A good father
takes time to play.
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He has strong integrity.
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He is someone that
is truly dedicated.
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He is not afraid
to show his love.
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He is a caring provider.
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And he is a kind
spiritual leader.
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These are just a few ways
to describe a father's heart.
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Hi, and welcome
to A Father's Heart.
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I'm your host, Xavier.
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And today, we're
going to be discussing
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the cultural
differences of manhood.
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And with me to
discuss that are my friends
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Denry and Paul.
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How you guys doing today?
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Hey, blessed to be
here again, brother.
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All right, all right.
Thanks for another opportunity.
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So there's a high expectation
for us, biblically, as fathers.
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What about culturally?
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Are there differences
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and what can we
do to not fizzle out
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or I guess fall
through the cracks
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or compromise our spirituality?
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Well, I think we
have to remain adaptive
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and that in itself
may be a challenge,
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how do we adapt to
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without
compromising biblical standard,
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but we're in a
culture that's ever changing,
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we're in a society
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wherein its
culture is ever changing.
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Our children are experiencing
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a different cultural environment
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certainly than we
did or our parents did,
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yet we have to be able
to be observant enough,
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responsive
enough, proactive enough
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to learn and
understand that culture
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and somehow be able to maintain
Christian standards in the home
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while not
engaging too much conflict,
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you know, to the
point where you nullify
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what it is that you're
trying to instill in your child.
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So don't be ignorant
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would be my first
word of encouragement
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to all the fathers and
all the parents out there.
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Don't be ignorant to
the culture of the times,
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the fact that you are
learned or knowledgeable of it
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does not mean you
condone or accept it,
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but at least
understand how it works...
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Exactly.
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So that we can maintain
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a balance within
the nuclear family.
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You know, one of the...
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I don't know
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if there are
studies been done about it,
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but, you know, in the
'70s, '80s, and '90s and 2000s,
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you have a lot of immigrants
coming into the United States
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from the West
Indies where we came from,
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and I don't think our
parents were ready for it.
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Think about it for a
second. They're raised...
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You know my family were raised
in the country area of Jamaica,
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right?
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So they're not
used to skyscrapers,
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they're not
used to bus, subways,
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those kind of situation,
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they were used to going
out 4 o'clock in the morning,
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taking care of the
cows, all these things,
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and now they transition,
come to New York City,
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hall of New York, right?
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Total cultural clash,
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and they're still
trying to raise us
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with a West Indian
mindset in an American society.
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I would remember my dad
even saying things like this,
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"I know what you're thinking
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'cause that's what I
was doing when I was younger
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or I've been there already,
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I've been there already,
I've done that already."
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Or, you know, I was
like, "No, you don't.
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You've never went in the
subway when you were younger."
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And so there is that
cultural clash for us
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who came to this country,
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you know, there's
certain way of thinking,
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they used to...
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The men always at outside,
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working either in the
field or have a career,
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the wives either at home
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or doing some merchant job
of selling fabric and stuff,
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they come here, sometimes
the roles are reversed.
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My mom went to get a GED,
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my stepdad came
into my life later on
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and I remember in
conversations, he would say,
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"Man, I wish my
wife would be at home
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and be a wife and
cook some food for me,
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you know, like they
used to do back in the days."
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But my mom was out
there working two jobs
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to match his income
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so that we can
have food on the table,
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that's a real challenge,
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that was a real
challenge for us.
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It's tough.
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We have to balance
all of that as I'm saying
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with the evolving needs.
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What we have to ensure also
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relative to
what Denry is saying,
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we have to ensure
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that we know the
constants, all right?
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So things may change
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wherein you are no
longer having family breakfast,
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you're no longer having
family lunch, God forbid,
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you're no longer
having family dinner together
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because everybody
is off doing something,
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you know, or even when we
do, we have this new very...
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What is it?
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I don't even
know what to term it.
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But where
everybody is in the device,
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everybody is in iPad and
iPhone or Android or whatever,
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you know, everybody is in
some kind of electronic device,
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even when we are at times
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where we should be
cohesively bonding,
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but the constants are,
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one in devotion, daily devotion,
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whatever time it
is in your family,
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you want to make sure
you instill consistency
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within that exercise,
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regardless of
what cultural nuance
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or changes
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you're facing within the home.
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Something that I'd like
to talk about a little bit
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is culture and discipline
within the home of the Father
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because God is so good,
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I got out of seminary,
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I didn't receive a full
time commitment immediately
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so I continued in
the area of social work,
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and so within that timeframe,
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I became a program supervisor
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for southwest
Michigan area of Berrien County
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supervising four counties,
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population of over about
more than 50,000 for sure,
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but all the cases
for those four counties
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would end up on my desk,
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anything dealing with CPS
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and reunification of
children to their bio parents.
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So these are parents
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who had
infractions in their home
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that caused the state
to remove their children,
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place the
children in foster care,
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they have
completed a court process
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and have demonstrated
the court in some way
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that they're competent
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to correct the
mistakes they made
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and parent the child,
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but before the
court releases wardship,
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they would have to
complete my program.
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And there were times when,
you know, at any given day,
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I'd have about 30 to 40 cases
on my desk that I'm reviewing
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and it would hit me like a brick
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when I would go
through some of those cases
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and recognize
by the demographics
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and the details shared,
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this is a
Seventh-day Adventist person.
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Wow. I'd be like, "Whoa."
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And then I would read further
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the details of what caused
the removal from the home,
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and sometimes, it would stun me
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that a Christian
parent was demonstrating
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this kind of
behavior in parenting.
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And in some cases,
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I could clearly see
this case should not be here,
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this person...
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There was a
breakdown in communication
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and understanding somewhere.
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So what I'm saying here
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is it's important
for us in the church
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to be educated on
the appropriate way
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to discipline our children
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as it pertains to
the laws of the state,
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what we need to be aware of
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and what we need to ensure
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we do or don't do
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and your cultural background,
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whether you were from
the US originally or not,
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we are all under the
umbrella of a Christian culture,
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of a biblical culture
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and there are those of us
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who read or receive
this biblical culture,
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take it literally in many ways,
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you know, all
the varied reference
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may have spared a rod and spoil
the child etcetera, etcetera,
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and we take that to the extreme.
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So it's important
to know that balance.
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You know, and that has
been a good point too because,
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for example, for me,
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I came for Puerto Rico,
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different
culture, different setting,
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you know, it's a
patriarchal culture,
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where as they say, you know,
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the women are
supposed to be in the kitchen.
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Given the fact that my
home that I grew up in,
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it wasn't like that...
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Oh.
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'Cause my mom
wasn't having that.
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I was about to say, "Watch it."
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Exactly. My mom
wasn't having that.
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You know, I was
raised differently,
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my parents shared
the balance equally.
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My dad taught me, you
know, you share a home equally,
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you know, if she
cooks and cleans,
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you can also cook and clean,
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you know, but where my
clash comes in is the division,
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what I mean by that is
I'm here in the States,
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I've been here for
many, many, many, many years,
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but I still
cannot get used to it
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because I try to
say hi to my neighbor
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and they're shutting the door
before I can get a word out.
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Like you said,
everybody's on something
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or some kind of
electronic device,
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nobody talks to each other,
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I'm not used to that,
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I'm used to saying good morning.
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You know, when I
go back home to visit
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or go to my wife's
island of Antigua to go visit,
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you say good morning.
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Good morning. Yes.
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If you don't speak up...
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Yes.
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That means that you're letting
the whole neighborhood know
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that there's something
going on between you two,
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there's a beef that's,
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you know, there's an
issue that you two have
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because you're not
saying good morning.
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I'm not used to such a
individualistic culture.
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And my girls, I'm
trying to teach them,
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you know, be
inclusive, not exclusive...
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Yeah.
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You know, and that's
something that's permeated
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our churches as well
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because as men in
the church, as fathers,
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we see that we
have slowly drifted
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and become more of
an exclusive culture...
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Yeah. Not an inclusive.
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So how do we work on that?
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How can we change
00:09:51.85\00:09:53.19
that exclusivity of our churches
00:09:53.22\00:09:55.32
into an inclusive,
00:09:55.36\00:09:57.13
you know, place for all
people especially as men?
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It's a
community, church community,
00:10:00.53\00:10:03.00
having more than
just worship on Sabbath,
00:10:03.03\00:10:06.90
afternoon programs
where people dialogue,
00:10:06.94\00:10:09.60
they share small
groups at people's homes
00:10:09.64\00:10:13.34
so they could share
ideas, share viewpoints.
00:10:13.38\00:10:17.48
You know, I've
seen with families...
00:10:17.51\00:10:18.85
There are three Rs
00:10:18.88\00:10:20.22
that's always
having a hard time.
00:10:20.25\00:10:21.78
Respect and understanding
of what respect means,
00:10:21.82\00:10:24.52
understanding that
what's responsibilities,
00:10:24.55\00:10:26.99
and understanding of roles,
00:10:27.02\00:10:28.82
especially with cultures,
00:10:28.86\00:10:30.19
all three of those
mean different things.
00:10:30.23\00:10:33.03
I was raised in also a
Hispanic Jamaican home.
00:10:33.06\00:10:38.47
My stepfather
is from Costa Rica,
00:10:38.50\00:10:40.84
his parent is a Hispanic, right?
00:10:40.87\00:10:43.44
We're South American, yeah.
00:10:43.47\00:10:44.81
Yes. Central.
00:10:44.84\00:10:46.17
Central, yeah, Central America,
but he was Hispanic, right?
00:10:46.21\00:10:48.74
So he had a Latino background.
00:10:48.78\00:10:53.78
Basically, his principles
were from a Spanish home
00:10:53.82\00:10:57.59
and my mother is Jamaican,
00:10:57.62\00:10:59.35
and so there were
times their view of manners,
00:10:59.39\00:11:02.99
respect would clash.
00:11:03.02\00:11:05.39
His rule was
basically if you see anybody,
00:11:05.43\00:11:08.00
you talk to them, right?
00:11:08.03\00:11:10.20
Her rule was, "Well,
we're in the United States,
00:11:10.23\00:11:12.50
these people are strangers.
00:11:12.53\00:11:14.04
I don't want them
to hurt our children.
00:11:14.07\00:11:15.84
If we know them,
yes, we say hello to them,
00:11:15.87\00:11:18.81
but if we don't know them,
00:11:18.84\00:11:20.41
you know, we may
nod and move on."
00:11:20.44\00:11:22.34
And this was also a
culture in New York City.
00:11:22.38\00:11:25.41
In New York City,
00:11:25.45\00:11:26.78
you don't talk to
strangers, even adults.
00:11:26.82\00:11:29.55
When I went to
Alabama, to Huntsville, Alabama,
00:11:29.58\00:11:32.09
everybody's saying hello to me.
00:11:32.12\00:11:33.52
I'm like, "Why?
00:11:33.56\00:11:35.02
Did I do something
wrong?" Do I know you?
00:11:35.06\00:11:36.89
Exactly. Do I know you?
00:11:36.93\00:11:38.26
Do I owe you money?
00:11:38.29\00:11:39.63
And so even there...
00:11:39.66\00:11:41.00
Then the roles,
you know, in the home,
00:11:41.03\00:11:42.36
like as I mentioned before,
00:11:42.40\00:11:43.73
my dad, he just
had this mindset,
00:11:43.77\00:11:45.63
the wife needs to be at home,
taking care of the children,
00:11:45.67\00:11:48.84
cooking the food,
00:11:48.87\00:11:50.21
you know, doing a
little washing here, whatever.
00:11:50.24\00:11:52.71
I go out, I go hunt
and provide the food,
00:11:52.74\00:11:56.31
she comes home cooks it,
00:11:56.34\00:11:57.98
I sit around on the couch
and wait until it's ready.
00:11:58.01\00:12:02.08
Man, there was a
clash within that
00:12:02.12\00:12:04.45
'cause my mother was like,
00:12:04.49\00:12:05.82
"No, that's not how
we're going to do this."
00:12:05.85\00:12:08.29
And so there was
always this arguing.
00:12:08.32\00:12:10.29
So here I am, here I am now,
00:12:10.33\00:12:13.70
this junior
teenager or early teen,
00:12:13.73\00:12:17.03
and I'm watching this
00:12:17.07\00:12:18.80
and I'm watching
these two go back and forth,
00:12:18.83\00:12:20.67
two different cultures clashing,
00:12:20.70\00:12:22.57
and here I am
trying to learn who I am,
00:12:22.60\00:12:24.97
my identity, in America.
00:12:25.01\00:12:27.71
Do you know where I
really got my identity?
00:12:27.74\00:12:29.64
The church. The church.
00:12:29.68\00:12:32.68
When we would have the
pastor of the church like,
00:12:32.71\00:12:35.85
Kendal Guy, Abraham Jules,
00:12:35.88\00:12:37.29
they will have
these rap sessions,
00:12:37.32\00:12:39.45
these coming together...
00:12:39.49\00:12:40.82
The men of the church will talk
00:12:40.86\00:12:42.69
and the ladies will go on
another side and they talk.
00:12:42.72\00:12:44.89
You know, people
don't do that no more,
00:12:44.93\00:12:46.26
I'm going to bring
that back as a pastor,
00:12:46.29\00:12:48.06
and just these conversations...
00:12:48.10\00:12:50.63
And so you hear new ideas
00:12:50.67\00:12:52.40
and my stepfather
would hear these ideas,
00:12:52.43\00:12:55.44
and go like, "Oh, oh.
00:12:55.47\00:12:56.81
Okay, okay, I can do that.
00:12:56.84\00:12:59.34
I think I can do that."
00:12:59.37\00:13:00.71
And so that helped us,
00:13:00.74\00:13:02.58
so the church community
00:13:02.61\00:13:03.98
doing those things
outside of worship,
00:13:04.01\00:13:07.12
but coming
together as a community,
00:13:07.15\00:13:09.42
building and growing together,
00:13:09.45\00:13:11.69
that really is what helped me
00:13:11.72\00:13:14.19
when my parents were going back
and forth like a tennis match.
00:13:14.22\00:13:16.83
Boom, boom, boom.
00:13:16.86\00:13:18.26
I went to the church
and I would say, "Okay."
00:13:18.29\00:13:20.83
I would say, "This is
the path I want to take."
00:13:20.86\00:13:25.03
That's crazy.
00:13:25.07\00:13:26.40
You know, and
I'm reminded of that
00:13:26.43\00:13:27.77
because Jesus Himself,
00:13:27.80\00:13:31.37
He was an anomaly so to speak,
00:13:31.41\00:13:36.04
you know, He did not
fit the cultural norm.
00:13:36.08\00:13:39.08
That's why He got crucified...
00:13:39.11\00:13:40.52
Exactly.
00:13:40.55\00:13:41.88
Because He didn't
fit the cultural norm.
00:13:41.92\00:13:43.25
You know, and you
mentioned something,
00:13:43.28\00:13:44.62
you know, Jamaican getting
used to acclimating yourself
00:13:44.65\00:13:49.89
to a different culture
00:13:49.92\00:13:51.26
while still
retaining your own culture,
00:13:51.29\00:13:53.33
and that's something
that is extremely difficult
00:13:53.36\00:13:56.83
because on one hand,
00:13:56.87\00:13:58.80
you know, this is how
you do things back home,
00:13:58.83\00:14:01.64
but now you're
in a different home
00:14:01.67\00:14:04.07
and it seems like
00:14:04.11\00:14:05.44
it's hitting you
from every angle.
00:14:05.47\00:14:07.48
You know, how do
you keep a leveled head
00:14:07.51\00:14:10.48
to be able to help your kids?
00:14:10.51\00:14:11.85
Because I know one
of the demands for me,
00:14:11.88\00:14:13.78
people always ask me,
00:14:13.82\00:14:15.15
"You're from Puerto Rico, right,
00:14:15.18\00:14:16.52
you teach your kids Spanish"
00:14:16.55\00:14:18.09
And I'm like, well, I am
00:14:18.12\00:14:19.45
but now because
you're telling me to
00:14:19.49\00:14:20.99
because the culture
00:14:21.02\00:14:22.89
or whatever you want
to call it says I have to,
00:14:22.92\00:14:25.23
but it's because I want them
to learn a different language.
00:14:25.26\00:14:27.50
I want them to know
where they come from
00:14:27.53\00:14:28.96
because that's
where I found my identity
00:14:29.00\00:14:31.63
when I learned my identity here
00:14:31.67\00:14:34.50
but when I found out
Puerto Rico, my ancestry
00:14:34.54\00:14:37.41
and that's how I
found my identity
00:14:37.44\00:14:39.47
and the church
enhanced it by community...
00:14:39.51\00:14:42.28
Yeah.
00:14:42.31\00:14:43.65
'Cause that's what we
were taught in seminary
00:14:43.68\00:14:45.01
that people come to church
00:14:45.05\00:14:46.45
but they stay
because of the relationships
00:14:46.48\00:14:48.75
they build.
00:14:48.78\00:14:50.12
Yeah. That's right.
00:14:50.15\00:14:51.49
So culturally...
00:14:51.52\00:14:53.32
I'm just lost of words.
00:14:53.36\00:14:54.92
What can we do? What do we do?
00:14:54.96\00:14:56.29
If I can say
just before your go.
00:14:56.32\00:14:57.66
Yeah, sure.
00:14:57.69\00:14:59.03
Culture is
seasoning, it's flavor, okay?
00:14:59.06\00:15:03.00
Our spirituality of faith,
that's the meat or the salad,
00:15:03.03\00:15:06.94
whatever it is,
it's culture is...
00:15:06.97\00:15:09.74
So just like some
people like paprika,
00:15:09.77\00:15:12.04
some people like turmeric,
that helps to season the food.
00:15:12.07\00:15:15.78
The problem is when we
make culture our religion,
00:15:15.81\00:15:20.62
a culture our, you know,
that this has to be this way.
00:15:20.65\00:15:23.28
Culture is a
seasoning because the way...
00:15:23.32\00:15:26.09
Even if he and I were
from the same community,
00:15:26.12\00:15:29.96
we still see things different.
00:15:29.99\00:15:31.33
He is raising his
home, I'm raising my home,
00:15:31.36\00:15:33.33
so I'm going to bring
my seasoning to the table,
00:15:33.36\00:15:35.80
he's going to bring
his seasoning to the table.
00:15:35.83\00:15:38.20
Absolutely. Absolutely.
00:15:38.23\00:15:39.60
I think remaining
culturally relevant
00:15:39.63\00:15:42.70
is very important
00:15:42.74\00:15:44.07
and the only way we can do that
00:15:44.11\00:15:46.24
is by being
culturally knowledgeable...
00:15:46.27\00:15:48.64
Yeah.
00:15:48.68\00:15:50.01
Culturally
informed, culturally educated.
00:15:50.05\00:15:52.45
As Christian
fathers, we have to be careful
00:15:52.48\00:15:55.72
that we are not to...
00:15:55.75\00:15:58.02
You used the word
exclusive, inclusive.
00:15:58.05\00:16:01.06
A lot of us, we have a
sense of dominant culture,
00:16:01.09\00:16:04.46
which of course is ours.
00:16:04.49\00:16:06.29
So, you know, you tell
your child something like,
00:16:06.33\00:16:09.46
"Oh, we don't do
it like that in here,
00:16:09.50\00:16:11.53
you know, where
you get that from?
00:16:11.57\00:16:14.00
You know, we
don't do it like that."
00:16:14.04\00:16:15.60
You know,
whatever form of authority
00:16:15.64\00:16:17.74
you're going to express.
00:16:17.77\00:16:19.51
You have to be
careful with that.
00:16:19.54\00:16:22.51
Learn to use
Facebook, learn to text,
00:16:22.54\00:16:27.62
you know, at least
learn those things,
00:16:27.65\00:16:30.19
learn some form of social media
00:16:30.22\00:16:32.29
to communicate
with your children.
00:16:32.32\00:16:35.29
That's the way
they communicate, okay,
00:16:35.32\00:16:36.96
send them a text message.
00:16:36.99\00:16:38.33
You know, it made
no sense to me that...
00:16:38.36\00:16:40.03
I remember the first day,
00:16:40.06\00:16:41.83
phone buzzes, pick up the phone,
00:16:41.86\00:16:44.17
it's my daughter Avia,
00:16:44.20\00:16:45.53
"Dad, how come
blah, blah, blah."
00:16:45.57\00:16:47.84
I was like,
00:16:47.87\00:16:49.20
"Didn't I just hear your voice?
00:16:49.24\00:16:51.21
Aren't you in the house?
00:16:51.24\00:16:53.17
Avia!"
00:16:53.21\00:16:54.54
Then I hear from way,
00:16:54.58\00:16:55.91
you know, another floor
00:16:55.94\00:16:57.28
over the couple
of rooms like, "Yes!"
00:16:57.31\00:16:58.71
"Why you texting me,
child? You're in the house.
00:16:58.75\00:17:02.65
If you got something
to ask me, come ask me."
00:17:02.68\00:17:05.75
You know, but I learned,
00:17:05.79\00:17:07.12
hey, that's the
way they communicate.
00:17:07.16\00:17:09.32
She doesn't want
to leave her bedroom,
00:17:09.36\00:17:10.93
she can easily just
send a text message to me.
00:17:10.96\00:17:12.79
So I learned to communicate
by text with her also,
00:17:12.83\00:17:14.90
these things are important,
00:17:14.93\00:17:16.26
and as I'm saying
also even as it pertains
00:17:16.30\00:17:19.03
to the civil culture
within which we function,
00:17:19.07\00:17:22.84
we must learn and understand it.
00:17:22.87\00:17:24.57
This issue that I mentioned
00:17:24.61\00:17:25.94
earlier of
culture and discipline
00:17:25.97\00:17:28.11
is a very serious one.
00:17:28.14\00:17:29.81
So churches also, we as fathers,
00:17:29.84\00:17:32.51
need to do our best to
educate our congregations
00:17:32.55\00:17:36.28
and our communities
00:17:36.32\00:17:37.95
on how to
understand and how to function
00:17:37.99\00:17:40.86
within those cultural norms.
00:17:40.89\00:17:43.26
Yeah.
00:17:43.29\00:17:44.63
And I like that
because you brought something
00:17:44.66\00:17:45.99
a question to my mind that,
00:17:46.03\00:17:47.53
you know, I can be like that,
00:17:47.56\00:17:48.90
that's not how we do
it back in Puerto Rico.
00:17:48.93\00:17:51.27
You know, and part of it is
00:17:51.30\00:17:53.20
because I see what
the world's coming to,
00:17:53.23\00:17:55.14
what these young
people are coming to,
00:17:55.17\00:17:57.07
you know, where CPS is
called if you discipline them,
00:17:57.11\00:18:01.71
and if you spank them
and it's not a feather,
00:18:01.74\00:18:05.11
then everybody gets mad,
00:18:05.15\00:18:07.32
you know, and just
so many different things
00:18:07.35\00:18:10.05
culturally that I just...
00:18:10.09\00:18:12.25
Man, it just makes me
angry, like, leave me alone.
00:18:12.29\00:18:15.56
Leave me alone, let
me raise my children
00:18:15.59\00:18:16.93
the way I want to
raise my children,
00:18:16.96\00:18:18.29
but, you know, you
brought up a good question
00:18:18.33\00:18:21.53
that I think we
can generalize it
00:18:21.56\00:18:23.50
to the church in general.
00:18:23.53\00:18:26.13
How do we adapt
without compromising?
00:18:26.17\00:18:31.31
As fathers, as a
church, as pastors,
00:18:31.34\00:18:34.48
how do we adapt to a culture,
00:18:34.51\00:18:36.98
you know, and change up?
00:18:37.01\00:18:39.21
As they say, you know,
00:18:39.25\00:18:40.72
you have a
different methods of delivery
00:18:40.75\00:18:43.75
through the
years, they've changed,
00:18:43.79\00:18:45.52
the contents of the
package hasn't changed,
00:18:45.55\00:18:48.49
but the way it's
delivered has changed,
00:18:48.52\00:18:50.19
and it seems
like a lot of times,
00:18:50.23\00:18:52.23
both in church
and outside a church,
00:18:52.26\00:18:54.36
we seem to be stuck in
the same delivery method
00:18:54.40\00:18:58.03
which is no longer
functional at times.
00:18:58.07\00:19:00.60
So how do we adapt
without compromise?
00:19:00.64\00:19:03.91
Yes, yes.
00:19:03.94\00:19:05.27
Being culturally relative
00:19:05.31\00:19:07.38
without
compromising biblical principle.
00:19:07.41\00:19:10.85
You know, I think God
through His Holy Spirit...
00:19:10.88\00:19:14.25
If you and I have a
close relationship with God,
00:19:14.28\00:19:16.69
if we have a daily
relationship with Him,
00:19:16.72\00:19:18.95
there's much of that
00:19:18.99\00:19:20.32
that the Holy
Spirit will give to us,
00:19:20.36\00:19:23.06
the Holy Spirit
will also teach us
00:19:23.09\00:19:24.96
new languages of communication,
new forms of communication,
00:19:24.99\00:19:29.96
that's part of
our general growth
00:19:30.00\00:19:32.13
and development
00:19:32.17\00:19:33.50
and we really should
not be resistant to that.
00:19:33.54\00:19:37.01
I think it's
helpful for us to...
00:19:37.04\00:19:39.81
The men's ministry is
another significant one
00:19:39.84\00:19:42.64
within our
churches where as men,
00:19:42.68\00:19:45.01
we can get together and
we can discuss these things
00:19:45.05\00:19:48.58
using the church as
a forum in some sense,
00:19:48.62\00:19:53.09
Denry mentioned earlier,
00:19:53.12\00:19:54.46
I think you were
referring to like AY programs
00:19:54.49\00:19:56.09
if I'm not mistaken.
00:19:56.12\00:19:57.46
You know, but having these type
of workshops within the church,
00:19:57.49\00:19:59.86
whether it's AY,
whether it's on a Sunday,
00:19:59.89\00:20:02.06
just providing this
education to the general public
00:20:02.10\00:20:04.93
and to the church
population is also helpful.
00:20:04.97\00:20:09.00
But I think what
retards the process
00:20:09.04\00:20:13.01
is this fear and insecurity
00:20:13.04\00:20:15.14
that I cannot be
culturally relevant
00:20:15.18\00:20:18.21
and at the same
time be biblical,
00:20:18.25\00:20:19.85
and that's not true,
00:20:19.88\00:20:21.22
that's not the model
that Christ gave us either.
00:20:21.25\00:20:24.92
I think Christ did
very well to interact.
00:20:24.95\00:20:27.96
Ellen White
uses the term mingle,
00:20:27.99\00:20:30.13
but He took time
to know individuals,
00:20:30.16\00:20:32.86
to understand
their cultural mindset
00:20:32.89\00:20:35.43
and then He spoke back
to them in their language,
00:20:35.46\00:20:38.60
in their cultural language.
00:20:38.63\00:20:39.97
So I think we have to
do the same in our homes,
00:20:40.00\00:20:42.57
with our children,
00:20:42.60\00:20:43.94
you've got to learn your
child's cultural language
00:20:43.97\00:20:46.24
or your
children's cultural language
00:20:46.27\00:20:48.04
and speak it back to them.
00:20:48.08\00:20:49.41
Yes.
00:20:49.44\00:20:50.78
It's still the gospel
you're sharing with them,
00:20:50.81\00:20:52.15
but you're speaking
in a different language.
00:20:52.18\00:20:53.58
Yes, you know, the danger is
00:20:53.62\00:20:57.29
when you worded down
someone else's culture
00:20:57.32\00:21:00.86
and make your culture superior.
00:21:00.89\00:21:04.19
You know, when one
superiority over the other,
00:21:04.23\00:21:07.50
that's going to cause a war,
so you don't cause confusion.
00:21:07.53\00:21:10.10
You know, I find
with my young people,
00:21:10.13\00:21:12.13
they are looking for culture.
00:21:12.17\00:21:15.24
They're looking for culture,
00:21:15.27\00:21:16.77
they're going to
look for it in the music,
00:21:16.81\00:21:18.81
they're going to look
for it in a celebrity,
00:21:18.84\00:21:20.81
they're looking for culture.
00:21:20.84\00:21:22.18
You know why?
00:21:22.21\00:21:23.55
Because culture
also brews values.
00:21:23.58\00:21:26.11
Going back to my
analogy with the seasonings.
00:21:26.15\00:21:28.38
There are some
seasonings that are not good...
00:21:28.42\00:21:30.89
Mm-hmm.
00:21:30.92\00:21:32.25
You know, maybe, you know,
they're so in your culture,
00:21:32.29\00:21:33.92
you should look and say, "Okay,
00:21:33.96\00:21:35.56
what things in my culture
00:21:35.59\00:21:36.93
are not going to help
my child's spirituality?"
00:21:36.96\00:21:40.46
Okay?
00:21:40.50\00:21:41.83
"My child is not going
to grow in my culture."
00:21:41.86\00:21:43.77
So if it's a
black pepper, "Okay,
00:21:43.80\00:21:45.43
we're not going to
use black pepper no more,
00:21:45.47\00:21:47.57
but we have cayenne
pepper in our culture,
00:21:47.60\00:21:49.74
so let's use that."
00:21:49.77\00:21:51.11
You see what I'm saying?
00:21:51.14\00:21:52.47
What are the
things in my culture
00:21:52.51\00:21:53.88
that's going to
help bring my child
00:21:53.91\00:21:56.38
closer to Christ?
00:21:56.41\00:21:58.08
What are the
things in my culture that
00:21:58.11\00:21:59.95
that brings value to families?
00:21:59.98\00:22:02.45
You know, some
of our cultures...
00:22:02.48\00:22:03.92
I love Hispanic cultures
00:22:03.95\00:22:05.69
in the sense that
they love to come together
00:22:05.72\00:22:08.72
no matter what they're
doing at the end of the day,
00:22:08.76\00:22:11.19
have beans and rice together,
00:22:11.23\00:22:12.93
you know, and the
whole family is there.
00:22:12.96\00:22:15.53
I'll never forget, we
went to someplace else
00:22:15.56\00:22:18.67
in Central America, right?
00:22:18.70\00:22:20.54
Right next to Costa Rica,
00:22:20.57\00:22:22.00
and it was
breakfast, it was what?
00:22:22.04\00:22:24.34
Breakfast.
00:22:24.37\00:22:25.71
The whole family was there,
00:22:25.74\00:22:27.34
the aunts, the
uncles, the grandma, grandpa,
00:22:27.38\00:22:30.25
uncles, dad,
children, everybody,
00:22:30.28\00:22:32.11
and everybody participated
in making breakfast.
00:22:32.15\00:22:36.25
That was so dynamic.
00:22:36.28\00:22:37.62
I went back to
America, got me a toast,
00:22:37.65\00:22:40.49
you know, and cream cheese,
00:22:40.52\00:22:42.66
you know, and
everybody is rushing in and out
00:22:42.69\00:22:45.06
to go to work.
00:22:45.09\00:22:46.43
So there are
things in our cultures
00:22:46.46\00:22:48.53
that are essence,
00:22:48.56\00:22:49.90
are flavors to help
our spiritual growth,
00:22:49.93\00:22:52.50
and those are the things
we need to with our children,
00:22:52.53\00:22:55.20
not just AY, but I was
also talking about Sundays
00:22:55.24\00:22:58.21
and, you know,
having just some bonding
00:22:58.24\00:23:01.58
to different people
of different cultures.
00:23:01.61\00:23:03.51
Appreciate
different people's cultures
00:23:03.55\00:23:06.15
and that will help
00:23:06.18\00:23:07.52
because your
children are always looking,
00:23:07.55\00:23:09.25
"What can I pass on?
00:23:09.28\00:23:11.42
I want to be like my
dad. I want to be like my mom.
00:23:11.45\00:23:14.06
And then when I get older,
00:23:14.09\00:23:15.42
I would like to pass on
something to my children."
00:23:15.46\00:23:17.89
So give them the
good flavor of our culture
00:23:17.93\00:23:20.43
to help their spirituality.
00:23:20.46\00:23:21.83
We like avocados too.
00:23:21.86\00:23:23.90
Don't forget that.
00:23:23.93\00:23:25.53
Yeah, we like it too.
00:23:25.57\00:23:26.90
We like the avocado
00:23:26.94\00:23:28.27
with a little bit
of adobo right there.
00:23:28.30\00:23:29.64
Yes, sir.
00:23:29.67\00:23:31.01
Amen.
00:23:31.04\00:23:32.37
Xavier, we were talking
00:23:32.41\00:23:33.74
about role distinction
a little earlier also,
00:23:33.78\00:23:35.54
which I think is
of great importance.
00:23:35.58\00:23:38.78
And I'm not too keen
on stripping families
00:23:38.81\00:23:43.22
of their cultural understanding
of the role distinction
00:23:43.25\00:23:47.19
because those things
00:23:47.22\00:23:49.06
are a part of a
tightly woven fiber often
00:23:49.09\00:23:52.49
and if you try
to undo it too much,
00:23:52.53\00:23:55.03
then everything
just becomes like,
00:23:55.06\00:23:57.63
you know, loose yarn.
00:23:57.67\00:23:59.67
So for the
family to remain a unit
00:23:59.70\00:24:02.70
and to remain secure as a unit,
00:24:02.74\00:24:04.11
it's often important
that we respect those norms.
00:24:04.14\00:24:08.24
So if your culture is such
00:24:08.28\00:24:10.88
that only men
put the garbage out
00:24:10.91\00:24:14.78
or only men lift heavy
objects or only men do shopping
00:24:14.82\00:24:20.06
or whatever it may be
or only men do dishes,
00:24:20.09\00:24:24.36
then if that's of
value to you, that's fine.
00:24:24.39\00:24:29.10
I think you can still
maintain those practices
00:24:29.13\00:24:32.17
or that role distinction
00:24:32.20\00:24:35.57
and yet remain centered
within Christian principle,
00:24:35.60\00:24:40.91
even for the migrant population.
00:24:40.94\00:24:42.94
We've had a shift
00:24:42.98\00:24:44.71
wherein most
women are who satisfied
00:24:44.75\00:24:49.48
the initial
migration pool to the US.
00:24:49.52\00:24:51.82
My mom came to
the US in about 1968,
00:24:51.85\00:24:55.32
her younger sister, my
aunt, came in the earlier 60s,
00:24:55.36\00:24:58.79
but it was mainly women
00:24:58.83\00:25:00.16
and this was a result of
the US facing sequential wars,
00:25:00.20\00:25:04.83
you know, we had World War II,
00:25:04.87\00:25:06.84
then Korea War, Vietnam War,
00:25:06.87\00:25:09.70
hope I have the order correctly,
00:25:09.74\00:25:11.24
but it depleted the
female civil resource
00:25:11.27\00:25:15.38
within the United States.
00:25:15.41\00:25:16.75
So women were no longer
teachers and customer services,
00:25:16.78\00:25:20.82
and a lot of them went
and worked in the factories.
00:25:20.85\00:25:23.22
So once the war was done
00:25:23.25\00:25:24.85
and the US
societies now redeveloping,
00:25:24.89\00:25:26.76
the community is
rebuilding itself,
00:25:26.79\00:25:28.86
there was this void of females
to satisfy civil service roles,
00:25:28.89\00:25:32.29
and so the US
opened its migration port
00:25:32.33\00:25:34.86
and influx
thousands of Caribbean women
00:25:34.90\00:25:38.50
because they
were English speaking
00:25:38.53\00:25:39.93
and they were right
there and they were skilled
00:25:39.97\00:25:41.67
and licensed etcetera, etcetera.
00:25:41.70\00:25:43.27
Most of the men got left behind,
00:25:43.30\00:25:45.24
the men came after
00:25:45.27\00:25:47.28
and then they had
to kind of do catch up.
00:25:47.31\00:25:49.14
So a lot of our
homes had matriarchs,
00:25:49.18\00:25:52.95
females taking the leading role.
00:25:52.98\00:25:55.15
And sometimes,
00:25:55.18\00:25:57.15
you're forced to do
things like that to adapt
00:25:57.19\00:26:00.36
to a new cultural
environment or a new society
00:26:00.39\00:26:02.89
and you have to be
malleable or flexible enough
00:26:02.92\00:26:05.86
to embrace these things
00:26:05.89\00:26:07.63
while yet remembering
00:26:07.66\00:26:09.23
your Christian commitment
and biblical principle,
00:26:09.26\00:26:13.80
but it can be done.
00:26:13.84\00:26:15.74
Yeah, it sounds like, you know,
00:26:15.77\00:26:17.41
like multicultural fatherhood
00:26:17.44\00:26:19.71
is one of like when
you're cooking a big meal,
00:26:19.74\00:26:23.51
you know, it's
almost, I think, a heaven,
00:26:23.55\00:26:26.05
you know, because
00:26:26.08\00:26:27.52
everybody's bringing something
different to the table,
00:26:27.55\00:26:29.65
but we can all
feast on something great
00:26:29.68\00:26:32.72
if we just come together.
00:26:32.75\00:26:34.72
Yes.
00:26:34.76\00:26:36.09
And I think that's the
most critical part as fathers
00:26:36.12\00:26:37.46
is coming together,
00:26:37.49\00:26:39.49
acknowledging that, you know...
00:26:39.53\00:26:41.66
But we can't do it alone.
00:26:41.70\00:26:43.37
We can't do it alone.
00:26:43.40\00:26:44.73
We have to do it together
00:26:44.77\00:26:46.10
and just bring to
the table what you got.
00:26:46.13\00:26:48.64
You know, and
work on what we need
00:26:48.67\00:26:50.07
and what we have and
just really look to Christ
00:26:50.11\00:26:53.07
to bind us together.
00:26:53.11\00:26:54.71
And for the
audience that's viewing,
00:26:54.74\00:26:57.18
you know,
00:26:57.21\00:26:59.51
there's always
that what if factor,
00:26:59.55\00:27:03.65
that question, that confusion
00:27:03.69\00:27:06.86
or, you know, maybe
you're from a different country,
00:27:06.89\00:27:09.22
you're brand
new to this country,
00:27:09.26\00:27:12.16
you know, maybe
there's some apprehension,
00:27:12.19\00:27:13.80
maybe you're
just mad as a father
00:27:13.83\00:27:15.96
because you see the
way the world is going
00:27:16.00\00:27:18.03
and this is not how
we did it back in my day.
00:27:18.07\00:27:20.90
Well, a lot of us
have those same thoughts,
00:27:20.94\00:27:23.17
but we've got to
come to realize that,
00:27:23.20\00:27:25.21
yeah, it's not like
back in our day, it's today.
00:27:25.24\00:27:28.58
You know, but just like Christ,
00:27:28.61\00:27:31.11
rise above and
change the cultural norm
00:27:31.15\00:27:35.68
and adapt without compromising.
00:27:35.72\00:27:38.52
We too can do the
same thing for our children
00:27:38.55\00:27:40.42
to show our children
00:27:40.46\00:27:42.09
the ability to be
inclusive of all cultures,
00:27:42.12\00:27:46.09
not exclusive,
while at the same time
00:27:46.13\00:27:48.10
holding tight to that foundation
00:27:48.13\00:27:50.60
that only Christ can give,
00:27:50.63\00:27:52.63
and that is such an
important part for you
00:27:52.67\00:27:54.84
as a father to
contribute to your child.
00:27:54.87\00:27:57.17
Please step up, step out
and do your role as a father.
00:27:57.21\00:28:00.74
Thank you.
00:28:00.78\00:28:02.11