A good father
takes time to play.
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He has strong integrity.
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He is someone that
is truly dedicated.
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He is not afraid
to show his love.
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He is a caring provider.
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And he's a kind
spiritual leader.
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These are just a few ways
to describe a father's heart.
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Hi, Welcome to A Father's Heart.
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I'm your host Xavier.
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And today, we're
going to be discussing
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how to save our
young men from violence.
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You know, in a society
that we live in nowadays,
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it seems like all
our youth are out there
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killing each other.
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And, you know, we
need to find out as fathers
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what we can do to
help this to stop.
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And with me to
discuss that are my friends,
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Gordon and Paul.
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How are you guys
today? We're doing good.
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Blessed, man. Good to be here.
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So, culturally, ethnically,
in every kind of aspect,
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you look at it.
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We have our young men
just killing each other.
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What can we do as
fathers to prevent this,
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you know,
obviously it might not stop
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because of sin,
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but at least what
can we do to help?
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I think it starts
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with observing
our current culture.
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My earlier years 70s, 80s,
90s when I was on the street,
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it seemed more something
related to the urban community
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and especially
communities of poverty.
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And there was
somewhat an ethnic divide,
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in a sense,
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you know, more Afro-Americans,
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more Latinos.
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People who are in
communities of poverty,
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now it's far more pervasive,
it's become a culture.
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Its music,
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it's in many
different forms of media
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and it's actually
hipped to be violent.
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It's not just a group of people
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that are
reacting or being violent
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because of a need of survival.
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So we have to
address the culture itself,
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even as it pertains
to our home environment,
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with our, especially our sons,
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what they're seeing
and what they're learning
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from that culture of violence
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in terms of how it helps them
to define themselves as men,
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and how it reinforces
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their sense of
security in society.
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There's a lot
that I can share about
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where I fail as a teenager.
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And what I misunderstood,
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that drew me
more and more and more
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into this lifestyle of violence.
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I tell you, when I
started pastoring in Chicago,
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it was quite an
eye opener for me,
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talking about the music
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and which I believe
contributes a lot to it.
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Realizing that the
music that the young folks
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were listening
to it was so toxic.
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Basically, we had a
huge one Sabbath afternoon,
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we did this program,
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and we literally
buried all of their stuff,
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the CDs that they brought,
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the music that they brought,
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I mean what they
were listening to
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was, you know,
there's violent music
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and really pushes them I
believe to this attitude,
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this behavior of violence.
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So, I do believe that
the music plays a lot of,
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very important role in it.
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I also believe that at least
for where in my demographics
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in my community that I pastor,
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it's a fact that they need food.
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There's a lack in the home
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where the
parents is not parenting,
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the father is not there.
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They're being
raised by single mothers
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and the single
mothers are working.
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And so these young
kids are home by themselves.
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And then they get into the gangs
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that are on the street,
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and it's because there's
a lack of parental guidance.
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That's one of the
big things that I find
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that is
propelling and is pushing
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this violence
for our young people.
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Some of them that economically
there's no food in the home.
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There's no, you know,
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so they go out and
they steal and they rob
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and there's a saying that says,
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you know, we just got to bite,
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simply means that
they're going to eat
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and they don't care
what they have to do to eat.
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I have, you know,
been to a lot of funerals,
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I funeralize a lot of them,
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and I'm just really
sick of what's happening.
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But the issue is parents,
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the parents have
lost control in the homes.
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You know, and
that is a great point,
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because I see
that in our churches,
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it seems like nowadays,
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send our kids or
people send their kids
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to church or to
school to learn about God.
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And the parents
just kind of leave it
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up to the pastors to do it,
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you know, and I
have a problem with that.
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Because the
Bible doesn't say that,
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the Bible doesn't say
send your kids off to church
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and church school
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and go ahead and
they do all the work.
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You got to do the work
too. So I agree with that.
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You know, but what are
some of the other things
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such as mentorship,
you know, for example,
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I've mentored a lot of kids.
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I remember a group of kids
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that I was
talking to at high school,
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and just helping
them with their homework
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and one young man,
African-American said to me,
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"No, I don't want to
do this college thing
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because I can go to the, I
can go to jail in California,
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and get three
square meals a day,
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and play hoops
and lift weights."
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And all of us
kind of looked at him.
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I looked at him like,
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well, you sound
like you need a whipping,
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you got no sense, none.
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I'm gonna need you
to go find that sense."
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But I'm sad to say that
but internally, I'm like,
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I wonder what
he's lacking at home.
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You know, what can we do as men,
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obviously in leadership roles,
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but as well as our lay members,
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as a church man, as a church,
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because church
is not a building.
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It's a way of life.
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What can we do to
help our young men?
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Sure.
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It starts with ensuring
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that you have a home environment
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that's structured.
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So I think for those of us here,
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and most of our religious peer,
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we may not be facing
the same exact trials
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because we are responsible
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and accountable
fathers in our home,
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maintaining the
type of structure
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and the type of relationship
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that will more than likely
provide the correct nurture
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for our sons or our daughters,
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so that they make
the right choices.
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And most of us
have now been removed
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from that environment.
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So for those of us
that are still there,
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and for those of
us that don't have
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that type of structure,
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it helps for us to start
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with
understanding scientifically
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what we're dealing with.
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So I'm going to try to break
this down for you a little bit
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from even my own experience,
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professionally as
well as what I lived
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as an at-risk teen.
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So it starts with status.
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It starts with status.
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There are very
groups in the street
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that subscribe to violence
and that type of lifestyle.
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The minority are
those who are doing it
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because they
actually see no other choice.
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And I had friends like that,
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say within a particular group
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I was running with say
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any number of five
or six kids, right?
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And we out there,
we got a little gang
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or we gang banging
or whatever have you.
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There may be one or
two of us within the group
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who don't know
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where they're
sleeping the next night,
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they're from house to house.
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They don't know
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what type of
meal they're getting.
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They didn't know what type
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when they would get
their next set of clothing.
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So for them,
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it was an actual
effort to survive.
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And so, when we
ran out or they ran out
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and did bad
things or robbed people
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in this kind of stuff,
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they weren't, as far
as they were concerned,
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doing it as a
material necessity.
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Then there are others
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who they were from a
proper home environment,
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so to speak, or at least a
dual parent home environment.
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But we're all
living in Brooklyn.
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We all live in East Flatbush.
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They have a mother and a father.
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They're both working.
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Their parents have
income, both parents have cars,
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etc, etc, etc.
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They're packing
pistols, they're selling weed,
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they're doing everything
everybody else is doing.
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And they're also
getting into situations
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of violent conflict.
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And then you had
those like myself,
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who the need, my physical needs
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were being met as far as food,
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clothing and shelter.
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But then my challenge was like,
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pass a phrase
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Gordon said it a little earlier.
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My mom when I got to the
US, my mom had four jobs, four.
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My mom was working
three jobs during the week
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and a job on the weekend.
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And so, I would see my
mom or hear her at times,
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I would hear her get in the home
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maybe like around 1 am
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and then before I would wake,
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when I got up at 7 o'clock
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to get dressed to go to school,
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my junior high school
just across the street,
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cereal and some milk
could be on the table,
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some toasted bread
or something like that,
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and my mom would not be there,
she had already left for work.
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So, we have this
culture where you call,
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you know,
latchkey, latchkey children,
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you know, and
so on and so forth.
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But my challenge was
being able to survive
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within the country
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of those who had the
immediate need of survival
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because they
prey on everyone else.
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So then you get into
this cultural struggle
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where it becomes a
need to elevate status.
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And if there's one
word I could pull out
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of that drug
culture, that violent culture,
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that survival
culture is the word status.
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For us, it was like
being in the military.
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And you've been
in law enforcement,
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you know how it is, and
there are different ranks.
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You're able to meander
your way through the community
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and through the society,
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in a safe manner,
relative to your rank.
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When you get
there, you're a private,
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you're nobody,
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you're peon, you just,
you're like a civilian.
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And you can be victimized
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by anybody else
of a higher rank.
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And so, as you run the streets,
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you're basically
working towards helping yourself
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move up those ranks,
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from a private to sergeant
to lieutenant to a general,
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to a brigadier,
whatever, you know,
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in the military language says,
00:10:00.00\00:10:01.33
well, here's what
will happen often.
00:10:01.36\00:10:03.40
Some kids will start off
00:10:03.43\00:10:05.43
as civilians or private
and then one day they just,
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okay, you know,
I'm sick of this.
00:10:07.67\00:10:09.17
I want to be a general.
00:10:09.20\00:10:10.71
So then we had status symbols.
00:10:10.74\00:10:13.24
We had symbols that identified
00:10:13.27\00:10:15.24
where we stood
within that rankings.
00:10:15.28\00:10:17.08
So in my days,
00:10:17.11\00:10:18.45
some of the
clothings were Puma shoes,
00:10:18.48\00:10:21.68
you know, Adidas
shoes, shell toe Adidas,
00:10:21.72\00:10:24.15
black and silver
Pumas, British Walkers,
00:10:24.19\00:10:27.52
wallabies and
valleys and these type shoes,
00:10:27.56\00:10:30.23
those were sold, we
got killed for them.
00:10:30.26\00:10:32.29
Lee jeans, Lee's
jackets and leather coats,
00:10:32.33\00:10:35.13
leather
bombers, sheepskin coats.
00:10:35.16\00:10:37.33
What's also
called shearling coats.
00:10:37.37\00:10:39.43
Last but not least jewelry
of whatever form and type.
00:10:39.47\00:10:42.64
Now if you're a general,
00:10:42.67\00:10:44.17
you're stepping
out with all of that
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your jewelry, your
rings, your sheepskin coat,
00:10:45.81\00:10:47.84
your leather bomber, whatever.
00:10:47.88\00:10:49.34
And for sure, you have a gun,
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you have a firearm
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because you got
to protect yourself.
00:10:52.88\00:10:54.42
So a lot of these
kids were not involved
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in drug trafficking
or anything like that.
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They just got caught up
00:10:58.19\00:10:59.52
in the whole
status symbol thing,
00:10:59.55\00:11:00.96
then those of us
00:11:00.99\00:11:02.39
who got there
through a hundred fights,
00:11:02.42\00:11:05.53
going to jail,
getting arrested repeatedly,
00:11:05.56\00:11:08.30
getting your head
busted open in a fight,
00:11:08.33\00:11:10.17
getting your teeth
knocked out in a fight,
00:11:10.20\00:11:12.60
using whatever type drugs,
00:11:12.63\00:11:14.30
you know, you
really ran the rocky road,
00:11:14.34\00:11:18.01
and you paid a price for it.
00:11:18.04\00:11:20.18
Here you see someone
that you knew were a private
00:11:20.21\00:11:22.31
or you could just sense it.
00:11:22.34\00:11:24.31
And here they are
presenting themselves
00:11:24.35\00:11:25.95
to the general
00:11:25.98\00:11:27.32
and then we would go
and hold them at gunpoint
00:11:27.35\00:11:29.45
and robbed them and in
some unfortunate cases,
00:11:29.48\00:11:32.25
injure that person fatally,
00:11:32.29\00:11:34.42
because we were offended
00:11:34.46\00:11:35.86
that they have
made the wrong progress
00:11:35.89\00:11:38.16
within the status.
00:11:38.19\00:11:39.53
It's still going on today.
00:11:39.56\00:11:40.90
A lot of the Chicago
gang wars, Brooklyn gang wars,
00:11:40.93\00:11:45.07
they have the added
component of drug trafficking
00:11:45.10\00:11:48.30
and that being the new status,
00:11:48.34\00:11:50.34
but it has a
lot to do with that,
00:11:50.37\00:11:51.74
then you hear on the news.
00:11:51.77\00:11:53.11
Oh, this kid got killed
and he got killed for $5
00:11:53.14\00:11:56.34
and these people,
00:11:56.38\00:11:57.71
how could they rob and
murdered this kid for $5,
00:11:57.75\00:11:59.75
have nothing to do with the $5,
00:11:59.78\00:12:01.48
or he got killed
for his sneakers,
00:12:01.52\00:12:02.85
or he got killed for his coat.
00:12:02.88\00:12:04.22
It had less to do with that
00:12:04.25\00:12:05.62
than what it had to do
00:12:05.65\00:12:06.99
with this sense
of attaining status,
00:12:07.02\00:12:09.09
so you can
survive in the community.
00:12:09.12\00:12:10.53
And another component to that
00:12:10.56\00:12:12.23
is even now it's
a little different
00:12:12.26\00:12:15.66
in some ways,
00:12:15.70\00:12:17.03
because along with the status,
00:12:17.07\00:12:19.47
you used to have
the different gangs,
00:12:19.50\00:12:22.00
different block gangs.
00:12:22.04\00:12:23.74
Now what is happening
00:12:23.77\00:12:25.44
is that if you're
on the same block,
00:12:25.47\00:12:28.04
you have one gang member,
00:12:28.08\00:12:30.58
and they have an
opposing gang member,
00:12:30.61\00:12:32.98
but once you're on
that block, they become one.
00:12:33.01\00:12:36.18
And so it is very
much more complex now
00:12:36.22\00:12:39.62
for the law enforcement
00:12:39.65\00:12:40.99
because you know
that on is block there is,
00:12:41.02\00:12:43.19
you've got one gang
member, you have another one,
00:12:43.22\00:12:46.16
you have another one
from different gangs,
00:12:46.19\00:12:48.26
but once anyone
come in, in that block,
00:12:48.30\00:12:52.47
they come together
and protect the block.
00:12:52.50\00:12:54.20
Yeah.
00:12:54.24\00:12:55.57
So there's no longer,
00:12:55.60\00:12:56.94
you know what,
the end within this...
00:12:56.97\00:12:59.11
And what you're sharing here,
00:12:59.14\00:13:00.81
what Gordon is sharing here
00:13:00.84\00:13:02.21
is there's a difference between,
00:13:02.24\00:13:03.58
we actually didn't have gangs.
00:13:03.61\00:13:05.41
I got to the US and
into Brooklyn in '77
00:13:05.45\00:13:08.18
and the gangs
were just dying out.
00:13:08.22\00:13:09.78
I saw the last of the
Brooklyn gangs by 1978,
00:13:09.82\00:13:12.85
Cats, Pumas, Jolly Stompers,
Warriors, all these groups,
00:13:12.89\00:13:16.83
I saw them walking around
00:13:16.86\00:13:18.19
with their
jackets and all of that.
00:13:18.23\00:13:19.56
And then by '78, it was done.
00:13:19.59\00:13:22.00
The gang culture
died off and what evolved
00:13:22.03\00:13:24.00
and after that is
something we for us Caribbean,
00:13:24.03\00:13:26.74
three guys, the posse,
00:13:26.77\00:13:28.84
and a posse is quite
different from a gang.
00:13:28.87\00:13:31.24
A gang is, this was a
close specific group of people
00:13:31.27\00:13:34.44
with an allegiance
in that sense, a posse,
00:13:34.48\00:13:36.91
you're not
necessarily connected like that
00:13:36.95\00:13:38.91
you're coming
together for a common good,
00:13:38.95\00:13:41.08
the same way it was in the West.
00:13:41.12\00:13:43.12
So there would be
some need, some violence
00:13:43.15\00:13:45.29
and then the posse
would come together
00:13:45.32\00:13:46.65
and go hunt somebody
down or whatever have you,
00:13:46.69\00:13:48.32
protect the village,
00:13:48.36\00:13:49.69
whatever have you.
00:13:49.72\00:13:51.06
Same thing in the streets today.
00:13:51.09\00:13:52.43
And a posse is very loose.
00:13:52.46\00:13:53.93
So as I'm saying,
they come together
00:13:53.96\00:13:55.30
for a specific purpose,
00:13:55.33\00:13:56.83
but they're not really a
gang in the sense of this tight
00:13:56.87\00:13:59.83
of that union and all of that.
00:13:59.87\00:14:01.20
And all of that being
said, let's go back to the home.
00:14:01.24\00:14:04.41
And those of us who
have sons especially
00:14:04.44\00:14:07.38
and we are in the
urban environment,
00:14:07.41\00:14:10.08
please, please spend time
devotionally with your child,
00:14:10.11\00:14:15.55
and help to build and instill
in your child a sense of value.
00:14:15.58\00:14:20.26
Teach your
children the difference
00:14:20.29\00:14:21.76
between the value of esteem
and the value of self-worth.
00:14:21.79\00:14:27.26
See, if they are pursuing life
00:14:27.30\00:14:30.33
based on the
objective of self-esteem,
00:14:30.37\00:14:32.90
then they're far more vulnerable
00:14:32.93\00:14:34.60
to that culture.
00:14:34.64\00:14:36.04
That's how it sucked me in.
00:14:36.07\00:14:37.84
Because then I basically used
that same status symbol culture
00:14:37.87\00:14:43.65
to identify myself in value.
00:14:43.68\00:14:46.15
Because if I can
wear a sheepskin coat,
00:14:46.18\00:14:48.38
wear a certain amount of jewelry
00:14:48.42\00:14:49.95
and when I stepped on a city bus
00:14:49.98\00:14:51.32
even though I was
only like about 5'6"
00:14:51.35\00:14:53.15
or something like that,
00:14:53.19\00:14:54.69
people just got out my way
00:14:54.72\00:14:56.22
because the status
symbol said something,
00:14:56.26\00:14:58.79
one, it said that I was armed.
00:14:58.83\00:15:00.53
Two, it said that if
I could go across town
00:15:00.56\00:15:03.77
from East Flatbush, to Bushwick,
00:15:03.80\00:15:08.04
to Bed-Stuyvesant
and back to Kings Plaza,
00:15:08.07\00:15:10.71
wherever and I
haven't been robbed,
00:15:10.74\00:15:12.44
I must be some bad dude.
00:15:12.47\00:15:14.24
No, nobody would trouble me
00:15:14.28\00:15:15.74
until I would get
into an environment,
00:15:15.78\00:15:17.68
as I said,
00:15:17.71\00:15:19.05
where there were a
bunch of other generals
00:15:19.08\00:15:20.42
that didn't know me,
00:15:20.45\00:15:21.78
then they had
to test my ranking.
00:15:21.82\00:15:23.15
And I had to do
one of two things,
00:15:23.18\00:15:24.52
defend myself or be victimized.
00:15:24.55\00:15:27.32
But we have to take time
to instill in our children
00:15:27.36\00:15:32.53
that sense of self-worth,
00:15:32.56\00:15:34.10
and that starts with who we are
00:15:34.13\00:15:36.56
in the eyes of God,
00:15:36.60\00:15:38.10
not who we are in
the eyes of the streets.
00:15:38.13\00:15:40.60
Now, he and I are
a perfect example.
00:15:40.64\00:15:43.71
So you heard the
details of my home environment.
00:15:43.74\00:15:48.44
We grew up in the
same neighborhood.
00:15:48.48\00:15:50.61
At one point, we
went to the same church.
00:15:50.65\00:15:53.82
I left the
church at about age 13
00:15:53.85\00:15:56.28
and I felt deeply
into street violence
00:15:56.32\00:15:58.82
and gang violence
and this kind of stuff.
00:15:58.85\00:16:00.82
I will still visit
Brooklyn Faith on occasion,
00:16:00.86\00:16:04.29
you know, and people,
you know, pray for our youth.
00:16:04.33\00:16:08.40
Pray for our youth.
00:16:08.43\00:16:10.00
I cannot stress that
with any greater passion
00:16:10.03\00:16:14.00
than I am here today
00:16:14.04\00:16:15.84
is what helped
me to be here today.
00:16:15.87\00:16:19.11
I was a charter member
of Brooklyn Faith Church.
00:16:19.14\00:16:21.94
There's still a plaque
somewhere in that church,
00:16:21.98\00:16:24.15
with the original eight members
00:16:24.18\00:16:26.11
started in a basement of 50 East
00:16:26.15\00:16:27.92
with the Second
Street in Brooklyn.
00:16:27.95\00:16:29.38
My name and my sister's
name are on that plaque.
00:16:29.42\00:16:32.72
So people in the church
are getting in the church now
00:16:32.75\00:16:36.12
just come from South America
00:16:36.16\00:16:37.66
at about age 10, 11, 76, 77
00:16:37.69\00:16:41.26
people remembered
me as a little kid.
00:16:41.30\00:16:43.70
And I went from that.
00:16:43.73\00:16:45.83
Once I reached about age
13, one more I told my mom,
00:16:45.87\00:16:48.40
"Look, I'm done."
00:16:48.44\00:16:49.77
Because and the reason why
00:16:49.80\00:16:51.14
was the pressures of the
street were getting to me.
00:16:51.17\00:16:54.41
Only thing I could see
through the portals of my eye
00:16:54.44\00:16:56.58
was I'm going to die.
00:16:56.61\00:16:58.48
I've got to learn
how to survive on my own.
00:16:58.51\00:17:00.35
I have no father.
00:17:00.38\00:17:01.72
I got no big
brother, no cousin or nothing,
00:17:01.75\00:17:03.28
and I'm short and I'm skinny.
00:17:03.32\00:17:05.39
And I see people
getting victimized
00:17:05.42\00:17:07.26
in front of me daily.
00:17:07.29\00:17:08.96
I would stand up guy.
00:17:08.99\00:17:10.63
Here comes two guys,
they put a gun on me,
00:17:10.66\00:17:12.63
put a gun on my friend
00:17:12.66\00:17:14.10
before I got into
the status symbol stuff
00:17:14.13\00:17:15.86
but my friend was,
they take your sneakers off,
00:17:15.90\00:17:18.00
we got to walk home
in the snow barefooted.
00:17:18.03\00:17:20.44
You know, he's bleeding
blood all over his chest
00:17:20.47\00:17:23.44
and his face from
being pistol whipped
00:17:23.47\00:17:25.01
when the guys were
robbing him of the sneakers.
00:17:25.04\00:17:27.64
I keep seeing stuff like that.
00:17:27.68\00:17:29.01
And I decide,
look, kill or be killed.
00:17:29.04\00:17:31.05
I'm not going to be a victim.
00:17:31.08\00:17:32.51
So then I became
a tough guy myself.
00:17:32.55\00:17:34.82
And I started walking that road,
00:17:34.85\00:17:36.38
I stopped going to church,
00:17:36.42\00:17:37.75
people from the
church would see me at times
00:17:37.79\00:17:40.52
or visit the
house, plead with me,
00:17:40.56\00:17:42.29
please come back.
00:17:42.32\00:17:43.66
Just please come back to church.
00:17:43.69\00:17:45.03
My mom tried.
00:17:45.06\00:17:46.39
I had conversations with
my mom on weird occasions.
00:17:46.43\00:17:48.40
She's there praying,
crying, got her candles,
00:17:48.43\00:17:50.53
her little shrine in the corner,
00:17:50.57\00:17:51.90
praying for me every day.
00:17:51.93\00:17:53.54
And one morning I
went over to mother,
00:17:53.57\00:17:54.90
she was praying and I knelt down
00:17:54.94\00:17:56.34
to pray with her.
00:17:56.37\00:17:57.74
And she said I said to her,
00:17:57.77\00:17:59.11
"Ma, you just don't understand."
00:17:59.14\00:18:00.94
You know, my mom at that time
00:18:00.98\00:18:02.74
even knew that
I was armed daily.
00:18:02.78\00:18:05.31
And she turned
to me and she said,
00:18:05.35\00:18:06.68
"You're going out
there with weapons.
00:18:06.72\00:18:08.05
I know you're carrying weapons."
00:18:08.08\00:18:09.88
I said, "Mom, if I don't,
00:18:09.92\00:18:11.25
I may not come home
one afternoon, you know."
00:18:11.29\00:18:13.79
And I pray with my
mother and I went to school
00:18:13.82\00:18:15.89
as regular that day,
00:18:15.92\00:18:17.26
yes, with a gun in my coat,
00:18:17.29\00:18:20.06
you know, so even to the point
where I would run into members
00:18:20.10\00:18:23.87
of the church and one occasion,
00:18:23.90\00:18:26.50
and the husband
grabbed his wife,
00:18:26.53\00:18:29.50
this was late
when he was coming home
00:18:29.54\00:18:30.87
from somewhere,
00:18:30.91\00:18:32.24
grabbed his wife,
I recognized them,
00:18:32.27\00:18:34.28
and I started to
approach them to greet them.
00:18:34.31\00:18:36.98
When I got close
to them, I realized
00:18:37.01\00:18:39.18
these people
were so terror struck.
00:18:39.21\00:18:42.05
The man before I
could greet them,
00:18:42.08\00:18:44.02
he said, we don't want
any, we don't have any money,
00:18:44.05\00:18:47.16
here, here, here
00:18:47.19\00:18:48.52
and started going in his
pocket to take out his wallet.
00:18:48.56\00:18:51.29
And I said, you
know, making open here,
00:18:51.33\00:18:53.50
"Brother Brown it's me, Paul,
00:18:53.53\00:18:56.63
Sister Lowe's son
from Brooklyn Faith."
00:18:56.67\00:18:59.07
You know what he
said, "Paul, from where?"
00:18:59.10\00:19:02.00
I say, "Yeah, well,
00:19:02.04\00:19:03.37
I don't go
anymore but I used to,
00:19:03.41\00:19:04.74
well, I remember y'all.
00:19:04.77\00:19:06.11
Oh Lord Jesus, thank you Jesus,
00:19:06.14\00:19:07.61
because they thought I
was coming to rob them.
00:19:07.64\00:19:09.91
So you know, we have
to do that work of prayer,
00:19:09.94\00:19:14.58
that church never
stopped praying for me
00:19:14.62\00:19:17.79
through my arrest
and my court trials
00:19:17.82\00:19:21.79
and being hospitalized
for this or for that whatever,
00:19:21.82\00:19:24.69
people will always come
visit me in the hospital,
00:19:24.73\00:19:27.30
people would always pray
it with my mother before I,
00:19:27.33\00:19:29.50
if I had a legal infraction
and all this kind of stuff,
00:19:29.53\00:19:32.43
it makes a difference.
00:19:32.47\00:19:33.80
But as I said,
00:19:33.84\00:19:35.17
it's that foundation
of building a healthy
00:19:35.20\00:19:37.37
not esteem, but
self-worth in your child.
00:19:37.41\00:19:40.68
If you victimize your
child yourself in the home,
00:19:40.71\00:19:43.11
if you're the type of
father that's a bully,
00:19:43.14\00:19:45.71
and you strip your
son of all his self-worth
00:19:45.75\00:19:49.02
because you're
constantly domineering him,
00:19:49.05\00:19:52.22
it's not going to help,
00:19:52.25\00:19:53.59
you can lose him to
the street that way,
00:19:53.62\00:19:55.39
because he will go
find value somewhere else.
00:19:55.42\00:19:58.29
Or likewise if
that is absent period
00:19:58.33\00:20:00.60
because there is
no father in the home,
00:20:00.63\00:20:02.83
we face the same challenge.
00:20:02.86\00:20:04.20
So those of us who are able,
00:20:04.23\00:20:05.97
you said the
magic word mentorship,
00:20:06.00\00:20:08.24
let's ensure that
we mentor the youth
00:20:08.27\00:20:10.71
of our church and our community,
00:20:10.74\00:20:13.14
those of us who are fathers
00:20:13.17\00:20:15.08
who can make that difference.
00:20:15.11\00:20:16.75
And even at
Brooklyn Faith, same church.
00:20:16.78\00:20:19.88
As a young person, I
was the Pathfinder director,
00:20:19.91\00:20:22.68
leading a group of
young, young people.
00:20:22.72\00:20:25.89
And that's probably what I was,
00:20:25.92\00:20:27.26
that's what I was doing
is trying to mentor them
00:20:27.29\00:20:29.92
the best way that I could,
00:20:29.96\00:20:31.29
and I will see Paul come
in and, you know, slip out.
00:20:31.33\00:20:35.83
But I was amazed to
see the transformation
00:20:35.86\00:20:38.03
that happened later on in life
00:20:38.07\00:20:39.40
when we got
connected back together,
00:20:39.43\00:20:41.50
but mentorship,
praying for your kids,
00:20:41.54\00:20:44.57
covering your kids with prayer,
00:20:44.61\00:20:45.97
before they leave home,
00:20:46.01\00:20:47.34
when they come
home and teach them
00:20:47.38\00:20:49.24
to actually
have a life of prayer
00:20:49.28\00:20:52.28
as they're on the street.
00:20:52.31\00:20:53.78
Because it's amazing
what's happening on the streets
00:20:53.82\00:20:55.62
with our young people.
00:20:55.65\00:20:57.19
I talked to some of
them on a regular basis
00:20:57.22\00:21:00.62
because I still as a
pastor, mentor some of them,
00:21:00.66\00:21:03.29
the things that they're doing,
00:21:03.32\00:21:05.49
it's just, I
can't even begin to talk
00:21:05.53\00:21:07.66
about some of the
things that they're doing.
00:21:07.70\00:21:09.33
It blows my mind,
00:21:09.36\00:21:10.87
but they keep me abreast
00:21:10.90\00:21:12.27
with what's happening out there.
00:21:12.30\00:21:14.10
And because of
that, I kind of help,
00:21:14.14\00:21:17.47
I can be of a help to
some others by telling them,
00:21:17.51\00:21:21.38
listen, this is not the
road you want to go down.
00:21:21.41\00:21:24.75
So mentorship is important,
prayer for kids is important.
00:21:24.78\00:21:27.92
Building that self
worth as Pastor Lowe said,
00:21:27.95\00:21:30.02
it's absolutely important
00:21:30.05\00:21:33.15
in just to building our kids up.
00:21:33.19\00:21:35.22
I think, you know, he brought,
00:21:35.26\00:21:37.36
both of you
brought some key points.
00:21:37.39\00:21:38.73
You know, I heard the number,
teenage years 12-13 years old,
00:21:38.76\00:21:43.10
you know, and that
seems to be a critical point
00:21:43.13\00:21:45.07
in a kid's life to
make a push for Christ.
00:21:45.10\00:21:47.40
And Christ is not just
00:21:47.44\00:21:48.77
so you can be
walking around on a cloud
00:21:48.80\00:21:50.54
and be holy,
00:21:50.57\00:21:51.91
is to save you from yourself.
00:21:51.94\00:21:53.71
You know, God, God works to save
00:21:53.74\00:21:55.64
His children from themselves
00:21:55.68\00:21:58.61
and the other
critical factor is,
00:21:58.65\00:22:00.05
it doesn't matter
what type of home you have,
00:22:00.08\00:22:02.35
in the sense of,
00:22:02.38\00:22:03.72
you can come from
a single parent home
00:22:03.75\00:22:05.82
or you can come from perfect,
00:22:05.85\00:22:07.36
you know, sort of
speak two parent home,
00:22:07.39\00:22:09.26
Christians maybe
00:22:09.29\00:22:10.63
because that's
where I came from,
00:22:10.66\00:22:11.99
a two parent home
Christians, devotion,
00:22:12.03\00:22:14.00
ate all the vegetables,
was super vegetarian.
00:22:14.03\00:22:17.87
But I wasn't never in a gang.
00:22:17.90\00:22:19.60
I was just a one man show
00:22:19.63\00:22:21.40
because I
turned into a Satanist.
00:22:21.44\00:22:24.17
I didn't need a
gang, I was my gang.
00:22:24.21\00:22:25.54
Mercy. Mercy.
00:22:25.57\00:22:28.01
All I had to say was the
word, and I became, as they say,
00:22:28.04\00:22:31.35
you know, the Bible says Legion,
00:22:31.38\00:22:33.82
you know, and it feels
good to have that power, right?
00:22:33.85\00:22:37.75
Mercy. Mercy.
00:22:37.79\00:22:39.25
And that's what we
had to teach our youth
00:22:39.29\00:22:40.82
that even though it feels good,
00:22:40.86\00:22:42.82
you have no idea
what you're messing with.
00:22:42.86\00:22:45.89
You're going to die
00:22:45.93\00:22:47.50
and it's not going
to be a temporal death,
00:22:47.53\00:22:49.96
it's going to be
an eternal death.
00:22:50.00\00:22:52.93
It's not worth it. Yeah.
00:22:52.97\00:22:54.47
It's not.
00:22:54.50\00:22:55.84
You know, and the other aspect
00:22:55.87\00:22:57.71
that I kind of saw similarity
00:22:57.74\00:22:59.94
is the fact that I think
00:22:59.97\00:23:01.31
all of us have shared
00:23:01.34\00:23:02.68
that we've all been
arrested at some point in time.
00:23:02.71\00:23:05.11
You know, we've
all been to jail.
00:23:05.15\00:23:06.48
It's not like we,
somebody gave us a Bible here,
00:23:06.51\00:23:08.98
you're a pastor
now, you're a chaplain.
00:23:09.02\00:23:11.02
No, we are, we're
all of the disciples,
00:23:11.05\00:23:13.72
messed up individuals.
00:23:13.76\00:23:16.76
You know, Peter,
cut somebody's ear off.
00:23:16.79\00:23:19.89
Simon, you know,
John and James, were,
00:23:19.93\00:23:23.50
you know, soar like sailors
00:23:23.53\00:23:25.30
probably because
they were fishermen.
00:23:25.33\00:23:27.77
You have Matthew
the tax collector,
00:23:27.80\00:23:29.14
you know, every single person,
00:23:29.17\00:23:30.51
every single follower of Christ
00:23:30.54\00:23:32.27
is not meant to be
this perfect example.
00:23:32.31\00:23:35.11
And I think, as
fathers with our kids,
00:23:35.14\00:23:38.71
and with those that we see
a need of that discipleship,
00:23:38.75\00:23:42.48
we need to show
them our brokenness.
00:23:42.52\00:23:44.95
We need to show
them that we are fathers,
00:23:44.99\00:23:47.89
but where and we
are in leadership,
00:23:47.92\00:23:49.82
but we're not this
holier than thou persona.
00:23:49.86\00:23:52.23
We've been there, we've done it.
00:23:52.26\00:23:53.86
We know what
it's like and we know
00:23:53.90\00:23:55.76
and God only saved us
00:23:55.80\00:23:57.40
from ourselves
through His grace,
00:23:57.43\00:23:59.23
so we can mentor others.
00:23:59.27\00:24:00.60
Amen.
00:24:00.64\00:24:01.97
And that's the one
thing that I do it to my son
00:24:02.00\00:24:04.01
is he knows his
father's journey.
00:24:04.04\00:24:07.18
And he knows the
struggles of life.
00:24:07.21\00:24:11.95
But one thing that I
want to point out then
00:24:11.98\00:24:14.55
some economic thing
also that plays into this,
00:24:14.58\00:24:18.19
a lot of
fathers don't have jobs.
00:24:18.22\00:24:20.82
And so they can't provide
as much as they would want to
00:24:20.86\00:24:23.89
for the young people.
00:24:23.93\00:24:25.49
And so when they're young,
00:24:25.53\00:24:26.86
when their sons grow up
and they started having,
00:24:26.90\00:24:30.17
you know, little ones,
00:24:30.20\00:24:31.90
they themselves find
themselves in economic fix.
00:24:31.93\00:24:35.00
As a church, what we have done
00:24:35.04\00:24:36.91
is that we've
created some that's called
00:24:36.94\00:24:39.31
I work Chicago and thereby,
00:24:39.34\00:24:41.58
every year we have applicants,
00:24:41.61\00:24:43.31
over 900 plus looking for work
00:24:43.35\00:24:46.88
and we're, we have
big job, a huge job fairs
00:24:46.92\00:24:50.32
and resource center
00:24:50.35\00:24:51.85
whereby we point them
and help them find work.
00:24:51.89\00:24:55.99
If you're not, if
you don't have a job
00:24:56.02\00:24:59.29
and you're on the streets,
00:24:59.33\00:25:00.93
you're going to,
you're going to stay up,
00:25:00.96\00:25:02.80
and you're going to
get yourself in trouble.
00:25:02.83\00:25:04.77
So we have to
provide something for them.
00:25:04.80\00:25:08.57
And, you know, we
can't depend on the guy,
00:25:08.60\00:25:10.61
I think the church
is an integral part in
00:25:10.64\00:25:12.97
and we've got to come
alongside this families,
00:25:13.01\00:25:15.51
we've got, for me, I'm
the pastor of my community.
00:25:15.54\00:25:18.25
I'm the pastor of the
entire city of Chicago.
00:25:18.28\00:25:22.35
You should be able
to come to my church
00:25:22.38\00:25:24.85
and you'd be
able to find resources
00:25:24.89\00:25:27.06
whereby you can be
pointed to a job or something.
00:25:27.09\00:25:29.29
That's an
important, important piece.
00:25:29.32\00:25:31.99
I know we only have
about a minute left.
00:25:32.03\00:25:33.56
But I wanted to
share quickly also,
00:25:33.60\00:25:36.23
to keep in mind once again,
00:25:36.26\00:25:38.37
what these new
status symbols are,
00:25:38.40\00:25:40.50
because they are
the distractions.
00:25:40.54\00:25:42.50
The old status symbols had
to do with being respected,
00:25:42.54\00:25:45.87
dressing well, being
esteemed in the street,
00:25:45.91\00:25:48.51
have a little bit of
money in your pocket,
00:25:48.54\00:25:49.94
the new status symbol is wealth,
00:25:49.98\00:25:51.88
and I mean, extreme wealth,
00:25:51.91\00:25:54.55
extreme wealth
and that's being fused
00:25:54.58\00:25:56.18
and nurture by the media,
00:25:56.22\00:25:58.29
by the culture
especially but many others also.
00:25:58.32\00:26:02.19
So it's now about
00:26:02.22\00:26:03.56
not just having
money in your pockets,
00:26:03.59\00:26:04.99
but having great
amount of money, right?
00:26:05.03\00:26:07.93
It's about
reaching the level of a PhD
00:26:07.96\00:26:10.97
or some multi
skilled individual,
00:26:11.00\00:26:12.93
some CEO, you know,
00:26:12.97\00:26:14.57
hundreds of thousands of dollars
00:26:14.60\00:26:16.27
and which way can you
do that or accomplish that
00:26:16.30\00:26:18.97
if you live in an urban ghetto?
00:26:19.01\00:26:21.91
Drugs, murder for
hire, prostitution
00:26:21.94\00:26:25.08
or whatever
other illicit practice,
00:26:25.11\00:26:27.98
right, you know, and God forbid,
00:26:28.02\00:26:30.29
in the past I did
in there all of those.
00:26:30.32\00:26:33.66
But you get your
hands on those things
00:26:33.69\00:26:35.62
and you're
building up your status
00:26:35.66\00:26:37.83
and your income to be,
you know, a high roller.
00:26:37.86\00:26:41.26
So once again this
is where the self-worth
00:26:41.30\00:26:45.23
and not esteem is important
for the nurture of our youth
00:26:45.27\00:26:48.27
and our church population.
00:26:48.30\00:26:49.97
And this phrase is said also,
00:26:50.01\00:26:51.34
being part of a solution
00:26:51.37\00:26:52.71
by providing
education is paramount,
00:26:52.74\00:26:54.64
getting our
kids through college,
00:26:54.68\00:26:56.54
helping them to be degreed
00:26:56.58\00:26:58.05
but also helping
them to engage occupations
00:26:58.08\00:27:01.82
that can provide them a
successful form of living,
00:27:01.85\00:27:05.15
and teaching them the
purpose that they're living for.
00:27:05.19\00:27:08.12
You're not
living here to satisfy,
00:27:08.16\00:27:09.49
make yourself rich.
00:27:09.52\00:27:10.86
You're living here to be a
part of the kingdom of God.
00:27:10.89\00:27:13.66
And I appreciate the guys,
00:27:13.70\00:27:15.03
and we got to
pick this up again,
00:27:15.06\00:27:16.50
because it's a deep topic.
00:27:16.53\00:27:18.20
And for you out there,
fathers, it's time to step up.
00:27:18.23\00:27:22.14
We keep saying that
over and over again,
00:27:22.17\00:27:23.84
because it is.
00:27:23.87\00:27:25.57
We in and of ourselves
don't have the perfect answers.
00:27:25.61\00:27:28.38
We really don't.
00:27:28.41\00:27:29.74
But it's time to step up
and be there for your children.
00:27:29.78\00:27:33.05
And if you don't have any kids,
00:27:33.08\00:27:34.58
be there for the
kids of the community.
00:27:34.62\00:27:36.99
You know, stop
taking out your phones
00:27:37.02\00:27:38.42
to videotape fights,
00:27:38.45\00:27:41.42
you know,
especially our young people
00:27:41.46\00:27:43.46
stop taking out video,
00:27:43.49\00:27:44.83
you know, your cell
phones out and taping fights.
00:27:44.86\00:27:46.90
It's not cool.
00:27:46.93\00:27:48.26
It doesn't help.
00:27:48.30\00:27:49.63
It just
contributes to the violence.
00:27:49.66\00:27:51.13
And fathers, again,
00:27:51.17\00:27:52.67
God caused you to
step up and step out.
00:27:52.70\00:27:55.14
It's time to do the right thing.
00:27:55.17\00:27:57.01
Thank you for watching.
00:27:57.04\00:27:58.37