A good father takes time to play
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He has strong integrity
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He is someone
that is truly dedicated
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He is not
afraid to show his love
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He is a caring provider
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And, he is a
kind, spiritual leader
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These are just a few ways
to describe a father's heart
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Hi welcome to A Father's
Heart I'm your host Xavier
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and today we're
talking about fatherhood
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The basic steps
on how to be a father
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what does it take,
what does it look like?
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Is it impossible? Is it some
thing that's written in stone?
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What to do? And with
me to talk about it today
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is Gordon and Denry.
Welcome to Fatherhood 101 guys
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Thank you. Thank you for havin
us. Alright. How you doin today?
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Glad to be here.
So, may I ask you this?
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When you had kids did
they come with a manual
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on what to do as a father?
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Or some assembly required?
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No, there was no owner's manual
I mean, you know, if I wanna be
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I can say the Bible, but you
know there was no owner's manual
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some of the things that I've
been through with my children
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you know, you can't duplicate
that. You can't duplicate that
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But no, no manual
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So for me when I come
home, my kids want to play
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my daughter wants to play,
I pretty much loosen my tie
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I take it off, I fix my collar
I'm like, ok kids, I'm like ok
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let's play ah,
cause I'm tired you know
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I'm tired, I'm exhausted and
my daughter just picks on her
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little toys and little girl,
ooh let's play with the toys
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I'm like, I know how to play
I was a boy and she's a girl
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Ok, let's play. This is Enid
and make the noises, make voices
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and she gets a kick out of it
you know. I grab the different
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characters she has and I make
the little voices and she just
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gets a kick out of it and
for me, I never thought how
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some things were so simple to do
and sometimes I over complicate
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them, trying to be the perfect
father or you know trying to
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follow some kind of manual
I don't know, what do you guys
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did you guys go
through that too, or
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Yeah, mine are now 19 and 16 but
still there's a different bondin
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time that we use but when
they were growin up we would
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my fun time or our fun time was
fall, with the leaves you know
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we'd be out there raking leaves
then put them in a big pile
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and we all jump in the leaves
havin fun. Those were fun times
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that we've had. Summer we'd put
the little cones, soccer cones
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my son loves soccer and we'd
be out there just kickin, him
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and dad and my daughter and
you know we'd just be kickin
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having a great time, bondin
like that. No manual but we just
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make it up as we go. Yeah
That's basically what we did
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Just make it up as you go
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Sometimes I think we, as parents
get so caught up into puttin our
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child in the next step
that we don't appreciate where
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they're at. You know think
about it when they're born ok
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Oh, ooh baby, baby. So happy
but next thing we want them to
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drink out of the bottle and
after the bottle we want them to
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sit up, right. Then after
sit up we want them to roll over
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and after roll over we want them
to start standin, after they
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stand we want them to start
crawlin, runnin all these things
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and then when they're growin
up, we're like where did you go?
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No, come back, come back.
Come spend some time with me
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and so you kind of rush
them and when they're gone
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or growin up, or your child
is 19 years old, you know. I met
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you guys what 5, 6 years ago
I'm like wow your son is about
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to go out, he's ready to leave
the coop and so spending that
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time with them at their age,
you talked about soccer, every
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year my son changes. One
year it's soccer. Last year was
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soccer, I thought he was gonna
be the next world superstar
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out there. This year it's
basketball. I don't know what
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next year will be, you know
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It's funny cause when you have
only one child because you're
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used to playing at the
level of this child, like for me
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I play with my 4-year old,
she likes to play with toys
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now I have a newborn. The
newborn I'm like ok what do
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I do with you? I sit there and
I'm like I make all these noises
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for her you know, what're
you doin there little girl
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and she just starts laughin
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and I'm like, I'm thinkin
in my head this sounds dumb
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but it's ok, I'm like you know
she loves it, she laughs, she
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cherishes that time and I know
my 4-year old like she whenever
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when she turns 5 she wants to
play soccer. So I know she wants
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to play that and that's fine
but it's interesting the little
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things that we can do as basic
steps just to spend time with
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our kids and a lot of
times we think they know what
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they wanna do but in reality
they can tell us what they
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want to do, what they want
to play, what they wanna do
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obviously you know we set
some parameters because kids
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sometimes you know they
have this imagination that they
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can fly and it's
like get off that couch
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don't be doin that. Like my
daughter, she's like, sometimes
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she did a, couple times
she'll get up on the couch
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she's like 3 little monkeys
jumpin on the bed, and I said
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one fell down and got
a whoopin don't do that
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now you want to pay the doctor
bill if you break your leg
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little girl? Where's your money?
You gonna pay the doctor bill?
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And she just starts laughin
and you know we laugh about it
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but then we talk about it, I
say hey really it's dangerous
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and things like that but we
need to learn how to have fun
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we can, I take it
as being a kid again.
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Like sometimes my wife
will be like, where you going?
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I say we're goin outside to
get messy, we're gettin dirty
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and then we're goin to
get dirty again. She's like
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you better not come
in this house like that
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Cause they're out there. But
it's a chance for us to be kids
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again, as well. And
not just being kids again
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but a chance for them
to really appreciate life.
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You know too much we
just suffocate joy out of life
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we really do, we really do.
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When you read
Scripture, it was not so
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The Jews had a great time,
that's why they had so much
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feasts. All these things that
God has done, every time God did
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something miraculous
they celebrated it. This was a
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great time. Havin a child
was a great time, a weddin
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was a great time. These
were great times and so kids
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want to have these great times
with us and sometimes it's the
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smallest, littlest thing ever
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Ok, couple days ago my daughter,
it's interesting, our kids say
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sometimes the same thing.
My son used to say when he was,
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the oldest one, he
used to always say to me
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Daddy, could you play with me?
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And that was when I
didn't know any better
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startin off. And I used to
not shun him but, Daddy's busy
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right now. I gotta study, I got
this test or I gotta go to work
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We'll make it up another
time ok? Sometimes I did, and
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unfortunately
sometimes I didn't.
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And he still says, he's 9
and he still says it. Now my 2nd
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son says the same thing.
Daddy can you play with me?
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And I was like, and he doesn't
like to play sports, he's not a
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sports person. He likes to
do diggin up the dirt, get worms
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chasin bunnies, he likes that
stuff. He says he wants to be
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a scientist. And until
now, the baby, a couple days ago
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you know she's goin to be 3
and she said it the first time
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I heard it, Daddy, and I
was packing, I was about to rush
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to go someplace,
Daddy can you play with me?
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I literally dropped everything
right, got on the floor,
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you know what she was
playing with? 2 cardboard boxes
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WE had a race with them. We
had a race. She was laughing
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she was cracklin, then we tried
to wrestle with the cardboard
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a lot of parents think you gotta
get the kids brand new stuff
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the biggest toy, the nicest
electronic. They don't want that
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They want you, that's it.
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Just want you. Yeah. Bein there
Father 101, bein there for your
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children is important. I mean
just bein able to play with them
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bein able to listen to them. I
think one of the greatest things
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that we need to do is be able
to listen to them. They'll tell
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us what they wanna do. Sometimes
fathers, we want to impose
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our sports things on them you
know, we love soccer so let's
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go play soccer. We love basket
ball, we want them to be the
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next Michael Jordan or whatever
so we're out there tryin to
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make, but they don't
wanna do that. So that's alright
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so one wants to dig up and
play worms so you get down and
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play with worms. Let me
share some thing, let me share
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something I said before that,
you know, and I prettied up
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like my kids used to say,
Daddy let me play with you
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There was a very, I
learned the hard way
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And I thank God that I didn't
learn, it could've been harder
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my son is asthmatic and one
time he had an episode where we
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thought we were gonna lose him
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we were in an emergency room in
the hospital and all I can hear
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in my head was,
Daddy can you play with me
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It was just like it kept
going through my head, Daddy
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can you play with me. And I
was like, yes son just come out
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of this, just come out of this
you know. I'm praying to God
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I was like bring him
out so I can play with him
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When he came out, thank God
he came out and so now when he
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asks me, when any of them asks
me as much as I can stop what
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I'm doing I'll play with
them and if I can't, I say
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just give me a few minutes
and I'll be right there because
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I don't want to give them a
false impression that every time
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they say, because sometimes
unfortunately you just can't
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you just are not able to.
I'm sure he'll want to play
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with me right now but I'm
not here and I can't wait till
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when I get home and we're gonna
play no matter how tired I am
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we're gonna play,
we're gonna bond rather.
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But I think being
able to schedule time
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say, if, let's say you
can't right now but you'll say
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in an hour or 2 o'clock or when
I come back home or whatever
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I'll come and then we'll
have some playtime. So give them
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something to look forward
to, not just that you know, ok
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Daddy's gonna come
and play. Give them a time
00:11:06.96\00:11:09.50
so they know you're
coming out to play at that time
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I think the basic premise
that we have spoken about is
00:11:13.60\00:11:16.71
the fact that we need
to get to know our children
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Get to know them and that's
a critical part of parenting
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lot of parents, I mean it's
natural you go based on what
00:11:24.38\00:11:27.35
you know. But a lot of times we
need to get to know our children
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and know them versus knowing
us and knowing them and making
00:11:31.79\00:11:37.96
this weird assumption
that we know what they want
00:11:37.99\00:11:40.36
instead of just learning who
they are. I mean we give them
00:11:40.40\00:11:44.03
the basic tools. We train em
and we teach em and we guide em
00:11:44.07\00:11:47.87
but we also get to need to know
them and their character, even
00:11:47.90\00:11:50.77
though there's 2 DNAs in there,
they're still their own person
00:11:50.81\00:11:55.44
own character, who they are, so
I mean the Bible says, Train up
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a child in the way they should
go. What better way than getting
00:11:59.31\00:12:03.95
to know them. Let me
speak on that for a second and
00:12:03.99\00:12:06.55
I've learned in my studies,
there's two applications
00:12:06.59\00:12:13.19
I'm getting from that.
The first Proverbs 22:7
00:12:13.23\00:12:17.23
Train up a child in
the way he should go
00:12:18.00\00:12:19.43
for when he is old
he'll not depart from it.
00:12:19.47\00:12:22.20
And so the priority to that is
train him in the way of the Lord
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If you look at the prodigal
son you know he came to a point
00:12:28.21\00:12:31.65
where he's like, Hey,
when everything went bad
00:12:31.68\00:12:34.38
I got a father I can go home
to So you want to instill that
00:12:35.28\00:12:38.82
not that they're not going to
depart, they're gonna leave the
00:12:38.85\00:12:41.46
faith or whatever but they'll
have it in their conscience that
00:12:41.49\00:12:44.79
Hey I have a father who loves
me. But it also says to train
00:12:44.83\00:12:48.60
him, train up a child in
the way he or she should grow
00:12:48.63\00:12:51.63
and like you said
before, sometimes we try to
00:12:53.00\00:12:55.20
say, we'll make this
child into an athlete
00:12:55.24\00:12:58.41
they don't want to be an athlete
he wants to be a scientist
00:12:58.44\00:13:00.78
You know have you
ever, I remember in my home
00:13:01.54\00:13:05.78
every time you were
listening to non-Christian music
00:13:05.81\00:13:11.29
we would always get a scolding
or some secular music was ok
00:13:11.65\00:13:17.33
but as long as it was certain
things like you know, certain
00:13:17.36\00:13:20.26
genre of music, I don't
want to hear that in my house
00:13:20.30\00:13:23.43
those kind of things.
But I came to the realization
00:13:23.47\00:13:26.77
instead of doing that, scolding,
because a scolding only causes
00:13:26.80\00:13:30.81
rebellion later on. Now that
I have my own house I'll listen
00:13:30.84\00:13:33.71
to whatever I want to. Whatever
happened to just sit down with
00:13:33.74\00:13:38.81
your child, put your headphones
on, listen to what they're
00:13:38.85\00:13:42.75
listening to and discuss it
with them. These words, what do
00:13:42.78\00:13:47.76
these words mean to you? When
he says these things, when he
00:13:47.79\00:13:51.83
says these things about women
what do you think that says?
00:13:51.86\00:13:54.10
Now what if he said
that about your mom?
00:13:54.13\00:13:56.23
So now you're training them in
the Lord but you're also getting
00:13:56.73\00:14:00.64
to know what is it they like
but you're explaining to them
00:14:00.67\00:14:04.77
why the Lord's
choices are better.
00:14:04.81\00:14:07.98
And I think we miss that. A lot
of times we wanna be dictator
00:14:08.64\00:14:11.85
in our home but we don't
want to be a guidance counselor
00:14:11.88\00:14:14.68
We don't want to
give them guidance.
00:14:14.72\00:14:16.65
We were driving back from
Arizona, we took a road trip
00:14:16.69\00:14:20.32
and we're in the car.
We stopped at a rest stop
00:14:20.36\00:14:23.43
And the kids were
listening to Man in the Mirror
00:14:24.13\00:14:29.23
And I said, you know
instead of shutting it down,
00:14:29.90\00:14:33.20
I listened to it with them I
used it as a teachable moment
00:14:34.30\00:14:37.81
I said, let's talk about the
words, let's talk about lyrics
00:14:37.84\00:14:41.24
and we were able to
have, probably a good two hour
00:14:41.28\00:14:45.71
conversation just listening
to the lyrics and being able to
00:14:45.75\00:14:50.12
analyze it. So you know
what this is what he's saying
00:14:50.15\00:14:53.79
this is what he's saying, this
is what the lyrics are saying
00:14:53.82\00:14:57.46
So instead of shutting it down
I used it as a teachable moment
00:14:57.49\00:15:01.63
to teach so that they can listen
to things cause they're not
00:15:01.66\00:15:06.27
going to be
with us all the time.
00:15:06.30\00:15:07.64
I think that's important,
and when they're not with us
00:15:08.10\00:15:10.51
they need to be able to
know how to analyze so they can
00:15:10.54\00:15:14.24
navigate their way in the
world. That's important because
00:15:14.28\00:15:17.65
there's so much things out there
like music, movies, that are
00:15:17.68\00:15:21.78
you know influencing our
children and how they do things
00:15:21.82\00:15:24.99
the way they do and a lot
of times and I think to be
00:15:25.02\00:15:27.82
politically correct or whatever
you wanna do, whatever you
00:15:27.86\00:15:30.29
wanna say, however you explain
it we tell them no, don't do it.
00:15:30.33\00:15:33.50
Don't listen to it, don't watch
it. A lot of times we need to
00:15:33.53\00:15:36.67
if they've already, obviously
you don't introduce them to it
00:15:36.70\00:15:40.27
but if they've already
been introduced to something
00:15:40.30\00:15:42.57
instead of scolding them explain
to them as to why, cause if you
00:15:42.60\00:15:48.61
notice the way God does things
our Holy Father does things
00:15:48.64\00:15:52.85
He doesn't just tell you no
He tells you no, sometimes He
00:15:52.88\00:15:57.59
says you know you need to wait
a little bit, I'll explain why
00:15:57.62\00:16:00.12
just trust me and then He
explains it to you through
00:16:00.16\00:16:03.49
His word, through His
character, through His love
00:16:03.53\00:16:05.03
and we need to exemplify
that where if our kids are doing
00:16:05.06\00:16:08.40
something, yes, sometimes it's
immediate, Hey don't do that
00:16:08.43\00:16:11.97
right now but I'll
explain to you, I promise
00:16:12.00\00:16:13.84
Remember to follow up on
that too. If you wanna explain
00:16:13.87\00:16:16.64
something to them
because it's important
00:16:16.67\00:16:18.94
to give kids choices, even from
early on. My daughter has been
00:16:18.97\00:16:25.08
starting to build choices
you know and, simple choices
00:16:25.11\00:16:29.02
you know like, you can eat
this it's sweet, it's good but
00:16:29.05\00:16:34.36
if you eat that then
this is the consequence.
00:16:34.39\00:16:36.76
And teaching them what
that does not simply saying no
00:16:36.79\00:16:40.06
because curiosity, curiosity
can make something bad happen
00:16:40.10\00:16:45.53
I had a, I remember once I had
a once I was cutting a tomato
00:16:45.57\00:16:49.37
and the knife was up on the
counter my daughter was next
00:16:49.40\00:16:52.97
to me and we moved out of the
way and I bumped into her and
00:16:53.01\00:16:57.68
the knife fell on the ground.
She wasn't anywhere near it
00:16:57.71\00:17:00.98
but she looked at it and
she you could see the mind just
00:17:01.02\00:17:05.45
I wanna touch that, I wanna play
with that. So I saw that and I
00:17:05.49\00:17:08.62
sat down with her on the floor.
We sat down and I held it in
00:17:08.66\00:17:11.36
my hand and I explained to
her what a knife does and if you
00:17:11.39\00:17:14.66
touch this it does this and
if you touch, and we just want
00:17:14.70\00:17:18.17
the best for you and we
don't want you to get hurt
00:17:18.20\00:17:20.30
that's why we want to leave the
knife alone till you get older
00:17:20.34\00:17:24.21
and you're able to use it
appropriately. And it sounds
00:17:24.24\00:17:27.51
redundant to a little kid
but I'm telling you it works
00:17:27.54\00:17:30.65
it works. Don't diminish the
intelligence of your children
00:17:30.68\00:17:34.15
You know read with them,
talk with them, play with them
00:17:34.98\00:17:37.42
you know watch movies with
them just spend time with them
00:17:37.45\00:17:42.92
It's not difficult. One of
the best times I have with my
00:17:42.96\00:17:47.56
4- year old because my
new-born is not there yet.
00:17:47.60\00:17:50.53
One of the best times is
every year we have a special
00:17:50.57\00:17:53.67
father-daughter night.
There is a particular restaurant
00:17:53.70\00:17:56.87
that does it. They have every
thing set up for fathers and
00:17:56.91\00:18:00.08
daughters and I get in my best
suit, she gets in her best dress
00:18:00.11\00:18:03.38
she gets her hair all done
and I get all done, look at how
00:18:03.41\00:18:08.68
pretty, you know and then we
go to the restaurant and we sit
00:18:08.72\00:18:12.95
down. She has a little rose next
to her, we sit down we have a
00:18:12.99\00:18:15.59
father-daughter
night that is our time.
00:18:15.62\00:18:18.13
And it also shows her that
Daddy cares and this is the way
00:18:18.16\00:18:23.06
a future man needs to treat me
even though I don't know anythin
00:18:23.10\00:18:28.34
about that right now. Jesus
is their man. They need to wait
00:18:28.37\00:18:32.01
till He comes back and they
gotta marry Him on their own
00:18:32.04\00:18:34.54
But at the same time, if the
time comes which I'm praying God
00:18:35.34\00:18:39.55
will come before that, please
but if the time comes she's able
00:18:39.58\00:18:42.82
to know and understand
how a man should treat her.
00:18:42.85\00:18:46.02
Exactly and we don't realize how
much learning, children want to
00:18:46.05\00:18:51.26
learn, they desire to learn
and actually that's one of the
00:18:51.29\00:18:55.53
reasons they're
rebellious when they don't learn
00:18:55.56\00:18:59.43
When you just keep saying no,
no, no and they're like, ok what
00:18:59.47\00:19:03.81
do I do with these things?
If you've ever noticed like ok
00:19:03.84\00:19:07.38
your child could be playing
with one of those, my wife and I
00:19:07.41\00:19:11.28
our first child, you know
how it is, the first child
00:19:11.31\00:19:13.21
you invest everything, all
the toys, all the colorful stuff
00:19:13.25\00:19:17.12
we bought him all these colorful
toys, all these things, right
00:19:17.15\00:19:20.59
and I'm on my
laptop and I'm goin at it
00:19:20.62\00:19:23.09
you know what he wants
to play with? My laptop
00:19:23.63\00:19:26.09
Do you know why? Because
he sees me doing it. And so
00:19:26.93\00:19:31.03
I learned this from a mother,
she said if you want, actually
00:19:31.07\00:19:36.40
no it was a guy, he said if you
want, do you want them to play
00:19:36.44\00:19:40.08
with a certain thing? You have
to get down and play with it
00:19:40.11\00:19:44.81
show them how to play with it.
You know continue doing it and
00:19:44.85\00:19:49.88
then just the human nature, I
want to do that too. But if you
00:19:49.92\00:19:54.32
just say go play with your toys
I'm busy, well I guess whatever
00:19:54.36\00:19:59.36
this is must be very important
to Daddy so let me get the
00:19:59.39\00:20:03.03
chance to play with it also.
Because for them whatever you
00:20:03.06\00:20:06.90
bondin, they're lookin at
this you're bonding with this
00:20:06.94\00:20:10.01
so this is important. So
I'm gonna come now and bond with
00:20:10.04\00:20:13.74
that too because
it's important to you.
00:20:13.78\00:20:16.24
So if it's important to
you it's important to me
00:20:16.28\00:20:18.95
So if we make the
books, the toys, prayer
00:20:18.98\00:20:26.35
music. My son can sing. You
can appreciate it because you
00:20:27.06\00:20:30.63
love to sing. My son, the
older one he loves to sing
00:20:30.66\00:20:35.33
and he can sing. He loves it.
And so I had to invest in him
00:20:35.36\00:20:41.10
in his music, you know invest
because it's something he loves
00:20:41.64\00:20:45.51
to do and so what they love
to do we need to invest in them
00:20:45.54\00:20:50.68
and let them know that we care.
00:20:50.71\00:20:52.48
And not necessarily
have them love what we love.
00:20:52.51\00:20:55.52
Because we love it. A lot of
parents do that and kids don't
00:20:55.55\00:20:59.59
want to do, want to have
any thing to do with anything
00:20:59.62\00:21:02.02
later on in life. You know when
my son was very young I bought
00:21:02.06\00:21:07.96
this game, this phonics game
and we'd be playin it on the
00:21:08.00\00:21:11.97
floor, doin it together just to
help him to appreciate reading
00:21:12.00\00:21:17.57
and education. There's so much
we can do with our children to
00:21:17.61\00:21:21.54
help them as fathers. I
also love to just be in their
00:21:21.58\00:21:27.85
presence I am dreading the
day my son is going to go off to
00:21:27.88\00:21:33.96
college and then my daughter.
I am because I'm like what am I
00:21:35.16\00:21:38.76
gonna do, they're not there. I
know my wife is there of course
00:21:38.79\00:21:42.46
but both of us will be
having the same experience
00:21:42.50\00:21:45.53
but I seem to have more of the
anxiety of him not being there
00:21:45.57\00:21:50.84
who's going to come into
the office and just sit with me
00:21:50.87\00:21:53.34
who's going to come and just
sit and say, Dad this and that
00:21:53.38\00:21:57.01
and just start talking. I just
know that I'm gonna have to let
00:21:57.05\00:22:03.15
him go sometime but
as long as I can have him
00:22:03.18\00:22:07.52
we will do things together,
just talking together. When they
00:22:07.56\00:22:12.29
get to a certain age they need
to talk, they need your guidance
00:22:12.33\00:22:16.40
and if we're not guiding
them somebody else is doing it
00:22:16.43\00:22:19.50
You know it builds
their character too
00:22:19.53\00:22:21.30
because for example you're
playing with them and the game
00:22:21.34\00:22:24.61
goes wrong how you respond
00:22:24.64\00:22:27.64
So if you act frustrated how
do you think they'll be in life?
00:22:28.94\00:22:32.78
So when something goes wrong,
man, they're just gonna be like
00:22:32.81\00:22:37.05
dad or mom or whoever he
knows playing with them and
00:22:37.09\00:22:40.86
then the sad thing is if you're
always upset, I don't like this
00:22:40.89\00:22:46.66
what do you
think they're gonna do?
00:22:46.70\00:22:48.10
But if you teach them patience
it's a great time when you're
00:22:48.13\00:22:52.03
bondin with them
to teach them patience
00:22:52.07\00:22:53.87
teach them the fruits of
the Spirit. Why you're doin this
00:22:53.90\00:22:57.27
demonstrate it, to be loving
to be kind. You can even teach
00:22:57.31\00:23:01.04
them things like how to
take care of their stuff
00:23:01.08\00:23:04.05
Put your toys here
00:23:04.08\00:23:06.51
It doesn't go
everywhere, it goes right here
00:23:06.55\00:23:08.98
Those days,
always a learning moment
00:23:09.02\00:23:11.19
And memories,
memories they will cherish
00:23:11.22\00:23:14.49
Of the few memories I
have one that I cherish
00:23:15.72\00:23:20.30
is not only going on road trips
is that sometimes on Saturday
00:23:20.33\00:23:26.10
nights when my dad was finished
with everything he would take us
00:23:26.13\00:23:29.84
to get some ice cream. The
whole family get in the car
00:23:29.87\00:23:32.97
it was a big thing.
00:23:33.01\00:23:35.44
And just those moments mean
a whole lot to me and I know
00:23:35.48\00:23:41.78
a whole lot to me and
a whole lot to any child
00:23:41.82\00:23:43.32
To be able to spend
those moments with the parents
00:23:43.35\00:23:46.76
Those are some of
the best moments ever.
00:23:46.79\00:23:48.76
My dad, I don't remember
anything like, I remember
00:23:48.79\00:23:51.96
specific moments but the
most important part to me
00:23:51.99\00:23:54.96
was his character. The way
he would come home tired, I know
00:23:55.00\00:23:59.93
what job he did, he worked hard
you know it was manual labor
00:23:59.97\00:24:03.61
he just sweated it out and he
would be the one to pick me up
00:24:03.64\00:24:07.44
from school because my mom,
my dad, we lived in Puerto Rico
00:24:07.48\00:24:10.75
we had only one
vehicle and it was his work van
00:24:10.78\00:24:13.28
so he would pick me up from
school and he would always stop
00:24:13.31\00:24:16.15
and get a slushy and
we'd talk all the way home
00:24:16.18\00:24:19.12
how was your day in school, how
did you do, how are your grades
00:24:19.15\00:24:21.42
and at home, I know he was
tired I know he was exhausted
00:24:21.46\00:24:24.89
but somewhere, somehow
he mustered up the energy
00:24:24.93\00:24:27.56
to either watch me play, just to
be there or just to play with me
00:24:27.60\00:24:32.93
You know that meant more
to me than anything specific
00:24:32.97\00:24:36.00
that was done. It's just the
fact that he cared. Even if he
00:24:36.04\00:24:39.37
didn't play with me he just
sat down and watched me, smiling
00:24:39.41\00:24:41.71
that's all I cared about.
And sometimes we, again, we just
00:24:41.74\00:24:45.85
overthink it or think we need to
do it this way. Not really. It's
00:24:45.88\00:24:49.88
just the simplest things in life
and building traditions. WE have
00:24:49.92\00:24:54.69
a Sabbath tradition. We learned
it in Israel when my wife and I
00:24:54.72\00:24:57.53
visited Israel. They have a
tradition over there in which
00:24:57.56\00:25:00.26
they collect candies over
the week and then on Sabbath
00:25:00.30\00:25:05.23
when Sabbath starts they give
the kids their little bags of
00:25:05.27\00:25:09.50
treats. It's like Christmas
every Friday, wham Christmas!
00:25:09.54\00:25:15.81
we started a tradition in
which we have special plates,
00:25:15.84\00:25:18.25
special meal ready for Sabbath
and it's just you know memories
00:25:18.28\00:25:22.68
creating memories and it's just
a wonderful feeling even when
00:25:22.72\00:25:27.69
you feel like
you're not doing a good job
00:25:27.72\00:25:30.99
What about those dads,
like I'm busy, I travel a lot
00:25:31.59\00:25:35.46
so that's part of my work and
I have to do it even though I
00:25:35.50\00:25:42.40
travel sometimes, when I travel
every day I speak to the kids
00:25:42.44\00:25:49.14
call 'em up. How are
things going, how was your day?
00:25:49.98\00:25:52.88
And I learned that from Stephen
Covey. Spend time just calling
00:25:52.91\00:25:58.05
them, checking on their
day, see, every day I've done it
00:25:58.09\00:26:02.29
since, I mean, Sunday
night, Monday night you know
00:26:02.32\00:26:05.89
just checkin in on them because
I'm interested in what's going
00:26:05.93\00:26:08.83
on in their day and last
night my son even called me
00:26:08.86\00:26:12.43
because I called him and
you know when they get older
00:26:12.47\00:26:15.34
they miss your calls and he
missed my call so he called me
00:26:15.37\00:26:18.21
back, hey dad just checkin
in to see how you're doing
00:26:18.24\00:26:21.24
how things are going.
Those are important things.
00:26:21.28\00:26:24.38
that I think parents should do
00:26:24.41\00:26:26.75
I don't know if that's the
proper term, I started exercisin
00:26:28.82\00:26:31.89
and not necessarily because I
want to lose weight or anything
00:26:31.92\00:26:36.83
I found myself, my knees hurtin
when my kids wanted me going out
00:26:36.86\00:26:40.43
on the floor and so because
I knew that this was gonna be
00:26:40.46\00:26:43.70
this was gonna be a long
term thing, and then my son
00:26:43.73\00:26:48.40
my son is very athletic and the
other one too I said I'm gonna
00:26:48.44\00:26:53.41
have to keep up with these kids
so I wanna be as healthy as I
00:26:53.44\00:26:57.18
can to stay around as
long as I can by God's grace
00:26:57.21\00:27:01.22
and one of the things too I
don't want them to be suffering
00:27:01.25\00:27:04.12
to take care of me, I want to
do the best I can so that I can
00:27:04.15\00:27:07.82
spend these times with them.
00:27:07.86\00:27:09.19
It's amazing you know,
I'm telling you. We can go on
00:27:09.72\00:27:12.26
and on. There's so many
different things we can do, but
00:27:12.29\00:27:15.00
we have to pick this up another
time because we're out of time
00:27:15.03\00:27:18.33
right now. To the
viewers at home, Fatherhood 101
00:27:18.37\00:27:22.90
The first thing is
get to know your child
00:27:22.94\00:27:25.64
Second thing, spend
time with your child
00:27:25.67\00:27:28.28
Third thing, be
there for your child.
00:27:28.31\00:27:31.25
Fourth, pray for your child and
dedicate time to them in prayer
00:27:31.28\00:27:35.55
through prayer, with prayer.
It is not easy. Again, it's not
00:27:35.58\00:27:41.12
the hardest thing in the world
00:27:41.16\00:27:42.49
It's just you accepting
the fact that you are a father
00:27:42.52\00:27:46.56
and you're not going to do
it right, even right now. You're
00:27:47.20\00:27:50.50
probably playing with your
child. You're probably messin up
00:27:50.53\00:27:52.87
and it's ok. You don't have to
be perfect. You just need to be
00:27:52.90\00:27:58.81
a father. Thank you for watching
00:27:58.84\00:28:01.54