A good father takes time to play. 00:00:01.36\00:00:05.50 He has strong integrity. 00:00:05.53\00:00:08.10 He is someone that is truly dedicated. 00:00:08.14\00:00:12.14 He is not afraid to show his love. 00:00:12.17\00:00:16.11 He is a caring provider. 00:00:16.14\00:00:20.05 And he's a kind spiritual leader. 00:00:20.08\00:00:22.92 These are just a few ways to describe a father's heart. 00:00:22.95\00:00:28.12 Hi, Welcome to A Father's Heart. 00:00:28.16\00:00:29.49 I'm your host Xavier. 00:00:29.52\00:00:30.93 And today, we're going to be discussing 00:00:30.96\00:00:32.63 how to save our young men from violence. 00:00:32.66\00:00:34.70 You know, in a society that we live in nowadays, 00:00:34.73\00:00:36.53 it seems like all our youth are out there 00:00:36.56\00:00:38.70 killing each other. 00:00:38.73\00:00:40.07 And, you know, we need to find out as fathers 00:00:40.10\00:00:42.14 what we can do to help this to stop. 00:00:42.17\00:00:45.81 And with me to discuss that are my friends, 00:00:45.84\00:00:48.24 Gordon and Paul. 00:00:48.28\00:00:49.84 How are you guys today? We're doing good. 00:00:49.88\00:00:51.48 Blessed, man. Good to be here. 00:00:51.51\00:00:53.35 So, culturally, ethnically, in every kind of aspect, 00:00:53.38\00:00:58.12 you look at it. 00:00:58.15\00:00:59.49 We have our young men just killing each other. 00:00:59.52\00:01:01.16 What can we do as fathers to prevent this, 00:01:01.19\00:01:04.26 you know, obviously it might not stop 00:01:04.29\00:01:05.69 because of sin, 00:01:05.73\00:01:07.06 but at least what can we do to help? 00:01:07.10\00:01:09.73 I think it starts 00:01:09.76\00:01:11.10 with observing our current culture. 00:01:11.13\00:01:13.94 My earlier years 70s, 80s, 90s when I was on the street, 00:01:13.97\00:01:18.27 it seemed more something related to the urban community 00:01:18.31\00:01:22.04 and especially communities of poverty. 00:01:22.08\00:01:24.98 And there was somewhat an ethnic divide, 00:01:25.01\00:01:27.08 in a sense, 00:01:27.12\00:01:28.45 you know, more Afro-Americans, 00:01:28.48\00:01:30.49 more Latinos. 00:01:30.52\00:01:33.12 People who are in communities of poverty, 00:01:33.15\00:01:34.89 now it's far more pervasive, it's become a culture. 00:01:34.92\00:01:38.59 Its music, 00:01:38.63\00:01:39.96 it's in many different forms of media 00:01:40.00\00:01:41.73 and it's actually hipped to be violent. 00:01:41.76\00:01:45.17 It's not just a group of people 00:01:45.20\00:01:46.53 that are reacting or being violent 00:01:46.57\00:01:48.70 because of a need of survival. 00:01:48.74\00:01:51.01 So we have to address the culture itself, 00:01:51.04\00:01:54.44 even as it pertains to our home environment, 00:01:54.48\00:01:57.91 with our, especially our sons, 00:01:57.95\00:02:00.32 what they're seeing and what they're learning 00:02:00.35\00:02:02.38 from that culture of violence 00:02:02.42\00:02:03.92 in terms of how it helps them to define themselves as men, 00:02:03.95\00:02:07.72 and how it reinforces 00:02:07.76\00:02:09.09 their sense of security in society. 00:02:09.12\00:02:11.13 There's a lot that I can share about 00:02:11.16\00:02:12.66 where I fail as a teenager. 00:02:12.69\00:02:14.76 And what I misunderstood, 00:02:14.80\00:02:16.46 that drew me more and more and more 00:02:16.50\00:02:18.97 into this lifestyle of violence. 00:02:19.00\00:02:21.40 I tell you, when I started pastoring in Chicago, 00:02:21.44\00:02:25.44 it was quite an eye opener for me, 00:02:25.47\00:02:28.44 talking about the music 00:02:28.48\00:02:29.81 and which I believe contributes a lot to it. 00:02:29.84\00:02:33.82 Realizing that the music that the young folks 00:02:33.85\00:02:36.15 were listening to it was so toxic. 00:02:36.18\00:02:38.92 Basically, we had a huge one Sabbath afternoon, 00:02:38.95\00:02:42.29 we did this program, 00:02:42.32\00:02:43.83 and we literally buried all of their stuff, 00:02:43.86\00:02:47.96 the CDs that they brought, 00:02:48.00\00:02:49.90 the music that they brought, 00:02:49.93\00:02:51.27 I mean what they were listening to 00:02:51.30\00:02:53.87 was, you know, there's violent music 00:02:53.90\00:02:57.01 and really pushes them I believe to this attitude, 00:02:57.04\00:03:01.04 this behavior of violence. 00:03:01.08\00:03:02.71 So, I do believe that the music plays a lot of, 00:03:02.74\00:03:06.11 very important role in it. 00:03:06.15\00:03:07.65 I also believe that at least for where in my demographics 00:03:07.68\00:03:11.72 in my community that I pastor, 00:03:11.75\00:03:13.66 it's a fact that they need food. 00:03:13.69\00:03:17.03 There's a lack in the home 00:03:17.06\00:03:19.69 where the parents is not parenting, 00:03:19.73\00:03:21.90 the father is not there. 00:03:21.93\00:03:23.43 They're being raised by single mothers 00:03:23.47\00:03:25.23 and the single mothers are working. 00:03:25.27\00:03:27.40 And so these young kids are home by themselves. 00:03:27.44\00:03:31.07 And then they get into the gangs 00:03:31.11\00:03:33.91 that are on the street, 00:03:33.94\00:03:36.11 and it's because there's a lack of parental guidance. 00:03:36.14\00:03:40.15 That's one of the big things that I find 00:03:40.18\00:03:43.15 that is propelling and is pushing 00:03:43.18\00:03:45.25 this violence for our young people. 00:03:45.29\00:03:47.72 Some of them that economically there's no food in the home. 00:03:47.76\00:03:51.63 There's no, you know, 00:03:51.66\00:03:52.99 so they go out and they steal and they rob 00:03:53.03\00:03:55.26 and there's a saying that says, 00:03:55.30\00:03:57.13 you know, we just got to bite, 00:03:57.17\00:03:58.67 simply means that they're going to eat 00:03:58.70\00:04:00.27 and they don't care what they have to do to eat. 00:04:00.30\00:04:02.60 I have, you know, been to a lot of funerals, 00:04:02.64\00:04:06.07 I funeralize a lot of them, 00:04:06.11\00:04:07.94 and I'm just really sick of what's happening. 00:04:07.98\00:04:10.91 But the issue is parents, 00:04:10.95\00:04:13.92 the parents have lost control in the homes. 00:04:13.95\00:04:17.99 You know, and that is a great point, 00:04:18.02\00:04:19.99 because I see that in our churches, 00:04:20.02\00:04:22.02 it seems like nowadays, 00:04:22.06\00:04:24.76 send our kids or people send their kids 00:04:24.79\00:04:27.06 to church or to school to learn about God. 00:04:27.10\00:04:30.63 And the parents just kind of leave it 00:04:30.67\00:04:32.57 up to the pastors to do it, 00:04:32.60\00:04:34.47 you know, and I have a problem with that. 00:04:34.50\00:04:36.91 Because the Bible doesn't say that, 00:04:36.94\00:04:38.91 the Bible doesn't say send your kids off to church 00:04:38.94\00:04:40.88 and church school 00:04:40.91\00:04:42.41 and go ahead and they do all the work. 00:04:42.44\00:04:44.58 You got to do the work too. So I agree with that. 00:04:44.61\00:04:46.92 You know, but what are some of the other things 00:04:46.95\00:04:49.48 such as mentorship, you know, for example, 00:04:49.52\00:04:51.65 I've mentored a lot of kids. 00:04:51.69\00:04:53.99 I remember a group of kids 00:04:54.02\00:04:55.36 that I was talking to at high school, 00:04:55.39\00:04:57.26 and just helping them with their homework 00:04:57.29\00:04:59.26 and one young man, African-American said to me, 00:04:59.29\00:05:02.70 "No, I don't want to do this college thing 00:05:02.73\00:05:05.17 because I can go to the, I can go to jail in California, 00:05:05.20\00:05:09.20 and get three square meals a day, 00:05:09.24\00:05:11.07 and play hoops and lift weights." 00:05:11.11\00:05:13.91 And all of us kind of looked at him. 00:05:13.94\00:05:15.88 I looked at him like, 00:05:15.91\00:05:17.45 well, you sound like you need a whipping, 00:05:17.48\00:05:19.71 you got no sense, none. 00:05:19.75\00:05:21.98 I'm gonna need you to go find that sense." 00:05:22.02\00:05:24.19 But I'm sad to say that but internally, I'm like, 00:05:24.22\00:05:27.16 I wonder what he's lacking at home. 00:05:27.19\00:05:31.09 You know, what can we do as men, 00:05:31.13\00:05:33.29 obviously in leadership roles, 00:05:33.33\00:05:35.03 but as well as our lay members, 00:05:35.06\00:05:37.90 as a church man, as a church, 00:05:37.93\00:05:39.57 because church is not a building. 00:05:39.60\00:05:41.50 It's a way of life. 00:05:41.54\00:05:43.30 What can we do to help our young men? 00:05:43.34\00:05:45.74 Sure. 00:05:45.77\00:05:48.08 It starts with ensuring 00:05:48.11\00:05:50.38 that you have a home environment 00:05:50.41\00:05:51.75 that's structured. 00:05:51.78\00:05:53.11 So I think for those of us here, 00:05:53.15\00:05:54.82 and most of our religious peer, 00:05:54.85\00:05:58.49 we may not be facing the same exact trials 00:05:58.52\00:06:00.56 because we are responsible 00:06:00.59\00:06:02.52 and accountable fathers in our home, 00:06:02.56\00:06:04.49 maintaining the type of structure 00:06:04.53\00:06:05.96 and the type of relationship 00:06:05.99\00:06:07.33 that will more than likely provide the correct nurture 00:06:07.36\00:06:10.33 for our sons or our daughters, 00:06:10.37\00:06:12.57 so that they make the right choices. 00:06:12.60\00:06:14.60 And most of us have now been removed 00:06:14.64\00:06:16.60 from that environment. 00:06:16.64\00:06:17.97 So for those of us that are still there, 00:06:18.01\00:06:19.77 and for those of us that don't have 00:06:19.81\00:06:21.14 that type of structure, 00:06:21.18\00:06:22.51 it helps for us to start 00:06:22.54\00:06:23.91 with understanding scientifically 00:06:23.95\00:06:26.51 what we're dealing with. 00:06:26.55\00:06:27.95 So I'm going to try to break this down for you a little bit 00:06:27.98\00:06:29.95 from even my own experience, 00:06:29.98\00:06:32.42 professionally as well as what I lived 00:06:32.45\00:06:34.92 as an at-risk teen. 00:06:34.96\00:06:36.89 So it starts with status. 00:06:36.93\00:06:39.39 It starts with status. 00:06:39.43\00:06:40.93 There are very groups in the street 00:06:40.96\00:06:44.40 that subscribe to violence and that type of lifestyle. 00:06:44.43\00:06:48.20 The minority are those who are doing it 00:06:48.24\00:06:51.41 because they actually see no other choice. 00:06:51.44\00:06:54.58 And I had friends like that, 00:06:54.61\00:06:56.11 say within a particular group 00:06:56.14\00:06:57.48 I was running with say 00:06:57.51\00:06:58.85 any number of five or six kids, right? 00:06:58.88\00:07:00.75 And we out there, we got a little gang 00:07:00.78\00:07:02.48 or we gang banging or whatever have you. 00:07:02.52\00:07:04.52 There may be one or two of us within the group 00:07:04.55\00:07:07.62 who don't know 00:07:07.66\00:07:09.29 where they're sleeping the next night, 00:07:09.32\00:07:10.96 they're from house to house. 00:07:10.99\00:07:12.33 They don't know 00:07:12.36\00:07:13.70 what type of meal they're getting. 00:07:13.73\00:07:15.06 They didn't know what type 00:07:15.10\00:07:16.60 when they would get their next set of clothing. 00:07:16.63\00:07:18.40 So for them, 00:07:18.43\00:07:19.77 it was an actual effort to survive. 00:07:19.80\00:07:24.37 And so, when we ran out or they ran out 00:07:24.41\00:07:26.84 and did bad things or robbed people 00:07:26.88\00:07:28.44 in this kind of stuff, 00:07:28.48\00:07:29.81 they weren't, as far as they were concerned, 00:07:29.84\00:07:32.01 doing it as a material necessity. 00:07:32.05\00:07:35.48 Then there are others 00:07:35.52\00:07:36.85 who they were from a proper home environment, 00:07:36.89\00:07:39.65 so to speak, or at least a dual parent home environment. 00:07:39.69\00:07:42.16 But we're all living in Brooklyn. 00:07:42.19\00:07:43.53 We all live in East Flatbush. 00:07:43.56\00:07:44.93 They have a mother and a father. 00:07:44.96\00:07:46.29 They're both working. 00:07:46.33\00:07:47.66 Their parents have income, both parents have cars, 00:07:47.70\00:07:49.70 etc, etc, etc. 00:07:49.73\00:07:51.43 They're packing pistols, they're selling weed, 00:07:51.47\00:07:54.27 they're doing everything everybody else is doing. 00:07:54.30\00:07:56.71 And they're also getting into situations 00:07:56.74\00:07:58.97 of violent conflict. 00:07:59.01\00:08:00.34 And then you had those like myself, 00:08:00.38\00:08:02.14 who the need, my physical needs 00:08:02.18\00:08:05.58 were being met as far as food, 00:08:05.61\00:08:08.38 clothing and shelter. 00:08:08.42\00:08:10.09 But then my challenge was like, 00:08:10.12\00:08:12.75 pass a phrase 00:08:12.79\00:08:14.12 Gordon said it a little earlier. 00:08:14.16\00:08:15.92 My mom when I got to the US, my mom had four jobs, four. 00:08:15.96\00:08:21.80 My mom was working three jobs during the week 00:08:21.83\00:08:24.33 and a job on the weekend. 00:08:24.37\00:08:26.33 And so, I would see my mom or hear her at times, 00:08:26.37\00:08:29.80 I would hear her get in the home 00:08:29.84\00:08:32.37 maybe like around 1 am 00:08:32.41\00:08:34.18 and then before I would wake, 00:08:34.21\00:08:36.34 when I got up at 7 o'clock 00:08:36.38\00:08:38.31 to get dressed to go to school, 00:08:38.35\00:08:39.71 my junior high school just across the street, 00:08:39.75\00:08:42.48 cereal and some milk could be on the table, 00:08:42.52\00:08:44.39 some toasted bread or something like that, 00:08:44.42\00:08:46.29 and my mom would not be there, she had already left for work. 00:08:46.32\00:08:48.82 So, we have this culture where you call, 00:08:48.86\00:08:51.16 you know, latchkey, latchkey children, 00:08:51.19\00:08:53.83 you know, and so on and so forth. 00:08:53.86\00:08:55.20 But my challenge was being able to survive 00:08:55.23\00:08:58.83 within the country 00:08:58.87\00:09:00.60 of those who had the immediate need of survival 00:09:00.64\00:09:04.51 because they prey on everyone else. 00:09:04.54\00:09:08.54 So then you get into this cultural struggle 00:09:08.58\00:09:11.28 where it becomes a need to elevate status. 00:09:11.31\00:09:15.58 And if there's one word I could pull out 00:09:15.62\00:09:17.72 of that drug culture, that violent culture, 00:09:17.75\00:09:19.75 that survival culture is the word status. 00:09:19.79\00:09:22.39 For us, it was like being in the military. 00:09:22.42\00:09:25.83 And you've been in law enforcement, 00:09:25.86\00:09:27.56 you know how it is, and there are different ranks. 00:09:27.60\00:09:30.30 You're able to meander your way through the community 00:09:30.33\00:09:32.87 and through the society, 00:09:32.90\00:09:34.57 in a safe manner, relative to your rank. 00:09:34.60\00:09:38.34 When you get there, you're a private, 00:09:38.37\00:09:39.87 you're nobody, 00:09:39.91\00:09:41.24 you're peon, you just, you're like a civilian. 00:09:41.28\00:09:43.65 And you can be victimized 00:09:43.68\00:09:45.05 by anybody else of a higher rank. 00:09:45.08\00:09:47.98 And so, as you run the streets, 00:09:48.02\00:09:50.25 you're basically working towards helping yourself 00:09:50.29\00:09:53.12 move up those ranks, 00:09:53.15\00:09:54.49 from a private to sergeant to lieutenant to a general, 00:09:54.52\00:09:58.49 to a brigadier, whatever, you know, 00:09:58.53\00:09:59.96 in the military language says, 00:10:00.00\00:10:01.33 well, here's what will happen often. 00:10:01.36\00:10:03.40 Some kids will start off 00:10:03.43\00:10:05.43 as civilians or private and then one day they just, 00:10:05.47\00:10:07.64 okay, you know, I'm sick of this. 00:10:07.67\00:10:09.17 I want to be a general. 00:10:09.20\00:10:10.71 So then we had status symbols. 00:10:10.74\00:10:13.24 We had symbols that identified 00:10:13.27\00:10:15.24 where we stood within that rankings. 00:10:15.28\00:10:17.08 So in my days, 00:10:17.11\00:10:18.45 some of the clothings were Puma shoes, 00:10:18.48\00:10:21.68 you know, Adidas shoes, shell toe Adidas, 00:10:21.72\00:10:24.15 black and silver Pumas, British Walkers, 00:10:24.19\00:10:27.52 wallabies and valleys and these type shoes, 00:10:27.56\00:10:30.23 those were sold, we got killed for them. 00:10:30.26\00:10:32.29 Lee jeans, Lee's jackets and leather coats, 00:10:32.33\00:10:35.13 leather bombers, sheepskin coats. 00:10:35.16\00:10:37.33 What's also called shearling coats. 00:10:37.37\00:10:39.43 Last but not least jewelry of whatever form and type. 00:10:39.47\00:10:42.64 Now if you're a general, 00:10:42.67\00:10:44.17 you're stepping out with all of that 00:10:44.21\00:10:45.77 your jewelry, your rings, your sheepskin coat, 00:10:45.81\00:10:47.84 your leather bomber, whatever. 00:10:47.88\00:10:49.34 And for sure, you have a gun, 00:10:49.38\00:10:51.48 you have a firearm 00:10:51.51\00:10:52.85 because you got to protect yourself. 00:10:52.88\00:10:54.42 So a lot of these kids were not involved 00:10:54.45\00:10:56.05 in drug trafficking or anything like that. 00:10:56.08\00:10:58.15 They just got caught up 00:10:58.19\00:10:59.52 in the whole status symbol thing, 00:10:59.55\00:11:00.96 then those of us 00:11:00.99\00:11:02.39 who got there through a hundred fights, 00:11:02.42\00:11:05.53 going to jail, getting arrested repeatedly, 00:11:05.56\00:11:08.30 getting your head busted open in a fight, 00:11:08.33\00:11:10.17 getting your teeth knocked out in a fight, 00:11:10.20\00:11:12.60 using whatever type drugs, 00:11:12.63\00:11:14.30 you know, you really ran the rocky road, 00:11:14.34\00:11:18.01 and you paid a price for it. 00:11:18.04\00:11:20.18 Here you see someone that you knew were a private 00:11:20.21\00:11:22.31 or you could just sense it. 00:11:22.34\00:11:24.31 And here they are presenting themselves 00:11:24.35\00:11:25.95 to the general 00:11:25.98\00:11:27.32 and then we would go and hold them at gunpoint 00:11:27.35\00:11:29.45 and robbed them and in some unfortunate cases, 00:11:29.48\00:11:32.25 injure that person fatally, 00:11:32.29\00:11:34.42 because we were offended 00:11:34.46\00:11:35.86 that they have made the wrong progress 00:11:35.89\00:11:38.16 within the status. 00:11:38.19\00:11:39.53 It's still going on today. 00:11:39.56\00:11:40.90 A lot of the Chicago gang wars, Brooklyn gang wars, 00:11:40.93\00:11:45.07 they have the added component of drug trafficking 00:11:45.10\00:11:48.30 and that being the new status, 00:11:48.34\00:11:50.34 but it has a lot to do with that, 00:11:50.37\00:11:51.74 then you hear on the news. 00:11:51.77\00:11:53.11 Oh, this kid got killed and he got killed for $5 00:11:53.14\00:11:56.34 and these people, 00:11:56.38\00:11:57.71 how could they rob and murdered this kid for $5, 00:11:57.75\00:11:59.75 have nothing to do with the $5, 00:11:59.78\00:12:01.48 or he got killed for his sneakers, 00:12:01.52\00:12:02.85 or he got killed for his coat. 00:12:02.88\00:12:04.22 It had less to do with that 00:12:04.25\00:12:05.62 than what it had to do 00:12:05.65\00:12:06.99 with this sense of attaining status, 00:12:07.02\00:12:09.09 so you can survive in the community. 00:12:09.12\00:12:10.53 And another component to that 00:12:10.56\00:12:12.23 is even now it's a little different 00:12:12.26\00:12:15.66 in some ways, 00:12:15.70\00:12:17.03 because along with the status, 00:12:17.07\00:12:19.47 you used to have the different gangs, 00:12:19.50\00:12:22.00 different block gangs. 00:12:22.04\00:12:23.74 Now what is happening 00:12:23.77\00:12:25.44 is that if you're on the same block, 00:12:25.47\00:12:28.04 you have one gang member, 00:12:28.08\00:12:30.58 and they have an opposing gang member, 00:12:30.61\00:12:32.98 but once you're on that block, they become one. 00:12:33.01\00:12:36.18 And so it is very much more complex now 00:12:36.22\00:12:39.62 for the law enforcement 00:12:39.65\00:12:40.99 because you know that on is block there is, 00:12:41.02\00:12:43.19 you've got one gang member, you have another one, 00:12:43.22\00:12:46.16 you have another one from different gangs, 00:12:46.19\00:12:48.26 but once anyone come in, in that block, 00:12:48.30\00:12:52.47 they come together and protect the block. 00:12:52.50\00:12:54.20 Yeah. 00:12:54.24\00:12:55.57 So there's no longer, 00:12:55.60\00:12:56.94 you know what, the end within this... 00:12:56.97\00:12:59.11 And what you're sharing here, 00:12:59.14\00:13:00.81 what Gordon is sharing here 00:13:00.84\00:13:02.21 is there's a difference between, 00:13:02.24\00:13:03.58 we actually didn't have gangs. 00:13:03.61\00:13:05.41 I got to the US and into Brooklyn in '77 00:13:05.45\00:13:08.18 and the gangs were just dying out. 00:13:08.22\00:13:09.78 I saw the last of the Brooklyn gangs by 1978, 00:13:09.82\00:13:12.85 Cats, Pumas, Jolly Stompers, Warriors, all these groups, 00:13:12.89\00:13:16.83 I saw them walking around 00:13:16.86\00:13:18.19 with their jackets and all of that. 00:13:18.23\00:13:19.56 And then by '78, it was done. 00:13:19.59\00:13:22.00 The gang culture died off and what evolved 00:13:22.03\00:13:24.00 and after that is something we for us Caribbean, 00:13:24.03\00:13:26.74 three guys, the posse, 00:13:26.77\00:13:28.84 and a posse is quite different from a gang. 00:13:28.87\00:13:31.24 A gang is, this was a close specific group of people 00:13:31.27\00:13:34.44 with an allegiance in that sense, a posse, 00:13:34.48\00:13:36.91 you're not necessarily connected like that 00:13:36.95\00:13:38.91 you're coming together for a common good, 00:13:38.95\00:13:41.08 the same way it was in the West. 00:13:41.12\00:13:43.12 So there would be some need, some violence 00:13:43.15\00:13:45.29 and then the posse would come together 00:13:45.32\00:13:46.65 and go hunt somebody down or whatever have you, 00:13:46.69\00:13:48.32 protect the village, 00:13:48.36\00:13:49.69 whatever have you. 00:13:49.72\00:13:51.06 Same thing in the streets today. 00:13:51.09\00:13:52.43 And a posse is very loose. 00:13:52.46\00:13:53.93 So as I'm saying, they come together 00:13:53.96\00:13:55.30 for a specific purpose, 00:13:55.33\00:13:56.83 but they're not really a gang in the sense of this tight 00:13:56.87\00:13:59.83 of that union and all of that. 00:13:59.87\00:14:01.20 And all of that being said, let's go back to the home. 00:14:01.24\00:14:04.41 And those of us who have sons especially 00:14:04.44\00:14:07.38 and we are in the urban environment, 00:14:07.41\00:14:10.08 please, please spend time devotionally with your child, 00:14:10.11\00:14:15.55 and help to build and instill in your child a sense of value. 00:14:15.58\00:14:20.26 Teach your children the difference 00:14:20.29\00:14:21.76 between the value of esteem and the value of self-worth. 00:14:21.79\00:14:27.26 See, if they are pursuing life 00:14:27.30\00:14:30.33 based on the objective of self-esteem, 00:14:30.37\00:14:32.90 then they're far more vulnerable 00:14:32.93\00:14:34.60 to that culture. 00:14:34.64\00:14:36.04 That's how it sucked me in. 00:14:36.07\00:14:37.84 Because then I basically used that same status symbol culture 00:14:37.87\00:14:43.65 to identify myself in value. 00:14:43.68\00:14:46.15 Because if I can wear a sheepskin coat, 00:14:46.18\00:14:48.38 wear a certain amount of jewelry 00:14:48.42\00:14:49.95 and when I stepped on a city bus 00:14:49.98\00:14:51.32 even though I was only like about 5'6" 00:14:51.35\00:14:53.15 or something like that, 00:14:53.19\00:14:54.69 people just got out my way 00:14:54.72\00:14:56.22 because the status symbol said something, 00:14:56.26\00:14:58.79 one, it said that I was armed. 00:14:58.83\00:15:00.53 Two, it said that if I could go across town 00:15:00.56\00:15:03.77 from East Flatbush, to Bushwick, 00:15:03.80\00:15:08.04 to Bed-Stuyvesant and back to Kings Plaza, 00:15:08.07\00:15:10.71 wherever and I haven't been robbed, 00:15:10.74\00:15:12.44 I must be some bad dude. 00:15:12.47\00:15:14.24 No, nobody would trouble me 00:15:14.28\00:15:15.74 until I would get into an environment, 00:15:15.78\00:15:17.68 as I said, 00:15:17.71\00:15:19.05 where there were a bunch of other generals 00:15:19.08\00:15:20.42 that didn't know me, 00:15:20.45\00:15:21.78 then they had to test my ranking. 00:15:21.82\00:15:23.15 And I had to do one of two things, 00:15:23.18\00:15:24.52 defend myself or be victimized. 00:15:24.55\00:15:27.32 But we have to take time to instill in our children 00:15:27.36\00:15:32.53 that sense of self-worth, 00:15:32.56\00:15:34.10 and that starts with who we are 00:15:34.13\00:15:36.56 in the eyes of God, 00:15:36.60\00:15:38.10 not who we are in the eyes of the streets. 00:15:38.13\00:15:40.60 Now, he and I are a perfect example. 00:15:40.64\00:15:43.71 So you heard the details of my home environment. 00:15:43.74\00:15:48.44 We grew up in the same neighborhood. 00:15:48.48\00:15:50.61 At one point, we went to the same church. 00:15:50.65\00:15:53.82 I left the church at about age 13 00:15:53.85\00:15:56.28 and I felt deeply into street violence 00:15:56.32\00:15:58.82 and gang violence and this kind of stuff. 00:15:58.85\00:16:00.82 I will still visit Brooklyn Faith on occasion, 00:16:00.86\00:16:04.29 you know, and people, you know, pray for our youth. 00:16:04.33\00:16:08.40 Pray for our youth. 00:16:08.43\00:16:10.00 I cannot stress that with any greater passion 00:16:10.03\00:16:14.00 than I am here today 00:16:14.04\00:16:15.84 is what helped me to be here today. 00:16:15.87\00:16:19.11 I was a charter member of Brooklyn Faith Church. 00:16:19.14\00:16:21.94 There's still a plaque somewhere in that church, 00:16:21.98\00:16:24.15 with the original eight members 00:16:24.18\00:16:26.11 started in a basement of 50 East 00:16:26.15\00:16:27.92 with the Second Street in Brooklyn. 00:16:27.95\00:16:29.38 My name and my sister's name are on that plaque. 00:16:29.42\00:16:32.72 So people in the church are getting in the church now 00:16:32.75\00:16:36.12 just come from South America 00:16:36.16\00:16:37.66 at about age 10, 11, 76, 77 00:16:37.69\00:16:41.26 people remembered me as a little kid. 00:16:41.30\00:16:43.70 And I went from that. 00:16:43.73\00:16:45.83 Once I reached about age 13, one more I told my mom, 00:16:45.87\00:16:48.40 "Look, I'm done." 00:16:48.44\00:16:49.77 Because and the reason why 00:16:49.80\00:16:51.14 was the pressures of the street were getting to me. 00:16:51.17\00:16:54.41 Only thing I could see through the portals of my eye 00:16:54.44\00:16:56.58 was I'm going to die. 00:16:56.61\00:16:58.48 I've got to learn how to survive on my own. 00:16:58.51\00:17:00.35 I have no father. 00:17:00.38\00:17:01.72 I got no big brother, no cousin or nothing, 00:17:01.75\00:17:03.28 and I'm short and I'm skinny. 00:17:03.32\00:17:05.39 And I see people getting victimized 00:17:05.42\00:17:07.26 in front of me daily. 00:17:07.29\00:17:08.96 I would stand up guy. 00:17:08.99\00:17:10.63 Here comes two guys, they put a gun on me, 00:17:10.66\00:17:12.63 put a gun on my friend 00:17:12.66\00:17:14.10 before I got into the status symbol stuff 00:17:14.13\00:17:15.86 but my friend was, they take your sneakers off, 00:17:15.90\00:17:18.00 we got to walk home in the snow barefooted. 00:17:18.03\00:17:20.44 You know, he's bleeding blood all over his chest 00:17:20.47\00:17:23.44 and his face from being pistol whipped 00:17:23.47\00:17:25.01 when the guys were robbing him of the sneakers. 00:17:25.04\00:17:27.64 I keep seeing stuff like that. 00:17:27.68\00:17:29.01 And I decide, look, kill or be killed. 00:17:29.04\00:17:31.05 I'm not going to be a victim. 00:17:31.08\00:17:32.51 So then I became a tough guy myself. 00:17:32.55\00:17:34.82 And I started walking that road, 00:17:34.85\00:17:36.38 I stopped going to church, 00:17:36.42\00:17:37.75 people from the church would see me at times 00:17:37.79\00:17:40.52 or visit the house, plead with me, 00:17:40.56\00:17:42.29 please come back. 00:17:42.32\00:17:43.66 Just please come back to church. 00:17:43.69\00:17:45.03 My mom tried. 00:17:45.06\00:17:46.39 I had conversations with my mom on weird occasions. 00:17:46.43\00:17:48.40 She's there praying, crying, got her candles, 00:17:48.43\00:17:50.53 her little shrine in the corner, 00:17:50.57\00:17:51.90 praying for me every day. 00:17:51.93\00:17:53.54 And one morning I went over to mother, 00:17:53.57\00:17:54.90 she was praying and I knelt down 00:17:54.94\00:17:56.34 to pray with her. 00:17:56.37\00:17:57.74 And she said I said to her, 00:17:57.77\00:17:59.11 "Ma, you just don't understand." 00:17:59.14\00:18:00.94 You know, my mom at that time 00:18:00.98\00:18:02.74 even knew that I was armed daily. 00:18:02.78\00:18:05.31 And she turned to me and she said, 00:18:05.35\00:18:06.68 "You're going out there with weapons. 00:18:06.72\00:18:08.05 I know you're carrying weapons." 00:18:08.08\00:18:09.88 I said, "Mom, if I don't, 00:18:09.92\00:18:11.25 I may not come home one afternoon, you know." 00:18:11.29\00:18:13.79 And I pray with my mother and I went to school 00:18:13.82\00:18:15.89 as regular that day, 00:18:15.92\00:18:17.26 yes, with a gun in my coat, 00:18:17.29\00:18:20.06 you know, so even to the point where I would run into members 00:18:20.10\00:18:23.87 of the church and one occasion, 00:18:23.90\00:18:26.50 and the husband grabbed his wife, 00:18:26.53\00:18:29.50 this was late when he was coming home 00:18:29.54\00:18:30.87 from somewhere, 00:18:30.91\00:18:32.24 grabbed his wife, I recognized them, 00:18:32.27\00:18:34.28 and I started to approach them to greet them. 00:18:34.31\00:18:36.98 When I got close to them, I realized 00:18:37.01\00:18:39.18 these people were so terror struck. 00:18:39.21\00:18:42.05 The man before I could greet them, 00:18:42.08\00:18:44.02 he said, we don't want any, we don't have any money, 00:18:44.05\00:18:47.16 here, here, here 00:18:47.19\00:18:48.52 and started going in his pocket to take out his wallet. 00:18:48.56\00:18:51.29 And I said, you know, making open here, 00:18:51.33\00:18:53.50 "Brother Brown it's me, Paul, 00:18:53.53\00:18:56.63 Sister Lowe's son from Brooklyn Faith." 00:18:56.67\00:18:59.07 You know what he said, "Paul, from where?" 00:18:59.10\00:19:02.00 I say, "Yeah, well, 00:19:02.04\00:19:03.37 I don't go anymore but I used to, 00:19:03.41\00:19:04.74 well, I remember y'all. 00:19:04.77\00:19:06.11 Oh Lord Jesus, thank you Jesus, 00:19:06.14\00:19:07.61 because they thought I was coming to rob them. 00:19:07.64\00:19:09.91 So you know, we have to do that work of prayer, 00:19:09.94\00:19:14.58 that church never stopped praying for me 00:19:14.62\00:19:17.79 through my arrest and my court trials 00:19:17.82\00:19:21.79 and being hospitalized for this or for that whatever, 00:19:21.82\00:19:24.69 people will always come visit me in the hospital, 00:19:24.73\00:19:27.30 people would always pray it with my mother before I, 00:19:27.33\00:19:29.50 if I had a legal infraction and all this kind of stuff, 00:19:29.53\00:19:32.43 it makes a difference. 00:19:32.47\00:19:33.80 But as I said, 00:19:33.84\00:19:35.17 it's that foundation of building a healthy 00:19:35.20\00:19:37.37 not esteem, but self-worth in your child. 00:19:37.41\00:19:40.68 If you victimize your child yourself in the home, 00:19:40.71\00:19:43.11 if you're the type of father that's a bully, 00:19:43.14\00:19:45.71 and you strip your son of all his self-worth 00:19:45.75\00:19:49.02 because you're constantly domineering him, 00:19:49.05\00:19:52.22 it's not going to help, 00:19:52.25\00:19:53.59 you can lose him to the street that way, 00:19:53.62\00:19:55.39 because he will go find value somewhere else. 00:19:55.42\00:19:58.29 Or likewise if that is absent period 00:19:58.33\00:20:00.60 because there is no father in the home, 00:20:00.63\00:20:02.83 we face the same challenge. 00:20:02.86\00:20:04.20 So those of us who are able, 00:20:04.23\00:20:05.97 you said the magic word mentorship, 00:20:06.00\00:20:08.24 let's ensure that we mentor the youth 00:20:08.27\00:20:10.71 of our church and our community, 00:20:10.74\00:20:13.14 those of us who are fathers 00:20:13.17\00:20:15.08 who can make that difference. 00:20:15.11\00:20:16.75 And even at Brooklyn Faith, same church. 00:20:16.78\00:20:19.88 As a young person, I was the Pathfinder director, 00:20:19.91\00:20:22.68 leading a group of young, young people. 00:20:22.72\00:20:25.89 And that's probably what I was, 00:20:25.92\00:20:27.26 that's what I was doing is trying to mentor them 00:20:27.29\00:20:29.92 the best way that I could, 00:20:29.96\00:20:31.29 and I will see Paul come in and, you know, slip out. 00:20:31.33\00:20:35.83 But I was amazed to see the transformation 00:20:35.86\00:20:38.03 that happened later on in life 00:20:38.07\00:20:39.40 when we got connected back together, 00:20:39.43\00:20:41.50 but mentorship, praying for your kids, 00:20:41.54\00:20:44.57 covering your kids with prayer, 00:20:44.61\00:20:45.97 before they leave home, 00:20:46.01\00:20:47.34 when they come home and teach them 00:20:47.38\00:20:49.24 to actually have a life of prayer 00:20:49.28\00:20:52.28 as they're on the street. 00:20:52.31\00:20:53.78 Because it's amazing what's happening on the streets 00:20:53.82\00:20:55.62 with our young people. 00:20:55.65\00:20:57.19 I talked to some of them on a regular basis 00:20:57.22\00:21:00.62 because I still as a pastor, mentor some of them, 00:21:00.66\00:21:03.29 the things that they're doing, 00:21:03.32\00:21:05.49 it's just, I can't even begin to talk 00:21:05.53\00:21:07.66 about some of the things that they're doing. 00:21:07.70\00:21:09.33 It blows my mind, 00:21:09.36\00:21:10.87 but they keep me abreast 00:21:10.90\00:21:12.27 with what's happening out there. 00:21:12.30\00:21:14.10 And because of that, I kind of help, 00:21:14.14\00:21:17.47 I can be of a help to some others by telling them, 00:21:17.51\00:21:21.38 listen, this is not the road you want to go down. 00:21:21.41\00:21:24.75 So mentorship is important, prayer for kids is important. 00:21:24.78\00:21:27.92 Building that self worth as Pastor Lowe said, 00:21:27.95\00:21:30.02 it's absolutely important 00:21:30.05\00:21:33.15 in just to building our kids up. 00:21:33.19\00:21:35.22 I think, you know, he brought, 00:21:35.26\00:21:37.36 both of you brought some key points. 00:21:37.39\00:21:38.73 You know, I heard the number, teenage years 12-13 years old, 00:21:38.76\00:21:43.10 you know, and that seems to be a critical point 00:21:43.13\00:21:45.07 in a kid's life to make a push for Christ. 00:21:45.10\00:21:47.40 And Christ is not just 00:21:47.44\00:21:48.77 so you can be walking around on a cloud 00:21:48.80\00:21:50.54 and be holy, 00:21:50.57\00:21:51.91 is to save you from yourself. 00:21:51.94\00:21:53.71 You know, God, God works to save 00:21:53.74\00:21:55.64 His children from themselves 00:21:55.68\00:21:58.61 and the other critical factor is, 00:21:58.65\00:22:00.05 it doesn't matter what type of home you have, 00:22:00.08\00:22:02.35 in the sense of, 00:22:02.38\00:22:03.72 you can come from a single parent home 00:22:03.75\00:22:05.82 or you can come from perfect, 00:22:05.85\00:22:07.36 you know, sort of speak two parent home, 00:22:07.39\00:22:09.26 Christians maybe 00:22:09.29\00:22:10.63 because that's where I came from, 00:22:10.66\00:22:11.99 a two parent home Christians, devotion, 00:22:12.03\00:22:14.00 ate all the vegetables, was super vegetarian. 00:22:14.03\00:22:17.87 But I wasn't never in a gang. 00:22:17.90\00:22:19.60 I was just a one man show 00:22:19.63\00:22:21.40 because I turned into a Satanist. 00:22:21.44\00:22:24.17 I didn't need a gang, I was my gang. 00:22:24.21\00:22:25.54 Mercy. Mercy. 00:22:25.57\00:22:28.01 All I had to say was the word, and I became, as they say, 00:22:28.04\00:22:31.35 you know, the Bible says Legion, 00:22:31.38\00:22:33.82 you know, and it feels good to have that power, right? 00:22:33.85\00:22:37.75 Mercy. Mercy. 00:22:37.79\00:22:39.25 And that's what we had to teach our youth 00:22:39.29\00:22:40.82 that even though it feels good, 00:22:40.86\00:22:42.82 you have no idea what you're messing with. 00:22:42.86\00:22:45.89 You're going to die 00:22:45.93\00:22:47.50 and it's not going to be a temporal death, 00:22:47.53\00:22:49.96 it's going to be an eternal death. 00:22:50.00\00:22:52.93 It's not worth it. Yeah. 00:22:52.97\00:22:54.47 It's not. 00:22:54.50\00:22:55.84 You know, and the other aspect 00:22:55.87\00:22:57.71 that I kind of saw similarity 00:22:57.74\00:22:59.94 is the fact that I think 00:22:59.97\00:23:01.31 all of us have shared 00:23:01.34\00:23:02.68 that we've all been arrested at some point in time. 00:23:02.71\00:23:05.11 You know, we've all been to jail. 00:23:05.15\00:23:06.48 It's not like we, somebody gave us a Bible here, 00:23:06.51\00:23:08.98 you're a pastor now, you're a chaplain. 00:23:09.02\00:23:11.02 No, we are, we're all of the disciples, 00:23:11.05\00:23:13.72 messed up individuals. 00:23:13.76\00:23:16.76 You know, Peter, cut somebody's ear off. 00:23:16.79\00:23:19.89 Simon, you know, John and James, were, 00:23:19.93\00:23:23.50 you know, soar like sailors 00:23:23.53\00:23:25.30 probably because they were fishermen. 00:23:25.33\00:23:27.77 You have Matthew the tax collector, 00:23:27.80\00:23:29.14 you know, every single person, 00:23:29.17\00:23:30.51 every single follower of Christ 00:23:30.54\00:23:32.27 is not meant to be this perfect example. 00:23:32.31\00:23:35.11 And I think, as fathers with our kids, 00:23:35.14\00:23:38.71 and with those that we see a need of that discipleship, 00:23:38.75\00:23:42.48 we need to show them our brokenness. 00:23:42.52\00:23:44.95 We need to show them that we are fathers, 00:23:44.99\00:23:47.89 but where and we are in leadership, 00:23:47.92\00:23:49.82 but we're not this holier than thou persona. 00:23:49.86\00:23:52.23 We've been there, we've done it. 00:23:52.26\00:23:53.86 We know what it's like and we know 00:23:53.90\00:23:55.76 and God only saved us 00:23:55.80\00:23:57.40 from ourselves through His grace, 00:23:57.43\00:23:59.23 so we can mentor others. 00:23:59.27\00:24:00.60 Amen. 00:24:00.64\00:24:01.97 And that's the one thing that I do it to my son 00:24:02.00\00:24:04.01 is he knows his father's journey. 00:24:04.04\00:24:07.18 And he knows the struggles of life. 00:24:07.21\00:24:11.95 But one thing that I want to point out then 00:24:11.98\00:24:14.55 some economic thing also that plays into this, 00:24:14.58\00:24:18.19 a lot of fathers don't have jobs. 00:24:18.22\00:24:20.82 And so they can't provide as much as they would want to 00:24:20.86\00:24:23.89 for the young people. 00:24:23.93\00:24:25.49 And so when they're young, 00:24:25.53\00:24:26.86 when their sons grow up and they started having, 00:24:26.90\00:24:30.17 you know, little ones, 00:24:30.20\00:24:31.90 they themselves find themselves in economic fix. 00:24:31.93\00:24:35.00 As a church, what we have done 00:24:35.04\00:24:36.91 is that we've created some that's called 00:24:36.94\00:24:39.31 I work Chicago and thereby, 00:24:39.34\00:24:41.58 every year we have applicants, 00:24:41.61\00:24:43.31 over 900 plus looking for work 00:24:43.35\00:24:46.88 and we're, we have big job, a huge job fairs 00:24:46.92\00:24:50.32 and resource center 00:24:50.35\00:24:51.85 whereby we point them and help them find work. 00:24:51.89\00:24:55.99 If you're not, if you don't have a job 00:24:56.02\00:24:59.29 and you're on the streets, 00:24:59.33\00:25:00.93 you're going to, you're going to stay up, 00:25:00.96\00:25:02.80 and you're going to get yourself in trouble. 00:25:02.83\00:25:04.77 So we have to provide something for them. 00:25:04.80\00:25:08.57 And, you know, we can't depend on the guy, 00:25:08.60\00:25:10.61 I think the church is an integral part in 00:25:10.64\00:25:12.97 and we've got to come alongside this families, 00:25:13.01\00:25:15.51 we've got, for me, I'm the pastor of my community. 00:25:15.54\00:25:18.25 I'm the pastor of the entire city of Chicago. 00:25:18.28\00:25:22.35 You should be able to come to my church 00:25:22.38\00:25:24.85 and you'd be able to find resources 00:25:24.89\00:25:27.06 whereby you can be pointed to a job or something. 00:25:27.09\00:25:29.29 That's an important, important piece. 00:25:29.32\00:25:31.99 I know we only have about a minute left. 00:25:32.03\00:25:33.56 But I wanted to share quickly also, 00:25:33.60\00:25:36.23 to keep in mind once again, 00:25:36.26\00:25:38.37 what these new status symbols are, 00:25:38.40\00:25:40.50 because they are the distractions. 00:25:40.54\00:25:42.50 The old status symbols had to do with being respected, 00:25:42.54\00:25:45.87 dressing well, being esteemed in the street, 00:25:45.91\00:25:48.51 have a little bit of money in your pocket, 00:25:48.54\00:25:49.94 the new status symbol is wealth, 00:25:49.98\00:25:51.88 and I mean, extreme wealth, 00:25:51.91\00:25:54.55 extreme wealth and that's being fused 00:25:54.58\00:25:56.18 and nurture by the media, 00:25:56.22\00:25:58.29 by the culture especially but many others also. 00:25:58.32\00:26:02.19 So it's now about 00:26:02.22\00:26:03.56 not just having money in your pockets, 00:26:03.59\00:26:04.99 but having great amount of money, right? 00:26:05.03\00:26:07.93 It's about reaching the level of a PhD 00:26:07.96\00:26:10.97 or some multi skilled individual, 00:26:11.00\00:26:12.93 some CEO, you know, 00:26:12.97\00:26:14.57 hundreds of thousands of dollars 00:26:14.60\00:26:16.27 and which way can you do that or accomplish that 00:26:16.30\00:26:18.97 if you live in an urban ghetto? 00:26:19.01\00:26:21.91 Drugs, murder for hire, prostitution 00:26:21.94\00:26:25.08 or whatever other illicit practice, 00:26:25.11\00:26:27.98 right, you know, and God forbid, 00:26:28.02\00:26:30.29 in the past I did in there all of those. 00:26:30.32\00:26:33.66 But you get your hands on those things 00:26:33.69\00:26:35.62 and you're building up your status 00:26:35.66\00:26:37.83 and your income to be, you know, a high roller. 00:26:37.86\00:26:41.26 So once again this is where the self-worth 00:26:41.30\00:26:45.23 and not esteem is important for the nurture of our youth 00:26:45.27\00:26:48.27 and our church population. 00:26:48.30\00:26:49.97 And this phrase is said also, 00:26:50.01\00:26:51.34 being part of a solution 00:26:51.37\00:26:52.71 by providing education is paramount, 00:26:52.74\00:26:54.64 getting our kids through college, 00:26:54.68\00:26:56.54 helping them to be degreed 00:26:56.58\00:26:58.05 but also helping them to engage occupations 00:26:58.08\00:27:01.82 that can provide them a successful form of living, 00:27:01.85\00:27:05.15 and teaching them the purpose that they're living for. 00:27:05.19\00:27:08.12 You're not living here to satisfy, 00:27:08.16\00:27:09.49 make yourself rich. 00:27:09.52\00:27:10.86 You're living here to be a part of the kingdom of God. 00:27:10.89\00:27:13.66 And I appreciate the guys, 00:27:13.70\00:27:15.03 and we got to pick this up again, 00:27:15.06\00:27:16.50 because it's a deep topic. 00:27:16.53\00:27:18.20 And for you out there, fathers, it's time to step up. 00:27:18.23\00:27:22.14 We keep saying that over and over again, 00:27:22.17\00:27:23.84 because it is. 00:27:23.87\00:27:25.57 We in and of ourselves don't have the perfect answers. 00:27:25.61\00:27:28.38 We really don't. 00:27:28.41\00:27:29.74 But it's time to step up and be there for your children. 00:27:29.78\00:27:33.05 And if you don't have any kids, 00:27:33.08\00:27:34.58 be there for the kids of the community. 00:27:34.62\00:27:36.99 You know, stop taking out your phones 00:27:37.02\00:27:38.42 to videotape fights, 00:27:38.45\00:27:41.42 you know, especially our young people 00:27:41.46\00:27:43.46 stop taking out video, 00:27:43.49\00:27:44.83 you know, your cell phones out and taping fights. 00:27:44.86\00:27:46.90 It's not cool. 00:27:46.93\00:27:48.26 It doesn't help. 00:27:48.30\00:27:49.63 It just contributes to the violence. 00:27:49.66\00:27:51.13 And fathers, again, 00:27:51.17\00:27:52.67 God caused you to step up and step out. 00:27:52.70\00:27:55.14 It's time to do the right thing. 00:27:55.17\00:27:57.01 Thank you for watching. 00:27:57.04\00:27:58.37