A good father
takes time to play.
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He has strong integrity.
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He is someone that
is truly dedicated.
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He is not afraid
to show his love.
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He is a caring provider.
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And he is a kind
spiritual leader.
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These are just a few ways
to describe a father's heart.
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Hi, and welcome
to A Father's Heart.
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I'm your host, Xavier.
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And today, we're
going to be discussing
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the cultural
differences of manhood.
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And with me to discuss that
are my friends Denry and Paul.
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How you guys doing today?
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Hey, blessed to be
here again, brother.
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All right, all right.
Thanks for another opportunity.
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So there's a high
expectation for us,
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biblically, as fathers.
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What about culturally?
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Are there differences
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and what can we
do to not fizzle out
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or I guess fall
through the cracks
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or compromise our spirituality?
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Well, I think we
have to remain adaptive
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and that in itself
may be a challenge,
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how do we adapt to
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without
compromising biblical standard,
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but we're in a
culture that's ever changing,
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we're in a society
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wherein its
culture is ever changing.
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Our children are experiencing
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a different cultural environment
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certainly than we
did or our parents did,
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yet we have to be able
to be observant enough,
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responsive enough,
proactive enough to learn
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and understand that culture
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and somehow be able to maintain
Christian standards in the home
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while not
engaging too much conflict,
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you know, to the
point where you nullify
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what it is that
you're trying to instill
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in your child.
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So don't be ignorant
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would be my first
word of encouragement
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to all the fathers and
all the parents out there.
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Don't be ignorant to
the culture of the times,
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the fact that you are
learned or knowledgeable of it
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does not mean you
condone or accept it,
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but at least
understand how it works...
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Exactly.
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So that we can
maintain a balance
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within the nuclear family.
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You know, one of the...
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I don't know
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if there are
studies been done about it,
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but, you know, in the
'70s, '80s, and '90s and 2000s,
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you have a lot of immigrants
coming into the United States
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from the West
Indies where we came from,
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and I don't think our
parents were ready for it.
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Think about it for a second.
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They're raised...
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You know my family were
raised in the country area
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of Jamaica, right?
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So they're not
used to skyscrapers,
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they're not
used to bus, subways,
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those kind of situation,
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they were used to going out
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4 o'clock in the morning,
taking care of the cows,
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all these things,
and now they transition,
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come to New York City,
hall of New York, right?
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Total cultural clash,
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and they're still
trying to raise us
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with a West Indian
mindset in an American society.
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I would remember my dad
even saying things like this,
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"I know what you're thinking
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'cause that's what I
was doing when I was younger
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or I've been there already,
I've been there already,
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I've done that already."
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Or, you know, I was
like, "No, you don't.
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You never went in the
subway when you were younger."
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And so there is that
cultural clash for us
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who came to this country,
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you know, there's
certain way of thinking,
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they used to...
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The men always at outside,
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working either in the
field or have a career,
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the wives either at home
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or doing some merchant job
of selling fabric and stuff,
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they come here,
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sometimes the
roles are reversed.
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My mom went to get a GED,
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my stepdad came
into my life later on
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and I remember in conversations,
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he would say, "Man,
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I wish my wife would be at home
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and be a wife and
cook some food for me,
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you know, like they
used to do back in the days."
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But my mom was out
there working two jobs
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to match his income
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so that we can
have food on the table,
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that's a real challenge,
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that was a real
challenge for us.
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It's tough. It's tough.
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We have to balance all of that
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as I'm saying with
the evolving needs.
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What we have to ensure also
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relative to
what Denry is saying,
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we have to ensure
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that we know the
constants, all right?
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So things may change wherein
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you are no longer
having family breakfast,
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you're no longer
having family lunch,
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God forbid,
you're no longer having
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family dinner together
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because everybody
is off doing something,
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you know, or even when we
do, we have this new very...
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What is it?
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I don't even
know what to term it,
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but where
everybody is in the device,
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everybody is in iPad and
iPhone or Android or whatever,
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you know, everybody is in
some kind of electronic device,
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even when we are at times
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where we should be
cohesively bonding,
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but the constants
are, one in devotion,
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daily devotion,
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whatever time it
is in your family,
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you wanna make sure
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you instill consistency
within that exercise,
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regardless of
what cultural nuance
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or changes you're
facing within the home.
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Something that I'd like
to talk about a little bit
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is culture and discipline
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within the home of the Father
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because God is so
good, I got out of seminary,
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I didn't receive
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a full time
commitment immediately
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so I continued in
the area of social work,
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and so within that timeframe,
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I became a program supervisor
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for southwest
Michigan area of Berrien County
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supervising four counties,
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population of over about
more than 50,000 for sure,
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but all the cases
for those four counties
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would end up on my desk,
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anything dealing with CPS
and reunification of children
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to their bio parents.
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So these are parents
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who had
infractions in their home
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that caused the state
to remove their children,
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place the children in
foster care, they are now,
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they have
completed a court process
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and have demonstrated the court
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in some way that
they're competent
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to correct the
mistakes they made
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and parent the child,
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but before the
court releases wardship,
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they would have to
complete my program.
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And there were times
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when, you know,
at any given day,
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I'd have about 30
to 40 cases on my desk
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that I'm reviewing
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and it would hit me like a brick
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when I would go
through some of those cases
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and recognize
by the demographics
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and the details shared,
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this is a
Seventh-day Adventist person.
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Wow. I'd be like, "Whoa."
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And then I would read further
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the details of what caused
the removal from the home,
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and sometimes, it would stun me
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that a Christian
parent was demonstrating
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this kind of
behavior in parenting.
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And in some cases,
I could clearly see
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this case should not
be here, this person...
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There was a
breakdown in communication
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and understanding somewhere.
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So what I'm saying here
is it's important for us
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in the church to be educated
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on the appropriate way
to discipline our children
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as it pertains to
the laws of the state,
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what we need to be aware of
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and what we need to
ensure we do or don't do
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and your cultural background,
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whether you were from
the US originally or not,
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we are all under the
umbrella of a Christian culture,
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of a biblical culture.
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And there are those
of us who read or receive
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this biblical culture,
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take it literally in many ways,
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you know, all
the varied reference
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may have spared a
rod and spoil the child
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etcetera, etcetera,
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and we take that to the extreme.
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So it's important
to know that balance.
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You know, and that
has been a good point too
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because, for example, for
me, I came from Puerto Rico,
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different
culture, different setting,
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you know, it's a
patriarchal culture,
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where as they say,
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you know, the
women are supposed to be
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in the kitchen.
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Given the fact that my
home that I grew up in,
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it wasn't like that...
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Oh.
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'Cause my mom
wasn't having that.
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I was about to say, "Watch it."
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Exactly. My mom
wasn't having that.
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You know, I was
raised differently,
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my parents shared
the balance equally.
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My dad taught me, you
know, you share a home equally,
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you know, if she
cooks and cleans,
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you can also cook and clean,
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you know, but
where my clash comes in
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is the division,
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what I mean by that is
I'm here in the States,
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I've been here for
many, many, many, many years,
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but I still
cannot get used to it
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because I try to
say hi to my neighbor
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and they're shutting the door
before I can get a word out.
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Like you said,
everybody's on something
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or some kind of
electronic device,
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nobody talks to each other,
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I'm not used to that,
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I'm used to saying good morning.
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You know, when I go back home
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to visit or go
to my wife's island
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of Antigua to go visit,
00:09:04.91\00:09:06.41
you say good morning.
00:09:06.44\00:09:07.78
Good morning. Yes.
00:09:07.81\00:09:09.14
If you don't speak up... Yes.
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That means that you're letting
the whole neighborhood know
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that there's something
going on between you two,
00:09:12.95\00:09:14.45
there's a beef that's,
00:09:14.48\00:09:16.22
you know, there's an
issue that you two have
00:09:16.25\00:09:18.52
because you're not
saying good morning.
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I'm not used
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to such a
individualistic culture.
00:09:21.52\00:09:24.56
And my girls, I'm
trying to teach them,
00:09:24.59\00:09:26.86
you know, be
inclusive, not exclusive...
00:09:26.90\00:09:28.70
Yeah.
00:09:28.73\00:09:30.07
You know, and that's something
00:09:30.10\00:09:31.43
that's permeated
our churches as well
00:09:31.47\00:09:32.80
because as men in
the church, as fathers,
00:09:32.83\00:09:35.40
we see that we
have slowly drifted
00:09:35.44\00:09:40.21
and become more of
an exclusive culture...
00:09:40.24\00:09:43.78
Yeah. Not an inclusive.
00:09:43.81\00:09:46.01
So how do we work on that?
00:09:46.05\00:09:48.15
How can we change that
00:09:48.18\00:09:49.75
exclusivity of our
churches into an inclusive,
00:09:49.78\00:09:53.46
you know, place for all people
00:09:53.49\00:09:55.19
especially as men?
00:09:55.22\00:09:56.83
It's a
community, church community,
00:09:56.86\00:09:59.36
having more than
just worship on Sabbath,
00:09:59.39\00:10:03.13
afternoon programs
where people dialogue,
00:10:03.16\00:10:05.93
they share small
groups at people's homes
00:10:05.97\00:10:09.57
so they could share
ideas, share viewpoints.
00:10:09.60\00:10:13.74
You know, I've
seen with families...
00:10:13.78\00:10:15.11
There are three Rs
00:10:15.14\00:10:16.48
that's always
having a hard time.
00:10:16.51\00:10:18.01
Respect and understanding
of what respect means,
00:10:18.05\00:10:21.02
understanding that
what's responsibilities,
00:10:21.05\00:10:23.28
and understanding of
roles, especially with cultures,
00:10:23.32\00:10:26.29
all three of those
mean different things.
00:10:26.32\00:10:29.39
I was raised in also a
Hispanic Jamaican home.
00:10:29.42\00:10:34.76
My stepfather
is from Costa Rica,
00:10:34.80\00:10:37.17
his parent is a Hispanic, right?
00:10:37.20\00:10:39.07
We're South
American, yeah. Yeah, Central.
00:10:39.10\00:10:41.87
Central, yeah, Central America,
but he was Hispanic, right?
00:10:41.90\00:10:45.07
So he had a Latino background.
00:10:45.11\00:10:50.11
Basically, his principles
were from a Spanish home
00:10:50.15\00:10:53.92
and my mother is Jamaican,
00:10:53.95\00:10:55.65
and so there were
times their view of manners,
00:10:55.68\00:10:59.19
respect would clash.
00:10:59.22\00:11:01.66
His rule was
basically if you see anybody,
00:11:01.69\00:11:04.29
you talk to them, right?
00:11:04.33\00:11:06.36
Her rule was, "Well,
we're in the United States,
00:11:06.39\00:11:08.76
these people are strangers.
00:11:08.80\00:11:10.37
I don't want them
to hurt our children.
00:11:10.40\00:11:12.17
If we know them,
yes, we say hello to them,
00:11:12.20\00:11:15.14
but if we don't know them,
00:11:15.17\00:11:16.77
you know, we may
nod and move on."
00:11:16.81\00:11:18.71
And this was also a
culture in New York City.
00:11:18.74\00:11:21.84
In New York City, you
don't talk to strangers,
00:11:21.88\00:11:24.75
even adults.
00:11:24.78\00:11:26.11
When I went to
Alabama, to Huntsville, Alabama,
00:11:26.15\00:11:28.48
everybody's saying hello to me.
00:11:28.52\00:11:29.88
I'm like, "Why?
00:11:29.92\00:11:31.35
Did I do something wrong?"
00:11:31.39\00:11:32.72
Do I know you? Exactly.
00:11:32.75\00:11:34.09
Do I know you?
Do I owe you money?
00:11:34.12\00:11:35.52
And so even there...
00:11:35.56\00:11:36.89
Then the roles,
you know, in the home,
00:11:36.93\00:11:38.46
like as I mentioned before,
00:11:38.49\00:11:39.89
my dad, he just
had this mindset,
00:11:39.93\00:11:41.93
the wife needs to be at home,
taking care of the children,
00:11:41.96\00:11:45.13
cooking the food,
00:11:45.17\00:11:46.50
you know, doing a
little washing here,
00:11:46.53\00:11:48.04
whatever.
00:11:48.07\00:11:49.40
I go out, I go hunt
and provide the food,
00:11:49.44\00:11:52.71
she comes home cooks it,
00:11:52.74\00:11:54.34
I sit around on the couch
and wait until it's ready.
00:11:54.38\00:11:58.18
Man, there was a
clash within that
00:11:58.21\00:12:00.78
'cause my mother was like,
00:12:00.82\00:12:02.15
"No, that's not how
we're going to do this."
00:12:02.18\00:12:04.65
And so there was
always this arguing.
00:12:04.69\00:12:06.62
So here I am, here I am now,
00:12:06.65\00:12:10.03
this junior
teenager or early teen,
00:12:10.06\00:12:13.29
and I'm watching this
00:12:13.33\00:12:15.10
and I'm watching
these two go back and forth,
00:12:15.13\00:12:16.90
two different cultures clashing,
00:12:16.93\00:12:18.83
and here I am trying to
learn who I am, my identity,
00:12:18.87\00:12:22.57
in America.
00:12:22.60\00:12:24.01
Do you know where I
really got my identity?
00:12:24.04\00:12:25.94
The church. The church.
00:12:25.97\00:12:29.04
When we would have the
pastor of the church like,
00:12:29.08\00:12:32.15
Kendal Guy, Abraham Jules,
00:12:32.18\00:12:33.62
they will have
these rap sessions,
00:12:33.65\00:12:35.82
these coming together...
00:12:35.85\00:12:37.19
The men of the church will talk
00:12:37.22\00:12:38.99
and the ladies will go on
another side and they talk.
00:12:39.02\00:12:41.22
You know, people
don't do that no more,
00:12:41.26\00:12:42.62
I'm going to bring
that back as a pastor,
00:12:42.66\00:12:44.43
and just these conversations...
00:12:44.46\00:12:46.93
And so you hear new ideas
00:12:46.96\00:12:48.76
and my stepfather
would hear these ideas,
00:12:48.80\00:12:51.80
and go like, "Oh, oh.
00:12:51.83\00:12:53.17
Okay, okay, I can do that.
00:12:53.20\00:12:55.64
I think I can do that."
00:12:55.67\00:12:57.01
And so that helped us,
00:12:57.04\00:12:58.91
so the church
community doing those things
00:12:58.94\00:13:01.08
outside of worship,
00:13:01.11\00:13:03.38
but coming
together as a community,
00:13:03.41\00:13:05.65
building and growing together,
00:13:05.68\00:13:08.08
that really is what helped me
00:13:08.12\00:13:10.62
when my parents
were going back and forth
00:13:10.65\00:13:11.99
like a tennis match.
00:13:12.02\00:13:13.36
Boom, boom, boom.
00:13:13.39\00:13:14.72
I went to the church
and I would say, "Okay."
00:13:14.76\00:13:17.13
I would say, "This is
the path I wanna take."
00:13:17.16\00:13:21.00
That's crazy.
00:13:21.03\00:13:22.36
You know, and
I'm reminded of that
00:13:22.40\00:13:23.73
because Jesus Himself,
00:13:23.77\00:13:27.70
He was an anomaly so to speak,
00:13:27.74\00:13:32.34
you know, He did not
fit the cultural norm.
00:13:32.37\00:13:35.48
That's why He got
crucified... Exactly.
00:13:35.51\00:13:37.48
Because He didn't
fit the cultural norm.
00:13:37.51\00:13:39.01
You know, and you
mentioned something,
00:13:39.05\00:13:40.82
you know, Jamaican
00:13:40.85\00:13:43.42
getting used to
acclimating yourself
00:13:43.45\00:13:46.35
to a different culture
00:13:46.39\00:13:47.72
while still
retaining your own culture,
00:13:47.76\00:13:49.66
and that's something
that is extremely difficult
00:13:49.69\00:13:53.29
because on one hand,
00:13:53.33\00:13:55.10
you know, this is how
you do things back home,
00:13:55.13\00:13:58.03
but now you're
in a different home
00:13:58.07\00:14:00.44
and it seems
like it's hitting you
00:14:00.47\00:14:02.27
from every angle.
00:14:02.30\00:14:03.87
You know, how do
you keep a leveled head
00:14:03.91\00:14:06.81
to be able to help your kids?
00:14:06.84\00:14:08.18
Because I know one
of the demands for me,
00:14:08.21\00:14:10.21
people always ask me,
"You're from Puerto Rico,
00:14:10.25\00:14:11.81
right, you teach
your kids Spanish?"
00:14:11.85\00:14:14.42
And I'm like, well, I am,
00:14:14.45\00:14:15.78
but now because
you're telling me to
00:14:15.82\00:14:17.55
because the culture or
whatever you want to call it
00:14:17.59\00:14:20.36
says I have to,
00:14:20.39\00:14:21.72
but it's because I want them
to learn a different language.
00:14:21.76\00:14:23.83
I want them to know
where they come from
00:14:23.86\00:14:25.26
because that's
where I found my identity
00:14:25.29\00:14:27.90
when I learned my identity here
00:14:27.93\00:14:30.90
but when I found out
Puerto Rico, my ancestry
00:14:30.93\00:14:33.80
and that's how I
found my identity
00:14:33.84\00:14:35.87
and the church
enhanced it by community...
00:14:35.90\00:14:38.21
Yeah.
00:14:38.24\00:14:39.57
'Cause that's what we
were taught in seminary
00:14:39.61\00:14:41.21
that people come to church,
00:14:41.24\00:14:42.78
but they stay
00:14:42.81\00:14:44.15
because of the
relationships they build.
00:14:44.18\00:14:45.71
Yeah. That's right.
00:14:45.75\00:14:47.08
So culturally...
00:14:47.12\00:14:49.62
I'm just, I'm at loss of words.
00:14:49.65\00:14:50.99
What can we do? What do we do?
00:14:51.02\00:14:52.35
If I can say just before you go.
00:14:52.39\00:14:53.72
Yeah, sure.
00:14:53.76\00:14:55.09
Culture is
seasoning, it's flavor, okay?
00:14:55.12\00:14:58.69
Our spirituality of faith,
that's the meat or the salad,
00:14:58.73\00:15:03.20
whatever it is,
it's culture is...
00:15:03.23\00:15:06.00
So just like some
people like paprika,
00:15:06.03\00:15:08.37
some people like turmeric,
that helps to season the food.
00:15:08.40\00:15:11.84
The problem is
00:15:11.87\00:15:13.21
when we make
culture our religion,
00:15:13.24\00:15:16.98
a culture our, you know,
that this has to be this way.
00:15:17.01\00:15:19.65
Culture is a
seasoning because the way...
00:15:19.68\00:15:22.38
Even if he and I were
from the same community,
00:15:22.42\00:15:26.25
we still see things different.
00:15:26.29\00:15:27.62
He is raising his
home, I'm raising my home,
00:15:27.66\00:15:29.62
so I'm gonna bring my
seasoning to the table,
00:15:29.66\00:15:32.13
he's gonna bring his
seasoning to the table.
00:15:32.16\00:15:34.53
Absolutely. Absolutely.
00:15:34.56\00:15:35.96
I think remaining
culturally relevant
00:15:36.00\00:15:39.00
is very important
00:15:39.03\00:15:40.37
and the only way we can do that
00:15:40.40\00:15:42.70
is by being
culturally knowledgeable...
00:15:42.74\00:15:44.84
Yeah.
00:15:44.87\00:15:46.21
Culturally
informed, culturally educated.
00:15:46.24\00:15:48.78
As Christian fathers,
00:15:48.81\00:15:50.15
we have to be
careful that we are not to...
00:15:50.18\00:15:54.38
You used the word
exclusive, inclusive.
00:15:54.42\00:15:57.45
A lot of us, we have a
sense of dominant culture,
00:15:57.49\00:16:00.69
which of course is ours.
00:16:00.72\00:16:02.66
So, you know,
00:16:02.69\00:16:04.09
you tell your
child something like,
00:16:04.13\00:16:05.83
"Oh, we don't do
it like that in here,
00:16:05.86\00:16:07.93
you know, where
you get that from?
00:16:07.96\00:16:10.33
You know, we
don't do it like that."
00:16:10.37\00:16:11.93
You know,
whatever form of authority
00:16:11.97\00:16:14.04
you're gonna express.
00:16:14.07\00:16:15.77
You have to be
careful with that.
00:16:15.80\00:16:18.77
Learn to use
Facebook, learn to text,
00:16:18.81\00:16:23.85
you know, at least
learn those things,
00:16:23.88\00:16:26.45
learn some form of social media
00:16:26.48\00:16:28.65
to communicate
with your children.
00:16:28.68\00:16:31.55
That's the way
they communicate, okay,
00:16:31.59\00:16:33.25
send them a text message.
00:16:33.29\00:16:34.62
You know, it made
no sense to me that...
00:16:34.66\00:16:36.32
I remember the
first day, phone buzzes,
00:16:36.36\00:16:40.00
pick up the phone,
it's my daughter Avia,
00:16:40.03\00:16:41.73
"Dad, how come
blah, blah, blah."
00:16:41.76\00:16:44.17
I was like,
00:16:44.20\00:16:45.53
"Didn't I just hear your voice?
00:16:45.57\00:16:47.54
Aren't you in the house?
00:16:47.57\00:16:49.50
Avia!"
00:16:49.54\00:16:50.87
Then I hear from way,
00:16:50.91\00:16:52.24
you know, another floor
over the couple of rooms like,
00:16:52.27\00:16:53.61
"Yes!"
00:16:53.64\00:16:55.01
"Why you texting me,
child, you're in the house?
00:16:55.04\00:16:57.18
Still she was texting.
00:16:57.21\00:16:58.85
If you got something
to ask me, come ask me."
00:16:58.88\00:17:02.02
You know, but I learned,
00:17:02.05\00:17:03.39
hey, that's the
way they communicate.
00:17:03.42\00:17:04.99
She doesn't want
to leave her bedroom,
00:17:05.02\00:17:07.22
she can easily just
send a text message to me.
00:17:07.26\00:17:09.09
So I learned to communicate
by text with her also,
00:17:09.12\00:17:11.29
these things are important,
00:17:11.33\00:17:12.66
and as I'm saying
also even as it pertains
00:17:12.69\00:17:15.50
to the civil culture
within which we function,
00:17:15.53\00:17:19.20
we must learn and understand it.
00:17:19.23\00:17:20.87
This issue that I
mentioned earlier of culture
00:17:20.90\00:17:23.20
and discipline is
a very serious one.
00:17:23.24\00:17:26.11
So churches also, we as fathers,
00:17:26.14\00:17:28.78
need to do our best to
educate our congregations
00:17:28.81\00:17:32.55
and our communities
00:17:32.58\00:17:34.28
on how to
understand and how to function
00:17:34.32\00:17:37.12
within those cultural norms.
00:17:37.15\00:17:38.99
Yeah.
00:17:39.02\00:17:40.36
And I like that
because you brought something
00:17:40.39\00:17:41.82
a question to my mind that,
00:17:41.86\00:17:43.79
you know, I can be like that,
00:17:43.83\00:17:45.16
that's not how we do
it back in Puerto Rico.
00:17:45.19\00:17:47.60
You know, and part of it is
00:17:47.63\00:17:49.46
because I see what
the world's coming to,
00:17:49.50\00:17:51.33
what these young
people are coming to,
00:17:51.37\00:17:53.37
you know, where CPS is
called if you discipline them,
00:17:53.40\00:17:58.01
and if you spank them
and it's not a feather,
00:17:58.04\00:18:01.44
then everybody gets mad,
00:18:01.48\00:18:03.65
you know, and just so many
different things culturally
00:18:03.68\00:18:06.78
that I just...
00:18:06.82\00:18:08.48
Man, it just makes me
angry, like, leave me alone.
00:18:08.52\00:18:11.89
Leave me alone, let
me raise my children
00:18:11.92\00:18:13.25
the way I want to
raise my children,
00:18:13.29\00:18:14.62
but, you know, you
brought up a good question
00:18:14.66\00:18:17.83
that I think we
can generalize it
00:18:17.86\00:18:19.79
to the church in general.
00:18:19.83\00:18:22.43
How do we adapt
without compromising?
00:18:22.46\00:18:27.70
As fathers, as a
church, as pastors,
00:18:27.74\00:18:30.74
how do we adapt to a culture,
you know, and change up?
00:18:30.77\00:18:35.74
As they say, you know,
00:18:35.78\00:18:37.11
you have a
different methods of delivery
00:18:37.15\00:18:40.02
through the
years, they've changed,
00:18:40.05\00:18:41.38
the contents of the
package hasn't changed,
00:18:41.42\00:18:44.82
but the way it's
delivered has changed,
00:18:44.85\00:18:46.52
and it seems
like a lot of times,
00:18:46.55\00:18:48.59
both in church
and outside a church,
00:18:48.62\00:18:50.66
we seem to be stuck in
the same delivery method
00:18:50.69\00:18:54.36
which is no longer
functional at times.
00:18:54.40\00:18:56.93
So how do we adapt
without compromise?
00:18:56.97\00:18:59.70
Yes, yes.
00:18:59.73\00:19:01.07
Being culturally relative
00:19:01.10\00:19:03.77
without
compromising biblical principle.
00:19:03.81\00:19:07.24
You know, I think God
through His Holy Spirit...
00:19:07.28\00:19:10.51
If you and I have a
close relationship with God,
00:19:10.55\00:19:13.01
if we have a daily
relationship with Him,
00:19:13.05\00:19:15.25
there's much of that
00:19:15.28\00:19:16.62
that the Holy
Spirit will give to us,
00:19:16.65\00:19:19.32
the Holy Spirit
will also teach us
00:19:19.35\00:19:21.26
new languages of communication,
new forms of communication,
00:19:21.29\00:19:26.26
that's part of
our general growth
00:19:26.29\00:19:28.46
and development
00:19:28.50\00:19:29.83
and we really should
not be resistant to that.
00:19:29.86\00:19:33.37
I think it's helpful
for us to the men's ministry
00:19:33.40\00:19:37.67
is another significant
00:19:37.71\00:19:39.04
one within our
churches where as men,
00:19:39.07\00:19:41.34
we can get together and
we can discuss these things
00:19:41.38\00:19:44.88
using the church as
a forum in some sense,
00:19:44.91\00:19:49.38
Denry mentioned earlier,
00:19:49.42\00:19:50.75
I think you were
referring to like AY programs
00:19:50.79\00:19:52.35
if I'm not mistaken.
00:19:52.39\00:19:53.76
You know, but having
these type of workshops
00:19:53.79\00:19:55.52
within the
church, whether it's AY,
00:19:55.56\00:19:56.89
whether it's on a Sunday,
00:19:56.93\00:19:58.36
just providing this
education to the general public
00:19:58.39\00:20:01.26
and to the church
population is also helpful,
00:20:01.30\00:20:05.30
but I think what
retards the process
00:20:05.33\00:20:09.27
is this fear and insecurity
00:20:09.30\00:20:11.47
that I cannot be
culturally relevant
00:20:11.51\00:20:14.54
and at the same
time be biblical,
00:20:14.58\00:20:16.18
and that's not true,
00:20:16.21\00:20:17.58
that's not the model
that Christ gave us either.
00:20:17.61\00:20:21.22
I think Christ did
very well to interact.
00:20:21.25\00:20:24.32
Ellen White
uses the term mingle,
00:20:24.35\00:20:26.35
but He took time
to know individuals,
00:20:26.39\00:20:29.19
to understand
their cultural mindset,
00:20:29.22\00:20:31.73
and then He spoke back
to them in their language,
00:20:31.76\00:20:34.93
in their cultural language.
00:20:34.96\00:20:36.30
So I think we have to
do the same in our homes,
00:20:36.33\00:20:38.63
with our children,
00:20:38.67\00:20:40.00
you've got to learn your
child's cultural language
00:20:40.04\00:20:42.57
or your
children's cultural language
00:20:42.60\00:20:43.94
and speak it back to them.
00:20:43.97\00:20:45.31
Yes.
00:20:45.34\00:20:46.68
It's still the gospel
you're sharing with them,
00:20:46.71\00:20:48.14
but you're speaking
in a different language.
00:20:48.18\00:20:50.01
Yes, you know, the
danger is when you worded down
00:20:50.05\00:20:55.78
someone else's culture and
make your culture superior.
00:20:55.82\00:21:00.46
You know, when one
superiority over the other,
00:21:00.49\00:21:03.83
that's going to cause a war,
so you don't cause confusion.
00:21:03.86\00:21:06.39
You know, I find
with my young people,
00:21:06.43\00:21:08.53
they are looking for culture.
00:21:08.56\00:21:11.53
They're looking for culture,
00:21:11.57\00:21:13.13
they're gonna look
for it in the music,
00:21:13.17\00:21:15.14
they're going to look
for it in a celebrity,
00:21:15.17\00:21:17.14
they're looking for culture.
00:21:17.17\00:21:18.51
You know why?
00:21:18.54\00:21:19.87
Because culture
also brews values.
00:21:19.91\00:21:22.38
Going back to my
analogy with the seasonings.
00:21:22.41\00:21:24.68
There are some
seasonings that are not good...
00:21:24.71\00:21:26.92
Mm-hmm.
00:21:26.95\00:21:28.28
You know, maybe, you know,
they're so in your culture,
00:21:28.32\00:21:30.19
you should look and say, "Okay,
00:21:30.22\00:21:31.82
what things in my
culture are not gonna help
00:21:31.85\00:21:34.72
my child's spirituality?"
00:21:34.76\00:21:36.86
Okay?
00:21:36.89\00:21:38.23
"My child is not going
to grow in my culture."
00:21:38.26\00:21:40.10
So if it's a black pepper,
00:21:40.13\00:21:41.50
"Okay, we're not going
to use black pepper no more,
00:21:41.53\00:21:43.87
but we have cayenne
pepper in our culture,
00:21:43.90\00:21:46.07
so let's use that."
00:21:46.10\00:21:47.44
You see what I'm saying?
00:21:47.47\00:21:48.80
What are the
things in my culture
00:21:48.84\00:21:50.24
that's gonna help bring
my child closer to Christ?
00:21:50.27\00:21:54.38
What are the
things in my culture that
00:21:54.41\00:21:56.08
that brings value to families?
00:21:56.11\00:21:58.75
You know, some
of our cultures...
00:21:58.78\00:22:00.28
I love Hispanic cultures
00:22:00.32\00:22:01.98
in the sense that
they love to come together
00:22:02.02\00:22:04.99
no matter what they're
doing at the end of the day,
00:22:05.02\00:22:07.52
have beans and rice together,
00:22:07.56\00:22:09.19
you know, and the
whole family is there.
00:22:09.22\00:22:11.39
I'll never forget,
00:22:11.43\00:22:12.76
we went to someplace else
in Central America, right?
00:22:12.79\00:22:16.83
Right next to Costa Rica,
00:22:16.87\00:22:18.30
and it was
breakfast, it was what?
00:22:18.33\00:22:20.67
Breakfast.
00:22:20.70\00:22:22.04
The whole family was
there, the aunts, the uncles,
00:22:22.07\00:22:24.94
the grandma, grandpa, uncles,
dad, children, everybody,
00:22:24.97\00:22:28.51
and everybody participated
in making breakfast.
00:22:28.54\00:22:32.58
That was so dynamic.
00:22:32.61\00:22:33.95
I went back to
America, got me a toast,
00:22:33.98\00:22:36.89
you know, and cream cheese,
00:22:36.92\00:22:38.92
you know, and
everybody is rushing
00:22:38.95\00:22:40.56
in and out to go to work.
00:22:40.59\00:22:42.59
So there are
things in our cultures
00:22:42.62\00:22:44.86
that are essence,
00:22:44.89\00:22:46.23
are flavors to help
our spiritual growth,
00:22:46.26\00:22:49.20
and those are the things
we need to with our children,
00:22:49.23\00:22:51.40
not just AY,
00:22:51.43\00:22:52.77
but I was also
talking about Sundays
00:22:52.80\00:22:54.57
and, you know,
having just some bonding
00:22:54.60\00:22:57.91
to different people
of different cultures.
00:22:57.94\00:22:59.77
Appreciate
different people's cultures
00:22:59.81\00:23:02.18
and that will help
00:23:02.21\00:23:03.55
because your
children are always looking,
00:23:03.58\00:23:05.58
"What can I pass on?
00:23:05.61\00:23:07.75
I want to be like my
dad. I want to be like my mom.
00:23:07.78\00:23:10.29
And then when I get older,
00:23:10.32\00:23:11.65
I would like to pass on
something to my children."
00:23:11.69\00:23:14.16
So give them the
good flavor of our culture
00:23:14.19\00:23:16.79
to help their spirituality.
00:23:16.83\00:23:18.19
We like avocados too.
00:23:18.23\00:23:20.43
Don't forget that.
Yeah, we like it too.
00:23:20.46\00:23:22.80
We like the avocado
00:23:22.83\00:23:24.17
with a little bit
of adobo right there.
00:23:24.20\00:23:25.53
Yes, sir. Amen.
00:23:25.57\00:23:28.07
Xavier, we were
talking about role distinction
00:23:28.10\00:23:30.57
a little earlier also,
00:23:30.61\00:23:31.94
which I think is
of great importance.
00:23:31.97\00:23:35.08
And I'm not too keen
on stripping families
00:23:35.11\00:23:39.61
of their cultural understanding
of their role distinction
00:23:39.65\00:23:43.49
because those things
00:23:43.52\00:23:45.29
are a part of a
tightly woven fiber often
00:23:45.32\00:23:48.76
and if you try
to undo it too much,
00:23:48.79\00:23:51.26
then everything
just becomes like,
00:23:51.29\00:23:53.96
you know, loose yarn.
00:23:54.00\00:23:55.93
So for the
family to remain a unit
00:23:55.96\00:23:58.93
and to remain secure as a unit,
00:23:58.97\00:24:00.44
it's often important
that we respect those norms.
00:24:00.47\00:24:04.51
So if your culture
00:24:04.54\00:24:06.11
is such that only
men put the garbage out
00:24:06.14\00:24:11.11
or only men lift heavy
objects or only men do shopping
00:24:11.15\00:24:16.38
or whatever it may be
or only men do dishes,
00:24:16.42\00:24:20.66
then if that's of
value to you, that's fine.
00:24:20.69\00:24:25.69
I think you can still
maintain those practices
00:24:25.73\00:24:28.46
or that role distinction
00:24:28.50\00:24:31.87
and yet remain centered
within Christian principle,
00:24:31.90\00:24:37.24
even for the migrant population.
00:24:37.27\00:24:39.24
We've had a shift
00:24:39.27\00:24:41.01
wherein most women
00:24:41.04\00:24:44.05
are who satisfied the
initial migration pool
00:24:44.08\00:24:47.05
to the US.
00:24:47.08\00:24:48.42
My mom came to
the US in about 1968,
00:24:48.45\00:24:51.72
her younger sister, my
aunt, came in the earlier 60s,
00:24:51.75\00:24:55.09
but it was mainly women
00:24:55.12\00:24:56.46
and this was a result
00:24:56.49\00:24:57.83
of the US
facing sequential wars,
00:24:57.86\00:25:01.13
you know, we had World War II,
00:25:01.16\00:25:03.16
then Korea War, Vietnam War,
00:25:03.20\00:25:05.97
hope I have the order correctly,
00:25:06.00\00:25:07.50
but it depleted the
female civil resource
00:25:07.54\00:25:11.74
within the United States.
00:25:11.77\00:25:13.11
So women were no longer teachers
00:25:13.14\00:25:15.88
and customer services,
00:25:15.91\00:25:17.25
and a lot of them went
and worked in the factories.
00:25:17.28\00:25:19.51
So once the war was done
00:25:19.55\00:25:21.12
and the US
societies now redeveloping,
00:25:21.15\00:25:23.05
the community is
rebuilding itself,
00:25:23.08\00:25:25.15
there was this void of females
to satisfy civil service roles,
00:25:25.19\00:25:28.79
and so the US
opened its migration port
00:25:28.82\00:25:31.09
and influx
thousands of Caribbean women
00:25:31.13\00:25:34.86
because they
were English speaking
00:25:34.90\00:25:36.26
and they were right
there and they were skilled
00:25:36.30\00:25:38.03
and licensed etcetera, etcetera.
00:25:38.07\00:25:39.60
Most of the men got left behind,
00:25:39.63\00:25:41.54
the men came after,
00:25:41.57\00:25:43.54
and then they had
to kind of do catch up.
00:25:43.57\00:25:45.47
So a lot of our
homes had matriarchs,
00:25:45.51\00:25:49.41
females taking the leading role.
00:25:49.44\00:25:51.48
And sometimes,
00:25:51.51\00:25:53.52
you're forced to
do things like that
00:25:53.55\00:25:55.02
to adapt to a new
cultural environment
00:25:55.05\00:25:58.19
or a new society
00:25:58.22\00:25:59.55
and you have to be
malleable or flexible enough
00:25:59.59\00:26:02.22
to embrace these things
00:26:02.26\00:26:03.93
while yet remembering
your Christian commitment
00:26:03.96\00:26:08.36
and biblical
principle, but it can be done.
00:26:08.40\00:26:11.63
Yeah, it sounds like,
00:26:11.67\00:26:13.00
you know, like
multicultural fatherhood
00:26:13.03\00:26:16.07
is one of like
when you're cooking
00:26:16.10\00:26:18.17
a big meal, you
know, it's almost,
00:26:18.21\00:26:21.01
I think, a heaven,
00:26:21.04\00:26:22.38
you know, because
everybody's bringing
00:26:22.41\00:26:24.71
something
different to the table,
00:26:24.75\00:26:26.08
but we can all
feast on something great
00:26:26.11\00:26:28.98
if we just come together.
00:26:29.02\00:26:30.72
Yes.
00:26:30.75\00:26:32.09
And I think that's
the most critical part
00:26:32.12\00:26:33.46
as fathers is coming together,
acknowledging that, you know...
00:26:33.49\00:26:37.99
But we can't do it
alone. We can't do it alone.
00:26:38.03\00:26:40.73
We have to do it together
and just bring to the table
00:26:40.76\00:26:43.26
what you got.
00:26:43.30\00:26:44.87
You know, and
work on what we need
00:26:44.90\00:26:46.23
and what we have
00:26:46.27\00:26:47.60
and just really look to
Christ to bind us together.
00:26:47.64\00:26:51.04
And for the
audience that's viewing,
00:26:51.07\00:26:53.51
you know, there's
always that what if factor,
00:26:53.54\00:26:59.98
that question, that confusion
00:27:00.02\00:27:03.05
or, you know,
00:27:03.08\00:27:04.42
maybe you're from
a different country,
00:27:04.45\00:27:05.79
you're brand
new to this country,
00:27:05.82\00:27:08.46
you know, maybe
there's some apprehension,
00:27:08.49\00:27:10.09
maybe you're
just mad as a father
00:27:10.13\00:27:12.19
because you see the
way the world is going
00:27:12.23\00:27:14.80
and this is not how
we did it back in my day.
00:27:14.83\00:27:17.13
Well, a lot of us
have those same thoughts,
00:27:17.17\00:27:19.53
but we've got to
come to realize that,
00:27:19.57\00:27:21.57
yeah, it's not like
back in our day, it's today.
00:27:21.60\00:27:24.91
You know, but just like Christ,
00:27:24.94\00:27:27.34
rise above and
change the cultural norm
00:27:27.38\00:27:31.98
and adapt without compromising.
00:27:32.01\00:27:34.82
We too can do the
same thing for our children
00:27:34.85\00:27:36.69
to show our children
00:27:36.72\00:27:38.39
the ability to be
inclusive of all cultures,
00:27:38.42\00:27:42.32
not exclusive,
00:27:42.36\00:27:43.69
while at the same
time holding tight
00:27:43.73\00:27:45.99
to that foundation
that only Christ can give,
00:27:46.03\00:27:49.03
and that is such an
important part for you
00:27:49.06\00:27:51.13
as a father to
contribute to your child.
00:27:51.17\00:27:53.44
Please step up, step out
and do your role as a father.
00:27:53.47\00:27:57.04
Thank you.
00:27:57.07\00:27:58.41