
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that I had
experienced growing up,
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we were often extremely poor,
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often, we didn't know where
our next food would come from,
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or... and I had seen
God work again and again
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pretty much like the stories
that you read about in books
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and I think,
sometimes we think...
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we feel like God doesn't
really work that way anymore
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and that's like the
way God used to work
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but I had seen
it firsthand often
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and so, I fully
believed that God was a God
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that did work miracles but
He hadn't healed my father,
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and I didn't understand that
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and I became very bitter.
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I remember lying in bed late
at night as a young teenager
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and I would have
tears streaming down my face
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and just silently
mouthing the words,
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"I hate you
God" again and again.
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I quickly spiraled down from
that to the point of saying,
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"I'm not sure I
really believe in God"
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and it was kind
of easier that way
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rather than feeling hate
and bitterness towards God,
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I could just be like,
"I don't believe in God. "
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Now, I wasn't really your
typically rebellious teen,
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I did a pretty solid job at
hiding what I was experiencing
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from my family...
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it was really important
to me that I didn't hurt them
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through my struggles or unbelief
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but things weren't going
very well for me at this point.
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I was still attending the
Adventist Church with my family
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and I was still pretty compliant
to family rules and standards
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but I was deeply depressed
and even suicidal at this point.
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I remember spiraling down
to the place where it felt
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like life was
just completely dark.
00:10:56.75\00:10:59.52
I had extreme
struggles with social anxiety
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and thoughts of
ending my own life.
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I remember reaching this...
00:11:05.96\00:11:10.27
I remember this one night where
finally I was at this point
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where I felt
completely hopeless,
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there didn't seem like
there was any point in going on
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and at that point,
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I could look back and recognize
that the only times in my life
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I'd ever been happy
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was when God was in my life
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and... so I was like,
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"I can't do this anymore, I
don't want to live like this,
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I guess I'll give the
'God thing' another chance. "
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And this was pretty much
just what it sounds like,
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it wasn't a recommitment or
a decision to follow Christ,
00:11:41.86\00:11:45.13
I was simply just saying,
"I wouldn't deny God any longer
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and I was pretty
much just figuring out...
00:11:48.47\00:11:52.14
'give Him another chance
to prove Himself to me. '"
00:11:52.17\00:11:54.31
This... all of this probably
took place about two months
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before our
departure date for Thailand
00:11:58.35\00:12:00.95
so, that was where
I was at spiritually.
00:12:00.98\00:12:03.55
On October 13 of that year,
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we boarded our
plane for Thailand
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and I was... I
was really devastated.
00:12:08.66\00:12:10.49
It wasn't just that we
were going to Thailand,
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a three-week mission trip
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would have been a
grand adventure for me,
00:12:14.50\00:12:16.10
but I'd lost control of my life.
00:12:16.16\00:12:18.50
I no longer knew what
my future would look like.
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Pause.
00:12:21.00\00:12:22.50
I remember those
first few days in Thailand
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and being completely set in
my mind to dislike everything.
00:12:25.27\00:12:28.64
A few weeks into our stay though
00:12:28.68\00:12:30.85
something
changed things up for me.
00:12:30.88\00:12:33.01
I met Jesus through the
eyes of little refugee kids.
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Pause...
00:12:36.79\00:12:39.85
more pause.
00:12:39.89\00:12:42.86
We were invited to visit a
small bamboo boarding school
00:12:42.89\00:12:45.49
which was actually
located right across the river
00:12:45.53\00:12:47.80
from the... which is the border
between Burma and Thailand.
00:12:47.83\00:12:51.43
and if you're not familiar with
the Karen and Burmese situation
00:12:51.47\00:12:56.37
look it up later,
00:12:56.40\00:12:58.77
I don't have time to
share details about that today,
00:12:58.84\00:13:01.14
but this school is mostly filled
with displaced refugee kids
00:13:01.18\00:13:05.61
and while there wasn't
currently any fighting going on,
00:13:05.65\00:13:08.75
it wasn't really
a secure situation
00:13:08.78\00:13:10.69
as it was always
under the threat of attack.
00:13:10.72\00:13:13.79
We arrived that first evening
00:13:13.82\00:13:17.39
and the little kids immediately
ran up and grabbed our hands
00:13:17.43\00:13:20.90
and led us into
our first bamboo hut.
00:13:20.93\00:13:23.67
Before long they taught
us to wear bathing sarongs
00:13:23.70\00:13:26.20
and taken us to take our
baths down in a little creek
00:13:26.23\00:13:28.74
and they had
served us an amazing feast
00:13:28.77\00:13:32.17
of rice and vegetables
00:13:32.21\00:13:33.54
which we were
expected to eat with our hands.
00:13:33.58\00:13:35.68
Long story short,
00:13:35.71\00:13:38.51
when we were about to
leave three days later,
00:13:38.55\00:13:40.98
they asked if I'd be
willing to stay and teach
00:13:41.02\00:13:43.39
and something
made me say, "Yes. "
00:13:43.42\00:13:47.16
These kids and their situation
really captured my heart.
00:13:47.19\00:13:49.92
Pause.
00:13:49.96\00:13:52.59
But it was really
watching these kids worship
00:13:52.63\00:13:55.93
that began to change
things on a deeper level for me.
00:13:55.96\00:13:59.73
Every morning and
evening, we would...
00:13:59.77\00:14:02.44
they would have
worship in the hut
00:14:02.47\00:14:04.51
that I was currently staying in
00:14:04.54\00:14:07.94
and it just really impacted me
00:14:07.98\00:14:11.31
to watch the way
that they worshiped God.
00:14:11.38\00:14:12.98
They would throw their little
heads back and close their eyes
00:14:13.01\00:14:15.88
and totally sing
their hearts out.
00:14:15.92\00:14:18.35
There was no
self-consciousness or worries
00:14:18.39\00:14:21.32
about what anybody
else thought about them
00:14:21.36\00:14:24.26
and I would sit
there and watch them
00:14:24.29\00:14:25.69
and puzzle over the
things that I knew had happened
00:14:25.73\00:14:27.76
in their lives.
00:14:27.80\00:14:29.46
Pause.
00:14:29.50\00:14:30.90
Many of their stories
were absolutely horrific.
00:14:30.93\00:14:33.64
They had watched their
homes being burned down,
00:14:33.70\00:14:36.34
they had seen their
parents brutally murdered,
00:14:36.37\00:14:38.97
they had run for their lives...
00:14:39.01\00:14:41.21
not all of them but many of them
00:14:41.24\00:14:43.38
and they had grown up with
00:14:43.41\00:14:44.91
maybe rice and chili
paste to eat if they were lucky,
00:14:44.95\00:14:47.22
so, here I was refusing
to commit my life to God
00:14:47.25\00:14:52.89
because I wanted
to nurse my hurts
00:14:52.92\00:14:54.92
and hang on to my anger with God
00:14:54.96\00:14:56.93
for something I perceived
was obviously His fault
00:14:56.96\00:14:59.93
and here were these little ones,
00:14:59.96\00:15:02.70
who had
experienced so much more evil
00:15:02.73\00:15:04.63
and pain than I ever had
00:15:04.67\00:15:06.33
and they were
adoringly worshiping God.
00:15:06.37\00:15:08.57
Pause.
00:15:08.60\00:15:10.44
I wanted a faith in God
that I saw in these kids.
00:15:10.47\00:15:14.01
I wanted that joy that wasn't
dependent on my circumstances.
00:15:14.04\00:15:17.98
Through the months...
00:15:18.01\00:15:20.65
through the few months
that I spent at this school,
00:15:20.68\00:15:23.18
God did a large work in my life,
00:15:23.22\00:15:24.72
my heart began to
soften and open up to a plan
00:15:24.75\00:15:28.02
other than the ones
I had made for myself
00:15:28.09\00:15:30.93
and I began to for
the first time in years
00:15:30.96\00:15:33.76
actually seek after God.
00:15:33.80\00:15:35.20
Pause.
00:15:35.23\00:15:36.77
But the struggle
wasn't finished yet,
00:15:36.80\00:15:38.47
I had a long ways to go
00:15:38.50\00:15:39.83
for God to break down
the barriers in my heart.
00:15:39.87\00:15:42.07
The time I spent
at this little school
00:15:42.10\00:15:46.78
in just observing the
whole area and the huge need,
00:15:46.81\00:15:51.65
really gave me a desire
to be able to serve them
00:15:51.68\00:15:56.18
through medical work
00:15:56.22\00:15:57.92
and so, at this point,
00:15:57.95\00:15:59.55
I eventually chose
to return to the States
00:15:59.59\00:16:01.56
to pursue MT training.
00:16:01.62\00:16:02.96
I thought that would
be the first step in...
00:16:02.99\00:16:07.10
and... so, when I
got back to the States,
00:16:07.13\00:16:11.33
I really started strong.
00:16:11.37\00:16:12.73
I was on fire
for God at this point
00:16:12.77\00:16:15.30
and so excited
for this opportunity
00:16:15.34\00:16:17.14
to finally
receive some training.
00:16:17.17\00:16:18.94
I was excited to share
00:16:18.97\00:16:20.31
what I had experienced
in the Mission Field,
00:16:20.34\00:16:21.74
but unfortunately,
it didn't take long
00:16:21.78\00:16:25.31
for my old doubts to
start creeping back in,
00:16:25.38\00:16:28.58
and I slowly began sliding
back down the slippery slope
00:16:28.62\00:16:32.39
of rebellion and unbelief.
00:16:32.42\00:16:33.76
Pause.
00:16:33.79\00:16:36.22
I completely threw
myself into whole EMS work scene
00:16:36.26\00:16:40.13
which for me
wasn't very conducive
00:16:40.16\00:16:42.00
to a growing
relationship with Christ
00:16:42.03\00:16:43.80
and on top of that, within
a relatively short timeframe,
00:16:43.83\00:16:48.57
I attended a number of quite
horrific accident scenes...
00:16:48.60\00:16:53.27
I was kind of known as
00:16:53.34\00:16:54.88
our ambulance
services' "black cloud. "
00:16:54.91\00:16:57.05
But what it really
brought back up for me was
00:16:57.08\00:17:00.62
all my doubts and questions
about why God allowed this.
00:17:00.68\00:17:02.92
So, this took place
probably over the course
00:17:02.98\00:17:06.29
of about nine to ten months
00:17:06.32\00:17:07.66
and towards the
end of that time,
00:17:07.69\00:17:09.66
I was once again in
this really dark spot,
00:17:09.69\00:17:15.23
I was depressed and I...
00:17:15.26\00:17:19.73
I... I remember at that point...
00:17:19.77\00:17:25.71
I remember once again
00:17:25.74\00:17:28.14
I found myself
comparing my life right now
00:17:28.21\00:17:30.58
to what I'd
experienced a few months ago
00:17:30.65\00:17:32.95
and that fresh experience
00:17:33.01\00:17:34.35
where I had had
joy and hope in my life
00:17:34.38\00:17:39.15
and I realized that once again
00:17:39.22\00:17:41.86
that there was nothing in life
for me without God in my life.
00:17:41.92\00:17:44.86
So, at this point,
once again, I told God...
00:17:44.89\00:17:48.43
"Okay... " and I... I
gave my life back to him.
00:17:48.46\00:17:51.97
But this wasn't
the end of my struggle,
00:17:52.00\00:17:55.57
by this point, EMS has had...
00:17:55.60\00:17:59.17
had become a
huge passion for me.
00:17:59.21\00:18:01.48
I was hooked on
the adrenaline rush
00:18:01.54\00:18:03.75
and being there for
people in their emergencies
00:18:03.78\00:18:08.38
and I wanted to continue
my education and I did...
00:18:08.42\00:18:11.65
some day I wanted to
return to the mission field
00:18:11.69\00:18:14.89
but I wanted to
do my stuff first
00:18:14.92\00:18:17.23
and get the education that I
felt would make me more usable.
00:18:17.26\00:18:23.37
But there was an issue
00:18:23.40\00:18:27.64
and that was that
when I had left Thailand,
00:18:27.67\00:18:29.54
I had made a promise to both
my family and the Karen people
00:18:29.57\00:18:34.04
that as soon as I was
done with my EMT training,
00:18:34.08\00:18:36.81
I would return to the States...
00:18:36.85\00:18:39.21
sorry... return to Thailand.
00:18:39.25\00:18:41.45
So, at this point,
my mom called me up
00:18:41.48\00:18:44.45
and she reminded me
of that promise I'd made
00:18:44.49\00:18:48.76
that I would come
back and I was really...
00:18:48.82\00:18:53.03
I was frustrated about
it, I didn't want to listen,
00:18:53.06\00:18:55.86
but I... I agreed I'd return.
00:18:55.90\00:18:59.10
So, here I was back in Thailand
00:18:59.13\00:19:02.24
as an unwilling
missionary for the second time.
00:19:02.27\00:19:05.34
I really was glad
to be back in many ways
00:19:05.37\00:19:09.34
but as I said, part of me
was still grudgingly present.
00:19:09.38\00:19:11.75
There was still this
inner wrestling in me
00:19:11.78\00:19:14.22
over my abandoned dreams.
00:19:14.25\00:19:15.58
Over time, the
doors opened for me
00:19:15.62\00:19:18.45
to shadow a dear nurse friend
who had started working...
00:19:18.49\00:19:20.56
started a front-porch clinic.
00:19:20.59\00:19:22.46
Every morning the patients would
pack that little front porch
00:19:22.49\00:19:26.23
and it wasn't long till
I found myself in positions
00:19:26.26\00:19:29.63
where I had to use the little
training I had to help out.
00:19:29.66\00:19:32.60
As I became more and
more involved the work there,
00:19:32.63\00:19:36.00
I did grow to really enjoy it
00:19:36.07\00:19:38.47
and found a lot
of fulfillment in it.
00:19:38.51\00:19:39.91
But where we were at the
time, there was still a hospital
00:19:39.94\00:19:43.98
that was accessible... a small
hospital that was accessible
00:19:44.01\00:19:48.12
within about 45 minutes' drive
00:19:48.15\00:19:50.19
and I soon became more and more
aware that there were lots of...
00:19:50.22\00:19:53.66
100s of mountain
villages around us
00:19:53.69\00:19:57.56
in the surrounding mountains
00:19:57.59\00:19:58.93
that had no access to
medical care whatsoever.
00:19:58.96\00:20:00.90
So, within a few months,
00:20:00.93\00:20:03.77
I moved out to a remote
village up in the mountains
00:20:03.83\00:20:06.13
to start a
little clinic up there.
00:20:06.17\00:20:09.07
My first day in
the village of Monika,
00:20:09.10\00:20:11.94
I sat in the hut of new friends
00:20:11.97\00:20:13.51
and I watched them roast
this pile of fluffy dead rats,
00:20:13.54\00:20:18.21
and the next house I went
to, they offered me betel nut
00:20:18.25\00:20:22.88
which you may or
may not have heard of...
00:20:22.92\00:20:25.22
and I innocently
took it and chewed it...
00:20:25.25\00:20:27.56
I didn't even know what it was.
00:20:27.59\00:20:29.22
The second day, I knocked
down some boards from a house
00:20:29.26\00:20:34.10
with my bike...
00:20:34.13\00:20:35.46
much to the amusement
of some of the village men
00:20:35.50\00:20:37.50
and then I fell down
to my knees in the mud
00:20:37.53\00:20:39.63
and slid my way down the
slippery trail back to my house
00:20:39.67\00:20:44.27
while the villagers
roared with laughter at me
00:20:44.31\00:20:46.71
and the third
day, I had 42 patients
00:20:46.74\00:20:49.78
and I got a crash course
in living with no privacy.
00:20:49.81\00:20:53.45
There wasn't even a bathroom
without large holes in it.
00:20:53.48\00:20:57.02
But the bond of friendship I
found up there was very special.
00:20:57.05\00:21:00.86
I sat around
their fires at night
00:21:00.89\00:21:02.72
and every day their
kids descended on my house
00:21:02.76\00:21:07.03
to ate all my leftover food.
00:21:07.06\00:21:08.46
I was obviously way out of
my depth with medical cases
00:21:08.50\00:21:12.83
but I was the best
that they had at that point.
00:21:12.87\00:21:15.54
I remember many
times climbing the hill
00:21:15.57\00:21:17.31
to where there
was a phone reception
00:21:17.34\00:21:18.97
to call my nurse
friend for advice.
00:21:19.01\00:21:21.84
But as I bonded
with these people
00:21:21.88\00:21:24.65
and grew my role as a medical
worker for their village,
00:21:24.68\00:21:26.88
my heart was
still really at war.
00:21:26.92\00:21:28.38
I loved it here and
I loved these people
00:21:28.45\00:21:30.72
but this wasn't
what I wanted right now.
00:21:30.75\00:21:32.99
Right now I wanted schooling.
00:21:33.05\00:21:35.22
I wanted to feel qualified...
00:21:35.26\00:21:37.39
I wanted to go complete my plans
00:21:37.43\00:21:39.26
and know that I had
made something of myself
00:21:39.29\00:21:41.60
while I was young.
00:21:41.76\00:21:43.16
But God and I didn't seem to
be on the same page with this.
00:21:43.20\00:21:47.00
I had no money at the time
and the $1,000... around that
00:21:47.04\00:21:50.14
that I would need to get my
ticket to fly back to the States
00:21:50.17\00:21:53.24
might as well have been a
million for me at that point
00:21:53.27\00:21:56.44
and I realized that I was stuck
00:21:56.48\00:22:00.02
and at that point, I
began to feel like...
00:22:00.05\00:22:03.42
not just an unwilling missionary
00:22:03.45\00:22:05.02
but like I was
actually a captive missionary.
00:22:05.05\00:22:07.32
Audience: Slight laughter.
00:22:07.36\00:22:09.02
It didn't seem fair,
00:22:09.09\00:22:10.99
it seemed like all my friends
00:22:11.03\00:22:13.03
got to make plans
and complete them...
00:22:13.06\00:22:14.60
and I felt like
I was the only one
00:22:14.63\00:22:16.06
that didn't get a
choice in my life.
00:22:16.10\00:22:17.50
Pause.
00:22:17.57\00:22:19.13
As ridiculous as
I know this sounds,
00:22:19.17\00:22:22.27
at that point, I was really...
a half-devoted missionary
00:22:22.30\00:22:25.07
and a half rebel often
all in in the same day.
00:22:25.11\00:22:27.04
and at this point, mission
work was completely in my heart
00:22:27.08\00:22:32.61
but preferably after
I had the opportunity
00:22:32.65\00:22:35.15
to go do my own thing.
00:22:35.18\00:22:36.85
In the summer of 2010,
00:22:36.89\00:22:40.26
I attended a month-long Bible
and medical ministry training
00:22:40.29\00:22:43.12
that was held by one of the
pastors in northern Thailand
00:22:43.16\00:22:45.89
and this is where the struggles
really came to a head for me.
00:22:45.93\00:22:49.56
I couldn't listen to
the Bible being read all day
00:22:49.60\00:22:52.23
and hear this about
surrender, surrender, surrender.
00:22:52.27\00:22:54.87
While I knew that
these things in my heart...
00:22:54.90\00:22:57.27
that I had these
thing in my heart
00:22:57.31\00:22:58.94
that I was
stubbornly refusing to give up.
00:22:58.97\00:23:00.74
Pause.
00:23:00.78\00:23:06.48
At this point, I was
tired of being good...
00:23:06.51\00:23:08.45
tired of trying to
surrender and follow God...
00:23:08.48\00:23:10.39
I just wanted the permission to
go do my own thing for a while.
00:23:10.42\00:23:13.42
About half way through
this month-long program,
00:23:13.46\00:23:18.43
I came to a point
00:23:18.46\00:23:19.79
where I distinctly
heard God speak to me and say
00:23:19.83\00:23:25.77
that it was time
that I made a decision.
00:23:25.80\00:23:28.17
I couldn't continue to do
this half-way thing anymore.
00:23:28.20\00:23:31.34
I couldn't be
holding back on God
00:23:31.37\00:23:33.24
while still claiming
to be a Christ-Follower.
00:23:33.27\00:23:35.34
I couldn't be arguing with Him
00:23:35.38\00:23:38.15
about the way I
wanted to run my life
00:23:38.18\00:23:40.38
pause...
00:23:40.42\00:23:42.02
and as I realized that
God had told me to make...
00:23:42.05\00:23:44.55
I needed to make this decision,
00:23:44.59\00:23:46.32
I actually became quite angry
00:23:46.35\00:23:47.99
because I knew I couldn't
walk away from God completely,
00:23:48.02\00:23:50.93
that wasn't an option for me,
00:23:50.96\00:23:52.29
I knew my own weakness,
00:23:52.33\00:23:53.66
I knew what happened
with God out of my life,
00:23:53.70\00:23:56.53
so, I wanted God in my life
00:23:56.56\00:23:59.80
but I wanted Him in
my life on my terms.
00:23:59.83\00:24:01.77
I wanted Him to give
His approval and blessing
00:24:01.80\00:24:04.54
for my plans for my future,
00:24:04.57\00:24:05.91
I was like a small child
that puts their hand in a vase
00:24:05.94\00:24:11.31
and, you know,
to grab a treasure
00:24:11.35\00:24:12.85
and refuses to let go of it
00:24:12.88\00:24:15.68
in order to not
need to break the vase.
00:24:15.72\00:24:17.45
So, there was this
period of about three days
00:24:17.49\00:24:20.76
where I really
wrestled with this.
00:24:20.79\00:24:23.56
I refused to give
up these dreams I held,
00:24:23.63\00:24:26.43
I couldn't picture
my life without them
00:24:26.46\00:24:29.20
but as I bonded with
these people and grew in my...
00:24:29.26\00:24:32.13
I'm sorry... I lost my place...
00:24:32.17\00:24:37.31
I remember reaching a point of
complete misery at this point,
00:24:37.34\00:24:41.38
I couldn't rest or
think about anything else
00:24:41.44\00:24:43.24
other than this surrender
God was asking me to make
00:24:43.28\00:24:45.51
and finally, I gave up,
00:24:45.55\00:24:47.52
it's really
exhausting to argue with God
00:24:47.55\00:24:51.55
and in that
moment... so I made this...
00:24:51.59\00:24:55.49
so, I finally I said,
"God, you can have my plans,
00:24:55.52\00:24:58.39
you can have my
dreams, you can have my future,
00:24:58.43\00:25:01.26
and I'll do
whatever you want me to do
00:25:01.30\00:25:03.73
and right then I really thought
that my life was completely over
00:25:03.77\00:25:08.50
but the peace I
felt was indescribable.
00:25:08.54\00:25:13.27
While I wrestled...
00:25:13.31\00:25:15.44
while I was wrestling
through this with God,
00:25:15.48\00:25:17.05
unbeknownst to me... I...
there... just a few hours away,
00:25:17.08\00:25:21.92
there were these two tiny little
twin boys that had been born
00:25:21.95\00:25:26.35
probably more than two months
premature in their village hut
00:25:26.39\00:25:30.79
pause...
00:25:30.83\00:25:32.99
and they wouldn't
receive any more medical care
00:25:33.03\00:25:35.56
for the next six weeks.
00:25:35.60\00:25:36.93
Meanwhile, I returned
down to the border area
00:25:36.97\00:25:39.50
where I'd been living before
00:25:39.53\00:25:41.50
and I just got to say
that for the first time ever,
00:25:41.54\00:25:45.77
I experienced so much joy
00:25:45.84\00:25:47.48
and fulfillment in
the work I was doing.
00:25:47.51\00:25:50.75
For the first time,
this was actually my spot
00:25:50.78\00:25:54.25
that one I had
chosen to work for God in.
00:25:54.28\00:25:57.55
Pause.
00:25:57.59\00:26:00.02
So, about six weeks later,
these two little twin boys
00:26:00.06\00:26:03.12
were finally placed in my arms.
00:26:03.16\00:26:05.06
They were tiny at probably
less than two pounds each
00:26:05.09\00:26:09.73
and extremely malnourished
00:26:09.76\00:26:11.33
as they'd been given
sugar water in place of milk.
00:26:11.37\00:26:14.34
Their little
bones were poking out...
00:26:14.37\00:26:17.14
they looked barely more
than just skin covered skeletons
00:26:17.17\00:26:22.31
and they had sores
covering their tiny bodies
00:26:22.34\00:26:25.41
so we took them to the
ER that was closest to us
00:26:25.48\00:26:28.52
and as we sat in
that little ER with them,
00:26:28.55\00:26:32.25
the doctor told me, "We have to
have a mother's name on record
00:26:32.29\00:26:35.32
to be able to care for them"
00:26:35.36\00:26:36.69
and at that point, I didn't
know what the mother's name was
00:26:36.73\00:26:39.66
so the doctor finally said,
00:26:39.69\00:26:41.76
"Could we please
put your name down?"
00:26:41.80\00:26:43.23
And I didn't feel like
there was anything else to say
00:26:43.26\00:26:47.54
so I said, "Yes. "
00:26:47.57\00:26:49.44
In Thailand they
require a caregiver
00:26:49.47\00:26:51.91
to stay with any
patient that's been admitted
00:26:51.94\00:26:53.74
and they pretty much do
the work that a nurse would do
00:26:53.78\00:26:56.98
here in the States.
00:26:57.01\00:26:58.98
So, I stayed with them
there in a hospital ward
00:26:59.01\00:27:01.22
on a little cot
between their incubators
00:27:01.25\00:27:03.42
for the next week or so.
00:27:03.45\00:27:05.69
I remember looking at
their tiny wrist bands
00:27:05.72\00:27:09.06
and they said on them,
"Maria's Baby Number 1"
00:27:09.09\00:27:12.39
and "Maria's Baby Number 2"
00:27:12.43\00:27:13.76
and the
realization really hit me
00:27:13.80\00:27:17.17
that these were now my babies.
00:27:17.20\00:27:20.47
Audience: Happy laughter.
00:27:20.50\00:27:22.40
To begin with, we didn't think
that Jabez... the older twin...
00:27:22.44\00:27:26.71
I named them Jabez and Isaac
00:27:26.78\00:27:28.14
and we didn't think that Jabez
the older twin would make it
00:27:28.18\00:27:30.31
as he was
initially the less alert one
00:27:30.35\00:27:33.78
and he also had a very
large pressure sore on his back
00:27:33.82\00:27:36.89
that reached
almost into the back bone
00:27:36.92\00:27:38.92
and it had been
packed with feces
00:27:38.95\00:27:40.76
so he was at huge
risk for infection
00:27:40.79\00:27:42.52
but he held his ground and...
00:27:42.59\00:27:45.66
but Isaac was a different story.
00:27:45.69\00:27:48.40
Initially he
seemed to be doing good
00:27:48.46\00:27:50.83
but his condition
slowly deteriorated
00:27:50.87\00:27:53.20
Eventually they had to
transfer us to a larger hospital
00:27:53.23\00:27:57.51
that had a "PICU" Unit.
00:27:57.54\00:27:58.87
Once we arrived,
00:27:58.91\00:28:00.24
I was told that Isaac
had both pneumonia and sepsis
00:28:00.28\00:28:02.48
and that his only
hope was pretty much
00:28:02.51\00:28:07.72
if he would make it
through the next 24 hours.
00:28:07.75\00:28:09.78
Pause.
00:28:09.82\00:28:12.05
That day, I prayed like
I had never prayed before.
00:28:12.09\00:28:16.29
By that point I'd
completely fallen in love
00:28:16.32\00:28:18.19
with both of these babies,
00:28:18.23\00:28:19.56
and I really believed
that God would heal Isaac.
00:28:19.59\00:28:23.93
Honestly, I think
I pretty much felt
00:28:23.97\00:28:25.93
that I had a
right to his healing.
00:28:25.97\00:28:28.54
I knew that God
could work miracles
00:28:28.57\00:28:31.14
and I pretty much thought
00:28:31.17\00:28:32.51
that this was His
chance to not let me down again
00:28:32.54\00:28:34.44
but as that day dragged on
00:28:34.48\00:28:39.95
I watched his
vitals drop lower and lower
00:28:39.98\00:28:42.65
and late that night his
heart rate kept dropping
00:28:42.68\00:28:46.65
and the nurses finally began CPR
00:28:46.69\00:28:48.32
and that was the most
agonizing 30 minutes of my life.
00:28:48.36\00:28:51.93
I kept saying, "God,
I know you can save him"
00:28:51.96\00:28:54.53
I actually didn't have
any doubt at that point,
00:28:54.56\00:28:57.10
I was like... even
after they declared him dead
00:28:57.13\00:28:59.43
I... I just... I was
just telling God like,
00:28:59.47\00:29:01.70
"I know you can still save
him, bring him back to life. "
00:29:01.77\00:29:05.01
Finally, they shoved
the papers under my nose
00:29:05.04\00:29:08.24
and said, "We need
you to sign the papers
00:29:08.28\00:29:11.41
for your son's body. "
00:29:11.48\00:29:13.01
At that point, I felt
completely broken and betrayed.
00:29:13.08\00:29:16.89
I had completely given my
heart away to these two babies
00:29:16.92\00:29:20.86
and I had 100 percent belief
that God would make a miracle
00:29:20.89\00:29:24.76
out of their lives.
00:29:24.79\00:29:26.13
They were
already a total miracle,
00:29:26.16\00:29:29.40
they was no human explanation
for how two completely...
00:29:29.43\00:29:33.17
very premature
babies had survived
00:29:33.20\00:29:36.27
with no proper care
at all for six weeks.
00:29:36.30\00:29:39.24
Pause.
00:29:39.27\00:29:41.41
So, I really didn't understand
what God could be doing.
00:29:41.44\00:29:44.88
I went outside at that point
00:29:44.91\00:29:47.78
and I think I paced in the
dark for probably another hour
00:29:47.82\00:29:51.02
and I came really,
really close to running away.
00:29:51.05\00:29:54.42
Everything in me wanted
to run the other direction
00:29:54.46\00:29:57.76
and forget about loving anyone.
00:29:57.79\00:30:00.10
The only thing I knew
right then was that love hurt.
00:30:00.13\00:30:03.87
But there was still another
tiny baby lying in the ward
00:30:03.90\00:30:07.47
on the other end of the hospital
00:30:07.54\00:30:09.30
and I knew that there was no way
00:30:09.34\00:30:10.97
that someone else
could abandon him as well.
00:30:11.01\00:30:13.58
Pause.
00:30:13.61\00:30:15.61
I didn't open my
Bible or even pray
00:30:15.64\00:30:18.85
for probably a
week after Isaac's death
00:30:18.91\00:30:22.92
and late one night
about a week later,
00:30:22.95\00:30:26.22
I remember sitting
in the hospital ward
00:30:26.25\00:30:29.46
that was packed full of patients
00:30:29.49\00:30:31.16
and I was sitting beside Jabez
00:30:31.19\00:30:35.10
and once again, I felt God's
voice really clearly speak to me
00:30:35.13\00:30:41.17
and say that I needed to make my
decision that I needed to decide
00:30:41.20\00:30:47.24
if I was going to go back
to the bitterness and doubt
00:30:47.28\00:30:49.64
that I had come from
00:30:49.68\00:30:51.01
or whether I was
going to choose to trust God
00:30:51.05\00:30:53.45
and what He was doing in my life
00:30:53.52\00:30:55.22
regardless of the
pain I experienced.
00:30:55.25\00:30:58.05
Pause.
00:30:58.09\00:31:03.16
So, at that point,
00:31:03.19\00:31:06.49
I told God that
I would trust Him
00:31:06.53\00:31:11.10
and regardless of
what happened in my life,
00:31:11.13\00:31:15.50
and I really look back at that
00:31:15.54\00:31:17.41
as one of the most
pivotal moments in my life.
00:31:17.44\00:31:20.58
At this point, although
I'd surrendered my future
00:31:20.61\00:31:23.75
and many other things to
God I was still in many ways
00:31:23.78\00:31:25.81
grieving for my
father who had died
00:31:25.85\00:31:27.35
and it was definitely
still a lot of bitterness
00:31:27.38\00:31:29.12
and questions in my heart
that I hadn't dealt with yet.
00:31:29.15\00:31:31.65
It was all just kind
of pushed under the rug
00:31:31.69\00:31:34.76
while I tried to about God's
business and serve Him anyways,
00:31:34.82\00:31:37.66
but when I finally made this...
00:31:37.69\00:31:41.56
when I finally said,
"Okay, God, I choose you,
00:31:41.60\00:31:44.17
I'll trust you in Your plan
regardless of the things I face
00:31:44.20\00:31:47.60
or the pain I experience
00:31:47.64\00:31:48.97
and that decision
made a big impact on me.
00:31:49.00\00:31:55.48
This is something that
God has brought me through
00:31:55.54\00:31:58.68
several more times.
00:31:58.71\00:32:00.05
Nine months later,
00:32:00.08\00:32:01.42
Jabez was again
fighting for his life.
00:32:01.45\00:32:03.05
This time he was battling
Stevens-Johnson's syndrome
00:32:03.08\00:32:06.76
and I again had to let
go of my fears and questions
00:32:06.79\00:32:10.39
and God really
challenged me through this time
00:32:10.43\00:32:14.83
when he was so
sick that I would...
00:32:14.86\00:32:18.27
regardless of the
outcome, that I would...
00:32:18.30\00:32:21.07
choose ahead of
time to make the decision
00:32:21.10\00:32:23.87
that I would trust Him.
00:32:23.91\00:32:25.61
Then, later again,
00:32:25.64\00:32:28.51
I'd lost another baby
girl who had been abandoned
00:32:28.54\00:32:31.21
and given to me...
00:32:31.25\00:32:33.18
and in that same
"PICU" that Isaac died
00:32:33.21\00:32:37.52
and most recently I've lost two
babies through miscarriage...
00:32:37.55\00:32:40.32
miscarriages... and each time
00:32:40.36\00:32:42.96
God has challenged me
with that same choice.
00:32:42.99\00:32:45.16
Each time I've
had the temptation
00:32:45.19\00:32:48.13
to turn away in bitterness
and question God's goodness
00:32:48.16\00:32:50.90
but thankfully as a
choice I already made
00:32:50.93\00:32:55.10
and each time,
during that difficult time
00:32:55.17\00:32:59.17
it's almost been like...
00:32:59.21\00:33:00.54
it's been a little
pillar between me and the Lord.
00:33:00.58\00:33:03.14
A sweet reminder of
the commitment that I made
00:33:03.18\00:33:05.98
to trust in God's goodness
00:33:06.01\00:33:07.35
regardless of the
circumstances in my life.
00:33:07.38\00:33:10.22
So each time,
it's almost been like
00:33:10.25\00:33:12.75
it's been a
reaffirmation of my faith
00:33:12.79\00:33:15.19
and strengthen the
commitment that I made before
00:33:15.22\00:33:17.63
and I pray that by God's grace
00:33:17.66\00:33:20.63
I'll continue to break
this cycle of bitterness
00:33:20.66\00:33:23.20
and resentment
toward the God who loves me.
00:33:23.23\00:33:25.73
Pause.
00:33:25.77\00:33:29.97
So oft...
00:33:30.01\00:33:34.18
I just want to say
that it's easy, I think,
00:33:34.21\00:33:40.05
for some of us to look back...
00:33:40.08\00:33:41.48
we hear testimonies
00:33:41.52\00:33:42.85
and it often seems
like a one-and-done deal,
00:33:42.88\00:33:45.02
you hear about how the
dark place people were in before
00:33:45.05\00:33:49.12
and, you know, how God
worked a miracle in their lives
00:33:49.16\00:33:53.19
and then, everything
seems perfect after that
00:33:53.23\00:33:55.83
and in my life that
hasn't been the case
00:33:55.86\00:33:58.30
there's very much
been a lot of ups and downs
00:33:58.33\00:34:00.14
and I'm not
sharing most of that today
00:34:00.17\00:34:03.97
but
00:34:04.01\00:34:09.64
I do want to express the fact
that I definitely still have...
00:34:09.68\00:34:13.25
I definitely still struggle
and am very much a real person.
00:34:13.28\00:34:16.38
I wish I had more time to share
00:34:16.42\00:34:20.92
about the following
three years of motherhood
00:34:20.96\00:34:22.72
but I don't have
that much time today.
00:34:22.76\00:34:25.99
Motherhood totally
took me by surprise,
00:34:26.03\00:34:29.16
one day I was a single
19-year-old traipsing around...
00:34:29.20\00:34:33.87
the next... people were calling
these little guys my sons.
00:34:33.90\00:34:36.91
Being a mom was nothing I
had envisioned in my future
00:34:36.94\00:34:39.94
or even
desired... but here I was.
00:34:39.97\00:34:41.64
Jabez changed
everything I lived for,
00:34:42.24\00:34:45.28
the first few weeks with
him were incredibly difficult
00:34:45.31\00:34:49.28
but over time, he did grow
into a strong beautiful baby.
00:34:49.32\00:34:52.85
When I took Jabez as my son,
00:34:52.89\00:34:57.83
life changed from
Thailand being my "surrender"
00:34:57.86\00:35:00.46
to Thailand being my
country for the future
00:35:00.50\00:35:03.06
as far as I could see.
00:35:03.10\00:35:04.43
As legal adoption is
extremely complicated
00:35:04.47\00:35:08.50
and even potentially impossible.
00:35:08.54\00:35:10.44
About two years after this,
00:35:10.47\00:35:14.11
a young man walked into my life
00:35:14.18\00:35:15.94
who was sold on God and medical
work in the mission field
00:35:16.01\00:35:19.35
and he didn't so much
as blink as... at my kid
00:35:19.38\00:35:23.25
or a "girl who
came with a country. "
00:35:23.28\00:35:25.69
We actually got
to know each other
00:35:25.75\00:35:28.09
through our trips to do medical
work together up in Meniki
00:35:28.12\00:35:31.16
and, of course you
already know where this is going
00:35:31.19\00:35:34.80
but we fell in love.
00:35:34.83\00:35:36.16
In the summer of 2013,
Jordan got down on one knee
00:35:36.20\00:35:40.60
and on a mountain near the
village where we were working
00:35:40.64\00:35:45.37
and he asked me to marry him.
00:35:45.44\00:35:46.78
I knew I wanted to spend
the rest of my life with him.
00:35:46.81\00:35:49.11
My vision of
"happily ever after"
00:35:49.14\00:35:50.91
at that point was that
00:35:50.95\00:35:52.88
we would be living
in a little bamboo hut,
00:35:52.91\00:35:54.45
trekking around the mountains
giving medical care together
00:35:54.48\00:35:57.42
for the rest of our lives.
00:35:57.45\00:35:59.05
That was both of our vision
00:35:59.09\00:36:00.59
that we'd always be
together working for God
00:36:00.62\00:36:05.59
so about a couple of
months before our wedding,
00:36:05.63\00:36:10.57
we heard of another little baby
00:36:10.60\00:36:13.70
that had been born
about nine weeks premature,
00:36:13.74\00:36:16.10
he was born at one
pound twelve ounces
00:36:16.17\00:36:20.58
and God really put
him in our hearts...
00:36:20.61\00:36:24.91
I remember
talking to Jordan about...
00:36:24.95\00:36:27.98
we were long
distance at this point
00:36:28.02\00:36:30.09
I was talking
to him on the phone
00:36:30.12\00:36:32.02
and I would keep...
00:36:32.05\00:36:34.92
we decided to pray and
think about this for a few days
00:36:34.96\00:36:37.79
and I would keep
bringing up the fact
00:36:37.83\00:36:40.03
that this was
un-ideal circumstances
00:36:40.06\00:36:42.20
and it was... it was a
month before our wedding
00:36:42.23\00:36:45.63
not really the greatest
time to take in a premature baby
00:36:45.67\00:36:49.54
and... but finally
after we prayed about it
00:36:49.60\00:36:53.51
for a couple of
days, Jordan just said,
00:36:53.54\00:36:54.91
"I don't care about any
of that, I just want him"
00:36:54.94\00:36:57.11
and that was really
where it stood for us,
00:36:57.15\00:36:59.31
he was... God put him in
our hearts and he was wanted.
00:36:59.35\00:37:03.42
We named him Jesse Asher
00:37:03.45\00:37:07.22
which means: our
gift of happiness
00:37:07.26\00:37:10.43
and he's really been a
gift of happiness in our lives.
00:37:10.46\00:37:12.69
Since then, God has added two
more little ones through birth
00:37:12.73\00:37:17.93
and we're a family of six.
00:37:18.00\00:37:19.33
I have to be
honest right now and say
00:37:19.37\00:37:22.30
that life looks a
100% different for us
00:37:22.34\00:37:25.34
from anything we ever pictured.
00:37:25.37\00:37:26.81
We're not living in a
village the way we dreamed of,
00:37:26.84\00:37:30.18
pause...
00:37:30.21\00:37:33.98
more pause...
00:37:34.02\00:37:38.25
just... just a
couple of months ago,
00:37:38.29\00:37:40.49
the story of our
lives took another turn
00:37:40.52\00:37:42.66
when God led Jordan to full-time
employment in Thailand.
00:37:42.72\00:37:45.76
Pause.
00:37:45.79\00:37:48.26
More pause.
00:37:48.30\00:37:51.97
Pause.
00:37:52.00\00:37:55.37
The point... the point I
really want to bring out here
00:37:55.40\00:37:58.07
is the fact that... how God
has again and again led my life
00:37:58.11\00:38:02.84
in a way that's way
different from what I wanted
00:38:02.88\00:38:05.65
but always better than what
I would have chosen for myself.
00:38:05.68\00:38:09.98
Pause.
00:38:10.02\00:38:12.59
So, Jordan is currently employed
in Thailand in a regular job
00:38:12.65\00:38:17.73
and God's plan for us...
for me the last few years
00:38:17.76\00:38:22.16
has not been medical evangelism
the way I had envisioned it.
00:38:22.20\00:38:24.73
It's been raising
four precious little ones
00:38:24.77\00:38:27.94
and it has been home schooling
and pursuing legal adoption
00:38:27.97\00:38:32.17
in a country that
makes it very difficult.
00:38:32.21\00:38:34.98
It's been
supporting my wonderful husband
00:38:35.01\00:38:37.75
as he pursues a tentmaker role
00:38:37.78\00:38:39.85
and we still value our
village medical ministry
00:38:39.88\00:38:43.92
but now that looks
like day or overnight trips
00:38:43.95\00:38:47.96
up to the
village every few weeks.
00:38:48.02\00:38:49.79
This time, the surrender has
really been switched up from me,
00:38:49.82\00:38:54.13
instead of being bitter
about doing medical work instead
00:38:54.16\00:38:58.60
and fighting to be
out of the mission field,
00:38:58.63\00:39:03.07
I struggle with wishing
we could be more involved
00:39:03.10\00:39:05.11
and missing my friends and
life in the village setting
00:39:05.14\00:39:07.64
as we currently
live outside of a city
00:39:07.68\00:39:09.58
in a more suburban
setting of Thailand.
00:39:09.61\00:39:11.48
Through the last years,
00:39:11.51\00:39:14.25
both Jordan and I have
many times talked wishfully
00:39:14.28\00:39:18.42
about some of our dear friends
00:39:18.45\00:39:20.09
who have
started amazing projects
00:39:20.12\00:39:21.69
in different areas of Thailand
00:39:21.72\00:39:23.83
and many times we both expressed
00:39:23.86\00:39:25.93
that we wished we
could be doing that.
00:39:25.96\00:39:27.50
We all want to do something
we perceive as big for God
00:39:27.53\00:39:33.10
but despite willing hearts,
00:39:33.13\00:39:35.14
God has made it clear that
it's not our time right now,
00:39:35.17\00:39:37.31
pause...
00:39:37.37\00:39:40.34
I found that it's really easy
to start to feel discouraged
00:39:40.38\00:39:44.31
like my life is
just in a holding pattern
00:39:44.35\00:39:46.21
and that we just got to
stick it out a year or two
00:39:46.25\00:39:49.48
from now till when God sends
us again to the front lines
00:39:49.52\00:39:53.32
of His work.
00:39:53.36\00:39:54.69
But the thing I'm
realizing more and more
00:39:54.72\00:39:57.03
is that I'm not in a
holding pattern at all
00:39:57.06\00:39:59.66
and I'm not on the
sidelines of His work.
00:39:59.69\00:40:02.06
I'm right in the
middle of the mission work
00:40:02.10\00:40:04.43
that God's given me right now.
00:40:04.47\00:40:05.87
Today, I get to share
my story with all of you
00:40:05.90\00:40:09.87
but when I arrive
home in a couple of days,
00:40:09.90\00:40:13.74
life will be hugs
and kisses from my family
00:40:13.78\00:40:17.51
and it will be really
special to be together again
00:40:17.55\00:40:20.78
but there'll also be crying
and few tantrums from my kids
00:40:20.82\00:40:24.15
and I'll be
horrifically jet lagged
00:40:24.19\00:40:26.39
and there's always a house that
I can never quite keep up with
00:40:26.42\00:40:30.23
and trying to figure
out what to make for supper.
00:40:30.26\00:40:32.56
Slowly God is
impressing in my heart
00:40:32.59\00:40:35.70
that this is my
greatest form of mission work
00:40:35.76\00:40:37.43
right now in this
season of my life.
00:40:37.47\00:40:39.07
Audience: Amen.
00:40:39.10\00:40:41.44
A month or so ago,
00:40:41.47\00:40:43.71
when I was preparing
to share with you here...
00:40:43.74\00:40:45.41
I was struggling with
our current circumstances
00:40:45.44\00:40:47.18
and wondering if I
really had a message to share
00:40:47.21\00:40:48.84
especially here at ASI
00:40:48.88\00:40:51.41
and I spoke with a
friend who said some words
00:40:51.45\00:40:54.12
that really encouraged me.
00:40:54.18\00:40:55.52
She called it the
Watchman on the Wall.
00:40:55.55\00:40:57.29
She said that everyone hears
the "go-tell-the-world" message
00:40:57.32\00:41:00.22
but who is left there
as the watchman on the wall
00:41:00.26\00:41:02.82
to see the weeds
growing in our own backyard?
00:41:02.86\00:41:05.29
And that mind-picture
has really stuck with me.
00:41:05.33\00:41:07.73
Who will be there as
the watchman on the wall
00:41:07.76\00:41:10.37
for our own
families if we don't?
00:41:10.40\00:41:11.90
Pause.
00:41:11.93\00:41:16.87
But today, I'm not really here
to share just about motherhood
00:41:16.91\00:41:20.44
or any one picture of what
service to God might look like.
00:41:20.48\00:41:23.95
Pause.
00:41:23.98\00:41:26.08
I'm just sharing what
giving my future to God
00:41:26.11\00:41:28.18
has meant in my own life.
00:41:28.22\00:41:29.55
In the theme of ASI this year,
00:41:29.58\00:41:34.26
I want to challenge you
to make an unusual surrender.
00:41:34.29\00:41:37.13
Not just to giving
your heart to Christ,
00:41:37.16\00:41:40.40
I'm sure the
majority of us here have
00:41:40.43\00:41:43.60
but the unusual surrender
of giving not just our heart
00:41:43.63\00:41:47.74
but our lives to God...
our plans... our dreams...
00:41:47.77\00:41:51.34
our jobs and family...
our future as we see it.
00:41:51.37\00:41:54.74
Pause.
00:41:54.81\00:41:56.44
Somehow trusting God
with our heart seems easier
00:41:56.48\00:42:00.15
but our future... we really
want to keep a grasp on it
00:42:00.18\00:42:04.02
and I do believe
when you pray a prayer
00:42:04.09\00:42:07.79
surrendering your life
and your future to God,
00:42:07.82\00:42:11.93
that God will call
you to mission work.
00:42:11.96\00:42:13.63
When you pray that prayer,
00:42:13.66\00:42:15.83
you're all of a
sudden God's commissary.
00:42:15.86\00:42:17.60
But I also believe that no
matter where else God sends you
00:42:17.63\00:42:21.80
mission work will
likely start in your home.
00:42:21.84\00:42:23.64
Pause.
00:42:23.67\00:42:26.14
More pause.
00:42:26.17\00:42:29.51
There is a text
in Ephesians 2:10,
00:42:29.54\00:42:31.48
it says, "We
are God's handiwork,
00:42:31.51\00:42:33.38
crafted in Christ
Jesus to do good work,
00:42:33.42\00:42:35.55
which God prepared in
advance for us to do. "
00:42:35.58\00:42:37.65
And I want you
to think about that,
00:42:37.72\00:42:41.32
how could you
refuse a plan that...
00:42:41.36\00:42:44.16
the God who loves you has
prepared for you in advance.
00:42:44.19\00:42:48.20
Pause.
00:42:48.23\00:42:51.00
Let's live like God... God
does have a plan for our lives
00:42:51.03\00:42:57.21
and don't let the fear
00:42:57.24\00:42:59.51
of what you're afraid
God might call you to...
00:42:59.54\00:43:01.58
hold you back...
00:43:01.64\00:43:03.14
whatever God calls us
to, He enables us for.
00:43:03.21\00:43:05.95
Pause.
00:43:06.01\00:43:10.19
I know it's a very popular verse
and we all know it by heart
00:43:10.25\00:43:13.12
but I always think
of the... of the verse,
00:43:13.15\00:43:16.26
"For I know the plans I
think of you," says the Lord,
00:43:16.29\00:43:18.56
"plans to prosper you and to
give you a hope and a future. "
00:43:18.59\00:43:21.06
And I do believe that
it's not always about the way
00:43:21.10\00:43:25.17
you can serve others,
00:43:25.20\00:43:26.53
but about the way God
can transform your heart
00:43:26.57\00:43:28.80
through that service.
00:43:28.84\00:43:30.17
Remember how I said earlier
00:43:30.21\00:43:32.24
that I felt like a
captive missionary.
00:43:32.27\00:43:34.94
I honestly still feel
like a captive missionary
00:43:34.98\00:43:38.21
but this time, I
don't want to be free.
00:43:38.25\00:43:40.75
I'm held captive by
God's grace in my life.
00:43:40.78\00:43:43.25
Pause.
00:43:43.28\00:43:46.22
God has been
absolutely faithful in my life
00:43:46.25\00:43:49.09
from beginning to end.
00:43:49.12\00:43:50.46
Please trust Him to
be faithful in your life
00:43:50.49\00:43:52.79
and give Him the
things you're holding on to.
00:43:52.83\00:43:55.33
Trust Him for your happiness...
00:43:55.36\00:43:57.80
trust Him to make
something great out of your life
00:43:57.83\00:44:01.04
even if it's in small places.
00:44:01.10\00:44:03.34
Pause.
00:44:03.41\00:44:06.24
I want to close with a Bible
text that God has brought to me
00:44:06.27\00:44:10.11
repeatedly
through my life many times
00:44:10.15\00:44:12.68
at various critical points.
00:44:12.71\00:44:14.42
"He who started the
work will be faithful
00:44:14.45\00:44:17.42
to complete it in you. "
00:44:17.45\00:44:18.79
Audience: Amen.
00:44:18.82\00:44:21.06
Pause.
00:44:21.09\00:44:23.59
"Dear Father, Lord
thank you so much for the work
00:44:23.63\00:44:26.70
that you have done in my life.
00:44:26.73\00:44:28.06
I'm so thankful for it.
00:44:28.10\00:44:29.43
I pray that you would
continue that work in my life
00:44:29.46\00:44:33.57
and that you would
be with all of us here.
00:44:33.60\00:44:35.87
Don't let us go until we've made
00:44:35.90\00:44:40.68
a full surrender
of our lives to you
00:44:40.71\00:44:42.44
and made that
complete commitment...
00:44:42.48\00:44:44.18
please make us useable for you,
00:44:44.21\00:44:47.32
thank you, in
Jesus' name, amen. "
00:44:47.38\00:44:50.45