A good father takes time to play 00:00:01.36\00:00:03.26 He has strong integrity 00:00:05.43\00:00:06.80 He is someone that is truly dedicated 00:00:08.10\00:00:10.01 He is not afraid to show his love 00:00:12.07\00:00:13.84 He is a caring provider 00:00:16.04\00:00:17.58 And, he's a kind, spiritual leader 00:00:19.85\00:00:22.32 These are just a few ways to describe a father's heart 00:00:22.35\00:00:26.15 Hi, welcome to A Father's Heart I'm Xavier, your host 00:00:30.23\00:00:33.46 And today we're just going to go over some highlights 00:00:33.90\00:00:36.20 some things that we talked about during the season 00:00:36.23\00:00:38.90 So please join us. Here with me is Gordon and Denry 00:00:38.93\00:00:44.41 How you guys doing today? 00:00:44.44\00:00:45.81 Good, good. Doing well 00:00:45.84\00:00:47.88 Awesome man. So we've talked about a lot of things 00:00:47.91\00:00:50.38 during this season and it's been huh emotionally charged 00:00:50.41\00:00:55.12 and we shared our souls, our hearts together here 00:00:55.15\00:00:59.65 as men, not having fear of sharing our emotions, right? 00:00:59.69\00:01:02.86 But before we talk about, go over some of the points and 00:01:02.89\00:01:06.56 things like that, can we pray? 00:01:06.59\00:01:08.36 Yeah. Alright let's have a word of prayer 00:01:08.40\00:01:10.17 Dear gracious Father God, thank you Lord that men of God 00:01:15.70\00:01:19.21 can come together to pray with you and pray to you 00:01:19.24\00:01:22.81 and Lord right now we just ask that you continue to work 00:01:22.84\00:01:26.38 with us as fathers cause we still have no clue at the end 00:01:26.41\00:01:29.75 of the day how everything is supposed to go but we can 00:01:29.78\00:01:32.32 rely on you to understand what fatherhood is all about 00:01:32.35\00:01:36.36 in Jesus' name, amen. 00:01:36.39\00:01:38.93 So what do you guys think, what are some of the things we talked 00:01:41.23\00:01:44.03 about that, man like fatherlessness, fatherless men 00:01:44.07\00:01:47.97 what are some of the things we talked about that you liked 00:01:48.00\00:01:50.94 that we just go over it again one more time just to refresh 00:01:50.97\00:01:54.04 my memory, refresh our memories 00:01:54.08\00:01:55.88 I think for me one of the big things is what happens at birth 00:01:55.91\00:02:02.52 and that whole thing of not bonding, not making that initial 00:02:02.55\00:02:06.79 bond. That separation, not being there when the child needs 00:02:06.82\00:02:11.09 you. That was a great highlight for me. And a lot of things that 00:02:11.13\00:02:16.50 we talked about if you look at it, it all stems from the 00:02:16.53\00:02:19.73 beginning, you know stems from there. For whatever reason the 00:02:19.77\00:02:24.37 father chooses not to be in a child's life, it's a traumatic 00:02:24.41\00:02:29.84 thing for the child. And I think it's something we ought to be 00:02:29.88\00:02:33.88 aware of as men, as fathers. I also think, you know, 00:02:33.92\00:02:39.32 we have to celebrate the good fathers and encourage the 00:02:39.35\00:02:44.16 ones that are strugglin to get in the game 00:02:44.19\00:02:46.90 and that it is never too late to get in the game and just be 00:02:46.93\00:02:52.03 a father to your child and spend the time the child needs you 00:02:52.07\00:02:58.07 It's an important thing. What was your thought? 00:02:58.11\00:03:01.51 One of the episodes that stood out for me was realizing that 00:03:01.54\00:03:08.02 I don't have to be perfect and I think a lot of us fathers 00:03:08.05\00:03:12.59 try to aim for something higher than our ability and we try to 00:03:12.62\00:03:19.16 be the perfect dad and so all of our kids need perfect, you 00:03:19.19\00:03:23.93 know, all these things we try to be, to accomplish all these 00:03:23.97\00:03:26.84 perfect things and then we fail and then we get discouraged 00:03:26.87\00:03:31.37 ourselves because we are not perfect. But when we realize 00:03:31.41\00:03:37.25 that we serve a perfect God who does a perfect work through us 00:03:37.28\00:03:42.55 and how He makes us perfect and when we are patient with 00:03:42.58\00:03:47.96 ourselves and let grace work in us then we can be graceful to 00:03:47.99\00:03:52.69 our children and not expect them to be perfect either 00:03:52.73\00:03:56.00 and a lot of our children are not expectin us to be perfect 00:03:56.03\00:03:58.97 they're just expectin us to be fathers, that's it 00:03:59.00\00:04:03.17 Because we can't be perfect because we live in a messed 00:04:03.20\00:04:05.47 up world. We live in a world of sin and because of what sin has 00:04:05.51\00:04:09.61 done there's no way we can be perfect and lotta times we think 00:04:09.64\00:04:15.28 about the genetics of this whole thing, what you receive as a 00:04:15.32\00:04:21.09 child is what you pass on because that's a learned 00:04:21.12\00:04:23.89 behavior and if that's your only world view of what 00:04:23.93\00:04:28.06 fatherhood is like there is no way that you will be able to 00:04:28.10\00:04:32.00 get it right unless you get yourself, at least seek some 00:04:32.03\00:04:36.20 help, get some counseling if you've had some kinda traumatic 00:04:36.24\00:04:39.57 experiences in your childhood because it's just gonna go on 00:04:39.61\00:04:44.21 from generation to generation and I think as fathers we've 00:04:44.25\00:04:47.68 gotta look for ways to break the cycle so that what we've 00:04:47.72\00:04:51.82 experienced we don't pass on. So if there's a child out there 00:04:51.85\00:04:57.23 and that child is experiencing fatherlessness, don't let that 00:04:57.26\00:05:04.03 anger and hurt and disappointment keep you 00:05:04.07\00:05:10.21 from being the best father that you can be 00:05:10.24\00:05:13.11 I think we've got to forgive our fathers, forgive them 00:05:13.14\00:05:16.34 for not being there because some of them probably wanted to be 00:05:16.38\00:05:21.05 there but because of their childhood they just can't do it 00:05:21.08\00:05:27.56 they don't know how, there's no manual. There's no 00:05:27.59\00:05:30.63 there was no father for them to teach them what they need 00:05:30.66\00:05:34.23 to do and because of that they're at a loss 00:05:34.26\00:05:36.70 I think that's a good general premise that we talked about 00:05:36.73\00:05:40.10 that we need to focus on two is forgiveness you know, 00:05:40.14\00:05:44.81 and that's one of the things we have to work through 00:05:44.84\00:05:46.91 and I think one of my favorite parts was talkin about the 00:05:46.94\00:05:49.84 fatherless Trinity and the fact that we and any child sees 00:05:49.88\00:05:55.38 their father as a reflection of who God is and that reflection 00:05:55.42\00:06:01.42 of God can either be marred or can be amplified 00:06:01.46\00:06:05.19 in the child's life as they grow it can be really detrimental 00:06:05.23\00:06:09.53 if the child does not get a good image of God the Father 00:06:09.56\00:06:13.37 from their own earthly father and I can think of so many 00:06:13.40\00:06:18.61 things that we've talked about in reference to that and 00:06:18.64\00:06:21.58 just the fact that God loves us so much, He loves us so much 00:06:21.61\00:06:26.28 that even though He's a one child family per se 00:06:26.31\00:06:30.25 you know the only begotten Son of God, He chooses to include 00:06:30.29\00:06:33.92 us in the family of the kingdom of God and even though He's our 00:06:33.96\00:06:38.73 heavenly Father He still gives us earthly fathers that need to 00:06:38.76\00:06:42.23 put in the work and effort to really give us a spiritual walk 00:06:42.26\00:06:46.63 nurture us. You know we attribute nurturing to women 00:06:46.67\00:06:49.70 and giving us the nurturing aspect of spirituality, that 00:06:49.74\00:06:53.88 priestly role and I don't know I really resonated with 00:06:53.91\00:06:58.55 the fatherless Trinity 00:06:58.58\00:07:00.38 I really don't want to mess your minds up but I just have 00:07:01.32\00:07:05.75 this thought. What kind of father or how would we 00:07:05.79\00:07:10.06 how would we characterize a father who gave His Son up 00:07:10.09\00:07:14.96 to die? What would we call that? 00:07:15.00\00:07:17.50 Selfless. Huh? Selfless Come on now, let's be real 00:07:18.40\00:07:21.80 I mean if you give your child up to die for somebody else 00:07:21.84\00:07:26.78 what would the world think of you? 00:07:27.94\00:07:29.98 Murderer. A good father? Not at all, Worse 00:07:30.01\00:07:32.81 Terrible. That's true and you neglect him when he's callin 00:07:32.85\00:07:35.72 on you? Uh huh. But yet we call that love 00:07:35.75\00:07:40.59 How do you reconcile that thought. 00:07:40.96\00:07:43.53 I don't think there are words to describe that. Honestly, I can't 00:07:44.73\00:07:50.00 wrap my brain around the idea of givin up my one and only child 00:07:50.03\00:07:55.00 to die for a bunch of people that hate him in the first place 00:07:55.04\00:08:00.01 Does it make sense to me? Why would I do that for a bunch of 00:08:01.24\00:08:06.21 wretched human beings that are that despise him, spit on him 00:08:06.25\00:08:11.75 whip him and when he calls me I'm supposed to be the one that 00:08:11.79\00:08:16.56 comes to rescue him and I don't 00:08:16.59\00:08:18.79 and you're this big, you're this father that's all powerful 00:08:18.83\00:08:24.77 and you see a child going through this kind of stuff 00:08:24.80\00:08:27.70 but yet because of what you're trying to do 00:08:27.74\00:08:32.17 you're not only lookin out for that one child 00:08:32.21\00:08:35.88 you give that one child up to redeem the whole world 00:08:35.91\00:08:40.95 Selfless act, that one child, so that all of the other children 00:08:42.58\00:08:48.02 could have hope. You made a point you know when you said 00:08:48.06\00:08:51.46 it doesn't make sense, it's something imaginary 00:08:51.49\00:08:54.50 but that's the thing with love, love doesn't make sense 00:08:54.53\00:08:57.97 unconditional love doesn't make sense 00:08:58.00\00:09:00.70 WE ought to get that. You see our love, our love is based on 00:09:00.74\00:09:06.41 either feelings, emotions, based on how we, whether the 00:09:06.44\00:09:11.61 person treats us is conditional. God's love is unconditional 00:09:11.65\00:09:15.98 God's love goes beyond, it's a mystery. Even Paul says 00:09:16.02\00:09:21.79 for the gentiles and the Greeks it's foolishness 00:09:21.82\00:09:26.19 what, this doesn't make any sense. 00:09:26.23\00:09:28.76 This does not make any sense Why would He do that? 00:09:28.80\00:09:31.70 You know, and just like you said but there's sometimes even 00:09:31.73\00:09:34.94 as a father you do things that don't make sense for your family 00:09:34.97\00:09:40.88 and I remember even my dad, my stepdad, he did things I didn't 00:09:42.44\00:09:48.32 understand but now I look back and Oh, Wow 00:09:48.35\00:09:52.82 he didn't have a choice in this matter and he did his best 00:09:54.16\00:09:57.06 But one of the points I want to bring out is the not puttin 00:09:57.99\00:10:02.70 your children in the middle. I really encourage parents 00:10:02.73\00:10:08.37 if they're unfortunate, you're not together, don't make your 00:10:09.80\00:10:14.78 child a pawn. Don't make your child a chess piece 00:10:14.81\00:10:17.88 your child had nothing to do with your separation or whatever 00:10:18.75\00:10:22.85 occurred between the two of you that is not the child's fault 00:10:22.88\00:10:26.86 don't use the child as a pawn don't pull a guilt trip on the 00:10:26.89\00:10:30.93 child, make the child feel like oh, you don't love me 00:10:30.96\00:10:34.36 if you listen to your dad, you don't love me if you listen 00:10:34.40\00:10:37.17 to your mom. Don't put negative thoughts in your child's head 00:10:37.20\00:10:40.74 about the other spouse or even if you're livin together 00:10:40.77\00:10:44.61 if you're married. Sometimes it's unfortunate, sometimes 00:10:44.64\00:10:47.68 it's unfortunate. It happened to me. You know you tell your 00:10:47.71\00:10:50.95 child about the spouse so your child could side with you 00:10:50.98\00:10:54.68 you're actually destroying the child and later on 00:10:55.32\00:10:59.09 it will counter on you. 00:10:59.12\00:11:01.12 I think we should, as far as we need to take responsibility 00:11:01.96\00:11:05.43 for our actions and not puttin the children in the middle of 00:11:05.46\00:11:11.00 this, it's a very good point 00:11:11.03\00:11:13.90 But there comes a time though as you grow older 00:11:13.94\00:11:19.04 you've got to stop blaming everybody else 00:11:19.94\00:11:23.38 for your mess up and look to yourself. 00:11:24.51\00:11:27.42 and know that, listen man I've messed up. Own up to your 00:11:28.25\00:11:31.95 mistakes, own up to your faults so that you can move on 00:11:31.99\00:11:36.56 and a lot of times we can say you know this happened in my 00:11:36.59\00:11:42.30 childhood and that has happened and so I'm actin this way 00:11:42.33\00:11:46.27 because of that. There comes a time that you've got to just 00:11:46.30\00:11:51.27 own up to this, you know what I have to move on from here 00:11:51.31\00:11:55.88 I can't be stuck here because if I'm stuck here I'll forever 00:11:55.91\00:11:58.75 bring my child into the midst of everything and keep blamin 00:11:58.78\00:12:02.82 everybody else. You just gotta move on 00:12:02.85\00:12:05.59 I think this part of our conversation too, to recap 00:12:05.62\00:12:09.62 and understand everything, goin over everything we've talked 00:12:09.89\00:12:12.56 about so much, we never took time to look at our children 00:12:12.59\00:12:18.63 on the wall, the pictures. Have you ever just, I'm lookin at 00:12:18.67\00:12:25.84 mine right now, all our kids, you know the way they see me 00:12:25.87\00:12:31.61 you know what? How do our kids see us like? 00:12:34.02\00:12:37.79 I know we're talkin, we see the pictures and everything of our 00:12:38.52\00:12:41.59 children and I see their smiles and my kids don't think anything 00:12:41.62\00:12:48.60 negatively of me. You know, one time my son, my middle son 00:12:48.63\00:12:54.90 is my biggest supporter when I'm preaching 00:12:54.94\00:12:57.64 Sometimes I'm preachin and nobody else says, you know 00:12:59.01\00:13:01.81 I mean one of those situations they may not agree or just 00:13:01.84\00:13:07.12 thinkin too deep or whatever and I want someone to say Amen 00:13:07.15\00:13:10.72 I hear him, Amen. Preach, preacher. You know, he's just 00:13:10.75\00:13:15.16 he's just promoting, encouraging me. And so like you said 00:13:15.19\00:13:20.06 you know when they see you, they see you and they always 00:13:20.10\00:13:24.50 see you, sometimes I think they see you as a champion 00:13:24.53\00:13:28.90 a person they look up to. That's how they see you 00:13:28.94\00:13:32.41 as a person they look up to. 00:13:32.44\00:13:34.44 You know not necessarily that you are, you are the greatest 00:13:34.48\00:13:38.65 thing to them. So even the little that you do 00:13:38.68\00:13:41.92 is great, anything you do it's great to them and they're like 00:13:41.95\00:13:46.62 man, I wanna be like dad when I grow up. One of them came 00:13:46.65\00:13:50.46 the oldest one was like, I think God is talking to me Dad 00:13:50.49\00:13:53.70 I think He's telling me to be a pastor. And I had to sit 00:13:53.73\00:13:57.07 down with him and said, this is something that you pray about 00:13:57.10\00:14:00.27 and you ask God specifically what is it You want me to do? 00:14:01.14\00:14:04.41 And this is not something you take lightly. What I do 00:14:04.44\00:14:07.14 is not something lightly. So they look at you and they 00:14:07.18\00:14:10.31 look up and you can be the greatest inspiration to them 00:14:10.35\00:14:13.95 So I'm encouraging fathers, be the greatest inspiration 00:14:13.98\00:14:17.25 besides God, to your children 00:14:17.29\00:14:19.35 They look at us as perfect. When they see us, they see us 00:14:19.39\00:14:23.63 as flawless, we have no faults Even when you make mistakes 00:14:23.66\00:14:27.33 you're still perfect to them. That's how they see us 00:14:27.36\00:14:31.20 And when, sometimes when we make a mistake and it's really big 00:14:31.67\00:14:37.14 to them, it really startles them so we have to be careful 00:14:37.17\00:14:40.68 when we're saying one thing and they see something different 00:14:40.71\00:14:44.98 then their view becomes skewed so whatever we preach, whatever 00:14:45.71\00:14:51.75 we say we need to follow through on what we say 00:14:51.79\00:14:55.32 Cause they're seein us as this is my dad, he's good, 00:14:55.36\00:15:01.96 he's perfect in their sight. WE can never do wrong 00:15:02.00\00:15:06.23 in our children's sight. My biggest fear is what he said 00:15:06.27\00:15:10.11 you know as a pastor my biggest fear, I've heard the story so 00:15:10.14\00:15:14.41 many times with PKs and so forth what they see at church 00:15:14.44\00:15:19.81 is a different man than they see at home 00:15:19.85\00:15:22.28 The man in church loves every body, smiles at everybody 00:15:24.39\00:15:28.42 the man at home hates everybody always upset at everybody 00:15:28.46\00:15:32.49 and when they see that, they see hypocrisy 00:15:33.40\00:15:36.80 and children hate it. They like real stuff 00:15:36.83\00:15:42.10 And they'll grow up and say, this Christianity, this God 00:15:42.14\00:15:45.17 that you guys serve is fake. I don't want nothing to do 00:15:45.21\00:15:48.61 WE talked about also, you know, making memories 00:15:48.64\00:15:51.58 That's why I said you know, I emphasized so much pictures 00:15:52.08\00:15:54.68 cause, you know, have you ever stopped just to take a look at 00:15:54.72\00:16:00.66 the memories you made? Like one of those pictures 00:16:00.69\00:16:03.93 There's my oldest daughter holding her newborn sister 00:16:04.73\00:16:08.20 and the other one you know, just look at them, you know 00:16:08.80\00:16:11.53 just look at the fact that one of those, that's permanent 00:16:11.57\00:16:16.50 memories. If you guys just take a look. Just look at your 00:16:16.54\00:16:21.44 pictures, just look at them. And look at the things the 00:16:21.48\00:16:24.31 memories we've made with our children. 00:16:24.35\00:16:26.41 My daughter is a character. That picture over there with her 00:16:26.45\00:16:30.59 She was eating some frostin, some cream and I guess she felt 00:16:30.62\00:16:36.96 that more than her mouth needs to taste it so she put it on her 00:16:36.99\00:16:41.26 face and her hand, everything and so I just had to take a 00:16:41.30\00:16:45.43 picture and I remember that exactly, I remember that day 00:16:45.47\00:16:49.77 just start laughin. Often, and we do this every so often 00:16:49.80\00:16:55.01 we have all these stacks of pictures. On my son's 19th 00:16:55.04\00:16:59.35 birthday I think I stayed up until about 2:30 in the morning 00:16:59.38\00:17:03.28 just going from picture to picture and havin that moment 00:17:04.55\00:17:09.26 all by myself. That emotional moment with tears comin down my 00:17:09.29\00:17:14.03 cheeks just because I'm recallin countin from baby, just memories 00:17:14.06\00:17:19.37 him, we're outside with his tricycle. Memories just goin 00:17:19.40\00:17:24.74 through memories and not afraid to get in touch with my 00:17:24.77\00:17:28.94 emotions. I realize and I thank God, I really thank God for 00:17:28.98\00:17:34.12 where He's brought us from and how He has kept us. I have 00:17:34.15\00:17:40.19 wonderful children. I have a wonderful son and a wonderful 00:17:40.22\00:17:44.09 daughter and I thank God for how He has helped me, my 00:17:44.13\00:17:51.47 imperfections to teach them His ways, to pray for them, to 00:17:51.50\00:17:56.40 encourage them to let them know that no matter what Daddy loves 00:17:56.44\00:18:00.04 them have I made mistakes, yes. 00:18:00.08\00:18:03.01 But I was never afraid to say I'm sorry 00:18:03.45\00:18:05.21 I've messed up but the whole thing of bein a, goin down 00:18:06.75\00:18:12.65 memory lane and lookin at pictures and gettin in touch 00:18:12.69\00:18:16.49 with my manly emotions 00:18:16.52\00:18:20.50 gettin in touch with my manly side, the emotional side I call 00:18:20.53\00:18:24.80 just bein able to relate man, I tell you. Memories are great 00:18:24.83\00:18:28.84 build them. I can sit down, we talk about the trip we went to 00:18:28.87\00:18:32.77 Arizona, although they hated it but I didn't mind driving 00:18:32.81\00:18:38.85 hours, so we can have time. Daddy we just could fly and get 00:18:38.88\00:18:44.92 there. But we'll miss the memory of just talking, of just spendin 00:18:44.95\00:18:49.66 the time, just bondin together so we just had a wonderful time 00:18:49.69\00:18:54.50 together. So those are memories I'll never forget and I know 00:18:54.53\00:18:57.53 they wouldn't forget. So we have to build memories with our 00:18:57.57\00:19:00.00 children. I remember a memory of my dad and mom playing 00:19:00.04\00:19:03.27 basketball with me. You know it was corny to me but now I 00:19:03.30\00:19:07.68 look back and I appreciate it 00:19:07.71\00:19:09.21 One of my memories with my Dad we didn't have the money to get 00:19:10.38\00:19:16.45 fishing poles. We were living in Puerto Rico 00:19:16.48\00:19:18.29 My mom, me and my dad went out to go fishing and 00:19:18.32\00:19:21.02 we grabbed old jugs of bleach and things like that 00:19:21.06\00:19:25.93 he cut a little pin-sized hole and put a fishing line in it 00:19:26.70\00:19:33.80 and he took the top off the jug and put a knot and put the 00:19:34.60\00:19:40.94 hook and everything and that was our fishing, and when we catch 00:19:40.98\00:19:43.14 a fish we just start rolling the jug like this and it's silly to 00:19:43.18\00:19:48.15 people, to some, not sayin all but to some 00:19:48.18\00:19:50.52 but to me it was like, I caught a fish for the first time 00:19:50.55\00:19:53.86 That was my moment you know, it was an ugly fish 00:19:53.89\00:19:56.79 I couldn't eat it but I caught a fish 00:19:56.83\00:19:59.29 You know those are little things that even though we've gone 00:20:00.03\00:20:03.37 through things with our fathers. Even though we've experienced 00:20:03.40\00:20:06.77 things that we want to forget 00:20:06.80\00:20:11.44 we can't ask God for better father figures 00:20:11.47\00:20:16.95 They gave us what they had, what they knew 00:20:17.51\00:20:21.48 I think that's why it's important to forgive 00:20:21.52\00:20:24.09 because, yes we are angry at some things, yes we're upset 00:20:24.12\00:20:29.82 at others, what they did what they didn't do but at the end 00:20:29.86\00:20:33.66 of the day, if it wasn't because they met our mothers, we would 00:20:33.70\00:20:38.60 not be here. You know one of the great things we also brought 00:20:38.63\00:20:42.00 out in this series is that about how to respect the mother 00:20:42.04\00:20:47.38 You know we don't want to make it seem like, oh we just pro men 00:20:48.21\00:20:52.95 and we want to bash the mothers 00:20:52.98\00:20:56.08 No, that's not what we're trying to do. We want to 00:20:56.12\00:20:59.39 encourage the men to be in the lives of their children 00:20:59.42\00:21:02.62 and we want to encourage them to be helpful to the mothers even 00:21:02.66\00:21:07.63 if unfortunately, you know they have been separated or so. 00:21:07.66\00:21:11.00 You know respect them like, don't call them your baby 00:21:11.03\00:21:13.50 mother. Call them who they are. 00:21:13.54\00:21:15.50 They are the mother of your child. And so give them that 00:21:15.54\00:21:19.37 respect even if they are disrespectful to you 00:21:19.41\00:21:23.21 even if they are talkin ill about you, you as a man 00:21:23.24\00:21:28.12 it's your responsibility to always restore people 00:21:28.15\00:21:32.12 Also we talked about when if fathers died in the home 00:21:32.15\00:21:37.53 what do you do, how do you get help as a single mom? 00:21:37.56\00:21:41.50 we talked about the different programs that are probably out 00:21:42.90\00:21:45.13 there, mentorship. But if you're going to have a mentor 00:21:45.17\00:21:49.04 to mentor your child, make sure that, you know, they're good 00:21:49.07\00:21:55.51 because a lot of pedophiles are there so we've got to make sure 00:21:55.54\00:21:58.88 that children are protected but find someone to mentor 00:21:58.91\00:22:03.59 and mentor that young man and let the man mentor your young 00:22:03.62\00:22:08.39 man and let a young lady mentor your young lady so that you can 00:22:08.42\00:22:13.33 have that mentor relationship so that child can learn how to 00:22:13.36\00:22:17.53 be a man and to help you out. 00:22:17.57\00:22:20.44 The safety of your child is a priority. 00:22:20.47\00:22:22.47 We also talked about when Jesus wept. 00:22:22.50\00:22:24.64 How we need to teach our young men and even our young ladies 00:22:24.67\00:22:28.94 how to properly express emotion. That it's ok that society says 00:22:28.98\00:22:32.51 don't express but Jesus wept. 00:22:32.55\00:22:36.85 You know more than once so it's a thing we need to understand 00:22:36.89\00:22:40.16 not to hold it in but learn how to cope, express our emotion 00:22:40.19\00:22:44.59 properly. A lot of our children do not get the chance, we don't 00:22:44.63\00:22:50.57 give them the chance to express their emotions and we don't give 00:22:50.60\00:22:54.40 them the chance to be upset, you know depression is actually 00:22:54.44\00:22:59.04 anger within. So if you suppress even them teaching them how 00:22:59.07\00:23:03.45 to be upset the right way and what to do with their upset 00:23:03.48\00:23:07.68 like, you know, in the case of police brutality and those kind 00:23:07.72\00:23:11.25 of matters you know. Teach them to respect authority 00:23:11.29\00:23:14.52 even if authority doesn't respect them, you know, teach 00:23:14.56\00:23:18.03 them their number 1 priority is to get home. 00:23:18.06\00:23:20.53 To get home. Not your pride, not your ego, not even your race 00:23:21.26\00:23:24.30 come home. Be respectful and even if they call you out a name 00:23:24.33\00:23:28.57 mistreat you, you come home. When you get home, then 00:23:28.60\00:23:32.21 you deal with the proper chain of command and lawyers and 00:23:32.91\00:23:35.71 so forth. But we need to teach them how to deal with anger 00:23:35.74\00:23:39.35 and other emotions. And Father 101, this whole idea of what 00:23:39.38\00:23:45.65 it's like to be a father because there's no manual of course 00:23:45.69\00:23:48.69 but one of the things that I think a good father needs to 00:23:48.72\00:23:51.63 have is balance. Being able to balance work and being able to 00:23:51.66\00:23:57.90 balance your family life. And balance is a very important 00:23:57.93\00:24:02.54 thing. Also, being able to balance your spiritual life 00:24:02.57\00:24:05.94 cause you need to have that devotional life in place so that 00:24:05.97\00:24:10.15 the child can see and mirror your devotional life and 00:24:10.18\00:24:14.62 understand it. My dad is having time for me, time for his wife 00:24:14.65\00:24:20.19 and time for the Lord. You flip that, time for God and time 00:24:20.22\00:24:24.33 for family. But that balance is important for, to have in a 00:24:24.36\00:24:29.46 child's life. So have and understand that havin that 00:24:29.50\00:24:33.23 balance goes a long way in that child's life because the 00:24:33.27\00:24:38.37 child now when they grow up to be their own father 00:24:38.41\00:24:42.54 they'll have balance. 00:24:42.58\00:24:43.91 I think too right now, just thinkin about it 00:24:44.45\00:24:46.75 we've talked so much about so many different things 00:24:47.68\00:24:50.65 from genetics to abandonment to rejection. You know I want us 00:24:50.69\00:24:55.82 us to take one minute, each of us just to kinda say what's 00:24:55.86\00:25:01.40 in our heart as far as what we've spoken about and 00:25:01.43\00:25:04.20 what kinda things do we want to say to fathers that we 00:25:04.23\00:25:07.90 encounter, Denry? 00:25:07.94\00:25:10.01 I simply want to say, be a father 00:25:10.04\00:25:13.04 whether you feel it was a mistake in your relationship 00:25:13.07\00:25:16.24 or whether you feel you're not prepared 00:25:16.28\00:25:19.01 whether you feel that you have problems with the mother of your 00:25:19.81\00:25:25.22 child, whatever excuse, whether it's fear or whatever 00:25:25.25\00:25:28.79 be a father. Your child is not asking you to be perfect 00:25:28.82\00:25:33.26 Not at all. Your child is asking you simply this, is to be 00:25:33.29\00:25:38.60 their father. To be their guidance, to be the person that 00:25:38.63\00:25:42.10 they, when they are fearful they can call on, nothing more 00:25:42.14\00:25:46.57 excites me than when my children are scared at night and they 00:25:46.61\00:25:50.48 call me in the middle of the night, Daddy, Daddy 00:25:50.51\00:25:51.91 and I can be there. So simply this, be a father. 00:25:51.95\00:25:56.05 You're not perfect. 00:25:56.08\00:25:58.35 I never had the best father but I have a father I love 00:25:58.39\00:26:01.99 And I have a purpose in my heart to make changes so when I 00:26:02.79\00:26:09.13 get children that I will be better than my father was 00:26:09.16\00:26:12.97 And I think because it's never too late 00:26:13.00\00:26:18.77 to make some changes in your life even if you've done a bad 00:26:18.81\00:26:23.58 job of bein a father, it's never too late to start 00:26:23.61\00:26:26.55 to make changes, to say that I'm going to be the best 00:26:27.12\00:26:29.98 I'm gonna take what I have and use it. 00:26:30.02\00:26:32.49 Love my children, I'm gonna love my children because 00:26:32.52\00:26:35.72 I've got a God that loves me so much that He chose to 00:26:35.76\00:26:39.63 give up His only Son for me and if He can do that 00:26:39.66\00:26:44.03 I'm not going to give up my son but I'll give of myself 00:26:44.07\00:26:48.97 I'm willing to sacrifice whatever I need to sacrifice 00:26:49.00\00:26:53.24 so that my children can be whole and that's what I think 00:26:53.27\00:26:58.18 you know a good father should do 00:26:58.81\00:27:01.28 Thank you guys and we'll pick it up another time, but 00:27:02.02\00:27:06.19 it's been a long season and we've talked about many things 00:27:07.66\00:27:11.89 The main thing is, being a father is not the most 00:27:13.50\00:27:16.26 impossible thing in the world 00:27:16.30\00:27:17.63 There are too many broken children. Our systems are jails 00:27:17.67\00:27:22.17 our juvenile centers are riddled with fatherless youth 00:27:22.20\00:27:26.88 without mentorship. We have children dying without knowing 00:27:26.91\00:27:31.31 their fathers or knowing God 00:27:31.35\00:27:33.08 You know there's something inherently wrong with our world 00:27:33.92\00:27:37.55 when we can't turn to our fathers. Yes there might be 00:27:38.12\00:27:41.79 different circumstances, yes things happen. The point is that 00:27:41.82\00:27:45.49 we're reachin out to you, the one that's sitting there 00:27:45.53\00:27:48.96 waiting for an opportunity to be a father to your child 00:27:49.00\00:27:51.90 Don't wait till it's too late, do it now. 00:27:51.93\00:27:54.80 It's not impossible, you can do it. We'll pray for you 00:27:54.84\00:27:58.54 we'll pray with you and we love you. 00:27:58.57\00:28:00.54 Thank you for watching 00:28:00.58\00:28:02.28