A good father takes time to play 00:00:01.36\00:00:03.33 He has strong integrity 00:00:05.00\00:00:06.74 He is someone that is truly dedicated 00:00:08.07\00:00:10.04 He's not afraid to show his love 00:00:11.87\00:00:13.88 He's a caring provider 00:00:15.64\00:00:17.85 And, he's a kind, spiritual leader 00:00:19.45\00:00:22.45 These are just a few ways to describe a father's heart 00:00:22.48\00:00:26.22 Hi welcome to A Father's Heart. My name is Xavier and I'll be 00:00:30.53\00:00:33.06 your host. Today's topic is Mrs. Dad 00:00:33.09\00:00:36.67 Mom will never be dad. Often times in society we have 00:00:36.70\00:00:40.27 single mother homes and we put a lot of influence and burden 00:00:40.30\00:00:44.17 on the moms to become fathers 00:00:44.21\00:00:46.34 But what role does the father play in that? 00:00:46.37\00:00:49.41 And with me to talk about that today is Gordon and Denry 00:00:49.44\00:00:52.91 Welcome guys. How're you doing? Thank you 00:00:52.95\00:00:54.62 Doing good. Glad to be back man 00:00:54.65\00:00:56.95 Awesome, so what do you guys think, Mrs. Dad? 00:00:56.99\00:00:59.05 Mrs. Dad. What is the role of mom and dad, missing father 00:00:59.62\00:01:05.99 essentially. How does that play out? I mean can the mom partake 00:01:06.03\00:01:10.37 or become a father? You know we have a lot to be thankful for 00:01:10.40\00:01:14.64 for mothers. Especially mothers who don't have a husband 00:01:14.67\00:01:20.08 or the father of the child is not in the child's life 00:01:20.11\00:01:23.61 and they try to balance now, you know, not just the check book 00:01:23.65\00:01:29.58 but balance the meals, balance the car repair, balance all 00:01:29.62\00:01:36.16 these things, all these roles if if you want to give them roles 00:01:36.19\00:01:38.76 and take care of the child. Some times it seems impossible 00:01:38.79\00:01:45.20 but some of them do a good job trying to balance, this juggling 00:01:45.23\00:01:49.34 act you know. So just want to you know, the mothers we're 00:01:49.37\00:01:54.58 grateful for them, for those who do. Now the opposite 00:01:54.61\00:01:58.61 sometimes you have mothers who feel like they have to be so 00:01:58.65\00:02:03.79 independent of the fathers. They want nothing to do with father 00:02:03.82\00:02:08.12 And that's a little bit difficult, problematic today 00:02:08.16\00:02:12.13 God has given specific roles and I still firmly believe in roles 00:02:13.33\00:02:19.47 although that might not be the political correct thing, but 00:02:19.50\00:02:22.34 God has given fathers a specific role and given mothers specific 00:02:22.37\00:02:26.57 role and the role of the father cannot be replaced 00:02:26.61\00:02:31.91 Unfortunately some mothers through circumstances are forced 00:02:31.95\00:02:37.95 into being fathers because let's face it, the men are absent. 00:02:37.99\00:02:43.73 For whatever reason so that mother's placed in that role 00:02:44.66\00:02:48.26 And so she has to do the best that she can but what I have 00:02:48.30\00:02:51.33 found out is that a lot of times especially if there's a boy 00:02:51.37\00:02:57.67 that she's raising, it's quite difficult. 00:02:57.71\00:03:01.01 So the role of the father is important in the home 00:03:01.04\00:03:06.08 Cause you really can't replace them. 00:03:06.48\00:03:08.08 It's what we face today though. Why can't a mother become 00:03:08.88\00:03:14.69 a priest in the home? Why can't a mother fulfill the God-given 00:03:14.72\00:03:19.13 duty of the father if the father's missing though 00:03:19.16\00:03:21.00 I mean isn't what we're there for. God can do anything right? 00:03:21.03\00:03:25.10 Yeah. Right. But she can't fulfill the role of the father 00:03:25.13\00:03:29.27 she may substitute but she will never be, she'll never be able 00:03:29.30\00:03:33.58 to fulfill that role cause that is not how God has designed it 00:03:33.61\00:03:36.51 No one can fulfill the role of the father, but the father 00:03:37.88\00:03:41.38 in heaven. So no one can fulfill the father's role but 00:03:41.42\00:03:45.75 the earthly father and there's no way we could do it, so men 00:03:45.79\00:03:48.92 have to realize that so they need to be a part, they need to 00:03:48.96\00:03:53.16 stay in the home. I have a few tools here 00:03:53.19\00:03:56.77 just for a demonstration. If there's a nail that needs to be 00:03:56.80\00:04:03.07 hammered in, you know I could try to use the back of this 00:04:03.10\00:04:06.34 I mean it may get the job done depends on the texture of the 00:04:06.37\00:04:10.38 wood or, but it'll take longer 00:04:10.41\00:04:12.91 and actually I'm doing more damage to the screw driver 00:04:13.35\00:04:17.32 than if I had a hammer. Put the hammer in there, boom, boom 00:04:17.35\00:04:22.56 it's in. Now the reverse. If I need something to be screwed in 00:04:22.59\00:04:27.73 I can probably try to use the back of the hammer 00:04:27.76\00:04:30.43 and try to maneuver it in, but it will be difficult, it will be 00:04:30.47\00:04:34.64 harder, I mean sometimes it depends on if it's a corner 00:04:34.67\00:04:38.01 imagine like if it's in a corner this will block, you know it 00:04:38.04\00:04:41.38 will be almost impossible. But if I have a screw driver 00:04:41.41\00:04:44.95 Kerr go right it. And so similar like he said the role 00:04:45.98\00:04:51.05 it's not that a woman is not able to stand in the gap 00:04:51.09\00:04:58.59 but God made us with certain created roles, you know, certain 00:04:58.63\00:05:05.77 roles, duties. Even our bodies are designed for certain things 00:05:05.80\00:05:10.24 in certain ways so that we can fulfill those roles and if those 00:05:10.27\00:05:14.41 roles are not met, there's void there's empty spots 00:05:14.44\00:05:18.81 in the child's life and only the father could fill that role 00:05:18.85\00:05:25.59 and only the mother could fill the role, cause you don't want 00:05:25.62\00:05:29.56 to reverse that. Only a mother can fulfill her role and 00:05:29.59\00:05:33.73 only the father could fulfill his role 00:05:33.76\00:05:35.73 I was thinking about, say, football. I'm not big in playing 00:05:35.76\00:05:39.17 football and stuff like that. You are, ok, that's alright 00:05:39.20\00:05:43.34 But think about this. You have a boy and the mother's trying 00:05:45.01\00:05:49.14 to play football with that son you think that son is going to 00:05:49.18\00:05:53.21 go hard as he would with the father? 00:05:53.25\00:05:55.68 No, the son is going to hold back. And he wouldn't get the 00:05:55.72\00:05:58.62 full treatment that he would need, the full, you know 00:05:58.65\00:06:03.26 the full tackle or whatever from the mother. So really 00:06:03.29\00:06:06.09 she can't fill the role. The mother is the nourisher 00:06:06.13\00:06:09.16 she nourishes. But the father is there to make sure that 00:06:09.20\00:06:14.74 everything fits together. That's his role and really can't 00:06:14.77\00:06:18.41 I'm not going to disagree with you, I see where you're going 00:06:18.44\00:06:20.78 But some mothers will probably disagree with you on that one 00:06:20.81\00:06:24.25 I have experienced some mothers and have even interacted 00:06:24.28\00:06:28.02 my wife sometimes when she's out there with the boys 00:06:28.05\00:06:31.42 you hear her even more than me, Man up, you know 00:06:31.45\00:06:35.76 run that ball fast, what are you doing? 00:06:35.79\00:06:38.79 Let me show you how to tackle, let me show you how to get 00:06:38.83\00:06:41.56 this done right. So I can see that, but now let me give you 00:06:41.60\00:06:46.77 a personal example when I was going through puberty. 00:06:46.80\00:06:49.60 I was going through puberty. I had questions 00:06:51.37\00:06:54.24 The only person I could talk to for real was my mother 00:06:54.91\00:06:58.75 and it was very difficult as a boy discussing these things 00:06:58.78\00:07:03.15 with your mother. You know what sometimes she tried, the lady 00:07:03.18\00:07:06.19 tried. You know what she had to resort to? A book. 00:07:06.22\00:07:08.86 Or she had to ask male friends my step father crept in around 00:07:09.59\00:07:13.06 that time but he was still in the, I don't know, 00:07:13.09\00:07:16.10 this is my son I don't want to talk about his private parts 00:07:16.13\00:07:19.10 and all that, ugh, he felt uncomfortable just like me 00:07:19.13\00:07:22.20 But if I had my dad there and he was active I'm sure, hey dad 00:07:22.24\00:07:28.21 there's things changing, what's going on? 00:07:28.24\00:07:30.78 These things are important because, for example, I know 00:07:32.21\00:07:34.65 somebody that when they were growing up their dad wasn't 00:07:34.68\00:07:38.09 really there and they were going through a bad situation 00:07:38.12\00:07:41.69 you know, abuse. Not sexual but physical and psychological 00:07:41.72\00:07:46.63 And this person, they wanted their dad to rescue them 00:07:47.46\00:07:51.77 And she called and got answers and everything but her dad just 00:07:52.53\00:07:58.34 told her that your mother needs to deal with it, you need to 00:07:58.37\00:08:02.24 live with your mother cause you're a girl. 00:08:02.28\00:08:04.01 And to me, she wasn't asking to just say rescue me or relocate 00:08:04.05\00:08:10.65 me, she was just saying protect me. There are roles that 00:08:10.69\00:08:14.59 you know, mothers, single mothers, I tip my hat to them 00:08:14.62\00:08:20.10 I myself know one because I have an ex-wife. She's raising 00:08:20.13\00:08:24.27 our daughter but I'm there. There's roles that, you know 00:08:24.30\00:08:27.94 she recognizes that I'm married and I have my own family but 00:08:27.97\00:08:31.27 at the same time my wife now recognizes that I still have 00:08:31.31\00:08:34.64 a role to play for my daughter and I'm there. That's the 00:08:34.68\00:08:38.28 critical thing you know. We, a lot of times, we discard 00:08:38.31\00:08:41.75 we discard things, we discard our children just because 00:08:41.78\00:08:45.69 if she's a girl she lives with her mom that's all she needs 00:08:45.92\00:08:47.76 No she needs her father. If the child is a boy, that's ok 00:08:47.79\00:08:53.43 I'm just going to give him enough or talk to him over the 00:08:53.46\00:08:55.53 phone and give him coaching. No you need to be there physically 00:08:55.56\00:08:59.23 And the mothers that are out there are doing tremendous jobs 00:08:59.27\00:09:03.91 Yes they are. But it's not fair to them to take the part that 00:09:03.94\00:09:09.14 we play upon themselves 24/7 we need to step up and also 00:09:09.18\00:09:13.85 be there and alleviate some of the stress even though 00:09:13.88\00:09:16.69 we might not be with them, it's not fair to her or the child 00:09:16.72\00:09:20.62 So we need to as men, I believe and I know in my heart 00:09:20.66\00:09:23.43 that we need to work on being there for our children 00:09:23.46\00:09:26.83 no matter what the circumstance 00:09:26.86\00:09:28.50 The protective role, I mean you're alluding to that 00:09:29.23\00:09:32.87 the whole thing of protecting, the husband, the man 00:09:32.90\00:09:35.84 is protecting the child or the home environment 00:09:35.87\00:09:40.54 Personal experience, someone that I know, single mother 00:09:40.58\00:09:46.38 again we take our hats off to them, we cannot 00:09:46.41\00:09:50.19 we can't downplay that. But because the father wasn't there 00:09:50.22\00:09:54.39 cause the father was in a different state, living in a 00:09:54.42\00:09:58.33 different state, that child, that girl child 00:09:58.36\00:10:02.13 was vulnerable to sexual abuse 00:10:02.16\00:10:05.33 and it scarred her for most of her life 00:10:06.03\00:10:09.40 into her adult life, because the mother had to depend on 00:10:09.44\00:10:14.01 some folks that she knew 00:10:14.04\00:10:18.01 in the church, a man in the church to take care of 00:10:18.05\00:10:23.32 so when she's at work, checking on the girls, making sure that 00:10:23.35\00:10:26.52 they're ok. But instead of just checking in as a good person 00:10:26.55\00:10:30.99 he was no good and then how things happened to that young 00:10:31.03\00:10:36.30 lady that has scarred her for life. So the role of the man is 00:10:36.33\00:10:40.70 important. That's why I'm passionate about us men 00:10:40.74\00:10:44.74 staying in the home. To protect little girls, protect your boys 00:10:44.77\00:10:50.75 And then you know, we try, society is very, as a good 00:10:51.35\00:10:56.85 friend of mine would say, like to stereotype the roles 00:10:56.89\00:11:01.72 men have to have tools and all these things you know. 00:11:01.76\00:11:05.19 What about us men teaching our boys how to cry? 00:11:05.96\00:11:10.67 What it is to share your emotion Back in the days men died and 00:11:12.97\00:11:18.37 and still now it's statistically known, men die at a younger age 00:11:18.41\00:11:23.71 compared to their wives because men used to hold everything in 00:11:23.75\00:11:28.78 We still do. Don't talk about it Don't cry about it 00:11:28.82\00:11:32.62 We look at Christ. Now he didn't go around bawling as you say 00:11:32.65\00:11:38.46 in the island, bawling. He shed tears now and then 00:11:38.49\00:11:42.90 and He was still able to conduct Himself as a man, right? 00:11:42.93\00:11:49.57 But He shared His emotion. He shared it with His disciples 00:11:49.60\00:11:53.11 Hey I'm about to leave, I'm broken hearted, can you pray 00:11:53.14\00:11:56.91 little longer. He was tender with children 00:11:56.95\00:12:00.42 Come here, sit on my lap. Let me tell you how much I love you 00:12:00.45\00:12:04.12 WE try to make it that men are supposed to be this macho thing 00:12:04.15\00:12:09.12 And so when you even see these un-biblical marriages 00:12:09.16\00:12:14.90 You know what I'm talking about 00:12:14.93\00:12:16.26 same sex marriages. You have two females. You usually have 00:12:17.07\00:12:22.07 one female that's trying to be the super macho man 00:12:22.10\00:12:28.24 which is not what she's designed to be and which is not even the 00:12:28.28\00:12:32.51 image that God created the man to be. 00:12:32.55\00:12:34.62 And so you have those extremes because of the world's view 00:12:34.65\00:12:38.52 that the woman is the only one that's supposed to have emotions 00:12:38.55\00:12:41.46 the only one that's supposed to cry but that's not 00:12:41.49\00:12:43.83 we need to teach our men and even our daughters, you know 00:12:43.86\00:12:48.16 how to gauge their emotions. 00:12:48.20\00:12:50.43 But I do think, I hear what you're saying but I do think 00:12:50.47\00:12:54.74 that that's the reason why God has created it where there's a 00:12:54.77\00:12:58.94 husband and a wife in the home because the emotional, 00:12:58.97\00:13:03.01 that nourishment part we can't really do a good job. 00:13:03.04\00:13:07.32 we can try but men we need a woman to really teach our boys 00:13:07.35\00:13:14.46 how to be gentle, how to be soft you need a man on the other side 00:13:14.49\00:13:17.89 teaching boys how to be hard and teaching girls how to stand up 00:13:17.93\00:13:24.33 for what they want. This balance needs to be in the home and 00:13:24.37\00:13:28.60 I believe that's why God said it's not good for man to be 00:13:28.64\00:13:31.44 alone I'm going to make a fitting mate put them together 00:13:31.47\00:13:34.34 and in that environment you have a child 00:13:34.38\00:13:39.78 And so both parties have a role in the development of this child 00:13:39.81\00:13:45.15 Unfortunately through sin we're doing all kinds of stuff now 00:13:45.19\00:13:48.89 But if there's a home and a man is not in the home 00:13:49.59\00:13:53.93 for whatever reason that man needs to play an important role 00:13:53.96\00:14:00.04 in the child's life even though he's not at home. 00:14:00.07\00:14:03.24 Go over, spend time, whatever you need to do 00:14:04.14\00:14:06.94 You need to be involved in helping that young man or 00:14:06.98\00:14:10.85 that young lady to become all that they can be 00:14:10.88\00:14:14.15 What's crazy about all this is as a result of this lack of 00:14:14.18\00:14:17.59 parent or father in the home we have things like people 00:14:17.62\00:14:21.79 literally going out and changing their body, change their sexes 00:14:21.82\00:14:26.43 men trying to become women and women trying to become men 00:14:27.33\00:14:29.76 and it's not anymore about dress up, it's literally they're 00:14:29.80\00:14:33.27 trying to physically change and I'm just, you know, this is so 00:14:33.30\00:14:38.14 the lack of father and along with other things but a lot of 00:14:38.17\00:14:42.01 because the devil seeks to destroy families. 00:14:42.04\00:14:43.88 And the lack of fathers in the home and let's just say 00:14:43.91\00:14:47.35 for whatever reason, whatever circumstance we don't condone 00:14:47.38\00:14:50.55 babies outside of marriage and anything like that, but reality 00:14:50.59\00:14:54.09 is that we see that and those fathers are still missing too 00:14:54.12\00:14:56.56 So because of all that we have our children changing physically 00:14:56.59\00:15:00.20 changing their sex into some thing else. 00:15:00.23\00:15:03.60 To fit it. God made a mistake, no He did not 00:15:03.63\00:15:07.74 We made the mistake in not being there for you 00:15:07.77\00:15:10.91 You know we have so many different things that are 00:15:10.94\00:15:14.01 happening to our children because we just cannot get 00:15:14.04\00:15:18.15 our act together and the homes are being broken up and fathers 00:15:18.18\00:15:21.85 are going missing and fathers are not being there and children 00:15:21.88\00:15:24.45 are doing all kinds of things to find the identity that can 00:15:24.49\00:15:28.82 only be found in Jesus Christ through the model of father 00:15:28.86\00:15:33.33 and mother. You know we have a real epidemic in our society 00:15:33.36\00:15:38.80 and we have men engaging in homosexual marriages 00:15:38.83\00:15:45.11 and one trying to be the female and I'm not saying these are bad 00:15:45.14\00:15:49.74 people, they're not bad people they're just misguided 00:15:49.78\00:15:53.85 They're still children of God. But us who are no better than 00:15:54.22\00:15:59.39 they are, because we're all sinners, we need to do something 00:15:59.42\00:16:04.19 about standing together, not in sin but in recognition 00:16:04.23\00:16:08.46 of the One that takes away the sin and empowers us to be the 00:16:08.50\00:16:12.93 fathers that we need to be. Because we're losing it 00:16:12.97\00:16:16.87 We're losing it psychologically physically, molecularly 00:16:16.91\00:16:19.74 we're losing it. I think we talked about this already 00:16:19.77\00:16:24.65 Growing up because the father, my dad, of course he was in 00:16:25.95\00:16:31.52 and out working I found myself playing around with my mom's 00:16:31.55\00:16:36.42 high heeled shoes and I wore them going around the house 00:16:36.46\00:16:40.86 I had no idea why I'm doing that. Thank God I had a balance 00:16:40.90\00:16:46.50 But what is happening when you have these two men trying to 00:16:47.20\00:16:54.78 one trying to be a mother and one trying to be a father 00:16:56.54\00:16:58.75 however they're doing it, and you have a child involved 00:16:58.78\00:17:02.55 I do believe there's some misguided feelings and some 00:17:02.58\00:17:06.42 misguided situations that happen in their lives 00:17:06.45\00:17:11.53 I have friends, the father was out busy most of the time 00:17:11.56\00:17:17.07 traveling, preaching, doing all kinds, so the mother 00:17:17.10\00:17:20.47 was that person in the home spent most of the time 00:17:20.50\00:17:24.54 both of those young men they have altered life styles 00:17:24.57\00:17:31.98 totally altered lifestyles. Some times I wonder is it because 00:17:32.01\00:17:38.99 the father wasn't a permanent figure in the home? 00:17:39.02\00:17:43.69 Could it be? I don't know. But I do know men play a strong role 00:17:44.59\00:17:52.63 in the home as God placed, God put us there for that reason 00:17:52.67\00:17:56.50 to be that strong person. 00:17:56.54\00:17:59.71 When Adam and Eve ate the fruit I don't think we realized 00:17:59.74\00:18:02.68 the repercussions of what sin did 00:18:02.71\00:18:06.38 and a lot of babies are born genetically modified because 00:18:06.41\00:18:13.09 of sin, ok. Whether that's emotionally mentally physically 00:18:13.12\00:18:19.93 Right? Physically. There are unfortunately some individuals 00:18:19.96\00:18:23.50 who are born with dual sex, whether it's shown outside or 00:18:23.53\00:18:29.47 inside and a lot of it could be mental 00:18:29.50\00:18:33.17 Now if you don't have someone guiding you 00:18:33.21\00:18:35.98 whether what extreme that could be, guiding you'd say, hey son 00:18:36.71\00:18:41.18 I see with some heels on, okay we laugh at that but you'd look 00:18:41.22\00:18:46.45 better in some sneakers. 00:18:46.49\00:18:49.79 Oh you are supposed to be wearing sneakers. 00:18:50.63\00:18:52.56 You see what I'm saying. But you see how we do it, a lot of times 00:18:52.59\00:18:55.80 because we have this stereotype that you know macho is what we 00:18:55.83\00:19:02.34 see back in wrestling and all that, we see man all this 00:19:02.37\00:19:05.37 just steroid men, always muscles right? And so we always go 00:19:05.41\00:19:10.91 to extreme but we forget even as men to treat our children 00:19:10.95\00:19:15.98 with delicacy. The perfect man is someone who stays grace 00:19:16.02\00:19:21.52 and so instead of what we always say, as soon as we see them 00:19:21.56\00:19:25.26 a boy putting on a dress or whatever, boy what're you doing 00:19:25.29\00:19:30.00 callin him names, loony, such as all these names 00:19:30.03\00:19:32.93 we should, in love, just like how Christ dealt with us 00:19:33.94\00:19:37.51 Hey I see what you're doin there let me show you a better way 00:19:38.94\00:19:43.61 Let me show you a better way, look at how I dress 00:19:44.48\00:19:48.75 you like daddy's suit? Model that. So now the child is 00:19:49.72\00:19:54.32 learnin. Hmm. So instead of the scorn because now when you scorn 00:19:54.36\00:19:58.53 them they'll go down and find someone who can relate with them 00:19:58.56\00:20:02.26 Oh, he's wearin you know strange excuse me, I have this and now 00:20:03.06\00:20:09.20 you don't know his standards I'm just using an example 00:20:09.24\00:20:12.17 but you don't know his standards and so now somebody else 00:20:12.21\00:20:15.04 is influencing your child. But if we do it in grace 00:20:15.08\00:20:19.58 we can be such tremendous guidance to some of these 00:20:19.61\00:20:22.62 young men and young ladies who have been misguided because of 00:20:22.65\00:20:26.65 sin. I want to take it back to what you said you know 00:20:26.69\00:20:29.49 number one, we can't treat our children with delicacy 00:20:29.52\00:20:33.06 they're not food. I remember you said delicacy, I was laughin 00:20:33.09\00:20:36.60 I said delicacy? I meant delicate 00:20:36.63\00:20:40.14 Even though you feel like you're so cute, hahahaha 00:20:41.04\00:20:42.64 when they're babies, when they get teenagers, get out 00:20:44.71\00:20:48.34 Be a little softie. But you know we do need to treat our kids 00:20:49.58\00:20:54.12 delicately as men, even as men 00:20:54.15\00:20:56.95 And we've got to remember that mom will never be dad 00:20:56.99\00:21:00.52 not that they don't strive to be the best father they can be 00:21:00.56\00:21:05.99 as mothers but in reality you can't. 00:21:06.03\00:21:08.76 We need to be there. Even if your parents are together 00:21:09.16\00:21:13.74 even if you don't go separate, whatever the case may be fathers 00:21:13.77\00:21:16.97 need to be present not just physically but emotionally 00:21:17.01\00:21:21.84 psychologically, spiritually, because that's one thing again 00:21:21.88\00:21:24.85 it's just spiritually, what does it do spiritually for these 00:21:24.88\00:21:28.32 children, I mean what does it look like from the Biblical 00:21:28.35\00:21:30.65 perspective? It tears them down A view of God, of course 00:21:30.69\00:21:36.62 has been marred because they're not seeing that father in the 00:21:36.66\00:21:40.36 home, or they're just seeing the mom. It does tear them down 00:21:40.40\00:21:45.17 But I wanna talk about something real quick. I notice now that 00:21:45.20\00:21:48.44 there's a new thing they do in the hospital when the babies 00:21:48.47\00:21:50.64 are born and I think it's great is that they actually have the 00:21:50.67\00:21:54.04 dad will take his shirt off and put that child on 00:21:54.08\00:21:57.55 dad's chest and I think that's a wonderful bonding thing 00:21:57.58\00:22:01.58 and do the same thing to the mother. It shows that somehow 00:22:01.62\00:22:05.52 in society we realize that there's some importance in that 00:22:05.55\00:22:09.66 initial bond. My son, when he was born he was home you know 00:22:09.69\00:22:15.23 his place was on daddy's chest and when my daughter came 00:22:15.26\00:22:20.60 I figured where should she be so her place was in my arms 00:22:20.64\00:22:24.37 and that to me they found comfort, they were comfortable 00:22:24.41\00:22:29.71 there and not only that but I prayed with them. 00:22:29.74\00:22:34.92 I prayed for them and I was there, so that spiritual role 00:22:34.95\00:22:40.36 was of vital importance from the inception. 00:22:40.39\00:22:44.26 Let me address something also. I mentioned it earlier. 00:22:44.29\00:22:47.73 That you have mothers who disconnect the child from their 00:22:47.76\00:22:53.50 fathers because their relationship was broken 00:22:53.54\00:22:58.54 so the child gets punished because of whatever happened 00:22:59.27\00:23:02.94 in that relationship. And then you have mothers who 00:23:02.98\00:23:08.78 tell the child, your dad is no good. All these kind of names 00:23:08.82\00:23:13.25 all these lies. And so the child at times grows up hating the 00:23:13.29\00:23:18.56 father and sometimes these fathers they want to play a role 00:23:18.59\00:23:22.76 in their child's life but they have been given restraint orders 00:23:22.80\00:23:27.07 their privileges have been taken away, all these things 00:23:27.10\00:23:29.87 and they can't get involved so now the child grows up 00:23:29.90\00:23:32.84 20 something years old and mad at dad 00:23:32.87\00:23:36.38 for no reason at all, because why? The mother was upset 00:23:36.41\00:23:41.42 about whatever happened in the relationship and instead of just 00:23:41.45\00:23:44.92 dealing with that between her and the father she puts all that 00:23:44.95\00:23:48.62 all that on the child and now the child lives with that guilt 00:23:48.66\00:23:52.89 and that anger for the rest of her life and now the cycle just 00:23:52.93\00:23:55.53 gonna repeat over and over and over again. 00:23:55.56\00:23:58.00 But even so I still feel, and I know that happens, but that 00:23:58.03\00:24:04.04 father needs to do everything possible. But sometimes they 00:24:04.07\00:24:07.41 can't. There's a court system Sometimes I've dealt with some 00:24:07.44\00:24:11.55 guys, one guy and he tried, he tried everything yes he does get 00:24:11.58\00:24:17.22 once but what he really wants to do, everything he does 00:24:17.25\00:24:21.29 she'll undo at home. Yes, that's the difficult part. She really 00:24:21.32\00:24:26.66 hates him. And so that's what I'm saying, a lot of times 00:24:26.70\00:24:30.93 whatever happened between you whatever's broken, whatever 00:24:30.97\00:24:33.67 it was your choice. This child had nothing to do with that 00:24:33.70\00:24:36.14 That needs to be between you and your husband, you can hate 00:24:36.17\00:24:39.01 each other but give the man the privilege to raise his child 00:24:39.04\00:24:42.91 to be part of the child's life, that's all I'm saying. 00:24:43.71\00:24:46.21 And I agree with you but there are some men that just give up 00:24:46.25\00:24:51.49 after a while. So you know what Forget it, I'm not gonna fight. 00:24:51.52\00:24:55.12 But I'm gonna say, fight. Fight until the end because the child 00:24:55.16\00:25:01.66 needs you and I believe it's time for men to stand up 00:25:01.70\00:25:06.87 Yes. It is. Stand up and say my child is important to me 00:25:06.90\00:25:11.64 so I'm going to do everything that I possibly can to be in 00:25:11.67\00:25:16.01 the child's life. It's time for men to stand up and stop making 00:25:16.04\00:25:19.75 excuses that they can't be in their child's life. 00:25:19.78\00:25:22.72 I heard a story about a young man, recently said, his father 00:25:22.75\00:25:27.46 relocated, relocated so he can be there in the area even though 00:25:27.49\00:25:33.56 the mother and him, the relationship was broken 00:25:33.60\00:25:36.56 he relocated (that's a powerful father) so he could be there 00:25:36.60\00:25:39.70 he gave up his job, I mean that is what I'm talkin about 00:25:39.73\00:25:42.40 whoever he is, I give a dab to him. He relocated 00:25:42.44\00:25:46.34 so he could be, a lot of fathers uh, that's that's your business 00:25:46.37\00:25:50.08 you move on with your life, I'll send you a letter now 00:25:50.11\00:25:52.11 and then. It's crazy because as I think about it you know 00:25:52.15\00:25:56.28 when mom tries to be dad that's just not gonna happen 00:25:56.32\00:25:59.62 No. And right now I would hate to see if God gave up on us 00:25:59.65\00:26:06.59 the way we give up on our children. I would hate to see 00:26:06.63\00:26:09.53 that day. That would be a dark day. Mercy. You know even Jesus 00:26:09.56\00:26:14.84 Himself on the cross felt the distance from the Father 00:26:14.87\00:26:18.34 even though His Father hadn't given up on Him. But the sin 00:26:18.37\00:26:22.08 that we ourselves put on His shoulders, He felt it so deeply 00:26:22.11\00:26:26.75 that He felt a disconnect from the Father and I'm telling you 00:26:26.78\00:26:30.69 I'm telling you there's no suffering like that if our Maker 00:26:31.55\00:26:35.09 if our perfect creator suffered separation from the Father 00:26:35.12\00:26:39.79 imagine what our children would feel a separation from their 00:26:39.83\00:26:45.17 fathers. There is no excuse. Look even if you have the worst 00:26:45.20\00:26:51.47 wife or the worst ex-wife in the world and I know guys like 00:26:51.51\00:26:55.98 this, they fight, fight, fight the kids grow up and they 00:26:56.01\00:27:00.42 won't know and the thing is, the sad part is that the mothers 00:27:00.45\00:27:03.12 that do do that the kids end up hating them. Exactly. 00:27:03.15\00:27:05.95 And that's the bad part. So creating this atmosphere 00:27:05.99\00:27:09.59 number one needs to be a father's job to, you know, help 00:27:09.62\00:27:13.26 the kids even though the mother maybe against them, 00:27:13.29\00:27:15.30 help the kids to see that mom is just misguided. 00:27:15.33\00:27:17.80 We still need to love her and respect her, she's your mother 00:27:18.53\00:27:21.27 So understand that. So with that guys, we ran out of time so 00:27:21.77\00:27:26.21 We need to do a Part 2 00:27:26.24\00:27:28.31 To our viewers out there, thank you for joining us today 00:27:29.24\00:27:31.75 If you have any questions please send them to AFH@3ABN.ORG 00:27:31.78\00:27:36.18 AFH@3ABN.ORG 00:27:36.22\00:27:39.62 Fathers out there, again the mom will be a great mom but 00:27:39.65\00:27:43.79 she cannot play the role of dad. You're still not without excuse 00:27:43.83\00:27:48.36 step up, be there even if you can't get along with her 00:27:48.40\00:27:51.73 even if you're married and do get along, doesn't matter what 00:27:51.77\00:27:54.70 the cause or circumstance, be there for your children 00:27:54.74\00:27:57.94 Please. Their life depends on it Thank you for watching. 00:27:57.97\00:28:01.51