A good father takes time to play. 00:00:01.36\00:00:05.50 He has strong integrity. 00:00:05.53\00:00:08.60 He is someone that is truly dedicated. 00:00:08.64\00:00:12.31 He's not afraid to show his love. 00:00:12.34\00:00:15.84 He is a caring provider, 00:00:15.88\00:00:18.95 and he is a kind spiritual leader. 00:00:18.98\00:00:23.69 These are just a few ways to describe a father's heart. 00:00:23.72\00:00:28.39 Hi, welcome to A Father's Heart. 00:00:31.59\00:00:32.96 I'm your host Xavier. 00:00:32.99\00:00:34.43 And today, we're going to be discussing 00:00:34.46\00:00:35.80 saving our young men from violence 00:00:35.83\00:00:37.30 but this is part two. 00:00:37.33\00:00:38.73 As we have discussed before, there's been an issue, 00:00:38.77\00:00:41.40 an epidemic over young men killing each other. 00:00:41.44\00:00:44.04 And with me to discuss this once more 00:00:44.07\00:00:46.21 are my friends Gordon and Paul. 00:00:46.24\00:00:47.64 How are you guys doing today? 00:00:47.68\00:00:49.01 Welcome back. Doing great. 00:00:49.04\00:00:50.38 Hey, brother. Blessed to be here, man. 00:00:50.41\00:00:51.91 So last time, we left off. 00:00:51.95\00:00:53.28 We were discussing the different things 00:00:53.31\00:00:54.98 that were happening to our young men 00:00:55.02\00:00:56.35 in the community and, Paul, you shared a powerful testimony 00:00:56.38\00:00:59.12 of how God brought you out of that environment 00:00:59.15\00:01:02.92 of gangs and killing. 00:01:02.96\00:01:05.09 And luckily, you know, you're here today 00:01:05.13\00:01:07.46 because of God's grace. 00:01:07.50\00:01:08.86 Yes, indeed, indeed. 00:01:08.90\00:01:10.83 I want to continue on a point of prayer, 00:01:10.87\00:01:12.70 prayer in the church, prayer in the home. 00:01:12.73\00:01:14.94 The spirituality of our home environment, 00:01:14.97\00:01:17.44 spirituality of the church environment, both matters, 00:01:17.47\00:01:20.38 both play a significant role in helping our children 00:01:20.41\00:01:24.21 to remain cohesively bonded to this movement. 00:01:24.25\00:01:28.05 I want to share quickly a short testimony. 00:01:28.08\00:01:29.58 At some point, maybe I was about 17 or so, 00:01:29.62\00:01:32.05 I'd already been arrested a few times, I've been stabbed, 00:01:32.09\00:01:36.06 I've been in a shooting incident. 00:01:36.09\00:01:38.16 I was quite distant from anywhere close 00:01:38.19\00:01:41.56 to desiring to be a prodigy. 00:01:41.60\00:01:43.20 Mom called me up one morning, and she's like, 00:01:43.23\00:01:44.80 "Son, I have something sad to tell you. 00:01:44.83\00:01:47.97 And I wonder if you can join us this afternoon 00:01:48.00\00:01:49.50 for prayer meeting, 00:01:49.54\00:01:50.94 group of friends coming over to the house 00:01:50.97\00:01:52.37 and we're going to pray for you." 00:01:52.41\00:01:53.74 "No. 00:01:53.78\00:01:55.11 For what? What? No, man. 00:01:55.14\00:01:56.54 Oh, pray this, pray that, pray this." 00:01:56.58\00:01:58.18 "No, no, no, son. 00:01:58.21\00:01:59.55 I'm serious. 00:01:59.58\00:02:00.95 The board is meeting to decide 00:02:00.98\00:02:03.69 whether or not to write you out of the church 00:02:03.72\00:02:06.39 because they have learned that, you know, 00:02:06.42\00:02:08.56 you haven't been there in over six, seven years, 00:02:08.59\00:02:10.93 and people are aware you're in the street 00:02:10.96\00:02:12.63 and you're dealing with drugs and this kind of stuff 00:02:12.66\00:02:15.40 and you carry firearms and all of this. 00:02:15.43\00:02:17.80 And they're saying, you know, 00:02:17.83\00:02:19.17 it's an infringement of your baptismal oath. 00:02:19.20\00:02:22.37 So you need to be removed from the books of the church. 00:02:22.40\00:02:25.67 And so we're praying for God to lead that exercise." 00:02:25.71\00:02:30.85 I was like, "Man, who cares! 00:02:30.88\00:02:32.21 So what? 00:02:32.25\00:02:33.58 Let him take my name off. 00:02:33.62\00:02:35.52 What do I care?" 00:02:35.55\00:02:37.32 My mother pleaded with me some more. 00:02:37.35\00:02:39.35 So then they met the evening, her and group of other friends 00:02:39.39\00:02:42.16 from Brooklyn Faith, Sister Sims, 00:02:42.19\00:02:45.39 Sister Garvey, I believe, 00:02:45.43\00:02:46.76 was there too, and they all prayed. 00:02:46.80\00:02:48.13 I did joined them briefly. 00:02:48.16\00:02:49.86 And then the next, maybe two days later or so, 00:02:49.90\00:02:52.27 my mom, you know, all moved from tears 00:02:52.30\00:02:55.20 and depression preliminary to this meeting. 00:02:55.24\00:02:58.14 Now she's all jubilant and excited. 00:02:58.17\00:02:59.81 And she said, "Son, son, they voted to keep your name 00:02:59.84\00:03:03.51 on the books. 00:03:03.55\00:03:04.88 As a matter of fact, 00:03:04.91\00:03:06.25 out of the entire church board voted, 00:03:06.28\00:03:07.98 only one person voted for you to be removed. 00:03:08.02\00:03:11.25 Everybody else said no unanimously." 00:03:11.29\00:03:14.12 You know what? 00:03:14.16\00:03:15.49 It seems trivial, 00:03:15.52\00:03:17.33 and even at the point of her telling me that, 00:03:17.36\00:03:19.59 I still was like, "Yeah, whatever, man! 00:03:19.63\00:03:21.50 So what?" 00:03:21.53\00:03:22.86 But it began to resonate, 00:03:22.90\00:03:24.93 you know days after, I said, "Wow. 00:03:24.97\00:03:27.40 I haven't been to that church in how long. 00:03:27.44\00:03:30.21 I only go there if I'd been injured 00:03:30.24\00:03:32.44 and I'm going to hospital or I have a court hearing 00:03:32.47\00:03:34.64 or something of that sort. 00:03:34.68\00:03:36.01 I need to, you know, to pray 00:03:36.04\00:03:37.38 so I don't get convicted over there. 00:03:37.41\00:03:38.78 You know, this is how much those people care about me. 00:03:38.81\00:03:43.28 And it did have a long lasting significant impact, 00:03:43.32\00:03:46.32 even though I didn't go back 00:03:46.35\00:03:47.69 through the doors of the church. 00:03:47.72\00:03:49.06 I never really went back to Brooklyn Faith. 00:03:49.09\00:03:51.06 I reclaim my faith in the Lord at age 26 in Miami, Florida 00:03:51.09\00:03:56.06 when I moved and then was on my own 00:03:56.10\00:03:58.60 and we're dealing with the struggles of life. 00:03:58.63\00:04:00.37 I was trying to pull my life together. 00:04:00.40\00:04:02.30 Still mixed up in drug trafficking 00:04:02.34\00:04:03.81 and these kind of things, 00:04:03.84\00:04:05.17 but God was calling me, and then finally, 00:04:05.21\00:04:07.31 I gave my heart to the Lord in Miami. 00:04:07.34\00:04:10.01 So the church did play an important role in your life. 00:04:10.05\00:04:13.42 Because the church never stopped praying. 00:04:13.45\00:04:15.95 And before I forget, 00:04:15.98\00:04:17.32 I don't want to forget to ask you. 00:04:17.35\00:04:18.69 You mentioned, I know after our last program 00:04:18.72\00:04:20.32 we had discussed, you know, just one on one, you and I, 00:04:20.36\00:04:24.23 you mentioned that you had a friend of yours as, 00:04:24.26\00:04:25.99 maybe interested in coming today 00:04:26.03\00:04:28.66 to talk a little bit more to... 00:04:28.70\00:04:30.50 In this topic. 00:04:30.53\00:04:31.87 Yes, yes, that we can share also. 00:04:31.90\00:04:33.23 He grew up in Holland, 00:04:33.27\00:04:34.60 and I think he has something significantly, 00:04:34.64\00:04:36.00 he would be able to share also. 00:04:36.04\00:04:37.44 So he's coming little later or... 00:04:37.47\00:04:38.81 Yes, he'll be joining us a little later. 00:04:38.84\00:04:40.18 Awesome, awesome. 00:04:40.21\00:04:41.54 You know, we're two rows. 00:04:41.58\00:04:42.91 We were two rows, as I said, same community, same church, 00:04:42.94\00:04:46.95 we didn't go to the same exact schools, 00:04:46.98\00:04:48.98 same culture from South Guyana, America, he also is. 00:04:49.02\00:04:52.85 But there was distinct differences in our rearing. 00:04:52.89\00:04:56.02 Now I had a grandma that was a lay minister, 00:04:56.06\00:04:58.99 church planter, strict fundamental type person, 00:04:59.03\00:05:02.16 and drop the rod seriously, she raised me to age 10 00:05:02.20\00:05:05.80 but I was always raised by women. 00:05:05.83\00:05:08.54 I met my father when I was about 15 years old. 00:05:08.57\00:05:11.11 Well, I saw him as a kid and interacted with him 00:05:11.14\00:05:13.71 as a kid from time to time 00:05:13.74\00:05:15.48 but I have no memory of being parented by him 00:05:15.51\00:05:19.28 until I was about 15, I finally met him at that time. 00:05:19.31\00:05:22.95 First thing I said to my father was, 00:05:22.98\00:05:24.35 "Look, I hope you're not coming in my life 00:05:24.39\00:05:26.72 to try to be a father 'cause I'm a man already." 00:05:26.76\00:05:29.76 My father also had a history of messing violence 00:05:29.79\00:05:31.69 with my mother that I never witnessed 00:05:31.73\00:05:33.70 but I heard enough about it. 00:05:33.73\00:05:35.26 That's when I said to my dad at 15, it was, 00:05:35.30\00:05:37.73 "Yo, you could come in, you could visit but I tell you, 00:05:37.77\00:05:39.83 if you put your hand on my mother, I will kill you." 00:05:39.87\00:05:42.67 Those are my exact words to my dad. 00:05:42.70\00:05:44.57 So my rearing was primarily by females, my grandma, 00:05:44.61\00:05:49.18 my sister and I, and other female cousin. 00:05:49.21\00:05:51.25 Then once I left South America and came to Brooklyn, 00:05:51.28\00:05:53.82 my mother, my sister and I, and another aunt. 00:05:53.85\00:05:56.69 So it was always female nurture. 00:05:56.72\00:05:59.42 I also share this to show the importance 00:05:59.45\00:06:02.66 or the significance of male involvement 00:06:02.69\00:06:06.46 in a young man's life. 00:06:06.49\00:06:08.06 So here I am in the streets, I'm about 14 or 15 years old. 00:06:08.10\00:06:13.00 I'm deep in the stuff by that age already. 00:06:13.03\00:06:15.57 There's not a day that I don't have a knife 00:06:15.60\00:06:17.77 or a gun in my pocket. 00:06:17.81\00:06:19.27 One day, I get home, 00:06:19.31\00:06:20.64 and there was a shootout in the neighborhood. 00:06:20.68\00:06:22.91 A fight and then ended up as a shootout. 00:06:22.94\00:06:25.75 I had two friends that I was closer 00:06:25.78\00:06:27.12 that I grew up like brothers living 00:06:27.15\00:06:28.78 just the next building across from me. 00:06:28.82\00:06:31.09 They were a bit more structured, 00:06:31.12\00:06:32.89 so they weren't there to see all the stuff 00:06:32.92\00:06:35.06 because their mother had specific times 00:06:35.09\00:06:36.99 that they had to be in the house 00:06:37.03\00:06:38.36 and it's all interesting. 00:06:38.39\00:06:39.73 She also was a single mother 00:06:39.76\00:06:41.10 but she was far stricter than my mom. 00:06:41.13\00:06:42.73 So I'm bringing to them the news, 00:06:42.76\00:06:44.63 and I'm in the heat of this conversation 00:06:44.67\00:06:46.87 with my main friend, telling him, 00:06:46.90\00:06:49.00 "Oh, and they yelled and they did this thing, man. 00:06:49.04\00:06:50.97 This dude pulled out a pistol, man, 00:06:51.01\00:06:52.67 he started chasing the guy." 00:06:52.71\00:06:54.04 And then I said, "Hold on, hold on, hold on. 00:06:54.08\00:06:55.41 I got to go to rest room." 00:06:55.44\00:06:57.08 So the story was so heated, you know, he was like, 00:06:57.11\00:07:01.15 "All right," which is not uncommon, 00:07:01.18\00:07:02.98 he followed me into the rest room. 00:07:03.02\00:07:04.72 So when we got into the rest room, 00:07:04.75\00:07:06.09 I'm still telling him. 00:07:06.12\00:07:07.46 I said, "Yeah, man. 00:07:07.49\00:07:08.82 Then the guy started shooting." 00:07:08.86\00:07:10.19 And I sat down on the commode. 00:07:10.23\00:07:11.56 Once I sat down, he said, "Ah, wait, man. 00:07:11.59\00:07:14.20 Yo, yo, I'll come back, you know, 00:07:14.23\00:07:16.13 you finish the story when you're done." 00:07:16.16\00:07:17.90 I said, "No, no, relax, I'm just doing number one," 00:07:17.93\00:07:20.67 you know, and continued talking. 00:07:20.70\00:07:22.44 And he said to me, "You're doing number one? 00:07:22.47\00:07:25.94 Why are you sitting down on the bowl?" 00:07:25.97\00:07:28.14 And then you know, he was about to, 00:07:28.18\00:07:30.51 maybe follow up with some demeaning comment though. 00:07:30.55\00:07:32.95 I was much crazier than he. 00:07:32.98\00:07:35.12 I was the thug, little bad guy with the pistols 00:07:35.15\00:07:38.19 and all this kind of stuff. 00:07:38.22\00:07:39.55 He knew better than to try to embarrass me. 00:07:39.59\00:07:41.46 So he cut his conversation. 00:07:41.49\00:07:42.82 He said, "You know what, 00:07:42.86\00:07:44.19 just forget it, just forget it." 00:07:44.23\00:07:45.56 And I said to him, "Man, relax, man. 00:07:45.59\00:07:47.26 I'm just doing number one." 00:07:47.30\00:07:48.63 He said, 00:07:48.66\00:07:50.00 "So why are you sitting down on the bowl?" 00:07:50.03\00:07:51.37 I looked up at him like, I don't know. 00:07:51.40\00:07:57.04 We just stared at each other. 00:07:57.07\00:07:58.51 The reason why, I had never been in the habit 00:07:58.54\00:08:01.81 of seeing a man use the rest room. 00:08:01.84\00:08:04.31 Wow, wow, wow. 00:08:04.35\00:08:05.78 Grown up all my life, just woman. 00:08:05.81\00:08:07.95 And to this day, I share it often in lectures 00:08:07.98\00:08:11.95 and in mentorship meetings to recruit, 00:08:11.99\00:08:14.79 to share the urgency and the importance of that. 00:08:14.82\00:08:17.53 That's how significant it is. Mercy. 00:08:17.56\00:08:19.46 Even today as an adult, if I have my free choice, 00:08:19.49\00:08:22.06 and I'm in my own home, that's what I do. 00:08:22.10\00:08:24.67 I don't stand up 00:08:24.70\00:08:26.13 because that's what was nurtured 00:08:26.17\00:08:27.57 into me by observation. 00:08:27.60\00:08:28.94 Oh. Mercy. 00:08:28.97\00:08:30.31 Something that seemingly trivial 00:08:30.34\00:08:33.11 can make a significant impact on the development 00:08:33.14\00:08:36.34 of the male psyche of a young man psyche 00:08:36.38\00:08:38.85 and his mind. 00:08:38.88\00:08:40.22 And there are many others, 00:08:40.25\00:08:41.58 I'm just using that one as an illustration. 00:08:41.62\00:08:42.95 So if a father is not in the home, 00:08:42.98\00:08:46.45 make sure there is a fatherly figure present 00:08:46.49\00:08:50.83 for that young man or young men to be nurtured, 00:08:50.86\00:08:54.73 a positive fatherly figure, not just anybody. 00:08:54.76\00:08:58.83 Someone positive, someone constructive, 00:08:58.87\00:09:00.97 someone that's going to help to build their self worth. 00:09:01.00\00:09:04.31 Two different roads, same environment, 00:09:04.34\00:09:07.91 and Gordon can share a little bit of what helped him 00:09:07.94\00:09:10.45 to make the choices that I didn't make. 00:09:10.48\00:09:12.61 I guess my father was there, 00:09:12.65\00:09:14.48 he was not Adventist but my mom was strict, 00:09:14.52\00:09:17.49 she was strict with her, you know, 00:09:17.52\00:09:19.42 with her church and religion. 00:09:19.45\00:09:21.22 But the difference is my father never stood in the way. 00:09:21.26\00:09:25.49 He was always there to say, "Whatever your mom says. 00:09:25.53\00:09:28.66 You go 6 o'clock in the morning, 00:09:28.70\00:09:30.50 you're going to prayer meeting, a week of prayer." 00:09:30.53\00:09:33.20 And I didn't want to go, I didn't but I had to go 00:09:33.23\00:09:36.91 because my father was there to say, "You're going." 00:09:36.94\00:09:39.54 So he was a present father but not of the same faith. 00:09:39.57\00:09:44.91 And I guess that's what our difference is, you know. 00:09:44.95\00:09:47.68 I had a father, I had that structure. 00:09:47.72\00:09:49.78 So fathers are important in the lives of their children. 00:09:49.82\00:09:54.16 And my dad worked away from home, but when he comes... 00:09:54.19\00:09:58.79 You know, he'll come home in the weekends, 00:09:58.83\00:10:00.40 but he was always there. 00:10:00.43\00:10:02.13 "What's going on, bring me... 00:10:02.16\00:10:03.50 Let's see your school work, let's see what's happening. 00:10:03.53\00:10:05.70 You read to me." 00:10:05.73\00:10:07.17 So when he was there, he was present. 00:10:07.20\00:10:09.20 It made a difference in my life. 00:10:09.24\00:10:11.81 And so I try to model the same thing for my son. 00:10:11.84\00:10:14.71 Modeling is important, mentorship is important, 00:10:14.74\00:10:17.48 being able to... 00:10:17.51\00:10:18.85 Being a strong role model, even like you said, 00:10:18.88\00:10:20.65 even it's not, if you don't have a father, 00:10:20.68\00:10:25.39 but there is a man in the church 00:10:25.42\00:10:27.29 that can be a positive role model, 00:10:27.32\00:10:30.89 it makes a huge difference. 00:10:30.93\00:10:32.53 And I believe that it will help with the violence 00:10:32.56\00:10:35.23 that's going on in those days. 00:10:35.26\00:10:36.60 Absolutely, absolutely. 00:10:36.63\00:10:37.97 I would even go further to say, 00:10:38.00\00:10:39.77 I don't want to make our single mothers feel like 00:10:39.80\00:10:42.44 they are in a hopeless predicament 00:10:42.47\00:10:44.97 because they are single mothers who have stepped up so to speak 00:10:45.01\00:10:49.54 within that role. 00:10:49.58\00:10:50.91 And by the grace of God, 00:10:50.95\00:10:52.28 have done tremendous jobs in mentoring, right? 00:10:52.31\00:10:54.08 Yes, yes. 00:10:54.12\00:10:55.65 Now if you're a single mother watching this program 00:10:55.68\00:10:58.79 and you're saying, "Well, I have no husband, 00:10:58.82\00:11:01.49 he has no uncles, 00:11:01.52\00:11:03.09 he has no cousins or whatever have you, 00:11:03.12\00:11:06.03 and I don't trust the men in the church 00:11:06.06\00:11:08.13 for whatever reason." 00:11:08.16\00:11:09.60 Then introduce him to the Man and Father, Christ Jesus. 00:11:09.63\00:11:13.47 Yes, amen. 00:11:13.50\00:11:14.84 Make sure you take time to introduce your child 00:11:14.87\00:11:17.94 to the masculine character of Christ, 00:11:17.97\00:11:21.44 as a husband, as a provider, 00:11:21.48\00:11:24.01 as a shepherd, as a comforter. 00:11:24.05\00:11:27.18 Help your child or your son to learn those traits 00:11:27.22\00:11:30.79 that Christ demonstrated to His church. 00:11:30.82\00:11:33.86 Because there was no greater man than Christ, let's face it. 00:11:33.89\00:11:36.69 None. 00:11:36.73\00:11:38.06 There was, there is no greater man than Christ 00:11:38.09\00:11:41.86 and the model of life that He demonstrated 00:11:41.90\00:11:44.33 for us while He was here. 00:11:44.37\00:11:45.73 And because that was instilled in you, 00:11:45.77\00:11:47.74 whether you want it or not, your mom instilled that in you, 00:11:47.77\00:11:51.24 it still, it was able to bring you back to that same Christ. 00:11:51.27\00:11:55.58 He was very important. Yes. 00:11:55.61\00:11:56.95 There is a lot that I seemingly did not listen to, 00:11:56.98\00:12:01.25 and I tell folk all the time, and I'm able to see them today. 00:12:01.28\00:12:04.49 Some often, a lot of folk in church that did, 00:12:04.52\00:12:07.69 at some part that are making effort to reach out to me, 00:12:07.72\00:12:09.52 they don't even remember it, you know. 00:12:09.56\00:12:11.66 And I remind them, "You said this to me at this time. 00:12:11.69\00:12:16.43 I remember when you said that. 00:12:16.46\00:12:18.07 I didn't react at that moment but later in life 00:12:18.10\00:12:21.14 as it came and it made sense, 00:12:21.17\00:12:23.00 the seed planted and it bear fruit. 00:12:23.04\00:12:25.57 And I appreciate what you have to share, 00:12:25.61\00:12:27.24 you know, and I know you have to go, 00:12:27.28\00:12:28.61 'cause I know Denry should probably be here right now. 00:12:28.64\00:12:30.68 So really appreciate you coming. 00:12:30.71\00:12:32.85 We'll see you later on. Absolutely. 00:12:32.88\00:12:34.22 Okay? It was great being here. 00:12:34.25\00:12:35.58 Great to see you again. 00:12:35.62\00:12:36.95 Denry. 00:12:39.55\00:12:40.89 How's it going? Hey, how's it going, man? 00:12:40.92\00:12:42.26 Good to see you. Good to see you, man. 00:12:42.29\00:12:43.63 Good to see you. Welcome, welcome, welcome. 00:12:43.66\00:12:44.99 Thanks for having me. 00:12:45.03\00:12:46.36 So we're just talking about, you know, 00:12:46.39\00:12:47.73 saving our young men from violence and you know, 00:12:47.76\00:12:49.10 Paul has shared some great testimony, 00:12:49.13\00:12:51.43 and Gordon had shared. 00:12:51.47\00:12:52.87 What about you? 00:12:52.90\00:12:54.24 What is your take on how do we save 00:12:54.27\00:12:55.60 our young men from violence? 00:12:55.64\00:12:56.97 How do we help them? 00:12:57.01\00:12:58.34 You know, we keep using this one word, mentoring. 00:12:58.37\00:13:01.11 The importance of... 00:13:01.14\00:13:02.84 If there's not a father at home, 00:13:02.88\00:13:04.28 or even if there is a father, 00:13:04.31\00:13:06.11 that father needs to mentor, disciple the children. 00:13:06.15\00:13:09.45 It really was the men of the church and my uncles 00:13:09.48\00:13:13.36 who saved my life, you know. 00:13:13.39\00:13:15.32 I wasn't as out there as Paul 00:13:15.36\00:13:18.69 in the sense of the violence part, 00:13:18.73\00:13:20.60 I was more in a dance hall. 00:13:20.63\00:13:22.23 You know, I loved party, I loved the girls, 00:13:22.26\00:13:25.03 I loved that life, the social life, you know. 00:13:25.07\00:13:27.60 And my uncles, you know, they were in the music, 00:13:27.64\00:13:29.80 playing the music, and I wanted to be like them. 00:13:29.84\00:13:32.41 You know, I want to be like them. 00:13:32.44\00:13:33.78 I told myself that when I'm 16 years old, 00:13:33.81\00:13:36.04 I want to start having children, 00:13:36.08\00:13:37.68 I want to have that kind of life. 00:13:37.71\00:13:39.95 But in a party life, attracts the violence. 00:13:39.98\00:13:43.65 You know, you can't separate the two. 00:13:43.69\00:13:45.02 You know, it's not realistic because you have alcohol, 00:13:45.05\00:13:48.46 you have drugs and stuff like that. 00:13:48.49\00:13:50.46 And I never forget one... 00:13:50.49\00:13:52.29 Couple of times, but one specific time, 00:13:52.33\00:13:54.86 there was this roar in a party in the Bronx, 00:13:54.90\00:13:57.87 and it was an open party in the park, 00:13:57.90\00:13:59.47 and we're having fun. 00:13:59.50\00:14:00.84 I mean, everybody is drinking, everybody is having fun. 00:14:00.87\00:14:03.74 I mean, even there are kids there and everything. 00:14:03.77\00:14:05.81 All of a sudden, shots were fired. 00:14:05.84\00:14:10.01 I was on the stage with my uncle, 00:14:10.05\00:14:12.18 and I never forget my uncle, he jumped on us, 00:14:12.21\00:14:16.95 myself, my cousin, 00:14:16.99\00:14:18.65 and my little cousin, little girl. 00:14:18.69\00:14:20.46 He jumped on top of us and saved our lives. 00:14:20.49\00:14:23.79 Wow. 00:14:23.83\00:14:25.16 And so much, there were bullet holes 00:14:25.19\00:14:27.40 on the wall behind us. 00:14:27.43\00:14:28.76 Mercy. 00:14:28.80\00:14:30.13 You see what I'm saying? 00:14:30.17\00:14:31.50 My other uncle, we were driving home from that 00:14:31.53\00:14:36.20 because everybody just got in their car, panic, and ran. 00:14:36.24\00:14:39.04 And he was like, "Denry, this life is not for you." 00:14:39.07\00:14:43.55 He was like, "I know it looks flashy. 00:14:43.58\00:14:45.45 I know it looks like gold. 00:14:45.48\00:14:46.88 I know it looks all great and everything, 00:14:46.92\00:14:49.05 but this is not you. 00:14:49.08\00:14:50.89 This life is not for you. 00:14:50.92\00:14:53.15 Stay in the church. 00:14:53.19\00:14:55.09 Be a preacher." 00:14:55.12\00:14:56.46 I mean, he was just... 00:14:56.49\00:14:57.83 I didn't even think about pastoring. 00:14:57.86\00:14:59.19 I mean, I'm like 18 that time. 00:14:59.23\00:15:01.70 I'm in that crossroad. 00:15:01.73\00:15:04.73 And he was just like, "Stay in the church." 00:15:04.77\00:15:07.14 And then... Okay. 00:15:07.17\00:15:08.50 While I'm in church now, my stepfather, 00:15:08.54\00:15:11.64 great guy, great guy, but he had his issues. 00:15:11.67\00:15:14.28 His father totally reject him. 00:15:14.31\00:15:16.34 So when he came into my life at 11, 12 years old, 00:15:16.38\00:15:20.35 he really didn't know how to deal with this dynamic. 00:15:20.38\00:15:24.02 Here's a son, a boy that's not his biological son. 00:15:24.05\00:15:28.12 So he tried a couple of things. 00:15:28.16\00:15:31.16 But he tried, he tried. 00:15:31.19\00:15:33.73 We're closer now. 00:15:33.76\00:15:35.10 But it was the men of the church, 00:15:35.13\00:15:36.93 the elders of the church who taught me 00:15:36.97\00:15:39.00 how to put a suit together. 00:15:39.03\00:15:41.20 You know, how to treat a woman. 00:15:41.24\00:15:43.54 You know, how to pray. 00:15:43.57\00:15:46.34 My stepfather taught me 00:15:46.37\00:15:47.71 how to worship every Friday night, 00:15:47.74\00:15:50.91 every Friday night. 00:15:50.95\00:15:52.28 He couldn't sing a lick. 00:15:52.31\00:15:53.65 I mean, he can't sing to save his life. 00:15:53.68\00:15:56.02 But every Friday, as soon as the sun goes down, 00:15:56.05\00:15:58.82 he will stop everything he's doing, 00:15:58.85\00:16:00.19 even if the house is half clean, 00:16:00.22\00:16:01.79 and he'll get his Bible and his hymnal, 00:16:01.82\00:16:04.23 and sits in the living room, 00:16:04.26\00:16:05.73 and starts singing to open the Sabbath. 00:16:05.76\00:16:08.56 And if I'm coming out late, he's like, "Where were you? 00:16:08.60\00:16:11.57 Sabbath, you know Sabbath sunset." 00:16:11.60\00:16:13.64 That was a biblical principle at the home. 00:16:13.67\00:16:16.97 It was the spirituality, the prayer life. 00:16:17.01\00:16:19.47 And so the men of the church, and my uncles, you know, 00:16:19.51\00:16:22.88 pushing me out of that dance hall 00:16:22.91\00:16:24.51 scene is really what saved my life, 00:16:24.55\00:16:27.42 and I have to thank God for God using men, 00:16:27.45\00:16:32.32 men to drag me out of darkness 00:16:32.35\00:16:35.99 into the marvelous light of Jesus Christ. 00:16:36.02\00:16:38.49 So that's spiritual, the spiritual life in the home 00:16:38.53\00:16:40.36 is an important component. 00:16:40.40\00:16:41.90 Oh, yes. 00:16:41.93\00:16:43.26 Fathers being spiritual, 00:16:43.30\00:16:44.63 it's an important component to saving our young men 00:16:44.67\00:16:48.20 from violence of the street. 00:16:48.24\00:16:50.04 I do believe again that family worship 00:16:50.07\00:16:53.07 is an important part as far as we need to cover our children. 00:16:53.11\00:16:58.35 I love the way Ellen White puts it that, you know, 00:16:58.38\00:17:00.65 I think I shared this already, 00:17:00.68\00:17:02.78 is that the role of the priest in the home 00:17:02.82\00:17:06.92 is, every morning, you get on your knees, 00:17:06.96\00:17:10.49 and you pray, and you intercede for your children, 00:17:10.53\00:17:14.23 for a known as well as their unknown sins, 00:17:14.26\00:17:16.77 cover them with prayer. 00:17:16.80\00:17:18.13 Because when you cover them with prayer, 00:17:18.17\00:17:20.20 that's where you find the power, 00:17:20.24\00:17:23.04 that's where they find the power to overcome 00:17:23.07\00:17:25.44 some of the temptations, 00:17:25.47\00:17:26.81 overcome the vicissitudes of this life. 00:17:26.84\00:17:29.64 So the role, I think men, 00:17:29.68\00:17:31.25 we are to step up and be praying me, 00:17:31.28\00:17:34.28 covering our children, 00:17:34.32\00:17:35.68 don't let them go a day without prayer, 00:17:35.72\00:17:37.25 as well as the mothers. 00:17:37.29\00:17:39.02 So that spiritual life is an important component 00:17:39.05\00:17:41.62 in saving our young men. 00:17:41.66\00:17:43.02 You know, part of it too is, as men, we men, 00:17:43.06\00:17:46.03 if that's proper English, 00:17:46.06\00:17:47.40 need to allow Christ to transform us. 00:17:47.43\00:17:49.86 Yes. Yeah, yes. 00:17:49.90\00:17:51.23 And accept forgiveness. 00:17:51.27\00:17:52.60 You know, we look at Him as a hero in the Bible, 00:17:52.63\00:17:55.30 one of the greatest Bible heroes, David, 00:17:55.34\00:17:58.67 but he was a terrible father. 00:17:58.71\00:18:00.88 Because David held on to that guilt and therefore, 00:18:00.91\00:18:05.01 in stuff where he could have stopped his sons, 00:18:05.05\00:18:08.45 you know, one brother raped the sister, 00:18:08.48\00:18:12.25 the other brother wanted vengeance. 00:18:12.29\00:18:13.62 Well, he could have stood in there and say, 00:18:13.66\00:18:14.99 "Look, I know it's wrong but this is how we do it." 00:18:15.02\00:18:18.89 Or rather, what happened? 00:18:18.93\00:18:20.26 A year later, the brother kills the brother, 00:18:20.30\00:18:22.63 and then the whole mess happens with all of his children. 00:18:22.66\00:18:27.04 So as fathers, even though, we all have our past, 00:18:27.07\00:18:31.71 we all have our past. 00:18:31.74\00:18:33.58 But we have to let God use that past 00:18:33.61\00:18:36.18 as our testimony to our children 00:18:36.21\00:18:38.28 to keep pointing people to Jesus. 00:18:38.31\00:18:41.02 I came to the grip that I can't find out, 00:18:41.05\00:18:43.08 because even those men of the church, 00:18:43.12\00:18:44.55 they were not perfect. 00:18:44.59\00:18:45.92 My uncles are not perfect, 00:18:45.95\00:18:47.29 they're still in that social life. 00:18:47.32\00:18:49.42 They have some wisdom, but they're not perfect. 00:18:49.46\00:18:51.36 So I had to learn as a young man in my 20s, 00:18:51.39\00:18:54.76 my father is in heaven. 00:18:54.80\00:18:58.53 My example of a father is the guy in heaven. 00:18:58.57\00:19:03.44 And so I patterned my life now as a father who have children 00:19:03.47\00:19:08.81 after my father in heaven. 00:19:08.84\00:19:12.25 And I struggle with that still. 00:19:12.28\00:19:13.78 Even though I'm a chaplain, I still struggle 00:19:13.82\00:19:17.19 with the knowledge of the responsibility, 00:19:17.22\00:19:21.12 the spirituality behind fatherhood, 00:19:21.16\00:19:23.76 of being the spiritual leader of my home. 00:19:23.79\00:19:26.03 You know, I've read Spirit of Prophecy, 00:19:26.06\00:19:27.53 I read, you know, studied the Bible. 00:19:27.56\00:19:30.37 I've googled different things, you know, 00:19:30.40\00:19:32.37 whatever you want to call it, I've done it. 00:19:32.40\00:19:34.44 But what does that look like 00:19:34.47\00:19:37.61 so you don't feel like you're failing, 00:19:37.64\00:19:40.48 spiritually failing your family? 00:19:40.51\00:19:42.81 As a father, what do I do to... 00:19:42.84\00:19:45.45 Well, to know that I'm doing okay? 00:19:45.48\00:19:46.88 I think you model... 00:19:46.92\00:19:48.25 You have to model the life and be real. 00:19:48.28\00:19:51.92 A lot of times, we're fake, you know, 00:19:51.95\00:19:54.82 try to show our children one side, and you know, 00:19:54.86\00:19:58.33 try to be something else. 00:19:58.36\00:19:59.83 We need to be real with our children. 00:19:59.86\00:20:01.60 Yes, we're going to make mistakes. 00:20:01.63\00:20:03.26 But I remember my son saying to me, 00:20:03.30\00:20:07.10 "The one thing that I know is of a certain time 00:20:07.14\00:20:09.84 I find my dad praying. 00:20:09.87\00:20:11.51 I go in office, and my dad is on his knees, 00:20:11.54\00:20:15.14 and he's there for hours." 00:20:15.18\00:20:17.35 My son, I've watched him now, 00:20:17.38\00:20:20.55 he's actually modeling the same thing. 00:20:20.58\00:20:23.65 Well, "Justin, where are you?" 00:20:23.69\00:20:26.89 "I'm in worship." 00:20:26.92\00:20:29.09 He's been in worship for over an hour. 00:20:29.12\00:20:31.16 This is my 19-year-old, now 20. 00:20:31.19\00:20:34.40 And all I did was model. 00:20:34.43\00:20:37.13 And I wasn't doing it for him, I'm doing this for me, 00:20:37.17\00:20:41.10 this is for my spiritual development 00:20:41.14\00:20:43.04 because I'm covering my family. 00:20:43.07\00:20:44.77 I'm covering my children. 00:20:44.81\00:20:46.14 But just that model... 00:20:46.17\00:20:47.84 And what we have done in our home, 00:20:47.88\00:20:51.01 we have allowed them to express themselves in family worship. 00:20:51.05\00:20:56.52 In other words, we've taught them, "Listen, 00:20:56.55\00:20:58.62 you have to develop a personal relationship with Jesus. 00:20:58.65\00:21:01.96 You have to get to know Jesus yourself." 00:21:01.99\00:21:04.96 So in the mornings, we're not concerned 00:21:04.99\00:21:07.00 about pulling the family together. 00:21:07.03\00:21:08.86 What we're concerned about 00:21:08.90\00:21:10.27 is them having their own personal relationship, 00:21:10.30\00:21:13.00 because we're going to be out of picture. 00:21:13.03\00:21:14.90 If they don't know Christ for themselves, 00:21:14.94\00:21:16.81 if they don't have that relationship 00:21:16.84\00:21:18.24 for themselves, 00:21:18.27\00:21:19.61 then I believe it's not going to be the best. 00:21:19.64\00:21:22.88 So model it, teach them to have that relationship, 00:21:22.91\00:21:28.35 and just be real, got to be real. 00:21:28.38\00:21:31.35 So what I'm listening to you saying is, 00:21:31.39\00:21:33.15 it's truly not that difficult per se 00:21:33.19\00:21:36.22 as maybe the church society might say it 00:21:36.26\00:21:39.89 because, you know, my five-year-old, 00:21:39.93\00:21:41.96 we get in the car, automatically, 00:21:42.00\00:21:43.83 "Dad, we can't leave, we got to pray." 00:21:43.87\00:21:46.50 Or if we do something, even the one-year-old, 00:21:46.53\00:21:49.24 when we put a food in front of her, 00:21:49.27\00:21:50.97 she'll put her hands together, and she'll mumble something 00:21:51.01\00:21:53.68 'cause can't understand it 00:21:53.71\00:21:55.04 but you hear the amen loud and clear. 00:21:55.08\00:21:57.38 And you know, I think sometimes, as fathers, 00:21:57.41\00:22:00.48 especially as pastors, or whatever you want to call, 00:22:00.52\00:22:05.65 as fathers, I think sometimes we overcomplicate spirituality. 00:22:05.69\00:22:09.09 Yeah. 00:22:09.12\00:22:10.46 We make it like this huge beast that we cannot understand it, 00:22:10.49\00:22:13.23 like we have to take like the Old Testament, 00:22:13.26\00:22:17.03 we had to take this lamb and go slaughter it. 00:22:17.07\00:22:20.14 It seems like... 00:22:20.17\00:22:21.50 I know I've done it. 00:22:21.54\00:22:22.87 It seems like overcomplicating the spirituality 00:22:22.90\00:22:24.24 when in fact it's modeling. 00:22:24.27\00:22:27.18 Not perfection, but modeling imperfection 00:22:27.21\00:22:31.05 through the perfection of Christ. 00:22:31.08\00:22:32.41 Amen. 00:22:32.45\00:22:33.78 Because that's what Jesus did. Yes. 00:22:33.82\00:22:35.15 Jesus, what Jesus did is He modeled. 00:22:35.18\00:22:36.79 He modeled, yeah. 00:22:36.82\00:22:38.15 And that's all we need to do is just to model. 00:22:38.19\00:22:41.29 I'm going to stress it again, be real. 00:22:41.32\00:22:45.63 Be real, be authentic. Yeah. 00:22:45.66\00:22:47.70 You know, as a pastor, 00:22:47.73\00:22:50.77 you don't realize that you have two churches 00:22:50.80\00:22:55.07 here in your congregation. 00:22:55.10\00:22:57.34 The one that sees you on Sabbath, 00:22:57.37\00:22:59.64 and in prayer meeting or whatever, Bible studies, 00:22:59.67\00:23:02.21 whatever, but there is a church that sees you every day, 00:23:02.24\00:23:05.98 and that's your family. 00:23:06.01\00:23:07.95 That's my family. 00:23:07.98\00:23:09.35 It blew me away, my son, 00:23:09.38\00:23:11.22 recently my son at Children's day, 00:23:11.25\00:23:13.36 they ask my son to preach, one of the oldest. 00:23:13.39\00:23:16.52 And the other one said, he's going to sing, 00:23:16.56\00:23:18.49 do the appeal song, right? 00:23:18.53\00:23:20.60 So I'm helping him prepare, helping him prepare, 00:23:20.63\00:23:23.00 I got his notes together and everything. 00:23:23.03\00:23:25.53 That Sabbath, he's supposed to preach. 00:23:25.57\00:23:27.17 I go to him, I was like, "Where's your notes?" 00:23:27.20\00:23:29.00 He said, "Don't worry." 00:23:29.04\00:23:30.37 He said, "I'm not going to use the notes." 00:23:30.41\00:23:32.07 Where he got that from? 00:23:32.11\00:23:34.28 I don't preach with notes. 00:23:34.31\00:23:36.44 So he want to preach, he saw me preach without notes, 00:23:36.48\00:23:40.12 and he did a fantastic job. 00:23:40.15\00:23:42.52 And then the younger brother came and sang 00:23:42.55\00:23:44.52 and did the appeal, and all these children 00:23:44.55\00:23:46.82 and teenagers came off for the appeal. 00:23:46.86\00:23:48.92 I mean, you want to see that. 00:23:48.96\00:23:51.06 You don't want to hear that your son is in a casket 00:23:51.09\00:23:54.30 or going off to prison or anything. 00:23:54.33\00:23:55.93 You want to hear that your son has given his life to God, 00:23:55.96\00:23:59.67 even your daughter. 00:23:59.70\00:24:01.04 And then my little daughter, she's four years old, 00:24:01.07\00:24:02.70 she did the welcome. 00:24:02.74\00:24:04.07 She wasn't shy, she wasn't timid. 00:24:04.11\00:24:05.57 "Good morning, church." 00:24:05.61\00:24:07.18 And she was just so, you know... 00:24:07.21\00:24:08.58 Because they see that I'm not afraid. 00:24:08.61\00:24:10.48 So people are like, 00:24:10.51\00:24:11.85 "Why is your children don't afraid 00:24:11.88\00:24:13.21 to go up to the pulpit. 00:24:13.25\00:24:14.58 They're not afraid to pray, 00:24:14.62\00:24:15.95 they're not afraid to do these things." 00:24:15.98\00:24:17.32 Because they see my wife 00:24:17.35\00:24:20.32 and myself modeled these things. 00:24:20.36\00:24:22.52 So they follow our examples. 00:24:22.56\00:24:24.49 Even one morning, my son was... 00:24:24.53\00:24:26.59 The night before, my son was like, 00:24:26.63\00:24:28.53 "How come we don't have family worship 00:24:28.56\00:24:31.03 in the mornings no more? 00:24:31.07\00:24:32.40 We have worship at night, 00:24:32.43\00:24:33.77 but we used to have family worship 00:24:33.80\00:24:35.14 in the mornings." 00:24:35.17\00:24:36.54 And my wife and I looked at each other and like, "Wow!" 00:24:36.57\00:24:39.44 He's eight years old, and he wants to have worship. 00:24:39.47\00:24:43.71 You know, you brought up a good point is the fact that, 00:24:43.75\00:24:46.41 in order to keep and save our young men from violence 00:24:46.45\00:24:49.72 including our church, we have to show them 00:24:49.75\00:24:52.72 the imperfect relationship 00:24:52.75\00:24:55.02 through the perfect relationship with Christ, 00:24:55.06\00:24:57.53 meaning that you know, 00:24:57.56\00:24:58.89 we're not going to be perfect fathers 00:24:58.93\00:25:01.03 but we got to show them that there's a perfect God 00:25:01.06\00:25:03.43 that can save them from themselves. 00:25:03.47\00:25:05.77 And I don't know, that's just something 00:25:05.80\00:25:07.14 that I picked up from what you were saying. 00:25:07.17\00:25:08.50 What do you think, Gordon? 00:25:08.54\00:25:09.87 I think it's true showing them 00:25:09.90\00:25:12.71 how imperfect we are being able to let them have... 00:25:12.74\00:25:17.91 talk to them about different stories about your life 00:25:17.95\00:25:20.52 day-by-day, you know, they don't think their dad is, 00:25:20.55\00:25:23.82 you know, so perfect, you know, whatever. 00:25:23.85\00:25:26.09 For me, my son, you know, 00:25:26.12\00:25:28.36 he sees and he knows the relationship 00:25:28.39\00:25:31.26 that his father have with God. 00:25:31.29\00:25:33.29 He sees my prayer time, 00:25:33.33\00:25:34.76 he knows that I'm there praying. 00:25:34.80\00:25:36.36 And now, in his devotional life, 00:25:36.40\00:25:39.43 he's actually picking up the same things. 00:25:39.47\00:25:41.37 He spends hours in devotional prayer. 00:25:41.40\00:25:44.84 And so the modeling is important, 00:25:44.87\00:25:46.98 just being there and being real, 00:25:47.01\00:25:49.21 you know, authentic. 00:25:49.24\00:25:50.58 So you're not showing one face at church 00:25:50.61\00:25:52.51 and your one face at home. 00:25:52.55\00:25:54.12 Yeah, just be real for your children. 00:25:54.15\00:25:55.88 I think it's the best in it, any parent can do. 00:25:55.92\00:25:57.89 Yeah. 00:25:57.92\00:25:59.25 And what are you passionate about? 00:25:59.29\00:26:00.82 What are you passionate about? 00:26:00.86\00:26:02.19 If you're passionate about God, 00:26:02.22\00:26:04.16 it's a higher chance for your children 00:26:04.19\00:26:05.86 to be passionate about God too. 00:26:05.89\00:26:07.56 If you're passionate about money, 00:26:07.60\00:26:08.93 whether you are working an honest job and working hard, 00:26:08.96\00:26:11.43 and they see you working hard, then they're going to think 00:26:11.47\00:26:13.64 about the easier way which can lead to violence. 00:26:13.67\00:26:15.84 So what are you passionate about? 00:26:15.87\00:26:17.41 And then, you have to know your children 00:26:17.44\00:26:19.34 'cause my daughter is totally different from my son. 00:26:19.37\00:26:22.08 And she needs a little more work, 00:26:22.11\00:26:25.01 little more encouragement. 00:26:25.05\00:26:26.45 So we have to encourage her, we have to be there for her. 00:26:26.48\00:26:29.45 And my son, you know, he's pretty much there, 00:26:29.48\00:26:33.82 but she needs encouragement. 00:26:33.86\00:26:35.42 Different styles, different methods 00:26:35.46\00:26:37.63 for the different children. 00:26:37.66\00:26:38.99 It's not one size fit all, 00:26:39.03\00:26:41.30 but I think modeling to her, 00:26:41.33\00:26:44.77 she more will grab the mother, her mom side of the modeling, 00:26:44.80\00:26:48.77 but that Christian modeling is very important. 00:26:48.80\00:26:51.24 It goes a long way. Yeah, I appreciate that. 00:26:51.27\00:26:52.61 I appreciate that 'cause just can keep going on, man. 00:26:52.64\00:26:55.44 We have a lot to talk about 00:26:55.48\00:26:57.35 and I just appreciate everything you shared. 00:26:57.38\00:26:59.91 And for the viewing audience, again, 00:26:59.95\00:27:03.49 fatherhood is not meant to be perfect. 00:27:03.52\00:27:06.05 You know, the reason we do this program, 00:27:06.09\00:27:09.12 the reason we sit down and discuss so openly 00:27:09.16\00:27:11.16 is because we want to show you that as ministers, 00:27:11.19\00:27:13.80 we're just as messed up as you are, 00:27:13.83\00:27:16.87 we're just as imperfect. 00:27:16.90\00:27:19.00 You know, we may be on camera, 00:27:19.03\00:27:23.00 but we can't hide who we are. 00:27:23.04\00:27:25.97 At the same time, we can't hide who God has made us to be. 00:27:26.01\00:27:28.91 Amen. 00:27:28.94\00:27:30.28 We're all broken, we're all... 00:27:30.31\00:27:32.18 You know, we can all fell under category of bad fathers. 00:27:32.21\00:27:35.75 But God knows we're good fathers, 00:27:35.78\00:27:38.02 we're just imperfect, 00:27:38.05\00:27:39.39 we need a little tweaking, a little help. 00:27:39.42\00:27:41.56 And in order to keep our young men, young ladies, 00:27:41.59\00:27:44.33 our kids from violence, 00:27:44.36\00:27:46.83 we have to do the very best we can to hang on to Christ. 00:27:46.86\00:27:52.50 It may seem redundant at times, 00:27:52.53\00:27:53.97 it may seem weird but you know what? 00:27:54.00\00:27:56.00 It saves lives because Christ saves lives. 00:27:56.04\00:27:59.57 Do yourself a favor. 00:27:59.61\00:28:00.94 Be a father. Thank you for watching. 00:28:00.98\00:28:02.51